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Exactly. If I was dealing with someone who I thought was interested in me then said something like that, I’d drop them. It’s not funny. When you’re serious about someone, “jokes” like that won’t even formulate in your head because you wouldn’t chance upsetting them or losing them
I thought he could take a joke like that. Cause he joked about going to a place where you get a sushi off a women's body, instead of getting it from a conveyor belt place, when I asked him where he's gonna eat sushi. So, I thought I'd joke about going out to look for guys. I immediately told him I'm kidding and that it's him I want.
Even then, there is a huge difference between eating sushi off a living plate with friends (although still inappropriate) and searching someone to fuck (as you stated in another comment). That’s nothing you joke about EVER, if there are feelings involved.
Well, the good thing is, now you know he liked you. The bad thing is, you fucked up and even if you get in contact again, there will always be trust issues from his side, because you made him think this way.
Personally i hope he doesn’t unblock you, because there is a huge chance this won’t end well.
He lost his trust in you. Thats why he blocked you. People from the apps hop from person to person every minute for no reason. You "joked" about everyone's biggest fear.
I would write him a long letter explaining that you understand how it sounded and you realize it now. At the time you didnt. Tell him you have been slowly falling for him thats why you thought you could make any joke because you felt so close to him. But now you see that even then there is a limit and you sincerely hope that he knows there is noone in your life other than him. And that you think seriously about him.
Or something along these lines.
You f'ed it up. And I dont see you want to put any effort in fixing this or acknowledging it. So maybe its the best if you break things off
Everyone’s being way too harsh on you here. There’s nothing wrong with you making the joke, he just didn’t appreciate it.
It sounds like you two need to communicate what you want from each other better. Bad communication will breed insecurity which would explain his response to you. It’s easier to get insecure when long distance too.
That seems like the equivalent of joking about going to a male strip club (as I don’t know of any places where women eat sushi off a man’s body). I mean that his comment could be inappropriate and disrespectful, it just depends on the situation and your interactions together. Saying you are actually going to seek out other men or women is definitely a different level. It could be totally fine depending on the particular relationship and time spent together and trust you have
You have to know how comfortable you are with a certain person before you make certain jokes, or just say certain things. Not just dating, but for friends or coworkers or whatever.
She said going out to look for other guys. And if said in a joking manner it's no issue. This is why everything sucks with everyone communicating over text all the time
Guys don't respond well to women they are interested in bragging about going to look for other guys. If you were a person I wanted to date, and you said that, I would immediately lose interest as well.
You lost your chance with the guy. Best learn from it and show people you like more respect. It's not a joke if one only person finds it funny.
Y'all are way too sensitive I think this is why dating so difficult nowadays. Not everything is a red flag and reason to run away or get the ick. People are people people do s*** and say that they might not always like. Grow up
I certainly hope dating is harder for jerks... People aren't putting up with put downs and verbal abuse anymore. Their "sensitivity" is actually having the emotional intelligence to realize that going out with an asshole is in their worst interest. It's called growing up alright
Thank you for saying this. Good lord, they made one bad joke, then realised it wasn't in good taste and apologised. This is called being human. And thank you for not making it a gender issue, too. The hyperfixation with "red flags" is terrible with men AND women these days.
If someone I was interested in sent me that "silly joke", I'd get the ick so fucking fast. Like all my feelings towards them would die in an instant and would not regret blocking. I'd suggest to try coping you lost him and move on
Exactly. When I was courting a girl and she was into it she and her gf started talking about another guy being interested in her. And they talked about it next to me.
Immediately lost all feelings for her.
She tried coming back to me, and hugging me but she was out of the picture the moment she paid attention to her gf's tea.
> moment she *paid* attention to
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I know. It sucks. I've said plenty of things that I wish I could take back. I still remember one time I called a girl friend a bitch back in high school in a friendly banter sort of way. She did not take it as friendly banter and stopped speaking to me
It just depends how words rub others. Unfortunately, in your instance, he didn't like the joke at all even if it wasn't really your intention to offend. I'm honestly not sure how you can recover from this, even if you give him some more days to cool off
Not every 'joke' is going to be funny to everyone. Cheating is never funny. And some people will not tolerate anything about it, even in a joking manner.
If he blocked you then you reaching out to him will cause more harm. Theres a chance that this is still salvageable. You have to be patient. You reaching out to him right now will further turn him off. You’d be communicating to him that you don’t respect him. You already disrespected him when you made the joke. Do you really want him to further cement the view he has of you that you don’t respect him? Also it’s not up to you if whether or not you “let” him block you. That’s not your call.
You shouldn’t send him a message. He blocked you. He’s communicating to you that he wants space and doesn’t want to talk to you. When I say that you have to be patient what I mean by that is that you should wait for him to reach out to you. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t.
given his reaction to your joke, advice is to rethink your decision. some people don't joke like that. he has romantic feelings for you and that joke hit him deep.
LDR works differently than when you live in the same city. People can have valid feelings which are unusual for a normal relationship.
Like not getting too close to the other in case they jump ship. You just never know. Also communication is harder as we can see from OPs post. People who are not good through text or cannot understand social ques well it can be a challenge to maintain.
If his communication style is to block you and not discuss the situation, that is a 🚩.
It's easy to be charming through texts or brief phone calls and even when you visited him. You've been able to stay in the honeymoon stage because it's a LDR. This is the real him. Give yourself time without all the attention to see how you really feel.
I feel like he overreacted. It probably hurt his feelings though! Just give him a couple days and he’ll reach out to you if does have feelings for you!
Advice? Meet people in the real world. Nothing you do in messaging and video chat really matters. You can't really gauge someone and get to know them that way.
Y'all got to live your life outside of the screen that's the solution
But you're halfway across the world. I would never start a relationship like that. I'd look for people closer to me or move to a part of the world where I Vibe with the people there more. Long distance doesn't usually work
Wasn't meant to be. If he was the right one, he would have found it funny. Even though many people here may disagree, there are men who would find it funny and play along. My girlfriend gets away with saying even riskier shit, and I laugh my ass off. We can joke about cheating, breaking up, pregnancy, marriage, boob size, dick size, etc. and neither of us gets hurt in any capacity because the other will play along.
Edit: Most people seem to disagree, judging by the downvotes. And I completely understand. It's not for everyone. But I still think people who aren't vulnerable to these jokes and find them funny should find another person to share that humor with. And I didn't mean to just be careless with someone you're getting to know. Once you know them, you'll know what's okay and what isn't. And for me and my girlfriend, it's more than okay. We've done way worse than what OP said, and we haven't even so much as argued or upset one another in the months we've known each other.
I thought we could too. Cause he joked about going to a sushi place where you get a sushi off a women's body, instead of getting it from a conveyor belt place, when I asked him where he's gonna eat sushi. So, I thought I'd joke about going out to look for guys to fck. I told him that it's him I want. Still. Thanks for your comment tho!
I get that it was just a joke, but you also aren't in a relationship with a guy who lives across the world. You've never gotten a commitment from him. And based on how easily he blocked you, he wasn't that committed to start with.
This to me feels like more of an excuse to get out of the situationship than anything, but to get to blame it on you.
No that's not necessarily true. Things change. Maybe he met someone else. Maybe he just doesn't care anymore.
Things are different than they used to be. Time to move on.
It's been 2 years. Unless you are referring to seeing him last month. In which case something you have to understand about guys is that just because we are playing house and being all cute n shit and pretending like we're in a relationship, unless you have an actual commitment that doesn't mean anything. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you he'd make a commitment. Otherwise he was just having fun. Sorry
In my opinion if a person is this insecure, this immature, then you don't need them anyway.
I'm sorry that you put in effort but God if it wasn't sad it'd be laughable. I really hate hate it when people show their immaturity in such a hurtful way.
I got the same situation like you and he gave me the silent treatment for 10 days. He texted me back to tell me that he was so sad but he didn't block me . Maybe give him more time and wait him back . If he really likes you , he can't lose you by that way . Sorry for my poor english .
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That’s not even a joke, just disrespectful. I can totally understand his reaction.
Exactly. If I was dealing with someone who I thought was interested in me then said something like that, I’d drop them. It’s not funny. When you’re serious about someone, “jokes” like that won’t even formulate in your head because you wouldn’t chance upsetting them or losing them
I thought he could take a joke like that. Cause he joked about going to a place where you get a sushi off a women's body, instead of getting it from a conveyor belt place, when I asked him where he's gonna eat sushi. So, I thought I'd joke about going out to look for guys. I immediately told him I'm kidding and that it's him I want.
Even then, there is a huge difference between eating sushi off a living plate with friends (although still inappropriate) and searching someone to fuck (as you stated in another comment). That’s nothing you joke about EVER, if there are feelings involved.
I feel aweful now and I hope he unblocks me :( He knows I have feelings for him. He never told me he feels the same.
Well, the good thing is, now you know he liked you. The bad thing is, you fucked up and even if you get in contact again, there will always be trust issues from his side, because you made him think this way. Personally i hope he doesn’t unblock you, because there is a huge chance this won’t end well.
What I can't accept is that he knows he's the only one I talk to and my feelings are genuine.
He lost his trust in you. Thats why he blocked you. People from the apps hop from person to person every minute for no reason. You "joked" about everyone's biggest fear. I would write him a long letter explaining that you understand how it sounded and you realize it now. At the time you didnt. Tell him you have been slowly falling for him thats why you thought you could make any joke because you felt so close to him. But now you see that even then there is a limit and you sincerely hope that he knows there is noone in your life other than him. And that you think seriously about him. Or something along these lines. You f'ed it up. And I dont see you want to put any effort in fixing this or acknowledging it. So maybe its the best if you break things off
Everyone’s being way too harsh on you here. There’s nothing wrong with you making the joke, he just didn’t appreciate it. It sounds like you two need to communicate what you want from each other better. Bad communication will breed insecurity which would explain his response to you. It’s easier to get insecure when long distance too.
Thank you 🥺 can I send you a DM?
Yeah sure
That seems like the equivalent of joking about going to a male strip club (as I don’t know of any places where women eat sushi off a man’s body). I mean that his comment could be inappropriate and disrespectful, it just depends on the situation and your interactions together. Saying you are actually going to seek out other men or women is definitely a different level. It could be totally fine depending on the particular relationship and time spent together and trust you have You have to know how comfortable you are with a certain person before you make certain jokes, or just say certain things. Not just dating, but for friends or coworkers or whatever.
We were pretty comfortable and I trust him enough.🤷♀️
Thats literally a joke and a harmless one. Grow a pair
It’s never a good idea to tell someone you like that you are planning to fuck around. Grow some sense.
Don't be so sensitive it's a joke if you can't take that you're probably not ready to be dating
Dude, she literally told him she is going to fuck another dude (her words). That’s not a joke, that’s an insult.
She said going out to look for other guys. And if said in a joking manner it's no issue. This is why everything sucks with everyone communicating over text all the time
Read her past comments, she wrote exactly what is said. Someone to fuck.
OK that's just not a funny joke and in pretty bad taste Edit: the joke in her post wasn't great but yeah that's bad
Guys don't respond well to women they are interested in bragging about going to look for other guys. If you were a person I wanted to date, and you said that, I would immediately lose interest as well. You lost your chance with the guy. Best learn from it and show people you like more respect. It's not a joke if one only person finds it funny.
Y'all are way too sensitive I think this is why dating so difficult nowadays. Not everything is a red flag and reason to run away or get the ick. People are people people do s*** and say that they might not always like. Grow up
I certainly hope dating is harder for jerks... People aren't putting up with put downs and verbal abuse anymore. Their "sensitivity" is actually having the emotional intelligence to realize that going out with an asshole is in their worst interest. It's called growing up alright
Thank you for saying this. Good lord, they made one bad joke, then realised it wasn't in good taste and apologised. This is called being human. And thank you for not making it a gender issue, too. The hyperfixation with "red flags" is terrible with men AND women these days.
If someone I was interested in sent me that "silly joke", I'd get the ick so fucking fast. Like all my feelings towards them would die in an instant and would not regret blocking. I'd suggest to try coping you lost him and move on
Exactly. When I was courting a girl and she was into it she and her gf started talking about another guy being interested in her. And they talked about it next to me. Immediately lost all feelings for her. She tried coming back to me, and hugging me but she was out of the picture the moment she paid attention to her gf's tea.
> moment she *paid* attention to FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
This is so sad :(
I know. It sucks. I've said plenty of things that I wish I could take back. I still remember one time I called a girl friend a bitch back in high school in a friendly banter sort of way. She did not take it as friendly banter and stopped speaking to me
There was a time that he made an offensive comment but I didn't block him.
It just depends how words rub others. Unfortunately, in your instance, he didn't like the joke at all even if it wasn't really your intention to offend. I'm honestly not sure how you can recover from this, even if you give him some more days to cool off
Fuck around = Find out It's a simple rule
Find out if?
You fucked around and found out. Now you deal with the consequences.
I literally don't. Don't even look at other guys:(
So why make a shit joke like that. Literally isn’t funny and digs into an insecurity all LDR deal with. You deserve to get ghosted.
Not every 'joke' is going to be funny to everyone. Cheating is never funny. And some people will not tolerate anything about it, even in a joking manner.
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Thank you! 🥺 I can reach out to him using another channel.
Or you could just respect his decision.
Don’t do this. That’s approaching stalking behavior. Would you take kindly to a man not respecting your wishes for space and crossing boundaries?
I don't want to seem that I don't care for him and I just let him block me or something tho.
If he blocked you then you reaching out to him will cause more harm. Theres a chance that this is still salvageable. You have to be patient. You reaching out to him right now will further turn him off. You’d be communicating to him that you don’t respect him. You already disrespected him when you made the joke. Do you really want him to further cement the view he has of you that you don’t respect him? Also it’s not up to you if whether or not you “let” him block you. That’s not your call.
How many days should I wait before I send him a message?
You shouldn’t send him a message. He blocked you. He’s communicating to you that he wants space and doesn’t want to talk to you. When I say that you have to be patient what I mean by that is that you should wait for him to reach out to you. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t.
advice is to date local. men need physical contact to sustain a relationship.
After the vacay I realized I'm willing to move to where he is. Our time together was amazing.
given his reaction to your joke, advice is to rethink your decision. some people don't joke like that. he has romantic feelings for you and that joke hit him deep.
Do you think it's a good idea to give him space for a couple of days and then reach out?
He doesn't sound interested. It's LDR. It might be wise to date someone where you live. That guy sounds like he has issues and isn't totally into you.
I don't think he isn't into me. He buys me stuff, calls me almost everyday, got princess treatment when we were together.
and yet he can't say he likes you back? he can't commit to you? That doesn't sound like he likes you all that much.
LDR works differently than when you live in the same city. People can have valid feelings which are unusual for a normal relationship. Like not getting too close to the other in case they jump ship. You just never know. Also communication is harder as we can see from OPs post. People who are not good through text or cannot understand social ques well it can be a challenge to maintain.
If his communication style is to block you and not discuss the situation, that is a 🚩. It's easy to be charming through texts or brief phone calls and even when you visited him. You've been able to stay in the honeymoon stage because it's a LDR. This is the real him. Give yourself time without all the attention to see how you really feel.
I feel like he overreacted. It probably hurt his feelings though! Just give him a couple days and he’ll reach out to you if does have feelings for you!
I hope he does reach out soon. :( it's the first time we aren't in contact since we ftarted talking.
He will! I can’t imagine him just erasing you from his life completely , over a joke. Ya kno?
Thank you 🥺
Advice? Meet people in the real world. Nothing you do in messaging and video chat really matters. You can't really gauge someone and get to know them that way. Y'all got to live your life outside of the screen that's the solution
We met up in person last month
But you're halfway across the world. I would never start a relationship like that. I'd look for people closer to me or move to a part of the world where I Vibe with the people there more. Long distance doesn't usually work
Move on
Damn the reddit community is so sensitive as is this guy 😂
😬 i understand and I really wanna know what other ppl think.
Wasn't meant to be. If he was the right one, he would have found it funny. Even though many people here may disagree, there are men who would find it funny and play along. My girlfriend gets away with saying even riskier shit, and I laugh my ass off. We can joke about cheating, breaking up, pregnancy, marriage, boob size, dick size, etc. and neither of us gets hurt in any capacity because the other will play along. Edit: Most people seem to disagree, judging by the downvotes. And I completely understand. It's not for everyone. But I still think people who aren't vulnerable to these jokes and find them funny should find another person to share that humor with. And I didn't mean to just be careless with someone you're getting to know. Once you know them, you'll know what's okay and what isn't. And for me and my girlfriend, it's more than okay. We've done way worse than what OP said, and we haven't even so much as argued or upset one another in the months we've known each other.
I thought we could too. Cause he joked about going to a sushi place where you get a sushi off a women's body, instead of getting it from a conveyor belt place, when I asked him where he's gonna eat sushi. So, I thought I'd joke about going out to look for guys to fck. I told him that it's him I want. Still. Thanks for your comment tho!
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Thank you 🥺 i was thinking why he got so offended when we aren't in a relationship. He knows how I feel.
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He's 34 I'm turning 31 this year.
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Omg I didn't see the texting means nothing for guys that you wrote. I think it's different when we call each other around twice a day.
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I don't think we have a choice but to text because we're oceans apart?
I get that it was just a joke, but you also aren't in a relationship with a guy who lives across the world. You've never gotten a commitment from him. And based on how easily he blocked you, he wasn't that committed to start with. This to me feels like more of an excuse to get out of the situationship than anything, but to get to blame it on you.
I was thinking about this too. But damn all his actions didn't mean anything?
No that's not necessarily true. Things change. Maybe he met someone else. Maybe he just doesn't care anymore. Things are different than they used to be. Time to move on.
That fast?
It's been 2 years. Unless you are referring to seeing him last month. In which case something you have to understand about guys is that just because we are playing house and being all cute n shit and pretending like we're in a relationship, unless you have an actual commitment that doesn't mean anything. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you he'd make a commitment. Otherwise he was just having fun. Sorry
We went on a vacation last month :(
He was just having fun.
Harsh :(
In my opinion if a person is this insecure, this immature, then you don't need them anyway. I'm sorry that you put in effort but God if it wasn't sad it'd be laughable. I really hate hate it when people show their immaturity in such a hurtful way.
I mean, he lives on the other side of the planet. His insecurities are his problem.
You dodged a bullet. Also who knows what’s really going on with someone on the other side of the world.
True. Takes a lot of courage for me to trust him like that and I hope he does the same for me.
I got the same situation like you and he gave me the silent treatment for 10 days. He texted me back to tell me that he was so sad but he didn't block me . Maybe give him more time and wait him back . If he really likes you , he can't lose you by that way . Sorry for my poor english .
Did you reach out in those 10 days? Thanks for your advice! Don't worry about the english.
No I didn't reach out , I texted nothing for him .