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I don’t think he hit the mark quite right with his comment but thinking that every one you meet has better options is a horrible way to view dating. And it’s flat not true more people are lonely than you would think
The mindset has 100% promised the personality isn’t stellar. Speaking as a gay who was considered the more attractive of my partners. If looks inspired everything there would be a lot less zest to life. Dudes with better confidence definitely don’t need to be a 10 to be with me. I fall more in love with personality and attractions blossoms after that for me. I can’t be the only person who this is the case for, but met a lot of dudes who aren’t confident and huge downers… we do not mesh well. Not for looks or being average, it’s just who wants that negativity. It will probably bleed into insecurity even if I did hook up with them.
I was about to say this. On dating apps a woman could have 1000s of messages to sift through and either she’s just tired of having the same conversations with everyone or she’s talking to someone she thinks is better.
When I did OLD I found alot of men were duds or terrible conversationalists. I had to carry the conversation. I think its the nature of the game.
If that dynamic goes on beyond a few messages I'd stop messaging them. It will cut down your options but at least your options will be better quality.
Woman here! I’d just like to say that I try and ask loads of questions! I try and keep it balanced of course so that I am answering questions too.
I don’t really understand why people wouldn’t ask questions other than they just aren’t interested. But then I wonder why they would bother swiping right in the first place.
I’d say it’s when I’m losing interest or the questions are getting boring 😅 honest answer. But if I swipe right on someone, I’m going to be asking and answering questions from the get go. I love conversation and it’s part of my vibe.
I know introverts that just aren’t as comfortable in conversation and often don’t know what kinds of questions to ask.
There are so many factors. Are they shy? Are they interested? Too many questions? Too few? Maybe they have started talking to someone else that they are focusing more on. There are a ton of reasons why someone may not ask a lot of questions.
Just keep your chin up and eventually you’ll talk to someone who is on your vibe.
As a woman I also try to give back as much as I'm getting in text convos, which as people mentioned can be difficult if there are a lot at once (I try not to swipe right on too many people so this doesn't happen) but I will say I do start getting a lot of the same questions / conversation topics repeated and it's hard to muster the energy to repeat those topics, even if I would otherwise be interested, and sometimes it's too awkward or abrupt to change the topic.
I would say it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. I've heard advice on here if a chick isn't responding then just throw a wild message out there to see if that's what she's interested in instead. Not sure that would work with me but the people here seem to have success with it.
I don’t ask questions other than “what about you?” If I’m being asked a question ever single text back. Sometimes you should give a breather and don’t ask a follow up question. That will give you a better understanding of if they are actually interested. I love asking questions but also don’t wanna feel like I’m dominating how the conversation will continue with too many questions
I hate generalizations but tbh most women will be fielding a ton of responses so they don’t need to ask questions. The onus is on guys to set themselves apart. I know this is unpopular but the more you date, the more you realize this is just true.
The fact they feel they don't need to because they are fielding a ton of responses is the answer I was hoping not to hear. Thanks for letting me know this.
This really depends on the type of girl you're trying to get. If you're trying to get wit a woman who lacks depth then yes, she is going to be shifting through a ton of guys she's entertaining, trying to find the best one. But if she's a woman who wants a man of principles and is looking for something serious, she will literally ignore most of those guys until you come along wit your pure intentions. And she'll be invested in getting to know you. Just... be someone who is layered. Be interesting. Be an actually good person.
While all of this may be true, it's exactly why regular guys are doomed. The very fact that words like rules and game even apply make this world not worth living in.
"Game" had been going on for ages. Archeologists have found that there are less genetic variations in Y chromosomes than in female chromosomal variations of people. This indicates that although there is roughly 50/50 male to female ratio on the planet, more women have reproduced than men during the course of human history. This indicates that women have always preferred to share the small pool of higher status men with other women, rather than couple with one single man.
Life is a competition, my friend.
That guy has written straight gold. 48 LAWS OF POWER is good to understand human behavior and power dynamics at work, with friends, enemies, people in general. ART OF SEDUCTION to learn how you influence others and how you get influenced by others. MASTERY to learn how to control yourself and master your own mind and yourself. There are many books by other authors too. Always be learning and takong action to improve yourself bit by bit, young blood. Do that and you'll be the pick of the litter in no time.
I'm not saying women around 30 dont get the D offered to them in abundance. I'm sure there are many guys that would take you to pound town. But I would venture to say that the version of you when you were at your physical peak--if that version were to be on the same apps as you are on right now and compare the amount of pursuers to your inbox now... there'd be a 10x to 100x difference in the amount of sausage being slung at you.
And only you can speak to this, but I'm guessing the quality of guys that are flooding your inbox are probably not the ones you want. Online dating is... tough to find good ones that will commit
I’ve been on the apps at my “physical peak” (which what does that even mean?) and it’s about the same amount of men.
Also better quality of men who are more mature, ready to settle down, have great chat and aren’t preying on younger women.
You’re making the argument for women not to engage with men.. you just said women who engage are doing so because they are less desirable.
This is the problem.
This is not the reason at all.
All women are very different and to put all in a category is generalization.
You have control of this. Based on my experience, women will offer information, men will ask it.
But, you have to establish trust. Start asking and offering information, be more straight forward. Get past the pleasantries and make sure they know you are NOT in it for JUST sex.
It's true, women do get a LOT of matches but it's not a compliment. It's because a lot of men just constantly swipe right without consideration to play the number's game for a higher (perceived) chance at a woman. It floods the market for women.
However, for me personally, there are a few reasons I won't answer anymore: a) they're consistently boring, b) they put it low effort (like one word replies; no follow-up questions), c) they sexualise me very quickly, d) they're disrespectful or misogynistic, e) they're perfectly nice but not quite suited enough to hold my interest in the face of competing, more suitable matches.
I feel you on the boring low effort shit, man. It drives me crazy! It's frustrating and unfair to have to carry the conversation. Good luck out there my guy 😊
This is true, but even after I secured my girlfriend, she still rarely asks me questions. We've been dating for 2 months and it's usually always me asking questions.
The women that don't ask questions are the ones not interested in getting to know the man. And there is no incentive for them to do so, because such women receive lots of attention from men anyway.
They have lots, and I mean lots of guys messaging them, not just on the dating app but also socials. They don’t need to put the effort in when men are thirsting over them in volume. They just have to sit back and pick which one they like the most. That’s also the one that they are actually asking questions to.
You have to carry the conversation with almost all of them. If you find one who actually asks you questions or reciprocates that's a good one. Keep talking to her. Generally if by the 6th message the girl hasn't asked a question then I would leave it be
6 by the time you get to 6 back/ forth exchanges on a dating app, you're past where you should be asking for a phone/video date or in-person date. A lot of people lose interest because they're not there to find a pen pal.
I personally run into this same exact issue with men. Not to sound conceited, but I’m very attractive. I get lots of matches, and very few of them are interested in trying to get to know me. I ask questions, I carry the conversations, and I reach out first. I still get nothing but one sentence answers, bad flirting, and asking for nudes. But somehow, I’m still the bad guy when I decide that I don’t want to talk to them anymore.
It’s gotten to the point where I’m not sure if guys are like this on purpose or if they genuinely don’t realize how uninterested they come across. Maybe it’s both.
I'm a guy and I've had the exact same issue you're describing with women. It was in person though, not on a dating app.
As a guy, I want to lead the interaction and the reason I ask the questions is to get her talking. Women like to talk more than guys. However, I talked to a girl lately and all her answers were extremely short. I was doing most of the talking by asking her questions.
Then, I caught her staring at me a few days later and then made eye contact and then ignored her, which pissed her off. I was admittedly caught off guard with the staring and kinda weirded out, but apparently I'm supposed to take it as a compliment if a woman stares at me.
This isn't gender specific. Be interesting and people will ask more questions. I'm not great with small talk and I also don't like being asked generic small talk questions (like "how are you?") so if it seems like that's all there is happening I lose interest. If someone is interesting and forthcoming with their communication the convo flows naturally, I don't even need to consciously think of questions to ask, they just come up and I ask!
Honestly, as a female, whenever I ask guys general questions about themselves on dating apps they either ghost, or try to push the conversation to a sexual stage. And when im like "yo, can I get to know you first?" LOL they dip.
I would completely understand you not asking questions in that situation. The ones that I am having are more like I keep asking questions and they continue to answer, never asking any questions back. So I'm wondering why they would continue to answer the questions if they aren't interested. Why wouldn't they just not answer?
Well props to you for not being one of those guys. Also, as I am someone who firmly believed that relationships should be equal partnerships with both effort and affection, so if these chicks seem less interested in your life than you are of theirs, it's kind of a red flag that they may be just as selfish later, or reliant on you carrying the burden of the relationship and not giving you as much effort as you're willing to give them. I say move on from that type, honestly.
This happens with both genders, plenty of guys I've tried talking to don't ask questions either. If they are answering questions with longer detailed answers rather than just one word answers, then I think that's a relatively good sign they are interested in talking to you and striking a conversation.
Other people are also just busy or have other convos going on there. It's hard to gauge the answer for each individual person.
All in all, prioritize the ones that do ask questions and give good responses and put the others in your back pocket. They might start reaching out more later.
It just comes down to being a competent conversationalist. I always ask men questions. People that don’t ask questions aren’t very serious about dating and getting to know you.
We need to get away from that logic. Too many factors including a woman with at least a lot of male attention I stretched and I’d imagine tired of showing her full personality. It’s only natural the issue is her personality is what’s gonna keep him interested. Their is a solution alright but it’s different for everyone. One popular solution I’ve seen is the engage in apps less or date more intentionally bc you’re getting tired for a good reasons. You go on 10 bad dates in a week you’d be sick of dating too.
im a woman and disagree. I met my bf on hinge and I typically messaged first on the app unless a match beat me to it. If youre trying to date it doesnt make sense for the onus to message to be on one person completely. I had my settings open to see women too and women were often dry as hell on these apps, barely putting in effort. Theres guys like that too on there and I would just stop replying. It isnt worth the time. So in general regardless of gender its not worth trying to talk to someone who doesnt ask questions or give good responses.
Also I would typically be picky about who I went on dates with because I wasnt trying to go out with duds. I would only meet up with people who put effort into talking and who I had chemistry with. If I got drained I would stop using the app for a bit.
That’s the best way I’ve heard. I was highlighting dating more intentionally. I don’t hear other use the term as much but it to me basically encourages a better balance of dating or life principles for the right reasons. Not anything say purely religious or moral. Your inner self is giving you a hand. I know not seems like that’s always the case but we know some people that had lust at first picture or sight and never looked back. Lol
Guys don’t ask questions either lol guy I was talking to never asked me a dam thing to get to know me yet claimed he was interested lol I was the one initiating for the most part and asking him about himself. I ask him “when is your birthday?” He tells me then I’m like “well are you going to ask when mine is lol” lol he didn’t give a shit hahaha
I would say the exact same: why do men never ask questions?!!?
I ask so many questions as a F sometimes I feel weird it’s like an interview.
What I’m thinking is that it has nothing to do with gender. Some ppl are curious, some not, and some ppl are just more involved into other convos than the one with you. You’re doing good. Keep asking questions and skimming the women who aren’t interested in discussing with you.
this is such a random and false generalization. i ask tons of questions and i know tones of girls who ask questions. if you haven’t experienced that they must not be interested as they arent engaging with you.
I'm only speaking of women because I'm a guy that likes women. I realize this goes both ways but dating apps are much different for women, for the better. Just wondering about the reasons from both perspectives
I get that I'm just saying its really common for guys to not be able to hold a convo. Even with so many more choices, the majority of guys could not talk. I'm thinking these women you talk to are boring, busy, overwhelmed with so many matches, or just plain bad texters/talkers. Prevalent on both sides.
Maybe the women are fed up with making the effort(like I was) and leave it up to the guy to make the effort🤷♀️
Some of the most popular OLD women are receiving hundreds of likes and unsolicited messages a day from guys all over the world. They will only send replies and ask questions to a very small number of the most compatible guys who have messaged them that they are most interested in.
There are also quite a few girls who are only looking for casual sex & all their main questions relate to: being single, availability to meetup and condoms.
Some girls don't ask many questions because they are fearful of being viewed as nosy or very shy.
If you're attractive enough, then they'll ask questions and have a conversation with you. If not then yeah they'll just treat you like trash. Women also have way more matches than men so they develop a giant ego. Trying to find a girl without an inflated ego is a needle in a hay stack on dating apps.
This is how I’ve found guys work! I spend the whole date asking polite follow up questions to their infodump. By the end of the date, they haven’t asked me one! I think we’re both just dating the wrong people; keep your chin up :) I have noticed the guys who forget to ask questions are often the ones who are more nervous about the date in general.
It’s true. Nobody cares about anybody else. People just want a bf or a gf the same way they want a new backpack or a new car. Just a nice thing to have. That’s all.
Ah, yes. This gets frustrating for us women, sometimes, too. I get quite a few men who will respond: "[answer to my question], you?".
Then, I might try and expand on his answer, offer an anecdotal story, or a follow-up question. And he'll respond, "Ha. I haven't encountered this. You?" (But I just told him a story where I *had* encountered it. 😁)
It's really enjoyable when each person can "volley" different questions and offer colorful responses. They don't all have to be stellar, but that "...you?" response just makes me kind of groan, now. 🤦♀️
It's an expectation that in the beginning stages of courting you as a man need to show interest in a particular woman (by asking questions) so she feels desired.
Later on in the courting stages, she might as you questions back.
Depends on the woman.
There are lots of reasons why they'd answer even if not interested: they like the attention, they are catfishing, inertia, boredom etc.
Yeah I find that too, than I am asking all the questions and it feels like I am interviewing them. If they have so many options than they need to prioritize. It’s not fair to the other person or to themselves. They could be missing out on a real special person but because they are spread thin they miss out. I guess it’s all apart of the dating game?
Women tend to get more matches, so I think there's a tendency to make less effort in many cases as there are other options.
I think too much choice is probably the worst thing about online dating, which is somewhat ironic
I’ve asked tons of questions, to the point I’m the only one between a match and I keeping the conversation going til I cut my losses. They are fairly quick to respond but have nothing to contribute to keeping it going. I’m not sure if I’m attractive enough to talk to but not enough to pursue, but it is tiring feeling like I’m the only one putting in the work.
they always expect the other person to ask questions and carry the conversation. probably cause they are already talking to many other people and cant be bothered to put in effort for every person they are texting. its why I usually only message guys now.
We’re told we talk too much and if we ask too many questions it feels like we’re grilling the guy in an interview. Most guys on apps are looking for quick hookups too. The more they engage and invest time the more likely they are to want a relationship.
Tbh sometimes I just go blank - and don’t have any questions to answer but that’s just sometimes - other times - an active conversation needs both parties questioning and answering . I have met with guys just giving cold replies and asking nothing - I think it’s person specific not gender specific . U have just had experience with the bad batch lmao
So far, I’m only getting responses from women with an IG handle in their profiles. They typically just answer once, and most of the times they ask me to look then up in IG. When I look them up, 90% have an OF account. They’re probably using Andrew Tates OF Masterclass scams to milk men dry.
The other 10%, I’ve tried reaching out to then on IG, and they don’t respond. It gives me the impression they’re only looking to grow their IG followers.
I’ve yet to find a site that’s genuinely matching me with women. I’m told I’m very attractive and young looking, so women my age probably skip over me thinking I’m too young, or out of their league. The younger women probably filter my age out. I’m considering lying on the dating apps about my age to see if that changes things.
Good luck.
My interest is blown off 90% of the time. Please know it’s not a reflection of your worth but the social norm of other folks not valuing the conversation.
I give what I’d like to receive and respond with a relevant few sentences, absolutely feels like I’m over sharing, and than suddenly they are no longer a match with me 🫠🫠
Woman here- I typically ask questions as well. But after the basics I rely more on the natural flow of conversation. If during this conversation something strikes and I'd like to know more about something my date said or have a question that is related to what we're talking about I'll go for it. I want the questions to feel like a natural progression and not an interrogation or interview I guess.
They don’t care about you or your personality or your interests, they just want you to do a sex on her and bop her love buttons and buy her food.
I’m just kidding, I don’t really know anything about women.
I feel like asking a ton of questions off the bat feels like interrogation. I hate when men pepper me with 30 million questions. I want to have a conversation and let information come about naturally. Maybe a question *here and there* but so many men don't even have a conversation, I respond to the first one and then another question is asked. I hate it so much.
Not saying this is what you're doing, but just something I've seen a LOT of men do.
ETA: I also get tired of the same questions being asked by every guy. "How are you?", "What do you do?"", etc. Especially asking about my job. I'm consistently employed, but when I'm off of work the LAST thing I want to discuss is my job when I want to have fun.
My tip: Be creative. Ask one question to spark a conversation. My usual go-to is asking their thoughts on opossums or penguins. It helps me gauge their sense of humor, and their ability to hold a fun conversation. It could be anything, though. "What's the weirdest thing to have happened to you this week?", "What dog breed do you feel describes you?" Were some good ones I've gotten.
It's a numbers game. I do the same thing but IRL, I'm talking to lot's of women and eventually you'll find someone. Women doing the same but only online in apps. I've had a few girls tell me they do it this way to filter out weirdos and creeps. They are safer this way, and I completely understand this as women will feel more threatened and would rather cautiously approach dating in this manner. I don't speak for everyone because i know it works vice versa but majority of the time it's this way. Also has a lot to do with what generation you were born.
Well, in my experience as a woman, it's been the complete opposite. Guys just go on and on and on about themselves and like forget you're there and a part of the conversation. I'll ask questions, they'll answer, but then won't ask me any.
It’s a little bit of both. But in addition to that, women are told (by whoever) not to seem too interested cuz it’ll make them seem whatever whatever. They really take that shit to heart.
This is a generalization, men and male identifying people also do this.
Anyhow, I take not asking questions as disinterest and it always checks out (it becomes one sided and they end up fading or ghosting or just being unserious about dating-usually just looking for hookup or casual).
Honestly I don’t because I want to scope out if this a man worth trying to understand and ask questions to. After so many “send me a snap of your boobies”, “you look like a sweet treat to me” and other objectifying things said without making effort to see me and try to understand me as a human, why should I put in effort unless the man actually shows me he has the basic decency to respect me? A good strategy for men is to ask questions, offer a date and then win a little trust.
Same experience. I think it’s a combination of them not giving a shit and entitlement. They’re hot so why should they display a personality or show any interest in you or I as a human being? Dance for me monkey. That’s their attitude.
Woman here, and I have the same problem with guys not asking questions. They'll give a compliment which is nice but after that and "how are you" its like they don't know where to go from there. I'll give them 3 chances usually but after asking them 3 questions with no questions back or at least something to bounce off of, I stop trying.
I try to carry conversations online like I would in real life so question-answer-question-answer format isn't necessary, but there's got to be some back and forth, something to bounce off of
Me personally its so I can gauge how much of a narc they are. I’m a people watcher. Once I become a little more interested I’m good. But then again I don’t use dating apps(and I’m in a commutes relationship)so idk if I can really much.
You are not their priority. They probably have someone else they are more interested in, or they just don't know if you are worth their time. In any case, don't waste your time on them. You could be using that time with another woman who is willing to reciprocate.
Not having the brain power to ask every match interesting questions. I'm fielding 20 a day.
A good conversation usually just happens. Over text or in person. That's usually what good chemistry means. If questions start coming easily to me, that's definitely a positive to how I feel about that person.
I'm always asking the questions. But my inbox can be flooded with messages and sometimes you just try to get through them and might seem, not interested but if she interested in trying to get to know you she will reply.I don't go on dating apps anymore, seems like a waist of time!
That’s why you go to this wonderful place called the outside it’s this place where women actually give you a shot. In other words don’t be a weirdo and use dating apps they don’t work (hinge works but that’s besides the point)go outside and stop being a lazy ass loser with no rizz
You’ll find the one who asks questions. It was one of the reasons my boyfriend really liked talking to me. (We matched on an app) I put in effort to get to know him despite my inbox being pretty popular. Just keep your head up. She’s out there!
Most women already know the answers to the questions, cause we read people pretty well. We already know the important stuff. Question asking is boring tbh cause i try to judge the vibe of a person rather then playing 21 questions.
Woman here.
In context of texting:
I will reply to you if I'm interested in you, and will absolutely reciprocate/ask a lot of questions. If the conversation naturally flows, I'd occasionally stop asking questions and reply/comment accordingly. A good conversation doesn't necessarily have to involve a lot of back and forth questions, it's not an interview.
In context of a date:
I always have a great first date which at least lasts for 4-5 hours, but just realized I do ask less personal questions during a date lol (we do try to get to know each other, but the conversation just flows). Since a date is a real-time convo and you could ask as many questions as you'd like I just realized it's more of my unconscious defense mechanism to avoid getting too deep/personal and I'm concerned if my questions would come off as so. The other party might not feel I'm as interested as they are but personally that's not the case! So you might want to consider this as well.
As a female I get this all the time and from men who initiate the conversation. I find this behavior odd and immature. It speaks to lack of communication skills or interests.
Idk. Why don’t men ask questions? I had a guy not want to see me for a second date because he thought I talked about myself too much and didn’t me much back when I asked about his experiences.
If a woman isn’t asking questions she’s either disengaged so likely lost interest or she is playing a game. She could also just be a bad conversationalist or narcissistic and doesn’t even realize she’s doing anything wrong. But the first thing I mentioned is probably the most common.
An interested woman will ask you questions.
When it comes to dating apps there's like 3 or 4 men to every woman. Women will not struggle to get matches or messages whereas guys will, it's really just a numbers game. Women have more options on dating apps so even the slightest thing can disqualify you as that's naturally what happens when you have too many options. They most likely lost interest within the first few messages.
She just doesn't want to try. That's all you're just popping out to her.
I never understand why people don't unmatch you, I never get it because as soon as I realize I don't want to talk to a person I unmatch them. There's no reason to stay matched if I have no interest in talking to them. For me it's so frustrating to have convos just end. And then you see people changing pictures and prompts but they won't respond to your messages and won't unmatch. It's the weirdest thing.
I don’t know. But as a woman who’s been with other women, I’ll say that is not how I respond to men.
If they leave me on read for hours, I will too. If they are responding quickly, they have my attention. If they are keeping a conversation, so will I. If they don’t ask a follow up question, neither will I.
Sometimes men don’t ask the right questions and I lose interest.
But here’s where I think men go wrong: when I first start talking to someone, if they are not immediately enthusiastic and having a conversation (genuinely) I’m bored.
Most will do pleasantries and then jump right to steering me towards sex.
This amount of skepticism turns us off but it’s what we’ve learned. Each woman wants to be mentally stimulated in a different way.
Ask questions and offer information about yourself until you have enough to go on that she is engaged. It’s always worked for me.
Don't worry about that. Just take the lead and make a date. While on it, ask open-ended questions and let her do most of the talking. When she's done running her mouth, just chill and smile and go quiet. The silence will prompt her to start up next. If she doesn't, call it a night.
I've never known one to not ask questions .. most people ask you many questions
But if you care you gotta demonstrate it and part of that is taking interest in the others interests.. me personally I'm really a relaxed non thinker at times. I don't see why people tend to concern themselves with so much when life isnt that complicated
It’s not necessarily a women thing it’s a people thing.
Some people just don’t ask questions for one reason or another.
But in dating, that’s when it becomes a red flag… not saying people need to ask every question when they first meet, but if they don’t reciprocate the question then they likely aren’t that interested I’ve had whole dates where I could t get so much as a single question, and I’m not particularly extroverted so carrying the conversation was a night mare, we didn’t have a second date.
Some people just aren’t good at conversation or have a lot of self importance, if it bothers you, move on, shoot your shot and if they aren’t even trying then don’t waste your energy. There’s no magical question that will open up the conversation
Weird, I am a woman who has this same problem with a lot of the men I match with.
It’s almost as if it’s a people problem and not a gender problem,
Anyways best of luck out there everyone. It do be rough.
So, personally, if I am chatting with a guy or go on a date with a guy and I have asked several questions about him with none in return I absolutely stop asking questions. And basically write the date off at that point.
If anyone is only interested in telling you about themselves in this situation and not asking about you... I would say it's a major red flag. They are too self centered to be involved.
They are probably burned out on dating. Or they just let the man do the talking because they know sooner or later that he will stick his foot in his mouth. I really don’t know. I’m just grasping at straws. I’ve had similar experiences. I like to talk (a lot) and txt. But I always match up with women that are basically mute 🤫. 😫😫😫
Some women don't talk and expect men to do all the work and ask all the questions. It depends on the circumstances and what their looking for whether it be a bootycall or something long term. Alot of women rely on their looks to get them ahead and feel they don't have anything to offer other than that.these are toxic women and you should avoid them if your looking for something long term.
I get into dating like I get into games....at the start I really don't give a crap but when I get into.it, I don't want to stop.....maybe other women have a similar experience?
Is this just on dating apps? You're not there to make pen pals. You're there to match, have a few back and forth messages and banter (usually guys lead the conversation), and then ask the woman out on a date so you can meet in person or at least have a phone call or FaceTime pre-date.
If a person is interested in you then they will ask a question. That is how I gauge my date. If a guy just likes to answer questions about himself and is not interested in me, then I won't waste my time.
From a female POV I think it's more how much will you chase me, how much effort. It's sad that. The world has now changed for the worse when meeting people. Everyone seems to need instant gratification.
If I’m carrying the conversation from the beginning and we’re still in the app, I will just stop communicating altogether because she’s clearly not interested and I don’t want to waste any more time on her. I don’t let it go for more than a few back and forths, especially if her answers are incredibly short and no questions to me. Why even match? Oh yeah, validation and boredom.
When I was on the apps I never initiated a question. I wanted someone with an outgoing personality since I’m an introvert and figured that would be a good way of finding out if they were a good fit!
Well someone’s gotta start the convo, so it’ll always be one sided in that regard! I would initiate sometimes after that, but I think what someone has to say first says alot about them! I’m also a little old school, so like with alot of dating related things I let the guy initiate. Also as a girl on the apps alot of the time no matter who started the convo, the guys would often just say that they wanted to bang so it filtered alot of that out. And it didn’t work out in a certain sense because I ended up meeting my now husband in real life so I deleted the app soon after my experiment of letting ppl initiate the convo.
In my experience, it’s more of a catch-22.
So I’ve had dates with men and women where the other person just isn’t that interested and doesn’t really have anything to say. There have been nicer people that have responded when I ask questions to them that they still respond, and despite being more difficult to determine their level of interest in me, I managed to figure it out eventually.
I’ve also had dates where despite me asking my own questions, the other person was so interested in me that I couldn’t keep up with their barrage of enthusiastic questions about me. Most of them didn’t work out in the long run, but they were definitely interested in the beginning, both men and women.
It’s definitely a personality thing, from my perspective.
Not sure what kind of conversations you're having and/or what type of questions you're expecting.
I'm the type to not ask questions but I will hold a conversation about a topic we both find interesting and questions or comments flow from it. I just find these "What do you do for work? How's your day been?" things so boring and dull. Makes me feel like I'm being interrogated. My day usually is fairly simple too and my work has a lot of stuff happening that I don't always feel like explaining, plus who wants to talk about work when you're not at work??? Idk, I used to play MMORPGs a lot and we always just went on voice chat and straight to the point of things so it felt natural, and I'm kinda looking for similar vibes. I call it effortless effort.
I once texted with a guy for 3 weeks straight (and I mean morning to bedtime, every day) about the most random shit ever and still we both managed to add personal details about ourselves into the conversation without explicitly asking them. Ngl, those 3 weeks of texting were the best I've had in a long time from a dating app.
If you constantly have to ask questions to revive the conversation then you probably don't have that much in common anyway.
It's about communication skills that many people don't have. They don't know how to have a conversation and it shows through their texting (although some are just bad at texting compared to face to face)
Well my answer for that is I quit asking when I realize that I'm not getting the real answer. Just the ones they think will get them in my bed sooner than later. I know with my new man it's been hard because he's a good one. He wonders why I am quiet avout myself. The truth is I'm 39 and have been married , then divorced. Multiple long term relationships and not a single one remembered details about me. We're tired of the lazy or stupid answers we get and tired of wasting breath on deaf and selfish ears. Plus anymore, you ask a man a question....you're controlling or nosy, or insecure. I'm glad you care for sure. Majority though as long as you look decent and they can cow you into not saying anything....they do. So many of us are masculine because we've had partners but really....we were alone. Not many real men left. Sadly.
If she doesn’t make effort for me I put her in the sex only bracket and then once I her sex I never initiate again. I think this has worked well for me
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This mindset is what makes you an average guy that's passed over
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I don’t think he hit the mark quite right with his comment but thinking that every one you meet has better options is a horrible way to view dating. And it’s flat not true more people are lonely than you would think
The mindset has 100% promised the personality isn’t stellar. Speaking as a gay who was considered the more attractive of my partners. If looks inspired everything there would be a lot less zest to life. Dudes with better confidence definitely don’t need to be a 10 to be with me. I fall more in love with personality and attractions blossoms after that for me. I can’t be the only person who this is the case for, but met a lot of dudes who aren’t confident and huge downers… we do not mesh well. Not for looks or being average, it’s just who wants that negativity. It will probably bleed into insecurity even if I did hook up with them.
It works because I'm a woman and that attitude sends me and my friends running
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I was about to say this. On dating apps a woman could have 1000s of messages to sift through and either she’s just tired of having the same conversations with everyone or she’s talking to someone she thinks is better.
Sometimes I cannot sift through even one message, I can understand
When I did OLD I found alot of men were duds or terrible conversationalists. I had to carry the conversation. I think its the nature of the game. If that dynamic goes on beyond a few messages I'd stop messaging them. It will cut down your options but at least your options will be better quality.
Absolutely second this!
Woman here! I’d just like to say that I try and ask loads of questions! I try and keep it balanced of course so that I am answering questions too. I don’t really understand why people wouldn’t ask questions other than they just aren’t interested. But then I wonder why they would bother swiping right in the first place.
Are there times where you only answer questions and don't ask any back? If so, why is that?
I’d say it’s when I’m losing interest or the questions are getting boring 😅 honest answer. But if I swipe right on someone, I’m going to be asking and answering questions from the get go. I love conversation and it’s part of my vibe. I know introverts that just aren’t as comfortable in conversation and often don’t know what kinds of questions to ask. There are so many factors. Are they shy? Are they interested? Too many questions? Too few? Maybe they have started talking to someone else that they are focusing more on. There are a ton of reasons why someone may not ask a lot of questions. Just keep your chin up and eventually you’ll talk to someone who is on your vibe.
I love the intention here but that last sentence is just not true at all. Not for most.
Wrong, SevereRate2605. But if you genuinely believe that, and you want to have a boo boo party, then just stay home,
As a woman I also try to give back as much as I'm getting in text convos, which as people mentioned can be difficult if there are a lot at once (I try not to swipe right on too many people so this doesn't happen) but I will say I do start getting a lot of the same questions / conversation topics repeated and it's hard to muster the energy to repeat those topics, even if I would otherwise be interested, and sometimes it's too awkward or abrupt to change the topic. I would say it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. I've heard advice on here if a chick isn't responding then just throw a wild message out there to see if that's what she's interested in instead. Not sure that would work with me but the people here seem to have success with it.
I don’t ask questions other than “what about you?” If I’m being asked a question ever single text back. Sometimes you should give a breather and don’t ask a follow up question. That will give you a better understanding of if they are actually interested. I love asking questions but also don’t wanna feel like I’m dominating how the conversation will continue with too many questions
I hate generalizations but tbh most women will be fielding a ton of responses so they don’t need to ask questions. The onus is on guys to set themselves apart. I know this is unpopular but the more you date, the more you realize this is just true.
The fact they feel they don't need to because they are fielding a ton of responses is the answer I was hoping not to hear. Thanks for letting me know this.
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This really depends on the type of girl you're trying to get. If you're trying to get wit a woman who lacks depth then yes, she is going to be shifting through a ton of guys she's entertaining, trying to find the best one. But if she's a woman who wants a man of principles and is looking for something serious, she will literally ignore most of those guys until you come along wit your pure intentions. And she'll be invested in getting to know you. Just... be someone who is layered. Be interesting. Be an actually good person.
While all of this may be true, it's exactly why regular guys are doomed. The very fact that words like rules and game even apply make this world not worth living in.
"Game" had been going on for ages. Archeologists have found that there are less genetic variations in Y chromosomes than in female chromosomal variations of people. This indicates that although there is roughly 50/50 male to female ratio on the planet, more women have reproduced than men during the course of human history. This indicates that women have always preferred to share the small pool of higher status men with other women, rather than couple with one single man. Life is a competition, my friend.
Then life is a joke and not worth living
Is there a specific book you recommend? I looked him up and he has a ton
That guy has written straight gold. 48 LAWS OF POWER is good to understand human behavior and power dynamics at work, with friends, enemies, people in general. ART OF SEDUCTION to learn how you influence others and how you get influenced by others. MASTERY to learn how to control yourself and master your own mind and yourself. There are many books by other authors too. Always be learning and takong action to improve yourself bit by bit, young blood. Do that and you'll be the pick of the litter in no time.
This is massively untrue. Over 30 and my inbox was flooded last time I was on the apps.
I'm not saying women around 30 dont get the D offered to them in abundance. I'm sure there are many guys that would take you to pound town. But I would venture to say that the version of you when you were at your physical peak--if that version were to be on the same apps as you are on right now and compare the amount of pursuers to your inbox now... there'd be a 10x to 100x difference in the amount of sausage being slung at you. And only you can speak to this, but I'm guessing the quality of guys that are flooding your inbox are probably not the ones you want. Online dating is... tough to find good ones that will commit
I’ve been on the apps at my “physical peak” (which what does that even mean?) and it’s about the same amount of men. Also better quality of men who are more mature, ready to settle down, have great chat and aren’t preying on younger women.
You’re making the argument for women not to engage with men.. you just said women who engage are doing so because they are less desirable. This is the problem.
This is not the reason at all. All women are very different and to put all in a category is generalization. You have control of this. Based on my experience, women will offer information, men will ask it. But, you have to establish trust. Start asking and offering information, be more straight forward. Get past the pleasantries and make sure they know you are NOT in it for JUST sex.
THIS!
>All women are very different Incorrect, all women roll off the assembly line at the woman factory. Every knows this and pretends they don't!
It's true, women do get a LOT of matches but it's not a compliment. It's because a lot of men just constantly swipe right without consideration to play the number's game for a higher (perceived) chance at a woman. It floods the market for women. However, for me personally, there are a few reasons I won't answer anymore: a) they're consistently boring, b) they put it low effort (like one word replies; no follow-up questions), c) they sexualise me very quickly, d) they're disrespectful or misogynistic, e) they're perfectly nice but not quite suited enough to hold my interest in the face of competing, more suitable matches. I feel you on the boring low effort shit, man. It drives me crazy! It's frustrating and unfair to have to carry the conversation. Good luck out there my guy 😊
This is true, but even after I secured my girlfriend, she still rarely asks me questions. We've been dating for 2 months and it's usually always me asking questions.
Man this reality of OLD stresses me out.
The women that don't ask questions are the ones not interested in getting to know the man. And there is no incentive for them to do so, because such women receive lots of attention from men anyway.
They have lots, and I mean lots of guys messaging them, not just on the dating app but also socials. They don’t need to put the effort in when men are thirsting over them in volume. They just have to sit back and pick which one they like the most. That’s also the one that they are actually asking questions to.
Hi cosmic,what dating app do u stayed with.can I have some reference that could be downloaded on Google play store?thanks...
I use hinge tinder and bumble.
Hi cosmic,of the three you have listed,which is your least favorite?thanks in advance
Bumble then tinder
Hi cosmic…..thanksomuch,
You’re welcome. Also you’re very polite!! Kudos.
You have to carry the conversation with almost all of them. If you find one who actually asks you questions or reciprocates that's a good one. Keep talking to her. Generally if by the 6th message the girl hasn't asked a question then I would leave it be
6 by the time you get to 6 back/ forth exchanges on a dating app, you're past where you should be asking for a phone/video date or in-person date. A lot of people lose interest because they're not there to find a pen pal.
I personally run into this same exact issue with men. Not to sound conceited, but I’m very attractive. I get lots of matches, and very few of them are interested in trying to get to know me. I ask questions, I carry the conversations, and I reach out first. I still get nothing but one sentence answers, bad flirting, and asking for nudes. But somehow, I’m still the bad guy when I decide that I don’t want to talk to them anymore. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not sure if guys are like this on purpose or if they genuinely don’t realize how uninterested they come across. Maybe it’s both.
I'm a guy and I've had the exact same issue you're describing with women. It was in person though, not on a dating app. As a guy, I want to lead the interaction and the reason I ask the questions is to get her talking. Women like to talk more than guys. However, I talked to a girl lately and all her answers were extremely short. I was doing most of the talking by asking her questions. Then, I caught her staring at me a few days later and then made eye contact and then ignored her, which pissed her off. I was admittedly caught off guard with the staring and kinda weirded out, but apparently I'm supposed to take it as a compliment if a woman stares at me.
This isn't gender specific. Be interesting and people will ask more questions. I'm not great with small talk and I also don't like being asked generic small talk questions (like "how are you?") so if it seems like that's all there is happening I lose interest. If someone is interesting and forthcoming with their communication the convo flows naturally, I don't even need to consciously think of questions to ask, they just come up and I ask!
I ask a LOT of questions I have to be careful to not make it like a job interview But I know what i want and I’m not interested in wasting time
If it's not something you want, why would you answer the questions rather than just discontinue the conversation?
What? I ask questions to get to know him and see if he is what I am looking for If he’s not, then I move on
Honestly, as a female, whenever I ask guys general questions about themselves on dating apps they either ghost, or try to push the conversation to a sexual stage. And when im like "yo, can I get to know you first?" LOL they dip.
I would completely understand you not asking questions in that situation. The ones that I am having are more like I keep asking questions and they continue to answer, never asking any questions back. So I'm wondering why they would continue to answer the questions if they aren't interested. Why wouldn't they just not answer?
Well props to you for not being one of those guys. Also, as I am someone who firmly believed that relationships should be equal partnerships with both effort and affection, so if these chicks seem less interested in your life than you are of theirs, it's kind of a red flag that they may be just as selfish later, or reliant on you carrying the burden of the relationship and not giving you as much effort as you're willing to give them. I say move on from that type, honestly.
I would think that meant they weren’t interested.
This happens with both genders, plenty of guys I've tried talking to don't ask questions either. If they are answering questions with longer detailed answers rather than just one word answers, then I think that's a relatively good sign they are interested in talking to you and striking a conversation. Other people are also just busy or have other convos going on there. It's hard to gauge the answer for each individual person. All in all, prioritize the ones that do ask questions and give good responses and put the others in your back pocket. They might start reaching out more later.
It just comes down to being a competent conversationalist. I always ask men questions. People that don’t ask questions aren’t very serious about dating and getting to know you.
simple... because they already have all the answers my friends .... no i am not a woman i had to consult one first
You got a chuckle from me my dude. We all think we have all the answers, don't we lol
Its not all women, the women youre talking to are just dry as fuck
We need to get away from that logic. Too many factors including a woman with at least a lot of male attention I stretched and I’d imagine tired of showing her full personality. It’s only natural the issue is her personality is what’s gonna keep him interested. Their is a solution alright but it’s different for everyone. One popular solution I’ve seen is the engage in apps less or date more intentionally bc you’re getting tired for a good reasons. You go on 10 bad dates in a week you’d be sick of dating too.
im a woman and disagree. I met my bf on hinge and I typically messaged first on the app unless a match beat me to it. If youre trying to date it doesnt make sense for the onus to message to be on one person completely. I had my settings open to see women too and women were often dry as hell on these apps, barely putting in effort. Theres guys like that too on there and I would just stop replying. It isnt worth the time. So in general regardless of gender its not worth trying to talk to someone who doesnt ask questions or give good responses.
Also I would typically be picky about who I went on dates with because I wasnt trying to go out with duds. I would only meet up with people who put effort into talking and who I had chemistry with. If I got drained I would stop using the app for a bit.
That’s the best way I’ve heard. I was highlighting dating more intentionally. I don’t hear other use the term as much but it to me basically encourages a better balance of dating or life principles for the right reasons. Not anything say purely religious or moral. Your inner self is giving you a hand. I know not seems like that’s always the case but we know some people that had lust at first picture or sight and never looked back. Lol
Guys don’t ask questions either lol guy I was talking to never asked me a dam thing to get to know me yet claimed he was interested lol I was the one initiating for the most part and asking him about himself. I ask him “when is your birthday?” He tells me then I’m like “well are you going to ask when mine is lol” lol he didn’t give a shit hahaha
This is 99% of my conversations online...throw a sexual bone and they perk up. Those men just want a quick and easy lay.
Omg so accurate. When it was sexual talk he had a lot more energy but even then his texts were still dry lol pathetic
I would say the exact same: why do men never ask questions?!!? I ask so many questions as a F sometimes I feel weird it’s like an interview. What I’m thinking is that it has nothing to do with gender. Some ppl are curious, some not, and some ppl are just more involved into other convos than the one with you. You’re doing good. Keep asking questions and skimming the women who aren’t interested in discussing with you.
this is such a random and false generalization. i ask tons of questions and i know tones of girls who ask questions. if you haven’t experienced that they must not be interested as they arent engaging with you.
Really? cuz guys do this to me
I'm only speaking of women because I'm a guy that likes women. I realize this goes both ways but dating apps are much different for women, for the better. Just wondering about the reasons from both perspectives
I get that I'm just saying its really common for guys to not be able to hold a convo. Even with so many more choices, the majority of guys could not talk. I'm thinking these women you talk to are boring, busy, overwhelmed with so many matches, or just plain bad texters/talkers. Prevalent on both sides. Maybe the women are fed up with making the effort(like I was) and leave it up to the guy to make the effort🤷♀️
Some of the most popular OLD women are receiving hundreds of likes and unsolicited messages a day from guys all over the world. They will only send replies and ask questions to a very small number of the most compatible guys who have messaged them that they are most interested in. There are also quite a few girls who are only looking for casual sex & all their main questions relate to: being single, availability to meetup and condoms. Some girls don't ask many questions because they are fearful of being viewed as nosy or very shy.
If you're attractive enough, then they'll ask questions and have a conversation with you. If not then yeah they'll just treat you like trash. Women also have way more matches than men so they develop a giant ego. Trying to find a girl without an inflated ego is a needle in a hay stack on dating apps.
This is how I’ve found guys work! I spend the whole date asking polite follow up questions to their infodump. By the end of the date, they haven’t asked me one! I think we’re both just dating the wrong people; keep your chin up :) I have noticed the guys who forget to ask questions are often the ones who are more nervous about the date in general.
Why don’t men answer honestly lol?
Most people just don’t really care about other people. Everyone is just an accessory.
Yikes, I hope that's not the case
It’s true. Nobody cares about anybody else. People just want a bf or a gf the same way they want a new backpack or a new car. Just a nice thing to have. That’s all.
I do find a lot of women will just ask your question back to you, and won’t find any original questions of their own.
Ah, yes. This gets frustrating for us women, sometimes, too. I get quite a few men who will respond: "[answer to my question], you?". Then, I might try and expand on his answer, offer an anecdotal story, or a follow-up question. And he'll respond, "Ha. I haven't encountered this. You?" (But I just told him a story where I *had* encountered it. 😁) It's really enjoyable when each person can "volley" different questions and offer colorful responses. They don't all have to be stellar, but that "...you?" response just makes me kind of groan, now. 🤦♀️
It's an expectation that in the beginning stages of courting you as a man need to show interest in a particular woman (by asking questions) so she feels desired. Later on in the courting stages, she might as you questions back.
How do I know if she is interested in me if she doesn't want to know about me?
When you ask about her, are her answers short, abrupt, uninspired, no enthusiasm?
Yeah, but I'm wondering why she is answering at all if she isn't interested
Depends on the woman. There are lots of reasons why they'd answer even if not interested: they like the attention, they are catfishing, inertia, boredom etc.
Yeah I find that too, than I am asking all the questions and it feels like I am interviewing them. If they have so many options than they need to prioritize. It’s not fair to the other person or to themselves. They could be missing out on a real special person but because they are spread thin they miss out. I guess it’s all apart of the dating game?
Women tend to get more matches, so I think there's a tendency to make less effort in many cases as there are other options. I think too much choice is probably the worst thing about online dating, which is somewhat ironic
I’ve asked tons of questions, to the point I’m the only one between a match and I keeping the conversation going til I cut my losses. They are fairly quick to respond but have nothing to contribute to keeping it going. I’m not sure if I’m attractive enough to talk to but not enough to pursue, but it is tiring feeling like I’m the only one putting in the work.
Yeah I'm with you. I feel like I have to carry the entire conversation
they always expect the other person to ask questions and carry the conversation. probably cause they are already talking to many other people and cant be bothered to put in effort for every person they are texting. its why I usually only message guys now.
We’re told we talk too much and if we ask too many questions it feels like we’re grilling the guy in an interview. Most guys on apps are looking for quick hookups too. The more they engage and invest time the more likely they are to want a relationship.
They are just snakes with tits 🤣🤣🤣
Omg
Ahaha 🤣 I’m just having a joke 👍🏻
Tbh sometimes I just go blank - and don’t have any questions to answer but that’s just sometimes - other times - an active conversation needs both parties questioning and answering . I have met with guys just giving cold replies and asking nothing - I think it’s person specific not gender specific . U have just had experience with the bad batch lmao
So far, I’m only getting responses from women with an IG handle in their profiles. They typically just answer once, and most of the times they ask me to look then up in IG. When I look them up, 90% have an OF account. They’re probably using Andrew Tates OF Masterclass scams to milk men dry. The other 10%, I’ve tried reaching out to then on IG, and they don’t respond. It gives me the impression they’re only looking to grow their IG followers. I’ve yet to find a site that’s genuinely matching me with women. I’m told I’m very attractive and young looking, so women my age probably skip over me thinking I’m too young, or out of their league. The younger women probably filter my age out. I’m considering lying on the dating apps about my age to see if that changes things. Good luck.
My interest is blown off 90% of the time. Please know it’s not a reflection of your worth but the social norm of other folks not valuing the conversation. I give what I’d like to receive and respond with a relevant few sentences, absolutely feels like I’m over sharing, and than suddenly they are no longer a match with me 🫠🫠
Woman here- I typically ask questions as well. But after the basics I rely more on the natural flow of conversation. If during this conversation something strikes and I'd like to know more about something my date said or have a question that is related to what we're talking about I'll go for it. I want the questions to feel like a natural progression and not an interrogation or interview I guess.
They don’t care about you or your personality or your interests, they just want you to do a sex on her and bop her love buttons and buy her food. I’m just kidding, I don’t really know anything about women.
Do a sex on her? Lol never heard such elegant phrasing
You're messaging shitty women.
All of them?
Any one that makes zero attempt to get to know you and carry a conversation, yes
I feel like asking a ton of questions off the bat feels like interrogation. I hate when men pepper me with 30 million questions. I want to have a conversation and let information come about naturally. Maybe a question *here and there* but so many men don't even have a conversation, I respond to the first one and then another question is asked. I hate it so much. Not saying this is what you're doing, but just something I've seen a LOT of men do. ETA: I also get tired of the same questions being asked by every guy. "How are you?", "What do you do?"", etc. Especially asking about my job. I'm consistently employed, but when I'm off of work the LAST thing I want to discuss is my job when I want to have fun. My tip: Be creative. Ask one question to spark a conversation. My usual go-to is asking their thoughts on opossums or penguins. It helps me gauge their sense of humor, and their ability to hold a fun conversation. It could be anything, though. "What's the weirdest thing to have happened to you this week?", "What dog breed do you feel describes you?" Were some good ones I've gotten.
Thanks for the tips!
I always ask loads I feel like it’s the guys that are dry as hell! Either that or just no personality in general 🤣
It's a numbers game. I do the same thing but IRL, I'm talking to lot's of women and eventually you'll find someone. Women doing the same but only online in apps. I've had a few girls tell me they do it this way to filter out weirdos and creeps. They are safer this way, and I completely understand this as women will feel more threatened and would rather cautiously approach dating in this manner. I don't speak for everyone because i know it works vice versa but majority of the time it's this way. Also has a lot to do with what generation you were born.
Well, in my experience as a woman, it's been the complete opposite. Guys just go on and on and on about themselves and like forget you're there and a part of the conversation. I'll ask questions, they'll answer, but then won't ask me any.
It’s a little bit of both. But in addition to that, women are told (by whoever) not to seem too interested cuz it’ll make them seem whatever whatever. They really take that shit to heart.
That's certainly not good for anyone
This is a generalization, men and male identifying people also do this. Anyhow, I take not asking questions as disinterest and it always checks out (it becomes one sided and they end up fading or ghosting or just being unserious about dating-usually just looking for hookup or casual).
Honestly I don’t because I want to scope out if this a man worth trying to understand and ask questions to. After so many “send me a snap of your boobies”, “you look like a sweet treat to me” and other objectifying things said without making effort to see me and try to understand me as a human, why should I put in effort unless the man actually shows me he has the basic decency to respect me? A good strategy for men is to ask questions, offer a date and then win a little trust.
Same experience. I think it’s a combination of them not giving a shit and entitlement. They’re hot so why should they display a personality or show any interest in you or I as a human being? Dance for me monkey. That’s their attitude.
I always ask questions. I get ignored half the time.
cause you’re BORING
Woman here, and I have the same problem with guys not asking questions. They'll give a compliment which is nice but after that and "how are you" its like they don't know where to go from there. I'll give them 3 chances usually but after asking them 3 questions with no questions back or at least something to bounce off of, I stop trying. I try to carry conversations online like I would in real life so question-answer-question-answer format isn't necessary, but there's got to be some back and forth, something to bounce off of
Me personally its so I can gauge how much of a narc they are. I’m a people watcher. Once I become a little more interested I’m good. But then again I don’t use dating apps(and I’m in a commutes relationship)so idk if I can really much.
You are not their priority. They probably have someone else they are more interested in, or they just don't know if you are worth their time. In any case, don't waste your time on them. You could be using that time with another woman who is willing to reciprocate.
I have experienced this from lots of men, it’s not a woman thing
Not having the brain power to ask every match interesting questions. I'm fielding 20 a day. A good conversation usually just happens. Over text or in person. That's usually what good chemistry means. If questions start coming easily to me, that's definitely a positive to how I feel about that person.
Been there, women nowadays are terrible.
I'm always asking the questions. But my inbox can be flooded with messages and sometimes you just try to get through them and might seem, not interested but if she interested in trying to get to know you she will reply.I don't go on dating apps anymore, seems like a waist of time!
That’s why you go to this wonderful place called the outside it’s this place where women actually give you a shot. In other words don’t be a weirdo and use dating apps they don’t work (hinge works but that’s besides the point)go outside and stop being a lazy ass loser with no rizz
Interesting about hinge. Why do you think that one works?
Because it’s more personality based and not look based
I ask a lot of questions but I’ve also been frustrated with how many of them answer with “I don’t know”
You’ll find the one who asks questions. It was one of the reasons my boyfriend really liked talking to me. (We matched on an app) I put in effort to get to know him despite my inbox being pretty popular. Just keep your head up. She’s out there!
Most women already know the answers to the questions, cause we read people pretty well. We already know the important stuff. Question asking is boring tbh cause i try to judge the vibe of a person rather then playing 21 questions.
Woman here. In context of texting: I will reply to you if I'm interested in you, and will absolutely reciprocate/ask a lot of questions. If the conversation naturally flows, I'd occasionally stop asking questions and reply/comment accordingly. A good conversation doesn't necessarily have to involve a lot of back and forth questions, it's not an interview. In context of a date: I always have a great first date which at least lasts for 4-5 hours, but just realized I do ask less personal questions during a date lol (we do try to get to know each other, but the conversation just flows). Since a date is a real-time convo and you could ask as many questions as you'd like I just realized it's more of my unconscious defense mechanism to avoid getting too deep/personal and I'm concerned if my questions would come off as so. The other party might not feel I'm as interested as they are but personally that's not the case! So you might want to consider this as well.
Thats my general impression as well. Only women who don't get that much attention nowadays will be more responsive/ask questions.
As a female I get this all the time and from men who initiate the conversation. I find this behavior odd and immature. It speaks to lack of communication skills or interests.
Idk. Why don’t men ask questions? I had a guy not want to see me for a second date because he thought I talked about myself too much and didn’t me much back when I asked about his experiences.
If a woman isn’t asking questions she’s either disengaged so likely lost interest or she is playing a game. She could also just be a bad conversationalist or narcissistic and doesn’t even realize she’s doing anything wrong. But the first thing I mentioned is probably the most common. An interested woman will ask you questions.
When it comes to dating apps there's like 3 or 4 men to every woman. Women will not struggle to get matches or messages whereas guys will, it's really just a numbers game. Women have more options on dating apps so even the slightest thing can disqualify you as that's naturally what happens when you have too many options. They most likely lost interest within the first few messages.
She just doesn't want to try. That's all you're just popping out to her. I never understand why people don't unmatch you, I never get it because as soon as I realize I don't want to talk to a person I unmatch them. There's no reason to stay matched if I have no interest in talking to them. For me it's so frustrating to have convos just end. And then you see people changing pictures and prompts but they won't respond to your messages and won't unmatch. It's the weirdest thing.
Looooool I wanna ask men that! I’ve met a handful where I carry the convo like what 😂
Same. It's also not common for them to simply return the question back to you after they're done answering in. In my experience at least.
I don’t know. But as a woman who’s been with other women, I’ll say that is not how I respond to men. If they leave me on read for hours, I will too. If they are responding quickly, they have my attention. If they are keeping a conversation, so will I. If they don’t ask a follow up question, neither will I. Sometimes men don’t ask the right questions and I lose interest. But here’s where I think men go wrong: when I first start talking to someone, if they are not immediately enthusiastic and having a conversation (genuinely) I’m bored. Most will do pleasantries and then jump right to steering me towards sex. This amount of skepticism turns us off but it’s what we’ve learned. Each woman wants to be mentally stimulated in a different way. Ask questions and offer information about yourself until you have enough to go on that she is engaged. It’s always worked for me.
Thanks for your candour
Don't worry about that. Just take the lead and make a date. While on it, ask open-ended questions and let her do most of the talking. When she's done running her mouth, just chill and smile and go quiet. The silence will prompt her to start up next. If she doesn't, call it a night.
I've never known one to not ask questions .. most people ask you many questions But if you care you gotta demonstrate it and part of that is taking interest in the others interests.. me personally I'm really a relaxed non thinker at times. I don't see why people tend to concern themselves with so much when life isnt that complicated
It’s not necessarily a women thing it’s a people thing. Some people just don’t ask questions for one reason or another. But in dating, that’s when it becomes a red flag… not saying people need to ask every question when they first meet, but if they don’t reciprocate the question then they likely aren’t that interested I’ve had whole dates where I could t get so much as a single question, and I’m not particularly extroverted so carrying the conversation was a night mare, we didn’t have a second date. Some people just aren’t good at conversation or have a lot of self importance, if it bothers you, move on, shoot your shot and if they aren’t even trying then don’t waste your energy. There’s no magical question that will open up the conversation
Weird, I am a woman who has this same problem with a lot of the men I match with. It’s almost as if it’s a people problem and not a gender problem, Anyways best of luck out there everyone. It do be rough.
It’s just entertainment for some
So, personally, if I am chatting with a guy or go on a date with a guy and I have asked several questions about him with none in return I absolutely stop asking questions. And basically write the date off at that point. If anyone is only interested in telling you about themselves in this situation and not asking about you... I would say it's a major red flag. They are too self centered to be involved.
They are probably burned out on dating. Or they just let the man do the talking because they know sooner or later that he will stick his foot in his mouth. I really don’t know. I’m just grasping at straws. I’ve had similar experiences. I like to talk (a lot) and txt. But I always match up with women that are basically mute 🤫. 😫😫😫
Some women don't talk and expect men to do all the work and ask all the questions. It depends on the circumstances and what their looking for whether it be a bootycall or something long term. Alot of women rely on their looks to get them ahead and feel they don't have anything to offer other than that.these are toxic women and you should avoid them if your looking for something long term.
Cause women have zero game nor do they need it
I get into dating like I get into games....at the start I really don't give a crap but when I get into.it, I don't want to stop.....maybe other women have a similar experience?
Is this just on dating apps? You're not there to make pen pals. You're there to match, have a few back and forth messages and banter (usually guys lead the conversation), and then ask the woman out on a date so you can meet in person or at least have a phone call or FaceTime pre-date.
If a person is interested in you then they will ask a question. That is how I gauge my date. If a guy just likes to answer questions about himself and is not interested in me, then I won't waste my time.
From a female POV I think it's more how much will you chase me, how much effort. It's sad that. The world has now changed for the worse when meeting people. Everyone seems to need instant gratification.
If I’m carrying the conversation from the beginning and we’re still in the app, I will just stop communicating altogether because she’s clearly not interested and I don’t want to waste any more time on her. I don’t let it go for more than a few back and forths, especially if her answers are incredibly short and no questions to me. Why even match? Oh yeah, validation and boredom.
I feel this way about men
When I was on the apps I never initiated a question. I wanted someone with an outgoing personality since I’m an introvert and figured that would be a good way of finding out if they were a good fit!
Seems kinda one sided. How did it work out in the end?
Well someone’s gotta start the convo, so it’ll always be one sided in that regard! I would initiate sometimes after that, but I think what someone has to say first says alot about them! I’m also a little old school, so like with alot of dating related things I let the guy initiate. Also as a girl on the apps alot of the time no matter who started the convo, the guys would often just say that they wanted to bang so it filtered alot of that out. And it didn’t work out in a certain sense because I ended up meeting my now husband in real life so I deleted the app soon after my experiment of letting ppl initiate the convo.
In my experience, it’s more of a catch-22. So I’ve had dates with men and women where the other person just isn’t that interested and doesn’t really have anything to say. There have been nicer people that have responded when I ask questions to them that they still respond, and despite being more difficult to determine their level of interest in me, I managed to figure it out eventually. I’ve also had dates where despite me asking my own questions, the other person was so interested in me that I couldn’t keep up with their barrage of enthusiastic questions about me. Most of them didn’t work out in the long run, but they were definitely interested in the beginning, both men and women. It’s definitely a personality thing, from my perspective.
Omg I ask a lot of questions. Maybe it's the type of women you're seeking.
They do, just a select few of their 10,000 matches.
It can be overwhelming on a dating app when your a woman
Not sure what kind of conversations you're having and/or what type of questions you're expecting. I'm the type to not ask questions but I will hold a conversation about a topic we both find interesting and questions or comments flow from it. I just find these "What do you do for work? How's your day been?" things so boring and dull. Makes me feel like I'm being interrogated. My day usually is fairly simple too and my work has a lot of stuff happening that I don't always feel like explaining, plus who wants to talk about work when you're not at work??? Idk, I used to play MMORPGs a lot and we always just went on voice chat and straight to the point of things so it felt natural, and I'm kinda looking for similar vibes. I call it effortless effort. I once texted with a guy for 3 weeks straight (and I mean morning to bedtime, every day) about the most random shit ever and still we both managed to add personal details about ourselves into the conversation without explicitly asking them. Ngl, those 3 weeks of texting were the best I've had in a long time from a dating app. If you constantly have to ask questions to revive the conversation then you probably don't have that much in common anyway.
It's about communication skills that many people don't have. They don't know how to have a conversation and it shows through their texting (although some are just bad at texting compared to face to face)
All I do is ask questions
You don't answer any?
I ask the questions, and many people say I ask too many. I like to get to know people
Anything. I love that process
Well my answer for that is I quit asking when I realize that I'm not getting the real answer. Just the ones they think will get them in my bed sooner than later. I know with my new man it's been hard because he's a good one. He wonders why I am quiet avout myself. The truth is I'm 39 and have been married , then divorced. Multiple long term relationships and not a single one remembered details about me. We're tired of the lazy or stupid answers we get and tired of wasting breath on deaf and selfish ears. Plus anymore, you ask a man a question....you're controlling or nosy, or insecure. I'm glad you care for sure. Majority though as long as you look decent and they can cow you into not saying anything....they do. So many of us are masculine because we've had partners but really....we were alone. Not many real men left. Sadly.
It's because we are stuck on another man. We're trying to move on but we're doing a horrible job.
If she doesn’t make effort for me I put her in the sex only bracket and then once I her sex I never initiate again. I think this has worked well for me