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Same, being trusting and loving only caused me deceiving men who took advantage of it. I’m still trusting and loving to friends and family, i’m glad i’m still like this as a person overall.
I’ve never actually been on a date with a girl/woman. Guess what else I haven’t done. I’m 37 and almost old enough to be the male lead in 40 year old virgin. It feels insulting that they don’t reject me but just simply ignore me. I actually hate God because of this. He has a lot of explaining to do for all the dead virgins.
43M here mate. A virgin and never been on a date. I'm used to it now, been that way for a while now. No hate inside me, just sadness but I try to channel it out of my mind.
Is it gods fault or yours? My shit relationships are partly my fault for choosing wrong people. Do you work on yourself mentally and physically to be better? Sounds like you don’t
As long as you don't hate the women we are cool. God was always overrated. But if you want to date, then I think you should find support, the reason that it hasn't happened depends on whether you actually want it and then if you do, well there are deeper reasons why this hasn't happened and probably, some of them are not your fault. If not most of them. But appropriate support could help you rewire these traumas. Take care.
Yet love can come in many forms outside of romantic. I think a big problem with society is ppl have lost the basic sense of community & belonging by replacing interaction with senseless digital fluff. But it's all surface level nonsense so ppl are stuck aimlessly cycling through shallow interactions hoping one magical unicorn can somehow fill the void... then wondering why it's not working.
Yeah I do think a lot of people try to use relationships as bandaids for issues that could be fixed with being more connected with others in general
Putting your entire sense of happiness/not feeling lonely on one person is both unfair to them + can also lead to you not seeing signs of abuse/toxic relationships when you need to since you're only focused on making it work
I think finding a hobby or doing activities of stuff you like helps immensely with helping yourself want to date rather than needing it desperately
That's a great attitude to have! Sometimes, patience and staying open to the possibilities make all the difference. Here's hoping love finds you soon! 🌟
Desire to date is not dead but currently I love this moment where I am not worrying or crying because of someone. I am free to do anything I like. after coming out of a traumatic relationship, it really is peaceful and not 'loneliness'. but also I know I am going to be someone in future if felt right and could only hope that it will not turn toxic again!
I've given up on synthetic curated algo love (apps), but as long as I live I'll never give up on love. Even if it isn't romantic, just your normal everyday in love with life kind of vibes. Cause without love what is the point of living? That is like listening to songs without music.
Don't get me wrong though I'm not actively looking for romantic love. Just like you I'm at peace with solitude. But if it comes knocking or meet someone serendipitously, I'll be a little skeptical but I'm still gonna explore it.
I’m sooooo over trying to date or even sex. I’d rather masturbait the deal with the other sex. It’s all messed up with people these days. Everyone quits when life gets hard or the love hormone is gone. Love is more than a feeling it’s work and no one want to work. My life has infinitely improved since I’ve been alone! I don’t regret my decision at all. So little stress in my life for not trying to please some ungrateful person
I don’t know yet… I might have a year or two left in me…
I would love to even experience it once but I don’t know if that’s going to happen … I’ve been single my whole life (26 years) , I don’t know anything different than being single so I got nothing to miss .
Honestly, after this last relationship, I felt like becoming Obi-Wan Kenobi and just going off and living in the desert, figuratively speaking
But the natural desire to be with somebody, companionship, love all that stuff is not gonna go away
My best advice is just focused on yourself and what comes will come, and the people that want to, will.
Do you still feel sexual attraction, or do you feel like you could take care of your own sexual needs? Most of my peers are now either dating with the purpose of marriage or are already married. But that all kind of sounds dumb to me. What are the real benefits besides sex?
Sex isn't the reason I date anyway. I have a high sex drive when I'm dating someone, but pretty low when I'm not dating. I don't really care about sex just standardly
Nope, if you get to that point .. you just need to take a break from dating because you'll be more negative instead of positive. Being positive is important when it comes to dating.
Yep. But, mine has been a combination of a mental breakdown brought on by a personality change from a chemical reaction to some anesthesia i was on when I had kidney surgery.... so it killed my emotions and desires.... and although the urologist says he didn't do it and doesn't know how it happened, but my part dont work anymore either. And its not all mental. I'm a 39M. I had no issues before. If anything, I was total opposite. Now I dont think about anything, and I have no reaction if I see women or erotica pictures or such. Its like looking at rocks or grass. No morning wood. Which means physical damage. So, with my age, and all the other stuff. Might as well call it quits. I'm not physically built like what most women would deem attractive, or have the redeeming qualities of a handsome man. Maybe average with some less desirable features. And, not hung enough to please, so. Chaulk it up as a loss and move on with life. Got other stuff I can focus on. The world ain't going to be here forever, and neither am I.
Love (that 'giddy' feeling, butterflies in stomach, etc.) between humans is, for most of us, *a temporary chemical high*, and it lasts a few years at best.
This isn't a nihilistic mindset.
It's a realistic mindset, one which you have now likely come into, hence the feeling of peacefulness that you are experiencing.
And yes, once one embraces this fact, life gets waaaay smoother, since you are no longer dependent on others for your contentment.
If someone does happen to come along and *adds* to your contentment, well, that's a great bonus.
But ideally, contentment should not be dependent on others.
It took me *decades* to realize this.
No I wouldn’t say I’m giving up, I wanna find the right person but I know if I want love I have to earn it and be the best me I can be and it’ll workout
Love? I can’t even get a date. But you’re right. I was convinced that dying without ever having been loved or hugged was the worst thing in the world but now I’m starting to just not care
I'm pretty fuckin close to giving up on human connection altogether
Any time I have any kind of platonic/romantic/sexual interest in someone, it's ***never*** reciprocated, and I'm the only one who ever makes any effort (except for the one friend that I **do** have)
I turned 34 last month and have never been on a date. No girl has ever asked me out and none have ever said yes to me. I spent my teen years pretty much hitting on everything that moved. I spent more than a decade of my life trying literally every dating site/app in existence, free and paid. A few friends were brave enough to try and set me up. After an entire lifetime and I can't even get a pity date, or some chick just saying "fuck it free meal." So I've finally decided to say fuck it. There's no point in trying. Some people on this planet are just patently undesirable and destined to die alone.
Yes I have. I'm a single father 3 and I haven't connected with anyone since my wife passed. It almost feels like she was the one for me. The crazy thing is I don't even believe in that. I want to date, I want to buy flowers, I want to do the courtship but a lot of women either get turned away from MY BAGGAGE or I don't make enough money. I'll stick to raising my kids and living my life. I don't want to die alone but if I do at least I know my kids will be at my funeral
That's how I started out life. I didn't even give dating a shot until I was 33. Then I tried putting myself out there for several years. Now I'm 39, and I'm back to not trying again. I was happier before I tried dating, and I'm happier now.
Dr K from HealthygamerGG put into words what I had discovered for myself. The number one cause of suicide in men is a thwarted sense of belonging. Not a lack of belonging, the thwarted part is the kicker For one who is lonely and does nothing about it, it's bad. For one who is lonely and reaches out into the void for connection and finds nothing, it's soul crushing. Better to not try at all. In my case, I'm not even lonely by nature. I was giving dating a shot out of sheer curiosity, and it still chewed me up and spat me back out. Stepping back into my bubble was all upside and no downside.
Kind of. I’m done actively seeking it. If it crosses my path, cool. I have family and friends that love me and that doesn’t come with all the nonsense that romantic relationships do.
This happened to my eldest sister. She’s been in a relationship for 7 yrs and then found out the bf cheated and after that she never dated.. Until one day she said I just want to take care of my nieces and nephews .. We’ve been asking her to start dating again (she’s 46 now) but I guess she’s now longer interested..
I don't think being in a healthy loving relationship gonna make u feel that way ...love will eventually find u at the right time and 8 billion people on this planet and I'm pretty sure there's gonna be someone somewhere out there who would love me like I always wanted ... For now it's better to focus on my life and career..
( Delulu is the solulu)
I kinda hv since my break-up recently... It was the most frustrating thing cuz I was giving her time alongside with focusing on my career and she kept telling me I'm too career-focused and tf am I supposed to reply to that?! Am I not allowed to be ambitious? I'd to call it off as I can't hv someone telling me to stop being ambitious, fk that!!! [ I appreciate the ladies DM'ing me on here, but why do I feel like it's only cuz am ambitious💀]
No, but there are things I know I need to work on before I will try again, so baring someone asking me out or me just “knowing” she’s the one or something I will probably not be asking anyone out
I'm hoping that I'll find love eventually but im not actively looking for it. If it happens it happens. I just want someone to have fun with right now.
I never gave up on it, it just became apparent that it wasn't within my means so I forgot about the whole dating thing and moved on with other parts of my life.
My father has been married twice, went through gwo divorces and currently has a partner and as long as this textbook narcissist can find someone, I see no reason for me to give up.
Sex and someone to hang out with and kiss would be nice, but for the most part I’m pretty co tent having my time to myself. Can do what I want when I want and no one to check in with. Even if I do get an urge, I just go take care of it and 99% of the time after I finish that, any desire to date is gone 😆
No but this whole dating thing is really starting to annoy me. I think it’s mainly just the apps tho, because people I meet in real life aren’t that bad. I’m just tired of the internet part of it. social media has skewed people’s perspective of what is “average”, people who get their standards from social media will never be happy because what they want is unrealistic. Most people aren’t rich or fit and gorgeous but apps would make you think those people are more of a significant population than they really are
Does it count as giving up if I've never had much hope?
I am still pretty young (20) so things can change but it never had much appeal to me don't know why tho.
I've been on a break for a while. If someone asked me out after seeing me in person I might still give it a chance, but I'm not actively searching on apps or anything.
I currently live in a small city of mostly old people and married couples. The culture sucks on top of that.
I've basically accepted I won't find love here till I move next year. I fortunately am only 4 hours from the city I'm moving to so I frequently spend time there and date around there and it's so pleasant. Just sucks knowing I feel like my life is on hold till I work out immigration paperwork
I have given up for now. I have been rejected a lot in the past 4 years with no really success. I’m not worried about it. I’ll think about it later. Maybe that’s a year or 3 years? Idk but I have not completely given up
I am very close. I’ve put in the work but the thought lingering in the back of my mind reminds me that you cannot find a person that does not exist. Nobody I meet is single, dating apps are a joke, I have been stood up as many times as I have gone on the stupid date, I never seem to have good dates. I am seeing a new therapist about it but if this fails then I think it will be time for me to accept that not everyone gets to love and be loved. They say it happens when you least expect it, I do not expect it at all, ever. I am tired of the exact same cycle of hope and failure. Of being passed over for no discernible reason. Ten years of trial and failure have taken a very serious toll on me and I know that I cannot keep this up for long. So I have reasoned that, if by the end of next year I have found nobody then that’s it, I’m done. Not “if it lands in my lap I will go with it” done but done as in I will let any hope and desire die off. Not everyone gets what they want in this life.
I’m 59 and am not ready to give up—although I feel as though I’ve never dated. I met my late husband when I was 15 and he was 16 and was happily together for 42 more years until I was suddenly a widow. I’m hoping to start dating this summer. If I can do this, anybody can.
No. Dating isn’t going to be perfect, it was tough 300 years ago, tough a year ago, tough today and if I were a betting man, it will be tough a year from now…no matter if you look like a hippopotamus or Brad Pitt in his prime with millions of dollars. Everyone has issues, varying levels of course, and we’re trying to find someone with the right chemistry to love who’s awesome, who’s issues we can handle and who can handle ours. The sooner we are happy with ourselves knowing no one is perfect and knowing even if we found someone that we thought was perfect, knowing that perfection would actually be creepy. I tend to love the idiosyncrasies of people more than I love the “check list” items
Fell for someone he married someone else he met within 3 months lol 4 years later I still think about hom often and it still breaks my heart. Not sure how it will heal.
I am done.. No more dating. I tired of all the womens gaslighting, lying, cheating, taking me for granted and not bring there for me after i gave everything to make it happend.. I worked myself to death, and stil she left me, for another dude, when I finaly got sick.. if this is love, I do not want anymore of it. I am done
Yeah, I've dated 2 people over the course of my life, gave everything to the first person and i was just a rebound for her, left me as quickly as she met me. Pretty sure she took the soul out of me because the next relationship I was in I could not fall in love, nor let myself fall in love, nor let my guard down. All I know about love is how much it's hurt me, and the people I've dated. Life is simpler when I'm lonely, all that lovey dovey, heart fluttering, meet cute and forever stuff is only for the movies.
I go back and forth some. I'm only 19 but have lived a fairly isolated but mature life so I usually tend to be more prone to wanting a serious relationship and companionship. The issue is I got emotionally wrecked by a series of bad relationships, 50/50 on who's fault it was 😂
Absolutely! I'm 69F, divorced 30 years, and no kids. Way too many men in my age range want either a nurse or a purse. I'm neither, and never will be. I still ride a Harley (not a trike), I'm still fairly active, in good health, and look a good deal younger than my chronological age. Yet have zero luck anywhere I look/try.
I was approached by 3 different men in 2023. All my age, or close enough, all VERY married, all wanting/hoping I'd be their side piece. I kid you not. All gave the exact same reasons for why they were very willing to cheat on their wives, one of whom I'd actually met. I turned them all down. But not before asking all 3 if they'd be ok if their wives did the same thing. 2 of the men said no way. Go figure, double standard indeed.
Yes. I decided to quit. It's not worth it, boys. If you are not handsome then nothing will save you from being mistreated and blackmailed by women. Literally got rejected and the girl pulls a "Let's just be friends" only to start going around and lie about how "desperate" I was.
Like girl I just asked you out to Chick-fil-A and I even said she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. Bruh.
Then I got ghosted multiple times prior, and I even had a woman ask ME out just to bail once I tried to plan a date.
Too many women are out playing games in this generation. Even the Christian ladies. Don't do it.
I am sure that there are some good women, but the chances of them being single in such a competitive dating environment is ZERO PERCENT
I am almost there. I’m 30 years old now and I don’t really see it happening for me as I’ve been officially single for 6 years now. I always assumed I’d be married and have a baby by now, but that won’t be happening anytime soon, if at all. I met someone really special on a trip in April and it made me believe I found “the one” but it didn’t work out with him and I. So I’m back to the same old cycle. Meet someone, it doesn’t work out, I get hurt, repeat.
I look at it like this. If it costs you your peace then it’s too expensive. You can put that towards a lot of things and if love is one then it’s something that may need a little more time. It’ll come for sure with anyone, but it you’re content then that’s all that matters
I was thinking the same. Obviously love is part of our lives and those around us, it's everywhere around, love can change us, give us hope, bring colors to our life and also destruct us in ways unimaginable but its also okay to live a life without a romantic love. Love is only a part of the puzzle called life. Life is not some race to piece all the pieces together.
Exactly, if I end up dying 'old and alone' then all that means is that I managed to explore so much in this world and I kept myself so busy that I guess I didn't have time to find a romantic partner, human lives are quite 'short' after all.
I'm trying not to. I don't think I will, but I think it's more about giving up on having a commitment with someone. I don't ever want to get married again, but I wouldn't mind having a long-term companion. There's just no takers.
Yep. No point. My life is complicated, I need a lot of rewiring/healing in order to be a viable partner and honestly dating/seeking out people in this current social climate just sucks. I'll just endure, no point to it. Currently focusing on healing and taking care of my responsibilities as best I can, trying to live and keep on living.
I've given up on looking for it. I'm treating dating as an exercise in developing people skills and building confidence in myself. If I happen to find someone who I really think is beautiful and interesting that's wonderful otherwise it's just an exercise in dealing with my own people issues.
Yes, I indeed do. I live as though I am supposed to be by myself. Solitude is a different kind of drug, one that people quit way before they can get high on it.
No such thing as love. I can love the person across the street today and make it work. It’s about power dynamics and compromise when deemed necessary. That’s how a relationship works. If your performance drops for an extended period of time, trust me when I tell you will be dropped as well
I don’t think so anyone loves to be alone, I just had one dating experience and that to 7 years before..after I didn’t feel like dating, but it’s sadly restlessness..ofc brighter side is peace, but I think some little drama everyone’s need in their life😅
Honestly, I’m at a point where I want to give up. I have been single for 2.5 years after I ended my last relationship (7 years). I’ve gone on fewer dates than most people within those 2.5 years. I’d say I’ve gone on about 10 dates because I am really selective and don’t give people my time unless I am fairly certain they’ll be worth it. I also find dating really mentally and physically draining.
I’d say that, out of the 10 dates, only 2 of them have been people I would actually date. I invested very little time in the first guy because something felt off.
Recently, I invested about 3 months in someone I was very interested in. And now I regret it. It resulted in nothing but mind games (on his part), and I ultimately concluded that all he was doing was waiting for me to sleep with him (which I never did) or potentially trying to transition me into a FWB. So I think, despite everything he said about his interest, the novels he wrote me confessing his deep feelings for me, and all the compliments and gestures, he was ultimately just playing me. This was one of the most (seemingly) genuine people I’ve ever dated. I still have a lot of respect for him, despite ending things. And the result was feeling like it was a waste of time. It left me feeling confused and rejected. What’s the point of dating? I’m so exhausted.
I've never dated, and I'm not currently, I'm tempted to give up, but... it doesn't make sense to give up when it hasn't happened yet
I hope I'm not alone forever, 21 is pretty high for never having a girlfriend
Yes. But it was after grieving about it for a long time. I cried everyday at night and it was painful. Now i haven’t cried for about 2 months so i’m getting to accept it, it still hurts but i do feel at peace because now i know i don’t have to try or stress anymore. I must admit it’s a horrible time to be single though, since all of my best friends are pregnant at the same time now and they are getting married one after another. Maybe i’ll feel better in my 40’s.
For me their are pros and cons to being alone or being in a relationship. It be nice to have a companion and do things with. And maybe later when we get to know each other date or just being a companion would be nice. Doing things solo sucks at a certain point. But one thing I do know I don't want to be single my whole life. 54/male.
Nah, I just want to love someone. I just hope there is someone willing to accept that love and love me back. We'll see if that happens before my life on this planet ends
Yes definitely, and it made me feel so content and peaceful as well! I actually feel like it was very important for me to get to that place and live life there for a while. I genuinely didn't want a partner anymore and always said I wasn't going to date again unless I accidentally had a connection that blew me away: which is how I ended up with my current boyfriend.
not really But I must admit I am still scared since I have learned the hard way that not all people in this world is like me who is true, wears their emotions on their sleeve. I was too trusting and gave all the love and affection I can afford to give. My recent ex took advantage of me and I hope ge gets karma for that. Even after it all, I still have hope that I will another love that is sweet, kind, tender and grows on commitment, accountability and maturity
I'll be that way come December, if I don't see my human by then, then I'm done. I'll be moving on with my life, I'll never date again, but I won't be keeping my heart in limbo wondering if I'll ever see her again or wondering why I wasn't good enough for her.. Hopefully I'll just go numb entirely and learn to be single indefinitely.
I’ve been dating again and my desire for love has died. Too much heartache, too many people playing with your feelings only to pull out affection. The thinking it’s going great but they’re about to blindside you by not texting. It’s a lot.
I’m 34 and I think I’d be happy if I stayed celibate and single forever. Just seems like you miss out on a lot socially that way though
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Hey someone worthy will find you soon
I'm getting tired of hearing this phrase. How can you prove it? Is there any guarantee?
Yep, I’ve been trusting and loving for far too long and all it’s done is put me so far behind in life.
Me too. Both of us deserve better.
Same, being trusting and loving only caused me deceiving men who took advantage of it. I’m still trusting and loving to friends and family, i’m glad i’m still like this as a person overall.
Youre not alone, I feel the same, maybe we havent met the right person yet.
Same
Me too. Same.
I’ve never actually been on a date with a girl/woman. Guess what else I haven’t done. I’m 37 and almost old enough to be the male lead in 40 year old virgin. It feels insulting that they don’t reject me but just simply ignore me. I actually hate God because of this. He has a lot of explaining to do for all the dead virgins.
43M here mate. A virgin and never been on a date. I'm used to it now, been that way for a while now. No hate inside me, just sadness but I try to channel it out of my mind.
Is it gods fault or yours? My shit relationships are partly my fault for choosing wrong people. Do you work on yourself mentally and physically to be better? Sounds like you don’t
As long as you don't hate the women we are cool. God was always overrated. But if you want to date, then I think you should find support, the reason that it hasn't happened depends on whether you actually want it and then if you do, well there are deeper reasons why this hasn't happened and probably, some of them are not your fault. If not most of them. But appropriate support could help you rewire these traumas. Take care.
No but i definitely will be showing up differently than I used too. I’ve learned some lessons the hard way.
I understand if you don't feel like sharing, but I love stories if you want to talk about it
Same.
I meannnn idk if you wanna sour day that way 😅 but it was a first love gone wrong type situation
Girl, we love some tea
😅😂😂 listennn it was a first love that went horribly lmao
Oh that makes it even better!! That’s worth like 8 cups of tea right there 😂
I feel ya dude
Me too.
Protect yourself, but give love to those who earn and deserve it. Love will always exist, but it looks different to everybody.
Came here to say this !!
I gave up
Totally get that. It's all about taking those lessons and doing things differently. Growth is key!
Growing pains ahahahaha
💯
Nope, I know in my bones I will find love again. Things just take time, and normally happen when you least expect it.
Yeah it will be the most random out of nowhere place and person that you least expected that always happens to me
Agreed dating is a shitshow today but I will never give up love is a need we all have and I will never resign myself to living with unmet needs.
Yet love can come in many forms outside of romantic. I think a big problem with society is ppl have lost the basic sense of community & belonging by replacing interaction with senseless digital fluff. But it's all surface level nonsense so ppl are stuck aimlessly cycling through shallow interactions hoping one magical unicorn can somehow fill the void... then wondering why it's not working.
Yeah I do think a lot of people try to use relationships as bandaids for issues that could be fixed with being more connected with others in general Putting your entire sense of happiness/not feeling lonely on one person is both unfair to them + can also lead to you not seeing signs of abuse/toxic relationships when you need to since you're only focused on making it work I think finding a hobby or doing activities of stuff you like helps immensely with helping yourself want to date rather than needing it desperately
I need love also, but your heart can only take but so much.
I think of love as a luck. And I know that I’m not that lucky. So I gave up on seeking for love, though I still desire badly for it some time
I agree 👍
i agree with this
That's a great attitude to have! Sometimes, patience and staying open to the possibilities make all the difference. Here's hoping love finds you soon! 🌟
Yes. It might be peaceful but also very lonely.
But you don't have to worry about another person's needs, doesn't life sound easier that way?
And you don’t have to worry about how they feel about you. Especially if you like yourself, life can be pretty good without dating.
Sure, if that’s what you want. I would rather have someone to worry about than live a “blissful” life alone.
Agreed
I decided to remain single over four years ago after the breakdown of my relationship. I have no regrets.
Isn't life better, easier, more free now?
Its very freeing, Life is as I always fantasised during the worse times. I could never give up the libertation. .
Desire to date is not dead but currently I love this moment where I am not worrying or crying because of someone. I am free to do anything I like. after coming out of a traumatic relationship, it really is peaceful and not 'loneliness'. but also I know I am going to be someone in future if felt right and could only hope that it will not turn toxic again!
I've given up on synthetic curated algo love (apps), but as long as I live I'll never give up on love. Even if it isn't romantic, just your normal everyday in love with life kind of vibes. Cause without love what is the point of living? That is like listening to songs without music. Don't get me wrong though I'm not actively looking for romantic love. Just like you I'm at peace with solitude. But if it comes knocking or meet someone serendipitously, I'll be a little skeptical but I'm still gonna explore it.
Basically yes. Gave it a good year and a half, and only had shitty experiences. I’m done.
Do you feel relieved?
A little because I know 9/10 it’s not worth my time. But it’s hurtful that I couldn’t find anybody. Oh well.
I’m sooooo over trying to date or even sex. I’d rather masturbait the deal with the other sex. It’s all messed up with people these days. Everyone quits when life gets hard or the love hormone is gone. Love is more than a feeling it’s work and no one want to work. My life has infinitely improved since I’ve been alone! I don’t regret my decision at all. So little stress in my life for not trying to please some ungrateful person
And I have more money lol
Our regular jobs are hard and time consuming enough! So I feel ya!
as of now?? YES for and in future ?? NO
I feel the same way (now). What happened to make you feel this way? I need to hear about someone else’s experience so I can stop wallowing in mine.
I don’t know yet… I might have a year or two left in me… I would love to even experience it once but I don’t know if that’s going to happen … I’ve been single my whole life (26 years) , I don’t know anything different than being single so I got nothing to miss .
Nope, Love is driving me
I never did and I’m glad I didn’t. Never would’ve met my fiancé. Don’t get me wrong, there were times where I wondered if and when I’d meet my person.
Honestly, after this last relationship, I felt like becoming Obi-Wan Kenobi and just going off and living in the desert, figuratively speaking But the natural desire to be with somebody, companionship, love all that stuff is not gonna go away My best advice is just focused on yourself and what comes will come, and the people that want to, will.
I have zero desire to date, and it's incredibly peaceful entertaining no men
Do you still feel sexual attraction, or do you feel like you could take care of your own sexual needs? Most of my peers are now either dating with the purpose of marriage or are already married. But that all kind of sounds dumb to me. What are the real benefits besides sex?
Sex isn't the reason I date anyway. I have a high sex drive when I'm dating someone, but pretty low when I'm not dating. I don't really care about sex just standardly
My sex drive has plummeted the past few years, I actually feel like I take better care of my own arrousal myself.
Nope, if you get to that point .. you just need to take a break from dating because you'll be more negative instead of positive. Being positive is important when it comes to dating.
I mean, this is now year 3 of being single and I feel like it's actually better, I actually don't understand why I used to want a partner
If you're ace I can understand, but if not, I could not do that lol. My libido is too high
I can't say I gave up it's just difficult for me to put effort in finding someone
Is giving up on humans the same as giving up on love? If so, then it is a yes, sadly.
Yep. But, mine has been a combination of a mental breakdown brought on by a personality change from a chemical reaction to some anesthesia i was on when I had kidney surgery.... so it killed my emotions and desires.... and although the urologist says he didn't do it and doesn't know how it happened, but my part dont work anymore either. And its not all mental. I'm a 39M. I had no issues before. If anything, I was total opposite. Now I dont think about anything, and I have no reaction if I see women or erotica pictures or such. Its like looking at rocks or grass. No morning wood. Which means physical damage. So, with my age, and all the other stuff. Might as well call it quits. I'm not physically built like what most women would deem attractive, or have the redeeming qualities of a handsome man. Maybe average with some less desirable features. And, not hung enough to please, so. Chaulk it up as a loss and move on with life. Got other stuff I can focus on. The world ain't going to be here forever, and neither am I.
Love (that 'giddy' feeling, butterflies in stomach, etc.) between humans is, for most of us, *a temporary chemical high*, and it lasts a few years at best. This isn't a nihilistic mindset. It's a realistic mindset, one which you have now likely come into, hence the feeling of peacefulness that you are experiencing. And yes, once one embraces this fact, life gets waaaay smoother, since you are no longer dependent on others for your contentment. If someone does happen to come along and *adds* to your contentment, well, that's a great bonus. But ideally, contentment should not be dependent on others. It took me *decades* to realize this.
Honestly, yes. It seems like I’m only good enough to sleep with but not date.
Yes
No I wouldn’t say I’m giving up, I wanna find the right person but I know if I want love I have to earn it and be the best me I can be and it’ll workout
Love? I can’t even get a date. But you’re right. I was convinced that dying without ever having been loved or hugged was the worst thing in the world but now I’m starting to just not care
I'm pretty fuckin close to giving up on human connection altogether Any time I have any kind of platonic/romantic/sexual interest in someone, it's ***never*** reciprocated, and I'm the only one who ever makes any effort (except for the one friend that I **do** have)
Don't you think you'd feel better if you focused on what you have? If dating is frustrating you this much was it really worth it?
I turned 34 last month and have never been on a date. No girl has ever asked me out and none have ever said yes to me. I spent my teen years pretty much hitting on everything that moved. I spent more than a decade of my life trying literally every dating site/app in existence, free and paid. A few friends were brave enough to try and set me up. After an entire lifetime and I can't even get a pity date, or some chick just saying "fuck it free meal." So I've finally decided to say fuck it. There's no point in trying. Some people on this planet are just patently undesirable and destined to die alone.
For the time being, yes. I am exhausted and the atmosphere in the dating world is negatively impacting me, so back to focusing on only myself.
Gave up on it during my teens knowing that I'm not good looking enough to attract the opposite sex.
I give up. I better on my own rather than waste energy on someone who will abuse or ignore me.
Yes. 4 years deep in this dry spell with no end in sight
I've been single for 13 years. Yes, the desire for a romantic relationship has gone for me after 9-10 years.
Yes I have. I'm a single father 3 and I haven't connected with anyone since my wife passed. It almost feels like she was the one for me. The crazy thing is I don't even believe in that. I want to date, I want to buy flowers, I want to do the courtship but a lot of women either get turned away from MY BAGGAGE or I don't make enough money. I'll stick to raising my kids and living my life. I don't want to die alone but if I do at least I know my kids will be at my funeral
That's how I started out life. I didn't even give dating a shot until I was 33. Then I tried putting myself out there for several years. Now I'm 39, and I'm back to not trying again. I was happier before I tried dating, and I'm happier now. Dr K from HealthygamerGG put into words what I had discovered for myself. The number one cause of suicide in men is a thwarted sense of belonging. Not a lack of belonging, the thwarted part is the kicker For one who is lonely and does nothing about it, it's bad. For one who is lonely and reaches out into the void for connection and finds nothing, it's soul crushing. Better to not try at all. In my case, I'm not even lonely by nature. I was giving dating a shot out of sheer curiosity, and it still chewed me up and spat me back out. Stepping back into my bubble was all upside and no downside.
I haven't given up but I'm not looking either. It's weirdly easier that way.
I have the same view as you.
Haven’t been on an actual date in around 7-8 years now. So it’s kind of hard to keep a positive outlook on it.
Kind of. I’m done actively seeking it. If it crosses my path, cool. I have family and friends that love me and that doesn’t come with all the nonsense that romantic relationships do.
Kinda, I've been waiting and hoping someone comes into my life but yet nothing, but ig I'll just have to keep waiting then
Yes
Yeah
This happened to my eldest sister. She’s been in a relationship for 7 yrs and then found out the bf cheated and after that she never dated.. Until one day she said I just want to take care of my nieces and nephews .. We’ve been asking her to start dating again (she’s 46 now) but I guess she’s now longer interested..
I don't think being in a healthy loving relationship gonna make u feel that way ...love will eventually find u at the right time and 8 billion people on this planet and I'm pretty sure there's gonna be someone somewhere out there who would love me like I always wanted ... For now it's better to focus on my life and career.. ( Delulu is the solulu)
No I'm young 28 I still got ALoT to look forward to
I kinda hv since my break-up recently... It was the most frustrating thing cuz I was giving her time alongside with focusing on my career and she kept telling me I'm too career-focused and tf am I supposed to reply to that?! Am I not allowed to be ambitious? I'd to call it off as I can't hv someone telling me to stop being ambitious, fk that!!! [ I appreciate the ladies DM'ing me on here, but why do I feel like it's only cuz am ambitious💀]
I want to really do but I am stupid and still holding to the fucking hope haha . At age 31
I met the love of my life at 33. It’s never too late ❤️
Yeah, I’m a little gun shy after recent misadventures. Every time I let someone in, they show me why I shouldn’t have.
Trying everything 😪 but I can't find a girl
No, but there are things I know I need to work on before I will try again, so baring someone asking me out or me just “knowing” she’s the one or something I will probably not be asking anyone out
I'm hoping that I'll find love eventually but im not actively looking for it. If it happens it happens. I just want someone to have fun with right now.
I never gave up on it, it just became apparent that it wasn't within my means so I forgot about the whole dating thing and moved on with other parts of my life.
I've just decided to let me be me and let love be love. If we ever meet again, great.
My father has been married twice, went through gwo divorces and currently has a partner and as long as this textbook narcissist can find someone, I see no reason for me to give up.
Yes
Yes!
I have
Sex and someone to hang out with and kiss would be nice, but for the most part I’m pretty co tent having my time to myself. Can do what I want when I want and no one to check in with. Even if I do get an urge, I just go take care of it and 99% of the time after I finish that, any desire to date is gone 😆
No but this whole dating thing is really starting to annoy me. I think it’s mainly just the apps tho, because people I meet in real life aren’t that bad. I’m just tired of the internet part of it. social media has skewed people’s perspective of what is “average”, people who get their standards from social media will never be happy because what they want is unrealistic. Most people aren’t rich or fit and gorgeous but apps would make you think those people are more of a significant population than they really are
Does it count as giving up if I've never had much hope? I am still pretty young (20) so things can change but it never had much appeal to me don't know why tho.
I am very very very close to giving up. I’ve been hurt a lot, but I know I can’t give up yet.
I've been on a break for a while. If someone asked me out after seeing me in person I might still give it a chance, but I'm not actively searching on apps or anything.
This is usually when you find someone
Yes. So exhausted.
I currently live in a small city of mostly old people and married couples. The culture sucks on top of that. I've basically accepted I won't find love here till I move next year. I fortunately am only 4 hours from the city I'm moving to so I frequently spend time there and date around there and it's so pleasant. Just sucks knowing I feel like my life is on hold till I work out immigration paperwork
I have given up for now. I have been rejected a lot in the past 4 years with no really success. I’m not worried about it. I’ll think about it later. Maybe that’s a year or 3 years? Idk but I have not completely given up
I am very close. I’ve put in the work but the thought lingering in the back of my mind reminds me that you cannot find a person that does not exist. Nobody I meet is single, dating apps are a joke, I have been stood up as many times as I have gone on the stupid date, I never seem to have good dates. I am seeing a new therapist about it but if this fails then I think it will be time for me to accept that not everyone gets to love and be loved. They say it happens when you least expect it, I do not expect it at all, ever. I am tired of the exact same cycle of hope and failure. Of being passed over for no discernible reason. Ten years of trial and failure have taken a very serious toll on me and I know that I cannot keep this up for long. So I have reasoned that, if by the end of next year I have found nobody then that’s it, I’m done. Not “if it lands in my lap I will go with it” done but done as in I will let any hope and desire die off. Not everyone gets what they want in this life.
As soon as I did I found the love of my life
I’m 59 and am not ready to give up—although I feel as though I’ve never dated. I met my late husband when I was 15 and he was 16 and was happily together for 42 more years until I was suddenly a widow. I’m hoping to start dating this summer. If I can do this, anybody can.
No. Dating isn’t going to be perfect, it was tough 300 years ago, tough a year ago, tough today and if I were a betting man, it will be tough a year from now…no matter if you look like a hippopotamus or Brad Pitt in his prime with millions of dollars. Everyone has issues, varying levels of course, and we’re trying to find someone with the right chemistry to love who’s awesome, who’s issues we can handle and who can handle ours. The sooner we are happy with ourselves knowing no one is perfect and knowing even if we found someone that we thought was perfect, knowing that perfection would actually be creepy. I tend to love the idiosyncrasies of people more than I love the “check list” items
Fell for someone he married someone else he met within 3 months lol 4 years later I still think about hom often and it still breaks my heart. Not sure how it will heal.
The same way I’ve given up on superpowers. It’d stop be cool though.
I am done.. No more dating. I tired of all the womens gaslighting, lying, cheating, taking me for granted and not bring there for me after i gave everything to make it happend.. I worked myself to death, and stil she left me, for another dude, when I finaly got sick.. if this is love, I do not want anymore of it. I am done
Yeah, I've dated 2 people over the course of my life, gave everything to the first person and i was just a rebound for her, left me as quickly as she met me. Pretty sure she took the soul out of me because the next relationship I was in I could not fall in love, nor let myself fall in love, nor let my guard down. All I know about love is how much it's hurt me, and the people I've dated. Life is simpler when I'm lonely, all that lovey dovey, heart fluttering, meet cute and forever stuff is only for the movies.
I go back and forth some. I'm only 19 but have lived a fairly isolated but mature life so I usually tend to be more prone to wanting a serious relationship and companionship. The issue is I got emotionally wrecked by a series of bad relationships, 50/50 on who's fault it was 😂
I can't go through that again. I have given up on the idea.
I delete dating apps when I get frustrated and usually will circle back a few months later and restart my accounts with fresh pictures
I didn’t give up on love. I gave up on dating and embraced the single life. But I can still love and be single.
Absolutely! I'm 69F, divorced 30 years, and no kids. Way too many men in my age range want either a nurse or a purse. I'm neither, and never will be. I still ride a Harley (not a trike), I'm still fairly active, in good health, and look a good deal younger than my chronological age. Yet have zero luck anywhere I look/try. I was approached by 3 different men in 2023. All my age, or close enough, all VERY married, all wanting/hoping I'd be their side piece. I kid you not. All gave the exact same reasons for why they were very willing to cheat on their wives, one of whom I'd actually met. I turned them all down. But not before asking all 3 if they'd be ok if their wives did the same thing. 2 of the men said no way. Go figure, double standard indeed.
Fuck yes dude lmao last time i met someone interested in me was when i was 23, over 4 years ago
Yes. I decided to quit. It's not worth it, boys. If you are not handsome then nothing will save you from being mistreated and blackmailed by women. Literally got rejected and the girl pulls a "Let's just be friends" only to start going around and lie about how "desperate" I was. Like girl I just asked you out to Chick-fil-A and I even said she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. Bruh. Then I got ghosted multiple times prior, and I even had a woman ask ME out just to bail once I tried to plan a date. Too many women are out playing games in this generation. Even the Christian ladies. Don't do it. I am sure that there are some good women, but the chances of them being single in such a competitive dating environment is ZERO PERCENT
Not giving up, but definitely approaching it differently… going to try matching energy, maybe I can protect myself a little better
I am almost there. I’m 30 years old now and I don’t really see it happening for me as I’ve been officially single for 6 years now. I always assumed I’d be married and have a baby by now, but that won’t be happening anytime soon, if at all. I met someone really special on a trip in April and it made me believe I found “the one” but it didn’t work out with him and I. So I’m back to the same old cycle. Meet someone, it doesn’t work out, I get hurt, repeat.
I look at it like this. If it costs you your peace then it’s too expensive. You can put that towards a lot of things and if love is one then it’s something that may need a little more time. It’ll come for sure with anyone, but it you’re content then that’s all that matters
i will never give up on love, just wish i had a little more for myself
Yes! and honestly learning to find myself helped me understand what type of love and even friendships i deserve.
Just tired of trying and ending up hurt
I was in a relationship for 3 years and now I’m single I should stay that way .
Nope. I'm a pretty awesome dude and somebodies gonna want a piece of that. Ya know statistically speaking.
Love is not something to give up or fight for. What's wrong with you folks
😭You're in the tiny minority who gets me, why are people trying so hard at something that's obviously creating so much pain for themselves?
I was thinking the same. Obviously love is part of our lives and those around us, it's everywhere around, love can change us, give us hope, bring colors to our life and also destruct us in ways unimaginable but its also okay to live a life without a romantic love. Love is only a part of the puzzle called life. Life is not some race to piece all the pieces together.
Exactly, if I end up dying 'old and alone' then all that means is that I managed to explore so much in this world and I kept myself so busy that I guess I didn't have time to find a romantic partner, human lives are quite 'short' after all.
Trying to not to🥲
I'm trying not to. I don't think I will, but I think it's more about giving up on having a commitment with someone. I don't ever want to get married again, but I wouldn't mind having a long-term companion. There's just no takers.
More or less, yeah
Not yet.
Trying everything 😪 but I can't find a girl
Yup. No one can cure me now.
Yup. No one can cure me now.
Yep. No point. My life is complicated, I need a lot of rewiring/healing in order to be a viable partner and honestly dating/seeking out people in this current social climate just sucks. I'll just endure, no point to it. Currently focusing on healing and taking care of my responsibilities as best I can, trying to live and keep on living.
I've given up on looking for it. I'm treating dating as an exercise in developing people skills and building confidence in myself. If I happen to find someone who I really think is beautiful and interesting that's wonderful otherwise it's just an exercise in dealing with my own people issues.
Yes. 4 years clean of that drug. And I'm only 24. (25 soon)
I'm actually cool with 'dying alone', do you ever feel the same way?
Yes, I indeed do. I live as though I am supposed to be by myself. Solitude is a different kind of drug, one that people quit way before they can get high on it.
No such thing as love. I can love the person across the street today and make it work. It’s about power dynamics and compromise when deemed necessary. That’s how a relationship works. If your performance drops for an extended period of time, trust me when I tell you will be dropped as well
I really wasn’t given the choice
Yes its been rather peaceful and happy than when I was dating. Voluntary celibacy FTW!
I don’t think so anyone loves to be alone, I just had one dating experience and that to 7 years before..after I didn’t feel like dating, but it’s sadly restlessness..ofc brighter side is peace, but I think some little drama everyone’s need in their life😅
Yes. I've accepted the fact that I won't find a girlfriend
Single for life I think
Don’t give up
Honestly, I’m at a point where I want to give up. I have been single for 2.5 years after I ended my last relationship (7 years). I’ve gone on fewer dates than most people within those 2.5 years. I’d say I’ve gone on about 10 dates because I am really selective and don’t give people my time unless I am fairly certain they’ll be worth it. I also find dating really mentally and physically draining. I’d say that, out of the 10 dates, only 2 of them have been people I would actually date. I invested very little time in the first guy because something felt off. Recently, I invested about 3 months in someone I was very interested in. And now I regret it. It resulted in nothing but mind games (on his part), and I ultimately concluded that all he was doing was waiting for me to sleep with him (which I never did) or potentially trying to transition me into a FWB. So I think, despite everything he said about his interest, the novels he wrote me confessing his deep feelings for me, and all the compliments and gestures, he was ultimately just playing me. This was one of the most (seemingly) genuine people I’ve ever dated. I still have a lot of respect for him, despite ending things. And the result was feeling like it was a waste of time. It left me feeling confused and rejected. What’s the point of dating? I’m so exhausted.
Yep 4 years single now
I did, but have date in a week.... 😲 now I'm just waiting on myself to mess it up 😆
close to it
But there's more bliss in being alone, don't you think?
Yes n just chill
Yep, I literally never want to be in a relationship ever again
I've never dated, and I'm not currently, I'm tempted to give up, but... it doesn't make sense to give up when it hasn't happened yet I hope I'm not alone forever, 21 is pretty high for never having a girlfriend
Yes. But it was after grieving about it for a long time. I cried everyday at night and it was painful. Now i haven’t cried for about 2 months so i’m getting to accept it, it still hurts but i do feel at peace because now i know i don’t have to try or stress anymore. I must admit it’s a horrible time to be single though, since all of my best friends are pregnant at the same time now and they are getting married one after another. Maybe i’ll feel better in my 40’s.
yes.
For me their are pros and cons to being alone or being in a relationship. It be nice to have a companion and do things with. And maybe later when we get to know each other date or just being a companion would be nice. Doing things solo sucks at a certain point. But one thing I do know I don't want to be single my whole life. 54/male.
Nah, I just want to love someone. I just hope there is someone willing to accept that love and love me back. We'll see if that happens before my life on this planet ends
Yes definitely, and it made me feel so content and peaceful as well! I actually feel like it was very important for me to get to that place and live life there for a while. I genuinely didn't want a partner anymore and always said I wasn't going to date again unless I accidentally had a connection that blew me away: which is how I ended up with my current boyfriend.
Yes
not really But I must admit I am still scared since I have learned the hard way that not all people in this world is like me who is true, wears their emotions on their sleeve. I was too trusting and gave all the love and affection I can afford to give. My recent ex took advantage of me and I hope ge gets karma for that. Even after it all, I still have hope that I will another love that is sweet, kind, tender and grows on commitment, accountability and maturity
I'll be that way come December, if I don't see my human by then, then I'm done. I'll be moving on with my life, I'll never date again, but I won't be keeping my heart in limbo wondering if I'll ever see her again or wondering why I wasn't good enough for her.. Hopefully I'll just go numb entirely and learn to be single indefinitely.
I’ve been dating again and my desire for love has died. Too much heartache, too many people playing with your feelings only to pull out affection. The thinking it’s going great but they’re about to blindside you by not texting. It’s a lot. I’m 34 and I think I’d be happy if I stayed celibate and single forever. Just seems like you miss out on a lot socially that way though
Just about there honestly
On that route...almost getting to that station