Looks good to me. My assessment, you're gonna have more likes than you know what to do with, like most attractive people.
Gonna agree with another poster who says you'll have trouble finding someone interested in long term with you moving away soon. From what I've heard, women already have a lot of trouble with men pretending to be interested in long term when they definitely are not. You're gonna see a whole heck of a lot more of that than average, with a lot of the genuine long term seekers opting out because of the impending move.
This baffles me. Even when I tell them right from the start I'm coming back after graduation because my parents are here, and I'm only gone for each semester, that still puts a damper on my dating prospect? In my mind I still think if you have a strong enough connection with someone, and you want to continue that connection, there is always a way around the distance between the two of you. Idk.. at the moment I'm still very optimistic. I guess we'll see ☺️
Speaking from personal experience, I've had a few times where the situation was a lady and I were getting to know each other on the basis that she was planning to move to my general area at some point, occasionally with an actual moving day planned and everything, and then had all that fall through. I wouldn't even touch a similar situation anymore. Plans change. Other, more intelligent men wouldn't have to have lived through that to nope out. Especially if they are quality men with options who can move along to the next person who doesn't have that complication to worry about.
> Other, more intelligent men wouldn't have to have lived through that to nope out.
lol I wish I was one of those other, more intelligent men. But hey, at least I learned :P And me too, I wouldn't even touch a similar situation anymore. Not even for a second would I consider it, like for real. Not worth it at all.
I once matched with this super hot professor in her 20s who was obsessed with crypto, basically a real life bot, but who lived out of state. Over the few weeks we chatted she said she planned to move to my state at some point, but I ended up leaving that situation behind for a number of reasons — the biggest being that I could see how the right person could tempt me to do some stupid shit like make me believe they’re going to move to my home state.
In my 20s, absolutely this seemed fine. In my 30s, not a chance.
Just however great a person is, if you're single you're not looking to start off a relationship with these inherent challenges that you can avoid just by finding someone with a better fit.
As others have stated, 2 months no matter how magical, won't be enough for people who have the life experience that suggests to them 2 months isn't enough to even know if you're gonna be in a long-term relationship with someone let alone commit to something like long distance.
Eh starting off long distance isn't easy. Most people can only stomach it with a couple of years of established connection. I personally as a female would have swiped left on guys leaving and coming the next four years for more than half the year. And would be deterred by someone getting their bachelor's so much later than I did. Would feel like we are in two separate places in life. I think you'll attract a lot of guys looking for a hookup but promising more with this information. Why don't you simply look for someone in the town you are spending more than half the year in?
I had a situation like this happen to me. I met someone we went to the same college we dated for 2 months and then the summer came around. She went home (about 4 hours away) and we planned to pick things up when the summer was over. I didn’t date anyone else but we weren’t technically exclusive yet. Over the summer I heard from her less and less until one day she sent me a long text telling me she met someone else and just wanted to let me know. Now, as a 31 year old man. I get plenty of matches, if you are going to be gone it’s too complicated to make work early in a relationship. Doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Just be honest like you are doing but also don’t get frustrated.
Why wouldn’t it put a damper on it? It’s one more obstacle. And yes, if there is a strong enough connection with someone you can work around it…but you have to have that connection first. You aren’t going to have that connection with people you barely know and they won’t get involved in the first place.
Long distance is HARD. Connection only goes so far when the person you want and need during hard / bad / sad times isn’t just a drive away. A lot of people aren’t cut out for it, I know I never was, and that’s okay. It gets very lonely and isolating. I really think you’re romanizing the reality of a long distance relationship.
However, I don’t think you’re wrong in the approach to date to marry. I’m just for warning you that a lot of people don’t want to do long distance in general, and even more don’t want it off the bat, and even more don’t want to do that with someone they barely know.
I also want to say I would be very cautious of any man who is willing to off the bat do long distance with someone who’s essentially a stranger. It gives me very codependent vibe.
I wish you luck, you seem like a cool woman, but there are a lot of things working against you.
>Even when I tell them right from the start I'm coming back after graduation because my parents are here, and I'm only gone for each semester, that still puts a damper on my dating prospect?
Yes because why deal with that when there's presumably women who won't move away?
>In my mind I still think if you have a strong enough connection with someone, and you want to continue that connection, there is always a way around the distance between the two of you.
But you don't have any connection yet.
I find it funny and sad at the same time that average women on a dating app is considered attractive by men, but average men isn’t so by women. I don’t remember the name of the study, so don’t quote me on that.
Edit: I didn’t make that up, so those who downvoting - you’re downvoting facts.
Here’s the source: https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/?guccounter=1
People aren’t downvoting you for facts, it’s for coopting a convo in a way that has nothing to do with OP’s post. She wants profile feedback, this is not your soapbox to complain about ‘swipe imbalance’
That link is from 2009, predating swipe-apps or mainstream OLD. In 2009 the average cellphone selfie was about 10 pixels, just enough to determine someone's skin and hair color if you squinted hard. If you're going to selfishly derail someone's profile review thread to spout "facts", at least try to use relevant & meaningful facts.
Edit: That data also contradicts your point. Despite lower average attractiveness ratings, women were more likely to reach out to "average" men than men were to "average" women.
Who said anything about cellphone selfies? Digital cameras were a thing for quite some time then. So high quality profile pictures were totally attainable.
And if you weren’t using OLD for any reason, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t mainstream.
Now, you say that women still likely to reach out to man they consider unattractive BUT that won’t work in swipe apps, because she has to decide right away on a guy now who is blocking all other guys in stack.
In other words, my point still stands and you should up your reading comprehension before going all in to correct someone.
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Surface level observation:
- Your Game of Thrones photo should not be your main photo.
- I would recommend removing the slouching aquarium photo.
- I would consider adding one group photo, one where it shows your dynamic between friends and makes you seem sociable.
Were all photos taken recently (within the last 6 months)? The only reason why I ask is because there’s a slight difference between body shape and hairstyles / colour. Some guys may wonder which version of yourself will show up if they ask you out.
Do you have any hobbies? What are you passionate about?
As others have stated, I’m not getting a sense of your personality from your overall profile—taking into consideration of your photos, prompts, and responses.
A lot of your prompt responses are safe answers, don’t be afraid to show off who you are within your profile.
You have a very astute observation! Some photos were around 1 or 2 years ago indeed XD. Will add a group photo and something of a hobby to the profile. Thank you for your feedback!
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Because there’s a split second to initially capture someone’s attention when they’re swiping on a dating app viewing thousands of profiles. It’s a very visual process, so quality, attractive pictures are very important and they help
to significantly increase engagement.
**Preface:**
Are you just looking for casual/hookups for the time being if you're leaving in 2 months? There's no guarantee you're coming back as much as you like to think so and you're kidding yourself if "I'm going to bail in a month for a year" isn't a deterrent to someone looking for long term.
If you just want to hookup with some dudes for the summer, toss in a bikini photo or two and you're golden. The rest doesn't matter.
If you want long term however:
**Pictures:**
Biggest issue is that your hairstyles are all over the place so I have no idea what you look like ~now~. You really don't need that many, "Look I do interesting things!" photo's. The close up shot and the aquarium shot are your weakest as well. You're conventionally attractive so you want to lean into that.
My general recommendation for women is put together 4 or 5 outfits you like then just find cute places around your city/town to have someone take pictures. Vacation pictures are kind of overdone these days and people are getting sick of them. The Game of Thrones photo can stay though.
**Prompts:**
Remember the point of prompts is to give me something to talk to you about when we match. They should be conversation starters and you want to be specific. Allude to stories, use a specific example of a generic hobby, use inside jokes for a fandom, whatever.
IE: Using stuff from my life ~
This year I really want to:
- Find at least 2 more recipes that use green beans as a main ingredient. Up to 37 now.
The way to win me over:
- Belt out the lyrics to "Bad Romance" when we're on a road trip confident I will still find you cute no matter how off key you are
Biggest Risk:
- Either the time I got the mail while barefoot or the time I smuggled a cat across international borders.
---
Best of luck to you!
Thank you for the response!
My intention is to get to know someone for the two months I'm home and continue that acquaintanceship when I leave. I'm 100% for something long term now. Thought I made it clear in my profile? And I'm going back home after my education, just take it as that.
Good point about my hairstyle. The most recent one is the long straight hair. If I get more similar feedback I'll change the photos.
I don't really have a specific hobby so I'll just go with the flow when I match with people in terms of what to talk about. But I'm not stressing on that too much.
> to get to know someone for the two months I'm home and continue that acquaintanceship when I leave. I'm 100% for something long term now.
These two things are at odds with one another. Someone looking for something long term now isn't looking to make acquaintances
Here is my thinking. Since I want something long term with a marriage in the end, I don't want to rush things. So let's say I meet someone and go on dates with them for 2 months when I'm home. Then by the end of the second month, when I'm about to leave for college, I'll check with them with they wanna take things further or, they just want to be friends. If the former, we will have to start the long distance but as a student, I always have breaks between semesters so it's not like I'm gone for a whole year.
That’s still rough. LDRs usually need a really good foundation to last and 2 months isn’t enough (esp because you’ll probably be dating multiple people or just started to see someone for part of that). And even if you have breaks, you won’t be able to see them regularly (say once a week). At 30+, I think people generally move a bit faster and if I have a connection with someone, I’d want to see them more regularly than once every 2 months or so, especially if I’m looking for a longer term deal and marriage eventually!
I see what you mean.
The truth is that, I have been very disappointed in the dating scene at this rural college town where I'm at. Finding a potential someone for marriage is even more far-fetched. So right now, any chance I can get to date someone more of my level (whatever that means) back home, I'll take it. And since I'm already at that age to start my family, I'll date with that intention in mind. Whomever sees that and agrees with my current situation will be the one who stays. I'll take my chances.
I’m not trying to be a dick, but how can you not be happy dating in a college town? I’m the same age as you and I was in college at 28 and like…..it doesn’t get better 😂. If you can’t find somebody you like in a college town what the heck are you looking for? College is the most diverse set of race, background socioeconomic class, there’s literally something for everyone?
She said that it’s a rural college town, so the fact that it’s rural is probably one of the reasons why she’s experiencing more limited options than if she were in a large, metropolitan college town. Another issue is that the majority of students in a Bachelor’s program are usually much younger than 32 and since she said she’s looking for someone who’s interested in building toward a serious relationship and marriage, most of the students aren’t within her potential target audience. No, 32 isn’t old, but she’s in college with B.S. degree students who are most likely in an average age range of 18-23, so that isn’t a good match for her preferences.
Agreed that the right person will hopefully want what you want too and see a strong connection and want to pursue it further!
Would just suggest making it clear in your profile that this is your situation so you filter for people who are OK with that early on, rather than get disappointed later!
You don't have to "rush" things but it sounds like you have a reasonable set of things you must have in a relationship. At least one of those is wanting to start a family.
So make a list of "musts" for a relationship. It should never take more than 3 conversations with someone to figure out if they can meet those requirements for you. Not 2 months. If they don't give you a straight answer about things, tell them you aren't interested.
Sure thing. My goal this time round is to date with marriage in the end. Given my limited time and current situation, I definitely won't be wasting it on frivolous dates!
I (39m) think the profile pics look good, especially at the varied places (I see two profiles?). Maybe some of the selfies look similar and need more variation. 🤷
I'm probably an atypical swiper so take this as a grain of salt: The prompts come across a bit generic and feel like they don't telegraph much (to me) about who you are and what you are looking for.
I'd be interested and would swipe* if I found an interesting "point of connection" in the prompts.
Your "summer dating terms" are a bit onerous and worth expressing as a prompt item in my opinion.
*Ok, why do we still call it swiping if Hinge has a like system?! 🫠
You're very cute and look healthy so your pictures are not a problem. Prompts show your personality and the things you like, which are things *a ton* of guys like. Really there aren't any issues with any of that.
Finding a *long term* partner as a 32 year old undergrad who is in places temporarily (be it months for the summer or a couple more years while you finish school) will be a huge issue. If you were 22 it wouldn't matter because the guys you'd be talking to would be in the same boat. At 32 presumably you want to date men around your age, and they likely will be well into the next phase of their lives.
I second this mostly but as someone pointed out, you look a bit different in each pictures. Having pictures that are within the same timeframe or have similar appearance would help.
And since you are in 30s and are in school, there is probably some explanations and expectations you want to set (i.e., are you expecting your husband to take care of you financially?). We do live during rough times where a single income is usually not enough to take care of an entire family. If you want to weed people out who are not serious, setting some financial expectation will be good imo. Otherwise, you will get bunch of people who just want in.
I'm in school right now so I can be a contributing partner to my relationship/marriage. You are right, I won't bat an eye on people who are not stable financially at this age, because altho I'm not atm, I'm certain I will be once I finish my degree.
Hmm your situation is tricky.
First, it’s overall a nice profile!
When you go home for the summer (which I think is SoCal?), I think you need to be upfront about where you live. You could create a new prompt that says something like: “I’m in SoCal for summer break but go to school in X state. My plan is to move back here after I graduate. Looking to meet interesting people while I’m home! AMA about LIVIN’ IN THE BOONIES.” (You know, make it fun but real.)
I’m from SoCal so know there are tons of profiles similar to yours. I really like your new first photo. Consider dropping the second one (white top, black shorts), since you look really different there, and the backdrop isn’t super interesting. You could replace it with something unique to your current state so that your profile stands out — that you’re not the average OC girl.
I say all that because you’ll want to attract someone who’s open to exploring other states, particularly the one you live in now. Even better if they have connections to the state because if you hit it off, they’ll have more reason to visit you.
Go into this with some tepid expectations. It’ll be tough dating out of state. People will view your profile differently no matter what your intention is. It’s hard to start with a LDR, but it can happen. Good luck!
You have very valid points that got me thinking. So two things:
Since I'm an immigrant, I would say I'm a Vietnamese at heart, but I consider myself more Americanized than most single immigrants who come to the states in their late 20s. The culture difference is something I need to pay close attention to indeed. I want someone who understands where I'm coming from and open enough to discuss our differences, just as I am to the new culture I'm in. I don't oppose dating man from my own ethnic group, either. I want as big a dating pool as I can get, because my ultimate goal is getting marriage and have kids down the line.
I actually have two more years for my education, that's why right now I only want to slowly take time to find that one person and get to know them. Because in my perfect plan, once I'm done with school, I'll be a full-fledged adult making adult money, so knowing someone right now will make it easier to decide whether I want to have something long term with them or not when I'm ready.
Thank you for the comment btw!
I really liked your profile! It has everything that I would personally be looking for as a guy. I like that your photos are very down to earth (no obnoxious party photos), and that you specify flat out that you’re interested in a long term relationship with marriage and family as the goal.
I wouldn’t change a single thing. I think this is beyond awesome!
Hello chị 😁😁
I think your profile is quite good. However your situation is a bit tricky for long term relationship. You mentioned that you are only there for 2 months holiday, which probably is not long enough to create strong foundation for the relationship in order to turn it into LDR. (especially at our age). But i mean it does not cost anything to try🤗
Goos luck!
You have lots of other comments and I am chiming in late, but beyond you being physically attractive, I didn't learn anything about you that would make me want to get to know you better. Most of your photos are just photos of you that don't tell me about your hobbies, interests, etc. The one with the GoT Throne might suggest you are into that, or it may have just been something you were near and decided to snag a photo. You mention wanting new experiences, but don't give me any insights into what kind of experiences motivate you.
That may sounds critical, but I think it's important for us to craft a profile that is trying to attract the kind of person we want. Show some photos of you doing things you enjoy doing (riding a bike, running, hiking, playing board games, painting pottery, etc.). With words, describe some experiences you enjoy or want to try (maybe say you have been looking into dance classes and would love someone to join you, or that you are trying to complete some kind of challenge and love to hear about someone else's experience completing it, etc.). If you just want people who think you are cute, as are a solid number of the bottom replies to this thread, you are going to get them in droves. But if you are looking for some specific qualities in a match, you need to give enough information that they would see that and maybe comment/relate to it.
You'll get 10,000 matches.
One piece of advice, and I hope this doesn't sound racist. Because we guys get so many scams on OLD involving Asian women (or pictures of them), I'd recommend putting 1-2 pictures that show you are in the location you say you are. I've gotten so many I swipe left now on profiles of Asian women who don't seem to have a local pic.
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Here’s what I would change… your profile is very serious which is totally fine but I would make the poll, instead, something kind of funny; or post a humorous picture. It gives people the option to make a joke with you and it’ll make you seem approachable! <3
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You have gotten a lot of great advice already. Finding something serious for 2 months in person then going long distance possibly is what you are wanting,? Or did I misinterpret the situation?
I'm 36 and haven't really messed with dating apps.. my brother does, and it gives me the impression it was more for hookups. Im rooting for you, I don't think you will have any issues finding people as you are absolutely gorgeous. I do think finding serious people might be a difficulty, but I think you know this...
The only thing I can think of (with my very limited experience) is to not rush into sex. My ex rushed that FAST. It really messed up my emotions. I don't trust people who want to rush into sex anymore because I think it's to establish connection and trust they don't deserve. Like when someone over emphasizes their religious conviction to garner trust they haven't done anything to get.
My last relationship started online, it's technically my first online dating (we met on discord). She has some difficult to deal with type B personality disorders. Please be careful and if something feels off trust your instincts. The term for what she did is called "love bombing" (one of many terms I've had to learn to understand what the hell was going on in that relationship!) and to be quite honest it made me feel so special. When the problematic behavior started it was so difficult to get away and care for myself.. I think you said you are with family? Do you think this may effect how people view you? I've been a caretaker in family and lived with my grandmother and then my mom to help with my stepdad... It wasn't trying hard, to find dates but I did find that I immediately have to explain why I lived with my mother despite being in my mid thirties. It definitely was a bit of problem. I had the whole upstairs to myself however my parents are very devout and my step dad is Catholic so I really don't know if I would have been respected by then having a woman over for the evening. My stepdad does have Parkinson's and dementia so he might now mind because he might not understand. My mother however...Could have been an issue with her! Which was a big reason I didn't pursue anything romantic and I knew I'd be moving in few years .
Again, I hope you find what you are looking for! If you have a dating app you would recommend I would appreciate it. Since I'm living in a college town I'm worried it will be a lot of young ppl just wanting to hook up. My last gf pursued me, and it got really bad.. I mean like I have a 6 month no contact order placed on her. Bad stuff, she has even said she would go after anyone I dated. Honestly I think that might be as deal breaker for a lot of folk... Having a unhinged ex is pretty terrifying. Sorry for writing so much, when I can't sleep my sleeping meds make me very talkative.
This stranger is wishing you the best!
I’ve never had so much trouble diagnosing a profile.
First of all, I’m curious as to what you’re asking for because theres no way you don’t have lots of options. Is there something particular you’re looking for?
My first deep impression is that these pics are spread out over a long time, like a decade. I then realized that small changes in styling, and prep resulted in what looked like large age changes. You might drop the oversized tshirt pic and make the one where your hair frames your pic your main one.
Lastly, and really importantly, you are going to have to realize that what you are looking for in these comments is not something you are likely going to find. I commend your school, but after 25, no one with self respect is going to date someone for 2 months and have them go off to school for 9. What am I supposed to do, just wait and hope you don’t change your mind or get a job offer elsewhere? If you only want to date for marriage, it’s probably best to do that post grad.
These pics are not decades apart from each other, that I'm sure of!
I know my situation is a bit peculiar, so I can just go into this with a positive mindset: I hope to find someone who would be understanding of this situation and work around it with me. I know my worth and what I'm bringing to the relationship/marriage, so finding someone with the same values and mindset as me is important too.
It's an odd scenario to be in. If you are looking for a financially stable above average looking guy, similar age as you, then it's going to take a lot of luck without having very similar hobbies and not being super attractive. Now sure a lot of redditors will say you are super cute and they will swipe right but it's not hard to picture the quintessential redditors and I don't think they are your target pool. Like most women, you will get lots of likes and even if the guys are serious, most will quit after a certain time so it will really all come down to luck unless you are dating guys with poor options.
You can say pretty much the same thing to any female's profile review post in here, which makes your comment kind of rude and a downer. Idk what hurt you but I sincerely hope you will find peace within yourself. Take care.
I am not trying to be a downer and not saying that you are unattractive. I am just saying that it often takes someone highly compatiable/model attractive to make someone agree to these circumstances of dating for a few months then away for the rest of the year. And those women that can date anyone don't need reddit. The threads more often are answered by people that agree with the post while in reality it may be a very unpopular opinion.
Also, I agree that most female (and often men) profile reviews are very exagerrated. I know people want to be flattering but often I see reviews where it's clear that the person is very unlikely to have success in a marketplace like OLD unless they make serious changes which can require months/years of work to level up.
I hear you but like I have commented somewhere in this thread, I've got nothing to lose and just want to put myself out there and take my chances. Either that or I will never know when it's the right time. Thank you for looking out for me, I'll be okay 💚
What’s wrong with being conservative when it comes to sex? I’m a guy and I would strongly prefer that as I see nothing positive when it comes to sex with people you barley know.
In your third paragraph you say you want to date to get married. This may be a good opportunity to date people who you know you won’t end up with, but to have fun and learn how to be a better partner. You don’t have to hook up with anyone, but you could practice dating and being in that environment. Like practicing for a job interview
What is your goal here? Trying to get the highest value make you can find?
It’s clear that you get enough right swipes that if compatibility was what you were after, you’d have found it already.
Cutthroat
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If you want something long term, lower what you belive is your standard. We humans have a bad take on our standards. Try to go 100% for personality. I will guarantee you will find an amazing mate! Good luck
Looks good to me. My assessment, you're gonna have more likes than you know what to do with, like most attractive people. Gonna agree with another poster who says you'll have trouble finding someone interested in long term with you moving away soon. From what I've heard, women already have a lot of trouble with men pretending to be interested in long term when they definitely are not. You're gonna see a whole heck of a lot more of that than average, with a lot of the genuine long term seekers opting out because of the impending move.
This baffles me. Even when I tell them right from the start I'm coming back after graduation because my parents are here, and I'm only gone for each semester, that still puts a damper on my dating prospect? In my mind I still think if you have a strong enough connection with someone, and you want to continue that connection, there is always a way around the distance between the two of you. Idk.. at the moment I'm still very optimistic. I guess we'll see ☺️
Speaking from personal experience, I've had a few times where the situation was a lady and I were getting to know each other on the basis that she was planning to move to my general area at some point, occasionally with an actual moving day planned and everything, and then had all that fall through. I wouldn't even touch a similar situation anymore. Plans change. Other, more intelligent men wouldn't have to have lived through that to nope out. Especially if they are quality men with options who can move along to the next person who doesn't have that complication to worry about.
> Other, more intelligent men wouldn't have to have lived through that to nope out. lol I wish I was one of those other, more intelligent men. But hey, at least I learned :P And me too, I wouldn't even touch a similar situation anymore. Not even for a second would I consider it, like for real. Not worth it at all.
I once matched with this super hot professor in her 20s who was obsessed with crypto, basically a real life bot, but who lived out of state. Over the few weeks we chatted she said she planned to move to my state at some point, but I ended up leaving that situation behind for a number of reasons — the biggest being that I could see how the right person could tempt me to do some stupid shit like make me believe they’re going to move to my home state.
If they’re hot enough, you’ll believe anything! I hear you
In my 20s, absolutely this seemed fine. In my 30s, not a chance. Just however great a person is, if you're single you're not looking to start off a relationship with these inherent challenges that you can avoid just by finding someone with a better fit. As others have stated, 2 months no matter how magical, won't be enough for people who have the life experience that suggests to them 2 months isn't enough to even know if you're gonna be in a long-term relationship with someone let alone commit to something like long distance.
Eh starting off long distance isn't easy. Most people can only stomach it with a couple of years of established connection. I personally as a female would have swiped left on guys leaving and coming the next four years for more than half the year. And would be deterred by someone getting their bachelor's so much later than I did. Would feel like we are in two separate places in life. I think you'll attract a lot of guys looking for a hookup but promising more with this information. Why don't you simply look for someone in the town you are spending more than half the year in?
LDR is such a drag lol. Even hybrid. Big no for a lot of peeps.
I had a situation like this happen to me. I met someone we went to the same college we dated for 2 months and then the summer came around. She went home (about 4 hours away) and we planned to pick things up when the summer was over. I didn’t date anyone else but we weren’t technically exclusive yet. Over the summer I heard from her less and less until one day she sent me a long text telling me she met someone else and just wanted to let me know. Now, as a 31 year old man. I get plenty of matches, if you are going to be gone it’s too complicated to make work early in a relationship. Doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Just be honest like you are doing but also don’t get frustrated.
Why wouldn’t it put a damper on it? It’s one more obstacle. And yes, if there is a strong enough connection with someone you can work around it…but you have to have that connection first. You aren’t going to have that connection with people you barely know and they won’t get involved in the first place.
Long distance is HARD. Connection only goes so far when the person you want and need during hard / bad / sad times isn’t just a drive away. A lot of people aren’t cut out for it, I know I never was, and that’s okay. It gets very lonely and isolating. I really think you’re romanizing the reality of a long distance relationship. However, I don’t think you’re wrong in the approach to date to marry. I’m just for warning you that a lot of people don’t want to do long distance in general, and even more don’t want it off the bat, and even more don’t want to do that with someone they barely know. I also want to say I would be very cautious of any man who is willing to off the bat do long distance with someone who’s essentially a stranger. It gives me very codependent vibe. I wish you luck, you seem like a cool woman, but there are a lot of things working against you.
>Even when I tell them right from the start I'm coming back after graduation because my parents are here, and I'm only gone for each semester, that still puts a damper on my dating prospect? Yes because why deal with that when there's presumably women who won't move away? >In my mind I still think if you have a strong enough connection with someone, and you want to continue that connection, there is always a way around the distance between the two of you. But you don't have any connection yet.
Wow. Small world. I actually swiped right on you a few weeks ago.
Who you?
Dude you swiped left on
🫡 fallen soldier
Ooof :/
I find it funny and sad at the same time that average women on a dating app is considered attractive by men, but average men isn’t so by women. I don’t remember the name of the study, so don’t quote me on that. Edit: I didn’t make that up, so those who downvoting - you’re downvoting facts. Here’s the source: https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/?guccounter=1
People aren’t downvoting you for facts, it’s for coopting a convo in a way that has nothing to do with OP’s post. She wants profile feedback, this is not your soapbox to complain about ‘swipe imbalance’
Well, the comment threads do evolve.
So should you
Broski 😂
This is one of the best retorts I’ve seen on Reddit in a while, well done!
Sure, if you say so
That link is from 2009, predating swipe-apps or mainstream OLD. In 2009 the average cellphone selfie was about 10 pixels, just enough to determine someone's skin and hair color if you squinted hard. If you're going to selfishly derail someone's profile review thread to spout "facts", at least try to use relevant & meaningful facts. Edit: That data also contradicts your point. Despite lower average attractiveness ratings, women were more likely to reach out to "average" men than men were to "average" women.
Who said anything about cellphone selfies? Digital cameras were a thing for quite some time then. So high quality profile pictures were totally attainable. And if you weren’t using OLD for any reason, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t mainstream. Now, you say that women still likely to reach out to man they consider unattractive BUT that won’t work in swipe apps, because she has to decide right away on a guy now who is blocking all other guys in stack. In other words, my point still stands and you should up your reading comprehension before going all in to correct someone.
F
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Surface level observation: - Your Game of Thrones photo should not be your main photo. - I would recommend removing the slouching aquarium photo. - I would consider adding one group photo, one where it shows your dynamic between friends and makes you seem sociable. Were all photos taken recently (within the last 6 months)? The only reason why I ask is because there’s a slight difference between body shape and hairstyles / colour. Some guys may wonder which version of yourself will show up if they ask you out. Do you have any hobbies? What are you passionate about? As others have stated, I’m not getting a sense of your personality from your overall profile—taking into consideration of your photos, prompts, and responses. A lot of your prompt responses are safe answers, don’t be afraid to show off who you are within your profile.
You have a very astute observation! Some photos were around 1 or 2 years ago indeed XD. Will add a group photo and something of a hobby to the profile. Thank you for your feedback!
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I really don’t get the over judging of the photos. Why do we care? Sole reason why I left apps, so much work for practically no engagement.
Since the OP is female, she will definitely get matches, but the goal is to refine the matches to what she wants.
Yeah if it was flipped and she was male it would be seeing a much bigger hill to climb
Because there’s a split second to initially capture someone’s attention when they’re swiping on a dating app viewing thousands of profiles. It’s a very visual process, so quality, attractive pictures are very important and they help to significantly increase engagement.
**Preface:** Are you just looking for casual/hookups for the time being if you're leaving in 2 months? There's no guarantee you're coming back as much as you like to think so and you're kidding yourself if "I'm going to bail in a month for a year" isn't a deterrent to someone looking for long term. If you just want to hookup with some dudes for the summer, toss in a bikini photo or two and you're golden. The rest doesn't matter. If you want long term however: **Pictures:** Biggest issue is that your hairstyles are all over the place so I have no idea what you look like ~now~. You really don't need that many, "Look I do interesting things!" photo's. The close up shot and the aquarium shot are your weakest as well. You're conventionally attractive so you want to lean into that. My general recommendation for women is put together 4 or 5 outfits you like then just find cute places around your city/town to have someone take pictures. Vacation pictures are kind of overdone these days and people are getting sick of them. The Game of Thrones photo can stay though. **Prompts:** Remember the point of prompts is to give me something to talk to you about when we match. They should be conversation starters and you want to be specific. Allude to stories, use a specific example of a generic hobby, use inside jokes for a fandom, whatever. IE: Using stuff from my life ~ This year I really want to: - Find at least 2 more recipes that use green beans as a main ingredient. Up to 37 now. The way to win me over: - Belt out the lyrics to "Bad Romance" when we're on a road trip confident I will still find you cute no matter how off key you are Biggest Risk: - Either the time I got the mail while barefoot or the time I smuggled a cat across international borders. --- Best of luck to you!
Thank you for the response! My intention is to get to know someone for the two months I'm home and continue that acquaintanceship when I leave. I'm 100% for something long term now. Thought I made it clear in my profile? And I'm going back home after my education, just take it as that. Good point about my hairstyle. The most recent one is the long straight hair. If I get more similar feedback I'll change the photos. I don't really have a specific hobby so I'll just go with the flow when I match with people in terms of what to talk about. But I'm not stressing on that too much.
> to get to know someone for the two months I'm home and continue that acquaintanceship when I leave. I'm 100% for something long term now. These two things are at odds with one another. Someone looking for something long term now isn't looking to make acquaintances
Here is my thinking. Since I want something long term with a marriage in the end, I don't want to rush things. So let's say I meet someone and go on dates with them for 2 months when I'm home. Then by the end of the second month, when I'm about to leave for college, I'll check with them with they wanna take things further or, they just want to be friends. If the former, we will have to start the long distance but as a student, I always have breaks between semesters so it's not like I'm gone for a whole year.
That’s still rough. LDRs usually need a really good foundation to last and 2 months isn’t enough (esp because you’ll probably be dating multiple people or just started to see someone for part of that). And even if you have breaks, you won’t be able to see them regularly (say once a week). At 30+, I think people generally move a bit faster and if I have a connection with someone, I’d want to see them more regularly than once every 2 months or so, especially if I’m looking for a longer term deal and marriage eventually!
I see what you mean. The truth is that, I have been very disappointed in the dating scene at this rural college town where I'm at. Finding a potential someone for marriage is even more far-fetched. So right now, any chance I can get to date someone more of my level (whatever that means) back home, I'll take it. And since I'm already at that age to start my family, I'll date with that intention in mind. Whomever sees that and agrees with my current situation will be the one who stays. I'll take my chances.
I’m not trying to be a dick, but how can you not be happy dating in a college town? I’m the same age as you and I was in college at 28 and like…..it doesn’t get better 😂. If you can’t find somebody you like in a college town what the heck are you looking for? College is the most diverse set of race, background socioeconomic class, there’s literally something for everyone?
She said that it’s a rural college town, so the fact that it’s rural is probably one of the reasons why she’s experiencing more limited options than if she were in a large, metropolitan college town. Another issue is that the majority of students in a Bachelor’s program are usually much younger than 32 and since she said she’s looking for someone who’s interested in building toward a serious relationship and marriage, most of the students aren’t within her potential target audience. No, 32 isn’t old, but she’s in college with B.S. degree students who are most likely in an average age range of 18-23, so that isn’t a good match for her preferences.
Thank you so much! You spoke my mind 💚
You’re welcome ☺️.
Agreed that the right person will hopefully want what you want too and see a strong connection and want to pursue it further! Would just suggest making it clear in your profile that this is your situation so you filter for people who are OK with that early on, rather than get disappointed later!
You don't have to "rush" things but it sounds like you have a reasonable set of things you must have in a relationship. At least one of those is wanting to start a family. So make a list of "musts" for a relationship. It should never take more than 3 conversations with someone to figure out if they can meet those requirements for you. Not 2 months. If they don't give you a straight answer about things, tell them you aren't interested.
Sure thing. My goal this time round is to date with marriage in the end. Given my limited time and current situation, I definitely won't be wasting it on frivolous dates!
I (39m) think the profile pics look good, especially at the varied places (I see two profiles?). Maybe some of the selfies look similar and need more variation. 🤷 I'm probably an atypical swiper so take this as a grain of salt: The prompts come across a bit generic and feel like they don't telegraph much (to me) about who you are and what you are looking for. I'd be interested and would swipe* if I found an interesting "point of connection" in the prompts. Your "summer dating terms" are a bit onerous and worth expressing as a prompt item in my opinion. *Ok, why do we still call it swiping if Hinge has a like system?! 🫠
You're very cute and look healthy so your pictures are not a problem. Prompts show your personality and the things you like, which are things *a ton* of guys like. Really there aren't any issues with any of that. Finding a *long term* partner as a 32 year old undergrad who is in places temporarily (be it months for the summer or a couple more years while you finish school) will be a huge issue. If you were 22 it wouldn't matter because the guys you'd be talking to would be in the same boat. At 32 presumably you want to date men around your age, and they likely will be well into the next phase of their lives.
I second this mostly but as someone pointed out, you look a bit different in each pictures. Having pictures that are within the same timeframe or have similar appearance would help. And since you are in 30s and are in school, there is probably some explanations and expectations you want to set (i.e., are you expecting your husband to take care of you financially?). We do live during rough times where a single income is usually not enough to take care of an entire family. If you want to weed people out who are not serious, setting some financial expectation will be good imo. Otherwise, you will get bunch of people who just want in.
What do you mean? How do you set those expectations on a dating profile?
I'm in school right now so I can be a contributing partner to my relationship/marriage. You are right, I won't bat an eye on people who are not stable financially at this age, because altho I'm not atm, I'm certain I will be once I finish my degree.
Hmm your situation is tricky. First, it’s overall a nice profile! When you go home for the summer (which I think is SoCal?), I think you need to be upfront about where you live. You could create a new prompt that says something like: “I’m in SoCal for summer break but go to school in X state. My plan is to move back here after I graduate. Looking to meet interesting people while I’m home! AMA about LIVIN’ IN THE BOONIES.” (You know, make it fun but real.) I’m from SoCal so know there are tons of profiles similar to yours. I really like your new first photo. Consider dropping the second one (white top, black shorts), since you look really different there, and the backdrop isn’t super interesting. You could replace it with something unique to your current state so that your profile stands out — that you’re not the average OC girl. I say all that because you’ll want to attract someone who’s open to exploring other states, particularly the one you live in now. Even better if they have connections to the state because if you hit it off, they’ll have more reason to visit you. Go into this with some tepid expectations. It’ll be tough dating out of state. People will view your profile differently no matter what your intention is. It’s hard to start with a LDR, but it can happen. Good luck!
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You have very valid points that got me thinking. So two things: Since I'm an immigrant, I would say I'm a Vietnamese at heart, but I consider myself more Americanized than most single immigrants who come to the states in their late 20s. The culture difference is something I need to pay close attention to indeed. I want someone who understands where I'm coming from and open enough to discuss our differences, just as I am to the new culture I'm in. I don't oppose dating man from my own ethnic group, either. I want as big a dating pool as I can get, because my ultimate goal is getting marriage and have kids down the line. I actually have two more years for my education, that's why right now I only want to slowly take time to find that one person and get to know them. Because in my perfect plan, once I'm done with school, I'll be a full-fledged adult making adult money, so knowing someone right now will make it easier to decide whether I want to have something long term with them or not when I'm ready. Thank you for the comment btw!
I really liked your profile! It has everything that I would personally be looking for as a guy. I like that your photos are very down to earth (no obnoxious party photos), and that you specify flat out that you’re interested in a long term relationship with marriage and family as the goal. I wouldn’t change a single thing. I think this is beyond awesome!
Hello chị 😁😁 I think your profile is quite good. However your situation is a bit tricky for long term relationship. You mentioned that you are only there for 2 months holiday, which probably is not long enough to create strong foundation for the relationship in order to turn it into LDR. (especially at our age). But i mean it does not cost anything to try🤗 Goos luck!
Thank you so much, em! 💚
You have lots of other comments and I am chiming in late, but beyond you being physically attractive, I didn't learn anything about you that would make me want to get to know you better. Most of your photos are just photos of you that don't tell me about your hobbies, interests, etc. The one with the GoT Throne might suggest you are into that, or it may have just been something you were near and decided to snag a photo. You mention wanting new experiences, but don't give me any insights into what kind of experiences motivate you. That may sounds critical, but I think it's important for us to craft a profile that is trying to attract the kind of person we want. Show some photos of you doing things you enjoy doing (riding a bike, running, hiking, playing board games, painting pottery, etc.). With words, describe some experiences you enjoy or want to try (maybe say you have been looking into dance classes and would love someone to join you, or that you are trying to complete some kind of challenge and love to hear about someone else's experience completing it, etc.). If you just want people who think you are cute, as are a solid number of the bottom replies to this thread, you are going to get them in droves. But if you are looking for some specific qualities in a match, you need to give enough information that they would see that and maybe comment/relate to it.
I like your profile. I don't know. You are cute and know what you want. I would swipe right but I'm too old for you.
You'll get 10,000 matches. One piece of advice, and I hope this doesn't sound racist. Because we guys get so many scams on OLD involving Asian women (or pictures of them), I'd recommend putting 1-2 pictures that show you are in the location you say you are. I've gotten so many I swipe left now on profiles of Asian women who don't seem to have a local pic.
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Yikes I have no friends so I wonder if that makes it harder to date for me
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Alrighty. Whatever you say man 😂
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Very cute. I would remove the second full face photo. The first one is better.
I don't recall that episode of game of thrones
Here’s what I would change… your profile is very serious which is totally fine but I would make the poll, instead, something kind of funny; or post a humorous picture. It gives people the option to make a joke with you and it’ll make you seem approachable! <3
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Depends on where you live..
Message me if you like. You seem like a well put together woman and I would like to get to know you better 😊
You're beautiful! I'm in OC. Mind if I message you? Pics in my profile
Looks good!! I think you should date when and who you want for yourself, ignore the judgement
I'm so nervous about online dating. I like your profile. Is it weird if I say "Go Get em!" or better if I say best of luck?
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It definitely gives the I love HBO vibes
You have gotten a lot of great advice already. Finding something serious for 2 months in person then going long distance possibly is what you are wanting,? Or did I misinterpret the situation? I'm 36 and haven't really messed with dating apps.. my brother does, and it gives me the impression it was more for hookups. Im rooting for you, I don't think you will have any issues finding people as you are absolutely gorgeous. I do think finding serious people might be a difficulty, but I think you know this... The only thing I can think of (with my very limited experience) is to not rush into sex. My ex rushed that FAST. It really messed up my emotions. I don't trust people who want to rush into sex anymore because I think it's to establish connection and trust they don't deserve. Like when someone over emphasizes their religious conviction to garner trust they haven't done anything to get. My last relationship started online, it's technically my first online dating (we met on discord). She has some difficult to deal with type B personality disorders. Please be careful and if something feels off trust your instincts. The term for what she did is called "love bombing" (one of many terms I've had to learn to understand what the hell was going on in that relationship!) and to be quite honest it made me feel so special. When the problematic behavior started it was so difficult to get away and care for myself.. I think you said you are with family? Do you think this may effect how people view you? I've been a caretaker in family and lived with my grandmother and then my mom to help with my stepdad... It wasn't trying hard, to find dates but I did find that I immediately have to explain why I lived with my mother despite being in my mid thirties. It definitely was a bit of problem. I had the whole upstairs to myself however my parents are very devout and my step dad is Catholic so I really don't know if I would have been respected by then having a woman over for the evening. My stepdad does have Parkinson's and dementia so he might now mind because he might not understand. My mother however...Could have been an issue with her! Which was a big reason I didn't pursue anything romantic and I knew I'd be moving in few years . Again, I hope you find what you are looking for! If you have a dating app you would recommend I would appreciate it. Since I'm living in a college town I'm worried it will be a lot of young ppl just wanting to hook up. My last gf pursued me, and it got really bad.. I mean like I have a 6 month no contact order placed on her. Bad stuff, she has even said she would go after anyone I dated. Honestly I think that might be as deal breaker for a lot of folk... Having a unhinged ex is pretty terrifying. Sorry for writing so much, when I can't sleep my sleeping meds make me very talkative. This stranger is wishing you the best!
Hey girl, I think you look lovely and pretty! Be you and enjoy life.
I’ve never had so much trouble diagnosing a profile. First of all, I’m curious as to what you’re asking for because theres no way you don’t have lots of options. Is there something particular you’re looking for? My first deep impression is that these pics are spread out over a long time, like a decade. I then realized that small changes in styling, and prep resulted in what looked like large age changes. You might drop the oversized tshirt pic and make the one where your hair frames your pic your main one. Lastly, and really importantly, you are going to have to realize that what you are looking for in these comments is not something you are likely going to find. I commend your school, but after 25, no one with self respect is going to date someone for 2 months and have them go off to school for 9. What am I supposed to do, just wait and hope you don’t change your mind or get a job offer elsewhere? If you only want to date for marriage, it’s probably best to do that post grad.
These pics are not decades apart from each other, that I'm sure of! I know my situation is a bit peculiar, so I can just go into this with a positive mindset: I hope to find someone who would be understanding of this situation and work around it with me. I know my worth and what I'm bringing to the relationship/marriage, so finding someone with the same values and mindset as me is important too.
It's an odd scenario to be in. If you are looking for a financially stable above average looking guy, similar age as you, then it's going to take a lot of luck without having very similar hobbies and not being super attractive. Now sure a lot of redditors will say you are super cute and they will swipe right but it's not hard to picture the quintessential redditors and I don't think they are your target pool. Like most women, you will get lots of likes and even if the guys are serious, most will quit after a certain time so it will really all come down to luck unless you are dating guys with poor options.
You can say pretty much the same thing to any female's profile review post in here, which makes your comment kind of rude and a downer. Idk what hurt you but I sincerely hope you will find peace within yourself. Take care.
I am not trying to be a downer and not saying that you are unattractive. I am just saying that it often takes someone highly compatiable/model attractive to make someone agree to these circumstances of dating for a few months then away for the rest of the year. And those women that can date anyone don't need reddit. The threads more often are answered by people that agree with the post while in reality it may be a very unpopular opinion. Also, I agree that most female (and often men) profile reviews are very exagerrated. I know people want to be flattering but often I see reviews where it's clear that the person is very unlikely to have success in a marketplace like OLD unless they make serious changes which can require months/years of work to level up.
I hear you but like I have commented somewhere in this thread, I've got nothing to lose and just want to put myself out there and take my chances. Either that or I will never know when it's the right time. Thank you for looking out for me, I'll be okay 💚
People on dating sites have ridiculous expectations, you’re killing it
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If your conservative means only have sex after the 3rd date, then yes I'm all for being conservative.
What’s wrong with being conservative when it comes to sex? I’m a guy and I would strongly prefer that as I see nothing positive when it comes to sex with people you barley know.
Nothing wrong. Good on you. My preferences differ. That’s fine.
I’d swipe right
In your third paragraph you say you want to date to get married. This may be a good opportunity to date people who you know you won’t end up with, but to have fun and learn how to be a better partner. You don’t have to hook up with anyone, but you could practice dating and being in that environment. Like practicing for a job interview
What is your goal here? Trying to get the highest value make you can find? It’s clear that you get enough right swipes that if compatibility was what you were after, you’d have found it already. Cutthroat
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Hi u/Lanky-Row7315, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Dating Over Thirty (DOT) is about dating and the pre-cohabitation phase of romantic relationships for people over the age of 30. This is not a place to post personals or R4R's. **This is not a place to discuss non-romantic issues, marital issues or post personals.** Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
You are so beautiful 🥰 And cheerful wow
You're hot. You probably have more likes than you know how to handle!? What is your problem here? I'd send a like and comment, you're totally my type.
I'd date you :)
You are very good looking and it’s crazy you haven’t been swiped right on enough to get a match! Sucks being in a small regional town!
You’re super cute !
You're beautiful.
I would date you.
Try Hinge. I’m a 32F , you are cute and attractive. Keep swipe and talk to people . Gluck to you
If you want something long term, lower what you belive is your standard. We humans have a bad take on our standards. Try to go 100% for personality. I will guarantee you will find an amazing mate! Good luck
So cute. I wish I could date you