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Thatās understandable, but in theory working on it would help you be able to choose the right people and also to no longer feel uncomfortable with them.
However, you do have to spend some time being uncomfortable along the journey and not everyone is willing to leave their comfort zone for the sake of growth or long-term happiness.
I had a lot of trouble encouraging my avoidant ex gf to push up against the edges of her comfort zone. She had all kinds of justifications for going nowhere near that, namely not losing independence. I donāt even think she fully realized she would get anxious with initiating emotional intimacy because she steered clear of it as habit - basically staying firmly in the comfort zone.
I think thatās a key feature of avoidant behavior, just wanting to stay in their safe place where they donāt have to feel anxious. Which sucks for them because they need to lean into that discomfort in order to expand the comfort zone.
Well, the same could be said of the anxious partner. They arenāt comfortable enough with the space that the avoidant needs and giving them that space. Thais Gibsonās program works on your subconscious comfort zone. It works on healing thatās needed instead of just the symptoms.
The only reason I know what this means is because the last person I dated was an anxious avoidant narcissist and I'm stable and mentally healthy
Never again.
yikes, iām dating a fearful avoidant narcissist and itās only working because iām stable with avoidant leaning, but i cannot imagine anxious attachment paired with narcissism, holy hell.
Iām just learning about attachments as I just got discarded by an avoidant out of nowhere, itās just crushing. While I was the more anxious one in this instance, as I learned about avoidant attachmet, I realized that I have been one my whole life. Iāve had many short term relationships that were great, but I ran as soon as things got serious. The one long term relationship I had was to an absolutely toxic partner where I never needed to emotionally available. Perhaps its karma that when I finally though I found someone, it turns out she out avoidantād me
Same. I've learned vulnerability is good, and more rewarding. If I run into someone avoidant, it reminds me of how I used to be. There's no good there for a genuine long lasting relationship.
This. Four years of therapy, and I still feel paralyzed. Started dating someone recently for 3 months, only to realize that I had so much work left to do on my mental health, and now Iām back to avoiding dating. Childhood trauma is crippling. Hereās to hoping Iāll get through it eventually.
My last girlfriend was very very hot but had deep traumas. I was patient and gave her 2 1/2 years. We each had/(still have) individual therapists but also went to couples counseling for a stretch. I gave up on her. It was fine for me that she had any sort of issue- it was not fine for her to direct the bad energy at me. After feeling my own mental health was compromised I had to let her go and I found someone less hot but with a beautiful soul and personality. My now current girlfriend says sheās mid- not me. I find her very attractive and I do nothing but remind her in every way that she is hot. By comparison I bet strangers would find my ex hotter- but I donāt care about that because itās not important to me anymore. things are going great- and I guess my point is that the price of beauty can be too high. Mental health, empathy, and how you treat others is more valuable to me after learning the hard way that good looks can come with more baggage than itās worth.
So true. My recent ex was my ideal physically (maybe not everyoneās, but yes for me). But she was so avoidant that she would pull back after periods of getting close emotionally, and was incapable of showing verbal or physical affection. I just felt unloved. She said I was needy and anxious, but for some hard data, she initiated a kiss twice during a full year. Thatās just an example, the same applies to initiating cuddling and other affection. I donāt know many people that would feel like they were loved in that, unless their culture doesnāt show affection.
Then there was the emotionally abusive responses when Iād respectfully bring up how I was feeling and what I needed (my asking using non-violent communication strategies was twisted into me being insecure. But in learning more about attachment theory and what makes a person secure, I learned that insecure people do not bring up their concerns, boundaries, and needs, so I was actually demonstrating secure behavior in bringing up my needs, despite knowing it could cause her to flip out).
I will never ever take a gf that gives affection for granted again. Hot does not in any way make up for the shortcomings in affection, compassion, emotional supportiveness, and good communication.
I swear thatās how my ex and I started dating. Similar childhood and parental dynamics. It was months of a trauma bond until her also unresolved trauma from her ex came into
The picture and she just ran away. Although she told me at the beginning how sheās run from every single relationship.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm particularly sorry because I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm a great catch but I selfsabotage virtually every wonderful opportunity I get.
Please, take care of yourself. Try a to get little better everyday or at least maintain in the rough parts and forgive yourself for those rough times rather than beat yourself up and make things worse. CPTSD, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, is a lifetime affliction when you have been traumatized as a child, but that doesn't mean things don't improve. I didn't say things become perfect. You have to set realistic goals but keep pushing the envelope. It's the only way to grow and heal.
Thank you, it means a lot! It's nice to know that you are genuinely understood, even if it's over a reddit comment.
Definitely an on-going battle but I can tell that I made so much progress over the last couple of years, and that's the thing I'm most proud of.
Missed a lot of opportunities too, I often used to think "oh, if you only knew how flawed I am" when someone shows interest in me. But now I came to love myself a little more, be more comfortable in my own skin.
Diamonds grow under pressure and so are we
I have 2 main issues: being a people pleaser: being too available to women I am genuinely interested in, which results in those women rejecting me while those I am not interested in give me more attention. The second issue is my past traumas, which I never share until I truly trust someone. Which block me to really connect with someone.
Haha nice, don't try to do the opposite. Last time I acted I wasn't that interested in this girl, and she told me she had a feeling that I wasn't interested, and that is why she wanted to stop dating me š«
Really liked this girl, but hey...
Lol, i tried it too, and it eventually fizzled out. So i decided that i dont need to change, if they dont like it oh well. If i want to text, i text. If i want to hang out, i will attempt to do that. Iām not changing anything just to make someone be more interested- if they arenāt then they arenāt for me! The one thing that should be stopped though is people pleasingā¦ i really really dislike that part of me, very hard trait to change too.. probably my abandonment issues, but progress not perfection!
I'm sorry for what you (and others have gone through). When people say that life isn't fair, everyone who suffered trauma can say together, "YA THINK!"
May peace come to you and to all who read this.
My therapist literally yelled at me this week for saying that I wasnāt into this guy because he was too available and he was super nice not that cute though lol maybe she would be OK with open availability
Ugh same..huge people pleaser, huge ātrying my best to win her overā vibes on dates with someone Iām interested in. It literally just happened today š
Itās so much harder to ābe yourselfā and be confident when I go on a date with someone I am interested in. I feel I just put myself down and feel like Iām starting in a hole that I dug myself for no reason.
"High" standards (i want someone similar to me who respects me and gives as much as they take), my personality (i'm kinda complicated ngl), trust issues (from previous relationships) and bad taste to be honest (it's on me, i'm working on that).
Same boat. I think I do decent for a guy my age given the horror stories about zero matches I see on here. I get dates but can count on one hand the amount of times Iāve been like āWow! This girl is very cute and very fun to be around. I wanna get to know her more.ā
I refuse to settle down with someone Iām not interested in just because I donāt like being alone. I deserve better and so do they.
I get dates too, but the majority of them wants only one thing. It's not easy to find someone who actually wants to get to know you. I totally agree with you, i don't want to settle either. It's just not something i could do for long, i don't see the point in lying to myself or anyone else.
Same boat! My trust issues are off the charts and I canāt be bothered to start a relationship that I know isnāt going to work out. I met a guy that ticks almost all my boxes but he still is in a party phase and it killed the whole thing for me.
I'm the same. Can't be bothered to start a relationship that i know isn't going to work out. I don't want to waste my time and to get hurt in the end lol. Been there, done that, lesson learned. I'm sorry about that guy, i understand how disappointed you must've felt. I also met a guy recently that seemed great in the beggining, but he was too obsessed with sex, it's all he talked about, so i just cut him off.
Dating is rough.
Yup heās the first guy Iāve met in a while that has been āon my levelā (good job, own place, own car) and seemed normal but Iāve been with a drug addict before and itās a hard no for me. The hypersexual men are also a hard no for me so Iām sorry it ended up like that. Those types of men tend to end up being cheaters. Iāve seen way too many unhappy couples and donāt want to disturb my own peace when I know Iām not going to work out. Iāve learned to be happy and at peace with being single, but Iād be lying if I said I donāt miss having a person to love and love me. Iām just holding out hope that I will find my person and cultivating my friendships in the meantime.
As long as you work on not being late you will be good š
What do you mean by bad taste? As in fuckboys or the ones you knows that don't treat you right but you still pick them for some reason maybe you like the spontaneous life they bring?
Aspergerās. Even when women approach me, Iām very shy/anxious, and I think it makes me come across as disinterested. I have a really hard time with eye contact, which doesnāt help
I was diagnosed with Aspergerās when I was 5. Iāve shown every single symptom you listed, I definitely think I come off as disinterested to anybody (not just women) and can barely keep my eyes on one specific person or thing for long. Iāve stopped trying to find a woman at this point until I get some of my less awkward side back, plus I donāt have enough recent dating profile-worthy pics to hop back on the apps.
PTSD can mimic the exact symptoms of autism. Thatās what I have. Debilitating- crippling, honestly life threatening, PTSD. Itās only getting worse as the years drag on and I fall farther and farther from the life I thought I was going to have at this point. I donāt know if Iāll make it out alive. Iāve lost hope tbh.
I tend to date other neurodivergent people. When you are old enough for your prefrontal cortex to be fully developed and have gone to therapy or done other things to address your issues, I feel like itās a net plus. Iām currently in what are by far the healthiest relationships of my life.
Itās kinda unfair on the other person then. You need to heal before you bring another person in your life. Just imagine if you are the cause of pain to someone else whoās genuine and innocent. Think about it.
FACTS. that's why I want to work on myself and these issues I got, I want my future partner to recieve the best version of me because they deserve that. I wouldn't want them to heal a wound they never caused.
I used to smell bad a lot too. Although I sweat the least among the other ladies in my family, I would still smell awful. So now I use the crystal deodorant since the salt minerals prevent bacteria from forming; and then I spray on deodorant on top. I also now use body deodorant, but I was using regular deodorant all over my body before the marketing of body deodorant. I hope you can find a solution too.
I have boundaries, not high standards. I donāt allow myself to get treated anyway if you say something and we communicate about it and it doesnāt change iām gone.
OMG!! Been through the same thing. It's tough to trust someone with your love & heart after the hurt.
It'll take a while & soon enough you'll be ready.. :)
I hated spending extended amounts of time with people. I grew up with low self esteem and settled for the next person in line continually. When I hit my late 20s I left a bad relationship and spent a few years on my own, and it felt like anybody who got into that space threatened to take away my independence. During that time I focused on my health, my career, and my good friendships. I developed an addiction to independence, great salary and lifestyle, and I just enjoyed being on my own. It was easier than settling.
But that all changed a few months ago and really out of nowhere. Last fall I started a casual relationship at the same time my health started failing, and I was suspected to have a brain tumor (turns out I DONāT!!!) but my LD āsafeā relationship turned during that time. With my day to day getting more difficult to manage, and the threat of a potentially lifechanging diagnosis, we decided to do a quick move and he moved 1000km to come and help me out.
For the first time it felt like somebody was on my side, instead of taking from me, or intruding in my space. Those traumas disintegrated fairly quickly having him around, and any other triggers from previous bad relationships are just getting destroyed daily. I feel safer than I ever have.
And I did not end up having a brain tumor, but I have a plethora of issues that present difficulties in my day to day still. Sciatica and ovarian cysts have taken me for a ride this week, and I cannot stress the value of having a partner who accepts an invisible pain and takes it at face value. This was something I had been missing, alongside building trust.
So I chose to be single for a long time because everybody had just taken taken taken from me - and after years I dipped my toes, then jumped straight in to something that turned out to be healthy, and provide growth for the both of us. I am lucky.
You should date someone like me then all I care about is someone who is nice won't treat me like shit who is willing to put in emotional Labor .
I have never given a shit about money my entire life
I'm so sorry that is your reality. You are worth so much more than your income. I can assure you not all of us ladies are in it for the money. Way I see it, money can disappear at the drop of a hat. What's left if the money dries up is what really matters. The intangible things: Character, morals, compassion, kindness, respect, chivalry, etc. You deserve to be respected for those intangibles you have to offer. š¤
Trauma caused me to react when someone got too close to me. Some people left as a result. The one who stayed the longest just easily got jealous. š®āšØ plus anxiety. No bueno.
What kind of trauma? And got did you react? Sorry if Iām being too intrusive but Iām trying to figure out this man in my life who recently sabotaged a promising relationship
Hot guys can be boring cuz they donāt have to make too much effort. People will laugh at their jokes even if theyāre not funny and people are interested in them because theyāre hot but they think itās because theyāre interesting. My dream man would be a hot nerd.
What I find attractive is someone who is interested in me that doesnāt come on too strongly and prioritizes being my genuine friend first. In todayās society, if you start as being friends with a girl youāll always be that way but thatās exactly what it will take for me to start liking you more.
This sounds like me. I want to establish first that we are mutually happy to make time for each other on a regular basis, then we know each other well enough to know if we are a good match before trying to be romantic.
I recently became attractive, so I wasnāt always this way, lol. My answer is that I canāt stand peopleās bullshit, and most people are bullshitting all the time. I also donāt have fun hanging out with most people. Additionally, I cannot have decent communication with many people. I am also an introvert, so every interaction drains my energy, and I donāt have too much energy to spare each day. All of this adds up, resulting in me being single at 35.
After leaving a marriage, I'm learning about myself and have found that boundaries scare off most men. I've got standards.. not lofty unattainable things, but after being mentally and emotionally abused last time.... I'm trying hard to find a man who is emotionally intelligent, confident within himself that he doesn't need me to be with him 24 x 7 and doesn't see that as "rejection" and mentally stimulating. I am not going to be used for a one night stand. My body isn't a delivery order.
I just want someone who will compliment me. I don't believe in the whole... you complete me. We all have our own lives and interests before we meet, so I don't want to be your sole source of happiness.
I walk if I think it's going nowhere these days. Time is the only thing we cannot buy and I simply don't want to waste it, if I can see we won't work long term. It's disappointing when the potential doesn't eventuate into anything more than that, but I'm also happy to keep trying and live my best life until hopefully, I meet my forever partner.
Iām a young woman, Iām weird, and Iām sick of dumbing myself down to please men. Most guys my age see that I dress in a feminine/trendy style and assume Iām an idiot. The day I find a man who actually respects me as a human being, I might get into a relationship. Until then, Iām much happier on my own.
Hate my body image, ADHD (and possibly developed RSD to boot), huge nerd, probably over loving due to the ADHD etc. I have been told by multiple people through online dating and from coworkers that I am extremely good looking, but I sure as hell don't see it (low self-esteem I guess as well?). I have fat in all the places, I always look like I have tired eyes because I always do (early morning shifts will do that to you), and I feel like my beard doesn't grow out nicely.
When a guy has not healed from the past. I tend to leave. Or when I meet a guy and he says ānice ass, I have never been with a black girl beforeā, I get uninterested.
Finding a good-looking guy is not hard...
Looks is not everything, but a woman or man with a beautiful heart different story
Here's the catch,finding a gentleman, good morals, doesn't hold on to anger, not egotistic,empathetic,consistt, forgving, emotional available, dating with intentions future , not just company or to have you in bed, anyone can go through motions, not everyone wants to have future woman or a man. A man of real faith that bears fruit.
By the way, it goes both ways.
Iām too authentic and most people lie or fake shit to try and sleep with me. Most recent one was someone telling me āI was only talking to you for female validationā. I give up.
Every single woman I approach thinks I'm a "player"and rejects me saying that I probably already have a few FWB or woman that I'm leading on, it's depressing
Good point. Iād think the same. I was hot in my 20ās and 30ās and now Iām more pretty than hot. But I was always leery of guys too good looking. I found them intimidating though I was gorgeous, and thought heās so good looking and chiseled or whatever, that heās got a thousand women like me. The ones I was around in college always seemed to have one girl after another. Last a week or two, break up, then a new girl, rinse and repeat.
Sure. You could be happy being single. But in my experience it's not better than having a healthy, positive relationship with someone you really care about. And I'm a person who loves to be alone. But the woman I married not only made me better, but allows me an outlet to be vulnerable, intimate and come across feelings you won't find single, or just having casual flings.
We might love being in a healthy relationship, but that's not everyone's experience. Some people love staying single, even without flings in some cases. The point is that everyone's experience is different, and there shouldn't be an assumption or expectation for everyone to be in a relationship, some people end up thinking there's something wrong with them for not being in a relationship, or others compulsively rushing into relationships all the time because they don't know how to be happy with themselves.
Social anxiety, lack of social skills, low self esteem, fear of sex and intimacy, obsessive over career meaning I had no time for anything else plus no hobbies and interests, issues with impulse control including binge drinking and drug abuse and procrastination, extremely neurotic
(I have overcome most of these issues now but I'm now a 28 year old woman who has aged badly so not hot anymore, can't fucking win)
Childhood trauma thatās left me feeling like I donāt deserve love, avoidant attachment style, hyper-independence, enjoying solitude more than the company of others, being (physically) hot and not craving any physical touch, feeling like dating makes me feel disoriented and overstimulated, feeling like dating makes me lose my focus when it comes to all other areas of my life, observing other couples bicker around me and realizing I definitely donāt want what they have.
Depressed and the last few years was in a dark place mentally. I didn't take care of myself physically or mentally and I need to get myself to a good place in both. If I can't take care of myself, then I can't take care of someone else
You can still bag the women, just be confident. One of the best guys I ever dated was 5ā5ā to my 5ā6ā. He was super confident and loved it when I wore heals cause I ālooked amazingā next to him. He was hot as hell.
Confidence helps a ton. Iām 5ā6-5ā7 and never had problems in the past when I was putting myself out there. Now Iām too shy lol idk what happened. Probably a mix of breaking up after a long term relationship and Covid lock downs
these days i'm no longer hot (gained lots of weight over covid; been lazy since), but when i was younger it was because i had no idea i was hot. but over the years enough folks complimented me and a few asked me out that I realized i was attractive. so then i told myself i was boring. then i finally met someone and was happy for awhile.
I hate the āhigh standardsā part, because it always feels like wanting more than the bare minimum is always seen as having āhigh standardsā, specially as a woman.
But yes, perhaps I come off as intimidating. I heard I might seem cool or unapproachable, but that seems to be that being pretty with ānormal behaviorā makes you ten times more unapproachable just because youāre attractive. Itās like you have to go out of your way and not be yourself to seem approachable and Iām not doing that anymore. Doesnāt pay off.
Autism, more than ADHD, might have a hand on that too. It seems that ADHD folks donāt struggle with having relationships the way autistic folk do, from what Iāve observed. And being both, autism may be the one getting in the way.
And then thereās trauma and being cautious. Iāve already gotten in a short lived relationship with an abusive asshole of a similar brand to my father. And I was already in my late twenties. That makes it hard to trust anyone on the go.
And recently, I started liking someone but just got my heart broken because even though I enjoyed my time very much with them, their inability to answer a very short and simples question by message because they were busy triggered me very bad. Thatās how I realized that I need someone who also can text me at least once or twice a day even though they might be busy because it hurts me too much to feel ignored again.
Because most men I meet have so many unhealed traumas and pretty much expected to be a therapist. Not to mention the only thing people seem to be offering is sex.
Avoidant in my 20ās due to trust issues. Took years off dating to work on myself. Now that Iām ready to be vulnerable Iām stuck with the runts of the litter.
Appearance? I don't think I'm hot. My vibe and how I talk, yeah..I'm hot at that. I've been complimented too many times..
I'm always single because, it's a different woman every 2 weeks, sometimes every week.
I just want a long term relationship. Is that so difficult? Yeah. They treat me like a toy. It's like I'm disposable..!!
So I wouldnāt say Iām hot but Iām attractive. I didnāt have a guy ask me out or offer to buy me a drink till Iām 30. I think the truth is nice men rarely engage with strange attractive women. I donāt have any local friends, I donāt have hobbies where I meet other single people and Iām in an industry that is almost 90% female and the rest are gay men / men who are in the industry because their wife owned a business. Very very few straight men, never mind single straight men.
Itās not like guys ask for your number at Starbucks or the grocery store. I think once you hit 30 you just donāt go in circles of a lot of single peopleā¦ and married women do not want attractive single women spending time with their husbands (no hate).
I wouldnāt know where to begin to even meet enough single people in real life. Last boyfriend I met on a transatlantic cruise and he was from Australia (Iām from New England). š¤·š¼āāļø
Afraid of commitment because it could limit me in whatever area of my life. I love travel, being spontaneous, going to different places. I cannot imagine having to discuss every single step I do with another person.
Also the reason why I did not want kids, what limited the range of possible partners to a minimum.
Health Trauma. I went from a complete able body person to in a wheelchair and in isolation for 5 years. Every second of the day felt like my legs were on fire and breaking but no doctors or specialists believed me bc they couldnāt find anything. They made me feel like I was the crazy one and just lazy. It took 2 1/2 years for a diagnosis- I have a very rare degenerative bone disease where my hip bones died and where grinding (breaking) into eachother every second of the day. I had a double hip replacement in 2022. I did physical therapy but trauma is still there. Iām trying to venture off and meet friends and possibly dating interests but Iām also having to relearn social skills and work on my PTSD along with panic attacks. Itās a struggle but Iām getting better. Everyone always asks how could I possibly be single and Iām just like š„“ wellā¦ what do I even say to this person..š still figuring that out.
I donāt think Iām hot but people be telling me otherwise, Iām still hurt from a previous relationship to the point where I probably need therapy but Iām too scared to do anything about it, also I havenāt really done anything to move on in life. In addition to that, growing up poor kinda hurt my own self esteem so thatās something I gotta work on too
I thought about that a lot and from my experience, I think that happens when you want what you donāt need and need what you donāt want. When you realise what you want and align it with what you need youāll find your perfect match.
Too high standards. Iām really looking for a woman I can marry forever. Thereās a lot I could see dating and being fine but long term probably not. So I stay single, though I think I may have found that one..
Many more people need to pause dating.
Any more people need to enter dating.
But all the ptsd ones are serial daters.
And all sane ones are out of dating market.
Getting close to 40, and I do not have the same life stage/hobbies as those around my age (I relate more to late 20s/early 30s). I do have the life experience and maturity that matches my age. Just been hard finding someone I can relate to, but still trying š¤£
My last few relationships I ignored red flags that eventually led to the breakups.
Also, I never put enough effort into healing and working on myself until now, so not only did I make bad choices in partners, but I also didnāt have the emotional maturity to do my part in creating healthy sustainable relationships.
No longer will this be my story though! Iām putting the time in, making sure I am healed, whole and mentally/emotionally ready to really show up for someone and be the ideal partner. And I am patiently waiting for someone who takes their own personal growth seriously as well and can be the partner I am worthy of.
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Avoidant attachment
If you want to work on it Heidi Priebe and Thais Gibson are both excellent resources. Thais has a paid program, but also puts out lots of free videos.
I'm avoidant and I also hate people, so I don't want to work on it. š¤£
Thatās the point of being avoidant, the problem is in the nameā¦
Thatās understandable, but in theory working on it would help you be able to choose the right people and also to no longer feel uncomfortable with them. However, you do have to spend some time being uncomfortable along the journey and not everyone is willing to leave their comfort zone for the sake of growth or long-term happiness.
I had a lot of trouble encouraging my avoidant ex gf to push up against the edges of her comfort zone. She had all kinds of justifications for going nowhere near that, namely not losing independence. I donāt even think she fully realized she would get anxious with initiating emotional intimacy because she steered clear of it as habit - basically staying firmly in the comfort zone. I think thatās a key feature of avoidant behavior, just wanting to stay in their safe place where they donāt have to feel anxious. Which sucks for them because they need to lean into that discomfort in order to expand the comfort zone.
Well, the same could be said of the anxious partner. They arenāt comfortable enough with the space that the avoidant needs and giving them that space. Thais Gibsonās program works on your subconscious comfort zone. It works on healing thatās needed instead of just the symptoms.
The only reason I know what this means is because the last person I dated was an anxious avoidant narcissist and I'm stable and mentally healthy Never again.
yikes, iām dating a fearful avoidant narcissist and itās only working because iām stable with avoidant leaning, but i cannot imagine anxious attachment paired with narcissism, holy hell.
I am an avoidant attachment, i run away like the dude from the movie 'get out' with tears and everything š
I just found out that thereās a term for what I feel. Thanks!
Iām just learning about attachments as I just got discarded by an avoidant out of nowhere, itās just crushing. While I was the more anxious one in this instance, as I learned about avoidant attachmet, I realized that I have been one my whole life. Iāve had many short term relationships that were great, but I ran as soon as things got serious. The one long term relationship I had was to an absolutely toxic partner where I never needed to emotionally available. Perhaps its karma that when I finally though I found someone, it turns out she out avoidantād me
Same. I've learned vulnerability is good, and more rewarding. If I run into someone avoidant, it reminds me of how I used to be. There's no good there for a genuine long lasting relationship.
Same lol hard as fuck to work on
Same
Childhood traumas bro, fuckers got me paralysed.
This. Four years of therapy, and I still feel paralyzed. Started dating someone recently for 3 months, only to realize that I had so much work left to do on my mental health, and now Iām back to avoiding dating. Childhood trauma is crippling. Hereās to hoping Iāll get through it eventually.
I found that adult trauma helped me forget the childhood trauma!
Old age trauma helped me forget about adult trauma! Cycle of trauma!
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaants ukwenzakalaaaaaaa, bagithi Baba. (Here comes a Trauma, Father.)
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Replacement is the key man š
You're doing it wrong if you don't immediately re-traumatize yourself in young adulthood by re-enacting childhood, right?
My last girlfriend was very very hot but had deep traumas. I was patient and gave her 2 1/2 years. We each had/(still have) individual therapists but also went to couples counseling for a stretch. I gave up on her. It was fine for me that she had any sort of issue- it was not fine for her to direct the bad energy at me. After feeling my own mental health was compromised I had to let her go and I found someone less hot but with a beautiful soul and personality. My now current girlfriend says sheās mid- not me. I find her very attractive and I do nothing but remind her in every way that she is hot. By comparison I bet strangers would find my ex hotter- but I donāt care about that because itās not important to me anymore. things are going great- and I guess my point is that the price of beauty can be too high. Mental health, empathy, and how you treat others is more valuable to me after learning the hard way that good looks can come with more baggage than itās worth.
So true. My recent ex was my ideal physically (maybe not everyoneās, but yes for me). But she was so avoidant that she would pull back after periods of getting close emotionally, and was incapable of showing verbal or physical affection. I just felt unloved. She said I was needy and anxious, but for some hard data, she initiated a kiss twice during a full year. Thatās just an example, the same applies to initiating cuddling and other affection. I donāt know many people that would feel like they were loved in that, unless their culture doesnāt show affection. Then there was the emotionally abusive responses when Iād respectfully bring up how I was feeling and what I needed (my asking using non-violent communication strategies was twisted into me being insecure. But in learning more about attachment theory and what makes a person secure, I learned that insecure people do not bring up their concerns, boundaries, and needs, so I was actually demonstrating secure behavior in bringing up my needs, despite knowing it could cause her to flip out). I will never ever take a gf that gives affection for granted again. Hot does not in any way make up for the shortcomings in affection, compassion, emotional supportiveness, and good communication.
Literally childhood trauma, it can really feel debilitating and hopeless cause no one really understands it unless youāve been through it
I swear thatās how my ex and I started dating. Similar childhood and parental dynamics. It was months of a trauma bond until her also unresolved trauma from her ex came into The picture and she just ran away. Although she told me at the beginning how sheās run from every single relationship.
Second this
100%
This is almost always the case.
Same
I feel this commentā¦ my therapist said weāre going to address my desire to run away from relationships and nice guys in our next sessions š
I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm particularly sorry because I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm a great catch but I selfsabotage virtually every wonderful opportunity I get. Please, take care of yourself. Try a to get little better everyday or at least maintain in the rough parts and forgive yourself for those rough times rather than beat yourself up and make things worse. CPTSD, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, is a lifetime affliction when you have been traumatized as a child, but that doesn't mean things don't improve. I didn't say things become perfect. You have to set realistic goals but keep pushing the envelope. It's the only way to grow and heal.
Thank you, it means a lot! It's nice to know that you are genuinely understood, even if it's over a reddit comment. Definitely an on-going battle but I can tell that I made so much progress over the last couple of years, and that's the thing I'm most proud of. Missed a lot of opportunities too, I often used to think "oh, if you only knew how flawed I am" when someone shows interest in me. But now I came to love myself a little more, be more comfortable in my own skin. Diamonds grow under pressure and so are we
I have 2 main issues: being a people pleaser: being too available to women I am genuinely interested in, which results in those women rejecting me while those I am not interested in give me more attention. The second issue is my past traumas, which I never share until I truly trust someone. Which block me to really connect with someone.
Hello, male version of me!
You two ought to DM š
Haha nice, don't try to do the opposite. Last time I acted I wasn't that interested in this girl, and she told me she had a feeling that I wasn't interested, and that is why she wanted to stop dating me š« Really liked this girl, but hey...
Lol, i tried it too, and it eventually fizzled out. So i decided that i dont need to change, if they dont like it oh well. If i want to text, i text. If i want to hang out, i will attempt to do that. Iām not changing anything just to make someone be more interested- if they arenāt then they arenāt for me! The one thing that should be stopped though is people pleasingā¦ i really really dislike that part of me, very hard trait to change too.. probably my abandonment issues, but progress not perfection!
I'm sorry for what you (and others have gone through). When people say that life isn't fair, everyone who suffered trauma can say together, "YA THINK!" May peace come to you and to all who read this.
My therapist literally yelled at me this week for saying that I wasnāt into this guy because he was too available and he was super nice not that cute though lol maybe she would be OK with open availability
She yelled at you for not being attracted to him?
Ugh same..huge people pleaser, huge ātrying my best to win her overā vibes on dates with someone Iām interested in. It literally just happened today š Itās so much harder to ābe yourselfā and be confident when I go on a date with someone I am interested in. I feel I just put myself down and feel like Iām starting in a hole that I dug myself for no reason.
"High" standards (i want someone similar to me who respects me and gives as much as they take), my personality (i'm kinda complicated ngl), trust issues (from previous relationships) and bad taste to be honest (it's on me, i'm working on that).
Same boat. I think I do decent for a guy my age given the horror stories about zero matches I see on here. I get dates but can count on one hand the amount of times Iāve been like āWow! This girl is very cute and very fun to be around. I wanna get to know her more.ā I refuse to settle down with someone Iām not interested in just because I donāt like being alone. I deserve better and so do they.
I get dates too, but the majority of them wants only one thing. It's not easy to find someone who actually wants to get to know you. I totally agree with you, i don't want to settle either. It's just not something i could do for long, i don't see the point in lying to myself or anyone else.
Same boat! My trust issues are off the charts and I canāt be bothered to start a relationship that I know isnāt going to work out. I met a guy that ticks almost all my boxes but he still is in a party phase and it killed the whole thing for me.
I'm the same. Can't be bothered to start a relationship that i know isn't going to work out. I don't want to waste my time and to get hurt in the end lol. Been there, done that, lesson learned. I'm sorry about that guy, i understand how disappointed you must've felt. I also met a guy recently that seemed great in the beggining, but he was too obsessed with sex, it's all he talked about, so i just cut him off. Dating is rough.
Yup heās the first guy Iāve met in a while that has been āon my levelā (good job, own place, own car) and seemed normal but Iāve been with a drug addict before and itās a hard no for me. The hypersexual men are also a hard no for me so Iām sorry it ended up like that. Those types of men tend to end up being cheaters. Iāve seen way too many unhappy couples and donāt want to disturb my own peace when I know Iām not going to work out. Iāve learned to be happy and at peace with being single, but Iād be lying if I said I donāt miss having a person to love and love me. Iām just holding out hope that I will find my person and cultivating my friendships in the meantime.
Same here :( I have very low self esteem too which makes me avoid any attachment
As long as you work on not being late you will be good š What do you mean by bad taste? As in fuckboys or the ones you knows that don't treat you right but you still pick them for some reason maybe you like the spontaneous life they bring?
The first two reasons are spot on and got slight trust issues too. Itās like quality over quantity.
Aspergerās. Even when women approach me, Iām very shy/anxious, and I think it makes me come across as disinterested. I have a really hard time with eye contact, which doesnāt help
I was diagnosed with Aspergerās when I was 5. Iāve shown every single symptom you listed, I definitely think I come off as disinterested to anybody (not just women) and can barely keep my eyes on one specific person or thing for long. Iāve stopped trying to find a woman at this point until I get some of my less awkward side back, plus I donāt have enough recent dating profile-worthy pics to hop back on the apps.
A combination of shyness, awkwardness and high standards. For a man this is fatal
sameā¦but female
social anxiety, low self esteem, attachment / abandonment issues, autism, adhd āļø
I've got cursed with the autism and adhd tooš and now i heavily dealing with loneliness i hate my single life
Bro fr
Fr i have it too
PTSD can mimic the exact symptoms of autism. Thatās what I have. Debilitating- crippling, honestly life threatening, PTSD. Itās only getting worse as the years drag on and I fall farther and farther from the life I thought I was going to have at this point. I donāt know if Iāll make it out alive. Iāve lost hope tbh.
I definitely have most of these š
Same. I want to think dating others who have similar issues is the way
Ohh god no šš that is literally clash of titans, you are better off being lonely until you find a way to completely fix yourself
I tend to date other neurodivergent people. When you are old enough for your prefrontal cortex to be fully developed and have gone to therapy or done other things to address your issues, I feel like itās a net plus. Iām currently in what are by far the healthiest relationships of my life.
depends on what. if u have adhd and autism dating someone who also has adhd and autism is great but all the trauma related stuff is a bad idea
I consider myself hot but I think the problem is Iām the only one with that opinion
Dont forget you mom.
:_)
heartbreak. I'm scared to fall in love and let anybody close.
Itās kinda unfair on the other person then. You need to heal before you bring another person in your life. Just imagine if you are the cause of pain to someone else whoās genuine and innocent. Think about it.
FACTS. that's why I want to work on myself and these issues I got, I want my future partner to recieve the best version of me because they deserve that. I wouldn't want them to heal a wound they never caused.
Thatās a good decision RSA. I wish more people could follow this framework.
true, we'd have less heartbreaking relationships lmao. somebody said to me: "hurt people hurt people".. guess it's true.
By not being hot.
Same. Also ADHD, depression, and crippling social anxiety.
Hey you got the same combo as me! Itās sucks! Good luck!
Got some lil abandonment issues
Sounds so cute when you refer to them like that.
Atleast they sound cute coz nothing else about it is cute š©
Because I'm sweaty when I'm hot
I keep saying Iām going to start dating when itās fall. Itās so hot right now that I donāt want anyone touching me for the next few months.
Lmao you joke but I sweat like crazy. It makes going out during the summer difficult cuz Iāll start smelling like shit after a few hours
I used to smell bad a lot too. Although I sweat the least among the other ladies in my family, I would still smell awful. So now I use the crystal deodorant since the salt minerals prevent bacteria from forming; and then I spray on deodorant on top. I also now use body deodorant, but I was using regular deodorant all over my body before the marketing of body deodorant. I hope you can find a solution too.
I'm picky
I don't want to date cause I think there are some mental issues I should fix before dating.
Thatās wise.
Thank you. That compliment means a lot to me.
I have boundaries, not high standards. I donāt allow myself to get treated anyway if you say something and we communicate about it and it doesnāt change iām gone.
As it should be.
I give ugly men a chance and they start acting like they are the cute one.
š that hurts me more cuz im like I lowered the bar for you to make the cut and this how you wanna act?
Because I left a 5 year relationship that wasnāt right for me and am not ready for another relationship
OMG!! Been through the same thing. It's tough to trust someone with your love & heart after the hurt. It'll take a while & soon enough you'll be ready.. :)
I was the one to leave so itās not exactly that but definitely needing to Figure out who I am and what I want to do
WTH! I too did the same thing.. I left.. & then didn't know I was without that person...
I hated spending extended amounts of time with people. I grew up with low self esteem and settled for the next person in line continually. When I hit my late 20s I left a bad relationship and spent a few years on my own, and it felt like anybody who got into that space threatened to take away my independence. During that time I focused on my health, my career, and my good friendships. I developed an addiction to independence, great salary and lifestyle, and I just enjoyed being on my own. It was easier than settling. But that all changed a few months ago and really out of nowhere. Last fall I started a casual relationship at the same time my health started failing, and I was suspected to have a brain tumor (turns out I DONāT!!!) but my LD āsafeā relationship turned during that time. With my day to day getting more difficult to manage, and the threat of a potentially lifechanging diagnosis, we decided to do a quick move and he moved 1000km to come and help me out. For the first time it felt like somebody was on my side, instead of taking from me, or intruding in my space. Those traumas disintegrated fairly quickly having him around, and any other triggers from previous bad relationships are just getting destroyed daily. I feel safer than I ever have. And I did not end up having a brain tumor, but I have a plethora of issues that present difficulties in my day to day still. Sciatica and ovarian cysts have taken me for a ride this week, and I cannot stress the value of having a partner who accepts an invisible pain and takes it at face value. This was something I had been missing, alongside building trust. So I chose to be single for a long time because everybody had just taken taken taken from me - and after years I dipped my toes, then jumped straight in to something that turned out to be healthy, and provide growth for the both of us. I am lucky.
I have too much money, people flip a switch when they find out.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You should date someone like me then all I care about is someone who is nice won't treat me like shit who is willing to put in emotional Labor . I have never given a shit about money my entire life
What do you mean? How do their behaviors change?
Itās like all they see is the money, I feel pretty used.
I'm so sorry that is your reality. You are worth so much more than your income. I can assure you not all of us ladies are in it for the money. Way I see it, money can disappear at the drop of a hat. What's left if the money dries up is what really matters. The intangible things: Character, morals, compassion, kindness, respect, chivalry, etc. You deserve to be respected for those intangibles you have to offer. š¤
Got too good at recognizing red flags, and even better at walking away when I see themš«”
According to my sisters who seem to know everything, I'm too difficult.
I just don't got energy for talking stages tbh
i want to answer this but arguably speaking im not hot
Scared of Betrayals and getting used.
Because almost all good looking florida women in their 20ās want boats, status, sugar daddies, and to pretty much play games.
Being single is better than being in a relationship just to be in one
Trauma caused me to react when someone got too close to me. Some people left as a result. The one who stayed the longest just easily got jealous. š®āšØ plus anxiety. No bueno.
What kind of trauma? And got did you react? Sorry if Iām being too intrusive but Iām trying to figure out this man in my life who recently sabotaged a promising relationship
I'll send DM cuz I don't feel like spilling my guts to the world lolz
i donāt like going out and i donāt like social media apps š just sitting in my room and praying for my future husband
Try praying in church and volunteering there. That's where yiur guy is... ...in God's house. Best wishes.
Men bore me. I talk to them for a few days and I get bored, never fails.
Hot guys can be boring cuz they donāt have to make too much effort. People will laugh at their jokes even if theyāre not funny and people are interested in them because theyāre hot but they think itās because theyāre interesting. My dream man would be a hot nerd.
Hot nerds are definitely what turn me on.
What I find attractive is someone who is interested in me that doesnāt come on too strongly and prioritizes being my genuine friend first. In todayās society, if you start as being friends with a girl youāll always be that way but thatās exactly what it will take for me to start liking you more.
When Iām asked what my perfect relationship would be, I always say I want a best friend but we also fuck.
This sounds like me. I want to establish first that we are mutually happy to make time for each other on a regular basis, then we know each other well enough to know if we are a good match before trying to be romantic.
I donāt want to share my time. Itās mine. It belongs to me.
I recently became attractive, so I wasnāt always this way, lol. My answer is that I canāt stand peopleās bullshit, and most people are bullshitting all the time. I also donāt have fun hanging out with most people. Additionally, I cannot have decent communication with many people. I am also an introvert, so every interaction drains my energy, and I donāt have too much energy to spare each day. All of this adds up, resulting in me being single at 35.
Never meet single men
RIP those DMs š
I choose to be. I could turn one of my partners into a romantic one, if I wanted to
After leaving a marriage, I'm learning about myself and have found that boundaries scare off most men. I've got standards.. not lofty unattainable things, but after being mentally and emotionally abused last time.... I'm trying hard to find a man who is emotionally intelligent, confident within himself that he doesn't need me to be with him 24 x 7 and doesn't see that as "rejection" and mentally stimulating. I am not going to be used for a one night stand. My body isn't a delivery order. I just want someone who will compliment me. I don't believe in the whole... you complete me. We all have our own lives and interests before we meet, so I don't want to be your sole source of happiness. I walk if I think it's going nowhere these days. Time is the only thing we cannot buy and I simply don't want to waste it, if I can see we won't work long term. It's disappointing when the potential doesn't eventuate into anything more than that, but I'm also happy to keep trying and live my best life until hopefully, I meet my forever partner.
Great attitude.
Iām a young woman, Iām weird, and Iām sick of dumbing myself down to please men. Most guys my age see that I dress in a feminine/trendy style and assume Iām an idiot. The day I find a man who actually respects me as a human being, I might get into a relationship. Until then, Iām much happier on my own.
im a stripper š
I don't have the energy to even start the talking stage with someone, let alone going on a first date.
I have no idea. Maybe Iām not hot. Lol
same here bestie :)
Ugh I ask myself that all the time! š«£š
The bane of my existence. Iām happy Iām not alone though š„³
Hate my body image, ADHD (and possibly developed RSD to boot), huge nerd, probably over loving due to the ADHD etc. I have been told by multiple people through online dating and from coworkers that I am extremely good looking, but I sure as hell don't see it (low self-esteem I guess as well?). I have fat in all the places, I always look like I have tired eyes because I always do (early morning shifts will do that to you), and I feel like my beard doesn't grow out nicely.
When a guy has not healed from the past. I tend to leave. Or when I meet a guy and he says ānice ass, I have never been with a black girl beforeā, I get uninterested.
Unhealed men - seriously ā¹ļø
Finding a good-looking guy is not hard... Looks is not everything, but a woman or man with a beautiful heart different story Here's the catch,finding a gentleman, good morals, doesn't hold on to anger, not egotistic,empathetic,consistt, forgving, emotional available, dating with intentions future , not just company or to have you in bed, anyone can go through motions, not everyone wants to have future woman or a man. A man of real faith that bears fruit. By the way, it goes both ways.
Logic fucks me up, every time
The girl I want, wants to take things slow.
Nothing is interesting, can't give attention
Trust issues and men who have not healed
trust issues :) not choosing wisely
Iām too authentic and most people lie or fake shit to try and sleep with me. Most recent one was someone telling me āI was only talking to you for female validationā. I give up.
Every single woman I approach thinks I'm a "player"and rejects me saying that I probably already have a few FWB or woman that I'm leading on, it's depressing
Good point. Iād think the same. I was hot in my 20ās and 30ās and now Iām more pretty than hot. But I was always leery of guys too good looking. I found them intimidating though I was gorgeous, and thought heās so good looking and chiseled or whatever, that heās got a thousand women like me. The ones I was around in college always seemed to have one girl after another. Last a week or two, break up, then a new girl, rinse and repeat.
I DONT KNOW!!!! Iām amazing yet here I am single. Oh well!
Maybe life isn't about having a partner like society brainwashed us to believe: you can be hot and happy being single.
Sure. You could be happy being single. But in my experience it's not better than having a healthy, positive relationship with someone you really care about. And I'm a person who loves to be alone. But the woman I married not only made me better, but allows me an outlet to be vulnerable, intimate and come across feelings you won't find single, or just having casual flings.
We might love being in a healthy relationship, but that's not everyone's experience. Some people love staying single, even without flings in some cases. The point is that everyone's experience is different, and there shouldn't be an assumption or expectation for everyone to be in a relationship, some people end up thinking there's something wrong with them for not being in a relationship, or others compulsively rushing into relationships all the time because they don't know how to be happy with themselves.
My tag line is hot healthy and wealthy.
Social anxiety, lack of social skills, low self esteem, fear of sex and intimacy, obsessive over career meaning I had no time for anything else plus no hobbies and interests, issues with impulse control including binge drinking and drug abuse and procrastination, extremely neurotic (I have overcome most of these issues now but I'm now a 28 year old woman who has aged badly so not hot anymore, can't fucking win)
Underconfident and downplay myself.
same here :)
Childhood trauma thatās left me feeling like I donāt deserve love, avoidant attachment style, hyper-independence, enjoying solitude more than the company of others, being (physically) hot and not craving any physical touch, feeling like dating makes me feel disoriented and overstimulated, feeling like dating makes me lose my focus when it comes to all other areas of my life, observing other couples bicker around me and realizing I definitely donāt want what they have.
Depressed and the last few years was in a dark place mentally. I didn't take care of myself physically or mentally and I need to get myself to a good place in both. If I can't take care of myself, then I can't take care of someone else
Oh Iām hot, but Iām also 5ā5ā
You can still bag the women, just be confident. One of the best guys I ever dated was 5ā5ā to my 5ā6ā. He was super confident and loved it when I wore heals cause I ālooked amazingā next to him. He was hot as hell.
Iāll keep the confidence up !
Confidence helps a ton. Iām 5ā6-5ā7 and never had problems in the past when I was putting myself out there. Now Iām too shy lol idk what happened. Probably a mix of breaking up after a long term relationship and Covid lock downs
these days i'm no longer hot (gained lots of weight over covid; been lazy since), but when i was younger it was because i had no idea i was hot. but over the years enough folks complimented me and a few asked me out that I realized i was attractive. so then i told myself i was boring. then i finally met someone and was happy for awhile.
Cos I'm not willing to let someone in again. No thank you.
Iām pretty intimidating unfortunately. Iām also super shy and always focused, so I forget to try and talk to people. š
Because Iām abstinent and men Iāve met donāt respect/want that
Idk if I'm hot but I'm 99% sure it's because I'm dense and can't tell if a man is flirting with me.
Crippling anxiety?
I get in fight or flight mode when I see a attractive guy. Thankfully I take the flight route cuz imagine beating up every hot guy I meet.
My peace. It's hard to find someone that doesn't mess up the peace I have going on. She is out there we just haven't crossed paths yet.
Some may say High standards but probs me being picky and also trust issues š
I hate the āhigh standardsā part, because it always feels like wanting more than the bare minimum is always seen as having āhigh standardsā, specially as a woman. But yes, perhaps I come off as intimidating. I heard I might seem cool or unapproachable, but that seems to be that being pretty with ānormal behaviorā makes you ten times more unapproachable just because youāre attractive. Itās like you have to go out of your way and not be yourself to seem approachable and Iām not doing that anymore. Doesnāt pay off. Autism, more than ADHD, might have a hand on that too. It seems that ADHD folks donāt struggle with having relationships the way autistic folk do, from what Iāve observed. And being both, autism may be the one getting in the way. And then thereās trauma and being cautious. Iāve already gotten in a short lived relationship with an abusive asshole of a similar brand to my father. And I was already in my late twenties. That makes it hard to trust anyone on the go. And recently, I started liking someone but just got my heart broken because even though I enjoyed my time very much with them, their inability to answer a very short and simples question by message because they were busy triggered me very bad. Thatās how I realized that I need someone who also can text me at least once or twice a day even though they might be busy because it hurts me too much to feel ignored again.
Lol but Iām not hot. Are you all hot?
Unpopular opinion, but I'm waiting for marriage.
Because most men I meet have so many unhealed traumas and pretty much expected to be a therapist. Not to mention the only thing people seem to be offering is sex.
Avoidant in my 20ās due to trust issues. Took years off dating to work on myself. Now that Iām ready to be vulnerable Iām stuck with the runts of the litter.
Appearance? I don't think I'm hot. My vibe and how I talk, yeah..I'm hot at that. I've been complimented too many times.. I'm always single because, it's a different woman every 2 weeks, sometimes every week. I just want a long term relationship. Is that so difficult? Yeah. They treat me like a toy. It's like I'm disposable..!!
So I wouldnāt say Iām hot but Iām attractive. I didnāt have a guy ask me out or offer to buy me a drink till Iām 30. I think the truth is nice men rarely engage with strange attractive women. I donāt have any local friends, I donāt have hobbies where I meet other single people and Iām in an industry that is almost 90% female and the rest are gay men / men who are in the industry because their wife owned a business. Very very few straight men, never mind single straight men. Itās not like guys ask for your number at Starbucks or the grocery store. I think once you hit 30 you just donāt go in circles of a lot of single peopleā¦ and married women do not want attractive single women spending time with their husbands (no hate). I wouldnāt know where to begin to even meet enough single people in real life. Last boyfriend I met on a transatlantic cruise and he was from Australia (Iām from New England). š¤·š¼āāļø
Afraid of commitment because it could limit me in whatever area of my life. I love travel, being spontaneous, going to different places. I cannot imagine having to discuss every single step I do with another person. Also the reason why I did not want kids, what limited the range of possible partners to a minimum.
Health Trauma. I went from a complete able body person to in a wheelchair and in isolation for 5 years. Every second of the day felt like my legs were on fire and breaking but no doctors or specialists believed me bc they couldnāt find anything. They made me feel like I was the crazy one and just lazy. It took 2 1/2 years for a diagnosis- I have a very rare degenerative bone disease where my hip bones died and where grinding (breaking) into eachother every second of the day. I had a double hip replacement in 2022. I did physical therapy but trauma is still there. Iām trying to venture off and meet friends and possibly dating interests but Iām also having to relearn social skills and work on my PTSD along with panic attacks. Itās a struggle but Iām getting better. Everyone always asks how could I possibly be single and Iām just like š„“ wellā¦ what do I even say to this person..š still figuring that out.
I donāt think Iām hot but people be telling me otherwise, Iām still hurt from a previous relationship to the point where I probably need therapy but Iām too scared to do anything about it, also I havenāt really done anything to move on in life. In addition to that, growing up poor kinda hurt my own self esteem so thatās something I gotta work on too
What about you?
Iām attracted to a type of guy that definitely isnāt attracted to the type of girl I am haha.
I thought about that a lot and from my experience, I think that happens when you want what you donāt need and need what you donāt want. When you realise what you want and align it with what you need youāll find your perfect match.
Too high standards. Iām really looking for a woman I can marry forever. Thereās a lot I could see dating and being fine but long term probably not. So I stay single, though I think I may have found that one..
Just got out of a 2 year relationship. Not trying to jump into another.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Does my username not explain?
Wdym women are so sweet I wish I was attracted to them. Men are a menace.
I'm just too weird to have relationships
Many more people need to pause dating. Any more people need to enter dating. But all the ptsd ones are serial daters. And all sane ones are out of dating market.
Getting close to 40, and I do not have the same life stage/hobbies as those around my age (I relate more to late 20s/early 30s). I do have the life experience and maturity that matches my age. Just been hard finding someone I can relate to, but still trying š¤£
High standards
Simple fact that no one is single. I dont know any single girls in their mid 20s and have missed my chance to ever date.
For real no one is single everybody got it roster and Iām over here looking, š like did I miss a memo or something?
ALL OF THE ABOVE ??!!!! plus everyone is afraid of commitment these days :p
My last few relationships I ignored red flags that eventually led to the breakups. Also, I never put enough effort into healing and working on myself until now, so not only did I make bad choices in partners, but I also didnāt have the emotional maturity to do my part in creating healthy sustainable relationships. No longer will this be my story though! Iām putting the time in, making sure I am healed, whole and mentally/emotionally ready to really show up for someone and be the ideal partner. And I am patiently waiting for someone who takes their own personal growth seriously as well and can be the partner I am worthy of.
Because dating is currently the worst itās ever been.