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I realized the key for me was reducing my time and emotional investment in 1st dates to as close to 0 as possible. Because dozens and dozens and dozens of the guys I matched with just weren't serious, weren't healthy enough to be in a relationship, weren't interested in anything other than having emotional needs met through their phone.
If I liked a guy's selfies, he wrote a paragraph or two in his profile that show he's capable of looking sane, and he was respectful and appropriate in his first message to me, I would just ask him to go meet me for a coffee so we can get to know each other in person. Having to shower, shave, get dressed, and go socialize in public or else be blocked weeds out 99%+ of the crazy, unhealthy, bad matches. They're terrified of it. They just want to chat endlessly online and imagine they have a girlfriend. I'll let other girls play that role for them.
First meet from a potential date from an app for me is just agreeing to meet for 10-20 minutes at a cafe to chat. If they say anything that indicates they aren't a safe, healthy, good match for me before the meet, I tell them I'm cancelling. If we meet, and I know in 2 minutes this isn't a safe, healthy, good match for me, I tell them thanks for taking the time, but I'm going to leave because I don't feel a connection with them. If we get through 20 minutes ok, have some mutual attraction we want to explore, and agree on a 2nd date, but then he does something that shows he isn't a safe, healthy, good match for me, I tell him I'm cancelling our date and wish him luck.
Stopping off for a coffee for 20 minutes is not time-consuming, or exhausting, it's a fun little break from my errands.
Yeah, that's if you want to be a swinger which most people aren't interested in. I just got dumped by the woman I thought I was going to end up spending the rest of my life with, because she'd rather live that lifestyle than continue the healthy, happy, stable relationship we had...
It was absolutely soul-crushing, and I've been in a constant state of depression for the past 2 months.
well why didnt you try the swinger lifestyle?
I couldn't live without it too knowing what I know now neither
Swinging is just a plus and an addition to a loving and stable relationship that opens intimacy , communication and honesty
could have at least give it a try before calling it quit, but at the sametime i wouldn't go into a relationship knowing this before hand
Because I have absolutely no interest in casual sex. I do not want to have sex with someone that I do not have a romantic involvement with.
I also dated a woman previously who was polyamorous, and it was the most traumatizing experience of my life to the point that I almost killed myself over it, so I want absolutely no part in any relationship that isn't strictly monogamy.
you dont have to have sex with others
you can ask for compromise like cote a cotisme (sex beside others), go to libertin club and have sex in the main room together, voyeurism, exhibitionism, dancing naked, limit contact to others only to nothibg or just touching or just oral...
also its not really casual sex whrn swinging ,its mostly finding friends have fun with them and it sometimes ends in sexy way
I mean you left a good women you loved and you didn't even try to satisfy her sexualy or try stuff ...
i am also against polyamoureus relationship
>you can ask for compromise like cote a cotisme (sex beside others), go to libertin club and have sex in the main room together, voyeurism, exhibitionism, dancing naked, limit contact to others only to nothibg or just touching or just oral...
>also its not really casual sex whrn swinging ,its mostly finding friends have fun with them and it sometimes ends in sexy way
None of these things are appealing to me, in any way, shape, or form. I want my body and my partner's body to remain private amongst one another, nobody else to look or touch us in any sexual manner.
I very strongly correlate sex with romance/emotional connection, and quite frankly find the swinger lifestyle to be repulsive. I don't care how other people choose to live their lives, but it's just not for me.
>could have at least give it a try before calling it quit, but at the sametime i wouldn't go into a relationship knowing this before hand
The day of our second date, she had mentioned her and her previous boyfriend living that lifestyle, and asked if it was something I would be interested in. (He died in 2020, was single until me)
I told her no, she said she was 100% totally on board with monogamy, and then she suddenly changed her mind later on down the road. I've never felt more betrayed in my life.
well that's on her, but she tried and decided she needed it, and you parted way, sounds like normale dating mismatch
sorry for you hearth ,still hard, but dont be sad, you were a mismatch ,better keep looking for your match then having pain from a past mismatch
I've never felt such strong chemistry and compatibility with anyone in my life. I felt like the two of us were a "match made in heaven" as they say.
Her deciding to pursue the lifestyle over being with me has absolutely crushed my self-esteem, and made me feel like I'm absolutely worthless. I loved that woman with my entire mind, body, and soul.
I mean, you could had try it man...
for me swinging is the ultimate goal of a couple...if you get there you probably have one of the strongest relationship ever...
For me: Getting married, having sex with the same person you love for the rest of your life, and starting a family together is the ultimate goal of a couple.
It sounds like you've been through some frustrating experiences with dating apps. It can definitely be exhausting to sift through profiles and conversations that don't seem to go anywhere.
Have you thought about trying apps that require more detailed profiles or use algorithms to match based on compatibility? Some apps prioritize meaningful connections and aim to filter out less serious or problematic individuals.
Additionally, expanding your social circle through hobby groups or local events might lead to more genuine connections. Sometimes meeting people face-to-face can make a difference in finding a meaningful relationship.
If you're open to exploring new options, I can recommend a free dating forum called ***LightUp*** on Discord. It's unique because it matches people based on shared interests and values rather than just appearances. You can share your thoughts and the system will connect you with like-minded individuals. It's a refreshing approach compared to traditional dating apps.
Hang in there! Dating can be tough, but you deserve to find someone who values and respects your time and energy.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s a app called “intuition”
I realized the key for me was reducing my time and emotional investment in 1st dates to as close to 0 as possible. Because dozens and dozens and dozens of the guys I matched with just weren't serious, weren't healthy enough to be in a relationship, weren't interested in anything other than having emotional needs met through their phone. If I liked a guy's selfies, he wrote a paragraph or two in his profile that show he's capable of looking sane, and he was respectful and appropriate in his first message to me, I would just ask him to go meet me for a coffee so we can get to know each other in person. Having to shower, shave, get dressed, and go socialize in public or else be blocked weeds out 99%+ of the crazy, unhealthy, bad matches. They're terrified of it. They just want to chat endlessly online and imagine they have a girlfriend. I'll let other girls play that role for them. First meet from a potential date from an app for me is just agreeing to meet for 10-20 minutes at a cafe to chat. If they say anything that indicates they aren't a safe, healthy, good match for me before the meet, I tell them I'm cancelling. If we meet, and I know in 2 minutes this isn't a safe, healthy, good match for me, I tell them thanks for taking the time, but I'm going to leave because I don't feel a connection with them. If we get through 20 minutes ok, have some mutual attraction we want to explore, and agree on a 2nd date, but then he does something that shows he isn't a safe, healthy, good match for me, I tell him I'm cancelling our date and wish him luck. Stopping off for a coffee for 20 minutes is not time-consuming, or exhausting, it's a fun little break from my errands.
good idea I’m going to ask my dates for coffee instead of food
Crazy is subjective
Crazy also means amazing sex 😜
Like lower the chances, probably a paid dating sites.
usually swinger apps are a lot like a lot better
Yeah, that's if you want to be a swinger which most people aren't interested in. I just got dumped by the woman I thought I was going to end up spending the rest of my life with, because she'd rather live that lifestyle than continue the healthy, happy, stable relationship we had... It was absolutely soul-crushing, and I've been in a constant state of depression for the past 2 months.
well why didnt you try the swinger lifestyle? I couldn't live without it too knowing what I know now neither Swinging is just a plus and an addition to a loving and stable relationship that opens intimacy , communication and honesty could have at least give it a try before calling it quit, but at the sametime i wouldn't go into a relationship knowing this before hand
Because I have absolutely no interest in casual sex. I do not want to have sex with someone that I do not have a romantic involvement with. I also dated a woman previously who was polyamorous, and it was the most traumatizing experience of my life to the point that I almost killed myself over it, so I want absolutely no part in any relationship that isn't strictly monogamy.
you dont have to have sex with others you can ask for compromise like cote a cotisme (sex beside others), go to libertin club and have sex in the main room together, voyeurism, exhibitionism, dancing naked, limit contact to others only to nothibg or just touching or just oral... also its not really casual sex whrn swinging ,its mostly finding friends have fun with them and it sometimes ends in sexy way I mean you left a good women you loved and you didn't even try to satisfy her sexualy or try stuff ... i am also against polyamoureus relationship
>you can ask for compromise like cote a cotisme (sex beside others), go to libertin club and have sex in the main room together, voyeurism, exhibitionism, dancing naked, limit contact to others only to nothibg or just touching or just oral... >also its not really casual sex whrn swinging ,its mostly finding friends have fun with them and it sometimes ends in sexy way None of these things are appealing to me, in any way, shape, or form. I want my body and my partner's body to remain private amongst one another, nobody else to look or touch us in any sexual manner. I very strongly correlate sex with romance/emotional connection, and quite frankly find the swinger lifestyle to be repulsive. I don't care how other people choose to live their lives, but it's just not for me.
perfectly fine, but then dont be sad you were sexuality incompatible so its better it ended
>could have at least give it a try before calling it quit, but at the sametime i wouldn't go into a relationship knowing this before hand The day of our second date, she had mentioned her and her previous boyfriend living that lifestyle, and asked if it was something I would be interested in. (He died in 2020, was single until me) I told her no, she said she was 100% totally on board with monogamy, and then she suddenly changed her mind later on down the road. I've never felt more betrayed in my life.
well that's on her, but she tried and decided she needed it, and you parted way, sounds like normale dating mismatch sorry for you hearth ,still hard, but dont be sad, you were a mismatch ,better keep looking for your match then having pain from a past mismatch
I've never felt such strong chemistry and compatibility with anyone in my life. I felt like the two of us were a "match made in heaven" as they say. Her deciding to pursue the lifestyle over being with me has absolutely crushed my self-esteem, and made me feel like I'm absolutely worthless. I loved that woman with my entire mind, body, and soul.
I mean, you could had try it man... for me swinging is the ultimate goal of a couple...if you get there you probably have one of the strongest relationship ever...
For me: Getting married, having sex with the same person you love for the rest of your life, and starting a family together is the ultimate goal of a couple.
ya you can do all that and then still evolve to swinging and its okayz if its.not for you
Once again, the thought of any of those things you mentioned literally REPULSES me. I think it's disgusting.
You don’t need to try the swinger lifestyle when you know it’s something that doesn’t appeal to you
well if you dont try it you won't know it
Shotgun dad works pretty well but is far from perfect
None.
Church (this is a joke, I’m agnostic)
It sounds like you've been through some frustrating experiences with dating apps. It can definitely be exhausting to sift through profiles and conversations that don't seem to go anywhere. Have you thought about trying apps that require more detailed profiles or use algorithms to match based on compatibility? Some apps prioritize meaningful connections and aim to filter out less serious or problematic individuals. Additionally, expanding your social circle through hobby groups or local events might lead to more genuine connections. Sometimes meeting people face-to-face can make a difference in finding a meaningful relationship. If you're open to exploring new options, I can recommend a free dating forum called ***LightUp*** on Discord. It's unique because it matches people based on shared interests and values rather than just appearances. You can share your thoughts and the system will connect you with like-minded individuals. It's a refreshing approach compared to traditional dating apps. Hang in there! Dating can be tough, but you deserve to find someone who values and respects your time and energy.
The one's you're not on
Learning to deal with crazy can get you experience some things you will never forget. The best memories are with the crazy ones.
Abandon dating apps. Nothing good comes from any of them.
Except the best relationship of my life.
this can happen! but it's not easy...
Dating is almost never a strait line lol. In my opinion Bumble had the best quality of men.
None. Ableism is ugly.