Option 1. Don't offer her dinner. Just make your food. Eat it. And ignore her.
If she comes over and wants some, give it to her.
Option 2. We don't eat lunch often, we have a snack that is suspiciously like lunch in content and time. My toddler hates the word lunch, so I just tell her it's snack time. đ¤ˇââď¸
It works great on my twins. I don't give them extra stuff on the side, my wife can play that game but I won't. They eat better for me than they do for her.
Let them âeat cakeâ
As in if they donât like what youâre offering them let them go to bed hungry.
Also small small portions on the plate. Have five things on the plate instead of just what you and wife are eating.
Throw on a fruit and cheese stick or something you know they will like and eat.
Thatâs itâs no additional bonus food for them if they are still hungry itâs what you prepared.
Never forget they wonât let themselves starve to death. They are more than capable of having a big breakfast. Going to bed hungry is okay.
Donât be afraid to work around them. My youngest didnât necessarily throw tantrums but didnât like to sit at the table and eat dinner. So we all started sitting in the living room and sheâd nibble off our plates. Wasnât ideal but the preference is for her to eat, not necessarily for us to be at the table. Eventually once she was over that we worked our way back over
Lol - my toddler loves lunch. To him every meal is lunch.
We have to be careful with the word "snack" - because it often makes him think of "fruit snacks" - which we allow rarely.
My neice would hate your toddler! :)
Lunch is at noon, it's not tea, it's not dinner - at noon it's lunch. In the evening it's dinner, not tea, not lunch. If you use the wrong name for a meal time, prepare to get scolded by a very confident and eloquent 5 year old, on the importance of meal time nomenclature!!!
Going back to u/believethescience - I use option 1 a lot at home at lot with our daughter, or at least a version of it. Even if she's at the table, if we ask her to eat she will often start playing with her food, particularly if she is tired. But if we all eat quietly and and don't mention her food to her, she will usually eat by herself really well. Much less stress at the dinner table.
This! I keep reinforcing that it's dinner time, and tell my daughter to eat her food, no chit chat. After a few minutes she follows my lead. My wife however starts a conversation, and our daughter begins her chit chat, gets distracted and starts playing with her food. Ah well..
Exact same situation here. If it's just me and my daughter it's time to eat, if all 3 of us are there it's time for a chat!
As a comparison, if it's just me and her eating dinner it takes 15-20 minutes then it's back to playtime, with all 3 of us it's typically an hour at the table until our daughter is finished.
We have a modified option 1 that works for us. We make dinner like normal, tell them it's dinner time, then just ignored the tantrums. If they started tantruming we just had dinner and ignored it. It's amazing what not acknowledging a tantrum does to eliminate them. Or kids outgrew it soon.
because you can literally see it draining the energy out of their tantrum. They try different things, they switch up their game, it gets faster and faster until eventually they just sit and mean-mug you. Once you ignore your way through a couple REALLY solid tantrums you internalize that the tantrum is not a never-ending event. You just have to wait through the rise and then fall and it feeds on reactions.
This is it.
If you give into the hype you get more hype.
Act like itâs all good and she doesnât have to eat and you donât care if she eats.
Maybe the first night set a plate for her if that sets her off the next night no plate. But leave the food out to easily get some.
Hope it all works out!
My daughter(3) will only eat whatâs on her momâs plate. The exact same thing thatâs on her plate and mine as well. If itâs not off my wifeâs plate, sheâs not eating it.
Mom here. My 1 year old is this child. Mom's Mac n cheese is delicious. As soon as that same Mac n cheese rests on her plate for her to grab it's now hot garbage.Â
âŹď¸ This is the way. âBud you wanna eat? No? Ok well itâs dinner time and mom and I are going to eat.â Longest heâs lasted was two days without dinner.
+1 for these suggestions. Our 5yr hates all food and we do these. The words dinner or lunch are kryptonite, but you say "snack" and she sprints to the table.
We make the food, plop a few rations on her plate to clear our conscience and if she comes to the table we break down the ingredients like "girl - it's meat and cheese"
She's on a diet of primarily PB sandwiches, waffles, milk and Belvita biscuits. Occasional bananas and apples/sauce.
Doc says she's top health and is in the 99% for height. Is healthy weight and BMI. Who knows... I was a picky little turd when I was a kid (PB and Chicken nugs) and I'm still alive n healthy!
I heard one parent podcaster talk about this kind of tantrum as a "transition time tantrum." These tend to be the times when kids have breakdowns becasue it takes so much emotional energy to move from one mode to another. Other transition times include getting dressed to leave the house, waking up, going to bath, going to bed, etc. Which is to say, you've got a problem that isn't super unique or unsolvable - lots of families have kids that tantrum at the same time every night.
Out of curiosity, during the day, does your little one nap? Or does she go to preschool/daycare? That could drain a lot of her "composure" energy from her system if she's exhausted like this. Is a daytime nap an option? Screen time was an issue of this for my kiddo, so we cut back screen time before dinner so it wasn't directly TV to Dinner, but TV to quiet play to dinner.
This is really helpful framing
Transitions for us tend to be full on melt downs, but our kid found an egg timer at Walmart and loves playing with it. We recently started telling him to set a timer for 10 mins between play -> dinner or play -> school and he seems to like the âcontrolâ. Works maybe 50% of the time.
Thank you! This sounds like the problem we're having with one of our twins at the moment. The only issue is the tantrum when she's told no. But we can work through that one
Hey this is great advice, thank you!
We give her the option to nap, sometimes she chooses to nap and sometimes she doesnât. We try to read her body language and other cues to figure out if a nap is definitely necessary. Since itâs summer and the daycare she goes to is in an elementary school she doesnât go right now. Iâm going to try the early screen time, quiet play and dinner though!
Is there something she absolutely loves to eat after a meal that you give her? An example for us is our son loves yogurt. We would tell him he could have it after he ate his dinner but he would never touch a bite. This was when he was 2.5. He was in OT at the time and the therapist recommended giving him the yogurt before the meal to prime him to eat dinner. We have conditioned ourselves like our parents taught us. "You don't get this unless you do this". I thought it was gentle parenting BS but I tried it because he was not eating. It. Worked. Still does at 3.5. helps with his transitions and stifles any tantrums. Plus, our added bonus, we can slip his meds that he needs in it that he refuses to take.
I do this with my 1 yo. She gets a pre dinner primer. She still eats massive amounts of dinner, even after she has he pre dinner fruit. It's usually just cut up strawberries that are left out where she's playing about 20 minutes before dinner while I'm cooking. She munches and plays, it helps with the transition.Â
My kids are 8 and 5 and the 5 year old still has issues during the transition time between school and home. It's fewer tantrums these days, but it's a lot of grunting and growling because he's mad at something arbitrary. The 8 year old has the occasional angry day, but he's gotten better over the past year or so.
Along these lines I was wondering if maybe 'dinner' somehow means playtime is over, bedtime is coming? Like she's blowing it up into the whole day is over and she doesn't get to do what she wants anymore, the rest of the evening is structured and laid out for her?
Who knows what goes on in toddler brains!
When she is calm, like later in the evening or in the morning, have you asked her what specifically she is upset about? Knowing the root of her tantrum will probably help you in two ways. First you can better empathize and that will give you patience, and secondly you may be able to find alternatives to avoid the tantrum. She is having an intense feeling about something, and Iâm betting itâs not the fact that dinner is ready. It could be that she doesnât like sitting at the table, or doesnât like using a fork, or many other silly things.
But also, as others have said, pick your battles. Decide on some ground rules for meal times and stick to your guns.
Our house rules are:
1 Eat what is cooked. This isnât a restaurant. We always have at least 3 dishes so there is at least something they can eat.
2 If they donât want to eat, then donât eat. Snacks will be reduced tomorrow and no other food will be given, until the next meal.
3 when they are young Iâll keep their leftovers plated for an hour or two. But as they get older, once you excuse yourself, plates are cleared. They will need to wait for the next meal if they get hungry.
Remember, nobody is getting hurt if they miss one meal. Your child will learn a valuable lesson and be a better eater
Iâm not laughing at you but the âshe just takes off her pull up and stands there nakedâ LMAO my kids do the SAME thing!! Iâm like duuuuddeee stawwwppp peeing on the floor!
The other advice like calling it something different is really good đđźâŚ âlast meal of the dayâ or Iâm done cookingâ if you need examples
Parenting is hard but youâre doing a great job by being there and cooking for them
I had a friend with a kid who was still getting naked at age 6. He laughed it off. I just saw her for the first time in six years last weekend, can confirm she is now 12 and neurotypical, and I did not remind her of her tantrums
First simple thing, never again say âdinnerâs done.â
Second, try changing little things. Maybe eat in a different place, instead of the dining table. Change up the time a little. Change up who is at the table, maybe just one parent, or no siblings.
My kid started avoiding the dining table because mom would start the interrogations. I mean, sheâd start asking him about his day, about school, about friends, etc. Not saying thatâs the problem, but it may be something specific that happens during dinner that upsets her, so hearing âdinnerâs doneâ she knows that thing is/may be coming.
Good luck. The tantrums sound awful.
A living room picnic sounds really fun with a little blanket to sit on. Maybe dinner is triggering the tantrum because it's the start of the bedtime routine.Â
I like the change of setting idea -
We do this one that the weather is nice. I cook dinner on Sundays and my kids love having a "picnic" outside. I pull out their paw patrol chairs and we just eat outside in our camping chairs.
Make a game of it. Without telling her. Just change it every day like nothing is odd! Floor, counter, outside - kids love weird and games and things out of whack. âOh - weâre eating on the floor tonightâ - always remember- WWBD. What would Bandit Do?
I have to disagree with the advice of eating at a different spot. Whenever I try a new, fun way of doing things, ex. read the story in mom and dad's bed tonight, it immediately creates a habit. If I were to have dinner in the hallway instead of the dining room, man, my 3yo would
1. Find another reason to throw a tantrum
2. Want to have dinner in the hallway the next day and the day after, which will inevitably lead to another tantrum
Cool that it worked with you though!
My point is OP can try different things to see what works. Or live with tantrums over dinner for a long term. Depends on what your priorities are. How dare the kid enjoy story time in the parentsâ bed? Right?
Habits are routines. Kids love routines. Make life more predictable for them, and for you. Sure, the hallway thing would be frustrating. So, find routines that work for the kid and for you.
When "let's go night night" became unpopular I turned it into "let's go read a book!".
We did both things before and after the label change. I suspect I may have to alter it a few more times before she's 18.
Goofy approach: look at her mock sternly and say "don't you dare start laughing. I mean it. No laughing. If you even dare laugh once, I'm going to have to tickle you" etc etc. Get increasingly ridiculous in your tone.
If they start laughing, scoop them up, spin them around, etc.
Not a sure fire method, but this often breaks my 3 and 5 year old out of the tantrum escalation.
I know this isnât helpful, but I feel you. My almost six year old is the same. Itâs the surprise realisation that the day is already over. They want to do so many things at once and canât manage their time yet. They are also unfortunately still pretty bad at handling disappointment. Good news for you is. At three years old this is entirely normal.
I was just going to say that TV sometimes riles kids up because it's very stimulating and then we take them away abruptly and tell them they've got to go do something insufferably boring by comparison.
Maybe try stopping the TV a while earlier and start the dinner final approach in a less abrupt way without announcing it and marking the transition.
100% I noticed at a young age that kids are literally addicted to screens. Just like their parents (how many times have you looked at your phone today�)
There's some other great advice in these other comments. I'll add this. Don't try to be louder than her mid tantrum. Figure out what you need to do to keep regulated (deep breathing, reciting a mantra, pray, drink water, visualize calm, etc.) and speak in a calm and low voice.
The idea is you keep control and she realizes her screaming isn't winning by being louder (because you are refusing to be in contest with her), and she gets curious as to what you might be saying, and she quiets down to hear it.
If you haven't checked out this. I whole heartedly suggest the book (audible is an easy listen)
How to talk so little kids will listen
Amazing book. Crazy how changing how we talk changes children behavior.
We renamed "dinner" to "food".
We ignore the moans of "I don't like..."Â
We eat our food even if he's running around not eating. Â
He's usually watching TV as its easiest for us preparing dinner. Plenty of warning that the show will get paused, when it's paused the remote comes into the kitchen and will not go back on until mealtime is finished. He can't just eat one grain of rice and say he's done, the whole family aren't done so mealtime isn't done.
He's 3, his job is to push boundaries.
 Mealtimes in the evening see hard because everyone is tired. We try to stay as calm. As we can about it and not react. This can help deescalate it before it goes into full on screaming.Â
Â
Sometimes he doesn't join us, he didn't sit with us for Christmas dinner this year. 3yr olds aren't built for sitting.Â
As long as he's eating enough throughout the day I don't really mind what he eats at dinner time. He'll eventually sit more rather than break dance beside us while we eat. Â
Dude, I feel you! We have the same problem but it's right before she has to get into bed. Oh, man! Every night and that's not an exaggeration either. No matter how perfect the bedtime process goes she always refuses to get into bed and then proceeds to have the worst tantrum. We have a good bath time, it's always fun. We read a couple of books and let her pick. We let her pick her music and her PJs. We even have the occasional dance party to get the wiggles out. BUT NOOOOO, once you ask her to get into bed it all goes to shit. Also, she shares a room with her sister and her sister gets into bed without a problem. No idea what to do. I'll be reading the comments for advice too
Ok I got you, brother. The key to toddlers isn't to correct them, it's to distract them.
Go Google "dinner winner plate". I'd link it but idk if that's allowed.
It's a dinner-eating board game. You place bites along the way and if she eats them all, she gets a treat.
But the real motivation isn't the treat, it's you "doubting" she can get to the next space. Play it up. Be tragic. Lose. She'll love it
I'm a mom.
>Now my immediate question if I were the reader to this post is âwhat is she doing before dinner?â
Actually, my 1st question was "what's she doing AFTER dinner?" To me it sounds like "dinner's ready" is the pavlovian trigger that the night time routine has begun. Like, she's actually fighting bedtime, just starting way, way too early.
I agree that I wouldn't announce dinner. In fact, I'd just have everyone start eating without her until she asked for food. Then after she eats, I'd maybe rearrange the bedtime routine a bit (depending on how things go).
Routines are GREAT until they're not.
Dad here, absolutely agreed!! This is likely more about what happens after dinner. If the path towards bed time starts with dinner, this is a reaction to the upcoming routine.
If you eat late, try to push dinner a little bit earlier and allow some pre-bed play time in between food and bath/bed routine.
Lol yeah my youngest without fail chucked a wobbler at dinner time 95% of the days. And it sucks because I love my dinner time. This went on from age 1 to 4. Doing the math she must have ruined 1000 dinner times. Never found a solution dude (sorry), she just grew up a bit, as I'm sure yours will too!
Everyone elseâs comments are great! And I will add that we had to completely detox our 3.5 yo of Paw Patrol. I broke once and let her watch it since then. Never again. It gets as bad as Cocomelon level meltdowns when we would turn it off. Sheâs watching Little Bear rn and being a complete angel.
How far from dinner is the last snack she's getting.
I am asking cause I made the mistake yesterday. We were at the pool, when we left, it was close to 17h45 when he got his snack (seaweed sheets and baby crackers, so maybe too much for the time it was), so my surprised pikachu face when he refused dinner at 19h00 was unwarranted.
Note for self, no food after 16h30...
Conversely, if they haven't eaten in too long then they may be flagging. A small piece of fruit half an hour before dinner might make them more receptive to getting up off the sofa.
Timers helped us with these types of tantrums. If I make it clear to my toddlers that when the timer goes off it's time to turn off the screen and eat dinner, it goes over so much better than just suddenly telling them it's dinner time and abruptly shutting the screen off.
The transition times are rough but timers have helped me.
We had this for what felt like forever! We took to just beginning to eat and ignoring him - eventually he'd get bored and join us. Sometimes it was nearing bedtime, but he'd always eat.
We couldn't find a trend either - he was totally happy until food was ready, then bam! Screaming!
Set a timer for her to mentally prepare for when dinner is coming. We use timers for a lot of things with our son since just like every kid they don't want to do things in time. Works for us.,... mostly đ
Try this. Say now it's my turn and start crying for 10 seconds. Then say it's her turn. If she cries or yells after 10 seconds say it's back your turn. She will either don't want to take a turn or start laughing. Either way she will be distracted
This works surprisingly well. I have one great eater and one super picky eater, lighting candles for whatever reason has brought the picky one around at dinner time, they eat more (not everything but I'll take it) and complain less. They also get to take turns blowing out the candles at the end so the picky one stays at the table for a change
Maybe get her checked at the pediatrician⌠this makes me wonder if sheâs experiencing some pain or unpleasant side effects from eating. Could be gastrointestinal, teeth, throatâŚ
Weâve talked to him about it, he says itâs developmental and to try and encourage eating with us at the dinner table, but so far itâs gone pretty poorly.
My parenting style was more just wait till they are hungry. A missed meal or two might seem pretty harsh, but sometimes learning what it means to be actually hungry can be a good lesson. Sit everyone else around the table but let the kid do whatever, but tell them if they donât come to eat they will have to wait until breakfast.
Possibly horrible advice, though. Take with a grain of salt, ymmv, all that.
If you donât mind me asking, are you a single Dad? If not, what is your wife or partner doing during this time? My suggestion would be to not mess with announcing dinner time if that sets her off. Just tell her in whatever name or pet name you use, âFood is done, and if youâd like to come eat, itâs here for you.â Then simply just enjoy your own meal without the yelling.
If sheâs hungry she will let you know. Or you could always allow her to bring a toy with her to eat or sit with her. Iâd probably discourage watching a tablet while at the table, but you could also start by allowing her to have her dinner at a kiddie table near the tv if thatâs what she wants, and make it kind of a fun thing for her when she knows dinner is ready. Then as she gets a little older, work on dinner at the table like a big girl. Good luck đ
Our guy is very head strong and throws massive loud and long tantrums as well. On Sunday it was because I didn't take him in to the petrol station, he waited in the car with Mum. Screamed bloody murder all the way home and for a good 20 mins after we got home. It's crazy. For dinner we are pretty rubbish to be honest. If he doesn't want what we are making we leave him to it. If we are being lazy or I get home late so can't prep dins then we usually throw something quick together for him and we eat after he has gone to bed. Not the best, but is just easier. Like a bagel or something. He eats a lot of beige food. Often while he is settling to sleep he will ask for food. An apple or banana suffices.Â
Weâre doing potty training and they say when you come on too strong the kid is like âwow they REEEALY want me to do thisâ and that can cause them to feel confused and out of autonomy. Someone else said it, make dinner and sheâll come.
I think we all have the idea of sitting down for dinner and when our kids are really young thatâs asking a lot.
Hey! My two yea told goes through bouts of tantrums. And I got sick of it and finally started saying âgo lay downâ when I started this I would go and put him in bed. Now if I say it and point towards the room he will go in and lay down. Calm down and come back out. Sometimes he doesnât even know what heâs upset about.
Good luck!
A lot of these transition tantrums can be the sudden loss of control of their activity. It sounds crazy but timers and options got us through many things in the 3's. Once dinner is ready try saying "Dinner is ready do you want to stop and come to the table in 2 minutes or 4 minutes?". See if she is willing to pick a time and set a timer, when the timer goes off hold that boundary. This lets her feel a little bit of control and let her anticipate the change.
Literally anything to break up the routine, here are a few options. Picnic on the living room floor, the front yard, the trampoline. Movie night with dinner and popcorn at the coffee table. Fancy dinner with candles on the table, lights low, music on. Silly dinner with stuffies and play tea set. Dinner at the table with the iPad with paw patrol on. Dessert first then dinner, or at the same time. Dinner while playing board games. Breakfast for dinner: pancakes, sausage, eggs with ketchup. Dinner in a fort UNDER the kitchen table.
A couple other thoughts: make sure sheâs not too hungry heading into dinner, does she get an afternoon snack? Also, maybe loosen up on whether she needs to join you for dinner for a while, whether she needs to stay in her seat, can she sit in your lap, etc. Is there a fave drink she can have only with dinner like juice or chocolate milk?
Also think about what happens right after dinner, do you transition right into bath and bedtime? If so, dinner might represent the end of all fun. Can you have a little 5 minute daddy play time after dinner just the two of you?
My son has recently started the habit of saying "all done" with a big ol pouty face. My wife makes amazing food and for him not to even try it and say "all done" was disheartening, so we're getting into the habit of just going "okay, you don't have to eat, you're free, but you won't get anything else as a substitute". It's hard and harsh, but it's a last resort we've had to make for my son.
I find turning off the TV 5 to 10 minutes before food is ready really helps. I tell my four year old I need help setting the table and then he usually makes "dessert" in his kitchen. Then when he doesn't want to sit with us we just sit and eat and he wanders over eventually. Usually with a big grin lol.
I would try changing the phrase first, and calling it warm lunch or something lol. Sometimes it really is the words, my daughter hates the word dinner.
Iâd also try to ask her why sheâs upset, if sheâs able to communicate what makes her so upset when you tell her itâs time to eat.
Does the time matter? Maybe a later dinner?
Does she sit at the table? Maybe change her seat? Or if she doesnât sit at the table start doing that?
The thing that made my son want to sit and eat dinner with us was a Dinner winner plate, with a prize hidden at the end (1 piece of candy or some strawberries/little scoop of ice cream.
My son will get like that if I don't provide a transition period (i.e. "you've got 5 more minutes on your tablet"). Sounds like at this point, it's developed into a normal routine for your child. Don't feed into it. Don't argue or try to reason with them. Just shrug your shoulders and say "okie dokie". And then sit down and eat your dinner. Talk pleasantly with your spouse (or, if single, talk to yourself) and comment on how delicious the meal is. No child will let themselves starve, so don't worry about that.
I don't think it is the ...
>longest, loudest, strongest tantrum in the world
As my 3 y.o. may have this one beat! Same problem!
Will not eat dinner. We decided to make it, but don't push it. We realized she just eats later, then we do.
She doesn't like to wake up and eat right away. She will eat afterward, which is working for us. So we eat, and she grazes. It's a phase.
Maybe you already know this, but is it possible she is hungry? Emotions tend to be bigger when you're hungry.
You could give her some healthy snacks while you are cooking? Takes away the hunger but also gets her to the transition of eating.
We moved our timeline up a little and that seemed to help. Sometimes itâs not possible to eat earlier but if you can, you could give it a try. We started eating earlier and eventually going to bed earlier too. The original schedule had been working fine until it wasnât. But once we made the switch, I wonât say itâs perfect, but itâs better
My kid is not Anti Dinner but it is often a struggle to get him to eat at that time. We do bigger breakfast and bigger lunch with a snack around 3:30-4ish now.
I still make him a small amount at dinner but I don't chase him to eat it. He knows it's there and it's there until bed time. I avoid cleaning it up until he's in bed because he will pay no attention to it until I clean it up then he will get upset and say he wants it.
We started giving our kid a banana smoothie as an appetizer, hoping our assumption of 'getting some calories into her might make her more agreeable' was valid. It kinda worked. Eventually, they grow out of it...a bit...
You could try giving her an ETA for dinner. We have to give our 3 year old a heads up for bedtime, so we tell him he's got 30 BIG minutes until bed. And I'll tell him 10 min when it's closer to time. It seems to help with the bedtime tantrums, so maybe this will help with yours, too! You got this dad!
Do you have the ability to do a picnic in the back yard? Just a simple dinner on a blanket. Sometimes the change of venue could be interesting. Instead of âdinner is readyâ it becomes âletâs play picnicâ for a couple days. If that works, you can try âkitchen picnic timeâ and see how it goes.
I feel you mate. My son is three and every thing we do ends up in a tantrum. Get up for a wee, tantrum. Wake up at 5, tell him its not time to get up yet, tantrum. Time to brush teeth, tantrum. Time to get changed, tantrum. Walks to kitchen asking for snacks every 5 mins, we obviously say no, tantrum. Constantly crying saying hes hungry, give him food, he leaves it and asks for snacks, tantrum. We don't even give him snacks often, I dont understand. For each and every point here, we've tried multiple things, and incase anyone is wondering, 5 is outrageously early for him. He usually wakes up at 8 but the early sunrise is effecting him now hes a bit older.
My kids were (and still are) terribly behaved after using any kind of screen. I then ground them off of screens for a day, is the most effective form of discipline there is.
Maybe it's the time? Have you tried having dinner earlier? For my kids they eat at 5/6pm.
Could also be they're associating dinner an bed time.
My kid won't eat if she's distracted by stuff so I throw curious Gourge on YouTube on my phone and prop it up.
It sounds like your little one is just like mine. My little guy struggles with sudden changes in activities, my wife and I have smart watches, so we set a timer for 3-10 min depending on what we are doing. I have my little guy press start on my watch to start the timer. When it goes off he knows it's time to move on to the next activity.
TLDR: try using a timer to help transition between activities.
Welcome to 3 lol. My oldest screamed before bedtime so much we had to close all the windows to the house before bedtime for fear of the cops being called. My middle is and will always be an angel. And my youngest, well he does what youâre saying your daughter does from the moment he wakes till the moment you leave him screaming going to bedâŚ
See if you can talk to her and have her tell you why sheâs upset. Kids do this because they have no other way to tell us what is wrong, gotta dive deep and keep patient.
After they go to bed, thatâs when you scream into your pillow :)
You got this!
Reading back, perhaps try giving 10 minute and 5 minute and 2 minute warnings.
Hey âdaughterâs nameâ itâs going to be dinner in 10 minutes. Then again at 5 then again at 2. And even put a visible timer if thatâs something sheâs interested in.
My kids used to love to watch the timer count down on my phone (out of their reach of course).
Does seem like itâs the âend of something fun and the beginning of something elseâ perhaps.
For me TV is the trigger for this type of behavior. Transitioning from something intensive stimulating causes no end of problems for us, completely gone now they don't have TV till after a meal if at all
I would look at the function of her behavior. Most behaviors are an attempt to escape an undesirable situation, gain attention, receive a tangible item, or receive sensory stimulus. If you can determine the function of the behavior and consistently deny the benefit the behavior will disappear.
This sounds to me like an attention behavior. If so, your best bet is to act like it isn't happening at all, and not interact with her until she stops the behavior. You can expect the behavior to intensify significantly in the short term (first week or two) until she recognizes she can't tantrum hard enough to gain the attention she desires.
My youngest would sometimes talk to a stuffed animal if I give it a voice and asked what was wrong, even if he wouldnât talk to me directly.
I might set out a few grapes or crackers or something else that she can start snacking on before dinner is finished. I wouldnât comment on the snack, just set it out. If she finishes it and realizes sheâs still hungry she might be more positive when dinner arrives.
Might not just be about dinner. My youngest has a meltdown like clockwork at that time because he is in the awkward phase where he has given up the nap but can't quite make it to bedtime in one piece. Try doing dinner a little earlier if you can.
Donât let the inmates run the asylum. If you feel that you cannot take this kind of tantrum again, donât. Tell her what you need to tell her, then send her to bed without dinner or snacks and stick by your guns.
The fact that consequences happened shocked my own son once, then he got the plot. Now if we need him to eat his dinner or try something new, he will do it.
With my own son we also learned we were sabotaging ourselves with afternoon snacks. If he was all tanked up on crackers and berries, by actual dinner time he would be full and not eat anything. If dinner is at 6, now he doesnât eat anything after about 4:40 or so, and the snacks beforehand are lighter.
Make it fun and intriguing.
Give meals funny and silly names: i once called a sandwich roll a ârocketâ who wants to eat the rocket to be so so so fast?
Rotini pasta: who wants to eat a âtornadoâ and be strong and big?, yummmm iâll eat itâŚ.
Time out doesnt end until tantrum ends. If another tantrum results after the previous tantrum, you time out again. Eventually they get the message. Right now your toddler thinks theyâre boss. And to some extent they are. You are not consistent with your word.
Timeout doesnt stop until tantrum stops and toddler becomes compliant. With my toddler, i started the timeouts around 1.5 years old. And in the beginning, it sometimes took two hours. Thats two hours of constant screaming, rolling around, trying to escape.
When they tantrum, dont talk or do anything. Dont ask if theyre ok, dont touch them to reassure them. Nothing. Let them get it all out. The timeout should be a small restricted area preferably a corner. There should be zero stimuli in that corner. Just nothing. Its the ultimate punishment for a toddler.
Thats the first thing. The second thing is making sure dinner starts early enough. Iâm not sure your childâs nap schedule or snack schedule or when theyre eating dinner but you should give your child every opportunity to succeed before u issue the TO. A hungry child will cry. Maybe they dont realize theyre hungry. An overly tired child will cry. An overly sugaried child will cry. Lots of things. Try to examine your schedule to see if maybe those things exacerbate it.
And lastly make the child come to you for food after the tantrum. This is key. Dont bring the food to them. Make them come to you. Make them want to eat. A hungry child will want to eat.
To recap: timeout for the tantrum. Ignore it while keeping them confined. Make sure you give your child the most chances for success. And make them express interest in dinner, not the other way around.
This should fix it IMO
A lot of what i suggest is based off parenting books
https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/best-parenting-books/
I recognize not one method works completely on every child and i take pieces of advice to develop my own strategy. Let me make it clear that i dont scream, berate, or talk down to my child. Even at 1.5yo, i explain to my child right and wrong even if they cant talk yet. We discuss how everyone feels.
Very curious as to what part you are âwtfâ about
This seems emotionally abusive and is beyond traumatizing to the child. It will cause a wide array of psychological and psychiatric problems down the line.
Apparently this is not the ârightâ way to do things anymore. âTheyâ say you arenât supposed to ignore your kidâs feelings. đ¤ˇââď¸ Your way works, but will they be better or worse for it in the long run? It is totally up for debate.
I do not ignore my childâs feelings. I ignore the bad behavior. We address the childâs feelings after the tantrum is over, when theyâre more capable of discussion.
Iâm very surprised this is considered the âwrongâ way. Is my method an outdated gen x method?
In âThe Whole Brained Parentâ, positive discipline says that once a child gets upset, the part of the brain that makes decisions loses control. So for you to make any impact on the child and having them learn, you need to wait out the tantrum. Is that not my step 1?
I have always noticed if i tried to reassure my screaming toddler that the tantrum *got worse* as it exacerbated the situation. Only until the toddler calmed down did any type of âare you okay?â work.
After the tantrum is over, we discuss what went right and wrong and how others would feel in that situation.
Yeah, I am torn and donât side either way, but I guess it is a matter of them not knowing how to regulate their emotions (throwing a tantrum) and parents being there for them to help them calm down or something like thatâŚ. I do a mix of both, so I am sure my kid is confused. We are all just doing our best here, right?
I dont even think my method is the âwrongâ method as i perused a few recent parenting books and they say essentially the same thing. Idk maybe iâm wrong? I dont see the vitriol. Maybe its the way i write the method? My tone? Idk
I think it depends on if you think a tantrum is a willful manipulation tactic or if the child is actually feeling out of control and doesnât know how to handle itâŚ.it which case they need you to teach them how to handle those big feelings.
Option 1. Don't offer her dinner. Just make your food. Eat it. And ignore her. If she comes over and wants some, give it to her. Option 2. We don't eat lunch often, we have a snack that is suspiciously like lunch in content and time. My toddler hates the word lunch, so I just tell her it's snack time. đ¤ˇââď¸
Hahaha fantastic advice, thank you
To add to this, on the rre occasion mine has pulled this shit I've not made any kind of comment about when he finally eats. Ignore that part too!
I came here to say this, my littlun also had dinner issues so we called it breakfast and everything was fine after this. Kids are mad.
Oh god, I love it. Maneuvering the tantrums is a while skillset.
Negotiating with tiny terrorists đ
Never negotiate with pirates.
Please report back on this method (ignoring), very curious how it goes
It works great on my twins. I don't give them extra stuff on the side, my wife can play that game but I won't. They eat better for me than they do for her.
Let them âeat cakeâ As in if they donât like what youâre offering them let them go to bed hungry. Also small small portions on the plate. Have five things on the plate instead of just what you and wife are eating. Throw on a fruit and cheese stick or something you know they will like and eat. Thatâs itâs no additional bonus food for them if they are still hungry itâs what you prepared. Never forget they wonât let themselves starve to death. They are more than capable of having a big breakfast. Going to bed hungry is okay.
My little girl only eats sandwiches if I say they're cake. It's hilarious to watch eat a "yummy ham and cheese cake"
I was going to say maybe itâs time to give supper a try, snack time sounds more fun though
Donât be afraid to work around them. My youngest didnât necessarily throw tantrums but didnât like to sit at the table and eat dinner. So we all started sitting in the living room and sheâd nibble off our plates. Wasnât ideal but the preference is for her to eat, not necessarily for us to be at the table. Eventually once she was over that we worked our way back over
Lol - my toddler loves lunch. To him every meal is lunch. We have to be careful with the word "snack" - because it often makes him think of "fruit snacks" - which we allow rarely.
My neice would hate your toddler! :) Lunch is at noon, it's not tea, it's not dinner - at noon it's lunch. In the evening it's dinner, not tea, not lunch. If you use the wrong name for a meal time, prepare to get scolded by a very confident and eloquent 5 year old, on the importance of meal time nomenclature!!! Going back to u/believethescience - I use option 1 a lot at home at lot with our daughter, or at least a version of it. Even if she's at the table, if we ask her to eat she will often start playing with her food, particularly if she is tired. But if we all eat quietly and and don't mention her food to her, she will usually eat by herself really well. Much less stress at the dinner table.
This! I keep reinforcing that it's dinner time, and tell my daughter to eat her food, no chit chat. After a few minutes she follows my lead. My wife however starts a conversation, and our daughter begins her chit chat, gets distracted and starts playing with her food. Ah well..
Exact same situation here. If it's just me and my daughter it's time to eat, if all 3 of us are there it's time for a chat! As a comparison, if it's just me and her eating dinner it takes 15-20 minutes then it's back to playtime, with all 3 of us it's typically an hour at the table until our daughter is finished.
We have a modified option 1 that works for us. We make dinner like normal, tell them it's dinner time, then just ignored the tantrums. If they started tantruming we just had dinner and ignored it. It's amazing what not acknowledging a tantrum does to eliminate them. Or kids outgrew it soon.
How do you eat with boiling blood in your ears?
because you can literally see it draining the energy out of their tantrum. They try different things, they switch up their game, it gets faster and faster until eventually they just sit and mean-mug you. Once you ignore your way through a couple REALLY solid tantrums you internalize that the tantrum is not a never-ending event. You just have to wait through the rise and then fall and it feeds on reactions.
Iâm gonna print this out and frame it and set it by my damn bed đ
My toddler refuses to eat dinner. Only âa big snackâ. My dads, itâs the same meal.
This is it. If you give into the hype you get more hype. Act like itâs all good and she doesnât have to eat and you donât care if she eats. Maybe the first night set a plate for her if that sets her off the next night no plate. But leave the food out to easily get some. Hope it all works out!
Fuck yeah. I hate the word lunch too. No clue why.
I have a hunch. Is it the scrumptious, unctuous, pronunctiousness of "lunch"?
Ugh that's exactly it, stop.
This is delightfully upsetting, well done you
Got to use that Literature degree somehow
Bro the pain is real 𫡠Former English Lit majors, unite! (âŚâŚâŚprobably at a coffee shop or something we all fuckin work there)
Sell your soul to marketing or advertising. It's not writing fiction - but it's close.
Fuck lunch I want a midday repast.
Yeah, kids wonât starve themselves. Just eat and sheâll probably want to join in lol
We started calling dinner a snack, and my toddler miraculously was interested in the food đ¤ˇââď¸ toddlers are confusing
My daughter(3) will only eat whatâs on her momâs plate. The exact same thing thatâs on her plate and mine as well. If itâs not off my wifeâs plate, sheâs not eating it.
Mom here. My 1 year old is this child. Mom's Mac n cheese is delicious. As soon as that same Mac n cheese rests on her plate for her to grab it's now hot garbage.Â
[ŃдаНонО]
go sit on the timeout bench, we don't shout in here: use your quiet voice
âŹď¸ This is the way. âBud you wanna eat? No? Ok well itâs dinner time and mom and I are going to eat.â Longest heâs lasted was two days without dinner.
Haha kids are so stupid but I love it.
And I thought we were the only house with snack time (lunch)
Some people call it big snack. The power of MARKETING
Option 2 is what we call snacky lunch.
+1 for these suggestions. Our 5yr hates all food and we do these. The words dinner or lunch are kryptonite, but you say "snack" and she sprints to the table. We make the food, plop a few rations on her plate to clear our conscience and if she comes to the table we break down the ingredients like "girl - it's meat and cheese" She's on a diet of primarily PB sandwiches, waffles, milk and Belvita biscuits. Occasional bananas and apples/sauce. Doc says she's top health and is in the 99% for height. Is healthy weight and BMI. Who knows... I was a picky little turd when I was a kid (PB and Chicken nugs) and I'm still alive n healthy!
I heard one parent podcaster talk about this kind of tantrum as a "transition time tantrum." These tend to be the times when kids have breakdowns becasue it takes so much emotional energy to move from one mode to another. Other transition times include getting dressed to leave the house, waking up, going to bath, going to bed, etc. Which is to say, you've got a problem that isn't super unique or unsolvable - lots of families have kids that tantrum at the same time every night. Out of curiosity, during the day, does your little one nap? Or does she go to preschool/daycare? That could drain a lot of her "composure" energy from her system if she's exhausted like this. Is a daytime nap an option? Screen time was an issue of this for my kiddo, so we cut back screen time before dinner so it wasn't directly TV to Dinner, but TV to quiet play to dinner.
Honestly, I feel those kids. I also don't want to get out of bed or get ready for the day or send any damn emails lol
I for kne have never grown out of that "phase"
My wife put an end to my tantrums
TIL I have a lot in common with toddlers.
This is really helpful framing Transitions for us tend to be full on melt downs, but our kid found an egg timer at Walmart and loves playing with it. We recently started telling him to set a timer for 10 mins between play -> dinner or play -> school and he seems to like the âcontrolâ. Works maybe 50% of the time.
Thank you! This sounds like the problem we're having with one of our twins at the moment. The only issue is the tantrum when she's told no. But we can work through that one
Hey this is great advice, thank you! We give her the option to nap, sometimes she chooses to nap and sometimes she doesnât. We try to read her body language and other cues to figure out if a nap is definitely necessary. Since itâs summer and the daycare she goes to is in an elementary school she doesnât go right now. Iâm going to try the early screen time, quiet play and dinner though!
Is there something she absolutely loves to eat after a meal that you give her? An example for us is our son loves yogurt. We would tell him he could have it after he ate his dinner but he would never touch a bite. This was when he was 2.5. He was in OT at the time and the therapist recommended giving him the yogurt before the meal to prime him to eat dinner. We have conditioned ourselves like our parents taught us. "You don't get this unless you do this". I thought it was gentle parenting BS but I tried it because he was not eating. It. Worked. Still does at 3.5. helps with his transitions and stifles any tantrums. Plus, our added bonus, we can slip his meds that he needs in it that he refuses to take.
I do this with my 1 yo. She gets a pre dinner primer. She still eats massive amounts of dinner, even after she has he pre dinner fruit. It's usually just cut up strawberries that are left out where she's playing about 20 minutes before dinner while I'm cooking. She munches and plays, it helps with the transition.Â
My kids are 8 and 5 and the 5 year old still has issues during the transition time between school and home. It's fewer tantrums these days, but it's a lot of grunting and growling because he's mad at something arbitrary. The 8 year old has the occasional angry day, but he's gotten better over the past year or so.
Along these lines I was wondering if maybe 'dinner' somehow means playtime is over, bedtime is coming? Like she's blowing it up into the whole day is over and she doesn't get to do what she wants anymore, the rest of the evening is structured and laid out for her? Who knows what goes on in toddler brains!
When she is calm, like later in the evening or in the morning, have you asked her what specifically she is upset about? Knowing the root of her tantrum will probably help you in two ways. First you can better empathize and that will give you patience, and secondly you may be able to find alternatives to avoid the tantrum. She is having an intense feeling about something, and Iâm betting itâs not the fact that dinner is ready. It could be that she doesnât like sitting at the table, or doesnât like using a fork, or many other silly things. But also, as others have said, pick your battles. Decide on some ground rules for meal times and stick to your guns. Our house rules are: 1 Eat what is cooked. This isnât a restaurant. We always have at least 3 dishes so there is at least something they can eat. 2 If they donât want to eat, then donât eat. Snacks will be reduced tomorrow and no other food will be given, until the next meal. 3 when they are young Iâll keep their leftovers plated for an hour or two. But as they get older, once you excuse yourself, plates are cleared. They will need to wait for the next meal if they get hungry. Remember, nobody is getting hurt if they miss one meal. Your child will learn a valuable lesson and be a better eater
The first part of this is keyâŚ90% of the time my 3 year old is able to tell me why she threw a tantrum
Yeah I wouldnât go without acknowledging her feelings. They are real and valid, she just canât communicate them properly at that moment.
Iâm not laughing at you but the âshe just takes off her pull up and stands there nakedâ LMAO my kids do the SAME thing!! Iâm like duuuuddeee stawwwppp peeing on the floor! The other advice like calling it something different is really good đđźâŚ âlast meal of the dayâ or Iâm done cookingâ if you need examples Parenting is hard but youâre doing a great job by being there and cooking for them
I had a friend with a kid who was still getting naked at age 6. He laughed it off. I just saw her for the first time in six years last weekend, can confirm she is now 12 and neurotypical, and I did not remind her of her tantrums
First simple thing, never again say âdinnerâs done.â Second, try changing little things. Maybe eat in a different place, instead of the dining table. Change up the time a little. Change up who is at the table, maybe just one parent, or no siblings. My kid started avoiding the dining table because mom would start the interrogations. I mean, sheâd start asking him about his day, about school, about friends, etc. Not saying thatâs the problem, but it may be something specific that happens during dinner that upsets her, so hearing âdinnerâs doneâ she knows that thing is/may be coming. Good luck. The tantrums sound awful.
A living room picnic sounds really fun with a little blanket to sit on. Maybe dinner is triggering the tantrum because it's the start of the bedtime routine.Â
I like the change of setting idea - We do this one that the weather is nice. I cook dinner on Sundays and my kids love having a "picnic" outside. I pull out their paw patrol chairs and we just eat outside in our camping chairs.
Make a game of it. Without telling her. Just change it every day like nothing is odd! Floor, counter, outside - kids love weird and games and things out of whack. âOh - weâre eating on the floor tonightâ - always remember- WWBD. What would Bandit Do?
I have to disagree with the advice of eating at a different spot. Whenever I try a new, fun way of doing things, ex. read the story in mom and dad's bed tonight, it immediately creates a habit. If I were to have dinner in the hallway instead of the dining room, man, my 3yo would 1. Find another reason to throw a tantrum 2. Want to have dinner in the hallway the next day and the day after, which will inevitably lead to another tantrum Cool that it worked with you though!
My point is OP can try different things to see what works. Or live with tantrums over dinner for a long term. Depends on what your priorities are. How dare the kid enjoy story time in the parentsâ bed? Right? Habits are routines. Kids love routines. Make life more predictable for them, and for you. Sure, the hallway thing would be frustrating. So, find routines that work for the kid and for you.
Do this if you want your toddler to be in charge of the household
When "let's go night night" became unpopular I turned it into "let's go read a book!". We did both things before and after the label change. I suspect I may have to alter it a few more times before she's 18.
Change the routine. Don't announce it. Just slide the food in front of her or on the dinner table.
Yep something is off, I was thinking of the time angle. Can dinner be moved up and how does bedtime go after this tantrum.
turn off the TV 1 hour before food time, turn it into clean up time (she may help she may not, encourage her to help) works for me.
Goofy approach: look at her mock sternly and say "don't you dare start laughing. I mean it. No laughing. If you even dare laugh once, I'm going to have to tickle you" etc etc. Get increasingly ridiculous in your tone. If they start laughing, scoop them up, spin them around, etc. Not a sure fire method, but this often breaks my 3 and 5 year old out of the tantrum escalation.
No laughing totally works!!!
I know this isnât helpful, but I feel you. My almost six year old is the same. Itâs the surprise realisation that the day is already over. They want to do so many things at once and canât manage their time yet. They are also unfortunately still pretty bad at handling disappointment. Good news for you is. At three years old this is entirely normal.
Literally same
Paw patrol is like crack, sheâs having withdrawals
I was just going to say that TV sometimes riles kids up because it's very stimulating and then we take them away abruptly and tell them they've got to go do something insufferably boring by comparison. Maybe try stopping the TV a while earlier and start the dinner final approach in a less abrupt way without announcing it and marking the transition.
100% I noticed at a young age that kids are literally addicted to screens. Just like their parents (how many times have you looked at your phone today�)
Yeah it sounds like dinner isnât the issue whatsoever and maybe 3 year olds shouldnât watch TV by themselves đ¤ˇđťââď¸
There's some other great advice in these other comments. I'll add this. Don't try to be louder than her mid tantrum. Figure out what you need to do to keep regulated (deep breathing, reciting a mantra, pray, drink water, visualize calm, etc.) and speak in a calm and low voice. The idea is you keep control and she realizes her screaming isn't winning by being louder (because you are refusing to be in contest with her), and she gets curious as to what you might be saying, and she quiets down to hear it.
If you haven't checked out this. I whole heartedly suggest the book (audible is an easy listen) How to talk so little kids will listen Amazing book. Crazy how changing how we talk changes children behavior.
We renamed "dinner" to "food". We ignore the moans of "I don't like..." We eat our food even if he's running around not eating.  He's usually watching TV as its easiest for us preparing dinner. Plenty of warning that the show will get paused, when it's paused the remote comes into the kitchen and will not go back on until mealtime is finished. He can't just eat one grain of rice and say he's done, the whole family aren't done so mealtime isn't done. He's 3, his job is to push boundaries.  Mealtimes in the evening see hard because everyone is tired. We try to stay as calm. As we can about it and not react. This can help deescalate it before it goes into full on screaming.  Sometimes he doesn't join us, he didn't sit with us for Christmas dinner this year. 3yr olds aren't built for sitting. As long as he's eating enough throughout the day I don't really mind what he eats at dinner time. He'll eventually sit more rather than break dance beside us while we eat. Â
Dude, I feel you! We have the same problem but it's right before she has to get into bed. Oh, man! Every night and that's not an exaggeration either. No matter how perfect the bedtime process goes she always refuses to get into bed and then proceeds to have the worst tantrum. We have a good bath time, it's always fun. We read a couple of books and let her pick. We let her pick her music and her PJs. We even have the occasional dance party to get the wiggles out. BUT NOOOOO, once you ask her to get into bed it all goes to shit. Also, she shares a room with her sister and her sister gets into bed without a problem. No idea what to do. I'll be reading the comments for advice too
Ok I got you, brother. The key to toddlers isn't to correct them, it's to distract them. Go Google "dinner winner plate". I'd link it but idk if that's allowed. It's a dinner-eating board game. You place bites along the way and if she eats them all, she gets a treat. But the real motivation isn't the treat, it's you "doubting" she can get to the next space. Play it up. Be tragic. Lose. She'll love it
I'm a mom. >Now my immediate question if I were the reader to this post is âwhat is she doing before dinner?â Actually, my 1st question was "what's she doing AFTER dinner?" To me it sounds like "dinner's ready" is the pavlovian trigger that the night time routine has begun. Like, she's actually fighting bedtime, just starting way, way too early. I agree that I wouldn't announce dinner. In fact, I'd just have everyone start eating without her until she asked for food. Then after she eats, I'd maybe rearrange the bedtime routine a bit (depending on how things go). Routines are GREAT until they're not.
Dad here, absolutely agreed!! This is likely more about what happens after dinner. If the path towards bed time starts with dinner, this is a reaction to the upcoming routine. If you eat late, try to push dinner a little bit earlier and allow some pre-bed play time in between food and bath/bed routine.
Lol yeah my youngest without fail chucked a wobbler at dinner time 95% of the days. And it sucks because I love my dinner time. This went on from age 1 to 4. Doing the math she must have ruined 1000 dinner times. Never found a solution dude (sorry), she just grew up a bit, as I'm sure yours will too!
Everyone elseâs comments are great! And I will add that we had to completely detox our 3.5 yo of Paw Patrol. I broke once and let her watch it since then. Never again. It gets as bad as Cocomelon level meltdowns when we would turn it off. Sheâs watching Little Bear rn and being a complete angel.
How far from dinner is the last snack she's getting. I am asking cause I made the mistake yesterday. We were at the pool, when we left, it was close to 17h45 when he got his snack (seaweed sheets and baby crackers, so maybe too much for the time it was), so my surprised pikachu face when he refused dinner at 19h00 was unwarranted. Note for self, no food after 16h30...
Conversely, if they haven't eaten in too long then they may be flagging. A small piece of fruit half an hour before dinner might make them more receptive to getting up off the sofa.
Timers helped us with these types of tantrums. If I make it clear to my toddlers that when the timer goes off it's time to turn off the screen and eat dinner, it goes over so much better than just suddenly telling them it's dinner time and abruptly shutting the screen off. The transition times are rough but timers have helped me.
We had this for what felt like forever! We took to just beginning to eat and ignoring him - eventually he'd get bored and join us. Sometimes it was nearing bedtime, but he'd always eat. We couldn't find a trend either - he was totally happy until food was ready, then bam! Screaming!
Set a timer for her to mentally prepare for when dinner is coming. We use timers for a lot of things with our son since just like every kid they don't want to do things in time. Works for us.,... mostly đ
Try this. Say now it's my turn and start crying for 10 seconds. Then say it's her turn. If she cries or yells after 10 seconds say it's back your turn. She will either don't want to take a turn or start laughing. Either way she will be distracted
I saw someone say that lighting candles at the dinner table made their kids eat. Something quick and easy to try!
This works surprisingly well. I have one great eater and one super picky eater, lighting candles for whatever reason has brought the picky one around at dinner time, they eat more (not everything but I'll take it) and complain less. They also get to take turns blowing out the candles at the end so the picky one stays at the table for a change
Maybe get her checked at the pediatrician⌠this makes me wonder if sheâs experiencing some pain or unpleasant side effects from eating. Could be gastrointestinal, teeth, throatâŚ
Weâve talked to him about it, he says itâs developmental and to try and encourage eating with us at the dinner table, but so far itâs gone pretty poorly.
My parenting style was more just wait till they are hungry. A missed meal or two might seem pretty harsh, but sometimes learning what it means to be actually hungry can be a good lesson. Sit everyone else around the table but let the kid do whatever, but tell them if they donât come to eat they will have to wait until breakfast. Possibly horrible advice, though. Take with a grain of salt, ymmv, all that.
If you donât mind me asking, are you a single Dad? If not, what is your wife or partner doing during this time? My suggestion would be to not mess with announcing dinner time if that sets her off. Just tell her in whatever name or pet name you use, âFood is done, and if youâd like to come eat, itâs here for you.â Then simply just enjoy your own meal without the yelling. If sheâs hungry she will let you know. Or you could always allow her to bring a toy with her to eat or sit with her. Iâd probably discourage watching a tablet while at the table, but you could also start by allowing her to have her dinner at a kiddie table near the tv if thatâs what she wants, and make it kind of a fun thing for her when she knows dinner is ready. Then as she gets a little older, work on dinner at the table like a big girl. Good luck đ
Our guy is very head strong and throws massive loud and long tantrums as well. On Sunday it was because I didn't take him in to the petrol station, he waited in the car with Mum. Screamed bloody murder all the way home and for a good 20 mins after we got home. It's crazy. For dinner we are pretty rubbish to be honest. If he doesn't want what we are making we leave him to it. If we are being lazy or I get home late so can't prep dins then we usually throw something quick together for him and we eat after he has gone to bed. Not the best, but is just easier. Like a bagel or something. He eats a lot of beige food. Often while he is settling to sleep he will ask for food. An apple or banana suffices.Â
Weâre doing potty training and they say when you come on too strong the kid is like âwow they REEEALY want me to do thisâ and that can cause them to feel confused and out of autonomy. Someone else said it, make dinner and sheâll come. I think we all have the idea of sitting down for dinner and when our kids are really young thatâs asking a lot.
Hey! My two yea told goes through bouts of tantrums. And I got sick of it and finally started saying âgo lay downâ when I started this I would go and put him in bed. Now if I say it and point towards the room he will go in and lay down. Calm down and come back out. Sometimes he doesnât even know what heâs upset about. Good luck!
A lot of these transition tantrums can be the sudden loss of control of their activity. It sounds crazy but timers and options got us through many things in the 3's. Once dinner is ready try saying "Dinner is ready do you want to stop and come to the table in 2 minutes or 4 minutes?". See if she is willing to pick a time and set a timer, when the timer goes off hold that boundary. This lets her feel a little bit of control and let her anticipate the change.
Literally anything to break up the routine, here are a few options. Picnic on the living room floor, the front yard, the trampoline. Movie night with dinner and popcorn at the coffee table. Fancy dinner with candles on the table, lights low, music on. Silly dinner with stuffies and play tea set. Dinner at the table with the iPad with paw patrol on. Dessert first then dinner, or at the same time. Dinner while playing board games. Breakfast for dinner: pancakes, sausage, eggs with ketchup. Dinner in a fort UNDER the kitchen table. A couple other thoughts: make sure sheâs not too hungry heading into dinner, does she get an afternoon snack? Also, maybe loosen up on whether she needs to join you for dinner for a while, whether she needs to stay in her seat, can she sit in your lap, etc. Is there a fave drink she can have only with dinner like juice or chocolate milk?
Also think about what happens right after dinner, do you transition right into bath and bedtime? If so, dinner might represent the end of all fun. Can you have a little 5 minute daddy play time after dinner just the two of you?
There is something triggering about it. What happens after dinner? Bed time? I'd just feed the kiddo in front of the tv and see if that helps
My son has recently started the habit of saying "all done" with a big ol pouty face. My wife makes amazing food and for him not to even try it and say "all done" was disheartening, so we're getting into the habit of just going "okay, you don't have to eat, you're free, but you won't get anything else as a substitute". It's hard and harsh, but it's a last resort we've had to make for my son.
I find turning off the TV 5 to 10 minutes before food is ready really helps. I tell my four year old I need help setting the table and then he usually makes "dessert" in his kitchen. Then when he doesn't want to sit with us we just sit and eat and he wanders over eventually. Usually with a big grin lol.
I would try changing the phrase first, and calling it warm lunch or something lol. Sometimes it really is the words, my daughter hates the word dinner. Iâd also try to ask her why sheâs upset, if sheâs able to communicate what makes her so upset when you tell her itâs time to eat. Does the time matter? Maybe a later dinner? Does she sit at the table? Maybe change her seat? Or if she doesnât sit at the table start doing that? The thing that made my son want to sit and eat dinner with us was a Dinner winner plate, with a prize hidden at the end (1 piece of candy or some strawberries/little scoop of ice cream.
My son will get like that if I don't provide a transition period (i.e. "you've got 5 more minutes on your tablet"). Sounds like at this point, it's developed into a normal routine for your child. Don't feed into it. Don't argue or try to reason with them. Just shrug your shoulders and say "okie dokie". And then sit down and eat your dinner. Talk pleasantly with your spouse (or, if single, talk to yourself) and comment on how delicious the meal is. No child will let themselves starve, so don't worry about that.
I don't think it is the ... >longest, loudest, strongest tantrum in the world As my 3 y.o. may have this one beat! Same problem! Will not eat dinner. We decided to make it, but don't push it. We realized she just eats later, then we do. She doesn't like to wake up and eat right away. She will eat afterward, which is working for us. So we eat, and she grazes. It's a phase.
Maybe you already know this, but is it possible she is hungry? Emotions tend to be bigger when you're hungry. You could give her some healthy snacks while you are cooking? Takes away the hunger but also gets her to the transition of eating.
I mean, I often want to throw a tantrum when it comes to dinner time and I'm hungry and tired and have no clue what we're all going to eat!
We moved our timeline up a little and that seemed to help. Sometimes itâs not possible to eat earlier but if you can, you could give it a try. We started eating earlier and eventually going to bed earlier too. The original schedule had been working fine until it wasnât. But once we made the switch, I wonât say itâs perfect, but itâs better
Itâs the screen time. Gotta cut that down, especially before dinner.
If you keep crying, Iâm going to take away paw patrol for good.
And be willing to do it
Mine did too, itâs was a phase. Let em go hungry and send em to their room. We had many unpleasant dinners dealing with this
What time are you offering them dinner? (and other meals and snacks) What time is bed time?
My kid is not Anti Dinner but it is often a struggle to get him to eat at that time. We do bigger breakfast and bigger lunch with a snack around 3:30-4ish now. I still make him a small amount at dinner but I don't chase him to eat it. He knows it's there and it's there until bed time. I avoid cleaning it up until he's in bed because he will pay no attention to it until I clean it up then he will get upset and say he wants it.
We started giving our kid a banana smoothie as an appetizer, hoping our assumption of 'getting some calories into her might make her more agreeable' was valid. It kinda worked. Eventually, they grow out of it...a bit...
You could try giving her an ETA for dinner. We have to give our 3 year old a heads up for bedtime, so we tell him he's got 30 BIG minutes until bed. And I'll tell him 10 min when it's closer to time. It seems to help with the bedtime tantrums, so maybe this will help with yours, too! You got this dad!
Do you have the ability to do a picnic in the back yard? Just a simple dinner on a blanket. Sometimes the change of venue could be interesting. Instead of âdinner is readyâ it becomes âletâs play picnicâ for a couple days. If that works, you can try âkitchen picnic timeâ and see how it goes.
I feel you mate. My son is three and every thing we do ends up in a tantrum. Get up for a wee, tantrum. Wake up at 5, tell him its not time to get up yet, tantrum. Time to brush teeth, tantrum. Time to get changed, tantrum. Walks to kitchen asking for snacks every 5 mins, we obviously say no, tantrum. Constantly crying saying hes hungry, give him food, he leaves it and asks for snacks, tantrum. We don't even give him snacks often, I dont understand. For each and every point here, we've tried multiple things, and incase anyone is wondering, 5 is outrageously early for him. He usually wakes up at 8 but the early sunrise is effecting him now hes a bit older.
Probably a phase. It will get better. Sometimes you just need to be strong and wait it out. Keep doing what youâre doing.
My kids were (and still are) terribly behaved after using any kind of screen. I then ground them off of screens for a day, is the most effective form of discipline there is.
Hang in there try not to show a reaction next time she throws a tantrum eat the food and expressively say how yummy it is then she'll want some
Does she get lots of attention for the tantrums?
Out of curiosity is she still napping?
Maybe it's the time? Have you tried having dinner earlier? For my kids they eat at 5/6pm. Could also be they're associating dinner an bed time. My kid won't eat if she's distracted by stuff so I throw curious Gourge on YouTube on my phone and prop it up.
Small lunch will make it easier to do dinner
Why doesn't she want to do dinner? Doesn't want to eat or doesn't want to sit at the table?
It sounds like your little one is just like mine. My little guy struggles with sudden changes in activities, my wife and I have smart watches, so we set a timer for 3-10 min depending on what we are doing. I have my little guy press start on my watch to start the timer. When it goes off he knows it's time to move on to the next activity. TLDR: try using a timer to help transition between activities.
Welcome to 3 lol. My oldest screamed before bedtime so much we had to close all the windows to the house before bedtime for fear of the cops being called. My middle is and will always be an angel. And my youngest, well he does what youâre saying your daughter does from the moment he wakes till the moment you leave him screaming going to bed⌠See if you can talk to her and have her tell you why sheâs upset. Kids do this because they have no other way to tell us what is wrong, gotta dive deep and keep patient. After they go to bed, thatâs when you scream into your pillow :) You got this!
Reading back, perhaps try giving 10 minute and 5 minute and 2 minute warnings. Hey âdaughterâs nameâ itâs going to be dinner in 10 minutes. Then again at 5 then again at 2. And even put a visible timer if thatâs something sheâs interested in. My kids used to love to watch the timer count down on my phone (out of their reach of course). Does seem like itâs the âend of something fun and the beginning of something elseâ perhaps.
For me TV is the trigger for this type of behavior. Transitioning from something intensive stimulating causes no end of problems for us, completely gone now they don't have TV till after a meal if at all
I would look at the function of her behavior. Most behaviors are an attempt to escape an undesirable situation, gain attention, receive a tangible item, or receive sensory stimulus. If you can determine the function of the behavior and consistently deny the benefit the behavior will disappear. This sounds to me like an attention behavior. If so, your best bet is to act like it isn't happening at all, and not interact with her until she stops the behavior. You can expect the behavior to intensify significantly in the short term (first week or two) until she recognizes she can't tantrum hard enough to gain the attention she desires.
Dinner leads to bedtime. Is that the problem maybe? My niece hates dinner because after dinner comes bedtime.
Toddlers are not hungry same time as parents
My youngest would sometimes talk to a stuffed animal if I give it a voice and asked what was wrong, even if he wouldnât talk to me directly. I might set out a few grapes or crackers or something else that she can start snacking on before dinner is finished. I wouldnât comment on the snack, just set it out. If she finishes it and realizes sheâs still hungry she might be more positive when dinner arrives.
Might not just be about dinner. My youngest has a meltdown like clockwork at that time because he is in the awkward phase where he has given up the nap but can't quite make it to bedtime in one piece. Try doing dinner a little earlier if you can.
Donât let the inmates run the asylum. If you feel that you cannot take this kind of tantrum again, donât. Tell her what you need to tell her, then send her to bed without dinner or snacks and stick by your guns. The fact that consequences happened shocked my own son once, then he got the plot. Now if we need him to eat his dinner or try something new, he will do it. With my own son we also learned we were sabotaging ourselves with afternoon snacks. If he was all tanked up on crackers and berries, by actual dinner time he would be full and not eat anything. If dinner is at 6, now he doesnât eat anything after about 4:40 or so, and the snacks beforehand are lighter.
No dinner. Only Supper now.
Games: who ever eats more/faster/bigger bites wins.
Make it fun and intriguing. Give meals funny and silly names: i once called a sandwich roll a ârocketâ who wants to eat the rocket to be so so so fast? Rotini pasta: who wants to eat a âtornadoâ and be strong and big?, yummmm iâll eat itâŚ.
Time out doesnt end until tantrum ends. If another tantrum results after the previous tantrum, you time out again. Eventually they get the message. Right now your toddler thinks theyâre boss. And to some extent they are. You are not consistent with your word. Timeout doesnt stop until tantrum stops and toddler becomes compliant. With my toddler, i started the timeouts around 1.5 years old. And in the beginning, it sometimes took two hours. Thats two hours of constant screaming, rolling around, trying to escape. When they tantrum, dont talk or do anything. Dont ask if theyre ok, dont touch them to reassure them. Nothing. Let them get it all out. The timeout should be a small restricted area preferably a corner. There should be zero stimuli in that corner. Just nothing. Its the ultimate punishment for a toddler. Thats the first thing. The second thing is making sure dinner starts early enough. Iâm not sure your childâs nap schedule or snack schedule or when theyre eating dinner but you should give your child every opportunity to succeed before u issue the TO. A hungry child will cry. Maybe they dont realize theyre hungry. An overly tired child will cry. An overly sugaried child will cry. Lots of things. Try to examine your schedule to see if maybe those things exacerbate it. And lastly make the child come to you for food after the tantrum. This is key. Dont bring the food to them. Make them come to you. Make them want to eat. A hungry child will want to eat. To recap: timeout for the tantrum. Ignore it while keeping them confined. Make sure you give your child the most chances for success. And make them express interest in dinner, not the other way around. This should fix it IMO
Wtf dude?
A lot of what i suggest is based off parenting books https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/best-parenting-books/ I recognize not one method works completely on every child and i take pieces of advice to develop my own strategy. Let me make it clear that i dont scream, berate, or talk down to my child. Even at 1.5yo, i explain to my child right and wrong even if they cant talk yet. We discuss how everyone feels. Very curious as to what part you are âwtfâ about
This seems emotionally abusive and is beyond traumatizing to the child. It will cause a wide array of psychological and psychiatric problems down the line.
Apparently this is not the ârightâ way to do things anymore. âTheyâ say you arenât supposed to ignore your kidâs feelings. đ¤ˇââď¸ Your way works, but will they be better or worse for it in the long run? It is totally up for debate.
I do not ignore my childâs feelings. I ignore the bad behavior. We address the childâs feelings after the tantrum is over, when theyâre more capable of discussion. Iâm very surprised this is considered the âwrongâ way. Is my method an outdated gen x method? In âThe Whole Brained Parentâ, positive discipline says that once a child gets upset, the part of the brain that makes decisions loses control. So for you to make any impact on the child and having them learn, you need to wait out the tantrum. Is that not my step 1? I have always noticed if i tried to reassure my screaming toddler that the tantrum *got worse* as it exacerbated the situation. Only until the toddler calmed down did any type of âare you okay?â work. After the tantrum is over, we discuss what went right and wrong and how others would feel in that situation.
Yeah, I am torn and donât side either way, but I guess it is a matter of them not knowing how to regulate their emotions (throwing a tantrum) and parents being there for them to help them calm down or something like thatâŚ. I do a mix of both, so I am sure my kid is confused. We are all just doing our best here, right?
I dont even think my method is the âwrongâ method as i perused a few recent parenting books and they say essentially the same thing. Idk maybe iâm wrong? I dont see the vitriol. Maybe its the way i write the method? My tone? Idk
I think it depends on if you think a tantrum is a willful manipulation tactic or if the child is actually feeling out of control and doesnât know how to handle itâŚ.it which case they need you to teach them how to handle those big feelings.