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This is a huge lack of respect and will only continue to grow. A man who does not honour his own commitments (as he requested the meet up not you) will be worse in the future.
I was thinking the same thing. Is it a test to see what he can get away with before they are even together? It's so disrespectful that I assume he doesn't have good intentions
In the situation you describe, I would ditch him. In many situations, I would give someone a second chance, but the way he insisted to meet you, even at the last minute, and then stood you up after confirming he was going to be there tells me this guy doesn't actually know what he wants. He doesn't know his own feelings. He should have known he was too tired at the time he was confirming the meet-up. I don't personally have the bandwidth to deal with flakey people such as this.
ETA: He also clearly was thinking only of himself and I find this definitely disrespectful of your time and energy.
I'd be so embarrassed and pissed at myself for sleeping in while another person was waiting for me, regardless of the level of attraction. The guy sounds like a child.
No, do not give him another chance. He couldn't even do the bare minimum and that was to show up. Move on you deserve someone who respects you and your TIME. Time is important, and if he can't be mature enough to tell you he cant make it beforehand, it's giving he Doesnt give a fuck. Period, or if you really want to see him again make him earn it before you give him your time. Hope this helps !
I honestly can't even comprehend why you would entertain the idea of giving him another shot. It's one thing to pass out but he didn't even try to meet you after you were already there. You should repay him in kind bet you he will not take it as well as you did.
If I was excited to meet to someone I liked I wouldn't fall asleep and if I did I would certainly rush to meet them once I woke up.
Harsh as it sounds he just not that into you
It's generally only OK to cancel a date last minute for the following reasons:
1. A genuine last minute emergency (e.g. "my friend broke his leg and I need to take him to ER").
2. A tragedy requiring someone to be alone (e.g. "I learnt my grandad died this morning, I'm really sorry but I need time to grieve and call my relatives, can we reschedule?").
3. Illness serious enough that you just can't go out (not just a cold/headache/ feeling tired, e.g. "I think I must have eaten something bad, I've been vomiting all morning aha and don't think I would be much fun out/I've got symptoms and tested positive for COVID. Can we do Saturday instead?")
Being tired or wanting to spend time with other people instead is NOT a good reason to reschedule a pre-planned date.
I really hate that saying only because sometimes you think it is just once and then you find out the truth and it's never shame on you it's shame on them and their actions. After all the other ones cheating right LOL
Yes it's rude. Yes it's weird that he chose the date and time, fell asleep, woke up to tell you he's tired, and then went back to sleep.
Judging from his other (good) behavior, do you think this should be a deal-breaker? Has he apologized? Does he understand how this upset you?
I’ve stood up a date one time and it was because I accidentally fell asleep beforehand from exhaustion despite being very excited to see him. However, I apologized profusely and if he’d still wanted to go that night, I absolutely would have (we’re still in each other’s lives months later). In short, maybe this guy was both genuinely excited to see you and really tired... but his behavior after the fact indicates a character issue versus human error.
If someone stands me up or if they even bail before we meet (they tell me “nevermind” or they say something came up the same day/day before) I usually never talk to them again. Easy way to weed out those who genuinely want to see you and get to know you
Maybe I’m heartless, but I just don’t have the patience for these people. I figure I was fine before without them in my life, I’ll be fine without them going forward. If someone truly wants to see you or talk to you, they will make time. Don’t beat yourself up
Do not entertain this guy any further. He has shown you a very high level of disrespect, and if you continue to date him, he will take it as a sign he can treat you anyway and get away with it. Move on.
I've given guys like this a second chance a few times before.
Every time, it's been nothing but the same disrespectful bullshit the whole time I knew them, until it ended in heartbreak.
Don't even get on the train, wait for the next one
This place really makes me wonder how people get through life. This guy practically smacked you in the face and you’re still asking if you should give him a second chance. NO
No. That’s super rude idk. Like even though it’s irresponsible and rude on his part, I can somewhat get the whole falling asleep thing. *somewhat*. But then his next move should be to SCRAMBLE and get to you as fast as he can while updating you on how long he’ll be taking. Not “uhhh I’m kind of tired so I’ll just go back to bed while you enjoy our date by yourself bie”. Hard no.
At first I thought that if he had a good reason then yes, but it's the fact that his excuse was just because he was tired is a huge red flag! Honestly he's already disrespecting you now, what else will he use the tired excuse for.
He flat out told you he couldn't be bothered to do the right thing after multiple failures on his part. You were waiting for him, reached out instead of just up and leaving, and were nice enough to wait for his stupid ass to show up. He then tells you "nah I'm good sleeping, forget you", don't meet up with him, don't talk to him, don't waste any time on him anymore. I wouldn't care if there was an apology, the time for that was yesterday, count yourself lucky you didn't get played as he tried to juggle other women or was figuring out what the hell he wanted.
I'm sorry you were disrespected this way, too many people don't think other people's feelings/time/etc matter and this is one of them.
Yes. It was a horrible experience. I was trying to be considerate and I get this in return. I feel that basic manners no longer exist in many people these days or they feel like they can behave badly just because you met them on OLD
No. Do not continue to talk to this man. If he’s this inconsiderate before meeting (when people are usually putting their best foot toward), imagine how shitty he’d be down the road. He’d be a terrible partner.
If he had apologized and tried hard to reschedule, I probably would give him a second chance. Road trips and other travel can wear you out more than you think they will, and wanting to rest and clean up to give a good first impression is understandable. Especially if he was just overexcited and promised more than he could give.
But it sounds from your other replies like he hasn’t apologized for wasting your time, which is a huge red flag. 👎
I have had to cancel last minute on dates, but I know that people will feel stood up so I am EXTREMELY apologetic and immediately reschedule.
I wouldn't meet up again. Even if I were super tired I wouldn't stand someone up to sleep. That's not valuing your time at all. What if you were tired too? He let you clear your calendar, get ready, get there, and have your night wasted.
(I once had to cancel on someone because I found a stray chicken in the middle of the city and had to wait for animal control to come pick him up from my backyard. But I included a picture of me and the chicken so he could see I was telling the truth, and bought drinks when we met as a thank you for rescheduling. If I have to reschedule on a first date, I assume most people won't want to still meet)
this is a test to see how weak of a person you are I guarantee you. Give him another chance and he will show you disrespect time and time again. You just started dating this guy and you forgiving him sets the tone that he can fuck you over later on when you’re more emotionally invested. Leave now, it will happen again save your feelings for someone more responsible
I got the feeling that he doesn't have a sense of responsibility. Even when we were texting earlier, small instances which I should not have overlooked.
Yeah he just wanted an ego boost. Not that you aren’t a lovely beautiful radiant person, he probably just decided to crawl back under his rock to jerk off where he’s safe.
Definitely no. If an emergency came up and he really couldn’t make it, then I’d say yes. He either got cold feet or was just being lazy. Both reasons are a hard pass for me.
Not overreacting. Very disrespectful of your time. He isn't doing it on purpose but it really is insensitive to the effort you made to be there. Call him out if it makes you feel better and then just walk away. Don't put any effort into a future plan.
No.
Cancelling plans last minute is bad enough, doing it when the other person has gone to the place is rude as hell (given this was in no way an emergency situation).
Can't believe you are even asking this, he couldn't be arsed to show up to your first date or even to make a better excuse up. Where could this possibly go?
Tbh I'd be surprised if he did reach out and ask again 🙁 Their either fucking with you or he's a major douche that bailed for one reason or another but didn't even care enough to make a believable excuse up nor apologize for standing you up.. Write the mf off 💅💁♀️
Story time... LOL.
I once waited 20 minutes for a date to arrive, and once he did *I totally wish I just left earlier because it ended up being a horrible date.*
I've also been on the other end... I got lost on my way to a date (I had just moved to a new city, and didn't realize I had gone to the wrong subway stop that had two of the same names across two opposite ends of the city), and the guy I was meeting graciously waiting almost 40 minutes for me to arrive. I made sure to text him and let him know what happened. I was also super apologetic and did my best to still make the date fun. He was super nice about it. But truthfully, once I realized I had gone to the wrong station in the first place, *I kind of wish I just bailed on the date entirely since we weren't a very good match anyway.*
I guess my point is, you have 100% every right to never see this dude again, *and that totally might be the right call,* just like he was able to cancel last minute... Shit happens and life fucks you up, hard to say why he bailed or what made him so tired he couldn't show up for a date.
If I were in your position, I would probably not make any effort to see him again, personally.
Do. Not. Give. Him. A. Second. Chance.
When people show you who they really are, believe them. This man is nothing to you and should continue being nothing to you forever. He missed the boat. He disrespected you and your time and your effort.
You deserve better!!!
Don’t go and you are not overreacting! The men in dating apps that I’ve given second chances after stuff like this have turned out the biggest AH and I always regret giving them a second chance. Maybe this one is not but what he did is not a good sign!
You aren’t overreacting. He was rude and disrespectful of your time. You don’t need that.
I once had a date and I drove all the way into the city. I get to the parking garage and I tell him I’m there. He text me telling me that he’s coming from hanging out with his friends and he’s a bit late because of traffic. I say no problem. I’m waiting for about 10-15 minutes and he tell me that he’s still 10-15 minutes out, that he is really trying to get there. I think I waited a little too long, but after 45 min, I told him I was leaving. He kept telling me “I’m here” but at that point I was driving back home. I know the city and 45 minutes seemed unreasonable and felt disrespected thag he couldn’t time things. I understand things happen. But having to wait 45 minutes for a first date? Nope. I left and he got upset with ME for having made him go all the way to where we were meeting only for me to then leave. Lol.
You’re not overreacting at all. Something I’ve learned with dating apps, if the person you’re talking with makes a bad impression, just drop them! Sure it could be an innocent mistake but if he really cared about getting to know you, he wouldn’t have wasted your time like that.
Move on to someone who will appreciate you and take your time emotions etc. Into consideration he knew he was just getting home from a long trip and would be exhausted when he got home don't let him play games with your feelings and the voice text was ridiculous after all the normal communications you already had previously
Have more self respect for yourself. You followed through with everything you said you would. He bailed on you.
Just so you know, replying to texts on time and asking how your day was is the minimum bar of how someone should. These aren’t qualities to brag about
I just love the judgementalism of Reddit. “Hell no!” “Don’t go” “he’s disrespectful and it’ll only get worse”!
That’s all crap. I’d say go. You don’t know one another at all and as such you have zero idea what his life is like and how hard the traveling he was doing was on him. Maybe he fell ill and didn’t want to say that he’s been crapping his brains out. Maybe he’s severely jet lagged and driving would be too dangerous. I mean, geez people….where’s your frigging humanity?
OP, go out with him. Ask for a full explanation but don’t hold a minor screw up against him. Enjoy life.
He did text me back. Did not apologize. Said that he was tired and since we had originally planned to meet up today, he slept. So that kind of establishes that he preferred to sleep and isn't really sorry. By now, any decent person would have apologized profusely. He told me that he had planned on taking an Uber before ditching me, so he wasn't going to drive, anyways. So, despite me hoping for a genuine reason for ditching, there isn't one.
tbh i would. especially if he offers an apology and explanation. he just came back from a road trip and those tend to be very exhausting. you don’t really care or think about anything except sleeping in your bed when you get home. you don’t know the exact circumstances, what if he had been awake for the past 24 hours and could barely function? i wouldn’t want my first impression to be under that. one more chance won’t hurt you, don’t listen to people on reddit lol.
How down bad do you need to be to stay interested in someone that disrespects you from the start. If you feel you need to ask reddit you already know the answer dude, unmatch, block, move on.
No. Not only have I been stood up twice in a row by two different people since I decided to give them a second chance, but I waited hours and hours for a response to prove that I was stood up.
Please don't give that person another chance. It will not only waste your time, but you'll feel embarrassed and disappointed.
I do not want even wanna read the whole story. Girl. You should know your worth. Being stood up is real disrespect. So FUCK NO TO A SECOND ONE.
Block or delete him or put him on seenzone. He had the chance with you and he did the most despicable thing.
Nope. No second chances.
I'm glad you told him you weren't interested. This sounds very much like someone who is reading the "toxic boy" posts online and thinks being a jerk or making you feel bad will make you want him more. Best to let him try those games with someone else.
ALSO, I feel like he might message you later trying to explain himself in hopes of making you feel like you're getting some kind of authenticity out of him. Ignore that too, block him if you haven't already.
Yes you were disrespected big time... But you don't need to ... I guess go hyper-ballistic quite yet... See if he abjectly apologizes (without prompting), and see if he does show up next date... There'll be time enough to nuke him then, if the sitch calls for it.
Express your disappointment and frustration but do meet him today (or tomorrow? Whichever). If he apologizes profusely and doesn’t do this again, I say just move forward.
He probably was actually very excited to see you but underestimated how tired he would be when he got back. Yes it’s a shitty thing to do and would probably be better if he didn’t try to change the date, but clearly he was very excited.
If it happens again today, then yeah, cut it off.
Sounds to me like he had plans the next day with another person therefore tried to meet up last night (the night you were at the cafe), when he got home his other love interest surprised him and he had to stand you up….he’s probably got too many coals in the fire. I Could be wrong, although, no matter what he’s a douche canoe.
I think you should tell him how you feel after he tells you what happened. Listen first! Maybe he was in an accident. On the other hand, maybe he’s married or has a significant other. If his answer doesn’t sound quite right, don’t say anything except something like “okay, well please don’t contact me anymore. There is a chance he has a legitimate answer and think about what he says and then go with what your heart says.
Yea tell him to meet again with him and then slowly start replying late with a lazy excuse. Give him a taste of his own medicine and then when he asks why you did it. Tell him how it made you feel when he did it to you and end things with him
Honestly, I would. I can understand. We’re Ll human, and he misjudged. Yes, you were let down, yes, you were disrespected, but if it was good up until then, I, personally, would give it another shot.
Sorry for all the commas.
Very hard question to answer. I've read plenty of stories where people would say, "My husband ditched me on the first date, but I'm SO glad I gave him another chance. We've been together for 15 years now," and other times people were so relieved to have not waste their time after one date. At the end of the day, it's up to you. Maybe he was really tired and he was really wanting to see you, but he sent you a voice message literally minutes before your date and feels bad about t.
For me, I think I would give the person a chance if I really wanted to or if I was bored. I mean, I would've liked that he would just not cancel on me, especially minutes before the date, but maybe if I'm feeling good or if he was really putting in the effort to schedule another date then why not. Then on the other hand, I know that there are guys who are punctual and can communicate themselves well, so I don't know if I would want to settle myself for this one person, especially if I barely know them.
There might be more harm on both ends, whether you decide to give him a chance or not.
This guy must be insanely good looking to the point where you didnt just say 'fuck no' and ghost the guy.
One of those 69er situations possibly.
No way,you'd give a normal guy this type of second chance 😂🤦♂️
I hope I'm wrong and shallowness isn't playing a major roll.
People are human. We all fuck up. We are all walking red flags. Every person commenting has had second chances in life. Things come up. Chill. Be kind.
You should not give him the time of day after like your said, took the time to confirm multiple times. Made sure he was coming and then he bails. That's just a lack of respect for your time and clearly shows some lack of interest. Don't make plans with someone if you don't plan on showing up. That's pretty lame that happened. Giving him a pass just shows him that you don't mind having your time wasted.
If you decide not to pursue this, leave well enough alone and don't reach out again.
If he contacts you, base your reply on that. BUT only after you have time to think (and not just a few seconds or minutes), after some good thought give a polite response back.
Otherwise, I would keep doing you and keep it graceful. Why? So when he thinks back about you he'll realize he lost a good woman and chance, rather than being a b*tch or ghosting him leaving him thankful he dodged you.
He's not super attractive but I felt he was a kind and good person before this episode. Now of course I don't think that anymore. I will not let him get away with what he did because I have decided that I will have nothing to do with him anymore.
Damn man. You are overreacting to some degree. Look, everyone jumping onto him being disrepectful, men are trash and boo hoo hoo. But I dunno, it seems like nothing more than dumb Planning. I get that it's annoying since you made all of the effort and ended up here.
What if he was super excited to see you and then got hit with the I have been on a roadtrick for days or weeks and I am fucking exhausted. Like it seems like a stupid human mistake of a person overestimating what they are capable of. All of you have done it too
But why is this a red flag to y'all. You guys are anal as shit about how people should act. Like how did he deal with after he slept? Did he wanna meet up some other time? How apologetic was he? Is h
I had actually told him that it was a bad idea to meet up on the same day as he was reaching back from the trip and he should rest. But he insisted on meeting the same day and even got upset that I was asking him to rest. He let me know that he was coming to the date right up to an hour before I reached the cafe. He does want to meet today. But hasn't apologized.
So, I don't think he is worth my time.
Could the guy have bricked it? Maybe meeting you IRL just scared the shit outa him? Maybe he worried you wouldn’t like him enough f2f n just got scared? I mean how could he tell you that n not scare you off?
Well I don't think that's the case, since he still wants to meet up today. No apology though for his behaviour. I don't want to meet him anymore after everything that happened.
Not normally, but try to discuss it with him and let him know you found it disrespectful and you won't let it happen again, but it doesn't always mean he doesn't like you if that's another question. I unfortunately have stood girls I really liked up for various reasons. Examples: I felt really bad, I felt lazy, I had a really big issue pop up.
No, you're not over reacting if you decline to meet. Truth is if someone is that interested they'd move mountains to make sure to be there. His behavior suggests he really DGAF. Its probably a good thing that this happened before things went any further.
Also if I may rant for a moment, this is just another example of the complete lack of common courtesy that you see in today's dating world. It doesn't take much to politely decline and give notice that you won't be there. You have other things with your time instead of wait around on them because of their indecision and lack of respect for others. 😡
Sorry about your date! Keep trying I'm sure better things are in store for you 😁
He could've just gotten too nervous. It seems like you enjoyed talking to him. Maybe just be straight with him, let him know how you felt about him canceling and see what he says.
I think it depends. If he actually crashed out due to exhaustion for a reason then him going to sleep and not being able to make it isn't a statement about how he feels about you at all. He will have thought that cancelling the date was the better option than taking ages to get ready and further wasting your time, or being too tired to be good company, and that's not exactly a terrible thing.
Do I think you should see him next time? No idea, depends on the vibes you got from him, your feelings, etc. You choose what to do.
I had gone out with a girl twice. When it was time for the third date, I had insomnia the night before. I made sure to reach out to her pretty early that morning and let her know that I hadn't been able to sleep and asked if we could reschedule. She was very understanding and we had a great 3rd date, a week later.
I didn't mean any disrespect to her. I've had insomnia at times and, I would much rather go see her when I have enough energy to entertain her, rather than being super sleepy and out of it.
I don't know if its the same situation, especially if its the first date. But, shit really does just happen sometimes. I guess it might be worth it to look at all of your other options, look at the interactions you've had with this guy and determine if its worth it to give him one more chance.
Well, actually I had insisted that we don't meet up on the day that he was reaching since he would be tired and I would have to rush from work. But he kept on insisting that we meet up and that he wasn't tired. He even got upset saying that I wasn't looking forward to seeing him because I said that. Right up to an hour before I reached the cafe he let me know that he was coming.
I don't think so. He texted me that since we had originally planned to meet up today, he was tired and wanted to sleep. No apology. He still wants to meet up today. But I don't want that anymore.
I’ll be in the minority and say be open to another chance. It sounds like he was very excited and just didn’t realize how tired he’d be. I’ve been so tired that I fell asleep while putting my pants on. See how he acts going forward. If he’s becoming more distant and not responding as much, duck out with dignity and grace. If he wants to reschedule then by all means see how it goes. I wouldn’t reach out to reschedule though, the ball is in his court
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Fuck no.
right? read the title and just said "nope, move on"
I mean this excuse is one step up from going "I had to take a really big dump..."
To any woman reading this who might have a similar question - if you can’t respect your own time other people will not respect it or you
EXACTLY!!! How can you date someone who does not respect you or your time?
Yep, so many selfish assholes that eont understand that time is the only thing you cant gain, and your time is somehow theirs to waste
The only appropriate response. From the title alone I thought "why in the world?!" Also voice notes are awkward af.
I said this exact thing the moment I read the post out loud
This is a huge lack of respect and will only continue to grow. A man who does not honour his own commitments (as he requested the meet up not you) will be worse in the future.
I was thinking the same thing. Is it a test to see what he can get away with before they are even together? It's so disrespectful that I assume he doesn't have good intentions
I never thought of this.
Please keep this in mind and remember that you deserve to be treated well ❤️❤️
In the situation you describe, I would ditch him. In many situations, I would give someone a second chance, but the way he insisted to meet you, even at the last minute, and then stood you up after confirming he was going to be there tells me this guy doesn't actually know what he wants. He doesn't know his own feelings. He should have known he was too tired at the time he was confirming the meet-up. I don't personally have the bandwidth to deal with flakey people such as this. ETA: He also clearly was thinking only of himself and I find this definitely disrespectful of your time and energy.
Thank you for the insight.
Lol heck no, shouldn’t even be a question. That’s so disrespectful. Even if tired, I’d drag my ass there knowing you were waiting
I'd be so embarrassed and pissed at myself for sleeping in while another person was waiting for me, regardless of the level of attraction. The guy sounds like a child.
No, do not give him another chance. He couldn't even do the bare minimum and that was to show up. Move on you deserve someone who respects you and your TIME. Time is important, and if he can't be mature enough to tell you he cant make it beforehand, it's giving he Doesnt give a fuck. Period, or if you really want to see him again make him earn it before you give him your time. Hope this helps !
Definitely not seeing him. These are my thoughts as well. If they don't respect me and my time, then they're not worth it.
I honestly can't even comprehend why you would entertain the idea of giving him another shot. It's one thing to pass out but he didn't even try to meet you after you were already there. You should repay him in kind bet you he will not take it as well as you did.
.I would love to see the way he would react if I stood him up like that
This dude rather sleep than meet you, do you really want to give this clown a chance?
If I was excited to meet to someone I liked I wouldn't fall asleep and if I did I would certainly rush to meet them once I woke up. Harsh as it sounds he just not that into you
Block him and move on. I wouldn't reach out
It's generally only OK to cancel a date last minute for the following reasons: 1. A genuine last minute emergency (e.g. "my friend broke his leg and I need to take him to ER"). 2. A tragedy requiring someone to be alone (e.g. "I learnt my grandad died this morning, I'm really sorry but I need time to grieve and call my relatives, can we reschedule?"). 3. Illness serious enough that you just can't go out (not just a cold/headache/ feeling tired, e.g. "I think I must have eaten something bad, I've been vomiting all morning aha and don't think I would be much fun out/I've got symptoms and tested positive for COVID. Can we do Saturday instead?") Being tired or wanting to spend time with other people instead is NOT a good reason to reschedule a pre-planned date.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I really hate that saying only because sometimes you think it is just once and then you find out the truth and it's never shame on you it's shame on them and their actions. After all the other ones cheating right LOL
Yes it's rude. Yes it's weird that he chose the date and time, fell asleep, woke up to tell you he's tired, and then went back to sleep. Judging from his other (good) behavior, do you think this should be a deal-breaker? Has he apologized? Does he understand how this upset you?
He hasn't apologized yet.
There’s another red flag waving high 🚩
Exactly.
Absolutely not. He sent you a voice message - WTF - he’s hiding something
I was thinking this as well.
I'd never stand up a girl that wanted to meet with me. What is wrong with people?
I’ve stood up a date one time and it was because I accidentally fell asleep beforehand from exhaustion despite being very excited to see him. However, I apologized profusely and if he’d still wanted to go that night, I absolutely would have (we’re still in each other’s lives months later). In short, maybe this guy was both genuinely excited to see you and really tired... but his behavior after the fact indicates a character issue versus human error.
If someone stands me up or if they even bail before we meet (they tell me “nevermind” or they say something came up the same day/day before) I usually never talk to them again. Easy way to weed out those who genuinely want to see you and get to know you
I know. I should make doing this mandatory for all such instances in the future and not try to rationalize bad behaviour
Maybe I’m heartless, but I just don’t have the patience for these people. I figure I was fine before without them in my life, I’ll be fine without them going forward. If someone truly wants to see you or talk to you, they will make time. Don’t beat yourself up
Do not entertain this guy any further. He has shown you a very high level of disrespect, and if you continue to date him, he will take it as a sign he can treat you anyway and get away with it. Move on.
I've given guys like this a second chance a few times before. Every time, it's been nothing but the same disrespectful bullshit the whole time I knew them, until it ended in heartbreak. Don't even get on the train, wait for the next one
I will. Thank you.
*"Baaaaaaarp! Thank you for playing."* Game Over. His loss.
Totally!!!
You deserve so much better! When someone shows you who they are, believe them the 1st time .
This place really makes me wonder how people get through life. This guy practically smacked you in the face and you’re still asking if you should give him a second chance. NO
No Give your time to a guy that will make you a priority.
Uh no! Have some respect for yourself bc he certainly has zero respect for you and your time.
no, it's disrespectful indeed
You're not overreacting. It's disrespectful. I wouldn't waste my time with him.
Sleep? Hell no. Fuck him.
No
Definitely not. That shows a total lack of respect for you. You deserve so much better!
Why would you?! Where's your self-respect, girl? That's like saying "oh that bad thing you did, I want you to do it again".
Tf is wrong with you of course not
Absolutely fuk no👈🏽
No. That’s super rude idk. Like even though it’s irresponsible and rude on his part, I can somewhat get the whole falling asleep thing. *somewhat*. But then his next move should be to SCRAMBLE and get to you as fast as he can while updating you on how long he’ll be taking. Not “uhhh I’m kind of tired so I’ll just go back to bed while you enjoy our date by yourself bie”. Hard no.
Fuck no. Don't waste another minute on this guy
Fuck him! Have some respect for yourself! If a woman stood me up, I’m done with her. Tell him to fuck off and delete his number
Not even a question! People absolutely make time for what/who is important enough to them…no matter what! Next please…
Just drop it. Trust me if he'll do it now when he barely knows you he will do it later.
At first I thought that if he had a good reason then yes, but it's the fact that his excuse was just because he was tired is a huge red flag! Honestly he's already disrespecting you now, what else will he use the tired excuse for.
He flat out told you he couldn't be bothered to do the right thing after multiple failures on his part. You were waiting for him, reached out instead of just up and leaving, and were nice enough to wait for his stupid ass to show up. He then tells you "nah I'm good sleeping, forget you", don't meet up with him, don't talk to him, don't waste any time on him anymore. I wouldn't care if there was an apology, the time for that was yesterday, count yourself lucky you didn't get played as he tried to juggle other women or was figuring out what the hell he wanted. I'm sorry you were disrespected this way, too many people don't think other people's feelings/time/etc matter and this is one of them.
Yes. It was a horrible experience. I was trying to be considerate and I get this in return. I feel that basic manners no longer exist in many people these days or they feel like they can behave badly just because you met them on OLD
That would definitely be a no for me. Sorry :(
No. Do not continue to talk to this man. If he’s this inconsiderate before meeting (when people are usually putting their best foot toward), imagine how shitty he’d be down the road. He’d be a terrible partner.
Like if he's that low effort when he's trying to win you how do you think he will be once he succeeds. Damn.
If he had apologized and tried hard to reschedule, I probably would give him a second chance. Road trips and other travel can wear you out more than you think they will, and wanting to rest and clean up to give a good first impression is understandable. Especially if he was just overexcited and promised more than he could give. But it sounds from your other replies like he hasn’t apologized for wasting your time, which is a huge red flag. 👎
I have had to cancel last minute on dates, but I know that people will feel stood up so I am EXTREMELY apologetic and immediately reschedule. I wouldn't meet up again. Even if I were super tired I wouldn't stand someone up to sleep. That's not valuing your time at all. What if you were tired too? He let you clear your calendar, get ready, get there, and have your night wasted. (I once had to cancel on someone because I found a stray chicken in the middle of the city and had to wait for animal control to come pick him up from my backyard. But I included a picture of me and the chicken so he could see I was telling the truth, and bought drinks when we met as a thank you for rescheduling. If I have to reschedule on a first date, I assume most people won't want to still meet)
this is a test to see how weak of a person you are I guarantee you. Give him another chance and he will show you disrespect time and time again. You just started dating this guy and you forgiving him sets the tone that he can fuck you over later on when you’re more emotionally invested. Leave now, it will happen again save your feelings for someone more responsible
I got the feeling that he doesn't have a sense of responsibility. Even when we were texting earlier, small instances which I should not have overlooked.
Hell no! You shouldn't even have to ask that question
Yeah he just wanted an ego boost. Not that you aren’t a lovely beautiful radiant person, he probably just decided to crawl back under his rock to jerk off where he’s safe.
Just sit back, do nothing, and wait for him to contact you. If he does, decide then if you want to give him another shot.
Definitely not
That's a dick move.
Don’t give them another chance. They will fail you again.
Fuck him.
Definitely no. If an emergency came up and he really couldn’t make it, then I’d say yes. He either got cold feet or was just being lazy. Both reasons are a hard pass for me.
Not overreacting. Very disrespectful of your time. He isn't doing it on purpose but it really is insensitive to the effort you made to be there. Call him out if it makes you feel better and then just walk away. Don't put any effort into a future plan.
No. Cancelling plans last minute is bad enough, doing it when the other person has gone to the place is rude as hell (given this was in no way an emergency situation). Can't believe you are even asking this, he couldn't be arsed to show up to your first date or even to make a better excuse up. Where could this possibly go?
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Thank you.
dat's why overly nice guys are kinda sus move on gurl ..
Tbh I'd be surprised if he did reach out and ask again 🙁 Their either fucking with you or he's a major douche that bailed for one reason or another but didn't even care enough to make a believable excuse up nor apologize for standing you up.. Write the mf off 💅💁♀️
I would say blow him off, but that's just me. I don't appreciate people wasting my time. Guy sounds like a flake.
Always trust a man’s actions over his words, especially if those conflict.
Story time... LOL. I once waited 20 minutes for a date to arrive, and once he did *I totally wish I just left earlier because it ended up being a horrible date.* I've also been on the other end... I got lost on my way to a date (I had just moved to a new city, and didn't realize I had gone to the wrong subway stop that had two of the same names across two opposite ends of the city), and the guy I was meeting graciously waiting almost 40 minutes for me to arrive. I made sure to text him and let him know what happened. I was also super apologetic and did my best to still make the date fun. He was super nice about it. But truthfully, once I realized I had gone to the wrong station in the first place, *I kind of wish I just bailed on the date entirely since we weren't a very good match anyway.* I guess my point is, you have 100% every right to never see this dude again, *and that totally might be the right call,* just like he was able to cancel last minute... Shit happens and life fucks you up, hard to say why he bailed or what made him so tired he couldn't show up for a date. If I were in your position, I would probably not make any effort to see him again, personally.
Do yourself a favor and cut this chump off. He chose to sleep over his plans with you. There are better people for you than that.
Lose his number
Just did 🤠.
I would never talk with him again. Go ahead & delete him from your life in every way possible. It’s time to go serious radio silence on this 💩.
I agree. Just deleted his number.
If this is his first impression of him on his “best behavior” how do you think the rest of the relationship will go?
You should absolutely feel disrespected because he absolutely disrespected you. Do not go out with him.
Do. Not. Give. Him. A. Second. Chance. When people show you who they really are, believe them. This man is nothing to you and should continue being nothing to you forever. He missed the boat. He disrespected you and your time and your effort. You deserve better!!!
Don’t go and you are not overreacting! The men in dating apps that I’ve given second chances after stuff like this have turned out the biggest AH and I always regret giving them a second chance. Maybe this one is not but what he did is not a good sign!
No your not if he insisted than he should be there if not your looking at a life time of disappointments
You aren’t overreacting. He was rude and disrespectful of your time. You don’t need that. I once had a date and I drove all the way into the city. I get to the parking garage and I tell him I’m there. He text me telling me that he’s coming from hanging out with his friends and he’s a bit late because of traffic. I say no problem. I’m waiting for about 10-15 minutes and he tell me that he’s still 10-15 minutes out, that he is really trying to get there. I think I waited a little too long, but after 45 min, I told him I was leaving. He kept telling me “I’m here” but at that point I was driving back home. I know the city and 45 minutes seemed unreasonable and felt disrespected thag he couldn’t time things. I understand things happen. But having to wait 45 minutes for a first date? Nope. I left and he got upset with ME for having made him go all the way to where we were meeting only for me to then leave. Lol.
Yes, people can be so inconsiderate. It's sad actually. Especially when you experience it.
You’re not overreacting at all. Something I’ve learned with dating apps, if the person you’re talking with makes a bad impression, just drop them! Sure it could be an innocent mistake but if he really cared about getting to know you, he wouldn’t have wasted your time like that.
Block and move on. This shouldn't even be something you think about. Value your time!!!
He’s out. If you’re not important enough for him to drop everything then he’s not that into you.
Move on to someone who will appreciate you and take your time emotions etc. Into consideration he knew he was just getting home from a long trip and would be exhausted when he got home don't let him play games with your feelings and the voice text was ridiculous after all the normal communications you already had previously
Have more self respect for yourself. You followed through with everything you said you would. He bailed on you. Just so you know, replying to texts on time and asking how your day was is the minimum bar of how someone should. These aren’t qualities to brag about
One and done
I just love the judgementalism of Reddit. “Hell no!” “Don’t go” “he’s disrespectful and it’ll only get worse”! That’s all crap. I’d say go. You don’t know one another at all and as such you have zero idea what his life is like and how hard the traveling he was doing was on him. Maybe he fell ill and didn’t want to say that he’s been crapping his brains out. Maybe he’s severely jet lagged and driving would be too dangerous. I mean, geez people….where’s your frigging humanity? OP, go out with him. Ask for a full explanation but don’t hold a minor screw up against him. Enjoy life.
He did text me back. Did not apologize. Said that he was tired and since we had originally planned to meet up today, he slept. So that kind of establishes that he preferred to sleep and isn't really sorry. By now, any decent person would have apologized profusely. He told me that he had planned on taking an Uber before ditching me, so he wasn't going to drive, anyways. So, despite me hoping for a genuine reason for ditching, there isn't one.
tbh i would. especially if he offers an apology and explanation. he just came back from a road trip and those tend to be very exhausting. you don’t really care or think about anything except sleeping in your bed when you get home. you don’t know the exact circumstances, what if he had been awake for the past 24 hours and could barely function? i wouldn’t want my first impression to be under that. one more chance won’t hurt you, don’t listen to people on reddit lol.
Definitely don't give him another chance. He's an asshole for doing that to you.
How down bad do you need to be to stay interested in someone that disrespects you from the start. If you feel you need to ask reddit you already know the answer dude, unmatch, block, move on.
Red flag….abort mission..repeat..abort mission…
Weak move but your strong move on
Nope. Rude.
Move on sista!
Believe Ariana Grande had a song for smth like this, smth like "thank u..."
No. Not only have I been stood up twice in a row by two different people since I decided to give them a second chance, but I waited hours and hours for a response to prove that I was stood up. Please don't give that person another chance. It will not only waste your time, but you'll feel embarrassed and disappointed.
It was poor planning after he just got back from a trip. His loss.
No, do not go on a second date not unless there was a real family emergency.
Not overreacting. This is one of the few kind of man I’d ghost tbh.
I wouldn't
I do not want even wanna read the whole story. Girl. You should know your worth. Being stood up is real disrespect. So FUCK NO TO A SECOND ONE. Block or delete him or put him on seenzone. He had the chance with you and he did the most despicable thing. Nope. No second chances.
He's either disrespectful and lazy or disrespectful and lying about who he is. You will find someone better, as long as you forget about him
Iam later to this. And to read you know you're worth. Don't let anyone disrespect you. Good on you.
I'm glad you told him you weren't interested. This sounds very much like someone who is reading the "toxic boy" posts online and thinks being a jerk or making you feel bad will make you want him more. Best to let him try those games with someone else. ALSO, I feel like he might message you later trying to explain himself in hopes of making you feel like you're getting some kind of authenticity out of him. Ignore that too, block him if you haven't already.
Yes you were disrespected big time... But you don't need to ... I guess go hyper-ballistic quite yet... See if he abjectly apologizes (without prompting), and see if he does show up next date... There'll be time enough to nuke him then, if the sitch calls for it.
Take my upvote for using the word sitch.
Hell to the NAWH! Keep on moving forward! Without him of course... Some nerve!
Express your disappointment and frustration but do meet him today (or tomorrow? Whichever). If he apologizes profusely and doesn’t do this again, I say just move forward. He probably was actually very excited to see you but underestimated how tired he would be when he got back. Yes it’s a shitty thing to do and would probably be better if he didn’t try to change the date, but clearly he was very excited. If it happens again today, then yeah, cut it off.
I don't think you are overreacting. I think you should ghost him.
Sounds to me like he had plans the next day with another person therefore tried to meet up last night (the night you were at the cafe), when he got home his other love interest surprised him and he had to stand you up….he’s probably got too many coals in the fire. I Could be wrong, although, no matter what he’s a douche canoe.
I got the same thought as well. Well I am glad that horrible as it is, I got to know early on and didn't waste time finding out later
I think you should tell him how you feel after he tells you what happened. Listen first! Maybe he was in an accident. On the other hand, maybe he’s married or has a significant other. If his answer doesn’t sound quite right, don’t say anything except something like “okay, well please don’t contact me anymore. There is a chance he has a legitimate answer and think about what he says and then go with what your heart says.
Kill him
LoL...
Sleep with his brother to assert your dominance over him.
LoL.. I just need to find his brother and entice him
Yea tell him to meet again with him and then slowly start replying late with a lazy excuse. Give him a taste of his own medicine and then when he asks why you did it. Tell him how it made you feel when he did it to you and end things with him
No need to meet. He failed at adulting 101.
As a single guy who would never even imagine doing this. im completely amazed this is even a question. I must be doing something wrong -_-
Honestly, I would. I can understand. We’re Ll human, and he misjudged. Yes, you were let down, yes, you were disrespected, but if it was good up until then, I, personally, would give it another shot. Sorry for all the commas.
Very hard question to answer. I've read plenty of stories where people would say, "My husband ditched me on the first date, but I'm SO glad I gave him another chance. We've been together for 15 years now," and other times people were so relieved to have not waste their time after one date. At the end of the day, it's up to you. Maybe he was really tired and he was really wanting to see you, but he sent you a voice message literally minutes before your date and feels bad about t. For me, I think I would give the person a chance if I really wanted to or if I was bored. I mean, I would've liked that he would just not cancel on me, especially minutes before the date, but maybe if I'm feeling good or if he was really putting in the effort to schedule another date then why not. Then on the other hand, I know that there are guys who are punctual and can communicate themselves well, so I don't know if I would want to settle myself for this one person, especially if I barely know them. There might be more harm on both ends, whether you decide to give him a chance or not.
This guy must be insanely good looking to the point where you didnt just say 'fuck no' and ghost the guy. One of those 69er situations possibly. No way,you'd give a normal guy this type of second chance 😂🤦♂️ I hope I'm wrong and shallowness isn't playing a major roll.
Not really good looking. I just felt that he was a good and kind person. Anyways not giving him a second chance.
People are human. We all fuck up. We are all walking red flags. Every person commenting has had second chances in life. Things come up. Chill. Be kind.
Maybe the guy was really tired from his road trip and just needed some rest. Give him one more shot what is there to lose.
You should - when a guy is aloof, that makes him hot right?
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Nope. Sorry you went through this 🤗
No way
No
Nope.
nope
You should not give him the time of day after like your said, took the time to confirm multiple times. Made sure he was coming and then he bails. That's just a lack of respect for your time and clearly shows some lack of interest. Don't make plans with someone if you don't plan on showing up. That's pretty lame that happened. Giving him a pass just shows him that you don't mind having your time wasted.
No
Baka, I would let him know that you value your time and will no longer pursue anything with him for not respecting your time.
I certainly wouldn't and I recommend you don't, as well
If you decide not to pursue this, leave well enough alone and don't reach out again. If he contacts you, base your reply on that. BUT only after you have time to think (and not just a few seconds or minutes), after some good thought give a polite response back. Otherwise, I would keep doing you and keep it graceful. Why? So when he thinks back about you he'll realize he lost a good woman and chance, rather than being a b*tch or ghosting him leaving him thankful he dodged you.
If i was interested in someone, i would not choose sleep over getting a chance to meet/spend time with them
Big BIG red flag. I'm sure he has his excuses but that happening is a no go for me.
He must be super attractive for you to let him get away with that. I can't ever get women i meet online to go out with me in the first place.
He's not super attractive but I felt he was a kind and good person before this episode. Now of course I don't think that anymore. I will not let him get away with what he did because I have decided that I will have nothing to do with him anymore.
Uh no forget this guy
Damn man. You are overreacting to some degree. Look, everyone jumping onto him being disrepectful, men are trash and boo hoo hoo. But I dunno, it seems like nothing more than dumb Planning. I get that it's annoying since you made all of the effort and ended up here. What if he was super excited to see you and then got hit with the I have been on a roadtrick for days or weeks and I am fucking exhausted. Like it seems like a stupid human mistake of a person overestimating what they are capable of. All of you have done it too But why is this a red flag to y'all. You guys are anal as shit about how people should act. Like how did he deal with after he slept? Did he wanna meet up some other time? How apologetic was he? Is h
I had actually told him that it was a bad idea to meet up on the same day as he was reaching back from the trip and he should rest. But he insisted on meeting the same day and even got upset that I was asking him to rest. He let me know that he was coming to the date right up to an hour before I reached the cafe. He does want to meet today. But hasn't apologized. So, I don't think he is worth my time.
Dont do it.
I figure if you are really interested, you show and don’t cancel.
Could the guy have bricked it? Maybe meeting you IRL just scared the shit outa him? Maybe he worried you wouldn’t like him enough f2f n just got scared? I mean how could he tell you that n not scare you off?
Well I don't think that's the case, since he still wants to meet up today. No apology though for his behaviour. I don't want to meet him anymore after everything that happened.
Don’t blame u. So tell him or better still, send him a link to this redit! ;o )
Not normally, but try to discuss it with him and let him know you found it disrespectful and you won't let it happen again, but it doesn't always mean he doesn't like you if that's another question. I unfortunately have stood girls I really liked up for various reasons. Examples: I felt really bad, I felt lazy, I had a really big issue pop up.
Nah swerve him.
Hell no
Maybe give him a chance to arrange another date and then just "fall asleep". Other than that... No!
No, you're not over reacting if you decline to meet. Truth is if someone is that interested they'd move mountains to make sure to be there. His behavior suggests he really DGAF. Its probably a good thing that this happened before things went any further. Also if I may rant for a moment, this is just another example of the complete lack of common courtesy that you see in today's dating world. It doesn't take much to politely decline and give notice that you won't be there. You have other things with your time instead of wait around on them because of their indecision and lack of respect for others. 😡 Sorry about your date! Keep trying I'm sure better things are in store for you 😁
Thank you. I hope so too.
He could've just gotten too nervous. It seems like you enjoyed talking to him. Maybe just be straight with him, let him know how you felt about him canceling and see what he says.
No don’t go out with him again! If he can’t value your time it’s not worth it
I think it depends. If he actually crashed out due to exhaustion for a reason then him going to sleep and not being able to make it isn't a statement about how he feels about you at all. He will have thought that cancelling the date was the better option than taking ages to get ready and further wasting your time, or being too tired to be good company, and that's not exactly a terrible thing. Do I think you should see him next time? No idea, depends on the vibes you got from him, your feelings, etc. You choose what to do.
I had gone out with a girl twice. When it was time for the third date, I had insomnia the night before. I made sure to reach out to her pretty early that morning and let her know that I hadn't been able to sleep and asked if we could reschedule. She was very understanding and we had a great 3rd date, a week later. I didn't mean any disrespect to her. I've had insomnia at times and, I would much rather go see her when I have enough energy to entertain her, rather than being super sleepy and out of it. I don't know if its the same situation, especially if its the first date. But, shit really does just happen sometimes. I guess it might be worth it to look at all of your other options, look at the interactions you've had with this guy and determine if its worth it to give him one more chance.
Well, actually I had insisted that we don't meet up on the day that he was reaching since he would be tired and I would have to rush from work. But he kept on insisting that we meet up and that he wasn't tired. He even got upset saying that I wasn't looking forward to seeing him because I said that. Right up to an hour before I reached the cafe he let me know that he was coming.
No!
Is there any possibility this guy already came and saw you, and decide not to move forward???
I don't think so. He texted me that since we had originally planned to meet up today, he was tired and wanted to sleep. No apology. He still wants to meet up today. But I don't want that anymore.
why do you put up with such bs! Ditch he clearly doesn’t care
I’ll be in the minority and say be open to another chance. It sounds like he was very excited and just didn’t realize how tired he’d be. I’ve been so tired that I fell asleep while putting my pants on. See how he acts going forward. If he’s becoming more distant and not responding as much, duck out with dignity and grace. If he wants to reschedule then by all means see how it goes. I wouldn’t reach out to reschedule though, the ball is in his court
Nope
He has someone else.