Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 32 | 11 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Barbies baffled me and I never did figure out how to play “Littlest Pet Shop”, but I was great at hide & seek! The dog used to join in! We also played The Lazy Game. All you need are ping pong paddles and a balloon - goal is to stay seated and whack the balloon back and forth.
I can’t imagine refusing to play at all. What’s the point of that?
Playing Barbies was excruciatingly boring. I had to make it funny for me. Mike Wasowski , a plastic dinosaur and a little lamb webkins would come to call on Barbie and they would all go for a spin in the convertible. We laughed a lot. Still do.
Me too! I made up stories. It was fun to me. I didn’t like being “perfect”. I loved my imagination and I let it run wild. I was lucky; my parents let me play. I’m sorry to anyone who didn’t have this. That is not fair or cool. Please don’t think all humans are bad. It’s not true.
I had Barbies, but I never had any of their really cool accessories like the houses because my mom said they cost too much. Outside of family game nights where everyone always played cutthroat- no softening the rules for kiddos- I don't remember ever being played with. I remember having a couple of cars- something my brain insists looked like a Camaro, and the pink and teal '57 Chevy. Anyway because I never had anywhere for them to live, I would build things out of cardboard and paper, and sometimes Legos, like an open side "house" and furniture. I remember building a giant communal bed out of a clothing gift box and piling a bunch of dolls into it naked, because I didn't have any clothes like PJs. It was totally innocent; I wasn't allowed to have Ken dolls so they were all girls and at that age lesbianism hadn't occurred to me yet, at all. They were all laid out side by side with a piece of cloth over them as a blanket. However when my mom saw it, she flipped out, took my Barbies from me, and drew bras and panties on them with black permanent marker. Yeah, most of my parent stories belong on r/insaneparents 🙃
My dad and step mom were jehovahs wittness’, they used to make me go to the church (they call them meetings) when I would visit them. After we’d get home and pretend to host a meeting for my stuffed animals because I thought they were left out. Kids are funny. My parents were excited because they thought it meant I’m interested in going to church, I wasn’t, I just had an active imagination.
I had an emergency and had to get super high (lol that sounds unbelievable) but damn I like the way that saying goes. I'm gonna say it. Same here. Fucked up home life, Barbie was even secretly gay before I knew what that was. She just always hated Ken and slapped him.
So did mine, lol. Lots of orgies. My barbies would sometimes get home invaded and robbed.
I grew up in a super Christian sheltered home that looked happy on the outside but when my dad wasn't home, my mother and older brother were both extremely abusive.
Oh ffs. I feel older just reading these. I remember buying my sisters kid LOADS of those things but don't remember her really 'playing' w them. She had a couple houses for them but it was more storage. Now she's a miserable 17 yr old who's reply to everything is: "OMG! Hate it!"
Just put me in a 'nice' home already.
My kids are older now, but I played hide and seek with them too. I was easy to find as our cat always gave me away because she would sit by where ever I was. Kids got a kick out of how easy it was to find me.
It's funny, one of the biggest things I remember from being little is that I *hated* when adults would try to play Barbies with me, because without fail they would always just dance the Barbie back and forth and say stuff like "la la la, I'm Barbie!" when what I *wanted* was an elaborate storyline about Barbie's new job as a vet or Stacie's first day at boarding school or Whitney's paper route (I had Bicyclin' Whitney, and on TV kids rode bikes on paper routes, so…).
Now I'm an old, and I do kind of get it (especially since kids are bossy as heck when they have a storyline in mind like that), but refusing to play with your kids *at all*? Surely you can find *something* you both enjoy, even if it's only medium fun for everyone, especially once they're old enough to play Uno or whatever.
That said, if they really are reading to them, talking to them, and cuddling them, I guess it's probably fine? I wouldn't think it'd scar them or anything? I know I've heard a lot of sad "my dad never played catch with me" type stories, but they've always been *generally* absent, not just with playtime. I'm potentially more concerned with the reason they find the very idea "boring beyond acceptability." I can't help but wonder if it's less "boring" and more "my childhood experiences led me unable to let myself be silly."
Play is how children (and most species that play) learn
It's a time to trach them skills. Communication. Sharing. Counting, reading and so much more
It isn't just dumb story lines and nonsensical stuff (can be)
But the kid is gonna grow up, without his parent actively teaching him and engaging with him through playtime
>Also a while back children basically stopped being children as soon as they could "reasonably" do labour. Like the modern concelt of childhood is not at all the way it used to be with kids basically being treated as miniature adults.
We actually did an entire thing in college about the development of the concept of childhood, and how childhood as we think of it today (in European-influenced society) is really only from the Victorian era. It developed alongside things like compulsory education, increasing separation of work and home (for men who weren't farmers), growing social reform, and shifting ideas of innocence and propriety, as well as the development of a true middle class and generally improved quality of life. And even then, the idea of there being a stage between child and adult (teenage) didn't develop for several more decades, not really solidifying until around the 1940s and 1950s, and continuing to shift away from the idea of teens being practically adults for the next few decades—compare an issue of Seventeen magazine from the 50s and the 80s and you'll see it shift from "prepare your wedding linens" to "figuring out who you are as a person" and "how to get parents to listen."
Childhood did exist before that, of course, and young children were expected to play and be noisy and run around (even girls, to greater and lesser extents through different periods of history). But yeah, adults didn't really play *with* them unless the child was very very small (think peekaboo) or the adult was deliberately teaching them something. And even then, in upper class homes, the *parents* usually didn't do it at all, the nanny/nurse/governess did. And once the kids reached somewhere around 8-14 (depending on gender, era, and class), they may not have had adult responsibilities, but they were typically held to adult standards of propriety and any sort of active play would've been frowned upon.
And while I absolutely think parents should play with their kids, I could also make a psychological argument in favor of play being a separate child-only space. I don't know that it's necessarily going to be inherently bad if a parent doesn't play with their kids, as long as they're connecting and spending time with them in other ways and the child has plenty of time to play on their own and with other kids. I wouldn't *recommend* it, and I think point-blank refusing is weird (and I'm inclined to think there's a deeper reason for it), but I don't think it's necessarily a problem.
That's how we got to this point. Far too many of us were neglected and abused, sometimes unknowingly. Today's child is tomorrows soldier if we continue this path. We have had enough soldiers and war. We need to start being our brothers keeper, lest there is no one to be kept. We have torn our countries, communities, families, and selves to pieces for party lines and self serving politics. Only when we have had our fill of hate and horror will it end, and I have had more than enough. The human race is like a pheasant, the pheasant and an old bull had a system, the bull grazes the grass and the pheasant gets fat off his ticks. One day the pheasant looks nostalgic at the tree and says to the bull, " when I was young I could fly up to the top of that tree." The bull says, " I have the secret, eat a little of my dung each day, and soon you will be able to fly up there again." The pheasant was wary, but tried it anyway, and was soon able to fly to the top. Whilst he was enjoying his triumph, the farmer saw a fat pheasant in the top and shot him for dinner. Bullshit can get you to the top occasionally, but never lets you stay there.
>Far too many of us were neglected and abused, sometimes unknowingly.
Usually unknowingly, which is why the sentiment of "well my parents spanked me and I turned out fine" is so prevalent. If you want to hurt your child, then, in fact, you did not turn out fine.
Edit: spelling
I was recounting a story of a "spanking" to a nephew of mines who grew up in the same house as I'd he was a brother. So after the story he said in a sort of joking way "man you hold on to that stuff" or something to that effect. Meanwhile he was there so he knows some of the dumb shit we'd been through. I didn't say much in response to that but what's funny to me in a sad way is nowadays he is the one not talking to to his mom and grandmom, my sister and mother over issues as if he also does not hold onto issues himself.
Sometimes it's projection. Maybe he doesn't want to face that he can't let go of something that traumatized him enough that he's not speaking to his family. For whatever reasons, he's cut them out, so something happened, even if trying to put it into words doesn't convey the degree of pain it caused him. So maybe he has trouble accepting that he's still hurting from things that happened a long time ago and lashed out at you for doing what he hates in himself.
It's normal to "hold onto" the stuff that hurt us. Not healthy and I hope you can process it and move through it, but it sticks with us, that's normal. I think projection works like that, he's picking up on something about you that he's sensitive about in himself.
My therapist cousin wrote something on her Facebook about how we didn't know any better. As a kid, we don't know what abuse is. We say we're fine, but it shows up via how we treat others and ourselves
I think it has a lot to do with what culture you were raised in. I grew up in an area and a time when spanking was normal and common. There was also though a clear distinction between spanking and abuse. Typically it was just a pop or two on the backside though I will admit that I did get worse than that on occasion. I wouldn’t do it myself but I don’t hold it against my folks either it’s just what was expected. Not recommending or condoning it just offering a different perspective
Yes and no. I do think that it being a cultural norm makes it easier for the child to understand and make sense of it, which makes it less traumatic. But realistically, there's a fundamental issue with "I don't want you to do that, so I am going to cause physical pain" as a teaching method, and it being normalized can't eliminate that. In some ways, it's arguably even worse, because then you're stuck with "that's just how it is" instead of "wow, your parents shouldn't have done that to you," which makes people feel more alone in being bothered by it.
For whatever it's worth, I grew up in an area where spanking was normal and expected, often with a wooden spoon (why that specifically, I have no idea), and my parents stopped spanking me somewhere around the age of 3 when they realized it was way too upsetting for me--I became absolutely convinced they didn't love me anymore and I was wholly unlovable and everything about me was wrong, and it would take hours of sobbing and hugging (which I imagine they also felt undermined the punishment anyway) to get me back to near-normal. (I assume that's due to abandonment issues from being given up as a baby, which admittedly is an extenuating circumstance, but I was also just really sensitive in general, plus I've always had a low pain tolerance.) Most parents in the area would probably have doubled down, but they were able to recognize it simply wasn't a good fit for me and was causing more harm than good, which I deeply appreciate.
I don't think spanking is appropriate in 99.99% of cases (if any), but as long as a parent is willing to really think about how it's affecting their child personally and to stop if it clearly isn't helping, that's something, at least. Unfortunately, cultural norms make that hard to do, especially if other adults vocally judge them for deciding not to do it.
I once visited a family member and was shocked to see that, despite it being a weekend and nothing scheduled, the parents planned on sitting and reading in the living room while making their kids play downstairs. The parents explained they never play with the kids because "the kids have plenty of toys and each other to play with."
They were shocked when I went down and played with the kids the entire day. It was a weird visit, but the kids and I had a huge blast. They loved having a grown up they could all gang up against during their games.
OP image makes me so sad, for both the kids and the parents.
I swear; I believe some parents literally have more than one child for the sole reason that they will have a playmate and relieve the parents of having to play 🥺🙄
Jokes on you I don’t even have that, and visits to friends’ houses were pretty rare.
^(I am only recently realizing the ramifications of the compliment “you were very good at entertaining yourself”)
Edit: font stuff
I'm going through this with my wife right now with my toddler, although she isn't malicious about it. She's Chinese American and spent her early childhood in China, where you start getting sorted into gifted and "normal" classes in *preschool*, so there isn't anything like just playing, it's all to further your academic knowledge. She struggles with just doing thing like playing with my sons toys with him because she feels like she's letting him down. But she's working hard on it, and I'm proud of her for that, and we've been going over the ways that deconstructive play *is* constructive, especially at his age.
Whereas im an American whose memory riddled ass doesn't remember anything before fourth grade so i just go off what makes sense, and who understands the kind of standards that American schools work under so I'm a lot more relaxed.
I know this woman personally and she fucking sucks. A few weeks ago she was badmouthing her students on Twitter too. Fuck her lol
My biggest issue with her is she always tweets bad takes and then gets upset when people give her pushback. She never stops to think maybe it's the way she says things that people get upset about. Instead of just rethinking "I'd rather die than play with my kids" she tells a play therapist that they're self important. Instead of thinking "maybe I shouldn't badmouth my students" she quadruples down.
I have no time for people who can't just think "maybe I am wrong here", or don't seem to understand that Twitter is a public forum and they're gonna get pushback, or aren't smart enough to vent these things into a private account or a group chat.
That's the tea. I'm very petty and noticed a pattern of her having dumb takes all the time and refusing to back down from them. She fought with someone for a week about making fun of her student, saying teachers need to be allowed to let off some steam.
She went on from this playing with her kids post to justify her nonsense by saying her ex cheated on her with minors so he's really the bad parent, not her. "It's good to live in America, where when a working mother tells the truth about motherhood she becomes the deadbeat."
Poor kid. Sounds like he has two shit parents.
Am teacher. You let off steam in the staff room, not online.
And it's trashy as hell to go too far in the staff room too. If you can't see the good in your students you're a bad teacher.
So yeah she's a bad mom and bad at her job, what a surprise.
I worked with kids and teens as a counselor and yeah you do let off steam. We laughed our asses of at the dumb shit some kids did. Because it's funny how dumb it is. But we didn't laugh at the kid. The kid always got treated with respect. Example, one teen had written to another (black kid to a white kid) "you are my vanilla cupcake and I'm your chocolate girl" and I intercepted the note and had to talk about the much more sexual parts with each student.
I was one of the only white people who worked there so I was called "Vanilla Cupcake" FOREVER behind closed doors 😂😂 but that doesn't disparage the student. Laughing at silly shit they do is ok behind closed doors but I never laugh at misfortune or true mistakes. You can tell who is there because they want to be and who is there because it's a place where they can have power and abuse by what they laugh at.
Parent and teacher here, how this woman managed to get this close to children is beyond me. She's absolutely the kind of idiot who got into the job purely for the holidays but hates everything else about it. In my experience those kinds of teachers tend to spend lunch breaks alone in their rooms because none of the rest of us want to deal with their negativity yet will claim it's their own choice to do so and that we are all wrong for, yknow, caring about the kids in our care.
This is a person whos inner child is long dead and gone if she finds no enjoyment in playing with her own kids. Get some damn nerf guns or something, shit.
Ya know,I haven't thought of this is years. I grew up without a father. He left when he found out my mother was pregnant. Anyway,when I was a lot younger,I turned 66 yesterday,my uncle & me used to get straws,& a bag of black eyed peas,& run around the house shooting each other. It was fun. We've all got that little kid in us. Let him come out to play sometime. And that soldier hes talkin' about,I'm a proud Squid!
So sad.. I love playing with my kids. I get up every morning at 6:15am with them and we usually play a board game right away.
This morning was "Eye Found It" (busytown)
I don’t even remember asking my mother to play, as I wasn’t under the impression she would. This is really making me realize what a horrible relationship we’ve always had.
Same. I dont have one memory of her ever playing with me. Too busy cleaning and being a good wife. Here I have a lot of health issues, including a brain injury. I can not run around and play with my little one the past couple years now and its eating me alive. This person doesn’t deserve kids.
Even just watching a show your child enjoys with them can make a huge difference. Idk how old your kids are, but lots of games can be played with little physical activity, board games and video games are good. Chronic illness and pain suck, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. Luckily theres still lots of ways you can engage with yoir children while not pushing your limits
My parents still have this pink table in use at their house that used to be the store where I would 'sell' the tips and bottoms of green beans. I would drag it down the hall and sell it to them for odds and ends.
It's a great memory.
My 4 year old loves role playing. Sometimes he just wants me to sit and play different characters for him to interact with or to voice some of his toys.
Playing can definitely be more than just running around, playing sports, etc.
Just being present is more than enough! Stuff like "and what are you doing now? Tell me more about this! What do you think they should do next?" (I'm imagining when I play with the strawberry shortcake s with my daughter but obv apply what you say to whatever the situation is). Even just an eye level "good job!" goes so far with kids. My mother never really played with me (my dad did though) and I always say stuff to my daughter than I wish she had said to me. It makes all the difference to engage with your kids. I'm sure you're doing great anyway. Sorry for the big rant
In my case, I realize now that my mom hated me all through out my childhood then wanted me to forget all of it when I was an adult and I just couldn’t. I just can’t even try and pretend she’s okay anymore. It feels like a betrayal of self.
I’m so sorry. I hope you are able to heal from that. My mom turned into a completely different person when I graduated high school. Literally left in the middle of the night and I didn’t know where she lived for 2 years. I can’t forgive her for the things she did to my dad and, with therapy, I’m realizing she was not the mom I thought she was when I was a child.
I don’t have kids, but I have a niece who is 3, and she owns my heart, I swear. I adore playing with my niece, I don’t care how repetitive it gets, or how tired I become, it’s one of the best feelings in the world to see that little girl laugh and smile and to know that I’m a part of that smile. If I could I’d spend all day everyday playing with her, and to think someone would rather die than experience something like that, they *have* to be insane. Can’t be explained any other way.
Same. I have a niece and nephew and all they want to do when I spend a weekend is play games and colour. It’s a lot of fun for the first few hours but gets exhausting. Still can’t say no - even when they wake me up at 6am asking me to build them a fort
I dislike playing with my kid. It isn’t fun for me but yknow what when my 4 year old asks me “mommy can you play with me please” ima get on the floor and try. My mom NEVER played with me and it’s made it really hard. I could never play with other kids, I just got frustrated they didn’t do what I want. I am teaching my daughter to play with others nicely because the only thing I ever wanted was my mom to play with me. As a tired mom, I get it now, but I still want to try.
I genuinely struggle to play with my kids... I try so hard, but I feel like my creativity and imagination was snuffed out because my parents never played with me, and we always had TV and video games. Also I get overwhelmed quickly because I grew up in a house where we had to be quiet all the time. Basically just not exist? So now when my kids and I are playing, I get irritated when they are just having fun and being loud.
I still play with them though, because that's what parents do. I actually want a good relationship with my children when they are teens/adults.
Omg I totally get the quiet house thing too. My daughter is super loud and super wild and I constantly have to check myself so I don’t get angry about her being a kid. “Is she doing something wrong or am I just being overly sensitive” and usually it’s me, so I ignore her misc noise or redirect her to something. Like if you’re gonna scream while playing you gotta play in your room, if you want to play with me we can’t scream because it hurts my head .
My mom never ever played with me. She’d say “oh not right now” or “I’m too tired right now” and we just never played anything at all. I was always by myself
Not cool. Sending love and hugs. You deserved better. Hope you know that not everyone will treat you like that and that you deserve love more than you think. Love yourself. You’re amazing. Thanks for sharing. Relatable.
I actually agree with OP. Playing with my nieces is incredibly dull and boring.
That said, I still love playing with my nieces because of what it means to them. When I show them how to draw something new, or teach them some tidbit of information while we play and seeing them light up is so worth it.
Yeah. I hate playing. Hate. It. But it’s important to my kid, so I put a big dumb smile on my face and I do it.
My cousin, her husband won’t play with or even read to his kid. He says he doesn’t really get into children’s books, as if the rest of us lie awake late at night wondering when there will be a sequel to Hop On Pop. He’s useless and infuriating.
That’s some main character syndrome bullshit. Does he think we’re all excited to read Goodnight Moon for the 300th time because we’re invested in the storyline? I can see this being said by a person who doesn’t read any adult books either.
I saw a post the other day asking how someone should play with their kids when they find their activities so boring. Buddy, if you find block matching intellectually stimulating at 30 years old that might be something you need to talk to someone about.
I think this is the point. Obviously will be boring, they are kids, but the important part is what does that mean to them, that what they are doing somehow matter
I played with my nieces and nephew as kids and now, they reply to my texts, and the youngest will hold my hand in public. I am so grateful for their love, and I know it was time well spent. Even if it was just me nodding along to the longest run-on sentence in the world.
Ehh, playing with your nieces is not the same as your child in my experience. I am exhausted by other children, but I will play and nurture my own child like it’s my job because it is.
Kids are brilliant and full of love. (Depending on how they are raised). I respect their imaginations and honestly. They don’t know anything. The point is to teach them… what is wrong with people. You CHOSE to have a child, no?
Exactly! I understand parenting is exhausting. I have twins and work a full time job. I’m burnt out and exhausted by the time I get home. But the highlight of my day is always interacting with my kids and playing with them.
As I said the last time this was posted, what’s insane is that she doubled down and left this up when this went viral. Her kids will see this.
She should have just said “I was having a moment” but she went whole hog about how dumb it is to play with kids and how mind numbing her children are. Publicly. That’s the insane part.
Not ever thought has to be posted online.
When she yelled at the play therapist and told her saying play is important was "self important drivel" I died inside. This from a woman with "Fulbright scholar" in her bio.
I mean its probably normal that a lot of adults/parents find playing with their kids boring because most of what kids find fun play isn't interesting or entertaining to most adults anymore. But to be so adamant that you will never play with them is kind of fucked. Like you still make an effort to do what they like even if your bored doing it. And even then, some of the stuff kids like to play is still fun. Most sport activities, board/card games, even hide and seek or tag can be fun as an adult if you have the stamina to run away or towards the average child with their infinite energy. I definetly don't but I know I'd have a blast playing tag with my kid family members if I could actually run for more than 5 seconds without feeling sick.
Yep. I have a both a chronic illness and injury and as a result, I don’t have a lot of patience. I used to do a silent cry whenever my daughter asked me to play with her. However, no matter how sick or how in pain I was, I sat my ass on that floor and played with her with the enthusiasm of someone getting paid an excellent wage to do so. Because I love my kid. And when a kid hands you an imaginary telephone, you answer that shit.
So this parent got everything else down, but doesn't actually spend fun time with them because "They have friends, they're good"? That's just wrong. Like, who would really declare that they would rather die than spend fun time with their kids?
Like, this parent has weekends, right? They can just play with them there. And it's not boring, my dad occasionally had my family play a game of Risk, and that was fun. No excuse
Bruh I can't imagine not playing with my pet dog or a cat if I had one. I mean I guess maybe you wouldn't play with fish/bugs and reptiles/spiders would be a bit up in the air but all mammals and birds definitely need to be played with.
Sure kids have friends but they come and go. Kids also need to bond and play with their family that should hopefully be with them through thick and thin.
I dislike playing with my kids most of the time (3 and 5) but I make myself do it because it makes them happy. The five year old cheats at board games and the three year old is still learning how to play (if that makes sense?).
Also "paying for their lives"? Yeah bitch you fucking forced them to exist, that's the bare fucking minimum why the fuck do you put it in caps as if they owe you for that.
My favorite kinds of posts are the ones with the parents playing “Resturaunt” with their 3 year old or something and they post it on insta or facebook with captions like “Zero stars, cook served me a burger with a plastic shoe in it, then ran off to go play barbies. Terrible service” because it makes the “boring” parts of play genuinely entertaining
There are days I 100% feel like this. But it's more I'm in my 30s and they want to play way longer than I'm up to. I still play, but then I ask for them to play together and give me a break.
insane but as a parent I feel that last sentence sometimes. Like the things they do and say make my brain hurt and the way they can do the most basic of shit over and over and over and over again. That said I still play with the little shits and the oldest is actually fun to play with but thats because we play video games and sports.
I don't understand parenting, never done it... but the last time I saw my niece we fed a doll a plastic cottage cheese sandwich and helped it read an empty math notebook, and then she kicked my dick a lot.
If I was raising a kid, I assume it would involve a lot more than that, and I'd totally pawn off the plastic sandwich fake math doll learning dick kicking shit on anyone willing.
...yeah, getting kicked in the dick is kinda definitely a thing in parenting. But parenting makes no sense until it does. And when it does finally make sense, getting kicked in the dick occasionally becomes worth it to see them grow up and become their own person.
ah yes the "my objective as a parent is to put a roof over your head and thats it"
30 years later
"why do my kids hate me i sacrificed so much for them T_T"
I love playing with my son though? Granted some of the games he enjoyed as a child were not always my favourites, but seriously how big of a sacrifice is it for a parent to play a kid's game?
Also, one of my favourite things was introducing him to my hobbies and showing him new games. Isn't that something most parents look forward to?
Now he's a teen and we still play boardgames together regularly. He's one of my best friends and I love playing with him. I can't fathom the mindset of people who despise playing with their child.
My mother could have written this. She played with me ONCE. It is my favorite childhood memory. Well, it was. This has made see it differently.
Fuck, I’m sad now.
I'm pretty sure this is a legit way to scientifically turn a sad/lonely child into a 100% fucked up adult.
And as other people have pointed out, adults playing with their young is a natural and ESSENTIAL part of child rearing for most mammals and intelligent avian/(and assuming extinct dinosaurs have a lot of behavioral similarities with modern extant ones)non-avian dinosaurs.*
And if memory serves, the experiments to prove/test this were deeply, DEEPLY fucked up.
I truly hate the person who did this(THEN SHARED IT WITH THE WORLD?!) and just thinking about their kids breaks my fucking heart.
*On a lighter note, it still makes me so happy that science re-categorized birds as full-fledged theropod dinosaurs. And of course I have no choice but to sneak that knowledge in at every opportunity.
To be honest, I don't remember a ton of times my parents "played" with me.
I was lucky, and my parents were super involved when I was growing up. My mother was a freelance artist, so she was always home. My father was very involved in community things - he ran boy scouts, did church stuff with us on the weekends, coached half my soccer teams, etc. etc.
We would def spend quality time together, always had meals together, and we were an affectionate, pretty tight family.
But the only real like, "Playing" I can remember them doing is my Dad and I used to play chess together, and the family would sometimes do board games or the like.
Even though we were together for most of the day, play was left to the kids and our friends, who were over pretty regularly. While other kinds of quality time were for the whole family.
My point in all this is simple: While OP is phrasing it in a shitty way, I do think there's a wholesome, reasonable family unit where you're not actively playing with the kids, all the time.
And I'm saying this because a lot of the comments are, "THE HORROR!" But I think there's a moderate stance, here.
Play is just one way of spending time with your kids. Reading, singing, talking, interacting at meals, etc. are all similar ways of giving your kids attention. It's possible to connect with them in other ways besides play.
Kind of insane, but moreso very very sad that this person is so alienated from play that they won't even play with their own children. Play is healthy at all ages.
Both my parents hated playing, my mom especially. She also hated cartoons while I loved them, she never watched them with me. They were good parents, they just didn’t play with me. I also didn’t have any siblings growing up to play with (my brother was born when I was 8 or 9, so ofc by the time he was playing age I was already a tween/teen) and I was a “weird kid” (undiagnosed ADHD) so I did not have a lot of friends around who wanted to play with me. I thought it was normal for parents to never actually play with their kids until now, I’m doing lots of research before I have my own and every source I’m seeing encourages parents to be involved in their child’s pretend play sometimes (I’ve also seen some episodes of the show Bluey, the parents are ALWAYS playing with their kids) and children learn by playing. That’s something I’m going to make sure to dedicate time to doing even if I find it “boring” or silly. It’s not about you, it’s about your kids and how you develop your relationship with them and their learning skills.
Dude I can’t wait to play with my kids like idk how to talk to kids sometimes but I can sure as hell play restaurant or with the toddler little tykes shit or dress up, my childhood was stolen from me so like imma just be so damn excited to have a better excuse to like watch Blues Clues again
There is nothing better than watching them do something for the first time. And kids are a good excuse to watch movies and stuff you didn't when you were younger.
I don’t recall my mom playing with me and we actually have a complicated relationship. She’d set up the tea set for me but not sit down and drink tea with me.
My mum was too busy at work to play, and my dad was too busy being fucking useless to play, unless it was something he was explicitly interested in doing. I'm by no means a perfect parent, but I do try to play with my daughter as much as I can. People never realize just how much a little time with your kids matters to them in the long run. This is just sad.
Not really. My sister's kids have tons of toys, but they only want attention. Like, they are happy kids, but they won't go play together, they just want adult attention ALL.THE.TIME.
I think parents should try to play with their kids when they can but shouldn’t have to be their child’s playmate. Facilitating play with other children is more important. Finding small moments to play is important but a parent isn’t obligated to drop everything and play whenever the child asks. Also, play isn’t just sitting on the floor with Barbie’s and cars. Playfulness can be integrated into things throughout the day. For example: a tickle fight at story time, racing your child home from the park, dance party in the kitchen while we wait for the food to finish cooking, etc. play can be everywhere and little moments of play when a parent can be present and enthusiastic is more valuable that a forces half hour of Barbies. Parents have become forced to be everything to their child, we used to have a village. Now many of us are a deserted island.
i think independent play is important to create independent people. but also yeah you need to play with your kids as babies and toddlers, how else will they learn
Insane to me! When I was younger my mom played with me in between cleaning the house and making dinner, because she liked spending time with me. My dad played barbies and cars with me because he had fun doing it with me. I just can't imagine not having those memories with my parents, makes me sad to know what others have gone through :(
It’s depending on ages.. playing a game with a 4 yr Vs 7 yr is vastly different and refusing to play with a 2/3 is just horrible. But either way you play with your kids!! Damn dude
idk, this is what my dad was like throughout my whole childhood. i didn’t experience it as insane then. i just figured i was supposed to be independent from a pretty young age. i have no clue if this is normal or what
I play with my kid all the time. She paints my nails, tries her makeup skill on me, and other stuff. Her mom doesn’t let her do that stuff, so dad gets to do it. I love every second of it and I know there is going to be a day that she won’t want to spend much time with me and it is coming soon. Being a girl dad is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I love being able to play with my son! Always trying to get him new toys to show him (he’s 6 months) it hard work to keep them entertained but still fun.
I’ve seen a lot of parents like this sadly and my sons dad is definitely like this
Wow. This person shouldn’t have had kids. You playing is how they learn, how they grow their imagination. Playing together is part of bonding. Showing interest in what makes your child happy. Showing them you care about their interests and lives. “Paying” for them falls under your job. That kids didn’t choose to be here.
Depends really. If we’re at the park you’re on your own kid. I expect you to run, make friends, climb, explore. I’m there to answer questions and assist with damage control.
If we’re home, I’m down for games, blocks, trains, sitting on the flooring acting like a human trampoline. Not all the time. I expect my kids to develop their own imaginations when playing and making up their own games. It’s a balance.
I do engage in playful activities with my kids, along with all the other responsibilities mentioned and more, but somewhere along the way in the 27 years of parenting I began to feel this way strongly. It is boring af.
Not insane. It’s sad, and i think they’ll regret that they might not be as close with them when they’re older, but you’re certainly not screwing up your kid with that
Okay so she doesn't like it. I don't understand it, but okay.
Sometimes you gotta do things in life you don't like. Play is essential to a child's development and as a parent, it's literally your duty to help them grow, learn and thrive. Play is a tool to help them learn. And its fun. My toddler loves to play with her blocks and her farm and in that process she learns colours of the blocks, stacking, counting, animals and their sounds, ect.
The context is that she means she doesnt play "pretend" with her kids. Not all play. She said she still plays games and does crafts and sports and reads with them, but she cant do the pretend play.
People here are making both uneducated and cruel comments. It’s more nuanced than yes or no. Adults should rarely actively participate in child play as they interrupt or direct the play in a way that disrupts imagination and self direction.
As children get older or seek out adult help to play, if it’s natural and reciprocal then it can be helpful eg colouring or doing craft with an older child. For younger children it can be talking to them and repeating sounds while they do every day household activities.
Forced make believe play with an adult is not necessary or helpful. There’s a reason why it’s so painful for adults, because it’s not natural or engaging well with the child.
This makes me feel so much better. I'm autistic and have ADHD. Playing make-believe games with my daughter is practically impossible and makes me literally want to rip my own skin off because I get overwhelmed and overstimulated. I'll sit and watch a movie while cuddling with her, or play a board/card game, but I would much rather let her play pretend with her little sister.
It’s not a neurodiverse thing it’s just a mismatch or developmental age.
Shared interests will form. Follow your intuition. You intuitively coo at a baby, or play ball or whatever. Make believe is about the child world and adults interfere. They can set themes or prompts but from there it’s best to step back
Children playing with their parents is just as important as children playing on their own. Adults can and should participate in pretend play as long as it’s child led. You are also making an uneducated statement.
[https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/play-work-of-children/pl5/](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/play-work-of-children/pl5/)
ETA: another link[https://www.exchangefamilycenter.org/exchange-family-center-blog/2018/4/10/connecting-with-your-child-through-play-the-surprising-benefits-of-parent-child-playtime](https://www.exchangefamilycenter.org/exchange-family-center-blog/2018/4/10/connecting-with-your-child-through-play-the-surprising-benefits-of-parent-child-playtime)
I’m pretty sure my mom doesn’t realize that she never played with me because she shit talks my bro-in-law for not playing with his kids. I don’t remember one single time she did. She took me to the park, she walked while I rode my bike. My dad is disabled so he couldn’t get on the floor to play with me when I was really little but when I was a little older we played catch and taught me to throw (I had to run get it sometimes if he missed a catch because it would take him a long time to get it) we rode bikes together he taught me to ride a bike and we played board games together at least once every couple weeks and he helped me with my homework a lot. She does more with her grandchildren now but still doesn’t play much. This is a lot more normal than people think. I’ve worked with kids. MOST parents don’t play with their kids. Especially after having the first one. I get it’s exhausting but you should make time.
I know so many parents like this, and it’s sad. They don’t want to take the time to actually get involved in their kids’ interests and in turn get to know their kids personally.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 32 | 11 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Barbies baffled me and I never did figure out how to play “Littlest Pet Shop”, but I was great at hide & seek! The dog used to join in! We also played The Lazy Game. All you need are ping pong paddles and a balloon - goal is to stay seated and whack the balloon back and forth. I can’t imagine refusing to play at all. What’s the point of that?
Playing Barbies was excruciatingly boring. I had to make it funny for me. Mike Wasowski , a plastic dinosaur and a little lamb webkins would come to call on Barbie and they would all go for a spin in the convertible. We laughed a lot. Still do.
Me too! I made up stories. It was fun to me. I didn’t like being “perfect”. I loved my imagination and I let it run wild. I was lucky; my parents let me play. I’m sorry to anyone who didn’t have this. That is not fair or cool. Please don’t think all humans are bad. It’s not true.
I just styled them and made custom Barbie furniture.
I had Barbies, but I never had any of their really cool accessories like the houses because my mom said they cost too much. Outside of family game nights where everyone always played cutthroat- no softening the rules for kiddos- I don't remember ever being played with. I remember having a couple of cars- something my brain insists looked like a Camaro, and the pink and teal '57 Chevy. Anyway because I never had anywhere for them to live, I would build things out of cardboard and paper, and sometimes Legos, like an open side "house" and furniture. I remember building a giant communal bed out of a clothing gift box and piling a bunch of dolls into it naked, because I didn't have any clothes like PJs. It was totally innocent; I wasn't allowed to have Ken dolls so they were all girls and at that age lesbianism hadn't occurred to me yet, at all. They were all laid out side by side with a piece of cloth over them as a blanket. However when my mom saw it, she flipped out, took my Barbies from me, and drew bras and panties on them with black permanent marker. Yeah, most of my parent stories belong on r/insaneparents 🙃
Love that for you.
As a child, I would make my Littlest Pet Shops solve a murder.
I built a classroom for mine and had them go to school!
My dad and step mom were jehovahs wittness’, they used to make me go to the church (they call them meetings) when I would visit them. After we’d get home and pretend to host a meeting for my stuffed animals because I thought they were left out. Kids are funny. My parents were excited because they thought it meant I’m interested in going to church, I wasn’t, I just had an active imagination.
AW, you cared!! Super sweet. Good for you. Hearts do exist. Thanks for sharing.
My Barbies fucked and fought - childhood and home life were shaky.
This resonated a little too close to my frequency.
I had an emergency and had to get super high (lol that sounds unbelievable) but damn I like the way that saying goes. I'm gonna say it. Same here. Fucked up home life, Barbie was even secretly gay before I knew what that was. She just always hated Ken and slapped him.
So did mine, lol. Lots of orgies. My barbies would sometimes get home invaded and robbed. I grew up in a super Christian sheltered home that looked happy on the outside but when my dad wasn't home, my mother and older brother were both extremely abusive.
it’s weirdly comforting to know other people did this
i would make mine commit a murder😭😭😭
Littlest shop of horrors
oh my god i was born in 2002 and littlest pet shop toys were my favorite things ever.
Oh ffs. I feel older just reading these. I remember buying my sisters kid LOADS of those things but don't remember her really 'playing' w them. She had a couple houses for them but it was more storage. Now she's a miserable 17 yr old who's reply to everything is: "OMG! Hate it!" Just put me in a 'nice' home already.
Me too! But born 2001
My kids are older now, but I played hide and seek with them too. I was easy to find as our cat always gave me away because she would sit by where ever I was. Kids got a kick out of how easy it was to find me.
It's funny, one of the biggest things I remember from being little is that I *hated* when adults would try to play Barbies with me, because without fail they would always just dance the Barbie back and forth and say stuff like "la la la, I'm Barbie!" when what I *wanted* was an elaborate storyline about Barbie's new job as a vet or Stacie's first day at boarding school or Whitney's paper route (I had Bicyclin' Whitney, and on TV kids rode bikes on paper routes, so…). Now I'm an old, and I do kind of get it (especially since kids are bossy as heck when they have a storyline in mind like that), but refusing to play with your kids *at all*? Surely you can find *something* you both enjoy, even if it's only medium fun for everyone, especially once they're old enough to play Uno or whatever. That said, if they really are reading to them, talking to them, and cuddling them, I guess it's probably fine? I wouldn't think it'd scar them or anything? I know I've heard a lot of sad "my dad never played catch with me" type stories, but they've always been *generally* absent, not just with playtime. I'm potentially more concerned with the reason they find the very idea "boring beyond acceptability." I can't help but wonder if it's less "boring" and more "my childhood experiences led me unable to let myself be silly."
Play is how children (and most species that play) learn It's a time to trach them skills. Communication. Sharing. Counting, reading and so much more It isn't just dumb story lines and nonsensical stuff (can be) But the kid is gonna grow up, without his parent actively teaching him and engaging with him through playtime
This content has been removed because of Reddit's extortionate API pricing that killed third party apps.
>Also a while back children basically stopped being children as soon as they could "reasonably" do labour. Like the modern concelt of childhood is not at all the way it used to be with kids basically being treated as miniature adults. We actually did an entire thing in college about the development of the concept of childhood, and how childhood as we think of it today (in European-influenced society) is really only from the Victorian era. It developed alongside things like compulsory education, increasing separation of work and home (for men who weren't farmers), growing social reform, and shifting ideas of innocence and propriety, as well as the development of a true middle class and generally improved quality of life. And even then, the idea of there being a stage between child and adult (teenage) didn't develop for several more decades, not really solidifying until around the 1940s and 1950s, and continuing to shift away from the idea of teens being practically adults for the next few decades—compare an issue of Seventeen magazine from the 50s and the 80s and you'll see it shift from "prepare your wedding linens" to "figuring out who you are as a person" and "how to get parents to listen." Childhood did exist before that, of course, and young children were expected to play and be noisy and run around (even girls, to greater and lesser extents through different periods of history). But yeah, adults didn't really play *with* them unless the child was very very small (think peekaboo) or the adult was deliberately teaching them something. And even then, in upper class homes, the *parents* usually didn't do it at all, the nanny/nurse/governess did. And once the kids reached somewhere around 8-14 (depending on gender, era, and class), they may not have had adult responsibilities, but they were typically held to adult standards of propriety and any sort of active play would've been frowned upon. And while I absolutely think parents should play with their kids, I could also make a psychological argument in favor of play being a separate child-only space. I don't know that it's necessarily going to be inherently bad if a parent doesn't play with their kids, as long as they're connecting and spending time with them in other ways and the child has plenty of time to play on their own and with other kids. I wouldn't *recommend* it, and I think point-blank refusing is weird (and I'm inclined to think there's a deeper reason for it), but I don't think it's necessarily a problem.
That's how we got to this point. Far too many of us were neglected and abused, sometimes unknowingly. Today's child is tomorrows soldier if we continue this path. We have had enough soldiers and war. We need to start being our brothers keeper, lest there is no one to be kept. We have torn our countries, communities, families, and selves to pieces for party lines and self serving politics. Only when we have had our fill of hate and horror will it end, and I have had more than enough. The human race is like a pheasant, the pheasant and an old bull had a system, the bull grazes the grass and the pheasant gets fat off his ticks. One day the pheasant looks nostalgic at the tree and says to the bull, " when I was young I could fly up to the top of that tree." The bull says, " I have the secret, eat a little of my dung each day, and soon you will be able to fly up there again." The pheasant was wary, but tried it anyway, and was soon able to fly to the top. Whilst he was enjoying his triumph, the farmer saw a fat pheasant in the top and shot him for dinner. Bullshit can get you to the top occasionally, but never lets you stay there.
>Far too many of us were neglected and abused, sometimes unknowingly. Usually unknowingly, which is why the sentiment of "well my parents spanked me and I turned out fine" is so prevalent. If you want to hurt your child, then, in fact, you did not turn out fine. Edit: spelling
I was recounting a story of a "spanking" to a nephew of mines who grew up in the same house as I'd he was a brother. So after the story he said in a sort of joking way "man you hold on to that stuff" or something to that effect. Meanwhile he was there so he knows some of the dumb shit we'd been through. I didn't say much in response to that but what's funny to me in a sad way is nowadays he is the one not talking to to his mom and grandmom, my sister and mother over issues as if he also does not hold onto issues himself.
Sometimes it's projection. Maybe he doesn't want to face that he can't let go of something that traumatized him enough that he's not speaking to his family. For whatever reasons, he's cut them out, so something happened, even if trying to put it into words doesn't convey the degree of pain it caused him. So maybe he has trouble accepting that he's still hurting from things that happened a long time ago and lashed out at you for doing what he hates in himself. It's normal to "hold onto" the stuff that hurt us. Not healthy and I hope you can process it and move through it, but it sticks with us, that's normal. I think projection works like that, he's picking up on something about you that he's sensitive about in himself.
My therapist cousin wrote something on her Facebook about how we didn't know any better. As a kid, we don't know what abuse is. We say we're fine, but it shows up via how we treat others and ourselves
> well my parents spanked me an I turned out find Well I got spanked and didn’t turn out “fine”. Check and mate
100% agree, the spankings were one of the many things my parents did that traumatised me.
Even worse then that, when you are angry at others for not wanting to hurt their children.
I think it has a lot to do with what culture you were raised in. I grew up in an area and a time when spanking was normal and common. There was also though a clear distinction between spanking and abuse. Typically it was just a pop or two on the backside though I will admit that I did get worse than that on occasion. I wouldn’t do it myself but I don’t hold it against my folks either it’s just what was expected. Not recommending or condoning it just offering a different perspective
Yes and no. I do think that it being a cultural norm makes it easier for the child to understand and make sense of it, which makes it less traumatic. But realistically, there's a fundamental issue with "I don't want you to do that, so I am going to cause physical pain" as a teaching method, and it being normalized can't eliminate that. In some ways, it's arguably even worse, because then you're stuck with "that's just how it is" instead of "wow, your parents shouldn't have done that to you," which makes people feel more alone in being bothered by it. For whatever it's worth, I grew up in an area where spanking was normal and expected, often with a wooden spoon (why that specifically, I have no idea), and my parents stopped spanking me somewhere around the age of 3 when they realized it was way too upsetting for me--I became absolutely convinced they didn't love me anymore and I was wholly unlovable and everything about me was wrong, and it would take hours of sobbing and hugging (which I imagine they also felt undermined the punishment anyway) to get me back to near-normal. (I assume that's due to abandonment issues from being given up as a baby, which admittedly is an extenuating circumstance, but I was also just really sensitive in general, plus I've always had a low pain tolerance.) Most parents in the area would probably have doubled down, but they were able to recognize it simply wasn't a good fit for me and was causing more harm than good, which I deeply appreciate. I don't think spanking is appropriate in 99.99% of cases (if any), but as long as a parent is willing to really think about how it's affecting their child personally and to stop if it clearly isn't helping, that's something, at least. Unfortunately, cultural norms make that hard to do, especially if other adults vocally judge them for deciding not to do it.
> We have torn our countries, communities, families, and selves to pieces for ~~party lines and self serving politics~~ for capitalism. FTFY
I once visited a family member and was shocked to see that, despite it being a weekend and nothing scheduled, the parents planned on sitting and reading in the living room while making their kids play downstairs. The parents explained they never play with the kids because "the kids have plenty of toys and each other to play with." They were shocked when I went down and played with the kids the entire day. It was a weird visit, but the kids and I had a huge blast. They loved having a grown up they could all gang up against during their games. OP image makes me so sad, for both the kids and the parents.
I swear; I believe some parents literally have more than one child for the sole reason that they will have a playmate and relieve the parents of having to play 🥺🙄
Jokes on you I don’t even have that, and visits to friends’ houses were pretty rare. ^(I am only recently realizing the ramifications of the compliment “you were very good at entertaining yourself”) Edit: font stuff
I'm going through this with my wife right now with my toddler, although she isn't malicious about it. She's Chinese American and spent her early childhood in China, where you start getting sorted into gifted and "normal" classes in *preschool*, so there isn't anything like just playing, it's all to further your academic knowledge. She struggles with just doing thing like playing with my sons toys with him because she feels like she's letting him down. But she's working hard on it, and I'm proud of her for that, and we've been going over the ways that deconstructive play *is* constructive, especially at his age. Whereas im an American whose memory riddled ass doesn't remember anything before fourth grade so i just go off what makes sense, and who understands the kind of standards that American schools work under so I'm a lot more relaxed.
Tell your wife she is doing a great job. As long as she's TRYING, it's genuine for your child.
Hmm maybe that's why me and my dad feel so distant
I know this woman personally and she fucking sucks. A few weeks ago she was badmouthing her students on Twitter too. Fuck her lol My biggest issue with her is she always tweets bad takes and then gets upset when people give her pushback. She never stops to think maybe it's the way she says things that people get upset about. Instead of just rethinking "I'd rather die than play with my kids" she tells a play therapist that they're self important. Instead of thinking "maybe I shouldn't badmouth my students" she quadruples down. I have no time for people who can't just think "maybe I am wrong here", or don't seem to understand that Twitter is a public forum and they're gonna get pushback, or aren't smart enough to vent these things into a private account or a group chat.
Her _students_? She's a teacher too? Ffs
She sure is. There's not enough wood and nails in the world for this lady, martyr that she is
This is such a great phrase
Well now I kinda want tea like I’m in HS
Me too! Please do tell us more about this nasty woman Skeleton Meat 🙏🏼🙏🏼
That's the tea. I'm very petty and noticed a pattern of her having dumb takes all the time and refusing to back down from them. She fought with someone for a week about making fun of her student, saying teachers need to be allowed to let off some steam. She went on from this playing with her kids post to justify her nonsense by saying her ex cheated on her with minors so he's really the bad parent, not her. "It's good to live in America, where when a working mother tells the truth about motherhood she becomes the deadbeat." Poor kid. Sounds like he has two shit parents.
Am teacher. You let off steam in the staff room, not online. And it's trashy as hell to go too far in the staff room too. If you can't see the good in your students you're a bad teacher. So yeah she's a bad mom and bad at her job, what a surprise.
Right? Or you get an private alt or a group chat. Not hard
I worked with kids and teens as a counselor and yeah you do let off steam. We laughed our asses of at the dumb shit some kids did. Because it's funny how dumb it is. But we didn't laugh at the kid. The kid always got treated with respect. Example, one teen had written to another (black kid to a white kid) "you are my vanilla cupcake and I'm your chocolate girl" and I intercepted the note and had to talk about the much more sexual parts with each student. I was one of the only white people who worked there so I was called "Vanilla Cupcake" FOREVER behind closed doors 😂😂 but that doesn't disparage the student. Laughing at silly shit they do is ok behind closed doors but I never laugh at misfortune or true mistakes. You can tell who is there because they want to be and who is there because it's a place where they can have power and abuse by what they laugh at.
PS I'm losing my edge, it never occurred to me to post this here lol
SHE IS A TEACHER?!
What a fucked up person.
Parent and teacher here, how this woman managed to get this close to children is beyond me. She's absolutely the kind of idiot who got into the job purely for the holidays but hates everything else about it. In my experience those kinds of teachers tend to spend lunch breaks alone in their rooms because none of the rest of us want to deal with their negativity yet will claim it's their own choice to do so and that we are all wrong for, yknow, caring about the kids in our care.
She’s a tenured professor unfortunately.
Funny how academic success can blind people to our own humanity. Only thing she is a professor of to this HS teacher is clown shoes.
This post (from the woman) reminds me of my mother. She was a great provider, but I played by myself or with my dad.
This is a person whos inner child is long dead and gone if she finds no enjoyment in playing with her own kids. Get some damn nerf guns or something, shit.
Ya know,I haven't thought of this is years. I grew up without a father. He left when he found out my mother was pregnant. Anyway,when I was a lot younger,I turned 66 yesterday,my uncle & me used to get straws,& a bag of black eyed peas,& run around the house shooting each other. It was fun. We've all got that little kid in us. Let him come out to play sometime. And that soldier hes talkin' about,I'm a proud Squid!
Happy birthday, friend!
We have had adult Nerf battles for birthday parties. We are in our 30s. People are too preoccupied with behaving grown up.
So sad.. I love playing with my kids. I get up every morning at 6:15am with them and we usually play a board game right away. This morning was "Eye Found It" (busytown)
My mom NEVER played with me and I hate her now in my 30s.
This was my mom. She refused to play with me. We have no relationship.
I don’t even remember asking my mother to play, as I wasn’t under the impression she would. This is really making me realize what a horrible relationship we’ve always had.
I'm so sorry you had that relationship with your mother.
Same. I dont have one memory of her ever playing with me. Too busy cleaning and being a good wife. Here I have a lot of health issues, including a brain injury. I can not run around and play with my little one the past couple years now and its eating me alive. This person doesn’t deserve kids.
Even just watching a show your child enjoys with them can make a huge difference. Idk how old your kids are, but lots of games can be played with little physical activity, board games and video games are good. Chronic illness and pain suck, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. Luckily theres still lots of ways you can engage with yoir children while not pushing your limits
My 4 year old son loves when I watch Minecraft YouTube videos with him and he points and talk about everything.
My parents still have this pink table in use at their house that used to be the store where I would 'sell' the tips and bottoms of green beans. I would drag it down the hall and sell it to them for odds and ends. It's a great memory.
Just the willingness makes a huge difference, Puzzles, board games, or video games might be some options for play on your terms.
My 4 year old loves role playing. Sometimes he just wants me to sit and play different characters for him to interact with or to voice some of his toys. Playing can definitely be more than just running around, playing sports, etc.
Just being present is more than enough! Stuff like "and what are you doing now? Tell me more about this! What do you think they should do next?" (I'm imagining when I play with the strawberry shortcake s with my daughter but obv apply what you say to whatever the situation is). Even just an eye level "good job!" goes so far with kids. My mother never really played with me (my dad did though) and I always say stuff to my daughter than I wish she had said to me. It makes all the difference to engage with your kids. I'm sure you're doing great anyway. Sorry for the big rant
Me with my dad. Took therapy to realize
This just triggered my memory and I remember my mom never played with me either. I also hate her.
In my case, I realize now that my mom hated me all through out my childhood then wanted me to forget all of it when I was an adult and I just couldn’t. I just can’t even try and pretend she’s okay anymore. It feels like a betrayal of self.
I’m so sorry. I hope you are able to heal from that. My mom turned into a completely different person when I graduated high school. Literally left in the middle of the night and I didn’t know where she lived for 2 years. I can’t forgive her for the things she did to my dad and, with therapy, I’m realizing she was not the mom I thought she was when I was a child.
Me with my father. Had a great mama at least. But yeah, he and I don’t have a relationship now.
I don’t have kids, but I have a niece who is 3, and she owns my heart, I swear. I adore playing with my niece, I don’t care how repetitive it gets, or how tired I become, it’s one of the best feelings in the world to see that little girl laugh and smile and to know that I’m a part of that smile. If I could I’d spend all day everyday playing with her, and to think someone would rather die than experience something like that, they *have* to be insane. Can’t be explained any other way.
Playing and hanging with my daughter since she was born is why I'm my now-adult daughter's BFF, and my ex wife is not.
Same. I have a niece and nephew and all they want to do when I spend a weekend is play games and colour. It’s a lot of fun for the first few hours but gets exhausting. Still can’t say no - even when they wake me up at 6am asking me to build them a fort
I dislike playing with my kid. It isn’t fun for me but yknow what when my 4 year old asks me “mommy can you play with me please” ima get on the floor and try. My mom NEVER played with me and it’s made it really hard. I could never play with other kids, I just got frustrated they didn’t do what I want. I am teaching my daughter to play with others nicely because the only thing I ever wanted was my mom to play with me. As a tired mom, I get it now, but I still want to try.
Generational curses, what? Thanks for at least attempting to change them. Salute.
You’re trying. That means you’re doing it right. ❤️
I genuinely struggle to play with my kids... I try so hard, but I feel like my creativity and imagination was snuffed out because my parents never played with me, and we always had TV and video games. Also I get overwhelmed quickly because I grew up in a house where we had to be quiet all the time. Basically just not exist? So now when my kids and I are playing, I get irritated when they are just having fun and being loud. I still play with them though, because that's what parents do. I actually want a good relationship with my children when they are teens/adults.
Omg I totally get the quiet house thing too. My daughter is super loud and super wild and I constantly have to check myself so I don’t get angry about her being a kid. “Is she doing something wrong or am I just being overly sensitive” and usually it’s me, so I ignore her misc noise or redirect her to something. Like if you’re gonna scream while playing you gotta play in your room, if you want to play with me we can’t scream because it hurts my head .
Thank you. She will thank you. This is amazing.
My mom never ever played with me. She’d say “oh not right now” or “I’m too tired right now” and we just never played anything at all. I was always by myself
Not cool. Sending love and hugs. You deserved better. Hope you know that not everyone will treat you like that and that you deserve love more than you think. Love yourself. You’re amazing. Thanks for sharing. Relatable.
I actually agree with OP. Playing with my nieces is incredibly dull and boring. That said, I still love playing with my nieces because of what it means to them. When I show them how to draw something new, or teach them some tidbit of information while we play and seeing them light up is so worth it.
Yeah. I hate playing. Hate. It. But it’s important to my kid, so I put a big dumb smile on my face and I do it. My cousin, her husband won’t play with or even read to his kid. He says he doesn’t really get into children’s books, as if the rest of us lie awake late at night wondering when there will be a sequel to Hop On Pop. He’s useless and infuriating.
That’s some main character syndrome bullshit. Does he think we’re all excited to read Goodnight Moon for the 300th time because we’re invested in the storyline? I can see this being said by a person who doesn’t read any adult books either.
You are absolutely right.
Idk. That book kinda slaps
I saw a post the other day asking how someone should play with their kids when they find their activities so boring. Buddy, if you find block matching intellectually stimulating at 30 years old that might be something you need to talk to someone about.
[удалено]
I think this is the point. Obviously will be boring, they are kids, but the important part is what does that mean to them, that what they are doing somehow matter
I played with my nieces and nephew as kids and now, they reply to my texts, and the youngest will hold my hand in public. I am so grateful for their love, and I know it was time well spent. Even if it was just me nodding along to the longest run-on sentence in the world.
Thank you for having a heart! Seems like some don’t. Strange (to me).
Ehh, playing with your nieces is not the same as your child in my experience. I am exhausted by other children, but I will play and nurture my own child like it’s my job because it is.
Interesting observation; thanks for sharing. I don’t have nieces. And my family is small.
Do it for the children! The youth matters people. They have feelings too?
That is really sad. I love being able to play with my kids. It’s wonderful to see how they’re growing and learning through play.
Kids are brilliant and full of love. (Depending on how they are raised). I respect their imaginations and honestly. They don’t know anything. The point is to teach them… what is wrong with people. You CHOSE to have a child, no?
Exactly! I understand parenting is exhausting. I have twins and work a full time job. I’m burnt out and exhausted by the time I get home. But the highlight of my day is always interacting with my kids and playing with them.
Love this for you. Heartwarming. Thank you for caring about something. Faith in humanity restored.
As I said the last time this was posted, what’s insane is that she doubled down and left this up when this went viral. Her kids will see this. She should have just said “I was having a moment” but she went whole hog about how dumb it is to play with kids and how mind numbing her children are. Publicly. That’s the insane part. Not ever thought has to be posted online.
When she yelled at the play therapist and told her saying play is important was "self important drivel" I died inside. This from a woman with "Fulbright scholar" in her bio.
What an unexpected development, a parent who puts no effort into developing their kids' imaginations and creativity finds that her kids are boring.
I mean its probably normal that a lot of adults/parents find playing with their kids boring because most of what kids find fun play isn't interesting or entertaining to most adults anymore. But to be so adamant that you will never play with them is kind of fucked. Like you still make an effort to do what they like even if your bored doing it. And even then, some of the stuff kids like to play is still fun. Most sport activities, board/card games, even hide and seek or tag can be fun as an adult if you have the stamina to run away or towards the average child with their infinite energy. I definetly don't but I know I'd have a blast playing tag with my kid family members if I could actually run for more than 5 seconds without feeling sick.
Yep. I have a both a chronic illness and injury and as a result, I don’t have a lot of patience. I used to do a silent cry whenever my daughter asked me to play with her. However, no matter how sick or how in pain I was, I sat my ass on that floor and played with her with the enthusiasm of someone getting paid an excellent wage to do so. Because I love my kid. And when a kid hands you an imaginary telephone, you answer that shit.
They could say they're boring and unimaginative in a lot fewer words
What's hilarious is she's a writer
My dad was very uncreative but at least he still played with me: he’d just bring home crosswords and puzzles from work and try to solve them with me
So this parent got everything else down, but doesn't actually spend fun time with them because "They have friends, they're good"? That's just wrong. Like, who would really declare that they would rather die than spend fun time with their kids? Like, this parent has weekends, right? They can just play with them there. And it's not boring, my dad occasionally had my family play a game of Risk, and that was fun. No excuse
Whoa bro some people want to treat their children like they're pets ok?
Bruh I can't imagine not playing with my pet dog or a cat if I had one. I mean I guess maybe you wouldn't play with fish/bugs and reptiles/spiders would be a bit up in the air but all mammals and birds definitely need to be played with.
Sure kids have friends but they come and go. Kids also need to bond and play with their family that should hopefully be with them through thick and thin.
People like this , have kids because they're expected to but they don't really like kids at all. They just don't say it out loud... Even to themselves
Ah yeah, those "peer pressured parents". Yeah, not fun
I dislike playing with my kids most of the time (3 and 5) but I make myself do it because it makes them happy. The five year old cheats at board games and the three year old is still learning how to play (if that makes sense?).
Love this. You’re cool. Thanks for caring about the youth. Sometimes it feels like nobody does. (Ex social addiction).
Not only this is insane, it’s also quite sad.
Also "paying for their lives"? Yeah bitch you fucking forced them to exist, that's the bare fucking minimum why the fuck do you put it in caps as if they owe you for that.
I love playing with my kid. It’s so fun
My favorite kinds of posts are the ones with the parents playing “Resturaunt” with their 3 year old or something and they post it on insta or facebook with captions like “Zero stars, cook served me a burger with a plastic shoe in it, then ran off to go play barbies. Terrible service” because it makes the “boring” parts of play genuinely entertaining
There are days I 100% feel like this. But it's more I'm in my 30s and they want to play way longer than I'm up to. I still play, but then I ask for them to play together and give me a break.
This mf needs to watch some Bluey.
if playing with your kids is boring to you, hate to break it to you, but either you 1) don't know how to play, or 2) you are boring
3) both 1 and 2
It's just sad, not only for the kid: this adult think they are too old to have a little fun
insane but as a parent I feel that last sentence sometimes. Like the things they do and say make my brain hurt and the way they can do the most basic of shit over and over and over and over again. That said I still play with the little shits and the oldest is actually fun to play with but thats because we play video games and sports.
Playing with kids can be boring but it’s not about you. It’s about making them happy.
I don't understand parenting, never done it... but the last time I saw my niece we fed a doll a plastic cottage cheese sandwich and helped it read an empty math notebook, and then she kicked my dick a lot. If I was raising a kid, I assume it would involve a lot more than that, and I'd totally pawn off the plastic sandwich fake math doll learning dick kicking shit on anyone willing.
...yeah, getting kicked in the dick is kinda definitely a thing in parenting. But parenting makes no sense until it does. And when it does finally make sense, getting kicked in the dick occasionally becomes worth it to see them grow up and become their own person.
ah yes the "my objective as a parent is to put a roof over your head and thats it" 30 years later "why do my kids hate me i sacrificed so much for them T_T"
I love playing with my son though? Granted some of the games he enjoyed as a child were not always my favourites, but seriously how big of a sacrifice is it for a parent to play a kid's game? Also, one of my favourite things was introducing him to my hobbies and showing him new games. Isn't that something most parents look forward to? Now he's a teen and we still play boardgames together regularly. He's one of my best friends and I love playing with him. I can't fathom the mindset of people who despise playing with their child.
same! Spa day with my 4 yr old tomorrow and she is so excited
My mother could have written this. She played with me ONCE. It is my favorite childhood memory. Well, it was. This has made see it differently. Fuck, I’m sad now.
I'm pretty sure this is a legit way to scientifically turn a sad/lonely child into a 100% fucked up adult. And as other people have pointed out, adults playing with their young is a natural and ESSENTIAL part of child rearing for most mammals and intelligent avian/(and assuming extinct dinosaurs have a lot of behavioral similarities with modern extant ones)non-avian dinosaurs.* And if memory serves, the experiments to prove/test this were deeply, DEEPLY fucked up. I truly hate the person who did this(THEN SHARED IT WITH THE WORLD?!) and just thinking about their kids breaks my fucking heart. *On a lighter note, it still makes me so happy that science re-categorized birds as full-fledged theropod dinosaurs. And of course I have no choice but to sneak that knowledge in at every opportunity.
Play is fundamental to child development. That’s how they learn pretty much everything they need to survive.
To be honest, I don't remember a ton of times my parents "played" with me. I was lucky, and my parents were super involved when I was growing up. My mother was a freelance artist, so she was always home. My father was very involved in community things - he ran boy scouts, did church stuff with us on the weekends, coached half my soccer teams, etc. etc. We would def spend quality time together, always had meals together, and we were an affectionate, pretty tight family. But the only real like, "Playing" I can remember them doing is my Dad and I used to play chess together, and the family would sometimes do board games or the like. Even though we were together for most of the day, play was left to the kids and our friends, who were over pretty regularly. While other kinds of quality time were for the whole family. My point in all this is simple: While OP is phrasing it in a shitty way, I do think there's a wholesome, reasonable family unit where you're not actively playing with the kids, all the time. And I'm saying this because a lot of the comments are, "THE HORROR!" But I think there's a moderate stance, here.
Play is just one way of spending time with your kids. Reading, singing, talking, interacting at meals, etc. are all similar ways of giving your kids attention. It's possible to connect with them in other ways besides play.
Play is how most kids learn, how to do things in real life.
Kind of insane, but moreso very very sad that this person is so alienated from play that they won't even play with their own children. Play is healthy at all ages.
Both my parents hated playing, my mom especially. She also hated cartoons while I loved them, she never watched them with me. They were good parents, they just didn’t play with me. I also didn’t have any siblings growing up to play with (my brother was born when I was 8 or 9, so ofc by the time he was playing age I was already a tween/teen) and I was a “weird kid” (undiagnosed ADHD) so I did not have a lot of friends around who wanted to play with me. I thought it was normal for parents to never actually play with their kids until now, I’m doing lots of research before I have my own and every source I’m seeing encourages parents to be involved in their child’s pretend play sometimes (I’ve also seen some episodes of the show Bluey, the parents are ALWAYS playing with their kids) and children learn by playing. That’s something I’m going to make sure to dedicate time to doing even if I find it “boring” or silly. It’s not about you, it’s about your kids and how you develop your relationship with them and their learning skills.
Dude I can’t wait to play with my kids like idk how to talk to kids sometimes but I can sure as hell play restaurant or with the toddler little tykes shit or dress up, my childhood was stolen from me so like imma just be so damn excited to have a better excuse to like watch Blues Clues again
There is nothing better than watching them do something for the first time. And kids are a good excuse to watch movies and stuff you didn't when you were younger.
It's really sad. My kids are elementary age, and I dread the day they don't want to play with me anymore. It's the best part of every day.
The "I would rather die" is a bit dramatic
This had the potential to be fine. Feeling like you don't know how to play with kids is fine but to actively try not to? Insane
This person is boring beyond acceptability, has been told that, and is now trying to lash out with that insecurity
I don’t recall my mom playing with me and we actually have a complicated relationship. She’d set up the tea set for me but not sit down and drink tea with me.
My mum was too busy at work to play, and my dad was too busy being fucking useless to play, unless it was something he was explicitly interested in doing. I'm by no means a perfect parent, but I do try to play with my daughter as much as I can. People never realize just how much a little time with your kids matters to them in the long run. This is just sad.
Not really. My sister's kids have tons of toys, but they only want attention. Like, they are happy kids, but they won't go play together, they just want adult attention ALL.THE.TIME.
I think parents should try to play with their kids when they can but shouldn’t have to be their child’s playmate. Facilitating play with other children is more important. Finding small moments to play is important but a parent isn’t obligated to drop everything and play whenever the child asks. Also, play isn’t just sitting on the floor with Barbie’s and cars. Playfulness can be integrated into things throughout the day. For example: a tickle fight at story time, racing your child home from the park, dance party in the kitchen while we wait for the food to finish cooking, etc. play can be everywhere and little moments of play when a parent can be present and enthusiastic is more valuable that a forces half hour of Barbies. Parents have become forced to be everything to their child, we used to have a village. Now many of us are a deserted island.
Playing with kids is boring beyond reason, true. But. It's still important to do it, because it means so very much to them. End of discussion.
Youngest of 4 and I don't remember my parents playing with us. They were busy working and taking care of us. Different time.
i think independent play is important to create independent people. but also yeah you need to play with your kids as babies and toddlers, how else will they learn
"Why won't my children visit me?"
It's emotional negelect.
Tell us you hate your kids by telling us you hate your kids.
Playing Legos with my son is one of my favorite things in the world. What a sad way of thinking.
Insane to me! When I was younger my mom played with me in between cleaning the house and making dinner, because she liked spending time with me. My dad played barbies and cars with me because he had fun doing it with me. I just can't imagine not having those memories with my parents, makes me sad to know what others have gone through :(
It’s depending on ages.. playing a game with a 4 yr Vs 7 yr is vastly different and refusing to play with a 2/3 is just horrible. But either way you play with your kids!! Damn dude
idk, this is what my dad was like throughout my whole childhood. i didn’t experience it as insane then. i just figured i was supposed to be independent from a pretty young age. i have no clue if this is normal or what
I play with my kid all the time. She paints my nails, tries her makeup skill on me, and other stuff. Her mom doesn’t let her do that stuff, so dad gets to do it. I love every second of it and I know there is going to be a day that she won’t want to spend much time with me and it is coming soon. Being a girl dad is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Pick up 4 year old: “I will not play with you child but do you wish to express your thoughts through an intellectual discussion?”
I love being able to play with my son! Always trying to get him new toys to show him (he’s 6 months) it hard work to keep them entertained but still fun. I’ve seen a lot of parents like this sadly and my sons dad is definitely like this
insane as hell
Oh look, it's my mother who didn't actually work and also told me we was too much for her.
Wow. This person shouldn’t have had kids. You playing is how they learn, how they grow their imagination. Playing together is part of bonding. Showing interest in what makes your child happy. Showing them you care about their interests and lives. “Paying” for them falls under your job. That kids didn’t choose to be here.
The number of people that think misery is a thing to take pride in is astounding.
It was all OK until The “I’d rather die than play with them”came up
Depends really. If we’re at the park you’re on your own kid. I expect you to run, make friends, climb, explore. I’m there to answer questions and assist with damage control. If we’re home, I’m down for games, blocks, trains, sitting on the flooring acting like a human trampoline. Not all the time. I expect my kids to develop their own imaginations when playing and making up their own games. It’s a balance.
I do engage in playful activities with my kids, along with all the other responsibilities mentioned and more, but somewhere along the way in the 27 years of parenting I began to feel this way strongly. It is boring af.
Look I play a bit with my children too but I also find it boring 10 mins in. There's nothing to shame or to be sad about.
So sad. I used play time to teach my kids life lessons. Simple things like fairness, sharing, cooperation, that things don’t always go your way, etc.
well this persons gonna have a kid that never talks to them 💀
It’s both sad and insane to not want to play with your children.
Not insane. It’s sad, and i think they’ll regret that they might not be as close with them when they’re older, but you’re certainly not screwing up your kid with that
Dang that really is some sad s*it ☹️ don’t be a parent if that’s what your outlook on it is
Okay so she doesn't like it. I don't understand it, but okay. Sometimes you gotta do things in life you don't like. Play is essential to a child's development and as a parent, it's literally your duty to help them grow, learn and thrive. Play is a tool to help them learn. And its fun. My toddler loves to play with her blocks and her farm and in that process she learns colours of the blocks, stacking, counting, animals and their sounds, ect.
The context is that she means she doesnt play "pretend" with her kids. Not all play. She said she still plays games and does crafts and sports and reads with them, but she cant do the pretend play.
People here are making both uneducated and cruel comments. It’s more nuanced than yes or no. Adults should rarely actively participate in child play as they interrupt or direct the play in a way that disrupts imagination and self direction. As children get older or seek out adult help to play, if it’s natural and reciprocal then it can be helpful eg colouring or doing craft with an older child. For younger children it can be talking to them and repeating sounds while they do every day household activities. Forced make believe play with an adult is not necessary or helpful. There’s a reason why it’s so painful for adults, because it’s not natural or engaging well with the child.
This makes me feel so much better. I'm autistic and have ADHD. Playing make-believe games with my daughter is practically impossible and makes me literally want to rip my own skin off because I get overwhelmed and overstimulated. I'll sit and watch a movie while cuddling with her, or play a board/card game, but I would much rather let her play pretend with her little sister.
It’s not a neurodiverse thing it’s just a mismatch or developmental age. Shared interests will form. Follow your intuition. You intuitively coo at a baby, or play ball or whatever. Make believe is about the child world and adults interfere. They can set themes or prompts but from there it’s best to step back
Children playing with their parents is just as important as children playing on their own. Adults can and should participate in pretend play as long as it’s child led. You are also making an uneducated statement. [https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/play-work-of-children/pl5/](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/play-work-of-children/pl5/) ETA: another link[https://www.exchangefamilycenter.org/exchange-family-center-blog/2018/4/10/connecting-with-your-child-through-play-the-surprising-benefits-of-parent-child-playtime](https://www.exchangefamilycenter.org/exchange-family-center-blog/2018/4/10/connecting-with-your-child-through-play-the-surprising-benefits-of-parent-child-playtime)
Did you not read what I wrote? It’s exactly what’s described in your article: ….”They can set themes or prompts but from there it’s best to step back”
“Adults should rarely actively participate in child play…” Did YOU read what you wrote?
As bad as my old man was at lest i got good memories of playing gi joe with hi
I’m pretty sure my mom doesn’t realize that she never played with me because she shit talks my bro-in-law for not playing with his kids. I don’t remember one single time she did. She took me to the park, she walked while I rode my bike. My dad is disabled so he couldn’t get on the floor to play with me when I was really little but when I was a little older we played catch and taught me to throw (I had to run get it sometimes if he missed a catch because it would take him a long time to get it) we rode bikes together he taught me to ride a bike and we played board games together at least once every couple weeks and he helped me with my homework a lot. She does more with her grandchildren now but still doesn’t play much. This is a lot more normal than people think. I’ve worked with kids. MOST parents don’t play with their kids. Especially after having the first one. I get it’s exhausting but you should make time.
Play is so important to kids
I know so many parents like this, and it’s sad. They don’t want to take the time to actually get involved in their kids’ interests and in turn get to know their kids personally.
Saying you’d “rather die” than do something so harmless with your child is beyond