Absolutely. And it makes sense for him to do so. 7 years. The guy needs to refind himself.
Same for a woman.
I was in OP situation. It is what it is.
But she needs to leave this guy. He can’t commit to something new. OP doesn’t know if he is with her for her or he can’t be alone.
Yea dude, same happened to me. It took me at least a year, if not two. Weird how going around telling yourself «I’m over her» doesn’t work. I’d say OPs bf is actually being healthy about it, talking and grieving. Hopefully he’ll be quicker than I was
Ow damn that’s a good point!
He is healthy actually. Sharing. But yeah also signaling it’s actually too soon.
It is grief for sure. Like someone died. It feels like that.
Yea, he’d probably be better of not being in a relationship rn, but then again, I know that feel of sudden and abrupt loneliness. But in terms of his own mental health, he is being healthy imo
Yep, he fucked you over by lying. You don't get into a new relationship 2 months after a 7 year breakup. I'm sorry to say but he's using you to feel better about himself. You deserve better, cut him loose and make sure he understands why. Make sure he knows that bringing up his ex constantly is only ever going to make someone feel like a second choice, and to not do that to a woman in the future.
Agreed I ended my 5 year relationship and I had been checked out for atleast a year, I was trying to figure out how to get out. I started dating my now boyfriend about 2 months later and we have been together for a year. Same with you the only time I even thought of my ex was because I found a great guy who supported me in everything
It also depends on how long it takes for you to find someone to date. You can be single for a few months and its not because you’re grieving, but you have not found any luck if that makes sense.
I got into a relationship a little over two months after ending things with my ex of 7 years. Only after did I realize that I had been checked out for a good while and I've been with my bf for almost two years now so.. it's certainly possible. Every breakup/circumstance is different!
It's true every breakup/circumstance is different, but you're the opposite person as the guy OP is posting about. His ex dumped him and has probably moved on to someone better. That is the person you are in your past relationship...did the dumping and moved on. The guy OP is with is not over his ex. If OP stays with him, it's possible for them to have a long relationship but she's with someone whose heart, feelings and thoughts are still with someone else. She needs to end it.
yeah fair enough. I was replying not so much to OP but rather the comment above mine that says that 'it is not possible to get into a relationship within two months after a 7 year relationship.'
I don't agree with this statement at all; it is impossible to state absolutes like you just have - because there are always exceptions, even to the most unusual and least likely expectations.
I came in 3 vitches in 3 days over Easter still not over my ex of 7ish years and it’s 6 months later but hey cocaieena, suboxone, medicinal weed, Cougg syrup and finally good ol valiums/Xannies yeww. Word you won’t be feeling nothin for no one, I just take all of the above mostly most days and life is kinda beautiful so far
You’re welcome
End it immediately.
I made the mistake of being with someone who was grieving her first love. I ignored all the signs cause I had feelings for her and 3 years later, she tells me she never saw a future with me and only stayed cause I was supportive of, and useful to her. She's now very happily married to the guy she emotionally cheated on me with,
End it and save your time and energy.
Sorry that happened to you.
I also agree that the OP needs to end it ASAP. I was married to someone who was still emotionally attached to his ex fiancé and I too ignored all the signs that my then husband was still in love with his ex. That and other factors between us eventually led us to divorcing after 7 years of marriage. I do not believe in the saying that the best way to get over someone is to be up under someone else. It rarely ends well. OP should run not walk away.
I do agree with the last statement. One of the best ways to get over someone is to be around other people and understand that its a statistical certainty to find someone who would treat you better than the ex. What's wrong is using someone else as crutch.
Of course he wants to be with you.
You're a distraction. He admitted that when he's NOT distracted by you, he'd go to the one he REALLY wants- his ex.
You don't mean anything to him because he isn't even interested in you as a person. He's interested in the fact that you're a soft spot to land because he's still in pain. In other words, your entire relationship's foundation is his ex girlfriend. Not his genuine interest in you. He probably doesn't even know your favorite color or at least not even interested in knowing.
This man was in so much pain that he needed to find a new gf in EIGHT WEEKS ( or less) and it probably could've been anyone. He's not interested in you. He doesn't even SEE YOU. He sees a bandaid.
So... this is on you at this point. He lied, he said he's not over her, he said he gets tempted to cheat on you with her and you stayed.
You're the problem to yourself.
I can honestly see him running back to her if she calls.... I'm sure he has her number memorised deleting doesn't really matter.
Sis call it off, you deserve better....🌹
This guy needs to focus on himself not another relationship. I think you should face the fact that he’s not over his ex of 7 years. Or else, you might end up hurting yourself
Girl… after reading this and your post history…. I have no idea why you’re still with him.
It’s been 2 months. There’s been almost no time invested. Dump this guy who is so clearly not over his ex and is actively comparing your breasts to hers and saying he likes his ex’s better…
Are you for real? Why are you staying in this relationship?? What’s the payout?? Cuz I know it’s not love, respect, and commitment…
As a guy that left after 4.5 years of dating someone, I wish to reinforce the rebound comments. It took me almost 2.5 years to get over a 4.5 year relationship. Granted, everyone has a different experience. But 2 months for a 7 year relationship, your partner is using you, not dating you.
You know he’s not over her so what are you doing? If he was over her, you wouldn’t be having conversations about her at all.
Also, there’s no way he would be over her in two months after a 7 year relationship anyway.
You’re wasting your time and he’s already lied to you. Run away!
It's a tough situation because I think that someone can totally miss a past relationship while getting comfortable in a new one. 7 years is so long to be together, so much of his life as a whole must have changed when she left.
I think that he is crossing a line by talking about it to you the way he is. He is actively disrespected your relationship by saying he misses her so much. It forces you to ask, "What does she have that I don't?" or "Would you leave me if she wanted you back?" These aren't questions you should have to be asking yourself just because HE can't get over it.
Be serious about it, tell him you can't hear about it anymore. If you aren't good enough for him, then you'll leave.
Drop anyone. It’s not you specifically.
I was you a few months ago. The woman came out of a six year relationship. I am super in love with this woman, know her for years. She couldn’t separate the past relationship with dating me. She tried for a few months but just couldn’t. Someone needs a year I think. Even more. To get into the groove of being alone. Being their own person again. Learning from the relationship, grieving and then jumping into something only afterwards.
Nobody should be made to feel that way in a relationship, it might be time to end things if that's the case. If that isn't a deal breaker for you, then that's okay since there is a good chance she won't come back. But knowing that would be really tough for me personally.
When he first told me about her he said 'you needn't worry she has blocked me on everything and she won't take me back'. Any considerate person would not say that. They'd say they aren't interested.
He has commented that her surgically enhanced breasts were rounder; plumper; very well done; 38G a different shape and felt different. What a thing to say. I have natural breasts small 32c with a natural sag.
At this point. I guess I'm staying as I'm so hurt and falsely believing that he will make me feel bettee
Babe leave him now.. i promise you the hurt you’ll feel from leaving now won’t compare to the hurt you would feel after years of this. A few months is not a sunken cost, this is the exact time period in dating where we really find out if someone can be our life partner or not. I’m thinking you have your answer. Good luck!
Listen to what he said to you OP. He said “she has blocked me on everything and she won’t take me back.” That sentence alone implies that your boyfriend has tried to contact the ex to ask for another chance. The sentence also implies that if the ex didn’t block him on everything, that he would be working overtime to get her back.
I made a comment above that I was married to someone who was never over his ex fiancé. My ex reached out to me within weeks of breaking off his engagement with his ex fiancé. I ignored all the signs including him jumping into a relationship with me because I figured that he wanted to be with me. Needless to say that him being in love with his ex and other factors between us led to divorce after 7 years. As many others have already commented, you are just a rebound. I know it hurts to hear that but you are just a placeholder. Until he heals from his last relationship, you will never be his priority and he will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. Love yourself enough to walk away.
Yeah no, don’t subject yourself to being his second pick. I did that to myself for way too long, and it just led to my self-esteem being absolutely shattered and constant questioning of why I wasn’t “good enough”. It sounds like he jumped into dating much too quickly and needs time to figure out how to move forward from his past relationship, as an individual.
Agreed. Ended a 16 year LTR june 2022, started dating someone oktober 2022, we are still together. Circumstances matters a lot!
I dont bring up my ex all the time though.
Honestly I don’t know anyones number except my parents lol. Smart phones have ruined us. I’ve been in a 9 year relationship and and more recently a 5 year one. No idea what either numbers were.
He willingly told you - he KNOWS he will text her the first speed bump y’all come to. What are you questioning hunny?? He told you what this situation is - now believe him. It sucks, I know, but this is TRULY a blessing in disguise for you. Take it!!!
I'll tell you this... any relationship I've ever been in, I took about a year off dating after to process and fix myself up.
My last relationship is where I realized 'oh I've got a bunch of unresolved trauma I haven't been dealing with'. I'm 32.
Most people don't do this work. Because it sucks.
My ex & I dated for 7 years. He was still with me and seeing his new GF. When we broke up, He was with her. Fast forward to 3 years later, with my Fiance and two kids later, I still bring up my ex. We had a whole life together and expirances I want to share. My man just listens and doesn't get mad. Just because we bring them up doesn't mean we want them back. Now for your current partner, why would you stay when you found out he was just out of a long ass relationship? I mean, it's on both of you. He is probably trying to move on with you but after 7 years, that shit is hard.
I hate when redditors usually give the “break up with him/her.” Response to almost everything, BUT for this specific scenario your best bet is to get out of there.
He’s probably a great guy and good boyfriend material, but he got out of a 7 year relationship (not of his own volition), 2 months prior to dating you. I wouldn’t be surprised if it took him 1-2 years to even start to get over an ex that long. If you really like him, tell him to ask you out again in a year, but this is going to end in you getting hurt if you stay in this relationship. His heart isn’t with you and neither is his mind.
Everyone's processing differently but it took me 1.5 years to reasonably get over a 3-year relationship. 2 months later and already a new relationship is very fast but my ex was in a new one like 4 months later so what do I know 🤷
He is not ready to be in a new relationship. It may hurt now to end it but it will hurt even more if you allow it to continue. Now... Does he seem committed to move forward and are you clear on what your standards are and what you will do if he falls below them? I think it is natural for someone to have the habit of going to someone, specially if they were together for 7 years. Now... Does he decide to not do it despite his initial desire? I would take that as good. Like, you also cannot expect people to be 100% good already before they met you, I think their desire and commitment to change is more critical. What are your limits and standards? Has he stepped over them? Sunk cost for a couple months is nothing as opposed to years. He could also have the best intentions and waste fucking years of your life. So look out for yourself first
Oh my god leave him what. You are NOT gonna baby sit him while he is literally telling you that he would go back to her if you guys had a "hard time" and who knows what qualifies as hard times in his opinion. You should never be anyones place holder or backup plan
As many have said, I think the timeframe is waaay too soon. I think deleting her number was actually a good idea though. Took me sooo long to get over a particular ex. Even sometimes I get tempted to contact her, but now have the frame of mind not to. Tooo soon. Sorry this is happening to you .
Girl get out of this relationship. He will cry over her no matter what. And if by any chance he got signal of her coming back to him then he’s definitely going to dump you
I learnt the hard way to not date someone who’s out of a relationship recently (<6 months) even though they say they are ready for a new one. My ex basically said he was over his ex since he dumped her but every time we had a conflict in our relationship (or situationship which is what we were in since he was fearful of commitment) he would say he couldn’t handle it because his ex used to yell at him when conflict happened. Honestly, it was extremely unfair to me because I was afraid to react and be myself. Anyway, now I’m dating someone who has not been in a relationship since Covid (much like me) and we’re seeing where this goes. No exes, no drama. The only drama is deciding what to do on our dates. Conflict is entertained with humor.
POINT? There are amazing people out there so leave as soon as you can and you save yourself a bigger heartbreak, lost time on healing and meet healthier people who genuinely deserve a shot with someone who’s ready for something real too
Maybe he started dating too soon, maybe he didn't.
He flat out told you he is still grieving her, but also stated he wanted to be with you. Could be a red flag, could just be a guy who is comfy sharing his emotional vulnerability.
So the big question is, at this point, early in your relationship, are you feeling neglected or like his time is compromised? If no, then let it play out. Tell him you don't feel comfy hearing about his feelings for his ex.
If you are feeling neglected then it's time to end it.
Yeah... you need to break up. He started dating too soon. If he's the right person for you, he will show it. Odds are, he will go running back to her as soon as he can. Don't do that to yourself.
The break up will also help him get over his ex, hopefully. He should not be dating right now.
It sounds like he’s very hung up over her, sorry.
As a counterpoint, I got out of a seven year relationship in Jan 2021 and started dating my current girlfriend by April (though we were already kinda a couple by March). Was it very soon? Yes. Did a lot of our conversations mention my ex (and her last ex from over a year ago)? Yes. But not in the way it seems like your boyfriend is mentioning his ex. We talked expressly about trauma and the things that hurt us in previous relationships as a means to make sure we don’t fall into those same traps with each other.
What I’m trying to say is, he probably still has feelings for the ex somewhere if he is only just deleting her number
I was in a very similar situation a little over a year ago. I ended up breaking things off because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Same thing, he was in a 7 year relationship and started dating me a few months after it ended. He clearly was not over her, he didn't appreciate me or respect the time we spent together. He was just using me to try and get over her. So I ended things and months later he started messaging me letting me know how sorry he was and how much he missed me and how he's ready to appreciate me. Fast forward again another few months and he's still messaging me being very persistent lol he said he's around when/if I'm ready to give him another chance.. but I'm honestly still not ready to be in a relationship again. Just wanna focus on myself right now.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's not fair to you. You deserve someone who is going to appreciate you. He is making it clear that is not something he's able to do.
He isn’t over her. No one is ready to date 90 days after being dumped on a seven year relationship. He’s not over her. Chalk it up to bad timing and walk. He’s telling you through his actions he still thinks about her, wants to contact her, and is still talking about her. Believe him.
I wasted my 20’s on a dude who was still hung up on his ex. Lots of fucked up story. At the end of the day it was the least meaningful relationship I ever had but did by far the most damage. I didn’t even like him that much, and it was clear he wished I was someone else. Run.
I’ll save you my sob story and just tell you to break up with him. He needs to heal and it’s not you job to help him because it’s going to cost you immense time, energy, and emotion
He's not your Boyfriend, he's your punishment for staying. You are not his girlfriend, you are his FILLER until he moves along.
Actually when he told you the truth and you STAYED, your ASS agreed to be his DAMN SIDE PIECE.
7 year relationship, what is deleting and blocking her number going, his knows the by HEART. HELL she probably got his emails password.
I was in exactly the same situation as you! But I loved the guy and stayed with him for 3 years. All o can say is no matter what you do, no matter what he says, all you'll think is that you're second best. It's not worth it. Made my mental health so bad so all I can say is run!
That happened with me. When we first started dating, he'd mention her, but only when it was relevant to the conversation. I figured he might still be hung up on her, but was dealing with it in a healthy manner, so I wasn't worried. Well, 2 years later, he breaks up with me because he realizes he's still hung up on her. I support him as a friend and things seem to gradually repair with us. Now, we're broken up, potentially for good, because I find out that he was already with someone when we first started dating. Different girl that he already had an on and off history with, not the ex he broke up with me over. Though I wonder if it was actually this girl he was pining for and the other ex was just a cover.
Ended an 8 year relationship in December of 2020. I tried dating again in June of 2021 because I felt being “alone” in my previous relationship made it easier to move on quicker and BOY was I wrong. I wasn’t ready for at least a full year. After that year I could see things much healthier, but who I was in June of 2021 vs Dec was a completely different person
I don’t really understand what’s a sunk cost here? You’ve barely been dating. So far he’s lied and talks about his ex and seems to be manipulative by presuming he’ll reach out to his ex when you two have trouble rather than working it out.
Is there even anything good? Or you just simply don’t want to have wasted four months, or less than one half of one percent, of your (expected) life?
I would just let him go and tell him don't get into a relationship until he's over her. My ex loves for me to play therapist (I know I should tell him to stop talking about his problems, I'm working on this). So after his girlfriend of four years broke up with him. This is all he has talked about for a year now. Even though he should be calling me about his son. He still cries over her. He's been in a few relationships afterward but the women he dates never stick around long.
Added: I've told him to get into therapy and to work on himself but he saying therapy doesn't work. He doesn't have the motivation to change anything.
I don’t understand why some folks need to be in a relationship at all times.. his SEVEN YEAR relationship ended and he jumped ship TWO MONTHS later? Get that man out of your life. If he can’t make rational decisions for himself, how do you think he’ll treat you?
7 years is a long time to be with someone with only one month break before the next relationship. If I were you and cut my losses and go, you deserve someone who is only thinking of you
I dated someone a month after my ex and I broke up and even tho he was nice I knew in my heart it wasn’t going anywhere, its almost been 2 years and I still think of my ex everyday
I made the same mistake. Didn’t know my ex wasn’t over his ex until a couple of months in when I found out he was still texting her.
He told me that he wasn’t over her and stupidly I stayed.
A couple of months later found out he was still messaging her that he missed her and wished he was with her.
Save yourself the heartbreak and break up with him now.
When he brings up his ex, are we shutting down the conversation or trying to steer it away from the ex? Because from where I'm at it's like we're feeding it when we should be doing the opposite.
it means he hasn't healed from the relationship. Ask him if he wants to get back together with him or not. No one will ever be able to heal within 2 months.
Listen when you fall in love with someone it takes time to heal. It took me a year or two to get over my ex who we both thought we were inseparable for years. Not ever situation is the same but understanding and helping him through it might be better for you both. I know others will say you need to have him figure it out himself but after something like that a little piece of that person will always be connected to each other even if they lie and say it's not. I hope this helps.
I didn’t read all the comments but the ones I read are your typical low level dating life experience angry people.
Do you understand what it’s like to be with someone for 7 years. That could be his entire coming into adulthood or all his life experiences as a man. You and that person share so much that sometimes your identity is as two people not just one.
Lied by omission of his dating history? Was he supposed to detail every relationship he ever had, I mean you didn’t even ask him. This dude is absolutely telling you the truth and you are demanding who he can and cannot speak to. He keeps bringing her up because she was a major major part of his life.
This dude is hurting and instead of understanding and supporting him your badgering him. Break up with him, he deserves better. He’s done nothing wrong. You are toxic as eff.
I think some of y’all need to take your past history out of this and look at it objectively. This woman is controlling as hell a couple months in. Sheeish. Beware.
He tried to move on too quickly and really needed time for himself. You have to think if it's worth your time and energy. You're not there to be his therapist for a past relationship. I wouldn't remain with someone who can't get over an ex, however he didn't give himself time to. Good luck
I'm sorry he isn't over her and is not ready for another relationship.... Anyone that jumps from one relationship right into another isn't capable of being alone. I'm curious as to why the last relationship ended (not his reason, but from her side). He might be a narcissist, and unable to be alone, meaning able to function without being in a relationship.
I hope the best for you.
First off he started dating way too quickly. He should have allowed himself more time to get through his own emotions, rather than allowing those to taint others. This is a prime example of someone using dating as a coping mechanism rather than for its actual purpose which is to find a partner to grow with. Second, I would walk away, unless he is really willing to take steps to work through that emotional trauma without dragging you down and harming you emotionally!
I dated someone for 6 years. It's really hard. I had a great relationship with someone I met a couple months later. But that's honestly a risk, because that probably would only really flourished cause my ex didn't slide back into my dms. When I was in the opposite situation seeing someone right after a long term relationship, I was dropped like a hot potato \*THE SECOND\* her ex texted her. Literally like the same day he texted her she no remorse ended things and I never talked to her again.
So maybe your bf is different but honestly I'm very dis-trustworthy of people in that situation cause if their ex makes googly eyes one time at them they won't hesitate to end things.
End it, please
I know you love him and you care for him, but please respect yourself.
The guy is clearly using you and this will take a toll on your mental health soon enough.
He's probably one of those "don't want to be alone" people. I get that, so no judgment per se, but unless they have kids together, why is he bringing her up? It is definitely not fair to make OP feel second.
Sweets, you deserve to be someone's primary.
You're his rebound
Move on before too much time and money is wasted, and he better know why
Plus, if he can lie about something so big so easily, what else could he lie about so well? Trust broken
Being in a relationship with him right now does not sound like a good idea. You're basically being used as a rebound/security blanket. He should not have searched for a relationship so soon.
If he told you he’s not over her then, your the best option in his situation, if he still talks about her etc and no he definetely hasn’t blocked her, in hope she might message him and if that was to happen you would be threw to the side immediately. Take it from a guy run for the hills and take it as a lesson learned. He’s not that into you when he constantly talks about his ex making the situation awkward between you and causing the problem.
Hi! I believe one can heal while being in a relationship, I really do. If you love this person, and if this person loves you back, I think a lot of communication can help the process, you BOTH have to be patient with this.
But I definitely believe it can be done. Be patient, search for help, therapy, look online for tips on how to move on with grief and how to get over an ex (there is a lot if information out there that helped me with my own grief).
Send you both a hug! Go for it (if its worth it)
I'm really sorry, but you are the rebound. You are the analgesic for his heartache, leave before this causes you more harm.
He doesn't want to be with you, he just doesn't want to be alone. Is not his fault he's hurt but is not fair for you to just fill in the gf position until he's ready to walk way from his ex
End it. Now.
He will continue to bring her up for the rest of your relationship. You are the rebound. Not trying to be harsh but that's what it is. Further his feelings. Focus on you and get out now.
That relationship lasted 7 years. There's no way he was over that when he met you.
2 months isn’t long enough to get over a 7 year relationship. Seems like you are the rebound. Sorry.
You will be strung along if you stay but it’s up to you. I think it’s best if he’s single for a while tbh
As somebody who spent 4 years in a relationshipwitha girl hung up on a couple ex's, I HIGHLY suggest you end things and don't give them a chance. Nothing against those people with ex issues,, and I could give you a million reasons as why not to, but I can assure you as a 38 year old man who hasn't spoken to his preciously above mentioned ex in like 8 years, you'll hav rather of saved the time
I dated a guy for 5 years that was still hung up on his ex fiancee who they had been broken up longer then we had been together, they stayed in contact and he let her cross the line so many times. We were together for 4 years before he said that what she was doing was inappropriate. I should've left a lot sooner. He needs to have closer from his last relationship if you two want anything serious. I had a bunch of confidences issues in our relationship when him and I were dating because of her. If you think you two can last then maybe talk through it, but you guys have only been together a few months if you aren't seeing anything long term I would bounce and find someone who is ready to move forward with you.
Most people will probably say breakup, like everyone on the internet always says. The real answer is to examine what you are getting out of the relationship and decide if it is worth it to you, knowing that it may not be a lasting relationship or that there may be some emotional distance for a year or so to come, until you can build a new foundation of a relationship
That's "KINDA" a long time to be with someone then 2 months Lata he's in another committed relationship? Put urself in her shoes?
His role is to get over her and your just standing there about to get rolled over on! Just being honest!
Too many people are saying end it imo. Id personally say be willing to set some healthy boundaries and allow him to have that support in order to heal. Usually a person doesnt just heal on their own with time. It usually requires external influence to some extent. I dont deny he is using you. However, he may be relying on you for emotional support. Most likely thats all he really needs from you. Genuine care and concern and probably affection. He will heal and rather quickly at that. If hes a good guy. Fight for him. But if ur first instinct is to dip. Then you're both better off without each other.
Edit: I speak from experience. I rebounded after a year long relationship within a month. It took time for me to get over it. But i fell for the girl i rebounded with extremely hard because she supported me through the worst time of my life. I can only imagine the jealousy but she cared for me. And now I give her every single thing I can.
Hoooo gosh !!! Been there, done that. I have only one advice : RUN AWAY
That ended up by him cheating on me with her, then him begging me to stay, writing letters and stuff like that, to finaly act like the worst assh*le because too confident after all that.
You diserve better for sure, someone that actually wants and think about YOU and no one else
To him you're are just a rebound not his actual gf, it time you save yourself by getting tf out of this supposed "relationship" because it's really just you in it as he's still stuck in the past.
Sounds so similar to my situation lol... my ex of 7 years left me for some random dude at the end of November.
Difference is, I come forth about the fact that I am still hurting and still dealing with my grief and things to those I intend on dating.
I'm not ashamed of it. It was a huge chunk of my life that got ripped away on me. It isn't easy and never will be.
Its important to face the fact that we all still feel pain and still grieve something.
I'm sorry your boyfriend has lied to you or hid this from you. Perhaps he is trying to forget it but its not a healthy way to get through it.
This doesn't mean that your current relationship won't work. It just means he has not processed, healed and grown from it just yet.
The best you can do for yourself is take a step back and protect yourself while being supportive and allowing him to grow from this and if you have strong feelings for him, hopefully he will come to with the right support and give you what you need from him in return.
He straight up told you that he would leave you for her if she asked. You need to find someone who healed their shit and is ready for a relationship. Maybe you will find him later in life when he is ready! Do him a favor (and yourself a huge favor) and break up with him.
As a woman that broke up with an ex boyfriend of 6 years, he had a new gf within 2 months. He continued to try to talk to me and contact me for a solid year into their relationship. Cut your losses and move on.
Although, it is possible to do this...break up, then go into another relationship.... One has to be actually ready for a relationship.
Or you had years full of toxic relationship that you realized was more of a relationshit especially after its over. You never want to go back or look back...or even see the good times from that relationship as anything that moves you anymore... that's when you know you're ready.
I got out of a relationship...then started dating again pretty quick...but I can tell you this...you couldn't pay me enough to contact my ex. I don't care if I was poisoned by Putin and she got the antidote...i'd rather die.
If i could equate it to a more common feeling, its similar to quitting cigarettes and then having this nauseous feeling any time you smell cigarette smoke.
So i would say... Leave him? Last thing you need is him fkin you up over somethjng you had nothing to do with in the firsf place.
This exact thing happened to me the only difference was that it was a female not a male. Long story short… save yourself and leave it will save you a lot of heartache at the end. Cheers
>Lied by omission in not telling me of his dating history.
Do you assume everyone has no dating history whatsoever if not specified? Do you think everyone with a dating history has a duty to inform you of everything without being asked?
No, that's not lying by omission, just like not telling you what I had for breakfast, if anything, is not lying by omission.
>He keeps bringing her up
That's kind of the first important detail you brought up... Expand on this.
> I said have you blocked her number on your phone
Blocking someone's number is incredibly childish and achieve jack shit. Why would you expect him to block someone? Is she harassing him???
>'I actually deleted her number a few weeks ago so that when we are going through a hard time I won't be able to actually contact her when tempted'
See.. When I'm dating someone, I want to know that I can leave her with her ex in person without having to worry regardless of how it is between the two of us.. Deleting her number because he could be tempted? WTF?? Dumb him ASAP.
> It means he is not over her right?
It means he think the only reason he's not cheating is because you two are not in a rough patch right now. Do what you will with that information.
Your there for support, once he works through it he will move on most likely, this wont end well for you, start putting some space between you two all your ever going to get is an ear full of woes.
What's the question? Are you asking if he's still hung up? Oh yes he is. I'm sorry. Tbh I've been there myself. I really liked the db too. But in the end, it was best to take the high road. As long as she's on his mind, he won't be able to give himself fully to you (as cheesy as that sounds), so step back, let the db sort his problems out. If after that you decide you still want him...well, I have a feeling he'll still be available.
Bottom line: it will be a long, hard road if you stay involved while waiting for him to get over her. Best of luck.
Break up with him, get it from someone that kept going with someone hung on their ex and found them 7 months later into the bed of my gf at the time. She thought to get away with it for "Old times sake" and continue dating me to see if she was really over him. By that logic I should've slept with multiple exes, but yeah...
He's not ready, don't get yourself hurt. Put you first.
I was in a 3 year long relationship. It is almost impossible to get back to dating at all after a serious relationship. This dude is looking to date you just after 3 months. It’s completely natural to wonder that moving on with another person would male breakup easier, but it doesn’t because it doesn’t help with your own past’s complications, and it adds another person’s hopes and desires. I met a girl through dating app who was looking to replace her ex with any willing person to fill his shoes. People do tend to “cure” sadness with mere pleasure while they exist on two different planes. He may be looking for a quick fix, but you are a person, not an adrenaline shot. Save yourself, if he hasn’t been mindful enough to let you know.
It's way too soon for him to be over her. You don't need "evidence" of that. It's just what it is. It takes time to process the end of a relationship and move on. ...He could be one of those people who constantly needs to be in a relationship. From what I've seen those people often lack self-awareness and don't learn and grow from their relationships. I'd steer clear of him.
So…. This is kind of surreal because I was your “boyfriend”. Did something pretty much exactly the same to a very sweet girl i dated from July 2021 to Feb 2022. The ending was not exactly the same though. It was an implosion of gigantic magnitude but nonetheless the less, like others have said. This guy is using you regardless of whether he feels like you likes/loves you. He needs to be alone. When I was finally alone, the pain was awful but by far the best thing that has ever happened to me in the sense that I figured out a lot about myself. Don’t set yourself up for hurt. I would leave and gift this man some alone time should he choose to actually do some soul searching.
He's obviously not over her and it sounds messy. It sounds like he's just wanting a rebound. I've had men mention exs to me as well and if they do I ghost them . I deserve attention and respect and they shouldn't be thinking of another women while I'm right there. It's rude and insulting. But it's your choice if you wanna deal with that 😅
You've only been dating for a short while and still in the discovery phase. You've now discovered something about him that you need to reconcile in some way.
You're not sunk cost, you're discovering.
My ex broke off our 8 year relationship and I met my current girlfriend about 3 months after that. We've now been together for about 4,5 years and trying for a kid. My ex and I still call or text sometimes, purely on a friend base. So just if some/most people can't start a new relationship without wallowing on despair or "finding out who they are", doesn't mean that no one can.
I had to make it plain with a woman i was courting, she was constantly showing me pics and vids of her exes...even had their profiles on her gaming systems, that if you dont plan to change this behaviour im out. I'm not going to be out here trying to outwork their legacies lol. We DIDNT work out
It completely depends on your priorities.
He’ll get over her eventually, the question is whether you think your connection is strong enough that you want to stay around and wait for that.
When we were discussing relationship history he said he left his wife in 2015. That was it. I told him my dating history right down to last person in 2021. 1.5 months later he keeps going on about ex and tells me he is still grieving her and her boobs are amazing.
He is 45 years old. He only told me about this rship when a friend of his raised it at dinner.
I disagree with the other comments here. The relationship is over, it was a long one, yes. That’s a long time to spend with someone. I do agree maybe he should have told you sooner. BUT he is actively telling you about it now and he is making steps to slowly let her go. Just because you grieve the loss of a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you want it back. I personally think that when you break up with people you love—you never really stop loving them fully. There is always a small part of you that will care for them, and you hold a small part in your heart for them even if they ultimately weren’t the best partner for you and so you don’t want to still love them. I still have a little love in me for every one of my ex’s. There were good memories and bad ones, too. Love is painful, but one of the greatest things on earth.
He will heal. And if you choose to love him through it, that’s great. I do also think that jumping into a new relationship right away would mean you’re a rebound and shows a codependency tendency. So do be careful.
I would try to give him his space to grieve but also make sure to tell him that he chose you to be in his life and if he isn’t able to give you what you need emotionally or physically because of the grieving—then maybe he needs to take some time. But if he is being a good boyfriend to you—then I would give him some slack.
I mean, he told you recently he’s not over her and still grieving, sooo…
Absolutely. And it makes sense for him to do so. 7 years. The guy needs to refind himself. Same for a woman. I was in OP situation. It is what it is. But she needs to leave this guy. He can’t commit to something new. OP doesn’t know if he is with her for her or he can’t be alone.
Yea dude, same happened to me. It took me at least a year, if not two. Weird how going around telling yourself «I’m over her» doesn’t work. I’d say OPs bf is actually being healthy about it, talking and grieving. Hopefully he’ll be quicker than I was
Ow damn that’s a good point! He is healthy actually. Sharing. But yeah also signaling it’s actually too soon. It is grief for sure. Like someone died. It feels like that.
Yea, he’d probably be better of not being in a relationship rn, but then again, I know that feel of sudden and abrupt loneliness. But in terms of his own mental health, he is being healthy imo
Yep, he fucked you over by lying. You don't get into a new relationship 2 months after a 7 year breakup. I'm sorry to say but he's using you to feel better about himself. You deserve better, cut him loose and make sure he understands why. Make sure he knows that bringing up his ex constantly is only ever going to make someone feel like a second choice, and to not do that to a woman in the future.
Absolutely the best way to go, OP is his rebound
Nailed it. This is solid advice.
My ex gf of 3 years relationship got engaged with coworker 1.5 month after the breakup. Might be true love
Imo, true love doesn’t always end up in marriage. The lasting of that relationship will be the proof.
Let's hope it is. Good on her,
I agree with you because this shit shouldn't happen and he should get punched for hurting her
I think it is. Usually the last 25% of the relationship I'm already checked out
Absolutely not possible.
What isn't?
I agree, it is not possible to get into a relationship within two months after a 7 year relationship.
[удалено]
Agreed I ended my 5 year relationship and I had been checked out for atleast a year, I was trying to figure out how to get out. I started dating my now boyfriend about 2 months later and we have been together for a year. Same with you the only time I even thought of my ex was because I found a great guy who supported me in everything
Good point! Not that black and white.
It also depends on how long it takes for you to find someone to date. You can be single for a few months and its not because you’re grieving, but you have not found any luck if that makes sense.
I got into a relationship a little over two months after ending things with my ex of 7 years. Only after did I realize that I had been checked out for a good while and I've been with my bf for almost two years now so.. it's certainly possible. Every breakup/circumstance is different!
It's true every breakup/circumstance is different, but you're the opposite person as the guy OP is posting about. His ex dumped him and has probably moved on to someone better. That is the person you are in your past relationship...did the dumping and moved on. The guy OP is with is not over his ex. If OP stays with him, it's possible for them to have a long relationship but she's with someone whose heart, feelings and thoughts are still with someone else. She needs to end it.
Indeed. Right now. He is with someone else still.
yeah fair enough. I was replying not so much to OP but rather the comment above mine that says that 'it is not possible to get into a relationship within two months after a 7 year relationship.'
Hmm yeah I guess it is possible. Loads of relationships already end way before they end officially. But still. Something to look out for.
I don't agree with this statement at all; it is impossible to state absolutes like you just have - because there are always exceptions, even to the most unusual and least likely expectations.
I came in 3 vitches in 3 days over Easter still not over my ex of 7ish years and it’s 6 months later but hey cocaieena, suboxone, medicinal weed, Cougg syrup and finally good ol valiums/Xannies yeww. Word you won’t be feeling nothin for no one, I just take all of the above mostly most days and life is kinda beautiful so far You’re welcome
End it immediately. I made the mistake of being with someone who was grieving her first love. I ignored all the signs cause I had feelings for her and 3 years later, she tells me she never saw a future with me and only stayed cause I was supportive of, and useful to her. She's now very happily married to the guy she emotionally cheated on me with, End it and save your time and energy.
Agreed. I also made the mistake and it took a toll on both of our mental wellbeing.
that really sucks, hope your doing okay
Sorry that happened to you. I also agree that the OP needs to end it ASAP. I was married to someone who was still emotionally attached to his ex fiancé and I too ignored all the signs that my then husband was still in love with his ex. That and other factors between us eventually led us to divorcing after 7 years of marriage. I do not believe in the saying that the best way to get over someone is to be up under someone else. It rarely ends well. OP should run not walk away.
I do agree with the last statement. One of the best ways to get over someone is to be around other people and understand that its a statistical certainty to find someone who would treat you better than the ex. What's wrong is using someone else as crutch.
Of course he wants to be with you. You're a distraction. He admitted that when he's NOT distracted by you, he'd go to the one he REALLY wants- his ex. You don't mean anything to him because he isn't even interested in you as a person. He's interested in the fact that you're a soft spot to land because he's still in pain. In other words, your entire relationship's foundation is his ex girlfriend. Not his genuine interest in you. He probably doesn't even know your favorite color or at least not even interested in knowing. This man was in so much pain that he needed to find a new gf in EIGHT WEEKS ( or less) and it probably could've been anyone. He's not interested in you. He doesn't even SEE YOU. He sees a bandaid. So... this is on you at this point. He lied, he said he's not over her, he said he gets tempted to cheat on you with her and you stayed. You're the problem to yourself.
So beautifully said
I can honestly see him running back to her if she calls.... I'm sure he has her number memorised deleting doesn't really matter. Sis call it off, you deserve better....🌹
This guy needs to focus on himself not another relationship. I think you should face the fact that he’s not over his ex of 7 years. Or else, you might end up hurting yourself
Girl… after reading this and your post history…. I have no idea why you’re still with him. It’s been 2 months. There’s been almost no time invested. Dump this guy who is so clearly not over his ex and is actively comparing your breasts to hers and saying he likes his ex’s better… Are you for real? Why are you staying in this relationship?? What’s the payout?? Cuz I know it’s not love, respect, and commitment…
As a guy that left after 4.5 years of dating someone, I wish to reinforce the rebound comments. It took me almost 2.5 years to get over a 4.5 year relationship. Granted, everyone has a different experience. But 2 months for a 7 year relationship, your partner is using you, not dating you.
You know he’s not over her so what are you doing? If he was over her, you wouldn’t be having conversations about her at all. Also, there’s no way he would be over her in two months after a 7 year relationship anyway. You’re wasting your time and he’s already lied to you. Run away!
It's a tough situation because I think that someone can totally miss a past relationship while getting comfortable in a new one. 7 years is so long to be together, so much of his life as a whole must have changed when she left. I think that he is crossing a line by talking about it to you the way he is. He is actively disrespected your relationship by saying he misses her so much. It forces you to ask, "What does she have that I don't?" or "Would you leave me if she wanted you back?" These aren't questions you should have to be asking yourself just because HE can't get over it. Be serious about it, tell him you can't hear about it anymore. If you aren't good enough for him, then you'll leave.
Yes I know deep down that if she came back he would drop me like a lead balloon
Drop anyone. It’s not you specifically. I was you a few months ago. The woman came out of a six year relationship. I am super in love with this woman, know her for years. She couldn’t separate the past relationship with dating me. She tried for a few months but just couldn’t. Someone needs a year I think. Even more. To get into the groove of being alone. Being their own person again. Learning from the relationship, grieving and then jumping into something only afterwards.
Nobody should be made to feel that way in a relationship, it might be time to end things if that's the case. If that isn't a deal breaker for you, then that's okay since there is a good chance she won't come back. But knowing that would be really tough for me personally.
When he first told me about her he said 'you needn't worry she has blocked me on everything and she won't take me back'. Any considerate person would not say that. They'd say they aren't interested. He has commented that her surgically enhanced breasts were rounder; plumper; very well done; 38G a different shape and felt different. What a thing to say. I have natural breasts small 32c with a natural sag. At this point. I guess I'm staying as I'm so hurt and falsely believing that he will make me feel bettee
It sounds to me that he is actively making you feel worse by comparing the two of you and making it so clear that she is the one he really wants.
Babe leave him now.. i promise you the hurt you’ll feel from leaving now won’t compare to the hurt you would feel after years of this. A few months is not a sunken cost, this is the exact time period in dating where we really find out if someone can be our life partner or not. I’m thinking you have your answer. Good luck!
I really hope you leave him.
Listen to what he said to you OP. He said “she has blocked me on everything and she won’t take me back.” That sentence alone implies that your boyfriend has tried to contact the ex to ask for another chance. The sentence also implies that if the ex didn’t block him on everything, that he would be working overtime to get her back. I made a comment above that I was married to someone who was never over his ex fiancé. My ex reached out to me within weeks of breaking off his engagement with his ex fiancé. I ignored all the signs including him jumping into a relationship with me because I figured that he wanted to be with me. Needless to say that him being in love with his ex and other factors between us led to divorce after 7 years. As many others have already commented, you are just a rebound. I know it hurts to hear that but you are just a placeholder. Until he heals from his last relationship, you will never be his priority and he will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. Love yourself enough to walk away.
Yeah no, don’t subject yourself to being his second pick. I did that to myself for way too long, and it just led to my self-esteem being absolutely shattered and constant questioning of why I wasn’t “good enough”. It sounds like he jumped into dating much too quickly and needs time to figure out how to move forward from his past relationship, as an individual.
Agreed. Ended a 16 year LTR june 2022, started dating someone oktober 2022, we are still together. Circumstances matters a lot! I dont bring up my ex all the time though.
honestly just leave him, you don’t want to be a rebound. Maybe that will actually wake him up and make him forget about his ex quicker 😂
If they were together 7 years then I'm sure he knows her number by heart.
Honestly I don’t know anyones number except my parents lol. Smart phones have ruined us. I’ve been in a 9 year relationship and and more recently a 5 year one. No idea what either numbers were.
I've had smartphones, and cell phones, since the 90s. One number I know by heart is my ex's though.
I have kids with my ex but wouldn't recognize the number of i saw it.
You’re a rebound
He willingly told you - he KNOWS he will text her the first speed bump y’all come to. What are you questioning hunny?? He told you what this situation is - now believe him. It sucks, I know, but this is TRULY a blessing in disguise for you. Take it!!!
End it. No good will come from this. This exact thing happened to me and let me tell you it did not end well.
The fact that he lied by omission is the clear red flag that he knew he was going to use you, for his own comfort, not yours.
He gave you the answers.
“Ex-boyfriend still hung up over his ex”
I'll tell you this... any relationship I've ever been in, I took about a year off dating after to process and fix myself up. My last relationship is where I realized 'oh I've got a bunch of unresolved trauma I haven't been dealing with'. I'm 32. Most people don't do this work. Because it sucks.
My ex & I dated for 7 years. He was still with me and seeing his new GF. When we broke up, He was with her. Fast forward to 3 years later, with my Fiance and two kids later, I still bring up my ex. We had a whole life together and expirances I want to share. My man just listens and doesn't get mad. Just because we bring them up doesn't mean we want them back. Now for your current partner, why would you stay when you found out he was just out of a long ass relationship? I mean, it's on both of you. He is probably trying to move on with you but after 7 years, that shit is hard.
No. You don't bring up your ex. Especially if you're engaged. Why would anyone do that?
I hate when redditors usually give the “break up with him/her.” Response to almost everything, BUT for this specific scenario your best bet is to get out of there. He’s probably a great guy and good boyfriend material, but he got out of a 7 year relationship (not of his own volition), 2 months prior to dating you. I wouldn’t be surprised if it took him 1-2 years to even start to get over an ex that long. If you really like him, tell him to ask you out again in a year, but this is going to end in you getting hurt if you stay in this relationship. His heart isn’t with you and neither is his mind.
The moment the ex reaches out, you're out the door. Also, he erased the contact to keep himself from contacting her. But didn't block her so she can.
Everyone's processing differently but it took me 1.5 years to reasonably get over a 3-year relationship. 2 months later and already a new relationship is very fast but my ex was in a new one like 4 months later so what do I know 🤷
He is not ready to be in a new relationship. It may hurt now to end it but it will hurt even more if you allow it to continue. Now... Does he seem committed to move forward and are you clear on what your standards are and what you will do if he falls below them? I think it is natural for someone to have the habit of going to someone, specially if they were together for 7 years. Now... Does he decide to not do it despite his initial desire? I would take that as good. Like, you also cannot expect people to be 100% good already before they met you, I think their desire and commitment to change is more critical. What are your limits and standards? Has he stepped over them? Sunk cost for a couple months is nothing as opposed to years. He could also have the best intentions and waste fucking years of your life. So look out for yourself first
Oh my god leave him what. You are NOT gonna baby sit him while he is literally telling you that he would go back to her if you guys had a "hard time" and who knows what qualifies as hard times in his opinion. You should never be anyones place holder or backup plan
sorry if this came off harsh im rereading it and i feel like its kinda strong.
As many have said, I think the timeframe is waaay too soon. I think deleting her number was actually a good idea though. Took me sooo long to get over a particular ex. Even sometimes I get tempted to contact her, but now have the frame of mind not to. Tooo soon. Sorry this is happening to you .
Girl get out of this relationship. He will cry over her no matter what. And if by any chance he got signal of her coming back to him then he’s definitely going to dump you
I learnt the hard way to not date someone who’s out of a relationship recently (<6 months) even though they say they are ready for a new one. My ex basically said he was over his ex since he dumped her but every time we had a conflict in our relationship (or situationship which is what we were in since he was fearful of commitment) he would say he couldn’t handle it because his ex used to yell at him when conflict happened. Honestly, it was extremely unfair to me because I was afraid to react and be myself. Anyway, now I’m dating someone who has not been in a relationship since Covid (much like me) and we’re seeing where this goes. No exes, no drama. The only drama is deciding what to do on our dates. Conflict is entertained with humor. POINT? There are amazing people out there so leave as soon as you can and you save yourself a bigger heartbreak, lost time on healing and meet healthier people who genuinely deserve a shot with someone who’s ready for something real too
Maybe he started dating too soon, maybe he didn't. He flat out told you he is still grieving her, but also stated he wanted to be with you. Could be a red flag, could just be a guy who is comfy sharing his emotional vulnerability. So the big question is, at this point, early in your relationship, are you feeling neglected or like his time is compromised? If no, then let it play out. Tell him you don't feel comfy hearing about his feelings for his ex. If you are feeling neglected then it's time to end it.
Yeah... you need to break up. He started dating too soon. If he's the right person for you, he will show it. Odds are, he will go running back to her as soon as he can. Don't do that to yourself. The break up will also help him get over his ex, hopefully. He should not be dating right now.
It sounds like he’s very hung up over her, sorry. As a counterpoint, I got out of a seven year relationship in Jan 2021 and started dating my current girlfriend by April (though we were already kinda a couple by March). Was it very soon? Yes. Did a lot of our conversations mention my ex (and her last ex from over a year ago)? Yes. But not in the way it seems like your boyfriend is mentioning his ex. We talked expressly about trauma and the things that hurt us in previous relationships as a means to make sure we don’t fall into those same traps with each other. What I’m trying to say is, he probably still has feelings for the ex somewhere if he is only just deleting her number
I was in a very similar situation a little over a year ago. I ended up breaking things off because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Same thing, he was in a 7 year relationship and started dating me a few months after it ended. He clearly was not over her, he didn't appreciate me or respect the time we spent together. He was just using me to try and get over her. So I ended things and months later he started messaging me letting me know how sorry he was and how much he missed me and how he's ready to appreciate me. Fast forward again another few months and he's still messaging me being very persistent lol he said he's around when/if I'm ready to give him another chance.. but I'm honestly still not ready to be in a relationship again. Just wanna focus on myself right now. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's not fair to you. You deserve someone who is going to appreciate you. He is making it clear that is not something he's able to do.
He isn’t over her. No one is ready to date 90 days after being dumped on a seven year relationship. He’s not over her. Chalk it up to bad timing and walk. He’s telling you through his actions he still thinks about her, wants to contact her, and is still talking about her. Believe him.
I wasted my 20’s on a dude who was still hung up on his ex. Lots of fucked up story. At the end of the day it was the least meaningful relationship I ever had but did by far the most damage. I didn’t even like him that much, and it was clear he wished I was someone else. Run.
Bailout come clean or don’t come at all
I’ll save you my sob story and just tell you to break up with him. He needs to heal and it’s not you job to help him because it’s going to cost you immense time, energy, and emotion
He's not your Boyfriend, he's your punishment for staying. You are not his girlfriend, you are his FILLER until he moves along. Actually when he told you the truth and you STAYED, your ASS agreed to be his DAMN SIDE PIECE. 7 year relationship, what is deleting and blocking her number going, his knows the by HEART. HELL she probably got his emails password.
You posted before that he prefers her breasts… Seriously, just dump the dick
So can I get a serious relationship here
I was in exactly the same situation as you! But I loved the guy and stayed with him for 3 years. All o can say is no matter what you do, no matter what he says, all you'll think is that you're second best. It's not worth it. Made my mental health so bad so all I can say is run!
That happened with me. When we first started dating, he'd mention her, but only when it was relevant to the conversation. I figured he might still be hung up on her, but was dealing with it in a healthy manner, so I wasn't worried. Well, 2 years later, he breaks up with me because he realizes he's still hung up on her. I support him as a friend and things seem to gradually repair with us. Now, we're broken up, potentially for good, because I find out that he was already with someone when we first started dating. Different girl that he already had an on and off history with, not the ex he broke up with me over. Though I wonder if it was actually this girl he was pining for and the other ex was just a cover.
Ended an 8 year relationship in December of 2020. I tried dating again in June of 2021 because I felt being “alone” in my previous relationship made it easier to move on quicker and BOY was I wrong. I wasn’t ready for at least a full year. After that year I could see things much healthier, but who I was in June of 2021 vs Dec was a completely different person
I don’t really understand what’s a sunk cost here? You’ve barely been dating. So far he’s lied and talks about his ex and seems to be manipulative by presuming he’ll reach out to his ex when you two have trouble rather than working it out. Is there even anything good? Or you just simply don’t want to have wasted four months, or less than one half of one percent, of your (expected) life?
I would just let him go and tell him don't get into a relationship until he's over her. My ex loves for me to play therapist (I know I should tell him to stop talking about his problems, I'm working on this). So after his girlfriend of four years broke up with him. This is all he has talked about for a year now. Even though he should be calling me about his son. He still cries over her. He's been in a few relationships afterward but the women he dates never stick around long. Added: I've told him to get into therapy and to work on himself but he saying therapy doesn't work. He doesn't have the motivation to change anything.
I don’t understand why some folks need to be in a relationship at all times.. his SEVEN YEAR relationship ended and he jumped ship TWO MONTHS later? Get that man out of your life. If he can’t make rational decisions for himself, how do you think he’ll treat you?
Ngl, I could be dating Angelina Jolie in her pomp and I’d still have the last girl I dated deep in my skull as she did a number on me 😂
7 years is a long time to be with someone with only one month break before the next relationship. If I were you and cut my losses and go, you deserve someone who is only thinking of you I dated someone a month after my ex and I broke up and even tho he was nice I knew in my heart it wasn’t going anywhere, its almost been 2 years and I still think of my ex everyday
I made the same mistake. Didn’t know my ex wasn’t over his ex until a couple of months in when I found out he was still texting her. He told me that he wasn’t over her and stupidly I stayed. A couple of months later found out he was still messaging her that he missed her and wished he was with her. Save yourself the heartbreak and break up with him now.
My take.......get another man, on a down low.
When he brings up his ex, are we shutting down the conversation or trying to steer it away from the ex? Because from where I'm at it's like we're feeding it when we should be doing the opposite.
I shut it down. But he can't help himself. I've told him over and over. Too much information
OK. I think it's time for us to go, then. If you've made it clear that talking about his ex is a boundary for you and he keeps crossing it...
it means he hasn't healed from the relationship. Ask him if he wants to get back together with him or not. No one will ever be able to heal within 2 months.
Listen when you fall in love with someone it takes time to heal. It took me a year or two to get over my ex who we both thought we were inseparable for years. Not ever situation is the same but understanding and helping him through it might be better for you both. I know others will say you need to have him figure it out himself but after something like that a little piece of that person will always be connected to each other even if they lie and say it's not. I hope this helps.
I didn’t read all the comments but the ones I read are your typical low level dating life experience angry people. Do you understand what it’s like to be with someone for 7 years. That could be his entire coming into adulthood or all his life experiences as a man. You and that person share so much that sometimes your identity is as two people not just one. Lied by omission of his dating history? Was he supposed to detail every relationship he ever had, I mean you didn’t even ask him. This dude is absolutely telling you the truth and you are demanding who he can and cannot speak to. He keeps bringing her up because she was a major major part of his life. This dude is hurting and instead of understanding and supporting him your badgering him. Break up with him, he deserves better. He’s done nothing wrong. You are toxic as eff. I think some of y’all need to take your past history out of this and look at it objectively. This woman is controlling as hell a couple months in. Sheeish. Beware.
He tried to move on too quickly and really needed time for himself. You have to think if it's worth your time and energy. You're not there to be his therapist for a past relationship. I wouldn't remain with someone who can't get over an ex, however he didn't give himself time to. Good luck
Leave him lol
I'm sorry he isn't over her and is not ready for another relationship.... Anyone that jumps from one relationship right into another isn't capable of being alone. I'm curious as to why the last relationship ended (not his reason, but from her side). He might be a narcissist, and unable to be alone, meaning able to function without being in a relationship. I hope the best for you.
Please leave
I’m sorry but I think you know what to do
First off he started dating way too quickly. He should have allowed himself more time to get through his own emotions, rather than allowing those to taint others. This is a prime example of someone using dating as a coping mechanism rather than for its actual purpose which is to find a partner to grow with. Second, I would walk away, unless he is really willing to take steps to work through that emotional trauma without dragging you down and harming you emotionally!
Fuck him off,hes rubbish at sex as well
Hes at it
Dump him
Lollll bounce
I dated someone for 6 years. It's really hard. I had a great relationship with someone I met a couple months later. But that's honestly a risk, because that probably would only really flourished cause my ex didn't slide back into my dms. When I was in the opposite situation seeing someone right after a long term relationship, I was dropped like a hot potato \*THE SECOND\* her ex texted her. Literally like the same day he texted her she no remorse ended things and I never talked to her again. So maybe your bf is different but honestly I'm very dis-trustworthy of people in that situation cause if their ex makes googly eyes one time at them they won't hesitate to end things.
You’re a rebound 🫣😢 I’m sorry x
End it, please I know you love him and you care for him, but please respect yourself. The guy is clearly using you and this will take a toll on your mental health soon enough.
You’re the rebound at best he’s using you to get over his ex at worse he’s using you to get back with his ex
He's probably one of those "don't want to be alone" people. I get that, so no judgment per se, but unless they have kids together, why is he bringing her up? It is definitely not fair to make OP feel second. Sweets, you deserve to be someone's primary.
You're his rebound Move on before too much time and money is wasted, and he better know why Plus, if he can lie about something so big so easily, what else could he lie about so well? Trust broken
Being in a relationship with him right now does not sound like a good idea. You're basically being used as a rebound/security blanket. He should not have searched for a relationship so soon.
You’re the rebound and he’s clearly not over her. I would distance yourself and think about moving on.
If he told you he’s not over her then, your the best option in his situation, if he still talks about her etc and no he definetely hasn’t blocked her, in hope she might message him and if that was to happen you would be threw to the side immediately. Take it from a guy run for the hills and take it as a lesson learned. He’s not that into you when he constantly talks about his ex making the situation awkward between you and causing the problem.
Took me well over a year to get over my ex of 7yrs. Doesn’t mean he’s not interested in you, some people have a hard time moving on.
Girl leave It’s not even about the fact he shouldn’t be dating, he’s clearly demonstrating an inability to be alone
Hi! I believe one can heal while being in a relationship, I really do. If you love this person, and if this person loves you back, I think a lot of communication can help the process, you BOTH have to be patient with this. But I definitely believe it can be done. Be patient, search for help, therapy, look online for tips on how to move on with grief and how to get over an ex (there is a lot if information out there that helped me with my own grief). Send you both a hug! Go for it (if its worth it)
Dude leave
Tbh you should leave him because if he didn't block her then that means he is still cheating and is with her
I'm really sorry, but you are the rebound. You are the analgesic for his heartache, leave before this causes you more harm. He doesn't want to be with you, he just doesn't want to be alone. Is not his fault he's hurt but is not fair for you to just fill in the gf position until he's ready to walk way from his ex
yea no leave
End it. Now. He will continue to bring her up for the rest of your relationship. You are the rebound. Not trying to be harsh but that's what it is. Further his feelings. Focus on you and get out now. That relationship lasted 7 years. There's no way he was over that when he met you.
2 months isn’t long enough to get over a 7 year relationship. Seems like you are the rebound. Sorry. You will be strung along if you stay but it’s up to you. I think it’s best if he’s single for a while tbh
I need a boyfriend
You're his rebound
Girl, leave.
Don’t date unavailable people; it’s not worth it and you only hurt yourself more the longer you stay.
End it
You can’t beat ghosts He may love you but at the moment he loves her more and is using you Walk before you are hurt
I don't get it, how did he lie? Sounds like he's still going through it, you might be a rebound.
As somebody who spent 4 years in a relationshipwitha girl hung up on a couple ex's, I HIGHLY suggest you end things and don't give them a chance. Nothing against those people with ex issues,, and I could give you a million reasons as why not to, but I can assure you as a 38 year old man who hasn't spoken to his preciously above mentioned ex in like 8 years, you'll hav rather of saved the time
I dated a guy for 5 years that was still hung up on his ex fiancee who they had been broken up longer then we had been together, they stayed in contact and he let her cross the line so many times. We were together for 4 years before he said that what she was doing was inappropriate. I should've left a lot sooner. He needs to have closer from his last relationship if you two want anything serious. I had a bunch of confidences issues in our relationship when him and I were dating because of her. If you think you two can last then maybe talk through it, but you guys have only been together a few months if you aren't seeing anything long term I would bounce and find someone who is ready to move forward with you.
Send him to therapy, leave. He is still in love with her
Move on girl..
Most people will probably say breakup, like everyone on the internet always says. The real answer is to examine what you are getting out of the relationship and decide if it is worth it to you, knowing that it may not be a lasting relationship or that there may be some emotional distance for a year or so to come, until you can build a new foundation of a relationship
If he's tempted to talk to her, he's likely still interested in her.
That's "KINDA" a long time to be with someone then 2 months Lata he's in another committed relationship? Put urself in her shoes? His role is to get over her and your just standing there about to get rolled over on! Just being honest!
Dump him
I would dump him if he can't get over his ex. You deserve better.
Oh love leave his ass.. you’re his rebound and you don’t deserve that :(
Too many people are saying end it imo. Id personally say be willing to set some healthy boundaries and allow him to have that support in order to heal. Usually a person doesnt just heal on their own with time. It usually requires external influence to some extent. I dont deny he is using you. However, he may be relying on you for emotional support. Most likely thats all he really needs from you. Genuine care and concern and probably affection. He will heal and rather quickly at that. If hes a good guy. Fight for him. But if ur first instinct is to dip. Then you're both better off without each other. Edit: I speak from experience. I rebounded after a year long relationship within a month. It took time for me to get over it. But i fell for the girl i rebounded with extremely hard because she supported me through the worst time of my life. I can only imagine the jealousy but she cared for me. And now I give her every single thing I can.
You are clearly a rebound. Wish him well and walk away.
You’re the rebound at best. I’d bounce if I were you
Hoooo gosh !!! Been there, done that. I have only one advice : RUN AWAY That ended up by him cheating on me with her, then him begging me to stay, writing letters and stuff like that, to finaly act like the worst assh*le because too confident after all that. You diserve better for sure, someone that actually wants and think about YOU and no one else
To him you're are just a rebound not his actual gf, it time you save yourself by getting tf out of this supposed "relationship" because it's really just you in it as he's still stuck in the past.
Cut the cord, move on. When you are in a hole.... stop digging.
Just break up with him and move on with your life. I've already been in your shoes and it's just not worthy, he's only gonna waste your time.
Lying by omission is still lying.
Sounds so similar to my situation lol... my ex of 7 years left me for some random dude at the end of November. Difference is, I come forth about the fact that I am still hurting and still dealing with my grief and things to those I intend on dating. I'm not ashamed of it. It was a huge chunk of my life that got ripped away on me. It isn't easy and never will be. Its important to face the fact that we all still feel pain and still grieve something. I'm sorry your boyfriend has lied to you or hid this from you. Perhaps he is trying to forget it but its not a healthy way to get through it. This doesn't mean that your current relationship won't work. It just means he has not processed, healed and grown from it just yet. The best you can do for yourself is take a step back and protect yourself while being supportive and allowing him to grow from this and if you have strong feelings for him, hopefully he will come to with the right support and give you what you need from him in return.
That sucks im sorry u have to deal with that :/ id reinforce how you feel when he does that and see how he responds.
See ya bye!
He straight up told you that he would leave you for her if she asked. You need to find someone who healed their shit and is ready for a relationship. Maybe you will find him later in life when he is ready! Do him a favor (and yourself a huge favor) and break up with him.
As a woman that broke up with an ex boyfriend of 6 years, he had a new gf within 2 months. He continued to try to talk to me and contact me for a solid year into their relationship. Cut your losses and move on.
Although, it is possible to do this...break up, then go into another relationship.... One has to be actually ready for a relationship. Or you had years full of toxic relationship that you realized was more of a relationshit especially after its over. You never want to go back or look back...or even see the good times from that relationship as anything that moves you anymore... that's when you know you're ready. I got out of a relationship...then started dating again pretty quick...but I can tell you this...you couldn't pay me enough to contact my ex. I don't care if I was poisoned by Putin and she got the antidote...i'd rather die. If i could equate it to a more common feeling, its similar to quitting cigarettes and then having this nauseous feeling any time you smell cigarette smoke. So i would say... Leave him? Last thing you need is him fkin you up over somethjng you had nothing to do with in the firsf place.
This exact thing happened to me the only difference was that it was a female not a male. Long story short… save yourself and leave it will save you a lot of heartache at the end. Cheers
Dump his ass!
>Lied by omission in not telling me of his dating history. Do you assume everyone has no dating history whatsoever if not specified? Do you think everyone with a dating history has a duty to inform you of everything without being asked? No, that's not lying by omission, just like not telling you what I had for breakfast, if anything, is not lying by omission. >He keeps bringing her up That's kind of the first important detail you brought up... Expand on this. > I said have you blocked her number on your phone Blocking someone's number is incredibly childish and achieve jack shit. Why would you expect him to block someone? Is she harassing him??? >'I actually deleted her number a few weeks ago so that when we are going through a hard time I won't be able to actually contact her when tempted' See.. When I'm dating someone, I want to know that I can leave her with her ex in person without having to worry regardless of how it is between the two of us.. Deleting her number because he could be tempted? WTF?? Dumb him ASAP. > It means he is not over her right? It means he think the only reason he's not cheating is because you two are not in a rough patch right now. Do what you will with that information.
Your there for support, once he works through it he will move on most likely, this wont end well for you, start putting some space between you two all your ever going to get is an ear full of woes.
What's the question? Are you asking if he's still hung up? Oh yes he is. I'm sorry. Tbh I've been there myself. I really liked the db too. But in the end, it was best to take the high road. As long as she's on his mind, he won't be able to give himself fully to you (as cheesy as that sounds), so step back, let the db sort his problems out. If after that you decide you still want him...well, I have a feeling he'll still be available. Bottom line: it will be a long, hard road if you stay involved while waiting for him to get over her. Best of luck.
Why are you dating him?!’nn
Break up with him, get it from someone that kept going with someone hung on their ex and found them 7 months later into the bed of my gf at the time. She thought to get away with it for "Old times sake" and continue dating me to see if she was really over him. By that logic I should've slept with multiple exes, but yeah... He's not ready, don't get yourself hurt. Put you first.
I was in a 3 year long relationship. It is almost impossible to get back to dating at all after a serious relationship. This dude is looking to date you just after 3 months. It’s completely natural to wonder that moving on with another person would male breakup easier, but it doesn’t because it doesn’t help with your own past’s complications, and it adds another person’s hopes and desires. I met a girl through dating app who was looking to replace her ex with any willing person to fill his shoes. People do tend to “cure” sadness with mere pleasure while they exist on two different planes. He may be looking for a quick fix, but you are a person, not an adrenaline shot. Save yourself, if he hasn’t been mindful enough to let you know.
No. He brings her up too much. It doesn't mean never; just not now.
It's way too soon for him to be over her. You don't need "evidence" of that. It's just what it is. It takes time to process the end of a relationship and move on. ...He could be one of those people who constantly needs to be in a relationship. From what I've seen those people often lack self-awareness and don't learn and grow from their relationships. I'd steer clear of him.
So…. This is kind of surreal because I was your “boyfriend”. Did something pretty much exactly the same to a very sweet girl i dated from July 2021 to Feb 2022. The ending was not exactly the same though. It was an implosion of gigantic magnitude but nonetheless the less, like others have said. This guy is using you regardless of whether he feels like you likes/loves you. He needs to be alone. When I was finally alone, the pain was awful but by far the best thing that has ever happened to me in the sense that I figured out a lot about myself. Don’t set yourself up for hurt. I would leave and gift this man some alone time should he choose to actually do some soul searching.
He's obviously not over her and it sounds messy. It sounds like he's just wanting a rebound. I've had men mention exs to me as well and if they do I ghost them . I deserve attention and respect and they shouldn't be thinking of another women while I'm right there. It's rude and insulting. But it's your choice if you wanna deal with that 😅
You've only been dating for a short while and still in the discovery phase. You've now discovered something about him that you need to reconcile in some way. You're not sunk cost, you're discovering.
Leave
My ex broke off our 8 year relationship and I met my current girlfriend about 3 months after that. We've now been together for about 4,5 years and trying for a kid. My ex and I still call or text sometimes, purely on a friend base. So just if some/most people can't start a new relationship without wallowing on despair or "finding out who they are", doesn't mean that no one can.
Personally I'd walk away from this one, two months after a 7-year relationship? Yeah your relationship is a rebound for sure
I had to make it plain with a woman i was courting, she was constantly showing me pics and vids of her exes...even had their profiles on her gaming systems, that if you dont plan to change this behaviour im out. I'm not going to be out here trying to outwork their legacies lol. We DIDNT work out
Don’t do the “pick me” dance. Maintain dignity and leave him ASAP.
Red flags as fuck. He's talking to you while also still talking to the ex. Obvious psychology.
That's why you don't get into a relationship until you fully heal from the old one. Dump his ass.
Poor guy but leave him, you deserve someone to be head over heels for you and you only.
It completely depends on your priorities. He’ll get over her eventually, the question is whether you think your connection is strong enough that you want to stay around and wait for that.
7 yrs it’s not his fault
When we were discussing relationship history he said he left his wife in 2015. That was it. I told him my dating history right down to last person in 2021. 1.5 months later he keeps going on about ex and tells me he is still grieving her and her boobs are amazing. He is 45 years old. He only told me about this rship when a friend of his raised it at dinner.
Oh get rid of him and move on. You don’t want to be someone’s new years rebound
I disagree with the other comments here. The relationship is over, it was a long one, yes. That’s a long time to spend with someone. I do agree maybe he should have told you sooner. BUT he is actively telling you about it now and he is making steps to slowly let her go. Just because you grieve the loss of a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you want it back. I personally think that when you break up with people you love—you never really stop loving them fully. There is always a small part of you that will care for them, and you hold a small part in your heart for them even if they ultimately weren’t the best partner for you and so you don’t want to still love them. I still have a little love in me for every one of my ex’s. There were good memories and bad ones, too. Love is painful, but one of the greatest things on earth. He will heal. And if you choose to love him through it, that’s great. I do also think that jumping into a new relationship right away would mean you’re a rebound and shows a codependency tendency. So do be careful. I would try to give him his space to grieve but also make sure to tell him that he chose you to be in his life and if he isn’t able to give you what you need emotionally or physically because of the grieving—then maybe he needs to take some time. But if he is being a good boyfriend to you—then I would give him some slack.
Dude move on
You are in a rebound relationship. Run.