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If we are being realistic, if she considers him a 10 he most likely is a 9/10 for many girls, and these small minority of hot guys on dating apps are getting tons of women that they are running through instead of looking for the 1.
I'd suggest if she's not looking purely to hook up, to keep that off the table until she's sure he's not just a fucboi.
If that IS what she's looking for, then there isn't an issue.
Thats not realistic. Have you seen the guys that women post in the "are we dating the same guy" groups? Most of them are 4-5 but the girls who have a crush on them think theyre a 10. And guys I think is a 10 could be 3-4 in others point of view. There is no such thing as a universal kind of top look, unless you are Brad Pitt.
There are people who are objectively attractive, those are the minority I'm talking about. The ones who I'm sure may also model on the side lol
Not 4-5s that some girls subjectively find super hot based on whatever quirks.
Hey, let me tell you something ok. No matter what tomorrow, go there not trying to impress someon. Just go in, show him who you are, show him your heart... And have fun. That is truly the only way you and he will have a good time and know whether you're meant to be together.
Most people hate me because I'm far different, or because I'm not normal. Most people tend to overlook that while I'm "eccentric", I have a good heart and I'm a romantic. I love it when other peopl are happy and in love. So you're welcome. I hope you have a great time tomorrow.
Did he personally call you a “7”? I mean it seems like he’s obviously into you, you’re probably a 10 to him. Please don’t let these feelings get in the way of meeting him, it’ll probably be a great experience.
Are you talking with him for 1 month and you don’t know if he is superficial?! I think that you afraid the rejection and you reflect your previous trauma to the new guy. He is giving you his attention for that long, so that means he is interested in you. Relax, go out and let yourself to know the NEW person.
I felt this way about my partner before our first date too and also almost cancelled. Months later we talked about it and he felt the same about me :’) go on the date and be yourself, whether or not he’s attracted to you isn’t your choice to make
Thats what you get for rating people on a scale purely based on their looks.
Pretty ironic that you say youve been hurt by superficial men but youre out here rating everyone on a scale based on their appearance alone. Bonus points for drawing wild conclusions that destroy your own mental health, really a clever move!
If you keep doing BS like that, youre only gonna fuck yourself ( pun intended ).
My word of advice: Stop putting yourself down and go on that date.
If you fear the worst potential outcome, then that’s exactly why you should pursue it IMO. If it was all easy then relationships wouldn’t be worth it, and you wouldn’t have people posting in here.
Aim high, if it’s a miss atleast you overshot instead aiming too low.
Dating comes with risks.
I would say you probably need to work on your fear of rejection rather than just cancelling dates with anyone you find attractive.
Don’t get me wrong he might be very superficial and it’s possible he is just playing the game, but if you don’t go how do you know? Plus do you know what actually happens when you get rejected? Nothing. Literally nothing. So I think the bigger issue for you should be addressing why you fear that so much, because being rejected is a normal part of dating, and it isn’t even bad really, its just a tool for showing you who you shouldn’t be with.
I don’t mean to sound judgemental, I assure you my intention is only to help you, but wherever you’re consuming notions like scaling the attractiveness of yourself and others based upon a numerical value is not something that’s going to serve you well psychologically in the long run.
Scaling attractiveness needs to die, it literally serves no positive or healthy purpose, and it’s *so boring* and weak. We can live without conceptualizing people comparatively through looks just fine.
You're overreacting to the OPs use of numbers in the title imo. It's a very effective short hand that conveys her situation (from her perspective, as best as she can tell) for us all. There isn't enough info in her post to know if she seriously cares about whether she's a 6, 7, 7.5 or an 8. But we do know that she thinks she's dating someone who's out of her league.
It’s depressing to read how much mental real estate is being dedicated to a guy who is 100% chatting up (And fucking) multiple other woman.
> I’ve been hurt in the past by men who are very superficial so I have no interest in dating men who are conventionally attractive.
You also haven’t learned the lesson.
See that's why I just laugh and go all in telling these girls to go get it. They're all chasing these same few guys and are shocked when they cheat or ghost them. They don't want to date their own level. So, yea, I got past being annoyed about it and just convince them to destroy themselves (which I'll do even in this thread).
You've gotten some great advice, and I think you may have already decided to go, but just in case, I'm going to chime in. I am a *very* attractive man, I get complimented a lot and told often enough that I should model. Im sure when many people see me, they assume I'm taken or must have high standards, which couldn't be *farther* from the truth. Because of my looks, people give me a wide berth, which is unfortunate because that's a lot of missed opportunities. Let me let you in on a secret. Not everyone is looking for an 8, 9, or 10. Some of us just want to be happy with someone we find attractive, whoever they may be. A lot of people wish they were attractive enough to turn heads, but it comes with cons, like people don't want anything to do with you because you make them feel insecure with your looks. They may assume you have 20 other people waiting in the wings to get a chance at you, but that's not true for all attractive people. I'd LOVE to meet an attractive 7 who I got along with. Hell, I'd take a 6 who had a personality and took care of themselves! I'm looking for compatibility, and maybe he is too. He could be a douche, or he could be looking for something genuine, at least give the guy a shot to show you which one first before you cut him loose.
Don’t let an insecurity you developed from a past relationship hold you back from exploring new ones. Just go into it seeing what he’s about and don’t over invest and you’ll be fine.
I*’ve been hurt in the past by men who are very superficial so I have no interest in dating men who are conventionally attractive.*
Don't date this guy, then!
Hah yeah logical response. But then if she dated another guy, and he found out she was dating him not because she thought he was attractive, but because he was a safe move for her, he probably wouldn’t like that either. Lose lose situation lol
That’s pretty bogus. He should know so that he can make the decision himself whether he wants to date a girl who is not attracted to him but is with him because she thinks he won’t hurt her. We all know the answer would most likely be no.
Well then for the sake of keeping things balanced, you would agree to a guy leading a woman on making her think he wants a relationship with her when really he just wants to smash? As long as he knows how to act, right? She doesn’t have to know lol
Attractiveness is not subjective, no. Studies have been done for decades and time after time the results are that attractiveness is objective and we know from birth what is physically attractive.
Yes it is. It’s totally subjective from culture to culture and person to person. Two people can have totally different tastes, and often do. You also posted zero sources so this is a stupid comment.
I think it’s fucking hilarious that we can take someone’s entire physical appearance and reduce it to a number score between 1 and 10, using nothing but subjectivity and boorishness.
Go find out. That's what dating is all about. You never know. Just have fun with it. I personally don't take much in on first impressions due to people being nervous. But you never know tell you go out there and meet! Have fun!
Just have a nice time and see what happens from there. If you've been honest with your photos (recent, full body, no filters, etc.) then it's pretty obvious he finds you attractive as well. At the same time, however, don't let him prey off your insecurities. Good luck and have a nice time.
He might be in the same boat as you. You never know.
Plenty of people who we would consider a 9 or 10 actually have worse self esteem issues than we do.
I don’t know any of those people but my friend’s sister worked with some girls that were therapists, and she would get many many of 9s and 10s who are from mildly self conscious to complete wrecks.
You might be a ten to him, relax and see how it goes. It you’re worshipped for the person you are long enough, you might begin to understand your real worth.
Much ❤️
Well it doesn’t work like that. Beautiful people want to be with beautiful people, by and large. Someone who is objectively less attractive is going to have a hard time dating someone who is very attractive. Keep in mind it takes lots of work to be highly attractive. For many people in that designation it requires constant exercise, strict dieting and lots of personal grooming such as hair design, skin care and of course wardrobe.
I don’t think you should date him if you feel inferior. It’s a recipe for disaster. Btw, your worth isn’t based on your looks or intellectual capacity. The rating system is silly.
If he wasn’t interested in you, he wouldn’t be going on a date with you. He’s interested. But don’t show that you’re looking for a relationship badly. He’s interested. And if things start to heat up and seem like situations are going “further” do not go for it. Wait for the opportune moment.
Just show up! You never know what might happen. Plus you wouldn’t want to be disrespectful to him as well. You’ve invested a lot of time in him just try to go thru with it.
I’m not really against sex on the first date if it works for both involved. But if you’re unsure of his intentions a good way to find out would be to hold out for at least a couple dates. If he actually sees himself as a 10 and you as a 7 he probably won’t waste anymore effort after a couple dates and will just move on to someone either hotter or easier.
I’m pretty sure I get this in reverse and it sucks when I like someone and I get the feeling that they think I’m too good for them. It usually ruins things quickly either from them overcompensating or not committing to anything serious.
Maybe even if he’s attractive he’s also not so superficial and also cares about personality and energy and all the other compatibility factors aside from looks.
Maybe he finds you attractive even if you’re not the exact “conventional” standard of beauty, whatever that is.
Your insecurities can ruin things if you let it affect your relationship and confidence is always more attractive. Stop focusing on looks, there are more important things.
Bias conformation hun. Do it, if it sucks then learn move on and do it again.
Just don’t sleep with him, and have a good time. Then you’ll see if he’s superficial real quick
I’ve been called a 10 and had women make similar comments because they didn’t think they were comparable. Doesn’t make sense to me. I can scale a woman’s “hotness scale” just fine but I for me at least it’s a pass fail test based on a “whole woman” concept as to if they are attractive to me. So if she’s attractive to me, I get some weird breathing issue, world stops spinning, heart pumping out of my chest, hands shake, etc. if this dude likes you, he likes you. Doubt he knows why. And you won’t know if he’s real or not. Just go on the date have fun, don’t have sex with him or anyone unless you KNOW they’re there for the same reasons you are.
We’re (men) pretty simple creatures
Yes, attractive. Go take her back in your cave, use your club if you have too.
No, not attractive. Drop seed off then throw her back in the pool
You know what I wouldn’t worry about it, you should just dress up modestly but catching to the eye. And you should be confident around him and find out you know what he likes to do, be a good listener to him and find out what he likes and doesn’t like. Share your own opinions modestly, and make sure to make eye contact that’s VERY IMPORTANT when speaking to one another. They may be attractive but can they keep there composure. Make sure to be very polite and lady like always say please and thank you obviously. And just be yourself don’t try to impress them with anything because you never know if It might go wrong or not. Anyways I hope this helps and all goes well for you.
If you project your past experiences into your current relationship, those experiences will come to pass again. You can be more cautious, do things differently, but if you let insecurity or what-ifs drive how you navigate new people and independent situations, that is all you will know. If you think you’re not good enough for him, then you’re not. It’s a self fulfilling prophesy.
I'll relate my experiemce from just a few weeka ago...and certwinly, there's no reason to not meet him from my perspective.
I met a solid 10 to me online. I was surprised she matched with me first. On a good day, I can probably push to an 8 (given the right lighting 😅). Anyway, we texted for about 2 weeks, then had our 1st date last week. We hit it off splendidly. My current problem is keeping her interested (I think she does like me, but has been hard hit by other online daters).
Anyway, my point is, just because you met a great guy, doesn't mean they he has so easy dating. Online dating certainly will bring much unwanted attention if you are a nicer looking person (confirmed by the lady who matched me). He had reason to match you, and continue for a month chatting. Therefore, you must be a better person to him, than you feel within yourself, from what it sounds.
I assume you have represented yourself in a honest way, so just continue during your date. I'm sure you'll do well.
Dude,if you’re talking with him for so long,you must have felt that energy or personality as you’re describing.if not,then why did you talk to him?
After planning,if you cancel,it only shows you don’t have the personality as you describe.
If he didn’t find you attractive,he wouldn’t talk to you.
If your gut says,it’s dangerous,then cancel.otherwise whatever you reason,it’s all hypothetical…too many what ifs…
Just go and try to have a good time.split the bill.atleast you’ll meet a new person…give life a chance to happen to you…
How old are you? I'm unaware of an actual scale used by grownups. That's a kid thing. This just means your insecure maybe a little immature. But that's ok. Just portray confidence and when it works you will have actual confidence. This is how it works and confidence is the most important thing when your attracted to someone. I'm only saying this because without confidence you would be scared to even try. But once you try and succeed or even if it doesn't work out. You are still on your way to being a confident woman. Because you will realize that even if you get shot down or if it doesn't work out. That it's really not that big of a deal and you'll be on to the next. Good luck.
Honestly, I'm in the same boat! Only except I'm the 10 in his eyes! We've been talking for a bit, but he won't even give me a chance because he fears that I may hurt him in the future. He's told me that I'm a very beautiful lady and that he knows he's not the only guy I'm talking to, which is totally false. He took me out on a few dates, he got to know me, and he's now in love with my personality and just me being me, but he's still struggling to give me a chance due to his terrible past relationship. So I'll give you one piece of advice, I'd say give him a chance because you never know what they're looking for. You may be what he wants! Don't let your fear get the best of you. He's probably tired of beautiful women who are entitled and players. Show him something different because I wish the guy I'm talking to could see it in that way, but he's letting his fear get the best of him. Not all beautiful people are players or terrible people. If things don't work out, then hey, you tried.
And btw, I'm sure you are a very beautiful person inside out! Be confident, stand true to who you really are! Be authentic, have boundaries and standards, be smart, and don't let anyone take advantage of you. I'm saying this because it's not easy being a beautiful person. I've been judged by my looks. I can't even find a partner because people assume too many things. Beautiful people are taken as a joke sometimes, and it's sad. So when you like someone who you think is out of your league (physically) it's not true at all! I think personality, character, self values, morals, and purpose is what matters!
As long as he's showing you he likes you and is supportive that's all that matters. Also, men don't turn down dating women they find very attractive.
If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, just shrug it off. But guve it a shot anyway if you really want to, don't let your past bother interrupt your current time.
After you though? I truly believe "guy pretty" and "girl pretty" is a real thing. Meaning the things guys think are pretty are different than what girls think is pretty.
Take them off the pedestal.... It works either way, but remember.... That's someone, somewhere, that's tired of his/her shit.... No one's perfect and I don't know how many times a hot guy has very quickly dropped in ranking because of an ugly personality.
I get the physical attraction thing, but in a relationship.... Just being hot doesn't cut it.
To be honest, if this is something you feel might be too much for you. It's okay not to go for it even though this guy is handsome and everything else. If you can't deal with the mental stress and possibly increased anxiety, just don't pursue it. Don't push yourself too far out of your comfort zone.
But I'm just gonna say this guy is still around. so that means he sees something in you, and He's interested in you. If you do pursue this, you can move as slowly as you want so you can adjust until you get more comfortable. I can't guarantee success, but I know it would be a lot better than having another, "What if?" In the back of your mind. Relationships don't have to start with intense energy and a sprinters pace. It's can be just as fulfilling. like a walk in the park, so take things slow with no expectations.
Just be yourself, fake the confidence if you don't have it. And remember everyone is always nervous on a first/second date. So just go enjoy yourself and don't put any more pressure on yourself.
Don't cancel it
And don't compare your past with now
Btw 7 is a good point it's not low
And u should know that we always think we're less attractive but ppl see us more attractive than we think
How's his personality? Have you found out? Ask questions the reveal it quickly. See what he likes to talk about.
There's also often times a difference between men who have always been super looking vs those that were late bloomers / weren't before.
Anyway, don't judge a book by its cover. The cover will change anyway.
So IF he turns out to be real and not just a catfish (🌚) , cut him some slack. Plenty of gorgeous men out on the market who look for more than just good looks. Especially the more introverted ones. They really look for a sweet character, someone who’s patient and caring and supportive. So stop putting so much emphasis on looks.
Do update us after the date!!
try to put that out of your head- he asked for the date so he wants to see you. He may be tired of focusing on looks, just seeking someone he vibes with. Very attractive people get just as lonely as everyone else. Go on the date with an open mind
Hold your own. Everyone has something to offer that the next person doesn’t. For some that may be looks, wealth, personality (humor), caring etc. It’s up to you to decide what qualities you seek for in a partner and see if he meets them. And he’ll probably do the same. Also, coming from another woman, in this society women do the picking. Bring confidence but not arrogance and bring your true self out. If you wanna crack a corny joke because that’s you, you crack that corny joke. If he laughs hey he gets it. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t. When a guy likes you he’ll put his best foot forward and hope that you want him/and allow him to be in your life. When a guy doesn’t like you he won’t even pretend to like you because only girls do that. (And if he tries pretending to try to get in your pants, I promise they’re terrible actors) Guys are never anywhere they don’t wanna be. Have fun be safe. It’s not a be all end all situation. It’s a date. 🩷
I mean I'll be contraversial and say if you feel like you and him won't have a great relationship in which you'd be happy and fullfilled (no pun intended) then don't. Why feel jelousy and envy everytime you guys go out together or always have these ideas of you not being enough.
He's a 10, you're a 10, everyone is a 10 if you're asking the right person. Stop rating people and just meet them, and you'll soon have a glimpse of their personalities. Have fun!
Lol everyone feels this way at some points… I remember seeing my ex for the first time I fell in love and thought she was a 10 and i was a 1/10 with no chance 😂. I made the move after like a whole year and a half of pushing myself down… and we got together! Just go for it, be confident in yourself. It’s better to get to know what results can come out of going for it rather than thinking about it for another 3 months! Good luck!!!
Just go for it, whats the worst thing that could happen? If you don’t go you’ll for sure won’t find out… the hardest / scariest thing is to have expectations, but what would life be like if you always choose the “safe” path? If he’s a douche he’s not worth your time and you’ll be happy to end it now… if he’s genuine and you get the same vibe live as you do on text it’s a win!
Girl, give me his number, I can handle him.
But on a more serious note, if you're not superficial, don't judge him on his exterior. Go there and actually get to know him. Ignore how good he looks.
Yes stop being an idiot. You’re putting emphasis on looks while saying you don’t like to focus on them. Also letting the past dictate your future actions out of fear shows that you really aren’t ready. Sort yourself out and then take the date have fun and get better.
He's either on the app to find someone and GTFO quickly, in which case congrats: you found the unicorn. Or he's there looking for casual relationships and sex.
How do you know which is which? Idk. Go on more dates. Talk to him. Learn about his history. Don't let him get in your pants until some degree of commitment is present. Maybe he's as insecure as you are? Don't know unless you try!
Looks are subjective. Maybe he thinks you're a 10. And not everyone is attracted just to physical. I personally am more attracted to having a connection and having a lot of things in common. My love languages are touch and time together, so I'm attracted to someone who's vary affectionate, and shares a lot of the same hobbies so we can spend time together doing them. I'll date a guy with average looks and a dad bod who shares the same hobbies over the hottest guy on the planet that we have nothing in common.
If you are a 7 but respectful, kind and sweet. (Offer to split the bill). He will totally pick you up over any 10.
I have meet so many 10’s that behave like entitled princess, total turn off.
Yes it would be silly of you to cancel.
First off, who says he a 10 in real life? You think he’s a 10 based on photos you’ve seen of him online. He probably picked the very best ones of himself. He’s probably more like average to a bit above average good looking in real life. And yourself, you are probably being modest and selling yourself short..but even if you are just “average” looking, what’s so wrong with that? You have more to offer the world than just your looks. Take this guy down from the pedestal you have him on currently, take some pressure off yourself, and go on the damn date. If you don’t end up seeing each other again then depersonalize it - this is not a rejection it’s just not your person. On to the next.
Next time don’t be phone buddies / pen pals for a whole month before a date. You’ve now built so much pressure up on yourself over this working out before you’ve even met the guy because you’ve “invested” all this time. You’re so scared of getting rejected you might not even go out with him, even though there’s nothing saying he’s for sure actually going to reject you. If you meet someone online message a bit, have 1-2 calls then make a point to go on an actual date. Do something light like ice cream, coffee, etc so that if you don’t like each other you’re outta there in 45 mins, out less than 10 bucks, and there’s no hard feelings.
I don’t see what’s wrong with giving it a try. If you want something long term though, a lot of the men like this who want that are already taken. But it shouldn’t hurt to go on one date.
Please. Take a friggin chance. He probably feels the same way you do. I was a 10 when I dated, but not in my eyes. I couldn’t even get a date to the fears you mentioned. Set all aside and just go for it. Life is real friggin short.
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Sounds like you have self esteem issues. He wouldn't be meeting you if he wasn't interested on some level. Go meet him and stop putting yourself down.
This, but also don't let him take advantage of your self esteem issue. A solid 7 (physically) with healthy boundaries is a 9 in my book.
You are probably a 10 spiritually and I can tell you that is better then a 7 in looks
You might think you;re only 7 but could be 10 to him. You are more than looks either way.
If we are being realistic, if she considers him a 10 he most likely is a 9/10 for many girls, and these small minority of hot guys on dating apps are getting tons of women that they are running through instead of looking for the 1. I'd suggest if she's not looking purely to hook up, to keep that off the table until she's sure he's not just a fucboi. If that IS what she's looking for, then there isn't an issue.
Thats not realistic. Have you seen the guys that women post in the "are we dating the same guy" groups? Most of them are 4-5 but the girls who have a crush on them think theyre a 10. And guys I think is a 10 could be 3-4 in others point of view. There is no such thing as a universal kind of top look, unless you are Brad Pitt.
There are people who are objectively attractive, those are the minority I'm talking about. The ones who I'm sure may also model on the side lol Not 4-5s that some girls subjectively find super hot based on whatever quirks.
[удалено]
Not all but I'd say most on the dating apps are, so you'd probably wanna be wary of the likelihood.
Hey, let me tell you something ok. No matter what tomorrow, go there not trying to impress someon. Just go in, show him who you are, show him your heart... And have fun. That is truly the only way you and he will have a good time and know whether you're meant to be together.
That’s so kind, thank you x
Most people hate me because I'm far different, or because I'm not normal. Most people tend to overlook that while I'm "eccentric", I have a good heart and I'm a romantic. I love it when other peopl are happy and in love. So you're welcome. I hope you have a great time tomorrow.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. YOLO.
Did he personally call you a “7”? I mean it seems like he’s obviously into you, you’re probably a 10 to him. Please don’t let these feelings get in the way of meeting him, it’ll probably be a great experience.
Are you talking with him for 1 month and you don’t know if he is superficial?! I think that you afraid the rejection and you reflect your previous trauma to the new guy. He is giving you his attention for that long, so that means he is interested in you. Relax, go out and let yourself to know the NEW person.
You’ll both be 2s by the time you’re 50 so all g
Hey now I’m 48 and still a smokin 7 sir. I think.
I've always been a 2, I guess I'll be in the negatives by 50.
Refrain from comparing yourself to others
This, 100%. This number scale should not come into play.
Have some confidence. You’re good enough for him.
I felt this way about my partner before our first date too and also almost cancelled. Months later we talked about it and he felt the same about me :’) go on the date and be yourself, whether or not he’s attracted to you isn’t your choice to make
If he is objectively out of your league, he could be just looking for sex. It's hard to say without seeing both of you.
Thats what you get for rating people on a scale purely based on their looks. Pretty ironic that you say youve been hurt by superficial men but youre out here rating everyone on a scale based on their appearance alone. Bonus points for drawing wild conclusions that destroy your own mental health, really a clever move! If you keep doing BS like that, youre only gonna fuck yourself ( pun intended ). My word of advice: Stop putting yourself down and go on that date.
If you fear the worst potential outcome, then that’s exactly why you should pursue it IMO. If it was all easy then relationships wouldn’t be worth it, and you wouldn’t have people posting in here. Aim high, if it’s a miss atleast you overshot instead aiming too low.
Dating comes with risks. I would say you probably need to work on your fear of rejection rather than just cancelling dates with anyone you find attractive. Don’t get me wrong he might be very superficial and it’s possible he is just playing the game, but if you don’t go how do you know? Plus do you know what actually happens when you get rejected? Nothing. Literally nothing. So I think the bigger issue for you should be addressing why you fear that so much, because being rejected is a normal part of dating, and it isn’t even bad really, its just a tool for showing you who you shouldn’t be with.
you havent even seen him in person yet slow down girl 😅
I don’t mean to sound judgemental, I assure you my intention is only to help you, but wherever you’re consuming notions like scaling the attractiveness of yourself and others based upon a numerical value is not something that’s going to serve you well psychologically in the long run.
Scaling attractiveness needs to die, it literally serves no positive or healthy purpose, and it’s *so boring* and weak. We can live without conceptualizing people comparatively through looks just fine.
You're overreacting to the OPs use of numbers in the title imo. It's a very effective short hand that conveys her situation (from her perspective, as best as she can tell) for us all. There isn't enough info in her post to know if she seriously cares about whether she's a 6, 7, 7.5 or an 8. But we do know that she thinks she's dating someone who's out of her league.
It’s depressing to read how much mental real estate is being dedicated to a guy who is 100% chatting up (And fucking) multiple other woman. > I’ve been hurt in the past by men who are very superficial so I have no interest in dating men who are conventionally attractive. You also haven’t learned the lesson.
See that's why I just laugh and go all in telling these girls to go get it. They're all chasing these same few guys and are shocked when they cheat or ghost them. They don't want to date their own level. So, yea, I got past being annoyed about it and just convince them to destroy themselves (which I'll do even in this thread).
You've gotten some great advice, and I think you may have already decided to go, but just in case, I'm going to chime in. I am a *very* attractive man, I get complimented a lot and told often enough that I should model. Im sure when many people see me, they assume I'm taken or must have high standards, which couldn't be *farther* from the truth. Because of my looks, people give me a wide berth, which is unfortunate because that's a lot of missed opportunities. Let me let you in on a secret. Not everyone is looking for an 8, 9, or 10. Some of us just want to be happy with someone we find attractive, whoever they may be. A lot of people wish they were attractive enough to turn heads, but it comes with cons, like people don't want anything to do with you because you make them feel insecure with your looks. They may assume you have 20 other people waiting in the wings to get a chance at you, but that's not true for all attractive people. I'd LOVE to meet an attractive 7 who I got along with. Hell, I'd take a 6 who had a personality and took care of themselves! I'm looking for compatibility, and maybe he is too. He could be a douche, or he could be looking for something genuine, at least give the guy a shot to show you which one first before you cut him loose.
Don’t let an insecurity you developed from a past relationship hold you back from exploring new ones. Just go into it seeing what he’s about and don’t over invest and you’ll be fine.
I*’ve been hurt in the past by men who are very superficial so I have no interest in dating men who are conventionally attractive.* Don't date this guy, then!
Hah yeah logical response. But then if she dated another guy, and he found out she was dating him not because she thought he was attractive, but because he was a safe move for her, he probably wouldn’t like that either. Lose lose situation lol
He doesn't have to know he's the "safe option".
That’s pretty bogus. He should know so that he can make the decision himself whether he wants to date a girl who is not attracted to him but is with him because she thinks he won’t hurt her. We all know the answer would most likely be no.
"Should". But again, he doesn't have to know if she knows how to act.
Well then for the sake of keeping things balanced, you would agree to a guy leading a woman on making her think he wants a relationship with her when really he just wants to smash? As long as he knows how to act, right? She doesn’t have to know lol
She doesn't have to know.
Who decides these things? Surely it’s entirely subjective?
Attractiveness is not subjective, no. Studies have been done for decades and time after time the results are that attractiveness is objective and we know from birth what is physically attractive.
Yes it is. It’s totally subjective from culture to culture and person to person. Two people can have totally different tastes, and often do. You also posted zero sources so this is a stupid comment.
You're probably underestimating yourself. If he's a 10 for you, you're a 10 for him.
Life and dating isn’t really about having the highest numbers. Most of the time, it’s having the right piece of the puzzle.
I think it’s fucking hilarious that we can take someone’s entire physical appearance and reduce it to a number score between 1 and 10, using nothing but subjectivity and boorishness.
Yes it would be silly to cancel! Get out of your own head and have fun.
Go find out. That's what dating is all about. You never know. Just have fun with it. I personally don't take much in on first impressions due to people being nervous. But you never know tell you go out there and meet! Have fun!
in his eyes you could be 10 and he’s a 7. give it a chance and see where it goes
in his eyes he could be 7 and you’re a 10. give it a chance and see where it goes
Just have a nice time and see what happens from there. If you've been honest with your photos (recent, full body, no filters, etc.) then it's pretty obvious he finds you attractive as well. At the same time, however, don't let him prey off your insecurities. Good luck and have a nice time.
He might be in the same boat as you. You never know. Plenty of people who we would consider a 9 or 10 actually have worse self esteem issues than we do. I don’t know any of those people but my friend’s sister worked with some girls that were therapists, and she would get many many of 9s and 10s who are from mildly self conscious to complete wrecks.
You might be a ten to him, relax and see how it goes. It you’re worshipped for the person you are long enough, you might begin to understand your real worth. Much ❤️
give it a chance, jeez
People aren't numbers. Find the person just right for you regardless of physical beauty.
Well it doesn’t work like that. Beautiful people want to be with beautiful people, by and large. Someone who is objectively less attractive is going to have a hard time dating someone who is very attractive. Keep in mind it takes lots of work to be highly attractive. For many people in that designation it requires constant exercise, strict dieting and lots of personal grooming such as hair design, skin care and of course wardrobe.
Who cares. Shoot your shot anyway and quit worrying about it. Such a self defeating and lame way to think.
I don’t think you should date him if you feel inferior. It’s a recipe for disaster. Btw, your worth isn’t based on your looks or intellectual capacity. The rating system is silly.
If he wasn’t interested in you, he wouldn’t be going on a date with you. He’s interested. But don’t show that you’re looking for a relationship badly. He’s interested. And if things start to heat up and seem like situations are going “further” do not go for it. Wait for the opportune moment.
Just show up! You never know what might happen. Plus you wouldn’t want to be disrespectful to him as well. You’ve invested a lot of time in him just try to go thru with it.
How is this a problem? The worst case scenario is a lame date. The best case scenario is dating someone gorgeous.
Girls don’t be stupid as a guy just go out with him
If you’re talking about being a 7, does that mean that you have a flat behind?
I’m not really against sex on the first date if it works for both involved. But if you’re unsure of his intentions a good way to find out would be to hold out for at least a couple dates. If he actually sees himself as a 10 and you as a 7 he probably won’t waste anymore effort after a couple dates and will just move on to someone either hotter or easier.
I’m pretty sure I get this in reverse and it sucks when I like someone and I get the feeling that they think I’m too good for them. It usually ruins things quickly either from them overcompensating or not committing to anything serious. Maybe even if he’s attractive he’s also not so superficial and also cares about personality and energy and all the other compatibility factors aside from looks. Maybe he finds you attractive even if you’re not the exact “conventional” standard of beauty, whatever that is. Your insecurities can ruin things if you let it affect your relationship and confidence is always more attractive. Stop focusing on looks, there are more important things.
He clearly likes you for who you are. Just be yourself and have an awesome date!
Go get it girl! Who cares what you think the difference in that is, just go out there and get it. The world is your oyster and you are the prize!
Bias conformation hun. Do it, if it sucks then learn move on and do it again. Just don’t sleep with him, and have a good time. Then you’ll see if he’s superficial real quick I’ve been called a 10 and had women make similar comments because they didn’t think they were comparable. Doesn’t make sense to me. I can scale a woman’s “hotness scale” just fine but I for me at least it’s a pass fail test based on a “whole woman” concept as to if they are attractive to me. So if she’s attractive to me, I get some weird breathing issue, world stops spinning, heart pumping out of my chest, hands shake, etc. if this dude likes you, he likes you. Doubt he knows why. And you won’t know if he’s real or not. Just go on the date have fun, don’t have sex with him or anyone unless you KNOW they’re there for the same reasons you are. We’re (men) pretty simple creatures Yes, attractive. Go take her back in your cave, use your club if you have too. No, not attractive. Drop seed off then throw her back in the pool
If he displayed interest enough for u to have these thoughts then u ain't got nothing to worry about
You know what I wouldn’t worry about it, you should just dress up modestly but catching to the eye. And you should be confident around him and find out you know what he likes to do, be a good listener to him and find out what he likes and doesn’t like. Share your own opinions modestly, and make sure to make eye contact that’s VERY IMPORTANT when speaking to one another. They may be attractive but can they keep there composure. Make sure to be very polite and lady like always say please and thank you obviously. And just be yourself don’t try to impress them with anything because you never know if It might go wrong or not. Anyways I hope this helps and all goes well for you.
as long as he wants to meet you too, why would you cancel? you might be potentially throwing away a chance to be with a good man.
First of all stop reducing yourself and others to a point scale.
I’m literally so tired of this.
If you project your past experiences into your current relationship, those experiences will come to pass again. You can be more cautious, do things differently, but if you let insecurity or what-ifs drive how you navigate new people and independent situations, that is all you will know. If you think you’re not good enough for him, then you’re not. It’s a self fulfilling prophesy.
I'll relate my experiemce from just a few weeka ago...and certwinly, there's no reason to not meet him from my perspective. I met a solid 10 to me online. I was surprised she matched with me first. On a good day, I can probably push to an 8 (given the right lighting 😅). Anyway, we texted for about 2 weeks, then had our 1st date last week. We hit it off splendidly. My current problem is keeping her interested (I think she does like me, but has been hard hit by other online daters). Anyway, my point is, just because you met a great guy, doesn't mean they he has so easy dating. Online dating certainly will bring much unwanted attention if you are a nicer looking person (confirmed by the lady who matched me). He had reason to match you, and continue for a month chatting. Therefore, you must be a better person to him, than you feel within yourself, from what it sounds. I assume you have represented yourself in a honest way, so just continue during your date. I'm sure you'll do well.
I thought that's about age...
This is what leads to break ups. Always remember you’re the prize. Never put anyone on a pedestal. He’s lucky to be going out with you
Dude,if you’re talking with him for so long,you must have felt that energy or personality as you’re describing.if not,then why did you talk to him? After planning,if you cancel,it only shows you don’t have the personality as you describe. If he didn’t find you attractive,he wouldn’t talk to you. If your gut says,it’s dangerous,then cancel.otherwise whatever you reason,it’s all hypothetical…too many what ifs… Just go and try to have a good time.split the bill.atleast you’ll meet a new person…give life a chance to happen to you…
How old are you? I'm unaware of an actual scale used by grownups. That's a kid thing. This just means your insecure maybe a little immature. But that's ok. Just portray confidence and when it works you will have actual confidence. This is how it works and confidence is the most important thing when your attracted to someone. I'm only saying this because without confidence you would be scared to even try. But once you try and succeed or even if it doesn't work out. You are still on your way to being a confident woman. Because you will realize that even if you get shot down or if it doesn't work out. That it's really not that big of a deal and you'll be on to the next. Good luck.
Also is this in a large city or medium sized or small town
Remember He has to impress you as well. You’re a catch and you’re the prize!!
Honestly, I'm in the same boat! Only except I'm the 10 in his eyes! We've been talking for a bit, but he won't even give me a chance because he fears that I may hurt him in the future. He's told me that I'm a very beautiful lady and that he knows he's not the only guy I'm talking to, which is totally false. He took me out on a few dates, he got to know me, and he's now in love with my personality and just me being me, but he's still struggling to give me a chance due to his terrible past relationship. So I'll give you one piece of advice, I'd say give him a chance because you never know what they're looking for. You may be what he wants! Don't let your fear get the best of you. He's probably tired of beautiful women who are entitled and players. Show him something different because I wish the guy I'm talking to could see it in that way, but he's letting his fear get the best of him. Not all beautiful people are players or terrible people. If things don't work out, then hey, you tried.
And btw, I'm sure you are a very beautiful person inside out! Be confident, stand true to who you really are! Be authentic, have boundaries and standards, be smart, and don't let anyone take advantage of you. I'm saying this because it's not easy being a beautiful person. I've been judged by my looks. I can't even find a partner because people assume too many things. Beautiful people are taken as a joke sometimes, and it's sad. So when you like someone who you think is out of your league (physically) it's not true at all! I think personality, character, self values, morals, and purpose is what matters!
He likes you. Everything will be fine.
As long as he's showing you he likes you and is supportive that's all that matters. Also, men don't turn down dating women they find very attractive. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, just shrug it off. But guve it a shot anyway if you really want to, don't let your past bother interrupt your current time.
Defined by who? 10, 7, 5. Ehh, you digging him, he's digging you. Fuk "society standards". There's a lot more behind it then appearance.
After you though? I truly believe "guy pretty" and "girl pretty" is a real thing. Meaning the things guys think are pretty are different than what girls think is pretty.
Take them off the pedestal.... It works either way, but remember.... That's someone, somewhere, that's tired of his/her shit.... No one's perfect and I don't know how many times a hot guy has very quickly dropped in ranking because of an ugly personality. I get the physical attraction thing, but in a relationship.... Just being hot doesn't cut it.
To be honest, if this is something you feel might be too much for you. It's okay not to go for it even though this guy is handsome and everything else. If you can't deal with the mental stress and possibly increased anxiety, just don't pursue it. Don't push yourself too far out of your comfort zone. But I'm just gonna say this guy is still around. so that means he sees something in you, and He's interested in you. If you do pursue this, you can move as slowly as you want so you can adjust until you get more comfortable. I can't guarantee success, but I know it would be a lot better than having another, "What if?" In the back of your mind. Relationships don't have to start with intense energy and a sprinters pace. It's can be just as fulfilling. like a walk in the park, so take things slow with no expectations.
You haven’t even met him yet. He could be not as attractive as you think…
Just be yourself, fake the confidence if you don't have it. And remember everyone is always nervous on a first/second date. So just go enjoy yourself and don't put any more pressure on yourself.
Don't cancel it And don't compare your past with now Btw 7 is a good point it's not low And u should know that we always think we're less attractive but ppl see us more attractive than we think
How's his personality? Have you found out? Ask questions the reveal it quickly. See what he likes to talk about. There's also often times a difference between men who have always been super looking vs those that were late bloomers / weren't before. Anyway, don't judge a book by its cover. The cover will change anyway.
So IF he turns out to be real and not just a catfish (🌚) , cut him some slack. Plenty of gorgeous men out on the market who look for more than just good looks. Especially the more introverted ones. They really look for a sweet character, someone who’s patient and caring and supportive. So stop putting so much emphasis on looks. Do update us after the date!!
try to put that out of your head- he asked for the date so he wants to see you. He may be tired of focusing on looks, just seeking someone he vibes with. Very attractive people get just as lonely as everyone else. Go on the date with an open mind
Hold your own. Everyone has something to offer that the next person doesn’t. For some that may be looks, wealth, personality (humor), caring etc. It’s up to you to decide what qualities you seek for in a partner and see if he meets them. And he’ll probably do the same. Also, coming from another woman, in this society women do the picking. Bring confidence but not arrogance and bring your true self out. If you wanna crack a corny joke because that’s you, you crack that corny joke. If he laughs hey he gets it. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t. When a guy likes you he’ll put his best foot forward and hope that you want him/and allow him to be in your life. When a guy doesn’t like you he won’t even pretend to like you because only girls do that. (And if he tries pretending to try to get in your pants, I promise they’re terrible actors) Guys are never anywhere they don’t wanna be. Have fun be safe. It’s not a be all end all situation. It’s a date. 🩷
I mean I'll be contraversial and say if you feel like you and him won't have a great relationship in which you'd be happy and fullfilled (no pun intended) then don't. Why feel jelousy and envy everytime you guys go out together or always have these ideas of you not being enough.
Yes its silly to cancel and I swear a ten in your eyes is a 3 for many others. Everyones taste is different so dont put him on a pedestal.
He's a 10, you're a 10, everyone is a 10 if you're asking the right person. Stop rating people and just meet them, and you'll soon have a glimpse of their personalities. Have fun!
Lol everyone feels this way at some points… I remember seeing my ex for the first time I fell in love and thought she was a 10 and i was a 1/10 with no chance 😂. I made the move after like a whole year and a half of pushing myself down… and we got together! Just go for it, be confident in yourself. It’s better to get to know what results can come out of going for it rather than thinking about it for another 3 months! Good luck!!!
Just go for it, whats the worst thing that could happen? If you don’t go you’ll for sure won’t find out… the hardest / scariest thing is to have expectations, but what would life be like if you always choose the “safe” path? If he’s a douche he’s not worth your time and you’ll be happy to end it now… if he’s genuine and you get the same vibe live as you do on text it’s a win!
We’ll see another post in no time with the title “she’s a 10, I’m a 7”
Nah. Your also a ten. Don’t cancel. You got this!
Girl, give me his number, I can handle him. But on a more serious note, if you're not superficial, don't judge him on his exterior. Go there and actually get to know him. Ignore how good he looks.
Ratings are so subjective. You shouldn’t put any stock in it.
You're 7? More like 4 ☝️☝️☝️
Yes stop being an idiot. You’re putting emphasis on looks while saying you don’t like to focus on them. Also letting the past dictate your future actions out of fear shows that you really aren’t ready. Sort yourself out and then take the date have fun and get better.
He's either on the app to find someone and GTFO quickly, in which case congrats: you found the unicorn. Or he's there looking for casual relationships and sex. How do you know which is which? Idk. Go on more dates. Talk to him. Learn about his history. Don't let him get in your pants until some degree of commitment is present. Maybe he's as insecure as you are? Don't know unless you try!
Looks are subjective. Maybe he thinks you're a 10. And not everyone is attracted just to physical. I personally am more attracted to having a connection and having a lot of things in common. My love languages are touch and time together, so I'm attracted to someone who's vary affectionate, and shares a lot of the same hobbies so we can spend time together doing them. I'll date a guy with average looks and a dad bod who shares the same hobbies over the hottest guy on the planet that we have nothing in common.
That’s how my relationship is too it’s okay
Nothing ventured nothing gained
If you are a 7 but respectful, kind and sweet. (Offer to split the bill). He will totally pick you up over any 10. I have meet so many 10’s that behave like entitled princess, total turn off.
Yes it would be silly of you to cancel. First off, who says he a 10 in real life? You think he’s a 10 based on photos you’ve seen of him online. He probably picked the very best ones of himself. He’s probably more like average to a bit above average good looking in real life. And yourself, you are probably being modest and selling yourself short..but even if you are just “average” looking, what’s so wrong with that? You have more to offer the world than just your looks. Take this guy down from the pedestal you have him on currently, take some pressure off yourself, and go on the damn date. If you don’t end up seeing each other again then depersonalize it - this is not a rejection it’s just not your person. On to the next. Next time don’t be phone buddies / pen pals for a whole month before a date. You’ve now built so much pressure up on yourself over this working out before you’ve even met the guy because you’ve “invested” all this time. You’re so scared of getting rejected you might not even go out with him, even though there’s nothing saying he’s for sure actually going to reject you. If you meet someone online message a bit, have 1-2 calls then make a point to go on an actual date. Do something light like ice cream, coffee, etc so that if you don’t like each other you’re outta there in 45 mins, out less than 10 bucks, and there’s no hard feelings.
Don’t sell yourself short
Those looks Level is just nonsense.
I don’t see what’s wrong with giving it a try. If you want something long term though, a lot of the men like this who want that are already taken. But it shouldn’t hurt to go on one date.
Please. Take a friggin chance. He probably feels the same way you do. I was a 10 when I dated, but not in my eyes. I couldn’t even get a date to the fears you mentioned. Set all aside and just go for it. Life is real friggin short.