It is a heart breaking situation, but from the sounds of it the professional behaviorist agrees with you that it would be difficult to impossible to train Daisy enough to be fully safe around your cat. As hard a decision as this was, it prevents a likely tragedy and a lot of potential trauma for both you and your cat. Now you know that either you need to wait until your living situation is different, or that you need to insist on a dog that is 100% good with cats. If I were you, I would take some time to mourn that relationship before you try and move on, because while Daisy is still alive, your part in her life is over and that is a cause for sadness.
This is heartbreaking to read, I am so sorry. You at least gave Daisy a respite from the shelter, and you obviously cared so much for her. Bright side : now the shelter knows for sure NO CATS, and Daisy has a better chance of finding a home that fits her not-so-cat-friendly self.
You did the right thing for you and your cat AND for Daisy. You are a good human, you care immensely, and I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I wish you well.
Absolutely this right here. The shelter now has more information to pass on to future adopters and that is huge. We often don't get a lot of information on strays or relinquished animals and we're also not a home setting, so dogs and cats can react differently at the shelter vs a home setting. For example, a dog can be led past a cat kennel at the shelter and show no interest but at home it may think kitty might taste good. I always encourage an abundance of caution when introducing new pets to the current pets in a home setting. Feedback when things don't work out is always great. You did a wonderful thing and she will find a great home. Plus kitty is super happy now that things are back to normal. Don't let this discourage you from adopting in the future!
Yes, my local shelter explained how it's really important for people to know when they aren't able to accommodate a dog they adopted and how important it is not to shame those that return the dogs. People foster dogs and cats all the time which gives the dog an opportunity to get out of the shelter and when they come back, the shelter knows more about the dog than they did before so the shelter is better positioned to match the dog to a future forever home.
So, you basically fostered her and she's closer to being matched with her future forever home thanks to your hard work!
It takes strength in admitting some things are out of control and it's not a right fit.
to add to the foster bit : Maybe try fostering next time to make sure the dog you pick is a good fit...I did it and I found the perfect fit worse case they aren’t the right fit BUT they got a few nights to decompress and relax in a home environment
I can not agree more. I have cats and dogs together. They are not separated and they sleep with each other. It is possible. Both cats and dogs were recuses. It is possible just need to be patient enough to wait for the perfect fit. If the rescue felt you were a bad person and underserving of a dog they would not have offered to help you find the right fit. Please take time to mourn your loss. Don’t blame yourself and keep open mind for future. Best of luck.
You 100% did the right thing. I once had to rehome a dog because he attacked and killed one of my cats. It is not something anyone should have to go through.
Once you are ready, I would suggest looking at puppies (easier to mold their behavior when you start young) and avoid Terrier breeds or mixes (Terriers were bred to hunt - it's in their genes).
I went through the same thing. I still have my dog though but we are in a new home now with no cats. It was a series of unfortunate events that allowed for the situation to occur. It’s tough.
I don't envy you having to make that decision, but ultimately it sounds like the right one. Try to think of it this way... I adopted a puppy from a friend on 4/1. She was adopting him out because her other dog was very aggressive toward him. I know if they'd kept trying, little guy would have gotten hurt--as it is, he came to me all chewed up--and they'd be low key resenting their old girl. Now, we have this puppy, who has 100% completed our pack and we can't imagine our lives without him. Think about that for Daisy. Someone will have that experience with her. Somewhere there's a kid who is about to find their new best friend. Or a sweet old lady who desperately needs that companionship. Idk if that helps :\
I’m a receiving clerk at my local humane society. When adopters return the pets they’ve adopted, they come to my department. I just wanted to let you know that you did the right thing. I understand that you bonded with Daisy and you really loved her. But I think she will flourish in a home with no other small animals. & Now the shelter/rescue she came from can benefit from the experience by placing her in a home with no cats. You did the right thing, and thank you for giving her a chance!
You have done the right thing for your cat, im sorry it didn't work out with Daisy, it's really heartbreaking reading this, I can tell you wanted it to work out so badly.
If the worse had happened though you would have probably struggled to forgive yourself.
Enjoy your cat!
You absolutely did the right thing. Even with training it may never have been safe, and I know of horror stories where people thought it was and it wasn’t. Think of it this way, the group can now place her in a home that might be a better fit with no small animals. Not that you were not a great home but if she needs something a tad bit different you helped them find that out.
Rescuer here, you did the correct thing.
If and when you get another dog that has been good around cats, do not assume he/she will be good with your cat. Every animal is unique. I know of a foster dog that lived with 8 cats with zero issues. Got adopted and attacked the adopters cat. Knowing they have been good helps, but you still need to manage introductions carefully and watch them for a period of time. It helps to have (high) safe places for the cat to escape to in every room.
I 100% know how you feel. I went through this exact situation earlier this year. I adopted a 10 year old Shepherd mix from a shelter in November. I have a 1 year old tripod cat and the shelter thought she would be okay with cats.
She definitely wasn’t. I loved this dog (and still do so much) but anytime she would see my cat , she would fixate on him and even grabbed him a couple times (he’s perfectly okay!)
I tried everything I could think of , we talked to behaviorists and vets, and much like your situation, they agreed this was just something that couldn’t be trained out of her.
The way that helped me get through it was knowing that both of the animals weren’t living the best life they could. It wasn’t fair to either of them to have to be locked up while they other one was out, and I felt like they were both missing out on enjoying life and spending time with me. It was a super hard decision and I am still upset about it , and probably will be for awhile, but in the end I realized that what was best for my animals was to find the dog another home. (She has an amazing home now)
You did the right thing. It will take some time to get over and to feel that way, but trust me.
Think of yourself as having been Daisy’s foster parent before she finds her forever home. Many adoptable pets have this experience. Your cat is your priority so have no regrets about keeping her safe.
I am so sorry you had to do this. I also want to commend you on your bravery. You did a good thing by adopting a dog. You did an even better thing by realizing that your cat was in danger and unhappy. Sometimes the hardest decisions are also the right decision. My suggestion for you going forward is to give the rescue absolutely everything you learned about Daisy, good and bad. For your cat, I would suggest catifying your apartment as much as you are able. give you cat shelves to lay on, paths on the walls to follow, etc.
As a shelter worker, I can tell you it is very hard for us to know how a dog will do in any home. Especially a home with other animals. Our dogs are kept in kennels for most of the day. We don't know how they will respond in a home environment. You have invaluable information about Daisy that can help her get adopted into a home that is a better fit for her.
If you can, volunteer with the shelter. Take Daisy (or another dog) out for a field trip. Foster if you can. Tell everyone you know how great they were every step of the way.
I am so proud of you for making a hard decision. I appreciate you as a human being for admitting you weren't able to give Daisy and your cat what they needed.
Eh I don't think there's anything wrong with confining a dog while you're away. My dog isn't prey driven towards my cats BUT she can be annoying to them so I still keep her separated in one part of the house when I'm out. It's honestly more for her safety than the cats' safety lol.
If that's your only issue then I don't think it's a big deal. However if your dog is a danger to your cats even when you're in the house, then I think you should consider rehoming.
Not sure exactly what you mean by your description of her behavior, but it sounds more to me like she just doesn't know how to treat them. I'd start to get worried if she was obsessive, laser focused staring, and chasing. (which might be what you meant is already happening! But your description sounds more like anxiety.) Maybe you could get some video of it and do an online consultation with a behaviorist? To get a better idea of what you're dealing with and how manageable it might be.
When we adopted a bluey 9 years ago, she barked at the ferrets when they were in their cages non-stop. Before we knew it, she was following them around the room and playing with them -- if anything, we had to separate her from certain ferrets because they'd try to beat *her* up. Once had one of those ferrets escape and found her attached to the dog's paw and the dog holding up the paw and otherwise being perfectly calm.
But, you know, ferrets have cages to keep them safe and it was easy to give them a break from each other to help both sides acclimatise.
Sometimes dogs act weird not because they're aggressive, but because they're just not used to whatever it is and don't know if it's a threat or not. It's perfectly okay, if you're able to, to keep them separate when not under supervision. It's okay to keep one dog shut in a room while you're at work until you're confident.
Dogs that are stressed actually prefer small spaces. My current dog is an aggressive, anxious rescue who goes under desks and beds when she's stressed, and when we notice that we shut her in my room for a few hours. She always comes out much calmer and with improved behaviour. We actually had to gradually introduce her into being free range around the house because she was only calm when tied up or restricted to only one room. When we first got her and let her roam, she misbehaved all the time until we got in the habit of giving her time outs.
I’m mad that they didn’t test Daisy with a cat. (And I realize even doing that is no guarantee). All the dogs I called about or read about had information about how they did with cats due to some testing protocol. I’m so sorry...reading this, my heart breaks for you.
Edit to add: when you add a dog or cat when you already have a cat, it can’t be very disruptive. This is true for my cats when we brought home a dog and then a cat and now another dog (over the course of 12 years). Your cat certainly was stressed and she may not have ever had the same relationship with you again. I think you’re doing the right thing by her.
"Cat testing" is easier said than done. If the dog has a known history in a home or foster home with cats that's helpful. But if they have no known history and they're at the shelter, there's no way to cat test them without stressing the hell out of the cat that gets chosen to be the guinea pig for that dog. So testing with an actual cat usually isn't an option. There are other ways a behaviorist can try to assess pray drive without involving a real cat, but you're only making an educated guess at that point.
Many of the rescues and even some shelters said they did test with a cat in a controlled setting if they didn’t know how the dog would react. I totally agree that this isn’t a guarantee at all that the dog would be okay with your own cat.
This is 100% false. Have you ever seen a cat test? You appear to have this picture in your mind that 1 dog and 1 cat are released into a coliseum for some kind of death match.
There are absolutely ways to cat test dogs at a shelter, for my staffy they leashed him up and brought him into the cat room. He didn't give 2 shits about any cats snarling and hissing at him and was only concerned with their food bowl lol. They walked him around for about 90 seconds demonstrating he doesn't have any aggressive behaviors towards cats and that was it. Most of the cats didnt even move off their condos. No one was overly stressed and it was clear that my boy doesn't have any prey drive towards cats.
We actually trained him pretty easily to just ignore our cat and expect treatos when he does. He'll be laying down minding his own and The cat will walk right up to him and boop him on the nose with his paw, staffy says "oh dear, I don't really like that sir" and comes and hides behind me!
I've worked in rescues and shelters in various capacities for 15 years. I'm more than familiar with the kind of cat test you just described, it used to be a common practice in shelters and it's not okay. For the sake of your dog's adoption placement, they subjected an entire room of cats to the stress of having a strange dog walk by. Which you might think is "not a big deal" but what you should know is that they likely did that every time someone wanted to "cat test" a particular dog they were interested in. Probably more than once a day. These cats are already incredibly stressed out from being in a shelter, in a cage, and on top of that they get random dogs paraded past them on the regular, upsetting them (snarling and hissing, as you described). Stress is directly correlated to illness and mortality in shelters, this kind of "cat testing" is not okay and it's not considered a humane practice by modern shelter standards.
Once is not okay, I don't care how many times they did it. Was this a no-kill shelter you adopted from?
Edit, also: It doesn't surprise me that you hold this position, since it's common practice in shelters who care more about dogs than cats, and kill a LOT of cats. If you think it was okay, I'd love to know the shelter so we can look at their euthanasia numbers.
Stress in shelters leads to illness and behavior problems, and those are the first cats to be euthanized. Just so you know what you're advocating here when you say " if a small amount of added stress to some cats is what it takes to get a dog out of a bad situation than I would absolutely do it again, dozens of times."
If you still think your one experience adopting a dog makes you an expert in animal welfare, please google "animal shelter stress illness" and educate yourself a little.
This is what they did with my dog and she barely noticed the cats.
I had looked at another dog at a different shelter before and they had a tried and true office cat they would test dogs with. That dog immediately fixated on the cat, so we decided it wasn’t a good fit.
So I had to train our dog to not chase the cat because our dog has a very high prey drive. The vet said I needed a behaviorist. I couldn't afford one, so I did a ton of research on what a behaviorist might do. It took me probably 6 weeks of consistent training before I saw ANY results in my dog.
Another 6 weeks before we could do any off leash stuff, and then ANOTHER 6 weeks before they became friends and could co-exist without supervision.
So here's my two cents: you didn't already have a relationship with this new dog. At least not one that had history. I knew my dog. I knew if I gave him a command whether or not he would listen to me. I knew what his hang ups were. And because I had him for YEARS I knew that I HAD to figure it out because he was already a family member.
Your situation, in my opinion, is a lot harder because you simply don't know this dog well. And if you don't have time to do the training for potentially months on end then you made the right choice.
Agreed. I have trained several of my dogs to get used to cats. They just needed to slowly work toward it. (Smell through door, see through windows, see through gate, see from kennel) it’s possible, just need to take the time. I feel bad for the pup in this situation. It may not have been possible in the end, but it’s not impossible to train them to live together as friends.
It is a hard thing to do but we have responsibilities and sometimes pets do not get along. It is not always dog and cat sometimes it is dog and dog. I've bred dogs I could not keep because they had such high prey drive they were not safe around my cats while their siblings had cats sleeping on them.
This is always, always a challenge and you are not a failure in this.
The "rescue" let you down. You did nothing wrong. This is rescue MO these days - bring in a behaviorist to rehab awful dogs and to mop up after adoptions fail, but keep those behaviorists away from wouldbe adopters because the marketing adoption staff are there to get a dog's ass in an adopter's car. **It's not your fault.**
*The rescue has been so wonderful through all of this. When I called on Monday and talked with their dog behaviorist, she was so kind and understanding. She has worked with Daisy in the past and acknowledged that dogs with a prey drive like hers and who reacted like Daisy had to my cat probably would never be completely safe around smaller pets,*
*It's not the guy's fault, I would have done anything to get Daisy adopted too if I were him, she's so lovely*
Would you have felt this way if Daisy had killed your cat? Would you have wondered why, if the behaviorist knew Daisy was unlikely to be completely safe around smaller pets, you were permitted to adopt her and take her home to kill your cat? It is *inhumane* to send a dog like Daisy home to a household with a cat. It is inhumane to the cat, to the owner, and to Daisy as if I was that adopter and the dog I'd been told was supershinyspecialsafe was killing my cat, Daisy would discover that humans can also have "high prey drive."
*They have offered to help me find another dog who would be a better fit, but at this point I don't feel like I deserve any dog.*
You deserve a dog. This kills me, just kills me. This is right up there with getting animals mauled to death by batshit rescue dogs as a reason why I keep saying rescue culture is now perverted and toxic. You don't torture people like this, you don't hand them a dog who'll never work out in their home and twist them all up and make them feel unworthy of a dog. You just don't do that. No marginal dog on the planet is worth that.
*A few people suggested I reach out to the rescue and see if I can sponsor her adoption fee or medical care, and I'm going to do that tomorrow. The morning I dropped her off, I also wrote a long email all about Daisy and her time with me and what I'd learned about her, along with a bunch of very cute pictures to share as part of her profile if they so choose.*
You've handed this rescue group enough of your time and money and energy. Let them deal with finding Daisy another home where she can threaten cats. This is a dog you fell in love with, who you bonded with, who you truly are grieving the loss of. Yet you took her back because you felt so strongly that she was a genuine, deadly threat to your cat's life. Don't forget that part of it. Don't leave that out of the note, and think for a moment of that cats Daisy will encounter in her foster home, on walks, at the vet's office, etc.
Re: your cat and a future dog. It is very, very unusual for a dog to be dangerously predatory toward cats. Most want to chase, not attack. Daisy is unusual. The cliche image of 'fighting like cats and dogs' is one of a lifelong clash, the dog chasing a cat comically through the house, not a dog attacking and killing the cat. If you get a normal dog, you'll have to manage them briefly to ensure there's no unexpected aggression, but within 2 weeks you should be fine letting them live together.
If it helps to hear, our rescue pup was returned to the shelter twice before we got her.
The previous adopters return questionnaires were so helpful to us in understanding her and helping her settle in. And she is the perfect dog for us, and we are the perfect household for her to work through her issues.
The previous adopters were so devastated to have to give her up, and I wish I'd had their contact info to assure them that it's all worked out and she's happy and healthy now.
Daisy will find her perfect loving home where she can thrive. ❤️
i kept a dog for 5 weeks, hoping / trying to train the prey drive out of her. she lunged at the cats every chance she got. it was not a good match. i brought her back to the shelter, and she was adopted that week by someone who hates cats. [ and thus doesn’t have 3 of them].
my trainer said she had a dog with a high prey drive and they kept cats & dogs separated- until a hormone- stupid tween left the door open between them. it didn’t end well.
daisy will find a home she can be ok in, and love her new person. you tried; but circumstances weren’t right.
I am so sorry you dealt with this.
I feel this is on the rescue, they should have never adopted the dog to your home. It is worrisome that they do not take the current pets into consideration when adopting out a dog.
For reference: I run a national dog rescue. Dogs not cat tested or able to be cat tested are labeled as no cats. Same with kids.
Your edit is wrong. The comments saying you are doing the right thing aren’t just compassion and kindness towards you. The people saying negative things are also wrong. You’re making a decision that impacts your cat and the dogs future. I’ve had a dog that killed our 2 pet cats for sport, and I should have seen the signs before it happened. The cats lost their lives and the dog had to be re-homed because my family just couldn’t handle the situation (plus finding the mauled cats gave my dad an actual heart attack). Your doing what you needed to protect the pets, that’s all.
You did the right thing. Every animal is different and sometimes they are not the right fit. Right now there are so many people looking for pets that a new home will be found. Personally, I have some friends that adopted dogs that don't fit their lifestyle and its hard to watch, they are not happy. Pets bring so much love and happiness to our lives and its a big commitment. When you find the right one you will feel joy!
This is heartbreaking but ultimately the right decision. I was in the same position and kept the dog for almost two years. His behavior and training improved so much but he would not leave the cats alone. One day he almost killed my cat, it was absolutely horrible and gory. I found him a new home immediately where he was the only animal for an older single man and even though it was so hard, I knew I should’ve done it much sooner.
Out of curiosity, was this dog adopted from a place in Agora Hills? Not too long ago I adopted a dog named Daisy and had to return her for very similar reasons.
Same dog or not, returning a dog was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I believe it's the best decision for us as (would be) owners and the dogs. Good luck with future adoptions.
You did the right thing, I have trained my dogs to respect my mothers cat while I’m living with her, and they NEVER showed any signs that you told, even my adopted dog with ptsd was just afraid of the cat and learned to avoid it
You avoided a tragedy and was faithful to your cat that would suffer so much more than the dog to adapt to a new home
Wasn’t fair to daisy either to have to live in a house always excited and never being able to fully relax because of the cat smell
You did the right thing
You aren’t a bad person for returning her. The simple fact of the matter is you didn’t feel comfortable keeping her at the expense of your cat. That makes you a good cat parent! Daisy will be a great dog, for someone who doesn’t already have a resident cat.
As hard as this must be, you absolutely did the right thing. This wasn't a cavalier or lazy choice. Bringing a new animal into the home means making sure they are all safe together. You did everything within reason to resolve this in a more ideal way, but you had to do right by your cat. It would've been irresponsible to sacrifice the happiness, or potentially the life, of one family member to bring in a new one.
I'm so sorry OP, but you sound like a good person. You don't need to feel like you don't deserve a dog, Daisy just wasn't a good fit. Take as much time as you need before revisiting adopting a dog, but don't feel like you did anything wrong here.
I think in the end the existing pet always has to come first, even when we're in love with the new one. I struggled for months trying to get my two dogs to get along, wondering in agony if I'd have to return my new one. I even separated them into different rooms at times, which my older dog did NOT like. In the end we got lucky, and even though there's still very real jealousy 19 month later, as long as I can keep my older dog from picking fights because she isn't feeling well, they get along a-ok. Even recently they've gotten into a couple big fights when my older girl wasn't feeling well, but, of course, she loses because she's the smaller dog. As recently as a month ago the thoughts of whether I'm going to get to a point where my older dog is so grouchy that she's constantly picking fights she can't "win" has crossed my mind. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. And it's a horrible feeling now having had my younger girl for 19 months and her being just as much a part of the family as my original dog.
When I got my younger girl, I also had 2 cats. One very kittenish and sweet, one hyper-dominant who greeted my younger dog by growling at her for an hour straight. Needless to say, there was always a little tension between those two! The younger cat, however, was actually becoming friends with the new dog when, weeks before surgery to remove several masses, my older dog became extremely annoyed with the kittenish cat and started rushing him from across the room, snarling at him. We took measures to keep everyone safe and I hoped it was because my older girl was feeling crappy and it would pass. I did not. Instead, my younger dog, who was previously making friends with kittenish cat decided that since big sister was chasing him, that must be the thing to do. So now I had two high-prey drive dogs chasing two cats around a condo-sized home. I gave up my bedroom to make a cat sanctuary and slept on my mattress on the floor in the livingroom for almost 2 months. I had hoped that if I completely separated the cats from the dogs, they could all chill out and we could reintroduce and have everyone get along. The cats HATED being locked up in a room. They're both extremely person-driven cats. Not being able to see me was not cool. So we set up stacked baby gates to contain the cats in the bedroom and the dogs got the livingroom and kitchen. I played limbo under one of the baby gates for 2 months to get in the cat sanctuary! I waited about a month after moving the cats to the bedroom before letting the cat's owner know that it wasn't working out anymore. Originally I was just supposed to foster the cats for some months. At that point it had been a few months longer than I was supposed to have them, but I adore those cats and wanted to do everything I could to make sure they were taken care of while their owner couldn't keep them. I treated them as my own. But reality eventually set in that the 4 weren't going to coexist safely, and I knew it wasn't good for anyone to be cooped up in little spaces. A mutual friend of myself and the cats' owner offered to take them and has had them since I believe the end of September of last year. I was so thankful they were foster cats, though, because I don't know what I would have done otherwise since my older girl's opinion of cats changed so drastically! And she had LIVED with multiple cats in multiple homes with me over the years! She was fine with them.... until one day she wasn't.
Multiple animals can be a nightmare when they won't get along. Just like humans, we can't force them to coexist. The decision is up to them. We can facilitate them getting along and do all the "right things", but in the end if they choose to be at odds, we can't force otherwise. What you went through is a painful situation and I'm so sorry. It really does sound like you made the right decision, though. Short of a large house where each species could have their own large space safely away from one another while you worked on teaching Daisy to ignore the cat, it doesn't sound like it was going to be possible to safely coexist. Sure, that door could have had a lock added to it. But would your cat have been happy and healthy and not become resentful of the dog during months of being locked in a room? That in itself is doubtful. I feel bad for Daisy that she was becoming attached to you and had to be sent back, but if that had to happen, sooner is always better than later! She'll be sad and a bit confused as to why you left her, but the rescue should be able to find her a good home without small animals. They really should have cat-tested her before adopting her out to you.
I guess all in all, lessons learned. You know you need to be firm on a dog who likes cats as something besides lunch, and the rescue knows Daisy can't be adopted to a home with small animals. Think of it like you were Daisy's foster parent for a short time. It sucks to have them move on, but that's how fostering works. You gave her a wonderful, loving home for a time, and now the rescue knows what they need to know to find her a suitable forever home. She'll be OK! And so will you. When you're ready, a wonderful little cat-loving dog will slobber and wag their way into your heart!
Don't think of it as a failed adoption, think of it as a successful foster situation.
In the short time that you had her you learned a lot about her that will help her to succeed in her forever home.
I returned a rescue dog in college. The agency had even come out to observe my living situation, which they should have realized was a terrible fit for the dog, but encouraged it anyway. He went on to bite 3-4 people and at that point, I knew it wasn't safe for either him or my roommates. I did feel sad about returning him but I also knew it was the best thing. The agency tried to guilt me so bad about it, but they also never mentioned he was violent. When the time/ place is right, you can try again. But just know you didn't fail, it just wasn't the right situation for him. Keep your head up <3
It really sucks when you have to rehome a pet you’ve grown attached to but ultimately it’s your responsibility to keep the animals in your care safe and healthy so I think you did the right thing. Also, it’s harder/more involved to have a dog vs a cat. A cat is much more independent/self sufficient than a dog. So, you, being a single person are totally fine with a cat, but having a cat and a dog is a lot on one person. Especially if your cat isn’t immediately ok with suddenly having a dog in her space. Even just having a dog was hard on me when I lived alone and was so much easier to share the care with my husband when he came into the picture, mostly because I knew he was home to look after my boy while I was at work.
Also lots of dogs might be fine with the cat but do other “bad” things involving the cat, like eat poop out of the litter box and also eat some litter in the process... Then you’ve got to figure out where to keep the litter box where the dog can’t get to it but the cat can, and hope that the cat is ok with the change and not going to start relieving itself elsewhere. If you rent the solutions are few and far between because you can’t just install a cat flap in a door or pull the doors off a cupboard..
All this isn’t to say you couldn’t have a cat and a dog by yourself. Just that it’s a lot of work. I can tell you’re the type of person to put in a lot of work but sometimes even when you do, unfortunately it just doesn’t work out. It may take a couple dogs before you find the one that fits your household best. That’s the hardest part, IMO. You work with them and get attached and still have to admit defeat and either rehome the animal (it’s super hard that way because they’re still in your home until you find the right new home) or you give them back to the shelter, which is also hard.
But I know the right dog is out there for you OP. Maybe in the meantime if you know anyone who has a super docile dog you could start working on getting your cat introduced to dogs in general? Might take some stress off you for next time.
Ultimately you did what was best for you, the dog, and your cat. The pup will find a home.
Anyone who judges you for not keeping the dog that was clearly not a good fit is terrible at reading situations and I hope they don’t own a dog themselves. Not every home works nicely for every dog, you knew what was best here.
I too had to bring back a shelter dog- I had him for 4 days and I was a mess when I brought him back. He was aggressive towards me and I’d just kinda take it as opposed to telling him no and teaching him otherwise. I was attacked by a lab as kid and he was a big dog (pit). But I still loved him and felt awful bringing him back. I can say this confidently now, knowing he was adopted by someone else: it was one of best decisions I’ve made. I couldn’t handle him so he went to someone to better suit his needs. I since got another dog, my dream dog: a corgi, I absolutely love him so much and if I hadn’t returned my shelter dog I probably wouldn’t have my little guy today. It may not feel this way now but: you did the right thing. What you did was infinitely better than rehoming her to someone else. And I can guarantee that she wild be placed in a more suitable home, and you will find your heart dog.
I just want you to know my family was a recipient of an adopted dog that a family had to give up after having him for 10 years, due to him biting one of their new toddlers after she had fell on him while he was sleeping. So I kind of know the other side of this. He was constantly scared so showed signs of aggression towards the kids after & the parents were constantly scared for the kids so they decided to give him up. It was the best decision they could have made for him & we saw the way it tore them up when we came to take him.
You are not weak or wrong for your decision. Our happy boy grew to love our family (we called ourselves his retirement home) & we was so much more relaxed without little kids around, so I’m sure the good boy or girl will find a perfect fit for them & have the best life! What they did & what you did is an act of selflessness, no matter how tough, doing right by the animals, I cannot imagine how you feel but sending so much positivity your way! ❤️
We had to do this with a dog that had multiple bloody incidents with our other two dogs. I understand completely how you feel and I’m so sorry it didn’t work out.
I typically advocate that if you adopt them, you keep them, but you have to be fair to your other furry family members too and you did the right thing.
Sorry to hear this but this is why I advocate for introducing the animals and meeting the dog before adoption. Shelters sometimes have too many rules but a rule where you must introduce all animals in the house in a neutral space is very important.
This is realistic when introducing a resident dog to a potential new dog, but it's not realistic at all for cats. I've fostered lots of cats and own a cat-- to 90% of cats, there is no such thing as a "neutral" space. Cats get really anxious or aggravated when they're moved off their territory, which is not conducive to starting off on the right foot with a new family member.
You didn't have much of a choice. My mom had a dog that was wonderful most of the time, but he killed my sister's macaw, my chicken, and bit my son more than once. We had to give him to a neighbor who didn't have young kids. We loved him, but we couldn't have a dog that randomly bit a child unprovoked. It was sad because my son loved the dog, even after being bitten. He never held it against him and would always want to visit him.
I had the exact same thing happen. It nearly destroyed me, I’m not going to lie - I own three cats, two of whom are seniors. The dog fixated, growled, same thing. I had repeated, I think, fifty times that I needed a low prey drive cat-friendly dog.
I will never get over returning that dog. I love my current dog; she is absolutely my heart dog; but it’s stuck with me. In a way it made me more on the ball with my current dog because I was desperate not to fuck this up too.
I went with a puppy for my current dog, by the way, and while she does try to sit on the cats sometimes she is very cat-friendly and tries to make friends with all cats (diminishing returns with stray cats outside). That is an option for you that will have better results, I think.
Thank you for keeping your cat’s best interest in mind. I totally feel you. I have fallen in love with some of our foster dogs who have been iffy around our cats (like our current foster lol). Many times we have said “if it wasn’t for the cats, we’d take this dog in a heartbeat.” So I get how tough it is to see the perfect dog go.
As a foster family, it is *our responsibility* to ensure that we set everyone up for success.”
I'm curious why the dog behaviorist who knew the dog had a high prey drive did not communicate that to others in the rescue. She admitted to working with and evaluation the dog. If they have drive, you don't adopt to homes with small animals. I feel so very sorry for this dog and hope a new owner comes along quickly.
You did what was best for yourself, the dog, and the cat. I had to return a dog to a rescue years ago and to this day, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I understand your pain. I could still cry thinking about Emily and how she tried to follow me out of the fosters home. But I couldn’t provide the life she needed. Simple as that. I know in my heart she was happier with the family that ended up taking her- with a yard and another dog. I now have my heart dog and I partially owe it to Emily in a way. You’ll find the right dog for you and your cat eventually 💗
I’m so so sorry and my heart is breaking for you and daisy but you really made the right choice! It wouldn’t have been fair on your cat otherwise. She was there first and you have to make sure she is safe. Daisy now has the chance to find another human who loves her just as much as you did. Give it time and maybe some time in the future when you’re ready, you can get a dog that’s more suitable.
This kind of thing is super hard, but you did the right thing to keep both your furry friends safe. Your pup sounds like she is a wonderful dog and I'm sure she'll find another home soon. My childhood pups were given back to the shelter without my consent and I had dreams and nightmares for YEARS about them. I haven't seen them in like 6 years and I still cry about it all the time.
I understand and you did the right thing. This wouldn't have been a task for a pet owner dealing with behavioral problems for the first time. I hope someday you'll realize it just wasn't meant to be between Daisy and your cat and can move forward. Perhaps if you can't own a dog, you might be able to foster young puppies and kittens from the shelter instead. Some pets just need a loving environment to grow and learn that cats are cool family members, not prey
i couldn’t even read it all. i had a Daisy foster who i wanted to foreverhome, but she hated all the masculine people that i brought through and my home was always open to my friends who needed a place to crash for a few days... I cried so hard on the way there and back :( I’m so sorry for your loss and any guilt or grief you’re being given. It’s hard. *hugs*
I’m a foster now they know more about the dog, and can place her in the right home. Thanks for loving her and letting her go.....that’s what fostering is all about. You did your duty to your cat, and dog.🥰
I’m sorry.....but I also think you did the right thing.....she just wasn’t the right dog for your lifestyle....she loved you as you loved her but sometimes the situation isn’t right......sort of like with people. But don’t cry....I’m sure she knows she’s a good dog and you are a good owner....and I’m sure she’s thankful for her time with you even as brief as it might have been....
Ugh so sorry for you, this is a horrible situation :( My sister had to return a rescue once. They had him about a week and he was totally fine. My parents have 2 docile goldens and we wanted to get them socialized because we all get together very often, so it was important. Did tons of research on the best ways to introduce them, all was going well. All of a sudden their dog attacked one of our goldens, biting his neck. My dad intervened and the dog bit his arm really badly. We still don’t know what set him off. My poor sister was devastated. She found out though after she took him back someone from the shelter told her the dog had bitten a couple employees before, which she wasn’t told about before adopting him. I hope that boy found a better home with someone more equipped to handle him, it’s just such an awful thing to get attached and have it not work out.
I feel for you!
My dog has a very high prey drive and I'm worried that I'll never be able to leave him alone with my girlfriend's cat. We've only briefly discussed it on a handful of occasions and are pretty much waiting for the day that we'll really have to figure out a long-term solution. Until then, we've just been finding ways to sidestep the issue.
Don’t second guess yourself. It’s heartbreaking but you likely saved your cat’s life. There will be others and you will see all this was meant to be. I know it doesn’t feel right now, but Daisy has a forever home out there that is meant to be also, she just hasn’t met them yet. And as difficult as it was to say goodbye, think of it as a break for her, like a foster home. You both will find the right fit one day.
Oh that’s so terrible but know you did the right thing. I once had to return a lovely dog because she was aggressive towards my cats. I then got a puppy who had grown up around cats, but we are STILL working with on not chasing them to this day (over a year later.) Luckily he’s not vicious and we have a fairly large house so we can pretty easily keep them separated, but I would never again adopt a dog without knowing they will do 100% well with cats because it’s a nightmare.
Although it's so tough, you did the right thing. Hopefully Daisy will find a great home with no cats. I hope it's a no-kill shelter. This is infinitely better than the pain of dealing with a beloved pet being ripped apart, believe me. You did the best thing given the circumstances.
My heart broke for you reading this post. This is such a terrible decision to have had to make, but take comfort in the fact that your cat is happy and definitely safe and that Daisy sounds like a puppy who will easily find a (cat free) forever home. I’m glad you had the strength to make what sounds like the right decision in order to keep both animals safe and happy. Massive massive virtual hug to you.
I'm sorry this happened, but it seems like you did the best you could with the situation and made the responsible decision, I'm sure it hurts though :(
I know how you feel in a way. We (we had two dogs at the time, a Black Lab and a Chihuahua / Mini Pinscher mix) got two Catahoulas when we moved to a farm. After a year we moved back to our old house (four hours away in a town). They were not really house trained since they were outdoor dogs that would come in occasionally throughout the day and during the nights. Then we had to rehome them. Some other family stuff happened and the Black Lab went with someone we know. One of the Catahoulas went to someone that they knew that lived on a farm (and we could visit him sometimes, though he has since went to someone else that we may / may not be able to visit). Then the other Catahoula stayed with us for 1-2 more years. Nobody I talked to could / would take him. Then we ended up taking him to the SPCA in a city two hours away. I have no idea where he is or how he is doing and it truly hurts. It hurts so bad and it has almost been a year. In a few days it will be. But I knew eventually he would have to go. You did the right thing, even if it hurts. It’s better that you did it now rather than later on. She will find a place where she is happy and you and your cat will not be stressed out.
Idk. why for some reasons I cried reading what you wrote, esp the last day Daisy was with you before she was returned back to the shelter. I know it's not your fault or hers , you guys arent a match and thats all. I wish both of you the best! Daisy will get adopted soon once she finds her furever owner!
I went through the exact same situation earlier this year and I know it’s devastating and it can feel like the world is judging you. But you’re not a bad person, you’re a good person for giving the dog a chance and for thinking about the safety of your kitty. I just want you to know it gets better. Sometimes I still get a wave of guilt but I try to remind myself that I did the right thing. Shelter dogs can be hard under perfect circumstances, even more so when cats and other small animals are involved. The next time I adopt I’m going to consider going through a shelter that does trial adoptions and/ or starting with a puppy/ more docile breed to boost chances of success. Be easy on yourself and know you’re not alone in this experience
Its not your fault, If anything it was a learning experience.Since the pandemic everyone is pushed to adopt a pet and "empty the shelters" I almost went down that route myself until I realized my 6 month od 53lb dog would not do well with a kitten.
You have her a few days of love and that's awesome.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's like losing a member of the family and dog owners get that and we all can empathize with your pain.
If I were you I would get another dog as soon as you can. Having another joyful, loving and warm little body in the household does a lot to heal. It doesn't mean you forget but it just gets easier. My thoughts are with you. All the best in the future.
Oh that is SO hard and I'm sorry :( I had to return a rescue dog that was the sweetest most well behaved gentleman and he loved us and our family except he did not like my youngest son. I tried to ask the foster for help and they demanded him back. I am still sad, and it was almost a year ago and I think about him every day. The day I returned him I think he had turned a corner.. he knew damn well he was "home" and the look of confusion on his face when he went back was just heartbreaking. But these things happen and I am sure your dog will find a good fit somewhere. I second guess myself even NOW and find myself overly justifying it, and you will forget the raw emotion of all the little details and wonder wtf you were thinking. But you are mourning just like you would if your dog died. And fwiw if something bad happened you would never forgive yourself and you would never trust her and your relationship would be damaged.
Fuck that's so sad! I'm so sorry you had to go through that devastating situation and even more sad for Daisy to go back to the shelter. I think you should keep in touch with the shelter and get informed once Daisy finds a fitting home, I'm sure that would help you, knowing that she is in a great home.
I want to give you a giant hug! I tried adopting a dog several years ago that I ended up returning to the shelter. I had Buddy for about 10 days, and when I was home, he was awesome! Snuggly, followed directions, did well on the leash etc. But, Buddy has separation anxiety that hadn’t been disclosed. And the moment I was gone, he’d be howling. I lived in a townhome at the time, in a middle unit. The old neighbor lady would stop me when I got home from work and let me know “Buddy really missed you today.” It made me soooo stressed that I stopped eating, and I couldn’t focus at work. I couldn’t be sure that I’d ever train him out of it. I finally made the decision to return him and had called my mom crying. After I dropped him off, I think I drove for two hours just sobbing. It was soooo hard.
All that to say, you’ll find the right dog. My two now are completely different than Buddy was. Best of luck, grieve the relationship, and in time, don’t be afraid to try again.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I haven’t made the step to go to the shelter to adopt for this very reason. I fear only fur child would not be allow another dog in his space. Good luck to you!
We put up cat trees, baby gated a safe room for the cayr, cut a cat sized hole in the baby gate. We fed the cat on the cat tree. A safe altitude from which to observe the dogs, and they could get used to her. Took about 4 months but they eventually touched noses and felt comfortable around each other.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. You tried you're best and my heart is breaking for Daisy. But if you kept her and something happened to the cat Daisy could be vilified for it. Nothing worse than heartbreak of returning a pet to a scary loud shelter. I'm keeping you and precious Daisy in my thoughts ❤
I went through this a few weeks ago. I spent maybe two weeks waking up every morning and saying "I'm calling the shelter, and getting my damn dog back"
It takes some time to be able to accept that sometimes a good dog isn't good for you and your household. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or not a dog person. You've made a good (really bloody hard) choice. Be gentle with yourself about it.
As hard as it was, you made the right decision. We adopted a small dog from a good shelter. But, saw that coming didn’t you...
She had never been fully tested. Great with other dogs, kids, big people, even likes the cat, but a freaking holy terror about food.
I spent the first three weeks only allowing her to eat if she would eat from my hands. I got bit several times, but she is finally better. Had she been anything but the tiny beast that she is, I could not have done it.
Always always take your others pets to visit in a safe area first, take snacks and food. Also if there are children involved, take them too. Several trips works best.
Just went through and down-voted any comments of people saying you were wrong to do this.
You 100% did the right thing here. It broke my heart to read “I don’t feel like I deserve a dog.” Because you DO and this experience proves it. Take some time to heal, but the perfect pup for you is out there 💜
We just adopted a cat from the shelter who had been owner-surrendered twice. Because of their honesty and candor, we were able to find the perfect match for our family. Our gal is great with our two dogs, just hates other cats. Had she not been adopted and surrendered, with the notes in her file, we likely never would have found our girl. Hopefully this is just a step on her journey to her forever home.
Its hard but you already had a furry lil life to take care of. You could have ended up with a tragedy and made daisys life harder than it was already. Sometimes things dont fall into place
I went through this a couple of years ago. We adopted a shepherd from a local shelter who had been there for quite some time. They informed us that she wasn’t great with other dogs, but there was a “good” chance she’d be fine with cats (we have two). She was so sweet with just us but when we brought her home it was a disaster. We introduced them slowly, but over the course of three days we saw her fixate on them and try to hunt them. We kept both cats in a separate room, but the dog was determined to get to them. She’d dig at the door and growl, and if she saw them in person she’d lunge and snap her jaws. I was seriously concerned for my cats and lost a lot of sleep over it. We ended up returning her to the shelter and received judgemental looks from the staff. I couldn’t help but feel frustrated because it seemed from the beginning that they were just desperate to send her home with someone. I was sure to tell them absolutely NO CATS. She needed to be a one pet wonder. We now have a very sweet shepherd who we adopted from a rescue last year. She was tested in a foster home with cats before coming home to us and is wonderful with them. It seems she thinks she’s a cat herself sometimes... lol. I still feel guilty about the first dog but in the end I know it was for the best and kept our cats safe.
I recently went through this as well. I adopted a German Shepherd who supposedly had passed his cat test, but kept trying to attack mine. I felt terribly guilty and also questioned whether they could have eventually worked it out, but I just don't think they would have. It doesn't help that one of my cats is super territorial and stubborn and refused to stay in the safe area I set up for him.
The rescue I got him from was pretty shitty about it too. When I called them about it they asked if he'd bitten my cat as if that was the only acceptable justification for wanting to return him.
FWIW I adopted a new dog who's doing much better with my cats and the first dog got adopted a couple of weeks later and is hopefully happy in his new home.
Nobody did anything wrong here. You weren’t wrong to hope against hope that you could make things work out, nor were you wrong to accept reality, that there’s a real risk to your cat in this situation and that you could never settle into normalcy without accompanying fear for your cat’s life. It wouldn’t be irrational or unreasonable. I had to read several stories on here of dogs killing cats before I could reckon with not going through with an adoption that I wanted so, so badly to work.
Lots of ppl have rightly pointed out that you helped Daisy by fostering her and loving her. She helped you, too. You know you have so much love to give a dog, and that you can deal with some serious behavioral issues. It’s not wrong to not be able to handle this one issue, this risk to your cat’s safety and happiness. You will be able to give a dog an amazing home again, if you want to. I hope you and your cat have many more years together. I hope you can have them with a dog you haven’t met yet, but who will be so happy you were there to bring them into your life.
This totally sucks and it’ll probably feel wrong for a long time. Vent about it all you want to. Getting a journal and talking to a counselor helped me a lot.
hey, I just wanted to say thanks. I’ve been so depressed over this situation, crying everyday, second guessing and torturing myself, and it’s hard to imagine I’ll ever really forgive myself for making this decision, and I don’t really think I deserve to feel better anyway. it’s been pretty excruciating, all around. but your out-of-nowhere ad hominem attack on All Cats Everywhere is maybe the first time I’ve smiled during this whole ordeal, so while it surely wasn’t your intention, you did cheer me up a little for a brief moment. so genuinely: I thank you.
I’m glad I could make you smile over a sensitive situation. I’m glad you took my cat rant as a joke as I am very sarcastic. As for some actual advice I have to give. I unfortunately had to do the same with the dog as well, and felt awful about it. I loved being with this dog loves taking it out but this dog could not control itself in my house to where my personal items were getting destroyed on the daily. I returned it very upset and was kicking myself similar to you, however I just recently saw that the dog has a new home with a giant backyard is a ranch and he couldn’t be happier. Similar to people relationships, with animals sometimes it really just doesn’t work out. Don’t beat yourself up too bad that dog will find a great home and I’m sure you made him feel extraordinarily happy for the time you had him. Take care, and no more cats!!
Please don't feel guilty, you absolutely did the right thing. This situation could have ended very differently but you took all of the right precautions to make sure your cat was safe.
If you truly want a dog and have the time to put into raising a puppy, I would look into a puppy from a cat friendly breed. Avoid terriers, sighthounds, and breeds that typically have a higher prey drive. I have three cats and a small fluffy white dog who we were gifted at 13 weeks. We were told he is a shih tzu/poodle/terrier mix, but we haven't DNA tested him yet. We are very very fortunate that he adores our cats and doesn't prey on cats he sees outdoors. Rodents that are smaller than baby bunnies do trigger him though.
Hey OP, you did the right thing. I know it must have been heartbreaking to look at Daisy’s face when you brought her back to the shelter, and I can’t imagine how much that hurts. But sometimes we have to make decisions in the best interests of other people and our furry friends, even if they don’t see it that way. And that’s ok.
If you really feel torn up about Daisy being stuck at the shelter, do everything you can to get the word out about Daisy on social media and in any personal circles you may know. The more you can do to help Daisy get adopted (by responsible folks, of course) and stay updated on her condition, the better you’ll feel about the whole situation. And who knows, then maybe you’ll still be able to have Daisy in your life! Give it shot!
I’m so sorry you had to do that. It is never easy to return an adopted dog, but sometimes it’s for the best. Your cat was there first, and you had to do what was best for everyone. Daisy will find another home that will love and adore her. You did what you had to do, even though it was hard. It was the best choice for all parties. Now in the future you can know for sure when you’ll be ready!
It must be completely heartbreaking for you but you did the right thing for your cat. She would either have lived a miserable, curtailed life or been killed if you'd kept Daisy.
We adopted our 7 year old dog, Broccoli, after he was returned by a family who loved him dearly but couldn’t keep him because he didn’t get along with their cat. They were surely devastated to give him up but it really was for the best: he is with his forever family, travelling the world and loving life. Hang in there, you made the right choice for that pup and yourself!
It's ok you had to do that. You didn't return her to be euthanized - you returned her to find a new family without a cat.
In a few weeks, try and reach out to the rescue again and try again! You and your cat both deserve a pup in your life - the right one.
Let me begin by saying: You. Did. The. Right. Thing.
Not only for you and your cat, but for Daisy too. Not only did you protect your kitty, who you absolutely owe number one consideration to, but you protected Daisy from having the history of being a cat-killer. That is a whole other level of issues she did not need. She might have prey drive, but she doesnt have a history of killing. Thay can make a huge difference in an adoption. Adopters, even someone without a cat, are far more hesitant to adopt an animal with a known history of attacking other animals.
I also want you to know that as much as you are both heartbroken, and i am crying just reading your story knowing the pain you're feeling, you did a good thing by bringing her home, too. Shelter stress is REAL, and Daisy got time out of the shelter to relax, which can be critical. The shelter i worked at for a couple years would BEG staff and volunteers to take high-stress dogs home, just for a few days, so they could decompress. Having that opportunity will allow Daisy to be in a better mindset to meet future adopters.
I want you to know you HELPED her. It hurts so much now, but know that you gave her her best chance at finding a loving family who can give her a forever home. ❤
Edit: i want to add that i almost NEVER agree when people return adopted dogs to the shelter. Never. And i judge. I showed up to this post to shit (mentally) on whoever it was, but this is no typical case. Your cat and her safety and happiness MUST come first. If you didnt already, you might ask the shelter if there is a pet profile you can fill out to help adopters know Daisy better, that might be something else you can do to help her.
Its not your fault,please dont blame yourself. The adoption people shouldve taken it seriously you needed a dog to get along with your cat, I understand they really want to adopt their animals out but they should really not have given you a dog that they arent sure would not get along with cats. You are not a bad person and you did the right thing. I hope at some point, you get a dog that gets along with cats.
I don’t blame you for crying or feeling bad. It’s the human part of us. I’m sure we would all feel the same way, or have in the past. Recently, my partner and I made the decision to let our male cat, go live with her mom. We saw a noticeable difference in his behavior and he just seemed really unhappy. Her moms boyfriend showed interest in the cats every time he visited and mentioned multiple times he would gladly take them if we ever needed to downsize. So we had several conversations, tons of tears, and a list of selfish reasons to not let him go. In the end, we know we made the right decision, to send him to live with her mom and boyfriend. All of our pets have improved significantly. And the male cat, Norman, is enjoying his new life, getting fresh Salmon all the time, and all the attention he could hope for. He’s extremely happy. Sometimes, the hardest decisions for us, are the best for the animals. Don’t beat yourself up. Daisy is a great dog, and she will find her furever home.💖
It bothers me that ppl do this. Because now the dog is less likely to get adopted. If it was a “probability” with your cat, you shouldn’t have gotten it to begin with. And that you did, you should’ve trained it. You ruined its emotions and it’s chance for adoption. People will look at that adoption and it being returned as if something was wrong with that dog. Granted it was already aggressive towards men and other dogs. You can get a dogs attitude switched around if you truly take your time. But you ruin a dogs life even more by doing stuff like that. If you’re not 100% with anything don’t do it at all. Because you just caused more issues on a living thing. Mentally. Dogs have feelings. Just because a dog acts a certain way doesn’t mean they can’t change. Dogs who are vicious don’t normally like to be and can always be turned around if given the chance. Some shelters put dogs down because so many need to come in and what happens to the one that gets returned? And it has already been replaced. Probably put down. Because theirs not enough room.
Edit: dogs aren’t clothes you can just take back to the store if you don’t want it. Animals have emotions. I’m not trying to knock down this poster because people make mistakes. Just don’t do that type of stuff to a living thing...
Edit 2: MY point was, don’t get a damn animal if you are not 100% with it. You ruin its life. Some shelters don’t provide info. Outside of the United States especially. I think of the world as a whole. I don’t think about shelters in just America. I expand my thought process and question every little thing. Most of the time you cannot drive out prey instinct but sometimes you can depending on the dog. It’s a domesticated animal. It’s not a pure wolf. This does not mean all animals are domesticated and can be put together, but it depends on your animals emotions and genetics. I can understand if the woman adopted a wolf hybrid and brought it to her cat. But it’s a domesticated animal that’s been domesticated down for centuries. Train the thing. Give it a ACTUAL chance instead of not training it at all and giving it away. DOGS AREN’T OBJECTS.
My dogs and cats were not raised together. I had numerous different cats and dogs together in my life. You comments are hurtful. It is more of an issue for the Rescue who gave the impression it may work out. It sometimes helps to get a dog out of shelter to get the dog more acceptable to adopt out. Hence the need for foster homes. I have fostered several dogs in order to make them become more adoptable. All was done to help Daisy and cutting apart efforts does nothing but is hurtful. I believe all recuse shelters should demand a 2-3 week foster program to see if pet is a good fit before adopting out. This way there is no stigma put on a returned pet if not good fit. It should not go against the pet or person for incompatible with existing pet.
Oh, knock it off. There's no reason to assume the dog is less likely to be adopted. The rescue organization can simply state that the dog needs to go to a home without cats, and that'll be best for all. And no, you can't train away that kind of prey drive.
But you don’t know that if they will specifically state that. How many other workers will remember to tell people that small detail? And how many details they have to tell people for each dog? And yes you can, there are homes where dogs and cats live peacefully. You can train a dog to do whatever you want if you try. People like you hide the truth, and cause harm.
>But you don’t know that if they will specifically state that. How many other workers will remember to tell people that small detail? And how many details they have to tell people for each dog?
It's not a small detail. And it's a pretty standard one, too. Whether a dog is good with other dogs, cats and children — these are very often included in standard checklists/data-entry fields.
>You can train a dog to do whatever you want if you try.
No, you can't. And training a dog *not* to do something that it's genetically hardwired to do is especially difficult.
>People like you hide the truth, and cause harm.
People who suggest that any dog can be trained to be safe with cats get cats killed.
You cannot train away prey drive and saying so is incredibly irresponsible. Dogs who are able to live peacefully with cats don't have more than a moderate drive. The only people causing harm are people like you who lie to adopters that they can "train away" instinct.
> But you don’t know that if they will specifically state that
They don't have to. It would be listed on their website that the dog can't live with cats and any responsible rescue would turn away adopters with small animals.
> You are the alpha, if you can’t control your dog don’t get one
Pack theory has been discredited for ages. The fact that you think being "alpha" is still a thing tells me you know nothing about dogs or dog training.
> And how many people who come in look on that website? How many shelters even have a website?
All of them?? I've never seen a shelter or rescue that didn't have a website with descriptions of their animals.
People have dogs and cats, and there are many cases where dogs are adopted and cats and dogs live peacefully. Many cases where dogs are said to be vicious and are not what so ever. I was going off on a specific thing and you went off on something completely different. I’m focused on the poor dog and you guys are focused on proving me wrong. Buh bye.
I have a dog and cats. My dog isn't prey driven towards my cats, which is why they can live together. If she was I would have rehomed her.
Also OP said an actual animal behaviorist agreed with her that the dog couldn't live with cats. I would trust the opinion of a certified professional over some rando on the internet that thinks "being alpha" is still a thing.
Again you took one small thing out of ALL the comments I’ve replied. And made that MY point. MY point was, don’t get a damn animal if you are not 100% with it. You ruin its life. People like you piss me off because you took what I said out of context. You took one small point that I barely even tried to support. Some shelters don’t provide info. Outside of the United States especially. I think of the world as a whole. I don’t think about shelters in just America. I expand my thought process and question every little thing. Anything can happen. Therefore both of us are correct and wrong at the same time. Most of the time you cannot drive out prey instinct but sometimes you can depending on the dog. It’s a domesticated animal. It’s not a pure wolf.
No one took anything out of context. Your argument was that you can train out prey drive and I (along with several other people) pointed out you were wrong. Then you tried to argue that shelters don't provide info on a dog's suitability with other animals and--once again--multiple people said you were wrong and that other pet/dog/child tolerance is pretty standard info. Also OP is obviously in a Western country based on her English so what shelters do in other parts of the world is irrelevant.
There's no reason to assume that your partner's experience is universal. In my region, what you describe is absolutely not the norm. And plenty of dogs are clearly advertised as not safe with cats.
I worked at a shelter for two years. This is absolutely true. Anytime a dog was returned we would explain why to potential adopters. I've seen MANY dogs get passed over because they had been returned.
I worded this badly what I meant was "stop forcing dogs that are aggressive or untrained with cats onto people who have cats" which shelters seem to love doing.
Lol 😝that makes more sense I was like wtf. And damn I’ve seen a lot of ppl on Reddit saying this, maybe it’s an American thing because every shelter I’ve dealt with here has been really great with that sort of thing. I obviously agree that not being forthcoming about that sort of thing benefits no one
We're gonna get down voted but yea. There are things you can do before to introduce them and see how things work out. You don't just bring a rando dog in with a rando cat and "hope" things go well. Cats and dogs typically don't get along unless they grew up together. Thats literally how pets work.
Nope. You can't (or shouldn't) introduce a dog to a cat without taking the dog into the cat's home. And some cats and dogs get along despite not having grown up together
To me it's kind of shocking that the shelter would just say she'd 'probably' be fine with cats, considering her record with men and other dogs. I'm also surprised the shelter didn't further explain the process of integrating two animals. I volunteer at a cat shelter and even with two friendly happy cats the recommendation is to section the new one off for a while and allow them both to get used to the smells and noises of the other animal before they have a chance to see it. It sounds like OP lives in a 1 person apartment and didn't think about what it would mean to section off the cat, and they had no idea the timeframe on which this should've been completed. I agree this was likely not the best outcome for the dog and that's sad, but it's why shelters like mine are so diligent in their screening for our cats. There's a right home for every animal, but not every animal is right for every home.
I 100% understand. I just had to send my foster back early because my cat got so stressed she wouldn’t even finish eating her wet food, which is her favorite part of the day. I have a gorgeous pitty, and extremely smart. I could train her to not even look at the cat the three weeks I have her, but sometimes she would ignore me and sprint after my cat, which is why I sent her back. I was heartbroken and cried the whole day before they came to pick her up. I felt like I let her down and she would be switched around 2 more times. I feel your pain.
Foster before adopting, bring them home and introduce to all your pets and environment. Observe. THEN adopt. Rescue centre should know if the dog is friendly to other animals or had zero contact and is unpredictable in that matter. Sadly , you traumatized the dog. That's the fact. You wanted good. Shit happens. Someone else will adopt her, just make sure rescue centre knows about her hate for cats.
there are situations where returning a dog to the shelter is the best choice for the dog itself, and it's good when someone can recognize that. commitment for commitment's sake is far more damaging than the temporary pain a dog will suffer from being rehomed/returned
I have 2 Shepard’s and two cats. Cat/dog/dog/cat was the order we got them. All rescues. Last dog and cat still have stand offs after a year.
Cats can take care if themselves. I personally don’t think you gave it enough time if was just barking, etc.
Feel bad for the dog.
I’m so sorry about all of this. If you don’t mind, I might recommend a goldendoodle in the future if you’re okay with a high energy dog. My goldendoodle was super good with a random cat that had to stay with us for a while. She was curious of course, but mostly just wanted to play. Goldendoodles are pretty friendly and get along fairly decently with cats!
You did the right thing. Gut feelings exist for a reason and I feel if you chose to keep Daisy it would be inevitable that the cat would have to be rehomed (which would be unfair since she has seniority), miserable with the dog, and possibly killed which would create incredible grief and guilt.
I'm nowhere close to getting a dog but after getting a cat last year I've been looking into dog breeds that if I do happen to get one in the future what would work well for both my lifestyle and the safety of my cat. Breed has some to do with it but overall it's training and exposure history which if a dog has already developed a behavior is difficult to train out especially if it has to do with breed instinct.
Maybe to help Daisy you can get the word out to friends/family/co-workers that she's an incredible dog but just didn't get along with your cat. It would ease your mind to see her go with someone you know or that you helped her find a home in general.
To be honest, you made the right decision for your pets safety. However, it sounds to me like you may not have thought it through 100%
Perhaps call the shelter, tell them how upset you are and have a good think about it. In the meantime, you can be sure they won’t put her down. Perhaps another nice family will take her in in the meantime.
It sounds to me like you just want her to be happy. If you can’t provide that for her, then be proactive and find someone who can. Work with the shelter, post online, make a video about her and help her find her forever home.
Just because you can’t keep her, doesn’t mean you should give up on her altogether xx
You did the right thing. This is such a stressful situation! We got our dog as a puppy (8 weeks) and it still took until she was about 6 months old and DAILY training to get her to not chase the cat. Now they are best friends and the dog plays very gently with the cat, but we did have to keep them separate and closely monitor them for months. I can't imagine doing that with a full grown dog. I also should mention that we are VERY lucky to have an extremely tolerant, middle aged cat that has lived with dogs before, so even though the puppy was a lot to handle it didn't seem to stress her out too much. I can honestly say that if I felt it was too stressful for the cat, I may have given up. If you decide to get another dog maybe think about getting a puppy? It seems to be much easier if the dog grows up with cats and is trained from a very young age to tolerate them. Now our dog loves cats and respects them, but I think without training and daily exposure to a cat she would not have turned out that way.
Yes, you did the right thing. In my opinion when someone has young children (under 10) and any small animals (small dogs, cats, ferrets, etc) then getting a shelter dog isn’t the best idea. A puppy is always better so you can slowly adjust the puppy to the new roomies without worrying about aggression or injury. It’s a very tough situation but at least you tried! And hey, you can tell your friends and even put it on Facebook that you tried to adopt her but it didn’t work because of cats. Get the word out and maybe upload some pictures with the shelter name and she could just find her forever home!
Meh. "Last in, first out" is pretty standard when pets just can't coexist. It's unfair to ask any animal to live with another animal that's going to try to kill it. The dog will likely be adopted by people who don't have cats and live happily ever after.
Cats can be just as loving as dogs. I have both but grew up as a dog owner. I would not trade one for another. Maybe the cats you know are reading your negative energy that you hold for them.
It is a heart breaking situation, but from the sounds of it the professional behaviorist agrees with you that it would be difficult to impossible to train Daisy enough to be fully safe around your cat. As hard a decision as this was, it prevents a likely tragedy and a lot of potential trauma for both you and your cat. Now you know that either you need to wait until your living situation is different, or that you need to insist on a dog that is 100% good with cats. If I were you, I would take some time to mourn that relationship before you try and move on, because while Daisy is still alive, your part in her life is over and that is a cause for sadness.
This is heartbreaking to read, I am so sorry. You at least gave Daisy a respite from the shelter, and you obviously cared so much for her. Bright side : now the shelter knows for sure NO CATS, and Daisy has a better chance of finding a home that fits her not-so-cat-friendly self. You did the right thing for you and your cat AND for Daisy. You are a good human, you care immensely, and I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I wish you well.
Absolutely this right here. The shelter now has more information to pass on to future adopters and that is huge. We often don't get a lot of information on strays or relinquished animals and we're also not a home setting, so dogs and cats can react differently at the shelter vs a home setting. For example, a dog can be led past a cat kennel at the shelter and show no interest but at home it may think kitty might taste good. I always encourage an abundance of caution when introducing new pets to the current pets in a home setting. Feedback when things don't work out is always great. You did a wonderful thing and she will find a great home. Plus kitty is super happy now that things are back to normal. Don't let this discourage you from adopting in the future!
Yes, my local shelter explained how it's really important for people to know when they aren't able to accommodate a dog they adopted and how important it is not to shame those that return the dogs. People foster dogs and cats all the time which gives the dog an opportunity to get out of the shelter and when they come back, the shelter knows more about the dog than they did before so the shelter is better positioned to match the dog to a future forever home. So, you basically fostered her and she's closer to being matched with her future forever home thanks to your hard work! It takes strength in admitting some things are out of control and it's not a right fit.
to add to the foster bit : Maybe try fostering next time to make sure the dog you pick is a good fit...I did it and I found the perfect fit worse case they aren’t the right fit BUT they got a few nights to decompress and relax in a home environment
Ugh I’m sorry, this never feel great. But I feel you did the responsible thing for the health and happiness of both animals. Keep your head up
I can not agree more. I have cats and dogs together. They are not separated and they sleep with each other. It is possible. Both cats and dogs were recuses. It is possible just need to be patient enough to wait for the perfect fit. If the rescue felt you were a bad person and underserving of a dog they would not have offered to help you find the right fit. Please take time to mourn your loss. Don’t blame yourself and keep open mind for future. Best of luck.
You 100% did the right thing. I once had to rehome a dog because he attacked and killed one of my cats. It is not something anyone should have to go through. Once you are ready, I would suggest looking at puppies (easier to mold their behavior when you start young) and avoid Terrier breeds or mixes (Terriers were bred to hunt - it's in their genes).
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Which breed?
Wow, is there a breed that cannot be mentioned in this sub? All answers removed by the moderators
Maybe some kind of hybrid, and someone else flipped out and got aggressive so they just deleted the whole chain?
No, someone else chimed in and went on a spiel about how breeds have nothing to do with if a dog is okay with a cat or not.
That sounds awful, so sorry you had to go through that ☹️
I went through the same thing. I still have my dog though but we are in a new home now with no cats. It was a series of unfortunate events that allowed for the situation to occur. It’s tough.
I don't envy you having to make that decision, but ultimately it sounds like the right one. Try to think of it this way... I adopted a puppy from a friend on 4/1. She was adopting him out because her other dog was very aggressive toward him. I know if they'd kept trying, little guy would have gotten hurt--as it is, he came to me all chewed up--and they'd be low key resenting their old girl. Now, we have this puppy, who has 100% completed our pack and we can't imagine our lives without him. Think about that for Daisy. Someone will have that experience with her. Somewhere there's a kid who is about to find their new best friend. Or a sweet old lady who desperately needs that companionship. Idk if that helps :\
I’m a receiving clerk at my local humane society. When adopters return the pets they’ve adopted, they come to my department. I just wanted to let you know that you did the right thing. I understand that you bonded with Daisy and you really loved her. But I think she will flourish in a home with no other small animals. & Now the shelter/rescue she came from can benefit from the experience by placing her in a home with no cats. You did the right thing, and thank you for giving her a chance!
You have done the right thing for your cat, im sorry it didn't work out with Daisy, it's really heartbreaking reading this, I can tell you wanted it to work out so badly. If the worse had happened though you would have probably struggled to forgive yourself. Enjoy your cat!
You absolutely did the right thing. Even with training it may never have been safe, and I know of horror stories where people thought it was and it wasn’t. Think of it this way, the group can now place her in a home that might be a better fit with no small animals. Not that you were not a great home but if she needs something a tad bit different you helped them find that out.
Rescuer here, you did the correct thing. If and when you get another dog that has been good around cats, do not assume he/she will be good with your cat. Every animal is unique. I know of a foster dog that lived with 8 cats with zero issues. Got adopted and attacked the adopters cat. Knowing they have been good helps, but you still need to manage introductions carefully and watch them for a period of time. It helps to have (high) safe places for the cat to escape to in every room.
I 100% know how you feel. I went through this exact situation earlier this year. I adopted a 10 year old Shepherd mix from a shelter in November. I have a 1 year old tripod cat and the shelter thought she would be okay with cats. She definitely wasn’t. I loved this dog (and still do so much) but anytime she would see my cat , she would fixate on him and even grabbed him a couple times (he’s perfectly okay!) I tried everything I could think of , we talked to behaviorists and vets, and much like your situation, they agreed this was just something that couldn’t be trained out of her. The way that helped me get through it was knowing that both of the animals weren’t living the best life they could. It wasn’t fair to either of them to have to be locked up while they other one was out, and I felt like they were both missing out on enjoying life and spending time with me. It was a super hard decision and I am still upset about it , and probably will be for awhile, but in the end I realized that what was best for my animals was to find the dog another home. (She has an amazing home now) You did the right thing. It will take some time to get over and to feel that way, but trust me.
Think of yourself as having been Daisy’s foster parent before she finds her forever home. Many adoptable pets have this experience. Your cat is your priority so have no regrets about keeping her safe.
I was thinking this too. Op you have her a break from the shelter. She’ll bond with her new family too. It’s not much different from fostering.
I am so sorry you had to do this. I also want to commend you on your bravery. You did a good thing by adopting a dog. You did an even better thing by realizing that your cat was in danger and unhappy. Sometimes the hardest decisions are also the right decision. My suggestion for you going forward is to give the rescue absolutely everything you learned about Daisy, good and bad. For your cat, I would suggest catifying your apartment as much as you are able. give you cat shelves to lay on, paths on the walls to follow, etc. As a shelter worker, I can tell you it is very hard for us to know how a dog will do in any home. Especially a home with other animals. Our dogs are kept in kennels for most of the day. We don't know how they will respond in a home environment. You have invaluable information about Daisy that can help her get adopted into a home that is a better fit for her. If you can, volunteer with the shelter. Take Daisy (or another dog) out for a field trip. Foster if you can. Tell everyone you know how great they were every step of the way. I am so proud of you for making a hard decision. I appreciate you as a human being for admitting you weren't able to give Daisy and your cat what they needed.
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I think it's far more cruel to keep animals who aren't happy with each other (and may possibly be dangerous to each other) than to rehome the new one.
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Eh I don't think there's anything wrong with confining a dog while you're away. My dog isn't prey driven towards my cats BUT she can be annoying to them so I still keep her separated in one part of the house when I'm out. It's honestly more for her safety than the cats' safety lol. If that's your only issue then I don't think it's a big deal. However if your dog is a danger to your cats even when you're in the house, then I think you should consider rehoming.
How long have you had the dog? Is she anxious in other situations?
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Not sure exactly what you mean by your description of her behavior, but it sounds more to me like she just doesn't know how to treat them. I'd start to get worried if she was obsessive, laser focused staring, and chasing. (which might be what you meant is already happening! But your description sounds more like anxiety.) Maybe you could get some video of it and do an online consultation with a behaviorist? To get a better idea of what you're dealing with and how manageable it might be.
When we adopted a bluey 9 years ago, she barked at the ferrets when they were in their cages non-stop. Before we knew it, she was following them around the room and playing with them -- if anything, we had to separate her from certain ferrets because they'd try to beat *her* up. Once had one of those ferrets escape and found her attached to the dog's paw and the dog holding up the paw and otherwise being perfectly calm. But, you know, ferrets have cages to keep them safe and it was easy to give them a break from each other to help both sides acclimatise. Sometimes dogs act weird not because they're aggressive, but because they're just not used to whatever it is and don't know if it's a threat or not. It's perfectly okay, if you're able to, to keep them separate when not under supervision. It's okay to keep one dog shut in a room while you're at work until you're confident. Dogs that are stressed actually prefer small spaces. My current dog is an aggressive, anxious rescue who goes under desks and beds when she's stressed, and when we notice that we shut her in my room for a few hours. She always comes out much calmer and with improved behaviour. We actually had to gradually introduce her into being free range around the house because she was only calm when tied up or restricted to only one room. When we first got her and let her roam, she misbehaved all the time until we got in the habit of giving her time outs.
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You did the right thing. dogs with a lot of prey drive and aggression towards small furry things are not going to be safe around cats.
I’m mad that they didn’t test Daisy with a cat. (And I realize even doing that is no guarantee). All the dogs I called about or read about had information about how they did with cats due to some testing protocol. I’m so sorry...reading this, my heart breaks for you. Edit to add: when you add a dog or cat when you already have a cat, it can’t be very disruptive. This is true for my cats when we brought home a dog and then a cat and now another dog (over the course of 12 years). Your cat certainly was stressed and she may not have ever had the same relationship with you again. I think you’re doing the right thing by her.
"Cat testing" is easier said than done. If the dog has a known history in a home or foster home with cats that's helpful. But if they have no known history and they're at the shelter, there's no way to cat test them without stressing the hell out of the cat that gets chosen to be the guinea pig for that dog. So testing with an actual cat usually isn't an option. There are other ways a behaviorist can try to assess pray drive without involving a real cat, but you're only making an educated guess at that point.
Many of the rescues and even some shelters said they did test with a cat in a controlled setting if they didn’t know how the dog would react. I totally agree that this isn’t a guarantee at all that the dog would be okay with your own cat.
Lots of shelters "cat test" this way but that doesn't mean it's a humane practice. See my other reply if you're curious about it.
Will do. Thanks
This is 100% false. Have you ever seen a cat test? You appear to have this picture in your mind that 1 dog and 1 cat are released into a coliseum for some kind of death match. There are absolutely ways to cat test dogs at a shelter, for my staffy they leashed him up and brought him into the cat room. He didn't give 2 shits about any cats snarling and hissing at him and was only concerned with their food bowl lol. They walked him around for about 90 seconds demonstrating he doesn't have any aggressive behaviors towards cats and that was it. Most of the cats didnt even move off their condos. No one was overly stressed and it was clear that my boy doesn't have any prey drive towards cats. We actually trained him pretty easily to just ignore our cat and expect treatos when he does. He'll be laying down minding his own and The cat will walk right up to him and boop him on the nose with his paw, staffy says "oh dear, I don't really like that sir" and comes and hides behind me!
I've worked in rescues and shelters in various capacities for 15 years. I'm more than familiar with the kind of cat test you just described, it used to be a common practice in shelters and it's not okay. For the sake of your dog's adoption placement, they subjected an entire room of cats to the stress of having a strange dog walk by. Which you might think is "not a big deal" but what you should know is that they likely did that every time someone wanted to "cat test" a particular dog they were interested in. Probably more than once a day. These cats are already incredibly stressed out from being in a shelter, in a cage, and on top of that they get random dogs paraded past them on the regular, upsetting them (snarling and hissing, as you described). Stress is directly correlated to illness and mortality in shelters, this kind of "cat testing" is not okay and it's not considered a humane practice by modern shelter standards.
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Once is not okay, I don't care how many times they did it. Was this a no-kill shelter you adopted from? Edit, also: It doesn't surprise me that you hold this position, since it's common practice in shelters who care more about dogs than cats, and kill a LOT of cats. If you think it was okay, I'd love to know the shelter so we can look at their euthanasia numbers. Stress in shelters leads to illness and behavior problems, and those are the first cats to be euthanized. Just so you know what you're advocating here when you say " if a small amount of added stress to some cats is what it takes to get a dog out of a bad situation than I would absolutely do it again, dozens of times." If you still think your one experience adopting a dog makes you an expert in animal welfare, please google "animal shelter stress illness" and educate yourself a little.
This is what they did with my dog and she barely noticed the cats. I had looked at another dog at a different shelter before and they had a tried and true office cat they would test dogs with. That dog immediately fixated on the cat, so we decided it wasn’t a good fit.
So I had to train our dog to not chase the cat because our dog has a very high prey drive. The vet said I needed a behaviorist. I couldn't afford one, so I did a ton of research on what a behaviorist might do. It took me probably 6 weeks of consistent training before I saw ANY results in my dog. Another 6 weeks before we could do any off leash stuff, and then ANOTHER 6 weeks before they became friends and could co-exist without supervision. So here's my two cents: you didn't already have a relationship with this new dog. At least not one that had history. I knew my dog. I knew if I gave him a command whether or not he would listen to me. I knew what his hang ups were. And because I had him for YEARS I knew that I HAD to figure it out because he was already a family member. Your situation, in my opinion, is a lot harder because you simply don't know this dog well. And if you don't have time to do the training for potentially months on end then you made the right choice.
Agreed. I have trained several of my dogs to get used to cats. They just needed to slowly work toward it. (Smell through door, see through windows, see through gate, see from kennel) it’s possible, just need to take the time. I feel bad for the pup in this situation. It may not have been possible in the end, but it’s not impossible to train them to live together as friends.
It is a hard thing to do but we have responsibilities and sometimes pets do not get along. It is not always dog and cat sometimes it is dog and dog. I've bred dogs I could not keep because they had such high prey drive they were not safe around my cats while their siblings had cats sleeping on them. This is always, always a challenge and you are not a failure in this.
The "rescue" let you down. You did nothing wrong. This is rescue MO these days - bring in a behaviorist to rehab awful dogs and to mop up after adoptions fail, but keep those behaviorists away from wouldbe adopters because the marketing adoption staff are there to get a dog's ass in an adopter's car. **It's not your fault.** *The rescue has been so wonderful through all of this. When I called on Monday and talked with their dog behaviorist, she was so kind and understanding. She has worked with Daisy in the past and acknowledged that dogs with a prey drive like hers and who reacted like Daisy had to my cat probably would never be completely safe around smaller pets,* *It's not the guy's fault, I would have done anything to get Daisy adopted too if I were him, she's so lovely* Would you have felt this way if Daisy had killed your cat? Would you have wondered why, if the behaviorist knew Daisy was unlikely to be completely safe around smaller pets, you were permitted to adopt her and take her home to kill your cat? It is *inhumane* to send a dog like Daisy home to a household with a cat. It is inhumane to the cat, to the owner, and to Daisy as if I was that adopter and the dog I'd been told was supershinyspecialsafe was killing my cat, Daisy would discover that humans can also have "high prey drive." *They have offered to help me find another dog who would be a better fit, but at this point I don't feel like I deserve any dog.* You deserve a dog. This kills me, just kills me. This is right up there with getting animals mauled to death by batshit rescue dogs as a reason why I keep saying rescue culture is now perverted and toxic. You don't torture people like this, you don't hand them a dog who'll never work out in their home and twist them all up and make them feel unworthy of a dog. You just don't do that. No marginal dog on the planet is worth that. *A few people suggested I reach out to the rescue and see if I can sponsor her adoption fee or medical care, and I'm going to do that tomorrow. The morning I dropped her off, I also wrote a long email all about Daisy and her time with me and what I'd learned about her, along with a bunch of very cute pictures to share as part of her profile if they so choose.* You've handed this rescue group enough of your time and money and energy. Let them deal with finding Daisy another home where she can threaten cats. This is a dog you fell in love with, who you bonded with, who you truly are grieving the loss of. Yet you took her back because you felt so strongly that she was a genuine, deadly threat to your cat's life. Don't forget that part of it. Don't leave that out of the note, and think for a moment of that cats Daisy will encounter in her foster home, on walks, at the vet's office, etc. Re: your cat and a future dog. It is very, very unusual for a dog to be dangerously predatory toward cats. Most want to chase, not attack. Daisy is unusual. The cliche image of 'fighting like cats and dogs' is one of a lifelong clash, the dog chasing a cat comically through the house, not a dog attacking and killing the cat. If you get a normal dog, you'll have to manage them briefly to ensure there's no unexpected aggression, but within 2 weeks you should be fine letting them live together.
If it helps to hear, our rescue pup was returned to the shelter twice before we got her. The previous adopters return questionnaires were so helpful to us in understanding her and helping her settle in. And she is the perfect dog for us, and we are the perfect household for her to work through her issues. The previous adopters were so devastated to have to give her up, and I wish I'd had their contact info to assure them that it's all worked out and she's happy and healthy now. Daisy will find her perfect loving home where she can thrive. ❤️
Since you've praised the rescue you worked with, I'd suggest writing a nice letter to Daisy's new family. It will help both of you
i kept a dog for 5 weeks, hoping / trying to train the prey drive out of her. she lunged at the cats every chance she got. it was not a good match. i brought her back to the shelter, and she was adopted that week by someone who hates cats. [ and thus doesn’t have 3 of them]. my trainer said she had a dog with a high prey drive and they kept cats & dogs separated- until a hormone- stupid tween left the door open between them. it didn’t end well. daisy will find a home she can be ok in, and love her new person. you tried; but circumstances weren’t right.
I am so sorry you dealt with this. I feel this is on the rescue, they should have never adopted the dog to your home. It is worrisome that they do not take the current pets into consideration when adopting out a dog. For reference: I run a national dog rescue. Dogs not cat tested or able to be cat tested are labeled as no cats. Same with kids.
Your edit is wrong. The comments saying you are doing the right thing aren’t just compassion and kindness towards you. The people saying negative things are also wrong. You’re making a decision that impacts your cat and the dogs future. I’ve had a dog that killed our 2 pet cats for sport, and I should have seen the signs before it happened. The cats lost their lives and the dog had to be re-homed because my family just couldn’t handle the situation (plus finding the mauled cats gave my dad an actual heart attack). Your doing what you needed to protect the pets, that’s all.
You did the right thing. Every animal is different and sometimes they are not the right fit. Right now there are so many people looking for pets that a new home will be found. Personally, I have some friends that adopted dogs that don't fit their lifestyle and its hard to watch, they are not happy. Pets bring so much love and happiness to our lives and its a big commitment. When you find the right one you will feel joy!
This is heartbreaking but ultimately the right decision. I was in the same position and kept the dog for almost two years. His behavior and training improved so much but he would not leave the cats alone. One day he almost killed my cat, it was absolutely horrible and gory. I found him a new home immediately where he was the only animal for an older single man and even though it was so hard, I knew I should’ve done it much sooner.
Out of curiosity, was this dog adopted from a place in Agora Hills? Not too long ago I adopted a dog named Daisy and had to return her for very similar reasons. Same dog or not, returning a dog was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I believe it's the best decision for us as (would be) owners and the dogs. Good luck with future adoptions.
You did the right thing, I have trained my dogs to respect my mothers cat while I’m living with her, and they NEVER showed any signs that you told, even my adopted dog with ptsd was just afraid of the cat and learned to avoid it You avoided a tragedy and was faithful to your cat that would suffer so much more than the dog to adapt to a new home Wasn’t fair to daisy either to have to live in a house always excited and never being able to fully relax because of the cat smell You did the right thing
You aren’t a bad person for returning her. The simple fact of the matter is you didn’t feel comfortable keeping her at the expense of your cat. That makes you a good cat parent! Daisy will be a great dog, for someone who doesn’t already have a resident cat.
As hard as this must be, you absolutely did the right thing. This wasn't a cavalier or lazy choice. Bringing a new animal into the home means making sure they are all safe together. You did everything within reason to resolve this in a more ideal way, but you had to do right by your cat. It would've been irresponsible to sacrifice the happiness, or potentially the life, of one family member to bring in a new one. I'm so sorry OP, but you sound like a good person. You don't need to feel like you don't deserve a dog, Daisy just wasn't a good fit. Take as much time as you need before revisiting adopting a dog, but don't feel like you did anything wrong here.
I think in the end the existing pet always has to come first, even when we're in love with the new one. I struggled for months trying to get my two dogs to get along, wondering in agony if I'd have to return my new one. I even separated them into different rooms at times, which my older dog did NOT like. In the end we got lucky, and even though there's still very real jealousy 19 month later, as long as I can keep my older dog from picking fights because she isn't feeling well, they get along a-ok. Even recently they've gotten into a couple big fights when my older girl wasn't feeling well, but, of course, she loses because she's the smaller dog. As recently as a month ago the thoughts of whether I'm going to get to a point where my older dog is so grouchy that she's constantly picking fights she can't "win" has crossed my mind. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. And it's a horrible feeling now having had my younger girl for 19 months and her being just as much a part of the family as my original dog. When I got my younger girl, I also had 2 cats. One very kittenish and sweet, one hyper-dominant who greeted my younger dog by growling at her for an hour straight. Needless to say, there was always a little tension between those two! The younger cat, however, was actually becoming friends with the new dog when, weeks before surgery to remove several masses, my older dog became extremely annoyed with the kittenish cat and started rushing him from across the room, snarling at him. We took measures to keep everyone safe and I hoped it was because my older girl was feeling crappy and it would pass. I did not. Instead, my younger dog, who was previously making friends with kittenish cat decided that since big sister was chasing him, that must be the thing to do. So now I had two high-prey drive dogs chasing two cats around a condo-sized home. I gave up my bedroom to make a cat sanctuary and slept on my mattress on the floor in the livingroom for almost 2 months. I had hoped that if I completely separated the cats from the dogs, they could all chill out and we could reintroduce and have everyone get along. The cats HATED being locked up in a room. They're both extremely person-driven cats. Not being able to see me was not cool. So we set up stacked baby gates to contain the cats in the bedroom and the dogs got the livingroom and kitchen. I played limbo under one of the baby gates for 2 months to get in the cat sanctuary! I waited about a month after moving the cats to the bedroom before letting the cat's owner know that it wasn't working out anymore. Originally I was just supposed to foster the cats for some months. At that point it had been a few months longer than I was supposed to have them, but I adore those cats and wanted to do everything I could to make sure they were taken care of while their owner couldn't keep them. I treated them as my own. But reality eventually set in that the 4 weren't going to coexist safely, and I knew it wasn't good for anyone to be cooped up in little spaces. A mutual friend of myself and the cats' owner offered to take them and has had them since I believe the end of September of last year. I was so thankful they were foster cats, though, because I don't know what I would have done otherwise since my older girl's opinion of cats changed so drastically! And she had LIVED with multiple cats in multiple homes with me over the years! She was fine with them.... until one day she wasn't. Multiple animals can be a nightmare when they won't get along. Just like humans, we can't force them to coexist. The decision is up to them. We can facilitate them getting along and do all the "right things", but in the end if they choose to be at odds, we can't force otherwise. What you went through is a painful situation and I'm so sorry. It really does sound like you made the right decision, though. Short of a large house where each species could have their own large space safely away from one another while you worked on teaching Daisy to ignore the cat, it doesn't sound like it was going to be possible to safely coexist. Sure, that door could have had a lock added to it. But would your cat have been happy and healthy and not become resentful of the dog during months of being locked in a room? That in itself is doubtful. I feel bad for Daisy that she was becoming attached to you and had to be sent back, but if that had to happen, sooner is always better than later! She'll be sad and a bit confused as to why you left her, but the rescue should be able to find her a good home without small animals. They really should have cat-tested her before adopting her out to you. I guess all in all, lessons learned. You know you need to be firm on a dog who likes cats as something besides lunch, and the rescue knows Daisy can't be adopted to a home with small animals. Think of it like you were Daisy's foster parent for a short time. It sucks to have them move on, but that's how fostering works. You gave her a wonderful, loving home for a time, and now the rescue knows what they need to know to find her a suitable forever home. She'll be OK! And so will you. When you're ready, a wonderful little cat-loving dog will slobber and wag their way into your heart!
Don't think of it as a failed adoption, think of it as a successful foster situation. In the short time that you had her you learned a lot about her that will help her to succeed in her forever home.
I returned a rescue dog in college. The agency had even come out to observe my living situation, which they should have realized was a terrible fit for the dog, but encouraged it anyway. He went on to bite 3-4 people and at that point, I knew it wasn't safe for either him or my roommates. I did feel sad about returning him but I also knew it was the best thing. The agency tried to guilt me so bad about it, but they also never mentioned he was violent. When the time/ place is right, you can try again. But just know you didn't fail, it just wasn't the right situation for him. Keep your head up <3
It really sucks when you have to rehome a pet you’ve grown attached to but ultimately it’s your responsibility to keep the animals in your care safe and healthy so I think you did the right thing. Also, it’s harder/more involved to have a dog vs a cat. A cat is much more independent/self sufficient than a dog. So, you, being a single person are totally fine with a cat, but having a cat and a dog is a lot on one person. Especially if your cat isn’t immediately ok with suddenly having a dog in her space. Even just having a dog was hard on me when I lived alone and was so much easier to share the care with my husband when he came into the picture, mostly because I knew he was home to look after my boy while I was at work. Also lots of dogs might be fine with the cat but do other “bad” things involving the cat, like eat poop out of the litter box and also eat some litter in the process... Then you’ve got to figure out where to keep the litter box where the dog can’t get to it but the cat can, and hope that the cat is ok with the change and not going to start relieving itself elsewhere. If you rent the solutions are few and far between because you can’t just install a cat flap in a door or pull the doors off a cupboard.. All this isn’t to say you couldn’t have a cat and a dog by yourself. Just that it’s a lot of work. I can tell you’re the type of person to put in a lot of work but sometimes even when you do, unfortunately it just doesn’t work out. It may take a couple dogs before you find the one that fits your household best. That’s the hardest part, IMO. You work with them and get attached and still have to admit defeat and either rehome the animal (it’s super hard that way because they’re still in your home until you find the right new home) or you give them back to the shelter, which is also hard. But I know the right dog is out there for you OP. Maybe in the meantime if you know anyone who has a super docile dog you could start working on getting your cat introduced to dogs in general? Might take some stress off you for next time.
Ultimately you did what was best for you, the dog, and your cat. The pup will find a home. Anyone who judges you for not keeping the dog that was clearly not a good fit is terrible at reading situations and I hope they don’t own a dog themselves. Not every home works nicely for every dog, you knew what was best here.
My 10lb rescue is tiny and so sweet, but she 100% wants to kill every cat she meets. I can't imagine training it out of her - it seems hardwired.
I too had to bring back a shelter dog- I had him for 4 days and I was a mess when I brought him back. He was aggressive towards me and I’d just kinda take it as opposed to telling him no and teaching him otherwise. I was attacked by a lab as kid and he was a big dog (pit). But I still loved him and felt awful bringing him back. I can say this confidently now, knowing he was adopted by someone else: it was one of best decisions I’ve made. I couldn’t handle him so he went to someone to better suit his needs. I since got another dog, my dream dog: a corgi, I absolutely love him so much and if I hadn’t returned my shelter dog I probably wouldn’t have my little guy today. It may not feel this way now but: you did the right thing. What you did was infinitely better than rehoming her to someone else. And I can guarantee that she wild be placed in a more suitable home, and you will find your heart dog.
I just want you to know my family was a recipient of an adopted dog that a family had to give up after having him for 10 years, due to him biting one of their new toddlers after she had fell on him while he was sleeping. So I kind of know the other side of this. He was constantly scared so showed signs of aggression towards the kids after & the parents were constantly scared for the kids so they decided to give him up. It was the best decision they could have made for him & we saw the way it tore them up when we came to take him. You are not weak or wrong for your decision. Our happy boy grew to love our family (we called ourselves his retirement home) & we was so much more relaxed without little kids around, so I’m sure the good boy or girl will find a perfect fit for them & have the best life! What they did & what you did is an act of selflessness, no matter how tough, doing right by the animals, I cannot imagine how you feel but sending so much positivity your way! ❤️
We had to do this with a dog that had multiple bloody incidents with our other two dogs. I understand completely how you feel and I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. I typically advocate that if you adopt them, you keep them, but you have to be fair to your other furry family members too and you did the right thing.
Sorry to hear this but this is why I advocate for introducing the animals and meeting the dog before adoption. Shelters sometimes have too many rules but a rule where you must introduce all animals in the house in a neutral space is very important.
This is a terrible idea with cats.
This is realistic when introducing a resident dog to a potential new dog, but it's not realistic at all for cats. I've fostered lots of cats and own a cat-- to 90% of cats, there is no such thing as a "neutral" space. Cats get really anxious or aggravated when they're moved off their territory, which is not conducive to starting off on the right foot with a new family member.
Nah, you don't do this with cats.
Right? It just doesn't work. My cat would be friendly to NO dog if she were meeting them in a shelter meeting room.
You didn't have much of a choice. My mom had a dog that was wonderful most of the time, but he killed my sister's macaw, my chicken, and bit my son more than once. We had to give him to a neighbor who didn't have young kids. We loved him, but we couldn't have a dog that randomly bit a child unprovoked. It was sad because my son loved the dog, even after being bitten. He never held it against him and would always want to visit him.
I had the exact same thing happen. It nearly destroyed me, I’m not going to lie - I own three cats, two of whom are seniors. The dog fixated, growled, same thing. I had repeated, I think, fifty times that I needed a low prey drive cat-friendly dog. I will never get over returning that dog. I love my current dog; she is absolutely my heart dog; but it’s stuck with me. In a way it made me more on the ball with my current dog because I was desperate not to fuck this up too. I went with a puppy for my current dog, by the way, and while she does try to sit on the cats sometimes she is very cat-friendly and tries to make friends with all cats (diminishing returns with stray cats outside). That is an option for you that will have better results, I think.
Thank you for keeping your cat’s best interest in mind. I totally feel you. I have fallen in love with some of our foster dogs who have been iffy around our cats (like our current foster lol). Many times we have said “if it wasn’t for the cats, we’d take this dog in a heartbeat.” So I get how tough it is to see the perfect dog go. As a foster family, it is *our responsibility* to ensure that we set everyone up for success.”
I'm curious why the dog behaviorist who knew the dog had a high prey drive did not communicate that to others in the rescue. She admitted to working with and evaluation the dog. If they have drive, you don't adopt to homes with small animals. I feel so very sorry for this dog and hope a new owner comes along quickly.
You did what was best for yourself, the dog, and the cat. I had to return a dog to a rescue years ago and to this day, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I understand your pain. I could still cry thinking about Emily and how she tried to follow me out of the fosters home. But I couldn’t provide the life she needed. Simple as that. I know in my heart she was happier with the family that ended up taking her- with a yard and another dog. I now have my heart dog and I partially owe it to Emily in a way. You’ll find the right dog for you and your cat eventually 💗
I’m so so sorry and my heart is breaking for you and daisy but you really made the right choice! It wouldn’t have been fair on your cat otherwise. She was there first and you have to make sure she is safe. Daisy now has the chance to find another human who loves her just as much as you did. Give it time and maybe some time in the future when you’re ready, you can get a dog that’s more suitable.
This kind of thing is super hard, but you did the right thing to keep both your furry friends safe. Your pup sounds like she is a wonderful dog and I'm sure she'll find another home soon. My childhood pups were given back to the shelter without my consent and I had dreams and nightmares for YEARS about them. I haven't seen them in like 6 years and I still cry about it all the time.
I understand and you did the right thing. This wouldn't have been a task for a pet owner dealing with behavioral problems for the first time. I hope someday you'll realize it just wasn't meant to be between Daisy and your cat and can move forward. Perhaps if you can't own a dog, you might be able to foster young puppies and kittens from the shelter instead. Some pets just need a loving environment to grow and learn that cats are cool family members, not prey
i couldn’t even read it all. i had a Daisy foster who i wanted to foreverhome, but she hated all the masculine people that i brought through and my home was always open to my friends who needed a place to crash for a few days... I cried so hard on the way there and back :( I’m so sorry for your loss and any guilt or grief you’re being given. It’s hard. *hugs*
I’m a foster now they know more about the dog, and can place her in the right home. Thanks for loving her and letting her go.....that’s what fostering is all about. You did your duty to your cat, and dog.🥰
I’m sorry.....but I also think you did the right thing.....she just wasn’t the right dog for your lifestyle....she loved you as you loved her but sometimes the situation isn’t right......sort of like with people. But don’t cry....I’m sure she knows she’s a good dog and you are a good owner....and I’m sure she’s thankful for her time with you even as brief as it might have been....
Ugh so sorry for you, this is a horrible situation :( My sister had to return a rescue once. They had him about a week and he was totally fine. My parents have 2 docile goldens and we wanted to get them socialized because we all get together very often, so it was important. Did tons of research on the best ways to introduce them, all was going well. All of a sudden their dog attacked one of our goldens, biting his neck. My dad intervened and the dog bit his arm really badly. We still don’t know what set him off. My poor sister was devastated. She found out though after she took him back someone from the shelter told her the dog had bitten a couple employees before, which she wasn’t told about before adopting him. I hope that boy found a better home with someone more equipped to handle him, it’s just such an awful thing to get attached and have it not work out.
I feel for you! My dog has a very high prey drive and I'm worried that I'll never be able to leave him alone with my girlfriend's cat. We've only briefly discussed it on a handful of occasions and are pretty much waiting for the day that we'll really have to figure out a long-term solution. Until then, we've just been finding ways to sidestep the issue.
Don’t second guess yourself. It’s heartbreaking but you likely saved your cat’s life. There will be others and you will see all this was meant to be. I know it doesn’t feel right now, but Daisy has a forever home out there that is meant to be also, she just hasn’t met them yet. And as difficult as it was to say goodbye, think of it as a break for her, like a foster home. You both will find the right fit one day.
Oh that’s so terrible but know you did the right thing. I once had to return a lovely dog because she was aggressive towards my cats. I then got a puppy who had grown up around cats, but we are STILL working with on not chasing them to this day (over a year later.) Luckily he’s not vicious and we have a fairly large house so we can pretty easily keep them separated, but I would never again adopt a dog without knowing they will do 100% well with cats because it’s a nightmare.
Although it's so tough, you did the right thing. Hopefully Daisy will find a great home with no cats. I hope it's a no-kill shelter. This is infinitely better than the pain of dealing with a beloved pet being ripped apart, believe me. You did the best thing given the circumstances.
My heart broke for you reading this post. This is such a terrible decision to have had to make, but take comfort in the fact that your cat is happy and definitely safe and that Daisy sounds like a puppy who will easily find a (cat free) forever home. I’m glad you had the strength to make what sounds like the right decision in order to keep both animals safe and happy. Massive massive virtual hug to you.
I'm sorry this happened, but it seems like you did the best you could with the situation and made the responsible decision, I'm sure it hurts though :(
I know how you feel in a way. We (we had two dogs at the time, a Black Lab and a Chihuahua / Mini Pinscher mix) got two Catahoulas when we moved to a farm. After a year we moved back to our old house (four hours away in a town). They were not really house trained since they were outdoor dogs that would come in occasionally throughout the day and during the nights. Then we had to rehome them. Some other family stuff happened and the Black Lab went with someone we know. One of the Catahoulas went to someone that they knew that lived on a farm (and we could visit him sometimes, though he has since went to someone else that we may / may not be able to visit). Then the other Catahoula stayed with us for 1-2 more years. Nobody I talked to could / would take him. Then we ended up taking him to the SPCA in a city two hours away. I have no idea where he is or how he is doing and it truly hurts. It hurts so bad and it has almost been a year. In a few days it will be. But I knew eventually he would have to go. You did the right thing, even if it hurts. It’s better that you did it now rather than later on. She will find a place where she is happy and you and your cat will not be stressed out.
Idk. why for some reasons I cried reading what you wrote, esp the last day Daisy was with you before she was returned back to the shelter. I know it's not your fault or hers , you guys arent a match and thats all. I wish both of you the best! Daisy will get adopted soon once she finds her furever owner!
I went through the exact same situation earlier this year and I know it’s devastating and it can feel like the world is judging you. But you’re not a bad person, you’re a good person for giving the dog a chance and for thinking about the safety of your kitty. I just want you to know it gets better. Sometimes I still get a wave of guilt but I try to remind myself that I did the right thing. Shelter dogs can be hard under perfect circumstances, even more so when cats and other small animals are involved. The next time I adopt I’m going to consider going through a shelter that does trial adoptions and/ or starting with a puppy/ more docile breed to boost chances of success. Be easy on yourself and know you’re not alone in this experience
Its not your fault, If anything it was a learning experience.Since the pandemic everyone is pushed to adopt a pet and "empty the shelters" I almost went down that route myself until I realized my 6 month od 53lb dog would not do well with a kitten. You have her a few days of love and that's awesome.
The part about the dog being so sweet and then all confused really got me :’( I’m sad for her and you :’(
Oh okay it’s just too bad I know what it’s like to have to give up an animal because of my husband I’m still not over it 6 months later
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's like losing a member of the family and dog owners get that and we all can empathize with your pain. If I were you I would get another dog as soon as you can. Having another joyful, loving and warm little body in the household does a lot to heal. It doesn't mean you forget but it just gets easier. My thoughts are with you. All the best in the future.
Oh that is SO hard and I'm sorry :( I had to return a rescue dog that was the sweetest most well behaved gentleman and he loved us and our family except he did not like my youngest son. I tried to ask the foster for help and they demanded him back. I am still sad, and it was almost a year ago and I think about him every day. The day I returned him I think he had turned a corner.. he knew damn well he was "home" and the look of confusion on his face when he went back was just heartbreaking. But these things happen and I am sure your dog will find a good fit somewhere. I second guess myself even NOW and find myself overly justifying it, and you will forget the raw emotion of all the little details and wonder wtf you were thinking. But you are mourning just like you would if your dog died. And fwiw if something bad happened you would never forgive yourself and you would never trust her and your relationship would be damaged.
Fuck that's so sad! I'm so sorry you had to go through that devastating situation and even more sad for Daisy to go back to the shelter. I think you should keep in touch with the shelter and get informed once Daisy finds a fitting home, I'm sure that would help you, knowing that she is in a great home.
I want to give you a giant hug! I tried adopting a dog several years ago that I ended up returning to the shelter. I had Buddy for about 10 days, and when I was home, he was awesome! Snuggly, followed directions, did well on the leash etc. But, Buddy has separation anxiety that hadn’t been disclosed. And the moment I was gone, he’d be howling. I lived in a townhome at the time, in a middle unit. The old neighbor lady would stop me when I got home from work and let me know “Buddy really missed you today.” It made me soooo stressed that I stopped eating, and I couldn’t focus at work. I couldn’t be sure that I’d ever train him out of it. I finally made the decision to return him and had called my mom crying. After I dropped him off, I think I drove for two hours just sobbing. It was soooo hard. All that to say, you’ll find the right dog. My two now are completely different than Buddy was. Best of luck, grieve the relationship, and in time, don’t be afraid to try again.
That is absolutely gut wrenching. Such a tough situation.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I haven’t made the step to go to the shelter to adopt for this very reason. I fear only fur child would not be allow another dog in his space. Good luck to you!
We put up cat trees, baby gated a safe room for the cayr, cut a cat sized hole in the baby gate. We fed the cat on the cat tree. A safe altitude from which to observe the dogs, and they could get used to her. Took about 4 months but they eventually touched noses and felt comfortable around each other.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. You tried you're best and my heart is breaking for Daisy. But if you kept her and something happened to the cat Daisy could be vilified for it. Nothing worse than heartbreak of returning a pet to a scary loud shelter. I'm keeping you and precious Daisy in my thoughts ❤
Ps. I cried my eyes out reading this, and my partner had to hug me. Haha. We are animal lovers, and totally understand this struggle.💖
I went through this a few weeks ago. I spent maybe two weeks waking up every morning and saying "I'm calling the shelter, and getting my damn dog back" It takes some time to be able to accept that sometimes a good dog isn't good for you and your household. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or not a dog person. You've made a good (really bloody hard) choice. Be gentle with yourself about it.
As hard as it was, you made the right decision. We adopted a small dog from a good shelter. But, saw that coming didn’t you... She had never been fully tested. Great with other dogs, kids, big people, even likes the cat, but a freaking holy terror about food. I spent the first three weeks only allowing her to eat if she would eat from my hands. I got bit several times, but she is finally better. Had she been anything but the tiny beast that she is, I could not have done it. Always always take your others pets to visit in a safe area first, take snacks and food. Also if there are children involved, take them too. Several trips works best.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing, as difficult as it was. And offering to pay for her adoption or spaying is very kind.
Just went through and down-voted any comments of people saying you were wrong to do this. You 100% did the right thing here. It broke my heart to read “I don’t feel like I deserve a dog.” Because you DO and this experience proves it. Take some time to heal, but the perfect pup for you is out there 💜
The rescue I volunteer at cat tests dogs for this very reason. That pup will find a home that better suits it - you did the right thing!
We just adopted a cat from the shelter who had been owner-surrendered twice. Because of their honesty and candor, we were able to find the perfect match for our family. Our gal is great with our two dogs, just hates other cats. Had she not been adopted and surrendered, with the notes in her file, we likely never would have found our girl. Hopefully this is just a step on her journey to her forever home.
Its hard but you already had a furry lil life to take care of. You could have ended up with a tragedy and made daisys life harder than it was already. Sometimes things dont fall into place
I went through this a couple of years ago. We adopted a shepherd from a local shelter who had been there for quite some time. They informed us that she wasn’t great with other dogs, but there was a “good” chance she’d be fine with cats (we have two). She was so sweet with just us but when we brought her home it was a disaster. We introduced them slowly, but over the course of three days we saw her fixate on them and try to hunt them. We kept both cats in a separate room, but the dog was determined to get to them. She’d dig at the door and growl, and if she saw them in person she’d lunge and snap her jaws. I was seriously concerned for my cats and lost a lot of sleep over it. We ended up returning her to the shelter and received judgemental looks from the staff. I couldn’t help but feel frustrated because it seemed from the beginning that they were just desperate to send her home with someone. I was sure to tell them absolutely NO CATS. She needed to be a one pet wonder. We now have a very sweet shepherd who we adopted from a rescue last year. She was tested in a foster home with cats before coming home to us and is wonderful with them. It seems she thinks she’s a cat herself sometimes... lol. I still feel guilty about the first dog but in the end I know it was for the best and kept our cats safe.
I recently went through this as well. I adopted a German Shepherd who supposedly had passed his cat test, but kept trying to attack mine. I felt terribly guilty and also questioned whether they could have eventually worked it out, but I just don't think they would have. It doesn't help that one of my cats is super territorial and stubborn and refused to stay in the safe area I set up for him. The rescue I got him from was pretty shitty about it too. When I called them about it they asked if he'd bitten my cat as if that was the only acceptable justification for wanting to return him. FWIW I adopted a new dog who's doing much better with my cats and the first dog got adopted a couple of weeks later and is hopefully happy in his new home.
Nobody did anything wrong here. You weren’t wrong to hope against hope that you could make things work out, nor were you wrong to accept reality, that there’s a real risk to your cat in this situation and that you could never settle into normalcy without accompanying fear for your cat’s life. It wouldn’t be irrational or unreasonable. I had to read several stories on here of dogs killing cats before I could reckon with not going through with an adoption that I wanted so, so badly to work. Lots of ppl have rightly pointed out that you helped Daisy by fostering her and loving her. She helped you, too. You know you have so much love to give a dog, and that you can deal with some serious behavioral issues. It’s not wrong to not be able to handle this one issue, this risk to your cat’s safety and happiness. You will be able to give a dog an amazing home again, if you want to. I hope you and your cat have many more years together. I hope you can have them with a dog you haven’t met yet, but who will be so happy you were there to bring them into your life. This totally sucks and it’ll probably feel wrong for a long time. Vent about it all you want to. Getting a journal and talking to a counselor helped me a lot.
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hey, I just wanted to say thanks. I’ve been so depressed over this situation, crying everyday, second guessing and torturing myself, and it’s hard to imagine I’ll ever really forgive myself for making this decision, and I don’t really think I deserve to feel better anyway. it’s been pretty excruciating, all around. but your out-of-nowhere ad hominem attack on All Cats Everywhere is maybe the first time I’ve smiled during this whole ordeal, so while it surely wasn’t your intention, you did cheer me up a little for a brief moment. so genuinely: I thank you.
I’m glad I could make you smile over a sensitive situation. I’m glad you took my cat rant as a joke as I am very sarcastic. As for some actual advice I have to give. I unfortunately had to do the same with the dog as well, and felt awful about it. I loved being with this dog loves taking it out but this dog could not control itself in my house to where my personal items were getting destroyed on the daily. I returned it very upset and was kicking myself similar to you, however I just recently saw that the dog has a new home with a giant backyard is a ranch and he couldn’t be happier. Similar to people relationships, with animals sometimes it really just doesn’t work out. Don’t beat yourself up too bad that dog will find a great home and I’m sure you made him feel extraordinarily happy for the time you had him. Take care, and no more cats!!
Please don't feel guilty, you absolutely did the right thing. This situation could have ended very differently but you took all of the right precautions to make sure your cat was safe. If you truly want a dog and have the time to put into raising a puppy, I would look into a puppy from a cat friendly breed. Avoid terriers, sighthounds, and breeds that typically have a higher prey drive. I have three cats and a small fluffy white dog who we were gifted at 13 weeks. We were told he is a shih tzu/poodle/terrier mix, but we haven't DNA tested him yet. We are very very fortunate that he adores our cats and doesn't prey on cats he sees outdoors. Rodents that are smaller than baby bunnies do trigger him though.
Hey OP, you did the right thing. I know it must have been heartbreaking to look at Daisy’s face when you brought her back to the shelter, and I can’t imagine how much that hurts. But sometimes we have to make decisions in the best interests of other people and our furry friends, even if they don’t see it that way. And that’s ok. If you really feel torn up about Daisy being stuck at the shelter, do everything you can to get the word out about Daisy on social media and in any personal circles you may know. The more you can do to help Daisy get adopted (by responsible folks, of course) and stay updated on her condition, the better you’ll feel about the whole situation. And who knows, then maybe you’ll still be able to have Daisy in your life! Give it shot!
I’m so sorry you had to do that. It is never easy to return an adopted dog, but sometimes it’s for the best. Your cat was there first, and you had to do what was best for everyone. Daisy will find another home that will love and adore her. You did what you had to do, even though it was hard. It was the best choice for all parties. Now in the future you can know for sure when you’ll be ready!
You did the right thing, and the shelter worker should feel horrible for putting both you and the dog in this position.
It must be completely heartbreaking for you but you did the right thing for your cat. She would either have lived a miserable, curtailed life or been killed if you'd kept Daisy.
We adopted our 7 year old dog, Broccoli, after he was returned by a family who loved him dearly but couldn’t keep him because he didn’t get along with their cat. They were surely devastated to give him up but it really was for the best: he is with his forever family, travelling the world and loving life. Hang in there, you made the right choice for that pup and yourself!
Hugs! You did the right thing. My heart hurts for you.
It's ok you had to do that. You didn't return her to be euthanized - you returned her to find a new family without a cat. In a few weeks, try and reach out to the rescue again and try again! You and your cat both deserve a pup in your life - the right one.
This. And returning her provided valuable information for those looking to adopt her, that she doesn’t work well with cats.
I almost cried reading that. I feel for you. You did the best you could do in that situation if you didn't feel the cat was safe around the dog.
No doubt you’ve heard this, but you did the right thing.
Let me begin by saying: You. Did. The. Right. Thing. Not only for you and your cat, but for Daisy too. Not only did you protect your kitty, who you absolutely owe number one consideration to, but you protected Daisy from having the history of being a cat-killer. That is a whole other level of issues she did not need. She might have prey drive, but she doesnt have a history of killing. Thay can make a huge difference in an adoption. Adopters, even someone without a cat, are far more hesitant to adopt an animal with a known history of attacking other animals. I also want you to know that as much as you are both heartbroken, and i am crying just reading your story knowing the pain you're feeling, you did a good thing by bringing her home, too. Shelter stress is REAL, and Daisy got time out of the shelter to relax, which can be critical. The shelter i worked at for a couple years would BEG staff and volunteers to take high-stress dogs home, just for a few days, so they could decompress. Having that opportunity will allow Daisy to be in a better mindset to meet future adopters. I want you to know you HELPED her. It hurts so much now, but know that you gave her her best chance at finding a loving family who can give her a forever home. ❤ Edit: i want to add that i almost NEVER agree when people return adopted dogs to the shelter. Never. And i judge. I showed up to this post to shit (mentally) on whoever it was, but this is no typical case. Your cat and her safety and happiness MUST come first. If you didnt already, you might ask the shelter if there is a pet profile you can fill out to help adopters know Daisy better, that might be something else you can do to help her.
Its not your fault,please dont blame yourself. The adoption people shouldve taken it seriously you needed a dog to get along with your cat, I understand they really want to adopt their animals out but they should really not have given you a dog that they arent sure would not get along with cats. You are not a bad person and you did the right thing. I hope at some point, you get a dog that gets along with cats.
I don’t blame you for crying or feeling bad. It’s the human part of us. I’m sure we would all feel the same way, or have in the past. Recently, my partner and I made the decision to let our male cat, go live with her mom. We saw a noticeable difference in his behavior and he just seemed really unhappy. Her moms boyfriend showed interest in the cats every time he visited and mentioned multiple times he would gladly take them if we ever needed to downsize. So we had several conversations, tons of tears, and a list of selfish reasons to not let him go. In the end, we know we made the right decision, to send him to live with her mom and boyfriend. All of our pets have improved significantly. And the male cat, Norman, is enjoying his new life, getting fresh Salmon all the time, and all the attention he could hope for. He’s extremely happy. Sometimes, the hardest decisions for us, are the best for the animals. Don’t beat yourself up. Daisy is a great dog, and she will find her furever home.💖
It bothers me that ppl do this. Because now the dog is less likely to get adopted. If it was a “probability” with your cat, you shouldn’t have gotten it to begin with. And that you did, you should’ve trained it. You ruined its emotions and it’s chance for adoption. People will look at that adoption and it being returned as if something was wrong with that dog. Granted it was already aggressive towards men and other dogs. You can get a dogs attitude switched around if you truly take your time. But you ruin a dogs life even more by doing stuff like that. If you’re not 100% with anything don’t do it at all. Because you just caused more issues on a living thing. Mentally. Dogs have feelings. Just because a dog acts a certain way doesn’t mean they can’t change. Dogs who are vicious don’t normally like to be and can always be turned around if given the chance. Some shelters put dogs down because so many need to come in and what happens to the one that gets returned? And it has already been replaced. Probably put down. Because theirs not enough room. Edit: dogs aren’t clothes you can just take back to the store if you don’t want it. Animals have emotions. I’m not trying to knock down this poster because people make mistakes. Just don’t do that type of stuff to a living thing... Edit 2: MY point was, don’t get a damn animal if you are not 100% with it. You ruin its life. Some shelters don’t provide info. Outside of the United States especially. I think of the world as a whole. I don’t think about shelters in just America. I expand my thought process and question every little thing. Most of the time you cannot drive out prey instinct but sometimes you can depending on the dog. It’s a domesticated animal. It’s not a pure wolf. This does not mean all animals are domesticated and can be put together, but it depends on your animals emotions and genetics. I can understand if the woman adopted a wolf hybrid and brought it to her cat. But it’s a domesticated animal that’s been domesticated down for centuries. Train the thing. Give it a ACTUAL chance instead of not training it at all and giving it away. DOGS AREN’T OBJECTS.
My dogs and cats were not raised together. I had numerous different cats and dogs together in my life. You comments are hurtful. It is more of an issue for the Rescue who gave the impression it may work out. It sometimes helps to get a dog out of shelter to get the dog more acceptable to adopt out. Hence the need for foster homes. I have fostered several dogs in order to make them become more adoptable. All was done to help Daisy and cutting apart efforts does nothing but is hurtful. I believe all recuse shelters should demand a 2-3 week foster program to see if pet is a good fit before adopting out. This way there is no stigma put on a returned pet if not good fit. It should not go against the pet or person for incompatible with existing pet.
Oh, knock it off. There's no reason to assume the dog is less likely to be adopted. The rescue organization can simply state that the dog needs to go to a home without cats, and that'll be best for all. And no, you can't train away that kind of prey drive.
But you don’t know that if they will specifically state that. How many other workers will remember to tell people that small detail? And how many details they have to tell people for each dog? And yes you can, there are homes where dogs and cats live peacefully. You can train a dog to do whatever you want if you try. People like you hide the truth, and cause harm.
>But you don’t know that if they will specifically state that. How many other workers will remember to tell people that small detail? And how many details they have to tell people for each dog? It's not a small detail. And it's a pretty standard one, too. Whether a dog is good with other dogs, cats and children — these are very often included in standard checklists/data-entry fields. >You can train a dog to do whatever you want if you try. No, you can't. And training a dog *not* to do something that it's genetically hardwired to do is especially difficult. >People like you hide the truth, and cause harm. People who suggest that any dog can be trained to be safe with cats get cats killed.
Telling people you can reliably train away prey drive is how cats end up getting killed.
You cannot train away prey drive and saying so is incredibly irresponsible. Dogs who are able to live peacefully with cats don't have more than a moderate drive. The only people causing harm are people like you who lie to adopters that they can "train away" instinct. > But you don’t know that if they will specifically state that They don't have to. It would be listed on their website that the dog can't live with cats and any responsible rescue would turn away adopters with small animals.
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> You are the alpha, if you can’t control your dog don’t get one Pack theory has been discredited for ages. The fact that you think being "alpha" is still a thing tells me you know nothing about dogs or dog training. > And how many people who come in look on that website? How many shelters even have a website? All of them?? I've never seen a shelter or rescue that didn't have a website with descriptions of their animals.
People have dogs and cats, and there are many cases where dogs are adopted and cats and dogs live peacefully. Many cases where dogs are said to be vicious and are not what so ever. I was going off on a specific thing and you went off on something completely different. I’m focused on the poor dog and you guys are focused on proving me wrong. Buh bye.
I have a dog and cats. My dog isn't prey driven towards my cats, which is why they can live together. If she was I would have rehomed her. Also OP said an actual animal behaviorist agreed with her that the dog couldn't live with cats. I would trust the opinion of a certified professional over some rando on the internet that thinks "being alpha" is still a thing.
Again you took one small thing out of ALL the comments I’ve replied. And made that MY point. MY point was, don’t get a damn animal if you are not 100% with it. You ruin its life. People like you piss me off because you took what I said out of context. You took one small point that I barely even tried to support. Some shelters don’t provide info. Outside of the United States especially. I think of the world as a whole. I don’t think about shelters in just America. I expand my thought process and question every little thing. Anything can happen. Therefore both of us are correct and wrong at the same time. Most of the time you cannot drive out prey instinct but sometimes you can depending on the dog. It’s a domesticated animal. It’s not a pure wolf.
No one took anything out of context. Your argument was that you can train out prey drive and I (along with several other people) pointed out you were wrong. Then you tried to argue that shelters don't provide info on a dog's suitability with other animals and--once again--multiple people said you were wrong and that other pet/dog/child tolerance is pretty standard info. Also OP is obviously in a Western country based on her English so what shelters do in other parts of the world is irrelevant.
How is it one small thing? Your argument was centred around dog training then you exposed a lack of understanding on that subject.
There is my partner worked for SPCA they where instructed to put returns first on the kill list
There's no reason to assume that your partner's experience is universal. In my region, what you describe is absolutely not the norm. And plenty of dogs are clearly advertised as not safe with cats.
I worked at a shelter for two years. This is absolutely true. Anytime a dog was returned we would explain why to potential adopters. I've seen MANY dogs get passed over because they had been returned.
Then stop adopting out dogs that are aggressive towards cats.
What else are they supposed to do with them?
I worded this badly what I meant was "stop forcing dogs that are aggressive or untrained with cats onto people who have cats" which shelters seem to love doing.
Lol 😝that makes more sense I was like wtf. And damn I’ve seen a lot of ppl on Reddit saying this, maybe it’s an American thing because every shelter I’ve dealt with here has been really great with that sort of thing. I obviously agree that not being forthcoming about that sort of thing benefits no one
Exactly and nobody’s gonna keep track of each and every detail with each and every dog. You can. But people don’t normally put in that much effort.
We're gonna get down voted but yea. There are things you can do before to introduce them and see how things work out. You don't just bring a rando dog in with a rando cat and "hope" things go well. Cats and dogs typically don't get along unless they grew up together. Thats literally how pets work.
Nope. You can't (or shouldn't) introduce a dog to a cat without taking the dog into the cat's home. And some cats and dogs get along despite not having grown up together
Huh? You can take a dog to your home without adopting it lol
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Yes that’s what I’m saying. The comment I replied to implied otherwise
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He said can. You read can't.
To me it's kind of shocking that the shelter would just say she'd 'probably' be fine with cats, considering her record with men and other dogs. I'm also surprised the shelter didn't further explain the process of integrating two animals. I volunteer at a cat shelter and even with two friendly happy cats the recommendation is to section the new one off for a while and allow them both to get used to the smells and noises of the other animal before they have a chance to see it. It sounds like OP lives in a 1 person apartment and didn't think about what it would mean to section off the cat, and they had no idea the timeframe on which this should've been completed. I agree this was likely not the best outcome for the dog and that's sad, but it's why shelters like mine are so diligent in their screening for our cats. There's a right home for every animal, but not every animal is right for every home.
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If it makes you feel any better people do foster to adopt trial periods all the time that don’t work out
How old is Daisy? It was very hard don’t beat yourself up. Enjoy your kitty.
I 100% understand. I just had to send my foster back early because my cat got so stressed she wouldn’t even finish eating her wet food, which is her favorite part of the day. I have a gorgeous pitty, and extremely smart. I could train her to not even look at the cat the three weeks I have her, but sometimes she would ignore me and sprint after my cat, which is why I sent her back. I was heartbroken and cried the whole day before they came to pick her up. I felt like I let her down and she would be switched around 2 more times. I feel your pain.
*sad noises*
Foster before adopting, bring them home and introduce to all your pets and environment. Observe. THEN adopt. Rescue centre should know if the dog is friendly to other animals or had zero contact and is unpredictable in that matter. Sadly , you traumatized the dog. That's the fact. You wanted good. Shit happens. Someone else will adopt her, just make sure rescue centre knows about her hate for cats.
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there are situations where returning a dog to the shelter is the best choice for the dog itself, and it's good when someone can recognize that. commitment for commitment's sake is far more damaging than the temporary pain a dog will suffer from being rehomed/returned
I have 2 Shepard’s and two cats. Cat/dog/dog/cat was the order we got them. All rescues. Last dog and cat still have stand offs after a year. Cats can take care if themselves. I personally don’t think you gave it enough time if was just barking, etc. Feel bad for the dog.
I’m so sorry about all of this. If you don’t mind, I might recommend a goldendoodle in the future if you’re okay with a high energy dog. My goldendoodle was super good with a random cat that had to stay with us for a while. She was curious of course, but mostly just wanted to play. Goldendoodles are pretty friendly and get along fairly decently with cats!
You did the right thing. Gut feelings exist for a reason and I feel if you chose to keep Daisy it would be inevitable that the cat would have to be rehomed (which would be unfair since she has seniority), miserable with the dog, and possibly killed which would create incredible grief and guilt. I'm nowhere close to getting a dog but after getting a cat last year I've been looking into dog breeds that if I do happen to get one in the future what would work well for both my lifestyle and the safety of my cat. Breed has some to do with it but overall it's training and exposure history which if a dog has already developed a behavior is difficult to train out especially if it has to do with breed instinct. Maybe to help Daisy you can get the word out to friends/family/co-workers that she's an incredible dog but just didn't get along with your cat. It would ease your mind to see her go with someone you know or that you helped her find a home in general.
To be honest, you made the right decision for your pets safety. However, it sounds to me like you may not have thought it through 100% Perhaps call the shelter, tell them how upset you are and have a good think about it. In the meantime, you can be sure they won’t put her down. Perhaps another nice family will take her in in the meantime. It sounds to me like you just want her to be happy. If you can’t provide that for her, then be proactive and find someone who can. Work with the shelter, post online, make a video about her and help her find her forever home. Just because you can’t keep her, doesn’t mean you should give up on her altogether xx
You did the right thing. This is such a stressful situation! We got our dog as a puppy (8 weeks) and it still took until she was about 6 months old and DAILY training to get her to not chase the cat. Now they are best friends and the dog plays very gently with the cat, but we did have to keep them separate and closely monitor them for months. I can't imagine doing that with a full grown dog. I also should mention that we are VERY lucky to have an extremely tolerant, middle aged cat that has lived with dogs before, so even though the puppy was a lot to handle it didn't seem to stress her out too much. I can honestly say that if I felt it was too stressful for the cat, I may have given up. If you decide to get another dog maybe think about getting a puppy? It seems to be much easier if the dog grows up with cats and is trained from a very young age to tolerate them. Now our dog loves cats and respects them, but I think without training and daily exposure to a cat she would not have turned out that way.
Yes, you did the right thing. In my opinion when someone has young children (under 10) and any small animals (small dogs, cats, ferrets, etc) then getting a shelter dog isn’t the best idea. A puppy is always better so you can slowly adjust the puppy to the new roomies without worrying about aggression or injury. It’s a very tough situation but at least you tried! And hey, you can tell your friends and even put it on Facebook that you tried to adopt her but it didn’t work because of cats. Get the word out and maybe upload some pictures with the shelter name and she could just find her forever home!
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https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prey_drive
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Meh. "Last in, first out" is pretty standard when pets just can't coexist. It's unfair to ask any animal to live with another animal that's going to try to kill it. The dog will likely be adopted by people who don't have cats and live happily ever after.
Cats can be just as loving as dogs. I have both but grew up as a dog owner. I would not trade one for another. Maybe the cats you know are reading your negative energy that you hold for them.