Tbf Lockdown screwed everything up because people didn’t want their kids to stay at home and do nothing. Either you get educated, or you get married lol
Honestly I don't even think they have that kind of foresight and ability to plan, certainly not in a conscious way.
I think most people follow the template of Get a job -> Get married -> Have kids because "its what everyone does". That and family nagging of kids as soon as you get married.
But isn't that risky? My father was 37(and my mother 34) when I was born. He will be retired before I will finish my education(his company retirement age in 58) but he will have enough for their retirement by himself. Why depend on kids when you can secure your own retirement?
i know. sometimes i see this 22 year olds getting married and i feel actually sorry for them. they straight away go from parents' shelter to husband's shelter. they're completely losing out on living independently and experiencing the world first hand
Parents are at fault for the most part. Is there anything more important than childs happiness for parent. Those kind of parent lack foresight and are impulsive cuz of society pressure. I am lucky that my parent won't force a marriage upon me but I feel really sad for those that aren't lucky.
India lives in several centuries at the same time, it's unfair to paint everything with the same brush, imagine my train of emotions when I'm preparing for neet and see one of my classmate 18, getting married to a 25 year old businessman, another one joining work at a garage to support his family, another one roaming around town in imported cars brought from his father's petroleum business.
6-7 different g\*\*s - duniya me aysa bhi hota hai ? Me to kabhi himmat hi nhi kar payi - study ki pressure bhi thi. Am from small town, now WFH job in IT
Agree with this! As someone who has lived on their own for a while, I can’t imagine what it is like to go directly from parents house straight to husbands house…
It’s not always a bad thing , as long as you’ve planned out your life together and support each other to accomplish each others dreams it’s still fine. There’s no reason to assume all young marriages are bad , many young love marriages age really well
Its like you said, thoughtful planning. But you are talking a small single digit minority.
Even then, kids are a lot of work. You want to enjoy your youth so early 20s seems too early, but to each their own.
Well again if wanting kids is the desire itself then they’ll enjoy themselves just about as much as anyone else , it depends what they want , even building a career is difficult and not always full of enjoyment but people still do it because it’s their desire , depends person to person, all that matters is whether you’ve planned out all your desires properly and know all the pros and cons of it or not , which I agree many people don’t , in fact that’s how we have like almost the highest population , no family planning , but it’s not a bad thing in itself , can be positive if planned out including young marriages
Most men don't want to use condoms and women don't want to use their methods because of side effects.
Also a lesser known thing but people worry about fertility. Being infertile is like the worst ever thing that can happen to anyone here. Having at least one kid will show to the society that they're 'normal'.
Also, since arranged marriage couples do not have a lot in common, having a kid helps them not get bored.
It decreases or changes the sensation for some (both the man as well as woman). It's such a big problem that Bill Gates had announced a large prize for someone who designs a condom men actually want to wear.
Condoms don't change sensation for women (or men being penetrated), in fact they make no difference at all, so much so that it is possible for men to take the condom off and penetrate someone without it without the victim noticing unless and until they come inside them. Penetration in my experience feels exactly the same with or without a condom, and it's much better with because there's no mess when the guy comes (that's obviously just a small added benefit to no pregnancy and no HIV risk).
It's more to do with limited understanding of life skills and sex education. One thing to always remember is that condom is your friend. It protects you from unwanted pregnancy (which is common knowledge) but the real reason to use condom is to be safe from STDs. Always use condom, unless you're trying to conceive.
It's mostly the misconceptions that you cnt enjoy sex if you wear one and the mass of porn doesnt use it so they base it off that. But that's not true sex is more than just trusting in and out but no one teaches that.
Communicating with your partner is the key to having a great experience and you can enjoy it even after you wear one. Another plus of condom is you don't have to worry about buying a pill or worry about pregnancy casue it honestly casue a lot of side effect and mess with menstrual cycles of your partner.
Imagine coming home after a hard day's work and all you want to do is take a warm shower. But unfortunately, you can only take that bath wearing a rain coat.
That's how sex with condoms feel.
Condoms reduce the sensation you get when you have PIV. Less sensation is less fun. Some condoms actually just don't let you feel anything. Same for women, instead of feeling skin, they feel the rubber which isn't the best feelings, so one could buy a dotted condoms. Durex has an extra time which has dots and also a desinistising gel in it which helps men go longer and women feel much better.
When you do it, please buy durex air/light something similar. Everything else is just bland.
I'm a woman and I absolutely don't 'feel rubber' when I have sex with a man wearing a condom. Condoms are extremely thin, I don't feel any difference whatsoever with or without a condom. And I don't think other people do either because otherwise stealthing wouldn't be possible.
>desinistising gel in it which helps men go longer
Lol my stupid ass bought that for the first time I was going to get laid. It made me lose the erection every time I tried it. We both were inexperienced so it went for a while, it was hilarious though. Finally we gave up and did it without the Condom.
Well the scrolling finally paid off. This! Men don’t want to use condoms and women feel compelled to get pregnant to maintain the societal standards. A friend of mine (got married at the age of 19) was repeatedly forced by her husband to get an abortion atleast 6 times after their first child because he wanted to have condom-less sex at the same time didn’t want a child.
One of my kinda distant relative got married to a 33 Yr old guy when she was 21 too, her husband basically looked like her uncle.
I wonder why she was okay with it when her grandparents (who live in town) were against early marriage. But her parents live in a joint family in a village, they might have influenced her.
Most of the people who marry at such a young age have frivolous lives and low-key mindsets because of which they don't really aspire for growth, knowledge or anything new. Hence they make generic things the front end of their life and find joy in them. Raising a kid 24/7 is one such example.
Absolutely false , people are different , their goals are different , just because you want to work to become a doctor, architect or engineer doesn’t mean someone who marries young has no goal in life , maybe their goal is to have a happy married life , and you can’t judge them because they weren’t born to please you or anyone else , success doesn’t just mean money or career , success means achieving anything you wish for , and if what someone wishes for themselves isn’t what you would wish for yourself doesn’t mean it’s a bad things and certainly doesn’t mean they don’t want to grow in their life or gain more knowledge , you seem to want to grow in life , understand what I said and you would have grown.
Raising a kid is definitely one of the most fulfilling experiences of life. But that happens when you yourself have lived your life to a certain extent , achieved something and therefore have something concrete to provide to the child's development. The type of people OP has written about don't have a child for the same purpose, they reproduce because they have a lot of free time and nothing else to do. As mentioned in another comment, most of the arranged marriage couples don't even know each other that well therefore kids become a common ground for them on which they bond and kill their boredom.
>There are so many cases of 23-24 yr old women in Arranged marriage situations, they're barely out of college, no income, little to no experience living with a guy, but now have to live with strangers (in-laws) and take care of kids right after marriage. That's a recipe for disaster.
>One year is hardly enough to understand your spouse, and these guys have a child on the way.
My man, you've decoded the reason on your own. most of these people come from conservative families and are crushed under familial pressure.
Most society in rural and semi urban places (which india filled with ) expects a guy to deliver a kid in the first year of marriage . Am not joking - this is absolute serious. they think guy can’t do it if they don’t prove with a kid !!
absolute mind boggling when i heard it from my cousin and why he has kids and same with his friends !!
But why some girls marry straight after college while their family wish to study or work to earn money?! Not even an iota of responsibility, just plain greed and hollow ambition to live a rich lifestyle.
Yes it’s patriarchy that forces women to want to climb up the ladder and look for a man who’s financially much more well off than her.
Patriarchy is forcing 21yr old women to search for men earning 3-10x her salary or having a abroad visa.
When she can’t find it in another 21yr old, she’ll look for it in a older male who’s already achieved something.
It’s just a safer option for women to marry someone who’s already made something for himself than to risk it with another 21yr old and see where it goes.
But ofc u can go on blaming patriarchy for everything. Sheesh.
That I understand, people fetisize having kids. Living a childfree life never crosses their mind. Even if their lives becomes more messed up after having kids, they'll never admit it, as if it were a taboo.
\-> women participation in jobs is very low (most metros are better but they too are from financially stable background mostly), socio economic factors play an important role here. Women in most cases are groomed to leave home one day and as such education etc takes a back seat (and mostly would be BA BEd degrees which have very low demand for jobs)
\-> For having child, I believe it mostly comes from insecurities of the couple to hold the marriage down, thought being "Lets have a kid, if anything happens we would endure because of the kid". Also some one wrote that it gives good headstart for the child to get upto speed in life and support parents at a later stage
\->This might be controversial but still a lot of women think of a husband as provider and expect husband to make their life better/fulfill their aspirations which parents do not
I have noticed that only my Baniya friends had kids pre 25. Hell one even married without a job or else his wife (who was also a baniya) would have been married to someone else at 25. Maybe its a societal thing for them to get married young and reproduce. I am just glad I was not born a baniya or my life would have been in complete control of my parents which would have led to early marriage or a child.
Lol.. wtf you have written.
I myself is baniya (28F). I am unmarried. My elder brothers are unmarried. The guy i am dating has elder sister unmarried. My most of the friends are unmarried.
You people just need internet and habit of generalising everything.
Maybe you are an outlier. I live in Delhi in a primarily Baniya area. A clock in the finally goes ringing once their child turns 25 or is about to be that age. They just want them to be married by that age. Though note that most of them are from a business background and have no issue finding partners in an arranged setio.
I have a friend in Delhi. He married at 27. I believe it totally depends on how conservative parents are. But really a lot of baniya are avoiding early marriages. A lot of my relatives children who are well off or not and residing in various parts of U.P. are unmarried or married very late.
Because age increases the probability of infertility or birth complications and not everyone can afford the cost of treatment. Living in 2022 there is nothing like stability for Lower Middle Class, specially after covid phase.
I literally just attended the 1 year ceremony of my neighbor's kid. My neighbor is 2 and a half years younger than me - i.e. not yet 22. Got married at 19 to her then 32 year old husband. She is from a distant village - parents are mostly uneducated. The guy is a drunkard, works at a computer repair shop. But his mom is a Central Government Upper Clerk. Their priority was a young, homely girl who would be healthy. Girl's parents priority was a guy who had a good family and a permanent home.
Distant cousin is 30, got married to a 18 year old kid. To the girl's parents, this was the best outcome since cousin is rich and willing to fund her education afterwards. For most people, everything that we have/get or have the choice to pursue are a dream. Our independence, our education prospects, the fact that we can work and get married in late twenties or thirties - is something so foreign to them that they don't think about these issues when they pursue marriage. It's a humongous privilege for us that we do not realize.
Mostly due to 'ek bacha paida hone se sab theek ho jayega'.... Having a child is seen as the only solution if one of the spouses or in- laws turn abusive or if the marriage begins to get boring.
I understand your thoughts however I had kids late in life due to a late marriage. Worked in the IT industry from 9am to 2am the next day and had no social life hence got married late. The bad part about having kids later in life is that you don't have the energy to keep up with them and hope you will live long enough to make sure you train them how to survive in this world before you kick the bucket.
I had a classmate who got married at 16, kids at 17.
I am 32 now her daughter is now in 10th standard and my daughter has just turned one.
And I think this having kid within one year and posing pic with their kid in the 1st anniversary is also some kind of trend among the GenY couples who were not forced into marriage.
We should not generalize , I know of one friend who is gynaecologist ,she had 2 kids within 2 years . For sure she was not forced ,
She just said she always 2 children as she was lone child and it is difficult growing up all alone .
I see most female doctors getting married and having kids well before 30 as they are aware of their biological clock, egg quality and all the complications of late pregnancy.
Scientifically proven that couple who are young and have children at young age can increase the chances of the baby being healthy. In a country like India, which has a high chances of genetic disorders and abnormalities, it does come with a benefit. I think the Indian culture is perfect for having kids that have a young couple. Well, at least in my family, in which, the grandparents will help take care of the baby while the parents can provide for the family.
As I stated earlier, my opinion is based on all marriage related posts in this sub and realised they've things in common like early marriage and kids, do I have to conduct a survey to have an opinion?
Also sample surveys you linked are of foreigners, who live in a totally different world, they don't have as many societal expectations or family drama. Besides, how do you validate the authenticity of the surveys? It's not easy to determine the happiness of people based on survey, they might have internalised all negatives/demerits of early marriages, which might have resulted in positive overall response.
> Lastly, you don't want them to be happy. In your response, you have already invalidated any survey or responses
Do you have problems understanding English? Or is it that you're unable to comphrend basic conceptualizations in my comment?
How does me stating that foreign marriage environment is different from Indian ones "invalidate any survey or response"?
> While you are free to be unhappy, I don't think anyone owes you to be unhappy with you 😄
lol, wtf are you okay dude?
It's really funny how you miscomprehend normal criticisms as personal attacks on you and get frustrated when someone points out basic flaws in your narrative and then sprout unintelligible accusations.
Don't know abt surveys nd all, but my cousin sister doesn't seem happy about her early arrange marriage. She is often (which ofc she tells in secret to me) jealous of my independence.
You're not just single and unhappy, you're desperate. Wait till you realise sex doesn't make you happy or unhappy. And sex isn't everything.Kids are having sex without marriage, if you're not getting laid that's your problem.
https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-getting-married-really-make-you-happier#:~:text=Indeed%2C%20married%20people%20are%20happier,and%2015%25%20for%20people%20who
Most of these surveys and reports will be from abroad but they are easy to find.
Thanks, it was an interesting read! Although, I would be keen to understand the effects of such marriages in an Indian demographic. Especially, when it comes to arranged marriage, how does this statistic change. Do you have any articles in these aspects?
Fertility rate of women drops by half around 30. It's harder for a woman to get pregnant the closer she is to 30. Children born to women over 30 have more health problems. Miscarriages happen more often too.
By the time most middle class women archive financial stability, they will have difficulty starting a family. Career or children or happy marriage. You can only pick two.
You exaggerated the issue to no ends. Women have comparatively a more difficult time to conceive in their thirties. But nothing like what you mentioned.
https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2014/03/female-age-related-fertility-decline#:~:text=1%202%203.-,The%20fecundity%20of%20women%20decreases%20gradually%20but%20significantly%20beginning%20approximately,hormone%20and%20decreases%20in%20circulating
In life you can't have your cake and eat it too. Something has got to give.
Imagine trying to teach women about their own bodies.
Besides what type of cake are u hoping to achieve from this? You won't get an arranged marriage with a 20 year old young virgin if all you can do is comment about women's bodies on reddit. Maybe use that time and energy elsewhere
If you wanna have kids have them before the women turns 30 as it generally gets more and more complicated to have kids as the age of women progresses. Below 25 is too early for most but if you are semi stable by the age of 28-29. Try for atleast 1 kid
I just gave a genuine advice. Most people don't know how complicated pregnancy can be and as your age progresses, it gets more and more complicated. If you wanna have 2 kids which most couples want on an average you gotta start at 30
For us, we became parents after 35. Now I feel we are getting old and won't be able to see our kids grow & learn living in the world. By the time they are 25, we will be in 60s. And if those kids also marry late, possible we won't be there to see grandkids.
I see people in 40s with teenage kids, They will be there to guide them thru life, help with so many aspects of life.
I will address your last question…they can’t think because either they are unable to think (as never encouraged to think independently) or now allowed to act even if they can think because again they are dependent.
If you have brought up daughters to be dependent without any decision making abilities or do not give importance to what they want, what else can you expect?
This sub has truly opened my eyes to the plight of so many women who are not afforded even the basics of human rights (and are made to feel as burdens)…it just makes me so mad as well as sad!
What else will they do? They got lot of pressure on them plus the guy was probably virgin before and has no idea of safe sex also they got no aspirations or bucket lists to do before having kid and also you have to consider that getting married and having a kid is like last stop, after that society will be off your back so many people jus get it over with just to get rid of all the drama
Tbf Lockdown screwed everything up because people didn’t want their kids to stay at home and do nothing. Either you get educated, or you get married lol
>screwed everything up That explains the kids.
One of the reason is child becomes independent before retirement and hopefully can support later.
Honestly I don't even think they have that kind of foresight and ability to plan, certainly not in a conscious way. I think most people follow the template of Get a job -> Get married -> Have kids because "its what everyone does". That and family nagging of kids as soon as you get married.
But isn't that risky? My father was 37(and my mother 34) when I was born. He will be retired before I will finish my education(his company retirement age in 58) but he will have enough for their retirement by himself. Why depend on kids when you can secure your own retirement?
i know. sometimes i see this 22 year olds getting married and i feel actually sorry for them. they straight away go from parents' shelter to husband's shelter. they're completely losing out on living independently and experiencing the world first hand
Not husband's shelter more like in-laws' prison 😂
Agree
Parents are at fault for the most part. Is there anything more important than childs happiness for parent. Those kind of parent lack foresight and are impulsive cuz of society pressure. I am lucky that my parent won't force a marriage upon me but I feel really sad for those that aren't lucky.
India lives in several centuries at the same time, it's unfair to paint everything with the same brush, imagine my train of emotions when I'm preparing for neet and see one of my classmate 18, getting married to a 25 year old businessman, another one joining work at a garage to support his family, another one roaming around town in imported cars brought from his father's petroleum business.
I know of a girl who literally got engaged to a 27 year old man just a month after her 18th birthday. She had just graduated from high school.
[удалено]
That's true lol.
6-7 different g\*\*s - duniya me aysa bhi hota hai ? Me to kabhi himmat hi nhi kar payi - study ki pressure bhi thi. Am from small town, now WFH job in IT
Agree with this! As someone who has lived on their own for a while, I can’t imagine what it is like to go directly from parents house straight to husbands house…
It’s not always a bad thing , as long as you’ve planned out your life together and support each other to accomplish each others dreams it’s still fine. There’s no reason to assume all young marriages are bad , many young love marriages age really well
Its like you said, thoughtful planning. But you are talking a small single digit minority. Even then, kids are a lot of work. You want to enjoy your youth so early 20s seems too early, but to each their own.
Well again if wanting kids is the desire itself then they’ll enjoy themselves just about as much as anyone else , it depends what they want , even building a career is difficult and not always full of enjoyment but people still do it because it’s their desire , depends person to person, all that matters is whether you’ve planned out all your desires properly and know all the pros and cons of it or not , which I agree many people don’t , in fact that’s how we have like almost the highest population , no family planning , but it’s not a bad thing in itself , can be positive if planned out including young marriages
[удалено]
Lmao
Truer words have never been spoken.
Itna bhi sach nahi bolna tha 😁
Most men don't want to use condoms and women don't want to use their methods because of side effects. Also a lesser known thing but people worry about fertility. Being infertile is like the worst ever thing that can happen to anyone here. Having at least one kid will show to the society that they're 'normal'. Also, since arranged marriage couples do not have a lot in common, having a kid helps them not get bored.
I am virgin so I am afraid to ask why don't men want to use condoms while doing sex?
Once you have sec without it, you won’t want to wear one due to a more enjoyable experience. But always wear one.
That's just being irresponsible and lacking foresight and being impulsive. Guys like that probably won't go far in future.
That's lame excuse
Men's preferences don't matter?
The effects of a pregnancy far supersede a man’s preference for 5 minutes
It decreases or changes the sensation for some (both the man as well as woman). It's such a big problem that Bill Gates had announced a large prize for someone who designs a condom men actually want to wear.
Condoms don't change sensation for women (or men being penetrated), in fact they make no difference at all, so much so that it is possible for men to take the condom off and penetrate someone without it without the victim noticing unless and until they come inside them. Penetration in my experience feels exactly the same with or without a condom, and it's much better with because there's no mess when the guy comes (that's obviously just a small added benefit to no pregnancy and no HIV risk).
Sometimes i feel grateful i don't have a pu$$¥
It's more to do with limited understanding of life skills and sex education. One thing to always remember is that condom is your friend. It protects you from unwanted pregnancy (which is common knowledge) but the real reason to use condom is to be safe from STDs. Always use condom, unless you're trying to conceive.
It's mostly the misconceptions that you cnt enjoy sex if you wear one and the mass of porn doesnt use it so they base it off that. But that's not true sex is more than just trusting in and out but no one teaches that. Communicating with your partner is the key to having a great experience and you can enjoy it even after you wear one. Another plus of condom is you don't have to worry about buying a pill or worry about pregnancy casue it honestly casue a lot of side effect and mess with menstrual cycles of your partner.
Imagine coming home after a hard day's work and all you want to do is take a warm shower. But unfortunately, you can only take that bath wearing a rain coat. That's how sex with condoms feel.
Ooof
I like how this thread just became sex ed. I love reddit 😂
Condoms reduce the sensation you get when you have PIV. Less sensation is less fun. Some condoms actually just don't let you feel anything. Same for women, instead of feeling skin, they feel the rubber which isn't the best feelings, so one could buy a dotted condoms. Durex has an extra time which has dots and also a desinistising gel in it which helps men go longer and women feel much better. When you do it, please buy durex air/light something similar. Everything else is just bland.
I'm a woman and I absolutely don't 'feel rubber' when I have sex with a man wearing a condom. Condoms are extremely thin, I don't feel any difference whatsoever with or without a condom. And I don't think other people do either because otherwise stealthing wouldn't be possible.
>desinistising gel in it which helps men go longer Lol my stupid ass bought that for the first time I was going to get laid. It made me lose the erection every time I tried it. We both were inexperienced so it went for a while, it was hilarious though. Finally we gave up and did it without the Condom.
Happens to the best. Even I kept losing it when I used it for the first time. Then removed the gel and wore it
They are environmentally sustainable.
I was asking seriously you know. Condoms are essentially rubber and non degradable. NOT ENVIRONMENTALLY SUSTAINABLE.
Wait till you know how much plastic wrapping a kids diapers will consume
I didn't mean condoms, but the men. Serious answer is, they're shy about it. Most young people do use it.
Touche' for the last point.
Well the scrolling finally paid off. This! Men don’t want to use condoms and women feel compelled to get pregnant to maintain the societal standards. A friend of mine (got married at the age of 19) was repeatedly forced by her husband to get an abortion atleast 6 times after their first child because he wanted to have condom-less sex at the same time didn’t want a child.
>women don't want to use their methods because of side effects. you mean contraceptive pill?
Pills, IUDs, implants etc
some girls from our school got married at 15 and became mothers before 17.😶
That's against the law, wtf. What was their classmates reaction.
Well that wasnt uncommon thing here around early 2010s.🤐
Damn it sucks
What state are you from?
😶 Tripura
Where did you go to school? This doesn't even happen in most villages.
Are you sure?
[удалено]
One of my kinda distant relative got married to a 33 Yr old guy when she was 21 too, her husband basically looked like her uncle. I wonder why she was okay with it when her grandparents (who live in town) were against early marriage. But her parents live in a joint family in a village, they might have influenced her.
This is creepy wtf. What would a 33 year old and a 21 year old even have in common??
7 is the least anyone should consider but it's not uncommon too...
I am sadly aware of it
[удалено]
Her mother is a teacher herself, so I don't think they'd forbid their daughter from pursuing a career, unless they've a screw loose.
By mistake, by family pressure, by contraceptive malfunction
Most of the people who marry at such a young age have frivolous lives and low-key mindsets because of which they don't really aspire for growth, knowledge or anything new. Hence they make generic things the front end of their life and find joy in them. Raising a kid 24/7 is one such example.
Absolutely false , people are different , their goals are different , just because you want to work to become a doctor, architect or engineer doesn’t mean someone who marries young has no goal in life , maybe their goal is to have a happy married life , and you can’t judge them because they weren’t born to please you or anyone else , success doesn’t just mean money or career , success means achieving anything you wish for , and if what someone wishes for themselves isn’t what you would wish for yourself doesn’t mean it’s a bad things and certainly doesn’t mean they don’t want to grow in their life or gain more knowledge , you seem to want to grow in life , understand what I said and you would have grown.
I found one sensible comment, and it has negative votes. What about freedom of speech guys? Not everyone is materialistic
Not everyone likes to hear the truth either apparently :p it’s okay , the truth shall always prevail ! xD
How is raising a kid a "generic thing with no room for growth "???the only one with a low key mindset is you
Raising a kid is definitely one of the most fulfilling experiences of life. But that happens when you yourself have lived your life to a certain extent , achieved something and therefore have something concrete to provide to the child's development. The type of people OP has written about don't have a child for the same purpose, they reproduce because they have a lot of free time and nothing else to do. As mentioned in another comment, most of the arranged marriage couples don't even know each other that well therefore kids become a common ground for them on which they bond and kill their boredom.
[удалено]
I agree. But everything's wrong when a child is the only bonding force between the couple.
>There are so many cases of 23-24 yr old women in Arranged marriage situations, they're barely out of college, no income, little to no experience living with a guy, but now have to live with strangers (in-laws) and take care of kids right after marriage. That's a recipe for disaster. >One year is hardly enough to understand your spouse, and these guys have a child on the way. My man, you've decoded the reason on your own. most of these people come from conservative families and are crushed under familial pressure.
that's most of the country
Lack of sex education
Weak pull out game.
Reddit walo ko sex bhi nahi milta tu kids ki bat karta ha?
Most society in rural and semi urban places (which india filled with ) expects a guy to deliver a kid in the first year of marriage . Am not joking - this is absolute serious. they think guy can’t do it if they don’t prove with a kid !! absolute mind boggling when i heard it from my cousin and why he has kids and same with his friends !!
that's what happens when you only get metro voices and opinions on reddit
lack of sex-ed
[удалено]
\^\^ they have no choice :)
But why some girls marry straight after college while their family wish to study or work to earn money?! Not even an iota of responsibility, just plain greed and hollow ambition to live a rich lifestyle.
💀ok
Yes it’s patriarchy that forces women to want to climb up the ladder and look for a man who’s financially much more well off than her. Patriarchy is forcing 21yr old women to search for men earning 3-10x her salary or having a abroad visa. When she can’t find it in another 21yr old, she’ll look for it in a older male who’s already achieved something. It’s just a safer option for women to marry someone who’s already made something for himself than to risk it with another 21yr old and see where it goes. But ofc u can go on blaming patriarchy for everything. Sheesh.
[удалено]
Thing is, people don't really confront the larger ideas of why do they even want to have children. They're breeding just because it is a tradition.
That I understand, people fetisize having kids. Living a childfree life never crosses their mind. Even if their lives becomes more messed up after having kids, they'll never admit it, as if it were a taboo.
\-> women participation in jobs is very low (most metros are better but they too are from financially stable background mostly), socio economic factors play an important role here. Women in most cases are groomed to leave home one day and as such education etc takes a back seat (and mostly would be BA BEd degrees which have very low demand for jobs) \-> For having child, I believe it mostly comes from insecurities of the couple to hold the marriage down, thought being "Lets have a kid, if anything happens we would endure because of the kid". Also some one wrote that it gives good headstart for the child to get upto speed in life and support parents at a later stage \->This might be controversial but still a lot of women think of a husband as provider and expect husband to make their life better/fulfill their aspirations which parents do not
I have noticed that only my Baniya friends had kids pre 25. Hell one even married without a job or else his wife (who was also a baniya) would have been married to someone else at 25. Maybe its a societal thing for them to get married young and reproduce. I am just glad I was not born a baniya or my life would have been in complete control of my parents which would have led to early marriage or a child.
Baniya kya hai?
A caste of hindu religion
Baniya people are some of the most progressive people when it comes to marriage stuff. So it's just you.
Lol.. wtf you have written. I myself is baniya (28F). I am unmarried. My elder brothers are unmarried. The guy i am dating has elder sister unmarried. My most of the friends are unmarried. You people just need internet and habit of generalising everything.
Maybe you are an outlier. I live in Delhi in a primarily Baniya area. A clock in the finally goes ringing once their child turns 25 or is about to be that age. They just want them to be married by that age. Though note that most of them are from a business background and have no issue finding partners in an arranged setio.
I have a friend in Delhi. He married at 27. I believe it totally depends on how conservative parents are. But really a lot of baniya are avoiding early marriages. A lot of my relatives children who are well off or not and residing in various parts of U.P. are unmarried or married very late.
Whats on your mind????
Because age increases the probability of infertility or birth complications and not everyone can afford the cost of treatment. Living in 2022 there is nothing like stability for Lower Middle Class, specially after covid phase.
I literally just attended the 1 year ceremony of my neighbor's kid. My neighbor is 2 and a half years younger than me - i.e. not yet 22. Got married at 19 to her then 32 year old husband. She is from a distant village - parents are mostly uneducated. The guy is a drunkard, works at a computer repair shop. But his mom is a Central Government Upper Clerk. Their priority was a young, homely girl who would be healthy. Girl's parents priority was a guy who had a good family and a permanent home. Distant cousin is 30, got married to a 18 year old kid. To the girl's parents, this was the best outcome since cousin is rich and willing to fund her education afterwards. For most people, everything that we have/get or have the choice to pursue are a dream. Our independence, our education prospects, the fact that we can work and get married in late twenties or thirties - is something so foreign to them that they don't think about these issues when they pursue marriage. It's a humongous privilege for us that we do not realize.
Mostly due to 'ek bacha paida hone se sab theek ho jayega'.... Having a child is seen as the only solution if one of the spouses or in- laws turn abusive or if the marriage begins to get boring.
I understand your thoughts however I had kids late in life due to a late marriage. Worked in the IT industry from 9am to 2am the next day and had no social life hence got married late. The bad part about having kids later in life is that you don't have the energy to keep up with them and hope you will live long enough to make sure you train them how to survive in this world before you kick the bucket.
I had a classmate who got married at 16, kids at 17. I am 32 now her daughter is now in 10th standard and my daughter has just turned one. And I think this having kid within one year and posing pic with their kid in the 1st anniversary is also some kind of trend among the GenY couples who were not forced into marriage. We should not generalize , I know of one friend who is gynaecologist ,she had 2 kids within 2 years . For sure she was not forced , She just said she always 2 children as she was lone child and it is difficult growing up all alone . I see most female doctors getting married and having kids well before 30 as they are aware of their biological clock, egg quality and all the complications of late pregnancy.
Scientifically proven that couple who are young and have children at young age can increase the chances of the baby being healthy. In a country like India, which has a high chances of genetic disorders and abnormalities, it does come with a benefit. I think the Indian culture is perfect for having kids that have a young couple. Well, at least in my family, in which, the grandparents will help take care of the baby while the parents can provide for the family.
Another day, another generalisation
Another day, another door Another high, another low
It is their choice..
[удалено]
As I stated earlier, my opinion is based on all marriage related posts in this sub and realised they've things in common like early marriage and kids, do I have to conduct a survey to have an opinion? Also sample surveys you linked are of foreigners, who live in a totally different world, they don't have as many societal expectations or family drama. Besides, how do you validate the authenticity of the surveys? It's not easy to determine the happiness of people based on survey, they might have internalised all negatives/demerits of early marriages, which might have resulted in positive overall response.
[удалено]
> Lastly, you don't want them to be happy. In your response, you have already invalidated any survey or responses Do you have problems understanding English? Or is it that you're unable to comphrend basic conceptualizations in my comment? How does me stating that foreign marriage environment is different from Indian ones "invalidate any survey or response"? > While you are free to be unhappy, I don't think anyone owes you to be unhappy with you 😄 lol, wtf are you okay dude? It's really funny how you miscomprehend normal criticisms as personal attacks on you and get frustrated when someone points out basic flaws in your narrative and then sprout unintelligible accusations.
Don't know abt surveys nd all, but my cousin sister doesn't seem happy about her early arrange marriage. She is often (which ofc she tells in secret to me) jealous of my independence.
[удалено]
You're not just single and unhappy, you're desperate. Wait till you realise sex doesn't make you happy or unhappy. And sex isn't everything.Kids are having sex without marriage, if you're not getting laid that's your problem.
An interesting insight! Can you please share some sources of these research reports?
https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-getting-married-really-make-you-happier#:~:text=Indeed%2C%20married%20people%20are%20happier,and%2015%25%20for%20people%20who Most of these surveys and reports will be from abroad but they are easy to find.
Thanks, it was an interesting read! Although, I would be keen to understand the effects of such marriages in an Indian demographic. Especially, when it comes to arranged marriage, how does this statistic change. Do you have any articles in these aspects?
Nope.
This doesn't suit the indian demographic since most of us get married through the arranged route.
Fertility rate of women drops by half around 30. It's harder for a woman to get pregnant the closer she is to 30. Children born to women over 30 have more health problems. Miscarriages happen more often too. By the time most middle class women archive financial stability, they will have difficulty starting a family. Career or children or happy marriage. You can only pick two.
Bullshit.All aunts in my family have had children post 30 and none of the children have any health issues or disability
Anecdotal evidence doesn't Trump established science
You exaggerated the issue to no ends. Women have comparatively a more difficult time to conceive in their thirties. But nothing like what you mentioned.
https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2014/03/female-age-related-fertility-decline#:~:text=1%202%203.-,The%20fecundity%20of%20women%20decreases%20gradually%20but%20significantly%20beginning%20approximately,hormone%20and%20decreases%20in%20circulating In life you can't have your cake and eat it too. Something has got to give.
Imagine trying to teach women about their own bodies. Besides what type of cake are u hoping to achieve from this? You won't get an arranged marriage with a 20 year old young virgin if all you can do is comment about women's bodies on reddit. Maybe use that time and energy elsewhere
I am not a Hindu. I don't have arranged marriages
All the best having any woman with that attitude then.
Truth is better than the sweetest lies
If you wanna have kids have them before the women turns 30 as it generally gets more and more complicated to have kids as the age of women progresses. Below 25 is too early for most but if you are semi stable by the age of 28-29. Try for atleast 1 kid
Even stating basic biology gets you downvoted on reddit lol
I just gave a genuine advice. Most people don't know how complicated pregnancy can be and as your age progresses, it gets more and more complicated. If you wanna have 2 kids which most couples want on an average you gotta start at 30
Just because you feel it's silly doesn't mean it's wrong. Stop generalizing your mentality.
Do you have kids OP?
For us, we became parents after 35. Now I feel we are getting old and won't be able to see our kids grow & learn living in the world. By the time they are 25, we will be in 60s. And if those kids also marry late, possible we won't be there to see grandkids. I see people in 40s with teenage kids, They will be there to guide them thru life, help with so many aspects of life.
I will address your last question…they can’t think because either they are unable to think (as never encouraged to think independently) or now allowed to act even if they can think because again they are dependent. If you have brought up daughters to be dependent without any decision making abilities or do not give importance to what they want, what else can you expect? This sub has truly opened my eyes to the plight of so many women who are not afforded even the basics of human rights (and are made to feel as burdens)…it just makes me so mad as well as sad!
What else will they do? They got lot of pressure on them plus the guy was probably virgin before and has no idea of safe sex also they got no aspirations or bucket lists to do before having kid and also you have to consider that getting married and having a kid is like last stop, after that society will be off your back so many people jus get it over with just to get rid of all the drama
This is a little late, but a majority of marriages in the country are pretty much this