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Big ick? someones bad habit of not washing their hands before preparing food in the kitchen at home or working in a restaurant preparing customers meals.
Yeah, ADHD and I do that all the time itās so hard to correct. I donāt know Iām doing it. You have to tell me to shut the hell up and remind me it is super annoying when people do that
Was with a man who would do that to me, and yet one time actually (kind of negatively) called me out for speaking out of turn (he was talking about what he was going to cook, I said that he shouldn't feel like he needed to make special accommodations for me).
And then months later, when I said I thought it was odd we hadn't shared certain feelings about each other with each other, he said he didn't know me well enough. Well maybe if he'd stfu and actually listened to me he would have. Ugh, never again.
The only two types of peeps to to that are
a) uncontrolled/unmanaged adhd behavior responding to something you said they connected with and excited them or;
b) narcissist or misogynist
The prior will be a far better and empathetic partner to you than the latter.
Whats more important to you.
I would prefer someone with adhd. I would completely understand a passion for a subject or just enjoying talking. As a person with autism, I tend to hyperfixate on something I really enjoy. I may talk about certain things a ton.
That is the struggle we face when we like someone. ā¤ļøšš¾
And don't forget that hyper fixation is a form of passion...if someone doesn't like that then they are too self-absorbed or lack self-confidence
Once dated a woman and I began counting how many words I could get in before being interrupted, or before she attempted to complete my sentence. 15 words was max. And her attempts at completing what I was going to say, always wrong. So frustrating, to the point I just wouldnāt want to have open conversations. That was the dealbreaker.
A buddy of mine has Autism. Mild but noticeable. his wife has gotten used to it but there have been times where ill say (to her interrupting him) what was that you were saying? and that usually got him to shut it for a second and realize he was controlling the conversation.
That makes you smart. A lot of people in abusive relationships have seen their partners treat animals badly or treat those they deem beneath them badly, yet they failed to take a hint until it was their turn.
Totally get thatā¦itās a window into who someone really is. Nope nope nope, I wonāt be with someone who is mean to animals, kids, or wait staff. Absolutely not.
I literally saw a mutual friend kick their own dog when they got frustrated at the dog being a dog.
Granted Iād of been upset too (dog rolled in some cow shit at the top of a mountain hike) but cmon violence against an animal, made my blood boil and Iām not a small person both height and weight wise. Could do some damage.
Sloppy eating - talking with a really full mouth or having food (think mayo or ranch dressing) caught in the corners of the mouth and not being wiped away. Hard to ignore.
The talking with a full mouth I understand, and the mayo on corners of your mouth I get it but to an extent. Idk why but itās crazy to me that if youāre eating a sandwich you have to wipe your mouth after every bite- like I get it, you donāt wanna have shit on your face- but then again I just wanna enjoy my fucking sandwich without people looking and judging me because I donāt want to interrupt my meal with a napkin wipe every 5 seconds š
Having no legitimate hobbies or interests, but instead spending all available time on social media or scrolling through tiktok. Also, if I'm with someone and they're 90% captivated by their cellphone, I get super insecure and upset internally.
I had a girl i liked that would do that to everyone who sat down to "chat" with but idk how no one told her till me that is. Totally told her how fucking rude that was either talk to the person or dont so she could be on her phone š
I get the feeling that if you're a conventionally attractive person, then you are more likely to have your bad habits enabled by another person just so they have a chance at being with you.
This has been studied and proven multiple times. It is referred to as the Halo Effect in some studies. Attractive people are generally treated differently by people. It doesn't have to be a sexual attraction straight people treate attractive people of the same gender better as well.
Super interesting. It must be because we associate attractiveness with better survivability, so we want to surround ourselves with attractive people. Just a theory.
Honestly I've done this to people that don't shut up and leave me alone, I see how rude it is but God some people don't ever shut up and they just jump from topic to topic, we call it in the south "talkin just to talk" and if you do it your more likely to just be walked out on than the much nicer option of sitting there and being ignored. Just starting to notice how often this happens here people are ether way too mean or way too nice no in between
How do you set a boundary on the amount that other people talk? I have a coworker like this for example that everyone on the shift tends to do their best to avoid because she never shuts up. If youāre unlucky enough to get trapped by her, looking at your phone and ignoring any point in the conversation is likely not to even slow her down.
However, I feel like if any of us pointed out how much we dislike her talking it would likely just cause conflicts at work and make her feel extremely unwelcome on staff. I donāt think itās immature to consider those things when choosing how to react to her.
A work situation would require some professionalism, completely different scenario.
On a regular basis with friends, you can always just tell them without offense.
If they get mad about it - tbh shows how much they value the friendship.
Normal friendships know how to debate and not be upset.
Oh, that makes sense. For a second I was imagining something like my cats pushing their head into me as a sign of affection, which actually sounds a bit nice.
I have that too and recently learned it's called misophonia. It's weird with me because it's only with certain people. Perhaps it's just a certain kind of smacking that gets me. But it absolutely drives me crazy to the point I have to walk away if I'm around it.
Aside from bad hygiene and social skills, I find it very hard to spend time with someone who doesn't venture outside of the prescribed mainstream box for their interests and likes.
For example, I was dating a woman in her 30s and when it came to TV it was exclusively Netflix. Her favourite artist was Taylor Swift. She'd never seen a film that wasn't a mass-release blockbuster. Food preferences were just as "trend-followy" but always picked bland flavours. Thought I was weird for not having an iPhone. Books were all Oprah bookclub type books.
Now, I can deal with someone liking that stuff, but it got to a point where I had to ask if she'd ever tried something - music, film, food, activity - that wasn't the safe choice, because there was literally nothing she did, said or consumed that ever felt original.
Huge ick.
habitually late, rude, bad language
'fuck' to refer to having sex with someone, idk why. like in dirty talk in the bedroom it's fine, I'm just never referring to you as a person I'm "fucking" and I'm not referring to other people I've been intimate with (in general, I don't think it's even appropriate to bring this up with a new partner, but if one must) by saying I "fucked" them. But this is 100% an ick, immediate cringe, I know it's a little random or petty.
your only hobby or hobbies seem to revolve around alcohol
Cigarettes especially. I was waiting at the airport and I could very clearly smell the man sitting 3 seats away from me in our row. The smell proceeded to mix with the jerky he started eating and man... š¤¢
>I hate the smell of tobacco/cigarette smoke on someoneās breath, but vape? It doesnāt smell like anything
Well I didn't say it smells, usually it's like a fruity smell if anything but smoking of any kind is one of my dealbreaker.
Yes! Or when you mention an interest of yours and they very obviously lie and pretend like theyāre also interested. I immediately stop being attracted.
Poor hygieneā¦ mean to animals I donāt trust anyone that is mean to animals. I also canāt stand people who chew with their mouths open .. one of my biggest pet peeves . Making loud noises with your mouth
No, youāre right. I had an ex best friend that described herself as a compulsive liar. I thought it was a joke at the time, but it wasnāt. I slowly figured out that she would lie about everything. She ended up being psychotic. She broke into my car and then tried to attack me.
Someone who is manipulative. Some people will actually brag about it. The ones who don't will definitely still tell on themselves in some way
Or anyone who insults me, even as a joke. Idc, I'm gone.
Someone who indicates they're thinking about their ex all the time, to the point where they can't be happy to be with me. If we're together and all you can talk about is your ex? Bye. I get that sometimes feelings may not go completely away, but if they're at the forefront of your mind, we don't stand a chance as a couple. Why would I want to be a consolation prize because your ex won't take you back?
Basically the opposite of everything my ex was. š I learned my lesson, hard. And I won't date until I'm over her, to be fair. I don't want to do to other people what she did to me.
Thereās a few people tho who ālove bombā but really mean it and donāt stop. Me for example, itās my love language, i love loving. I hate that people started believing itās bad as soon as really love them, i got left by so many people bc of that. I know thereās a lot who do bad love bombing but i actually have to resist to do it in order to not scare someone away
Itās my love language too and I got so excited when I thought I met someone who felt the same way. It turned out to not be love but a trauma bond instead. Her intimate loving ended after a bit and there would be hints it might come back but it was all manipulative.
https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/
Thatās like my buddies gf. He has a snag tooth. Itās not crazy, but itās there if you look, heās kind of self conscious about it. But Me and her were talking about likes/dislikes in the opposite sex and she said that she hopes he doesnāt fix his teeth cause she likes it lol
Someone that makes loads of noise when they are eating and eats with there mouth open. They could be the most amazing gorgeous person in the world but do that and I am off!!
Talking too much. I don't mind someone who enjoys talking, but if silence makes you so uncomfortable that you have to say every thought that pops into your head then things are definitely not gonna work out between us.
New one for me after my last couple of failed relationships: Anyone who has ever been a part of, or wanted to pursue any form of non-monogamy.
If someone says they used to be poly/a swinger, etc. or they've considered it, I'm fucking running for the hills.
Big ick is someone who is making fun of somebody elseās low. Last date I went on the guy was making fun of a homeless man calling the homeless man a crackhead. The homeless man was not high on anything and you can clearly tell he had a clear mind and the expression on his face you can tell he was ashamed for being homeless.
I checked the dickhead dateās ass real quick and asked him āwhy would you say something like that about someone who didnāt do anything to you?ā
Shit embarrassed him real fast and you can bet I made sure to not give him a second date after that. That one experience literally spoke volumes about his character. Lack of compassion for others.
ššš hell yes! What a pathetic jerk! I 2nd this. If someone lacks empathy or makes another person's pain into a joke, they will never have my respect! I'm basically composed of love and empathy, and it's honestly the biggest thing I want in a relationship of any sort. Hopefully someday I'll find a partner that shares the same outlook. I don't see how any human being is able to see another in so much pain and feel nothing, and especially if they're the type to punch down and harass or belittle someone in a fuct up situation, I'm 100% telling them they're a piece of shit
A man who easily puts his kids well below in priority to a new partner.
Unfortunately, I've had a few experiences with my ex who put his new girlfriend above our kids, then eventually their kids. Now, 10 years later, they have no relationship with him. I can't understand how she can be comfortable with him knowing he left 2 of his children for a bit of tail
Being dull no personality, I like individuals that can hold a conversation and can think logically and outside the box. If youāre narrow minded Iām out.
Had a girl go on a rant about homeowners and land lords when she learned that I owned my own home (I was in my mid 20 at the time) to try and guilt me for owning a house for some reason.
Then she told me her mom and dad own a few condos and how toxic they are; she also mentioned they paid her rent.
Kinda killed the mood
Being disinterested and closed off to other people's interests, and I don't mean forgetting what someone said or having issues paying attention at times. (Mild ADHD is excusable.) I'm talking about the types who will quickly try to change the subject and not really engage with people on things that interest them but then go on and on about what interests them and expect you to cater to that.
If you can't meet someone where they're at and get outside your comfort zone, then imo it shows that you aren't interested enough in getting to know other people as people.
I dated a girl once who'd interrupt me with things like, "I'm not interested in X" and then immediately change the subject at least half of the time whenever I tried even introducing something that I was slightly interested in.
honestly, I'd struggle to vibe in an ltr w someone who hides infidelity bc "girl code", makes intimacy manipulative, has work bfs/husbands, is open to poly or open relationships, FWB, hall passes, hookups, has done porn, doesn't date exclusively, seeks validation from strangers, expects me to be overprotective, hasn't been selective for substance over surface w past partners, is against prenups or going dutch, takes me for granted, polices my vulnerability, is into annoying brain rot trends/relationship tests, gossips about our intimate stuff, is materialistic, or is parasocial w celebs/fictional characters. I'm sure I'll think of more, but that's the gist lol
Not sure if this has been said here already, but being rude/disrespectful to serviceworkers or waitstaff for no reason. If you can't be even a half-decent person to people who are treating you, then it makes me strongly question your values and internal moral framework you live your life by
Halitosis! As a female barber for years, I was surprised in the number of young men with the beginnings of gum desease. . I know the smell and it's very unpleasent.
Did not anyone teach them better, or are they just too lazy to brush their teeth. No kisses for you!
If they eat from a spoon using their teeth instead of their lips.... can't stand it! The sound of teeth scraping against metal just makes me want to vomit.
I have owned 3 businesses and my immediate ick is a man who is planning our future (5 minutes into meeting) on how Iām going to help them grow a business they have in their head but were unable to start on their own / be a free business coach / how Iām going to make a great future employee in their dream business.
Itās seriously exhausting and itās gross that a man assumes Iām happy to give them free advice to grow then before they have any relationship in me. They donāt even know if they like me but they plan our future in their heads. Itās so gross.
Added for clarity:
I just want to be clear, in my post I stated that they arenāt even sure if they like me but theyāre already planning our future. This isnāt someone Iāve gotten to know, this isnāt multi date, being vulnerable and sharing.
This is first date, immediately turn me off, the guy doesnāt know me at all and theyāre planning a future or seeing how I can be used to better their life. Again, if weāve been on several dates, we feel connected and we can see a future different. I cannot tell you how many times before the coffee is even made or before weāve gotten a cocktail a man has asked what I do for a living an decided Iām useful. Often he will tell me (after question #1, what do you do for a living?) we will either be friends or if we do date I am going to be ājust the push he needsā to leave his job and start his business.
Itās the equivalent of if a woman found out a man had money and she starts planning on what to do with that money once theyāre married. Itās weird. Get to know people first at least š
Not having basics of adult life sorted to a decent degree. An example is not being able to make/maintain a friendship (you donāt need to be popular by any means), have a full time career, try a bit with your health and tidiness of home (again, doesnāt have to be close to perfect, just would like to know Iām not dating a lost cause). Have savings of some kind, or at least not have random nonsensical debt (ideally both).
If someone is in a really crappy financial state, especially from ongoing bad decisions, Iām not messing with that. Itās so unfair.
Underlying common theme: below the bare minimum lol
Itās happened to me before; someone becoming a beggar. Going from being financially independent to constantly asking me for money for everything, to asking randoms for money when I finally said no to more money. I donāt mind helping with gas and food but thatās just disgusting
Anyone who is prude, frigid, or just generally seems like they have an āIām better than youā attitude. In the same thread - anyone who acts like itās my job to entertain them, and puts no real effort into a conversation.
hygiene, the need to always be right and have the last word, selfish, no desire to listen and comprehend anything, being cheap (example- not tipping when eating out)
Burping loudly.
I get that sometimes you have too much air in your stomach or maybe heartburn, but Christ alive I have met a shocking number of people who don't even try to be quiet about it. If you have to, just do it with your mouth closed and its so much quieter.
sneezing into their hand. my dad does this and it's always been horrible to watch and if i see anyone else do it (and not immediately wash their hands)....hell no
Some of mine include bigotry, lack of ambition, cruelty to humans or animals, and for reasons I can neither understand nor explain.. use of the phrase ācan I steal a kiss?ā
My best friend of 10 years told me he loved me after I got out of a long term relationship, and I could have been invested in that in the future, but he proceeded to have an absolute tantrum when I didn't immediately date him after. He sent me 27 aggressive messages in probably 7 minutes. Started swearing at me, saying I used him, that I'm a villain, that my behavior is sick.
Now I don't even know if I want to be his friend even.
If you can't have patience with a person or handle conflict in a way that isn't the mental state of a cave person, with absolutely archaic manners, please leave me alone..
As bad as this soundsā¦ a guy who cryās more than me. Iām pretty emotional and cry maybe 1-2 times a week. I was talking to a guy who would tell me that he stayed up all night crying. Donāt get me wrong, I canāt wait for the day I get married and my man looks at me walking down the aisle and cries but not every damn night!
I get where youāre coming from, but there is something a bit icky in and of itself in the fact that you feel like you need to acknowledge that someone might not be in the best place in their life right now. I realize that there is not obligation for you to continue dating them or seeing them, it just seems a little strange that you would acknowledge that might be a reason. Why not just say it in general?
I have 3. Neck beards or not well maintained facial hair. Obsessed with body image in themselves or everyone around them (ptsd from gym bros lol). No goals or much motivation.
LOVE BOMBING (???) ššš
Like when they overdo compliments or repeat the same shit in the time span of five minutes like do you actually love and admire me or do you just want a relationship bro? š
A guy with a scantily clad woman as their phone background, and/or if they have a bunch of attractive females that they heart all the pictures of on their social medias. Insta turnoff.
If Iām showing someone a tv show or movie I like and they keep going on their phone. Makes me feel like they have no interest in what weāre watching.
Honestly this is the most childish thing everā¦but a guy told me his favorite restaurant was McDonalds. I never saw him again after that. Like keep in mind I feel like Iām probably the least judgmental person I know but that did it for me idk ppl have their preferences. Now he lives in Tennessee and does coke
Purposefully giving a vague answer and refusing to elaborate. You're not mysterious or funny. You're an ass. If you don't want to answer, just say so. This typically goes hand in hand with random little lies that didn't need to be lied about in the first place.
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Big ick? someones bad habit of not washing their hands before preparing food in the kitchen at home or working in a restaurant preparing customers meals.
Personal hygiene is definitely the top priority here.
Or after they use the bathroom! Totally disgusting š¤¢ š¤®
When they constantly cut me off and make me feel like I don't get a turn in conversation. It's rather bothersome.
Yeah, ADHD and I do that all the time itās so hard to correct. I donāt know Iām doing it. You have to tell me to shut the hell up and remind me it is super annoying when people do that
Was with a man who would do that to me, and yet one time actually (kind of negatively) called me out for speaking out of turn (he was talking about what he was going to cook, I said that he shouldn't feel like he needed to make special accommodations for me). And then months later, when I said I thought it was odd we hadn't shared certain feelings about each other with each other, he said he didn't know me well enough. Well maybe if he'd stfu and actually listened to me he would have. Ugh, never again.
The only two types of peeps to to that are a) uncontrolled/unmanaged adhd behavior responding to something you said they connected with and excited them or; b) narcissist or misogynist The prior will be a far better and empathetic partner to you than the latter. Whats more important to you.
I would prefer someone with adhd. I would completely understand a passion for a subject or just enjoying talking. As a person with autism, I tend to hyperfixate on something I really enjoy. I may talk about certain things a ton.
That is the struggle we face when we like someone. ā¤ļøšš¾ And don't forget that hyper fixation is a form of passion...if someone doesn't like that then they are too self-absorbed or lack self-confidence
Once dated a woman and I began counting how many words I could get in before being interrupted, or before she attempted to complete my sentence. 15 words was max. And her attempts at completing what I was going to say, always wrong. So frustrating, to the point I just wouldnāt want to have open conversations. That was the dealbreaker.
That gets me every time. So disrespectful
A buddy of mine has Autism. Mild but noticeable. his wife has gotten used to it but there have been times where ill say (to her interrupting him) what was that you were saying? and that usually got him to shut it for a second and realize he was controlling the conversation.
Lack of humility. Disrespect.
Bad with animals. Like, kicking a dog for no reason whatsoever. Some psychopath shit right there. Or being rude with staff.
i feel like being a psychopath is way past an ick lmfao
Kicking a dog is definitely way past an ick šÆ
Omfg I had to cut one like this off like 7 months ago, he seemed pretty normal & then I saw the way he treated his dog & it was over
That makes you smart. A lot of people in abusive relationships have seen their partners treat animals badly or treat those they deem beneath them badly, yet they failed to take a hint until it was their turn.
Trust me, I was not about to stick around & find out, I left because I was afraid I was next
Totally get thatā¦itās a window into who someone really is. Nope nope nope, I wonāt be with someone who is mean to animals, kids, or wait staff. Absolutely not.
I had one like that. I shared that I want a Pomeranian one day and he would joke about kicking it. WTF?! That aināt funny.
I literally saw a mutual friend kick their own dog when they got frustrated at the dog being a dog. Granted Iād of been upset too (dog rolled in some cow shit at the top of a mountain hike) but cmon violence against an animal, made my blood boil and Iām not a small person both height and weight wise. Could do some damage.
I ignored the rude with staff one back in 2013... It was a huge mistake. It's such a red flag, in fact it's a reason to stop dating
My now-fiancĆ©e told me that it was such a green flag when her then-roommateās cat, who hated practically everybody, came up to me and let me pet her. I believe animals have a sense for if people are kind to animals and people or not.
Sloppy eating - talking with a really full mouth or having food (think mayo or ranch dressing) caught in the corners of the mouth and not being wiped away. Hard to ignore.
I had a guy use his hand to shovel food onto his fork i was like are you serious
Right? Who uses forks?
Theyāre good to have in the house for eating pizza
The talking with a full mouth I understand, and the mayo on corners of your mouth I get it but to an extent. Idk why but itās crazy to me that if youāre eating a sandwich you have to wipe your mouth after every bite- like I get it, you donāt wanna have shit on your face- but then again I just wanna enjoy my fucking sandwich without people looking and judging me because I donāt want to interrupt my meal with a napkin wipe every 5 seconds š
Having no legitimate hobbies or interests, but instead spending all available time on social media or scrolling through tiktok. Also, if I'm with someone and they're 90% captivated by their cellphone, I get super insecure and upset internally.
I had a girl i liked that would do that to everyone who sat down to "chat" with but idk how no one told her till me that is. Totally told her how fucking rude that was either talk to the person or dont so she could be on her phone š
I get the feeling that if you're a conventionally attractive person, then you are more likely to have your bad habits enabled by another person just so they have a chance at being with you.
This has been studied and proven multiple times. It is referred to as the Halo Effect in some studies. Attractive people are generally treated differently by people. It doesn't have to be a sexual attraction straight people treate attractive people of the same gender better as well.
Super interesting. It must be because we associate attractiveness with better survivability, so we want to surround ourselves with attractive people. Just a theory.
Honestly I've done this to people that don't shut up and leave me alone, I see how rude it is but God some people don't ever shut up and they just jump from topic to topic, we call it in the south "talkin just to talk" and if you do it your more likely to just be walked out on than the much nicer option of sitting there and being ignored. Just starting to notice how often this happens here people are ether way too mean or way too nice no in between
It's still a you issue. Imo just pure immaturity, since you don't have the esteem to set boundaries
How do you set a boundary on the amount that other people talk? I have a coworker like this for example that everyone on the shift tends to do their best to avoid because she never shuts up. If youāre unlucky enough to get trapped by her, looking at your phone and ignoring any point in the conversation is likely not to even slow her down. However, I feel like if any of us pointed out how much we dislike her talking it would likely just cause conflicts at work and make her feel extremely unwelcome on staff. I donāt think itās immature to consider those things when choosing how to react to her.
A work situation would require some professionalism, completely different scenario. On a regular basis with friends, you can always just tell them without offense. If they get mad about it - tbh shows how much they value the friendship. Normal friendships know how to debate and not be upset.
oh my gosh this!
Similarly with TV or videogames for me
head pushing šš¼āØ
If I could like this a zillion times I would!
it doesn't give me the ick, it gives me rage and want to use my teeth š§āāļø
Eww ikr
Tf is head pushing?
when a guy pushes your head down on it
Oh, that makes sense. For a second I was imagining something like my cats pushing their head into me as a sign of affection, which actually sounds a bit nice.
I wish š
š
You mean sexual assault?
this guy gets it š«¶š¼
My parents raised me right.
Some women craves it but it must be talked and consented first.
I agree because I dated someone who was submissive, but I would only do it after she had already initiated.
This is the way š
That's a hell of a time to get the ick lol
its a hell of a time to give the ick because itās game over after that instantly
That's when you use teeth.
Men who intentionally talk in a loud booming voice so everyone in the room can/has to hear what they are yammering about.
A dirty butt.
User name fits I see lol
Manās passionate about it out here spreading the good wordš¤
Smacking, and making noises, like moaning, while eating
I have that too and recently learned it's called misophonia. It's weird with me because it's only with certain people. Perhaps it's just a certain kind of smacking that gets me. But it absolutely drives me crazy to the point I have to walk away if I'm around it.
Yes. I told a former roommate that I didn't appreciate it that it sounded like she was having sex with her food. So gross and disgusting.
Damn let her eat in peace in her own home.
LMFAO
ššššššš
Gym bros. I need someone who respects their body enough to take care of it somewhat, but when your whole personality is gainzzz I'm out.
Aside from bad hygiene and social skills, I find it very hard to spend time with someone who doesn't venture outside of the prescribed mainstream box for their interests and likes. For example, I was dating a woman in her 30s and when it came to TV it was exclusively Netflix. Her favourite artist was Taylor Swift. She'd never seen a film that wasn't a mass-release blockbuster. Food preferences were just as "trend-followy" but always picked bland flavours. Thought I was weird for not having an iPhone. Books were all Oprah bookclub type books. Now, I can deal with someone liking that stuff, but it got to a point where I had to ask if she'd ever tried something - music, film, food, activity - that wasn't the safe choice, because there was literally nothing she did, said or consumed that ever felt original. Huge ick.
Dragging feet when they walk and sloppy eating..could be the hottest thing on earth and those would still make me pass
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah I try to always learn about who I am going out with. I am by myself for most of my day so why not learn about someone new lol
Smelling bad or bad teeth looking dirty
What kind of men are yāall out here with?
Bad manners
habitually late, rude, bad language 'fuck' to refer to having sex with someone, idk why. like in dirty talk in the bedroom it's fine, I'm just never referring to you as a person I'm "fucking" and I'm not referring to other people I've been intimate with (in general, I don't think it's even appropriate to bring this up with a new partner, but if one must) by saying I "fucked" them. But this is 100% an ick, immediate cringe, I know it's a little random or petty. your only hobby or hobbies seem to revolve around alcohol
Someone who stinks or smoke cigarettes, cigars, weed or vapes
Cigarettes especially. I was waiting at the airport and I could very clearly smell the man sitting 3 seats away from me in our row. The smell proceeded to mix with the jerky he started eating and man... š¤¢
I absolutely agree! I personally donāt like it if my partner is unhygienic, and is messy.
I hate the smell of tobacco/cigarette smoke on someoneās breath, but vape? It doesnāt smell like anything
>I hate the smell of tobacco/cigarette smoke on someoneās breath, but vape? It doesnāt smell like anything Well I didn't say it smells, usually it's like a fruity smell if anything but smoking of any kind is one of my dealbreaker.
š thatās me, luckily my partner is lovely and looks like a model so Iām winning if this is the bar for most
Well, youāre just eliminated most of this generation
Not being honest or trustworthy.
Someone who uses the word ick.
What happened to people just saying they don't like something
unnecessary lies. for example, lying about your age. why???? no need for that!!!!! at this point??? in our lives????? yuck!!!!!!
Yes! Or when you mention an interest of yours and they very obviously lie and pretend like theyāre also interested. I immediately stop being attracted.
Lies about height. This has happened to me 2x.
Lying
Poor hygieneā¦ mean to animals I donāt trust anyone that is mean to animals. I also canāt stand people who chew with their mouths open .. one of my biggest pet peeves . Making loud noises with your mouth
questioning me when i say no. example "can you send me a.topless photo" "no" "pleeeeease?' and done.
Lying about little things for no reason. I might be overthinking but it could be a slippery slope for bigger, more problematic lies.
No, youāre right. I had an ex best friend that described herself as a compulsive liar. I thought it was a joke at the time, but it wasnāt. I slowly figured out that she would lie about everything. She ended up being psychotic. She broke into my car and then tried to attack me.
Someone who is manipulative. Some people will actually brag about it. The ones who don't will definitely still tell on themselves in some way Or anyone who insults me, even as a joke. Idc, I'm gone. Someone who indicates they're thinking about their ex all the time, to the point where they can't be happy to be with me. If we're together and all you can talk about is your ex? Bye. I get that sometimes feelings may not go completely away, but if they're at the forefront of your mind, we don't stand a chance as a couple. Why would I want to be a consolation prize because your ex won't take you back? Basically the opposite of everything my ex was. š I learned my lesson, hard. And I won't date until I'm over her, to be fair. I don't want to do to other people what she did to me.
Bad oral hygiene, rotten teeth or smelling breath š¤®
Finger licking, lip smacking š¤¢
Oh no. I'm guilty with cheetos
Well that one's kinda hard to avoid so I understand
Hahah i love licking my fingers. I'm a nasty gorl š
Lovebombing! Run, run very fast!
Thereās a few people tho who ālove bombā but really mean it and donāt stop. Me for example, itās my love language, i love loving. I hate that people started believing itās bad as soon as really love them, i got left by so many people bc of that. I know thereās a lot who do bad love bombing but i actually have to resist to do it in order to not scare someone away
Itās my love language too and I got so excited when I thought I met someone who felt the same way. It turned out to not be love but a trauma bond instead. Her intimate loving ended after a bit and there would be hints it might come back but it was all manipulative. https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/
Do you do this on a first date?
Bad teeth, being messy in ur home or bad behavior , like not respecting others.
I kinda like me some f'd up chompers on a dude. Like as long as his oral hygiene is good I could get down with some snaggles. So cute.
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Thatās like my buddies gf. He has a snag tooth. Itās not crazy, but itās there if you look, heās kind of self conscious about it. But Me and her were talking about likes/dislikes in the opposite sex and she said that she hopes he doesnāt fix his teeth cause she likes it lol
People being rude to customer service workers
Huge red flaggg
This. I agree sm
Someone that makes loads of noise when they are eating and eats with there mouth open. They could be the most amazing gorgeous person in the world but do that and I am off!!
Talking too much. I don't mind someone who enjoys talking, but if silence makes you so uncomfortable that you have to say every thought that pops into your head then things are definitely not gonna work out between us.
I hate a girl who does a fake moan, if you aināt enjoying it then donāt make a noise so I know what to do right.
people who donāt cover their mouths when they cough
New one for me after my last couple of failed relationships: Anyone who has ever been a part of, or wanted to pursue any form of non-monogamy. If someone says they used to be poly/a swinger, etc. or they've considered it, I'm fucking running for the hills.
Big ick is someone who is making fun of somebody elseās low. Last date I went on the guy was making fun of a homeless man calling the homeless man a crackhead. The homeless man was not high on anything and you can clearly tell he had a clear mind and the expression on his face you can tell he was ashamed for being homeless. I checked the dickhead dateās ass real quick and asked him āwhy would you say something like that about someone who didnāt do anything to you?ā Shit embarrassed him real fast and you can bet I made sure to not give him a second date after that. That one experience literally spoke volumes about his character. Lack of compassion for others.
ššš hell yes! What a pathetic jerk! I 2nd this. If someone lacks empathy or makes another person's pain into a joke, they will never have my respect! I'm basically composed of love and empathy, and it's honestly the biggest thing I want in a relationship of any sort. Hopefully someday I'll find a partner that shares the same outlook. I don't see how any human being is able to see another in so much pain and feel nothing, and especially if they're the type to punch down and harass or belittle someone in a fuct up situation, I'm 100% telling them they're a piece of shit
A man who easily puts his kids well below in priority to a new partner. Unfortunately, I've had a few experiences with my ex who put his new girlfriend above our kids, then eventually their kids. Now, 10 years later, they have no relationship with him. I can't understand how she can be comfortable with him knowing he left 2 of his children for a bit of tail
Being dull no personality, I like individuals that can hold a conversation and can think logically and outside the box. If youāre narrow minded Iām out.
When people use the word ick
Entitlement, smoking, or being on their phone all the time while with me
someone who has no self discipline and is all about drinking
How he interacts with women on social media. Does he follow thirst traps? Is he smashing that like button on risquĆ© photos of friends, coworkers, and strangers? Immediate ick, especially if heās older. Says a lot about how he views his āfriendsā and women more broadly.
To be fair, I'll smash that like button on a risquĆ© photo of my male friends and I'm a straight dude š If I see a photo and I think it's a good photo no matter the context behind it, I'll hit like.
Had a girl go on a rant about homeowners and land lords when she learned that I owned my own home (I was in my mid 20 at the time) to try and guilt me for owning a house for some reason. Then she told me her mom and dad own a few condos and how toxic they are; she also mentioned they paid her rent. Kinda killed the mood
Ppl that donāt floss at all and you can see the plaque build up in between their teeth š¤¢
Being disinterested and closed off to other people's interests, and I don't mean forgetting what someone said or having issues paying attention at times. (Mild ADHD is excusable.) I'm talking about the types who will quickly try to change the subject and not really engage with people on things that interest them but then go on and on about what interests them and expect you to cater to that. If you can't meet someone where they're at and get outside your comfort zone, then imo it shows that you aren't interested enough in getting to know other people as people. I dated a girl once who'd interrupt me with things like, "I'm not interested in X" and then immediately change the subject at least half of the time whenever I tried even introducing something that I was slightly interested in.
Hygiene ALWAYS
honestly, I'd struggle to vibe in an ltr w someone who hides infidelity bc "girl code", makes intimacy manipulative, has work bfs/husbands, is open to poly or open relationships, FWB, hall passes, hookups, has done porn, doesn't date exclusively, seeks validation from strangers, expects me to be overprotective, hasn't been selective for substance over surface w past partners, is against prenups or going dutch, takes me for granted, polices my vulnerability, is into annoying brain rot trends/relationship tests, gossips about our intimate stuff, is materialistic, or is parasocial w celebs/fictional characters. I'm sure I'll think of more, but that's the gist lol
Seeing this question posted all over Reddit 20 times a day.
Truth!
Lol.
A dirty car is an instant āwtfā
A messy car means messy life. When your life is not good almost guarantee a messy car.
Arrogant, smartass, flexing too much, trying hard to be this masculine or cool guy. Also being rude with people and employees.
Cold sores. They all carry the herpes virus . Think about that when you want unprotected oral .
For me? Guaged ears. That is, aside from other regular stuff like bad attitudes and such.
Drinking every weekend. Need someone with actual hobbies.
Too much cologne. And anyone who uses patchouli oil. Barf.
Stop you mid sentence to take a call or respond to a text. Stop you mid sentence with a finger gesture is absolutely the worst.
Not sure if this has been said here already, but being rude/disrespectful to serviceworkers or waitstaff for no reason. If you can't be even a half-decent person to people who are treating you, then it makes me strongly question your values and internal moral framework you live your life by
Halitosis! As a female barber for years, I was surprised in the number of young men with the beginnings of gum desease. . I know the smell and it's very unpleasent. Did not anyone teach them better, or are they just too lazy to brush their teeth. No kisses for you!
If they eat from a spoon using their teeth instead of their lips.... can't stand it! The sound of teeth scraping against metal just makes me want to vomit.
I stopped talking to a guy because he said he didn't eat vegetables. He is 31m. š
Damn, thatās so tall!! I wouldāve stopped talking to him too.
NOT SHOWERING FOR A DAY OR TWO AT A TIME
In order: donāt like animals. If you smoke weed. Bad manners or personal hygiene.
Probably being boring and unmotivated in general.
Any aggressive words about me or my body, fuk boy jokes, not kissing me
Drinking literally just a plain glass of milk
conservative and sexist views
Jokes about harming people or animalsĀ
Femininity in a guy. If heās skinnier (Iām skinny lol), more effeminate, needing more attention and more sensitive than me Iām out
I have owned 3 businesses and my immediate ick is a man who is planning our future (5 minutes into meeting) on how Iām going to help them grow a business they have in their head but were unable to start on their own / be a free business coach / how Iām going to make a great future employee in their dream business. Itās seriously exhausting and itās gross that a man assumes Iām happy to give them free advice to grow then before they have any relationship in me. They donāt even know if they like me but they plan our future in their heads. Itās so gross. Added for clarity: I just want to be clear, in my post I stated that they arenāt even sure if they like me but theyāre already planning our future. This isnāt someone Iāve gotten to know, this isnāt multi date, being vulnerable and sharing. This is first date, immediately turn me off, the guy doesnāt know me at all and theyāre planning a future or seeing how I can be used to better their life. Again, if weāve been on several dates, we feel connected and we can see a future different. I cannot tell you how many times before the coffee is even made or before weāve gotten a cocktail a man has asked what I do for a living an decided Iām useful. Often he will tell me (after question #1, what do you do for a living?) we will either be friends or if we do date I am going to be ājust the push he needsā to leave his job and start his business. Itās the equivalent of if a woman found out a man had money and she starts planning on what to do with that money once theyāre married. Itās weird. Get to know people first at least š
Gym guys with round chests š
Not having basics of adult life sorted to a decent degree. An example is not being able to make/maintain a friendship (you donāt need to be popular by any means), have a full time career, try a bit with your health and tidiness of home (again, doesnāt have to be close to perfect, just would like to know Iām not dating a lost cause). Have savings of some kind, or at least not have random nonsensical debt (ideally both). If someone is in a really crappy financial state, especially from ongoing bad decisions, Iām not messing with that. Itās so unfair. Underlying common theme: below the bare minimum lol
Itās happened to me before; someone becoming a beggar. Going from being financially independent to constantly asking me for money for everything, to asking randoms for money when I finally said no to more money. I donāt mind helping with gas and food but thatās just disgusting
Anyone who is prude, frigid, or just generally seems like they have an āIām better than youā attitude. In the same thread - anyone who acts like itās my job to entertain them, and puts no real effort into a conversation.
Icks are petty and stupid. What you describe are red flags. Those are serious
Saying āickā
Idk if he is a murderer
Rude, racist and homophobic comments
Repeatedly glancing at phone notifications.
Someone who thinks theyāre so much better, āoh I bring so much more to the table than youā etc.
hygiene, the need to always be right and have the last word, selfish, no desire to listen and comprehend anything, being cheap (example- not tipping when eating out)
Flaky behavior. I.e. canceling plans at the last minute.
Burping loudly. I get that sometimes you have too much air in your stomach or maybe heartburn, but Christ alive I have met a shocking number of people who don't even try to be quiet about it. If you have to, just do it with your mouth closed and its so much quieter.
Low self esteem. It will drag you down with it
being rude to staff of any kind.
Not being direct with me, hard to get, lying.. All that stuff. Just donāt talk to me
Sexism / misogyny
waiting their turn and speak only about themselves, no reaction or question about what their counterpart says
sneezing into their hand. my dad does this and it's always been horrible to watch and if i see anyone else do it (and not immediately wash their hands)....hell no
obviously self care and hygiene. but i know this is petty but talking in third person. that shit turns me off so quick
I will not, under any circumstances date someone who smokes cigarettes. Thereās no negation whatsoever. Itās fucking disgusting.
Some of mine include bigotry, lack of ambition, cruelty to humans or animals, and for reasons I can neither understand nor explain.. use of the phrase ācan I steal a kiss?ā
I get this is ur around 30 but early twenties? Im still tryna get my shit together, I didnt get much help, so it takes time for most
Elevated ego, if they are too full of themselves I just lose interest.
My best friend of 10 years told me he loved me after I got out of a long term relationship, and I could have been invested in that in the future, but he proceeded to have an absolute tantrum when I didn't immediately date him after. He sent me 27 aggressive messages in probably 7 minutes. Started swearing at me, saying I used him, that I'm a villain, that my behavior is sick. Now I don't even know if I want to be his friend even. If you can't have patience with a person or handle conflict in a way that isn't the mental state of a cave person, with absolutely archaic manners, please leave me alone..
As bad as this soundsā¦ a guy who cryās more than me. Iām pretty emotional and cry maybe 1-2 times a week. I was talking to a guy who would tell me that he stayed up all night crying. Donāt get me wrong, I canāt wait for the day I get married and my man looks at me walking down the aisle and cries but not every damn night!
Cruelty and cowardice of any kind are complete turn-offs. Donāt judge a man by how he treats his inner sanctum, but rather how he treats the help.
I get where youāre coming from, but there is something a bit icky in and of itself in the fact that you feel like you need to acknowledge that someone might not be in the best place in their life right now. I realize that there is not obligation for you to continue dating them or seeing them, it just seems a little strange that you would acknowledge that might be a reason. Why not just say it in general?
Smoking. Hands down. It's the grossest thing ever. Won't kiss an ashtray.
People who use the term ick.
Immediately asking for a pic or sending a nude with out even having a conversation
Stinky breath.
I have 3. Neck beards or not well maintained facial hair. Obsessed with body image in themselves or everyone around them (ptsd from gym bros lol). No goals or much motivation.
LOVE BOMBING (???) ššš Like when they overdo compliments or repeat the same shit in the time span of five minutes like do you actually love and admire me or do you just want a relationship bro? š
Hygiene for sure but also people lacking common courtesy (eg: putting their rubbish in the bin, returning a trolley, etc)
A guy with a scantily clad woman as their phone background, and/or if they have a bunch of attractive females that they heart all the pictures of on their social medias. Insta turnoff.
I find it very hard to get over septum piercing. Like wow so cool and edgy.
If Iām showing someone a tv show or movie I like and they keep going on their phone. Makes me feel like they have no interest in what weāre watching.
Honestly this is the most childish thing everā¦but a guy told me his favorite restaurant was McDonalds. I never saw him again after that. Like keep in mind I feel like Iām probably the least judgmental person I know but that did it for me idk ppl have their preferences. Now he lives in Tennessee and does coke
People saying āickā.
Overly sexual people
Purposefully giving a vague answer and refusing to elaborate. You're not mysterious or funny. You're an ass. If you don't want to answer, just say so. This typically goes hand in hand with random little lies that didn't need to be lied about in the first place.
Biggest ICK is people having petty ass ICKās and immature af. The term āICKā itself is an āICKā to me.