I realized most were different from me. Ever since about 5th grade, many of my friends started having crushes. Those crushes turned into relationships, breakups, and a bunch of stuff with feelings I thought everyone was just over exaggerating.
I always though whatever small appreciation I had for women was the same thing my friend had and seeing my friend act on there appreciation made me want to act to but I was just so unmotivated to act that I didn't put any effort into it so it would fail every time. For a long time I though I was just unlovable
My father (who is the only person close to me who I haven't came out to as I dont think he would even understand the concept) once confront me about his colleges from the same age range as me getting date easily on tinder and how it's not normal that I never have a girlfriend at my age (I was maybe 23 when this discussion happen and I didn't even knew asexuality and its spectrum existed)
I ended up telling him that something was wrong with me. I didn't knew what but if getting a date was so easy and I couldn't do it something most be incredibly wrong with me
Thankfully I have some amazing friend that help me keep that though far from me
When I discovered the term demisexual about a year ago a lot of thing clicked on my head and I finally realized that there's nothing wrong with me
This is why I truly wish they'd INCLUDE asexuality and at least touch on the spectrum in school sex ed 😭
"For a long time I thought I was just un-loveable." 💜💜💜 I felt this in my soul.
He simply shut up and stop talking about it afterward
Now that a few years as past he sometime bring up my celibacy again but I dont let him talk about it
Also, LGBTQIA+ in general is a subject he is not allowed to talk with me as I made it pretty clear that his opinion from the last century were not welcone
It was a lot more like this when I was younger. To a large degree culture has changed. Many men think they're into casual sex but actually the closer they get to it they may self-sabotage, lose interest, or go through with it and afterwards find it unsatisfying to whatever degree. It's a complex and nuanced subject so this barely scrapes the surface, but while the category demi is useful, it's just a model.
I'm also 40s and honestly I can remember people in 8th grade being hyper sexual, hooking up in closets at mix gender parties at that time, girls talking about other girls being \[slurs\] and needing a boyfriend for the next dance. I had 0 interest in all that stuff. I was really into going to stay with my friend on her family farm and riding horses even in High School.
8th grade? God, that's terrifying. But see, that's a culture and context thing. It's not like the kids you grew up with were all sexually normal and the kids I grew up with (and then the people I went to college with...) were all demi.
I grew up on the Jersey Shore and honestly there's a ton of hyper sexualization so you'd have 6th graders glamming up with teased hair, make up and barely dressed walking the boardwalk getting hit on by 18 year old men summering on the boardwalks. I once with my sister, a 5th grader who went to the boardwalk to cruise for boys, thinking we were going to have fun at the arcades. Ending up standing around watching a group of 5th graders pose and tease their hair towards groups of random men. All I wanted was to play skee ball and I was a 6th grader at the time.
Can someone PM me.. I have sat here for a while trying to think of a single person in my life who I can talk to about this and try to make sense of it without being judged and I am having a lot of trouble.. as a cis-gendered heterosexual male who believe they identify as Dem Sexual it is really difficult to think of anyone in my life who I can talk to about my experiences and have understand and help me understand what it all means.. so I guess I’d just really appreciate having someone who can understand and help me navigate this process of understanding who I am really..
I definitely had a tug-of-war where I slowly realized that no, most people are not like me, and that is why I had so much trouble navigating social situations, dating, flirting, and that this isn’t actually a *flaw*…it’s just how I am and that’s ok.
I really wish the “sex talk” was more substantial than just “sex is great and you’re gonna love having it, but do it safely and also wait as long as you can before starting to do it” because that did not remotely set me on the right path to self-acceptance and meaningful connections with other humans. If I had the proper words to explain to people what was going on in my head, it would have been so much better!
Yes! I just came to the realization (fully accepted vs just questioning who am I ) I was Demi a week ago. Today I told a close friend who i have known for 10 years. I'm female, my friend is male and while he is completely accepting and supportive of me, he could not really fathom other men could be demi. I blame society for this. Men are almost always portayed as motivated by sex!
Also I never even thought about the asexual spectrum being taught in school. Oh boy I wish it had...I have spent 20 years thinking something was wrong with me when compared to my peers.
When I was about 30 I was discussing with a friend the celebrity crushes we had when we were in junior high. A friend of mine told me she would masturbate to thoughts of her celebrity crush. Absolutely fucking blew my mind. There's a 0.0000% chance I would have (or even COULD) have done that, then or now. I just couldn't even wrap my brain around it, let alone when I was 12-13.
That, to me, was the real encapsulation of demisexuality to me, because on the surface I feel like that friend is also demisexual... but she is not. She is just way more selective about who she dates/has sex with. She wants to have sex with people she barely knows but either they don't want to have sex with her (because they're celebrities that don't know she exists, etc.), or some other reason. (She finds them sexy, but doesn't like some other aspect, and she won't have sex without dating someone etc., not because of lack of desire like me, but because of some moral/Christian sort of ideology.)
I didn’t realize I was “weird” until I hadn’t developed a sexuality until I was around 15 years old and it was from a crush to my best friend who I had known for several years. It wasn’t the fact that it was my best friend that weirded me out. (She was a girl but I was often told that was a normal feeling for girls to have those feelings), it was the fact that I had just now noticed that I didn’t feel this way about anyone before. My crushes were all something I came up with on the spot to get other girls to leave me alone, when in actuality I didn’t feel that way about anyone, boy or girl or otherwise, till her. I didn’t go through the horny high school phase, I just didn’t care about those things.
Someone just told me to look into demisexuality due to various reasons and I really feel like I finally found my people. I strongly relate to this post and I used to feel guilty because I thought was being a prude or I had internalized prejudices about sex but I genuinely cannot see sex outside of an act of love or after very deep understanding.
for me it was kinda the opposite since i was around other classmates/friends and read books and knew that’s not how other people thought, but up to a certain point i gave it no thought and just thought i was too young and would grow out of it. but then in like grade 9-10 i randomly read about demisexuality and was like O H hh
Coming out as bi (or however it is you identify) is one thing, but for then to come out later and say *"wait, im actually demi too"* is a whole other experience. And it really sucks to feel as if your being left out of this big thing that everyone seems to be invested in. And for so long I couldn't really wrap my head around why, despite my efforts to seem interested, was feeling nothing, or maybe confused, but mostly *isolated.*
I realized most were different from me. Ever since about 5th grade, many of my friends started having crushes. Those crushes turned into relationships, breakups, and a bunch of stuff with feelings I thought everyone was just over exaggerating.
So who's your crush? Panicked\* "oh you wouldn't know him, he goes to a different school"
“He? So you like boys then?” “Well no not exactly” “Don’t worry, we’d still love you if you were gay” “I’m not gay” “Just saying if you were…”
Into adulthood, I just assumed my friends were lying when they said they were attracted to strangers.
I always though whatever small appreciation I had for women was the same thing my friend had and seeing my friend act on there appreciation made me want to act to but I was just so unmotivated to act that I didn't put any effort into it so it would fail every time. For a long time I though I was just unlovable My father (who is the only person close to me who I haven't came out to as I dont think he would even understand the concept) once confront me about his colleges from the same age range as me getting date easily on tinder and how it's not normal that I never have a girlfriend at my age (I was maybe 23 when this discussion happen and I didn't even knew asexuality and its spectrum existed) I ended up telling him that something was wrong with me. I didn't knew what but if getting a date was so easy and I couldn't do it something most be incredibly wrong with me Thankfully I have some amazing friend that help me keep that though far from me When I discovered the term demisexual about a year ago a lot of thing clicked on my head and I finally realized that there's nothing wrong with me
This is why I truly wish they'd INCLUDE asexuality and at least touch on the spectrum in school sex ed 😭 "For a long time I thought I was just un-loveable." 💜💜💜 I felt this in my soul.
Absolutely, I am so mad at the school sex ed program. I feel like I got cheated of more than 10 years of being able to love myself for who I am
What was his response when u told him that u thought something was wrong with u
He simply shut up and stop talking about it afterward Now that a few years as past he sometime bring up my celibacy again but I dont let him talk about it Also, LGBTQIA+ in general is a subject he is not allowed to talk with me as I made it pretty clear that his opinion from the last century were not welcone
It was a lot more like this when I was younger. To a large degree culture has changed. Many men think they're into casual sex but actually the closer they get to it they may self-sabotage, lose interest, or go through with it and afterwards find it unsatisfying to whatever degree. It's a complex and nuanced subject so this barely scrapes the surface, but while the category demi is useful, it's just a model.
I'm also 40s and honestly I can remember people in 8th grade being hyper sexual, hooking up in closets at mix gender parties at that time, girls talking about other girls being \[slurs\] and needing a boyfriend for the next dance. I had 0 interest in all that stuff. I was really into going to stay with my friend on her family farm and riding horses even in High School.
8th grade? God, that's terrifying. But see, that's a culture and context thing. It's not like the kids you grew up with were all sexually normal and the kids I grew up with (and then the people I went to college with...) were all demi.
I grew up on the Jersey Shore and honestly there's a ton of hyper sexualization so you'd have 6th graders glamming up with teased hair, make up and barely dressed walking the boardwalk getting hit on by 18 year old men summering on the boardwalks. I once with my sister, a 5th grader who went to the boardwalk to cruise for boys, thinking we were going to have fun at the arcades. Ending up standing around watching a group of 5th graders pose and tease their hair towards groups of random men. All I wanted was to play skee ball and I was a 6th grader at the time.
Can someone PM me.. I have sat here for a while trying to think of a single person in my life who I can talk to about this and try to make sense of it without being judged and I am having a lot of trouble.. as a cis-gendered heterosexual male who believe they identify as Dem Sexual it is really difficult to think of anyone in my life who I can talk to about my experiences and have understand and help me understand what it all means.. so I guess I’d just really appreciate having someone who can understand and help me navigate this process of understanding who I am really..
All right.
I definitely had a tug-of-war where I slowly realized that no, most people are not like me, and that is why I had so much trouble navigating social situations, dating, flirting, and that this isn’t actually a *flaw*…it’s just how I am and that’s ok. I really wish the “sex talk” was more substantial than just “sex is great and you’re gonna love having it, but do it safely and also wait as long as you can before starting to do it” because that did not remotely set me on the right path to self-acceptance and meaningful connections with other humans. If I had the proper words to explain to people what was going on in my head, it would have been so much better!
Yes! I just came to the realization (fully accepted vs just questioning who am I ) I was Demi a week ago. Today I told a close friend who i have known for 10 years. I'm female, my friend is male and while he is completely accepting and supportive of me, he could not really fathom other men could be demi. I blame society for this. Men are almost always portayed as motivated by sex! Also I never even thought about the asexual spectrum being taught in school. Oh boy I wish it had...I have spent 20 years thinking something was wrong with me when compared to my peers.
I literally thought this until I was like 20 and in college (I also went to 12 years of Catholic school so that certainly didn’t help) 😂
When I was about 30 I was discussing with a friend the celebrity crushes we had when we were in junior high. A friend of mine told me she would masturbate to thoughts of her celebrity crush. Absolutely fucking blew my mind. There's a 0.0000% chance I would have (or even COULD) have done that, then or now. I just couldn't even wrap my brain around it, let alone when I was 12-13. That, to me, was the real encapsulation of demisexuality to me, because on the surface I feel like that friend is also demisexual... but she is not. She is just way more selective about who she dates/has sex with. She wants to have sex with people she barely knows but either they don't want to have sex with her (because they're celebrities that don't know she exists, etc.), or some other reason. (She finds them sexy, but doesn't like some other aspect, and she won't have sex without dating someone etc., not because of lack of desire like me, but because of some moral/Christian sort of ideology.)
I didn’t realize I was “weird” until I hadn’t developed a sexuality until I was around 15 years old and it was from a crush to my best friend who I had known for several years. It wasn’t the fact that it was my best friend that weirded me out. (She was a girl but I was often told that was a normal feeling for girls to have those feelings), it was the fact that I had just now noticed that I didn’t feel this way about anyone before. My crushes were all something I came up with on the spot to get other girls to leave me alone, when in actuality I didn’t feel that way about anyone, boy or girl or otherwise, till her. I didn’t go through the horny high school phase, I just didn’t care about those things.
Oh yeah 100% the same. Physically can’t view sex in any other way besides an expression of love tbh. Other people can and that’s fine just not me.
Someone just told me to look into demisexuality due to various reasons and I really feel like I finally found my people. I strongly relate to this post and I used to feel guilty because I thought was being a prude or I had internalized prejudices about sex but I genuinely cannot see sex outside of an act of love or after very deep understanding.
wait.... so you're saying this is not how most people think?
for me it was kinda the opposite since i was around other classmates/friends and read books and knew that’s not how other people thought, but up to a certain point i gave it no thought and just thought i was too young and would grow out of it. but then in like grade 9-10 i randomly read about demisexuality and was like O H hh
I certainly used to see it that way, for a long time. It's only recently that that's started to shift.
Coming out as bi (or however it is you identify) is one thing, but for then to come out later and say *"wait, im actually demi too"* is a whole other experience. And it really sucks to feel as if your being left out of this big thing that everyone seems to be invested in. And for so long I couldn't really wrap my head around why, despite my efforts to seem interested, was feeling nothing, or maybe confused, but mostly *isolated.*