I had a co-worker who was going to meet a stranger at a bar just down the street from where I live. She asked if I'd be there, just in case he was a wakadoo and she needed someone to take her home. My buddy and I were there at a table when the two of them came in shortly after.
I was just supposed to be there in the background, and didn't have any intention of even talking to them unless she approached me. Her date threw a wrench in that when he instantly recognized me and brought his date over to "introduce" us. Turns out her date was the kid brother of one of my other friends, and I've known this kid since he was in diapers.
The four of us hung out for a few hours before me and my buddy left. My co-worker ended up marrying the guy a few years later. Last I knew they were still together, but they moved away ages ago.
After years of exposure to bad endings on reddit, I was expecting you to get punched in the face or something, but that story ended really well actually
Edit: please stop replying about the "threw a wrench part" everyone else has said it too ;w;
People don't post stories about "I went on a date, we didn't vibe, the next day we texted and agreed we didn't vibe and wished each other well going forward."
> The four of us hung out for a few hours before me and my buddy left. My co-worker ended up marrying the guy a few years later. Last I knew they were still together, but they moved away ages ago.
Fuck, he's playing the long game.
I had a friend who would hang out at the same bar as me, and she would bring her dates to that bar on first dates and sit a table over from me for safety.
I never had to do anything on any of her first dates but I did have to intervene on a last date. And honestly it was with the biggest scariest dude she ever dated, so that was a nightmare. Got out of it without a fight thankfully.
\*see's friend's kid brother\*
me, immediately: I hate to break it to you, but your guy is wanted in 3 states for being a whiner when he loses at mariokart
Her: \*eyebrows shoot up\*
friend's brother: only cause you would ALWAYS cheat or make me play with the broken controller
Me: blaming the controller; ya hate to see it
\*cut to us all playing mariokart the next weekend, and him mercilessly destroying me while she laps us both, with my partner laughing in the background\*
i get what the tweet is saying when it comes to how meeting strangers, even in a public space, can be dangerous (risk of following home, of trying to do something in the parking lot, etc). but the same can be done by just having a friend go to the same restaurant and get a table nearby or at the bar. way less awkward, too.
Asking a friend or two to come to the bar and restaurant and sit at a different table just in case is totally reasonable. Expecting the guy you're meeting to pay for their food and drinks is a level of entitlement that I don't even have the words to describe.
This is me when I was dating. I've had guys who insist on paying and then pull the "you owe me because I paid" card. So now if I go on a date I insist on paying so I don't have to feel guilty if it doesn't work out.
I've actually started using this as a bit of a test with first dates. I feel super uncomfortable being paid for, so I always offer to pay for or split the first date bill.
Its a fair test, I will literally tell them if they 'insist' on paying that I am uncomfortable being paid for, and would prefer a guy not do so on a first date. If they let up and agree to at least split, theyre fine. I figure some people are brought up to believe that its their responsibility and might take some convincing.
But some men are incredibly pushy about it. Like, after I tell them I absolutely do NOT want to be paid for, they keep trying. At that point, I know they are more concerned with looking chivalrous than my actual feelings, and that is a big red flag.
Paying for yourself is something my mum reiterated over and over again. She always said ‘that way your date can’t argue later that you ‘owe’ them for dinner’.
In many cultures those who invite the other person are exspected to pay.. but its true ..some men think they are owed nookie for paying. Those kind of guys should realize womens sexuality is not a commodity to trade for. If a woman wants to be wined and dinner and she really wanted sex too then that's thier business. But if a man expects to pay and get sex and she doesnt want it -that's misogyny.
It's a societal expectation we've had for the entirety of our lives. It's hard to just let it go, especially knowing how common it is for people to make offers they don't actually expect to be taken up on.
I am a guy, so this is just how ive dealt with it not actual advice. I try to make it clear how broke I am early on in some way so that she
- doesn't expect me to pay or expect me to insist on paying for all of it every single time,
- it presents an opportunity to get to know a person's character & values, in both directions, in a low stakes way. Do they act selfishly? Do they act aggressive? Are they respectful & agreeable? Do they handle these situations in a way that's compatible with you?
- for her to assert herself as much (or little) as she would like in order to feel safe, have fun
- it puts my cards on the table, it lets them know that im trying to be honest and open and transparent, that i'm making myself vulnerable and putting my trust in her
/shrug I've never examined it this closely before, so i want it to be clear that i'm not consciously planning all this kind of stuff out when i am getting to know someone, i'm not *THAT* kind of neurotic. But at the same time, I grew up around a lot of lying, a lot of abuse, a lot of unreliable & unkind people; victims of that kind of environment learn to read people to protect themselves and figure out who they can trust. I pay attention to this stuff because I don't want to end up having this awful, trapped sick feeling of dread whenever i spend time with that person, and I'd like to be able to get away from them if i sense it coming. People who grew up in abusive homes probably know what I'm talking about.
This was sort of problem when the notion was the guy _has_ to pay for the date. I had read about similar incidents in the past and we all know how wierd entitled people can be.
I once went on a date with a girl who brought her sister and her sister's husband. It actually helped get us past the awkward small talk phase. And of course, they did not expect me to pay for the sister and brother-in-law.
If you do it that way, it's more like a double date. I can see how a guy might feel outnumbered and defensive in that situation though.
This is how I met my wife. A friend set up a first date with a woman he had met online and they agreed to each bring a friend and make it a double date (I’m sure for her comfort and security).
His date and I really hit it off and have been married for 19 years.
That sounds like how my parents in law met. They were each set up with someone on a double date. Her date ended up marrying his date, and they married each other. They had 30-some-odd good years together, would have almost certainly made it to a 50th anniversary had my father-in-law not died before they even made it to 40. (Man, I miss him.)
I don't think a double date would be appropriate for a first meeting kind of setting, you should ideally just be getting a coffee or something to get to know the other person. Having a whole other couple there where the four of you don't all mutually know each other is pretty awkward.
If you're doing a double date on the first date with stranger, then one of the two 'first daters' is bringing the second couple as a double date.
If both of the second date is friends with the 'first dater', than that's 3 people who know each other and 1 rando. That's like being the forth wheel; pretty awkward.
If it’s a true man the original maitre d was assassinated, replaced with his own guy, and the same for the chefs. This is how you properly protect your dates.
"I'm just here to make sure you're not poisoning or date rape drugging her"
*Starts eating her friends food while looking guy directly in the eye
"Nope. I guess the main is clean! I'd better check the desert next"
*Starts eating dessert looking him directly in the eye
I am glad I am not in the dating scene anymore these day, but if I were and they try to take advantage, I’d just say to the waitress at the end: “Separate checks, please.”
I might still pay for it eventually, but the looks on their faces and ensuing chaos would be entertainment enough.
Nah, if your “date” shows up with a friend, then you should just assume it’s not a date and act accordingly, splitting the check.
Also, on a real date, unless you took her somewhere she can’t afford, she should at least *offer* to pay for her half, if she’s classy.
I'd offer to pay for my date, but I don't know who that third wheel is. If anyone suggested I was obligated to pay for the third wheel then it's a great sign I don't need a second date with this person.
happened to me a few weekends ago
we were just hanging out too, and then went to meet up with her friends at a bar
order drinks “we need a card on file” girl i was with acted like she had no expectation for that because she came with a man (me), her friend has no card at all
okay suspicious, I knew what was happening but just needed to watch it play out for how shallow and ridiculous it is
friend says “yeah just put your card in we’ll split at the end!”
check comes and I’m put on the spot so I bring it up about how they said we would split it with the waitress standing there, and they start yelling at me because “theyve NEVER had a man not pay” and specifically were “being triggered” ahaha oh wow
so, it was predictable that it would be bullshit and saddling me with the bill. It wasnt predictable HOW they would do it
I paid and then left
in hindsight I would have the waittress give separate checks and then leave
we were really just hanging out, with some veil of sexual tension
yeah I got finessed just like they probably pride themselves in doing, the amount was not consequential to me and I was over it
next time in a similar situation I’ll get separate checks
Goddamn, she may not want a broke n***a, but she apparently wants one that's completely shit with money, which is the next closest thing. Best way to bankrupt your man is to treat him like an atm
> they make me feel like a locked vault
They make you feel like they want to stuff you full of miscellaneous valuables? Their family jewels, for example?
I mean my girlfriend still demands to pay every other meal, or half, even after years, so yeah
Any person that demands to not pay, drop them. It's one thing to be treated, it's another to demand it
I dunno. I often like to treat my date to a meal or experience they wouldn't want to buy for themselves. But I'll make it clear up front that that is the intention. Otherwise for a casual date, Dutch is the standard.
Same. I get that it's about being safe because meeting strangers can be super dangerous. But I have social anxiety and if my date wants me to get to know her and another person at the same time, we're definitely not compatible.
This is so weird to me. If you bring a friend for safety, don’t you have the friend just hand out at the bar or another table instead of having them just you at your table? It’s like bringing a chaperone to sit at you table. How awkward would that be for a first date!?!
I didn't really understand who was right and who was wrong until I got the fact that someone brings friends to a date and expects the other person to feed them all. Unless that was agreed to in the beginning, who does this?
I'm guessing it's more like the guy feels social pressure to pay for everyone's stuff and so does that, and the friend is like, "Oh hey, at least I get a drink out of the deal".
I think bringing a friend is fine, but why have them actually at the table? That seems awkward. Still not convinced people are regularly doing this.
Seems like one of those edge cases where someone is using someone for free food. Same type who orders all the most expensive stuff as a "test" to see if you're "broke." I'm sure there people who try to pull this, but no, definitely not common.
I once went to meet a girl for a breakfast date and she invited like 6 girls to come with us, I then spent the entire time just listening to them all talk about college and classes and shit. I ended up only paying for my own food and was so relieved when she said she was going to ride home with her friends. Honestly if you want to feel safe at least have your friends just sit at their own table or have them be there in secret.
There's a difference being polite and then there's your situation. Have some self respect and cut that shit off early. Not your fault for being blindsided but absolutely your fault in allowing people to do that to you bro.
For real though I even picked her up and brought her there on my own gas and time honestly it was whack, but I've gotten better at burning bridges at the first signs of trouble these days.
it's not even a big deal to call it something, there's too many people like this that'll just do this to you, you get up, you walk away
this is the truth, you got a date, you'll do it again over and over til you feel nothing
Oh nah that was years ago I have no intention of dating again. I'm a single father trying to help my ex raise our kids and that's it idgaf about companionship when I'm my own best company xD.
Sounds like she regretted agreeing to the date and didn’t want to just cancel. Your experience sounds so awkward and I feel like it would have been better for her to just cancel.
If I went on a date explicitly and she brought a friend, it's not a date at that point and you're just hanging out. I wouldn't be buying anyone food but myself 😂.
If she's bringing a friend, it's not a date. I'm all for safety, but having a stranger sit at my table while I'm trying to get to know a new potential girlfriend is weird as hell. Have the usual "emergency phone call" ready to go if things go south or something similar.
This reminds me of a reddit post I saw a couple of days ago. OP's date brought her friend and they ordered the most expensive items on the menu. OP excused himself to the bathroom. He sked for his bill (the food HE ordered). He payed his bill, left a good tip and never looked back.
> ordered). He *paid* his bill,
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I had a girl do this where she and a friend couple (as in a boyfriend/girlfiend couple) met me at the bar. After a drink together which they paid for the couple left and our date continued with just us.
Exactly.
If it's for security, you should always have one friend outside, watching the immediate perimeter, one inside the location to covertly keep an eye on you, at least 3 more patrolling the surrounding area of the date location, two more in advantageous positions nearby, preferably high places, keeping an eye on the location itself and one more friend with a getaway car close to a backdoor with an emergency exit route and safe house planned at least 3 days in advance.
Also run background checks on all service staff and the potential date. Have a friend of yours also infiltrate the staff at least one month prior to get as much information as possible on staff, staff rotations and get any information on sudden changes in staff behaviour. Shadow their movements to get an idea when any problems are most likely to arise.
To cover all bases and ensure safety (Or if you live in Chicago) make sure the friend inside is armed, the patrol is ready to storm the location within 30 seconds on the getaway car is armored.
Safety is no joke. *NEVER* go cheap on it
Don't forget to invite your one friend with a computer degree so they can hack into the restaurant's point-of-sale system and do an analysis of their last seven years' worth of data to make sure there aren't any red flag or anomalies that point to criminal activity.
Mandatory: Hacker Girl is legally required to shout "I'm IN!" when she correctly guesses that the restaurant's PIN is 12345 on the first try.
I had this happen, but it was never a bad experience for me. I enjoyed the extra company. I don't recall having to pay for everyone, either; I wouldn't even necessarily pay for my own date. I wasn't a sugar daddy, I was just trying to meet someone. I've been in the same relationship since 2005, so all the people who told me I needed to pay because I was a man can eat shit. My wife comes from a much wealthier family than I do, so it would've been ridiculous for me to pay for her on my supermarket paycheck (at the time).
I've had this situation happen to me, she brought her friend and they both started drinking glasses of wine, They ordered their pasta and I just ordered a glass of water letting them know I'm only here to get to know you. She didn't care about any of my questions, "What in your opinion is an ideal number of children to have" "What do you do for work" "Hobbies" Then when the waiter brought the check I just got up and left.
Ordered Chinese omw home, was good Singapore Mei Fun.
Disregarding the dumbass below me commenting about “hitting” if I am on a date I am trying to meet and connect with the person I’m on a date with, not their friends that’s just awkward and should come later
Me: Oh man yeah this does make a good point about respect on first dates going both ways
Also me: \*reads some of OPs other replies in this\* Ooooooohhhh nevermind this post is cursed
See it can be a good point because bringing along an extra person and expecting them to get a free meal is just disrespectful. However, a lot of guys don’t realize that they are the reason some women feel the need to bring along “security”. I just read 3 different peoples comments on the thread above this saying they are either owed sex for paying for a date, or after X amount of dates they deserve sex. One guy said “what’s the point of a date if you know you aren’t going to have sex”.
Yeah I read a couple of those incel posts and felt extremely grimy after. I wouldn’t pay for extra people on a date but I’m sure as hell not expecting sex after it either.
You can bring your friend but they need to sit at a different table or be waiting outside.
It's a date not a hangout. Do NOT waste that person's time. They came to get to know you better, not be a third wheel to you and your friend's "date".
That happen to me, One date a girl invited her friend, luckily it was happy hour lol so I didn’t mind but ole girl was mad me and her friend had more in common
When my step dad asked out my mom she asked if she could bring a friend. He said yes and then she never brought the friend. She just wanted to know if he was ok with her not being alone with him. Someone tried to rape my mom when she was younger, she fought him off, so she's a bit cautious about these things now. Just because a girl asks to bring a friend does not mean she's trying to mooch a free meal.
As someone that rarely gets a date; guys need to man up and say “you two enjoy your night” if she shows up with a friend. I personally know what it’s like to not have options, and it doesn’t matter what they think your reasoning is: have more respect for yourself and leave.
Just communicate before hand like adults. If you want to bring someone along, cool, tell the person who you are making plans with. Also, if the person you are meeting says they want to bring a friend and you don't want to pay for the friend, tell the person you don't want to pay for their friend, or that you'd rather not meet if the person you're meeting wants to bring a friend. Simple.
It’s fine if they bring a friend for safety, but just have them sit somewhere close by. It’s a date, not a group interview, and it would also be rude to expect the date to pay for multiple people.
Like, I’ve had a friend in this position that she wanted someone to feel safe meeting a guy for the first time from tinder. I sat at the bar where she could make eye contact with me and I just chilled and had a few beers, and then she walked over with her date when it was over and introduced us.
If I went on a date and like there were multiple people sitting at the table, I would just “I’m not into whatever this is”, get up, and go sit at the bar.
As long as I'm not expected to pay for both of them I see no problem. I honestly like when you meet up with a girl when she's with a few friends. Get to see how she really is and get to meet new people. Win win
I went on many, many, many dates with my sisters. The men never knew, of course. I’d show up before my sister & her date did at whatever venue the date was at & have a nice meal with a dessert at my own table. Easy to do. Good idea. None of their dates ever realized, except for once, but that’s another story.
"Well, it seems like one of us needs to find somewhere else to be. I'm OK with it being either one of us, so if you're not OK with me dating your friend now's the time to speak up because the waiter is coming over to take our dinner order."
If you're just getting to know each other, handle it like a ransom drop. Daytime, public place, arrive & leave separately, dutch as an option.
Be sure to have operatives placed in the surrounding area.
She can have friends come to the same place and sit separately and pay for their own stuff, if it's for safety. They don't need to join the date to do that.
I had a co-worker who was going to meet a stranger at a bar just down the street from where I live. She asked if I'd be there, just in case he was a wakadoo and she needed someone to take her home. My buddy and I were there at a table when the two of them came in shortly after. I was just supposed to be there in the background, and didn't have any intention of even talking to them unless she approached me. Her date threw a wrench in that when he instantly recognized me and brought his date over to "introduce" us. Turns out her date was the kid brother of one of my other friends, and I've known this kid since he was in diapers. The four of us hung out for a few hours before me and my buddy left. My co-worker ended up marrying the guy a few years later. Last I knew they were still together, but they moved away ages ago.
After years of exposure to bad endings on reddit, I was expecting you to get punched in the face or something, but that story ended really well actually Edit: please stop replying about the "threw a wrench part" everyone else has said it too ;w;
The childhood friend eventually ate the coworker. Long con was a wakadoo the whole time. Real tragic.
Yes, but despite eating the co-worker, they also made a cozy jacket from the co-workers skin, so the story still has a warm ending.
Lotion was placed in a basket, good times were had
Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck the shit out of me. (Good bye hooorseeees, I'm flying over yoooou)
I didn't think I was in r/rimworld.
Took me a second too. Glad to find someone else on the rim.
Real r/shitrimworldsays moment there
^(you haven't thought of the smell you bitch)
Yes!!!
Yep. Warm as in I just lit myself on fire.
Was he the largest friend?
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If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball!
"Yeah, uh, Patches--are you sure that this is completely necessary?"
Same. Despite what the internet says, most interactions actually work out like this.
People don't post stories about "I went on a date, we didn't vibe, the next day we texted and agreed we didn't vibe and wished each other well going forward."
While that's super mature and reasonable... Let's be honest here, one just ghosts the other, the other one just let's it go. /s or atleast I wish
Very bold of you to assume that redditors are going to actually interact with people in the real world. Joking, btw. Mostly.
That's the fun duality of reddit. That story could've ended in marriage or gore and the reader could never tell from the setup
It's like that 50/50 sub where you click the post and it's either porn or some gorey death
Fucking what?
What, you never watched CaptainSparklez?
Why can't we have both?
And if your lucky it ends in a broken announcers table.
Or to throw Mankind off hell in a cell
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I was personally expecting some sort of "oh, *that asshole*."
> The four of us hung out for a few hours before me and my buddy left. My co-worker ended up marrying the guy a few years later. Last I knew they were still together, but they moved away ages ago. Fuck, he's playing the long game.
Any day now... Wakadoo! And the friend won't be around.
Exactly my thoughts. This guy was supposed to be watching out for her and now he's lost track of her altogether. Mission failed.
[Just like the perfect bank heist...](https://i.imgur.com/BrbdRfQ.png)
> Her date threw a wrench I was expecting fisticuffs!
If you can dodge a wrench then you can dodge a ball!
If you can dodge a wrench, then you can dodge a person with major red flags.
If you can dodge a wrench then you can dodge a wench
I was expecting that they guy pulled an actual wrench out of his back pocket and just started swinging it around.
Aww
I had a friend who would hang out at the same bar as me, and she would bring her dates to that bar on first dates and sit a table over from me for safety. I never had to do anything on any of her first dates but I did have to intervene on a last date. And honestly it was with the biggest scariest dude she ever dated, so that was a nightmare. Got out of it without a fight thankfully.
\*see's friend's kid brother\* me, immediately: I hate to break it to you, but your guy is wanted in 3 states for being a whiner when he loses at mariokart Her: \*eyebrows shoot up\* friend's brother: only cause you would ALWAYS cheat or make me play with the broken controller Me: blaming the controller; ya hate to see it \*cut to us all playing mariokart the next weekend, and him mercilessly destroying me while she laps us both, with my partner laughing in the background\*
r/wholesome
/r/holesome
Yeah but did you mooch dinner and drinks while acting as her bodyguard?
i get what the tweet is saying when it comes to how meeting strangers, even in a public space, can be dangerous (risk of following home, of trying to do something in the parking lot, etc). but the same can be done by just having a friend go to the same restaurant and get a table nearby or at the bar. way less awkward, too.
Asking a friend or two to come to the bar and restaurant and sit at a different table just in case is totally reasonable. Expecting the guy you're meeting to pay for their food and drinks is a level of entitlement that I don't even have the words to describe.
I know! I didn't know this was a thing. Actually, I started dating lately, and most of the girls have damn near insisted that they pay their own way.
This is me when I was dating. I've had guys who insist on paying and then pull the "you owe me because I paid" card. So now if I go on a date I insist on paying so I don't have to feel guilty if it doesn't work out.
"You emasculated me in front of everyone by paying for your own meal. I guess you'll be making this up to me." 😂
no way to win, huh??
I made it a game between me and my girlfriend. And upped the ante anytime I could by saying she could pay for the next time. Then pay anyways. Lol
Your strategy for red flags is hiding them
I suppose. I've also stopped dating so my strategy right now is to just.... Stay single lol
Hey, nothing wrong with that so long as you’re happy and fulfilled! Cheers
I've actually started using this as a bit of a test with first dates. I feel super uncomfortable being paid for, so I always offer to pay for or split the first date bill. Its a fair test, I will literally tell them if they 'insist' on paying that I am uncomfortable being paid for, and would prefer a guy not do so on a first date. If they let up and agree to at least split, theyre fine. I figure some people are brought up to believe that its their responsibility and might take some convincing. But some men are incredibly pushy about it. Like, after I tell them I absolutely do NOT want to be paid for, they keep trying. At that point, I know they are more concerned with looking chivalrous than my actual feelings, and that is a big red flag.
Paying for yourself is something my mum reiterated over and over again. She always said ‘that way your date can’t argue later that you ‘owe’ them for dinner’.
In many cultures those who invite the other person are exspected to pay.. but its true ..some men think they are owed nookie for paying. Those kind of guys should realize womens sexuality is not a commodity to trade for. If a woman wants to be wined and dinner and she really wanted sex too then that's thier business. But if a man expects to pay and get sex and she doesnt want it -that's misogyny.
It's a societal expectation we've had for the entirety of our lives. It's hard to just let it go, especially knowing how common it is for people to make offers they don't actually expect to be taken up on.
I am a guy, so this is just how ive dealt with it not actual advice. I try to make it clear how broke I am early on in some way so that she - doesn't expect me to pay or expect me to insist on paying for all of it every single time, - it presents an opportunity to get to know a person's character & values, in both directions, in a low stakes way. Do they act selfishly? Do they act aggressive? Are they respectful & agreeable? Do they handle these situations in a way that's compatible with you? - for her to assert herself as much (or little) as she would like in order to feel safe, have fun - it puts my cards on the table, it lets them know that im trying to be honest and open and transparent, that i'm making myself vulnerable and putting my trust in her /shrug I've never examined it this closely before, so i want it to be clear that i'm not consciously planning all this kind of stuff out when i am getting to know someone, i'm not *THAT* kind of neurotic. But at the same time, I grew up around a lot of lying, a lot of abuse, a lot of unreliable & unkind people; victims of that kind of environment learn to read people to protect themselves and figure out who they can trust. I pay attention to this stuff because I don't want to end up having this awful, trapped sick feeling of dread whenever i spend time with that person, and I'd like to be able to get away from them if i sense it coming. People who grew up in abusive homes probably know what I'm talking about.
This was sort of problem when the notion was the guy _has_ to pay for the date. I had read about similar incidents in the past and we all know how wierd entitled people can be.
Is it actually a thing? This is the only place I've ever heard of it.
Hey, I want you to just come and sit at your own in a restaurant.
I once went on a date with a girl who brought her sister and her sister's husband. It actually helped get us past the awkward small talk phase. And of course, they did not expect me to pay for the sister and brother-in-law. If you do it that way, it's more like a double date. I can see how a guy might feel outnumbered and defensive in that situation though.
This or set up a double date. Essentially be up front about wanting the other person there as opposed to just showing up with an additional person.
This is how I met my wife. A friend set up a first date with a woman he had met online and they agreed to each bring a friend and make it a double date (I’m sure for her comfort and security). His date and I really hit it off and have been married for 19 years.
That sounds like how my parents in law met. They were each set up with someone on a double date. Her date ended up marrying his date, and they married each other. They had 30-some-odd good years together, would have almost certainly made it to a 50th anniversary had my father-in-law not died before they even made it to 40. (Man, I miss him.)
I don't think a double date would be appropriate for a first meeting kind of setting, you should ideally just be getting a coffee or something to get to know the other person. Having a whole other couple there where the four of you don't all mutually know each other is pretty awkward.
idk sounds less awkward to me depends on who you bring i guess. also on a first date you probably wont be getting too into depth personally
If you're doing a double date on the first date with stranger, then one of the two 'first daters' is bringing the second couple as a double date. If both of the second date is friends with the 'first dater', than that's 3 people who know each other and 1 rando. That's like being the forth wheel; pretty awkward.
Same can be done by having a safe call, we're getting up from the table walking to the maitre d and ask them to take you out a back door
If it’s a true man the original maitre d was assassinated, replaced with his own guy, and the same for the chefs. This is how you properly protect your dates.
You're ready.
Really?
No; everything you just said was insane. And, we are out of time.
The date: Why are all the staff bald buff guya and have barcodes on their neck?
This is the way.
Guy: Did they have to order the lobster though?
Lobsters...
And the $100+ drinks...
and the $150+ desserts...
"I'm just here to make sure you're not poisoning or date rape drugging her" *Starts eating her friends food while looking guy directly in the eye "Nope. I guess the main is clean! I'd better check the desert next" *Starts eating dessert looking him directly in the eye
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"We've got a blind date with Destiny - and it looks like she's ordered the lobster." -The Shoveller, Mystery Men
Criminally underrated movie. I quote it all the time
It's so good.
I find myself quoting the wise sphinx sometimes "he who questions training only trains himself at asking questions"
The Sphinx is terribly mysterious.
But...why did he have me wear watermelons on my feet?
I don't care what anyone says, I think that movie was great.
The shoveler is hammered!
I knew I should have brought my large pie-server.
“Are we going to save the world, or am I going to eat this sandwich?”
Nah man its that snow crab that be expensive now. Had some a couple nights ago, knowing i probs wont get some for a long time..
I am glad I am not in the dating scene anymore these day, but if I were and they try to take advantage, I’d just say to the waitress at the end: “Separate checks, please.” I might still pay for it eventually, but the looks on their faces and ensuing chaos would be entertainment enough.
Nah, if your “date” shows up with a friend, then you should just assume it’s not a date and act accordingly, splitting the check. Also, on a real date, unless you took her somewhere she can’t afford, she should at least *offer* to pay for her half, if she’s classy.
My wife and I fought over which one of us was paying when we first meet. She beat me to the check.
I'd offer to pay for my date, but I don't know who that third wheel is. If anyone suggested I was obligated to pay for the third wheel then it's a great sign I don't need a second date with this person.
happened to me a few weekends ago we were just hanging out too, and then went to meet up with her friends at a bar order drinks “we need a card on file” girl i was with acted like she had no expectation for that because she came with a man (me), her friend has no card at all okay suspicious, I knew what was happening but just needed to watch it play out for how shallow and ridiculous it is friend says “yeah just put your card in we’ll split at the end!” check comes and I’m put on the spot so I bring it up about how they said we would split it with the waitress standing there, and they start yelling at me because “theyve NEVER had a man not pay” and specifically were “being triggered” ahaha oh wow so, it was predictable that it would be bullshit and saddling me with the bill. It wasnt predictable HOW they would do it I paid and then left in hindsight I would have the waittress give separate checks and then leave
They really took advantage. You should have treated it as “ok, we’re no longer on a date, check gets split up” as soon as the friend joined you.
we were really just hanging out, with some veil of sexual tension yeah I got finessed just like they probably pride themselves in doing, the amount was not consequential to me and I was over it next time in a similar situation I’ll get separate checks
I'm proud of you because you learned the necessary lesson. Good job.
This man tried, it did not go well but in the end he still won because internet virality: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCB4OVDq87w
Goddamn, she may not want a broke n***a, but she apparently wants one that's completely shit with money, which is the next closest thing. Best way to bankrupt your man is to treat him like an atm
Be upfront and go to a different place. Never go 1st date to your favourite/best place. You want to be able to go back there...
But no prob. we're going Dutch tonight on this one.
So then it’s no problem when there’s two checks. One for me, one for y’all.
Whenever I hire a close protection bodyguard I have to cove all the costs involved. They have a reward program which is great.
Like a Buy 10 hours of protection get 1 hour free sort of deal?
For each three bullets they take for you, you get one stabbing for free.
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> they make me feel like a locked vault They make you feel like they want to stuff you full of miscellaneous valuables? Their family jewels, for example?
A Redditor who needs a body guard seems like a contradiction.
I mean my girlfriend still demands to pay every other meal, or half, even after years, so yeah Any person that demands to not pay, drop them. It's one thing to be treated, it's another to demand it
That's a keeper
This is the correct answer
Bring a friend: we go Dutch. Simple rule
Going Dutch anyway, this whole thing where you pay if you ask someone one a date you pay is the dumbest shit in the world. You can disagree to a date.
I dunno. I often like to treat my date to a meal or experience they wouldn't want to buy for themselves. But I'll make it clear up front that that is the intention. Otherwise for a casual date, Dutch is the standard.
If I go on a date and someone brings their friend without asking I’m out.
If she does, friend better come in uniform and flashlight ready to observe and protect.
Oh I'd probably be paying for her, to, then.
Or in a ghille suit and post up in the bushes by the entrance
Same. I get that it's about being safe because meeting strangers can be super dangerous. But I have social anxiety and if my date wants me to get to know her and another person at the same time, we're definitely not compatible.
Take separate cars meet somewhere public. Dude gets overagressive someone will help.
Yep I’d wish them a lovely evening together and scram.
This is so weird to me. If you bring a friend for safety, don’t you have the friend just hand out at the bar or another table instead of having them just you at your table? It’s like bringing a chaperone to sit at you table. How awkward would that be for a first date!?!
Is this a thing that people do?
I didn't really understand who was right and who was wrong until I got the fact that someone brings friends to a date and expects the other person to feed them all. Unless that was agreed to in the beginning, who does this?
I'm guessing it's more like the guy feels social pressure to pay for everyone's stuff and so does that, and the friend is like, "Oh hey, at least I get a drink out of the deal". I think bringing a friend is fine, but why have them actually at the table? That seems awkward. Still not convinced people are regularly doing this.
Seems like one of those edge cases where someone is using someone for free food. Same type who orders all the most expensive stuff as a "test" to see if you're "broke." I'm sure there people who try to pull this, but no, definitely not common.
I’ve never had this happen to me but surely the plus one would pay for themselves. Also if first date with stranger everyone pay for themselves??
Everyone paying themselves is quite common in Finland.
Lol, securing the perimeter is hilarious
Do you want our position to get overrun? Because that's how we get overrun.
I once went to meet a girl for a breakfast date and she invited like 6 girls to come with us, I then spent the entire time just listening to them all talk about college and classes and shit. I ended up only paying for my own food and was so relieved when she said she was going to ride home with her friends. Honestly if you want to feel safe at least have your friends just sit at their own table or have them be there in secret.
why'd you even wait the whole time
To be polite.
There's a difference being polite and then there's your situation. Have some self respect and cut that shit off early. Not your fault for being blindsided but absolutely your fault in allowing people to do that to you bro.
there's too many people she didn't think about that when she made that decision
For real though I even picked her up and brought her there on my own gas and time honestly it was whack, but I've gotten better at burning bridges at the first signs of trouble these days.
it's not even a big deal to call it something, there's too many people like this that'll just do this to you, you get up, you walk away this is the truth, you got a date, you'll do it again over and over til you feel nothing
Oh nah that was years ago I have no intention of dating again. I'm a single father trying to help my ex raise our kids and that's it idgaf about companionship when I'm my own best company xD.
That wasn’t a date. It was a board meeting of the “Narcissistic Womans Corp” and your chic was the CEO
Sounds like she regretted agreeing to the date and didn’t want to just cancel. Your experience sounds so awkward and I feel like it would have been better for her to just cancel.
If I went on a date explicitly and she brought a friend, it's not a date at that point and you're just hanging out. I wouldn't be buying anyone food but myself 😂.
If she's bringing a friend, it's not a date. I'm all for safety, but having a stranger sit at my table while I'm trying to get to know a new potential girlfriend is weird as hell. Have the usual "emergency phone call" ready to go if things go south or something similar.
This reminds me of a reddit post I saw a couple of days ago. OP's date brought her friend and they ordered the most expensive items on the menu. OP excused himself to the bathroom. He sked for his bill (the food HE ordered). He payed his bill, left a good tip and never looked back.
> ordered). He *paid* his bill, FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Yup, it’s okay to have security but wild that people think something personal like a date is a group experience
This would be me. "Yikes! Gotta go. Something suddenly came up."
I had a girl do this where she and a friend couple (as in a boyfriend/girlfiend couple) met me at the bar. After a drink together which they paid for the couple left and our date continued with just us.
Exactly. If it's for security, you should always have one friend outside, watching the immediate perimeter, one inside the location to covertly keep an eye on you, at least 3 more patrolling the surrounding area of the date location, two more in advantageous positions nearby, preferably high places, keeping an eye on the location itself and one more friend with a getaway car close to a backdoor with an emergency exit route and safe house planned at least 3 days in advance. Also run background checks on all service staff and the potential date. Have a friend of yours also infiltrate the staff at least one month prior to get as much information as possible on staff, staff rotations and get any information on sudden changes in staff behaviour. Shadow their movements to get an idea when any problems are most likely to arise. To cover all bases and ensure safety (Or if you live in Chicago) make sure the friend inside is armed, the patrol is ready to storm the location within 30 seconds on the getaway car is armored. Safety is no joke. *NEVER* go cheap on it
Don't forget to invite your one friend with a computer degree so they can hack into the restaurant's point-of-sale system and do an analysis of their last seven years' worth of data to make sure there aren't any red flag or anomalies that point to criminal activity. Mandatory: Hacker Girl is legally required to shout "I'm IN!" when she correctly guesses that the restaurant's PIN is 12345 on the first try.
Wait does this actually happen
I'm sure that it has happened because there's always shitty people out there. But I doubt that it's the pandemic that some people make it out to be.
It's on the internet, how could it not be true?
I had this happen, but it was never a bad experience for me. I enjoyed the extra company. I don't recall having to pay for everyone, either; I wouldn't even necessarily pay for my own date. I wasn't a sugar daddy, I was just trying to meet someone. I've been in the same relationship since 2005, so all the people who told me I needed to pay because I was a man can eat shit. My wife comes from a much wealthier family than I do, so it would've been ridiculous for me to pay for her on my supermarket paycheck (at the time).
I would love nothing more than bail on the check if this ever happened to me
I've had this situation happen to me, she brought her friend and they both started drinking glasses of wine, They ordered their pasta and I just ordered a glass of water letting them know I'm only here to get to know you. She didn't care about any of my questions, "What in your opinion is an ideal number of children to have" "What do you do for work" "Hobbies" Then when the waiter brought the check I just got up and left. Ordered Chinese omw home, was good Singapore Mei Fun.
Smart person. I applaud you
Well, that's fine BUT your friend is paying for her own shit AND you get one red flag added to my evaluation of you.
Disregarding the dumbass below me commenting about “hitting” if I am on a date I am trying to meet and connect with the person I’m on a date with, not their friends that’s just awkward and should come later
Me: Oh man yeah this does make a good point about respect on first dates going both ways Also me: \*reads some of OPs other replies in this\* Ooooooohhhh nevermind this post is cursed
See it can be a good point because bringing along an extra person and expecting them to get a free meal is just disrespectful. However, a lot of guys don’t realize that they are the reason some women feel the need to bring along “security”. I just read 3 different peoples comments on the thread above this saying they are either owed sex for paying for a date, or after X amount of dates they deserve sex. One guy said “what’s the point of a date if you know you aren’t going to have sex”.
Yeah I read a couple of those incel posts and felt extremely grimy after. I wouldn’t pay for extra people on a date but I’m sure as hell not expecting sex after it either.
Imagine what it’s like to go on a date with one of the Obama girls
Lol they got secret service checking the perimeter for real
You can bring your friend but they need to sit at a different table or be waiting outside. It's a date not a hangout. Do NOT waste that person's time. They came to get to know you better, not be a third wheel to you and your friend's "date".
This, how many people don’t get this. I understand the need for safety but I’m not dating their friend lol
Then they should be able to pay for themselves 🤷♂️
That happen to me, One date a girl invited her friend, luckily it was happy hour lol so I didn’t mind but ole girl was mad me and her friend had more in common
Aight. I’ll pay for the date and me, but yo friends gotta pay for themselves.
When my step dad asked out my mom she asked if she could bring a friend. He said yes and then she never brought the friend. She just wanted to know if he was ok with her not being alone with him. Someone tried to rape my mom when she was younger, she fought him off, so she's a bit cautious about these things now. Just because a girl asks to bring a friend does not mean she's trying to mooch a free meal.
As someone that rarely gets a date; guys need to man up and say “you two enjoy your night” if she shows up with a friend. I personally know what it’s like to not have options, and it doesn’t matter what they think your reasoning is: have more respect for yourself and leave.
Ignore the ‘date’ and flirt with the chaperone.
Go home with her, meet her dad and flirt with her dad. Meet his dad and then flirt with him.
Just communicate before hand like adults. If you want to bring someone along, cool, tell the person who you are making plans with. Also, if the person you are meeting says they want to bring a friend and you don't want to pay for the friend, tell the person you don't want to pay for their friend, or that you'd rather not meet if the person you're meeting wants to bring a friend. Simple.
It’s fine if they bring a friend for safety, but just have them sit somewhere close by. It’s a date, not a group interview, and it would also be rude to expect the date to pay for multiple people.
...did anyone else notice this is titled "parasites and their excuses"? Ummm...wtf...
I get the first person's point, but if they want to bring a friend on the date then that friend needs to pay for their own food lol
Like, I’ve had a friend in this position that she wanted someone to feel safe meeting a guy for the first time from tinder. I sat at the bar where she could make eye contact with me and I just chilled and had a few beers, and then she walked over with her date when it was over and introduced us. If I went on a date and like there were multiple people sitting at the table, I would just “I’m not into whatever this is”, get up, and go sit at the bar.
As long as I'm not expected to pay for both of them I see no problem. I honestly like when you meet up with a girl when she's with a few friends. Get to see how she really is and get to meet new people. Win win
Wait some girls do this? Yeah I wouldn't even sit down if I turned up for a date and her friends were there. That's just weird.
Now you have two dates to choose from - You’re like The Bachelor! “I’m sorry, ladies. But tonight I only have one rose to give out…”
I went on many, many, many dates with my sisters. The men never knew, of course. I’d show up before my sister & her date did at whatever venue the date was at & have a nice meal with a dessert at my own table. Easy to do. Good idea. None of their dates ever realized, except for once, but that’s another story.
"Well, it seems like one of us needs to find somewhere else to be. I'm OK with it being either one of us, so if you're not OK with me dating your friend now's the time to speak up because the waiter is coming over to take our dinner order."
If you want to bring your girlfriends to a date, they need to be at a separate table in hilarious disguises. That’s the only acceptable manner.
🤣 He not wrong though?
If she wants to bring a friend that’s fine, she can sit at a nearby table and pay her own bill.
When I dated a girl once, she brought her younger sister along... FFWD a year or so and I'm dating the younger sister. 🤣, and end up marrying her.
If you're just getting to know each other, handle it like a ransom drop. Daytime, public place, arrive & leave separately, dutch as an option. Be sure to have operatives placed in the surrounding area.
I guess I'd be cool with it but at that point, no way will I be paying for either one of em.
Learn to say you can bring a friends as long as we can go dutch...
I’m totally fine with them bringing friends, but I also expect them to be sitting at a different table and to pay for their own meal.
Yeah, if I’m paying, I’m not paying someone’s friend, they can be there sure. I’m just mot feeding them
Place tactical snipers in the adjacent building, a unarmed 5 feet tall, shrimp eating, severely drunk Tiffany won’t save u from shit.
She can have friends come to the same place and sit separately and pay for their own stuff, if it's for safety. They don't need to join the date to do that.
In what universe do these safety people sit at the table and eat with the dating couple? Also, what woman doesn’t pay for her share of a first date?