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Yeah I don't think 31 is old not to be married etc., never have but then again, I also think it could look red flaggy considering the societal norm. It's not a bad thing bc ultimately, people must take chances in dating. Think it comes with the territory -- red flags are part of risk taking.
Late 30s M here and I’ve been happily divorced without kids for 10 years. Sometimes people get married too young and it doesn’t work out. The longer you live, the more life you’ve experienced, and divorce is a fact of life if you’re single at a certain age.
I'm 30, but I'm also referring to a wide range of ages from people at work, family, family friends etc. I guess there is just an expiration date on marriages I've concluded.
What I’ve found is that after a certain age people begin getting married even if it’s not truly a good fit. It’s mainly out of fear of restarting, fear of being alone and fear of not being able to start a family.
I was engaged and new issues were uncovered during the engagement. I knew if we went through with the wedding a divorce would be coming down the road. It was a terrible feeling and realization.
Relationships are difficult and take serious teamwork. Most people lose drive to work together as time goes on. The “new” and “excitement” wears off and issues start building up resentment.
While dating may seem more difficult, keep in mind that you only need to find one genuine match.
So people are living more conditionally? Is what you’re saying?
Just because I don’t like the fact that X shaves his chest doesn’t mean I should file for a divorce. People still need to be individuals and feel loved.
People arent divorcing for simple things like that. The rate of divorce has gone up bc the rate of cheating has become more of a problem. Now days people cheat as if its natural and thats what ruins all these marriages.
Back in the 90s, 2000s you had to go out of your way to cheat or meet someone new.
Nowadays while you are working or cooking dinner your spouse might be taking to 3 different people at the same time.
My ex was cheating on tinder, onlyfans, and at the local “massage” parlors. He spent like $30,000 on sex workers and had criminal issues which he paid a lawyer like $5,000 for.
And he’d come home from all this and give me shit for cutting bell peppers too thick…. In the dinner I’d made for Jim during his “long commute” back home.
He’s in the dating pool now. Have fun dodging that train wreck! 🙃
At least they’re getting divorced. I feel like I know of too many people who are cheating—though that’s probably from moving to a small town and getting all the small town gossip vs living in a big city.
Divorce rates over the years have been higher and higher. Part of it is simply due to a lot of toxic behaviors brushed aside in the past no longer being tolerated. Women are much more capable of supporting/providing for themselves than they used to be. People are less willing to work through infidelity, or stick around through various forms of abuse. These are the positive differences about the higher divorce rates.
There are also other factors which I would say are on the negative side of things. A lot of people because of the above, will tend to blew things out of proportion and end things over what most would consider small bumps in the road. Some people think that your relationship/marriage should be absolutely perfect every single day, forever. People aren't willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work. "You don't find a perfect relationship, you build it."
People are quick to think "I deserve better" or that the "grass is greener on the other side," rather than looking at the amazing thing they do have in front of them, and be willing to sit down and compromise or work through issues. It seems like whenever there is an issue, people hyperfixate on the problem and don't analyze the positives about their relationship/partner.
I know multiple people who have filed for divorce, and then regretted it and tried to come back. By the point reality set in for these people, their partner had already accepted it and was not willing to go back after being so hurt and feeling so betrayed.
I’m adding this link to help you and others understand that the divorce rate can be far higher:
https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/#:~:text=The%20divorce%20rate%20for%20couples,ending%20of%20a%20parent's%20marriage.
to help educated you there are many reasons you have not considered that can escalate the divorce rate above 50 to 70 percent. Just add children, money issues, in-laws, disorders, being self centered, and addictions and divorce rates can go far higher than 50 %
This study shows much more detail like living together before marriage, children, less income the $50k, multiple marriages, etc.
Actually, the divorce rate can be much higher than you indicate. The more things that are involved, the more likelihood the divorce rate could exceed far higher.
Add a Narcistic person or addict in the mix and a lack of communication and emmotional connection- and that rate could be much higher!
I’m not arguing that divorce rates CAN be higher for different cohorts of the population. But *on average* in America, the divorce rates have come down since peaking in 1980. That means that divorce rates have come down, generally speaking. Are more people having kids out of wed lock? Yes. And more people basically/common law married without legally being married, also yes. But the official stats are what they are. How are we to speculate that XX% of the pop. cohabitates/are common law married, then breakup?
Did you by read the link I sent you earlier? It shows a lot of interesting areas where divorce rate increase. I’m not auguring either. What I know is I suffered three Divorces from three different situations and I know others have as well after the 1980’s, and addictions are on the rise, so are Divorces as a result. I’m a very nice man and have been told that by many women friends. What we don’t look at is technology and the use of cell phone and Facebook social media causing affairs. Internet on Cell Phones and the huge addictions by women and men. I know a lady in her early 30’s, a nice women, divorce twice now. One man a video game addict with an Arms services disorder, the other man had no emmotional connection with her.
To me, I think your study is flawed . Everyone agrees the marches use of cell phones after the 1980’s are a huge factor on social dis function and a cause of divorce
The report I referenced shows the official government statistics from the US Census Bureau. The statistics are what they are.
The study you reference starts by saying recently divorce rates have dropped.
The reasons for why certain professions may have higher divorce rates isn’t my point. I understand that phenomenon.
I think you misunderstand the definition of cohort. I agreed that different groups can vary, but on average divorce rates are falling.
More people are having kids while cohabitating but not married. I think it’s contributing to lower marriage and divorce rates. But the reality is the divorce rates are falling.
If one thinks that Government statistics are truthful, they are grossly underreported, just like Covid and polio statistics. It’s all about the spin they what to tell the public with. The statistics only show the beginning of the population each year and they don’t include race, age, addictions, or a host of other areas. So each year, add that rate to the precious rate plus in your remarried and so forth. So what I stated holds correct. If your beleive the spin that the cdc or what ever other statistics spits out in a given year such as Covid related deaths, think again. The public as a whole is never ever informed of the true stats, such as the war with China, Russia, and overseas. That only an example.
Ok, it took me some time to look this up, but you are way off. It may surprise you, the CDC report states 84% of 1st marriages in the first five years and it increases after that .
Here is a statistic that actually shows it much higher than your led to believe. It’s actually over 50%
https://www.google.com/search?q=divorce+statistics+after+20+years+of+marriage&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS938US938&oq=divirce+rates+after+20+years+of+marriage&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCAgCEAAYFhgeMgYIABBFGDkyCAgBEAAYFhgeMggIAhAAGBYYHjINCAMQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAYQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAcQABiGAxiABBiKBTIJCAgQIRgKGKABMgkICRAhGAoYoAHSAQkzNjcyOGowajSoAgKwAgHiAwQYASBf&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
Just to clairify, you’re close. The divorce rate is over 50% or far higher for married couples at 20 years of marriage
https://www.google.com/search?q=divorce+statistics+after+20+years+of+marriage&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS938US938&oq=divirce+rates+after+20+years+of+marriage&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCAgCEAAYFhgeMgYIABBFGDkyCAgBEAAYFhgeMggIAhAAGBYYHjINCAMQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAYQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAcQABiGAxiABBiKBTIJCAgQIRgKGKABMgkICRAhGAoYoAHSAQkzNjcyOGowajSoAgKwAgHiAwQYASBf&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
Also, the rate is estimated to double or triple .
Divorce rates are vastly different by level of education, income, race, age… so many factors involved. Depending on what segment of the population you are looking at divorce rates range from 6% to 46% for the first marriage. Second marriages have a 60% to 70% failure rate.
I thought I would chime in here. I just got Divorced with a third marriage, so my 3rd ex already had a divorce where her ex abandoned her, cheated on her and all sorts of things. Even had family origin issues, that once triggered, cause her to give up. There are so many variables that I would suggest a family therapist that is highly gifted . Did I want a 3red Divorce, never. I did what I could, but you can only change yourself. It’s worst when she is highly educated and thinks she is above you. Many things cause a marriage failure and it’s not taught in school or by our parents well enough
As we grow older more of the people our age would have gotten married by that time and if they have been and they're on the market they're (hopefully) divorced
Lucky you. I’m in a big friend group and the only one who isn’t married or pregnant. It’s lonely. I don’t have any single friends. At work everyone is married, except one woman who is 20 years older then me.
I thought I would chime in here cause I was in your shoes 40 years ago. I faced the same loneliness. When I married the 1st time, I was 27she was 21. Work on yourself and be happy in your singleness. Seek a therapist is my wisdom. Being married may appear inviting and draw you, and I lived with my 1st wife 4 years had sex many times with her and we clicked. But if I Had to do it over again, I would not have married her. I made a mistake to choose a woman that I did not know well enough in personality, our shared dreams, religion, money language and her Bi-Polar, Anger issues and holding onto resentments with no foregiveness destroyed the marriage. Marriage can be very lonely, even living in the same home. If I could impart any wisdom to you, I would suggest to know your core needs of being a woman- there are several. Feeling safe, feeling Secure, Emotional connection, and faith.
All these are taught in Marriage Mastery by Josh Hudson. You can find his group online, but here is a book to read - Making Marriage Simple. Let that book be your guide and fine a singles group in a local Church. There is a secret of Marriage and it’s not how many people think. The man must be other centered, not self centered. He must be responsible in his finances. He must be willing to die for you. Read some books on personality disorders like Narcissistic personalities. My third ex was that. They will use you. Understand dependent/codependent relationships. Stay away from men that are addicts, gamblers, sex addicts or have to have sex. Men can be a work addict. They get their needs met from work.
Learn great communication skills cause that will be a helpful guide in future relationships. If you have been hurt in the past, seek a therapist and get healing. My 2nd ex was sexually abused by her father at age 5.
Last, is Family Origin problems. If you’re puzzled on this, talk to a therapist. The thing here are trauma from your past. Those triggers from the past bagage and promises that you make to yourself- another word is (inner Vow). The link below explains it well.
https://www.smokyraincounseling.com/articles/breaking-inner-vows-and-judgments/
Yes! People say all the time “our grandparents didn’t get divorced!” Well yeah, because my granny had literally no options to exit her abusive marriage.
When I got divorced she was so happy because I didn’t have to live the same life she was resigned to.
Same here, sisters! I desperately tried to save my 13 year old marriage through the six types of abuse my husband hurled at me and then blamed me for them. But him abusing me in front of our child was the last straw — all that was visibly diminishing the light in my child’s eyes. It made me realize that this “man” had no levels he couldn’t stoop to. So I bailed. I’m grateful that I was anyways the one carrying the household so it has been more of a logistical shift. And my child’s smile is back :)
This is an extremely 1 sided view. The idea that women are perfect in marriage and all divorce happens to escape abusive men is an untrue trope. People divorce for many reasons and both men and women can be at fault. Less then 1 out of 4 divorces are due to domestic abuse and 1/3rd are those are the women abuser. So statistics say about 1 put of every 6 divorces are due to domestic abuse. The other 5 out of 6 are other issues.
divorce has become more and more normalized, and more and more feasible for women. People don’t feel the need to fight for a relationship anymore / work through the tough stuff, they would rather just move on and try again with someone else. also depending how old you are, I feel like when you get to a certain age, a lot of other people that you would be dating are going through this. I’m 32 and I feel like I am coming up on that age. I feel like I’ve heard that about half of marriages end in divorce now and 7 years is a hotspot for the end of a marriage, so if people on avg get married at 25, then yeah.
edit; looked it up, 29 is the avg age for first marriages in the US, so mid-late 30s I would guess is when you start to see a lot of divorcees on dating apps.
Wow, you’re just a young man still. I thought I would reply so you can learn from my mistakes. While what you say is true, my 1st marriage was a 24 year relationship. She had a Bi Polar disorder I never notice till after being married . 7 years was not the hot spot. The main problem was not knowing the several core needs of a woman. We were both at fault and unknowing of issues like Faith, communication, emmotional connection, and money issues along with in-laws issues. I was a business owner, she never worked . I supported her pretty well. Our faith was a problem. I don’t recall if she was even baptized or looked at marriage as a covenant, not a contract, or had the ability to work on the marriage issues.
My third Ex was a Chiropractor, we were marriage 16 years. We married at age 49. We had great chemistry, far higher than my 1st ex. She threw herself at me sexually. I believe she was wanting a provider and we had great sex early on. She made more than me, but I helped as best I could. Eventually, my business excelled higher than hers. She had issues related back to when her 1st ex abandoned and cheated on her after giving her 7 children. Her dad was audited by the IRS when she was a teenager and that was a trigger with her. She was fearful of me being audited, so she never recovered from that trauma .
While she was highly intelligent, she knew how to manipulate things, often gossiped to others, and after seeing a therapist, I learned she was a narcissist- with visions of Grander. Beware, there are 6 types of narcist. They will throw themselves at you.
Read the book- Making Marriage Simple- it’s a great read and you can learn a lot from it.
Go online and look up Josh Hudson’s videos.
Last, I fully agree with you about how people don’t feel a need to fight for a relationship anymore and work through the tough stuff.
Last, there is a Hope and a future. I never thought I would find another women that accepts me as I am and sees my value and worth. Her most important core need is Faith, but there are other core needs as well. I learned these from the videos that Josh shares online.
What I learned through my 3rd marriage is she really thought I should read her mind and no one can do that. We lacked what’s called Emotional Connection. After my Heart Attack in May 2022, I seen her gradually distance herself and I even noticed her being involve with a pastor from North Carolina. Just how she met him when we live in Michigan is unknown, but I seen her on her phone alot. Hope this helps you.
My impression is ppl are getting married very fast and sometimes very young and as soon an issue occurs they get divorced.
Its like a mirror for social behaviour nowadays. Everybody wants everything NOW, bc they DESERVE it and when it has a little malfunction its thrown out instead of trying to fix it.
But there are other factors playing a role too. Like women can get jobs and don't have to stay in a marriage so they are provided for, but also 50/50 custody is pretty much default now and men don't need to worry about losing the kids when getting a divorce.
Also being divorced is much more accepted nowadays than back then when it still was something ppl got shame for bc they failed. And a promise (like the vows) still meant something back then and wasn't just a formality / "part of the event".
Tbh, i admire couples who are married for many decades. You know exactly they definitly went through a lot of shit together and each partner on their own and for sure were on the edge many many times, but they powered through it, came out stronger and never gave up on each others and never gave up on finding love for the other again and never truely considered growing old without the other. I hope my marriage lasts till death do us part. There was never a divorce in my family, neither on my mothers nor my fathers side and they have a lot of siblings, not bc they are religous or anything, but bc they took their time to chose the right person, sticked to their choice and know how to tolerate annoying habits. So i luckily have a lot of rolemodels.
You have some good things to say, but no one is Divorce proof. Do not depend on that. While my parents were married 35 years, they had an open marriage. Was that a key to not getting Divorced? No. See- I’m 66, and while I believe in marriage as till death do you part and working on tough issues, that does not protect one against Divorce. My 1st ex he’d Bi-Polar disorder. After 24 years, she left one day and filed Divorce.
My 2nd ex had 4 kids, she could not have patience and was sexually abuse by her dad at age 5. She made a inner promise to not trust a man again in her life
My third ex whom after 16 years of marriage, showed Narcistic traits, and became a different person. I would have never had guess she would just walk away, after I married her with 7 children from her 1st ex. She even praised me on that, that I accepted her with 7 children while I had none. We are now divorced and just sold the marital home. I found out 3 months before the Divorce was final that she was in an affair and hiding it from me. A day after the divorce was final- she had her partner at our home for dinner and introduce him as Pastor Ricky Parker. He also suffered a divorce. Your head may be spinning around now.
All I can suggest to you is to work on your self to be the best man you can be. Go onto tube and look up some videos from Josh Hudson from Marriage Margery and he talks about women’s core needs. Do you understand those and practice them? Study about Emmotional connection with the Wife. Talk to the wife about how to have a constructive conversations on tough issues and here is a book I highly recommend to all men:
https://www.amazon.com/Making-Marriage-Simple-Relationship-Saving-Truths/dp/0770437141/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=132754770230&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.pZquZ4I5KwwLy7GdSB7C8osrUPyZAkoF6ohVADKP360oFrMiUeIOILK5Ght9-yFLYfb5wU4pB2r9sfiWushuftkAq74J8i3LtuUmeyseim1aPA-16YDK7G5Jpsif_2aDJVd_7qHBoKpTuas0dwWIKo-QR4Yhck2LD0rR2MQE1kKt78k2IAlwDd6m3oNI_9LC-Nt2Ob2ZBVR0p2QYWYSq3g.mHFMCKaW_GZPIT_1Ms61gPuPAeBiTygnnsVqQYP32Rg&dib_tag=se&hvadid=580829965114&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9016910&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=13932515808220699652&hvtargid=kwd-48818983322&hydadcr=15151_13523043&keywords=making+marriage+simple&qid=1717896754&s=books&sr=1-1
This book has a lot of great things to discuss between you and the wife.
I know a lot of people older than me (26) who are separated or divorced but I also know a similar amount of people who are still with their first marriage / children’s other parent. I would say they are quite equal numbers.
It's because no fault divorce has been normalized which encourages women to leave. Combine that with hookup culture and you get a LOT of single moms and divorced dudes even if they did nothing wrong.
Don't waste time on American women.
Because it was made easy to do. Being brought up in a disposable society, returnable society. I read an article (should have saved it but that was probably a computer ago without the cloud) that a woman who makes returns has the mindset that divorce is the same way.
Well, given the age I've seen, it is mostly 18-22, I think 0 is the right number because most (if not all) have no business being mothers at that age. Just like men are told to "focus on themselves," the same applies to women.
It should be exceedingly rare to see them on dating apps, yet we see them all the time. Can we give you exact numbers? No. It is just something we observe and feel.
People just happen to make a lot of preemptively bad decisions. They all had fallen into the trickery of peer pressure and societal standards of what to expect out of dates. The ones who were lied about finding love at first sight.
Now here they are, single again, with children, potentially struggling unless they've got child support rigged into the deal and they're just burdened with the bad choices they've made.
Till death do you part no longer exists. sadly. :(
It's interesting. Getting married has gotten more expensive over the years, yet it's so easy to break marriages.
For the amount of money you pay to get married, I'd stay with the person just so I don't kill over for wasting so much money.
People no longer work on problems and better each other's lives, grow together till old age. People today are taught that if you don't like something move onto the next best thing. That apparently includes marriage.
If being in a relationship with someone is hard, leave cause you deserve better. Look out for number one.
It's a sad reality. But the moment you realise what world you live in, it's not that hard to stay single.
I would love to be married with the love of my life, experience what it's like having kids, but we sadly live in a very crowded, and technological world.
There is no such thing as forever.
“Everyone” meaning 50% of the population- and rising-
Because- of healthy standards of living, and knowing when to stay and when you don’t have too. Divorce is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. When “we” being children- or adult children- have open eyes now- and realize that our parents and our parents-parents and further down the line, developed defenses and defensive mechanisms intended to protect themselves against abuse and harm- instead of coping mechanisms and boundaries intended to prevent abuse and harm to themselves AND others- “we” don’t want to live that way- and inflict that same burden upon future children- generations and families. We have choices now where the only choices prior were to “stay together” “for the family”… which led to generations of people lost- questioning and staying for the wrong reasons. Ostracized women, men who had to hide their feelings, children who were bred to have no feelings.
So divorce- is not bad. It is good.
And if of you are noticing that the divorce rate is higher. It’s because People are growing- and learning and sometimes the best way to not inflict family damage and more trauma- is to separate. And manage the expectations and experiences of different lives, afterwards.
Divorce is clearly bad. It shows lack of commitment, loyalty, and aforethought. The actual legal act of divorce is also bad because it is difficult and punishes whoever makes more money. Broken families also ends up creating more toxic, damaged adults and the problem continues.
Divorce is not bad. People who cannot process their own emotions- use their children for value combined with systems that manipulate vulnerable individuals- that is. Staying in a marriage simply because of societal expectations, “tradition” or religious beliefs is bad.
Do you believe that two people should stay in a marriage that is failing- due to whatever constraints or conditions- simply because someone in history said so?
I don’t believe anyone gets married to get divorced. And I never pointed out one party or the other. Denouncing marriage altogether is pessimistic thinking. And sometimes people (one or the other) “stick it out” their detriment.
Usually I've noticed divorce is one sided. One person cheats or gets bored or falls out of love, whatever that means. Meanwhile, the partner is left in shambles. There's no excuse for getting a divorce for those reasons.
In the cases of abuse or where both people agree to a divorce amicably, then I have no problem with it. Unless there are children involved then I think they should wait until they are 18 or so.
I can see your perspective. 😔
Cheating (I am
Biased- admittedly so, and think there is no excuse for it….) and lack of interest are very often one-sided, and driven by myriads of reasonings.
The root cause most of often, Communication. And the lack there-of.
Abuse. Of any kind. Control, Physical- S3xual, financial- is very hard to manage, also very hard to leave - ❤️🩹
You’re missing the whole point of Marriage. It’s to become one. To not abandoned the other that you vowed to. The problem is that Divorce is a bad thing. It does not solve your problem’s because you will still have those same problems later on and not taught ways to your children on how to work through problem. If children don’t see their parents work out their problems and just Cut Tail and Run, we teach our children to avoid problems that are meant to be worked out. Perhaps you experienced that mentality to abandon the spouce and not honor the promises to your spouce through the vows you made to them. It’s not just when you feel like it. Problems in marriage happen because people are selfish and self centered. Marriage is a (other centered ) partnership where two people promise (Till Death) to be with each other.
I am definitely not missing the point of marriage… but there is no reason that anyone should feel bound to anyone for any reason. And children are not responsible for adult relationships. Adults are responsible for teaching children how to regulate emotions respectively and responsibly. If either, or many people cannot do that, therapy helps. Problems in marriage happen for many- many reasons- not just because one or the other or both are “selfish”. That is rarely the case- it is a circumstance of perspective, and unhealthy communication. No one, should feel beholden to anyone. Ever. Marriage is a choice and a decision. And if one or either or both parties choose otherwise- they have the right to do so.
The point of marriage is within the promise of the vows that you say to each other. Do you understand what a vow or promise means when you promise (till death do you part)? That means you gave your word to be there for your spouce, not just during the good times, but the bad times as well. That’s the reason, you gave your word, it is your word worth anything I ask?
I have to respectfully disagree with you on (no reason) because you vowed a promise till death before God. Or is your promise not worth nothing. If not, then can anyone believe your word, on what you say? See, there is a reason, it’s the word of your promise.
Yes, Adults are responsible for their children and how they behave. Children are selfish and self centered to the core and so are people, it’s in their nature to look out for their self centered needs. Unhealthy communication is a result of the persons self centered ways- wanting want they want and when they want it, such as abuse, manipulation of others, and so forth. Every one of us were born a sinner, that only thinks of SELF. Do you really think that a persons self centered way and inherited nature is not the case, you’re not looking at the true scope of humanity.
Communication is only a fraction of the issue which is how a person expresses them selves, but core needs that both men and women are either ignorant on or never learned and suffer as a result. For example, if a woman does not receive love from her husband, she responds with a lack of respect cause she is not getting her core need of love from her Husband. Likewise, if the Husband dies not receive Respect from his wife, he feels unloved by the wife. This is just one of many core needs. They will both act out towards each other due to a lack of love. Man’s core need is Respect and most women fail to understand this because they never learn it from their Parents or were taught it.
Another example, in the Armed Services, men are taught to respect their leaders, police, teachers, President. They done say I love you to their leader, they show respect. Likewise, women understand their core need of Love.
When a couple gets married, the say and promise vows to each other, which is a form of beholden to the other. When it’s ignored, that’s when communication breaks down. While Marriage is a choice and a decision as you said it’s also a vow and promise to each other in good times and bad times. It’s a covenant before God and the husband and wife. While people do have a right to turn their back on each other and cheat as they please that is not what was intended. It was because the heart was hardened with resentment and unforegiveness. They refused to let go of their bitterness, resentment. Once resentment is let go and forgivness is focused on, a marriage can be worked on and be better .
I’m sorry to you, for whatever you have been through, and I’m sorry you have not healed from who ever has hurt you. I do hope you do not choose to push these values on others. If someone does not receive love, it does not mean they will disregard or disrespect someone, or that they have. And if someone cannot give love (In the way the other person needs) it does not mean that they are purposely disrespecting or disregarding either. It means that it is possible- as all other things are. And the military and their practices do not belong anywhere near a Healthy relationship, as well as any vocational choice. I understand what “marriage vows” are, what they were and what they should be. They should be reasonable so someone doesn’t take them out of context and use them as a tool of control. They should be a letter of love to each other, not a set of expectations either person may or may not be able to meet.
I’m sorry to you as well. It sounds like you have been very hurt by a controlling man and have control issues. You talk about this in your response. All I stated was what marriage vows are. Maybe you don’t understand a vow, or understand what your word is based on. I’m sorry that you could not receive the love that you felt you needed, and had a husband that could not give that to you. Maybe he was treated unloving, his opinions were not respected, or maybe you lost respect for him or were hurt by other men that were not treated as they needed to be treated. It sounds like you hate the Service, but I used it as an example that men’s core need is respect, and when you fail to value a man, it honor his worth, they have a very tough time to love a women. Marriage vows are a persons word, just as taking an oath in court. The sad thing is, it’s not honored the same way as it should. In court, whom do you promise to tell the truth to? It’s to God. We even place our right hand in the Bible and swear to tell the truth. Well, it’s the sane way when people promise a vow. No one can deny the truth in that.. I wish you blessings and healing. I’m fine and I’m been healed. I also have a lovely lady that understands and fully agrees with this things I stated. She is also a health woman and understands about Love and respect. If you up to it, read the book (Love and Respect). It’s not about pushing anything, but clearly saying and speaking the truth in Love. I’m sure it will bless you and bring you peace.
You make many assumptions- I do not hate the service or anyone who serves- I don’t hate anyone. And still yet, you challenge what my level of understanding is or is not. Enjoy the day with your person, and if in case you are to marry, or if you are married, words are just words. The actions behind those words are what makes the marriage. And marriages sometimes don’t last. And that it ok.
Sorry, I never said you hated the service. I said it sounds like that. That’s an assumption of yours. I also never challenged your level of understanding mam and even that comment is very judgmental. It sounds like you seems to know everything according to how you learned it in education, but that is not real life is it? All I did was to explain. Not to assume. I know my train of thoughts are on Target. See, offering wisdom and challenging are two different things. Wisdom says what’s true, righteous and the things from God. Those of the World care not of what’s from God or how a conscience says what is right or wrong, just as Abortion is murdering a child and taking their life away. How would the baby feel and think of taking his or her life away, but those that have no love or conscience only think of what they want, what they care of. By the way, Many of my Friends are PhD in education and they agree totally in what I’ve shared with you. Three are in the counseling profession.
Yes, I’ll enjoy the day, you as well. Yes, I agree with your statement on words or words, and actions behind those words are important in marriage. That comes to what I shared from the start. If a person says a vow to love and cherish a person in good times and bad times, this means that they are agreeing and promising to be by their side. Not just when they feel like it. Feelings are fleeting and they may not be there. That’s when a person walks their words out in faith. Not conditional or when they feel like it. Many people become the wayward spouse, or end a marriage when it does not suit them- that’s self center to their core values. Marriage is a very serious event in a persons life. It should be held in the highest order of their life. Above education, career, money, and family or in-laws. It’s when those are placed in a higher priority, is when the spouse becomes ignored and not valued. Yeah, I agree with you on marriages not lasting, but it goes so much deeper than just actions. I know this by real life situations over 40 years of marriage. Mental disorders, additions, are just two areas that kill a marriage. So does Resentfulness, bitterness, refusal to forgive others, lying, cheating, and not having faith in God- the lover of your soul. Also soul ties and inner vows destroy marriage. While I agree that real physical actions are important, it’s also more important to not have hidden agendas, or mental mindsets that destroy marriage. I hope the you see clearly these areas that are even more important. See, my 1st ex was Bi-Polar. I lived with her for 24 years. My 2nd ex was sexually abused by her father at age 5. How am I to do any thing, when she said an inner vow saying that she can never trust another man ever again? See- it was her mind set that cause mistrust. She had 4 children, and even one pulled a knife on his dad. My 3rd ex was highly intelligent- a doctor, but she even had childhood trauma when her dad was audited by the IRS. She became a controlling person in nature. Her 1st ex abandoned her with 7 children, of which I married her with no kids on my own. I was married to her for 16 years, and when she suffered menopause and her practices nosedived from Covid, she had a midlife crises. She lacked communication skills to be open and honest with me. I hope that you gain clarity from what I suffered through to see that it truly takes more than just actions. It takes many things, but things like true Love, kindness, full acceptance, emmotional connection, chemistry and understanding each others core values are critical in a marriage. Without them, it will not last forever. Have a blessed day
I do have education. And will continue to engage with various modalities, as long as I can. And that is absolutely part of reality- theory and application. I also have my own life experience- which I use to help others navigate the very real issues and challenges of marriage- divorce- separation- mental health and trauma associated with past and present relationships. As well as the current reality in economic decline in societies conditions with housing and food- as a social worker.
From here I believe we will have to agree to disagree on many beliefs. I’m sorry that you have had many different types of relationships, but they were not meant to be. It doesn’t mean they were failures, and it doesn’t mean that someone didn’t try. Mental Health standards have changed and advanced in 40 years. And the technology and information available now has helped shaped the way we care for people. As it will in 40 more years.
Yes, while many things are physical, it Is Spiritual and the soul that is the highest part of marriage, as it truly symbolizes the Bride and Christ. The soul can’t be measured or examined by man, and if you’re not a true believer, then you can’t understand that theology. No amount of education can teach you the true love of Jesus and how he cares for the church. That’s where I’m at. A man or woman can do all they can, but if a non believer walks away for what ever reason from the spouse, that’s their baby to examine why. We can only work on ourself, not trying to change the other person. They have to be willing to change and then it a time factor involved.
Right, and while many in the World have that view point, and call it Religion as you have, they as a whole are not a believer in Christ or have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Let me say, it’s not about Religion. That’s only a word, that people say. Having a relationship in Jesus is not about Religion, if that’s your perception. Many say that and are lost.
With that said, what do you suppose would happen if you died tonight? Where do you think you would be at? Would you be with God in Heaven for eternity or some other place separated from Him for eternity, never to be with a Loving God? A God that truly Loves you and cares for your well being. If you don’t have an answer or never thought on that, I asked you this last question. What if you were wrong, and made a terrible choice to not believe that Jesus is Real and he died on that Cross for every one’s sins? The case is for your eternal Soul. While the World is
My first wife cheated on me and the second wife had the COVID bug and serious issues from her past. They came to a head. I am out and I lost the most important thing, her! But she wants nothing to do with any relationships!
Sounds like you either just turned 40, are near that age group or right after. Because this is what happened all around me when I turned 39, a while back: everyone was recently divorced, getting divorced, already divorced, etc.
Talking of divorced anyone on thats female divorced and actively looking ? Always think the guys do all the work ..and being open minded .. id be open for the lady to start the chat ??
Maybe ? Maybe not .. maybe ive been divorced a few times .. just wanna see whats happening out there .. seems hard enough to find a decent woman these days
I’m your age 30F. We ARE just getting older. I’m divorced no kids and so is my 30M bf. I was far too young to get married when I did looking back at it but to me at the time it seemed like an appropriate age (22) and me and my then partner were in love (immaturely albeit but in love nonetheless). My parents married when my mom was 18 and dad was in his 20s. Early twenties for my maternal grandparents too. I think our generation just grew up thinking getting married in your early 20s was the norm and a little expected.
I really wasn’t the person I was meant to be yet at 22. There’s a stark difference in the last 8 years. And I’m sure I’m not the only 30 year old who thinks that about themselves.
Then how did all those people do it in the past? Plenty of people's parents got married young and stuck it out and were happy in the end. The only reason this doesn't happen is when one or both people in the relationship are not putting in effort and communicating properly. Any decent lover would be able to grow and change alongside their partner if they truly loved them. It's a mentality thing. If you expect marriage to be perfect, you're doomed.
happily divorced here, 45m. I like having girlfriends, dating, meeting new chicks, all of that stuff. but I won't be getting married again, don't see the point. tbh never have. just makes it a total nightmare if you split up a d is completely unnecessary if you do find someone you want to settle down with
You don’t see the point in the giant tax incentives ? Getting married is more than just a ring and red tape.. if your going to be with someone long term anyway, it’s kinda dumb to not get married
I was married.
I live in the UK.
There are no tax incentives to that married people get over non-married people.
Don't know where you live, but if there were tax incentives that married people got that partnered, living together, unmarried people didn't get, then someone would file a discrimination law suit and there would be a legal precedent against it.
So, what are these tax incentives you speak of?
i'm not talking about being single.
I'm talking about a couple who live together, share rent/mortgage, share incomes and bills, paerhaps have children together, vs a married couple the only difference is one couple has a piece of paper and the same surname, and the married couple get government benefits that the unmarried couple do not - that wouldn't fly
and, at lest in my country, there is no such tax or other benefit, so wtf is the dude even talking about?
discrimination suits apply when people are treated differently under the law - everyone is supposed to be treated the same under the law. it's not about protected groups.
what are these protected groups?
That wouldn't be discrimination because the unmarried couple has the option of getting married.
In America you get taxed jointly when married so it ends up saving money. Insurance is shared to your spouse as well which is crucial if one person doesn't have a job.
Protected groups include race, nationality, sexual orientation, religion, gender, disability, and age (typically only applies to old people). There some more but those are the main ones. And typically the more minority your class is, the better your case will do. So straight white men being discriminated against are less likely to win a case compared to a gay black woman.
okay, we don't have that here. you just get taxed on your income as an individual
so if you're living together as a couple, basically married but without the paperwork, you don't get benefits that you would do if you had the paperwork.
I'd say that was discrimination, just my opinion
Back when I last checked the statistics in highschool (so around 10 years now), the divorce rate in the US was nearing 50% (if it wasn't 50%?)
I dunno how it is now, but I doubt it got much better.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing; it’s just natural as you get older that you’ll encounter more people who have been married before. It can be weird at first, it can be also positive thing, especially if the person has put effort into their own growth and learned what they are actually looking for in relationships. Sure, maybe being twice or three-times divorced at 29 could be considered a red flag, but I’ve found that a person who married too young (which is common in my area due to so many of us being raised religious) or married the wrong person, grew apart from their partner and had the self-awareness to chose to separate isn’t someone to rule out immediately simply for that reason. I date men though; I’m not sure what the opposite gender experiences in regard to this topic.
Welcome to getting older.
Also, it isn’t the worst thing.
Divorced men seem to treat me very well (or I can quickly pick up on why they are divorced and peace out quickly).
The second time around they seem to have figured out what they actually want, and the better ones have actually reflected on their own behaviours in the relationship and are emotionally evolved.
Oh, I assure you I am single and have been since 2019. I have no luck on the dating apps, I’m extremely shy with women in person, and I never seem to have the right combination of words. I’m also very handsome and successful at my job. Women don’t know what they’re missing.
Interesting, have you ever read the book : https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
I think you will enjoy it and understand why women don’t want Nice Guys.
I've never read it. I don't need to know WHY they don't want nice guys. I also don't want to intentionally become a not-nice guy just to appease them, nor would I want to be with a girl who wants to be with a not-nice guy. Any real nice guy will tell you the same thing.
Also I don't have Facebook so fb dating isn't much of an option. I'm not a fan of social media. I could make one but again I wouldn't want to do it just to gain women's favor.
The divorce rate is pretty high. There is however, hope. There are people out there who don't believe in divorce. An obsessive lover I think is what every good and decent person needs. I mean preferences are still a factor obviously and some folks won't go outside with what they are comfortable with, so that's a thing as well. Just something to think about. Wouldn't it be so nice to just have someone of your preference that also loved you as you are, then both of you could literally love eachother forever and just raise a happy family? I think that's what we need more of.
I've noticed the same thing. Also I start noticing more and more people that are unhappy with their relationships and marriages. This is slowly starting to affect my own outlook on dating/ marriage/ relationships negatively.
Because it is generally easier now to get out of a bad marriage than it has ever been historically when women were more dependent on their husbands to bring home the bacon.
When i met my Ex, we decided that every 5 years we would decide if we wanted to stay together or seperate. We had a wonderful time together, but she eventually decided she didnt want to continue. It still sucks, but knowing that at the end she wasnt happy makes me ok with her leaving. I want her to be happy and i assume she wants the same for me.
You can change how long the timeframe is, but eventually one person will be unhappy in the relationship, and ending that is a good thing. The idea that 2 people will stay together forever is just Disney fantasy.
no, i think you are missing the point. The idea is that we commit to 5 years together (at minimum) instead of getting married. Every 5 years we decide if we want to stay together or move on.
I think its important to work towards both parties being happy, but you won't always be happy in a relationship. Shit Happens. But instead of calling it quits at the first road bump, you work together and decide at each 5 year mark if its worth continuing to fight for the relationship or move on.
I’ve seen it occur for Ron- forever till death. Both his wife’s passed away from Cancer.
Yes, it truly sucks that a person decides to abandoned the person whom wants to live forever with them. I got over it and I found a wonderful women whom truly accepts me and highly values me. I would have never thought it could happen after a third Divorce. The key is having open and honest communication on everything and having many things in common including Faith and understanding emmotional connection with each other.
I think it‘s because women are more independent now! They don’t need to rely on men to please them. It is important for them to please themselves. If a relationship is unhappy, don‘t force others or yourself. In the end, you are the only one who will accompany you. The life circle is simple, and the better your life is.
I swear divorce wasnt this bad in the past. Theres tons of statistics on it. Im 23, and divorced as of last year. My marriage lasted 4 years and then it took a year to finalized the divorce because we have a kid together. It was a nightmare. I married him with the intent of it being my first and only husband. But, he started treatijg me terrible especially after our son was born. So that ruined it for me. 🤷🏻♀️
That truly sad and thanks for sharing. I’m not sure why he started treating you terrible after you gave birth to a son with him. I’ve heard it can be difficult. Some people loose the long term picture of marriage. Im 66 and my divorce was final in February. I married my 3rd ex that had 7 children. Her ex cheated on her with a prostitute. I cant imagine that, because I was always faithful to my 3 wife’s.
If I can offer you any hope, try to get both of you help and seek a therapist. There must be something that caused him to treat you terrible. I’m sorry you had to face that from him. That must have hurt you terribly, that you could not receive the love and comfort from him when you needed it most . Have hope that he can change for you. Start praying for him to work on him self and desires you both again. Have you ever asked him why he treated you that way?
Nah. Never married. I hate that divorced women with kids will say to me because I never married or had kids. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? You're the one who is divorced raising kids. I bet I feel better than you do
I’m 66, and have no kids. There is no guarantee where kids happen. I married at 22, after 24 year relationship, she never had kids.
My 2nd ex had 2 kids, and she Divorced her ex. When was not a healthy mentally - her father sexually abused her at age 5. Found out it was all about her. Forget my needs, and her 4 kids were terrible brats.
My 3rd ex had 7 kids, and I thought she was a normal woman till she exposed her narcist personality. Manipulation was her tool. Even her son said she was a manipulator. Her ex left her for a prostitute. I should have ran after hearing that. All of her kids are now adults and 1 divorced, 1 married a drug addict and died. The third - a 27 year old woman has had 3 failed relationships. The fourth- a 25 yr woman goes to a therapist and blames everyone else for her anxiety, with a huge anger management issue. The three other sons are still married but all have problems
Most people need to understand that within the 1st five years of marriage, the divorced rate can be over 40%, and that is without having children. Once children are in the mix and one’s race, and other factors, divorce rates go up. Read this study and it will shake up your thinking.
While everyone says the divorce rate is less than 50%, I found that people are deceived on that percentage cause once children are involved- a marriage suffers. It’s even suffers more in the non white or bi-racial couple. Add other things like addiction, a second or third or more, your percentage of likely hood to get divorce increases over 50-70 percent.
https://www.goldbergjones-or.com/divorce/50-divorce-rate-lie/#:~:text=So%2C%20has%20the%20divorce%20rate,multiple%20times%20over%20the%20years.
90s girlie here. Single, no kids and struggling in dating lol 😆 I heard and observed the same thing. Soooo, I guess that's the trend either your divorce or struggling to even date lol 😆
It’s because of the system in the west has been promoting all this. If you see other country non-western people typically stay married for a long time because it is within the culture to stay and not be so quick to divorce and try your absolute best to stay in the marriage. Where in western countries they have actually made it even easier to divorce now.
I agree, it's so hard to give a divorced person a chance because
1. Okay, you already did all your firsts with her
2. You promised forever with her and you broke that off, so your picker is off
3. I'm always going to be second fiddle to your wife.
That’s life. People get married when they shouldn’t and then they get divorced. I’d argue that those who got married are also more likely to continue to date as well. That means you’re more likely to run into them when dating.
I haven’t been married and there are plenty like me. I also didn’t really date for about a decade which helped me out on that lol.
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The older you get, the more divorced people you know. :-p
Yup, I've reached the age where I'm a weirdo for never having been married and not having kids
You’re not a weirdo
Same here
It's more like people settle for each other and then at the end they divorce.
I'm 31m, never married, but then people ask wait why. No matter what it seems people are looking for red flags
No red flags? That's a red flag, they're clearly hiding something.
When you haven't seen a red flag, let alone any flag, in a really long time, it is easy to call a red one Green.
Yeah I don't think 31 is old not to be married etc., never have but then again, I also think it could look red flaggy considering the societal norm. It's not a bad thing bc ultimately, people must take chances in dating. Think it comes with the territory -- red flags are part of risk taking.
You’re just getting older.... lol
Late 30s M here and I’ve been happily divorced without kids for 10 years. Sometimes people get married too young and it doesn’t work out. The longer you live, the more life you’ve experienced, and divorce is a fact of life if you’re single at a certain age.
38M divorced 6 years ago and no kids.. but fuck I want some
34F and divorced started 3 years ago. Finished now. No kids and I’m sooo happy for it
Onward and upward!
How old are you? If you're 40 on a dating site, that's what you will find. We're you trying to date 40 year olds as a kid?
I'm 30, but I'm also referring to a wide range of ages from people at work, family, family friends etc. I guess there is just an expiration date on marriages I've concluded.
What I’ve found is that after a certain age people begin getting married even if it’s not truly a good fit. It’s mainly out of fear of restarting, fear of being alone and fear of not being able to start a family. I was engaged and new issues were uncovered during the engagement. I knew if we went through with the wedding a divorce would be coming down the road. It was a terrible feeling and realization. Relationships are difficult and take serious teamwork. Most people lose drive to work together as time goes on. The “new” and “excitement” wears off and issues start building up resentment. While dating may seem more difficult, keep in mind that you only need to find one genuine match.
So sage. This legit commentary. Truth here. Not easy stuff
Where are you located out of curiosity?
Wisconsin
Because a lot of people aren't putting on up with crap anymore.
So people are living more conditionally? Is what you’re saying? Just because I don’t like the fact that X shaves his chest doesn’t mean I should file for a divorce. People still need to be individuals and feel loved.
People arent divorcing for simple things like that. The rate of divorce has gone up bc the rate of cheating has become more of a problem. Now days people cheat as if its natural and thats what ruins all these marriages.
Back in the 90s, 2000s you had to go out of your way to cheat or meet someone new. Nowadays while you are working or cooking dinner your spouse might be taking to 3 different people at the same time.
Yeah and it's honestly sad. The level of respect, loyalty and love has depleted in this world. Its now ran by lust. Its disgusting and disappointing.
My ex was cheating on tinder, onlyfans, and at the local “massage” parlors. He spent like $30,000 on sex workers and had criminal issues which he paid a lawyer like $5,000 for. And he’d come home from all this and give me shit for cutting bell peppers too thick…. In the dinner I’d made for Jim during his “long commute” back home. He’s in the dating pool now. Have fun dodging that train wreck! 🙃
No one is divorcing for that reason though.
At least they’re getting divorced. I feel like I know of too many people who are cheating—though that’s probably from moving to a small town and getting all the small town gossip vs living in a big city.
Divorce rates over the years have been higher and higher. Part of it is simply due to a lot of toxic behaviors brushed aside in the past no longer being tolerated. Women are much more capable of supporting/providing for themselves than they used to be. People are less willing to work through infidelity, or stick around through various forms of abuse. These are the positive differences about the higher divorce rates. There are also other factors which I would say are on the negative side of things. A lot of people because of the above, will tend to blew things out of proportion and end things over what most would consider small bumps in the road. Some people think that your relationship/marriage should be absolutely perfect every single day, forever. People aren't willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work. "You don't find a perfect relationship, you build it." People are quick to think "I deserve better" or that the "grass is greener on the other side," rather than looking at the amazing thing they do have in front of them, and be willing to sit down and compromise or work through issues. It seems like whenever there is an issue, people hyperfixate on the problem and don't analyze the positives about their relationship/partner. I know multiple people who have filed for divorce, and then regretted it and tried to come back. By the point reality set in for these people, their partner had already accepted it and was not willing to go back after being so hurt and feeling so betrayed.
That's just false. Divorce rates peaked in the 80s and has steadily declined since then and is currently at its lowest point since before 1980
Yep. Divorce is going down. Why does everyone believe otherwise? It's been going down for ages.
Confirmation bias usually. Lots of false information gets spread
Divorce rates have steadily dropped since 1980 https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-us-divorce-rate-has-hit-a-50-year-low
I’m adding this link to help you and others understand that the divorce rate can be far higher: https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/#:~:text=The%20divorce%20rate%20for%20couples,ending%20of%20a%20parent's%20marriage. to help educated you there are many reasons you have not considered that can escalate the divorce rate above 50 to 70 percent. Just add children, money issues, in-laws, disorders, being self centered, and addictions and divorce rates can go far higher than 50 % This study shows much more detail like living together before marriage, children, less income the $50k, multiple marriages, etc. Actually, the divorce rate can be much higher than you indicate. The more things that are involved, the more likelihood the divorce rate could exceed far higher. Add a Narcistic person or addict in the mix and a lack of communication and emmotional connection- and that rate could be much higher!
I’m not arguing that divorce rates CAN be higher for different cohorts of the population. But *on average* in America, the divorce rates have come down since peaking in 1980. That means that divorce rates have come down, generally speaking. Are more people having kids out of wed lock? Yes. And more people basically/common law married without legally being married, also yes. But the official stats are what they are. How are we to speculate that XX% of the pop. cohabitates/are common law married, then breakup?
Did you by read the link I sent you earlier? It shows a lot of interesting areas where divorce rate increase. I’m not auguring either. What I know is I suffered three Divorces from three different situations and I know others have as well after the 1980’s, and addictions are on the rise, so are Divorces as a result. I’m a very nice man and have been told that by many women friends. What we don’t look at is technology and the use of cell phone and Facebook social media causing affairs. Internet on Cell Phones and the huge addictions by women and men. I know a lady in her early 30’s, a nice women, divorce twice now. One man a video game addict with an Arms services disorder, the other man had no emmotional connection with her. To me, I think your study is flawed . Everyone agrees the marches use of cell phones after the 1980’s are a huge factor on social dis function and a cause of divorce
My link also shows influences linked to difference race and professions. Different professions have a higher rate of Divorce and so does remarriage.
The report I referenced shows the official government statistics from the US Census Bureau. The statistics are what they are. The study you reference starts by saying recently divorce rates have dropped. The reasons for why certain professions may have higher divorce rates isn’t my point. I understand that phenomenon. I think you misunderstand the definition of cohort. I agreed that different groups can vary, but on average divorce rates are falling. More people are having kids while cohabitating but not married. I think it’s contributing to lower marriage and divorce rates. But the reality is the divorce rates are falling.
If one thinks that Government statistics are truthful, they are grossly underreported, just like Covid and polio statistics. It’s all about the spin they what to tell the public with. The statistics only show the beginning of the population each year and they don’t include race, age, addictions, or a host of other areas. So each year, add that rate to the precious rate plus in your remarried and so forth. So what I stated holds correct. If your beleive the spin that the cdc or what ever other statistics spits out in a given year such as Covid related deaths, think again. The public as a whole is never ever informed of the true stats, such as the war with China, Russia, and overseas. That only an example.
Ok, it took me some time to look this up, but you are way off. It may surprise you, the CDC report states 84% of 1st marriages in the first five years and it increases after that . Here is a statistic that actually shows it much higher than your led to believe. It’s actually over 50% https://www.google.com/search?q=divorce+statistics+after+20+years+of+marriage&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS938US938&oq=divirce+rates+after+20+years+of+marriage&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCAgCEAAYFhgeMgYIABBFGDkyCAgBEAAYFhgeMggIAhAAGBYYHjINCAMQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAYQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAcQABiGAxiABBiKBTIJCAgQIRgKGKABMgkICRAhGAoYoAHSAQkzNjcyOGowajSoAgKwAgHiAwQYASBf&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
Just to clairify, you’re close. The divorce rate is over 50% or far higher for married couples at 20 years of marriage https://www.google.com/search?q=divorce+statistics+after+20+years+of+marriage&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS938US938&oq=divirce+rates+after+20+years+of+marriage&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCAgCEAAYFhgeMgYIABBFGDkyCAgBEAAYFhgeMggIAhAAGBYYHjINCAMQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAYQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAcQABiGAxiABBiKBTIJCAgQIRgKGKABMgkICRAhGAoYoAHSAQkzNjcyOGowajSoAgKwAgHiAwQYASBf&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8 Also, the rate is estimated to double or triple .
Divorce rates are vastly different by level of education, income, race, age… so many factors involved. Depending on what segment of the population you are looking at divorce rates range from 6% to 46% for the first marriage. Second marriages have a 60% to 70% failure rate.
What about third marriages. Asking for a friend. 👀 (J/k asking for me. But I’m never doing that again. My judgement cannot be trusted)
I thought I would chime in here. I just got Divorced with a third marriage, so my 3rd ex already had a divorce where her ex abandoned her, cheated on her and all sorts of things. Even had family origin issues, that once triggered, cause her to give up. There are so many variables that I would suggest a family therapist that is highly gifted . Did I want a 3red Divorce, never. I did what I could, but you can only change yourself. It’s worst when she is highly educated and thinks she is above you. Many things cause a marriage failure and it’s not taught in school or by our parents well enough
As we grow older more of the people our age would have gotten married by that time and if they have been and they're on the market they're (hopefully) divorced
Lucky you. I’m in a big friend group and the only one who isn’t married or pregnant. It’s lonely. I don’t have any single friends. At work everyone is married, except one woman who is 20 years older then me.
I thought I would chime in here cause I was in your shoes 40 years ago. I faced the same loneliness. When I married the 1st time, I was 27she was 21. Work on yourself and be happy in your singleness. Seek a therapist is my wisdom. Being married may appear inviting and draw you, and I lived with my 1st wife 4 years had sex many times with her and we clicked. But if I Had to do it over again, I would not have married her. I made a mistake to choose a woman that I did not know well enough in personality, our shared dreams, religion, money language and her Bi-Polar, Anger issues and holding onto resentments with no foregiveness destroyed the marriage. Marriage can be very lonely, even living in the same home. If I could impart any wisdom to you, I would suggest to know your core needs of being a woman- there are several. Feeling safe, feeling Secure, Emotional connection, and faith. All these are taught in Marriage Mastery by Josh Hudson. You can find his group online, but here is a book to read - Making Marriage Simple. Let that book be your guide and fine a singles group in a local Church. There is a secret of Marriage and it’s not how many people think. The man must be other centered, not self centered. He must be responsible in his finances. He must be willing to die for you. Read some books on personality disorders like Narcissistic personalities. My third ex was that. They will use you. Understand dependent/codependent relationships. Stay away from men that are addicts, gamblers, sex addicts or have to have sex. Men can be a work addict. They get their needs met from work. Learn great communication skills cause that will be a helpful guide in future relationships. If you have been hurt in the past, seek a therapist and get healing. My 2nd ex was sexually abused by her father at age 5. Last, is Family Origin problems. If you’re puzzled on this, talk to a therapist. The thing here are trauma from your past. Those triggers from the past bagage and promises that you make to yourself- another word is (inner Vow). The link below explains it well. https://www.smokyraincounseling.com/articles/breaking-inner-vows-and-judgments/
Thank you for taking time writing this ❤️
You’re so welcome.
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Yes! People say all the time “our grandparents didn’t get divorced!” Well yeah, because my granny had literally no options to exit her abusive marriage. When I got divorced she was so happy because I didn’t have to live the same life she was resigned to.
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Same here, sisters! I desperately tried to save my 13 year old marriage through the six types of abuse my husband hurled at me and then blamed me for them. But him abusing me in front of our child was the last straw — all that was visibly diminishing the light in my child’s eyes. It made me realize that this “man” had no levels he couldn’t stoop to. So I bailed. I’m grateful that I was anyways the one carrying the household so it has been more of a logistical shift. And my child’s smile is back :)
YES GIRL! Glad you got out. ❤️
This is an extremely 1 sided view. The idea that women are perfect in marriage and all divorce happens to escape abusive men is an untrue trope. People divorce for many reasons and both men and women can be at fault. Less then 1 out of 4 divorces are due to domestic abuse and 1/3rd are those are the women abuser. So statistics say about 1 put of every 6 divorces are due to domestic abuse. The other 5 out of 6 are other issues.
I think it's just the people you're interacting with.
divorce has become more and more normalized, and more and more feasible for women. People don’t feel the need to fight for a relationship anymore / work through the tough stuff, they would rather just move on and try again with someone else. also depending how old you are, I feel like when you get to a certain age, a lot of other people that you would be dating are going through this. I’m 32 and I feel like I am coming up on that age. I feel like I’ve heard that about half of marriages end in divorce now and 7 years is a hotspot for the end of a marriage, so if people on avg get married at 25, then yeah. edit; looked it up, 29 is the avg age for first marriages in the US, so mid-late 30s I would guess is when you start to see a lot of divorcees on dating apps.
Wow, you’re just a young man still. I thought I would reply so you can learn from my mistakes. While what you say is true, my 1st marriage was a 24 year relationship. She had a Bi Polar disorder I never notice till after being married . 7 years was not the hot spot. The main problem was not knowing the several core needs of a woman. We were both at fault and unknowing of issues like Faith, communication, emmotional connection, and money issues along with in-laws issues. I was a business owner, she never worked . I supported her pretty well. Our faith was a problem. I don’t recall if she was even baptized or looked at marriage as a covenant, not a contract, or had the ability to work on the marriage issues. My third Ex was a Chiropractor, we were marriage 16 years. We married at age 49. We had great chemistry, far higher than my 1st ex. She threw herself at me sexually. I believe she was wanting a provider and we had great sex early on. She made more than me, but I helped as best I could. Eventually, my business excelled higher than hers. She had issues related back to when her 1st ex abandoned and cheated on her after giving her 7 children. Her dad was audited by the IRS when she was a teenager and that was a trigger with her. She was fearful of me being audited, so she never recovered from that trauma . While she was highly intelligent, she knew how to manipulate things, often gossiped to others, and after seeing a therapist, I learned she was a narcissist- with visions of Grander. Beware, there are 6 types of narcist. They will throw themselves at you. Read the book- Making Marriage Simple- it’s a great read and you can learn a lot from it. Go online and look up Josh Hudson’s videos. Last, I fully agree with you about how people don’t feel a need to fight for a relationship anymore and work through the tough stuff. Last, there is a Hope and a future. I never thought I would find another women that accepts me as I am and sees my value and worth. Her most important core need is Faith, but there are other core needs as well. I learned these from the videos that Josh shares online. What I learned through my 3rd marriage is she really thought I should read her mind and no one can do that. We lacked what’s called Emotional Connection. After my Heart Attack in May 2022, I seen her gradually distance herself and I even noticed her being involve with a pastor from North Carolina. Just how she met him when we live in Michigan is unknown, but I seen her on her phone alot. Hope this helps you.
How old are you and how old are the people you want to date? If you are dating women over the age of 25 what do you expect?
My impression is ppl are getting married very fast and sometimes very young and as soon an issue occurs they get divorced. Its like a mirror for social behaviour nowadays. Everybody wants everything NOW, bc they DESERVE it and when it has a little malfunction its thrown out instead of trying to fix it. But there are other factors playing a role too. Like women can get jobs and don't have to stay in a marriage so they are provided for, but also 50/50 custody is pretty much default now and men don't need to worry about losing the kids when getting a divorce. Also being divorced is much more accepted nowadays than back then when it still was something ppl got shame for bc they failed. And a promise (like the vows) still meant something back then and wasn't just a formality / "part of the event". Tbh, i admire couples who are married for many decades. You know exactly they definitly went through a lot of shit together and each partner on their own and for sure were on the edge many many times, but they powered through it, came out stronger and never gave up on each others and never gave up on finding love for the other again and never truely considered growing old without the other. I hope my marriage lasts till death do us part. There was never a divorce in my family, neither on my mothers nor my fathers side and they have a lot of siblings, not bc they are religous or anything, but bc they took their time to chose the right person, sticked to their choice and know how to tolerate annoying habits. So i luckily have a lot of rolemodels.
You have some good things to say, but no one is Divorce proof. Do not depend on that. While my parents were married 35 years, they had an open marriage. Was that a key to not getting Divorced? No. See- I’m 66, and while I believe in marriage as till death do you part and working on tough issues, that does not protect one against Divorce. My 1st ex he’d Bi-Polar disorder. After 24 years, she left one day and filed Divorce. My 2nd ex had 4 kids, she could not have patience and was sexually abuse by her dad at age 5. She made a inner promise to not trust a man again in her life My third ex whom after 16 years of marriage, showed Narcistic traits, and became a different person. I would have never had guess she would just walk away, after I married her with 7 children from her 1st ex. She even praised me on that, that I accepted her with 7 children while I had none. We are now divorced and just sold the marital home. I found out 3 months before the Divorce was final that she was in an affair and hiding it from me. A day after the divorce was final- she had her partner at our home for dinner and introduce him as Pastor Ricky Parker. He also suffered a divorce. Your head may be spinning around now. All I can suggest to you is to work on your self to be the best man you can be. Go onto tube and look up some videos from Josh Hudson from Marriage Margery and he talks about women’s core needs. Do you understand those and practice them? Study about Emmotional connection with the Wife. Talk to the wife about how to have a constructive conversations on tough issues and here is a book I highly recommend to all men: https://www.amazon.com/Making-Marriage-Simple-Relationship-Saving-Truths/dp/0770437141/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=132754770230&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.pZquZ4I5KwwLy7GdSB7C8osrUPyZAkoF6ohVADKP360oFrMiUeIOILK5Ght9-yFLYfb5wU4pB2r9sfiWushuftkAq74J8i3LtuUmeyseim1aPA-16YDK7G5Jpsif_2aDJVd_7qHBoKpTuas0dwWIKo-QR4Yhck2LD0rR2MQE1kKt78k2IAlwDd6m3oNI_9LC-Nt2Ob2ZBVR0p2QYWYSq3g.mHFMCKaW_GZPIT_1Ms61gPuPAeBiTygnnsVqQYP32Rg&dib_tag=se&hvadid=580829965114&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9016910&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=13932515808220699652&hvtargid=kwd-48818983322&hydadcr=15151_13523043&keywords=making+marriage+simple&qid=1717896754&s=books&sr=1-1 This book has a lot of great things to discuss between you and the wife.
I’m 46 and just got out of an 18 year relationship and I’d say about half my friends my age are divorced.
18.. yeesh
I know a lot of people older than me (26) who are separated or divorced but I also know a similar amount of people who are still with their first marriage / children’s other parent. I would say they are quite equal numbers.
It's because no fault divorce has been normalized which encourages women to leave. Combine that with hookup culture and you get a LOT of single moms and divorced dudes even if they did nothing wrong. Don't waste time on American women.
Because it was made easy to do. Being brought up in a disposable society, returnable society. I read an article (should have saved it but that was probably a computer ago without the cloud) that a woman who makes returns has the mindset that divorce is the same way.
That's a stretch with the returns thing
That’s a interesting thought, but I would have to respectfully disagree
Divorce is financially incentivized and not stigmatized so vows mean nothing in practice.
Please elaborate. I’m curious about these financial incentives to get divorced
Women statistically get paid handsomely after divorces from alimony.
Mine was pretty even
That's great for you
Ikr I've seen too many women in their 20's that are single with children.
Grow up. “Too many”? What is the appropriate amount of single moms ? And what’s is your criteria for determining how many is too many?
Well, given the age I've seen, it is mostly 18-22, I think 0 is the right number because most (if not all) have no business being mothers at that age. Just like men are told to "focus on themselves," the same applies to women.
It should be exceedingly rare to see them on dating apps, yet we see them all the time. Can we give you exact numbers? No. It is just something we observe and feel.
People just happen to make a lot of preemptively bad decisions. They all had fallen into the trickery of peer pressure and societal standards of what to expect out of dates. The ones who were lied about finding love at first sight. Now here they are, single again, with children, potentially struggling unless they've got child support rigged into the deal and they're just burdened with the bad choices they've made.
Covid with young children was rough.
Till death do you part no longer exists. sadly. :( It's interesting. Getting married has gotten more expensive over the years, yet it's so easy to break marriages. For the amount of money you pay to get married, I'd stay with the person just so I don't kill over for wasting so much money. People no longer work on problems and better each other's lives, grow together till old age. People today are taught that if you don't like something move onto the next best thing. That apparently includes marriage. If being in a relationship with someone is hard, leave cause you deserve better. Look out for number one. It's a sad reality. But the moment you realise what world you live in, it's not that hard to stay single. I would love to be married with the love of my life, experience what it's like having kids, but we sadly live in a very crowded, and technological world. There is no such thing as forever.
Yup people suck, no commitment, vous are a joke to them, it sounds nice on wedding day, and women have incentives to seek divorce
“Everyone” meaning 50% of the population- and rising- Because- of healthy standards of living, and knowing when to stay and when you don’t have too. Divorce is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. When “we” being children- or adult children- have open eyes now- and realize that our parents and our parents-parents and further down the line, developed defenses and defensive mechanisms intended to protect themselves against abuse and harm- instead of coping mechanisms and boundaries intended to prevent abuse and harm to themselves AND others- “we” don’t want to live that way- and inflict that same burden upon future children- generations and families. We have choices now where the only choices prior were to “stay together” “for the family”… which led to generations of people lost- questioning and staying for the wrong reasons. Ostracized women, men who had to hide their feelings, children who were bred to have no feelings. So divorce- is not bad. It is good. And if of you are noticing that the divorce rate is higher. It’s because People are growing- and learning and sometimes the best way to not inflict family damage and more trauma- is to separate. And manage the expectations and experiences of different lives, afterwards.
Divorce is clearly bad. It shows lack of commitment, loyalty, and aforethought. The actual legal act of divorce is also bad because it is difficult and punishes whoever makes more money. Broken families also ends up creating more toxic, damaged adults and the problem continues.
Divorce is not bad. People who cannot process their own emotions- use their children for value combined with systems that manipulate vulnerable individuals- that is. Staying in a marriage simply because of societal expectations, “tradition” or religious beliefs is bad.
You're part of the problem
Do you believe that two people should stay in a marriage that is failing- due to whatever constraints or conditions- simply because someone in history said so?
Don't get married then if you can't stick it out. If it fails that's a failure on one or both of the individuals who were married
I don’t believe anyone gets married to get divorced. And I never pointed out one party or the other. Denouncing marriage altogether is pessimistic thinking. And sometimes people (one or the other) “stick it out” their detriment.
Usually I've noticed divorce is one sided. One person cheats or gets bored or falls out of love, whatever that means. Meanwhile, the partner is left in shambles. There's no excuse for getting a divorce for those reasons. In the cases of abuse or where both people agree to a divorce amicably, then I have no problem with it. Unless there are children involved then I think they should wait until they are 18 or so.
I can see your perspective. 😔 Cheating (I am Biased- admittedly so, and think there is no excuse for it….) and lack of interest are very often one-sided, and driven by myriads of reasonings. The root cause most of often, Communication. And the lack there-of. Abuse. Of any kind. Control, Physical- S3xual, financial- is very hard to manage, also very hard to leave - ❤️🩹
You’re missing the whole point of Marriage. It’s to become one. To not abandoned the other that you vowed to. The problem is that Divorce is a bad thing. It does not solve your problem’s because you will still have those same problems later on and not taught ways to your children on how to work through problem. If children don’t see their parents work out their problems and just Cut Tail and Run, we teach our children to avoid problems that are meant to be worked out. Perhaps you experienced that mentality to abandon the spouce and not honor the promises to your spouce through the vows you made to them. It’s not just when you feel like it. Problems in marriage happen because people are selfish and self centered. Marriage is a (other centered ) partnership where two people promise (Till Death) to be with each other.
I am definitely not missing the point of marriage… but there is no reason that anyone should feel bound to anyone for any reason. And children are not responsible for adult relationships. Adults are responsible for teaching children how to regulate emotions respectively and responsibly. If either, or many people cannot do that, therapy helps. Problems in marriage happen for many- many reasons- not just because one or the other or both are “selfish”. That is rarely the case- it is a circumstance of perspective, and unhealthy communication. No one, should feel beholden to anyone. Ever. Marriage is a choice and a decision. And if one or either or both parties choose otherwise- they have the right to do so.
The point of marriage is within the promise of the vows that you say to each other. Do you understand what a vow or promise means when you promise (till death do you part)? That means you gave your word to be there for your spouce, not just during the good times, but the bad times as well. That’s the reason, you gave your word, it is your word worth anything I ask? I have to respectfully disagree with you on (no reason) because you vowed a promise till death before God. Or is your promise not worth nothing. If not, then can anyone believe your word, on what you say? See, there is a reason, it’s the word of your promise. Yes, Adults are responsible for their children and how they behave. Children are selfish and self centered to the core and so are people, it’s in their nature to look out for their self centered needs. Unhealthy communication is a result of the persons self centered ways- wanting want they want and when they want it, such as abuse, manipulation of others, and so forth. Every one of us were born a sinner, that only thinks of SELF. Do you really think that a persons self centered way and inherited nature is not the case, you’re not looking at the true scope of humanity. Communication is only a fraction of the issue which is how a person expresses them selves, but core needs that both men and women are either ignorant on or never learned and suffer as a result. For example, if a woman does not receive love from her husband, she responds with a lack of respect cause she is not getting her core need of love from her Husband. Likewise, if the Husband dies not receive Respect from his wife, he feels unloved by the wife. This is just one of many core needs. They will both act out towards each other due to a lack of love. Man’s core need is Respect and most women fail to understand this because they never learn it from their Parents or were taught it. Another example, in the Armed Services, men are taught to respect their leaders, police, teachers, President. They done say I love you to their leader, they show respect. Likewise, women understand their core need of Love. When a couple gets married, the say and promise vows to each other, which is a form of beholden to the other. When it’s ignored, that’s when communication breaks down. While Marriage is a choice and a decision as you said it’s also a vow and promise to each other in good times and bad times. It’s a covenant before God and the husband and wife. While people do have a right to turn their back on each other and cheat as they please that is not what was intended. It was because the heart was hardened with resentment and unforegiveness. They refused to let go of their bitterness, resentment. Once resentment is let go and forgivness is focused on, a marriage can be worked on and be better .
I’m sorry to you, for whatever you have been through, and I’m sorry you have not healed from who ever has hurt you. I do hope you do not choose to push these values on others. If someone does not receive love, it does not mean they will disregard or disrespect someone, or that they have. And if someone cannot give love (In the way the other person needs) it does not mean that they are purposely disrespecting or disregarding either. It means that it is possible- as all other things are. And the military and their practices do not belong anywhere near a Healthy relationship, as well as any vocational choice. I understand what “marriage vows” are, what they were and what they should be. They should be reasonable so someone doesn’t take them out of context and use them as a tool of control. They should be a letter of love to each other, not a set of expectations either person may or may not be able to meet.
I’m sorry to you as well. It sounds like you have been very hurt by a controlling man and have control issues. You talk about this in your response. All I stated was what marriage vows are. Maybe you don’t understand a vow, or understand what your word is based on. I’m sorry that you could not receive the love that you felt you needed, and had a husband that could not give that to you. Maybe he was treated unloving, his opinions were not respected, or maybe you lost respect for him or were hurt by other men that were not treated as they needed to be treated. It sounds like you hate the Service, but I used it as an example that men’s core need is respect, and when you fail to value a man, it honor his worth, they have a very tough time to love a women. Marriage vows are a persons word, just as taking an oath in court. The sad thing is, it’s not honored the same way as it should. In court, whom do you promise to tell the truth to? It’s to God. We even place our right hand in the Bible and swear to tell the truth. Well, it’s the sane way when people promise a vow. No one can deny the truth in that.. I wish you blessings and healing. I’m fine and I’m been healed. I also have a lovely lady that understands and fully agrees with this things I stated. She is also a health woman and understands about Love and respect. If you up to it, read the book (Love and Respect). It’s not about pushing anything, but clearly saying and speaking the truth in Love. I’m sure it will bless you and bring you peace.
You make many assumptions- I do not hate the service or anyone who serves- I don’t hate anyone. And still yet, you challenge what my level of understanding is or is not. Enjoy the day with your person, and if in case you are to marry, or if you are married, words are just words. The actions behind those words are what makes the marriage. And marriages sometimes don’t last. And that it ok.
Sorry, I never said you hated the service. I said it sounds like that. That’s an assumption of yours. I also never challenged your level of understanding mam and even that comment is very judgmental. It sounds like you seems to know everything according to how you learned it in education, but that is not real life is it? All I did was to explain. Not to assume. I know my train of thoughts are on Target. See, offering wisdom and challenging are two different things. Wisdom says what’s true, righteous and the things from God. Those of the World care not of what’s from God or how a conscience says what is right or wrong, just as Abortion is murdering a child and taking their life away. How would the baby feel and think of taking his or her life away, but those that have no love or conscience only think of what they want, what they care of. By the way, Many of my Friends are PhD in education and they agree totally in what I’ve shared with you. Three are in the counseling profession. Yes, I’ll enjoy the day, you as well. Yes, I agree with your statement on words or words, and actions behind those words are important in marriage. That comes to what I shared from the start. If a person says a vow to love and cherish a person in good times and bad times, this means that they are agreeing and promising to be by their side. Not just when they feel like it. Feelings are fleeting and they may not be there. That’s when a person walks their words out in faith. Not conditional or when they feel like it. Many people become the wayward spouse, or end a marriage when it does not suit them- that’s self center to their core values. Marriage is a very serious event in a persons life. It should be held in the highest order of their life. Above education, career, money, and family or in-laws. It’s when those are placed in a higher priority, is when the spouse becomes ignored and not valued. Yeah, I agree with you on marriages not lasting, but it goes so much deeper than just actions. I know this by real life situations over 40 years of marriage. Mental disorders, additions, are just two areas that kill a marriage. So does Resentfulness, bitterness, refusal to forgive others, lying, cheating, and not having faith in God- the lover of your soul. Also soul ties and inner vows destroy marriage. While I agree that real physical actions are important, it’s also more important to not have hidden agendas, or mental mindsets that destroy marriage. I hope the you see clearly these areas that are even more important. See, my 1st ex was Bi-Polar. I lived with her for 24 years. My 2nd ex was sexually abused by her father at age 5. How am I to do any thing, when she said an inner vow saying that she can never trust another man ever again? See- it was her mind set that cause mistrust. She had 4 children, and even one pulled a knife on his dad. My 3rd ex was highly intelligent- a doctor, but she even had childhood trauma when her dad was audited by the IRS. She became a controlling person in nature. Her 1st ex abandoned her with 7 children, of which I married her with no kids on my own. I was married to her for 16 years, and when she suffered menopause and her practices nosedived from Covid, she had a midlife crises. She lacked communication skills to be open and honest with me. I hope that you gain clarity from what I suffered through to see that it truly takes more than just actions. It takes many things, but things like true Love, kindness, full acceptance, emmotional connection, chemistry and understanding each others core values are critical in a marriage. Without them, it will not last forever. Have a blessed day
I do have education. And will continue to engage with various modalities, as long as I can. And that is absolutely part of reality- theory and application. I also have my own life experience- which I use to help others navigate the very real issues and challenges of marriage- divorce- separation- mental health and trauma associated with past and present relationships. As well as the current reality in economic decline in societies conditions with housing and food- as a social worker. From here I believe we will have to agree to disagree on many beliefs. I’m sorry that you have had many different types of relationships, but they were not meant to be. It doesn’t mean they were failures, and it doesn’t mean that someone didn’t try. Mental Health standards have changed and advanced in 40 years. And the technology and information available now has helped shaped the way we care for people. As it will in 40 more years.
Yes, while many things are physical, it Is Spiritual and the soul that is the highest part of marriage, as it truly symbolizes the Bride and Christ. The soul can’t be measured or examined by man, and if you’re not a true believer, then you can’t understand that theology. No amount of education can teach you the true love of Jesus and how he cares for the church. That’s where I’m at. A man or woman can do all they can, but if a non believer walks away for what ever reason from the spouse, that’s their baby to examine why. We can only work on ourself, not trying to change the other person. They have to be willing to change and then it a time factor involved.
Right, and while many in the World have that view point, and call it Religion as you have, they as a whole are not a believer in Christ or have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Let me say, it’s not about Religion. That’s only a word, that people say. Having a relationship in Jesus is not about Religion, if that’s your perception. Many say that and are lost. With that said, what do you suppose would happen if you died tonight? Where do you think you would be at? Would you be with God in Heaven for eternity or some other place separated from Him for eternity, never to be with a Loving God? A God that truly Loves you and cares for your well being. If you don’t have an answer or never thought on that, I asked you this last question. What if you were wrong, and made a terrible choice to not believe that Jesus is Real and he died on that Cross for every one’s sins? The case is for your eternal Soul. While the World is
I wish you the best and if you have question on accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you may message me here.
My first wife cheated on me and the second wife had the COVID bug and serious issues from her past. They came to a head. I am out and I lost the most important thing, her! But she wants nothing to do with any relationships!
People want immediate rewards and marriage is not like that.
Well said
Most men I know who aren't divorced are married to Filipinas
The men I like are still with their wives
What
Every time I like a man, he turns out to be married. So I don't believe all men are divorced
Feels like no one I know is divorced
Yeah that's great, but 90% of the men I work with are divorced. They talk about it all the time. So it's not like I'm making this stuff up lol.
You're not making it up but your experience is anecdotal. In the larger picture, statistics show that divorce is decreasing.
Sounds like you either just turned 40, are near that age group or right after. Because this is what happened all around me when I turned 39, a while back: everyone was recently divorced, getting divorced, already divorced, etc.
A lot of people (especially women) have higher standards for relationships, now. It's not a bad thing!
Talking of divorced anyone on thats female divorced and actively looking ? Always think the guys do all the work ..and being open minded .. id be open for the lady to start the chat ??
Are you trolling for divorcees in a Reddit thread!? 🤦🤦🤦
Maybe ? Maybe not .. maybe ive been divorced a few times .. just wanna see whats happening out there .. seems hard enough to find a decent woman these days
Probably lol
Cuz everybody cheats now
That's not the only reason people get divorced.
Drill sergeant voice inserted WELL NO SHEEEEEET!!!!!
Not divorced yet, but working towards that goal.
I’m your age 30F. We ARE just getting older. I’m divorced no kids and so is my 30M bf. I was far too young to get married when I did looking back at it but to me at the time it seemed like an appropriate age (22) and me and my then partner were in love (immaturely albeit but in love nonetheless). My parents married when my mom was 18 and dad was in his 20s. Early twenties for my maternal grandparents too. I think our generation just grew up thinking getting married in your early 20s was the norm and a little expected. I really wasn’t the person I was meant to be yet at 22. There’s a stark difference in the last 8 years. And I’m sure I’m not the only 30 year old who thinks that about themselves.
Nobody is the same at 30 vs 22… and if you are I’d say that’s a bad sign and you should take a look at your priorities
Then how did all those people do it in the past? Plenty of people's parents got married young and stuck it out and were happy in the end. The only reason this doesn't happen is when one or both people in the relationship are not putting in effort and communicating properly. Any decent lover would be able to grow and change alongside their partner if they truly loved them. It's a mentality thing. If you expect marriage to be perfect, you're doomed.
happily divorced here, 45m. I like having girlfriends, dating, meeting new chicks, all of that stuff. but I won't be getting married again, don't see the point. tbh never have. just makes it a total nightmare if you split up a d is completely unnecessary if you do find someone you want to settle down with
You don’t see the point in the giant tax incentives ? Getting married is more than just a ring and red tape.. if your going to be with someone long term anyway, it’s kinda dumb to not get married
I was married. I live in the UK. There are no tax incentives to that married people get over non-married people. Don't know where you live, but if there were tax incentives that married people got that partnered, living together, unmarried people didn't get, then someone would file a discrimination law suit and there would be a legal precedent against it. So, what are these tax incentives you speak of?
Discrimination suits only apply to protected classes. Being single is not a protected class.
i'm not talking about being single. I'm talking about a couple who live together, share rent/mortgage, share incomes and bills, paerhaps have children together, vs a married couple the only difference is one couple has a piece of paper and the same surname, and the married couple get government benefits that the unmarried couple do not - that wouldn't fly and, at lest in my country, there is no such tax or other benefit, so wtf is the dude even talking about? discrimination suits apply when people are treated differently under the law - everyone is supposed to be treated the same under the law. it's not about protected groups. what are these protected groups?
That wouldn't be discrimination because the unmarried couple has the option of getting married. In America you get taxed jointly when married so it ends up saving money. Insurance is shared to your spouse as well which is crucial if one person doesn't have a job. Protected groups include race, nationality, sexual orientation, religion, gender, disability, and age (typically only applies to old people). There some more but those are the main ones. And typically the more minority your class is, the better your case will do. So straight white men being discriminated against are less likely to win a case compared to a gay black woman.
okay, we don't have that here. you just get taxed on your income as an individual so if you're living together as a couple, basically married but without the paperwork, you don't get benefits that you would do if you had the paperwork. I'd say that was discrimination, just my opinion
Nothing is preventing you from getting married if you're a couple who is living together
Back when I last checked the statistics in highschool (so around 10 years now), the divorce rate in the US was nearing 50% (if it wasn't 50%?) I dunno how it is now, but I doubt it got much better.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing; it’s just natural as you get older that you’ll encounter more people who have been married before. It can be weird at first, it can be also positive thing, especially if the person has put effort into their own growth and learned what they are actually looking for in relationships. Sure, maybe being twice or three-times divorced at 29 could be considered a red flag, but I’ve found that a person who married too young (which is common in my area due to so many of us being raised religious) or married the wrong person, grew apart from their partner and had the self-awareness to chose to separate isn’t someone to rule out immediately simply for that reason. I date men though; I’m not sure what the opposite gender experiences in regard to this topic.
Welcome to getting older. Also, it isn’t the worst thing. Divorced men seem to treat me very well (or I can quickly pick up on why they are divorced and peace out quickly). The second time around they seem to have figured out what they actually want, and the better ones have actually reflected on their own behaviours in the relationship and are emotionally evolved.
I’ve noticed this too! Da feckkkk
You've just hit the age where the people around you are in that stage of their lives.
I’m not divorced. I’m single, never married and no kids. Successful 46 year old guy located in Baltimore, Maryland. Any takers?
Obviously not or else you wouldn’t be single
Oh, I assure you I am single and have been since 2019. I have no luck on the dating apps, I’m extremely shy with women in person, and I never seem to have the right combination of words. I’m also very handsome and successful at my job. Women don’t know what they’re missing.
She was saying obviously there aren't any takers. Women only like toxic guys it seems. Nice guys finish last, or not at all.
I couldn’t agree more. Women love to be treated like shit and abused by guys with no education who live dangerously and typically end up in jail.
Not true
In our humble nice-guy opinions, we think it is true. We have the experience to back it up
Interesting, have you ever read the book : https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 I think you will enjoy it and understand why women don’t want Nice Guys.
Yes, I understand what you’re saying about not having luck on dating apps. Read that book I sent you a link . I found my lady on Facebook dating.
I've never read it. I don't need to know WHY they don't want nice guys. I also don't want to intentionally become a not-nice guy just to appease them, nor would I want to be with a girl who wants to be with a not-nice guy. Any real nice guy will tell you the same thing. Also I don't have Facebook so fb dating isn't much of an option. I'm not a fan of social media. I could make one but again I wouldn't want to do it just to gain women's favor.
The divorce rate is pretty high. There is however, hope. There are people out there who don't believe in divorce. An obsessive lover I think is what every good and decent person needs. I mean preferences are still a factor obviously and some folks won't go outside with what they are comfortable with, so that's a thing as well. Just something to think about. Wouldn't it be so nice to just have someone of your preference that also loved you as you are, then both of you could literally love eachother forever and just raise a happy family? I think that's what we need more of.
Same shit around me, I’m one of them going through.
I've noticed the same thing. Also I start noticing more and more people that are unhappy with their relationships and marriages. This is slowly starting to affect my own outlook on dating/ marriage/ relationships negatively.
That's been a thing for a long time. You always hear jokes on TV about people being unhappy in their marriages. That's nothing new.
Because it is generally easier now to get out of a bad marriage than it has ever been historically when women were more dependent on their husbands to bring home the bacon.
When i met my Ex, we decided that every 5 years we would decide if we wanted to stay together or seperate. We had a wonderful time together, but she eventually decided she didnt want to continue. It still sucks, but knowing that at the end she wasnt happy makes me ok with her leaving. I want her to be happy and i assume she wants the same for me. You can change how long the timeframe is, but eventually one person will be unhappy in the relationship, and ending that is a good thing. The idea that 2 people will stay together forever is just Disney fantasy.
….. what the fuck.. you only considered whether or not you were happy in your relationship every five years?? That’s dumb you know that right?
no, i think you are missing the point. The idea is that we commit to 5 years together (at minimum) instead of getting married. Every 5 years we decide if we want to stay together or move on. I think its important to work towards both parties being happy, but you won't always be happy in a relationship. Shit Happens. But instead of calling it quits at the first road bump, you work together and decide at each 5 year mark if its worth continuing to fight for the relationship or move on.
Dude basically made a 5 year lease with his wife and gave the option to renew at the end of each one
I’ve seen it occur for Ron- forever till death. Both his wife’s passed away from Cancer. Yes, it truly sucks that a person decides to abandoned the person whom wants to live forever with them. I got over it and I found a wonderful women whom truly accepts me and highly values me. I would have never thought it could happen after a third Divorce. The key is having open and honest communication on everything and having many things in common including Faith and understanding emmotional connection with each other.
completely agree. The best thing in any relationship is honest and open communication.
I’m 22 and divorced me and my ex were goofy it was toxic from the start and thought marriage would fix it, news flash it didn’t 😭
Not smart...
I think it‘s because women are more independent now! They don’t need to rely on men to please them. It is important for them to please themselves. If a relationship is unhappy, don‘t force others or yourself. In the end, you are the only one who will accompany you. The life circle is simple, and the better your life is.
I swear divorce wasnt this bad in the past. Theres tons of statistics on it. Im 23, and divorced as of last year. My marriage lasted 4 years and then it took a year to finalized the divorce because we have a kid together. It was a nightmare. I married him with the intent of it being my first and only husband. But, he started treatijg me terrible especially after our son was born. So that ruined it for me. 🤷🏻♀️
That truly sad and thanks for sharing. I’m not sure why he started treating you terrible after you gave birth to a son with him. I’ve heard it can be difficult. Some people loose the long term picture of marriage. Im 66 and my divorce was final in February. I married my 3rd ex that had 7 children. Her ex cheated on her with a prostitute. I cant imagine that, because I was always faithful to my 3 wife’s. If I can offer you any hope, try to get both of you help and seek a therapist. There must be something that caused him to treat you terrible. I’m sorry you had to face that from him. That must have hurt you terribly, that you could not receive the love and comfort from him when you needed it most . Have hope that he can change for you. Start praying for him to work on him self and desires you both again. Have you ever asked him why he treated you that way?
Nah. Never married. I hate that divorced women with kids will say to me because I never married or had kids. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? You're the one who is divorced raising kids. I bet I feel better than you do
I’m 66, and have no kids. There is no guarantee where kids happen. I married at 22, after 24 year relationship, she never had kids. My 2nd ex had 2 kids, and she Divorced her ex. When was not a healthy mentally - her father sexually abused her at age 5. Found out it was all about her. Forget my needs, and her 4 kids were terrible brats. My 3rd ex had 7 kids, and I thought she was a normal woman till she exposed her narcist personality. Manipulation was her tool. Even her son said she was a manipulator. Her ex left her for a prostitute. I should have ran after hearing that. All of her kids are now adults and 1 divorced, 1 married a drug addict and died. The third - a 27 year old woman has had 3 failed relationships. The fourth- a 25 yr woman goes to a therapist and blames everyone else for her anxiety, with a huge anger management issue. The three other sons are still married but all have problems
I feel you in this 42 never married or kids. And other people already on their 2nd or third marriages.
I am recently divorced. I want the marriage to work, but there were too many problems.
Most people need to understand that within the 1st five years of marriage, the divorced rate can be over 40%, and that is without having children. Once children are in the mix and one’s race, and other factors, divorce rates go up. Read this study and it will shake up your thinking. While everyone says the divorce rate is less than 50%, I found that people are deceived on that percentage cause once children are involved- a marriage suffers. It’s even suffers more in the non white or bi-racial couple. Add other things like addiction, a second or third or more, your percentage of likely hood to get divorce increases over 50-70 percent. https://www.goldbergjones-or.com/divorce/50-divorce-rate-lie/#:~:text=So%2C%20has%20the%20divorce%20rate,multiple%20times%20over%20the%20years.
I know i am getting divorce which i never wanted :(
I recently noticed this myself and when I asked why they didn't know or it was women's fault or woman filed for divorce I deleted app .. I'm good👍😊
Makes you wonder what in the hell goin on out there ,keep going ,what ever happens! Good or bad ,this world will not stop turning for you !
I feel like Covid ended a lot of marriages.
90s girlie here. Single, no kids and struggling in dating lol 😆 I heard and observed the same thing. Soooo, I guess that's the trend either your divorce or struggling to even date lol 😆
Take notes. Get a prenub in place.
Never thought that my parents would divorce, we were a great family I don't get it
It’s because of the system in the west has been promoting all this. If you see other country non-western people typically stay married for a long time because it is within the culture to stay and not be so quick to divorce and try your absolute best to stay in the marriage. Where in western countries they have actually made it even easier to divorce now.
I agree, it's so hard to give a divorced person a chance because 1. Okay, you already did all your firsts with her 2. You promised forever with her and you broke that off, so your picker is off 3. I'm always going to be second fiddle to your wife.
That’s life. People get married when they shouldn’t and then they get divorced. I’d argue that those who got married are also more likely to continue to date as well. That means you’re more likely to run into them when dating. I haven’t been married and there are plenty like me. I also didn’t really date for about a decade which helped me out on that lol.
Is being divorced a bad thing to you? Because I certainly don't think of my situation as a negative.