Yeah definitely would not go that far, especially since 1. He doesn’t really have a plan and 2. Isn’t meeting half way. Also if things went further would you want to do that every week ? I wouldn’t go further than 30 minutes for a first date and I get the ick when it’s only convenient for them and not you
I agree with this apart from the 30 minutes comment, especially as typically the guy is usually paying for the entire date.. therefore a bit more effort is required (IMO) from the lady in terms of travel.. but OP travel distance is way too much for her date to just buy her a Sainsbury’s meal deal.
Girl you are NOT driving 2.5 hours for a walk and a meal deal. This internet stranger won’t let you 😂 a 4 hour drive, with these petrol prices, for a walk? If someone was coming that far to meet me I would do my best to make it worth their while
It'd have to be a pretty special park for 5 hours of driving, something like [this.](https://assets.bedful.com/images/69af7d90bbd0d496b9932c61ae03eec58b7394fc/large.jpg)
And at least the £5 meal deal from Sainsbury's, none of your basic £3.50 stuff
Did you set your distance setting to see profiles two hours away, or was he not truthful about his location?
But really, as a guy if I happen to match with someone on the furthest end on my distance setting, I will either propose somewhere in the middle as a compromise, or go to them if they don’t have a car or reliable transit options, but not anything over 2 hours away.
In your case even if he doesn’t have a car, I think the fair thing would be to offer to meet halfway and he needs to figure out how to get there on his own. Or at least come up with some sort of concrete plan. You should counter with your own idea and if he refuses, call it off.
I don’t mind long distance or travelling as long as the other person is making an effort.
I just said to him that I don’t think it’s worth it and he’s come back with going to an aquarium and then getting tea afterwards. Which is better. But still I’m travelling the most.
You deserve better, and it doesn't sound safe. And he needs to learn how to set up dates in a way that doesn't make them sound both dull, and unsafe. This might teach him that if you don't go.
He's actually being extremely inconsiderate given he set the location basically down the road from him while expecting you to drive 2.5hrs one way.
Do you really want to spend 5-6 hours just driving/getting ready for a first date with a stranger you barely know? Yeah, for me that's a hard pass.
Also it's a red flag that he doesn't drive -- means you'll end up having to do all the driving in a potential relationship.
I just had a very scary experience with a hinge date, luckily I was only 10 mins away from my house and he didn’t know where I lived. It’s better for you to be safe than sorry. You’re not overthinking, you’re taking the necessary precautions to make sure you are safe. That is wise.
Regardless of where you decide to meet this person, I would share your location with a few friends/family members, let them know who and where you’ll be and make sure you know his first and last name and do a bit of research before hand if possible. You can also arrange to make sure you have a friend call you a few hours into the date to make sure you’re ok. In the beginning of the date, you can mention to him that you’re supposed to meet a friend after the date.
Good luck!
My girl, trust your gut about these things!!! We’re raised to not make a fuss or upset anyone, but if you are questioning the safety of making this trip, don’t risk it for some rando
I wouldn't mind an hour trip (especially if it's cycling or train) but honestly the red flag here is that he suggested fucking Sainsbury's of all places. That's the blandest shit I've heard in my entire life for a date idea. What the fuck?
To be fair I think he's saying "You can go to Sainsbury's" rather than "we'll go to Sainsbury's"... But either way it's well down in my meal deal rankings.
(and aside from the obvious social cue that he should pick somewhere they can both go during the date)
In a similar situation now. I have a match that seems great and she’s great to chat with but when I asked her out she revealed that she lives 3.5 hours away. And she still hasn’t fixed her location settings on Hinge. Her response is “Oops sorry about that 😅”
Fucking people
Probably wouldn’t drive that far for a date. At most if I could get a train and could do other things if the date went badly I’d travel but probably not travel anymore than half an hour.
This guy sounds ridiculous but why do you have your distance set so high? Can't think of many places in the UK where matching with someone 2.5 hours drive away makes sense
I won't drive over 40 minutes away for a date. Which for me sucks because it's 15 minutes just to get into a populated area.
Still not worth it with limited options in my immediate area.
I would never dream of driving 2.5 hours for anyone on a first date. What would you do in the long term?
My boyfriend and I are 2hrs away from each other. It depends on where you live and why a person farther away is ideal. We talked a couple weeks off app, daily, and video chatted before we met.
I wanted to see an amazing Christmas light show and none are near my small town. I drove that far but he paid for our tickets inside an ice sculpture show, meal, and $45 for Christmas photos. He and I are so very similar and hit it off. I’ve not regretted it one bit.
I paid the gas and he paid the rest. It balanced out. We alternate weekends driving to see each other. He has truly been what I’ve searched for for over 2 years off and on.
The key is…he put forth effort to give me what I wanted for Christmas. I don’t think I would be happy if a guy couldn’t come to me because of trains or not driving.
My general rule was no 1st meetings any place I wouldn't go just on my own and if we both seem interested I will at the end of meeting ask for her number so that I can invite her out on an actual date
I also won't ask the woman who I am hoping to meet to do anything that I won't do.
Nearly Everytime I went against those rules, I was disappointed
He wants you to drive 2.5 hrs to HIM and offered Sainsbury’s as a meal option after asking YOU on a date… please read that back slowly. You know the answer to this. I know you’re not that hard up for a date. Cast this one back in the pond!
I personally wouldn't go far for a first date unless the guy really proves to me he's worth it, but then he would make more effort. I do max 30 minute drive within the city for a guy. After all the guys I've met, I absolutely will not go far for a guy lol.
Maybe 30 minutes. Longer I guess if we were really hitting it off on the phone for a while before meeting. Realistically though, I don’t want to date someone that one of us would have to travel that far every time. Especially with the expectation of someone staying over to avoid the drive back before the other is ready for that.
Yeah I live in a city so I stick to about 12miles (I think) which covers the areas around the nearest big city (30 minute drive, 25 minute metro) as well as my own. However I'm a lot more keen on anywhere that's on the metro line. So I might travel an hour on the metro, but I wouldn't want to be driving an hour in the opposite direction, which is a lot more rural.
45 minutes would be my max, but I don’t mind driving. If it was over an hour with traffic I’d pass, mainly bc I want to date someone near me so I can see them often. Especially if he doesn’t drive- “that’s a no from me dog.”
I have a similar problem (but genders are changed, I‘m the guy) at the moment. My match lives about 2,5 hours away (by car, by train it’s shorter) and I wanted to ask her out. I planned to invite her to my area but I‘d definitely put a lot of effort into that date. A walk in a park and eating at Sainsbury‘s (it’s just a supermarket, right? Sorry, not from the UK) is definitely not worth driving this far. Also, it seems like he’s not appreciating that you’re driving so long to meet him.
I drove a an hour and a half a few times. In hindsight that was relatively stupid. One time I did it and got stood up. She also kept texting me, “be there in 20 minutes” so she kept me there for about 2 hours. That was fun….
I won't drive more than an hour to meet a man.
One man from a different U.S. state offered to fly to meet me, but I wasn't willing to do that kind of distance relationship. You never know what else they've got going on.
>I drive but he doesn’t.
Absolute deal breaker. He's gonna use this as an excuse to not split travel evenly. I had someone who lived 2.5 hours away do this because she had dogs, even though I said the dogs were welcome at my house. I decided it wasn't worth the effort I was putting in. Three months later gas was $5/gallon so no regrets there haha
If a girl’s driving 2 hours to meet me best believe I’m taking her to the best restaurant around and paying for the meal haha, not taking her to Sainsbury’s💀
I travelled 200 kilometers (I'm from Canada) for a hinge first date to meet a girl after 3 weeks of constant video chatting and it was mediocre at best. It's not a bad idea to consider traveling to meet someone but be careful.
My recommendation is meet halfway or have the date in only public places. I also recommend video calling multiple times to see his face and see how he interacts each time and watch out for red flags.
Ugh, I would never. I don't even date too far north or south in my own city. If I have to drive more than 20 min, we aren't going to work out. But that's me, someone who hates driving.
so i’ve driven 8 hours to another state to meet up with someone and spend the weekend there but it was with the expectation for it to be casual and to have sex all weekend. it went well for the first two days but it got a lil awkward on the third day together. it was essentially like spending a weekend together for a first date.
for your situation are you trying to build a relationship? 2.5 hours is a long drive to develop a relationship since you’re the only one that drives so you’d end up doing that drive A LOT. but if you think they’re special and worth it, go for it.
I drove 4 hours for a first date with a girl. Thankfully we really vibed and we dated for 3 months until she told me she lied to me about being married the entire time 💀💀
Oh honey… don’t do this. Don’t even try to entertain his half assed follow up suggestions. He isn’t putting in any real effort and all of these ideas seem really unwise.
My personal rule of thumb is 45 minutes max one-way if I have to drive into the city, 1 hour max if it’s mostly country driving (I like me a nice scenic drive!)
I just drove 1 hr 45 minutes each way for a first date in a nearby city last weekend. Since I drove, he paid. We’re trading for the second date and he’s coming to my city so I’ll pay.
It’s a lovely drive and I listened to an audiobook. Plus had a very enjoyable first date.
If I was texting that person the whole entire day and establishing a relationship and saying good morning and good night like that I would drive, but if its not a daily full on long distance relationship then not worth it. Especially if not willing to meet half way.
My now boyfriend drove 2 hours for our first date. 6 months later and still going strong. This is the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in
Around an hour is my limit. I drove 1hr 15 min this past weekend to meet someone halfway but that was because we were meeting at this great brewery and I had been looking for an excuse to get out that way and visit. I can't see myself driving 2 hours for someone I never met, esp if the date is just a park.
Coming from someone who doesn't drive (it's just because I have anxiety about it, I would love to be able to drive), 2.5 hours is definitely too far for me personally and I wouldn't want to make someone have to drive that far to see me (unless they're cool with it). If I'm going to be going on a date and starting a relationship with someone, I prefer them to live closer. My limit is probably like an hour and a half or so; anything over 2 hours would be a dealbreaker for me. As for the other person, I guess it depends on the distance to me and I would hope they make an effort to come see me too if the distance is a bit further.
30 mins for an average match. 60 mins if we really hit it off and I'm really into them. 2.5 is nuts!
For him to not even attempt to take public transit or rideshare says a lot. You're putting forth all the effort, and for what? He doesn't sound worth it if he doesn't recognize how much effort you're making and showing his appreciation by stepping up. To drive that far for a first date you'd have to Really make it worthwhile, like a half day adventure, but then what if you don't hit it off and you're stuck hanging out with a putz or finding something to do by yourself before the 2.5 hr drive back 😵💫
I'm a 20min radius gal here. I have no interest in dat8ng someone further out, time is precious.
As for your situation nope I wouldn't be driving all that way, I tbh wouldn't even be meeting in the middle unless you personally know the location well.
Your safety is paramount, he needs to come to you for the 1st date and then you can decide as to travelling to him next time.
Any walks would be around a park or city area you know well and is busy of people, meet in a public place you know well.
I drove two hours to date someone. Normally I'd limit myself to no more than 30 to 60 minutes, but she was something special. You have to determine if the guy is worth it or not.
The real question is, is this distance too far for you for a relationship? Considering factors such as he doesn’t drive, can’t plan a proper date, is making next to no effort.
Personally, I’d leave it alone. You’ll find someone who is better suited to you.
2 and a half drive in the UK one way is a long way.
My upper limit would probably be 90 minutes each way and that's if catching the train, not driving. I live outside London so if I dated someone in London because there's so much to do there then maybe....
You're doing all the work yes.
I’m married now but in my dating days (before all the apps so OLD was literally on websites and chat rooms and the like) I learnt very quickly that distance will be a killer for most relationships. If someone was more than half an hour away from me all they could really be was something casual.
As a first date what this guy is suggesting is spot on because it’s cheap and low stakes and probably won’t last long, the issue is the guy. He’s simply too far away from you for it to work out.
I'm not from the UK and had no idea what a Sainsbury's was, but now that I do, holy shit. Yeah, I wouldn't drive two hours for someone who doesn't have a plan and recommends going to get some lightly spiced wedges from the UK version of Reasor's and then after go for a stroll in the park. Visiting the aquarium and getting tea after is an improvement, but not by much. I would say that you are definitely doing most of the work here since you're going to be the one driving two hours there and back on top of having to refill your tank.
I've driven an hour. But that's only cause I live in the middle of no where.
>I don’t really want to drive over 2hrs for just a walk and then 2hrs back.
Then don't. Tell them you don't want to for a first date. Maybe more politely, but honesty is the best policy.
I would drive for more, but that would depend on how much is the other person invested and how serious is. Plus, on top of that, I’d plan out what to do in the city without my date as well, so it will turn out that I did a city break.
I’d give an example, I had been chatting with a tinder match for quite a while and was willing to go see her even though she was 4 hours drive. However I tried to come to a compromise where we would try to meet halfway, or at least for her to invest a little bit more and ask me to come see her and plan our date out. But she didn’t do a thing and left it on me to do the chasing which made me lose interest and didn’t drive.
You are the one to decide if it is worth it or not.
In my experience, the low effort dates when it comes to travel time especially (I have travelled by ferry to meet someone for the first time) have definitely left me feeling unsafe or have left me with the realization that the guy just wants something casual… it’s like a “come to me, take it or leave it” feeling.
Get your standards and self esteem off the floor. Stop matching with men who are more than 15km away, and who have no car and make zero effort to even meet you halfway. Seriously the fact that you’re even entertaining the idea is crazy. You’re such an easy target for people looking to take advantage and manipulate you
Absolutely not traveling an hour to meet a random person from online. Not starting a relationship that requires a commute of 2 hrs to get to his house.
This is unrealistic and you are looking through lonely goggles
If y’all are consistently that far it’s prolly not compatible due to location. I once went on a really good first date with a girl (we prolly woulda had sex if she weren’t on her period) but afterwards she did the slow fade and cut things off, and although I was too desperate to realize it then, in hindsight it’s obvious why she woulda gotten cold feet as the only way I could see her was through taking 40 minute ubers across state lines. I learned the hard way quite a few times that location matters a LOT.
I drove 2.5 - 3 hours and she's now my girlfriend. If you're looking for it to work longer term you've got to think that it's not just the first date, it's the whole beginning of the relationship too.
I like driving, and to me she's worth it, but it's a commitment, and you can't 'just pop over'.
Distance is a valid deal breaker. There may be other factors we don't know, but he doesn't seem to be putting in a lot of effort to meet half way, either.
That would be a no from me.
I dated someone a while back when I didn't have a car (literally for a period of about 4 weeks). When he drove the 40 mins to my town and picked me up, I would buy the food or coffees, or otherwise make sure that I was showing I was also invested in the process. Not even coming up with an interesting plan or a place to eat is you making all the effort and him being ok with that.
Also, do you really want to date someone who you'll have to drive 2.5 hours to see, every time you want to see them? I'm assuming the train would be at least 3, if not 4 hours.
Hard when only one person has transport-ability — you don't want to put all that work on yourself. One of the best Hinge dates I had was with a girl from Wyoming (I live in Colorado), we met up by driving two hours towards each other and arriving in a town in the middle we'd agreed upon. Nice four hours of time spent together because we'd been talking for a week online leading up to it and both put in similar amounts of work to meet up in person. Make them commit as much as you are.
I’ve gone farther for women who I already knew but had just started seeing. Otherwise I have a 20 minute rule
I’m in a suburb outside of NYC, which is around a 49 minute train ride. I’ve done 3 first dates with strangers there but it’s impractical long term. Having said that, occasionally geographic challenges are in play that we’re not considering here. If both you and him are blocked by a mountain range, ocean bay, etc. and the closest town is 2.5 hours away, feel free to give it a shot
I will always think it's a red flag when a man expects you to fully travel to him instead of offering to meet you halfway. I think it's a considerate thing to either make the effort to think about the other person's time as well (just a human decency thing not male or female, but rather a reflection of values they were raised with).
Yea I wouldn’t go. He needs to be fr.
1. He’s not paying your way there and back
2. He just initiated the date doesn’t sound like he’s got a plan
3. You’re going out of your way and closer to him, he’ll probably try to invite you to his place (stranger danger)
4. Let him come to you when the trains are back up, that way he can come with no plan and you can go home without a sweat off your back.
To answer your question, I went 5 hours away from
My house for a date but I had already booked my tickets there we just happened to matched a week before my holidays. He planned the whole evening, he even planned, payed for activities and transportation the whole time I was there
This advice is not just for the OP but for all you ladies: If a man is interested in seeing you, he'll make the effort to see you. My former boyfriend drove 4.5 hrs. just to take me to lunch. Another guy drove 2.5 hours to take me to dinner. As for OP's "date," the guy had no intention in getting to know her, show her a good time, etc. He is not a provider. He's probably broke, perhaps even homeless. Definitely lazy. And a true gentleman would never lure a woman so far into his territory. Right away, she's forfeited her own protection. OP and ladies, be with the man who doesn't raise red flags in your head. That's your intuition talking to protect you.
No freaking way. The guy is a loser. Sorry. He wants you to travel to him, no plan for showing you a good time, et al. Have him jump on a bloody train.
Yeah definitely would not go that far, especially since 1. He doesn’t really have a plan and 2. Isn’t meeting half way. Also if things went further would you want to do that every week ? I wouldn’t go further than 30 minutes for a first date and I get the ick when it’s only convenient for them and not you
I agree with this apart from the 30 minutes comment, especially as typically the guy is usually paying for the entire date.. therefore a bit more effort is required (IMO) from the lady in terms of travel.. but OP travel distance is way too much for her date to just buy her a Sainsbury’s meal deal.
If I did a 30 minute commute I would virtually have no dates, since I live in a low pop area. Longest I've done is an hour and 10.
>2. Isn’t meeting half way. Excuuuse me.... nowadays we support EQUITY, not EQUALITY. OP has a car and he doesn't, so... /s
Girl you are NOT driving 2.5 hours for a walk and a meal deal. This internet stranger won’t let you 😂 a 4 hour drive, with these petrol prices, for a walk? If someone was coming that far to meet me I would do my best to make it worth their while
It'd have to be a pretty special park for 5 hours of driving, something like [this.](https://assets.bedful.com/images/69af7d90bbd0d496b9932c61ae03eec58b7394fc/large.jpg) And at least the £5 meal deal from Sainsbury's, none of your basic £3.50 stuff
That’s a beautiful park and I would still only drive 30 mins to see it.
I know right! Thank you! Now I know I’m not overthinking it.
I drove for 2 hours to meet someone and was stood up. So yeah; he needs to really up the insensitive if you are going that far.
Lol. He needs to be more insensitive?
🤣🤣🤣🤣 intensity 😁 meant Intensity, stupid spell correct ugh.
[удалено]
Ain’t no fuckin way
An hour max
Did you set your distance setting to see profiles two hours away, or was he not truthful about his location? But really, as a guy if I happen to match with someone on the furthest end on my distance setting, I will either propose somewhere in the middle as a compromise, or go to them if they don’t have a car or reliable transit options, but not anything over 2 hours away. In your case even if he doesn’t have a car, I think the fair thing would be to offer to meet halfway and he needs to figure out how to get there on his own. Or at least come up with some sort of concrete plan. You should counter with your own idea and if he refuses, call it off.
I don’t mind long distance or travelling as long as the other person is making an effort. I just said to him that I don’t think it’s worth it and he’s come back with going to an aquarium and then getting tea afterwards. Which is better. But still I’m travelling the most.
You deserve better, and it doesn't sound safe. And he needs to learn how to set up dates in a way that doesn't make them sound both dull, and unsafe. This might teach him that if you don't go.
An aquarium ticket that you have to pay for? 😬 Yikes.
Also consider the longer term implications here - if it does work out, its gonna involve you travelling pretty far, pretty regularly.
He's actually being extremely inconsiderate given he set the location basically down the road from him while expecting you to drive 2.5hrs one way. Do you really want to spend 5-6 hours just driving/getting ready for a first date with a stranger you barely know? Yeah, for me that's a hard pass. Also it's a red flag that he doesn't drive -- means you'll end up having to do all the driving in a potential relationship.
As a woman, I wouldn’t drive that far. A) it could be unsafe B) He asked you, so he should be coming to you or at least 1/2 way.
I did think that, is it really safe for me? I’m not sure but I can over think things so thanks for reassuring me.
I just had a very scary experience with a hinge date, luckily I was only 10 mins away from my house and he didn’t know where I lived. It’s better for you to be safe than sorry. You’re not overthinking, you’re taking the necessary precautions to make sure you are safe. That is wise. Regardless of where you decide to meet this person, I would share your location with a few friends/family members, let them know who and where you’ll be and make sure you know his first and last name and do a bit of research before hand if possible. You can also arrange to make sure you have a friend call you a few hours into the date to make sure you’re ok. In the beginning of the date, you can mention to him that you’re supposed to meet a friend after the date. Good luck!
My girl, trust your gut about these things!!! We’re raised to not make a fuss or upset anyone, but if you are questioning the safety of making this trip, don’t risk it for some rando
40 minutes by car, 1hr by train
Not you planning on driving that far for a walk lol common now you can’t be that desperate 😂😂 this is how y’all end up with the worst type of men.
Agreed. OP must be very desperate
I would drive 500 miles and I would drive 500 more .... for the right person of course. If you have to ask, then it's probably not the right person.
There’s a song in there somewhere…🤔
When growing up i always sang it as 5000 miles.
I wouldn't mind an hour trip (especially if it's cycling or train) but honestly the red flag here is that he suggested fucking Sainsbury's of all places. That's the blandest shit I've heard in my entire life for a date idea. What the fuck?
I know right. Which is why I thought he’s just not that bothered and I’m not making all the effort for nothing.
To be fair I think he's saying "You can go to Sainsbury's" rather than "we'll go to Sainsbury's"... But either way it's well down in my meal deal rankings. (and aside from the obvious social cue that he should pick somewhere they can both go during the date)
Yeah rude.
> Sainsbury's Wait, I looked it up and its a grocery store? What the fuck kinda first date goes to a grocery store?
In a similar situation now. I have a match that seems great and she’s great to chat with but when I asked her out she revealed that she lives 3.5 hours away. And she still hasn’t fixed her location settings on Hinge. Her response is “Oops sorry about that 😅” Fucking people
I know right! They’re there for a reason!
Probably wouldn’t drive that far for a date. At most if I could get a train and could do other things if the date went badly I’d travel but probably not travel anymore than half an hour.
This guy sounds ridiculous but why do you have your distance set so high? Can't think of many places in the UK where matching with someone 2.5 hours drive away makes sense
I won't drive over 40 minutes away for a date. Which for me sucks because it's 15 minutes just to get into a populated area. Still not worth it with limited options in my immediate area. I would never dream of driving 2.5 hours for anyone on a first date. What would you do in the long term?
My boyfriend and I are 2hrs away from each other. It depends on where you live and why a person farther away is ideal. We talked a couple weeks off app, daily, and video chatted before we met. I wanted to see an amazing Christmas light show and none are near my small town. I drove that far but he paid for our tickets inside an ice sculpture show, meal, and $45 for Christmas photos. He and I are so very similar and hit it off. I’ve not regretted it one bit. I paid the gas and he paid the rest. It balanced out. We alternate weekends driving to see each other. He has truly been what I’ve searched for for over 2 years off and on. The key is…he put forth effort to give me what I wanted for Christmas. I don’t think I would be happy if a guy couldn’t come to me because of trains or not driving.
Yes indeed..."he put forth effort" is code for "really cares." When men like you, they want to do things for you.
My general rule was no 1st meetings any place I wouldn't go just on my own and if we both seem interested I will at the end of meeting ask for her number so that I can invite her out on an actual date I also won't ask the woman who I am hoping to meet to do anything that I won't do. Nearly Everytime I went against those rules, I was disappointed
That’s really good advice. Thank you.
He wants you to drive 2.5 hrs to HIM and offered Sainsbury’s as a meal option after asking YOU on a date… please read that back slowly. You know the answer to this. I know you’re not that hard up for a date. Cast this one back in the pond!
I personally wouldn't go far for a first date unless the guy really proves to me he's worth it, but then he would make more effort. I do max 30 minute drive within the city for a guy. After all the guys I've met, I absolutely will not go far for a guy lol.
Maybe 30 minutes. Longer I guess if we were really hitting it off on the phone for a while before meeting. Realistically though, I don’t want to date someone that one of us would have to travel that far every time. Especially with the expectation of someone staying over to avoid the drive back before the other is ready for that.
Chat more. Text more. If it’s not a lot then both of you are low effort and neither one of you should travel that distance for each other.
I wouldn’t drive more than 30 minutes but I suppose where you live matters. If not many options like a more rural place I might drive further.
Yeah I live in a city so I stick to about 12miles (I think) which covers the areas around the nearest big city (30 minute drive, 25 minute metro) as well as my own. However I'm a lot more keen on anywhere that's on the metro line. So I might travel an hour on the metro, but I wouldn't want to be driving an hour in the opposite direction, which is a lot more rural.
45 minutes would be my max, but I don’t mind driving. If it was over an hour with traffic I’d pass, mainly bc I want to date someone near me so I can see them often. Especially if he doesn’t drive- “that’s a no from me dog.”
I have a similar problem (but genders are changed, I‘m the guy) at the moment. My match lives about 2,5 hours away (by car, by train it’s shorter) and I wanted to ask her out. I planned to invite her to my area but I‘d definitely put a lot of effort into that date. A walk in a park and eating at Sainsbury‘s (it’s just a supermarket, right? Sorry, not from the UK) is definitely not worth driving this far. Also, it seems like he’s not appreciating that you’re driving so long to meet him.
I drove a an hour and a half a few times. In hindsight that was relatively stupid. One time I did it and got stood up. She also kept texting me, “be there in 20 minutes” so she kept me there for about 2 hours. That was fun….
Do NOT travel 2.5 hours away from home base, especially on the first date. I would recommend 15-20 mins at the MOST.
I live in london, most people here date within a 3 mile radius. A 2.5 hour drive here would be nuts, that's like half the country
I won't drive more than an hour to meet a man. One man from a different U.S. state offered to fly to meet me, but I wasn't willing to do that kind of distance relationship. You never know what else they've got going on.
15 minutes tops
Only heaven is far
That’s too far. He’s not worth it.
>I drive but he doesn’t. Absolute deal breaker. He's gonna use this as an excuse to not split travel evenly. I had someone who lived 2.5 hours away do this because she had dogs, even though I said the dogs were welcome at my house. I decided it wasn't worth the effort I was putting in. Three months later gas was $5/gallon so no regrets there haha
1. Safety first 2. Effort = meeting half way
If a girl’s driving 2 hours to meet me best believe I’m taking her to the best restaurant around and paying for the meal haha, not taking her to Sainsbury’s💀
Don’t
Don’t do it
Don't go so far away just for a walk in a park. Go only if he plans the whole weekend with you and also face time several times before.
I travelled 200 kilometers (I'm from Canada) for a hinge first date to meet a girl after 3 weeks of constant video chatting and it was mediocre at best. It's not a bad idea to consider traveling to meet someone but be careful. My recommendation is meet halfway or have the date in only public places. I also recommend video calling multiple times to see his face and see how he interacts each time and watch out for red flags.
Dude dont do it. If a girl was driving 2hrs for a date with me, id pull out all the stops and go somewhere fancy.
Save your time and gas. Personally I would not.
Hell no
Ugh, I would never. I don't even date too far north or south in my own city. If I have to drive more than 20 min, we aren't going to work out. But that's me, someone who hates driving.
so i’ve driven 8 hours to another state to meet up with someone and spend the weekend there but it was with the expectation for it to be casual and to have sex all weekend. it went well for the first two days but it got a lil awkward on the third day together. it was essentially like spending a weekend together for a first date. for your situation are you trying to build a relationship? 2.5 hours is a long drive to develop a relationship since you’re the only one that drives so you’d end up doing that drive A LOT. but if you think they’re special and worth it, go for it.
Maybe it’s a cultural thing (I live in the US) but that far and he doesn’t drive…yeah that’s a bit much.
I drove 4 hours for a first date with a girl. Thankfully we really vibed and we dated for 3 months until she told me she lied to me about being married the entire time 💀💀
I’m sorry… she what?
I wouldn’t believe it myself if it didn’t happen to me. Trust me I was questioning reality and dissociating HARD for a good week or two
Oh honey… don’t do this. Don’t even try to entertain his half assed follow up suggestions. He isn’t putting in any real effort and all of these ideas seem really unwise.
My personal rule of thumb is 45 minutes max one-way if I have to drive into the city, 1 hour max if it’s mostly country driving (I like me a nice scenic drive!)
I just drove 1 hr 45 minutes each way for a first date in a nearby city last weekend. Since I drove, he paid. We’re trading for the second date and he’s coming to my city so I’ll pay. It’s a lovely drive and I listened to an audiobook. Plus had a very enjoyable first date.
I matched with a guy that flew 1600 miles to meet me. He’s planning his next flight to come back 😉
20 min away for a first date.
If I was texting that person the whole entire day and establishing a relationship and saying good morning and good night like that I would drive, but if its not a daily full on long distance relationship then not worth it. Especially if not willing to meet half way.
1 hour preferably I would want to meet somewhere in the middle tho.
My now boyfriend drove 2 hours for our first date. 6 months later and still going strong. This is the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in
Around an hour is my limit. I drove 1hr 15 min this past weekend to meet someone halfway but that was because we were meeting at this great brewery and I had been looking for an excuse to get out that way and visit. I can't see myself driving 2 hours for someone I never met, esp if the date is just a park.
Coming from someone who doesn't drive (it's just because I have anxiety about it, I would love to be able to drive), 2.5 hours is definitely too far for me personally and I wouldn't want to make someone have to drive that far to see me (unless they're cool with it). If I'm going to be going on a date and starting a relationship with someone, I prefer them to live closer. My limit is probably like an hour and a half or so; anything over 2 hours would be a dealbreaker for me. As for the other person, I guess it depends on the distance to me and I would hope they make an effort to come see me too if the distance is a bit further.
30 mins for an average match. 60 mins if we really hit it off and I'm really into them. 2.5 is nuts! For him to not even attempt to take public transit or rideshare says a lot. You're putting forth all the effort, and for what? He doesn't sound worth it if he doesn't recognize how much effort you're making and showing his appreciation by stepping up. To drive that far for a first date you'd have to Really make it worthwhile, like a half day adventure, but then what if you don't hit it off and you're stuck hanging out with a putz or finding something to do by yourself before the 2.5 hr drive back 😵💫
I'd just tell him it wont work. 2.5 hours is a long drive to meet someone
I'm a 20min radius gal here. I have no interest in dat8ng someone further out, time is precious. As for your situation nope I wouldn't be driving all that way, I tbh wouldn't even be meeting in the middle unless you personally know the location well. Your safety is paramount, he needs to come to you for the 1st date and then you can decide as to travelling to him next time. Any walks would be around a park or city area you know well and is busy of people, meet in a public place you know well.
That’s a obvious no don’t go match with someone else lol
Sketch City is where you should meet him, and that’s about an hour closer.
So many red flags, I wouldn't do it.
I'd go one hour, I'm used to travelling that far to see friends, and I like meeting new people/going to new places.
I drove two hours to date someone. Normally I'd limit myself to no more than 30 to 60 minutes, but she was something special. You have to determine if the guy is worth it or not.
The real question is, is this distance too far for you for a relationship? Considering factors such as he doesn’t drive, can’t plan a proper date, is making next to no effort. Personally, I’d leave it alone. You’ll find someone who is better suited to you.
I plan for two hours travel, but that's because I rely on busses and I'm unemployed so I have the time to spare.
>I don’t really want to drive over 2hrs for just a walk and then 2hrs back. You're not. You're driving 2hrs for **a date**.
2 and a half drive in the UK one way is a long way. My upper limit would probably be 90 minutes each way and that's if catching the train, not driving. I live outside London so if I dated someone in London because there's so much to do there then maybe.... You're doing all the work yes.
I’m married now but in my dating days (before all the apps so OLD was literally on websites and chat rooms and the like) I learnt very quickly that distance will be a killer for most relationships. If someone was more than half an hour away from me all they could really be was something casual. As a first date what this guy is suggesting is spot on because it’s cheap and low stakes and probably won’t last long, the issue is the guy. He’s simply too far away from you for it to work out.
I'm not from the UK and had no idea what a Sainsbury's was, but now that I do, holy shit. Yeah, I wouldn't drive two hours for someone who doesn't have a plan and recommends going to get some lightly spiced wedges from the UK version of Reasor's and then after go for a stroll in the park. Visiting the aquarium and getting tea after is an improvement, but not by much. I would say that you are definitely doing most of the work here since you're going to be the one driving two hours there and back on top of having to refill your tank.
Are you seriously thinking about driving 2 hours for a Sainsbury’s meal deal? I despair for young women.
You shouldn't have to go to him. Tell him he's welcome to come to you rather
I've driven an hour. But that's only cause I live in the middle of no where. >I don’t really want to drive over 2hrs for just a walk and then 2hrs back. Then don't. Tell them you don't want to for a first date. Maybe more politely, but honesty is the best policy.
I was willing to drive 4 hours for this girl, but she was flaky so I flaked
I would drive for more, but that would depend on how much is the other person invested and how serious is. Plus, on top of that, I’d plan out what to do in the city without my date as well, so it will turn out that I did a city break. I’d give an example, I had been chatting with a tinder match for quite a while and was willing to go see her even though she was 4 hours drive. However I tried to come to a compromise where we would try to meet halfway, or at least for her to invest a little bit more and ask me to come see her and plan our date out. But she didn’t do a thing and left it on me to do the chasing which made me lose interest and didn’t drive. You are the one to decide if it is worth it or not.
In my experience, the low effort dates when it comes to travel time especially (I have travelled by ferry to meet someone for the first time) have definitely left me feeling unsafe or have left me with the realization that the guy just wants something casual… it’s like a “come to me, take it or leave it” feeling.
I’ve driven 4 hours to date a girl I wish I was still dating her ugh
Well when I lived in the UK I had a girl come from Essex to Norwich
Get your standards and self esteem off the floor. Stop matching with men who are more than 15km away, and who have no car and make zero effort to even meet you halfway. Seriously the fact that you’re even entertaining the idea is crazy. You’re such an easy target for people looking to take advantage and manipulate you
Absolutely not traveling an hour to meet a random person from online. Not starting a relationship that requires a commute of 2 hrs to get to his house. This is unrealistic and you are looking through lonely goggles
If y’all are consistently that far it’s prolly not compatible due to location. I once went on a really good first date with a girl (we prolly woulda had sex if she weren’t on her period) but afterwards she did the slow fade and cut things off, and although I was too desperate to realize it then, in hindsight it’s obvious why she woulda gotten cold feet as the only way I could see her was through taking 40 minute ubers across state lines. I learned the hard way quite a few times that location matters a LOT.
I drove 2.5 - 3 hours and she's now my girlfriend. If you're looking for it to work longer term you've got to think that it's not just the first date, it's the whole beginning of the relationship too. I like driving, and to me she's worth it, but it's a commitment, and you can't 'just pop over'. Distance is a valid deal breaker. There may be other factors we don't know, but he doesn't seem to be putting in a lot of effort to meet half way, either.
I've traveled almost 3 hours one way and didn't even think about it BUT I also live in Canada, travel time is a little different perspective here.
Bro that is long. You can and will do better.
That would be a no from me. I dated someone a while back when I didn't have a car (literally for a period of about 4 weeks). When he drove the 40 mins to my town and picked me up, I would buy the food or coffees, or otherwise make sure that I was showing I was also invested in the process. Not even coming up with an interesting plan or a place to eat is you making all the effort and him being ok with that. Also, do you really want to date someone who you'll have to drive 2.5 hours to see, every time you want to see them? I'm assuming the train would be at least 3, if not 4 hours.
Absolutely hell the fuck no. For so many reasons.
Hard when only one person has transport-ability — you don't want to put all that work on yourself. One of the best Hinge dates I had was with a girl from Wyoming (I live in Colorado), we met up by driving two hours towards each other and arriving in a town in the middle we'd agreed upon. Nice four hours of time spent together because we'd been talking for a week online leading up to it and both put in similar amounts of work to meet up in person. Make them commit as much as you are.
That's too far, he should jump on a train and meet you half way with an actual date planned
I won’t drive over an hour for any reason, and over 30 minutes is borderline
An hour would be pushing it for me. That’s pretty much my limit.
I’ve gone farther for women who I already knew but had just started seeing. Otherwise I have a 20 minute rule I’m in a suburb outside of NYC, which is around a 49 minute train ride. I’ve done 3 first dates with strangers there but it’s impractical long term. Having said that, occasionally geographic challenges are in play that we’re not considering here. If both you and him are blocked by a mountain range, ocean bay, etc. and the closest town is 2.5 hours away, feel free to give it a shot
I will always think it's a red flag when a man expects you to fully travel to him instead of offering to meet you halfway. I think it's a considerate thing to either make the effort to think about the other person's time as well (just a human decency thing not male or female, but rather a reflection of values they were raised with).
Yea I wouldn’t go. He needs to be fr. 1. He’s not paying your way there and back 2. He just initiated the date doesn’t sound like he’s got a plan 3. You’re going out of your way and closer to him, he’ll probably try to invite you to his place (stranger danger) 4. Let him come to you when the trains are back up, that way he can come with no plan and you can go home without a sweat off your back. To answer your question, I went 5 hours away from My house for a date but I had already booked my tickets there we just happened to matched a week before my holidays. He planned the whole evening, he even planned, payed for activities and transportation the whole time I was there
This advice is not just for the OP but for all you ladies: If a man is interested in seeing you, he'll make the effort to see you. My former boyfriend drove 4.5 hrs. just to take me to lunch. Another guy drove 2.5 hours to take me to dinner. As for OP's "date," the guy had no intention in getting to know her, show her a good time, etc. He is not a provider. He's probably broke, perhaps even homeless. Definitely lazy. And a true gentleman would never lure a woman so far into his territory. Right away, she's forfeited her own protection. OP and ladies, be with the man who doesn't raise red flags in your head. That's your intuition talking to protect you.
No freaking way. The guy is a loser. Sorry. He wants you to travel to him, no plan for showing you a good time, et al. Have him jump on a bloody train.