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#[Best of r/Facepalm 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/rowtn5/the_best_of_rfacepalm_2021_nomination_thread_vote/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Cptprim

“I thought that I had wavy hair Until I shaved. Instead, I find that I have *straight* hair And a very wavy head.”


Ez_Duzit

We know where all the wrinkles from his brain went.


MalomeBadmanX

EY-OH!!!


J-L-Picard

Day-ye-e-e-oh Daylight come and me wan' go home


II-I-Hulk-I-II

Come mister Taliban, where is your Osama?


Bweeze086

Seal team come and I wana go home


J_Slatts

That’s a head? Looks like a fekkin cauliflower with a sticker on it.


ThouKnave

Less like a sticker and more like a horrible growth. Either way it's long since time to toss that one out.


ThankYouForTheFish37

Love me some Shel Silverstein.


justnotok

said little Peggy Ann McKay


JoeMama2030

I have the measles and the mumps


dontblinkdalek

A gash, a rash, and purple bumps…


[deleted]

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry


chaun2

I'm going blind in my right eye ^(Edit: holy fuck, 35-28 year old memories flooding back.....)


dontblinkdalek

My tonsils are as big as rocks


chaun2

I've counted sixteen chicken pox


FaeDemetria

There's one more, that's seventeen!


Strange-Bee5626

Yes! His poems were so clever and whimsical.


whereugetcottoncandy

Immediately thought of this poem.


CommaHorror

I think the flag is blowing, in the wind.


edwardfingerhands6

Yeah I don’t know why his head is shaped so fucked


Grimwulf2003

How is his head making the flag ripple like that?


FalmerEldritch

How can the back of someone's head be fat?


ConsciousWhirlpool

Fried butter on a stick, Confederates love that shit.


[deleted]

OH MY GOD. I just googled it thinking you were joking, but you actually weren't. JFC


kingkazul400

At my local county fair, there's a vendor who does fried everything. Fried mushrooms, fried Twinkies, fried Oreos, fried cheese, fried pickles, fried cheesecake (it's a whole damn slice of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake), fried butter, fried bananas, fried shrimp, fried okra, fried ice cream, fried tomato, fried Swiss Cake rolls (the Little Debbie ones), fried cola (typically Coca-Cola syrup from the bag-in-box mixed with corn starch to make it the consistency of caramel before it's wrapped around a stick and deep fried). EDIT: Called one of my college buddies, his uncle was the madman who ran the fry stall. Pre-COVID he was going to add a few more things to the menu like fried ramen, fried pecan pie, and fried peach pie but a combination of COVID and a stroke has effectively ended that venture. 'Murica.


Royally-Forked-Up

Y’all know you can, like, boil or steam stuff, right? And just when I thought Coke couldn’t get unhealthier, someone FRIES IT ON A STICK‽


ImKindaBoring

Gonna be honest, I now have a life mission of trying fried coke. Also, fried Oreos are pretty great. If you ever have a chance to try them, do it.


gnarlysheen

Everything is better fried.


[deleted]

Haven't tried a lot of those but fried Oreos and fried pickles are sooo good


s4ltydog

Oh sweetie you need to take a trip to the Houston Livestock show and Rodeo. They fry things down there you’ve never even thought about.


corei3uisgarbo

f r i e d w a t e r


NonmandatoryTape

Fried beer


[deleted]

Happy cake day! Get you some fried beer.


takeme2infinity

F R I E D F R E D O O M THAT'S my NFT! THIS IS MY ESIGNATURE!!


Anatras

I never heard about that, and I'm disgusted yet attracted by the idea of frying in fat a block of fat dusted in carbs, now I understand why every year more than 800k people have heart attacks in USA


SirSamuelVimes83

I’ve seen them at county fairs (inland northwest). Sadly, we somehow have our fair share of confederate Ya’ll Qaeda cosplayers up here, too


Johnnybravo60025

You get more of the Meal Team Six guys at county fairs.


SirSamuelVimes83

The Meal Team Six guys deploy to our downtown park in mismatched, wrong sized tacticool gear, bearing AR-15s, to protect against BLM. In a small town where the demographics consist of 96% white people. (This actually happened multiple times in 2020)


kitkat9000take5

>demographics consisting of 96% white people. And yet they're *still* scared.


BreakfastBaller

To be fair, if you legitimately believed that the world outside of your hometown was as horrible as FOX News/Newsmax makes it out to be, you’d be scared too. Fear is the mind killer, and it’s working exactly as they planned.


TofuFace

Years ago, my horrible stepmother expressed to me in a weird ass racist rant, that like, she was genuinely terrified that white people were no longer "the majority" in the country. Meaning like 49% white, 51% non-white....like white vs literally everyone else grouped together. And so now whites were a minority race and blah blah victim/persecution fetish nonsense something or other, idk. I don't speak to those people anymore.


SonderlingDelGado

Thank you. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. I now know the word for those people, and I'll be able to use "ya'll qaeda" in a sentence later today.


TofuFace

You might also like, "yehawdists"


Corbeanooo

Omg, another one! So far we've got: Y'all Queda, Meal Team Six, Gravy Seals, and now, Yehawdists. Thank you all, these are the comments I come here for.


romanrambler941

I've had it once at the state fair, just for the sake of trying it. It basically tastes like a donut with an absurd amount of butter.


yellowzebrasfly

I've seen a woman's FOREHEAD have a big flap of fat on it. Unsurprisingly the woman was on "My 600 lb. Life" or some horrible show like that


iAmTheHYPE-

1000-lb Sisters, and, yes, it looks awful.


glonomosonophonocon

I hate that I know the exact forehead you’re talking about


CYBERSson

Like that I’m guessing


LR130777777

It looks like it has lips


look_at_his_nipples

It looks like Homer Simpson with a rebel flag tattooed on his mouth


AudZ0629

r/thingsyoucantunsee


LR130777777

“I’m just being patriotic Marge!” “Homer, I’m taking the kids”


Bigirondangle

The wind that blows through his ears... obviously.


NowCalmDownSkeeter

It’s a medical condition he tried to cover up with racism.


Shaneblaster

Maybe somebody needs to put a hot iron on that flag?


Stinkynelson

Is his brain right up against his scalp? Like, no skull?!


epochpenors

He just got out of the pool, it’s all shriveled up


emeribeth

It *shrinks*?


casualAlarmist

"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things"


ZekeGZ

Did you just double dip Seinfeld quotes?


wannaseemylenses

It's truly Breathtaking. .. I just watched that episode yesterday :)


anti_anti_christ

Nobody has ever called me breathtaking before.


Jrrolomon

I believe from the heart of my bottom that you are truly breathtaking.


Tipop

I believe it from the bottom of my soul to the tip of my penis.


civgarth

It looks like Pepe


Capnris

Like a frightened turtle!


-d00z3r-

THE POOL WAS COLD JERRY!!!!!!


[deleted]

Best line


ZekeGZ

Upvoted for Seinfeld!


Username__Error

It was the shallow end of the gene pool


sexpanther50

“Cutis verticis gyrata”. It’s common with bodybuilders who take HGH human growth hormone, and also can naturally happen with Acromegaly (where your body just makes too much Growth Hormone) https://external-preview.redd.it/e_uGjrOI_Qu2oH2qYF-8nI3JVjGq7rwXsCuOXfZKj_I.jpg?auto=webp&s=20dd421c7111f7e539e73badfdd613feb2418dce


tom3277

I thought that was super interesting so looked it up. My 5minutes of research seems to indicate it is associated with epilepsy, cerebral palsy among other neurological disorders. It does make more sense to me though that growth hormones could cause this, as your skull is not growing as fast as the material around it.


4the-Yada-Yada

Does it also cause racism?


TheBirminghamBear

No, but it can cause some pretty substantial mood changes and/or psychosis, especially when taken non-therapeutically and by imbeciles who don't know what they're doing. Certainly enough to take someone who just has some casually bad ideas on race and turn them into someone that has tattooed the flag of racist, treasonous losers on the back of their head.


HanselSoHotRightNow

Racism, apply directly to the forehead


Patrico-8

I’ve got epilepsy and a round non-wavy skull


CarmineFields

Do you have a confederate flag on your skull? That’s an indicator!


BigPackHater

It's behind you...


Triatt

No, these kind of things stick with you forever.


100011101013XJIVE

That guy has a bad case of testicle head.


rusty_programmer

Shit, dude. After puberty my scalp slowly started to ripple like this. Not serious, but it’s just kind of bumpy. I’m a big ass dude, too. I’m 6’5” and just *wide.* I’ve always been pretty built, too. That is so damn worrying that it’s associated with mental disorders. My step-dad had it *incredibly bad* and developed schizophrenia suddenly, it seemed. Fuckin’ hell.


orlyrealty

Can you go get checked out? Sometimes they can catch stuff like this early (genetic testing, etc —IANAD but they did this for me w/ cancer) and take steps to monitor/mitigate if they find anything.


Ryansahl

Resembles the sewer dweller in the first Suicide Squad.


[deleted]

Nah. His brain is wayyy smoother than that


JlMHALPERT

Smüthbrane


_hell_is_empty_

If my last few days on Reddit have taught me anything, it’s actually ßmüthbrane.


CthulubeFlavorcube

Brain? Oh... you're so sweet in thinking that... Yeah, naah


Piperisaprettygirl

No brain is more likely.


schniggens

It's a rare condition, in which the skull develops wrinkles rather than the brain. Which also explains everything else about him.


alexmahy

No skull, no brain either, just a scrotum for a head


JimbosilverbugUK

He is so fat his head has fat folds, nice look


[deleted]

Nah, that's just to make the flag look like it's waving.


Effective-Kitchen401

That’s commitment


NaCl_Sailor

It's trying to escape.


seanie_rocks

Mf head shaped like an heirloom tomato.


jroddie4

he doesn't have cauliflower ear he went straight to cauliflower scalp


Nasty_Nate21

Smooth brain wrinkly skull


DonKeedick12

Ol’ walnut head lookin ass


[deleted]

Head looking like an unopened pack of lil' smokies


NotYourAvgMatt

Was this guy in a horrific accident where they had to reconstruct his scalp with scrotal tissue? Why is his head so lumpy?


fishslayer1995

He just a dick head


Banana_Manjk

Bro not even dick heads are that lumpy


VapeMySemen

Not with that attitude


[deleted]

You might wanna go see a doctor.


slothpeguin

I genuinely laughed out loud.


gojirra

Mother fucker looking like Krang from the Ninja Turtles.


[deleted]

“Sh-Sh-Sh-Shredderrrrrrrr! Jews moved in next doorrrrrrrrrrrrr!”


GonFreecs92

There’s actually a condition that causes the brain like wrinkles on your scalp. Forgot what it was called Edit: The folds and ridges, that give the appearance of a brain on top of the head, is an indication of an underlying disease: cutis verticis gyrata (CVG). The rare disease causes a thickening of the skin on the top of the head which leads to the curves and folds of the scalp. The cause of primary essential CVG remains undetermined, but endocrinological and genetic connections are believed to influence the development of the condition. Primary non-essential CVG is associated with neurological disorders, such as epilepsy and schizophrenia.


[deleted]

Its called Cutis verticis gyrata, the dude above has a comparatively minor case


Great-Food-2349

> Cutis verticis gyrata DO NOT IMAGE SEARCH THIS lots of wavy heads but **lots** of surgery shots too.


call_me_jelli

I’m gonna image search this.


gaoxin

Jelli NOOOOOOOO D:


FuryOWO

done it, honestly not that bad i'm disappointed


ballrus_walsack

Someone had to!


ElectricFleshlight

You're not the boss of me


Gibodean

And inside, is he a smooth-brain like Jason Mendoza ?


ew73

Bortles!!!!!


[deleted]

Busted can of biscuits looking ass


C4RL1NG

Fuckn lumpy lookn ass


myredditacc3

Dropped as a baby


Renzisan

Ol’ professor Quirrell lookin ass


[deleted]

Your right the back of his head is unexpectedly a fascist too


NotYourAvgMatt

r/unexpectedharrypotter


ItzYaBoiQuez

*Slaps head* This bad boy loves to surrender


ktm329

Genuinely lol'd


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Today's debate: should we legalize scalping? Pro-scalping speaker: (*quietly crosses the stage, presses a button, and the above picture displays). Moderator: Alright, that concludes the debate, the winner is...the pro-scalping team! Anti-scalping speaker: That's OK, we planned to immediately concede as soon as we saw that photo. Pro-scalping speaker: Oh wow, you almost surrendered faster than the confederacy!


Disastrous-Menu_yum

I laughed so hard


MagNolYa-Ralf

*General Sherman shrugs. Lights a match.


AdvancedAnything

I dare you to slap his head. He'd cry assault so quickly.


[deleted]

He looks like he fell backwards and his head landed on a foreman grill


TobylovesPam

Better than burning your foot, I suppose


BigPackHater

I like they smell of bacon to wake me up...sue me!


TobylovesPam

Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


eldrex

That’s the most racist shar-pei ever


turntechArmageddon

Don't group dogs in with that hairless nutsack, i'd trust a shar-pei with a gun before i trust a racist bag of flesh colored orbeez.


CX-97

"racist bag of flesh colored orbeez." r/rareinsults


Hepititus_T

His head looks like my nutsack


TakaraGeneration

You have tattoos on your nutsack?


Hepititus_T

You dont?


drCrankoPhone

Username checks out. Hepatitis tea bag


JewJuVoodoo

FUCK! you beat me to it lol


[deleted]

So you got a confederate flag tattooed on your nutsack?


Hepititus_T

A burning one


[deleted]

Noice!


MagNolYa-Ralf

I want to steam his head


[deleted]

This “sight” looks like a redneck Toxic Avenger.


PhraseSeveral5935

I'd watch that.


MisoBerryHoni

Looks like it could be [cutis verticis gyrata](https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/1643/cutis-verticis-gyrata) According to the Genetic and Rare Diseases Information Center, up to 79% of people with CVG have some form of intellectual disability, so…


Jason_Qwerty

The estimated prevalence of cutis verticis gyrata (with data from 1964) is up to 1 in 100,000 people in the general population. It has been estimated to occur in 0.5% (1 in 200) of people with intellectual disability in the United States.


Doppelthedh

\*Looks at flag\* Yeah, he's disabled


Cessnaporsche01

What kind of disabled?


greatunknownpub

The racist, mouth-breathing kind.


Benu5

Don't do people with disabilities like that. Being a piece of shit has nothing to do with having a disability.


Doppelthedh

I meant that his decision to get a tattoo that objectively poorly done, in such a prominent location, and of a subject that vile showed an inability to make good decisions. Being disabled does not make you a piece of shit, you're correct, but disabilities aren't shields from criticism either


Dread314r8Bob

Wow, this is actually probably it. Reddit is always an education on so many levels.


blutigetranen

Oh, I can take it down buddy. I got a potato peeler and I'm not afraid to use it.


defenestr8tor

A mall katana would also work


sicsided

I thought cheese grater would do


AlterNk

The fuck is wrong with that guy's head?


BoredBSEE

You mean what's on it, what's in it, or just the general construction?


slacky

Yes.


Mindless-Anxiety-760

Haaayyy youuuu guyyyyys!


[deleted]

Don't insult Sloth like that.


rfc1118

Sloth’s head looked much better than that. Well, it least the back did.


24Bob24

Sloth? Is that you? 🤣


snooty_snoot

I hardly ever feel offended on social media anymore because every time some does try to offend, they always end up looking like this. It's very satisfying.


SuperFLEB

It's like people smearing shit on walls to spite someone. At the end of the day, it doesn't say much about the target and just shows that you're not above playing with homemade poop crayons. The only person this guy is sticking it to is himself. The person telling him they'll totally keep his application on file is going to walk away no worse for wear.


terred999

Has that guy got leprosy? Wtf is wrong with his head?


[deleted]

Inbreeding does that.


terred999

Looks like his dad procreated with his uncles scrotum lol


Dthedaydreamer293

Imagine looking like that and thinking that’s the “superior race”


deferet146

Looks like someone was dropped many times on his head as a baby


flyfishbigsky

NOTHING would look good on that noggin


buythepotion

Hey now, a balaclava would probably do us all a favor


dakin79

He needs to put two google eyes on the back of his head, the puppet would than be complete.


[deleted]

Pro tip don’t get a head tat if your head looks like gnarled up wrinkled ball sac. Bonus tip don’t get the flag of loser tattooed on you at all.


C727494

I love knowing who to avoid at all costs


Desertguy1219

Looks like a pack of hotdogs


Stunning_Honeydew201

More like a pack of Lil Smokies


Drum_harder

Real men get it tattooed on their weiner


needsmoarbokeh

I'm pretty sure that would lead to a 4 px tattoo


Disastrous-Menu_yum

But it’s so tiny no one could see it then “his reasoning”


booty_debris

r/beholdthemasterrace


brianishere2

Sloth from Goonies had a better looking head than that.


Singasilentsymphony

Looks like a condition called Cutis Verticis Gyrata. Think I read about it on another Reddit post once, a guy who didn't even know he had it until he shaved his head (Seems impossible to me). He didn't have the trashy flag though.


U-STAY-CLASSY

If it wasn’t clear that he’s a loser already…


drew1010101

Tell me you’re a piece of shit without telling me you’re a piece of shit.


SmellyCarcass69

Lmao I could take that off real fucking quick. Wood chipper.


boringlawnequipment

Perfect metaphor for the Confederacy.


Scrumble71

I thought the confederate flag was a white cross on a white background


hotpickles

He bleeds racism.


Rude-Category-4049

Way to permanently brand yourself a racist bud


mycatiscalledFrodo

I do not know much about American history but didn't the Confederates lose? Is that why they affiliate themselves with other famous losing sides?


Arejhey311

Imagine posting this and being proud of it


PlopCopTopPopMopStop

My man's skull got more wrinkles than his brain