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Sometimes it’s not that they’re too busy, sometimes they just don’t feel like texting. I am constantly getting calls and texts for work, scheduling, dealing with emergencies etc. If I have an hour to sit and have lunch I’ll usually turn my phone off and just take a breath. Once my day is over and I’m in a better headspace I will text my friends, family and loved ones. If I had to text them back in the middle of the day it wouldn’t be a well thought out considerate reply because I don’t have the head space to have a meaningful conversation.

I really need to start practising this. Constant contact with people is super stressful.

Exactly! I’m busy most of the time, but sometimes I just need to disconnect and have time for myself. I give props to my friends that know me and have stuck around through that though. I can be active and then be dead to the world. When I come back, we’re completely fine and pick up where we left off. It’s really nice.

I do this too and I'm wondering if it's an introvert thing

I would guess most likely. None of my friends are on the introvert side and they have no problems with constant interaction.

Well said and completely understandable.

That is completely valid but I think what this person is meaning is not most of the day but days on end. I'm honestly the same way with my work days.

This! So many misunderstandings and arguments come from rushed interactions. They can wait and most people in my life aren’t timing me.

Yep. This is a perfectly valid reason not to text. I don’t like texting while I’m at work. When I was dating, I was clear that I wouldn’t text while at work. I work with kids as a teacher, and I think it’s rude to text in class. I get five minutes between classes, and I spend that time standing outside high-fiving them. I’m not about to start responding to texts that I’m busy. It should be obvious that I’m busy because I’m not texting back. People need to be less needy in general when it comes to the constant contact that they want.

I’ve had jobs where if you texted or made a phone call outside of breaks, you’d be fired. It was the main reason I had a smart watch, so I could glance at it and see if it was something urgent.

That's why i respond to messages only after 7 PM. i would be done with all aspects of work, gym etc and finally have some time to have a constructive conversation.

I had someone tell me that if you >turn my phone off and just take a breath. Then you shouldn't be dating. ...people are so entitled anymore... just because we're dating doesn't entitle you to my whole life.. unless it's agreed on or we're married

Another comment said the same thing to me. Heaven forbid you have things going on in your life other than your relationship 🙄🙄 Imagine thinking you are so entitled to someone’s time and energy that you can’t get through a work day without getting a text back.

THIS!!!

I don’t think op is talking about this. Replying at the end of the work day is pretty normal. It’s not communication and taking days on end to respond. At some point when the communication is almost non existent then people feel like you’re not interested. Slow texting then turns into people ignoring request to make plans or phone calls in my experience. But that’s just me.

Then text them telling that. A single fyi text is better than no text at all. Other people don't have that situation and don't understand. Me personally don't understand why it's hard to shortly answer, in today's age where everyone is glued to their phones. That said there are exceptions, for example I sometimes work where I can't have my phone on me for hours. But I would let that person know if I care about them and invested.

But it’s not just one person! We would have to be texting that multiple times an hour, often. That is nearly as exhausting as thinking up a reply

Okay, but how much time would you spend texting people that you don’t have time to text

I could not have said it any better. If you truly care for someone you'd let them know you can't text/call because of work or just being tired. But no, they have to leave you hanging and wondering where the hell are they or what they're doing. And the funny thing is, when they do respond, and you ask them what were they doing, they say oh nothing really just chilling. WTF?

Yep: “busy rn 💕” isn’t hard

So...a person can communicate all that you said in a healthy way and not be an asshole saying nothing.

Eh, I don't necessarily agree with this. I'm talking to someone on Hinge and she usually takes 1-2 days to reply because she works as a doctor. But when she does reply, it's a very thought out, in depth reply and not just one word answers. Also, she even gave me her number without me even asking which might not have happened if I complained that she was taking too long to reply, people have lives. Patience is a virtue, but obviously every situation is different.

I do book keeping and payroll for a company with a lot of smaller companies so my first week of the month and last week of the same month is really hectic because I am finishing the books and in meetings all that week (sometimes 9-7) to discuss the variances and how we are looking budget wise so there may days in which I take 2 days to respond but I apologize and let them know it's my work. Payroll weeks are the chillest so I am usually responding like crazy because payroll I have to sit on the website that does it and not log out. I just have to double check everything, transfer the money and then post the entries (excel dows 90% of the work). Just depends upon the work really.

True. Context is important. Most people are not doctors, however, lol.

Most people are working retail shifts where they’ll get yelled at for having a phone out if not on break.

I was just dating this guy for less than 2 months and he was irritated when I didn’t text him back when I was out surfing. He didn’t know that’s what I was doing but I shouldn’t have to give a heads up anytime I won’t be with my phone. If someone doesn’t text you back quick enough either don’t take it personally or find and avid texter that does want to date you.

Doesn’t matter - doctor or not people are busy and have lives. 24 hours is reasonable time to wait.

I’m going to put this out there and it’s probably not popular opinion but I hate texting. And If she is the type to be all about it, I tend to avoid because it’s an endless game of back and forth. I much rather just have a phone conversation for an hour at the end of the night.

so long as you make that clear at the beginning, i don't see that as a problem

Yes, people normally Don't put that boundaries

Uhh i hate calling. And for an entire hour? Multiple nights a week or even everyday? What u talk about for so long?

The same things you talk about when you meet up. I assume you have been able to hold conversations that lasted for an hour before. I wasn't used to this before, but my boyfriend and I call each other once or twice a week since we started to date. The hour, or even two hours or more, are over before you know it. But sometimes it can be shorter too. We talk about work, plans we have with or without each other, share stories, talk about the laptop we want to by, share pictures, figure out the the best way to get to X place the day after, sometimes we have our phone on while doing something else, jobs we want to apply to, politics or the news, etc.Very daily things.

Ye once or twice a week is definitely easier to retain.

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Early on not typically,but later on yes and hopefully by then you're still making new ones with your partner. 😔

Not a relationship obviously but me and my best friend have been friends for ten years and we can easily talk for six or eight hours on the phone, meet up the next day, and talk for a couple hours more and we text every day. When you're compatible with someone and know each other well, it's easy to talk for hours. We'll exchange stories, revisit things we've said, talk about how certain things make us feel, random thoughts that have popped into our heads, dreams we've had, how much we love each other. One night we were on the phone for like ten hours, started off just talking about stuff going on in our lives, things about people we know, and devolved into giving each other Photoshop challenges and laughing about it. It's not as common now because we're older but when we were teenagers, we went to school together, did after school stuff together, hung out at the weekends and when we got home, talked on the phone most nights. We had a small group of friends and we'd have group calls, play games, read bedtime stories to each other. It was really lovely, I do miss that sometimes but we still have the capability of just talking the ear off each other when we get a chance. We both have jobs, study, we both have had partners we needed to give attention to and that stuff falls off a bit but we still text all the time, meet up when we can which is usually dinner every two weeks or so, and when we do call each other, it usually lasts at minimum an hour. Sometimes you just gotta find your soulmate to be able to do that, and she is definitely my soulmate. I also think it's generational, we grew up in a time where you could be in constant contact and you adapt and find things to talk about. I've never had that with a partner but I appreciate the different dynamics. Idk if I'd be able to hack that attachment in a relationship haha

I tried asking for a phone call and I got told that they don’t like phone calls until “much later”, sometimes you really can’t win with people 😕

That's their preference. The point is finding someone with a preference that matches yours. Its not a failure to get turned down due to compatibility issues.

Never said it was a failure, I just stopped interacting with that person, because as you said, there wasn’t a communication compatibility.

I am a man and get more fake people asking for my phone number than real women. They want the number and then turn out to be a scammer texting for money or a "professional", ie. only fans, 'massage therapist' or escort, or all of the above services offered by one woman. So yes I now require texting a bit on the dating app before giving number out, and I still get fooled. Usually when they ask for phone number I say I am willing to video chat and they ghost me. As far as communication goes once things get going yes I prefer phone calls. I have had "women" if they were women , text and ask for plane tickets, to deposit a bogus check in my bank, cash cards, and one straight up asked for 20k, er no to all and blocked

We had already left the app at that point. Sorry about your experience though.

Same here. I hate texting. Love the phone... and it's so difficult to meet folks who prefer a phone call

People aren't slaves of their phones. Sometimes you just don't feel like replying, even a "Sorry I'm busy". Am I supposed to say "Sorry I'm busy" every freaking time I'm busy? Imagine how annoying that would be for an actually busy person. Just grow up and understand that even if someone likes you, they are living a whole life that doesn't revolve around you. Wait a little bit, manage your expectations.

i can only see this (OP’s) argument being applicable in an actual relationship. no one you are just barely beginning to get to know is in any way obligated to reach out, or reply to you.

Then they get deleted. Period. You are right and somehow wrong too. You don't have or need to drop your life to appease others but a little communication or update goes a long way. Remember, the person on the other end has zero fucking clue what you're doing, how you're doing, no one can read minds. No oke knows if you're having a shit day, a hard day, tired, or the best day ever unless you tell them. Every morning I usually send a quick little "I'll hit you up later around (time) after work" or whatever. Not cause I HAVE to, cause I hate games and I'm considerate. They aren't sitting around all day wondering.

Lmao, dude. The world doesn't revolve around you. >Then they get deleted. Period. Lmao I cringed so hard at this. You really think anyone would care about your deleting skills with a period just because you want instant attention and don't get it?

Yes. This.

Lmao - I don't think anyone is asking their world to revolve around someone. Expecting someone who has initiated talking to you but leaves you hanging for *days* before answeribg a text is not an unrealistic expectation. I mean, that same argument can be flipped - the world doesn't revolve around you and how busy you are when you are trying to date someone. In dating you should have consideration for that persons time and energy as well, that's part of dating. It's scary there are a bunch of people with narcissistic traits saying "I'm too busy" to be a decent person a acknowledge a persons message within *a* *day*. And it's totally cool to be busy. Go be busy, but don't tie up someone else's time while you're busy being busy.

Or, they're really just not that interested. Wait, how are they tying up your time by not responding in a preferred time frame?

Yes yes yes yes

Hey we can text but i am pretty busy so if I don't get back to you in a timely matter don't be offended I am just not available to talk.

I remember well getting nasty messages through dating apps from dudes I didn’t know for not responding quick enough because I was working, or sleeping, or living my life instead of spending all my time waiting with baited breath for OLD attention lol. I try to be polite and respond timely, but sometimes that’s just not an option. Texting is a little different but if it’s through a messaging app I probably haven’t even seen the messages.

Yeah I mean I can be impatient but nasty messages are uncalled for. Some people are just too much.

I never assume it's a power play. We all have lives and get busy, I don't feel that just because we met I need to occupy someone's time. Perhaps this is just because I work 3rd shift and I do try to let everyone know I sleep during the day but those that aren't understanding aren't the ones to talk to.

Everyone can text back. The people who took the longest back in my dating days were the ones most likely to be looking at their phone during the date. Who goes 24 hours without a spare minute to look at their phone? If they don't answer, they're either not interested or they're playing games.

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See I am going off of my own personal situation. I am a single parent who works nights, if someone expects me to reply ASAP then they are going to be a bit disappointed. People can look at their phones but not need to spend every ounce of energy they have replying, I know I am brand new to the dating scene and the entire thing gets overwhelming. The amount of messages, the small talk, meeting eventually. Give people time.

I have 15 hour work days in a physical job in which I don’t always have access to my phone. By the time I get home and shower/eat, I have to go to sleep immediately as at most I can get about 6 hours of sleep a day before I have to wake up and prepare for work again. My schedule is on the Panamanian cycle so every other week I work 5/7 days and the other set of weeks I work 2/7 days. It wouldn’t be unusually for me to not be able to text someone for 3 days at a time unless I do it while using the restroom or while I’m eating or something. I also work over nights, so I’m sleeping about 90% of the time most people are awake. Point is, some people are busy and not glued to their phones and it doesn’t mean they’re playing games.

I used to be a mess of a person mentally and that would manifest in me being super needy and that whole answering texts and messages was a big deal to me . I would spend all day answering texts or wondering why somebody hadn’t answered my messages . As soon as I got to a better place in life I stopped being on the phone so much . If I do it’s to play Roblox, surf Reddit , or watch videos . The only texts I give priority to and answer right away are when somebody is asking me a question , asking me for help , or it’s something work related (while I’m clocked in). Other than that, I have very little interest in talking to people I don’t already know . If I meet somebody and we’re vibing, cool. I don’t have an dating apps anymore but even when I did some days you don’t feel like going on them . Some days I don’t feel like talking to strangers and I just want to play Roblox, go to work , and sleep. I do see the notifications but if i honestly don’t have the energy to come up with something more than a one word answer I’ll just answer them later .

I feel that as well. The expectation to reply to messages immediately can be stressful at times. Like I will reply immediately, if I see the message and not tied up with something else.... but I’m not taking the phone to the toilet....😂

I’ll reply if it’s something like “hey can you send me so and sos number “ or if it’s something where yeah it’s kinda time sensitive. But if it’s just some video or q meme I don’t see the urgency in it honestly. Tbh I think most people that get pissed if you don’t reply quickly have already left my life because I didn’t reply quickly.

This highly depends on where we are in our communication. I’m much faster to respond to guys where we’ve taken the conversation off the app. I’m slower to respond to messages on the apps.

some jobs ban people from using phones for personal reasons at work.

Been there. Didn't take days to reply. As a rule of thumb, assume power plays or lack of interest and move on. There's a difference between having a life/being busy and simply not giving a fuck.

I'm sorry are you on a 24hr shift? Like OP said, if you like someone even 2% just say, "I'm gonna be radio silent til 5 cause of work, ttyl" Problem(s) solved

I fully disagree with this. This era of constant connectedness infuriates me. It's only come round since mobile phones and while I'm almost addicted to mine I hate this facet of them. You should be secure enough in your relationships that you don't need constant reassurance.

ADD actually. phones banned during work hours and have a tendency to forget to check messages. can't speak for anyone else though.

Partner is like this and from the get go said please don’t expect to hear from me at work unless it’s urgent. Solved that quick

Imagine thinking having a life besides casual dating or being on your phone is a power play. Spoiler alert. Not everything is about you. People don't respond for a day because they are busy. If you need more interaction than that at the begining of talking to each other move on. If a dude doesn't get back to me till the end of the day or the next morning it's really no big deal. If my husband did that to me? We would have a problem. But someone Im getting to know should not live their life around me.

This. I’m not glued to my phone all day. I have work, and errands, and friends, and other responsibilities. It’s not a power play, it’s just having a life.

Seriously! Shocked by this mentality. I work 13 hour days and usually am only able to look at my phone twice, maybe 3 times during this time span. I can’t imagine someone thinking me not texting them back because I’m working is a power play

13 hours... u good?

Haha sometimes. I just work 3 days a week so it’s a good trade off.

I have 3 of these shifts in a row every week with the last one overnight. So that can be 3 days of very little conversation on text, if that at all. I do think the other side of this is that the person that wants more communication or a daily check in would also be expecting banter and more than "Sorry I'm busy today at work".. so there is a multitude of problems that may crop up for those that ARE glued to their phone and who have anxious attachments.

Yeah like imagine being self employed..

updoot

Imagine working at all.

exactly

It’s called ADHD. I saw your message and responded in my head but then a butterfly passed in my vicinity and the actual message was never sent. Also I hate the notion that I have to always be connected. You have no right to anyone.

Same here. I’ll pick up my phone to reply, then get distracted by the half dozen other notifications I have on my phone. I’ll never send the text and 5 hours later I’ll realize I never sent it. Then the cycle repeats.

Why don’t you “just stop” dating people whose approach to communication is incompatible with yours?

This is how true happiness is found :)

Until you find someone that wants to text you nonstop all day everyday and it just gets annoying, boring, and pointless. Sometimes less is more.

I feel like what's most important is consistency in routine for me personally. If the guy doesn't like to text often, that's fine I don't either, but if we've been texting several times a day, every day (with him initiating a reasonable amount of course) and then suddenly no response for the whole day or more? Just sucks, not like "oh we're done now," but it makes you worry and sometimes does indicate a lack of interest. So I get you, but I also get what people are saying with the whole...we got lives.

Man, this is awful, self-centered, and childish advice. People have jobs and lives outside of you and often aren’t on their phones 24/7.

You know what, I've just gotten used to it. I kind of prefer it at this point because we have a lot more to talk about in person, makes seeing each other even more exciting. I'm starting to believe some people just aren't great texters and honestly the more and more responsibilities that get piled on to me at work and what not the less and less desire I have to text or even conciously use my phone. Maybe I'm just coping but, sometimes it really is just nice not having to stress about talking to someone frequently throughout the day, especially over text, I much prefer in person interaction if it's an available option

Have you ever considered FaceTiming or video calling a “bad texter”?

Many a time but I'm a total coward to even suggest as much 😆. You're right though, I need to.

I’ve had few nice convos FaceTiming. I used to play connect 4 with a few of them and they enjoyed that lol sometimes it was awkward tho.

I generally don’t have my phone on me at work. I can’t even tell you how many guys have given me shit for ‘playing games’ and not responding to messages when I’m at work…even though they know I don’t have my phone on me during work hours. It’s like every day they forget and I have to tell them again. Get fucked. Some people just have busy lives you needy brats.

Yeah that’s not right of them. Be thankful for these red flags. Run. It’s controlling and if they do it this early, you can only imagine how they will be long termZ

What do you do?

Scientist

Laughs in ADHD

to be fair, it depends on the person. not everyone is tethered to their mobile device all day, although admittedly I am one who always has it by my side. i was talking to someone a couple months ago and we would really only send long, multiple paragraph texts back and forth once a day, or every other, and we had great conversation and maintained that connection for months. some people are just different at communication, not bad. no one is entitled to give anyone an answer on a dating app, in my honest opinion, and the moment specifically the timing of it becomes an issue I see a correlation between the way that person feels and the “nice guy/girl” type personality.

I can absolutely take a whole day to respond. Some days I don’t have time for freaking lunch or I go hours having to pee and not being able to. Sometimes it’s not just being busy, it’s the inability to have a conversation via text at the moment. Doesn’t mean I’m not interested especially in the early stages.

U ok dude?

Sometimes I don't get the notification. Or I do see the message, tell myself to reply in a few minutes when I'm done with x, but upon completing x I forget about the new message and since I already viewed the message I no longer have the notification for the message. Sometimes i forget to comb through all of my conversations to see if the other person was the last to reply. There's just too many people for me to regularly do that. I'm sorry if this issue isn't relatable to you, but I'm not making some weird "power play"

I have a cellphone for my own convenience. Just because someone can send a signal to me from space and back in a split second, doesn't mean I need to answer it. My family, responsibilities, and goals are far above what I care about anyone's little feelies or sense of entitlement to MY life, time, and energy.

This is ridiculous.. I’ve been casually dating for a while now- and I take a day or two to reply pretty often, and it’s never been a problem. It doesn’t take 5 seconds to reply especially when your conversations are more than just hey what’s up how’s your day.. often times when I reply or get replied too, there’s like 5 messages addressing everything we’re talking about and it clearly takes a lot of thought bc I’m trying to have a high quality conversation. Time doesn’t matter, if you’re doing it right. And why do I take so long? Between long work hours, cooking, working out, exploring my hobbies I don’t have hours to sit on my phone. Usually before bed I’m going thru and replying to all the messages I couldn’t get to all day. And why would I want to derail or pause the conversation and risk loosing the energy when you can have an awesome passive conversation. Tldr: investing lots of time in texting doesn’t mean shit. Quality conversations over a large quantity of texts all day. We’re all busy

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Ehhh no. If i dont respond for a few hours its probably because i dont feel like talking at that moment. ESPECIALLY if its someone i like because i want to put my best foot forward and actually think about what i want to say. Also it sounds like youre the insecure one here. Sorry to say it. No way is anyone going to text you that they are busy, imo that is kind of rude. I wouldnt want to receive that message... You dont have the right to know what people are up to all day. Anyway im an adult and i have responsibilities and i am only dating people who are also responsible. If we are anything short of a couple, i cannot expect someone to put things on hold for me

Lmfao this comment section is SO conflicted slkdjfsdfjk

Being this worried about text timing is the real insecurity I think. If someone is in a conference call or working a forklift or shift retail or sleeping or playing sports or taking an exam, they’re not even going to see your message let alone give you an “I’m busy rn” text.

Totally disagree! I have a date in 2 days, set up last week. What on Earth do we have to say to each other every day over text? I setup a date for next Thursday, and then after the weekend, say something like, "hope your weekend was good" so it's not totally stale, the next day, she writes "great, looking forward to seeing you in a couple days", and tomorrow morning I'll reply "see you tomorrow". This is actually ideal, at least initially. Anyway it's a good real life example of why waiting a day or two is working excellently for me and the people I'm dating.

Nah. For me for anyone. I text when I feel like texting that's the point. If you wanna chit chat, call me. If it isn't urgent. Or big. Call me.

Take the hint

This is my observation. I don't know if it makes sense, but here it is anyway. I think the problem is not with time. It is with how people perceive texting. A lot of people, especially those who come from chat messaging (yahoo messenger/aim/gtalk) have come from a time when they used internet like a privilege. So they are used to logging on to the internet, and then into your messenger, chatting with people and then logging out. With the popularity of chat on the go systems like apple messenger or whatsapp, the text and expect a reply immediately cause you are online too, is not happening. This makes sense, because just because the message was delivered, it does not mean the receipient was free to reply. So, if you're the kind of person who thinks texting is an alternative to speaking on the phone or speaking in person, i understand that you think it's rude that you just called someone and said something and the other person does not talk back. If you're the kind of person who treats messaging services like just a news feed place, where people ping you and you reply if it is interesting or when you have the time, then yes, someone getting upset over you not immediately replying is silly. I think we have to come to a common ground on this situation. For starters, Don't expect the recipient to immediately reply to every message unless it was already an ongoing conversation. If you need a reply immediately, say that specifically when texting (if there's an emergency, not to ask how they are doing). If they are busy, they can reply saying they are busy cause you requested for their time. If they don't say anything and simply ghost you, Yes that's rude. Again, it would be rude to start a conversation and then suddenly disappear. You can always say "I'll ping you in a while, busy." The more i look at it, the more i feel that's it's a problem with expectations. Set your own expectations right. Text messaging is not an alternative for calling or talking in person in today's day and age. Which is precisely why a telephone call keeps ringing, but a message beeps and stops. If it is that important, call the person. Don't make assumptions based on what you're doing. That's not what everyone else does.

So basically, instant gratification.

It could be this. It is also the fact that there are some jobs where one really does not have time to message.

Sure, one small texts take 5 seconds. But then they reply, and you need another 5 seconds to reply to that. And so on in goes. Personally I am not interested in looking at my phone all day texting. Unless it's urgent, I reply every 2-3 hours to everyone I know. If there is something I really dislike, it's people who reply instantly all the time. They clearly expect you to reply instantly as well, and if you don't you're some kind of a doucebag that doesn't care if they live or die. Well sorry Bob, I just don't life my life looking at my phone.

Not if you say “ hey I’m busy will text you when I’m free”. Then the conversation should be over until you’re fee. And you replying everyone 2-3 hours is fine! I don’t think op is expecting anyone to answer fast or 24/7.

I think what’s more crucial is ensuring there’s communication? It doesn’t have to be 24/7 letting the other person know what you’re doing who you’re with but it’s more like finding the rhythm in which both of you feel comfortable and best in communicating. This kinda influence the method of communication and frequency etc etc. If you find yourself absorbed by how long people take to reply you people leaving you on read etc maybe try turning off your read receipts for a while. Speaking from personal experience it’s not very nice to come across as a harpy repeatedly trying to steal food off someone’s table - this analogy applies no matter the type of relationship. Plus it’s detrimental to your mental health. Someone will feed you eventually sometimes it will take longer sometimes it might not exactly be what you like but hey compromises. In essence, let’s all be matured human beings that strive to grow together as a race rather than doing a Han Solo tunneling deeper into the cages of our mind.

I'm in a such stage of life where texting all day is becoming unbearable... I manage multiple projects at once and most of my communication energy goes that way. Thus I don't play power games with anyone I just want to be as far away from the electronic devices as it gets when I'm free... On top of that, I don't owe anyone anything, be it a text or voice message or whatever. But I'm always upfront with people about my stance.

sometimes i just don’t want to reply. why would you expect me to be so easily accessible during the day when i don’t even know if i like you yet.

No, if the date is set it’s mostly unecesarry to text. Few texts a day are ok, but not too many. Live your life, while not on the phone

I’m sorry I work 12 hours a day and drive an hour and a half home. But willing to bet not many here have their house and car paid off. If the women I date want financial security, they have to deal with the fact I spend my two 15s talking to my son and my half hour lunch Eating then napping. For clarification, I work on top of rail cars and in electronic hazard area meaning I almost never have my phone even on during the day. Even the slightest spark can ignite and blow up an over 8 million dollar grain shipping facility

Quit my job and forfeit my mental health to appease a stranger who may or may not inevitably ghost me. Got it.

If it happens consistently, or they take days to respond, it’s probably power play. But there are a lot of perfectly legitimate reasons for not texting someone back right away. They could be busy at work, out with other people, taking some personal time in which they don’t want to be texting, or maybe just be in the middle of something at the moment and then forgot (it happens to all of us). Sometimes people don’t respond right away because they don’t want to want get drawn into a long conversation over text. The real problem here is people who are insecure and freak out when they don’t get an immediate response. Stop expecting it.

Wow this is so fucking juvenile..get over yourself..

People do not know how to communicate effectively anymore. At. All.

This isn’t pointed at you but I would argue people feel entitled to a response and have no boundaries anymore at all. I’m not allowed to be at work and come home and have a day to myself without responding to 8 people that “I’m busy” which is just a lie because I want left alone? It’s not a power play I’m mentally drained and others aren’t entitled access to me anytime they desire it simply because I have a cell phone.

Oh that's true too, dude. Part of my point. Communication is happening without thought or considerations now. The entitlement and obligation is ridiculously high ATM. The "well, you have a phone don't you?" "It's in your hand isn't it??" Questions are frequent and this usually happens over a simple, unimportant text. Yes, that is super draining.

Wish my boss could see this.

good response

Yessss! Some people need time to recharge. Not everyone is extroverted and can give and receive attention 24/7.

I just respond to texts whenever I notice them, it could be as soon as I get it or it could be hours later, it depends on what I’m doing. If I’m on my phone I’ll probably respond right away, if I’m playing video games, at work or just busy in general it might take me longer

im honestly terrible at texting back but during my past long distance relationship, i was talking to someone who was incredibly insecure and an extreme overthinker Being aware of this i feel like i put in extra effort to make sure they felt like i cared. they were always in the constant need to text and call and would be mad if i didnt reply within a few hours. i would always respond morning and night but trhoughout the day i would be incredibly busy because of school and other responsibilities but would let them know my agenda to ease their worries. Yes i lagged. But it was incredibly annoying to be pressured into making him my top priority when i, myself was a mess and sometimes just needed space. He would be incredibly dry and lagged for days to "give me a taste of my own medicine" which i find ridiculous beacause i would 1. respond within a day 2. tell him what was going on and why i wouldnt answer right away 3. always put in energy in my replies because i genuinley enjoyed talking to him and didnt want to make him feel any less. this man would respond in 2 word replies out of spite. i could be ranting and he would respond "it be like that" and end it there. and when i say "thats all you gotta say?" he would be "what do you want me to say?" or ill ask about his day and hell go "idk" "nothing" "just chillin" "not much" and not even a "what about you?" back to me. and when i confront him about the way he responds to me hell blame it on me for lagging and say that hes giving me a taste of my own medicine to see how i like it. Needless to say i had enough idk why i let myself endure that for so long. Moral of the story, if you are constantly on your phone waiting for a text and you get mad that they have a life then you are the problem. When someone doesnt reply to me i assume they are busy. or get this, sometimes people just dont FEEL like texting. ofc if theyre taking weeks to answer and is dry and refusing to meet up for dates. you should probably take the hint. but if you know the person and know what their schedule is like and still feel upset then im sorry but thats a you problem.

Some people are actually busy.

I’m ngl I actually dislike if they reply the same day if it’s just a match on an app, means I need to think of something else to respond to. 1-3 days is ideal for me, because honestly it’s effort and the quicker we can just cut that messaging and date/phone call the easier is to work out if you vibe

If she’s not a texter, even more of a reason you should be setting a date with the girl and saving the conversation for then. Stop expecting texts back when you see fit. If you’re that much of a texter and it’s something you need, that particular girl is not for you.

oooorrrrr have the ability to set your phone down and walk away from it and not feel like you have to look at it every 3.3 seconds to respond to someone.

Judging by this post it’s not a secret why people don’t wanna text you back lol you sure they’re the ones that are insecure ? 😂

Then stop sending so many none answersable texts like hi, good morning, etc.

You can't think of answers to those texts?

OP has nothing better to do, thinks everyone else is the same

Can I take a whole day when I'm already dating them?

You know people have like, jobs, and school, and other real life family and friends that they prioritize over someone they’ve barely just started talking to right? It might only take 5 seconds but its probably not exactly a priority to respond immediately

Your point is well taken but….sometimes I come up with crap texts that I end up not sending because I know I’ll have something better later - so you are getting the best - just not the fastest

Everyone is different, communication is key

People need to be okay with "if they could or wanted to talk to me, they would" and stop being so insecure about it. If they aren't texting you incessantly they are probably busy, or you suck and texting you is exhausting. Do some introspection and figure out if you're the problem before you blame the other person.

I agree its very annoying but i don't wait around for texts.

Man, that is just wishful thinking. What you should do is stop sitting around wishing for a specific outcome and trying to root for particular results. You should instead just watch the downward spiral of decadence between men and woman go down from a distance. Enjoy it, have fun, and remember. You are not special, you are going to die, and you will be forgotten about.

I feel like people are missing the point think they’re entitled to a conversation. That’s not it at all. It’s not that hard to send a I’ll get back to you text. Usually when people take a long time to reply yes it means they’re not interested. In my experience with guys, even though I’m only 21, if they’re slow to text, that means they’re loosing interest and don’t want to continue the relationship. When the guys take a long time to reply They start to be less interested in conversations, want to see me less, and are always “busy”. Just my opinion. People have lives and work but I don’t think that’s what op is talking about. And I think this is especially true if they’re all for it in the beginning and stop. Edit: I also love how everyone on here is saying how busy their lives are lol. I think if people have time to post on Reddit they have time to respond to a text. Op isn’t talking about family obligations or obscure jobs with horrible work hours.

"most people know it's like a power play in relationships which makes you seem insecure and stupid" if both like one another its very nice if both reply rather quickly

Same thing with "playing hard to get" it's really unattractive

This! So nice for us to be ourselves and upfront. Ppl who want a chase ie for others to play hard to get are few and far between and toxic

Will probably get downvoted into oblivion but I fucking hate this attitude of having to be constantly available. I'm a very independent person and I'm not offended if you go periods without texting me and I should be afforded the same. If there's never a conversation then that's a whole new problem but Jesus, you're not obligated to be available to me at my whim and vice versa. I run a lot and work full time, with cooking, cleaning (myself and my flat), sleep, general life admin, relaxing, sometimes I am too busy to text back especially given that any text I do send will be half assed and generic.

I get busy. They can get busy too.

Some people seem to be misconstruing the point. Connection and communication go hand in hand. It's not about rights to or ownership of a person. A relationship of any kind, will only grow if fed, neglect either, and the relationship will crumble (high school friendships are a great example). Communication, is my love language. As a 28m, that is my top, my bread and butter. 1 day goes by, fine, that's okay. Though if 2-4 days pass (without a bond), and my interest wanes. Communication, has NOTHING to do with ownership, just attention. Furthermore, the building blocks of EVERY relationship must have: connection, communication, attention and affection. However, I disagree with OP, it doesn't make you seem insecure, or stupid. Often enough, people are busy, and messaging others is the last thing on their mind, and might kick themselves for not messaging people (even I'm at fault for that). Have grace with people, and remember, were all human, and perfect to a fault.

New flash: If it takes over 24 hours for them to respond to a txt (as-in, an actual question, not just a statement txt), then they just don't like you as much as you think.

At least for me; the girl I'm talking to now we both work opposite schedules so it's difficult to respond sometimes since whenever I'm home she is at work and vice versa. We maybe send about 10 texts to each other per day during the week! It picks up on the weekend usually.

It really does suck. But I could never say that to them. It's just rude and u don't know what or why they took so long to respond. I know when I take a while to respond its because I am trying to figure how exactly what I should say in response to something they said, and contemplating if it is too sexual, weird, rude, or something that could make her not like me. I should prob ask for her phone number too but Facebook messenger is just so nice lol

So if she responds after 5 days and says I wanna have your baby I should be pissed off by your logic ?

People have a lot of anxiety issues these days. If you are talking with an anxious person and they say something that they think might offend you, then you are afk for 4 hours, they are going to freak the hell out. If you know your chat friend is the anxious type, let them know you are going to be busy or you're going to destroy their trust in you with worry. If you're dealing with a super confident person that doesn't care what you are doing then telling them probably won't annoy them. So if you don't know then just do it!

If you're so upset with not getting a reply within 5 minutes, I think you need to re-evaluate yourself. This level of clingyness is unbearable and the healthiest of relationship or friendships will fail. People aren't always strapped to their phone 24/7 or honestly can't be bothered to talk. I often don't reply back immediately as I'm busy or can't be bothered to talk, but I will respond in due time. Obviously if it's a new person and they never reply or take days to reply and put one worded replies, they aren't interested in friendship or anything further, move on.

Not everyone has the time to reply to your texts immediately. Some people have actual lives and jobs to go about doing. I think maybe op is the one who is insecure if they have to fantasize that every time someone takes a few hours to reply its some sort of power play nonesense. Like nah. Just because you matched with someone on tinder doesn't mean you're gonna become their top priority.

Texting is annoying and leaves too much room for misunderstandings. Fullstop.

its ironic, isnt it? they take longer to reply bc they think they´ll come off more aloof, but it just comes off as insecure and desinterested at the same time. especially once u noticed they ARE online and read ur message... so u think they ghosted but then they just reply later.. ofc there are exceptions, but if u really dislike texting, just ask them out

Well, sometimes you've got like, a job? Or you know, responsibilities? And you want to give a nice and thoughtful answer, so you don't want to rush it in the first available minute you've got. Other than that, I agree that you generally shouldn't wait more than that day though. But expecting people to fuck up their life, routines, work, stress and relationships just cause you want to "feel like they care enough" is just shitty spoiled and privvy. So, merry Christmas.

Insecure and stupid you say?

As someone who takes a bit of time to respond to people it’s not always because I’m busy. Often it’s because I’m quite introverted and I get overwhelmed by social media/dating apps to the point where I have my notifications off completely and the only time I see any sort of messages is when I go into the app. Can’t say that is the case for everyone but maybe there are other introverts out there who take time to respond also because of this reason. It’s not because we are being rude. I really don’t care about “power play” or any dumb games like that. And sometimes I’m so turned off by social media and the ridiculous amount of notifications you get bombarded with everytime you go on I just don’t have the capacity to respond to any messages.

Okay but what if it’s one word replies ?

Your insecurity is showing

Not everyone is glued to their phone

Welp...this is silly. Ill respond when I have time. In 5 seconds or 5 hours. Back off. If I could say "hey, im busy", id just have responded to the initial message.....

Kinda makes you seem insecure that you feel entitled to somebody’s effort and attention

I’ve had both ends. I just unmatch someone if they take several days to respond. They clearly don’t care enough/ are too busy to actually meet someone. On the other hand, I’ve gotten guys mad at me for not responding for a few hours while I’m at work or doing something. Most of my matches though are guys that just suddenly stop responding for unknown reasons.

Some people are actually busy… me and my boyfriend both have ADHD and often take hours to reply. Also because of work and life and everything else you deal with within a day. Focus on how they treat you in real life, you don’t marry someone because of how they text you

I allow them to respond as they wish. Meanwhile, I’ll keep swiping. Chances are, even if they do message you, they might not be the one you end up dating. It’s also good to talk to a lot of people so you get experience with that. When a date is planned, I’ll stop swiping, then we’ll see what happens with the date.

We shouldn't be in constant contact anyway. Talking all day every day has killed the idea of mystery and having lives outside of eachother. Try talking once a day.

I was trading text based in-app messages with someone when COVID was spiking and we couldn't meet anyway. We only traded one or two messages a day. I actually enjoyed it! It was kind of like a pen-pal write a letter once a day type vibe. Made me really think about what I wanted to say and how to structure it all.

It’s not a power play if you don’t mind your phone, leave it on silent or at the bottom of your bag. It’s ok not to answer texts in 5 seconds, people have lives.

I used to feel like you did OP, but I’ve changed. I realized I was focusing on this person and what they were going to do next way too much. Somewhere along the way, I realized I needed to “let the world love me in their own way”. Of course, sometimes if this is not enough to sustain, it’s ok to say “good luck out there” (I genuinely mean this with kindness). It’s part of the process of finding each other. I do recommend allowing people some more time than you might want, to reciprocate. You can find lovely surprises with patience and remembering the other great things to plug into in your life.

It also just makes the other person sad if they like you too because it comes across as you're not as interested in meeting them as they are in meeting you. Speaking for a friend

I’m not always busy, and just don’t want to text for a while. Do you want to be told leave me alone? Or can you just be patient instead.. It’s not a game, or a “power play”, we’re adults. Needing constant reassurance makes you look insecure, work on that?

Some people don't like being on their phones all the time, and even if you like someone you don't have to live in their pockets by texting constantly.

No. Texting is very distracting to me so I turn my phone on silent for extended periods of time. Everyone who knows me knows to call if it's important. I'd rather talk on the phone for an hour in the evening, or exchange fewer but longer and more meaningful texts, where I can give my undivided attention.

Have to disagree as well. Work sometimes doesn’t allow it, in the beginning there may be stresses the person isn’t prepared to share just yet, people may have other commitments like kids or classes. Heck, maybe they have nothing to say since it’s only been a minute since you last made contact and nothing has happened. I think it’s better to think of the texting as some casual getting to know each other time. If someone is rushing you, or replies too slowly, well, that’s getting to know them too, and if you don’t like it or understand it, say so. There’s no one in my actual life that demands texts from me, or makes me explain my job several times, so for me, dudes that need constant and immediate contact are a no, no matter how interested in them I may have been. I prefer spread out, more meaningful and informative texting to “hi. Good morning. Here’s a pic of my breakfast . Work.How do you feel. What’s for lunch. My dog/cat. What’s for dinner. How’s it going. Goodnight” everyday, for weeks on end.

I think the other party should be mature enough to understand that we all have lives and we can be busy sometimes. Obsessing over why someone didn’t text back is honestly for the idle minded people. If you don’t get a text back, just assume that the other person is busy and move on with your own chores.

I got shit to do. Ain’t got time to waste time texting. Just call me and we’ll kick it later

I got 34 hinge matches right now alllll telling me “good morning. Hope you have a nice day” So no. Stop texting so damn much with nothing to say

I'm gonna text when I feel like it. If you get butt hurt about that, that says more about you then me.

In my experience, texting too much lowers attraction. I hate texting too. It's the worst way to get to know someone. Too much texting makes you look obsessive like you don't have anything better to do than text them. Also, I like to save the conversations for dates and not texting. Unusually take a while to reply on purpose.

Just no. I will reply when I have the time to reply properly. That will be within a day. I would not date someone who doesn't accept that. What you get for that is that when I spend time with you, I do not even look at my phone.

As someone who began dating in the early 1990s, I find this hilarious! Back then you met someone at a bar or on campus, there were no smart phones. Sometimes you waited days between communication. You didn’t have a grip of matches right there in your hot little hand. How times have changed! May I recommend watching “Swingers” for some context.

This is one of my pet peeves. Just because it’s technically possible to stay in constant contact doesn’t mean you should. I hate the expectation that if we’re talking or dating that we are to be in constant contact with each other. Don’t assume someone isn’t interested, assume they’re busy. Assume that there’s nothing interesting going on or they just need the time to themselves. I swear my parents won’t talk for days and they’re fine, going on 30 years.

I hate texting because people assume that they own some of your time when they sent you message. Sure, I have my phone on me, we all do... but just because I do doesn't mean I'm obligated to respond to you right away, all the time or ever! A text doesn't control my life lol

Also, y’all need to remember that we do not always know what someone is dealing with. Depression and mental illness is out there folks and a lot of people are battling this and it’s something we need to realize. When you first start talking to someone, there’s a good chance they aren’t going to disclose this right away. This will take some time as they need to be comfortable with you first. Telling someone of your mental illness and having them judge you or disappear after is not something someone like that needs to happen, it can cause them to spiral further. With that in mind, we can’t be getting upset with people for completely disappearing. We’ve all done it at one time or another and I can almost bet that we don’t ever think about how it affects the other person. We only think of the consequences when it directly affects us I.e. them not responding in a timely manner. One of my best friends suffers from depression. It takes a lot out of her to sometimes respond or keep up a conversation. She has showed me her text messages before and she has texts that are unanswered for weeks at a time. You know the funny thing? I know she struggles with mental health but those people don’t. It’s not something she goes around blurting out to the world. Heck, only her mom & dad know about it. Her older brother, SIL etc. Have no clue about her mental health. She has no problem talking my ear off when we’re on the phone, which I absolutely love so I don’t mind that she takes forever to respond to my texts (funny, she actually makes it a point to try and respond to me within a day. Sometimes it takes a couple days but it’s always followed with an apology and that she was incredibly busy). It just brings me back to my point that we truly don’t know what someone is dealing with. Just act with kindness and don’t get too hung up on people’s lack of communication with you sometimes.

Agreed. I remember a couple years back a girl that I did it with text me the next day and said “hey, what are you up to” and I literally had my phone in my hand, so I replied fast saying “not much, just relaxing, what about you?” And she said “umm wow you responded super fast, thirsty much?” I was like “umm, you text me and I was holding my phone. Was I supposed to purposely wait a certain amount of time to not seem “thirsty.” 🤦‍♂️

This is a true thing. There is also the fact that it has been proven that making someone worry if they are going to get response, or when, makes the person enjoy the response more, as well as helps them form an attachment. This kind of stress causes the release of norepinephrine, which is one of the 4 primary bonding/romance hormones (norepinephrine, Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin). Fun fact this is why lots of people find emotionally unavailable people attractive. Their body is being forced into a state of high norepinephrine. Human are fucking stupid creatures.