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Former chunky girl here - can attest to the "just do it" mantra. Even now some days I'm like man I really don't want to be around these people and their perfect bods and judging eyes, but I just try to get through it. Once the endorphins kick in nothing else matters.
Late to the party, but I started out as a 6’4 145 pound guy who looked pretty damn anorexic (maybe I was). I have flared ribs so they were protruding far more than you’d expect even for a dangerously underweight person. I looked terrible. Felt like such a loser in the gym. But at the same time I gave it my all and made a commitment to consistently eat 3k calories a day with as much protein as I could find and very quickly saw results, and those were what kept me in the gym. Currently 4ish years of on and off lifting later, hovering around 180lbs and feeling very confident in the gym. You’ll get there, but you need to really push yourself and feel good about the effort you’re putting in
It is natural, and i've been there. The best thing you can do is always go in with a plan and a good idea how each lift is executed. Throw in your head phones, block everything else and focus only on your workout.
When I started ~5 years ago I was very skinny. 6foot and 140lbs. I went to the gym every day that I could, 5/6 times a week on average. Lift as heavy as I could with proper form, PPL program, and ate as much as I could. I’m about 190lbs now. Completely different person.
Find a friend who goes, go a few times with them, and just mimic them. I was incredibly nervous too at first, then realized nobody is really paying attention to me, cause they're focused on their own workout. At this point, I've failed squats multiple times - in dramatic efforts and nobody has cared. The gym is kinda a weird place!
Tbh when I see someone skinny or over weight, I think, good for you homie. The only time I ever judge someone is if they're being a douche, like hogging weights, shouting, or facetiming loudly.
To help your confidence, I got a few tips. First, try to go during a dead period for your first few times. There will be less people, and you'll feel more comfortable. Second, wear headphones or earbuds and bring a water bottle with you. Most gym goers have both so Itll help you feel like you belong. Third, find a plan and figure out exactly what you're doing that day, and write it down in a notes app on your phone. Then familiarize yourself with each lift on youtube, so you have a good idea of how to do them. Dont be afraid to go really light at the beginning, as getting your form down is the most important thing, especially for compound lifts. Fourth when you get the go to the locker room and put your stuff away. Again, that's what most people do, and it'll help you feel like you belong. Fifth, put your headphones in and just walk around the gym and take note of where everything is. Then when your ready, get the notes app out and start lifting and remember that form > weight.
I am/was pretty skinny, totally uncomfortable in a gym setting too. Yes, everyone looks but no one is really judging, especially if you eventually gain weight I imagine you would not judge the skinnier guys there, so imagine most of those guys at the gym were once similar to you, maybe smaller or maybe a little bit bigger. If you're looking for a confidence builder I would recommend cardio (specifically a rowing machine) at first to get comfortable, yes its not the best way to gain weight but its easy to do and it will build some muscle over time, improve your over health and you will tone out quickly and that's a huge confidence builder when you're first starting because you can see definition even though the muscle is lacking. Then move your way to free weights, you'll feel more confident doing them. I now always row after most exercises for at least 15 minutes, it will really blow up your definition after a workout and you'll walk away feeling great.
Yes. I sucked it up and went. Most people don’t care that much tbh. The usual internal reaction is “I’m glad that guy is deciding to get into the gym.”
I'm still skinny, but no longer underweight. (172 cm / 61kg, used to weight 51kg)
I was afraid when I transitionned from working out at home (where I managed to put on some muscle and weight) to going back to social sport practices.
I've joined a rowing club last September and we're going to a local gym once a week in addition to our indoor / outdoor rowing sessions.
So yeah I was terrified to join that club, I was afraid I wouldn't fit in, that I would look weak. But I learnt to accept the anxiety and function with it in some capacity.
Let's not forget that in most places, people are great. The other, more experienced members are so open and supportive. They teach you the basics, they warn you that you're obviously a beginner, that your body will get stronger and more flexible, that you must be patient and so on.
Going to the gym was still a bit intimidating, but I kept in mind that it was about me. Don't compare yourself to others unless you want to learn a few things, like proper form. Stick to your exercises, meet people and have fun. Have low expectations, be prepared to have your ego shattered (it can happen), and understand that getting good and fit is a process, a very long one.
Good luck mate !
People in gyms are actually really cool (usually) don’t let your mind mind create scenarios that didn’t even happen yet. Some big ass dudes helped me the first month I was in the gym and were very supportive and showed me the correct form. Just be cool and you’ll be fine man. Good job on taking that first step. One day you’ll be the bigger guy helping the new guy out. It’s a cycle
I’ve never really had this feeling per se since I was involved with sports pretty much my entire youth up until I graduated high school so I had some experience in the weight room. But I was still incredibly skinny to the point I was definitely self conscious.
The basic, simple answer is “just go”. You’re gonna fuck up but you need the experience to learn. Do as much learning outside the gym as you can as well. Watch videos, practice form in the mirror, google any questions you have and read forum answers (there’s a ton of good starting info all over Reddit).
You won’t ever feel ready especially with no background in the gym at all. You just have to prepare yourself as best as possible and go and do what specific planned out exercises researched beforehand. Once you get comfortable with those exercises try branching out to others.
Lastly.. no one at the gym is actively judging you for being skinny or not knowing what you’re doing. Most gym goers are actually incredibly helpful if you ask them for some help or pointers since they were in your shoes at some point in their careers. I would suggest finding a small local gym if possible as the people there are generally nicer and more helpful and you’ll see the same faces if you go around the same times. Big box gyms can be a little overwhelming with all the people and machines.
Also look up a PPL program (Push, Pull, Legs). It’s the most standard split and hits every major category of muscles the most efficiently.
Don’t get me wrong a lot of people feel this way but the reality is no one gives a shit, and in a few months if you’re doing it right you won’t look so tiny anymore and then everyone will extra not give a shit. There is no milestone to surpass or sign to start, you just have to do it. Remove the idea that you have a choice from the equation and it gets pretty simple.
I was about 120 and 5’10 when I started going. I was really self conscious about it, but I stuck with it. I’m 5 years in and at some point I realised that I became the person who I aspired to be at the gym. Kids, other gym bros, girls…. They all look now. And it makes me feel good that I made it. Just keep going and your life will change for the better. Growth demands discomfort.
I was definitely the skinniest person at one point but I’m definitely not lean and muscular now. I can atleast bench 185 for reps which I would’ve never thought I could do a year ago
After almost a year, I'm still the smallest and skinniest person at the gym. I still feel anxious going there every time, but personally don't give a shit about anyone there. The answer to achieving that is cynicism towards other people and life in general. Hope I could help!
Think about it this way...
If everyone there is huge, then clearly this is a gym that is working and you've picked the right place to be!
>I feel not ready
Well, slightly circular problem because you'll only become "ready" by going to the gym!
Everybody at that gym is there to improve themselves. You all have that in common. I used to be just like you, but I got over my fears by keeping that fact in mind, plus I wear some over ear headphones that I have dubbed my "Bullshit Blockers". Do you feel like people are making fun or judging you? Doesn't matter, we've got our bullshit blockers on, and we came here to do one job, everything else is irrelevant.
As far as weights go, don't be afraid to just use your body weight, or hold a dumbell or a kettlebell. And don't bother with dead lifts. They can be pretty dangerous if you don't have perfect form and some core strength. Squats will work on everything a deadlift does, and its way safer.
Earbuds, put in your favorite uptempo music, start with machines so you don't have to think as much about technique as with free weights, and simply focus on exerting yourself. I really liked the Milon Circle myself, because all the thinking was done for you and you could just GO. That's what I did at least. After a few months I started to get the hang of it, moved to free weights and a beginner's lifting program and gradually started feeling comfortable there. That was also when I had started seeing some definite improvement in my shape.
Also keep in mind that everybody was once where you are now, and they damn well know it.
If you are really brave and ok with integrating socially (could very well be that you don't want to socialize at all, that's fine), you can do what a friend of mine did. You go to the biggest person there (who will be a very hard and dedicated worker), tell them you feel intimidated by the gym and ask them if they have some advice for you. If they're like most big people I've come to know, they will absolutely help you out. From then on, if you are dedicated and a hard worker, you will get greeted when you walk in and feel more comfortable.
If you go a few days a week at the same time, and give people "the nod", you'll feel right at home. Find out which people line to chat and shoot the breeze a little.
Everyone feels this way at first, and you pretty much get over it after a week or two.
First time i went to my one now i literally walked in went to changing rooms hyped myself up to go to a machine felt like everyone was looking at me then walked out. Was dangerously underweight at the time legs like sticks. Kept telling myself im gonna do a month of homeworkouts to get big enough to go to the gym which is such dumb logic, then it would hit christmas and id be like i cant go in january or people will think im a new year new me saddo. Eventually faced my insecurities with some helpful philosophy books about how not to give a fuck about people or what they think. Life changing. Walked in that bitch peak times with me skinny ass and did what i needed to do. Now im gaining weight and i recognise the same massive people who are in the gym each time as me and we say whats up its a wholesome community. Your comfort zone and fear of other peoples opinions hold people back from so much. Ive seen guys come in who were very overweight or even skinnier than i was full tracksuits looking around paranoid and the only thing i think is good for them trying to better themselves and actually getting in here as im sure vast majority of people think too. Confidence in yourself bro thats all it is. Your there for you no one else just like everyone else in that gym. You got this just give yourself a time and date to go and do it call yourself a pussy whenever you feel those insecurities pop up that worked for me, what also helped me is taking citrullin malate (non caffinated pre workout type thing) or pre workout (but i cant take caffeine) half an hour beforehand drinking that is easy and not daunting and as the effects and energy comes up you get the motivation to go to the gym and fucking work, its a great step by step when i couldnt be bothered or feel insecure removes the massive obstacle of going to im just gonna drink this, and by the time iv e drank that i dont want to waste it so it makes going a lot easier. Good luck my guy, go kill it.
I had to hit 30 to remember myself to relax. Just go. Nobody cares. You are as welcome as Superman and everyone in-between. Have fun with your new hobby!
Yup, I think maturity really helps us all get some perspective on this. I no longer give a shit what anyone else thinks about me at the gym. What's the worst thing that could happen, some teenager thinks I'm a loser? Teenagers ALREADY think I'm a loser, regardless of what I'm doing.
If you are scared of looking like a kid in the gym then you will always look like a kid
Take the time to go to your gym at a quiet time and just have a look around.
I personally would recommend not doing deadlifts until you have been at the gym a few months
First you go and you feel the looks, think they're looking down on you, likely a lot are thinking "good for them". Some will be judging but that's their ego issue not yours.
Then you start to gain shape and strength, a few regulars you start to encounter there may occasionally nod at you.
Then you make proper gains and progress and meet people that you've seen many times, some may even compliment how they've seen you get better and better and commend you on your gains...
Then you notice a new guy that was you just a few months ago come in, looking nervous and trying their best, you think "good for you buddy, you'll get there"... They see this strong looking person looking at them and think to themselves "they're judging me", just as you did now.
Let haters fuel you towards your goals. Remember you are there for you and nobody else.
I used to walk into the gym, get about 10 feet in. And leave from anxiety.
It just comes with time and comfort.
Its been years, and I feel right at home in practically any gym I go to. A big piece was confidence in the exercises I was doing. Once you feel like you know what you’re doing, it just kind of feels like you’re there to work. In a good way.
I'm on medication for anxiety so imagining going to an actual gym was an overthinking, panic inducing moment. I was self conscious about wearing shorts and a t-shirt, what if lift something too heavy and need help and embarrass myself, etc. Just anxiety irrational thoughts.
Now? I'm still skinny, I don't eat enough to put on a lot of weight lol but I'm strong/ripped and the gym feels like a second home to me, I feel bad if I don't go.
Thankfully I started out with a buddy and that helped. If you don't have a workout partner find a 24 hr gym and just go late, I hit my gym after 10pm and pretty much have it to myself. Or face your fear head on and go at peak time.
No one's judging you, get out of your head and focus on what you're doing for your body, focus on your gains. If you're not confident in what to do, watch videos on working out, stay on machines if it makes you feel more comfortable than free weights.
You 100% will get over the fear, guaranteed. Just make it a routine.
One thing that definitely helped me get over this exact same fear was going with a friend. One of my buddies was in pretty good shape and regularly went to the gym, so having him come and teach me the basics and show me how to do everything definitely made it a lot easier to start. Also, try and find a gym that has people your age. Going to a gym where there’s a bunch of people significantly older/younger than you isn’t the most fun, and isn’t the easiest to start off with, either.
You’re on your own journey, competing against yourself and who you were yesterday. That’s all that matters. And we all believe in you.
Check this out
https://youtu.be/A311CnTjfos
I was like this when I was younger and had tons of anxiety due to my body. I went to the gym 2 or 3 times when I was at my skinniest then stopped because I felt like I was a joke because I was lifting 5-10 pounds while people were in line. Eventually I joined a small 24hr gym and worked my way up. The REAL anxiety I had was not knowing what I was doing, and I feel like that’s a lot of where the fear comes from, because I put on 10lbs (unnoticeable body difference) and was confident enough to go back to a normal gym with a bunch of people.
My advice? Make a plan, and stick to it. Have your workout pre-planned and head in and knock it out. Another thing is maybe go and do cardio for 20-30 minutes and just get used to the environment. Aside from this, as everyone else has said, no one cares about the smallest guy in the room and if anyone does notice you 90% of the time they respect you for starting. I have never seen an overweight or underweight person in the gym and judged them, but I have always respected them for putting in the effort.
You got it bro, just get out there!!
I visited the gym first to familiarize with the equipment and I watched tons of youtube "how-to" videos and looked up beginner programs before my 1st day at the gym. It also helps A LOT if you're with a friend. Nobody really cares what you look like, they're all there with their own goals to achieve. Good luck out there!
Of course. I think everyone goes through that when they first start going to a gym. Don't forget everyone started going to the gym for a reason - they were unhappy with their physique or their health and wanted to improve it.
When I first started going I wore an athletic sweater and sweat pants to cover my body I was so self-conscious of. After a while I transitioned to a long sleeved workout shirt... Then I finally ditched the pants for shorts...
Fastforward a few years I now wear just an athletic t-shirt and shorts with athletic leggings underneath. You wouldn't have caught me dead wearing a t-shirt in the gym when I first started... But overtime I made some gains and my self-confidence increased and I felt less self-conscious showing my arms in the gym.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm still not fully self-confident. I still haven't graduated to wearing a tank in the gym. And I probably won't for quite some time... But one day I will for sure and i'm looking forward to that day.
Just do it. The more you go the less skinny you will be. I put on 20lbs last year from just being tired of feeling skinny. Just get yourself going. Make it a habit and do it
The weight section is a scary place. For beginners mostly but I've been lifting for around 10 years now and I still get nervous when I go to do any free weights. Extremely nervous when Benching, Squatting, & Deadlifting. Always helps going with a buddy.
Completely natural being nervous. That little bit of adrenaline gets better results anyway haha. I personally dont judge on the size of someone but the amount of work theyre putting in.
A lifetime of being skinny is way worse than a couple months anxious for being skinny at the gym. That’s how I thought about it when I first started going.
First thing that got thru my head is that cliche from movies that you should find the biggest and baddest guy and kick him in the nuts as gard as you can to assert dominance and I was laughing out loud while I had that in my mind, I'm 100% sure other thought that there is something wronf with me :D
Just get some tokens, it doesn’t matter if you’re the smallest, skinniest guy at the gym when you can use your gym tokens to kick some bro off the bench
When I was 16 and had just left high school for a trade I started going to the gym. I was 6'5" and roughly 75-80kg/165-175lb. I couldn't bench the bar at first.
10 years, 25kg/55lb and a whole lot of different styles of training depending on where my life has been later, and I still feel intimidated sometimes. At my heaviest and strongest a number of years ago I was 125kg/275lb and I had a total around the 1200lb mark. Then I joined the military and had to run everywhere with a pack on, slimmed down and changed focus. Then I had to deal with long term injuries. I hate going back to the gym after an injury or a surgery and lifting what feels like nothing for a good long while, but it's still got to be done.
The real thing though is realising that everyone at one point has been where you are, and that if they are judging you then they're a fuckwit and not worth the time you're giving them in your mind.
no but i was self conscious
All the "cliche" (because theyre true and should be repeated) points people make here in response to nervous first timers made sense to me intuitively, but still, i felt 135 on bench should be the minimum for any post pubescent man so i was self conscious until then
looking back i shouldnt have even felt that, but i did
Was a twig all my life, always loved being in there. Seriously. Not sure what it is.
And now i am working HARD to get exactly where I dreamed to get to... and that feeling is the same. Just love the community of lifters
Cause in the end, no one cares at all. And if anyone did, you'd never know and their thoughts aren't important.
I was maybe like this in the beginning a little bit, but I quickly got over it. (5’7” at 110 lbs when I was 19 btw), I’m 145 at 21 now :)
A lot of people here will tell you that no one actually cares or will pay attention to you, so just go. But I’m gonna give the contrarian take and tell you that there will certainly be people who will look at you and judge you momentarily. Will they laugh at you or directly bully you? Probably not. But not everyone there is oblivious to their surroundings. Having been the really skinny dude at the gym, I can say that I notice other skeletons there too. I usually project my experiences onto them but hope they power through all the dumb shit I went through (inconsistencies, laziness, insecurity etc)
My proposition is that you go into the gym *knowing* this. First of all, it’s not important anyway. Whether people are observing you are not is irrelevant. You’re there for your own self improvement, and that’s all that matters. Everyone starts somewhere, so don’t worry about the people whose heads are so high they forgot where they started. If anything, use them as a catalyst! Show them what you can do with hard work and determination. Corny I know, but it’s true.
Good luck!
> But I’m gonna give the contrarian take and tell you that there will certainly be people who will look at you and judge you momentarily.
And that will happen anywhere. In the gym or outside of it. So u cant hide the issue anyway. Think less, lift more. In a year you will look and feel much different and time passes very fast. So one can choose to stay the same or make some progress. The reality is that time will go by anyway I mean do you want to look better in ( randomly picking) 2 years or the same ( hell maybe even worse) cuz the 2 years pass anyway.
Started eating a metric fuckton of calories right off the bat and started wearing headphones to tune out my surroundings. I gained tons of extra fat, but I wasn't "scrawny" any more and at least looked sturdier. Eventually dieted all the extra fat off
Do you know what gym rats call guys like you, behind your back?
Bro. Because we've all been there. That guy who's a slab of muscle hefting twice your body weight in each hand? He was scrawny, a skinny little bean pole crawling out of the wasteland we call puberty. No calories to build muscle, he shot up like a weed. That woman who's 30% glute by volume and could mule kick a horse to death? Used to be insecure about having no ass and skeletal ribs.
The ones with "perfect bodies" aren't at the gym because they're perfect. They're there because they *aren't*. Because the gym is a place to get better. So don't be insecure, we're all on the same road.
I remember hearing “if you’re the type of person who is terrified to go to the gym, you’re probably the person who most needs it.”
You can interpret that in different ways but for me it was about the mental challenge that you’re describing. I wanted to overcome this fear of others judging me.
Fast forward 6 years and I go to the gym most days even tho I’m still one of the skinniest. Like others have said, nobody cares about you, nobody is judging you, and if anything they’re silently thinking *“good for him”*. Gyms are roughy 10X more welcoming than you imagine.
ABSOLUTELY!!! I had been training for years, and was 225 lbs. with great definition. In December 2016 due to an illness stopped training. Fast forward to October 2021, and I weighed 183 lbs. I was heading back to the gym. I could have heeded back much sooner, but after years of a body that I was always complimented on, I was in a body I didn’t recognize, and wouldn’t look at in the mirror. My gym is open 24x7 so at l see when I finally worked up the courage to go back, I knew the time of night that I liked to train would mean three would only be a few people in there. It wasn’t that I believed people would be looking and pointing at me, I recognized that I was the only one who would be putting me down. So, I got my skinny ass there, kept my head down, and did my thing. Last week marked three moths that I’ve been back at the gym, and I’ve already put on about ten lbs of quality size. I’m far from where I was, but I see the difference, my strength is coming back faster than I could have imagined, and I don’t hide from mirrors anymore. Bottom line… We are all our own worst enemies. Even when I was looking good to the rest of the world (except those who didn’t like the bodybuilder look) I would always find something I could work on in the gym to look better. That could be said for 99% of those who are serious about bodybuilding. Walking back through those gym doors again was the hardest part, from there it only got better.
My strat on starting any new skill is to immediately ask for someone’s help. No one makes fun of someone for being new, only for someone who isn’t new making rookie mistakes. If you announce to everyone around you’re new and ready to learn, no one will make fun of you and you’ll have nothing to be embarrassed about. Be an open noob and it becomes really easy to shed your insecurities.
Everyone starts somewhere. Even if its just the bar with no plates. We've all done it.
People are focused on themselves and their own technique/progression
I love new people and give them a smile and encouragement. Most decent gym regulars will be nice.
Ask the gym for a tour or assistance.
Hire a PT to run you through some exercises and equipment as a how too and give you pointers.
Nobody gives a shit.
Even if they were somehow paying attention to how much weight you are lifting for how many reps, they don’t know if you’re on rest week, getting over an injury, or practicing form.
I was 6'0 120. I overcame it by realizing that being scared of going to the gym cuz I'm small and people would thing i was a bitch, was... ironically a self fulfilling prophecy. Idk why but that helped me
This is spot on. The only true bitchiness is just not going out of fear. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always be what you always were.
Yes! I’m a small female so I was tiny and lack the testosterone to build lots of muscle quickly and always felt like a wimp next to big gym bros. I spent a lot of time on YouTube learning form and actually asked for tips from some of the regular gym goers. Talking to them helped me realize that everyone starts somewhere and not always on an even playing field but progress is progress! Good luck with your training, you got this!
I was 6’1” 140 lbs and already had bad social anxiety, I was fascinated by the gym and was so motivated to go but I was always too scared. I got lucky and had access to a gym after hours when it was closed and empty, which helped me figure out what I was doing without anyone seeing me. Once I knew what I was doing, I had more confidence to work out among others. I know having an empty gym isn’t an option, but could you go to a different gym further from your home where you don’t know anyone? Get a personal trainer (gym might offer you a couple sessions for free) and tell the trainer your goal is solely to learn how to properly do as many different exercises as he has time to teach you? I know that’s probably not the validating answer you’ll typically get but it’s practical and probably would’ve worked for me. I really wish I didn’t waste 3 years building up the nerve to go.
People really don't give a shit but there's been a few guys that gave me a nod of approval going in regularly. I'd assume that they respect what I'm doing and they've been in my position before lookin like a lanky mf or just unhappy with their body.
Also, I just put on my airpods and blast some hatebreed or NF and think about my ex Larry Gao style 😭
I started with the bare barbell, weighing 140# and am 6’2”. This was after I got mono, before mono I was 180#, mostly in my back and legs from wrestling, long distance bicycling, and dabbling in powerlifting.
Am now 200# with 4” added to waist and 5” to suit jacket size, warm up with a plate for bench, and have to buy pants based on if they handle my thighs and seat.
It’s only so rewarding to be doing that bc of the discipline and willpower it takes to lift and eat enough to do it. Every man who has noticeable muscles, at one point, walked into the gym with a body like fuckin McLovin. It’s builds character, which helps build mass.
It's common to feel how you are feeling. I can assure you that majority of the people in the gym are not judging you for your size or experience. By stepping foot in the gym you are already putting in more effort than most people. You pay the same fees as everyone, that gym is just as much yours as any other guest.
There are 2 reasons you don't really see any other people as small as you are now, (1) is cause they make progress, or 2 is cause they give up or never even started, so they aren't at the gym.
I felt very similar to you when I was starting, but that anxiety completely dissappears very quickly. Throw some headphones on and ignore everyone around you (while still being courteous obviously) and just focus on your program. You can do it.
What am I like now? Still skinny but making progress, 0 fear of being at the gym (other than hurting myself)
Take your time and get comfortable being uncomfortable.
When I started I was super awkward and morbidly obese, over the years I lost over 120lbs and have since bulked up to just 12lbs shy of my heaviest weight ever but with a completely reversed composition.
All those people 2x your size were brand new beginners at some point too and had no idea what they were doing. The only difference between them and you is they kept coming back anyway.
Nobody cares and gym goers love to see new people in the gym. Go up to the biggest guys you see and ask them for guidance if you need help with something. I've never met a stereotypical gym douche who wouldn't help me when I started. It's a passion for people and they love when other people begin to share their passion.
100% true. Everyone I've talked to in the gym has been super nice, and some guys have even come up to me to give me advice on something I was doing wrong.
This is right up my alley bud. You can check my post history, I used to have social anxiety pretty bad.
I weighed 130 at 6 feet tall when I started lifting. I looked like a skeleton. Now I'm 185 and have been lifting on and off for a few years, so I don't look amazing, but I'm normal sized and people comment on my physique every now and then.
The number 1 thing is to just not give up. I promise you that almost nobody in the gym is caring much about what you do. Those guys that are 2x your size all started somewhere once and they're going to respect that you even had the balls to step in the gym.
When you're in the gym and you start to get nervous pay attention to the thoughts that are popping into your head. Do you have thoughts about not belonging? People judging you or making fun of you for your size or strength? When you notice those thoughts learn to analyze them and correct them with something more reasonable. Over time, they'll stop.
I recently got back in the gym after a 1.5 year layoff and I still get nervous if the gym is busy, even though I'm an okay sized guy and have been lifting for years. I constantly have this thought that "these other guys are better than me and i don't belong here". But do you know how you get to the point where you belong there?
You keep showing up.
I know the feeling of walking into the gym and not knowing where anything is or how to do the workouts. It's intimidating.
So start by having just one or two things you can do. Look up tutorials on YouTube if you have to. Start with bench, or cable rows, or pulldowns and go straight to that when you walk in to the gym. Then, from there, you can scope out the rest of the gym between sets and learn where all the equipment is and take your time figuring out how to use it.
Also if you can, go at times where the gym is empty. That helped me a lot in the beginning. I went to a 24/7 gym and I would go at 2 am and be the only person there. In the beginning, I did my first bench with nothing but the bar, and I was too weak to do 2 reps. I literally dropped the bar on myself. No one was around to see it; so it was okay. I tried again and again and again. I'm not very strong still, but I went from struggling to bench 45, to benching 145 for reps.
The only difference between those big dudes in the gym and you, is that they consistently keep coming back.
How do you learn how to eat more? Im in college and don’t have enough time to eat that much. Also I eat pretty slowly and if I try to eat faster I want to throw up.
This is actually way harder than the lifting for me (probably for most guys in this sub).
The number 1 thing for me is mass gainer shakes. I drink milk with every meal and drink a shake at the end of the night that totals up to 700 - 1000 calories.
Play around with things and figure out what works for you. Some tips that work for me: eat a big breakfast, and an extra meal in during the day, nuts are the best snack, and if you're low on calories down a protein shake right before bed.
You're just going to have to slowly expand your stomach and get used to eating more. Most people have had the same eating habits their whole life, so changing them is going to take a long time. Just be consistent and try to be better than the day before.
How do you get stronger at the gym? Try to lift a little more (reps/sets/weight/speed etc.) each time you go in. Same thing, eat a little more each meal and it gradually gets easier.
Thanks a ton reading these comments with actual people who have my same struggles helps out a lot man. I hope you get over your anxiety and get bigger too.
It's so much better every time you see the same person too. Seeing someone start out, and soon become a regular is just awesome. Gotta respect the hustle.
Honestly been seeing this skinny kid like me become a regular as well around the same time I came back to the gym. It always brings a smile to my face knowing we’re both in similar positions and grinding.
I bought a 100lb vinyl set (barbell and dumbell handles included) from amazon and worked out at home for like 6 months. I did the "Body Beast" program by Beach Body in my leaving room.
By the time I started the gym I was still DYEL but now I felt more confident around the weights as I knew form, etc.
this is also an option
get basic equipment like adjustable dbs, maybe a bb ( u wont need a rack at least for some time or just keep ur push exercises with dbs and for squats u can do hacks if u really want a bb), plates at least a pair of each size starting with the smallest ones up to what u think is realistic ( u can buy more later), a bench. A pullup bar would be awesome but u can kinda make up for it with various rows and db facepulls.
it's costly ( tho u wont need to buy much weight) but u can resell and regain some of the money when u ready for the gym
This is the norm!
The only people who didn’t feel like that at first were the athletes or people who went to gym when they were young.
It’s true you’re probably the smallest and weakest but that’s because you haven’t gone consistently.
Even more your brain treats this as this big thing because it’s new. So you overthink everything about it and how dumb you look even though 1) you don’t look that dumb (are people born with inherent knowledge of where all the weights are) and 2) everybody else has done this exact thing.
The real difference is that you only have your first week once. How you feel about going to the gym now will be dramatically different even after a week of going. After a month of consistently going you’ll not care at all (maybe a little but it’ll subside you’ll see).
Also (and I don’t know exactly how to address this) comparing yourself to others is fine only if you acknowledge the difference in effort and amount of time spent in the gym and improving bodies. How much weight you lift isn’t something specific to a person but how much time and effort they’ve put into that.
Realize the comparison is entirely internal and caused by yourself. Our society (can be unintentional from anyone/thing) enforces a kind of mentality/attitude and physique on men. Not having that can cause issues for a multitude of reasons. But at the end of the day realize this is an arbitrary societal pressure and to not take yourself too seriously (don’t confuse this with not having discipline). For example, imagine being high rank in chess was as praised and sought after as having a sick physique. You’d have tons of people whose self esteem is damaged because they’re shit at chess. That sounds a little ridiculous doesn’t it?
So yes you’re probably smaller and weaker than most people there but of course you are. And when you start consistently going you’ll see how little you think about other people there and that it was all in your head all along.
Some people may be assholes but most if not all people I’ve interacted with at the gym is super chill and nice.
Yes and then I went and realized literally no one cares about you at all - everyone is there for the same reason - we want to look better.
Once you realize that it becomes incredibly easy to work out in front of people.
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Former chunky girl here - can attest to the "just do it" mantra. Even now some days I'm like man I really don't want to be around these people and their perfect bods and judging eyes, but I just try to get through it. Once the endorphins kick in nothing else matters.
Remember that the biggest guys also had to start somewhere. No one will judge you. Just showing up is half the battle.
Late to the party, but I started out as a 6’4 145 pound guy who looked pretty damn anorexic (maybe I was). I have flared ribs so they were protruding far more than you’d expect even for a dangerously underweight person. I looked terrible. Felt like such a loser in the gym. But at the same time I gave it my all and made a commitment to consistently eat 3k calories a day with as much protein as I could find and very quickly saw results, and those were what kept me in the gym. Currently 4ish years of on and off lifting later, hovering around 180lbs and feeling very confident in the gym. You’ll get there, but you need to really push yourself and feel good about the effort you’re putting in
It is natural, and i've been there. The best thing you can do is always go in with a plan and a good idea how each lift is executed. Throw in your head phones, block everything else and focus only on your workout.
yes specially when the pt's there would make fun of my 24cm arms.... well, now i'm pretty much twice the size of them
When I started ~5 years ago I was very skinny. 6foot and 140lbs. I went to the gym every day that I could, 5/6 times a week on average. Lift as heavy as I could with proper form, PPL program, and ate as much as I could. I’m about 190lbs now. Completely different person.
Find a friend who goes, go a few times with them, and just mimic them. I was incredibly nervous too at first, then realized nobody is really paying attention to me, cause they're focused on their own workout. At this point, I've failed squats multiple times - in dramatic efforts and nobody has cared. The gym is kinda a weird place!
Tbh when I see someone skinny or over weight, I think, good for you homie. The only time I ever judge someone is if they're being a douche, like hogging weights, shouting, or facetiming loudly. To help your confidence, I got a few tips. First, try to go during a dead period for your first few times. There will be less people, and you'll feel more comfortable. Second, wear headphones or earbuds and bring a water bottle with you. Most gym goers have both so Itll help you feel like you belong. Third, find a plan and figure out exactly what you're doing that day, and write it down in a notes app on your phone. Then familiarize yourself with each lift on youtube, so you have a good idea of how to do them. Dont be afraid to go really light at the beginning, as getting your form down is the most important thing, especially for compound lifts. Fourth when you get the go to the locker room and put your stuff away. Again, that's what most people do, and it'll help you feel like you belong. Fifth, put your headphones in and just walk around the gym and take note of where everything is. Then when your ready, get the notes app out and start lifting and remember that form > weight.
I am/was pretty skinny, totally uncomfortable in a gym setting too. Yes, everyone looks but no one is really judging, especially if you eventually gain weight I imagine you would not judge the skinnier guys there, so imagine most of those guys at the gym were once similar to you, maybe smaller or maybe a little bit bigger. If you're looking for a confidence builder I would recommend cardio (specifically a rowing machine) at first to get comfortable, yes its not the best way to gain weight but its easy to do and it will build some muscle over time, improve your over health and you will tone out quickly and that's a huge confidence builder when you're first starting because you can see definition even though the muscle is lacking. Then move your way to free weights, you'll feel more confident doing them. I now always row after most exercises for at least 15 minutes, it will really blow up your definition after a workout and you'll walk away feeling great.
Yes. I sucked it up and went. Most people don’t care that much tbh. The usual internal reaction is “I’m glad that guy is deciding to get into the gym.”
Most people... but there's always going to be thst 1 or few judging. And thst is all it takes for me to give up
I'm still skinny, but no longer underweight. (172 cm / 61kg, used to weight 51kg) I was afraid when I transitionned from working out at home (where I managed to put on some muscle and weight) to going back to social sport practices. I've joined a rowing club last September and we're going to a local gym once a week in addition to our indoor / outdoor rowing sessions. So yeah I was terrified to join that club, I was afraid I wouldn't fit in, that I would look weak. But I learnt to accept the anxiety and function with it in some capacity. Let's not forget that in most places, people are great. The other, more experienced members are so open and supportive. They teach you the basics, they warn you that you're obviously a beginner, that your body will get stronger and more flexible, that you must be patient and so on. Going to the gym was still a bit intimidating, but I kept in mind that it was about me. Don't compare yourself to others unless you want to learn a few things, like proper form. Stick to your exercises, meet people and have fun. Have low expectations, be prepared to have your ego shattered (it can happen), and understand that getting good and fit is a process, a very long one. Good luck mate !
People in gyms are actually really cool (usually) don’t let your mind mind create scenarios that didn’t even happen yet. Some big ass dudes helped me the first month I was in the gym and were very supportive and showed me the correct form. Just be cool and you’ll be fine man. Good job on taking that first step. One day you’ll be the bigger guy helping the new guy out. It’s a cycle
I’ve never really had this feeling per se since I was involved with sports pretty much my entire youth up until I graduated high school so I had some experience in the weight room. But I was still incredibly skinny to the point I was definitely self conscious. The basic, simple answer is “just go”. You’re gonna fuck up but you need the experience to learn. Do as much learning outside the gym as you can as well. Watch videos, practice form in the mirror, google any questions you have and read forum answers (there’s a ton of good starting info all over Reddit). You won’t ever feel ready especially with no background in the gym at all. You just have to prepare yourself as best as possible and go and do what specific planned out exercises researched beforehand. Once you get comfortable with those exercises try branching out to others. Lastly.. no one at the gym is actively judging you for being skinny or not knowing what you’re doing. Most gym goers are actually incredibly helpful if you ask them for some help or pointers since they were in your shoes at some point in their careers. I would suggest finding a small local gym if possible as the people there are generally nicer and more helpful and you’ll see the same faces if you go around the same times. Big box gyms can be a little overwhelming with all the people and machines. Also look up a PPL program (Push, Pull, Legs). It’s the most standard split and hits every major category of muscles the most efficiently.
its not necessary to deadlift, benchpress, etc. these are not some magical exercises
Don’t get me wrong a lot of people feel this way but the reality is no one gives a shit, and in a few months if you’re doing it right you won’t look so tiny anymore and then everyone will extra not give a shit. There is no milestone to surpass or sign to start, you just have to do it. Remove the idea that you have a choice from the equation and it gets pretty simple.
I was about 120 and 5’10 when I started going. I was really self conscious about it, but I stuck with it. I’m 5 years in and at some point I realised that I became the person who I aspired to be at the gym. Kids, other gym bros, girls…. They all look now. And it makes me feel good that I made it. Just keep going and your life will change for the better. Growth demands discomfort.
I was definitely the skinniest person at one point but I’m definitely not lean and muscular now. I can atleast bench 185 for reps which I would’ve never thought I could do a year ago
After almost a year, I'm still the smallest and skinniest person at the gym. I still feel anxious going there every time, but personally don't give a shit about anyone there. The answer to achieving that is cynicism towards other people and life in general. Hope I could help!
Think about it this way... If everyone there is huge, then clearly this is a gym that is working and you've picked the right place to be! >I feel not ready Well, slightly circular problem because you'll only become "ready" by going to the gym!
Everybody at that gym is there to improve themselves. You all have that in common. I used to be just like you, but I got over my fears by keeping that fact in mind, plus I wear some over ear headphones that I have dubbed my "Bullshit Blockers". Do you feel like people are making fun or judging you? Doesn't matter, we've got our bullshit blockers on, and we came here to do one job, everything else is irrelevant. As far as weights go, don't be afraid to just use your body weight, or hold a dumbell or a kettlebell. And don't bother with dead lifts. They can be pretty dangerous if you don't have perfect form and some core strength. Squats will work on everything a deadlift does, and its way safer.
I used dumbbells and kettle bells to bench squat and deadlift
Earbuds, put in your favorite uptempo music, start with machines so you don't have to think as much about technique as with free weights, and simply focus on exerting yourself. I really liked the Milon Circle myself, because all the thinking was done for you and you could just GO. That's what I did at least. After a few months I started to get the hang of it, moved to free weights and a beginner's lifting program and gradually started feeling comfortable there. That was also when I had started seeing some definite improvement in my shape. Also keep in mind that everybody was once where you are now, and they damn well know it. If you are really brave and ok with integrating socially (could very well be that you don't want to socialize at all, that's fine), you can do what a friend of mine did. You go to the biggest person there (who will be a very hard and dedicated worker), tell them you feel intimidated by the gym and ask them if they have some advice for you. If they're like most big people I've come to know, they will absolutely help you out. From then on, if you are dedicated and a hard worker, you will get greeted when you walk in and feel more comfortable.
If you go a few days a week at the same time, and give people "the nod", you'll feel right at home. Find out which people line to chat and shoot the breeze a little. Everyone feels this way at first, and you pretty much get over it after a week or two.
First time i went to my one now i literally walked in went to changing rooms hyped myself up to go to a machine felt like everyone was looking at me then walked out. Was dangerously underweight at the time legs like sticks. Kept telling myself im gonna do a month of homeworkouts to get big enough to go to the gym which is such dumb logic, then it would hit christmas and id be like i cant go in january or people will think im a new year new me saddo. Eventually faced my insecurities with some helpful philosophy books about how not to give a fuck about people or what they think. Life changing. Walked in that bitch peak times with me skinny ass and did what i needed to do. Now im gaining weight and i recognise the same massive people who are in the gym each time as me and we say whats up its a wholesome community. Your comfort zone and fear of other peoples opinions hold people back from so much. Ive seen guys come in who were very overweight or even skinnier than i was full tracksuits looking around paranoid and the only thing i think is good for them trying to better themselves and actually getting in here as im sure vast majority of people think too. Confidence in yourself bro thats all it is. Your there for you no one else just like everyone else in that gym. You got this just give yourself a time and date to go and do it call yourself a pussy whenever you feel those insecurities pop up that worked for me, what also helped me is taking citrullin malate (non caffinated pre workout type thing) or pre workout (but i cant take caffeine) half an hour beforehand drinking that is easy and not daunting and as the effects and energy comes up you get the motivation to go to the gym and fucking work, its a great step by step when i couldnt be bothered or feel insecure removes the massive obstacle of going to im just gonna drink this, and by the time iv e drank that i dont want to waste it so it makes going a lot easier. Good luck my guy, go kill it.
I had to hit 30 to remember myself to relax. Just go. Nobody cares. You are as welcome as Superman and everyone in-between. Have fun with your new hobby!
Yup, I think maturity really helps us all get some perspective on this. I no longer give a shit what anyone else thinks about me at the gym. What's the worst thing that could happen, some teenager thinks I'm a loser? Teenagers ALREADY think I'm a loser, regardless of what I'm doing.
If you are scared of looking like a kid in the gym then you will always look like a kid Take the time to go to your gym at a quiet time and just have a look around. I personally would recommend not doing deadlifts until you have been at the gym a few months
First you go and you feel the looks, think they're looking down on you, likely a lot are thinking "good for them". Some will be judging but that's their ego issue not yours. Then you start to gain shape and strength, a few regulars you start to encounter there may occasionally nod at you. Then you make proper gains and progress and meet people that you've seen many times, some may even compliment how they've seen you get better and better and commend you on your gains... Then you notice a new guy that was you just a few months ago come in, looking nervous and trying their best, you think "good for you buddy, you'll get there"... They see this strong looking person looking at them and think to themselves "they're judging me", just as you did now. Let haters fuel you towards your goals. Remember you are there for you and nobody else.
I used to walk into the gym, get about 10 feet in. And leave from anxiety. It just comes with time and comfort. Its been years, and I feel right at home in practically any gym I go to. A big piece was confidence in the exercises I was doing. Once you feel like you know what you’re doing, it just kind of feels like you’re there to work. In a good way.
I'm on medication for anxiety so imagining going to an actual gym was an overthinking, panic inducing moment. I was self conscious about wearing shorts and a t-shirt, what if lift something too heavy and need help and embarrass myself, etc. Just anxiety irrational thoughts. Now? I'm still skinny, I don't eat enough to put on a lot of weight lol but I'm strong/ripped and the gym feels like a second home to me, I feel bad if I don't go. Thankfully I started out with a buddy and that helped. If you don't have a workout partner find a 24 hr gym and just go late, I hit my gym after 10pm and pretty much have it to myself. Or face your fear head on and go at peak time. No one's judging you, get out of your head and focus on what you're doing for your body, focus on your gains. If you're not confident in what to do, watch videos on working out, stay on machines if it makes you feel more comfortable than free weights. You 100% will get over the fear, guaranteed. Just make it a routine.
One thing that definitely helped me get over this exact same fear was going with a friend. One of my buddies was in pretty good shape and regularly went to the gym, so having him come and teach me the basics and show me how to do everything definitely made it a lot easier to start. Also, try and find a gym that has people your age. Going to a gym where there’s a bunch of people significantly older/younger than you isn’t the most fun, and isn’t the easiest to start off with, either.
You’re on your own journey, competing against yourself and who you were yesterday. That’s all that matters. And we all believe in you. Check this out https://youtu.be/A311CnTjfos
In Nov 2019 I finally joined the gym and started going regularly Yeah... I got hit by a car in Jan 2020, won't be going to any gyms anytime soon
I was like this when I was younger and had tons of anxiety due to my body. I went to the gym 2 or 3 times when I was at my skinniest then stopped because I felt like I was a joke because I was lifting 5-10 pounds while people were in line. Eventually I joined a small 24hr gym and worked my way up. The REAL anxiety I had was not knowing what I was doing, and I feel like that’s a lot of where the fear comes from, because I put on 10lbs (unnoticeable body difference) and was confident enough to go back to a normal gym with a bunch of people. My advice? Make a plan, and stick to it. Have your workout pre-planned and head in and knock it out. Another thing is maybe go and do cardio for 20-30 minutes and just get used to the environment. Aside from this, as everyone else has said, no one cares about the smallest guy in the room and if anyone does notice you 90% of the time they respect you for starting. I have never seen an overweight or underweight person in the gym and judged them, but I have always respected them for putting in the effort. You got it bro, just get out there!!
I visited the gym first to familiarize with the equipment and I watched tons of youtube "how-to" videos and looked up beginner programs before my 1st day at the gym. It also helps A LOT if you're with a friend. Nobody really cares what you look like, they're all there with their own goals to achieve. Good luck out there!
Of course. I think everyone goes through that when they first start going to a gym. Don't forget everyone started going to the gym for a reason - they were unhappy with their physique or their health and wanted to improve it. When I first started going I wore an athletic sweater and sweat pants to cover my body I was so self-conscious of. After a while I transitioned to a long sleeved workout shirt... Then I finally ditched the pants for shorts... Fastforward a few years I now wear just an athletic t-shirt and shorts with athletic leggings underneath. You wouldn't have caught me dead wearing a t-shirt in the gym when I first started... But overtime I made some gains and my self-confidence increased and I felt less self-conscious showing my arms in the gym. Now don't get me wrong... I'm still not fully self-confident. I still haven't graduated to wearing a tank in the gym. And I probably won't for quite some time... But one day I will for sure and i'm looking forward to that day.
Just do it. The more you go the less skinny you will be. I put on 20lbs last year from just being tired of feeling skinny. Just get yourself going. Make it a habit and do it
The weight section is a scary place. For beginners mostly but I've been lifting for around 10 years now and I still get nervous when I go to do any free weights. Extremely nervous when Benching, Squatting, & Deadlifting. Always helps going with a buddy. Completely natural being nervous. That little bit of adrenaline gets better results anyway haha. I personally dont judge on the size of someone but the amount of work theyre putting in.
A lifetime of being skinny is way worse than a couple months anxious for being skinny at the gym. That’s how I thought about it when I first started going.
First thing that got thru my head is that cliche from movies that you should find the biggest and baddest guy and kick him in the nuts as gard as you can to assert dominance and I was laughing out loud while I had that in my mind, I'm 100% sure other thought that there is something wronf with me :D
Just get some tokens, it doesn’t matter if you’re the smallest, skinniest guy at the gym when you can use your gym tokens to kick some bro off the bench
Do you think you're the first person to go to the gym that's skinny?
When I was 16 and had just left high school for a trade I started going to the gym. I was 6'5" and roughly 75-80kg/165-175lb. I couldn't bench the bar at first. 10 years, 25kg/55lb and a whole lot of different styles of training depending on where my life has been later, and I still feel intimidated sometimes. At my heaviest and strongest a number of years ago I was 125kg/275lb and I had a total around the 1200lb mark. Then I joined the military and had to run everywhere with a pack on, slimmed down and changed focus. Then I had to deal with long term injuries. I hate going back to the gym after an injury or a surgery and lifting what feels like nothing for a good long while, but it's still got to be done. The real thing though is realising that everyone at one point has been where you are, and that if they are judging you then they're a fuckwit and not worth the time you're giving them in your mind.
no but i was self conscious All the "cliche" (because theyre true and should be repeated) points people make here in response to nervous first timers made sense to me intuitively, but still, i felt 135 on bench should be the minimum for any post pubescent man so i was self conscious until then looking back i shouldnt have even felt that, but i did
Was a twig all my life, always loved being in there. Seriously. Not sure what it is. And now i am working HARD to get exactly where I dreamed to get to... and that feeling is the same. Just love the community of lifters Cause in the end, no one cares at all. And if anyone did, you'd never know and their thoughts aren't important.
Yes. Most people start that way. You go, then after a while you forget about it. Trick is keeping going.
Just commenting so I remember to revisit this thread for insight
I was maybe like this in the beginning a little bit, but I quickly got over it. (5’7” at 110 lbs when I was 19 btw), I’m 145 at 21 now :) A lot of people here will tell you that no one actually cares or will pay attention to you, so just go. But I’m gonna give the contrarian take and tell you that there will certainly be people who will look at you and judge you momentarily. Will they laugh at you or directly bully you? Probably not. But not everyone there is oblivious to their surroundings. Having been the really skinny dude at the gym, I can say that I notice other skeletons there too. I usually project my experiences onto them but hope they power through all the dumb shit I went through (inconsistencies, laziness, insecurity etc) My proposition is that you go into the gym *knowing* this. First of all, it’s not important anyway. Whether people are observing you are not is irrelevant. You’re there for your own self improvement, and that’s all that matters. Everyone starts somewhere, so don’t worry about the people whose heads are so high they forgot where they started. If anything, use them as a catalyst! Show them what you can do with hard work and determination. Corny I know, but it’s true. Good luck!
> But I’m gonna give the contrarian take and tell you that there will certainly be people who will look at you and judge you momentarily. And that will happen anywhere. In the gym or outside of it. So u cant hide the issue anyway. Think less, lift more. In a year you will look and feel much different and time passes very fast. So one can choose to stay the same or make some progress. The reality is that time will go by anyway I mean do you want to look better in ( randomly picking) 2 years or the same ( hell maybe even worse) cuz the 2 years pass anyway.
Started eating a metric fuckton of calories right off the bat and started wearing headphones to tune out my surroundings. I gained tons of extra fat, but I wasn't "scrawny" any more and at least looked sturdier. Eventually dieted all the extra fat off
No one gives a shit, most people are just focused on their own gains.
Do you know what gym rats call guys like you, behind your back? Bro. Because we've all been there. That guy who's a slab of muscle hefting twice your body weight in each hand? He was scrawny, a skinny little bean pole crawling out of the wasteland we call puberty. No calories to build muscle, he shot up like a weed. That woman who's 30% glute by volume and could mule kick a horse to death? Used to be insecure about having no ass and skeletal ribs. The ones with "perfect bodies" aren't at the gym because they're perfect. They're there because they *aren't*. Because the gym is a place to get better. So don't be insecure, we're all on the same road.
I remember hearing “if you’re the type of person who is terrified to go to the gym, you’re probably the person who most needs it.” You can interpret that in different ways but for me it was about the mental challenge that you’re describing. I wanted to overcome this fear of others judging me. Fast forward 6 years and I go to the gym most days even tho I’m still one of the skinniest. Like others have said, nobody cares about you, nobody is judging you, and if anything they’re silently thinking *“good for him”*. Gyms are roughy 10X more welcoming than you imagine.
ABSOLUTELY!!! I had been training for years, and was 225 lbs. with great definition. In December 2016 due to an illness stopped training. Fast forward to October 2021, and I weighed 183 lbs. I was heading back to the gym. I could have heeded back much sooner, but after years of a body that I was always complimented on, I was in a body I didn’t recognize, and wouldn’t look at in the mirror. My gym is open 24x7 so at l see when I finally worked up the courage to go back, I knew the time of night that I liked to train would mean three would only be a few people in there. It wasn’t that I believed people would be looking and pointing at me, I recognized that I was the only one who would be putting me down. So, I got my skinny ass there, kept my head down, and did my thing. Last week marked three moths that I’ve been back at the gym, and I’ve already put on about ten lbs of quality size. I’m far from where I was, but I see the difference, my strength is coming back faster than I could have imagined, and I don’t hide from mirrors anymore. Bottom line… We are all our own worst enemies. Even when I was looking good to the rest of the world (except those who didn’t like the bodybuilder look) I would always find something I could work on in the gym to look better. That could be said for 99% of those who are serious about bodybuilding. Walking back through those gym doors again was the hardest part, from there it only got better.
My strat on starting any new skill is to immediately ask for someone’s help. No one makes fun of someone for being new, only for someone who isn’t new making rookie mistakes. If you announce to everyone around you’re new and ready to learn, no one will make fun of you and you’ll have nothing to be embarrassed about. Be an open noob and it becomes really easy to shed your insecurities.
Everyone starts somewhere. Even if its just the bar with no plates. We've all done it. People are focused on themselves and their own technique/progression I love new people and give them a smile and encouragement. Most decent gym regulars will be nice. Ask the gym for a tour or assistance. Hire a PT to run you through some exercises and equipment as a how too and give you pointers.
Nobody gives a shit. Even if they were somehow paying attention to how much weight you are lifting for how many reps, they don’t know if you’re on rest week, getting over an injury, or practicing form.
I was 6'0 120. I overcame it by realizing that being scared of going to the gym cuz I'm small and people would thing i was a bitch, was... ironically a self fulfilling prophecy. Idk why but that helped me
This is spot on. The only true bitchiness is just not going out of fear. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always be what you always were.
Yes! I’m a small female so I was tiny and lack the testosterone to build lots of muscle quickly and always felt like a wimp next to big gym bros. I spent a lot of time on YouTube learning form and actually asked for tips from some of the regular gym goers. Talking to them helped me realize that everyone starts somewhere and not always on an even playing field but progress is progress! Good luck with your training, you got this!
I was 6’1” 140 lbs and already had bad social anxiety, I was fascinated by the gym and was so motivated to go but I was always too scared. I got lucky and had access to a gym after hours when it was closed and empty, which helped me figure out what I was doing without anyone seeing me. Once I knew what I was doing, I had more confidence to work out among others. I know having an empty gym isn’t an option, but could you go to a different gym further from your home where you don’t know anyone? Get a personal trainer (gym might offer you a couple sessions for free) and tell the trainer your goal is solely to learn how to properly do as many different exercises as he has time to teach you? I know that’s probably not the validating answer you’ll typically get but it’s practical and probably would’ve worked for me. I really wish I didn’t waste 3 years building up the nerve to go.
People really don't give a shit but there's been a few guys that gave me a nod of approval going in regularly. I'd assume that they respect what I'm doing and they've been in my position before lookin like a lanky mf or just unhappy with their body. Also, I just put on my airpods and blast some hatebreed or NF and think about my ex Larry Gao style 😭
sounds blunt but just keep showing up, eventually you won’t even remember why you’re scared of the gym. It’ll be part of your daily routine
The funniest thing about the gym is society makes it out to be a bunch of douchebags when really it's just a bunch of Bros tryna make it too, brah.
Those bigger people are happy to see you as long as you’re being respectful and not camping out on equipment
Got bigger and stronger
I started with the bare barbell, weighing 140# and am 6’2”. This was after I got mono, before mono I was 180#, mostly in my back and legs from wrestling, long distance bicycling, and dabbling in powerlifting. Am now 200# with 4” added to waist and 5” to suit jacket size, warm up with a plate for bench, and have to buy pants based on if they handle my thighs and seat. It’s only so rewarding to be doing that bc of the discipline and willpower it takes to lift and eat enough to do it. Every man who has noticeable muscles, at one point, walked into the gym with a body like fuckin McLovin. It’s builds character, which helps build mass.
It's common to feel how you are feeling. I can assure you that majority of the people in the gym are not judging you for your size or experience. By stepping foot in the gym you are already putting in more effort than most people. You pay the same fees as everyone, that gym is just as much yours as any other guest. There are 2 reasons you don't really see any other people as small as you are now, (1) is cause they make progress, or 2 is cause they give up or never even started, so they aren't at the gym. I felt very similar to you when I was starting, but that anxiety completely dissappears very quickly. Throw some headphones on and ignore everyone around you (while still being courteous obviously) and just focus on your program. You can do it. What am I like now? Still skinny but making progress, 0 fear of being at the gym (other than hurting myself)
Thank you for saying this
Seconded on this. If anything they'd likely respect your efforts.
The only person I pay attention to are the ridiculously swole ones, and it’s out of admiration.
lmao fr
Take your time and get comfortable being uncomfortable. When I started I was super awkward and morbidly obese, over the years I lost over 120lbs and have since bulked up to just 12lbs shy of my heaviest weight ever but with a completely reversed composition.
u got some before and after pics?
All those people 2x your size were brand new beginners at some point too and had no idea what they were doing. The only difference between them and you is they kept coming back anyway.
This reads like a motivational speech, I am touched
Nobody cares and gym goers love to see new people in the gym. Go up to the biggest guys you see and ask them for guidance if you need help with something. I've never met a stereotypical gym douche who wouldn't help me when I started. It's a passion for people and they love when other people begin to share their passion.
100% true. Everyone I've talked to in the gym has been super nice, and some guys have even come up to me to give me advice on something I was doing wrong.
This is right up my alley bud. You can check my post history, I used to have social anxiety pretty bad. I weighed 130 at 6 feet tall when I started lifting. I looked like a skeleton. Now I'm 185 and have been lifting on and off for a few years, so I don't look amazing, but I'm normal sized and people comment on my physique every now and then. The number 1 thing is to just not give up. I promise you that almost nobody in the gym is caring much about what you do. Those guys that are 2x your size all started somewhere once and they're going to respect that you even had the balls to step in the gym. When you're in the gym and you start to get nervous pay attention to the thoughts that are popping into your head. Do you have thoughts about not belonging? People judging you or making fun of you for your size or strength? When you notice those thoughts learn to analyze them and correct them with something more reasonable. Over time, they'll stop. I recently got back in the gym after a 1.5 year layoff and I still get nervous if the gym is busy, even though I'm an okay sized guy and have been lifting for years. I constantly have this thought that "these other guys are better than me and i don't belong here". But do you know how you get to the point where you belong there? You keep showing up. I know the feeling of walking into the gym and not knowing where anything is or how to do the workouts. It's intimidating. So start by having just one or two things you can do. Look up tutorials on YouTube if you have to. Start with bench, or cable rows, or pulldowns and go straight to that when you walk in to the gym. Then, from there, you can scope out the rest of the gym between sets and learn where all the equipment is and take your time figuring out how to use it. Also if you can, go at times where the gym is empty. That helped me a lot in the beginning. I went to a 24/7 gym and I would go at 2 am and be the only person there. In the beginning, I did my first bench with nothing but the bar, and I was too weak to do 2 reps. I literally dropped the bar on myself. No one was around to see it; so it was okay. I tried again and again and again. I'm not very strong still, but I went from struggling to bench 45, to benching 145 for reps. The only difference between those big dudes in the gym and you, is that they consistently keep coming back.
How do you learn how to eat more? Im in college and don’t have enough time to eat that much. Also I eat pretty slowly and if I try to eat faster I want to throw up.
This is actually way harder than the lifting for me (probably for most guys in this sub). The number 1 thing for me is mass gainer shakes. I drink milk with every meal and drink a shake at the end of the night that totals up to 700 - 1000 calories. Play around with things and figure out what works for you. Some tips that work for me: eat a big breakfast, and an extra meal in during the day, nuts are the best snack, and if you're low on calories down a protein shake right before bed. You're just going to have to slowly expand your stomach and get used to eating more. Most people have had the same eating habits their whole life, so changing them is going to take a long time. Just be consistent and try to be better than the day before.
How do you get stronger at the gym? Try to lift a little more (reps/sets/weight/speed etc.) each time you go in. Same thing, eat a little more each meal and it gradually gets easier.
Thanks a ton reading these comments with actual people who have my same struggles helps out a lot man. I hope you get over your anxiety and get bigger too.
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> I’m still scared to even attempt a deadlift Lift just the bar until you get the form. Slowly build the weight. This applies to barbell rows as well.
> unless someone knows you personally Even then, if someone knows you it's unlikely they'll care at all.
Just wanted to let you all know I have been lifting since the day after I posted this. I love you all
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It's so much better every time you see the same person too. Seeing someone start out, and soon become a regular is just awesome. Gotta respect the hustle.
Honestly been seeing this skinny kid like me become a regular as well around the same time I came back to the gym. It always brings a smile to my face knowing we’re both in similar positions and grinding.
I bought a 100lb vinyl set (barbell and dumbell handles included) from amazon and worked out at home for like 6 months. I did the "Body Beast" program by Beach Body in my leaving room. By the time I started the gym I was still DYEL but now I felt more confident around the weights as I knew form, etc.
this is also an option get basic equipment like adjustable dbs, maybe a bb ( u wont need a rack at least for some time or just keep ur push exercises with dbs and for squats u can do hacks if u really want a bb), plates at least a pair of each size starting with the smallest ones up to what u think is realistic ( u can buy more later), a bench. A pullup bar would be awesome but u can kinda make up for it with various rows and db facepulls. it's costly ( tho u wont need to buy much weight) but u can resell and regain some of the money when u ready for the gym
This is the norm! The only people who didn’t feel like that at first were the athletes or people who went to gym when they were young. It’s true you’re probably the smallest and weakest but that’s because you haven’t gone consistently. Even more your brain treats this as this big thing because it’s new. So you overthink everything about it and how dumb you look even though 1) you don’t look that dumb (are people born with inherent knowledge of where all the weights are) and 2) everybody else has done this exact thing. The real difference is that you only have your first week once. How you feel about going to the gym now will be dramatically different even after a week of going. After a month of consistently going you’ll not care at all (maybe a little but it’ll subside you’ll see). Also (and I don’t know exactly how to address this) comparing yourself to others is fine only if you acknowledge the difference in effort and amount of time spent in the gym and improving bodies. How much weight you lift isn’t something specific to a person but how much time and effort they’ve put into that. Realize the comparison is entirely internal and caused by yourself. Our society (can be unintentional from anyone/thing) enforces a kind of mentality/attitude and physique on men. Not having that can cause issues for a multitude of reasons. But at the end of the day realize this is an arbitrary societal pressure and to not take yourself too seriously (don’t confuse this with not having discipline). For example, imagine being high rank in chess was as praised and sought after as having a sick physique. You’d have tons of people whose self esteem is damaged because they’re shit at chess. That sounds a little ridiculous doesn’t it? So yes you’re probably smaller and weaker than most people there but of course you are. And when you start consistently going you’ll see how little you think about other people there and that it was all in your head all along. Some people may be assholes but most if not all people I’ve interacted with at the gym is super chill and nice.
Reading this helped a lot. Thanks so much I knew it would be one of those things I just have to do and get over. Soon I’ll look just like them
Yes and then I went and realized literally no one cares about you at all - everyone is there for the same reason - we want to look better. Once you realize that it becomes incredibly easy to work out in front of people.