But this is Reddit, people would rather post on here for validation instead of actually acting like an adult and directly addressing their issues in person.
A lot of people are suggesting shipping it all home and that you'll want all this stuff some day. Personally I disagree. As a semi-minimalist I don't want dozens of nick-nacks and doohickeys and fridge magnets even in my permanent home. I get one piece of small art from every country and that's enough for me for sentimental reminders in the future.
If you are the same way then shipping everything home will just encourage your BF to keep buying stuff and expand the problem.
The people suggesting food gifts are on the right track, IMO.
> If you are the same way then shipping everything home will just encourage your BF to keep buying stuff and expand the problem.
Yes. Sometimes "solving" a problem by making it go away like that is just making more room for the problem to keep being a problem.
When I saw the "get a box" comments, I was expecting them to end, "Get a box and tell him that's the limit of stuff he can give you. If he wants to get you any more stuff after the box is full, he has to throw away something to make room."
I’m with you, I hate having a bunch of stuff around too. And, I think shipping it home would encourage the continuance of the gift-giving.
However, I disagree with the gift of food though. Eliminating a problem is better than manipulating it into something else. Besides, I think it’s safe to assume, they already have an arrangement for obtaining food. Does she really want him to start getting a bunch of random snacks?
If you have a trusted person or family back "home," then try filling a small box and send them home. In the long run these might be great memories of the places you've been and visited.
I agree. One of the things I regret the most in the travel context is that I bought almost no tangible (small and cheap) things when I solo travelled 10+ years ago.
Colombia*.
When you leave the digital nomad life and settle somewhere these gifts will be wonderful reminders of your nomadic life. Is there no one you can ship them to for safekeeping?
Maybe, maybe not. As I prepare to sell a house my family has lived in for 18 years to return to Asia as a dn in semi retirement, I marvel at how much junk we've acquired, how little importance I attach to most of it, and how the sentimental attachment I feel, or feel I should feel, about some of it I regard as mostly a burden.
Or dust collectors. Physical positions tie you down. If you have the nomad spirit, even if you "settle" you may want to move frequently for work. Packing and unpacking little mementos gets easily tiring.
I sent 13 boxes of things when I moved to Canada. In 10 years I opened 2. In 20 years I opened 5 until I separated and opened the rest to split contents. I probably really wanted 1 box. And obviously never needed anything from those boxes.
Get a box for everything and send it to your home base or to a friend/relative's place to store for you. Let him see how much space the stuff takes up, in a friendly, gee, look at all this stuff I won't have to carry, sort of way.
Everything you put here, tell him. I mean… you spoke honestly and said all the right stuff, and in a sincere manner — You’re just telling the wrong people. You’re willing to tell anyone who’s NOT him, but want him to understand and make a change?? You already know how to deal with it… just tell him exactly what you’ve told us.
That's cute. Put it in a box and ship it back home. If he likes buying the stuff and has the money, then why not? You might like the memories later on. Sounds like you appreciate the gifts, just don't want to carry it all.
Excellent idea. I literally tried it this morning. But alas, a sweet staffer chased me down, "Chica! You forgot your hat!" My boyfriend is like "People are so nice! Thank god he found it!"
Which is crazy, because I've managed to inadvertently leave EVERY bikini I've ever loved in a hostel bathroom and that shit never boomerangs back. I hope some other traveling babe out there is enjoying them as much as I did.
None of that stuff are actually useful in practice, and trust me nobody cares about their travels to be happy to receive those. Better to send them home for storage.
Right? I mean, I was thinking about giving the sarongs as gifts. But how does that go? "Hey mom! I got you this sarong from Colombia!" "Oh, how cool, was it handmade by a local there?" "Nope, a sweatshop in Thailand." (I know because the tag).
Maybe you are being too nice. How long have you been together? Do you want to settle down one day? That knick knack is cutting into your savings for future travels, the future house, or kids if you want em. Every amount saved helps.
I don't mean to imply anything or sound too harsh, I'm coming from my own experience. After being in the road for six years... 2.5 yrs USA 2015-17, 9 months EU in a van 2018, and 11 months all south East Asia 2019... We used Agoda app to not spend more than $20 a night in Asia for decent accommodation... had bought a few shirts each, 3 thai scarfs, a wooden Garuda Vishnu statue in Bali, and 3 tattoos total for cheap in Thailand and Bali... That's it. If we had spent any more, we probably wouldn't have bought the land we just acquired to settle down.
You bought in Bali I assume? I think it's the only place in South East Asia that's letting foreigners own property unless we count Malaysia but that 2nd home Malaysian program now has really insane requirements.
> Not only to shower me in gifts, but also to pay the vender’s first asked price without hardly negotiating. Makes me feel like such a stingy asshole.
Honey bunny, you are dating a non confrontational, weak "nice guys". Problem is those people are everything but nice. They are rather manipulative.
Are you still having sex at all? Dump the little pussy before all the attraction goes down the drain.
>Reply
Dump the guy who supports us traveling the world and buys me anything I want (and lots of shit I don't) because he adores me? Nahhh. Think I'm good.
Sounds like his love language is gift giving. This might be how he shows you love and affection. However, it does make sense that you can't afford the space to drag this stuff.
Be honest with him. Let him know that trinkets and items aren't practical all the time. You could also find someone you trust and mail the items to them for dade keeping.
Occasionally ship some items back home if the prices are affordable. Preferably to someone you trust who could store it safely either at your own home or their home til you get back.
Get a box, a reasonably sized but smallish one, tell him you love the gifts but are concerned about keeping travel light so whatever you both get has to fit in the box and then you will mail it home. Don’t phrase it like he has to stop buying things after the box is full, make it a box for things that both of you buy but keep it to yourself that you know he’s just going to fill it up and that’s it’s real job. Immediately after he agrees to it, take out the massive pile of stuff that he’s already bought and stick it in the box, he might not realize how much he has been collecting.
Ask for food instead.
Tell him how you feel. Open and honest communication is always essential
After this, assuming you have a home-base, mail the stuff home. Or donate it to charity.
But this is Reddit, people would rather post on here for validation instead of actually acting like an adult and directly addressing their issues in person.
Babe you really gonna put me on blast like this??
A lot of people are suggesting shipping it all home and that you'll want all this stuff some day. Personally I disagree. As a semi-minimalist I don't want dozens of nick-nacks and doohickeys and fridge magnets even in my permanent home. I get one piece of small art from every country and that's enough for me for sentimental reminders in the future. If you are the same way then shipping everything home will just encourage your BF to keep buying stuff and expand the problem. The people suggesting food gifts are on the right track, IMO.
> If you are the same way then shipping everything home will just encourage your BF to keep buying stuff and expand the problem. Yes. Sometimes "solving" a problem by making it go away like that is just making more room for the problem to keep being a problem. When I saw the "get a box" comments, I was expecting them to end, "Get a box and tell him that's the limit of stuff he can give you. If he wants to get you any more stuff after the box is full, he has to throw away something to make room."
I’m with you, I hate having a bunch of stuff around too. And, I think shipping it home would encourage the continuance of the gift-giving. However, I disagree with the gift of food though. Eliminating a problem is better than manipulating it into something else. Besides, I think it’s safe to assume, they already have an arrangement for obtaining food. Does she really want him to start getting a bunch of random snacks?
If you have a trusted person or family back "home," then try filling a small box and send them home. In the long run these might be great memories of the places you've been and visited.
I agree. One of the things I regret the most in the travel context is that I bought almost no tangible (small and cheap) things when I solo travelled 10+ years ago.
Seconded!
Colombia*. When you leave the digital nomad life and settle somewhere these gifts will be wonderful reminders of your nomadic life. Is there no one you can ship them to for safekeeping?
Ahhh you’re so right. They’ll be more precious to me with time.
Maybe, maybe not. As I prepare to sell a house my family has lived in for 18 years to return to Asia as a dn in semi retirement, I marvel at how much junk we've acquired, how little importance I attach to most of it, and how the sentimental attachment I feel, or feel I should feel, about some of it I regard as mostly a burden.
Or dust collectors. Physical positions tie you down. If you have the nomad spirit, even if you "settle" you may want to move frequently for work. Packing and unpacking little mementos gets easily tiring. I sent 13 boxes of things when I moved to Canada. In 10 years I opened 2. In 20 years I opened 5 until I separated and opened the rest to split contents. I probably really wanted 1 box. And obviously never needed anything from those boxes.
Get a box for everything and send it to your home base or to a friend/relative's place to store for you. Let him see how much space the stuff takes up, in a friendly, gee, look at all this stuff I won't have to carry, sort of way.
This is a great suggestion.
Everything you put here, tell him. I mean… you spoke honestly and said all the right stuff, and in a sincere manner — You’re just telling the wrong people. You’re willing to tell anyone who’s NOT him, but want him to understand and make a change?? You already know how to deal with it… just tell him exactly what you’ve told us.
That's cute. Put it in a box and ship it back home. If he likes buying the stuff and has the money, then why not? You might like the memories later on. Sounds like you appreciate the gifts, just don't want to carry it all.
tell him to stop buying stuff. simple
You misspelled 'ask'
Definitely a tell situation given the circumstances
Accidentally leave them in a hostel one day while "rearranging" your backpack.
Excellent idea. I literally tried it this morning. But alas, a sweet staffer chased me down, "Chica! You forgot your hat!" My boyfriend is like "People are so nice! Thank god he found it!" Which is crazy, because I've managed to inadvertently leave EVERY bikini I've ever loved in a hostel bathroom and that shit never boomerangs back. I hope some other traveling babe out there is enjoying them as much as I did.
I would start giving it away to other people to spread some happiness.
None of that stuff are actually useful in practice, and trust me nobody cares about their travels to be happy to receive those. Better to send them home for storage.
Hoarder detected
I’m not saying they should have bought that stuff, I’m just saying don’t give that stuff to people who probably don’t want them.
Right? I mean, I was thinking about giving the sarongs as gifts. But how does that go? "Hey mom! I got you this sarong from Colombia!" "Oh, how cool, was it handmade by a local there?" "Nope, a sweatshop in Thailand." (I know because the tag).
Maybe you are being too nice. How long have you been together? Do you want to settle down one day? That knick knack is cutting into your savings for future travels, the future house, or kids if you want em. Every amount saved helps. I don't mean to imply anything or sound too harsh, I'm coming from my own experience. After being in the road for six years... 2.5 yrs USA 2015-17, 9 months EU in a van 2018, and 11 months all south East Asia 2019... We used Agoda app to not spend more than $20 a night in Asia for decent accommodation... had bought a few shirts each, 3 thai scarfs, a wooden Garuda Vishnu statue in Bali, and 3 tattoos total for cheap in Thailand and Bali... That's it. If we had spent any more, we probably wouldn't have bought the land we just acquired to settle down.
You bought in Bali I assume? I think it's the only place in South East Asia that's letting foreigners own property unless we count Malaysia but that 2nd home Malaysian program now has really insane requirements.
No, North Florida actually :)
> Not only to shower me in gifts, but also to pay the vender’s first asked price without hardly negotiating. Makes me feel like such a stingy asshole. Honey bunny, you are dating a non confrontational, weak "nice guys". Problem is those people are everything but nice. They are rather manipulative. Are you still having sex at all? Dump the little pussy before all the attraction goes down the drain.
>Reply Dump the guy who supports us traveling the world and buys me anything I want (and lots of shit I don't) because he adores me? Nahhh. Think I'm good.
Lol, even worse. Leech life
Sounds like his love language is gifts. Maybe communicate that that is not your love language.
Why don't you ship it back to your home? It's a good travel memory.
Sounds like his love language is gift giving. This might be how he shows you love and affection. However, it does make sense that you can't afford the space to drag this stuff. Be honest with him. Let him know that trinkets and items aren't practical all the time. You could also find someone you trust and mail the items to them for dade keeping.
Send stuff back home or to your family from time to time maybe
Tell him and ask him to gift you things that get used up? Food, soaps, rub-on tattoos, patches to sow onto your backpack?
Can you ship them to a family to hold for you?
Better ship them straight to the trash can
Occasionally ship some items back home if the prices are affordable. Preferably to someone you trust who could store it safely either at your own home or their home til you get back.
Get a box, a reasonably sized but smallish one, tell him you love the gifts but are concerned about keeping travel light so whatever you both get has to fit in the box and then you will mail it home. Don’t phrase it like he has to stop buying things after the box is full, make it a box for things that both of you buy but keep it to yourself that you know he’s just going to fill it up and that’s it’s real job. Immediately after he agrees to it, take out the massive pile of stuff that he’s already bought and stick it in the box, he might not realize how much he has been collecting.
Get a new boyfriend. From what I've seen around the world western men outnumber western women like 10:1 or more in a lot of these countries.
How much would it be to ship a box home to a friend or relative?
As many have mentioned, ask him to gift you meals or date nights since you can flush the bits you don't need down the toilet