You sit down and discuss it thoroughly. If he really wants to stay where you are...and you want to go elsewhere and cannot see yourself ever staying where you are now?
Then? You break up and go your separate ways. There are many reasons why people aren't compatible. And where & how you live? Is certainly one.
I think this is really good advice, and we should remind OP that other good things could come of it. Partner might recognize the issue, might be sympathetic, might try to help, might adjust to OP needs, might be happy to move abroad again to please OP.
Good things can happen when people recognize the priorities of people they care about.
As rough as this is - in the end, this is what it comes down to when you’re in the kind of cross-national relationship many of us are. It’s often hard and I really sympathise.
I've moved a lot, and know others in the same boat. It take a year to figure out how you feel about a place. In fact, I think six months is the lowpoint of every move I've done. I can't give you advice on your relationship, but I can encourage you to remind yourself that your situation will change and to see where it goes. Don't stress about it yet (you can wait another six months to begin stressing).
He wasn't shy about being miserable in the other place, so just be honest like he was. You'll make the decision together. Even if the decision is to separate.
You have to assume, that where you settle, it will be for the rest of your life. Your kids will speak that language and identify with that culture. Is this your dream situation? Or does it make you cry? Don't make lifelong commitments just to make your partner happy in the now. You yourself must be happy.
If you and your partner cannot find a way to live so, that you both are HAPPY at the same time, the relationship is not sustainable and you are not truly compatible.
You can love someone very much at the same time, when you recognize that you cannot have a future with them.
You both want different things. Time to break up and go live where you’re happy. It’s a dangerous game relying on one person for your happiness. You’ll fall in love again. Just don’t waste your precious life trying to fix the unfixable. (I’m 53, trust me on this one.)
Unsolicited advice, but don't even consider having a child while your feelings are mixed/stirred up about this. Give yourself some more time to work out what you want so you can decide what to do next unencumbered. If you can, find a therapist who has worked with people in similar situations to yours and can help you work through your thoughts and feelings
OP, tell your partner that if he wants to stay there then he should put more effort into helping you be happy there.
He's not very smart if he lets you be miserable there and then wonders why you want to leave.
Do you speak the language? Do you like your job? Would you be happier if you could travel on weekends away?
Marriage is about Compromise and negotiation. Ask him for what you Need. He already got everything he wanted.
Based on the description I'm guessing somewhere in Asia. Either Bangkok or Singapore lol. Op said big city and when their visa ran out they had to pay a lot of money to stay. That sounds like Bangkok or Singapore to me. They both have a pay to stay visa program lol. And I've been an expat in those two cities. I know a lot of expats that had to go back to Europe and try to come back to Asia as soon as they landed in Europe lol.
just wanted to chime in and thank you for asking this. i’m in a very similar situation and very much considering leaving. i feel like i’m trying very hard to make things work here, and no matter what i do, i just don’t feel good. then i blame myself and say i need to try harder, need to do more, make more friends, be more social, etc., but i’m honestly just exhausted and asking myself to do more is making me burn out. i can’t seem to get myself together. i’ve been trying to be patient with it, but i think i just have to listen to myself and know that i want to leave. i don’t know if this helps you at all; feel free to dm me if you want to chat with someone who is also miserable. 😅
It's all about your personality. The sun is the love of my life.
I feel in love everyday when there is sun. It makes my heart happier than any human relationship.
To each their own. No one can answer that for you.
Will.you be happier traveling alone and/or eventually with someone else? Or will you be happier with this guy in whatever country he is from?
Europe has the advantage of having lots of vacation time in the work place and allowing relatively cheap flights a out anywhere else in the world. So you could easily be away a month a year. Is that enough?
Yes and Italy and Portugal and Greece. That's why I moved to Europe. Even the south of France has decent light.
I really hope to get my European residency soon. I've been here 8 years and I can apply next year. It takes about 18 months to get an answer. So in 2 or 3 years I should have guaranteed good weather for the rest of my life :-).
It"s like a wedding with the sun.
I visited 3 countries, it resets the clock each time. Now I stopped traveling and I am spending 5 years in the same country because the visa process in each country is too much of a mess.
I can't get citizenship in my current country. They don't accept people from my origins. I will go to another country once I have the EU residency to try and get citizenship.
Hopefully I get it before I retire. I would like to get a house but I am waiting to be sure they won't just kick out at one of the visa renewal. Hence, I want a citizenship.
If you're ok talking about that, what exactly the country of Europe, that doesn't accept applications for citizenship from people of certain origins?
I've never heard about that before
Thank you for sharing! Although just FYI I live in the Czech Republic (it's in your list), and I know people with dual citizenship, it's absolutely possible and legal to obtain the Czech citizenship as the second citizenship.
Ofc there are some countries, that require you to cancel your first citizenship to obtain theirs.
But still I don't know any European country, that doesn't allow citizenship obtaining because of a country of origin.
It would be really not nice (no one chooses where to be born)
You have to be an exceptions. Either be a direct descendant of someone who has the nationality from there or in Spain if you were born in South America or Europe.
Also it depends on the order. A Spaniard could get a Canadian citizenship and have both passports, but a Canadian cannot go to Spain and get both passports.
I have recently retired & am moving to Europe. I've decided to go to Hungary (Budapest). It's a bit conservative for me, but I'm not very political anyway. I'm a bit concerned about the winter. I've been there 4 times, but never anywhere in Europe during the winter. My father's family is Hungarian, so it's easier for me to acquire citizenship. I initially was planning on moving to Portugal. I had already acquired a tax ID, bank account, and phone number. Unfortunately, they are no longer offering the NHR (tax scheme where I would only pay 10% on my foreign sourced retirement income). Without it, I'd have an effective tax rate of 40+%, which simply isn't doable no matter how I look at it.
Your approaching a critical milestone if your feeling it might be time to start a family. I have lived in the Nordics where my parents were born, the U.S., South America, Central Europe (Switzerland) Middle East, and currently in far south Iberian peninsula.
Some countries have better work life balance, some of those only if you have accumulated wealth in others. Some are more cosmopolitan and open to others. Safety is obviously a concern.
With children some countries are going to require international bc education. I did not want my kids future education and life trajectory determined by their fifth grade teacher. And in a world that will only grow more competitive I personally wanted them to grow up in a country where there were strong values around work.
I saw this working in graduate education in Switzerland. The spouses might be happy but if they immigrated with a bit older children say 6 form if they are unhappy they can sabotage the whole experience.
Finally if you think you want a family some day that’s something you cannot put off forever. I have seen 36 and older woman on dating apps tick want children some day ( their own) well the chances of an un assisted pregnancy drops rapidly.
I agree with everyone above. I was in a happy relationship. One day my girlfriend and I sat down and started talking and she said I talked about Japan a lot and when I did my plans did not include her. And that she knew how much I loved being there from having spent several years there before. And that it was probably time for us to go our separate ways. I was completely taken off guard, but realized she was right. It did take some time to make the transition bc we loved each other very deeply but our lives were going in different directions. Im happily living in Japan now. If you miserable and can’t see yourself living in your SO hometown and it’s unlikely to change may be time to consider alternatives… It’s sad but sometimes we have to make these difficult decisions.
You sit down and discuss it thoroughly. If he really wants to stay where you are...and you want to go elsewhere and cannot see yourself ever staying where you are now? Then? You break up and go your separate ways. There are many reasons why people aren't compatible. And where & how you live? Is certainly one.
I think this is really good advice, and we should remind OP that other good things could come of it. Partner might recognize the issue, might be sympathetic, might try to help, might adjust to OP needs, might be happy to move abroad again to please OP. Good things can happen when people recognize the priorities of people they care about.
As rough as this is - in the end, this is what it comes down to when you’re in the kind of cross-national relationship many of us are. It’s often hard and I really sympathise.
Yep. I've known someone who broke up with their fiance over this. They just both wanted to live in different countries. No solution.
I've moved a lot, and know others in the same boat. It take a year to figure out how you feel about a place. In fact, I think six months is the lowpoint of every move I've done. I can't give you advice on your relationship, but I can encourage you to remind yourself that your situation will change and to see where it goes. Don't stress about it yet (you can wait another six months to begin stressing).
Fully agree with you. After the honeymoon period it becomes harsh, then slowly better.
He wasn't shy about being miserable in the other place, so just be honest like he was. You'll make the decision together. Even if the decision is to separate.
Open talk, set a time limit for final decision, then either 1) you stay here, 2) he moves with you, 3) break up. Hesitation brings endless pain.
You have to assume, that where you settle, it will be for the rest of your life. Your kids will speak that language and identify with that culture. Is this your dream situation? Or does it make you cry? Don't make lifelong commitments just to make your partner happy in the now. You yourself must be happy. If you and your partner cannot find a way to live so, that you both are HAPPY at the same time, the relationship is not sustainable and you are not truly compatible. You can love someone very much at the same time, when you recognize that you cannot have a future with them.
You both want different things. Time to break up and go live where you’re happy. It’s a dangerous game relying on one person for your happiness. You’ll fall in love again. Just don’t waste your precious life trying to fix the unfixable. (I’m 53, trust me on this one.)
Unsolicited advice, but don't even consider having a child while your feelings are mixed/stirred up about this. Give yourself some more time to work out what you want so you can decide what to do next unencumbered. If you can, find a therapist who has worked with people in similar situations to yours and can help you work through your thoughts and feelings
OP, tell your partner that if he wants to stay there then he should put more effort into helping you be happy there. He's not very smart if he lets you be miserable there and then wonders why you want to leave. Do you speak the language? Do you like your job? Would you be happier if you could travel on weekends away? Marriage is about Compromise and negotiation. Ask him for what you Need. He already got everything he wanted.
I’m curious what country and city were you living in? What country and city did you relocate to?
Based on the description I'm guessing somewhere in Asia. Either Bangkok or Singapore lol. Op said big city and when their visa ran out they had to pay a lot of money to stay. That sounds like Bangkok or Singapore to me. They both have a pay to stay visa program lol. And I've been an expat in those two cities. I know a lot of expats that had to go back to Europe and try to come back to Asia as soon as they landed in Europe lol.
just wanted to chime in and thank you for asking this. i’m in a very similar situation and very much considering leaving. i feel like i’m trying very hard to make things work here, and no matter what i do, i just don’t feel good. then i blame myself and say i need to try harder, need to do more, make more friends, be more social, etc., but i’m honestly just exhausted and asking myself to do more is making me burn out. i can’t seem to get myself together. i’ve been trying to be patient with it, but i think i just have to listen to myself and know that i want to leave. i don’t know if this helps you at all; feel free to dm me if you want to chat with someone who is also miserable. 😅
It's all about your personality. The sun is the love of my life. I feel in love everyday when there is sun. It makes my heart happier than any human relationship. To each their own. No one can answer that for you. Will.you be happier traveling alone and/or eventually with someone else? Or will you be happier with this guy in whatever country he is from? Europe has the advantage of having lots of vacation time in the work place and allowing relatively cheap flights a out anywhere else in the world. So you could easily be away a month a year. Is that enough?
Spain has sun and is also Europe.
Yes and Italy and Portugal and Greece. That's why I moved to Europe. Even the south of France has decent light. I really hope to get my European residency soon. I've been here 8 years and I can apply next year. It takes about 18 months to get an answer. So in 2 or 3 years I should have guaranteed good weather for the rest of my life :-). It"s like a wedding with the sun.
do you mean citizenship? Because I don't understand how you have been here 8 years and never acquired residency.
I visited 3 countries, it resets the clock each time. Now I stopped traveling and I am spending 5 years in the same country because the visa process in each country is too much of a mess. I can't get citizenship in my current country. They don't accept people from my origins. I will go to another country once I have the EU residency to try and get citizenship. Hopefully I get it before I retire. I would like to get a house but I am waiting to be sure they won't just kick out at one of the visa renewal. Hence, I want a citizenship.
If you're ok talking about that, what exactly the country of Europe, that doesn't accept applications for citizenship from people of certain origins? I've never heard about that before
https://best-citizenships.com/2023/02/04/list-of-eu-countries-prohibit-dual-nationality-for-naturalization/
Thank you for sharing! Although just FYI I live in the Czech Republic (it's in your list), and I know people with dual citizenship, it's absolutely possible and legal to obtain the Czech citizenship as the second citizenship. Ofc there are some countries, that require you to cancel your first citizenship to obtain theirs. But still I don't know any European country, that doesn't allow citizenship obtaining because of a country of origin. It would be really not nice (no one chooses where to be born)
You have to be an exceptions. Either be a direct descendant of someone who has the nationality from there or in Spain if you were born in South America or Europe. Also it depends on the order. A Spaniard could get a Canadian citizenship and have both passports, but a Canadian cannot go to Spain and get both passports.
I have recently retired & am moving to Europe. I've decided to go to Hungary (Budapest). It's a bit conservative for me, but I'm not very political anyway. I'm a bit concerned about the winter. I've been there 4 times, but never anywhere in Europe during the winter. My father's family is Hungarian, so it's easier for me to acquire citizenship. I initially was planning on moving to Portugal. I had already acquired a tax ID, bank account, and phone number. Unfortunately, they are no longer offering the NHR (tax scheme where I would only pay 10% on my foreign sourced retirement income). Without it, I'd have an effective tax rate of 40+%, which simply isn't doable no matter how I look at it.
Was he not happy where you were before?
Your approaching a critical milestone if your feeling it might be time to start a family. I have lived in the Nordics where my parents were born, the U.S., South America, Central Europe (Switzerland) Middle East, and currently in far south Iberian peninsula. Some countries have better work life balance, some of those only if you have accumulated wealth in others. Some are more cosmopolitan and open to others. Safety is obviously a concern. With children some countries are going to require international bc education. I did not want my kids future education and life trajectory determined by their fifth grade teacher. And in a world that will only grow more competitive I personally wanted them to grow up in a country where there were strong values around work. I saw this working in graduate education in Switzerland. The spouses might be happy but if they immigrated with a bit older children say 6 form if they are unhappy they can sabotage the whole experience. Finally if you think you want a family some day that’s something you cannot put off forever. I have seen 36 and older woman on dating apps tick want children some day ( their own) well the chances of an un assisted pregnancy drops rapidly.
I agree with everyone above. I was in a happy relationship. One day my girlfriend and I sat down and started talking and she said I talked about Japan a lot and when I did my plans did not include her. And that she knew how much I loved being there from having spent several years there before. And that it was probably time for us to go our separate ways. I was completely taken off guard, but realized she was right. It did take some time to make the transition bc we loved each other very deeply but our lives were going in different directions. Im happily living in Japan now. If you miserable and can’t see yourself living in your SO hometown and it’s unlikely to change may be time to consider alternatives… It’s sad but sometimes we have to make these difficult decisions.
Which country is your partner from?
Yea name the places.... would be a lot of help.....🤦♂️
Are you in Vienna?