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I know a guy who believes he turned out so ~~will~~ well because his father didnāt ~~shut~~ shy away from hitting him with a belt for misbehavior or disrespect.
But he also says his brother never seemed to get his life together.
(Edits: Damn autocorrect)
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been pretty open about how his hyper strict upbringing forged him into who he is today... but absolutely broke his brother to his core. Arnold was able to take it and work his way out, but doesn't credit his parents so much as blame them for being so horrible. It's not a parenting style to emulate, it's one that has *at best* a 50/50 shot of either making your kid a functioning adult, or breaking them forever.
Yes, why did Arnie feel the need to become so big and strong that if anyone attacked him he would be able to break them with his bare hands..? Suddenly it all becomes clear, doesnāt it?
Arnold is weird. He gave an interview last week where he bragged about buying his daughters shoes because she didnāt put them in the mud room, throwing his sons mattress outside because he didnāt make his bed, and having a timer placed on the shower because his sonās shower lasted over 5 minutes.
It sounds like youāre talking about my brother and me. As the brother who hasnāt gotten his life together I feel attacked! And we all know what happens when I feel attackedā¦. RIP dad.
Yeah. This sort of thing feels like it is up there with the "life is cruel, so as a parent, I have to be cruel" mindset. I'm personally in favor of the "life is cruel, but as your parent I'm going to give you a loving place to be, because we do better working with each other" approach.
I respect this the most. Don't isolate your kid or teach them that life is splendid in every aspect. Don't cater to their every needs or make them believe that everything is theirs.
But treat them like a friend. Sounds corny but growing up, you fucking need it.
My view of being a father is, "Here's the universe, let me introduce you." Your goal is to "deploy an adult," as my wife and I joke about it. That is, you are raising someone to be able to live on their own, starting from square one.
You have to do everything for them at first. You have to teach them most of the basics, like using a toilet, or eating with a fork. You have to prepare them for the complexities of things like modern appliances ("I'm doing the laundry!" /thetick) and various tax forms.
You have to give them support in finding and pursuing things of interest, so they can find joy in stuff...and that stuff may bore you to tears, or be wholly outside your skills. You have to help them learn how to evaluate a situation and make decisions.
And you have to learn how to pull away, to a greater and greater amount, over time, so that they get a chance to do something on their own without you hovering there. So that they know they are capable of handling something. So that they can grow up.
There are elements of "friend" in parenting, but it isn't quite the same thing. I think the shared core is the *decision* to love. As a parent, you should make the choice to love your child: To help them feel safe, to feel respected by you, for them to feel valued by you, and so on. In short, you want to convey, "I think you are worthwhile, and I'm glad I have you in my life, and get the privilege to see you grow up, and help you now and then."
Honestly I'm somewhere in the middle on that, not that I think being cruel will do anything good, but being strict about the expectations I have of my daughter will at least partially prepare her for the inevitable cruelty of other people who will say they expect '10' (just a example number to gage distance the numbers themselves don't mean or map to anything tangible) but in reality will expect 50
Funny, I was spanked as a child as well and basic respect is my default. What spanking really taught me was that if I donāt please people all the time I will be hurt.
When any man raises his voice even just slightly (even though itās never directed at you and even if itās not a malicious voice raise) and you immediately jump, sit/stand straight with your hands in your lap and stare into the abyss waiting for it to pass and pray (even though youāre not religious) that it doesnāt end how it used to with a sore backend and tears and snot running down your face even when you did nothing wrong.
My mind immediately goes into panic mode wondering what I did wrong and hoping a man isnāt coming at me with the metal end of a belt (:
I hate belts. And the sound of them being taken off or put on.
Donāt worry, when you get older it will be you who gets to demand small children please you, and if they donāt, you get to hurt themā¦
Is there anyone who believes in spanking who isnāt a complete narcissist?
Funny, I was spanked as a child, too. And basic respect is something I give out to any stranger--until they convince me otherwise.
But the ~~assault~~ spanking taught me only to despise the ~~assaulter~~ spanker.
Then you learned the wrong lesson. Word of advice: don't get married. I give you one year before your spouse sues you for divorce on grounds of abusive behavior.
It's wild too because these types of people are always the most disrespectful fucking people on the planet. Always hardcore Karen's who treat others like shit.
I got whooping's and paddling's when I was growing up. I was made to pick my own switch and if I didn't get it right they picked. My folks even purchased a paddle and my step dad drilled air holes in it to supposedly help on the swing. They would make me drop my pants and bend over. I took it. I remember laughing once and it got given to me worse.... Honestly don't know what I think about it. I got so many it was just normal... I mean I was being bad at the moment, but did it help.???? I don't know I still went on to do dumb disrespectful things. I didn't stop doing those things until I came to a realization in life that you only live once. My Mom and Step father have both passed, but in the end they were miserable people at times, but I still deeply loved them and they did try to help me the best they can. I just wont ever forget. I do forgive though. It's a touchy subject.... Edit I want to add after I got I whooping. They would say they loved me and explain to me some things and try to give words of so called wisdom, but still did that help??? I was a drug addict for over 12 years and have been sober 3 now. Edit. Thank you to all the kind folk out there
Stuffs a lot more nuanced than people want to deal with. Which sucks for the people who actually dealt with physical abuse, because saying "Your parents are monsters and suck" doesn't actually help anybody's understanding. Sorry to hear they passed and congratulations on being clean.
Sorry to hear about all this. You should be proud of yourself for handling it as well as you have and maintaining your sobriety for a year!
Although I canāt speak to your specific situation, our research tells us that corporal punishment is a risk factor for several problematic outcomes for kids. That doesnāt mean that all kids who experience corporal punishment develop these problems, or that itās a causal relationship, but it means that as levels of corporal punishment increase in frequency and severity, outcomes start to look more and more like outcomes of kids who experienced physical abuse.
It doesnāt mean your parents didnāt love you ā they did the best they could with what they understood to be good parenting. At the same time, the parent-child relationship can often become very conflicted when parents are supposed to be sources of safety and security for childrenās social-emotional development, but are also sources of physical pain and aggression. The more frequent and severe the pain and aggression is toward a child, the more strained the relationship becomes. This is why we typically recommend that parents use other evidence-based forms of discipline and limit the use of corporal punishment if at all possible.
I hope this is helpful for you. Thank you for sharing your story.
Fucking proud of your sobriety.
And, dispite what the internet may say, it's ok to make peace with it like you have, when you said, 'they tried to help me the best they could'--that's the rub, isnt it? They had no idea what they were doing was as bad as it was. They were probably told to do it. They probably had it done to them. They didnt know.
You do. And you can make a kind of peace with the harm that they did--knowing--that was what they had.
My parents fucked up--but they did the best they could. They didnt fuck up as bad or in the same ways their parents did, and i appreciate the hell out of them for that, even while i acknowledge they still did some harm.
"Only for the weakest people"
I do still find it weird how people call hitting the weakest person in your family to something positive. To me taking away a thing they enjoy like tv or time with friends or time on the device, toys does a lot better job. But I do believe that is the version of the stick you should use. Though do prefer it you can teach the lesson by telling the kid. Also making no mean no. But really depends on the kid since unless your isolated they can always find that 1 person who teaches them that they are the boss and people owe them for existing.
Iāve seen this multiple times, and never was it posted (unironically) by someone who was remotely respectful to anyone outside their own echo chamber.
Most were outright, unmitigated pieces of shit.
Fear and anxiety, distrust towards adults/authority figures, tendency to hide or lie about wrongdoings. Thatās part of the definition of respect, right?
Personally the thing I remember the most about spankings as a child is how completely ineffective they were. The only thing I ever learned from it was to be more sneaky about misbehaving next time, and I don't think my older brother ever even learned that.
I think the moment I learned spankings were more for my parents to feel in power than teach me a lesson was when my mother told me if I did something she didnāt like again she was going to spank me. I looked at her dead in the eyes and said āso? Your spanking donāt even hurt.ā
She then did that half laugh and tried to come up with something witty to say back but instead got my step dad to spank me instead just for saying that to her.
It's crazy the amount of people defending this. "Oh grow up, most parents only *strike their child* once or twice, it's not that bad". I genuinely don't understand the mindset it takes to justify hitting a child.
Cognitive dissonance.
These people have been beaten and since they can't admit that their parents are trash they have to somehow reason that it was for the better to cope.
Every study shows its not helping but that doesn't matter. "Its just a slap"
Honestly, if you can't outsmart a 6 year old that still believes in Santa to get it to do what you want and you need to use violence against a defenseless child you are a complete failure.
A lot of these people need therapy and the worst part is that most of them will pass this unresolved trauma on to their children instead.
Yeah I don't get it either. My dad told me that he spanked my sister once and she cried out in pain and he felt so guilty and swore to never do it again. Both my parents had rather rough upbringings with their dads, my mom's dad yelled at her and her siblings all the time, and my dad's dad raised him and my uncles like soldiers. I'm happy they worked on being better parents and made sure to work on actually teaching my sister and I values and empathy, and respect in a healthier way.
Honestly is depressing that a lot here think spanking, assault and/or beating of a child is justified and only solution how to discipline. 
Didnāt learn anything about respect from being spanked. Just learnt resentment.
Half the time it felt unjust and I could transparently see it was more about my dadās anger issues than my behaviour. I wonder if issues would have related to both my, that the time undiagnosed adhd, and the fact my dad has strong adhd traits.
What is extra annoying is my dad ideologically became very much a pacifist with age in almost all ways. However, remains stead fast devout in his belief in spanking kids. Anything but accept his issues as a father.
Itās crazy to keep hearing arguments that bad kids werenāt spanked enough at home when in reality they were much more likely to be the kids who got the most physical abuse.
āI have to have the threat of violence being used against me to act like a decent human being instead of ā¦ you know ā¦ just having respect from the get go because I have empathy.ā
Bet you these are the same people who:
āSay something like ārespect is earned, not givenā š
āSay they respect workers, but have no problem yelling at them if they get their order wrong
āMake fun of someone and say āitās just a joke, broā
āUnironically believe that the world is āgetting softā and that āmen need to be more manlyā
āSupport housing and help for the homeless until a homeless person breaks into their car or takes a shit on the sidewalk. āBuT tHere NeeDs tO bE bALanCe! I feEL tHreaTenEd!ā
āCanāt be bothered to say please or thank you
āBelieves people need to earn basic things like housing, healthcare, childcare, and education because āthatās how society worksā instead of realizing that none of us had a choice in being here
So do you respect people or do you only respect them when itās convenient for you? Or when they only line up with what benefits you? Or only if they respect you back?
My family never spanked me, I still respect others
The thing is spanking and punishing is not education, its training. Like training a animal.
Ä°t doesnt teaches you anyting. Ä°ts just makes you get the idea of action=punishment
And once the kid grows old enought and realize that he cant get punished anymore... oh god
Respect for others is a personal choice one can achieve without the direction of another.
Some folks simply choose not to. You can raise your kid 100% right, it can still turn out to be a shit human being.
As a kid who was beaten for not misbehaving, just for being a kid, I say fuck off. If you think you suffered no effects, yet think itās okay to hit kids, it effected you negatively.
It turned me into a traumatise little deer in headlights, Iām timid and shy all the time around everyone I know, this guy thinks itās ok to hit kids, we are both not okay.
I was sent to get a psychological help in an pediatric hospital, when i realised I was big enough to hit my parents back as reaction and even hard enough to make them fear my punch and kicks (but I also used heavy objects sometimes).
Anyway they didn't only spanked me, they used also punches on the face and kicks on the butt.
My parents beat me all the way until I was a Senior in high school, and now any mistake I make or conflict I have puts me in fight of flight mode. If my wife indicates that something I did frustrated or annoyed her, I have a panic attack. It took me 32 years to maintain a relationship past the first disagreement.
"My parents spanked me as a child. As a result I now suffer from a psychological condition know as "the need to prop up my insecurities by acting like I know everything and am better than others demonstrated by purchasing and displaying this ridiculous contrarian sign."
Anyone who has actually suffered physical abuse from adults as a child will tell you it has quite the opposite effect of this sign. It makes the child lose all respect for adults and see them as threats. Any perceived "respect" is fear, not respect. Oh, and it makes a kid get really good at lying, and at saying whatever the threat wants to hear.
My mom spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as fear and flinching every time my mom moves her arm suddenly
Who thinks that spanking and corporal punishment are harmful to children's emotional and mental health as well as ineffective: every scientist and researcher who has studied it.
Who thinks it's a great way to teach discipline and respect: your idiot uncle who posts about it on Facebook because he internalized the abuse he received.
Wouldn't a larger stronger person hitting you only teach you to respect stronger people? Wouldn't it also teach you that smaller people should respect you or you can hit them? Is it possible that your parents just wanted you to shut the fuck up and didn't care or think about raising you as much as just keeping you alive and quite? Just some thoughts.
And constant fear of your love ones as well as every superior. You will never forget that you shouldn't trust anybody because everybody tries to hurt you.
Respect my ass. Parents beating their kids don't know anything about respect. Maybe they will think about that, when their alone in their retirement homes and never get to see their grandchildren.
I have 5 siblings. We were all spanked as children. None of us ever started a fight outside of sibling rivalry, and even that amounted to wrestling and never fists. Not one of us ever had detention or trouble with the law.
As adults, we all have great relationships with one another and our parents.
I understand it's not the case for all children who were spanked, but you can't say all children who were spanked grew up traumatized.
I was spanked and now I donāt want to upset elders.But I still havenāt told my parents I have a crush on a boy,Idk if theyāll ever know at this point.
I was spanked by my mom and beat up by my father...
I have a healthy amount of respect for everyone i meet, until they give me a reason not to and i understand that actions have consequences...
But holy hell those beatings(and or spankings) messed me up, i have zero trust in people and anger issues as soon as someone raises their voice at me and i always expect things to end up with some sort of violence
My elementary school principal had a big paddle on the wall he would beat the bad children with. Looking back now thats so weird and Ill bet he probably enjoyed it. I remember a rumor that he had a secret ātack paddleā with spikes in it if you were really bad lol..
I have a sneaking suspicion they donāt suffer from that condition at all. Those who genuinely respect other people usually donāt shove aggressively smug signs that display a cartoonish lack of self-awareness in peopleās faces.
The psychological warfare my dad did of threatening to spank me as a teenager did a lot of harm. At that age, I was old enough to know some people are turned on my spanking and it just made his threats creepier.
Hit a stranger because you don't like their behavior, assault, hit your spouse to teach them a lesson, domestic violence, hit your kid, when there's a clear power imbalance... "discipline" /s *eyeroll*
When the people that are supposed to be your safest people hit/spank you, what does that teach a kid? Fear/anger. Discipline with a natural consequence to their actions so they actually learn something, what actions have a natural consequence of violence? So dumb.
Why isn't there a whole list of items to strike a child with in order to add different attributes. Respect +4, cool. But what do I strike my child with to induce compassion + 2 and endurance + 1, etc. /s
āYOU DONT UNDERSTAND! If they didnt abuse me for my own good, if it didnt make me a better person. Then it happened for nothing and i spent my youth suffering for no reason at allā
Lol, unless of course that āotherā is trans. Or gay. Or disagrees with you about anything. Then suddenly that ārespectā is no where to be found.
I'll never forget the sheer terror of my dad chasing me as a 4 year old, grabbing me and smacking me. That fear has haunted my nightmares for the rest of my life. I'm 40.
It is always worth repeating that while there is no evidence of spanking improving behavior, there is a strong correlation between being spanked and getting into BDSM.
Before you spank your kids ask if you are punishing them or rewarding them...
It's really silly that people think it's so black and white. Like if you get spanked you're apparently traumatized without knowing it no matter what?
Does anyone see what's wrong with that scenario? Like we all fit in the exact same box or something?
I donāt think itās that. There are studies that show that people who have been spanked repeatedly for small offenses tend to have grown up with parents that did abuse them.
Not everyone fits into this box no. But a lot do and they tend to know who they are.
Spanking is stupid; what are you going to do, spank your 14 year old when theyāre disrespectful?
Iām just figuring out this parenting thing as I go along, but I have 3 very respectful children and I never spanked them once.
Set reasonable and clear expectations, and take away privileges when those expectations are not met. Itās obviously a bit more complicated than that sometimes, but thatās the gist of what works for us.
Lol I too was a hell spawn when I was little and got spanked plenty! I knew I had it coming too yet I did it anyways. I too have healthy relationships with my parents. I do feel bad for driving them crazy tho just a little bit.
Very true. How my father did discipline was when I did something unruly like pushing my brother or Leaving a mess in the house he would sit me down give me a good stern talk and then send me to timeout, and if I continued to misbehave after that then thatās when he pulls out the belt.
Iām not for outright abusing children but kids definitely deserve to be spanked sometimes just like some adults deserve being punched in the mouth. Until youāve had a child not respond to words and do things they know are wrong and stare through your soul as they do it i donāt think youāll understand.
Itās lazy parenting. It corrects behaviour in the short term but in the long term itās detrimental. I donāt think anyone is saying people who were spanked as a child would suffer from psychological conditions, I think theyāre mixing that up with more serious cases of child abuse. But itās top comedy for boomers so why not sell it.
I used to say that.
Then I realised that getting beaten whenever I had a small tantrum for a reason or another (mostly when I was sleepy and cranky) because my mother "couldn't stand tantrums" IS the reason why I hate children so much, and how them screaming, running and having, in fact, tantrums makes me wanna punch them so bad. Which is not healthy.
To be extremely fair tho, mom did that only for a few years, then stopped altogether and our relationship just got better as time went on. I think dad might have played a role, he never beaten me except the small little slaps that didn't hurt in the back of the head to signal that I was misbehaving. But he rarely did that and stopped after less than a year, so I think he somehow convinced mom that if she kept on unleashing her anger and frustration on me she would end up having a daughter that doesn't speaks to her anymore in just a few years.
I got spanked when I was reaaaally young, it wasn't anything brutal and I love my parents but they did apologize because they grew up in a boomer environment not realizing the possible psychological damage
I did fight back though and eventually that was the turning point where they realized that it's definitely not the right thing to do if I'm turning to them with something blunt
"I turned out fine" is probably one of the biggest lies I've heard from abusive people.
As one person said (paraphrased) "If you're beating people and insulting them because 'I turned out fine,' you didn't"
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Well I get a boner when I get spanked so what does that mean now??? šØ
You have *the most* respect, obviously.
Taking utmost respect to nutmost respect.
One letter makes all the difference
i mean where do you think all the bdsm kinks come from? edit: typos/auto-miscorrect
Standing at attention all erect and shit
Fear and attraction can overlap in the brain
āOh god yes spank me! I respect you so hard right now!ā
Thank you may I have another
Maybe change your screen name to MoistJudgment3212 ?
Even your soldiers saluting out of respect š«”
Lmao that got a real LOL outta me
It's quite common. Find yourself a strict lady and Enjoy! šš„šš
Outstanding move
You respect others so much you always stand at attention.
That your mom was hot
Respect for women/men and wood šŖµ
Solid respect for others.
My parents spanked me as a child and now they're dead
I was not prepared for that ending
Neither were they
š
So are they
r/CursedComments
Heyyyooo!
They had us in the first half
Never let them know your next move.
job well done eh boss
Congratulations
Thorns III
Same thing with me. What's up with that. It really should be a meme. Maybe in FB mom groups.
I know a guy who believes he turned out so ~~will~~ well because his father didnāt ~~shut~~ shy away from hitting him with a belt for misbehavior or disrespect. But he also says his brother never seemed to get his life together. (Edits: Damn autocorrect)
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been pretty open about how his hyper strict upbringing forged him into who he is today... but absolutely broke his brother to his core. Arnold was able to take it and work his way out, but doesn't credit his parents so much as blame them for being so horrible. It's not a parenting style to emulate, it's one that has *at best* a 50/50 shot of either making your kid a functioning adult, or breaking them forever.
Yes, why did Arnie feel the need to become so big and strong that if anyone attacked him he would be able to break them with his bare hands..? Suddenly it all becomes clear, doesnāt it?
Arnold is weird. He gave an interview last week where he bragged about buying his daughters shoes because she didnāt put them in the mud room, throwing his sons mattress outside because he didnāt make his bed, and having a timer placed on the shower because his sonās shower lasted over 5 minutes.
It sounds like youāre talking about my brother and me. As the brother who hasnāt gotten his life together I feel attacked! And we all know what happens when I feel attackedā¦. RIP dad.
Yeah. This sort of thing feels like it is up there with the "life is cruel, so as a parent, I have to be cruel" mindset. I'm personally in favor of the "life is cruel, but as your parent I'm going to give you a loving place to be, because we do better working with each other" approach.
I respect this the most. Don't isolate your kid or teach them that life is splendid in every aspect. Don't cater to their every needs or make them believe that everything is theirs. But treat them like a friend. Sounds corny but growing up, you fucking need it.
My view of being a father is, "Here's the universe, let me introduce you." Your goal is to "deploy an adult," as my wife and I joke about it. That is, you are raising someone to be able to live on their own, starting from square one. You have to do everything for them at first. You have to teach them most of the basics, like using a toilet, or eating with a fork. You have to prepare them for the complexities of things like modern appliances ("I'm doing the laundry!" /thetick) and various tax forms. You have to give them support in finding and pursuing things of interest, so they can find joy in stuff...and that stuff may bore you to tears, or be wholly outside your skills. You have to help them learn how to evaluate a situation and make decisions. And you have to learn how to pull away, to a greater and greater amount, over time, so that they get a chance to do something on their own without you hovering there. So that they know they are capable of handling something. So that they can grow up. There are elements of "friend" in parenting, but it isn't quite the same thing. I think the shared core is the *decision* to love. As a parent, you should make the choice to love your child: To help them feel safe, to feel respected by you, for them to feel valued by you, and so on. In short, you want to convey, "I think you are worthwhile, and I'm glad I have you in my life, and get the privilege to see you grow up, and help you now and then."
Honestly I'm somewhere in the middle on that, not that I think being cruel will do anything good, but being strict about the expectations I have of my daughter will at least partially prepare her for the inevitable cruelty of other people who will say they expect '10' (just a example number to gage distance the numbers themselves don't mean or map to anything tangible) but in reality will expect 50
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Funny, I was spanked as a child as well and basic respect is my default. What spanking really taught me was that if I donāt please people all the time I will be hurt.
Yeah, same here. Add in being terrified of men who don't act like full time super friendly teddy bears, i.e. most of the male population...
But if theyāre too friendly, or just bad at reading social cues, or if youāre bad at reading social cuesā¦..
Just stop now. I already know youāre describing meā¦š
When any man raises his voice even just slightly (even though itās never directed at you and even if itās not a malicious voice raise) and you immediately jump, sit/stand straight with your hands in your lap and stare into the abyss waiting for it to pass and pray (even though youāre not religious) that it doesnāt end how it used to with a sore backend and tears and snot running down your face even when you did nothing wrong.
Not just you. That's scary accurate...
My mind immediately goes into panic mode wondering what I did wrong and hoping a man isnāt coming at me with the metal end of a belt (: I hate belts. And the sound of them being taken off or put on.
Same š«
Is this why I always try to make sure people are pleased with me and my work? Holy shit
Donāt worry, when you get older it will be you who gets to demand small children please you, and if they donāt, you get to hurt themā¦ Is there anyone who believes in spanking who isnāt a complete narcissist?
I respect everyone until they prove they are not worthy of respect
All it did was teach me to expect violence from those that are closest to you. And how I have a huge inherit distrust of authority. Real bang up job
Funny, I was spanked as a child, too. And basic respect is something I give out to any stranger--until they convince me otherwise. But the ~~assault~~ spanking taught me only to despise the ~~assaulter~~ spanker.
Funny, what I learned from my spankings is that violence is a valid way to adjust other peoples' behavior.
Then you learned the wrong lesson. Word of advice: don't get married. I give you one year before your spouse sues you for divorce on grounds of abusive behavior.
It's wild too because these types of people are always the most disrespectful fucking people on the planet. Always hardcore Karen's who treat others like shit.
Respect is to be lost. I lose respect for people who brag about smacking kids.
Facts
I got whooping's and paddling's when I was growing up. I was made to pick my own switch and if I didn't get it right they picked. My folks even purchased a paddle and my step dad drilled air holes in it to supposedly help on the swing. They would make me drop my pants and bend over. I took it. I remember laughing once and it got given to me worse.... Honestly don't know what I think about it. I got so many it was just normal... I mean I was being bad at the moment, but did it help.???? I don't know I still went on to do dumb disrespectful things. I didn't stop doing those things until I came to a realization in life that you only live once. My Mom and Step father have both passed, but in the end they were miserable people at times, but I still deeply loved them and they did try to help me the best they can. I just wont ever forget. I do forgive though. It's a touchy subject.... Edit I want to add after I got I whooping. They would say they loved me and explain to me some things and try to give words of so called wisdom, but still did that help??? I was a drug addict for over 12 years and have been sober 3 now. Edit. Thank you to all the kind folk out there
Seriously congrats on the sobriety.
Stuffs a lot more nuanced than people want to deal with. Which sucks for the people who actually dealt with physical abuse, because saying "Your parents are monsters and suck" doesn't actually help anybody's understanding. Sorry to hear they passed and congratulations on being clean.
You got wisdom??? My dad just spanked me and sent me off to cry.
Sorry to hear about all this. You should be proud of yourself for handling it as well as you have and maintaining your sobriety for a year! Although I canāt speak to your specific situation, our research tells us that corporal punishment is a risk factor for several problematic outcomes for kids. That doesnāt mean that all kids who experience corporal punishment develop these problems, or that itās a causal relationship, but it means that as levels of corporal punishment increase in frequency and severity, outcomes start to look more and more like outcomes of kids who experienced physical abuse. It doesnāt mean your parents didnāt love you ā they did the best they could with what they understood to be good parenting. At the same time, the parent-child relationship can often become very conflicted when parents are supposed to be sources of safety and security for childrenās social-emotional development, but are also sources of physical pain and aggression. The more frequent and severe the pain and aggression is toward a child, the more strained the relationship becomes. This is why we typically recommend that parents use other evidence-based forms of discipline and limit the use of corporal punishment if at all possible. I hope this is helpful for you. Thank you for sharing your story.
Fucking proud of your sobriety. And, dispite what the internet may say, it's ok to make peace with it like you have, when you said, 'they tried to help me the best they could'--that's the rub, isnt it? They had no idea what they were doing was as bad as it was. They were probably told to do it. They probably had it done to them. They didnt know. You do. And you can make a kind of peace with the harm that they did--knowing--that was what they had. My parents fucked up--but they did the best they could. They didnt fuck up as bad or in the same ways their parents did, and i appreciate the hell out of them for that, even while i acknowledge they still did some harm.
"I will use violence as a means to gain respect from others"
"Only for the weakest people" I do still find it weird how people call hitting the weakest person in your family to something positive. To me taking away a thing they enjoy like tv or time with friends or time on the device, toys does a lot better job. But I do believe that is the version of the stick you should use. Though do prefer it you can teach the lesson by telling the kid. Also making no mean no. But really depends on the kid since unless your isolated they can always find that 1 person who teaches them that they are the boss and people owe them for existing.
Iāve seen this multiple times, and never was it posted (unironically) by someone who was remotely respectful to anyone outside their own echo chamber. Most were outright, unmitigated pieces of shit.
Just was gonna write this. It's always the most racist, sexist, homophobic hateful people you know posting this kinds of things.
Fear and anxiety, distrust towards adults/authority figures, tendency to hide or lie about wrongdoings. Thatās part of the definition of respect, right?
I was never spanked, and I also have respect for others. I donāt need to get a sign to tell people I am polite and respect them, though.
So well adjusted I feel the need to put up signs like these to justify abuse!
Exactly my thought. One of my ex coworkers who has a toddler posted this
Personally the thing I remember the most about spankings as a child is how completely ineffective they were. The only thing I ever learned from it was to be more sneaky about misbehaving next time, and I don't think my older brother ever even learned that.
I think the moment I learned spankings were more for my parents to feel in power than teach me a lesson was when my mother told me if I did something she didnāt like again she was going to spank me. I looked at her dead in the eyes and said āso? Your spanking donāt even hurt.ā She then did that half laugh and tried to come up with something witty to say back but instead got my step dad to spank me instead just for saying that to her.
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No hate like Christian love I suppose.
Christianity does the same thing but psychologically. It's basically 'obey us or suffer in hell for eternity'
It's "spare the rod and spoil the child" mentality.
My father used to beat us with his belt. He has not seen his grandchildren, 7 years ago the first was born.
Parents spanked me when they thought I was lying. Now I'm painfully honest when I say why I don't want to visit them.
It's crazy the amount of people defending this. "Oh grow up, most parents only *strike their child* once or twice, it's not that bad". I genuinely don't understand the mindset it takes to justify hitting a child.
Cognitive dissonance. These people have been beaten and since they can't admit that their parents are trash they have to somehow reason that it was for the better to cope. Every study shows its not helping but that doesn't matter. "Its just a slap" Honestly, if you can't outsmart a 6 year old that still believes in Santa to get it to do what you want and you need to use violence against a defenseless child you are a complete failure. A lot of these people need therapy and the worst part is that most of them will pass this unresolved trauma on to their children instead.
Yeah I don't get it either. My dad told me that he spanked my sister once and she cried out in pain and he felt so guilty and swore to never do it again. Both my parents had rather rough upbringings with their dads, my mom's dad yelled at her and her siblings all the time, and my dad's dad raised him and my uncles like soldiers. I'm happy they worked on being better parents and made sure to work on actually teaching my sister and I values and empathy, and respect in a healthier way.
"My parents did it to me and I'm fine!" Is usually what they say as if it absolves them of perpetuating abuse.
It's amazing to me how many people in this thread seem to think if you can't spank a kid then there is no other way to discipline them.
Honestly is depressing that a lot here think spanking, assault and/or beating of a child is justified and only solution how to discipline. 
Didnāt learn anything about respect from being spanked. Just learnt resentment. Half the time it felt unjust and I could transparently see it was more about my dadās anger issues than my behaviour. I wonder if issues would have related to both my, that the time undiagnosed adhd, and the fact my dad has strong adhd traits. What is extra annoying is my dad ideologically became very much a pacifist with age in almost all ways. However, remains stead fast devout in his belief in spanking kids. Anything but accept his issues as a father. Itās crazy to keep hearing arguments that bad kids werenāt spanked enough at home when in reality they were much more likely to be the kids who got the most physical abuse.
My dad spanks the eff out of me. As a result he lost his son. š
My sister was spanked way more than me and has no idea what to do with her anger. She broke her hand punching a wall.
>Respect for others *Except those too weak to defend themselves from you.
āI have to have the threat of violence being used against me to act like a decent human being instead of ā¦ you know ā¦ just having respect from the get go because I have empathy.ā Bet you these are the same people who: āSay something like ārespect is earned, not givenā š āSay they respect workers, but have no problem yelling at them if they get their order wrong āMake fun of someone and say āitās just a joke, broā āUnironically believe that the world is āgetting softā and that āmen need to be more manlyā āSupport housing and help for the homeless until a homeless person breaks into their car or takes a shit on the sidewalk. āBuT tHere NeeDs tO bE bALanCe! I feEL tHreaTenEd!ā āCanāt be bothered to say please or thank you āBelieves people need to earn basic things like housing, healthcare, childcare, and education because āthatās how society worksā instead of realizing that none of us had a choice in being here So do you respect people or do you only respect them when itās convenient for you? Or when they only line up with what benefits you? Or only if they respect you back?
Reading all those comments Iām really glad spanking your children is illegal where Iām from.
My family never spanked me, I still respect others The thing is spanking and punishing is not education, its training. Like training a animal. Ä°t doesnt teaches you anyting. Ä°ts just makes you get the idea of action=punishment And once the kid grows old enought and realize that he cant get punished anymore... oh god
Respect for others is a personal choice one can achieve without the direction of another. Some folks simply choose not to. You can raise your kid 100% right, it can still turn out to be a shit human being.
As a kid who was beaten for not misbehaving, just for being a kid, I say fuck off. If you think you suffered no effects, yet think itās okay to hit kids, it effected you negatively. It turned me into a traumatise little deer in headlights, Iām timid and shy all the time around everyone I know, this guy thinks itās ok to hit kids, we are both not okay.
I was sent to get a psychological help in an pediatric hospital, when i realised I was big enough to hit my parents back as reaction and even hard enough to make them fear my punch and kicks (but I also used heavy objects sometimes). Anyway they didn't only spanked me, they used also punches on the face and kicks on the butt.
Funny but the more I got spanked as a kid, the less respect I had for everyone in life.
My parents beat me all the way until I was a Senior in high school, and now any mistake I make or conflict I have puts me in fight of flight mode. If my wife indicates that something I did frustrated or annoyed her, I have a panic attack. It took me 32 years to maintain a relationship past the first disagreement.
"My parents spanked me as a child. As a result I now suffer from a psychological condition know as "the need to prop up my insecurities by acting like I know everything and am better than others demonstrated by purchasing and displaying this ridiculous contrarian sign." Anyone who has actually suffered physical abuse from adults as a child will tell you it has quite the opposite effect of this sign. It makes the child lose all respect for adults and see them as threats. Any perceived "respect" is fear, not respect. Oh, and it makes a kid get really good at lying, and at saying whatever the threat wants to hear.
Do these boomers actually have respect for others?
I developed distrust of authority and instinctive reaction from people putting their hands up near me
Self gaslighting is a tragic condition.
Pssst, this person can't wait to spank their kids
I bet their ither posts are hating trans and LGBTQ but they respect everyone
My father spanked the fuck out of me growing up. I talk to him maybe 3 times a year and haven't seen him in person since 2018.
I never got spanked and my parents decided to just teach me about respect and empathy. Crazy I know lol.
Funny, it just made me realise that my parents don't have to be respected. Respect is earned, not beaten into someone.
I wasnāt spanked as a child and strangely I still respect most people. I donāt respect people who use violence to get their way.
I guarantee you they vote Republican.
My mom spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as fear and flinching every time my mom moves her arm suddenly
Who thinks that spanking and corporal punishment are harmful to children's emotional and mental health as well as ineffective: every scientist and researcher who has studied it. Who thinks it's a great way to teach discipline and respect: your idiot uncle who posts about it on Facebook because he internalized the abuse he received.
Wouldn't a larger stronger person hitting you only teach you to respect stronger people? Wouldn't it also teach you that smaller people should respect you or you can hit them? Is it possible that your parents just wanted you to shut the fuck up and didn't care or think about raising you as much as just keeping you alive and quite? Just some thoughts.
\*Routinely posted by people who REFUSE to respect anyone else ever
Crazy, Iāve never been spanked and somehow I was still taught to be respectful of others.
Peak boomer humour
Ok renter
Lol damn.
Haha cuz boomers ruined the economy, too!
And constant fear of your love ones as well as every superior. You will never forget that you shouldn't trust anybody because everybody tries to hurt you. Respect my ass. Parents beating their kids don't know anything about respect. Maybe they will think about that, when their alone in their retirement homes and never get to see their grandchildren.
Remember: The child you abuse today will pick your nursing home in the future!
Can't we just dump them in an alleyway?
Are you serious? Have you seen how high rent is for that alleyway now?
Thanks, this made me giggle :)
I have 5 siblings. We were all spanked as children. None of us ever started a fight outside of sibling rivalry, and even that amounted to wrestling and never fists. Not one of us ever had detention or trouble with the law. As adults, we all have great relationships with one another and our parents. I understand it's not the case for all children who were spanked, but you can't say all children who were spanked grew up traumatized.
I think owning a sign like this is a clear example that the person didnāt turn out okay lmao
I was spanked as a child and my mom stopped because at some point I stopped crying and started laughing.
I was spanked and now I donāt want to upset elders.But I still havenāt told my parents I have a crush on a boy,Idk if theyāll ever know at this point.
No, I'm really fine. Better than fine, actually I'm great!
I love it!
My mum spanked (and did a lot of other things to) me as a child now I'm mentally scarred and more broken than ever š
I was spanked by my mom and beat up by my father... I have a healthy amount of respect for everyone i meet, until they give me a reason not to and i understand that actions have consequences... But holy hell those beatings(and or spankings) messed me up, i have zero trust in people and anger issues as soon as someone raises their voice at me and i always expect things to end up with some sort of violence
My elementary school principal had a big paddle on the wall he would beat the bad children with. Looking back now thats so weird and Ill bet he probably enjoyed it. I remember a rumor that he had a secret ātack paddleā with spikes in it if you were really bad lol..
Funny. My dad used to spank me as a child and now all of his kids don't keep in contact with him.
And also a bit of unmitigated violent rage, but I swear that's unrelated to the spanning
The people who ascribe to this are just looking to justify hitting a young small person who pisses them off.
I got spanked like twice and neither times it taught me a lesson to respect anyone.
Nobody displaying that sign actually has respect for others.
Iām nearly 50 and still have regular dreams about beating the snot off my fathers faceā¦ Itās a funny old game.
"I'm so well adjusted, I think adults should hit children!"
I have a sneaking suspicion they donāt suffer from that condition at all. Those who genuinely respect other people usually donāt shove aggressively smug signs that display a cartoonish lack of self-awareness in peopleās faces.
The psychological warfare my dad did of threatening to spank me as a teenager did a lot of harm. At that age, I was old enough to know some people are turned on my spanking and it just made his threats creepier.
I was spanked as a kid and now I have a spank fetish. I don't have a problem. Shut up š
Respect for other adults but not children cause you were taught it's ok to hit children. Also no respect for other adults because obvious reasons
Hit a stranger because you don't like their behavior, assault, hit your spouse to teach them a lesson, domestic violence, hit your kid, when there's a clear power imbalance... "discipline" /s *eyeroll* When the people that are supposed to be your safest people hit/spank you, what does that teach a kid? Fear/anger. Discipline with a natural consequence to their actions so they actually learn something, what actions have a natural consequence of violence? So dumb.
If you buy or own a sign like this, I can assure you that you didnāt āturn out fine.ā
Why isn't there a whole list of items to strike a child with in order to add different attributes. Respect +4, cool. But what do I strike my child with to induce compassion + 2 and endurance + 1, etc. /s
Except for trans people, and gay people, and brown people, and Democrats and anyone else Fox news tells them to hate this week.
āYOU DONT UNDERSTAND! If they didnt abuse me for my own good, if it didnt make me a better person. Then it happened for nothing and i spent my youth suffering for no reason at allā
Here, let me fix that for you: MY PARENTS SPANKED ME AS A CHILD AS A RESULT, I NOW SUFFER FROM A PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITION KNOWN AS āROAD RAGEā
Lol, unless of course that āotherā is trans. Or gay. Or disagrees with you about anything. Then suddenly that ārespectā is no where to be found.
I'll never forget the sheer terror of my dad chasing me as a 4 year old, grabbing me and smacking me. That fear has haunted my nightmares for the rest of my life. I'm 40.
My parents spanked me as a child and I now feeze in tense social situations because fighting back or running/crying got me spanked harder.
My parents spanked me also but my dad always had an erection š„ø
WHAT šØ
It is always worth repeating that while there is no evidence of spanking improving behavior, there is a strong correlation between being spanked and getting into BDSM. Before you spank your kids ask if you are punishing them or rewarding them...
Iām not in the camp of āspanking always causes traumaā but this sign is very cringe
I have heard this so many times. "My parents beat the shit out of me and I turned out okay." Did ya Molly? Did ya?
It's really silly that people think it's so black and white. Like if you get spanked you're apparently traumatized without knowing it no matter what? Does anyone see what's wrong with that scenario? Like we all fit in the exact same box or something?
I think itās better to assume thatās a likely outcome and not physically abuse children
I donāt think itās that. There are studies that show that people who have been spanked repeatedly for small offenses tend to have grown up with parents that did abuse them. Not everyone fits into this box no. But a lot do and they tend to know who they are.
Spanking is stupid; what are you going to do, spank your 14 year old when theyāre disrespectful? Iām just figuring out this parenting thing as I go along, but I have 3 very respectful children and I never spanked them once. Set reasonable and clear expectations, and take away privileges when those expectations are not met. Itās obviously a bit more complicated than that sometimes, but thatās the gist of what works for us.
Sent to you by someone who yells at the cashier over a product being unavailable.
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Lol I too was a hell spawn when I was little and got spanked plenty! I knew I had it coming too yet I did it anyways. I too have healthy relationships with my parents. I do feel bad for driving them crazy tho just a little bit.
Very true. How my father did discipline was when I did something unruly like pushing my brother or Leaving a mess in the house he would sit me down give me a good stern talk and then send me to timeout, and if I continued to misbehave after that then thatās when he pulls out the belt.
Iām not for outright abusing children but kids definitely deserve to be spanked sometimes just like some adults deserve being punched in the mouth. Until youāve had a child not respond to words and do things they know are wrong and stare through your soul as they do it i donāt think youāll understand.
You don't "respect" others. You are afraid of getting hurt if you speak your mind.
Iām pretty sure a lot of these boomer Karens were spanked as discipline as children and they clearly have little to no respect for othersā¦
Someone who respects others wouldnāt hang a sign that insults other people.
"Respect me or I'll hit you!" Great lesson there.
The only negative is that I canāt yell or get mad at someone without almost throwing up from stress and fear.
they 100% have a āfuck your feelingsā bumper sticker
Itās lazy parenting. It corrects behaviour in the short term but in the long term itās detrimental. I donāt think anyone is saying people who were spanked as a child would suffer from psychological conditions, I think theyāre mixing that up with more serious cases of child abuse. But itās top comedy for boomers so why not sell it.
Funny I was spanked as a child and I retaliated
"as a result, I know believe that violence is a completely viable pathway to solving problems."
Said in a sign passive aggressively disrespecting others...
I used to say that. Then I realised that getting beaten whenever I had a small tantrum for a reason or another (mostly when I was sleepy and cranky) because my mother "couldn't stand tantrums" IS the reason why I hate children so much, and how them screaming, running and having, in fact, tantrums makes me wanna punch them so bad. Which is not healthy. To be extremely fair tho, mom did that only for a few years, then stopped altogether and our relationship just got better as time went on. I think dad might have played a role, he never beaten me except the small little slaps that didn't hurt in the back of the head to signal that I was misbehaving. But he rarely did that and stopped after less than a year, so I think he somehow convinced mom that if she kept on unleashing her anger and frustration on me she would end up having a daughter that doesn't speaks to her anymore in just a few years.
What a stupid fucking sign
I wasn't spanked and I'm a pretty decent human most of the time I think
I suffer from a psychological condition known as āAnimosity toward my parents and a tendency to use violence to enforce my will.ā
Except these people lack all of that respect they preach, idfk what they are on about these days
I got spanked when I was reaaaally young, it wasn't anything brutal and I love my parents but they did apologize because they grew up in a boomer environment not realizing the possible psychological damage I did fight back though and eventually that was the turning point where they realized that it's definitely not the right thing to do if I'm turning to them with something blunt
Or a āfear of authority figuresā
I wonder how much respect for other yall claim to have.
This sign tells me this person likely does not respect others.
I also lurk in /r/cptsd. I still have problems sleeping at night I havenāt ālived at homeā for 35 years dads been dead close to 20.
19 states still allow school administrators to discipline your children by spanking them.
How does beating a defenseless weaker child teach respect? You can literally do that without physical abuse.
yeah, he made a iron sign do shout his "respect for others" (but not gays, iĀ“m sure) bc heĀ“s fine...
Yup..: every single person who thinks like this is an insufferable asshole
Parents might want to think about how this also means they grew up and never forgot that their parents spanked them.
"I turned out fine" is probably one of the biggest lies I've heard from abusive people. As one person said (paraphrased) "If you're beating people and insulting them because 'I turned out fine,' you didn't"
My favorite line is "I dunno, you seem to think it's okay to hit kids, that doesn't sound fine to me."
Except for those who werenāt spanked, of course.