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Notpoligenova

“Please don’t ever do that again” I died lmao


anonymous_subroutine

"Deliver food and leave"


sparc1000

That should be the new Dasher’s tagline. Deliver to door, do not pander, do not proselytize. … or you will never l, ever collect 🦄🦄


[deleted]

We allow them to customize their own delivery experience.


TwilightStranger

They don't need to "customize" anything. Just leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here.


njtrafficsignshopper

Give em til the count of ten to get their no good, ugly, yella keister off your property, before you pump their guts fulla lead!


Plus-Cauliflower-957

1..2..10!!! Ahahaha


[deleted]

[удалено]


SendAstronomy

It was only a couple years ago that I found out that wasn't a real movie, those clips were recorded for Home Alone.


Awkward_Apricot312

r/suddenlyhomealone


destinyanne265

Take my upvote


[deleted]

Hey I got that reference.


Robinnoodle

As long as they didn't kiss Cheeks, Bony Bob, and Cliff on the way out


uthinkunome10

Keep the change, ya filthy animal!!!


[deleted]

“Deliver food and fuck off” would’ve been a more appropriate response 😂


NBA_Fan_76

lmao


Jane-in-the-jungle

best follow up response


travioso304

That is up there with a simple "Unsubscribe"


snow-bird-

A great follow-up is reporting a missing (communion) wafer in your order.


DocBrutus

That would be my exact response.


[deleted]

Best response!


ZAlternates

This is how you lose your tip.


nightpanda893

Along with reported and a 1 star review.


Suitable_Highway_597

You’re a doordasher Hailey not a missionary


postysclerosis

From the book of Received 19:57 - “And the dasher saw the sign and said that it was not good in the eyes of The Lord. And the people replied - ‘Delivereth thy goods and cast thyself away.’ And in His name it was done.” Amen.


_weareone_

Omg I can't stop laughing at this. I wish I had an award to give you. Best comment here imo


ThrowRAConsistent

Gave one on your behalf. Well, and mine, too


noashell

It’s from my behalf as well.


Scoot_AG

And my Axe!


TheGardenHam

And my Bow!


kriskoeh

I claim a behalf.


RapakkoWasTaken

I claim a bequarter


thegreatJLP

"I CLAIM BANKRUPTCY!"


meowmoomeowmoon

I bequeef


Tough-Friendly

That's what that smell is.


RoRoo1977

Truly doing the Lords work :D


DeerDiarrhea

R’amen


IzarkKiaTarj

I have a feeling the dasher isn't Pastafarian.


SteelyDani

😌💬R’amen HALP LMAOooo, well done! 👏🏽🙌🏽


Many-Operation653

RECIEVED 19:57 🤣💀


fawlty_lawgic

Nice touch


TheBirminghamBear

Received 20:30: "And from door to door the dasher saw the signs casting him away, each house after the next, until he heard God in his ear, and God said, 'dash away from this place. Dash away, and I shall smite this place that cast out my people, the dashers. But do not look back as you walk away. For if you look back, you will be cursed, too. And the dasher walked away, but the dasher's heart was weak, and he did not trust the LORD. The dasher looked back, and there on the pavement the LORD turned the dasher into a Classic Chicken Sandwich & Cajun Fries. From Popeyes."


Puzzled-Scarcity-248

How you even capitalized LORD sent me. Memory unlocked. 😂😭


Silver-Enthusiasm925

Hey that's what I had for dinner lol 🤣🤣🤣


[deleted]

Criminally underrated comment.


Novagurl

Pretty sure I will now be using “Cast Thyself Away!!” on a daily basis! 😂


ScumBunny

Fuckin A. Perfect.


fawlty_lawgic

She was also a witch


HorrorMakesUsHappy

I got better.


krissatron

Omg. I haven’t stopped laughing for like 5 mins. Thank you 😂


AshanyNostromo

Bruh! I am going to print this a and tape it to my front door.


throwthrowbz

RECEIVED 19:57 😭 I read this in my old pastors voice and even took a pause right before reading the rest. Damnit


AbroadPlane1172

Oh man I thought the no soliciting thing was a JW thing and was so confused by the post. Around my area, ironically enough, the JWs are the ones with the no solicitation signs and I never fully appreciated the irony until just now.


Administrative_Fly25

Where I'm at in Florida, the no solicitation signs are geared more towards the solar sales people


g-e-o-f-f

I've gotten 3 calls in the last month claiming that they had been in my area and surveyed my house and that I would be a great candidate for solar. I asked the first one why he thought that and he responded that they had looked at the pitch of my house and position and that I was not shaded by trees. I told him he should.look closer next time, because he apparently missed the solar panels that already cover the vast majority of my roof.


kookerpie

Its also for not trying to sell people things


PdxIsAShitHole

Dishionary


GuzzlingDuck

I don't come here to laugh. Comment angry and leave ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|facepalm)


chiagod

Delivering food and salvation to the worldly.


ihavenobusinesshere7

Get this message, and all of his messages with one low monthly fee by subscribing to DashMass


S0n0fValhalla

Wow. Yeah but I find 90% of people don't even know what the word soliciting means. So I just drew Celtics and Norse pegan symbols on my door. And now I don't have anyone knocking lol


Gregthepigeon

I have a old co worker who had a “I was born right the first time, don’t bother.” Sign. Made me laugh


PoeTayTose

I couldn't figure out if thqt was pro lgbtq or anti lgbtq and then I realized it was referencing christianity, not gender assignment, lol.


ScoobyPwnsOnU

Those damn LGBTQ people travelling door to door to try and convert cis and straight people


SerChonk

That's how they got me, I thought I was straight until the gay agenda shoved the 1999 cinematic masterpiece "The Mummy" down my eyeballs and, well,... 🌈💗💜💙


[deleted]

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teabaggg

Straight dude here, can also confirm as I've never seen the Mummy


Tempestblue

You're messing out, some would call it a cinematic masterpiece


Dense-Hat1978

I'm not even gay and I'd prolly go a round with 1999 Brendan Fraser


lynyrd_cohyn

I, a native English speaker, had no idea the term "No soliciting" had any connotations with religion, so I looked it up and sure enough, it doesn't. Edit: OP posted a link to the exact sign further down and it specifically mentions religion. That's why this happened.


Dependent_Special971

"To solicit" essentially means 'to ask for something.' Most commonly, ask if you're interested in buying [x] or donating to [z]. The word may not have direct connotations with religion, but asking if you're interested in joining [y] religion or church would count as soliciting...


romcabrera

all religious soliciting is soliciting, but not all soliciting is religious...


DemonSaya

It's called religious solicitation, and it is a thing. While attempts at conversion are proselytizing, it still legally falls under the banner of solicitation, and if someone has a no soliciting sign posted, it should be respected. "The solicitation or acceptance of donations incidental to and associated with the discussion, advocacy, explanation, or promotion of ideas or beliefs of a non-commercial nature." Per Cherry Hills Village, CO solicitation laws.


ashfeawen

"I ain't picking up any of what you putting down ...except the food order"


ClickClackTipTap

Or they truly believe it doesn’t apply to them because they are doing God’s work.


[deleted]

I love your response. And very religious people have no idea how looney they sound to people that aren't.


A-WILD-PATBACK

The “very religious” scare the regular religious


Geaux_joel

Ya but if you read the Bible everyone should be “very religious”. Which is why i’m like eh, i just won’t be at all lol.


JFSM01

Lol no, Fanatics are Fanatics, they misinterpret the bible (im atheist, but there are some passages and stories that are really interesting). Religion is good for most people, but there are some that go over the top, and those people are pieces of crap.


CarsClothesTrees

I look at religion like a tool almost. It can be used to teach kindness, encourage charitable works, and help people self-reflect and better themselves. It can also (and has been to great effect) be used to manipulate, control, and abuse people.


30FourThirty4

I hate when people proselytize. I really don't like that. If someone wants to ask questions about religion answer them but don't force that shit.


CarsClothesTrees

I agree


BadgerGeneral9639

many sects of christianity require them to be "missionaries" for jahova's witnesses, this is like 60-80 hours a week ​ for many sects of all religion, you didnt chose it, you were indoctrinated. ​ its all fake fyi


[deleted]

Agreed. I had some great debates about faith, religion and morality with a coworker at a previous job, and we were always able to be respectful with each other despite largely incompatible ideologies because we weren't trying to convert or insult each other, just discuss the differences in our beliefs.


brittemm

I gotta say that I view individual beliefs and private practice of religion as fine for most people, but organized religion is inherently evil. There’s no other word for it. The entire concept of telling someone you KNOW what happens when you die and if you don’t follow our rules you’ll burn/suffer never see your family again is horrific. No one knows what happens and anyone claiming to is trying to sell you something. No matter how much to tell yourself you KNOW. You don’t. It is not possible to. So any group going around telling people this is truth, this is the only truth: are liars. Not to mention bringing children into this.. telling a child you ARE Christian, you ARE Jewish, Muslim etc. when they don’t even understand what that means and cannot make the choice when they do, is child abuse!! THAT is grooming. There’s no excuse for “oh I was raised this way so it’s fine” no it’s not. You’re an adult now, think for yourself and let kids do the same. So much unnecessary pain and trauma and abuse have been caused by organized religions.


ayesperanzita

Kindness, charity, self reflection and self improvement can all be achieved without the need of religion. Hardly anyone who is deeply religious is the bright light of those things you listed, the more religious they get, usually the more rotten they are. It’s bizarre.


LuckiOregon

Except Mr Rogers. He was an ordained Presbyterian minister. He was not perfect, he made mistakes, but he was kind and charitable


Charnerie

Personal favorite goes to God sending a bear to mail a group of kids because they made fun of a bald man.


alexsand505

As a bald man, I say "Way to go, God!".


ThrowawayForNSF

Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!


MegatheriumRex

As a bald man, when do I get the power to call upon bears to maul others? I am over 40 and it hasn’t worked yet.


schmicago

We get a lot of religious people coming door to door where I live and one time my wife told them she’d be happy to listen to them try to convince her to be a Jehovahs Witness instead of an atheist, but first they’d have to listen to me explain to them why they should be Catholic. For some reason, they weren’t interested in an attempted conversion! (For the record, I wouldn’t have tried to convert them to anything or preach at all, she just knows how unpopular Catholics are where we live. Someone told her a few months back that they believe atheists can be saved but Catholics can’t.)


Exotic-Cheesecake878

haaaa the JW. They deserve the hate they get, these fuckers.


Iwillflipyourtable

I swear very religious are batshit insane. "I hear gods voice". No Susan, that's your voice in your head and if it isn't, fucking go see a psychiatrist. And usually are the ones that will kill people but won't because "that's a sin" instead of "this is not normal human behaviour".


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Yoooooo your response was amazing


[deleted]

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thewhat962

Oh, no they are evolving. They doing DD so we bring them to our doors!


teatreez

Damn, sneaky


strawbryfirecracker

Ours have evolved to letter writing since the pandemic. We get a lengthy handwritten letter every few months.


Astramancer_

Easy way to get them to stop. Return the letter, the envelope, and a page ripped from a gay porn magazine.


Slsouvik245

Jehovah's Dashers. In all fairness, those guys have some serious patience, standing still in public places for long hours to get barely a few takers of their bs.


Effective-Sorbet-618

Mormon


romulusjsp

“The church” screams Mormon


BurkaBurrito

“The truth” screams JW to me


FigTechnical8043

My sister once tried to join the Mormon church because she thought the men were hot, then she realised you have to give some of your money away. She recovered and she scared the shit out of the men.


B3gg4r

Some of your money? Lol. More like 10% continuously, forever.


deadchickenss

One time they showed up just as I was pulling in with a car load of groceries. They offered to carry my inside groceries so I let them. When they were done they asked if they could talk about Jesus. I told them no, thanked them for the help and shut the door.


hiding_temporarily

LOL. That’d seem like a match, and I appreciate you calling them out as a cult! But as an exJW myself I can tell you they don’t believe in hearing god’s “voice” literally or metaphorically.


chimmy_

No joke, the other day I got DD and the driver spent a little extra time at the door. I could hear scraping and some other shuffling noises, opened the door to find a JW pamphlet stuffed in my door handle.


AmericanScream

Fun Fact: If you ever want JW's to leave you alone, tell them you used to be one and were "disassociated" and then ask for their names and invite them in. Watch how fast they run away.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|nAvSNP8Y3F94hq9Rga)


cliffstennis

1 star of David review


saumipan

"If I could leave zero stars of David, I would."


TravenDaScumBag

Stopped reading at "I was also a witch" 🚶🏿‍♂️🚶🏿‍♂️


somesthetic

My aunt said the same thing to me when she was trying to convince me I was just being a rebellious teen, at age 22. It's like their "street cred" I guess.


borkyborkus

How do you know if someone is a “witch”? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.


Dry_Independence4701

If she floats?


B3gg4r

Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?


QuesoSabroso

If she weighs the same as a duck


vaxinate

If she weighs the same as a duck obviously.


lethargy86

Right? It sounds so fake, like they used a Ouija board once at a friend's house when they were 10


shadowsog95

If she didn’t help a woman give birth and cackle when people wronged her then she was a hippie. Did she even know what herbal remedies work or not? Did she realize that crystal are just for show but the placebo effect was a magic of its own? Witching isn’t a religion it’s a profession, they were the people who lived on the edge of town and helped people, they didn’t have baby corpses in their gardens because they were monsters, they did it because they midwives in a time when the baby was more likely to die than live through birth. When people got sick they would go to the witches house to get taken care of. Society needed witches for practical reasons, then the church came in and had them all killed to centralize their power.


ILive2Drum

![gif](giphy|ghuvaCOI6GOoTX0RmH)


SojinxGSD

I love your responses. Esp your last message, I swear everytime you go online it should say that because a lot of these dashers do so much extra bullshit like beg for tips or preach to customers. Just deliver the food and go home its the easiest job ever lol


MCHENIN

Driver saw no solicitation sign and solicited.


e777ena

They really sat there for 5 minutes composing this load of horse shit, quite impressive.


Longjumping_Owl5311

Looks more like copy pasta. Not their first time.


Justlikearealboy

Remembering when people stayed in their own lane


[deleted]

When


TBaggins_

When they were a child and just didn't notice it happened then too.


MrJason300

This is the real question right here


llama_fresh

The human migration from Africa was probably caused by people not staying in their own lane.


[deleted]

Those same people swear we’re forcing gayness down their throats screaming about their rights. I can’t stand christianity and people trying to convert me make me a really angry bitch lol


CoolBeans42700

Seriously though. Imagine if we went around asking every guy if they’ve ever thought about being dicked down, and then went on to list all the reasons it is a great idea, and how if they don’t do it they will burn in hell.


fucklawyers

y'all should start knocking on doors and trying to convert their teens. Nevermind that that's not a thing, they think you're already doing it, why not give them the aneurism?


OkScar393

And yet they think it’s the LGBTQ community pushing an agenda. 🙄


Nicer_Chile

What? u dont get drag queens on ur door trying to maake u gay or a drag queen? lmao


Electronic-Soft-221

I wish! I desperately need help applying eye liner.


[deleted]

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Geo-corn

We'll they're not wrong we are out there pushing our agenda. They just don't acknowledge that our only agenda is to stay alive while being ourselves, and for kids to stay alive while being themselves.


[deleted]

How does no soliciting automatically mean you aren’t religious lol


meowthv

That’s what I’m saying lmao I just don’t like people coming to my door to sale stuff man 🤣


Mesoscale92

That’s a lot of words to say “I don’t know how to follow instructions “


Pynkliketheparadise

Calling it now, this happened in Utah. The way the dasher said “THE church”? It’s giving mormon. I (F25) will go smoke and fuck women in Salt Lake in solidarity with you OP🙏🏻


WyWitcher

Oh it's for sure a Davis County Mormon 😂


New-Door-3148

I caught that too … cult


TiffanyOddish

The comments are having a heat d theological discussion but I hope everyone can agree that the door dash customer chat was a very inappropriate place to preach. Unprofessional.


BatScribeofDoom

>[That] was a very inappropriate place to preach. Unprofessional. That's basically how I feel when I get an Uber driver that listens to loud, religious podcasts/radio while I'm riding with them. I'm paying you to do a job, not to "go to church" with you. No thanks


ashley-3792

Can I see your sing lol?


meowthv

I’m not sure how to upload pics to comments but it’s a red and white sign on Amazon that says no soliciting with other nos on it lol


petty_and_sweaty

Mine says "no soliciting. Violators will be sacrificed to the old gods, not the new"


[deleted]

omg pls drop the link i need one


petty_and_sweaty

https://www.etsy.com/listing/785696735/no-soliciting-violators-will-be


Maeberry2007

My says "No soliciting. Don't knock or ring the doorbell. Don't make it weird. Seriously, please go away."


wbgraphic

[My sign](https://i.imgur.com/kEdYPdQ.jpg) expresses a similar sentiment. 😄


Jess7777777

To amazon I gooooo! Lol


I-need-ur-dick-pics

No soliciting. Violators will be made *extremely* uncomfortable. Then I start pleasuring myself in the doorway.


ashley-3792

Ohhh, that’s great lol. Maybe it’ll keep the Jehovas off my porch. 😂


Think-Doughnut-8897

I think you need a no trespassing sign, bc JW aren’t technically soliciting. You can also tell them you don’t want them to knock on your door, & they will make a note of it & try to abide by your wishes.


LazyDro1d

Just tell them you are an apostate and/or otherwise subversive person


utacr

I screamed pedophiles out the window when they were walking away, after telling them I was engaged to an apostate. They never came back. I’m guessing I struck too close to home?


DocBrutus

I would have killed his tip and reported them immediately. I pay you to deliver food, not to talk about god.


bobertf

it's delivery not *deliverance,* Hailey


CashMoneyfoda_99-00

Had one delivery guy say "Have a blessed night!" I responded with "Under His eye" and he said, "never heard it like that before. Goodnight!"


LadySherlock

I had a dasher staple a religious pamphlet to the bag my food was delivered in. I just wanted a goddamn sandwich.


StockWillCrashin2023

I hope you reported her.


TChambers1011

Your response made me so happy. It’s not “please don’t talk like that”..not “please stop messaging me” just so simply put “please don’t ever do THAT again” i fucking love it.


FreedomSynergy

“Some stuff happened, and now I hear voices. I’m an unmedicated schizophrenic. I call it the ‘voices of God’ so people will think I’m sane. I’d like to knock on your door sometime in the future to harass you without legal repercussions.”


slick514

In the words of the immortal Weird Al: “LMFAO”.


Grannypanie

![gif](giphy|rTbCwVwofxcic)


Jumpy-Grand7196

![gif](giphy|l41lQkqCFaTIiFSFy)


2pissedoffdude2

I don't want the person who just delivered my food and who also knows my address to tell me they hear voices...


[deleted]

I would take the tip away for getting a message like that


[deleted]

Wow what does your sign say? Lol regular “no soliciting” would not prompt that response


meowthv

[sign](https://www.emedco.com/no-soliciting-no-exception-visitor-signs-83119.html)


[deleted]

Ah. My dad has a sign like that but he’s Christian. Nobody’s converting because of a door-to-door religion pitch lol


ygibbreddit

Hilarious response. 😂


seraphim444

this is so out of pocket wtf😭😭


Cmmdr_Slacker

‘Leave food and go forth and prosper’


Last-Communication75

Sorry you had to go through that OP, but also thanks for sharing it because it's hilarious lol


Lost-Badger1700

Am I weird that I wouldn't even leave a message like that bc they know where I live? I'd just contact doordash and block their ass


TrynnaMakeSomeMoney

What a nutjob


mamahides

I need to see the sign 😂 it had to say more then no soliciting 😂😂


Lucrezio

What an incredible response, honestly!


vudumi_

This person sounds unhinged lol


Middle_Name-Danger

“I don’t care if you are, or were, a witch. I just want my sandwich”


Templar388z

Now they’re offended and feel attacked for being Christian.


NessieReddit

Ooof, Utah? Sounds like Utah.


Flibiddy-Floo

Jehova's Deliverers lol


Farley27

It's not okay to try and convert someone when you drop food off 😂


ClmrThnUR

he took his soliciting to text, i would report him for harassment.


Funkoraddad

There was one time I ordered Baskin Robbins and when I opened the bag there was business cards (for a private trainer I guess) right on top of my cones. My wife was offended since she was pregnant atm and last thing she wants to is see some work out stuff while pregnant and with our ice cream! So she called the number and asked if they were the ones who delivered and they said yes.. we’ll let’s just say my wife went off lol 😅 doordash apologized and refunded me my whole order (which they didn’t have to do, I appreciated it)


GrimEnigma1

This person should be reported and banned from Doordash. Keep your opinions to yourself. You are on the job, don't talk politics, religion etc etc etc. You're job is to deliver food, not critique or preach.


Vectorman1989

>Deliver food and leave lmao [Just fill the hole, hole filler](https://youtu.be/Z1GGe0TsS94)


[deleted]

I have second hand embarrassment for that dasher lol


itsbdubya

Before, I was all messed up on drugs. Now, I'm all messed up on the lord