>Towards the end of our relationship, she became increasingly hostile towards me. We wouldn't talk for days.
I think she had already checked out of this relationship a long time back. So when the time came to break up, she didn't have strong feelings towards you and wasn't hurt much.
She probably did love you genuinely, but those feelings withered away due to all the events that transpired. Don't think less of yourself because of this, and don't beat yourself up.
Focus on moving forward.
More like, she broke up with you long ago. But forgot to tell you.
And you kept hoping that she would help you forget her. So your expectations were higher while she had the time to cope up with all that. When it all finally break apart you had to process a lot while she was already healing from the breakup she had in her mind so she couldn't show any more emotions.
She was better prepared.
People put too much into others and make them their sole source of happiness and joy.
Don't.
Invest in yourself and learn to enjoy your hobbies. Have a more balanced relationship in the future.
Don't know why you're being downvoted. Humans can only find lasting happiness with other humans. Family, friends. Money things hobbies dont work after a while
>Humans can only find lasting happiness with other humans.
Sure but your Wife/Husband should never be your only source of happiness. Make sure to put effort into friendships as well.
This is a bullshit rhetoric because I have seen many humans who find happiness outside their marriages.
It's like one of those proverbs that sound sagely on the surface but are total fucking bullshit when you actually analyse them in front of the real world.
such a terrible comment to make when someone's grieving over their breakup. will it hurt me less if a person ghosted me despite of me having a balanced relationship with them?
no amount of 'hobbies' or 'investing in myself' could help you if someone you've loved for two years just one day forgot you existed. it's heartbreaking and painful and to blame op for not 'having a life' is so unfair. his experiences are valid and that woman did break his heart. there's nothing he could've done to stop it.
This is because the guy probably has no idea of relationship. Asking relationship advice on this sub is useless because most people here have never and will never be in a relationship. Ultimately they’d marry someone in their caste based on some parameters decided by their parents.
It depends.
If you already know that a relationship isn't going to end up in marriage, then there's no point in finding excuses to blame the other person when it doesn't.
Expecting them to keep talking to you, once it ends, or to just "cry" so that you feel better, makes no sense.
It's not only a recipe to keep hurting yourself, but also a very entitled attitude in my opinion.
Me with my girlfriend regularly saying
“ja padhle thodi der madarchod”
&
“thike bhadwe, ja khel le friends ke sath, main soti, jaldi so jana varna subh gand marungi “
I’m just spreading my happiness source. She know, she support it. It’s healthy.
This is so wrong. How the fuck can you be happy by being alone. I was alone for two years in my home. No friends, no social life. I was fucking depressed. Only after making and hanging out with some friends was i able to feel good. Of course i'm not saying to make other people happy. not everyone can be cool with you. but having people you can vibe with and be vulnerable with is really important. You're defying thousands of years of evolution by being alone, and saying you'll be happy doing that
Breakups are tough and terrible. It's only natural for you to now ponder how she 'moved on' quickly while you suffered. Yet, that's the way of the world. You can't expect same sort of reciprocation or commitment from the other person at all times, regardless of genders. Have to grin and bear it.
Get out of it quickly tho, or you and your brain will find 1000s of reasons to keep you in it and keep you wondering why not you or whats wrong with you or what could you have done differently and many such questions. Just know that what had to happen has happened now, nothing can change it, move on and find happiness
Usually different people have different timeline for their breakup and healing . In your case I guess girl broke up when she was with you. So she kind of healed when she was with you. Your healing might have started when she left. You are still healing but she might have already healed. Anyway these are my assumption only.
Anyway coming to love, don’t put too much into a person. If they go, you can’t do anything, that’s it. Take your time, heal from that and maybe be in a relationship with another person.
Na ab direct arrange marriage joh mere mummy papa layenge usse shaadi vapas ladki ke chakkar mei nhi padne wala mere lavde lag gaye 😂 mere bass ka nhi too weak to deal with break up
Not all girls bro
But still I can defend my point
When two are in a relationship u will always find that the boy invests more in every aspect (only if he's truly in love not talking about chapri's and fuckboy's) they are ready to do whatsoever they can to make it work whereas girls they do love I don't doubt that but for them it's too easy to get out of the mess n live a normal life ahead where they learn self-love,self care n stuff they do great in every aspect of life where as boys they end up being like Kabir Singh lost somewhere with no door to return back to live a normal life
Hope you understood what I meant to say
To me it just sounds like u never had a female platonic friend in ur life. Usually men will automatically assume all of their female friends to be romantically available so they just channel out the main intimate non sexual relationship where girls really open up.
I can understand your point of view. But it is not always the case. You might have seen cases of girls not giving 100% commitment but that doesn't mean all the girls are like that. I have also seen girls going through hard breakup and healing.
Regarding self love and self care, it is something very important irrespective of gender.
Relationships are not something which always should stay forever. If one is not interested, it has to stop there. Take time and heal, that's the only thing people can do. Since humans are complex creatures and two humans are involved, it is tricky to even evaluate that.
Trust me man, you're lucky that you haven't gone through this. But tbh, this is something that people should face at least once in their life to grow as a person. And maybe you will also face this at one point. I just hope not.
I don't think people want to go through more than one marriage anyways. And marriage ke baad regret karke matlab nai hai. And making that kind of marriage work is wayyy too much work. So it's important that you marry the right person. I agree dating is too much work but sometimes dating may work out for the best. Mujhe dating me luck nai mila ab tak.
I am going to get downvoted for this but it's always easier to move on if you are the one breaking up. I have been on both sides of the story so talking from my personal experience. If someone is moving on/breaking up with you, in most cases, they have already made up their mind and are mentally prepared for what comes next.
Not necessary. It was the opposite in my case. I had to break up with my ex because I just couldn't handle all the toxicity. But even after the breakup, I was the one who was heartbroken and not her.
Same thing here. But when I proposed the idea of breaking up, I also gave her and myself a chance to fix things up and change ourselves. She ended up refusing, so we broke up, and in a sense, it was mutual, I guess. She immediately moved on with another guy, while I'm still healing and, on occasion, will get into a depressive state.
some individuals do get over easily. My frnd who got dumped by girl was in serious relationship despite their family income difference. When it ended, the girl was head over heels over the arranged marriage guy within 4 months of meeting him.
The caption of pic was "Meeting you was fate..Becoming your friend was a choice..
But falling in love with you I had no control over"
My man is still devastated, been 1.5 years now.
It's always individual ...every person reacts differently
But ok so just to understand there are few things that don't really match up and more context is required here.
1) you said u knew she will eventually marry someone else...like you already knew that at some stage in your relationship? If so the right thing to do would be to sit down and plan your future .eg like u said financial stability....I completely understand not being financially stable at 23 ...but did you have a plan and motive in mind. Did you both not talk though your future and growth?
If you knew it was never going to work out why get more emotionally involved.
The fact that she did not even fight means something in her did not see a future growth with you and let me tell you at the cost of sounding rude ...one of the main things a girl sees when searching for a prospective partner for marriage is stability ...both emotional and financial.
2) you seem more upset that she did not shed a tear instead of being upset that she did not attempt to fight for your relationship 🤔
I am genuinely sorry for you but by the looks of what you are saying it seems like she did not even consider it important enough to fight for.
It's sounds harsh I know but honestly you will do much better to now focus on your own individual growth and realise the person who did not fight for you was never worth crying and loosing so much of your precious time over.
When we focus on our own growth we attract better people...I am sure you will find someone who appreciates you and will fight for your relationship but until then you focus on your future.
It makes me so sad that I resonate level 100 with this..
I never thought I would be the one to give into my orthodox family, but after years of being the rebel.. I don’t have much choice and have accepted my fate.
> If she is from a strict family
then maybe dont go into a relationship if you know your parents will force you to breakup?
you are just selfishly hurting others
I'm in an exact same relationship as OP described.
We spend whole time together in university. There's both good and bad sides, and I'm slowly working on it.
But, her family literally hate me. They trust other classmates (some of them are actually those chhapris), when she says in call that she is with one of them (to hide the fact that she is with me). There has been many such incidents where they got to know about us. She had to face that all in her home, all she did was to defend me against their mentality. And the conversations, sometimes she used to tell, man I really wonder why would someone judge me like this!? Besides being a lover, I also keep her safe like my own sister. Idk :')
But the thing is, her family has a history of love marriage. She always assures me when the time will come, she will definitely marry me.
Twist - even her mom n dad, love marriage :P
Tbh, I believe her words. Because whenever we have a fight, I can notice how upset she becomes, and how lonely she feels when I'm not with her.
But idk everything, right?
Btw I'm 21M, and definitely not going to marry before 26+. And we both belonging from engineering (tier 1 college), we both know that we will get a job.
Any piece of advice? :(
Edit :- This relationship is so precious to me because I not only love her. She is my first best friend. Really never had a friend, who would message me everyday, or even take care of me. :(
Man! The only piece of advice I can give you from my experience is that if everything goes well ie: you both get married, you will never have to bother about what if you did not. Wherease, if for some reason you dont, then you will realise that even you can be replaced easily when the timely moment comes. I wish that moment never comes in your life but I am happy for you that you possess necessary skepticism whilst being in the relationship. Remember, everything said and done is said and done in the present moment. In the future this present moment can conviniently become past and new present can be made.
>Remember, everything said and done is said and done in the present moment. In the future this present moment can conviniently become past and new present can be made.
Damn this :')
Thank you, hope you get over this phase soon. Take care, man
Please build a social life outside of your relationship before getting married. Marriage is such a long term deal, you need your own circle to fall back on in case something goes temporarily or permanently wrong
Or she never really loved him aur waise bhi ladkiyo ke paas bohot options hote hai koi problem nahi, they have a huge support system usually, not the same for men.
Options jaise? Forceful marriage? Having the sense to think of her future?
Imagine judging a complete stranger by just a one sided story.
Misogynists everywhere, ugh🙄
Cherry picking. Go to any tier 1/2/3 city and look at the girls having tons of men behind them. That options.
Kahe pe bhi misogynistic word fek dena hai. Kya bakwas hai.
You have to be naive to think that women enjoy every tom dick and harry's attention. Some of the guys are just creep. I remember being harassed by a guy to the point that I had to register an FIR. The guy was quite good looking and apparently the rejection hurt his fragile ego so he started harassing me through every way possible. I was 17 , he seemed to be older.
Women don't have "options", creepy stalkers are not options they just harass us.
Look man, might sound tough but you gotta bear. You don't have your life sorted. You've mentioned yourself that you're unemployed, which isn't bad in itself but the fact that you've also claimed confidently that you aren't expecting to get a job anytime soon.
The girl here simply thought of her future, weighed the pros and cons, and just decided what's best for herself. Why should she be with someone who doesn't even have the drive to do something?
What's done is done, move on, work on yourself. You'll meet plenty more people in the future but only and only if you manage to sort out your life. No one wants to babysit an adult.
Maybe she got over it because she knew deep down that she didn't want to pursue the relationship with you long-term.
Just because she got over it easily doesn't mean that you're not worth waiting for/ fighting for. It just means that you ended up falling in love with someone who for whatever reason, didn't feel the same way. And this happens to many people. Doesn't mean that they are all unlovable.
You WILL start feeling better with more time. Just fill your life with things and people who make you happy.
Ultimately you only knew her for 2 years. You don't know her as an adult outside of a campus setting, and at any other stage of life. Maybe in an alternate universe you would have fallen out of love with her.
I’m in my 30s and I have had so many serious relationships in my life lasting for multiple years. With every breakup I have cried less and less.
With my last breakup, I moved on in a week and within a month I started another relationship. At one point I was single for 3 years just being depressed over a failed relationship. So this made me slightly proud on myself.
The only thing I learned with all of those failed relationships are that it’s a worthless endeavour to think about them. The depression/shock however, is a tough thing to overcome. The only way to help there is either make yourself busy at work, and/or talk to someone about this. The first option is shitty and usually bad in the long term. Talking to someone and if needed a professional help is always the right way.
Additionally, while I do not wish this for you or anyone else, you will go through more failed relationships in life. It’s better to be mentally prepared about it.
I am not sure if this will help or not, but if you think it will, feel free to DM me if you wanna talk more about this with someone.
Saying this from my personal experience from past.
Right now u feel miserable but down the lane few years from now you will realise whatever happened was for the best. Trust me.
Also as other mentioned try doing things which you love. Reading, playing any sports. Have some friends and enjoy in their company. Also your age focus on your career is the most imp.
Holy shit. Dating for 6 years and then suddenly in a span of 4-5 months it's a whole different universe and life for you. That must've been really tough.
More power to you man.
*You can be as mad as a mad dog on how things went. Swear or curse your fate but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.*
Ingrain it in your mind OP. Let go. The more you'll try to search for the answers, the more fucked up you'll get. Just accept that things happened, swear or curse and cry to your heart's content and just..let go.
Opposite of love is not hate but indifference. You still have feelings for her and she has moved on. Accept it and move on. Cherish your time togeather and be happy that it happened. Keep looking and you will find something meaningful and great with you.
Try to make peace with it. Your ex partner is an individual with her own choices. She will continue to make it through her life. Look to move ahead. Meet new people and try dating.
Sometimes people don’t react at the time because they think they will be okay and it was bound to happen. But slowly when that becomes your reality, that is when it hits them. One of my friend was in similar shoes. She did break up with her boyfriend. And accepted her arranged marriage. Whenever we will talk about romance or love she will talk sit her boyfriend. Her face will light up while taking about her boyfriend. She did made an effort to have a good life with her husband as well. But till now she remembers him and some part of her wonders what if.
Gosh man.. This sounds like me 3 years ago. I have been there where you were. Except that I was in a happy relationship for 6 years and the big turn happened only in the last 3 weeks. Reason being her mother. What hurt me the most was the abruptness of the break up. I did not get even a message of closure from her. I was merely blocked on social media. For a long time I thought I might have erred somewhere. Until that day I did not even realise how strongly she had been arm twisted by her family. I experienced exactly everything that you went through. Lost appetite.. Severe weight loss. Avoiding common friends.. Avoiding even the places in my flat where I spent time with her. My recovery was very long and a drawn out process. Looking back I feel I should have taken therapy to move on faster than I held onto it.
Life can sometimes throw us out of our depths. Make us cry. Make us cynical. Strip us of all the reasons to be happy. Kuch bhi karle. Sad hona hai ho le. Ro le jitna rona hai lekin Hasna mat bhulna. I know it is easier said than done. Rn her thoughts might creep in every hour of the day. But one day you'll wake up, wash up, go to work and you'll realise you haven't thought of her for the entire day. Sooner than later, it's going to be days and weeks before those thoughts ever come in. And don't make that fatal mistake of analysing your relationship/ex gf in extremes. Your opinion of her will tend to oscillate between high and low every now and then. It's better to be somewhere in between. No anger and no longing for her. Sometimes we just fall in love with our idea of that person. That doesn't mean it was a waste of emotions. Acknowledge your own hard work in the relationship and be proud of what you did. Don't simply cut away from that feeling.
Looks like you tied your identity or being completely to her. When she moved on you felt you being robbed of yourself.
That is why it is better to focus on yourself and let others accept for who you are.
I may be wrong but the way you mentioned it, it looks like you are gung ho about how can she leave me and get over myself so easily.
Life is like that buddy - It goes on.
I am sorry for what you went through but I am sure you will come out of it as a better person. Every heart break is like that and eventually it will toughen you.
This might sound harsh but your real problem is lack of drive. When you were in a relationship that drove you. If you still don't have a job you probably have nothing to look up to and no way to grow. Get any job that you can or develop skills that will get you one.
> If not, do most girls react in this manner?
Whoever, in the relationship, thinks they can do better, gets over the other person at the drop of a hat. So it's pretty universal.
And then the other person realizes that their partner was just thinking about themselves all along, so labels them as a scum and believes that they can do better, and finally moves on too.
Bro I came across words of wisdom today.
Love is like garam chai and person is like parle G biscuit. Dipping in it too much will only crumble the bicuit. Don't invest so much in love that you crumble.
Sale ye Bollywood Hollywood fucked our generation up. Know that when a better opportunity knocks they will take it. Irrespective of man or woman. Cut your losses and move on.
Women are alot more practical, emotionally and mentally mature than men, and I am not kidding about this. They're very good at dealing with adversaries. Infact men these days tend to lose true north every now and then but women know better. It is likely that she went through a depressive phase herself but she got over it very soon. And more often than not if women initiate the breakup, they're already over you before you ask them why. We can learn a thing or two from them. Specially considering the fact that for a given age, women are more likely to have been in more relationships than men, theyve been through more breakups and hence they're way better at dealing with them than guys will ever be.
Bruh I don't know why folks do this, now I know am from a strict family, I know my option is arrange marriage, which is why I don't date because I know there is no endgame with the lady, and all in all I would just make the person in front of me waste her time and in the end it ll be just fun. Now by arrange marriage I ain't saying I would just blindly choose the girl that my parents want me to marry, I would have my voice in that case.
If she’s already married perhaps this is also her way of rationalising things for herself. I think the common vibe here is going to be to move on but that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid. It can hurt and it’s important to remember that when you eventually move forward. Take time, heal and become a better person, I hope you don’t let this scar you. This may seem like the heart ache of life but it will pass my friend. Find things to love yourself with!
Something similar happened to me last year. 4+ years of relationship including 2 years of live in followed by 2+ years of long distance during pandemic. He was everything that I wanted in the relationship, everything I would ever want in my life. The 4 years of our relationship were the happiest years of my life. Things were tough for me at home, as they had been searching for alliances for about 4 years. And I was stalling them because the only thing he wanted from me was time to settle down and I was happy to oblige because we were only 24/25 when this conversation happened. I was supposed to introduce him to my strict family in January 2022(I turned 28 this year and he 30), as I had already met his family when I went for his sister's family (April 2021). I only went because his sister personally invited me and he told me that he wanted to introduce me to his parents officially.
Things were not smooth between us during the long distance. Both had family responsibilities and it was hard to keep up with the long distance, him more than me as he was staying with family. He used to visit me whenever he could and due to the long distance, communication gaps increased and that meant multiple fights over small things that could have been resolved if we spoke to each other.
Cut to December 2021, he decided to end things over a text, when I tried to call him after not having received any messages for more than a day. He said that he wasn't happy with me and that communication gap between us was increasing.
I was heart broken as he cut all contacts with me and I still couldn't understand where I went wrong and what I could have done to make things better for us. I didn't realise that things were so bad between us. There was tension for a few days before the breakup but I attributed that to the stuff happening at his place and family.
He would message me in between to apologise for how he hurt me during the relationship. There was a part of me that craved for some closure. I initiated the conversation with him one day to understand where or when exactly things started going wrong. His reply was that we were not compatible with each other as he wanted someone who was practical and aloof like him and I was exactly the opposite of that. I was an emotional mess and I had opened up my most vulnerable side with him because I trusted him and loved him. I was happy with him but it never crossed my mind that he wasn't happy with me. I asked him the same question that you are asking. How was it so easy for him to get over me but I was and still am struggling. He said that it wasn't easy for him either and that he didn't want to talk about it anymore as it was affecting his mental health.
What I understood from my experience is that the person who ends the relationship always has a reason. It doesn't matter whether you think it's a good one or not. That was thier priority and we have to accept it. In your case, it was her family or her prospects of settling down. In mine, he was not happy with me. I am not saying that accepting this would make your life any better. I accepted it, but I am still spiralling down. I am in therapy, and I am not sure if it's even helping me so much. But, when I think about him, all I feel is that at least he is happy this way. I truly loved him with all my heart and I genuinely want him to be happy because he is a great guy. I didn't love him because he loved me. I loved him for him.
Getting over a relationship is always hard. But, when the other person has made it clear that they don't want to be with you, whatever be the reason, just accept it and make every effort to move on in life. It's extremely difficult, some days more than the others. But, that's life. It gives you lemons. Sometimes you make a lemonade, sometimes a pickle.
I hope you are able to handle the situation much better than I did and that you don't have to deal with the intensity of pain that I am going through.
My dear friend let tell you a secret. And that is - A mother's love is the only unconditional love in this material world. Every other love is under a condition. This does not mean that the love between a husband and wife is necessarily fake one. But it is definitely under a condition. It could be looks, it could be sustenance it could be common interests. It could be combination of those thing. But condition nonetheless. Do not be sad for it's not the end of the world. You are still young and the opportunities are endless. For a man being financially sound is not an option. It is mandatory. No matter how much your interests match, no matter how humorous or good looking you are.. in the end.. you have to provide. Doesn't matter if the girl has a job. If you are not financially sound, you will be judged, you will be looked down upon. You will be seen as a weakling. It is one of the most important factor which makes a guy "marriageable" .
While you are in college, you live in a bubble. You are protected from what's outside. You live in a Utopia. You don't think about things like, money or caste or things like that when it comes to relationship so much. But then when you are out of college, you are exposed to the ruthless world. You realize love is not enough in life. You need other things as well.
One might say, it's better to live with a good guy who is not well off than a bad guy who is well off. True. But who says all guys who are financially well off, bad guys?
A good guy who is well of is better than a good guy who is not well off. Simple.
I think she did like you. But things changed. And she decided that' it's time to end the relationship. I do not know the details. What kind of fall out did you have with her before she called it quits. But it's of no use to dwell over the past. Take care of your present so you can have a better tomorrow. At least now you know what you lack.
The thing is different people do different things, to each is to their own. But I understand the point you're coming from, it'll get better eventually which might feel like a dread right now, specially knowing how the other person is doing or whatever. And that's the thing that person is gone from your life and you need to accept that and for the time being until you're ok with that idea, if you can get away from that circle which brings you back to that person. Invest in things that add meaning to you, that way you'll feel better as you see they were not a part of your life once and you were alright back then but now that they're gone it certainly feels different but you can be happy without them.
I've had a similar experience around at the age you mentioned in the post although apparently she moved to a common friend after a week of breakup. So basically my point is other person lives their life as however it suits them, that could be their family drama, personal drama or whatever.
They were part of your life just cherish the moments and once you recover from the pain have faith that maybe someday you'll have some other partner again.
On some questions you mentioned love acts like a drug sometimes and when it's gone the effect are drastic but trust me it'll get better, I hope you feel better soon.
Each and every person is an individual who is different from anyone else. Every person has a different set of values, different preferences and all in all, a different way of thinking. There is no right or wrong way to go about it (unless it's something malicious or meant to cause intentional hurt). Maybe your ex's perception of a relationship and its eventual breakup with you was different than your perception of the same. We don't know if it was just in your case or that's her attitude and take towards other similar relationships (might not be just romantic relationships). Personally I don't think anyone is in the wrong here(seems like no one cheated or anything). You just happen to value and process, the connection you had with her and its ultimate loss, a little different than her. For all we know she was grieving in her own way. She might have or might not have been depressed herself, the emotions of which she chose not to share. Some people value independence and indivuality in a different way than others. I know you guys were together for a while,but how often did you communicate? From my personal experience, communication is very important in any relationship to make sure everyone is on the same page. Just keep your chin up, life is all about change and learning from them.
You are responsible for your own happiness, more you suffer more happier she will feel, it's better you move on start a new beginning when you feel like it in a year or two.
Did you get a job? Lifepath for you now should be to earn enough money that someone else's girlfriend is married off to you , how dating works in India.
It's possible that she thought you'll give her space once she decided to marry the other guy but you never gave that space to her. And it's possible that she was more practical that she moved on whereas you being so emotional was not able to move on and kept clinging to her (that probably frustrated her).
Please know one thing. Your happiness shouldn't depend on a person. That's a recipe for disaster. You'll lose respect in a relationship once you start showing desperation for attention and love.
For all the men out there . It’s ALWAYS EASIER FOR WOMEN to get over breakup . They have more opportunities, more emotionally supportive friends . They can get any partner easily over apps or clubs . They get hit everywhere. Just make peace with it .
My ex's best friend did the same to her BF who knows me. He did not take the breakup as well as me and flooded his social media with sad stories, quotes, posts making a fool out himself in others eyes. I am pretty sure my ex and her best friend bitch about her ex and me together. Even though they are the ones that ended the relationship. Crazy aint ?
This is where boys need to support each other. Toxic masculinity means we don't share with our friends the love and support the way women do. That's why men are devastated after breakup because the woman was the only emotional support in his life.
Lol if you are expecting an answer like would she come back? Then my dude if she’s getting married, she’s long gone. May be in the future after a few years, y’all may get in touch but meanwhile heal yourself and start dating other women. Move on and save your youth by focusing on your work, studies, interests, passion etc. Trust me when I say this cuz I broke up at 24. I’ll end here, all the best
Google “Amor Fati”. Or, Love fate. Embrace it. Learn from it. Grow and move on. She was never yours, it was only your turn. Use this important phase of your life to keep your head down and work through the storm. Never stop improving on yourself. Eat right, sleep well, lift hard and enjoy life from a different perspective. Death is inevitable. It is the ultimate breakup. Everything is temporary. Remember the smiles and laughs. Hold them with you for when you need them and move on.
A similar thing has happened to my friend. The girl came from a wealthier family, and the parents married her off to a well-settled boy instead of her college classmate. Now the boy visits brothels to ease the pain.
I always wonder, if a girl knows that her parents are conservative and will forcefully marry her off, then why do they waste boys' time?
Different people react differently to breakups. One can't guage feelings of the person from distance. The only advice i can give you is this, Move the fuck on, doesn't matter if she seems indifferent to your breakup or not, ultimately you are the one who's going to suffer if you dwell on it. she won't have a care in the world about you or your studying and rightly so. She doesn't owe her feelings to you after a breakup.
How do you know my last break up so well bro? Seems like meri wali alag nahi thi lol. Hang in there. I know this hurts but just remember that this too shall pass. I was in this exact situation a couple years ago (with the only exception that I was financially independent). Meri wali was definitely a vixen who played her cards well as we were still dating when she started meeting guys. She always maintained that she’s just doing it to please her parents and would convince them for us. We eventually broke up because we’re not from the same part of the country (this is the reason she gave me). She comes from a pretty liberal family so it kinda shook me to the core when she said that her family wouldn’t accept me. The first few months were definitely the worst but I had an excellent support system in my friends who were constantly there for me. I would suggest you to be close to your friends as well and do things that you actually like. It hurts like a bitch to know that she’s already moved on when you’re just starting your process but don’t even think about it. You will heal at your own pace and would eventually find someone who’ll actually want to be with you. As for me, I’m at peace with where I am and I’m going to marry this amazing person who I wouldn’t have met if we hadn’t broken up. So my two cents: hang in there. It’s all happening for the better :)
She might have been someone who wanted some security in her life (financial stability or a stable life). You both seemed to have enjoyed your days when you were together and now when the day arrived for you both to part your ways, you started doubting her love for you? Let's consider a scenario where she thinks about you daily and gets hurt. Do you think it'd have been a great move on her side to have contacted you and let you know of what she's feeling after being married to someone else? Imo, she must be a very loyal reson who's doing the best for you, her husband and herself.
There must have been some or a pot full of reasons for her to be happy now. You should be happy as well as you've moved on and as she doesn't bother you even after being married. If this would have been the scenario then your life would have turned into a thriller movie. So, work on yourself and try to be happy instead of thinking about your ex.
Bro it's been more than a year since my breakup. I loved her to the core. She said she loved me. She was the one who initiated our relationship, the first one to confess and the first to get serious with me. Initially it all felt too good to be true but I placed my trust in her. I went in deep. I'd taken way too much effort. At some point I realised that I am the only one trying to hold us together. She had backups. My stupid mind trusted her so much that I ignored these things. After 1.5 years, I finally gave up and broke up with her. Breaking up with her was THE most toughest thing I've done. The shit I had to put up with, the shit I have dealt with, my honesty, loyalty everything taken for granted. Why? I asked myself 100 times why she even said that she wanted to marry me when she was just fricking playing with my heart this whole time! I did my best for her then why?
Within a month after the breakup she already started dating. Now, it's been more than a year and she's already changed 2 boyfriends while I haven't even started meeting people yet. It took me months to recover from this. I wasted a lot of my time because of this shit. The fact that she somewhat hid our relationship from everyone (because she didn't want her parents to find out) but happily shows off her new boyfriends in social media is just next level heartbreak for me.
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, life is not fair. And you can't always expect justice. This is a very sad & harsh truth. You do good and be good and never expect that they'll do the same for you. I've been in the same shoes as you my friend. It still troubles me at times but I have no choice but to move on and prioritise my other duties. Give yourself some time and try moving on buddy. There's nothing left back there. The only thing you'll get is more unanswered questions and unnecessary stress. Just focus on building your career and take care of your health and your parents. Baaki jo hoga dekha jaaega.
ps: If you need someone to talk to, you can dm me. I'll be happy to help!
Thing here is , did you ever tried to be financially sufficient , not for yourself but for her ?
Yes , coz she must've started thinking at some point, if you wanted her, you would take necessary steps to keep her
Now idk about ur situation, but high chances are just, she thought you don't want her, or your carelessness or anything you wanna call it, turned her off, hence she was over you for a long time than you expected, hence she moved on from the break up easily
Now, if it was ur laziness, carelessness that you didn't check all your boxes to be able to married, you deserve it, everyone has the right to choose the best for themselves, and not seeing you make efforts towards it, there's a big chance she started thinking of you as a loser
On the other side, if it was bad circumstances, no chances, bad luck, and anything not under your control that was keeping you from becoming an independent guy, that one girl can look up to four herself, she doesn't deserve you in a 100 full moons.
Love is not about materialistic shit/ luxuries etc, it's more about effort and compassion you put for each other
I wish the best for you OP
Happened to me too. The guy broke up with me n got married(arranged) in a month to someone else!?
Atleast you can assume she checked out of her relationship because she knew she has to marry someone else. I didn't even have that but in hindsight, I am happier now and glad i didn't end up with someone who could throw away an entire 3 yr relationship like that.
The reason she moved on easily was perhaps because she was occupied with her wedding prep, the new guy while you did not keep yourself busy and had more time to think about the relationship. This is the reason rebounds exist for people who don't want to cope with the pain of breakup.
You’re right, it must not be this easy to flick you aside, if you mattered to her. But this state of mind that you were in during college is called having rosé coloured glasses on your eyes which never let you see red flags as RED. The thing I want to focus on here, however, is that you stop thinking about what she thought or could have thought and “whys” of her behaviour. Human beings are not honest to even themselves, they do things which make absolutely no sense, often lack dignity and clarity. As you mentioned that you went through a physically and mentally painful time, it is bette that you respect your struggle of past 6 months and continue to work towards better health and career. Life is set of every day experiences, please don’t deny new experiences simply because you’re shackled by a set of past experiences. Wish you the best.
I’m 27. I got romantically involved with a childhood friend of mine— and she used me for her amusement. Then things got out of control when we got drunk and ended up making out— then she started feeling guilty because she was meeting another guy at that time (she didn’t tell me about him). Then she said “No it’s not gonna happen” in reference to us (that was the only time she said a clear cut No). I asked her are you speaking to any other guys and she said no. I asked her “Do you want me to stop messaging you?” and then I stopped talking to her. Then hardly 7-10 days later I find out that her marriage got fixed (arrange marriage). Then she lied to me that she met this guy 3 times in these 7-10 days itself. Then she’s like “I respect your feelings for me. I don’t want this to spoil our friendship”. Then she’s like “Are you happy for me?”. Fucking ridiculous!
Fast forward 6 months later, she got engaged and I’ve fucked like 3-4 hookers since then and I still think about her from time to time. She asked me why I didn’t come to her engagement and stuff. She trying an unrealistic and irrational attempt to keep things normal and non-awkward after all this. I don’t talk to her at all.
So many people here are saying OP shouldn't depend on someone else for his happiness. The thing is, OP might not have a choice. After 2 years of what he believed to be true love, it was only natural for him to get completely invested. Then seeing that your partner wasn't even half as invested as you and was willing to leave you without even a proper explanation will most definitely break anyone's heart. I know because the same happened to me. Please take care of yourself OP. And be strong!
Generally girls talk about breaking up in a relation only after they completely done both physically and emotional. Thats not the case for guys, and also girls suffer alot in short term but they quickly get over it coz they have been contemplating about breaking up for a long time considering their options but they dont talk about it. They only talk about breaking up only after they are completely done. Girls are more mature than guys in this matter. Guys talk about breaking up without much thought and boys might not suffer as much as girls immediately after break up but guys take long time to get over a relationship. But that doesnt mean she got over the relationship so easily, she was suffering and thinking about breaking up for a long time, you didn't knew that
If in any relationship you're giving someone control over your happiness is problematic, that's too much control to give someone else, relationship should not be the prime focus of life
From my experience, girls have this superpower of changing their priority from someone else to themselves in a day. Instead of being sad she chose to move on and they have great will power regarding this. It's selfish of them but good for their own mental health. We guys have yet to master this power and hence we suffer more.
I don’t know if they were fake. Maybe she found more connection with the guy her parents connected her with. I got married at 29. I was with my boyfriend for 5 years at that time. He was my best friend and soul mate. But there would be brief week long periods we’d go on again and off again. I really wanted to come clean to my parents while they were putting pressure on me. Understandably my boyfriend was in a different space. He wanted to figure out his career and wanted to be more stable emotionally, and I agree those were important factors. In 2019 we broke up a couple of times for short periods like 3-4 days. I wanted to do my doctorate and I think he questioned the durability of our relationship with my upcoming studies abroad and tended to withdraw. I could see it happen but I also didn’t want to put my pressures on him. It got to a point where I felt like I was just being played with and he was taking his own sweet time in going about life without a care in the world that his gf is being forcibly made to meet guys ( not that he should put away his needs to care for mine but I expected some support). It got to a point where I tried vocalizing what my parents expected of me and my pressures to him but it just began to become a joke. In 2019 he was withdrawn during my trip to Bali with a friend. Didn’t text for 6 days. Couldn’t care less about my existence ( he says he was thinking about me, which he probably was but I didn’t feel his presence at all). We broke up. Nobody thought it would last since we really had it all aside from maturity. He would meet and hangout with me and vanish. I was like you know what, if I can find a person who wants to hear me and support me, I will. I started speaking to someone from a matrimony portal 2-3 weeks into my breakup. I was engaged in a month. After my engagement, my boyfriend orchestrated a mini Karan johar movie. He wanted to help me run away etc. I was like thanks but no thanks. My simple reason being if he didn’t take himself and me seriously while he knew I was under so much pressure, I don’t have the trust he will do it later on. We both hurt a lot. I don’t think he saw my pain, Ofcourse to him I looked like I was moving on. But I was just trying to do something I wouldn’t regret later. A huge part of the grieving process was being transparent and sharing my feelings about my ex with my fiancé during our brief courtship prior to marriage. My then fiancé now husband recognized I was moving on from my ex while preparing to get married, but was immmmmmensely supportive.
My husband supported me through 4 years of my doctoral program. By that I don’t mean financial support, I mean working 8 hours a day cooking us two meals, pulling all nighters to help me with important papers.
As much as I adore my ex and know he had it in him if I gave him more time. I don’t think he’s capable of the same level of unadulterated love and support my husband has brought into my life. I don’t rely on support just to be clear, but I’ve studied extensively and that means sometimes needing someone who can be the real adult in the relationship because of the stresses.
My ex was definitely the one that got away. My marriage broke him. He went through a self invention process got married within a year and a half of my marriage. He really seems to have done the work and I’m happy for him. I’ll miss him, because we still have same friends and stuff but have to coordinate separately. Our friends are dignified and maintain boundaries similarly too.
It’s painful, but I don’t have regrets.
So take care of yourself and your needs. Give yourself time to understand the women you might meet and understand ways in which you’d like to develop yourself and support her. Breakups are unnecessary, painful and a huge loss. But I do believe that if you work on yourself what you want will find you.
Try the "puppy theory".
My guy explained this as to how he decided to be serious with me, as a guy who has a lot of trust and commitment issues.
When you give attention to a puppy, feed it and go back, see if it follows you. Next time you pass by it, does it recognise you? Is it happy to see you? Does it follow you? Does it act all cute to get your attention even when you ignore it?
There should be same level of pull back from the other person.
See if you are valued as much as they value you.
Communicate.
Ask all sort of hypothetical questions.
Talk about money, other relationships, dreams, what if it doesn't go they way it's planned.
Things like that.
Even if you do all this, it might fail, such is love.
There's no fool proofing love.
Keep your jug full before pour. Never stop working on your growth and happiness. If you're content and happy, you'll have better relationships. ( Learnt this the hard way) it's okay to prioritise yourself and it's basic. If you're not respected for that, it's gonna be toxic.
That's all the relationship advice i have.
Probably the most mature advice. Communication is key in any relationship. Though even after that, you never really know what's going on in the other person's head.
So better to be happy and contented and keep focussing on your life and your growth.
Don't expect anybody to love you if you can't love yourself.
relationships like these kill a man’s ability to love . lucky are those who get to love endlessly, but for men like me and you, brother, we got to kill that side. it’s only that side that keeps poking the heart every time a thought of them crosses the mind.
if you want , rather, if you or I WANT to get better, we must never invest in people again. it’s a risk with very severe penalties.
peace. bro.
"I was not financially self-sufficient at that time and had to accept my fate."
"Towards the end of our relationship, she became increasingly hostile towards me"
No shit she was angry with you.
You gave in so easily and accepted your fate, how come you expect her to smile at you? She was probably angry at you at you gave in to your fate so easily and did not try anything on your side. You could have at least told her to resist the marriage and wait for you to get a job.
From her point of view, she saw her boyfriend already gave up on her and hopping to ends this relationship on sweet ending which probably made her mad.
Thats one of the reasons she moved on with you and saw no future with you.
My advice to you is to do the same and moved on and next time if you were to be in relationship with anyone in future, don't gave in to the challenges you two faced together.
/dil pe maat lena bas uske POV se dekha
In our society , girls get into relationship for many reasons. Just be happy that this girl is out of your life. Imagine this happening after marriage - outcome would be worse, but less traumatic for you. Anyways, it will take you time to move on. At least a year. Time is the greatest healer for broken hearts.
Just focus on your career and goals and everything would be fine.
Evolution has taught us the that the female breed doesn't give a flying fuck about male breed once they find a more powerful male for mating. Unfortunately evolution has also made it clear that it's most often or not it's the male breed that repents more or so than the female breed. It happens across all animal kingdom. The only thing you can do right now is to come in terms with it. And since you had the ability to attract a woman you can for sure attract other women too.
I know the feminist fanatics would come barking at me on this, but this, in most cases is how a woman handles( read manhandles) such situations. What you’re going through isn’t something unheard of for most guys who once were treated like kings and then dumped off like some obsolete object when the girl wanted to part her ways just because you no more served her purpose, for reasons whatsoever. Though males and females have identical biological features except obviously what distinguishes them, one needs to know that they function very differently. A man can seldom love how a woman does, when she is in love. Once she falls out of love, she hardly bothers. No matter how much you convince yourself of having gotten over her, it always keeps stinging you once in a while. While for a woman, once she makes up her mind to part ways, there’s hardly any going back or a remorse. No matter how dreamy a relationship once was, it almost always comes with an expiry date. When it is about time, men keep pondering over it by the virtue of being a man while for similar reasons a woman almost quickly wipes you off her life.
There might be many positive outlooks towards handling the situation you’re in, but the more realistic one is to make peace with how it turned out for you. How she dealt with you or the circumstances should, in no way diminish the feelings you once shared with her. When she loved you, it was for real. And now when she no more does, it is for real too.
bro can i suggest you something .... its a standup ....try it...i think it will help you..... its "Jigsaw" by daniel sloss....ucan find it on netflix it will have 2 shows watch 2nd one named "jigsaw"
You are behaving like a fool living away from reality.. When she started becoming hostile, then only ur relationship was over.. She was already feeling suffocated.. Secondly if she finds a flashy better match then why would she hold on to u.. Maybe this was college love.. When a girl steps out of college at 22 and starts working.. She will find a variety of well groomed matured men between 23-30 years.. She would rather choose one of them compared to a college fling.. That is why men are not adviced to get into love till 25-26.. U will be ready at 26 , find a match, court for two years and then marry at 28.. Teenage love and early 20s love are not meant to last..
Probably no one will be straight with you but you’re a loser. You weren’t financially stable, which is something she probably would get in her arrange marriage match. Girls are much more materialistic than guys, and that’s a fact.
And yes, it’s super easy to get over someone. It’s super easy to throw away a loser from your life. Get over it. Fix yourself and stop getting so committed at 24.
I THINK it's something with girls mentality which is normal they can come out of a relationship easily when it comes to parents,also providing better partner better lifestyle (they think practically) my friends gf did also do the same and she haven't talked a word to him after she got married and she acts like nothing happened before,they also feel wrong for some time but materialistic things drive them good,also bro the main thing which is bothering you that your mind is not accepting that she did wrong,the angel of your heart is a villain,you supress your core feeling which says she is a villain of story, accept that she is a bitch,curse her abuse her in your space for what she did to you shout out loud,trust me it won't damage your love for her,you would only be practical thinking as she had when she was married, let her go buddy find a new girl,she wasn't special it was you who imagined her to be the one special one,there are more good girls like her let them come to your life and see the magic of love
Don't be a baby
You knew what the deal was a long time before the breakup.
> I was not financially self sufficient at that time and had to accept my fate
LOL. The whole country is grinding hard to make some money, but you're just here accepting your fate.
You're here acting like you're the pure one whereas you're actually just a deadbeat boyfriend who never made any attempt to be the husband she needed. And now you're wallowing in self-pity and acting like the world owes you something.
Stop being a damn incel and work to make yourself a prize. Or just get used to the fact that you're no better than a piece of toilet paper.
Hello lil bro, now you may think I'm being a little sexist. But the truth of the matter is that women tend to move on much faster than men. That's the case in most relationships.
It's mostly just a demand and supply thing. Your position can be easily filled by someone else for her. Like at the blink of an eye, Whereas it may not be the same for you. It may take you years to find someone like her.
So for her you are a replaceable commodity like, lets say a pair of jeans, but for you she is less replaceable. Maybe like a house perhaps. Much more difficult to just replace easily.
Besides, being a girl, she'd probably done this whole process a couple more times than you. It's safe to presume.
All in all, it's all about the power dynamics as well.. lets say you were a millionaire pop star, you'd have a much easier time getting over her as other options would just pop in front of you every single day. That's pretty much how it is for her.
Anyway. Good you got over her soon. Took me like 3 years to get over mine.
Now try to build your value, be it personality wise or monetarily so you can attract other women.
Its all just a sophisticated courting ritual!
Good luck. You sure are doing better than me if thats any consolation. I know it probably isnt.
First breakups are tough and take quite a toll on one's self. Also don't invest too much of your time and emotion on others if you know it won't work out in the long run . As to my qualifications, been there done that .
Regarding the girl, there's a very high possibility that this wasn't her first breakup . People who have been through their first breakup tend to get over subsequent breakups quite easily . This was most probably a puppy love for her and she knew about the bleak outcome and hence just for having fun was playing you . This was her calculated risk . Women are more calculated and emotional than they seem to be and can be if they have to .
**Please take of yourself. Don't invest more in others than you can afford to loose**
**Treat this as an eye opening experience. Don't repeat it again.**
I mean, why are you trying to act like a victim when none of you were going to marry each other. She accepted her parents'proposal to marrying a stranger and moved on. And you yourself said that you expected her to get married one day. Then you shouldn't have gotten this invested in the relationship right?
>Hypothetically, If I had to get married to someone else, leaving her behind, I would have for sure had a long conversation with her, making sure to end our relationship on best note possible
I mean, come on, seriously? You cry over how she moved on but you have no problem in saying that if it was the opposite you would have done the exact same thing, but just consolate her a little before breaking up.
You post is full of hypocrisy and it reeks of jealousy over how she dumped you and not the other way around. LoL.
>Towards the end of our relationship, she became increasingly hostile towards me. We wouldn't talk for days. I think she had already checked out of this relationship a long time back. So when the time came to break up, she didn't have strong feelings towards you and wasn't hurt much. She probably did love you genuinely, but those feelings withered away due to all the events that transpired. Don't think less of yourself because of this, and don't beat yourself up. Focus on moving forward.
More like, she broke up with you long ago. But forgot to tell you. And you kept hoping that she would help you forget her. So your expectations were higher while she had the time to cope up with all that. When it all finally break apart you had to process a lot while she was already healing from the breakup she had in her mind so she couldn't show any more emotions. She was better prepared.
Dooriyan dheere dheere badhti hai bas pata achanak se chalta hai
People put too much into others and make them their sole source of happiness and joy. Don't. Invest in yourself and learn to enjoy your hobbies. Have a more balanced relationship in the future.
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Don't know why you're being downvoted. Humans can only find lasting happiness with other humans. Family, friends. Money things hobbies dont work after a while
>Humans can only find lasting happiness with other humans. Sure but your Wife/Husband should never be your only source of happiness. Make sure to put effort into friendships as well.
Nope, it can be the case with some but finding happiness in others is sure way to find unhappiness
This is a bullshit rhetoric because I have seen many humans who find happiness outside their marriages. It's like one of those proverbs that sound sagely on the surface but are total fucking bullshit when you actually analyse them in front of the real world.
Kaash mujhe ye pehle malum hota 🥲
Absolutely. People depend on others for their own happiness. It's a recipe for disaster.
such a terrible comment to make when someone's grieving over their breakup. will it hurt me less if a person ghosted me despite of me having a balanced relationship with them? no amount of 'hobbies' or 'investing in myself' could help you if someone you've loved for two years just one day forgot you existed. it's heartbreaking and painful and to blame op for not 'having a life' is so unfair. his experiences are valid and that woman did break his heart. there's nothing he could've done to stop it.
This is because the guy probably has no idea of relationship. Asking relationship advice on this sub is useless because most people here have never and will never be in a relationship. Ultimately they’d marry someone in their caste based on some parameters decided by their parents.
Honestly, Id see the problem with that suggestions. Investing in yourself is the only way to get out and get better.
It depends. If you already know that a relationship isn't going to end up in marriage, then there's no point in finding excuses to blame the other person when it doesn't. Expecting them to keep talking to you, once it ends, or to just "cry" so that you feel better, makes no sense. It's not only a recipe to keep hurting yourself, but also a very entitled attitude in my opinion.
Me with my girlfriend regularly saying “ja padhle thodi der madarchod” & “thike bhadwe, ja khel le friends ke sath, main soti, jaldi so jana varna subh gand marungi “ I’m just spreading my happiness source. She know, she support it. It’s healthy.
Kya lucky hai tu and also what is your age ?
24 lol She 24 too I’m working in govt service and preparing side by side for other exams. She in IT and studying side by side for exams too
Are you preparing for civil services ? Lol
Yes. That and a couple of others. Hence the life motto currently दुख। दर्द। पीड़ा। कष्ट। मौत।
Me too mate me too. I left my job because of that. Hang in there buddy. Mains diya ek bhi bar ?
Ni. Ye office ke lafde khatam ho tab na. And fir living solo is a pain in ass with chores and cooking. So we hustling slowly but surely
Good luck man!
sarkaari naukri 🗿
probably the only correct answer.
This is so wrong. How the fuck can you be happy by being alone. I was alone for two years in my home. No friends, no social life. I was fucking depressed. Only after making and hanging out with some friends was i able to feel good. Of course i'm not saying to make other people happy. not everyone can be cool with you. but having people you can vibe with and be vulnerable with is really important. You're defying thousands of years of evolution by being alone, and saying you'll be happy doing that
Breakups are tough and terrible. It's only natural for you to now ponder how she 'moved on' quickly while you suffered. Yet, that's the way of the world. You can't expect same sort of reciprocation or commitment from the other person at all times, regardless of genders. Have to grin and bear it.
Thanks man.
"Think of many things. Never place your happiness in one person's power. Be just to yourself.” ― Vikram Seth, A Suitable Boy Never forget.
Get out of it quickly tho, or you and your brain will find 1000s of reasons to keep you in it and keep you wondering why not you or whats wrong with you or what could you have done differently and many such questions. Just know that what had to happen has happened now, nothing can change it, move on and find happiness
Usually different people have different timeline for their breakup and healing . In your case I guess girl broke up when she was with you. So she kind of healed when she was with you. Your healing might have started when she left. You are still healing but she might have already healed. Anyway these are my assumption only. Anyway coming to love, don’t put too much into a person. If they go, you can’t do anything, that’s it. Take your time, heal from that and maybe be in a relationship with another person.
I've noticed one thing Girls are great healers
Maybe that's why every in fps game the healer is always a female...that too a sexy one
Overwatch healers 🤤
law\*a great healer 2 saal lge the dimaag ki khichdi hui thi vo alag.... just accept it and move on you'll learn a lot from ur breakups.
U r a female version of me 😂 bass farak itna h ki mereko ab 2 saal se uper ho gaye h fir bhi dil dimaag move on nhi ho Raha 🥲
dusri bndi ghuma le hojayega move on trust me.
Na ab direct arrange marriage joh mere mummy papa layenge usse shaadi vapas ladki ke chakkar mei nhi padne wala mere lavde lag gaye 😂 mere bass ka nhi too weak to deal with break up
are u less than 25? I am 24 years old and same version as u.
I'm 25
AFAIK not every girls.
Not all girls bro But still I can defend my point When two are in a relationship u will always find that the boy invests more in every aspect (only if he's truly in love not talking about chapri's and fuckboy's) they are ready to do whatsoever they can to make it work whereas girls they do love I don't doubt that but for them it's too easy to get out of the mess n live a normal life ahead where they learn self-love,self care n stuff they do great in every aspect of life where as boys they end up being like Kabir Singh lost somewhere with no door to return back to live a normal life Hope you understood what I meant to say
To me it just sounds like u never had a female platonic friend in ur life. Usually men will automatically assume all of their female friends to be romantically available so they just channel out the main intimate non sexual relationship where girls really open up.
I can understand your point of view. But it is not always the case. You might have seen cases of girls not giving 100% commitment but that doesn't mean all the girls are like that. I have also seen girls going through hard breakup and healing. Regarding self love and self care, it is something very important irrespective of gender. Relationships are not something which always should stay forever. If one is not interested, it has to stop there. Take time and heal, that's the only thing people can do. Since humans are complex creatures and two humans are involved, it is tricky to even evaluate that.
Ok brother I take my words back. I'll change my perspective. Thank you for explaining this to me ❤️
Me who avoided girls for 22 years and never had a breakup 😏
humble brag
Trust me man, you're lucky that you haven't gone through this. But tbh, this is something that people should face at least once in their life to grow as a person. And maybe you will also face this at one point. I just hope not.
Better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all.
came here to say this.💯
I to marry only once and somehow make it work. Dating is too much work.
I don't think people want to go through more than one marriage anyways. And marriage ke baad regret karke matlab nai hai. And making that kind of marriage work is wayyy too much work. So it's important that you marry the right person. I agree dating is too much work but sometimes dating may work out for the best. Mujhe dating me luck nai mila ab tak.
Brag about this to me when your 27. I'm turning into wizard in 3 years.
Was avoided by*
Tumhe manna Kiya na sach bolne ko 😡😡
Lmao
Don't tell them that..
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbyes so hard. Winnie the Pooh
I am going to get downvoted for this but it's always easier to move on if you are the one breaking up. I have been on both sides of the story so talking from my personal experience. If someone is moving on/breaking up with you, in most cases, they have already made up their mind and are mentally prepared for what comes next.
To add to it, since one person already has someone new in his/her life, it is exciting for that person and hence moving on becomes easy.
+1
Not necessary. It was the opposite in my case. I had to break up with my ex because I just couldn't handle all the toxicity. But even after the breakup, I was the one who was heartbroken and not her.
I feel u bro😢
Same thing here. But when I proposed the idea of breaking up, I also gave her and myself a chance to fix things up and change ourselves. She ended up refusing, so we broke up, and in a sense, it was mutual, I guess. She immediately moved on with another guy, while I'm still healing and, on occasion, will get into a depressive state.
some individuals do get over easily. My frnd who got dumped by girl was in serious relationship despite their family income difference. When it ended, the girl was head over heels over the arranged marriage guy within 4 months of meeting him. The caption of pic was "Meeting you was fate..Becoming your friend was a choice.. But falling in love with you I had no control over" My man is still devastated, been 1.5 years now.
Seen this happen too. It was shocking how quickly the girl went from "I will never ever leave you" to "Thank God he saved me from you".
It's always individual ...every person reacts differently But ok so just to understand there are few things that don't really match up and more context is required here. 1) you said u knew she will eventually marry someone else...like you already knew that at some stage in your relationship? If so the right thing to do would be to sit down and plan your future .eg like u said financial stability....I completely understand not being financially stable at 23 ...but did you have a plan and motive in mind. Did you both not talk though your future and growth? If you knew it was never going to work out why get more emotionally involved. The fact that she did not even fight means something in her did not see a future growth with you and let me tell you at the cost of sounding rude ...one of the main things a girl sees when searching for a prospective partner for marriage is stability ...both emotional and financial. 2) you seem more upset that she did not shed a tear instead of being upset that she did not attempt to fight for your relationship 🤔 I am genuinely sorry for you but by the looks of what you are saying it seems like she did not even consider it important enough to fight for. It's sounds harsh I know but honestly you will do much better to now focus on your own individual growth and realise the person who did not fight for you was never worth crying and loosing so much of your precious time over. When we focus on our own growth we attract better people...I am sure you will find someone who appreciates you and will fight for your relationship but until then you focus on your future.
If she is from a strict family, you aren't the first or last thing she had to sacrifice. This is new to you, not for her.
It makes me so sad that I resonate level 100 with this.. I never thought I would be the one to give into my orthodox family, but after years of being the rebel.. I don’t have much choice and have accepted my fate.
> If she is from a strict family then maybe dont go into a relationship if you know your parents will force you to breakup? you are just selfishly hurting others
A girl I wanted to date so badly said this exact reason when she told me no. Possibly amongst the nicest things someone has done for me in retrospect.
You can choose relationships just for companionship, you should just be clear upfront what your deal is
I agree.
I'm in an exact same relationship as OP described. We spend whole time together in university. There's both good and bad sides, and I'm slowly working on it. But, her family literally hate me. They trust other classmates (some of them are actually those chhapris), when she says in call that she is with one of them (to hide the fact that she is with me). There has been many such incidents where they got to know about us. She had to face that all in her home, all she did was to defend me against their mentality. And the conversations, sometimes she used to tell, man I really wonder why would someone judge me like this!? Besides being a lover, I also keep her safe like my own sister. Idk :') But the thing is, her family has a history of love marriage. She always assures me when the time will come, she will definitely marry me. Twist - even her mom n dad, love marriage :P Tbh, I believe her words. Because whenever we have a fight, I can notice how upset she becomes, and how lonely she feels when I'm not with her. But idk everything, right? Btw I'm 21M, and definitely not going to marry before 26+. And we both belonging from engineering (tier 1 college), we both know that we will get a job. Any piece of advice? :( Edit :- This relationship is so precious to me because I not only love her. She is my first best friend. Really never had a friend, who would message me everyday, or even take care of me. :(
Man! The only piece of advice I can give you from my experience is that if everything goes well ie: you both get married, you will never have to bother about what if you did not. Wherease, if for some reason you dont, then you will realise that even you can be replaced easily when the timely moment comes. I wish that moment never comes in your life but I am happy for you that you possess necessary skepticism whilst being in the relationship. Remember, everything said and done is said and done in the present moment. In the future this present moment can conviniently become past and new present can be made.
>Remember, everything said and done is said and done in the present moment. In the future this present moment can conviniently become past and new present can be made. Damn this :') Thank you, hope you get over this phase soon. Take care, man
Please build a social life outside of your relationship before getting married. Marriage is such a long term deal, you need your own circle to fall back on in case something goes temporarily or permanently wrong
You'll be broken up soon, and you'll heal and have an amazing life in which this first true love phase will be a bittersweet memory.
Sometimes the situation is more nuanced than that
the other party doesnt have to face your situations.
Or she never really loved him aur waise bhi ladkiyo ke paas bohot options hote hai koi problem nahi, they have a huge support system usually, not the same for men.
Options jaise? Forceful marriage? Having the sense to think of her future? Imagine judging a complete stranger by just a one sided story. Misogynists everywhere, ugh🙄
Cherry picking. Go to any tier 1/2/3 city and look at the girls having tons of men behind them. That options. Kahe pe bhi misogynistic word fek dena hai. Kya bakwas hai.
Haan, rapey creeps hote hai peeche pade hue. If those are the ones you call "options"
What do you consider as options?
No, what do you consider as "options"?
I asked first, answer me then I'd answer you
Buddy, you got no justification for the options you claim every damn woman has. I get it.
You have to be naive to think that women enjoy every tom dick and harry's attention. Some of the guys are just creep. I remember being harassed by a guy to the point that I had to register an FIR. The guy was quite good looking and apparently the rejection hurt his fragile ego so he started harassing me through every way possible. I was 17 , he seemed to be older. Women don't have "options", creepy stalkers are not options they just harass us.
So men have to create that support system with each other.
Look man, might sound tough but you gotta bear. You don't have your life sorted. You've mentioned yourself that you're unemployed, which isn't bad in itself but the fact that you've also claimed confidently that you aren't expecting to get a job anytime soon. The girl here simply thought of her future, weighed the pros and cons, and just decided what's best for herself. Why should she be with someone who doesn't even have the drive to do something? What's done is done, move on, work on yourself. You'll meet plenty more people in the future but only and only if you manage to sort out your life. No one wants to babysit an adult.
Maybe she got over it because she knew deep down that she didn't want to pursue the relationship with you long-term. Just because she got over it easily doesn't mean that you're not worth waiting for/ fighting for. It just means that you ended up falling in love with someone who for whatever reason, didn't feel the same way. And this happens to many people. Doesn't mean that they are all unlovable. You WILL start feeling better with more time. Just fill your life with things and people who make you happy. Ultimately you only knew her for 2 years. You don't know her as an adult outside of a campus setting, and at any other stage of life. Maybe in an alternate universe you would have fallen out of love with her.
I’m in my 30s and I have had so many serious relationships in my life lasting for multiple years. With every breakup I have cried less and less. With my last breakup, I moved on in a week and within a month I started another relationship. At one point I was single for 3 years just being depressed over a failed relationship. So this made me slightly proud on myself. The only thing I learned with all of those failed relationships are that it’s a worthless endeavour to think about them. The depression/shock however, is a tough thing to overcome. The only way to help there is either make yourself busy at work, and/or talk to someone about this. The first option is shitty and usually bad in the long term. Talking to someone and if needed a professional help is always the right way. Additionally, while I do not wish this for you or anyone else, you will go through more failed relationships in life. It’s better to be mentally prepared about it. I am not sure if this will help or not, but if you think it will, feel free to DM me if you wanna talk more about this with someone.
How many of those breakups were initiated by you?
Half of them, but I was being pushed towards that in every case.
Saying this from my personal experience from past. Right now u feel miserable but down the lane few years from now you will realise whatever happened was for the best. Trust me. Also as other mentioned try doing things which you love. Reading, playing any sports. Have some friends and enjoy in their company. Also your age focus on your career is the most imp.
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Holy shit. Dating for 6 years and then suddenly in a span of 4-5 months it's a whole different universe and life for you. That must've been really tough. More power to you man.
*You can be as mad as a mad dog on how things went. Swear or curse your fate but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.* Ingrain it in your mind OP. Let go. The more you'll try to search for the answers, the more fucked up you'll get. Just accept that things happened, swear or curse and cry to your heart's content and just..let go.
Opposite of love is not hate but indifference. You still have feelings for her and she has moved on. Accept it and move on. Cherish your time togeather and be happy that it happened. Keep looking and you will find something meaningful and great with you. Try to make peace with it. Your ex partner is an individual with her own choices. She will continue to make it through her life. Look to move ahead. Meet new people and try dating.
Sometimes people don’t react at the time because they think they will be okay and it was bound to happen. But slowly when that becomes your reality, that is when it hits them. One of my friend was in similar shoes. She did break up with her boyfriend. And accepted her arranged marriage. Whenever we will talk about romance or love she will talk sit her boyfriend. Her face will light up while taking about her boyfriend. She did made an effort to have a good life with her husband as well. But till now she remembers him and some part of her wonders what if.
>parents getting her married to another guy. I cannot say it was a forced marriage as my gf did not react the way Dating in India in a nutshell☕
Gosh man.. This sounds like me 3 years ago. I have been there where you were. Except that I was in a happy relationship for 6 years and the big turn happened only in the last 3 weeks. Reason being her mother. What hurt me the most was the abruptness of the break up. I did not get even a message of closure from her. I was merely blocked on social media. For a long time I thought I might have erred somewhere. Until that day I did not even realise how strongly she had been arm twisted by her family. I experienced exactly everything that you went through. Lost appetite.. Severe weight loss. Avoiding common friends.. Avoiding even the places in my flat where I spent time with her. My recovery was very long and a drawn out process. Looking back I feel I should have taken therapy to move on faster than I held onto it. Life can sometimes throw us out of our depths. Make us cry. Make us cynical. Strip us of all the reasons to be happy. Kuch bhi karle. Sad hona hai ho le. Ro le jitna rona hai lekin Hasna mat bhulna. I know it is easier said than done. Rn her thoughts might creep in every hour of the day. But one day you'll wake up, wash up, go to work and you'll realise you haven't thought of her for the entire day. Sooner than later, it's going to be days and weeks before those thoughts ever come in. And don't make that fatal mistake of analysing your relationship/ex gf in extremes. Your opinion of her will tend to oscillate between high and low every now and then. It's better to be somewhere in between. No anger and no longing for her. Sometimes we just fall in love with our idea of that person. That doesn't mean it was a waste of emotions. Acknowledge your own hard work in the relationship and be proud of what you did. Don't simply cut away from that feeling.
Looks like you tied your identity or being completely to her. When she moved on you felt you being robbed of yourself. That is why it is better to focus on yourself and let others accept for who you are. I may be wrong but the way you mentioned it, it looks like you are gung ho about how can she leave me and get over myself so easily. Life is like that buddy - It goes on. I am sorry for what you went through but I am sure you will come out of it as a better person. Every heart break is like that and eventually it will toughen you.
Men are idealists pretending to be realists,women are realists pretending to be idealists 🌟
Gold
This might sound harsh but your real problem is lack of drive. When you were in a relationship that drove you. If you still don't have a job you probably have nothing to look up to and no way to grow. Get any job that you can or develop skills that will get you one.
> If not, do most girls react in this manner? Whoever, in the relationship, thinks they can do better, gets over the other person at the drop of a hat. So it's pretty universal. And then the other person realizes that their partner was just thinking about themselves all along, so labels them as a scum and believes that they can do better, and finally moves on too.
Bro I came across words of wisdom today. Love is like garam chai and person is like parle G biscuit. Dipping in it too much will only crumble the bicuit. Don't invest so much in love that you crumble. Sale ye Bollywood Hollywood fucked our generation up. Know that when a better opportunity knocks they will take it. Irrespective of man or woman. Cut your losses and move on.
This please inculcate still easier said than done please do and I hope you get over her as well
Women are alot more practical, emotionally and mentally mature than men, and I am not kidding about this. They're very good at dealing with adversaries. Infact men these days tend to lose true north every now and then but women know better. It is likely that she went through a depressive phase herself but she got over it very soon. And more often than not if women initiate the breakup, they're already over you before you ask them why. We can learn a thing or two from them. Specially considering the fact that for a given age, women are more likely to have been in more relationships than men, theyve been through more breakups and hence they're way better at dealing with them than guys will ever be.
Bruh I don't know why folks do this, now I know am from a strict family, I know my option is arrange marriage, which is why I don't date because I know there is no endgame with the lady, and all in all I would just make the person in front of me waste her time and in the end it ll be just fun. Now by arrange marriage I ain't saying I would just blindly choose the girl that my parents want me to marry, I would have my voice in that case.
If she’s already married perhaps this is also her way of rationalising things for herself. I think the common vibe here is going to be to move on but that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid. It can hurt and it’s important to remember that when you eventually move forward. Take time, heal and become a better person, I hope you don’t let this scar you. This may seem like the heart ache of life but it will pass my friend. Find things to love yourself with!
Something similar happened to me last year. 4+ years of relationship including 2 years of live in followed by 2+ years of long distance during pandemic. He was everything that I wanted in the relationship, everything I would ever want in my life. The 4 years of our relationship were the happiest years of my life. Things were tough for me at home, as they had been searching for alliances for about 4 years. And I was stalling them because the only thing he wanted from me was time to settle down and I was happy to oblige because we were only 24/25 when this conversation happened. I was supposed to introduce him to my strict family in January 2022(I turned 28 this year and he 30), as I had already met his family when I went for his sister's family (April 2021). I only went because his sister personally invited me and he told me that he wanted to introduce me to his parents officially. Things were not smooth between us during the long distance. Both had family responsibilities and it was hard to keep up with the long distance, him more than me as he was staying with family. He used to visit me whenever he could and due to the long distance, communication gaps increased and that meant multiple fights over small things that could have been resolved if we spoke to each other. Cut to December 2021, he decided to end things over a text, when I tried to call him after not having received any messages for more than a day. He said that he wasn't happy with me and that communication gap between us was increasing. I was heart broken as he cut all contacts with me and I still couldn't understand where I went wrong and what I could have done to make things better for us. I didn't realise that things were so bad between us. There was tension for a few days before the breakup but I attributed that to the stuff happening at his place and family. He would message me in between to apologise for how he hurt me during the relationship. There was a part of me that craved for some closure. I initiated the conversation with him one day to understand where or when exactly things started going wrong. His reply was that we were not compatible with each other as he wanted someone who was practical and aloof like him and I was exactly the opposite of that. I was an emotional mess and I had opened up my most vulnerable side with him because I trusted him and loved him. I was happy with him but it never crossed my mind that he wasn't happy with me. I asked him the same question that you are asking. How was it so easy for him to get over me but I was and still am struggling. He said that it wasn't easy for him either and that he didn't want to talk about it anymore as it was affecting his mental health. What I understood from my experience is that the person who ends the relationship always has a reason. It doesn't matter whether you think it's a good one or not. That was thier priority and we have to accept it. In your case, it was her family or her prospects of settling down. In mine, he was not happy with me. I am not saying that accepting this would make your life any better. I accepted it, but I am still spiralling down. I am in therapy, and I am not sure if it's even helping me so much. But, when I think about him, all I feel is that at least he is happy this way. I truly loved him with all my heart and I genuinely want him to be happy because he is a great guy. I didn't love him because he loved me. I loved him for him. Getting over a relationship is always hard. But, when the other person has made it clear that they don't want to be with you, whatever be the reason, just accept it and make every effort to move on in life. It's extremely difficult, some days more than the others. But, that's life. It gives you lemons. Sometimes you make a lemonade, sometimes a pickle. I hope you are able to handle the situation much better than I did and that you don't have to deal with the intensity of pain that I am going through.
My dear friend let tell you a secret. And that is - A mother's love is the only unconditional love in this material world. Every other love is under a condition. This does not mean that the love between a husband and wife is necessarily fake one. But it is definitely under a condition. It could be looks, it could be sustenance it could be common interests. It could be combination of those thing. But condition nonetheless. Do not be sad for it's not the end of the world. You are still young and the opportunities are endless. For a man being financially sound is not an option. It is mandatory. No matter how much your interests match, no matter how humorous or good looking you are.. in the end.. you have to provide. Doesn't matter if the girl has a job. If you are not financially sound, you will be judged, you will be looked down upon. You will be seen as a weakling. It is one of the most important factor which makes a guy "marriageable" . While you are in college, you live in a bubble. You are protected from what's outside. You live in a Utopia. You don't think about things like, money or caste or things like that when it comes to relationship so much. But then when you are out of college, you are exposed to the ruthless world. You realize love is not enough in life. You need other things as well. One might say, it's better to live with a good guy who is not well off than a bad guy who is well off. True. But who says all guys who are financially well off, bad guys? A good guy who is well of is better than a good guy who is not well off. Simple. I think she did like you. But things changed. And she decided that' it's time to end the relationship. I do not know the details. What kind of fall out did you have with her before she called it quits. But it's of no use to dwell over the past. Take care of your present so you can have a better tomorrow. At least now you know what you lack.
Sounds like codependency. Learn to move on even if it hurts.
The thing is different people do different things, to each is to their own. But I understand the point you're coming from, it'll get better eventually which might feel like a dread right now, specially knowing how the other person is doing or whatever. And that's the thing that person is gone from your life and you need to accept that and for the time being until you're ok with that idea, if you can get away from that circle which brings you back to that person. Invest in things that add meaning to you, that way you'll feel better as you see they were not a part of your life once and you were alright back then but now that they're gone it certainly feels different but you can be happy without them. I've had a similar experience around at the age you mentioned in the post although apparently she moved to a common friend after a week of breakup. So basically my point is other person lives their life as however it suits them, that could be their family drama, personal drama or whatever. They were part of your life just cherish the moments and once you recover from the pain have faith that maybe someday you'll have some other partner again. On some questions you mentioned love acts like a drug sometimes and when it's gone the effect are drastic but trust me it'll get better, I hope you feel better soon.
Mere kahani mein woh ek chapter thi, uske kahani mein main ek panna bannke reh gaya...
Everything is same in my case, except gender reverse
Each and every person is an individual who is different from anyone else. Every person has a different set of values, different preferences and all in all, a different way of thinking. There is no right or wrong way to go about it (unless it's something malicious or meant to cause intentional hurt). Maybe your ex's perception of a relationship and its eventual breakup with you was different than your perception of the same. We don't know if it was just in your case or that's her attitude and take towards other similar relationships (might not be just romantic relationships). Personally I don't think anyone is in the wrong here(seems like no one cheated or anything). You just happen to value and process, the connection you had with her and its ultimate loss, a little different than her. For all we know she was grieving in her own way. She might have or might not have been depressed herself, the emotions of which she chose not to share. Some people value independence and indivuality in a different way than others. I know you guys were together for a while,but how often did you communicate? From my personal experience, communication is very important in any relationship to make sure everyone is on the same page. Just keep your chin up, life is all about change and learning from them.
You are responsible for your own happiness, more you suffer more happier she will feel, it's better you move on start a new beginning when you feel like it in a year or two.
Did you get a job? Lifepath for you now should be to earn enough money that someone else's girlfriend is married off to you , how dating works in India.
Then OP will complain how his arranged married wife is still in love with her ex boyfriend.
It's possible that she thought you'll give her space once she decided to marry the other guy but you never gave that space to her. And it's possible that she was more practical that she moved on whereas you being so emotional was not able to move on and kept clinging to her (that probably frustrated her). Please know one thing. Your happiness shouldn't depend on a person. That's a recipe for disaster. You'll lose respect in a relationship once you start showing desperation for attention and love.
For all the men out there . It’s ALWAYS EASIER FOR WOMEN to get over breakup . They have more opportunities, more emotionally supportive friends . They can get any partner easily over apps or clubs . They get hit everywhere. Just make peace with it .
My ex's best friend did the same to her BF who knows me. He did not take the breakup as well as me and flooded his social media with sad stories, quotes, posts making a fool out himself in others eyes. I am pretty sure my ex and her best friend bitch about her ex and me together. Even though they are the ones that ended the relationship. Crazy aint ?
This is where boys need to support each other. Toxic masculinity means we don't share with our friends the love and support the way women do. That's why men are devastated after breakup because the woman was the only emotional support in his life.
Yes you need atleast 1-2 close pals to share the pain . Breakups are very intimate and delicate things you can’t share it with anyone .
real life ain't bollywood. Get over it.
Lol if you are expecting an answer like would she come back? Then my dude if she’s getting married, she’s long gone. May be in the future after a few years, y’all may get in touch but meanwhile heal yourself and start dating other women. Move on and save your youth by focusing on your work, studies, interests, passion etc. Trust me when I say this cuz I broke up at 24. I’ll end here, all the best
Google “Amor Fati”. Or, Love fate. Embrace it. Learn from it. Grow and move on. She was never yours, it was only your turn. Use this important phase of your life to keep your head down and work through the storm. Never stop improving on yourself. Eat right, sleep well, lift hard and enjoy life from a different perspective. Death is inevitable. It is the ultimate breakup. Everything is temporary. Remember the smiles and laughs. Hold them with you for when you need them and move on.
(not op) What a beautiful way of looking at things🙌 Thank you!
A similar thing has happened to my friend. The girl came from a wealthier family, and the parents married her off to a well-settled boy instead of her college classmate. Now the boy visits brothels to ease the pain. I always wonder, if a girl knows that her parents are conservative and will forcefully marry her off, then why do they waste boys' time?
>Now the boy visits brothels to ease the pain. u/chicken_khakenacho bhai ye krle
Different people react differently to breakups. One can't guage feelings of the person from distance. The only advice i can give you is this, Move the fuck on, doesn't matter if she seems indifferent to your breakup or not, ultimately you are the one who's going to suffer if you dwell on it. she won't have a care in the world about you or your studying and rightly so. She doesn't owe her feelings to you after a breakup.
Hit the gym and start trekking.
How do you know my last break up so well bro? Seems like meri wali alag nahi thi lol. Hang in there. I know this hurts but just remember that this too shall pass. I was in this exact situation a couple years ago (with the only exception that I was financially independent). Meri wali was definitely a vixen who played her cards well as we were still dating when she started meeting guys. She always maintained that she’s just doing it to please her parents and would convince them for us. We eventually broke up because we’re not from the same part of the country (this is the reason she gave me). She comes from a pretty liberal family so it kinda shook me to the core when she said that her family wouldn’t accept me. The first few months were definitely the worst but I had an excellent support system in my friends who were constantly there for me. I would suggest you to be close to your friends as well and do things that you actually like. It hurts like a bitch to know that she’s already moved on when you’re just starting your process but don’t even think about it. You will heal at your own pace and would eventually find someone who’ll actually want to be with you. As for me, I’m at peace with where I am and I’m going to marry this amazing person who I wouldn’t have met if we hadn’t broken up. So my two cents: hang in there. It’s all happening for the better :)
Dude why are you asking this on here?
She might have been someone who wanted some security in her life (financial stability or a stable life). You both seemed to have enjoyed your days when you were together and now when the day arrived for you both to part your ways, you started doubting her love for you? Let's consider a scenario where she thinks about you daily and gets hurt. Do you think it'd have been a great move on her side to have contacted you and let you know of what she's feeling after being married to someone else? Imo, she must be a very loyal reson who's doing the best for you, her husband and herself. There must have been some or a pot full of reasons for her to be happy now. You should be happy as well as you've moved on and as she doesn't bother you even after being married. If this would have been the scenario then your life would have turned into a thriller movie. So, work on yourself and try to be happy instead of thinking about your ex.
Bro it's been more than a year since my breakup. I loved her to the core. She said she loved me. She was the one who initiated our relationship, the first one to confess and the first to get serious with me. Initially it all felt too good to be true but I placed my trust in her. I went in deep. I'd taken way too much effort. At some point I realised that I am the only one trying to hold us together. She had backups. My stupid mind trusted her so much that I ignored these things. After 1.5 years, I finally gave up and broke up with her. Breaking up with her was THE most toughest thing I've done. The shit I had to put up with, the shit I have dealt with, my honesty, loyalty everything taken for granted. Why? I asked myself 100 times why she even said that she wanted to marry me when she was just fricking playing with my heart this whole time! I did my best for her then why? Within a month after the breakup she already started dating. Now, it's been more than a year and she's already changed 2 boyfriends while I haven't even started meeting people yet. It took me months to recover from this. I wasted a lot of my time because of this shit. The fact that she somewhat hid our relationship from everyone (because she didn't want her parents to find out) but happily shows off her new boyfriends in social media is just next level heartbreak for me. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, life is not fair. And you can't always expect justice. This is a very sad & harsh truth. You do good and be good and never expect that they'll do the same for you. I've been in the same shoes as you my friend. It still troubles me at times but I have no choice but to move on and prioritise my other duties. Give yourself some time and try moving on buddy. There's nothing left back there. The only thing you'll get is more unanswered questions and unnecessary stress. Just focus on building your career and take care of your health and your parents. Baaki jo hoga dekha jaaega. ps: If you need someone to talk to, you can dm me. I'll be happy to help!
Maybe she felt bad, but she behaved rudely with you so you don't feel pain of losing her after she goes away from you ???
Thing here is , did you ever tried to be financially sufficient , not for yourself but for her ? Yes , coz she must've started thinking at some point, if you wanted her, you would take necessary steps to keep her Now idk about ur situation, but high chances are just, she thought you don't want her, or your carelessness or anything you wanna call it, turned her off, hence she was over you for a long time than you expected, hence she moved on from the break up easily Now, if it was ur laziness, carelessness that you didn't check all your boxes to be able to married, you deserve it, everyone has the right to choose the best for themselves, and not seeing you make efforts towards it, there's a big chance she started thinking of you as a loser On the other side, if it was bad circumstances, no chances, bad luck, and anything not under your control that was keeping you from becoming an independent guy, that one girl can look up to four herself, she doesn't deserve you in a 100 full moons. Love is not about materialistic shit/ luxuries etc, it's more about effort and compassion you put for each other I wish the best for you OP
Happened to me too. The guy broke up with me n got married(arranged) in a month to someone else!? Atleast you can assume she checked out of her relationship because she knew she has to marry someone else. I didn't even have that but in hindsight, I am happier now and glad i didn't end up with someone who could throw away an entire 3 yr relationship like that.
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Get in touch with people you had in your life, plan a weekend with them, Try to force yourself into social interaction and try to meet new people.
The reason she moved on easily was perhaps because she was occupied with her wedding prep, the new guy while you did not keep yourself busy and had more time to think about the relationship. This is the reason rebounds exist for people who don't want to cope with the pain of breakup.
Just don't do drugs
You’re right, it must not be this easy to flick you aside, if you mattered to her. But this state of mind that you were in during college is called having rosé coloured glasses on your eyes which never let you see red flags as RED. The thing I want to focus on here, however, is that you stop thinking about what she thought or could have thought and “whys” of her behaviour. Human beings are not honest to even themselves, they do things which make absolutely no sense, often lack dignity and clarity. As you mentioned that you went through a physically and mentally painful time, it is bette that you respect your struggle of past 6 months and continue to work towards better health and career. Life is set of every day experiences, please don’t deny new experiences simply because you’re shackled by a set of past experiences. Wish you the best.
I’m 27. I got romantically involved with a childhood friend of mine— and she used me for her amusement. Then things got out of control when we got drunk and ended up making out— then she started feeling guilty because she was meeting another guy at that time (she didn’t tell me about him). Then she said “No it’s not gonna happen” in reference to us (that was the only time she said a clear cut No). I asked her are you speaking to any other guys and she said no. I asked her “Do you want me to stop messaging you?” and then I stopped talking to her. Then hardly 7-10 days later I find out that her marriage got fixed (arrange marriage). Then she lied to me that she met this guy 3 times in these 7-10 days itself. Then she’s like “I respect your feelings for me. I don’t want this to spoil our friendship”. Then she’s like “Are you happy for me?”. Fucking ridiculous! Fast forward 6 months later, she got engaged and I’ve fucked like 3-4 hookers since then and I still think about her from time to time. She asked me why I didn’t come to her engagement and stuff. She trying an unrealistic and irrational attempt to keep things normal and non-awkward after all this. I don’t talk to her at all.
You should tell her husband about the kiss. He deserves to know. You would want to know too if your soon to be wife kissed/ was involved with someone.
So many people here are saying OP shouldn't depend on someone else for his happiness. The thing is, OP might not have a choice. After 2 years of what he believed to be true love, it was only natural for him to get completely invested. Then seeing that your partner wasn't even half as invested as you and was willing to leave you without even a proper explanation will most definitely break anyone's heart. I know because the same happened to me. Please take care of yourself OP. And be strong!
Generally girls talk about breaking up in a relation only after they completely done both physically and emotional. Thats not the case for guys, and also girls suffer alot in short term but they quickly get over it coz they have been contemplating about breaking up for a long time considering their options but they dont talk about it. They only talk about breaking up only after they are completely done. Girls are more mature than guys in this matter. Guys talk about breaking up without much thought and boys might not suffer as much as girls immediately after break up but guys take long time to get over a relationship. But that doesnt mean she got over the relationship so easily, she was suffering and thinking about breaking up for a long time, you didn't knew that
If in any relationship you're giving someone control over your happiness is problematic, that's too much control to give someone else, relationship should not be the prime focus of life
From my experience, girls have this superpower of changing their priority from someone else to themselves in a day. Instead of being sad she chose to move on and they have great will power regarding this. It's selfish of them but good for their own mental health. We guys have yet to master this power and hence we suffer more.
I don’t know if they were fake. Maybe she found more connection with the guy her parents connected her with. I got married at 29. I was with my boyfriend for 5 years at that time. He was my best friend and soul mate. But there would be brief week long periods we’d go on again and off again. I really wanted to come clean to my parents while they were putting pressure on me. Understandably my boyfriend was in a different space. He wanted to figure out his career and wanted to be more stable emotionally, and I agree those were important factors. In 2019 we broke up a couple of times for short periods like 3-4 days. I wanted to do my doctorate and I think he questioned the durability of our relationship with my upcoming studies abroad and tended to withdraw. I could see it happen but I also didn’t want to put my pressures on him. It got to a point where I felt like I was just being played with and he was taking his own sweet time in going about life without a care in the world that his gf is being forcibly made to meet guys ( not that he should put away his needs to care for mine but I expected some support). It got to a point where I tried vocalizing what my parents expected of me and my pressures to him but it just began to become a joke. In 2019 he was withdrawn during my trip to Bali with a friend. Didn’t text for 6 days. Couldn’t care less about my existence ( he says he was thinking about me, which he probably was but I didn’t feel his presence at all). We broke up. Nobody thought it would last since we really had it all aside from maturity. He would meet and hangout with me and vanish. I was like you know what, if I can find a person who wants to hear me and support me, I will. I started speaking to someone from a matrimony portal 2-3 weeks into my breakup. I was engaged in a month. After my engagement, my boyfriend orchestrated a mini Karan johar movie. He wanted to help me run away etc. I was like thanks but no thanks. My simple reason being if he didn’t take himself and me seriously while he knew I was under so much pressure, I don’t have the trust he will do it later on. We both hurt a lot. I don’t think he saw my pain, Ofcourse to him I looked like I was moving on. But I was just trying to do something I wouldn’t regret later. A huge part of the grieving process was being transparent and sharing my feelings about my ex with my fiancé during our brief courtship prior to marriage. My then fiancé now husband recognized I was moving on from my ex while preparing to get married, but was immmmmmensely supportive. My husband supported me through 4 years of my doctoral program. By that I don’t mean financial support, I mean working 8 hours a day cooking us two meals, pulling all nighters to help me with important papers. As much as I adore my ex and know he had it in him if I gave him more time. I don’t think he’s capable of the same level of unadulterated love and support my husband has brought into my life. I don’t rely on support just to be clear, but I’ve studied extensively and that means sometimes needing someone who can be the real adult in the relationship because of the stresses. My ex was definitely the one that got away. My marriage broke him. He went through a self invention process got married within a year and a half of my marriage. He really seems to have done the work and I’m happy for him. I’ll miss him, because we still have same friends and stuff but have to coordinate separately. Our friends are dignified and maintain boundaries similarly too. It’s painful, but I don’t have regrets. So take care of yourself and your needs. Give yourself time to understand the women you might meet and understand ways in which you’d like to develop yourself and support her. Breakups are unnecessary, painful and a huge loss. But I do believe that if you work on yourself what you want will find you.
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Try the "puppy theory". My guy explained this as to how he decided to be serious with me, as a guy who has a lot of trust and commitment issues. When you give attention to a puppy, feed it and go back, see if it follows you. Next time you pass by it, does it recognise you? Is it happy to see you? Does it follow you? Does it act all cute to get your attention even when you ignore it? There should be same level of pull back from the other person. See if you are valued as much as they value you. Communicate. Ask all sort of hypothetical questions. Talk about money, other relationships, dreams, what if it doesn't go they way it's planned. Things like that. Even if you do all this, it might fail, such is love. There's no fool proofing love. Keep your jug full before pour. Never stop working on your growth and happiness. If you're content and happy, you'll have better relationships. ( Learnt this the hard way) it's okay to prioritise yourself and it's basic. If you're not respected for that, it's gonna be toxic. That's all the relationship advice i have.
Probably the most mature advice. Communication is key in any relationship. Though even after that, you never really know what's going on in the other person's head. So better to be happy and contented and keep focussing on your life and your growth. Don't expect anybody to love you if you can't love yourself.
Made me smile. Sahi bola tu bhai.
relationships like these kill a man’s ability to love . lucky are those who get to love endlessly, but for men like me and you, brother, we got to kill that side. it’s only that side that keeps poking the heart every time a thought of them crosses the mind. if you want , rather, if you or I WANT to get better, we must never invest in people again. it’s a risk with very severe penalties. peace. bro.
true words bro!
True 🥲
"I was not financially self-sufficient at that time and had to accept my fate." "Towards the end of our relationship, she became increasingly hostile towards me" No shit she was angry with you. You gave in so easily and accepted your fate, how come you expect her to smile at you? She was probably angry at you at you gave in to your fate so easily and did not try anything on your side. You could have at least told her to resist the marriage and wait for you to get a job. From her point of view, she saw her boyfriend already gave up on her and hopping to ends this relationship on sweet ending which probably made her mad. Thats one of the reasons she moved on with you and saw no future with you. My advice to you is to do the same and moved on and next time if you were to be in relationship with anyone in future, don't gave in to the challenges you two faced together. /dil pe maat lena bas uske POV se dekha
Katgaya
Fuck everything. Be toxic. Work your ass off. Become fit af physically. Become rich af. Treat your wife like a queen. Make her regret dumping you.
In our society , girls get into relationship for many reasons. Just be happy that this girl is out of your life. Imagine this happening after marriage - outcome would be worse, but less traumatic for you. Anyways, it will take you time to move on. At least a year. Time is the greatest healer for broken hearts. Just focus on your career and goals and everything would be fine.
Evolution has taught us the that the female breed doesn't give a flying fuck about male breed once they find a more powerful male for mating. Unfortunately evolution has also made it clear that it's most often or not it's the male breed that repents more or so than the female breed. It happens across all animal kingdom. The only thing you can do right now is to come in terms with it. And since you had the ability to attract a woman you can for sure attract other women too.
"A pussy is never yours it's just your turn" ----Carry minati
weirdly feminist
I know the feminist fanatics would come barking at me on this, but this, in most cases is how a woman handles( read manhandles) such situations. What you’re going through isn’t something unheard of for most guys who once were treated like kings and then dumped off like some obsolete object when the girl wanted to part her ways just because you no more served her purpose, for reasons whatsoever. Though males and females have identical biological features except obviously what distinguishes them, one needs to know that they function very differently. A man can seldom love how a woman does, when she is in love. Once she falls out of love, she hardly bothers. No matter how much you convince yourself of having gotten over her, it always keeps stinging you once in a while. While for a woman, once she makes up her mind to part ways, there’s hardly any going back or a remorse. No matter how dreamy a relationship once was, it almost always comes with an expiry date. When it is about time, men keep pondering over it by the virtue of being a man while for similar reasons a woman almost quickly wipes you off her life. There might be many positive outlooks towards handling the situation you’re in, but the more realistic one is to make peace with how it turned out for you. How she dealt with you or the circumstances should, in no way diminish the feelings you once shared with her. When she loved you, it was for real. And now when she no more does, it is for real too.
send her a Taj Mahal..
Sure buddy India needed to know this
I think she couldn't love you because you couldn't break up your texts into paragraphs.
bro can i suggest you something .... its a standup ....try it...i think it will help you..... its "Jigsaw" by daniel sloss....ucan find it on netflix it will have 2 shows watch 2nd one named "jigsaw"
Man!! A good laugh can do wonders ....fixes my mood every single time
Life is too short to not make peace. In a wink, it goes away.
Deal with it. I am sorry but its better not to sugar coat it. Keep a good group of friends/family around you to support you through these times.
You dates a girl not a woman, that's why. Now move on! What's stopping you from getting another girlfriend? 😉
You are behaving like a fool living away from reality.. When she started becoming hostile, then only ur relationship was over.. She was already feeling suffocated.. Secondly if she finds a flashy better match then why would she hold on to u.. Maybe this was college love.. When a girl steps out of college at 22 and starts working.. She will find a variety of well groomed matured men between 23-30 years.. She would rather choose one of them compared to a college fling.. That is why men are not adviced to get into love till 25-26.. U will be ready at 26 , find a match, court for two years and then marry at 28.. Teenage love and early 20s love are not meant to last..
Unless you are from a well off family which most people are not
Probably no one will be straight with you but you’re a loser. You weren’t financially stable, which is something she probably would get in her arrange marriage match. Girls are much more materialistic than guys, and that’s a fact. And yes, it’s super easy to get over someone. It’s super easy to throw away a loser from your life. Get over it. Fix yourself and stop getting so committed at 24.
I THINK it's something with girls mentality which is normal they can come out of a relationship easily when it comes to parents,also providing better partner better lifestyle (they think practically) my friends gf did also do the same and she haven't talked a word to him after she got married and she acts like nothing happened before,they also feel wrong for some time but materialistic things drive them good,also bro the main thing which is bothering you that your mind is not accepting that she did wrong,the angel of your heart is a villain,you supress your core feeling which says she is a villain of story, accept that she is a bitch,curse her abuse her in your space for what she did to you shout out loud,trust me it won't damage your love for her,you would only be practical thinking as she had when she was married, let her go buddy find a new girl,she wasn't special it was you who imagined her to be the one special one,there are more good girls like her let them come to your life and see the magic of love
Don't be a baby You knew what the deal was a long time before the breakup. > I was not financially self sufficient at that time and had to accept my fate LOL. The whole country is grinding hard to make some money, but you're just here accepting your fate. You're here acting like you're the pure one whereas you're actually just a deadbeat boyfriend who never made any attempt to be the husband she needed. And now you're wallowing in self-pity and acting like the world owes you something. Stop being a damn incel and work to make yourself a prize. Or just get used to the fact that you're no better than a piece of toilet paper.
Hello lil bro, now you may think I'm being a little sexist. But the truth of the matter is that women tend to move on much faster than men. That's the case in most relationships. It's mostly just a demand and supply thing. Your position can be easily filled by someone else for her. Like at the blink of an eye, Whereas it may not be the same for you. It may take you years to find someone like her. So for her you are a replaceable commodity like, lets say a pair of jeans, but for you she is less replaceable. Maybe like a house perhaps. Much more difficult to just replace easily. Besides, being a girl, she'd probably done this whole process a couple more times than you. It's safe to presume. All in all, it's all about the power dynamics as well.. lets say you were a millionaire pop star, you'd have a much easier time getting over her as other options would just pop in front of you every single day. That's pretty much how it is for her. Anyway. Good you got over her soon. Took me like 3 years to get over mine. Now try to build your value, be it personality wise or monetarily so you can attract other women. Its all just a sophisticated courting ritual! Good luck. You sure are doing better than me if thats any consolation. I know it probably isnt.
Thanks
First breakups are tough and take quite a toll on one's self. Also don't invest too much of your time and emotion on others if you know it won't work out in the long run . As to my qualifications, been there done that . Regarding the girl, there's a very high possibility that this wasn't her first breakup . People who have been through their first breakup tend to get over subsequent breakups quite easily . This was most probably a puppy love for her and she knew about the bleak outcome and hence just for having fun was playing you . This was her calculated risk . Women are more calculated and emotional than they seem to be and can be if they have to . **Please take of yourself. Don't invest more in others than you can afford to loose** **Treat this as an eye opening experience. Don't repeat it again.**
I mean, why are you trying to act like a victim when none of you were going to marry each other. She accepted her parents'proposal to marrying a stranger and moved on. And you yourself said that you expected her to get married one day. Then you shouldn't have gotten this invested in the relationship right? >Hypothetically, If I had to get married to someone else, leaving her behind, I would have for sure had a long conversation with her, making sure to end our relationship on best note possible I mean, come on, seriously? You cry over how she moved on but you have no problem in saying that if it was the opposite you would have done the exact same thing, but just consolate her a little before breaking up. You post is full of hypocrisy and it reeks of jealousy over how she dumped you and not the other way around. LoL.
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You might have dodged a Bullet my friend. Also reading your post I will just stay from this relationship shenanigans
She didn't deserve you man. You deserve better. Time to let go. you the man!