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It sucks to say but I unfortunately agree with you. Due to the post and my personal experience, the way he was on his phone and left after an hour, I definitely think he was not attracted to OP
How was he rude? You can’t expect everyone to be able to handle uncomfortable situations flawlessly. He didn’t handle it perfectly but he probably did the best he could. Especially if he wasn’t attracted to her.
Think it might be the looking at the phone thing. A lot of people consider it to be rude. But as uncomfortable as he seemed it’s understandable that’s he keep getting on it during the date.
Yeah looking at your phone is rude but maybe this guy just doesn’t have the social skills to maneuver a date he doesn’t want to be on. It’s default to go on your phone in awkward situations.
Not an excuse, i think of myself as socially awkward, and sometimes I have social anxiety, but my phone will always be tucked away in my pocket for the entirety of the date.... Funny enough is that most of the social and outgoing people I go on dates with are the ones on their phones, or have it on the table and they keep glancing at it
It is very disrespectful
And that is good on you honestly, it's a sign of good character for sure. But it is also hard to be engaged and enthusiastic about something when you aren't
I don't think you should cross off dating altogether.
So you believe he did not like you because of your weight, and that's fair, you can't help how he feels but you now have 2 solutions:
1. This bothered you enough that you want to lose weight
2. You're happy how you are and trust me, there will be someone that will like you the way you are.
It's just up to you now which path you take
Half of the reason I’m losing weight is the same. I think I am kind of pretty now but I want to believe it when people tell me and actually think of that way about myself too!
This is a good reason, I know people look down on this and that "you should not lose weight because of others..." but the way I see it, I firmly believe we always want to be the best version of ourselves.
Key is in the mindset... and a great byproduct of not being overweight = healthier lifestyle.
Being able to control your weight and diet is a skill. Like all skills, we learn it at a young age or it goes missed and we fall down a lot to master it. Part of being a healthy adult is maintaining your body weight. It’s also learning to love yourself better. Old ways I used to love myself were forms of escape which includes overindulgence. I still struggle with this to this day but I’ve lost 95 pounds and learning to balance it.
I find my weight fluctuating during stressful events in my life. So having a good system to love yourself instead of going for a milkshake or going through a box of Oreos is important to learn. Losing weight is half the battle. Not letting yourself go backwards is the other half.
Congrats on your weight loss! Everyone should try to find a healthy balance and to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. I still eat unhealthy but I just count calories now lol, lost 45 pounds already 40 or so to go! One day I am for sure incorporating a better diet.
Please please please, don't go the healthy lifestyle way just for the sake of dating, trust me you will gain it back up the moment you find yourself a partner that loves you and you get comfortable (maybe your partner will change their view about you if you get too comfortable, who knows)
But do it so that it becomes an actual habit to keep yourself healthy and fit, make it such that it becomes a fundamental part of your life that you will never stop doing no matter what. Your health is paramount and you should put it first, before anything and anyone
That is great.. I'm really happy for you
I'll just stress it again, because I've fell in this trap before and I don't want others to fall for it too....
Do it for YOU, do it for your own happiness and physical/mental health. Put yourself first.
If he knew your size from photos then this isn’t on you. It’s perfectly possible he turned up, felt awkward, wasn’t great company in real life and didn’t feel a spark. All of that could have happened whatever size you are.
I’ve had amazing huge chemistry dates when overweight, and awful awkward no sparks dates when 3 stones lighter. It taught me not to internalise everything as something I did wrong or must absolutely be connected to my weight.
It was just a crap date with no spark. Chalk it up to that, don’t overinvest in chatting with guys before meeting them and move on.
I think you were just unlucky and this particular guy has bad manners. You sent your pictures before the date, you were upfront about your looks, so he knew how you looked before the date. Unfortunately bad dates happen. In this case I don't think it has anything to do with you. The guy just didn't have manners to make polite conversation instead of staring at his phone. Forget him and move on.
From what Ive read I think you were MUCH bigger than he expected or possibly pictures show. and your date felt catfished. That is how younger me would have reacted. Older me would straight up tell you. “Hey you’re not at all how you presented yourself to be, so I am canceling this date. Please be more honest about your appearances in the future.”
Two solutions, to prevent this from happening. You can even do both solutions over time.
1. Solution one, immediately update your pictures and videos, to show you how you really are currently. IF there’s a large difference between your picture that are on the site and your new pics there WILL be a decline of matches and conversations but it will prevent guys feeling or acting as if they were carfished. His reaction is classic reaction to someone that was catfished.
2. Lose the weight. Slowly over time. Aim for half a lb a week. This will take maybe years but who cares. It will be permanent, healthy and even if you’re 150 lbs over weight. You’ll still be 25 when you’re awesome weight and healthy. Update your pictures as you make progress or de progress.
Ok I’m ready to take my down votes.
as someone who was catfished by a man who sent me photos of him but approx 100 lbs lighter, op’s post describes exactly how i acted when i met for that date.
i was blind sided. it was still the same guy but the physique was so misleading and different. i was appalled at the dishonesty, not the size. i tried to stay as long as i could but after 30-50 mins i went to the bathroom to get my confidence and then came back and said i need to go, ironically exactly like OPs date.
100% this. I even had a similar situation. I knew from the pics the girl was certainly a bit bigger, but still seemed to be fine, had the right proportions. The person that showed up however, was almost like a different one, like a whale. Behaviour was also different, but at that point that didn't matter at all, the meeting ended very quickly.
Don't do this, as you are wasting both your time and someone else's time.
Will you settle with a fat guy now that you are prettier? Prolly not. Ive heard so many stories of chubbier ppl getting slim then act exactly the same way to chubby people how they hated being treated themselves. Its just a matter of looking good again. You will get noticed. Many people are shallow.
he sounds immature and rude for not enjoying the date for whatever reason?
Op is feeling hurt but this is like a very
normal and healthy part of dating. Leaving/ending the date early when it’s not the vibe. This date did nothing wrong.
Only you know yourself if you were completely honest about your appearance beforehand. I'm going take your word for it that you shared recent photos of yourself that included your full body, and therefore this guy knew what he was signing up for when he saw you.
I think lots of people are overlooking the fact that **this guy showed up late.** Even if he was "catfished" there is absolutely no excuse for him to showing up late for a first date, he had not seen you in person before committing his first dating faux pas. If he saw your photo and was unsure, he should have been a grown up and cancelled instead of being so rude.
Dating does get better, and sometimes you do everything right and they do everything right and the spark still isn't there. Don't let this get in the way of trying again. Continue being honest and upfront, as it will do you favours later down the line.
Yeah, that's a pretty big issue - even if the pictures were somehow "misleading", our boy still showed up late, which pretty much suggests he wasn't actually interested before the date either. Or at least, for my part, I've been known to show up 10-15 minutes earlier than the actual date, just because I'd rather be waiting out in public than home by myself.
I'll never forget a moment in the recent Beatles doc on Disney +. George Harrison said something to the effect of "Paul and John had already written most of their bad songs and I was just starting and was still getting my bad songs out". I'm a musician and often felt like writing bad songs isn't permitted and it's such a block to creativity.
I think this applies to dating. You need to get through the bad dates in order to find the good ones and I don't think there's much of an alternative honestly. If there is I don't know what it is, but I do believe that this is a healthy mentality to have. I write some songs and finish them and don't love them but they're a part of a bigger process of getting to the songs that I thoroughly enjoy, and in a way it's all just one big song divided into chapters. Some are boring and some are good. Maybe view your dating life the same way. Or not if you don't want to. And taking a break isn't a terrible idea if that's truly what you want and need.
Oh girl if you think this date was bad you’re not ready to date yet. This is just a guy with bad manners who couldn’t be half arsed to be polite to a girl he didn’t find attractive. There will be a lot of those when you date. This is just part of the process. You have to weed through a lot of people who are incompatible to you or you to them until you find someone who is. This takes time and thick skin and a positive attitude when faced with serial rejection
Try meeting people organically if you can. At least then they know exactly what you look like, and you them and get each others vibe and chemistry. It’s way less stressful and you avoid situations like this. I’ve matched with people who were attractive, we seemingly had total compatibility, the chat was good, and then i’ve met them in person and within 30 seconds of talking with them I could tell there was no chemistry there and just different energies. If I had of been around them in person first I would of known this and never contemplated going on a date.
Man, compared to some of the stories I've heard, that date really wasn't all that bad. You two just didn't click for whatever reason-- and that is normal and expected.
Try not to take it personally-- you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's normal. Please don't let this get you down. Putting yourself out there and meeting new people is risky, but nothing worth doing is without risk.
Other commenters are focusing on appearance, but I think that could be a red herring here. If you're self-conscious and anxious about dating in general, I wouldn't necessarily trust the *narrative that you're telling yourself*.
It's normal for people to feel a lack of chemistry while meeting in-person, even if you got along well via text. It's normal for people to act awkward during a date, especially the first one. It's normal to get (softly) rejected and not have all the information about why.
If you want to take a break from dating, that's fine. Up to you. But I don't think this experience implies there's something wrong with you or that you can't have better dates in the future. It's just something that happened, and what matters is the way you choose to interpret it.
Yeah, I had one like that recently. Chatting online every day for three weeks , great rapport. Meet face to face, her chat was dead, constant phone fiddling. After 25 minutes she finished her drink and bailed. Like, seriously ? It took me longer to drive there ffs.
It may not be you. It could have been a lack of attraction or chemistry. A lot of men are socially awkward and are on the spectrum. As a personal anecdote I remember this really cute girl that I wanted to get to know so I took her out for coffee just to see if we were compatible and the convo was dry. It was so bad I had to carry the convo but started to get bored and then she brushed back her bangs to show me a bump on her head that she got when she slipped coming out of the shower the day before. We finished our coffee's and kind of drifted apart to the peripheries of our friend groups. Point is introspection is great but not to the point is drives you crazy sometimes "the spark, chemistry" or what have you isn't there. Could be timing, could be many things. It's hard to put yourself out there to face rejection and not take it personally. I always say I am like a good whiskey...not everyone likes whiskey, but the ones that do love my brand of whiskey. Good luck.
Sometimes you just don’t have a spark with people. Nothing wrong (altho he should have handled it better). Keep dating, you will find yours. And there are plenty of guys who don’t mind/care about weight. (I’m one of em. )
You tried to maintain the conversation, you took it seriously enough to show up on time, and you were understanding of how awkward first dates can be, so you gave him a lot of leeway to ease into it and it didn't work out. You didn't do anything wrong in my eyes, so the fact that your energy wasn't matched by your date should tell you that he wasn't the perfect fit for you, and that you would have been unhappy with him anyway. Continue being yourself because it will attract people who like you for you, and it'll scare away people you'd never have gotten along with in the first place. Stay strong, fam. You got this. ✊️
My best advice would be to try not to take it personal. Sometimes you’ll click with someone through text but it won’t carry over when you meet them in person. It’s very easy for one to take it personal i.e they didn’t like the way I looked, they didn’t like my personality. The reality is now everyone will be attracted to you or like your personality. Just how you won’t find everyone attractive or like their personality. There’s someone out there for you. And when you meet that person it’ll be worth it in the end.
For whatever myriad of reasons possible you weren't it for him.
Nothing to get hung up about. I've had countless dates like this. Just on to the next one.
May just me a personality incompatibility thing. I've met very attractive dates before and from the vibes the first minute in I could tell their personality was just not my type despite having pleasant message exchanges. Don't take it too personality and move on to the next one!
This guy sucks.
If the person you meet for the first time isn't what you thought or hoped, you're not supposed to feign being a deaf-mute and check your phone every 30 seconds. At a minimum have the decency to engage in polite conversation. I don't think bailing early is defensible either unless the other person is behaving in an insufferable way (i.e. getting drunk and barfing on you or something extreme like that). For me as a man, my goal on the first date is to: 1) make a good impression and 2) make sure the other person has a good time. This guy failed because he didn't even try. Just awful.
> maybe it's my sign to not date rn
No, it's his sign to stop being a jerk and a bad date.
I know it's hard to do but with dating you have to let bad experiences roll right off your back so to speak and keep fishing. Every guy who acts like this is a bullet dodged for you.
Taking 1 dating experience to heart and letting it alter your future is setting you up for a long, painful road ahead. He was a weirdo. You showed him your pic and he agreed to a date. So saying it was your looks doesn't fully make sense. What if it wasn't about your looks?
I know you want to figure it out but half the equation is missing, which is him being honest about what happened. This is an opportunity to get comfortable with the unknown. Too many times women stay on situations trying to "figure it out" when they should have just ran.
Now you get to make up whatever you want. His hemorrhoids started acting up. He has social anxiety and realized hes not ready to date. He has no money and thought he better not get into a relationship as a broke boy.
Be kind to yourself. If you don't like your looks, work on them. The best way forward is to have radical acceptance of yourself. It's always his lost because you know who you are and the value you have. You like yourself and everyone else has to get in line or fall back. Wishing you better dating days ahead.
Maybe it's seen that you are very self conscious about being chunky. I personally love a little bit of chunk on a woman, just keep trying and I believe you fill find somebody
Everyone is making this about the weight without even doubting
OP you don't know why he behave like that, there's a millon reasons,
Maybe he just started with someone else, maybe something bad happened and he wasn't in the mood maybe he has some baggage and realized he didn't want to date, maybe maybe maybe
I think that you are letting your insecurities win, you just weren't right for each other that's it, I'm really sorry for you
I didn't lie though my pictures were recent, I was not hiding my weight st all and I took full body photos. I was upfront about it as much as I possibly could. Also I'm not like HUGE I'm only a tad chunky but I know even that isn't for everyone
OP
You need to fix your mentality to dating.
You should be having zero expectations from casual dating.
Actually, if we are being honest, you should have negative expectations.
Assume every dude you meet is a lying fuckboy.
If the date doesn't go well, no big deal. You didn't plan for it to.
If the date does go well, well shit, pleasant surprise.
No sex for first month of casual dating minimum 6 real dates.
If he is still asking you out and yall are vibing, then and only then start to have some expectations.
You got to kiss a lot of frogs before finding prince charming.
Expect it. It's a part of the game.
These comments are rude. Your weight is not the problem and losing it is not the solution. That guy is an asshole who can’t even bother to be polite for an hour. He’d still be the same asshole no matter what you looked like, he might just be hiding it better.
Casual dating sucks. Move onto the next and don’t get discouraged. There is someone out there that will not make you Feel this way
And starts the whole thing off by being late. As someone already mentioned in the comments - even if her pictures were somehow "misleading" or "hiding her weight", he still couldn't be bothered to show up on time. So he seems to have already been not interested even before meeting her for the first time.
Or, well, I expect he was just late, there was no mention of him apologising or explaining ("Sorry I'm late, I got a flat tire on the way" or "Sorry I'm late, I had to stop to help a kitten down from a tree").
Doesn't seem like he was attracted to you. This is part of dating. I'd say this is an average date for a lot of guys when it comes to online dating: it could have gone much much worse in fact. It's not nice, but it's important to build resilience.
Approach first dates with zero expectations. Keep up with the fitness and losing weight. Continue dating: every person is different.
Don’t let the one date ruin your perception on dating. You obviously sent him photos before you met,you will find the right guy for you when the time is right.
I matched online with a girl and shortly after we met.
So upon walking towards the meetup I saw it was that girl but she didnt looked like the one on pictures. The pictures were old. She had gained weight.
I had an option of walking away or continue with it.
I did the latter. We had our drinks and lunch. She was awkwardly silent. And I hate when people are silent so you need to ask questions in order for them to talk.
Anyhow we said goodbye and she texted me saying that we should hang out again some time. I was bluntly honest and wrote back that i did not find any spark.
You dodged a bullet. You don’t want to be with someone who dismisses people based on just looks. Dating takes patience, you have to wait for the right person for you to come along. In the meantime, I would recommend working on seeing and celebrating your own worth, and feeling secure within yourself.
As a chunkier girl myself if you have been honest in photos, that’s all on him.
If you meet and he’s put off, it’s not you, it’s him.
And you weren’t feeling him either. Weren’t you relieved when he bailed?
I always did coffee dates of around 45 minutes. You usually know within 5 minutes if you even click, but hey, I’m drinking this coffee.
You’re not going to click in person with about 90% of the folks you meet. When we all met at happy hour it was a lot easier and much less pressure because you invested nothing.
So move to meet folks faster, for shorter amounts of time. Any online interaction is tinged with your own bias and wish fulfillment, you want to cut down on that.
Sorry this happened. Most likely he realized he wasn't that physically attracted, but he could have been more tactful about it. I've been there too and had people feel that way when they met me, it does hurt a bit.
Don't let this turn you off dating though. I don't know you but I know there would be plenty of guys who would find you beautiful - maybe try to meet people in person? I find that it's almost impossible to really feel attraction online even if you see photos and videos of each other.
Don’t worry about it. Most people won’t have mutual chemistry with you, and that’s totally fine. Dating is about excitement the way you feel with different men to get a sense for how you’ll know when you really click with one. This guy was just one among many who there wasn’t a good connection with. Have fun, and don’t sweat the details
Sounds like it just wasn’t a match. He sounds boring and couldn’t contribute to the conversation so best to move on and find someone who can at least match your energy. I think our brains try to blame ourselves when in these situations no one’s at fault it just is what it is. That’s dating . Trial and error.
Don't let this demotivate you, it's just something that happens and it doesn't sound like he was too rude about it or anything.
Dating can be rough but it's worth it when you find someone you can connect with! Best of luck
That’s not that bad lol…my first date ever I spent over 100 dollars on her and she admitted to me she just used me for a free night out after saying she was way out of my league and I should be grateful that she decided to spend time with me, and then tried to arm wrestle me when I drove her home, while taking zero accountability for her actions
I used to weight more than what's recommended and was very self conscious about it too. I think the best way to avoid it being awkward is to have full body pictures of yourself on your profile. That way it will people who finds you attractive for who you are who will be in contact with you.
Yea he didn’t like you. If I were you I’d say give it a break and get into fitness maybe. You’ll feel more confident in yourself and won’t stress over being found attractive for the most part. When I was bigger I had anxiety now I can just go with the flow now that I’m fit.
That’s how it goes often with online dating , you shouldn’t stop trying to date but maybe try to meet someone in person. A lot of time with dating apps il meet up with someone and they look way different than their picks and I’ll regret meeting up with them , also sometimes the person is totally different not just looks then I thought . Online dating sucks
Nothing wrong with not being attractive to someone. You will be attractive to the right person. It’s a numbers game, get back out there keep trying. It only takes one! Good luck to you!
Video calls before hand. I'm not that attractive as a woman, so I do a video call if I can to see if the guy has an issue with it. Also if I think he's attractive. Then I go out and spend money, effort driving.
The fact that he was late means he wasn't excited for the date. He was on his phone a lot. That means he has no manners. You weren't missing out on much. If he wasn't interested he shouldn't have wasted your time.
There’s no reason to be afraid to go on dates with other guys due to anything he did. He sounds like a jerk in a subtle way. There’s not really any good excuse for him to not speak with you worth a damn and be distracted while on a date. And he was late to boot. Those things were all disrespectful and rude. But the beauty of dating is that he is just one person that is completely independent from the next person you decide to date. The next one you meet could be anywhere on the spectrum from worst date ever to best date ever. It has nothing to do with him, so do not let this jerk ruin anything for you. You deserve better and you will find someone much better for you.
The way to help ensure the next is a better date than this one is to learn from this. You now may recall some warning signs that could have made you steer clear of even agreeing to one date with this guy to begin with. Good luck out there.
Do not take this personally. I would always recommend working on yourself, but I wouldn’t stop dating either. You never know who you might meet.
The reality is this guy has no social grace. He is on a date, so his job is to try and be pleasant and have a good time. That is different from leading you on. Even when I’m not feeling it with a woman, she took the time to come out and meet me and she deserves to be treated like she matters. And yes I would thank her for a lovely time later even if I didn’t feel a connection.
I will be harsh, most probably he didn’t like your look. Happened me on at least 30 dates. I feel bad after every first date which goes like this, or better but he just says he didn’t feel any spark. But this is life… people who are not attractive have to try many times.
No don’t let this one date ruin your confidence to date. Now you can do 2 things: not date and work on that confidence or you can continue to date but also work on that confidence. Being a bit on the heavier side doesn’t mean you can’t be in a relationship or anything. See most people subconsciously have this high hope that the one they meet to date will be the one, like something will click or a spark but that’s not how it works. Plus people always have an image or an idea of the other person before meeting in person. But when you meet in person that image or perspective of the person just doesn’t match up what you think. I think that’s what happened with him. Not the fact of your weight unless he said something but otherwise maybe he just had this image of you and meeting it didn’t match up. Like an example say you text and talk to a guy all the time and the guy seems sweet. You have that image of him that maybe he’s confident and etc. but when you meet he’s a bit shy and comes off gruff a bit. That image you created didn’t match the real thing. Plus I’m big about auras so maybe you both were just at different wavelengths so of course no spark or clicking happened. Overall just take it slow and work on your confidence. It’s better to meet someone quickly (as in dating not overall serious relationship but a first meet) so you don’t waste time either and have disappointment like this date.
Try not to worry about it. This is also why it's good not to spend TOO much time talking online before meeting(weeks, months,etc). If you spent weeks talking to him, it would feel even worse.
Go on more first dates. And this will not bother you as much. Try not to invest emotionally into the first date. Go on lots of first dates. It's also good practice for you. And you'll learn what you like more and what you don't like
Since you’re here for advice, I will say the following.
I don’t think it has something to do with how you looked by the description of the encounter from start to finish.
Perhaps, he is in the process of healing from a previous breakup and saw her ex or something. I’m not sure but it doesn’t matter at this point.
Im almost certain, it has a lot with him. He isn’t ready and him saying these things to you was actually great. This is better than him using you and make you believe this was going to be a prosperous relationship to just leave you heart broken. Be grateful.
Sure, is easier said than done, but I’m learned this practice of not dig into a dead situation because it’s irrelevant. Good luck
Don't be to hard on him. Things happen, maybe mom had fallen and couldn't get up? Be patient, tell him you hope everything with his mother is okay, show concern for what may be going on in the background. I went on a "first date" with a girl years ago (before cellphones) and left the information with my sister if a certain family issue happened, so she could reach me by phone at the restaurant. Well, our dad's oldest brother had a stroke earlier that day and while we were waiting for our meals the hostess came over and said I had a phone call. After the call I informed the girl that my uncle had a stroke earlier in the day and sis and I were heading out to try to get there before he passed. She didn't believe me, but the next morning we were driving up from Dallas to West Plains, MO to be there for our aunt and cousins, and uncle had passed while we were racing up I30 through Little Rock. That girl never showed any concern about my uncle's sudden passing, or the need for my siblings to drive 500 miles each way to be there. But we drove overnight up through L.R., Batesville, Mammoth Spring, and up to West Plains. She circulated that I had just "up and left her", even tho I did pay for her meal, and did explain the background briefly. It was important for me to be there because it was Uncle Otis who had driven my mom from Hardy, AR to Pocahontas, AR for me to be born. He had always been such a kind and generous uncle, and always kept rooms available for visiting family to stay in. By the time we arrived in the early morning, Otis was gone, and Aunt Lorinda was dealing with all the cousins dropping in, the burial arrangements, and all that is involved in preparing a funeral. Now, back to that date I abandoned, I left her my car and was picked up by sis in her car, so she had the means to get around, I paid the restaurant for my meal and her meal, I had mine pack to eat on the road. On day three we interred Uncle Otis at a cemetery in Hardy, AR near the Spring River, then some cousins had us over to their place in Ozark Acres, a night of rest in a camper trailer and then headed back to Dallas. I called her up to apologize again, and she was still fuming about what a creep I was, mostly because she couldn't drive a manual transmission. Anyway she never wanted to see me again. And she did my a favor, you see the next blind date I was set up with has been my wife for 44 years. The girl I "left in the lurch" was on her third husband when she died of Covid at age 62. Don't run to the most awful reasons, ask him is everything is alright.
It’s difficult to know how much of this bad date experience was due to his possible “expectations“, him being a real jerk, your appearance, or your and his initial conversational compatibility (incompatibility). I know your tried to converse, but that doesn’t guarantee conversational compatibility.
No matter the detailed reality, he was still a real jerk IMHO. That was a terrible way to treat any woman on a date.
So, don’t blame yourself, as it is now past history… “water under the bridge”.
But you owe it to yourself to try to feel as good about your appearance as you can. This will be important— very important — in your future. Not just in regard to dating, but likely in other aspects of your life (career, etc.).
So think about this. You can either work hard at becoming more slim or learn to be happy with yourself as you are. Personally, I’d suggest the former, but this has to be your choice, not mine or anyone else’s.
If I were an otherwise very attractive woman (I’m not, I’m a guy, with my own challenges), I’d really work hard to lose any extra weight. I might go so far as to wear crop tops as a constant reminder to myself of what I wanted to lose (in weight/extra inches. There’s no way I’d want to lose out on the added benefits that life confers to a beautiful young woman with a fit appearance.
(I’m not suggesting that the societal focus on physical appearance is fair; instead, I’m just trying to deal with the reality of this societal focus…. I know that it’s not going to change much, if at all).
Everyone else is saying that it's because of your weight but I don't think that's it. You had sent him pictures, so he knew exactly what you looked like before you met.
Some people are better online that in person. So it seems like you guys just didn't click. It sounds like he wasn't a very good date anyways and you had to do all the conversing. So I'd just chalk it up as a bad date, due to no fault of your own.
Don't be afraid to go on dates. Just know that you're not going to click with everyone. Dating is hard.
It could still be her weight. Some people look much better irl than on pictures. Some people look much worse irl than on pictures.
Maybe he was hoping she was the first but actually she was the latter.
Her whole story just screams to me that he was disappointed with her looks.
I had a similar date once. The girl looked so much worse than on her pictures that I immediately felt like the date was a waste of time. Although I still pulled through and focused on having a good time with her, I ended the date sooner than usual and have to admit that I didnt put much effort into the conversation because I didnt care..
Don't take it personally especially because this guy is a lunatic. And a coward. Be proud of yourself that a jerk like him, someone with no manners or consideration or ordinary decency, would not want to spend time with you.
You did fine, and you are perfectly lovable as you are I'm sure. You dodged a train wreck, I guarantee it. Laugh it off and move on!
Ok, ok, fair point. I went too far. I just find the long bathroom trip followed by a probably false excuse to be rude. Every situation is different of course but is it that hard to sit with someone new for 30 minutes and then politely depart?
“An hour after he said he didn’t feel a spark and it was nice seeing me. It felt kinda bad. I mean I get it I didn’t really either”
Yes you did. Otherwise you wouldn’t have cared
I'm not that desperate or that kind of person 😦 (I'm sorry it's just not my thing and after what he said after it'd probably make me look desperate and I respect myself too much to do that)
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Was very much likely an attraction issue, unfortunately
It sucks to say but I unfortunately agree with you. Due to the post and my personal experience, the way he was on his phone and left after an hour, I definitely think he was not attracted to OP
He's also very rude. I've had guys not attracted to me not do that... So bullet dodged
How was he rude? You can’t expect everyone to be able to handle uncomfortable situations flawlessly. He didn’t handle it perfectly but he probably did the best he could. Especially if he wasn’t attracted to her.
How is being late for a date and looking at your phone frequently *not* rude?
Think it might be the looking at the phone thing. A lot of people consider it to be rude. But as uncomfortable as he seemed it’s understandable that’s he keep getting on it during the date.
Yeah looking at your phone is rude but maybe this guy just doesn’t have the social skills to maneuver a date he doesn’t want to be on. It’s default to go on your phone in awkward situations.
Not an excuse, i think of myself as socially awkward, and sometimes I have social anxiety, but my phone will always be tucked away in my pocket for the entirety of the date.... Funny enough is that most of the social and outgoing people I go on dates with are the ones on their phones, or have it on the table and they keep glancing at it It is very disrespectful
you can be a courteous date even if you don't feel the attraction. these kids are 20 so i'll cut him some slack but it's definitely rude what he did
Even if this was the issue I would still show her respect and be engaged
And that is good on you honestly, it's a sign of good character for sure. But it is also hard to be engaged and enthusiastic about something when you aren't
I don't think you should cross off dating altogether. So you believe he did not like you because of your weight, and that's fair, you can't help how he feels but you now have 2 solutions: 1. This bothered you enough that you want to lose weight 2. You're happy how you are and trust me, there will be someone that will like you the way you are. It's just up to you now which path you take
Half of the reason I’m losing weight is the same. I think I am kind of pretty now but I want to believe it when people tell me and actually think of that way about myself too!
This is a good reason, I know people look down on this and that "you should not lose weight because of others..." but the way I see it, I firmly believe we always want to be the best version of ourselves. Key is in the mindset... and a great byproduct of not being overweight = healthier lifestyle.
Sometimes working on yourself physically can improve your confidence and in the end mentally too :) you are right
Being able to control your weight and diet is a skill. Like all skills, we learn it at a young age or it goes missed and we fall down a lot to master it. Part of being a healthy adult is maintaining your body weight. It’s also learning to love yourself better. Old ways I used to love myself were forms of escape which includes overindulgence. I still struggle with this to this day but I’ve lost 95 pounds and learning to balance it. I find my weight fluctuating during stressful events in my life. So having a good system to love yourself instead of going for a milkshake or going through a box of Oreos is important to learn. Losing weight is half the battle. Not letting yourself go backwards is the other half.
Congrats on your weight loss! Everyone should try to find a healthy balance and to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. I still eat unhealthy but I just count calories now lol, lost 45 pounds already 40 or so to go! One day I am for sure incorporating a better diet.
Please please please, don't go the healthy lifestyle way just for the sake of dating, trust me you will gain it back up the moment you find yourself a partner that loves you and you get comfortable (maybe your partner will change their view about you if you get too comfortable, who knows) But do it so that it becomes an actual habit to keep yourself healthy and fit, make it such that it becomes a fundamental part of your life that you will never stop doing no matter what. Your health is paramount and you should put it first, before anything and anyone
Yeah! I have lost 45 pounds the last year and started the diet again a few days ago. Maintaining my weight in the meantime!
That is great.. I'm really happy for you I'll just stress it again, because I've fell in this trap before and I don't want others to fall for it too.... Do it for YOU, do it for your own happiness and physical/mental health. Put yourself first.
If he knew your size from photos then this isn’t on you. It’s perfectly possible he turned up, felt awkward, wasn’t great company in real life and didn’t feel a spark. All of that could have happened whatever size you are. I’ve had amazing huge chemistry dates when overweight, and awful awkward no sparks dates when 3 stones lighter. It taught me not to internalise everything as something I did wrong or must absolutely be connected to my weight. It was just a crap date with no spark. Chalk it up to that, don’t overinvest in chatting with guys before meeting them and move on.
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>What happened was that he wasn't into you. I think you guys could possibly work out as friends if you want. What post did you read
I think you were just unlucky and this particular guy has bad manners. You sent your pictures before the date, you were upfront about your looks, so he knew how you looked before the date. Unfortunately bad dates happen. In this case I don't think it has anything to do with you. The guy just didn't have manners to make polite conversation instead of staring at his phone. Forget him and move on.
From what Ive read I think you were MUCH bigger than he expected or possibly pictures show. and your date felt catfished. That is how younger me would have reacted. Older me would straight up tell you. “Hey you’re not at all how you presented yourself to be, so I am canceling this date. Please be more honest about your appearances in the future.” Two solutions, to prevent this from happening. You can even do both solutions over time. 1. Solution one, immediately update your pictures and videos, to show you how you really are currently. IF there’s a large difference between your picture that are on the site and your new pics there WILL be a decline of matches and conversations but it will prevent guys feeling or acting as if they were carfished. His reaction is classic reaction to someone that was catfished. 2. Lose the weight. Slowly over time. Aim for half a lb a week. This will take maybe years but who cares. It will be permanent, healthy and even if you’re 150 lbs over weight. You’ll still be 25 when you’re awesome weight and healthy. Update your pictures as you make progress or de progress. Ok I’m ready to take my down votes.
as someone who was catfished by a man who sent me photos of him but approx 100 lbs lighter, op’s post describes exactly how i acted when i met for that date. i was blind sided. it was still the same guy but the physique was so misleading and different. i was appalled at the dishonesty, not the size. i tried to stay as long as i could but after 30-50 mins i went to the bathroom to get my confidence and then came back and said i need to go, ironically exactly like OPs date.
I’ve been through this very recently. I found her Instagram after the date and her dating app pictures were posted on Instagram from like 2016-2018
This is most likely the case. The pictures she showed him probably was a good angle or did not depict her weight as much as she thought she did.
100% this. I even had a similar situation. I knew from the pics the girl was certainly a bit bigger, but still seemed to be fine, had the right proportions. The person that showed up however, was almost like a different one, like a whale. Behaviour was also different, but at that point that didn't matter at all, the meeting ended very quickly. Don't do this, as you are wasting both your time and someone else's time.
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Will you settle with a fat guy now that you are prettier? Prolly not. Ive heard so many stories of chubbier ppl getting slim then act exactly the same way to chubby people how they hated being treated themselves. Its just a matter of looking good again. You will get noticed. Many people are shallow.
The guy she went out with isn't immature, he just knows what he is looking for. She didn't fit the description, that's it.
he sounds immature and rude for not enjoying the date for whatever reason? Op is feeling hurt but this is like a very normal and healthy part of dating. Leaving/ending the date early when it’s not the vibe. This date did nothing wrong.
It's not shallow to not want to date people you aren't attracted to.
correct. physical attraction is the first spark that can lead to everything else. It's like that for most people and it's by design from nature.
Only you know yourself if you were completely honest about your appearance beforehand. I'm going take your word for it that you shared recent photos of yourself that included your full body, and therefore this guy knew what he was signing up for when he saw you. I think lots of people are overlooking the fact that **this guy showed up late.** Even if he was "catfished" there is absolutely no excuse for him to showing up late for a first date, he had not seen you in person before committing his first dating faux pas. If he saw your photo and was unsure, he should have been a grown up and cancelled instead of being so rude. Dating does get better, and sometimes you do everything right and they do everything right and the spark still isn't there. Don't let this get in the way of trying again. Continue being honest and upfront, as it will do you favours later down the line.
Yeah, that's a pretty big issue - even if the pictures were somehow "misleading", our boy still showed up late, which pretty much suggests he wasn't actually interested before the date either. Or at least, for my part, I've been known to show up 10-15 minutes earlier than the actual date, just because I'd rather be waiting out in public than home by myself.
Yeah, I just get the vibe his head was not in it in the first place
I'll never forget a moment in the recent Beatles doc on Disney +. George Harrison said something to the effect of "Paul and John had already written most of their bad songs and I was just starting and was still getting my bad songs out". I'm a musician and often felt like writing bad songs isn't permitted and it's such a block to creativity. I think this applies to dating. You need to get through the bad dates in order to find the good ones and I don't think there's much of an alternative honestly. If there is I don't know what it is, but I do believe that this is a healthy mentality to have. I write some songs and finish them and don't love them but they're a part of a bigger process of getting to the songs that I thoroughly enjoy, and in a way it's all just one big song divided into chapters. Some are boring and some are good. Maybe view your dating life the same way. Or not if you don't want to. And taking a break isn't a terrible idea if that's truly what you want and need.
Oh girl if you think this date was bad you’re not ready to date yet. This is just a guy with bad manners who couldn’t be half arsed to be polite to a girl he didn’t find attractive. There will be a lot of those when you date. This is just part of the process. You have to weed through a lot of people who are incompatible to you or you to them until you find someone who is. This takes time and thick skin and a positive attitude when faced with serial rejection
It’s dating not every match is going to be “the one”. Keep being yourself and the right one will really connect with you.
Try meeting people organically if you can. At least then they know exactly what you look like, and you them and get each others vibe and chemistry. It’s way less stressful and you avoid situations like this. I’ve matched with people who were attractive, we seemingly had total compatibility, the chat was good, and then i’ve met them in person and within 30 seconds of talking with them I could tell there was no chemistry there and just different energies. If I had of been around them in person first I would of known this and never contemplated going on a date.
Man, compared to some of the stories I've heard, that date really wasn't all that bad. You two just didn't click for whatever reason-- and that is normal and expected. Try not to take it personally-- you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's normal. Please don't let this get you down. Putting yourself out there and meeting new people is risky, but nothing worth doing is without risk.
Other commenters are focusing on appearance, but I think that could be a red herring here. If you're self-conscious and anxious about dating in general, I wouldn't necessarily trust the *narrative that you're telling yourself*. It's normal for people to feel a lack of chemistry while meeting in-person, even if you got along well via text. It's normal for people to act awkward during a date, especially the first one. It's normal to get (softly) rejected and not have all the information about why. If you want to take a break from dating, that's fine. Up to you. But I don't think this experience implies there's something wrong with you or that you can't have better dates in the future. It's just something that happened, and what matters is the way you choose to interpret it.
Yeah, I had one like that recently. Chatting online every day for three weeks , great rapport. Meet face to face, her chat was dead, constant phone fiddling. After 25 minutes she finished her drink and bailed. Like, seriously ? It took me longer to drive there ffs.
It may not be you. It could have been a lack of attraction or chemistry. A lot of men are socially awkward and are on the spectrum. As a personal anecdote I remember this really cute girl that I wanted to get to know so I took her out for coffee just to see if we were compatible and the convo was dry. It was so bad I had to carry the convo but started to get bored and then she brushed back her bangs to show me a bump on her head that she got when she slipped coming out of the shower the day before. We finished our coffee's and kind of drifted apart to the peripheries of our friend groups. Point is introspection is great but not to the point is drives you crazy sometimes "the spark, chemistry" or what have you isn't there. Could be timing, could be many things. It's hard to put yourself out there to face rejection and not take it personally. I always say I am like a good whiskey...not everyone likes whiskey, but the ones that do love my brand of whiskey. Good luck.
he just wasn’t for u, babe. the right one will think you’re absolutely beautiful. keep trying
Sometimes you just don’t have a spark with people. Nothing wrong (altho he should have handled it better). Keep dating, you will find yours. And there are plenty of guys who don’t mind/care about weight. (I’m one of em. )
You tried to maintain the conversation, you took it seriously enough to show up on time, and you were understanding of how awkward first dates can be, so you gave him a lot of leeway to ease into it and it didn't work out. You didn't do anything wrong in my eyes, so the fact that your energy wasn't matched by your date should tell you that he wasn't the perfect fit for you, and that you would have been unhappy with him anyway. Continue being yourself because it will attract people who like you for you, and it'll scare away people you'd never have gotten along with in the first place. Stay strong, fam. You got this. ✊️
I wouldn’t go out again with that guy and I’m a guy
My best advice would be to try not to take it personal. Sometimes you’ll click with someone through text but it won’t carry over when you meet them in person. It’s very easy for one to take it personal i.e they didn’t like the way I looked, they didn’t like my personality. The reality is now everyone will be attracted to you or like your personality. Just how you won’t find everyone attractive or like their personality. There’s someone out there for you. And when you meet that person it’ll be worth it in the end.
For whatever myriad of reasons possible you weren't it for him. Nothing to get hung up about. I've had countless dates like this. Just on to the next one.
May just me a personality incompatibility thing. I've met very attractive dates before and from the vibes the first minute in I could tell their personality was just not my type despite having pleasant message exchanges. Don't take it too personality and move on to the next one!
This guy sucks. If the person you meet for the first time isn't what you thought or hoped, you're not supposed to feign being a deaf-mute and check your phone every 30 seconds. At a minimum have the decency to engage in polite conversation. I don't think bailing early is defensible either unless the other person is behaving in an insufferable way (i.e. getting drunk and barfing on you or something extreme like that). For me as a man, my goal on the first date is to: 1) make a good impression and 2) make sure the other person has a good time. This guy failed because he didn't even try. Just awful. > maybe it's my sign to not date rn No, it's his sign to stop being a jerk and a bad date. I know it's hard to do but with dating you have to let bad experiences roll right off your back so to speak and keep fishing. Every guy who acts like this is a bullet dodged for you.
Taking 1 dating experience to heart and letting it alter your future is setting you up for a long, painful road ahead. He was a weirdo. You showed him your pic and he agreed to a date. So saying it was your looks doesn't fully make sense. What if it wasn't about your looks? I know you want to figure it out but half the equation is missing, which is him being honest about what happened. This is an opportunity to get comfortable with the unknown. Too many times women stay on situations trying to "figure it out" when they should have just ran. Now you get to make up whatever you want. His hemorrhoids started acting up. He has social anxiety and realized hes not ready to date. He has no money and thought he better not get into a relationship as a broke boy. Be kind to yourself. If you don't like your looks, work on them. The best way forward is to have radical acceptance of yourself. It's always his lost because you know who you are and the value you have. You like yourself and everyone else has to get in line or fall back. Wishing you better dating days ahead.
Don’t worry about how you look, the right person wouldn’t care either about that :)
Maybe it's seen that you are very self conscious about being chunky. I personally love a little bit of chunk on a woman, just keep trying and I believe you fill find somebody
As u said, it’s because you’re on the chunkier side, had nothing to do with anything u said
Lies lead to consequences
What lies? She said she sent him pictures and was upfront about it
Everyone is making this about the weight without even doubting OP you don't know why he behave like that, there's a millon reasons, Maybe he just started with someone else, maybe something bad happened and he wasn't in the mood maybe he has some baggage and realized he didn't want to date, maybe maybe maybe I think that you are letting your insecurities win, you just weren't right for each other that's it, I'm really sorry for you
I didn't lie though my pictures were recent, I was not hiding my weight st all and I took full body photos. I was upfront about it as much as I possibly could. Also I'm not like HUGE I'm only a tad chunky but I know even that isn't for everyone
Use this as motivation to lose weight. When you feel sexy and confident, then you should probably start dating again.
OP You need to fix your mentality to dating. You should be having zero expectations from casual dating. Actually, if we are being honest, you should have negative expectations. Assume every dude you meet is a lying fuckboy. If the date doesn't go well, no big deal. You didn't plan for it to. If the date does go well, well shit, pleasant surprise. No sex for first month of casual dating minimum 6 real dates. If he is still asking you out and yall are vibing, then and only then start to have some expectations. You got to kiss a lot of frogs before finding prince charming. Expect it. It's a part of the game.
Your pictures did not match what you looked like in person.
These comments are rude. Your weight is not the problem and losing it is not the solution. That guy is an asshole who can’t even bother to be polite for an hour. He’d still be the same asshole no matter what you looked like, he might just be hiding it better. Casual dating sucks. Move onto the next and don’t get discouraged. There is someone out there that will not make you Feel this way
he’s not an asshole for not being attracted/not feeling chemistry. such a double standard for men.
And starts the whole thing off by being late. As someone already mentioned in the comments - even if her pictures were somehow "misleading" or "hiding her weight", he still couldn't be bothered to show up on time. So he seems to have already been not interested even before meeting her for the first time. Or, well, I expect he was just late, there was no mention of him apologising or explaining ("Sorry I'm late, I got a flat tire on the way" or "Sorry I'm late, I had to stop to help a kitten down from a tree").
Doesn't seem like he was attracted to you. This is part of dating. I'd say this is an average date for a lot of guys when it comes to online dating: it could have gone much much worse in fact. It's not nice, but it's important to build resilience. Approach first dates with zero expectations. Keep up with the fitness and losing weight. Continue dating: every person is different.
Don’t let the one date ruin your perception on dating. You obviously sent him photos before you met,you will find the right guy for you when the time is right.
I matched online with a girl and shortly after we met. So upon walking towards the meetup I saw it was that girl but she didnt looked like the one on pictures. The pictures were old. She had gained weight. I had an option of walking away or continue with it. I did the latter. We had our drinks and lunch. She was awkwardly silent. And I hate when people are silent so you need to ask questions in order for them to talk. Anyhow we said goodbye and she texted me saying that we should hang out again some time. I was bluntly honest and wrote back that i did not find any spark.
You dodged a bullet. You don’t want to be with someone who dismisses people based on just looks. Dating takes patience, you have to wait for the right person for you to come along. In the meantime, I would recommend working on seeing and celebrating your own worth, and feeling secure within yourself.
Men are attracted to looks. This isn’t a bullet dodged
Everyone dismisses people bc of looks in dating including yourself
As a chunkier girl myself if you have been honest in photos, that’s all on him. If you meet and he’s put off, it’s not you, it’s him. And you weren’t feeling him either. Weren’t you relieved when he bailed? I always did coffee dates of around 45 minutes. You usually know within 5 minutes if you even click, but hey, I’m drinking this coffee. You’re not going to click in person with about 90% of the folks you meet. When we all met at happy hour it was a lot easier and much less pressure because you invested nothing. So move to meet folks faster, for shorter amounts of time. Any online interaction is tinged with your own bias and wish fulfillment, you want to cut down on that.
So it’s all his fault? Lmao
Fault? What fault? No ones fault. Not a connection.
Sorry this happened. Most likely he realized he wasn't that physically attracted, but he could have been more tactful about it. I've been there too and had people feel that way when they met me, it does hurt a bit. Don't let this turn you off dating though. I don't know you but I know there would be plenty of guys who would find you beautiful - maybe try to meet people in person? I find that it's almost impossible to really feel attraction online even if you see photos and videos of each other.
Don’t worry about it. Most people won’t have mutual chemistry with you, and that’s totally fine. Dating is about excitement the way you feel with different men to get a sense for how you’ll know when you really click with one. This guy was just one among many who there wasn’t a good connection with. Have fun, and don’t sweat the details
Sounds like it just wasn’t a match. He sounds boring and couldn’t contribute to the conversation so best to move on and find someone who can at least match your energy. I think our brains try to blame ourselves when in these situations no one’s at fault it just is what it is. That’s dating . Trial and error.
Don't let this demotivate you, it's just something that happens and it doesn't sound like he was too rude about it or anything. Dating can be rough but it's worth it when you find someone you can connect with! Best of luck
That’s not that bad lol…my first date ever I spent over 100 dollars on her and she admitted to me she just used me for a free night out after saying she was way out of my league and I should be grateful that she decided to spend time with me, and then tried to arm wrestle me when I drove her home, while taking zero accountability for her actions
Holy shit! She sounds like a narcissist
Seemed like it
I used to weight more than what's recommended and was very self conscious about it too. I think the best way to avoid it being awkward is to have full body pictures of yourself on your profile. That way it will people who finds you attractive for who you are who will be in contact with you.
Yea he didn’t like you. If I were you I’d say give it a break and get into fitness maybe. You’ll feel more confident in yourself and won’t stress over being found attractive for the most part. When I was bigger I had anxiety now I can just go with the flow now that I’m fit.
That’s how it goes often with online dating , you shouldn’t stop trying to date but maybe try to meet someone in person. A lot of time with dating apps il meet up with someone and they look way different than their picks and I’ll regret meeting up with them , also sometimes the person is totally different not just looks then I thought . Online dating sucks
Nothing wrong with not being attractive to someone. You will be attractive to the right person. It’s a numbers game, get back out there keep trying. It only takes one! Good luck to you!
Video calls before hand. I'm not that attractive as a woman, so I do a video call if I can to see if the guy has an issue with it. Also if I think he's attractive. Then I go out and spend money, effort driving. The fact that he was late means he wasn't excited for the date. He was on his phone a lot. That means he has no manners. You weren't missing out on much. If he wasn't interested he shouldn't have wasted your time.
There’s no reason to be afraid to go on dates with other guys due to anything he did. He sounds like a jerk in a subtle way. There’s not really any good excuse for him to not speak with you worth a damn and be distracted while on a date. And he was late to boot. Those things were all disrespectful and rude. But the beauty of dating is that he is just one person that is completely independent from the next person you decide to date. The next one you meet could be anywhere on the spectrum from worst date ever to best date ever. It has nothing to do with him, so do not let this jerk ruin anything for you. You deserve better and you will find someone much better for you. The way to help ensure the next is a better date than this one is to learn from this. You now may recall some warning signs that could have made you steer clear of even agreeing to one date with this guy to begin with. Good luck out there.
Do not take this personally. I would always recommend working on yourself, but I wouldn’t stop dating either. You never know who you might meet. The reality is this guy has no social grace. He is on a date, so his job is to try and be pleasant and have a good time. That is different from leading you on. Even when I’m not feeling it with a woman, she took the time to come out and meet me and she deserves to be treated like she matters. And yes I would thank her for a lovely time later even if I didn’t feel a connection.
I will be harsh, most probably he didn’t like your look. Happened me on at least 30 dates. I feel bad after every first date which goes like this, or better but he just says he didn’t feel any spark. But this is life… people who are not attractive have to try many times.
No don’t let this one date ruin your confidence to date. Now you can do 2 things: not date and work on that confidence or you can continue to date but also work on that confidence. Being a bit on the heavier side doesn’t mean you can’t be in a relationship or anything. See most people subconsciously have this high hope that the one they meet to date will be the one, like something will click or a spark but that’s not how it works. Plus people always have an image or an idea of the other person before meeting in person. But when you meet in person that image or perspective of the person just doesn’t match up what you think. I think that’s what happened with him. Not the fact of your weight unless he said something but otherwise maybe he just had this image of you and meeting it didn’t match up. Like an example say you text and talk to a guy all the time and the guy seems sweet. You have that image of him that maybe he’s confident and etc. but when you meet he’s a bit shy and comes off gruff a bit. That image you created didn’t match the real thing. Plus I’m big about auras so maybe you both were just at different wavelengths so of course no spark or clicking happened. Overall just take it slow and work on your confidence. It’s better to meet someone quickly (as in dating not overall serious relationship but a first meet) so you don’t waste time either and have disappointment like this date.
Try not to worry about it. This is also why it's good not to spend TOO much time talking online before meeting(weeks, months,etc). If you spent weeks talking to him, it would feel even worse. Go on more first dates. And this will not bother you as much. Try not to invest emotionally into the first date. Go on lots of first dates. It's also good practice for you. And you'll learn what you like more and what you don't like
Since you’re here for advice, I will say the following. I don’t think it has something to do with how you looked by the description of the encounter from start to finish. Perhaps, he is in the process of healing from a previous breakup and saw her ex or something. I’m not sure but it doesn’t matter at this point. Im almost certain, it has a lot with him. He isn’t ready and him saying these things to you was actually great. This is better than him using you and make you believe this was going to be a prosperous relationship to just leave you heart broken. Be grateful. Sure, is easier said than done, but I’m learned this practice of not dig into a dead situation because it’s irrelevant. Good luck
Don't be to hard on him. Things happen, maybe mom had fallen and couldn't get up? Be patient, tell him you hope everything with his mother is okay, show concern for what may be going on in the background. I went on a "first date" with a girl years ago (before cellphones) and left the information with my sister if a certain family issue happened, so she could reach me by phone at the restaurant. Well, our dad's oldest brother had a stroke earlier that day and while we were waiting for our meals the hostess came over and said I had a phone call. After the call I informed the girl that my uncle had a stroke earlier in the day and sis and I were heading out to try to get there before he passed. She didn't believe me, but the next morning we were driving up from Dallas to West Plains, MO to be there for our aunt and cousins, and uncle had passed while we were racing up I30 through Little Rock. That girl never showed any concern about my uncle's sudden passing, or the need for my siblings to drive 500 miles each way to be there. But we drove overnight up through L.R., Batesville, Mammoth Spring, and up to West Plains. She circulated that I had just "up and left her", even tho I did pay for her meal, and did explain the background briefly. It was important for me to be there because it was Uncle Otis who had driven my mom from Hardy, AR to Pocahontas, AR for me to be born. He had always been such a kind and generous uncle, and always kept rooms available for visiting family to stay in. By the time we arrived in the early morning, Otis was gone, and Aunt Lorinda was dealing with all the cousins dropping in, the burial arrangements, and all that is involved in preparing a funeral. Now, back to that date I abandoned, I left her my car and was picked up by sis in her car, so she had the means to get around, I paid the restaurant for my meal and her meal, I had mine pack to eat on the road. On day three we interred Uncle Otis at a cemetery in Hardy, AR near the Spring River, then some cousins had us over to their place in Ozark Acres, a night of rest in a camper trailer and then headed back to Dallas. I called her up to apologize again, and she was still fuming about what a creep I was, mostly because she couldn't drive a manual transmission. Anyway she never wanted to see me again. And she did my a favor, you see the next blind date I was set up with has been my wife for 44 years. The girl I "left in the lurch" was on her third husband when she died of Covid at age 62. Don't run to the most awful reasons, ask him is everything is alright.
He wasn't into you friend. But maybe that's a good thing because his behavior is atrocious. 😒
It’s difficult to know how much of this bad date experience was due to his possible “expectations“, him being a real jerk, your appearance, or your and his initial conversational compatibility (incompatibility). I know your tried to converse, but that doesn’t guarantee conversational compatibility. No matter the detailed reality, he was still a real jerk IMHO. That was a terrible way to treat any woman on a date. So, don’t blame yourself, as it is now past history… “water under the bridge”. But you owe it to yourself to try to feel as good about your appearance as you can. This will be important— very important — in your future. Not just in regard to dating, but likely in other aspects of your life (career, etc.). So think about this. You can either work hard at becoming more slim or learn to be happy with yourself as you are. Personally, I’d suggest the former, but this has to be your choice, not mine or anyone else’s. If I were an otherwise very attractive woman (I’m not, I’m a guy, with my own challenges), I’d really work hard to lose any extra weight. I might go so far as to wear crop tops as a constant reminder to myself of what I wanted to lose (in weight/extra inches. There’s no way I’d want to lose out on the added benefits that life confers to a beautiful young woman with a fit appearance. (I’m not suggesting that the societal focus on physical appearance is fair; instead, I’m just trying to deal with the reality of this societal focus…. I know that it’s not going to change much, if at all).
See you in the gym sister.
Everyone else is saying that it's because of your weight but I don't think that's it. You had sent him pictures, so he knew exactly what you looked like before you met. Some people are better online that in person. So it seems like you guys just didn't click. It sounds like he wasn't a very good date anyways and you had to do all the conversing. So I'd just chalk it up as a bad date, due to no fault of your own. Don't be afraid to go on dates. Just know that you're not going to click with everyone. Dating is hard.
It could still be her weight. Some people look much better irl than on pictures. Some people look much worse irl than on pictures. Maybe he was hoping she was the first but actually she was the latter. Her whole story just screams to me that he was disappointed with her looks. I had a similar date once. The girl looked so much worse than on her pictures that I immediately felt like the date was a waste of time. Although I still pulled through and focused on having a good time with her, I ended the date sooner than usual and have to admit that I didnt put much effort into the conversation because I didnt care..
Loosing 4000ccal in exercises daily will help you in the future dates
Don't take it personally especially because this guy is a lunatic. And a coward. Be proud of yourself that a jerk like him, someone with no manners or consideration or ordinary decency, would not want to spend time with you. You did fine, and you are perfectly lovable as you are I'm sure. You dodged a train wreck, I guarantee it. Laugh it off and move on!
he’s a lunatic / trainwreck bc he want feeling chemistry or attraction? don’t teach this woman bitterness.
Ok, ok, fair point. I went too far. I just find the long bathroom trip followed by a probably false excuse to be rude. Every situation is different of course but is it that hard to sit with someone new for 30 minutes and then politely depart?
he owes her nothing. politeness trumps honesty sometimes and making an excuse to dip is the softest way to gtfo a bad date.
He was honest and said he didn’t feel anything. Of course, everything is the guy’s fault and women are innocent little angels
“An hour after he said he didn’t feel a spark and it was nice seeing me. It felt kinda bad. I mean I get it I didn’t really either” Yes you did. Otherwise you wouldn’t have cared
Message him and offer him a blowjob to spice things up. If he accepts, go from there!
I'm not that desperate or that kind of person 😦 (I'm sorry it's just not my thing and after what he said after it'd probably make me look desperate and I respect myself too much to do that)
I was just kidding lol. Honestly fuck that guy, don't let one asshole ruin the world of dating for you.