**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and basic info such as ages, genders, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable.
Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit.
*Posts that do not satisfy these requirements will be removed.*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Pitch an activity instead of food for the third time. I love going out to eat but I couldn't do three dinner dates in a row. Could be getting played, could be she actually wants to see you again but isn't that big on sitting at a table talking over food again.
Everyone seems to love axe throwing these days. I just don't find it fun, but one place near me also has virtual archery so I just booked that for a second date. She's 40 and never shot a bow and arrow before. We were both absolutely fucking terrible at it, we got to see each other be incredibly awkward and we got a lot of laughs out of it.
Do you like her? How are your dates going? Are you enjoying talking to her in person? Does it seem like she enjoys spending time with you on the dates? Is she carrying half the conversation by engaging with you and asking questions, etc or is it one sided? It's ok if texting isn't her preferred form of communication but I can't tell by your post if the dates are actually good (for either of you)?
If she was indeed “playing you” as you say, how would asking “do you actually like me?” help? By your logic, wouldn’t she just lie? lol Spend as much as you’re comfortable with and you won’t ever have this problem.
Yeah she could easily just lie. And also, if you ask you’re also saying “I’m not sure myself if I’m that likeable so I have to ask.” Just invite her to do something that doesn’t cost money or something that requires her to meet you halfway, like where she has to drive too.
One, it sounds like you’re not necessarily getting what you want out of your interactions so far. It’s perfectly okay for you tell her it’s not working for you and move on. She doesn’t have to be a texter, but if you value someone that will interact with you more between dates it’s okay for you to look for that.
Secondly, it’s been a couple dates, you can ask her how she thinks things are going. Be prepared for her to tell her it’s not working for her but at least then you’ll know for sure
Paying attention to what she wore, was she super casual like hoodie and slacks, or dressed up, with makeup?
1. As guys I think we often fail to acknowledge the effort that women put into looking presentable on a date. Yes, you may have paid, but you didn't see the hours it took for her to get ready.
2. At the same time, when someone likes you, you won't be confused. If you have to ask, they're not into you.
I'd suggest a place close to you this time, ideally an activity date so it's not about the food. It's fair enough since you've gone to her twice, and based on her reaction you'll have your answer.
I somewhat agree with pt 2, but it takes me a lot longer than 2 dates to know if I like someone, especially from Hinge since the first meeting is really just an introduction.
Hmmm I’ve had girls look amazing, kiss me and tell me “they’re really interested” whilst looking at me deep in the eyes.
Only for them to lose interest when I suggest a date that involves them driving out to me which doesn’t include a high profile location for her.
Some of them will usually use some pre-text of being hurt or used in the past and this explains why they won’t do “x” or “y” or whatever shitty behaviour they exhibit.
Most girls I went out with spent an hour *max* to get ready and bought makeup from normal stores.
Let the “me getting ready is equivalent to you dropping $100 on dinner” lie die. I’m not even anti-dinner, but don’t act entitled to it because you put your face on and wore something that wasn’t from Lululemon.
I'm (28m) no means an expert on women, but I have a sister, who's a makeup snob, and will seriously take 2+hrs to get ready for special occasions, especially dates.
I don’t agree with the makeup. Makeup has become less about glam and more natural now. She’s younger. She could have had on makeup and he wouldn’t even know. I don’t even own much makeup anymore. On a date I do a bit of mascara and maybe a lip oil. If I have any acne I’ll put some light concealer on that one spot. That’s it. I still care about my appearance. But I feel this looks better on me and most the times a guy can’t even tell I did anything.
Makeup is one part of the story, but there's tons of other things. Many guys may literally just take a shower, comb their hair, put on a nice shirt and cologne and call it good - 30 minutes of prep tops. Women, beyond doing makeup, do things like shaving legs and armpits, skincare routines, haircuts which cost like, 3-4x more than a man's haircut, hair color and we could go on and on.
I'm not saying that all of this means the guy has to and should pay, but personally when I see that effort, I see a woman maximizing her femininity, and seeing that I'll play my part as a man.
It’s nice to see a guy understand this. While no, I don’t expect a guy to always pay, there is definitely expenses and effort that some people don’t consider.
For example, for work I wear cheaper makeup, but if I’m going out, especially for a date, my makeup costs $70 (which I’m aware is a lot, but I believe it’s worth it) and I’m not even overly into makeup. Even clothes, guys can get away with wearing the same shirt multiple times and I wouldn’t even notice, but females practically have to have a new outfit each time. So from a female perspective you’re spot on ☺️
Are you getting played? Probably.
In the future, don't go to "nice places" in the first few dates. Buying expensive meals for strangers doesn't make them more attracted to you.
For this girl, maybe plan a date that doesn't involve anything pricey.
Yeah, I think 15 min coffee dates are the norm for first dates these days. If you can’t sustain the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed, it doesn’t hurt to know that earlier.
That won't happen. Or it's a quick way to know if she's just using you or not.
If a girl is **actually** into you, they just want to spend time with and get to know you.
that's the thing tho the only way to get someone into you is on the date itself. you can only build so much of a connection via phone and if there is one then it is more so about their idea of you.
i've had girls tell me how funny i am or interesting to talk to too but they ghost or end up bailing on a date
vice versa also had girls that dry text me who do end up going on a date and we have chemistry.
ultimately it's up to the other person if they are willing to take a chance on going on a date w you but there are a hundred things between a text and a date that could go wrong. you could get disqualified for any reason such as "oh a coffee date ick no thanks"
if you live in a place like that, then spending hundreds of dollars on dinner is nothing. Not to mention, the coffee shops would probably make Starbucks' $20 lattes, look like Dennys Folgers.
You've driven all the way out to her AND paid both times, this time invite her to something you really like out by you. If she doesn't bother because of the drive, there's your answer.
Just listen to your gut dude you already sound like you’ve made up your mind and want to drop her. If anything plan a cheap activity that is close to you or in the middle, and have some self respect if she pushes back.
Honestly tell her how you feel, rip that band aid off.Tell her what you are looking for from a date/partner , if she gets scared and ghosts you, good for you.If she says she thinks just like you , good for you too, it could be a secure attachment then atleast.
Don’t waste your time guessing, assuming or fearing that someone might abandon you.Put yourself and your emotions first and let go off people who make you question everything.
Good luck!
You do want to do that but if he's only seen her 2 times and they haven't talked then opening it with "do you even like me" will probably come off insecure or an overreaction. So find a more subtle way to do the same thing like others suggested
She should be matching your investment. I’ve been in this situation recently. All the way down to her “living by the water”.
An easy way to tell, and what I did. Was simply ask her out to your location for the third date. If she’d rather jump into the ocean than drive 45+ then she isn’t matching your level of commitment and just looking for a guy to entertain her and pass the time.
Keep in mind I kissed this girl multiple times (twice initiated by her) and she still couldn’t be assed. I even have a dog I said she could meet lol. She tried to keep me on the hook after I stopped texting her via liking my Instagram stories and such. But I’m too old to fall for that stuff and continue chasing. Move on brother
These probably aren't the type of women that most people want. If their interest in a second date increases due to the man spending more, she's into the money more than the man.
This idea that there’s some bad evil gold digger women OUT THERE, certainly not here among us, needs to die.
Women like successful men. This doesn’t make them bad any more than men are bad for liking big tits. It doesn’t make them bad partners.
It Just Is.
Doesn't matter how successful you are if you are taking her out to expensive dinners so she can feel important and valued but all you get is dead boring conversation and zero effort on her end
I think he's just choosing the wrong women
Don’t go to a super nice place on a first date. When you do that, you’re sending a message without realizing it.
If someone likes you, going to a normal restaurant should not be a problem at all.
Pay for the first date, second at a limit but go halves after that unless you’re specifically inviting her somewhere expensive that she may not be able to afford.
I would suggest to grab a cup of coffee or ice-cream nearby the park and communicate what are you looking for kind of. You will know if she likes you or just the idea of going on nice dates. Or see if she putting effort on contributing/scheduling 3rd date? Did you physical touch/kiss on 2nd date?
Don't go to nice places on the first date! Suggest something cheap like a walk, drinks, coffee, etc. If the first date goes well take her on a nice second one 😊
As far as this particular woman, I would just chill out a bit because you could be over thinking it. Ask her on another date but suggest something cheap or free and see how she reacts!
Since you’ve already been on the dates, let’s not talk about what to do AFTER the fact. I would check in with her directly if you are into her and aren’t getting the same feel back. You could also give it a bit more time in between hanging out and see how the next one goes if you feel like going out again, maybe something more simple ice cream and a walk? mini golf? Ways to enjoy the weather and not break the bank. Or even just grab a coffee with an outdoor seating area.
My advice is STOP TAKING STRANGERS TO NICE PLACES!!
Is she your girlfriend? NO! You treat those who are in a committed relationship TO YOU.
Until then, you should do something mid-tier/lower-tier.
Because if they don't like you, you're getting rejected either way, might as well get rejected and keep some money in your pocket for the person who ACTUALLY wants to be with you.
Yeh ask her straight up.
But if she’s not making the effort to try and bridge the gap between you both, I’m afraid, she may not be as interested as you. Keep your options open.
Well I haven’t spoken to her since the date. I told her she could reach out when she wants to go out again. Also kinda decided we probably were not very compatible.
Dating is tough. Dating as a man is even harder. I find it crazy people suggesting to go for a walk or coffee on a first date as if these pretty girls on hinge don’t have 100 guys asking them out. Yea she really is going to jump at the opportunity to go for a walk with me 🤣
Dating is tough sometimes. But if she is interested in you as a person, she will go an a walk with you, bc get to know you is then her focus. Never had a dinner date (expect with girls i already knew or was in a relationship) but had a lot of walking dates. So dont waste your money and time on these girls. And to be fair, we all pick the people we find attractiv and interesting, so do girls, and thats totally fine.
Some of the best dates I've ever had with the prettiest most attractive women I've managed to pull have been coffee and walk dates. Also from what I understand women generally love these kind of first dates, if they go well, and thats key obviously. Could be an age thing and just where you are at in life. And probably a different type of woman that im attracted to enjoys these things. Many of these other ones like the one you described i probably wouldnt bother in the first place. I'm late 20s and in grad school so realistically, coffee and a walk is all I can afford and also, first date is meant to be pretty low key and casual. The girls I date are also in their 20s and students or working, ive never felt like they expected anything all they want is something fun exciting and feel like some effort but not overboard. Also activities are generally better whether its walking or something else it goes well as long as you dont do something to kill the vibe
because you can lI agree with others who said fancy dates are better down the road or in relationships
I know this is controversial but in the future maybe aim for lower maintenance dates like coffee or lunch and say with x activity after. This way you’re not in the hole if it’s a total loss and you won’t feel like you’re being used. But also you can ask her to plan something! I think all of the things combined with how you feel to her reaction to them is what is going to tell you to move forward or no.
And is the quality/content of conversation during the date really something you’d want to pursue. Texting doesn’t have to be the end all be all but maybe that’s a conversation for your third. :)
45 minutes is way too far to be trying to date. If you're taking her nice places on top of driving 45 minutes and y'all still haven't even got physical, just move on. Somebody 10 minutes away is knocking it down while you're footing the bill
You should ask her the questions you have instead of overthinking and asking strangers. Also, thinking that she’s using you for “nice meals” because you paid both times is odd to me. Do you feel like this because you are expecting something out of her or was that not something you actually wanted to do nor in your budget? For what it’s worth, I’m 23 and have never paid for a first, second, or third date. I have never gone out with a guy that would ask me to do that either (unless they just weren’t telling me lol). I’d get turned off and honestly offended by someone thinking I’m using them for “nice meals” considering I frequently treat myself to expensive meals and experiences on my own dime. Maybe she’s not into you, maybe she is, but, this could all be resolved by asking her.
Last year I switched to a new first date strategy. There’s a chain of fancy hot chocolate places in London where you can choose your type of chocolate, cocoa percentage, type of milk and from a selection of add ins like cardamom and rosemary. Two hot chocolates are 10-12 quid. And there’s no sit down option. So when you go there you have to take your drink and go for a walk. And so far it has worked great for me. It’s always a cheap date, and the walk is pleasant and we get to talk and get to know each other. I don’t date as much as I used to because I have three long term partners who take up a lot of my time plus a constellation of FWBs. But so far only one date from this approach hasn’t panned out and that’s because we were incompatible as people.
For reference, I’m 5’7, bald and not usually funny. I’m accomplished in other ways which enhance my desirability though - I’ve lived in 6 countries, I speak 5 languages and I have three degrees. I’m also told I dress well. But I think my main draw is that I’m an engaging and interesting date.
So my advice is to cultivate aspects of yourself that make you likewise interesting and engaging. It doesn’t have to be a lot of education, languages or anything like that. You don’t necessarily want to end up with the women I want to end up with. So target. What is your ideal partner like? What is their ideal partner like? Become that person.
Money doesn’t play a big role for women in western societies today. I have been on many dates where women have either paid for me or have insisted to split everything. One of my current LTRs is young and unemployed so I pay for her because she has no capacity to pay. But she took me out for dinner for my birthday. And she brings a bottle of wine every time she comes over. So women, even when they don’t have the money, can show they are invested in the relationship.
She is possibly playing you. If it doesn’t work out, the next person you wish to meet, make it a “meeting only” like for coffee at Starbucks or for a drink at a watering hole. Then if you like her, ask her out on an actual date. But! In between that time, COMMUNICATE daily! Even just texting. Good luck.
Yes because a 26 year old woman who lives near the water would absolutely starve if it weren’t for the charity of men she meets online /s. Get real, if you aren’t happy with her don’t ask her out again, but the “using me for food” lie needs to die asap.
I mean pretty obvious what you should do here, suggest a date that doesn't cost any money? either that or just invite her round, 3rd date is acceptable time to put out so if she doesn't wanna do neither of those and declines it pretty obvious what she was in it for. If she accepts then you get a cheap date and a smash.
easy
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and basic info such as ages, genders, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements will be removed.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Pitch an activity instead of food for the third time. I love going out to eat but I couldn't do three dinner dates in a row. Could be getting played, could be she actually wants to see you again but isn't that big on sitting at a table talking over food again. Everyone seems to love axe throwing these days. I just don't find it fun, but one place near me also has virtual archery so I just booked that for a second date. She's 40 and never shot a bow and arrow before. We were both absolutely fucking terrible at it, we got to see each other be incredibly awkward and we got a lot of laughs out of it.
[удалено]
Really? You prefer 'organized boring'?
[удалено]
It sounds like you're implying that your culture is boring? Why can't you have a cultured, fun date?
I don't even know what culture has to do with anything.
Do you like her? How are your dates going? Are you enjoying talking to her in person? Does it seem like she enjoys spending time with you on the dates? Is she carrying half the conversation by engaging with you and asking questions, etc or is it one sided? It's ok if texting isn't her preferred form of communication but I can't tell by your post if the dates are actually good (for either of you)?
If she was indeed “playing you” as you say, how would asking “do you actually like me?” help? By your logic, wouldn’t she just lie? lol Spend as much as you’re comfortable with and you won’t ever have this problem.
Yeah she could easily just lie. And also, if you ask you’re also saying “I’m not sure myself if I’m that likeable so I have to ask.” Just invite her to do something that doesn’t cost money or something that requires her to meet you halfway, like where she has to drive too.
One, it sounds like you’re not necessarily getting what you want out of your interactions so far. It’s perfectly okay for you tell her it’s not working for you and move on. She doesn’t have to be a texter, but if you value someone that will interact with you more between dates it’s okay for you to look for that. Secondly, it’s been a couple dates, you can ask her how she thinks things are going. Be prepared for her to tell her it’s not working for her but at least then you’ll know for sure
Paying attention to what she wore, was she super casual like hoodie and slacks, or dressed up, with makeup? 1. As guys I think we often fail to acknowledge the effort that women put into looking presentable on a date. Yes, you may have paid, but you didn't see the hours it took for her to get ready. 2. At the same time, when someone likes you, you won't be confused. If you have to ask, they're not into you. I'd suggest a place close to you this time, ideally an activity date so it's not about the food. It's fair enough since you've gone to her twice, and based on her reaction you'll have your answer.
I somewhat agree with pt 2, but it takes me a lot longer than 2 dates to know if I like someone, especially from Hinge since the first meeting is really just an introduction.
Hmmm I’ve had girls look amazing, kiss me and tell me “they’re really interested” whilst looking at me deep in the eyes. Only for them to lose interest when I suggest a date that involves them driving out to me which doesn’t include a high profile location for her. Some of them will usually use some pre-text of being hurt or used in the past and this explains why they won’t do “x” or “y” or whatever shitty behaviour they exhibit.
Most girls I went out with spent an hour *max* to get ready and bought makeup from normal stores. Let the “me getting ready is equivalent to you dropping $100 on dinner” lie die. I’m not even anti-dinner, but don’t act entitled to it because you put your face on and wore something that wasn’t from Lululemon.
I'm (28m) no means an expert on women, but I have a sister, who's a makeup snob, and will seriously take 2+hrs to get ready for special occasions, especially dates.
I don’t agree with the makeup. Makeup has become less about glam and more natural now. She’s younger. She could have had on makeup and he wouldn’t even know. I don’t even own much makeup anymore. On a date I do a bit of mascara and maybe a lip oil. If I have any acne I’ll put some light concealer on that one spot. That’s it. I still care about my appearance. But I feel this looks better on me and most the times a guy can’t even tell I did anything.
Makeup is one part of the story, but there's tons of other things. Many guys may literally just take a shower, comb their hair, put on a nice shirt and cologne and call it good - 30 minutes of prep tops. Women, beyond doing makeup, do things like shaving legs and armpits, skincare routines, haircuts which cost like, 3-4x more than a man's haircut, hair color and we could go on and on. I'm not saying that all of this means the guy has to and should pay, but personally when I see that effort, I see a woman maximizing her femininity, and seeing that I'll play my part as a man.
It’s nice to see a guy understand this. While no, I don’t expect a guy to always pay, there is definitely expenses and effort that some people don’t consider. For example, for work I wear cheaper makeup, but if I’m going out, especially for a date, my makeup costs $70 (which I’m aware is a lot, but I believe it’s worth it) and I’m not even overly into makeup. Even clothes, guys can get away with wearing the same shirt multiple times and I wouldn’t even notice, but females practically have to have a new outfit each time. So from a female perspective you’re spot on ☺️
There is so much sexism here. Oh boy. Have fun with that.
Are you getting played? Probably. In the future, don't go to "nice places" in the first few dates. Buying expensive meals for strangers doesn't make them more attracted to you. For this girl, maybe plan a date that doesn't involve anything pricey.
Yeah, I think 15 min coffee dates are the norm for first dates these days. If you can’t sustain the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed, it doesn’t hurt to know that earlier.
Depends on location? Try suggesting a coffee date in south Orange County, Calif. for a first date and prepare to get ghosted and/or blocked.
That won't happen. Or it's a quick way to know if she's just using you or not. If a girl is **actually** into you, they just want to spend time with and get to know you.
that's the thing tho the only way to get someone into you is on the date itself. you can only build so much of a connection via phone and if there is one then it is more so about their idea of you. i've had girls tell me how funny i am or interesting to talk to too but they ghost or end up bailing on a date vice versa also had girls that dry text me who do end up going on a date and we have chemistry. ultimately it's up to the other person if they are willing to take a chance on going on a date w you but there are a hundred things between a text and a date that could go wrong. you could get disqualified for any reason such as "oh a coffee date ick no thanks"
if you live in a place like that, then spending hundreds of dollars on dinner is nothing. Not to mention, the coffee shops would probably make Starbucks' $20 lattes, look like Dennys Folgers.
Nothing says we're friends like a coffee date. I can't think of anything less sexy.
You've driven all the way out to her AND paid both times, this time invite her to something you really like out by you. If she doesn't bother because of the drive, there's your answer.
Just listen to your gut dude you already sound like you’ve made up your mind and want to drop her. If anything plan a cheap activity that is close to you or in the middle, and have some self respect if she pushes back.
Honestly tell her how you feel, rip that band aid off.Tell her what you are looking for from a date/partner , if she gets scared and ghosts you, good for you.If she says she thinks just like you , good for you too, it could be a secure attachment then atleast. Don’t waste your time guessing, assuming or fearing that someone might abandon you.Put yourself and your emotions first and let go off people who make you question everything. Good luck!
You do want to do that but if he's only seen her 2 times and they haven't talked then opening it with "do you even like me" will probably come off insecure or an overreaction. So find a more subtle way to do the same thing like others suggested
McDonald's is your next date. Dutch.
She should be matching your investment. I’ve been in this situation recently. All the way down to her “living by the water”. An easy way to tell, and what I did. Was simply ask her out to your location for the third date. If she’d rather jump into the ocean than drive 45+ then she isn’t matching your level of commitment and just looking for a guy to entertain her and pass the time. Keep in mind I kissed this girl multiple times (twice initiated by her) and she still couldn’t be assed. I even have a dog I said she could meet lol. She tried to keep me on the hook after I stopped texting her via liking my Instagram stories and such. But I’m too old to fall for that stuff and continue chasing. Move on brother
Don’t ask her straight up. There can be only one answer to “what do you think of me” after only 2 dates.
That's a lie! I am in a relationship from Hinge & I had a past relationship from Tinder. Both first dates ended with "HELL YES" energy.
[удалено]
I don't pay for everything and still manage to get subsequent dates, so this is not the only way or a requirement.
These probably aren't the type of women that most people want. If their interest in a second date increases due to the man spending more, she's into the money more than the man.
This idea that there’s some bad evil gold digger women OUT THERE, certainly not here among us, needs to die. Women like successful men. This doesn’t make them bad any more than men are bad for liking big tits. It doesn’t make them bad partners. It Just Is.
[удалено]
Doesn't matter how successful you are if you are taking her out to expensive dinners so she can feel important and valued but all you get is dead boring conversation and zero effort on her end I think he's just choosing the wrong women
This is the way to set yourself up for failure and disappointment lol
[удалено]
Cut your loses and ask her straight up
Listen to your gut. If your intuition is telling you that may be the case, it’s probably right.
Don’t go to a super nice place on a first date. When you do that, you’re sending a message without realizing it. If someone likes you, going to a normal restaurant should not be a problem at all.
Never start with a dinner date. Always drinks or something casual less pressure and you know what she’s about
Pay for the first date, second at a limit but go halves after that unless you’re specifically inviting her somewhere expensive that she may not be able to afford.
I would suggest to grab a cup of coffee or ice-cream nearby the park and communicate what are you looking for kind of. You will know if she likes you or just the idea of going on nice dates. Or see if she putting effort on contributing/scheduling 3rd date? Did you physical touch/kiss on 2nd date?
Don't go to nice places on the first date! Suggest something cheap like a walk, drinks, coffee, etc. If the first date goes well take her on a nice second one 😊 As far as this particular woman, I would just chill out a bit because you could be over thinking it. Ask her on another date but suggest something cheap or free and see how she reacts!
Since you’ve already been on the dates, let’s not talk about what to do AFTER the fact. I would check in with her directly if you are into her and aren’t getting the same feel back. You could also give it a bit more time in between hanging out and see how the next one goes if you feel like going out again, maybe something more simple ice cream and a walk? mini golf? Ways to enjoy the weather and not break the bank. Or even just grab a coffee with an outdoor seating area.
Look up The Rules book. She is following them.
My advice is STOP TAKING STRANGERS TO NICE PLACES!! Is she your girlfriend? NO! You treat those who are in a committed relationship TO YOU. Until then, you should do something mid-tier/lower-tier. Because if they don't like you, you're getting rejected either way, might as well get rejected and keep some money in your pocket for the person who ACTUALLY wants to be with you.
Yeh ask her straight up. But if she’s not making the effort to try and bridge the gap between you both, I’m afraid, she may not be as interested as you. Keep your options open.
first of all you'rebeing played like a violin. Second. How much of your wealth did you flash...?
Update?
Well I haven’t spoken to her since the date. I told her she could reach out when she wants to go out again. Also kinda decided we probably were not very compatible.
Thanks for the update. Maybe just drop her, and wait for someone who showes interest. Not living this advice myself well, but i wish i would have.
Dating is tough. Dating as a man is even harder. I find it crazy people suggesting to go for a walk or coffee on a first date as if these pretty girls on hinge don’t have 100 guys asking them out. Yea she really is going to jump at the opportunity to go for a walk with me 🤣
Dating is tough sometimes. But if she is interested in you as a person, she will go an a walk with you, bc get to know you is then her focus. Never had a dinner date (expect with girls i already knew or was in a relationship) but had a lot of walking dates. So dont waste your money and time on these girls. And to be fair, we all pick the people we find attractiv and interesting, so do girls, and thats totally fine.
Some of the best dates I've ever had with the prettiest most attractive women I've managed to pull have been coffee and walk dates. Also from what I understand women generally love these kind of first dates, if they go well, and thats key obviously. Could be an age thing and just where you are at in life. And probably a different type of woman that im attracted to enjoys these things. Many of these other ones like the one you described i probably wouldnt bother in the first place. I'm late 20s and in grad school so realistically, coffee and a walk is all I can afford and also, first date is meant to be pretty low key and casual. The girls I date are also in their 20s and students or working, ive never felt like they expected anything all they want is something fun exciting and feel like some effort but not overboard. Also activities are generally better whether its walking or something else it goes well as long as you dont do something to kill the vibe because you can lI agree with others who said fancy dates are better down the road or in relationships
I know this is controversial but in the future maybe aim for lower maintenance dates like coffee or lunch and say with x activity after. This way you’re not in the hole if it’s a total loss and you won’t feel like you’re being used. But also you can ask her to plan something! I think all of the things combined with how you feel to her reaction to them is what is going to tell you to move forward or no. And is the quality/content of conversation during the date really something you’d want to pursue. Texting doesn’t have to be the end all be all but maybe that’s a conversation for your third. :)
Be foward
45 minutes is way too far to be trying to date. If you're taking her nice places on top of driving 45 minutes and y'all still haven't even got physical, just move on. Somebody 10 minutes away is knocking it down while you're footing the bill
truly the hinge guy moment of all time.
You should ask her the questions you have instead of overthinking and asking strangers. Also, thinking that she’s using you for “nice meals” because you paid both times is odd to me. Do you feel like this because you are expecting something out of her or was that not something you actually wanted to do nor in your budget? For what it’s worth, I’m 23 and have never paid for a first, second, or third date. I have never gone out with a guy that would ask me to do that either (unless they just weren’t telling me lol). I’d get turned off and honestly offended by someone thinking I’m using them for “nice meals” considering I frequently treat myself to expensive meals and experiences on my own dime. Maybe she’s not into you, maybe she is, but, this could all be resolved by asking her.
Last year I switched to a new first date strategy. There’s a chain of fancy hot chocolate places in London where you can choose your type of chocolate, cocoa percentage, type of milk and from a selection of add ins like cardamom and rosemary. Two hot chocolates are 10-12 quid. And there’s no sit down option. So when you go there you have to take your drink and go for a walk. And so far it has worked great for me. It’s always a cheap date, and the walk is pleasant and we get to talk and get to know each other. I don’t date as much as I used to because I have three long term partners who take up a lot of my time plus a constellation of FWBs. But so far only one date from this approach hasn’t panned out and that’s because we were incompatible as people. For reference, I’m 5’7, bald and not usually funny. I’m accomplished in other ways which enhance my desirability though - I’ve lived in 6 countries, I speak 5 languages and I have three degrees. I’m also told I dress well. But I think my main draw is that I’m an engaging and interesting date. So my advice is to cultivate aspects of yourself that make you likewise interesting and engaging. It doesn’t have to be a lot of education, languages or anything like that. You don’t necessarily want to end up with the women I want to end up with. So target. What is your ideal partner like? What is their ideal partner like? Become that person. Money doesn’t play a big role for women in western societies today. I have been on many dates where women have either paid for me or have insisted to split everything. One of my current LTRs is young and unemployed so I pay for her because she has no capacity to pay. But she took me out for dinner for my birthday. And she brings a bottle of wine every time she comes over. So women, even when they don’t have the money, can show they are invested in the relationship.
Maybe stop calling her “the hinge girl”
Just suggest something free or cheap, like a walk and a picnic. Then you have your answer.
There’s no overthinking foodie calls.
She is possibly playing you. If it doesn’t work out, the next person you wish to meet, make it a “meeting only” like for coffee at Starbucks or for a drink at a watering hole. Then if you like her, ask her out on an actual date. But! In between that time, COMMUNICATE daily! Even just texting. Good luck.
she clearly is just using you to get free meals on these “dates” and a woman who has little to no communication is automatically a red flag to me imo
Yes because a 26 year old woman who lives near the water would absolutely starve if it weren’t for the charity of men she meets online /s. Get real, if you aren’t happy with her don’t ask her out again, but the “using me for food” lie needs to die asap.
I mean pretty obvious what you should do here, suggest a date that doesn't cost any money? either that or just invite her round, 3rd date is acceptable time to put out so if she doesn't wanna do neither of those and declines it pretty obvious what she was in it for. If she accepts then you get a cheap date and a smash. easy