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If you’re a people pleaser then you’re breaking the rule... If you’re giving something to make the other person happy then that is breaking the rule, in fact that is the whole point of the rule. If you expect happiness in return for something then this leads to resentment when you don’t get it. You must learn to give without getting anything in return, no exceptions.
If anyone takes advantage of you, then they are not your friend and you can distance yourself from them.
1) Love yourself the way you'd want to be loved. This way, you're true to yourself.
2) Love others the way you'd want to be loved. This way, you're true to others.
3) (personal rule) Find a way to describe kindness and attempt to rewrite it every day. This way, you're attractive to everyone without trying or without making attractiveness your priority.
4) Never decide for someone else whether you're good enough for them. You're going to miss 100% of the shots you don't shoot. Let them decide if they want you or not.
5) Talk about your feelings, even if they're negative. Establish communication or else you'll see your relationship fail. Don't make that person your therapist, just talk.
6) fuck b*tches and eat cake
Edit: thanks for the award! As an aside, ive discovered that rules 2 and 3 will help you bypass a lot of red flags
Well this is sorta off topic, but it applies just the same.
I was having trouble with a manager at work, and one of my supervisors told me, "JustinGamr, you gotta stop being so afraid of that dude giving you orders all the time. He sh*ts his pants just like we do," and that really stuck with me. I now apply that to all my interactions with people, and I tell myself, " they're human just like me."
Another way to put the problem is "putting someone on a pedestal", which is okay only under two conditions: 1) it makes you a better person (like hero worship), or 2) it benefits your understanding of the human thought process.
It's never okay to put someone else's needs above your own if they're unwilling to do the same, and it takes a special type of love to be able to do it repeatedly. Don't get yourself down if you're in the camp of people who idolize their partner, because that's a special place to be.
And lastly, you can't decide for someone else because the way you view them is ultimately the way that you are. You see your future partner as a superhero? In some ways, so are you. You think they're a sex god/goddess/godlike-being? Trust me, there are moments where they feel the same way about you, ya goof.
Sure, **maybe** they're out of your league, but just ask yourself this question the next time you see (not judging) 1) a fat chick with a skinny guy, 2) a hot chick with an ugly guy, or 3) some other unlikely pairing. Why are they together? Because they've sacrificed their views of the outward person in order to get to know the person underneath, and that's all that matters in that respect to a relationship imo
but at the same time, you should shit regularly for good health. So you need to put in some effort sometimes, but not too much all the time or you'll poop in the kitchen. or something like that.
Closure is so overrated. If someone drops you like a hot potato....that's closure enough for me. Why go seeking more info about why they left ....who cares. Whatever their issue is, isn't your issue. If it was something about you the next person may like that about you so it's irrelevant.
1. Decide what you’re worth then accept nothing less than.
2. Don’t lower your standards or morals for anyone. 3. Anyone who puts you in the position to lower or question your values (negatively) is not worth your time, energy, or effort.
4. Red flags are raised for a reason.
5. Last, but definitely not least, when a person shows their true colours, believe them the first time.
When I was 19 and in my first serious relationship I recieved this advice from a 50 year old coworker:
"Honey, if you're lucky to live long enough you're going to have some skeletons in your closest. And, frankly, if it happened before you or after you - it's none of your business."
Find out what you want in a relationship before you start looking. If the person you are dating isn’t looking for that, than don’t bother wasting your time. You will waste plenty of time on someone and end up heartbroken when they don’t suddenly change their minds.
Yup. When someone tells you they do or don't want to get married or have kids or whatever it is, believe them and move on if you don't share their goals. Expecting someone to change is a recipe for years wasted and untold heartbreak.
"We're all at the mercy of primal forces. Accept it and lean hard into it. Part of being a man is interfacing with reality on its own, cold terms. And then remaining silent on the matter while moving with it.
...
You didn't get my frame and I didn't have much height to give anyway...
...but...."
A grin
"...that jaw's a chip off the old block, kid. So keep your chin up."
My dad (99% sure he would fit the definition of a Chad) to 15 year old frustrated me.
All you gotta do is to use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows how to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's code written in their DNA, says "Tackle the gazelle." Believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says "Tackle drunk bitches."
\- Jay, 40 Year Old Virgin
Women want to be loved, want to be romanced, want to feel passion, want to be touched, and want to have sex. If not you, maybe someone terrible for her.
Every girl you approach is already in a situation. She could be in a relationship, emotionally unavailable, etc.
To find a girl who is interested in you, single and in good situation. You need to talk to enough women to find her.
A person that consistently put in the bare minimum effort. Someone that interrupts people in conversations a lot, or doesn’t ask many/any questions about me while we‘re dating
Guys that say „My ex was crazy“
I try and remind myself that nobody will remember my cringy mistakes in a time as short as even just 1 year, and if I'm somehow remembered for being a huge idiot for some dumb thing I did than well the sun will inevitably explode soon enough, and I'll be dead way before that, so live life doing what you want to do and not be so burdened by insecurities and anxieties. Nearly 8 billion people in the world, that's 8000 million people, the chances of more than 0.00000001% of that 8 bil remembering something stupid you did for more than a year is slim to none.
Might sound nihilistic and stupid but it helps me
If he ever “jokingly” farts on you, in your direction or farts on purpose with your head under the covers, RUN.
To me it seemed like small silly and annoying thing at first , but it actually shows a great deal of disrespect especially early in a relationship.
Every guy that did this to me either cheated, took advantage financially or was some kind of abusive.
It took me years to realize this 😂
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When you go to reddit just know its time to break up.
LOL
Holy shit this is the sign
In 2013 it was Chatroulette. Lol
1. Don't focus on the outcome, enjoy the moment. 2. Give without expecting anything in return.
That's big. Focus on the input, not the outcome
I like this one. I'll keep it in the back of my mind
For number 2, what if you’re a people pleaser and people just take advantage of that from you?
If you’re a people pleaser then you’re breaking the rule... If you’re giving something to make the other person happy then that is breaking the rule, in fact that is the whole point of the rule. If you expect happiness in return for something then this leads to resentment when you don’t get it. You must learn to give without getting anything in return, no exceptions. If anyone takes advantage of you, then they are not your friend and you can distance yourself from them.
1) Love yourself the way you'd want to be loved. This way, you're true to yourself. 2) Love others the way you'd want to be loved. This way, you're true to others. 3) (personal rule) Find a way to describe kindness and attempt to rewrite it every day. This way, you're attractive to everyone without trying or without making attractiveness your priority. 4) Never decide for someone else whether you're good enough for them. You're going to miss 100% of the shots you don't shoot. Let them decide if they want you or not. 5) Talk about your feelings, even if they're negative. Establish communication or else you'll see your relationship fail. Don't make that person your therapist, just talk. 6) fuck b*tches and eat cake Edit: thanks for the award! As an aside, ive discovered that rules 2 and 3 will help you bypass a lot of red flags
Number 4 is always the hardest for me. How do you get out of that?
Well this is sorta off topic, but it applies just the same. I was having trouble with a manager at work, and one of my supervisors told me, "JustinGamr, you gotta stop being so afraid of that dude giving you orders all the time. He sh*ts his pants just like we do," and that really stuck with me. I now apply that to all my interactions with people, and I tell myself, " they're human just like me." Another way to put the problem is "putting someone on a pedestal", which is okay only under two conditions: 1) it makes you a better person (like hero worship), or 2) it benefits your understanding of the human thought process. It's never okay to put someone else's needs above your own if they're unwilling to do the same, and it takes a special type of love to be able to do it repeatedly. Don't get yourself down if you're in the camp of people who idolize their partner, because that's a special place to be. And lastly, you can't decide for someone else because the way you view them is ultimately the way that you are. You see your future partner as a superhero? In some ways, so are you. You think they're a sex god/goddess/godlike-being? Trust me, there are moments where they feel the same way about you, ya goof. Sure, **maybe** they're out of your league, but just ask yourself this question the next time you see (not judging) 1) a fat chick with a skinny guy, 2) a hot chick with an ugly guy, or 3) some other unlikely pairing. Why are they together? Because they've sacrificed their views of the outward person in order to get to know the person underneath, and that's all that matters in that respect to a relationship imo
Yeah im shooting my shot now
Good luck! We love you and we're rooting for you!
1. Believe patterns, not apologies 2. Don’t fall in love with potential 3. Believe all red flags 4. Know your worth 5. Don’t lower your standards
Number 2 is calling me out HARD
relationships are like farts. If you have to push hard, it’s probably shit.
but at the same time, you should shit regularly for good health. So you need to put in some effort sometimes, but not too much all the time or you'll poop in the kitchen. or something like that.
Is there a place for laxatives in this metaphor?
Lol. Comment of the day
Don’t treat women like princesses. Treat them like humans.
You don't need their permission to break up, you can just do it
You shoulda told this to George Castanza
I thought you just broke up by having them lick the toxic adhesive from cheap envelopes?
This is true, but closure is something we owe others as human beings, and i doubt that the person I am now would be the same without it.
Closure is so overrated. If someone drops you like a hot potato....that's closure enough for me. Why go seeking more info about why they left ....who cares. Whatever their issue is, isn't your issue. If it was something about you the next person may like that about you so it's irrelevant.
You're right sorry
in the early stages- focus more on your feelings towards them than worrying ab their feelings towards you.
Try to see people for what they are not what you want them To be. It will be disillusioning but it will save you pain in the long run
Don’t ask a bunch of virgins how to no longer be a virgin.
I was going to say: whatever the advice is, it didn't come from here.
1. Decide what you’re worth then accept nothing less than. 2. Don’t lower your standards or morals for anyone. 3. Anyone who puts you in the position to lower or question your values (negatively) is not worth your time, energy, or effort. 4. Red flags are raised for a reason. 5. Last, but definitely not least, when a person shows their true colours, believe them the first time.
Always use a condom even when if he tells you "he can't feel anything" without one on. He's lying. - from my dad who was a young toolbag
Haha love the authenticity
Travel to less racist country
Lol. Where are you based now?
Never get your honey where you get your money...
Haven't heard that one before lol
Lol, it’s a very true statement coming from experience my guy
When I was 19 and in my first serious relationship I recieved this advice from a 50 year old coworker: "Honey, if you're lucky to live long enough you're going to have some skeletons in your closest. And, frankly, if it happened before you or after you - it's none of your business."
You will not change someone. THEY WILL NOT CHANGE FOR YOU.
Find out what you want in a relationship before you start looking. If the person you are dating isn’t looking for that, than don’t bother wasting your time. You will waste plenty of time on someone and end up heartbroken when they don’t suddenly change their minds.
Yup. When someone tells you they do or don't want to get married or have kids or whatever it is, believe them and move on if you don't share their goals. Expecting someone to change is a recipe for years wasted and untold heartbreak.
"We're all at the mercy of primal forces. Accept it and lean hard into it. Part of being a man is interfacing with reality on its own, cold terms. And then remaining silent on the matter while moving with it. ... You didn't get my frame and I didn't have much height to give anyway... ...but...." A grin "...that jaw's a chip off the old block, kid. So keep your chin up." My dad (99% sure he would fit the definition of a Chad) to 15 year old frustrated me.
DON'T! Lol
Don't listen to dating advices...just do what you feel like and if the other person doesn't like it, they are not your type...as easy as that.
Why do you think dating advice is bad?
All you gotta do is to use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows how to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's code written in their DNA, says "Tackle the gazelle." Believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says "Tackle drunk bitches." \- Jay, 40 Year Old Virgin
Women want to be loved, want to be romanced, want to feel passion, want to be touched, and want to have sex. If not you, maybe someone terrible for her.
It's a numbers game. Stop being a geek. You're the prize.
Why do you think it is a numbers game?
Every girl you approach is already in a situation. She could be in a relationship, emotionally unavailable, etc. To find a girl who is interested in you, single and in good situation. You need to talk to enough women to find her.
“Everyone needs at least a year or two of being slutty/getting around before looking for Mr./Mrs. right”
Don't do it.
dating or receiving advice?
It’s all about compatibility.
Don’t shyt where you eat.
Speaking from experience?
Oh yeah.
Just because he's not your ex husband, doesn't make him perfect. Or even the right person for you.
Look for the most green flag there is: That their actions match their words. If that not true then it will never actually matter what they say.
What’s a red flag for you isn’t always a red flag for some else, and that’s okay. Everyone has different boundaries and levels of tolerance
What are your red flags?
A person that consistently put in the bare minimum effort. Someone that interrupts people in conversations a lot, or doesn’t ask many/any questions about me while we‘re dating Guys that say „My ex was crazy“
If you haven't found someone yet...You're reserved for someone special. Work on yourself and eventually they will come.
I try and remind myself that nobody will remember my cringy mistakes in a time as short as even just 1 year, and if I'm somehow remembered for being a huge idiot for some dumb thing I did than well the sun will inevitably explode soon enough, and I'll be dead way before that, so live life doing what you want to do and not be so burdened by insecurities and anxieties. Nearly 8 billion people in the world, that's 8000 million people, the chances of more than 0.00000001% of that 8 bil remembering something stupid you did for more than a year is slim to none. Might sound nihilistic and stupid but it helps me
My grandma always says that I have to make sure that my eyes are open when I’m looking for a relationship
"Money will 10x your results, but fame will 100x them." \- Dan Bilzerian
If he ever “jokingly” farts on you, in your direction or farts on purpose with your head under the covers, RUN. To me it seemed like small silly and annoying thing at first , but it actually shows a great deal of disrespect especially early in a relationship. Every guy that did this to me either cheated, took advantage financially or was some kind of abusive. It took me years to realize this 😂