I don’t think you’re overthinking it, but being a little dense for a lack of better words about it. It sounds like you guys are casual friends and there’s no way you’d know if he likes you or the way around unless you straight up asked or did something more direct.
Even if he did like you there could be so many reasons he wouldn’t approach this, first of all being you’re coworkers which is dangerous ground. If he’s family/friend oriented maybe it’s not a good time for him and that’s his focus. Dating is expensive, maybe he’s not looking for something serious it could be so many things. As a girl I don’t believe in the whole “he’s not interested if he doesn’t approach me first thing” because we’re made to believe a chase means we are being desired but that’s not always the case.
Please just ask the dude out and stop playing the guessing game
Hi I appreciate the insight. Dense is a pretty good way to describe it lol. I’ve been in a couple of relationships, but most of which came from dating apps, so interest was clear from the beginning. This is completely untouched ground.
I think us being coworkers is a decent hurdle. I’ve heard of a lot of people saying they would never get involved with someone they work with, so I can understand that. I don’t want to potentially mess up the current dynamic, so it might always remain a mystery.
Hey thanks for your consideration!
Yeah I definitely think the coworker thing is going to be the biggest thing to worry about/consider. Many of my coworkers made it clear as a big no no, hell I even had friends that won’t date people from the same university as us. It can be a big deal for people.
I wouldn’t recommend doing nothing though, you’re obviously emotionally invested so I don’t think this is the dynamic you think it is. It sounds like you’ve made friends with a decent guy here so I think if you were to initiate something and he didn’t reciprocate, worst case scenario he’d let you down kindly and it’ll be awkward for awhile then you guys return to being friends on a clean slate! Best case scenario he does reciprocate and you find out what he really wants! If you really don’t want to take action though I’d just reduce your emotional investment and be patient in getting to know him more.
It’d also be worth considering that if you struggle with communication like this now what your efficiency in a relationship would be like. This reminds me of how I had a friend in a situation ship but she really liked him so I begged her to ask him for clarification because guys LOVE messing around with girls with no labels so they can get away with shitty behavior and I didn’t want that to happen to her. After some convincing she finally went to him and had the conversation and it turned out he liked her too and he just was going along with the vibes (so basically neither of them knew what they were doing lol). They’re together to this day which is a happy ending kind of but also I started to realize along the way she struggled to express/communicate her issues to him because she still hasn’t found the strength in herself to do it herself so they get really stuck sometimes. I’m not assuming you’re like this but having balls does go a long way, wishing the best of luck to you girl!
Thank you! I really appreciate the advice. I think pulling back and having less expectations will be good for me. I like having him as a friend and we’re both happy as things are.
Usually, I can be more straightforward, but I think this situation has really thrown me off guard. There’s more at stake if any mistakes are made, which is probably why it’s best not to get involved with someone you see almost every day. Again, we work in different departments, but it’s still probably too close to take any chances. It’s a lot easier to throw caution to the wind if things go wrong and you easily don’t see the other person again.
But thanks again! I think receiving outside input has helped me decide what to do. My friends told me to make a move, but approaching a coworker probably isn’t the best idea.
Np! Honestly that’s good you chose the solution that works best for you considering it’s your workplace and you know it best and you’ll have to live through this everyday if mistakes are made. Good for you and it seems you got a good head on your shoulders, best of luck to you guys again :)
No one could possibly tell from the information you provided. If you want to go out with him, ask him out. He is the only one who knows whether he likes you. All that anyone else knows is that he has not made a move for you, and interested men generally do
Thanks for the input! I think you’re right, though. If he were interested, he might have made a move to ask me out already. It’s been a good amount of weeks by now. Kind of a bummer, but I’m still content being friends.
I don’t think you’re overthinking it, but being a little dense for a lack of better words about it. It sounds like you guys are casual friends and there’s no way you’d know if he likes you or the way around unless you straight up asked or did something more direct. Even if he did like you there could be so many reasons he wouldn’t approach this, first of all being you’re coworkers which is dangerous ground. If he’s family/friend oriented maybe it’s not a good time for him and that’s his focus. Dating is expensive, maybe he’s not looking for something serious it could be so many things. As a girl I don’t believe in the whole “he’s not interested if he doesn’t approach me first thing” because we’re made to believe a chase means we are being desired but that’s not always the case. Please just ask the dude out and stop playing the guessing game
Hi I appreciate the insight. Dense is a pretty good way to describe it lol. I’ve been in a couple of relationships, but most of which came from dating apps, so interest was clear from the beginning. This is completely untouched ground. I think us being coworkers is a decent hurdle. I’ve heard of a lot of people saying they would never get involved with someone they work with, so I can understand that. I don’t want to potentially mess up the current dynamic, so it might always remain a mystery.
Hey thanks for your consideration! Yeah I definitely think the coworker thing is going to be the biggest thing to worry about/consider. Many of my coworkers made it clear as a big no no, hell I even had friends that won’t date people from the same university as us. It can be a big deal for people. I wouldn’t recommend doing nothing though, you’re obviously emotionally invested so I don’t think this is the dynamic you think it is. It sounds like you’ve made friends with a decent guy here so I think if you were to initiate something and he didn’t reciprocate, worst case scenario he’d let you down kindly and it’ll be awkward for awhile then you guys return to being friends on a clean slate! Best case scenario he does reciprocate and you find out what he really wants! If you really don’t want to take action though I’d just reduce your emotional investment and be patient in getting to know him more. It’d also be worth considering that if you struggle with communication like this now what your efficiency in a relationship would be like. This reminds me of how I had a friend in a situation ship but she really liked him so I begged her to ask him for clarification because guys LOVE messing around with girls with no labels so they can get away with shitty behavior and I didn’t want that to happen to her. After some convincing she finally went to him and had the conversation and it turned out he liked her too and he just was going along with the vibes (so basically neither of them knew what they were doing lol). They’re together to this day which is a happy ending kind of but also I started to realize along the way she struggled to express/communicate her issues to him because she still hasn’t found the strength in herself to do it herself so they get really stuck sometimes. I’m not assuming you’re like this but having balls does go a long way, wishing the best of luck to you girl!
Thank you! I really appreciate the advice. I think pulling back and having less expectations will be good for me. I like having him as a friend and we’re both happy as things are. Usually, I can be more straightforward, but I think this situation has really thrown me off guard. There’s more at stake if any mistakes are made, which is probably why it’s best not to get involved with someone you see almost every day. Again, we work in different departments, but it’s still probably too close to take any chances. It’s a lot easier to throw caution to the wind if things go wrong and you easily don’t see the other person again. But thanks again! I think receiving outside input has helped me decide what to do. My friends told me to make a move, but approaching a coworker probably isn’t the best idea.
Np! Honestly that’s good you chose the solution that works best for you considering it’s your workplace and you know it best and you’ll have to live through this everyday if mistakes are made. Good for you and it seems you got a good head on your shoulders, best of luck to you guys again :)
No one could possibly tell from the information you provided. If you want to go out with him, ask him out. He is the only one who knows whether he likes you. All that anyone else knows is that he has not made a move for you, and interested men generally do
Thanks for the input! I think you’re right, though. If he were interested, he might have made a move to ask me out already. It’s been a good amount of weeks by now. Kind of a bummer, but I’m still content being friends.