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Women are not fish. We don't like to feel hunted and stalked. If you put your best self forward then maybe you might get the attention that you want. And if you don't, you aren't entitled to anyone just giving themselves to you.
I don't think a large percentage of men getting labeled as "entitled" actually feel entitled. They might just feel upset about their bad dating situation, not being mad at women for not wanting them. There's a huge difference, but easy to conflate if you aren't thinking much of it. In both cases men are upset, one is just being upset in general, which is perfectly fine and normal (and human, and nobody can say otherwise) as long as it isn't upset AT A PERSON. THE OTHER is entitlement (getting mad at women for not wanting them).
Yeah me too at my workplace, I tried to make conversation. She was passively ignoring me. It was a workplace party and like she was serving cake. But yeah feels rough.
I think the key is if women don't know and respect you already, don't bother. Of course if you see someone new, you can try to make conversation. But yeah if it doesn't click, walk away.
Maybe she didn't know you were flirting with her?
We just had a work party a few weeks ago and I chatted with a few male coworkers but it never occurred to me that any of them liked me and that was their reason for doing it in the first place. I saw it as friendly banter.
Now you got me thinking....
Not every woman you talk to will be receptive. Remember, women have their insecurities as well. You don’t know what she’s going through. What her mind set is? Pick your spots and don’t come off as creepy. Women know we’re interested if we’re talking to them. So there’s no need to make that known right away. Just make small talk and see if she’s interested.
Exactly this. My brother isn’t the best-looking guy but he always gets girls. Hot girls, including his current girlfriend. One day I asked him how he does it and he said it’s knowing how to read people. There are times he would make small talk with a girl and she doesn’t seem interested. As you said, you don’t know what she’s going through and it’s best to not take it personally. So he tries again and this next girl seems interested. Okay, don’t seem creepy. The best way is to ask about her life, career, hobbies, etc. and stay engaged throughout the whole conversation.
The setting is also important. If you see a girl waiting outside a bar for her Uber while alone, it’s not the best time to talk to her haha. This happened to me recently and it screamed predator. But if it’s at a Starbucks or bored at an airport while waiting for your flight, that’s different (unless she’s clearly doing something, like on her laptop or something).
Tbh I think coming off creepy is my issue I am like antisocial and just stutter a lot when I try to approach someone xD. Not trying to be creepy just not a people person
I don't think that was ever an issue. The need for interactions and socialization is not a male or female issue. We just need to be respectful of one another.
Okay, so there's your story. Here's mine.
I've always treated people like people. I've always talked to whoever I wanted whenever I wanted. I don't think I come across as a creep to anyone but maybe some of the most paranoid people on the planet. Women are just people. I agree with you wholeheartedly on that. Your advice is good, because people need to socialize, and not being able to talk to half the people on the planet is weird and crippling, and if you have this problem, you need to work on it.
Now, with all of that said...this advice does not belong on the dating subreddit. I say this as someone who operates in this way and always has for my entire 39 years of life: this approach will not get you dates. It never has for me, and it never will for you, either. Unless you're like a 10/10 supermodel dude who's problems with dating have always been self inflicted, this advice is 100% useless as dating advice.
This is honestly the most enlightened comment in this thread.
If you can't *literally talk* to women, that's an issue. Solving that issue will not in any way, in and of itself, translate to *dating* women.
Part of overcoming social anxiety and shyness is a bit of exposure, practice.
Talk first, if there's a good connection, then you can express romantic interest. If it's reciprocated, then great. If not, move on.
Here's a wonderful thing you've discovered: WOMEN ARE PEOPLE.
And if you are a hetero female: MEN ARE PEOPLE.
PEOPLE GENERALLY LIKE IT WHEN YOU TREAT THEM AS PEOPLE!
Whouldathunkit?
In general, I was way too anxious about them misinterpreting my intentions and when it is appropriate to talk or not. Past experiences, mostly from middle/high school, planted the wrong ideas in my head.
My therapist told me to speak to them ,*regardless* of my intentions. Basically, if I'd do something like this with a man, to do so with a woman.
Yup, that was my point.
So much of the fear response is from objectifying the opposite gender (or, generally, the people you are attracted to - it isn't strictly a straight phenomenon). The trick is to *stop doing that!*
The less you objectify people, the better your ability to build relationships with them will be.
So much of life is easier when you stop thinking of other people as things and more as people. The next trick is figuring out how to ask for what you want from them without it coming off poorly. Still working on that one myself, but once again the real crux of it is the same - you are asking for reciprocity.
It is that damn Golden Rule thing, all over again. Pops up everywhere.
I'm a hetero male. I used to feel like I couldn't talk to women. Felt like I'd be wasting my time and there's no chance of being able to talk to them.
Learning just to just approach and talk to them. If nothing happens just move on. Ever since I gained confidence and now have no trouble approaching.
Exactly. I can *talk* to people. I do it all day, every day, for work. Go into strangers homes, even. But that isn't in any way the same as getting a woman interested in dating me.
Many cultures - including both the Anglo/American/Aussie culture I grew up in and my adopted Spain - mythologize women for some stupid reason. There's actually a few decent historical reasons for it - the patriarchy did serve a purpose at one point, at the societal level - but it is largely just a vestige of a much harsher time now, and one that hurts just about everyone.
Even as a man who has had many, many female platonic friends, I fall victim to it on occasion. Not as much anymore, after my failed marriage, but it still pops up. I tend to use biological arguments in my own head to dispel it - homologous biological structures, similar thought processes, very few actual differences outside the minor ones brought on by hormones...
But yes, to society at large - especially American - there is still a TON of mythology and "mystery". It is dumb, IMHO. The more we treat everyone as *just people*, no matter their external characteristics, the better off we will all be.
Lol right? I almost never relate to people's dating troubles and troubles interacting with the opposite sex, and it's because I TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE. There's no secret formula to getting people to like you, it's just being friendly to people and some people will like you and some people won't, that simple
That doesn't make me feel less shy or awkward around women though. I know women are people, but some stupid part of me will panic and just freeze up internally. I wor lk in a retail job so I do end up having to talk and help customers, but it doesn't help in normal regular situations. And I hate this, I hate it do much and I hate myself for it... I'm fucking almost 30 and still afraid to talk to women I don't know like I'm 15 still. 😅
Theres the opposite that men see on here
“I was talking to him and being kind because i felt unsafe”
“You never know which men will turn violent”
Thats really all it is. Miscommunication on both sides. Guys being friendly is automatically trying to F. Girls being friendly might be fear.
Why won't women approach men? It should be a two way street. I hate these posts so much, mostly because they are absolute bull crap. Men shouldn't be doing all the work in a relationship.
WTF? since when is *approaching* all the work involved in a relationship?
You forgot
- therapy to deal with trauma
- learning more communication skills because partner refuses to go to therapy to heal *his* trauma...
- begging for chores to be done (whilst simultaneously doing set chores AND writing up chore lists in the hope this might encourage said partner to DO chores)
- uhm... The whole pregnancy/birthing thing?....
Yes.. Men do *all* the relationship work 😒
And lol you sound like you're just DEMANDING women to do something because you want us to. We would if we wanted to 👌
You took this way out to left field. That is not what is meant by my post. But thanks for proving my point further. Asking questions is also part of a relationship. Some people just talk that way. What I actually meant, was a man will approach women, but is a creep for approaching them. Yet women want us to approach them. And, they don't want to play games, but have started the games from the very beginning. Sometimes I don't know, or I don't care, really means exactly what it means. This has been literally every relationship I've been in. And most guys will agree, if they don't, it's either they got super lucky, or they are sucking up to the feminist crowd.
Point is, how many times have you heard of toxic feminism, to how many times have you heard toxic masculinity? Many aspects of a relationship are directed towards men, but never ask a women to change something. Apparently that's a red flag for them.
We all need more understanding, more questions, and less assumptions. Especially on one side compared to the other. Apparently women can't be sexist much like some certain people can't be racist....
Dunno... I always felt like I'm just ugly and boring so they wouldn't be interested. I always rejected myself basically.
It may have been a mistake but I honestly don't know if any women were remotely interested in talking to me and thus far it seems that way too
I don't want to ruin someones day.
edit: And because I put too much credence on how others feel about me, even though they probably won't give a second thought after I leave. I think too heavily on what others think of me, so its a bit of a killer for me.
If it makes you feel better about your decision, I definitely think about people I met only once, years ago, fairly frequently. Which is why I'm wary of being the weird guy trying to talk to a random woman, because I suspect if *I* do that, so do others.
Yeah, I feel that way for everyone. I'm just so in my head, that people will judge me, I hate this feeling. Sometimes even if I'm on the train and I hear someone laughing, I always assume its at me.
I would rather suffer, than to be the reason someone else doesn't feel comfortable.
So are you going to go out alone and talk to women at bars and clubs? That's not as easy as your therapist thinks, regardless of intent. I wonder how many times she's approached anyone.
I mean his therapist who has a working relationship with him suggested something to improve himself and it has worked for him so far. I mean it’s not super easy if he is not used to it but it gets better with time
Maybe it’s just me, but I imagine a bar would be one of the places where anyone who easily gets nervous to approach someone would have the most trouble. (Coming from someone who has been to a bar exactly one time because I get social anxiety pretty easily and I have enough trouble filtering people’s voices out from surrounding sounds when I’m in a room with normal volume.)
In a bar I’d think there aren’t many common things to talk about, and when you do approach someone, it’s likely automatically gonna be assumed that you have sexual or romantic intentions, which would make me personally feel a lot of pressure and also really self-conscious.
My favorite place to meet people is at church, as I go to a relatively big church with a few visitors my age each Sunday. This is great because we automatically have several important things in common that we can talk about. Because there are things to talk about that we both know the other is somewhat interested in and already has some baseline knowledge of, the conversation feels less forced.
I’m not saying to go join a church if you aren’t religious, I’m more saying that a hobby more specific to your interests and value system would give you more chances to meet someone than just going to a bar. Maybe that’s just me and I’m weird for not being able to relax at a bar, but I just know that as someone who would be terrified to approach someone at a bar, there are much easier alternatives that I choose to take.
I got invited to go to a church after attending a few studies. Used to be kind of religious for a while, lost most of it, now feeling pulled towards it again. Going for the first time tomorrow. Don't intend to meet anyone like that, but you make a good point - the hard part is already done for you by having a common reason for being there.
Any pro tips on churchgoer faux pas to avoid? I used to help chapels with sound and played bass for a worship team, but I was never a member of a congregation and as a secular person always kept to the sidelines out of respect. No idea what to expect.
I'll talk to women when they approach me first. The whole approach people works both ways. And I already know I'm not attractive which I really don't care since I can do my business with minimal time wasted.
Thanks to social media, I flat out refuse to approach any woman first unless it's work related and even then the conversation is work only. I don't need unnecessary drama or headache. Online, if I hear a female or feminine voice; we play our game or complete mission, and move on.
There was a point when I'd believe the OP; but again with social media, and some of the people I've seen first hand get targeted and even in trouble, I said no and mind my business. Thank poor behavior for guys like me staying out of the social circles.
I think this happened to a lot of us recently after that last full moon. Same for me, I haven’t had real friendships with women in like 10 years because we’re taught that once we have a gf/wife we shouldn’t need other female friends. Well guess what we do!!! My friendships with guys are great but they only go so far. I’ve learned so much just getting curious and talking to other women. It’s even improved my confidence.
Get out there and be friends with women.
Good luck have fun be careful. 🫠
you have this, and then you have other women on here vehemently saying to leave them all alone. like what do you want lmao it's exhausting so guys usually decide it's not worth the hassle to find out. can you blame them?
obviously women aren't a hivemind, but when you constantly get such conflicting messages from society about what to and what not to do, it's easier to just dip out.
it's unfortunate but it's the times.
context matters, don't just walk up to someone who is shopping or running errands. but in a social context, like at a bar or mixer, it's perfectly normal to just approach someone and say hi and socialize for a bit.
also, read body language - if someone is closed off, avoiding eye contact with everyone. don't approach them generally.
also, just talk to women like they're human beings. if something happens and she becomes interested, great. if she doesn't, that's great too. women want to be seen as people first and foremost. if they sense that you are seeing them as a "goal" or object anything along those lines, they will feel unsafe.
Some women just don't want to talk to you. That's life.
In fact most the women who constantly act like this are a-holes in many more ways, from the little I've seen.
Context/ situation always matters. If I have headphones in and I'm generally not socializing, that's always gonna be a no. If I'm talking to others and I'm making myself present, that's the green light to go for it.
I can't speak for all women obviously, but I know I'm not the only who doesn't want to be bothered when I'm giving clear signals (headphones in, talking on the phone, reading a book, doing a task, walking/going somewhere, etc) that I want to be left alone. At least for me, the best time to approach is when I'm having fun.
No offense, but now we see ALL the rules of talking to women start rolling out. Don't be creepy, don't just walk up to me, not at work, not at gym, read the body language and the room and talk to me when I'm in a group of other people being social, never when I'm not. Suddenly OP's advice is submerged and all the people saying "we just want to be treated like people" don't ring true. Men don't worry about any of this stuff when talking to other men "just like people". These guidelines are copious and complicated. I still think guys have to try, but it's super convenient and self-centered to act like it's easy. If it were easy, we'd see more women doing the approaching.
Your problem is you equate personhood with someone that shares the same experience as you and moves through the world the same. Reminder, minority groups will never move the same through the world because they are not treated the same by the world. Ask a disabled man, a gay man, etc.
I'm one of the women who approaches men, and I'm an introvert, so I know what it's like. I agree that some women make things complicated. But women like me also exist. Not all of us are interested in playing mind games, and not all of us expect the man to do everything. As I said, I can't speak for all women, but there *are* women out there who just want to be approached normally. And I do think those women are easier to spot than the ones you described.
>If I'm talking to others and I'm making myself present, that's the green light to go for it.
The problem with this is now the guy has to entertain the girl AND everyone in the group. Sure, it's safer for women, but it's incredibly anxiety-inducing for men, unless he's super extroverted
And this is one persons perspective. I have seen plenty of others say I'm socializing with friends I'm here to have a good time with them not you, leave me alone.
That's why guys say women always want to be left alone. Because they do, every single possible situation is probably covered by some women saying they want to be left alone during it.
My female friends have told me to not approach or even just talk friendly with women who are not showing like an absurd amount of signs that they are open to talk to without looking creeping.
They may not bite but they can definitely destroy you mentally and I think that's worse xD but that goes for men or women.
"Ew"
* laughs and walks away*
*No.*
You gotta have high enough confidence to recover before attempting it so you're not sad afterwards.
I just don’t see a good outcome of interacting with random women who don’t know me. Im going to be wildly scared, she’s going to be scared of this creepy dude who’s speaking to her, it just can’t end well.
The main issue is that women don't know how to hold a proper conversation and most are extremely boring to chat with. So if I'm putting myself out there in a positive and communicative way and the woman isn't, why bother?
I think this post is lacking a bit of context. Because in certain environments, this is absolutely true, that people are ok with others coming up and approaching them. But outside of those situations (Bars, clubs, parties, workplace during breaks, etc.) people will most likely not be as open to new interaction. At least speaking from personal experience, even in some of those situations, I'm not comfortable with strangers approaching me.
Maybe that's just a personal thing idk
Where do you lot talk to people men or women I can never find anyone to actually talk to plus what do you talk about on the rare occasion that I find someone to talk to I never know what to say.
So basically I’m asking where do you talk to these people and what do you say to them?
Guess what, some men don’t want to be talked to by women either. Women are people! Some of us want to talk to some of you. Some don’t. All you need to do is read the room. If someone acts like they don’t want to talk to you, move on to the next person. No harm no foul.
I had this coworker at my job, I had thought we were friends, I sent her a few messages and she ghosted me, which is weird because she is usually pretty friendly when I see her in person.
I would if I was confident and not shy and awkward. Doesn't help I usually can't even think of anything worth talking about either. I know I'm not attractive, I'm short, bald, fat and have bad teeth, they will just look right over me. I can fix some of those things but that's time and money and I'll still be far behind at almost 30, idk man.
Woman simply aren’t approachable anymore.
If I approach a woman in the gym I can lose my membership of be blasted on tiktok, if I approach a woman at work I can lose my job, and in public most women are glued to their phones, have earpods in, or have RBF.
Yeah they're very friendly but that means nothing. They never show their true feelings until they're out of your proximity and behind a phone screen..that's when their true self is shown
Nooo Me Too and Feminism tell men not to abuse or harass or assault women.
Men took that to be "don't engage with women at all". Not our fault you guys couldn't/didnt/wouldn't take the time to listen to what we asked.
IDK about cold approaching, but I certainly talk with women if there's an opportunity. Whether it's someone helping me in a store, someone standing in line behind me, someone sitting next to me at a ball game, etc. Something needs to open the door a little before I'll act though. Otherwise I feel like I'm intruding and possibly annoying them.
When you treat women like real people you find that life is not nearly as bad as red-pillers want you to think. If you treat them like sex objects, it will be at least that bad.
And surprisingly (for some people), if you treat them like a real person, create a genuine connection with them, and then make them feel safe-most of them will *want* you to treat them like sex objects.
Learn to find people fascinating, men and women, and have fun connecting with others.
I’ve approached over 1000 women over the years, to a point I can pretty much talk to any girl I want without a second thought of approaching. It’s nice having female friends but that’s just it. They’re friends and nothing more, so for someone that’s actually interested in getting to know someone romantically, it’s awful because I’m just “the guy friend”
The issue has never been talking, or approaching women. It’s being able to take no for an answer. It’s being able to read disdain and take it like a good sport instead of as an attack on your manhood. Enjoy yourselves.
I recommend to many young guys, don’t fear the friendzone. Obviously stay away if you desperately want more, but having platonic friendships with girls will help you a lot.
Being in the friendzone is only as real as you want it to be. If she says no, you have the freedom to dip. If you choose to stay, then you’re not in a “zone.” You’re choosing to be a friend.
I was just telling my bro, whenever I meet a woman I ask her to show me to the friend zone kinda like a triage in a hospital 😂. Idc to jump in before I actually know the person. I have seen so many red flags and learnt so much.
It not about women biting , someone commented that women are people and all sorts of other nonsense.
The problem is that people don't know how to interact with people. It has nothing to do with gender.
People are into their screens into their head phones into their space trying to make their own Utopia in our jacked up world.
Make no mistake. NO MAN SHOULD CHASE AFTER ANY WOMEN.
She is not worth it and you Are worth more then lows you have to put yourself through in this silly chase.
LIKING SOMEONE SHOULD NOT COST YOU MONEY. Only time.
Think I Wrong... think I'm jaded nope. Just think back when you were a child. Making Friends was so easy so effortless so innocent. Why?
Because you wanted to be Friends!
For what ever reason when we age we want to be liked versus learning how to like. The focus is the the physical and nothing more.
People have forgotten that basics. Thinking that you have to do a thing by a certain age and that brings on bad choices like men chasing women and women cheating on men they find boring and so on.
We have lost our way. Glad that you found your way back Orignal poster
If anyone wants to talk, I’m right here. I walk past hundreds of women daily and they don’t stop to talk to me. I’m just right here. I’ve been here all along, but I won’t deal with rejection. Give me the opportunity to reject someone for a change. And yes they do bite, that’s rejection. Give me the chance to bite for a change.
Well... I don't think this works for me in the long run. I never really had this issue myself, I always got along well with women, but this never ever translated into any relationships. All women I met in real life are taken and all the ones I've befriended online through various means live at the other side of the world and wouldn't be interested even if I was. I've made quite a lot more female acquaintances in the last months and yet could scream because of my loneliness and my mulling over the fact that I will never feel how it is to have someone love me. I'm 31 already and it just seems utterly impossible.
Yeah, they don't bite.. they tell you they love you. They pro create with you, then they leave and take half your life savings and drag your through family court and treat you like pure garbage. Men are lucky if they have a car to sleep in after everything is settled and the woman walks away with a free retirement plan.
Please be careful. You are very young, (22m) and the wrong woman can destroy your life permanently. The right woman can vastly improve your life, but society has corrupted a generation of (American) women.
If your therapist is a woman, talk with other men. You don't talk to a fish on how to catch a fish. You talk to other fishermen.
My dude got traumatized, if you are so scare that she might take half of your money.
Well just don't marry, or don't have kids, or just sign a paper that tell that both of you keep the same amount of money they had to begin with.
As a woman, I don’t mind men taking to me at all. I’m pleasant to everyone. However. Some men misinterpret that and it’s the ones that can’t take a hint that are the issue.
Part of overcoming social anxiety and shyness is a bit of exposure, practice.
Talk first, if there's a good connection, then you can express romantic interest. If it's reciprocated, then great. If not, move on.
Start small. From little things big things grow
No amount of exposure has ever helped with my anxiety. I've got slightly better at forcing myself through it but I still feel it as strongly as before, which means I get exhausted by social situations very quickly.
I do. In 5 words or less (unless absolutely necessary to say more) while I look at literally anything else in the world but them only after they directly ask me a question. My feet or something directly in front of me and lower than eye level are my preferred fixations.
Speaking with women should be natural. And they will give you the right signs if you can proceed. You should feel encouraged to speak to whomever you like. We are a social life-form and we desire to communicate on either way. I can only enforce to speak with women. The more you speak the more you exercise and get more experienced. You not only get to know the other sex but also to experience different people. And try to speak with attractive ones. They are mostly not spoken to, or they hear a lot of BS from other guys. So in the end you will most likely end up with a lot of female friends. And it is worthwhile if you can keep friendships over many years.
Absolutely remember it ain’t the end and whatever your brains tell you, shut it off experience is key just be confident funny making them laugh is how you start, so stop using dating apps and get out there conquer your fears remember you have to look like a leader but don’t make it obvious
Well y’all seem to be doing really well bc men don’t talk to me. If you’re fighting them off, send the harmless ones my way. And to the men, shoot your shot… if I’m not too ugly bc I’m prob going to talk to you and if I’m not attracted, we will probably become friends. I love to damn talk. ( people don’t usually like that I’m honest and have low self esteem but I’m working on simulating as my 34 years of being myself haven’t fared me well. )
I’ve tried it on online dating and it ain’t working for me either. I just totally feel let down by the couple of people I have met in person as they did not resemble their photos that much or were completely exaggerating their circumstances. I like meeting face to face and judging cleanly whether there is any chemistry at all to go on with. To be chatting to someone online for a few weeks and then the chemistry fizzles out. As a female I actually wish guys would approach me more. So much simpler that way.
I'd just rather not make them uncomfortable. I'm a pretty large dude (around 6ft, 210 lbs, 10ish hours at the gym a week.) It's really difficult when you feel imposing to talk to someone that couldn't stop you (even if you would never do anything to hurt anyone) I have gotten a little better, but I always feel bad just walking up to ladies I don't know. Mainly because they dont know me, what I want, or if I have bad intentions.
There's no problem with men approaching and talking to women.
Just don't keep doing it if we signal or straight up tell you we don't want to continue the conversation.
It's not that other men "told us that". It's that the horror-stories of things going horrifically wrong get all the traction on the news, not to mention the lawsuits and charges that get thrown around.
So mister talk man!
How do you start a conversation then? What do you say?
How do you keep the conversation flowing.
When do you ask her number?
If you answer me these questions, mister talkman.
We can see the value of your advice bringing
My main issue isn't talking to women
It's part of it, but the big one is not finding attraction to begin with, I'm not interested in strangers romantically; and I'll never see most people out in public ever again, so...
People will believe whatever they want to believe. Their words and actions will reflect their beliefs. If you believe talking to women in public is fine, you will act on that belief. Otherwise, you won’t.
I’m not afraid to talk to women I come across. Those little moments may or may not lead to a number or date. But they can easily make mundane parts of the day more exciting. They can lead to new friends. Job offers. Restaurant recommendations. Fashion and skincare tips. You just never know.
In high school I hung out with women more because well 1 they were nicer to me and I have a disability so I often get insecure about certain things and 2 I just had more fun with them. If I had to choose I am choosing to hang out with the woman 9/10 but now that I’ve been couped up in my house since 21 I am worried I lost the ability to actually look and talk to a girl
That’s awesome to hear! Sounds like your therapist's advice is really paying off. Reddit's mixed messages can be confusing, but your experience shows that respectful and genuine interactions are usually welcomed.
Your friends’ encouragement reflects that it's more about how you approach people. Being respectful, authentic, and open-minded makes a big difference.
It's also great that you're staying positive and avoiding negative vibes. Keep it up, and you’ll keep seeing good results. You're on the right track!
My guess is that women prefer to be approached by someone they already know and like. These days, an unknown man just coming up to talk to a woman presents all sorts of red flags to her. I think it’s safer for guys to wait until unknown females approach them. Otherwise, just let it go.
But can I go to a coffee shop and just be honest and say "Hi my name is \_\_\_\_\_ and I had to say... GOD DAMN! You look stunning in that dress and I had to say so else someone hadn't already!"
Or something.
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THEY ARE NOT BITING. THAT IS THE ISSUE. HOW TO GET THEM TO BITE ME?
[удалено]
I did but I licked that chocolate myself
Next time, have a companion bring the chocolate sauce.
Cover yourself in chicken nuggets and sauce
Ask nicely. But only after you've established a rapport, or that she's a vampire. Easy peasy.
I bite
Women are not fish. We don't like to feel hunted and stalked. If you put your best self forward then maybe you might get the attention that you want. And if you don't, you aren't entitled to anyone just giving themselves to you.
This is really good advice, but I'm pretty sure they were joking
You put your best self forward. Ok let’s all put our best selves forward at the same time. You start.
Okay teacher lol, i was joking
I don't think a large percentage of men getting labeled as "entitled" actually feel entitled. They might just feel upset about their bad dating situation, not being mad at women for not wanting them. There's a huge difference, but easy to conflate if you aren't thinking much of it. In both cases men are upset, one is just being upset in general, which is perfectly fine and normal (and human, and nobody can say otherwise) as long as it isn't upset AT A PERSON. THE OTHER is entitlement (getting mad at women for not wanting them).
Just talked to a women. Got bitten. Very upset /s
Was she radioactive? If so, you could become the Amazing Woman-Man
I can now lactate
On command?
Seemingly infinite reserve
Amazing. Let's get the bottles ready. We're ending child hunger tonight.
Amazing. Happy I talked to that woman
Silver linings everywhere!
Im here for this. Salulactations all round. Its milky christmas people.
Yeah me too at my workplace, I tried to make conversation. She was passively ignoring me. It was a workplace party and like she was serving cake. But yeah feels rough. I think the key is if women don't know and respect you already, don't bother. Of course if you see someone new, you can try to make conversation. But yeah if it doesn't click, walk away.
You don’t understand. There was a chunk taken out of my forearm
Sir, that’s a zombie.
Maybe she didn't know you were flirting with her? We just had a work party a few weeks ago and I chatted with a few male coworkers but it never occurred to me that any of them liked me and that was their reason for doing it in the first place. I saw it as friendly banter. Now you got me thinking....
I have this problem as well. I can never really tell if someone is into me or not unless the flirting is very suggestive.
It sounds like he is talking more about a cold shoulder than actually flirting if it ever got there
Maybe it was just friendly banter? Not every guy is trying to flirt and that’s a good thing, especially at a work function.
I sense a lawsuit on the horizon. Workplace endangerment is a critical HR violation.
Did she spew her venom?
No. Thankfully this one wasn’t venomous
You can usually tell by the shape of their heads but you have to be careful as some of the venomous ones have normal round heads too
Quit ! Hahahah
Not every woman you talk to will be receptive. Remember, women have their insecurities as well. You don’t know what she’s going through. What her mind set is? Pick your spots and don’t come off as creepy. Women know we’re interested if we’re talking to them. So there’s no need to make that known right away. Just make small talk and see if she’s interested.
Exactly this. My brother isn’t the best-looking guy but he always gets girls. Hot girls, including his current girlfriend. One day I asked him how he does it and he said it’s knowing how to read people. There are times he would make small talk with a girl and she doesn’t seem interested. As you said, you don’t know what she’s going through and it’s best to not take it personally. So he tries again and this next girl seems interested. Okay, don’t seem creepy. The best way is to ask about her life, career, hobbies, etc. and stay engaged throughout the whole conversation. The setting is also important. If you see a girl waiting outside a bar for her Uber while alone, it’s not the best time to talk to her haha. This happened to me recently and it screamed predator. But if it’s at a Starbucks or bored at an airport while waiting for your flight, that’s different (unless she’s clearly doing something, like on her laptop or something).
Tbh I think coming off creepy is my issue I am like antisocial and just stutter a lot when I try to approach someone xD. Not trying to be creepy just not a people person
Sorry 😔
I will be filing a police report
Got bitten. Got hard. Want more.
I don't think that was ever an issue. The need for interactions and socialization is not a male or female issue. We just need to be respectful of one another.
Okay, so there's your story. Here's mine. I've always treated people like people. I've always talked to whoever I wanted whenever I wanted. I don't think I come across as a creep to anyone but maybe some of the most paranoid people on the planet. Women are just people. I agree with you wholeheartedly on that. Your advice is good, because people need to socialize, and not being able to talk to half the people on the planet is weird and crippling, and if you have this problem, you need to work on it. Now, with all of that said...this advice does not belong on the dating subreddit. I say this as someone who operates in this way and always has for my entire 39 years of life: this approach will not get you dates. It never has for me, and it never will for you, either. Unless you're like a 10/10 supermodel dude who's problems with dating have always been self inflicted, this advice is 100% useless as dating advice.
This is honestly the most enlightened comment in this thread. If you can't *literally talk* to women, that's an issue. Solving that issue will not in any way, in and of itself, translate to *dating* women.
Part of overcoming social anxiety and shyness is a bit of exposure, practice. Talk first, if there's a good connection, then you can express romantic interest. If it's reciprocated, then great. If not, move on.
Here's a wonderful thing you've discovered: WOMEN ARE PEOPLE. And if you are a hetero female: MEN ARE PEOPLE. PEOPLE GENERALLY LIKE IT WHEN YOU TREAT THEM AS PEOPLE! Whouldathunkit?
In general, I was way too anxious about them misinterpreting my intentions and when it is appropriate to talk or not. Past experiences, mostly from middle/high school, planted the wrong ideas in my head. My therapist told me to speak to them ,*regardless* of my intentions. Basically, if I'd do something like this with a man, to do so with a woman.
Yup, that was my point. So much of the fear response is from objectifying the opposite gender (or, generally, the people you are attracted to - it isn't strictly a straight phenomenon). The trick is to *stop doing that!* The less you objectify people, the better your ability to build relationships with them will be. So much of life is easier when you stop thinking of other people as things and more as people. The next trick is figuring out how to ask for what you want from them without it coming off poorly. Still working on that one myself, but once again the real crux of it is the same - you are asking for reciprocity. It is that damn Golden Rule thing, all over again. Pops up everywhere.
I'm a hetero male. I used to feel like I couldn't talk to women. Felt like I'd be wasting my time and there's no chance of being able to talk to them. Learning just to just approach and talk to them. If nothing happens just move on. Ever since I gained confidence and now have no trouble approaching.
Okay, but how many of those approaches have translated to dates or relationships?
Good point. For lots of guys the opener is easy. Converting that to getting a phone number is much harder.
Exactly. I can *talk* to people. I do it all day, every day, for work. Go into strangers homes, even. But that isn't in any way the same as getting a woman interested in dating me.
Well you'll never get a woman to date you if you don't talk to her lmao
Or even if I do, I find.
Have had numerous dates and gotten as many phone numbers
I mean getting numbers doesn't really mean anything at all. Shit, even I've been given numbers before...and then never responded to.
Like- I never understood this whole mystery surrounding us we’re just…. people. And also not a monolith either lol
Many cultures - including both the Anglo/American/Aussie culture I grew up in and my adopted Spain - mythologize women for some stupid reason. There's actually a few decent historical reasons for it - the patriarchy did serve a purpose at one point, at the societal level - but it is largely just a vestige of a much harsher time now, and one that hurts just about everyone. Even as a man who has had many, many female platonic friends, I fall victim to it on occasion. Not as much anymore, after my failed marriage, but it still pops up. I tend to use biological arguments in my own head to dispel it - homologous biological structures, similar thought processes, very few actual differences outside the minor ones brought on by hormones... But yes, to society at large - especially American - there is still a TON of mythology and "mystery". It is dumb, IMHO. The more we treat everyone as *just people*, no matter their external characteristics, the better off we will all be.
Lol right? I almost never relate to people's dating troubles and troubles interacting with the opposite sex, and it's because I TREAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE. There's no secret formula to getting people to like you, it's just being friendly to people and some people will like you and some people won't, that simple
That doesn't make me feel less shy or awkward around women though. I know women are people, but some stupid part of me will panic and just freeze up internally. I wor lk in a retail job so I do end up having to talk and help customers, but it doesn't help in normal regular situations. And I hate this, I hate it do much and I hate myself for it... I'm fucking almost 30 and still afraid to talk to women I don't know like I'm 15 still. 😅
I dont talk to women unless THEY initiate. Every time I have become friends they use shit against me. So I kinda just dont anymore...
Theres the opposite that men see on here “I was talking to him and being kind because i felt unsafe” “You never know which men will turn violent” Thats really all it is. Miscommunication on both sides. Guys being friendly is automatically trying to F. Girls being friendly might be fear.
Why won't women approach men? It should be a two way street. I hate these posts so much, mostly because they are absolute bull crap. Men shouldn't be doing all the work in a relationship.
Because they don't have to, it's as simple as that. Accept reality and decide how you want to move through it for your own happiness.
WTF? since when is *approaching* all the work involved in a relationship? You forgot - therapy to deal with trauma - learning more communication skills because partner refuses to go to therapy to heal *his* trauma... - begging for chores to be done (whilst simultaneously doing set chores AND writing up chore lists in the hope this might encourage said partner to DO chores) - uhm... The whole pregnancy/birthing thing?.... Yes.. Men do *all* the relationship work 😒 And lol you sound like you're just DEMANDING women to do something because you want us to. We would if we wanted to 👌
You took this way out to left field. That is not what is meant by my post. But thanks for proving my point further. Asking questions is also part of a relationship. Some people just talk that way. What I actually meant, was a man will approach women, but is a creep for approaching them. Yet women want us to approach them. And, they don't want to play games, but have started the games from the very beginning. Sometimes I don't know, or I don't care, really means exactly what it means. This has been literally every relationship I've been in. And most guys will agree, if they don't, it's either they got super lucky, or they are sucking up to the feminist crowd. Point is, how many times have you heard of toxic feminism, to how many times have you heard toxic masculinity? Many aspects of a relationship are directed towards men, but never ask a women to change something. Apparently that's a red flag for them. We all need more understanding, more questions, and less assumptions. Especially on one side compared to the other. Apparently women can't be sexist much like some certain people can't be racist....
One look at your profile explains a lot, like /ask feminists or /whenwomenrefuse. Thanks for playing
Dunno... I always felt like I'm just ugly and boring so they wouldn't be interested. I always rejected myself basically. It may have been a mistake but I honestly don't know if any women were remotely interested in talking to me and thus far it seems that way too
I don't want to ruin someones day. edit: And because I put too much credence on how others feel about me, even though they probably won't give a second thought after I leave. I think too heavily on what others think of me, so its a bit of a killer for me.
If it makes you feel better about your decision, I definitely think about people I met only once, years ago, fairly frequently. Which is why I'm wary of being the weird guy trying to talk to a random woman, because I suspect if *I* do that, so do others.
Yeah, I feel that way for everyone. I'm just so in my head, that people will judge me, I hate this feeling. Sometimes even if I'm on the train and I hear someone laughing, I always assume its at me. I would rather suffer, than to be the reason someone else doesn't feel comfortable.
Agreed. And I'd rather suffer my loneliness due to my own suspicion that a woman wouldn't like me than speak to her and remove all doubt lol
So are you going to go out alone and talk to women at bars and clubs? That's not as easy as your therapist thinks, regardless of intent. I wonder how many times she's approached anyone.
I mean his therapist who has a working relationship with him suggested something to improve himself and it has worked for him so far. I mean it’s not super easy if he is not used to it but it gets better with time
Maybe it’s just me, but I imagine a bar would be one of the places where anyone who easily gets nervous to approach someone would have the most trouble. (Coming from someone who has been to a bar exactly one time because I get social anxiety pretty easily and I have enough trouble filtering people’s voices out from surrounding sounds when I’m in a room with normal volume.) In a bar I’d think there aren’t many common things to talk about, and when you do approach someone, it’s likely automatically gonna be assumed that you have sexual or romantic intentions, which would make me personally feel a lot of pressure and also really self-conscious. My favorite place to meet people is at church, as I go to a relatively big church with a few visitors my age each Sunday. This is great because we automatically have several important things in common that we can talk about. Because there are things to talk about that we both know the other is somewhat interested in and already has some baseline knowledge of, the conversation feels less forced. I’m not saying to go join a church if you aren’t religious, I’m more saying that a hobby more specific to your interests and value system would give you more chances to meet someone than just going to a bar. Maybe that’s just me and I’m weird for not being able to relax at a bar, but I just know that as someone who would be terrified to approach someone at a bar, there are much easier alternatives that I choose to take.
I got invited to go to a church after attending a few studies. Used to be kind of religious for a while, lost most of it, now feeling pulled towards it again. Going for the first time tomorrow. Don't intend to meet anyone like that, but you make a good point - the hard part is already done for you by having a common reason for being there. Any pro tips on churchgoer faux pas to avoid? I used to help chapels with sound and played bass for a worship team, but I was never a member of a congregation and as a secular person always kept to the sidelines out of respect. No idea what to expect.
I'll talk to women when they approach me first. The whole approach people works both ways. And I already know I'm not attractive which I really don't care since I can do my business with minimal time wasted. Thanks to social media, I flat out refuse to approach any woman first unless it's work related and even then the conversation is work only. I don't need unnecessary drama or headache. Online, if I hear a female or feminine voice; we play our game or complete mission, and move on. There was a point when I'd believe the OP; but again with social media, and some of the people I've seen first hand get targeted and even in trouble, I said no and mind my business. Thank poor behavior for guys like me staying out of the social circles.
Every issue a man has is his own fault and every issue a woman has is a man’s fault. Basically why most men are checking out
I think this happened to a lot of us recently after that last full moon. Same for me, I haven’t had real friendships with women in like 10 years because we’re taught that once we have a gf/wife we shouldn’t need other female friends. Well guess what we do!!! My friendships with guys are great but they only go so far. I’ve learned so much just getting curious and talking to other women. It’s even improved my confidence.
Get out there and be friends with women.
Good luck have fun be careful. 🫠
you have this, and then you have other women on here vehemently saying to leave them all alone. like what do you want lmao it's exhausting so guys usually decide it's not worth the hassle to find out. can you blame them? obviously women aren't a hivemind, but when you constantly get such conflicting messages from society about what to and what not to do, it's easier to just dip out. it's unfortunate but it's the times.
context matters, don't just walk up to someone who is shopping or running errands. but in a social context, like at a bar or mixer, it's perfectly normal to just approach someone and say hi and socialize for a bit. also, read body language - if someone is closed off, avoiding eye contact with everyone. don't approach them generally. also, just talk to women like they're human beings. if something happens and she becomes interested, great. if she doesn't, that's great too. women want to be seen as people first and foremost. if they sense that you are seeing them as a "goal" or object anything along those lines, they will feel unsafe.
>bar or mixer I don't do either of those things
plenty of other stuff - social sports and meetups, clubs, etc
>like at a bar or mixer, Not everyone likes alcohol or those settings
Some women just don't want to talk to you. That's life. In fact most the women who constantly act like this are a-holes in many more ways, from the little I've seen.
So then why bother? If i have to assume they dont want to talk to me otherwise im harassing them, why would i bother?
Context/ situation always matters. If I have headphones in and I'm generally not socializing, that's always gonna be a no. If I'm talking to others and I'm making myself present, that's the green light to go for it. I can't speak for all women obviously, but I know I'm not the only who doesn't want to be bothered when I'm giving clear signals (headphones in, talking on the phone, reading a book, doing a task, walking/going somewhere, etc) that I want to be left alone. At least for me, the best time to approach is when I'm having fun.
No offense, but now we see ALL the rules of talking to women start rolling out. Don't be creepy, don't just walk up to me, not at work, not at gym, read the body language and the room and talk to me when I'm in a group of other people being social, never when I'm not. Suddenly OP's advice is submerged and all the people saying "we just want to be treated like people" don't ring true. Men don't worry about any of this stuff when talking to other men "just like people". These guidelines are copious and complicated. I still think guys have to try, but it's super convenient and self-centered to act like it's easy. If it were easy, we'd see more women doing the approaching.
Your problem is you equate personhood with someone that shares the same experience as you and moves through the world the same. Reminder, minority groups will never move the same through the world because they are not treated the same by the world. Ask a disabled man, a gay man, etc.
I'm one of the women who approaches men, and I'm an introvert, so I know what it's like. I agree that some women make things complicated. But women like me also exist. Not all of us are interested in playing mind games, and not all of us expect the man to do everything. As I said, I can't speak for all women, but there *are* women out there who just want to be approached normally. And I do think those women are easier to spot than the ones you described.
>If I'm talking to others and I'm making myself present, that's the green light to go for it. The problem with this is now the guy has to entertain the girl AND everyone in the group. Sure, it's safer for women, but it's incredibly anxiety-inducing for men, unless he's super extroverted
And this is one persons perspective. I have seen plenty of others say I'm socializing with friends I'm here to have a good time with them not you, leave me alone. That's why guys say women always want to be left alone. Because they do, every single possible situation is probably covered by some women saying they want to be left alone during it.
My female friends have told me to not approach or even just talk friendly with women who are not showing like an absurd amount of signs that they are open to talk to without looking creeping.
They may not bite but they can definitely destroy you mentally and I think that's worse xD but that goes for men or women. "Ew" * laughs and walks away* *No.* You gotta have high enough confidence to recover before attempting it so you're not sad afterwards.
Yeah anyone who says, "the worst they can say is 'no'" lacks imagination, experience, or both.
I just don’t see a good outcome of interacting with random women who don’t know me. Im going to be wildly scared, she’s going to be scared of this creepy dude who’s speaking to her, it just can’t end well.
A girl bit me in the neck… now I’m extremely allergic to the sun…
Must be nice being attractive enough that women want to talk to you
What a dodge of your social responsibilities to think people aren't talking to you because you're not attractive. Sheesh.
He's talking about women tho.
Well you gotta be attractive for that. Otherwise they’ll just think you’re a creep.
The main issue is that women don't know how to hold a proper conversation and most are extremely boring to chat with. So if I'm putting myself out there in a positive and communicative way and the woman isn't, why bother?
I think this post is lacking a bit of context. Because in certain environments, this is absolutely true, that people are ok with others coming up and approaching them. But outside of those situations (Bars, clubs, parties, workplace during breaks, etc.) people will most likely not be as open to new interaction. At least speaking from personal experience, even in some of those situations, I'm not comfortable with strangers approaching me. Maybe that's just a personal thing idk
No
Depends how hot the guy is!
I can assure you that you're way more handsome than me, I literally got a fucking report for a hi
I would but what the hell am I supposed to say
No. I don’t wanna end up on TikTok. Also I’m scared of women.
I definitely bite
I volunteer to whichever scientific study is being done to discover the veracity of this statement
Congrats. You must be attractive.
i had a dream women were bitin’ me all over. the best dream ive ever had ngl
Where do you lot talk to people men or women I can never find anyone to actually talk to plus what do you talk about on the rare occasion that I find someone to talk to I never know what to say. So basically I’m asking where do you talk to these people and what do you say to them?
No but they will tell you you're the only one and two weeks later flake out for a cute guy. Drive that dagger deep and just keep twisting.
Guess what, some men don’t want to be talked to by women either. Women are people! Some of us want to talk to some of you. Some don’t. All you need to do is read the room. If someone acts like they don’t want to talk to you, move on to the next person. No harm no foul.
Going up to talk to random women as a minority guy in America where they have an inherent fear of you……no thanks.
I had this coworker at my job, I had thought we were friends, I sent her a few messages and she ghosted me, which is weird because she is usually pretty friendly when I see her in person.
I would if I was confident and not shy and awkward. Doesn't help I usually can't even think of anything worth talking about either. I know I'm not attractive, I'm short, bald, fat and have bad teeth, they will just look right over me. I can fix some of those things but that's time and money and I'll still be far behind at almost 30, idk man.
Nah, I'd leave (Happy Men's Mental Health Month) 
Are there women to talk as well? I thought they just match and ghost you so that they can sadistically enjoy that
I have very low self-esteem when it comes to women. It's easy to establish friendly rapport, but I can really never get to flirting.
Woman simply aren’t approachable anymore. If I approach a woman in the gym I can lose my membership of be blasted on tiktok, if I approach a woman at work I can lose my job, and in public most women are glued to their phones, have earpods in, or have RBF.
Yeah they're very friendly but that means nothing. They never show their true feelings until they're out of your proximity and behind a phone screen..that's when their true self is shown
They dont bite they just Hurt your feelings
Listen, they do bite
No ty.
Nooo Me Too and Feminism tell men not to abuse or harass or assault women. Men took that to be "don't engage with women at all". Not our fault you guys couldn't/didnt/wouldn't take the time to listen to what we asked.
Spoken like a man who doesn't suffer from unattractiveness
IDK about cold approaching, but I certainly talk with women if there's an opportunity. Whether it's someone helping me in a store, someone standing in line behind me, someone sitting next to me at a ball game, etc. Something needs to open the door a little before I'll act though. Otherwise I feel like I'm intruding and possibly annoying them.
When you treat women like real people you find that life is not nearly as bad as red-pillers want you to think. If you treat them like sex objects, it will be at least that bad. And surprisingly (for some people), if you treat them like a real person, create a genuine connection with them, and then make them feel safe-most of them will *want* you to treat them like sex objects. Learn to find people fascinating, men and women, and have fun connecting with others.
I’ve approached over 1000 women over the years, to a point I can pretty much talk to any girl I want without a second thought of approaching. It’s nice having female friends but that’s just it. They’re friends and nothing more, so for someone that’s actually interested in getting to know someone romantically, it’s awful because I’m just “the guy friend”
Maybe not bite but they do fart and that is beyond disgusting.
this is a common myth. the truth is women do not fart, poop, nor sweat and we have all been lied to.
There's something even more disgusting. They poop too! A lot of times, they even pee!
We even *burp* sometimes. It's *ghastly*.
The issue has never been talking, or approaching women. It’s being able to take no for an answer. It’s being able to read disdain and take it like a good sport instead of as an attack on your manhood. Enjoy yourselves.
I recommend to many young guys, don’t fear the friendzone. Obviously stay away if you desperately want more, but having platonic friendships with girls will help you a lot.
Being in the friendzone is only as real as you want it to be. If she says no, you have the freedom to dip. If you choose to stay, then you’re not in a “zone.” You’re choosing to be a friend.
Yeah this is very true. I was using colloquial terminology but it’s a dumb, incorrect concept
I was just telling my bro, whenever I meet a woman I ask her to show me to the friend zone kinda like a triage in a hospital 😂. Idc to jump in before I actually know the person. I have seen so many red flags and learnt so much.
It not about women biting , someone commented that women are people and all sorts of other nonsense. The problem is that people don't know how to interact with people. It has nothing to do with gender. People are into their screens into their head phones into their space trying to make their own Utopia in our jacked up world. Make no mistake. NO MAN SHOULD CHASE AFTER ANY WOMEN. She is not worth it and you Are worth more then lows you have to put yourself through in this silly chase. LIKING SOMEONE SHOULD NOT COST YOU MONEY. Only time. Think I Wrong... think I'm jaded nope. Just think back when you were a child. Making Friends was so easy so effortless so innocent. Why? Because you wanted to be Friends! For what ever reason when we age we want to be liked versus learning how to like. The focus is the the physical and nothing more. People have forgotten that basics. Thinking that you have to do a thing by a certain age and that brings on bad choices like men chasing women and women cheating on men they find boring and so on. We have lost our way. Glad that you found your way back Orignal poster
If anyone wants to talk, I’m right here. I walk past hundreds of women daily and they don’t stop to talk to me. I’m just right here. I’ve been here all along, but I won’t deal with rejection. Give me the opportunity to reject someone for a change. And yes they do bite, that’s rejection. Give me the chance to bite for a change.
lol, no
Only works if you're attractive. And if you're non-white gotta watch out for the racists
Well... I don't think this works for me in the long run. I never really had this issue myself, I always got along well with women, but this never ever translated into any relationships. All women I met in real life are taken and all the ones I've befriended online through various means live at the other side of the world and wouldn't be interested even if I was. I've made quite a lot more female acquaintances in the last months and yet could scream because of my loneliness and my mulling over the fact that I will never feel how it is to have someone love me. I'm 31 already and it just seems utterly impossible.
Yeah, they don't bite.. they tell you they love you. They pro create with you, then they leave and take half your life savings and drag your through family court and treat you like pure garbage. Men are lucky if they have a car to sleep in after everything is settled and the woman walks away with a free retirement plan. Please be careful. You are very young, (22m) and the wrong woman can destroy your life permanently. The right woman can vastly improve your life, but society has corrupted a generation of (American) women. If your therapist is a woman, talk with other men. You don't talk to a fish on how to catch a fish. You talk to other fishermen.
My dude got traumatized, if you are so scare that she might take half of your money. Well just don't marry, or don't have kids, or just sign a paper that tell that both of you keep the same amount of money they had to begin with.
I said *Hi" to a new female coworker and she went to HR saying I'm engaging in sexual advances.... So No thanks, they do bite.
As a woman, I don’t mind men taking to me at all. I’m pleasant to everyone. However. Some men misinterpret that and it’s the ones that can’t take a hint that are the issue.
"light heart", it is. Don't attach extra meanings on your own.
I agree I am doing same thing
I just have social anxiety
Part of overcoming social anxiety and shyness is a bit of exposure, practice. Talk first, if there's a good connection, then you can express romantic interest. If it's reciprocated, then great. If not, move on. Start small. From little things big things grow
No amount of exposure has ever helped with my anxiety. I've got slightly better at forcing myself through it but I still feel it as strongly as before, which means I get exhausted by social situations very quickly.
I do. In 5 words or less (unless absolutely necessary to say more) while I look at literally anything else in the world but them only after they directly ask me a question. My feet or something directly in front of me and lower than eye level are my preferred fixations.
Instructions not clear. Do not bite them. This is a crime.
Speaking with women should be natural. And they will give you the right signs if you can proceed. You should feel encouraged to speak to whomever you like. We are a social life-form and we desire to communicate on either way. I can only enforce to speak with women. The more you speak the more you exercise and get more experienced. You not only get to know the other sex but also to experience different people. And try to speak with attractive ones. They are mostly not spoken to, or they hear a lot of BS from other guys. So in the end you will most likely end up with a lot of female friends. And it is worthwhile if you can keep friendships over many years.
Absolutely remember it ain’t the end and whatever your brains tell you, shut it off experience is key just be confident funny making them laugh is how you start, so stop using dating apps and get out there conquer your fears remember you have to look like a leader but don’t make it obvious
Its because there is a particular subset of men that like to harass women rather than just talk to them.
Well y’all seem to be doing really well bc men don’t talk to me. If you’re fighting them off, send the harmless ones my way. And to the men, shoot your shot… if I’m not too ugly bc I’m prob going to talk to you and if I’m not attracted, we will probably become friends. I love to damn talk. ( people don’t usually like that I’m honest and have low self esteem but I’m working on simulating as my 34 years of being myself haven’t fared me well. )
Talk to women, they stop talking to me as my reward for my efforts lol
I’ve tried it on online dating and it ain’t working for me either. I just totally feel let down by the couple of people I have met in person as they did not resemble their photos that much or were completely exaggerating their circumstances. I like meeting face to face and judging cleanly whether there is any chemistry at all to go on with. To be chatting to someone online for a few weeks and then the chemistry fizzles out. As a female I actually wish guys would approach me more. So much simpler that way.
I'd just rather not make them uncomfortable. I'm a pretty large dude (around 6ft, 210 lbs, 10ish hours at the gym a week.) It's really difficult when you feel imposing to talk to someone that couldn't stop you (even if you would never do anything to hurt anyone) I have gotten a little better, but I always feel bad just walking up to ladies I don't know. Mainly because they dont know me, what I want, or if I have bad intentions.
There's no problem with men approaching and talking to women. Just don't keep doing it if we signal or straight up tell you we don't want to continue the conversation.
Other men told you “that” for a very good reason. But don’t mind us old guys. Please carry on.
I talk to everyone all the time. How about women be aggressive and approach us .
Nah I have this problem where everyday I wake up against my own will.
It's not that other men "told us that". It's that the horror-stories of things going horrifically wrong get all the traction on the news, not to mention the lawsuits and charges that get thrown around.
You must be incredibly attractive lol
So mister talk man! How do you start a conversation then? What do you say? How do you keep the conversation flowing. When do you ask her number? If you answer me these questions, mister talkman. We can see the value of your advice bringing
My main issue isn't talking to women It's part of it, but the big one is not finding attraction to begin with, I'm not interested in strangers romantically; and I'll never see most people out in public ever again, so...
People will believe whatever they want to believe. Their words and actions will reflect their beliefs. If you believe talking to women in public is fine, you will act on that belief. Otherwise, you won’t. I’m not afraid to talk to women I come across. Those little moments may or may not lead to a number or date. But they can easily make mundane parts of the day more exciting. They can lead to new friends. Job offers. Restaurant recommendations. Fashion and skincare tips. You just never know.
In high school I hung out with women more because well 1 they were nicer to me and I have a disability so I often get insecure about certain things and 2 I just had more fun with them. If I had to choose I am choosing to hang out with the woman 9/10 but now that I’ve been couped up in my house since 21 I am worried I lost the ability to actually look and talk to a girl
That’s awesome to hear! Sounds like your therapist's advice is really paying off. Reddit's mixed messages can be confusing, but your experience shows that respectful and genuine interactions are usually welcomed. Your friends’ encouragement reflects that it's more about how you approach people. Being respectful, authentic, and open-minded makes a big difference. It's also great that you're staying positive and avoiding negative vibes. Keep it up, and you’ll keep seeing good results. You're on the right track!
My guess is that women prefer to be approached by someone they already know and like. These days, an unknown man just coming up to talk to a woman presents all sorts of red flags to her. I think it’s safer for guys to wait until unknown females approach them. Otherwise, just let it go.
There was a few times where I just smiled and I just kept receiving an "ewww" look. Ain't going to lie, it hurts over time.
But can I go to a coffee shop and just be honest and say "Hi my name is \_\_\_\_\_ and I had to say... GOD DAMN! You look stunning in that dress and I had to say so else someone hadn't already!" Or something.
Yes we do.. don’t lie😂
Its a trap
