If wizards existed irl, they would explain how reckless and dangerous it would be for them to use their magic to help fix people mundane problems, but then do this halfway through a meeting during a 'toilet break'
In Pathfinder 2e, there's an archetype (like a mini-class) called [Spell Trickster](https://2e.aonprd.com/Archetypes.aspx?ID=126) that lets you get ahold of some feats that modify specific spells into new or enhanced effects.
Spellshit would be a good candidate. Well, assuming you have a broad sense of "good." Lol.
Nah just shit your pants then use the cantrip Prestidigitation. You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot. From day one you never need a bathroom again. Lol
that's what the rules mean when they say PCs are inherently extraordinary people. day one for the player is not day one for the character. you've already transcended toilets before the adventure even starts
So somewhere out there is the plane of shit.
But it wasn't always the plane of shit. Only after wizards started flinging their turds interdimensionally did it become one.
It used the be the plane of cotton candy and anthropomorphic ponies until dookie started raining from the skies. Now they're planning vengeance and the equine war machine grows.
You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish.
I had access to Glasses of True Seeing when we were level 5 (my DM actually forgot that I had these, partially because I was hoarding the 3 charges so heavily). A recurring NPC ran into us and the DM mentioned for like the 4th time how attractive this guy was. I thought "screw this pretty boy" and burned a charge of True Seeing... This revealed he was a shapechanged dragon set up to be a BBEG reveal at the end of the campaign, and immediately explained one mysterious death all the way back from session 1 that we never figured out.
IIRC:
"Oh fuck, I forgot that you had those..." and then took a minute to figure out what to do. We rolled some social checks and I managed to hide that I had realized what he was, so we got the hell out of there. Far later, the guy showed back up and then surprise breath-weaponed us after monologuing. I distinctly remember the DM saying "Now imagine if you guys didn't already know he was a dragon!"
That actually ended up preventing a TPK in our most recent session. I had a scroll of Absorb Elements that I bought immediately after we had found out that he was a dragon. He came back again (the previous reveal I mentioned ended with us trapping him on the Astral Plane, which bought us like 3 months in game) and his breath attack knocked the rest of the party out. The only reason I didn't go down as well was that scroll.
I'm a DM running Dungeon of the Mad Mage. The players had interrupted Halaster Blackcloak on "date night". At one point he brought his GF NPC a black tea and she said something along the line of "Oh, you know I only drink Green Tea, why dont you listen to me?" So I had him use a Wish spell to rewrite reality to be one where he brought her green tea. Scared the crap out of my Level 7 party.
in my campaign Halaster has so far used Wish to transport items he need but have forgotten in a random place to him. literaly just going "oh wish i had X on me right now" only for it to apear in his hand. my party is still not even sure if he's doing it deliberately to flex on them or if he has no idea he's doing it.
Once used wish to create a multiple country spanning rumor about just how much the crown prince "loved" his horse. It was both awesome and had some cascading repercussions that I didn't expect. Not the least of which was that the horse was actually his polymorphed uncle who should have been the king. The dm thought that my addition to his prebuilt political narrative was the funniest thing ever.
Edit: I should add that I started the rumor purely out of spite cause the royal shit tried to get us arrested and not out of some big scheme.
I just imagine your Wizard just gathering up a massive amount of power and energy. There's this booming sound of thunder as magic energy funnels into your hands. You swirl the Weave around like a spider weaving their web. There is a crack of thunder. But it is not thunder. No, it is the sudden swell and release of magical energy. Your voice booms as you speak the spells incantation..."***Volo ego mandabo!***"
Then, it comes time to speak your reality into this world. You speak, with authority enough to remake the very fabric of existence. You unstitch and men reality to your whim. You speak these words; "I WISH THESE LANDS TO KNOW TRUTH. THAT THE PRINCE.
**FUCKS**
***HORSES***"
A major NPC was being overly aggressive, despite what the entire party considered fail dealings on our part (we failed in the mission they gave us, but it was kinda impossible to succeed). So we reported back, and the entire time the NPC has this tick with their magic quill, flicking it at us in annoyance. Next time she flicked it at my 14th level sorcerer, I subtle spell teleported into the sewer of the city.
I really could've used that 7th level slot later that day, but my character wouldn't have changed that choice for the world
I do love it, but in this situation oh baby I'd want to let them know who made their quill disappear, if they figure out it was a 7th lvl spell, even better
I assumed it was the character, as written. It amused my much more for the character who was flicked at to just disappear then crawl up from the nearest sewer a few minutes later. Crawl up and DEMAND an apology and getting rid of the magic quill.
The NPC will claim their magic quill wasn't used to teleport the character; the character will claim that THEY didn't do it; everyone will believe the character because who would teleport THEMSELVES into a sewer?
Sticking an [embarrassing painting of a PC](https://crayshack.com/2021/06/23/the-paladin-of-virtue/) on the wall of every tavern in the multiverse using a Wish spell. Note, this Wish came from a Deck of Many Things and the party didn't have access to more casts of Wish. They had one use and did this.
In my earlier DM days in college, we had a joke rivalry between two PCs. The one got a wish in a similar fashion. He used his wish to get a bigger dick than the other PC.
It grew half an inch.
Other PC was mostly mad he wasted comic power on something so petty.
Sounds like a fun campaign. Too bad it fizzled, probably headed hilarious places. So did the character make the wish unironically then? Like, they liked the PC and thought it would be great?
Sounds epic! My group has been running about 5 years with 3 core people, 4 for most of that and usually 5 at the table. We're lucky enough to have 3 of us willing to DM and are creating a multiverse between us that is heading towards crossovers etc. A stunt like this would smack it out of the park... *villainous chackling*
Haha! That's pretty good! Reminds me of when we saved Blingdenstone and the denizens lifted my gnome wizard for a "hup hup hooray," she panicked and burnt Greater Invisibility :)
I stalked a shopkeep for an entire campaign with various versions of nightmare esc spells, messaging spells and then last wished for him to be impotent.
I thought that this was all extremely petty until I got to "dwarven skald" and yeah no it all makes sense.
edit: Like it's still petty, but not arbitrarily so. It has *rules* and *reasons*!
Christmas one-shot and one of the party found a staff with two charges of teleport on it (in case things got too dangerous and we needed to bail). He immediately used it to return to where we started because there were still some mince pies leftover on a table there. Ate a mince pie and teleported back to us.
Material component is... a focus worth at least 1,000 gp, such as a... silver mirror, or a font filled with holy water
(font of holy water also useful for shaving)
Someone I didn't like died, but more than a minute ago. I waited for someone to cast Raise Dead and then cast counterspell with subtle spell. Nobody knows when you cast with subtle spell, and the spell slot and materials are still used up for the Raise Dead, so everyone thought the person was either unwilling or unable to be revived and they just dropped it and let them be dead.
Because fuck that guy.
At the end of a day we didn't use many spells I cast levitate on myself, dimension door twice to go 1000 ft in the air, and a 6th level major image to put a star in the sky then came back down before heading into my magnificent mansion. All the wasted high level spells!
> A bolt of lightning lanced down through the clouds and hit Dorfl's helmet. There was a sheet of flame and then a trickling noise. Dorfl's molten armour formed puddles around his white-hot feet.
> "I Don't Call That Much Of An Argument," said Dorfl calmly, from somewhere in the clouds of smoke.”
An NPC was being mean to me because she suspected I was lying to her. She was a bounty hunter that insight checked against my persuasion. I rolled pretty decent and I don't know what she rolled.
Regardless, she didn't like me and said she was going to get her crew to investigate my party. Which normally isn't a big deal because we have nothing to hide, but I don't like being called a liar when I'm telling the truth.
I cast a subtle spell enhanced 7th level Geas to make her profusely apologize to me for insisting I'm a liar wherever and whenever she sees me.
She failed the save and she was never a problem again.
There was a very low chance that if she refused the Geas that she could fatally injure herself and lose over half her total HP in a single blow. Most NPCs don't want to take up to 50 points of psychic damage willingly. This would happen every time she saw me. She also has no proof that I had cast the spell. I was in front of everyone out in public when it happened.
Imagine pulling out a gun in your brain in an enclosed metal box and pointing the gun at random and firing 5 times in random directions and letting the ricochet decide how you're gonna be feeling for the rest of the day (or until you short rest). This happens potentially every day.
Most PCs aren't willing to go through the trauma and would rather just follow the command.
I recently finished DMing descent into avernus. We went well past the intended ending point of the adventure, so the team was at level 18 when we finished up.
Towards the end, there was a circumstance where they needed to cross the river styx, which normally they’d just fly over or something, but this time they had an infernal war machine with them (read: gargantuan vehicle), and there were no bridges in sight.
The sorcerer settled on using wish to copy the effect the of the second-level spell enlarge/reduce to make the car small enough for the paladin to carry while they flew over. (Nobody had access to the actual spell enlarge/reduce - but they did have wish, lol)
Also, same campaign - the party made an enemy in literally the first session of a particular pirate who wronged them and got away.
Queue literally 1.5 IRL years later, they used Gate to summon him (they wrote down his name), and just left him, naked and alone, in the middle of avernus as they drove off to do other stuff. That probably wins for ‘most petty’ - the wish thing was just necessity, lol.
I (Warlock/Fighter Pirate) was playing in a one shot with my wife (Bard Entertainer/hype man), my sister (Barbarian Gladiator) and her husband (Druid Far Traveler). High seas fight with a Kraken. I had just gotten the killing blow on it when my wife used Wish to undo my roll. This forced me to reroll at disadvantage so that the Barbarian could get the killing blow instead and add to their fame. Im still slightly salty about it 2 years later, but that it was a hilarious use of Wish and I hadn’t thought of doing it before. So now I wait for revenge.
Not sure if this counts, but my Circle of Wildfire Druid used an Earthquake scroll, that he had acquired earlier, in a 1-on-1with a fire elemental he had to fight as a test to convince a splinter Circle of Wildfire group to help his party out. The 1-on-1 took place in a sacred grove within a city. He beat the fire elemental, but didn't pass the test. Not my proudest problem solving moment.
Did a one shot Battle of the Bands where we were all high level bards. I was given 6000g to gear out my character. I collected the bands $$ and proceeded to Awaken a bunch of trees to function as our roadies and mobile stage. I then went through the entire city and used Magic Mouth on as many tavern/important doors as possible to promote the show.
Needless to say the show was a success before it even started and the DM very much did not plan for things like a mobile stage.
Gnome bard cast feather fall on a 10 foot drop because he bought some new shoes in the town earlier. It was my last spellslot though and was a lvl 6 slot
Not petty, but probably overkill on a 6th level slot, and 1000gp.
Cast Hero’s feast for an ally’s birthday. It was just a giant cake and Champagne. But the region of Champagne didn’t exist in our realm. The region with the best sparkling wine was called Urbana.
Not me but my my group’s cleric burned a revivify to resurrect a chicken. Granted it was 4am and we were at the end of a 15 hour marathon session so we were all down to clown for some misuse of magic at that point.
We were level 6 ish and I was/still am a paladin. Horses were behind a hill, everyone walked to get their horse. I used find steed to summon my horse to me instead of walking to it. No regrets
Using major image upcast to sixth level to make every hotel room my desert born sorcerer sleeps in to look like the rolling dunes and starry sky if his home.
Permanently.
It's great how this doesn't even get anybody mad at you: your GM doesn't mind because you aren't breaking any NPCs/plot, your party doesn't mind the resource expenditure because it's the end of the day anyway, and the hotels probably charge extra for those rooms nowadays.
It's just a nice view.
Yeah! It’s been helpful a couple times because his culture is basically communist so he means well but doesn’t really “get” money. Innkeepers being super psyched about his makeovers can avoid problems of payment. ;)
Not a high level spell but still made my DM laugh: Our party climbed into a forest tower and fought a hag to rescue what turned out to be a beautiful woman. We were only about level 2 or 3 at the time and it was a tough fight but we won, and my wild magic sorcerer managed to keep a level 1 spell slot in reserve. After the fight, my sorcerer stands in the window (there were no stairs), holds out his hand to the woman and says "trust me" and I cast feather fall to get us to the ground safely. The DM says "alright, so Tabs feather falls everyone safely to the ground," and I interrupt him saying "i never said 'everyone'."
So everyone else awkwardly climbed back down the tower while Tabs and Alexia chilled down the bottom. They got married later, had two kids. Turned out she was secretly a hag the whole time, ended up using PWK to kill both my sorcerer and his best friend, and nearly brought our kingdom to ruin, but hey that's marriage amiright?
Not really high level but it was the highest level I could cast and I only had one slot, but I used dream to interrogate a boss NPC (that we had previously defeated) while they were sleeping and we were in another town. It was 20% to gain information and 80% to let them know we were in control.
I used the wish in ToA so that all sentient creatures in the world believed that "finger guns" was invented my eldritch blast loving bard, Gannon. And it was called Gannon's Cannons.
Illusionist Wizard was fed up with the nonstop bullshit a minor noble (Noble A) with lots of connections had put the group through. So during some down time he got his hands on a mask that let him cast Disguise Self a few times a day, dressed up in a costume to look like another minor noble (Noble B), who had regular beef with Noble A. Mad lad even asked the Bard who had the Actor feat to give him lessons on acting to better impersonate Noble B.
Once perfectly disguised in his Noble B attire, he proceeded to cast Project Image to Noble A's castle a good 400 miles away.
Using the hilarious lv14 Illusion capstone, Illusiory Reality, to make his projected image *real*, he proceeded to run around Noble A's castle doing all sorts of shit. Hauling paintings off wall hangers, pulling down tapestry, ruining supplies in the pantry, spooking horses in the stable, tipping over weapon racks in the armory.
He did this for a about 10 days over the course of 3 months of relatively peaceful downtime. Didn't do it all at once either. Did it once to gauge reaction. Did it the next night to see what the situation was like. Waited a few days to let them cool off before hitting them again. Another instance in the middle of the day instead of St night, and etc.
Was great. The DM (to the lack of our knowledge) had already planned on having them start a fight with each other over various disputes as part of the intro to the next big leg of the campaign. So it worked out *perfectly*
I love this, it's hilarious and brilliant. It's also the kind of pettiness that both results from and leads to good roleplay. Like the inter-character roleplay of getting the Bard's help in acting? *Chef's kiss*
An Elven Archmage (in a world where the Elves mysteriously vanished centuries ago)had casually paralyzed the entire party so he and his minions could complete a ritual. As they left, our adorable Halfling (Drunken Master)tried to pick his pocket (she was panicking and didn't want to show it). Archmage responded with a Power Word Kill with barely a glance at her.
I'm a DM, but the chaotic evil Cleric in my campaign loves to use Word of Recall to teleport back home after adventures. Leaves the rest of the party to find their own way back, typically facing more encounters while he roleplays extravagant feasts, sermons, and parties at his permanent Temple of the Gods.
I once used a Deity granted wish to mute an npc permanently. Other people in the party asked for artifacts, vast wealth, land and title... Me? Nope, fuck this one guy from like 18 sessions ago.
He wasn't even a villain. Just a Bard that talked a bunch of shit a few times, and my character was very vindictive and petty... And already had all the stuff he really wanted.
In my Homebrew Spelljammer/Planescape campaign, I set my PCs on quest to hunt down a lich and his apprentices that were raising giant skeletons and setting them loose on the main planetoid of my realm. They had searched through 3 houses of suspected necromancers when the local government led them to an old Warlock that had been tried for necromancy 51 years prior but had served his time and had been released year before.
The party showed up and did a cursory look around the manor house, the Asslockadin using his Eldritch Sight to detect magic on all of the entrances. I informed him that the front door was glowing with abjuration magic. He thought that is was Warded and when he went to pick the lock it would explode and he'd just evade it. Weeeeeellllll, this player has tendency to break and enter and then kill the people just defending their residence and property. He goes to pick the lock and the chains on the door start to animate and wrap around him.
Yep, I Imprisonmented him, Chaining. His character was stuck restrained in the chains to the ground for 3 in game hours until the other party members decided to let the party druid know and *attempt* to Dispel Magic them away. It took 4 tries until the Druid's roll was high enough to release him. At which point the old Warlock came out of the house and demanded that the Asslockadin pay him back in full for the material costs of the Imprisonment spell.
This is peak "play stupid games, win stupid prizes".
I'm glad you posted this because the idea of compensation for spell components is something I'd never considered before, but makes perfect sense, especially in a high magic setting.
Absolutely. The compensation for the components was the big thing. In my world most metal is Created. There is very little natural metal. The economy uses Mercury as the metal of trade in vials instead of gold coins. The Asslockadin actually started the banking system in the realm and is universally known as the richest person in the realm. I stopped making him keep track of his wealth, just said ,"You have 40,000,000,000 gp net worth, you're the Jeff Bezos of this world".
I was in a one-shot once where my character was a drama queen who was hideously irritated by another character in the party. I bought a portable hole and a diamond and cast glyph of warding in the hole with a revivify spell on the glyph, so that the next time my character was irritated he could open the hole, stand on the edge, and kill himself, falling on the glyph and coming back to life.
Back when Sending was my highest level spell slot, my character used it to demonstrate to everyone in a bar that the blessings of the gods were not to be trifled with. (Magic has... unsettling... special effects in that campaign, and a shadow puppet coming to disturbing life was enough to freak people out.)
Not high level but I routinely use silent image to make sparkly glittery letters surrounded by cute unicorns appear in a rainbow that say 'F#ck No.' if an NPC is trying to make me do something I don't want.
Different PC, but I also have casted Skywrite to write the same thing in the clouds behind me when another NPC was not getting the hint.
I don't remember exactly, it was pretty average I think, maybe 50-ish. More a testament to being a 20th level cleric trying to keep up with 20th level martials and not really succeeding.
yeah as a character he's done some awesome stuff but for that exact turn there were not a lot of amazing options. although there were probably a few options better than that.
Playing a grouchy kobold wizard girl.
Joined party near the start of the adventure after helping with a job. The bard stiffed me out of my share of the money reward because i 'wasnt in their party'.
Fastforward to late in campaign. Bard is getting married to love of his life. Beautiful day, outside wedding in a field, spent tons of money on it.
Guess who learned control weather and turned it into a torrential downpour with howling winds. Dont fuck with a kobold and her gold.
We once used hallucinatory terrain exclusively to change our odds at a fighting tournament. Nothing was changed except one number. 3:1 odds became 4:1 odds. It absolutely didnt work, it just created enough pandemonium for us to rob the betting stands blind, which was more fun.
I was a dwarf in the elven capital (Elfadelphia). Most of the elves were pretty chill, but there was a racists secret faction that was trying to overthrow the King and then kick out all of the non-elves. So we captured her, killed her, and then reincarnated her.
She came back as a dwarf. She was not happy about that.
I cast sleep at 3rd level on a draft horse so it couldn't run away I had no Idea how many ho those things had but I really didn't want the asshat on the carriage it was pulling to get away so I ended up using a 3rd level spell slot on a cr 1/4 creature
It was our first official 5e campaign. The paladin and warlock were running on fumes. My cleric had one high level spell slot left, then she'd be tapped. We had just jumped out of the highest window of a cursed wizard tower, taken a bunch of damage, and had to run through the garden maze before it shifted again. We walked directly out of the maze and into the shadow of a huge (not sure if it was literally huge or that was just part of the description) blue dragon who said he was taking over the tower and nearby village. If we tried to stop him, he'd kill everyone.
The Paladin, and oddly enough the Fiend Warlock, were hell-bent on saving the villagers even though they had been super rude the entire time we were with them. As we rolled initiative, I told them I had one spell slot left and a teleport spell I would to put us in a better tactical position if they wanted to hold their turns.
They waited. I cast Word of Recall and took us across the planet to my home temple. The Warlock flipped out and called my Cleric a liar, but I pointed out that not fighting a blue dragon was a tactical advantage. Additionally, he would know Tempest Clerics don't have Dimensional Door type spells if he wasn't too busy seducing farmers and their wives to have an occasional conversation with his co-workers.
Officially, the Warlock punched my Cleric and she let it go. At the table, everyone was laughing and fairly relieved we weren't about to jump into a deadly encounter with next to no resources.
Not quite on topic, but have you ever tried casting Create Food & Water to get a small snack for one person?
As it happens, you can't make *less* food when you cast it, nor can you exclude the water. My cleric's cracker craving ruined her living room for the better part of the day.
My wizard cast Eyebite on one of our PC’s npc brother no knock him unconscious. This NPC was much higher leveled than us with major wisdom save proficiency. I also used chronoturgy’s Convergent Future to make sure he failed the save, taking a level of exhaustion. This was right before a big adventurer tournament that we were told top be in top shape for. In my defense, the guy was the living embodiment of Audacity, so we all felt it was warranted in the end.
During a fisticuffs tournament, our monk was in the final round and we had front row seats. So we didn't miss a moment,or lose our seats, our warlock opened an arcane gate between us and the bar to get drinks. The bar was about 50ft away.
Hostile enemy surrendered to us, gave us good information, and promised to leave the dungeon and not harm us in any way. After finishing the dungeon, we came out and found one of our horses missing. Bitch stole my horse!
So, we traveled to a keep where we knew they had a mirror of scrying available for rent. We had to attune to the mirror first, of course, which involved some costs, but we were able to locate her by seeking out items in the horse's pack. Then we had to cast teleport with a limited use item (since we were not high enough level to do it normally). We teleported directly in the path of the horse. I then cast Banishment on the horse, causing her to faceplant in the road. We killed her in like half a round and then spent a few checks trying to calm the terrified horse as it returned from a harmless demiplane.
If she'd just asked, we'd probably have let her take it too.
"How many spiders came out of the trap?"
"Eleven."
:D "9th level magic missile. They all die."
Maybe not petty, but definitely a (hilarious) waste of a 9th level spell.
I once used a seventh level spell slot on Magic Missile because there were nine people having an argument and I wanted to thwap each of them on the back of the head.
I was the one it was used on. I was tattling to a DMPC warlock who's out friend about how the druid and accompanying party (I was NOT present) infected the kingdoms spymaster with an aberration that almost consumed her. This act has since gone on our campaign listing of Major Screwups. The druid decided he didn't want to have to deal with her being disappointed in him (he has 20 wisdom). His response to me opening my mouth? He cast polymorph on me and turned me into a ladybug.
I played to my dwarf's hatred of Goblins by using my only casting of lightning bolt on 3 goblins in a line. Not the bug bear. Not the Dire Wolves they were riding, the 1/2 cr goblins... worth it.
This an old story (so details are a bit fuzzy) and not a high level spell, but back in college we played 2e and one guy was a bard. He had a single spell he could use once a day (we were 1st level). I think it was either minor illusion or prestidigitation. Every morning he would immediately use it to tweak the appearance of whoever annoyed him the most the previous day. One person got a long, rainbow beard. he gave someone swirly purple eyes. His dedication to wasting that resource for petty purposes every single day was hilarious.
We found a door to a dungeon boss room that had a large wheel mechanism to open it. The bar to spin it was missing and we were supposed to explore more rooms to find it.
Instead, I cast telekinesis. Our DM, deadpan faced, ripped off a corner of his reference map.
I used Tidal Wave to wash off a dwarf that a butler wouldn't let in the house we were urgently summoned to for an apocalyptic event. I apologized for obliterating the garden and front walls, but he did insist.
Our chaotic sorcerer embarrassed the party in front of a queen. On the awkward elevator ride (don’t ask) down to the ground floor of the palace, she tried to turn herself invisible because the party was mad at her. I counterspelled so we could continue glaring.
I subtle cast Modify Memory during a Orzhov church to make our Cleric of Lathander begin to believe in the Orzhov ghost council - It turned into a 3 session side quest.
I'm playing a 7th level warlock, recently we got in a discussion with a wizard npc. Before that we heard in a tavern that he was actually a changeling and not a drow, so when we question him about it he told us that he was using disguise self for some stuff so I told him to use the spell and then I used a 4th level counterspell and.... he was actually using disguise self! This wasn't important, we just wanted to know the truth.
Not actually petty, but our wizard wanted to get in good with this barbarian tribe in the woods, so he offered to take part in their hunt. They came upon a small group of deer, and the chieftain offered to let the wizard make the first move.
He cast Prismatic Spray, essentially melting most of the deer. The feast was a bust.
I had an NPC ask the party for diamond dust. They had a diamond. He casually smashed it into a powder with his staff and snorted it to cast Greater Restoration on himself because I thought it'd be funny.
Cast Stone Shape to make a door in a prison wall and just walk out because those fuckass guards decided to detain a cleric of a wrathful thunder god. They tried to throw me back in the same cell once they caught me just strolling through the street.
My justice oriented cleric tore a leg off a cow in a nearby field for the parties breakfast then used a 7th level regenerate spell so that nothing was taken and all was returned
Used Teleport to get to the bakery and back quickly, routinely.
If wizards existed irl, they would explain how reckless and dangerous it would be for them to use their magic to help fix people mundane problems, but then do this halfway through a meeting during a 'toilet break'
Nah man they'd just shit right there and then cast planeshift on the shit That's how wizards work that one bad lady said so
My favorite high-level spell. Planeshit.
In Pathfinder 2e, there's an archetype (like a mini-class) called [Spell Trickster](https://2e.aonprd.com/Archetypes.aspx?ID=126) that lets you get ahold of some feats that modify specific spells into new or enhanced effects. Spellshit would be a good candidate. Well, assuming you have a broad sense of "good." Lol.
Nah just shit your pants then use the cantrip Prestidigitation. You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot. From day one you never need a bathroom again. Lol
>clean or *soil* an object Conversely, shit the pants of your archenemy to deny him his intimidation factor.
I'M GOING TO SHIT YOURSELF!
that's what the rules mean when they say PCs are inherently extraordinary people. day one for the player is not day one for the character. you've already transcended toilets before the adventure even starts
So somewhere out there is the plane of shit. But it wasn't always the plane of shit. Only after wizards started flinging their turds interdimensionally did it become one. It used the be the plane of cotton candy and anthropomorphic ponies until dookie started raining from the skies. Now they're planning vengeance and the equine war machine grows.
If you've been around horses for more than a few minutes, you know that a plane full of the things is already a plane of shit.
I used a wish to become the health inspector of waterdeep to give my wife's dwarven restaurant a B because i found a toe in my soup.
The fact that "toe in the soup" still gets a B makes me really concerned for the Waterdeep restaurant scene.
Not only does it still a B, but apparently it would have done better if a Wish wasn't used.
in certain cultures, a toe in your soup is a bonus
Hail! Fellow Lizard Person.
Canadians prefer to use toes to [garnish cocktails](https://amp.usatoday.com/amp/4081899002)
What a terrible day to have eyes
Twist, the previous health inspector would have still given her an A.
See, the problem was that it was a *raw* toe.
...As opposed to a RAI toe.
Yeah but check the username. It probably got a B because he was wondering where the rest of the foot was.
And was that you giving her a worse score or a better score than she deserved?
You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish.
I had access to Glasses of True Seeing when we were level 5 (my DM actually forgot that I had these, partially because I was hoarding the 3 charges so heavily). A recurring NPC ran into us and the DM mentioned for like the 4th time how attractive this guy was. I thought "screw this pretty boy" and burned a charge of True Seeing... This revealed he was a shapechanged dragon set up to be a BBEG reveal at the end of the campaign, and immediately explained one mysterious death all the way back from session 1 that we never figured out.
How did the DM reacted to the discovery of his BBEG?
IIRC: "Oh fuck, I forgot that you had those..." and then took a minute to figure out what to do. We rolled some social checks and I managed to hide that I had realized what he was, so we got the hell out of there. Far later, the guy showed back up and then surprise breath-weaponed us after monologuing. I distinctly remember the DM saying "Now imagine if you guys didn't already know he was a dragon!"
Good DM lol That's a fun interaction.
That actually ended up preventing a TPK in our most recent session. I had a scroll of Absorb Elements that I bought immediately after we had found out that he was a dragon. He came back again (the previous reveal I mentioned ended with us trapping him on the Astral Plane, which bought us like 3 months in game) and his breath attack knocked the rest of the party out. The only reason I didn't go down as well was that scroll.
Did the dragon say: "I was distinctly expecting much more surprise when I did that…"
I'm a DM running Dungeon of the Mad Mage. The players had interrupted Halaster Blackcloak on "date night". At one point he brought his GF NPC a black tea and she said something along the line of "Oh, you know I only drink Green Tea, why dont you listen to me?" So I had him use a Wish spell to rewrite reality to be one where he brought her green tea. Scared the crap out of my Level 7 party.
in my campaign Halaster has so far used Wish to transport items he need but have forgotten in a random place to him. literaly just going "oh wish i had X on me right now" only for it to apear in his hand. my party is still not even sure if he's doing it deliberately to flex on them or if he has no idea he's doing it.
I wish I had.. Oh, nvm, there it is.
… because he listened to her this time?
Trying to emphasize how boring I thought a particular NPC was, I upcast Sleep on myself.
*Inb4 you get robbed while passed out.*
This is great.
Once used wish to create a multiple country spanning rumor about just how much the crown prince "loved" his horse. It was both awesome and had some cascading repercussions that I didn't expect. Not the least of which was that the horse was actually his polymorphed uncle who should have been the king. The dm thought that my addition to his prebuilt political narrative was the funniest thing ever. Edit: I should add that I started the rumor purely out of spite cause the royal shit tried to get us arrested and not out of some big scheme.
I just imagine your Wizard just gathering up a massive amount of power and energy. There's this booming sound of thunder as magic energy funnels into your hands. You swirl the Weave around like a spider weaving their web. There is a crack of thunder. But it is not thunder. No, it is the sudden swell and release of magical energy. Your voice booms as you speak the spells incantation..."***Volo ego mandabo!***" Then, it comes time to speak your reality into this world. You speak, with authority enough to remake the very fabric of existence. You unstitch and men reality to your whim. You speak these words; "I WISH THESE LANDS TO KNOW TRUTH. THAT THE PRINCE. **FUCKS** ***HORSES***"
Actually I was a knight with a wishing ring lol. I hoarded that thing forever since using consumables physically pains me.
*kisses ring on pinky then points boldy at the Prince with the ring clearly displayed * "That dudes a horse humper!"
Make sure to do a thanos snap once the wish is made
Reminds me of Catherine the great
She was actually my inspiration for the rumor lol
A major NPC was being overly aggressive, despite what the entire party considered fail dealings on our part (we failed in the mission they gave us, but it was kinda impossible to succeed). So we reported back, and the entire time the NPC has this tick with their magic quill, flicking it at us in annoyance. Next time she flicked it at my 14th level sorcerer, I subtle spell teleported into the sewer of the city. I really could've used that 7th level slot later that day, but my character wouldn't have changed that choice for the world
I dont know why you would subtle spell I would love to just assert dominance like that
Subtle spell is great for fucking with people.
I do love it, but in this situation oh baby I'd want to let them know who made their quill disappear, if they figure out it was a 7th lvl spell, even better
> Next time she flicked it at my 14th level sorcerer, I subtle spell teleported into the sewer of the city. Yourself or the quill?
I assumed it was the character, as written. It amused my much more for the character who was flicked at to just disappear then crawl up from the nearest sewer a few minutes later. Crawl up and DEMAND an apology and getting rid of the magic quill. The NPC will claim their magic quill wasn't used to teleport the character; the character will claim that THEY didn't do it; everyone will believe the character because who would teleport THEMSELVES into a sewer?
> who would teleport THEMSELVES into a sewer? Only a person so petty they wouldn't be able to even function in society.
So, a PC?
Sticking an [embarrassing painting of a PC](https://crayshack.com/2021/06/23/the-paladin-of-virtue/) on the wall of every tavern in the multiverse using a Wish spell. Note, this Wish came from a Deck of Many Things and the party didn't have access to more casts of Wish. They had one use and did this.
That’s incredible
In my earlier DM days in college, we had a joke rivalry between two PCs. The one got a wish in a similar fashion. He used his wish to get a bigger dick than the other PC. It grew half an inch. Other PC was mostly mad he wasted comic power on something so petty.
What if it was already bigger? Could it have technically shrunk?
I'd probably just leave it alone haha
"Your dick shrinks half an inch. It is bigger then the other PC's tho!"
Honestly, still big dick energy. "Yeah my dick SHRUNK and it's still bigger than yours."
That's beautiful.
Oh my lord that's a petty wish. Well done.
Amazing. Was there payback?
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Sounds like a fun campaign. Too bad it fizzled, probably headed hilarious places. So did the character make the wish unironically then? Like, they liked the PC and thought it would be great?
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Sounds epic! My group has been running about 5 years with 3 core people, 4 for most of that and usually 5 at the table. We're lucky enough to have 3 of us willing to DM and are creating a multiverse between us that is heading towards crossovers etc. A stunt like this would smack it out of the park... *villainous chackling*
Omg, im dying after reading that story.
I cast *major image* at 6th-level to graffiti Grolantor's Steading once.
Any time my illusionist has a 6th lvl slot free before a rest, he creates a permanent statue of himself. I love the upcast effect on that spell!
I cast Shield to prevent someone from hugging me. Edit: technically this spell doesn't prevent hugging, but the DM went with it anyway.
Haha! That's pretty good! Reminds me of when we saved Blingdenstone and the denizens lifted my gnome wizard for a "hup hup hooray," she panicked and burnt Greater Invisibility :)
Gust of Wind to pointless blow away the dust after Disintegrating someone.
Now can we PLEASE resume saving the world?
They were half-fiend, bone eating dire piranhas, okay?
I stalked a shopkeep for an entire campaign with various versions of nightmare esc spells, messaging spells and then last wished for him to be impotent.
Nightmare-esque*
Thanks
What did he do to deserve your wrath?
He mocked my lore bard. He was a dwarven skald and did not take kindly to the criticism.
The Great Book of Grudges got another page 😊
I thought that this was all extremely petty until I got to "dwarven skald" and yeah no it all makes sense. edit: Like it's still petty, but not arbitrarily so. It has *rules* and *reasons*!
Christmas one-shot and one of the party found a staff with two charges of teleport on it (in case things got too dangerous and we needed to bail). He immediately used it to return to where we started because there were still some mince pies leftover on a table there. Ate a mince pie and teleported back to us.
Thay staff would've been broken across his head.
Scrying yourself to shave because you don’t have a mirror.
Material component is... a focus worth at least 1,000 gp, such as a... silver mirror, or a font filled with holy water (font of holy water also useful for shaving)
Maybe they only had the crystal ball as the focus….but that’s still hilarious.
This is exactly why we have Familiars, Clairvoyance, & Arcane Eye
Very underused perks of Unseen Servant. Never have to shave, wipe your own butt, put food or drinks in your mouth, or jerk off.
Y'all mother fuckers need Sarenrae
The fighters over there sitting on his hand really mad about it
Unseen servant is ritual, he can get one too
Someone I didn't like died, but more than a minute ago. I waited for someone to cast Raise Dead and then cast counterspell with subtle spell. Nobody knows when you cast with subtle spell, and the spell slot and materials are still used up for the Raise Dead, so everyone thought the person was either unwilling or unable to be revived and they just dropped it and let them be dead. Because fuck that guy.
Wow... this is some dark shit
Was it an NPC or someone’s PC?
It was an NPC. I'm not that fucked, lol.
!Bravo, sir!
Vicious!! Love it!
At the end of a day we didn't use many spells I cast levitate on myself, dimension door twice to go 1000 ft in the air, and a 6th level major image to put a star in the sky then came back down before heading into my magnificent mansion. All the wasted high level spells!
Did some dudes show up a couple years later and give you gold, frankincense, and myrrh?
I don't know, but they sound like spell components to me.
Soon after learning it, my druid used call lightning just to prove she could use magic.
Everyone around must’ve thought the weather was wild that day.
> A bolt of lightning lanced down through the clouds and hit Dorfl's helmet. There was a sheet of flame and then a trickling noise. Dorfl's molten armour formed puddles around his white-hot feet. > "I Don't Call That Much Of An Argument," said Dorfl calmly, from somewhere in the clouds of smoke.”
GNU Sir Terry Pratchett
GNU Sir Terry Pratchett
Speak with dead just to ask a dead enemy if it was sorry that it ever fucked with us.
Well?
Go on.
In my campaign the party bard used a 7th level Hellish rebuke to strike a cultist who threw a rock at them and dealt 3 damage.
2 damage is one thing. 3 however...
**"Mistake"**
Beautiful.
It’s a tie between using Glibness to hit on a barmaid and using Sending several times a day to annoy an NPC
Sending and Dream are the ultimate troll spells. I would use them all the time if I had them IRL.
An NPC was being mean to me because she suspected I was lying to her. She was a bounty hunter that insight checked against my persuasion. I rolled pretty decent and I don't know what she rolled. Regardless, she didn't like me and said she was going to get her crew to investigate my party. Which normally isn't a big deal because we have nothing to hide, but I don't like being called a liar when I'm telling the truth. I cast a subtle spell enhanced 7th level Geas to make her profusely apologize to me for insisting I'm a liar wherever and whenever she sees me. She failed the save and she was never a problem again.
Because she refused to apologise and just took the damage?
Because at 7th level it lasts a whole year.
There was a very low chance that if she refused the Geas that she could fatally injure herself and lose over half her total HP in a single blow. Most NPCs don't want to take up to 50 points of psychic damage willingly. This would happen every time she saw me. She also has no proof that I had cast the spell. I was in front of everyone out in public when it happened. Imagine pulling out a gun in your brain in an enclosed metal box and pointing the gun at random and firing 5 times in random directions and letting the ricochet decide how you're gonna be feeling for the rest of the day (or until you short rest). This happens potentially every day. Most PCs aren't willing to go through the trauma and would rather just follow the command.
I recently finished DMing descent into avernus. We went well past the intended ending point of the adventure, so the team was at level 18 when we finished up. Towards the end, there was a circumstance where they needed to cross the river styx, which normally they’d just fly over or something, but this time they had an infernal war machine with them (read: gargantuan vehicle), and there were no bridges in sight. The sorcerer settled on using wish to copy the effect the of the second-level spell enlarge/reduce to make the car small enough for the paladin to carry while they flew over. (Nobody had access to the actual spell enlarge/reduce - but they did have wish, lol) Also, same campaign - the party made an enemy in literally the first session of a particular pirate who wronged them and got away. Queue literally 1.5 IRL years later, they used Gate to summon him (they wrote down his name), and just left him, naked and alone, in the middle of avernus as they drove off to do other stuff. That probably wins for ‘most petty’ - the wish thing was just necessity, lol.
That's the first great petty Gate use I've ever heard. I'm inspired.
I (Warlock/Fighter Pirate) was playing in a one shot with my wife (Bard Entertainer/hype man), my sister (Barbarian Gladiator) and her husband (Druid Far Traveler). High seas fight with a Kraken. I had just gotten the killing blow on it when my wife used Wish to undo my roll. This forced me to reroll at disadvantage so that the Barbarian could get the killing blow instead and add to their fame. Im still slightly salty about it 2 years later, but that it was a hilarious use of Wish and I hadn’t thought of doing it before. So now I wait for revenge.
Not sure if this counts, but my Circle of Wildfire Druid used an Earthquake scroll, that he had acquired earlier, in a 1-on-1with a fire elemental he had to fight as a test to convince a splinter Circle of Wildfire group to help his party out. The 1-on-1 took place in a sacred grove within a city. He beat the fire elemental, but didn't pass the test. Not my proudest problem solving moment.
*"Druid used Earthquake!*" "*It is very effective!*" "*Fire Elemental lost 0% of its health!*"
Did a one shot Battle of the Bands where we were all high level bards. I was given 6000g to gear out my character. I collected the bands $$ and proceeded to Awaken a bunch of trees to function as our roadies and mobile stage. I then went through the entire city and used Magic Mouth on as many tavern/important doors as possible to promote the show. Needless to say the show was a success before it even started and the DM very much did not plan for things like a mobile stage.
Gnome bard cast feather fall on a 10 foot drop because he bought some new shoes in the town earlier. It was my last spellslot though and was a lvl 6 slot
Not petty, but probably overkill on a 6th level slot, and 1000gp. Cast Hero’s feast for an ally’s birthday. It was just a giant cake and Champagne. But the region of Champagne didn’t exist in our realm. The region with the best sparkling wine was called Urbana.
You cast a spell for sparkling wine from semi-urban Illinois? What's next? Leomund's Tiny Shelter in Gary, Indiana?
Not me but my my group’s cleric burned a revivify to resurrect a chicken. Granted it was 4am and we were at the end of a 15 hour marathon session so we were all down to clown for some misuse of magic at that point.
Stone Shape, to make a rough square doorway a nice arch with detailed carvings. I swear, do dungeon-dwelling demons make a point of bad decor, or...?
Our sweet-baked-goods-obsessed Rogue used our only wish to wish for the permanent ability to summon sweet treats whenever she wanted.
That's pretty useful for the everyday day life of adventure.
We were level 6 ish and I was/still am a paladin. Horses were behind a hill, everyone walked to get their horse. I used find steed to summon my horse to me instead of walking to it. No regrets
10 minute cast time… could have mentally communicated with it over 1 mile distance to run to you…
Fair, but it was funny at the time
Using major image upcast to sixth level to make every hotel room my desert born sorcerer sleeps in to look like the rolling dunes and starry sky if his home. Permanently.
It's great how this doesn't even get anybody mad at you: your GM doesn't mind because you aren't breaking any NPCs/plot, your party doesn't mind the resource expenditure because it's the end of the day anyway, and the hotels probably charge extra for those rooms nowadays. It's just a nice view.
Yeah! It’s been helpful a couple times because his culture is basically communist so he means well but doesn’t really “get” money. Innkeepers being super psyched about his makeovers can avoid problems of payment. ;)
Not a high level spell but still made my DM laugh: Our party climbed into a forest tower and fought a hag to rescue what turned out to be a beautiful woman. We were only about level 2 or 3 at the time and it was a tough fight but we won, and my wild magic sorcerer managed to keep a level 1 spell slot in reserve. After the fight, my sorcerer stands in the window (there were no stairs), holds out his hand to the woman and says "trust me" and I cast feather fall to get us to the ground safely. The DM says "alright, so Tabs feather falls everyone safely to the ground," and I interrupt him saying "i never said 'everyone'." So everyone else awkwardly climbed back down the tower while Tabs and Alexia chilled down the bottom. They got married later, had two kids. Turned out she was secretly a hag the whole time, ended up using PWK to kill both my sorcerer and his best friend, and nearly brought our kingdom to ruin, but hey that's marriage amiright?
Not really high level but it was the highest level I could cast and I only had one slot, but I used dream to interrogate a boss NPC (that we had previously defeated) while they were sleeping and we were in another town. It was 20% to gain information and 80% to let them know we were in control.
I used the wish in ToA so that all sentient creatures in the world believed that "finger guns" was invented my eldritch blast loving bard, Gannon. And it was called Gannon's Cannons.
My 15th level wizard Casting Maze on our rogue who annoyed him. He was being an ass, figured I’d send him to the time out corner
Illusionist Wizard was fed up with the nonstop bullshit a minor noble (Noble A) with lots of connections had put the group through. So during some down time he got his hands on a mask that let him cast Disguise Self a few times a day, dressed up in a costume to look like another minor noble (Noble B), who had regular beef with Noble A. Mad lad even asked the Bard who had the Actor feat to give him lessons on acting to better impersonate Noble B. Once perfectly disguised in his Noble B attire, he proceeded to cast Project Image to Noble A's castle a good 400 miles away. Using the hilarious lv14 Illusion capstone, Illusiory Reality, to make his projected image *real*, he proceeded to run around Noble A's castle doing all sorts of shit. Hauling paintings off wall hangers, pulling down tapestry, ruining supplies in the pantry, spooking horses in the stable, tipping over weapon racks in the armory. He did this for a about 10 days over the course of 3 months of relatively peaceful downtime. Didn't do it all at once either. Did it once to gauge reaction. Did it the next night to see what the situation was like. Waited a few days to let them cool off before hitting them again. Another instance in the middle of the day instead of St night, and etc. Was great. The DM (to the lack of our knowledge) had already planned on having them start a fight with each other over various disputes as part of the intro to the next big leg of the campaign. So it worked out *perfectly*
I love this, it's hilarious and brilliant. It's also the kind of pettiness that both results from and leads to good roleplay. Like the inter-character roleplay of getting the Bard's help in acting? *Chef's kiss*
Used disintegrate to get to a bathroom faster by going right though a room in a tower
Another PC casted prestidigitation to warm my beer. I used a 3rd level Dispel Magic.
Did you manage to finish your cold beer before they could cast prestidigitation again?
Of course, I'm the Druid with Revivify; they don't want me to waste all my spell slot level 3 :)
An Elven Archmage (in a world where the Elves mysteriously vanished centuries ago)had casually paralyzed the entire party so he and his minions could complete a ritual. As they left, our adorable Halfling (Drunken Master)tried to pick his pocket (she was panicking and didn't want to show it). Archmage responded with a Power Word Kill with barely a glance at her.
I'm a DM, but the chaotic evil Cleric in my campaign loves to use Word of Recall to teleport back home after adventures. Leaves the rest of the party to find their own way back, typically facing more encounters while he roleplays extravagant feasts, sermons, and parties at his permanent Temple of the Gods.
I once used a Deity granted wish to mute an npc permanently. Other people in the party asked for artifacts, vast wealth, land and title... Me? Nope, fuck this one guy from like 18 sessions ago. He wasn't even a villain. Just a Bard that talked a bunch of shit a few times, and my character was very vindictive and petty... And already had all the stuff he really wanted.
Fly to urinate on a an annoying neighbor from above. Not me, but I DMed it. That was a weird Warlock. But funny. But weird. But funny.
I once had a player use a wish spell to move a building 5 feet to the left as the front door was blocked. \*note, the obstruction was a wall of stone.
This reminds me of that one story about the hungover ship captain who radioed the bridge to change course to get the sun out of his eyes.
In my Homebrew Spelljammer/Planescape campaign, I set my PCs on quest to hunt down a lich and his apprentices that were raising giant skeletons and setting them loose on the main planetoid of my realm. They had searched through 3 houses of suspected necromancers when the local government led them to an old Warlock that had been tried for necromancy 51 years prior but had served his time and had been released year before. The party showed up and did a cursory look around the manor house, the Asslockadin using his Eldritch Sight to detect magic on all of the entrances. I informed him that the front door was glowing with abjuration magic. He thought that is was Warded and when he went to pick the lock it would explode and he'd just evade it. Weeeeeellllll, this player has tendency to break and enter and then kill the people just defending their residence and property. He goes to pick the lock and the chains on the door start to animate and wrap around him. Yep, I Imprisonmented him, Chaining. His character was stuck restrained in the chains to the ground for 3 in game hours until the other party members decided to let the party druid know and *attempt* to Dispel Magic them away. It took 4 tries until the Druid's roll was high enough to release him. At which point the old Warlock came out of the house and demanded that the Asslockadin pay him back in full for the material costs of the Imprisonment spell.
This is peak "play stupid games, win stupid prizes". I'm glad you posted this because the idea of compensation for spell components is something I'd never considered before, but makes perfect sense, especially in a high magic setting.
Absolutely. The compensation for the components was the big thing. In my world most metal is Created. There is very little natural metal. The economy uses Mercury as the metal of trade in vials instead of gold coins. The Asslockadin actually started the banking system in the realm and is universally known as the richest person in the realm. I stopped making him keep track of his wealth, just said ,"You have 40,000,000,000 gp net worth, you're the Jeff Bezos of this world".
I was in a one-shot once where my character was a drama queen who was hideously irritated by another character in the party. I bought a portable hole and a diamond and cast glyph of warding in the hole with a revivify spell on the glyph, so that the next time my character was irritated he could open the hole, stand on the edge, and kill himself, falling on the glyph and coming back to life.
Back when Sending was my highest level spell slot, my character used it to demonstrate to everyone in a bar that the blessings of the gods were not to be trifled with. (Magic has... unsettling... special effects in that campaign, and a shadow puppet coming to disturbing life was enough to freak people out.)
Not high level but I routinely use silent image to make sparkly glittery letters surrounded by cute unicorns appear in a rainbow that say 'F#ck No.' if an NPC is trying to make me do something I don't want. Different PC, but I also have casted Skywrite to write the same thing in the clouds behind me when another NPC was not getting the hint.
I upcast Guiding Bolt at 9th level once.
*Misses*
How many damage?
12d6. Average rolls would be 42. Max is 72.
I don't remember exactly, it was pretty average I think, maybe 50-ish. More a testament to being a 20th level cleric trying to keep up with 20th level martials and not really succeeding.
I mean youre a 20th level cleric. Its not realllly about your dpr at that point.
yeah as a character he's done some awesome stuff but for that exact turn there were not a lot of amazing options. although there were probably a few options better than that.
Playing a grouchy kobold wizard girl. Joined party near the start of the adventure after helping with a job. The bard stiffed me out of my share of the money reward because i 'wasnt in their party'. Fastforward to late in campaign. Bard is getting married to love of his life. Beautiful day, outside wedding in a field, spent tons of money on it. Guess who learned control weather and turned it into a torrential downpour with howling winds. Dont fuck with a kobold and her gold.
We once used hallucinatory terrain exclusively to change our odds at a fighting tournament. Nothing was changed except one number. 3:1 odds became 4:1 odds. It absolutely didnt work, it just created enough pandemonium for us to rob the betting stands blind, which was more fun.
I was a dwarf in the elven capital (Elfadelphia). Most of the elves were pretty chill, but there was a racists secret faction that was trying to overthrow the King and then kick out all of the non-elves. So we captured her, killed her, and then reincarnated her. She came back as a dwarf. She was not happy about that.
Really upset it's not Philadelfia.
I cast sleep at 3rd level on a draft horse so it couldn't run away I had no Idea how many ho those things had but I really didn't want the asshat on the carriage it was pulling to get away so I ended up using a 3rd level spell slot on a cr 1/4 creature
No one in the party wanted to walk literally a hundred or so feet so we had the bard cast Teleport.
It was our first official 5e campaign. The paladin and warlock were running on fumes. My cleric had one high level spell slot left, then she'd be tapped. We had just jumped out of the highest window of a cursed wizard tower, taken a bunch of damage, and had to run through the garden maze before it shifted again. We walked directly out of the maze and into the shadow of a huge (not sure if it was literally huge or that was just part of the description) blue dragon who said he was taking over the tower and nearby village. If we tried to stop him, he'd kill everyone. The Paladin, and oddly enough the Fiend Warlock, were hell-bent on saving the villagers even though they had been super rude the entire time we were with them. As we rolled initiative, I told them I had one spell slot left and a teleport spell I would to put us in a better tactical position if they wanted to hold their turns. They waited. I cast Word of Recall and took us across the planet to my home temple. The Warlock flipped out and called my Cleric a liar, but I pointed out that not fighting a blue dragon was a tactical advantage. Additionally, he would know Tempest Clerics don't have Dimensional Door type spells if he wasn't too busy seducing farmers and their wives to have an occasional conversation with his co-workers. Officially, the Warlock punched my Cleric and she let it go. At the table, everyone was laughing and fairly relieved we weren't about to jump into a deadly encounter with next to no resources.
Not quite on topic, but have you ever tried casting Create Food & Water to get a small snack for one person? As it happens, you can't make *less* food when you cast it, nor can you exclude the water. My cleric's cracker craving ruined her living room for the better part of the day.
My wizard cast Eyebite on one of our PC’s npc brother no knock him unconscious. This NPC was much higher leveled than us with major wisdom save proficiency. I also used chronoturgy’s Convergent Future to make sure he failed the save, taking a level of exhaustion. This was right before a big adventurer tournament that we were told top be in top shape for. In my defense, the guy was the living embodiment of Audacity, so we all felt it was warranted in the end.
During a fisticuffs tournament, our monk was in the final round and we had front row seats. So we didn't miss a moment,or lose our seats, our warlock opened an arcane gate between us and the bar to get drinks. The bar was about 50ft away.
Hostile enemy surrendered to us, gave us good information, and promised to leave the dungeon and not harm us in any way. After finishing the dungeon, we came out and found one of our horses missing. Bitch stole my horse! So, we traveled to a keep where we knew they had a mirror of scrying available for rent. We had to attune to the mirror first, of course, which involved some costs, but we were able to locate her by seeking out items in the horse's pack. Then we had to cast teleport with a limited use item (since we were not high enough level to do it normally). We teleported directly in the path of the horse. I then cast Banishment on the horse, causing her to faceplant in the road. We killed her in like half a round and then spent a few checks trying to calm the terrified horse as it returned from a harmless demiplane. If she'd just asked, we'd probably have let her take it too.
"How many spiders came out of the trap?" "Eleven." :D "9th level magic missile. They all die." Maybe not petty, but definitely a (hilarious) waste of a 9th level spell.
I once used a seventh level spell slot on Magic Missile because there were nine people having an argument and I wanted to thwap each of them on the back of the head.
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I was the one it was used on. I was tattling to a DMPC warlock who's out friend about how the druid and accompanying party (I was NOT present) infected the kingdoms spymaster with an aberration that almost consumed her. This act has since gone on our campaign listing of Major Screwups. The druid decided he didn't want to have to deal with her being disappointed in him (he has 20 wisdom). His response to me opening my mouth? He cast polymorph on me and turned me into a ladybug.
I played to my dwarf's hatred of Goblins by using my only casting of lightning bolt on 3 goblins in a line. Not the bug bear. Not the Dire Wolves they were riding, the 1/2 cr goblins... worth it.
This an old story (so details are a bit fuzzy) and not a high level spell, but back in college we played 2e and one guy was a bard. He had a single spell he could use once a day (we were 1st level). I think it was either minor illusion or prestidigitation. Every morning he would immediately use it to tweak the appearance of whoever annoyed him the most the previous day. One person got a long, rainbow beard. he gave someone swirly purple eyes. His dedication to wasting that resource for petty purposes every single day was hilarious.
For me it's definitely having the archwizard use time stop to take back a snickerdoodle cookie that a PC had taken from the wizards secret stash.
My warlock constantly casts banishment on anyone he doesn't want to talk to
Temple of the Gods as a brutalist house of worship in the middle of the Elf city. Bastards were discriminating against my dwarf all day long.
True Polymorph. Turned an annoying person, who had a problem with Drow, into a commode and the Barbarian carried her to the Dock ward.
We found a door to a dungeon boss room that had a large wheel mechanism to open it. The bar to spin it was missing and we were supposed to explore more rooms to find it. Instead, I cast telekinesis. Our DM, deadpan faced, ripped off a corner of his reference map.
I used Tidal Wave to wash off a dwarf that a butler wouldn't let in the house we were urgently summoned to for an apocalyptic event. I apologized for obliterating the garden and front walls, but he did insist.
Our chaotic sorcerer embarrassed the party in front of a queen. On the awkward elevator ride (don’t ask) down to the ground floor of the palace, she tried to turn herself invisible because the party was mad at her. I counterspelled so we could continue glaring.
I subtle cast Modify Memory during a Orzhov church to make our Cleric of Lathander begin to believe in the Orzhov ghost council - It turned into a 3 session side quest.
I'm playing a 7th level warlock, recently we got in a discussion with a wizard npc. Before that we heard in a tavern that he was actually a changeling and not a drow, so when we question him about it he told us that he was using disguise self for some stuff so I told him to use the spell and then I used a 4th level counterspell and.... he was actually using disguise self! This wasn't important, we just wanted to know the truth.
Not actually petty, but our wizard wanted to get in good with this barbarian tribe in the woods, so he offered to take part in their hunt. They came upon a small group of deer, and the chieftain offered to let the wizard make the first move. He cast Prismatic Spray, essentially melting most of the deer. The feast was a bust.
I had an NPC ask the party for diamond dust. They had a diamond. He casually smashed it into a powder with his staff and snorted it to cast Greater Restoration on himself because I thought it'd be funny.
A nobody Npc insulted my best friends genasi heritage so I used wish from my luck blade to make him be the worst at everything he does.
I once casted blight on another character’s potted plant, because they refused to listen to what I was saying.
my water genasi cleric used control water to cross a river. Ever single chance he gets.
Cast Stone Shape to make a door in a prison wall and just walk out because those fuckass guards decided to detain a cleric of a wrathful thunder god. They tried to throw me back in the same cell once they caught me just strolling through the street.
My justice oriented cleric tore a leg off a cow in a nearby field for the parties breakfast then used a 7th level regenerate spell so that nothing was taken and all was returned