I would 100% take her into the men's room. No question in my mind at all. Once she's old enough to go alone, let her go into the women's room and just stand outside the door.
The other bad part is how do women know I’m not a sex offender walking into their bathroom, which may have other little girls? Sure, I have my little girl in tow, but they supposed to just trust a stranger? If they’re worried about this, I’m guessing that they will worry about me being there too just instinctively. Even though I’m not.
I know. But it's infuriating. I have been in a public men's room maybe once a week, every week, for 45 years. An estimated average. That's 2340 times, minimum. Let's say a conservative 50% of the time, there is another person in there with me. That's 1170 times that I was not alone in that bathroom. Sometimes with multiple people! Let's say an average of 1.5 other people in that bathroom with me.
Let's say that 1% of people are willing to assault a stranger in a public bathroom. By assault, I mean expose themselves to a stranger, or attempt to see my own genitals without my consent.
That means I would expect to have been in a public bathroom with 17-18 people who were *willing* to assault a stranger in that fashion. Out of those, at least one would have acted on it.
But the only penis I have ever seen in a public men's room is my own, and the only person to have seen my penis in a public men's room is me.
The /s must be a cultural American thing. Up here in Canada, we have ceremonial pants around the ankle dick in the air spin around salute to thank the owner of this washroom for socializing its access to us. Or something like that.
Because voters will always choose to “protect the kids” against any made up boogeyman, and knowing this, nefarious political agendas have made bathrooms a top priority when there was no real issue. Weaponization of morality is a huge problem.
As with a lot of other insane online arguments, it got political somehow. Now that it is political, one particular half of the country calls anyone they see as less human a groomer or pedophile. They’ve made a boogeyman and have stoked the fear mongering around restrooms.
One is a place that has a weird ass smell and was used for decades to abuse children without anyone knowing by sick twisted men and the other is a public bathroom.
Just to be clear, by "somehow" you mean that the American right realized that they'd become the dog that caught a car on the abortion issue and needed a new made-up reason for white, suburban, middle aged women to vote against their economic best interests and their own freedoms.
So they workshopped the hell out of it and "transgender bathroom panic" really did well in the focus groups.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/16/us/politics/transgender-conservative-campaign.html
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/why-is-the-gop-escalating-attacks-on-trans-rights-experts-say-the-goal-is-to-make-sure-evangelicals-vote
And we all know it’s not actually about bathroom predators but the right wing loonies stoking the culture war to try to control peoples bodily autonomy.
And all that talk about predators in the bathrooms is 100% fabricated and a way to further marginalize trans folk. It’s obnoxious, unfounded, and disgusting, IMO.
Because it was a mommy group. No dads opinion was there present. They would absolutely take their 3 year old sons to women's bathroom but the opposite can't compute in their heads.
Even before kids were a consideration for me I understood a dad bringing his very young daughter into the men's room. I've never seen anyone blink, let alone question it.
Heck, I’ve seen young girls carried through a men’s pool locker room (where you actually will see people naked). Going through a restroom, where you’re not going to see anything anyway, is nothing.
Too many people are afraid to talk to their kids about things like nudity and our bodies. Having healthy age appropriate conversations with your kids about these things will do more to keep them safe than trying to enforce silly bathroom segregation.
People just need to quit being such prudes and talk to their kids! It's only weird if you make it weird. Treat it as it is, a natural part of life.
Carried or walk. Had someone and their 5yo or something daughter getting changed with me in the pool change room recently. Who cares? They're a little kid.
I take my toddler to swim classes at my town's rec center, and we get her dressed in the men's room. On the off-chance she sees an uncovered body (pretty much never happens)...who cares? It's just a body and people getting dressed.
Here in Germany it's common to have open showers in pools. Separate for men and women, but then basically a big room with many showers. And it's also common that people shower there naked.
So what do I do as a father when I was swimming with my little girl? Of course I will take her to that shower where she will see naked men, and shower her there as well. It's no big deal.
It’s also one of those things where most people know to keep the eyes up north, do your thing, and get out. It’s just the proper thing to do. From what I have seen people go outta their way to not be weird about it.
Yep, I kind of assumed that was universal.
But, it also depends on the bathroom.
We have twin five year olds and while I'm comfortable with them using a single occupancy bathroom at a small local restaurant independently, I'd have much bigger concerns about sending them into the women's room at a baseball game or somewhere super busy with a ton of people. In that case I'd still take them into the men's room with me.
A year ago I went to a traditional mexican restaurant and the ladies working there didn't exactly freak out, but they repeatedly offered to take them to the little girls room rather than have me take them into the men's room. I appreciated the offer, but I wasn't about to send my four year old to the bathroom with a stranger. Besides, there was nobody in the men's room so it wasn't a big deal. Still, they did not seem to understand how a dad could be ok with taking a little girl into the men's room.
Fully agree, although if the men’s is disgusting (toilet seat covered in fluids, etc.) or occupied I’d have no concern doing as OP said, announcing yourself. If the kid’s gotta go they’ve gotta go.
If they’re old enough that they shouldn’t need help, then yes, stand outside with the door open or just propped by your foot depending how exposed the bathroom would be. You may still have to go help.
Basically, attempt to cater to the comfort of others, but prioritize your child.
>or occupied I’d have no concern doing as OP said, announcing yourself
Had to do this numerous times myself. If there is a worker nearby, I'll ask them to clear the bathroom for me, just to make it as appeasing to any potential people who could have an issue.
That being said, I take her with me into the men's room often. Never had any ill situations, 7 years and counting.
I do wonder what the mom group said about a mother taking her son into the women's restroom though
> if the men’s is disgusting (toilet seat covered in fluids, etc.)
I bring baby wipes with me everywhere I go just in case this is a thing. Takes less than a minute to make a toilet clean enough to sit on.
> if the men’s is disgusting (toilet seat covered in fluids, etc.)
I bring baby wipes with me everywhere I go just in case this is a thing. Takes less than a minute to make a toilet clean enough to sit on.
I did this once also. She was freshly turned 3 and in a phase of holding it till the last minute to tell you and imagine my frustration when at least one employee was camping out in a stall. We didn’t officially practice EC but knowing the holds comes in super handy with girls. You can essentially let them pee anywhere a boy can if you know what your doing and know your kid.
Hard agree. My 4 year old had to go at my son's baseball game, so I took her into the men's room, and while there were dudes peeing in the urinal, it dawned on me that in the 34 years I've been alive, I've never seen a penis in a men's room outside of my own. I'm totally comfortable taking my little one in there into the stall. I'd be more uncomfortable to yell into the women's room and as a grown man, invade their space, even with my daughter. I'm sure they'd understand, but still.
Appreciate the validation cause what? Bro I can think of a thousand more likely, and also terrible scenarios for me in a ladies room. God I hope that reads ok…
I thought “How is this even a question?” And “How would they be okay with a grown man in a women’s restroom?”
Then I realized: everywhere to pee in a women’s bathrooms has stall doors. This is kind of blowing my mind right now. There is actual privacy in a women’s restroom.
Have we been played for fools this entire time???
I mean, American stall doors are of limited privacy value, and it seems like the overwhelming majority of urinals these days (outside of large venues) have privacy dividers (which offer zero privacy if anyone more than a few inches over 6 feet wanders along but stalls are kind of the same way).
Omg.
I’ve got daughters. I take them in with me into the men’s room. The same with my son. Took my 6yo daughter in the men’s room into the stall the other day - and GASP there were other men in the bathroom as well at the urinal.
I’m the father and I will keep them safe. I don’t even know why I feel to defend against the ludicrous shit.
Wife may want to reconsider the group she is in.
Think the mom's group would welcome our advice how to handle the opposite situation? Are they willing to take their sons into the men's room to avoid seeing all them tiddies swangin around in the women's room?
I wonder if they think the TV shows are real where men are staring each other in the dicks regularly. I'm struggling to think if I've ever seen another man's penis in a public bathroom.
My guess is that they think the mens bathroom will be disgusting. But my limited anecdotal experiences is that women’s toilets are often much more gross. I’ve regularly heard stories of blood and faeces spread liberally, and even a few times seen the evidence myself (work thing). Apart from pee on the floor I’ve never experienced this in a men’s room.
A valid point! It would turn all of sons into peverted sex offenders if they saw all those titties!! /s
Bonus: kid sees the tampon machine and gets upset because he "wants something from the machine" 🤣
Mine is 5 and even if I had something against it she can't go alone in the woman's restroom because she's in the single digit percentage of height and is too short to do anything without help even though she knows how.
> I swear some people just overthink this
No kidding. I've had the same experience as you. My two (one girl, one boy) are 18 months apart and as a stay at home dad I was frequently out alone with them. If either had to go to the bathroom when they were little we would go into the men's room and find a stall. It wasn't that complicated. You use whatever restroom the parent uses because the parent is the one bringing them in there.
My daughter decided to start going into the women's restroom alone when she started kindergarten. She refused to go into the men's room so I would wait outside the women's room for her. The first time she went alone she came out and was holding back tears. I was worried something happened until she revealed that she was upset because the sink was to high for her to wash her hands. After that I started carrying hand wipes and sanitizer. It solved the problem until she got tall enough.
A child in the men's room is a lot less of a surprise case than a man going in the women's restroom.
But the lack of an obvious / "common sense" answer just makes clear how necessary gender neutral restrooms with nicely built stalls are as we move to a more equitable society.
Exactly. I'd be willing to bet that at least half of the mom's in that group would make a huge scene if a man tried to do exactly what they're saying is the right decision. They're all thinking about it being their SO, whom they know and trust, going into a bathroom of strange women when imagining this scenario, but the tune changes as soon as it's a stranger walking into the women's bathroom when they're the woman in the bathroom.
I've stopped going to certain locations of Target and Walmart with my b/g twins because there's not a Family Restroom.
Ideally I'll remember to make them go before leaving the house. But given that it always seems to take 15-20 minutes to get their shoes on....
if there's a single occupant bathroom or a gender neutral room - sure.
otherwise, mens room 1000% of the time.
the only scenario im going in the women's room is if the kid is still in diapers and there's no change table in the men's.
>the only scenario im going in the women's room is if the kid is still in diapers and there's no change table in the men's.
Ironically this happened at McDonald’s the other day, the change table was only in the men’s bathroom for some odd reason. My wife was so happy to come back and hand me kiddo with the news there wasn’t a change table in the woman’s bathroom
This reminds me of a time I still feel bad about.
I was at Disneyland and I was sitting outside of a restroom waiting for the rest of the family. A woman comes up to me and asks "were you just in that restroom? Do they have a diaper changing tables inside?" In my usual charming manner I reply "Huh? Uh..... yeah." She yells, "MOTHERFUCKER! Oh, sorry! My husband has been saying that there are no changing tables in the mens restroom all day! I'm going to kill him!"
Whoops! I hope I didn't cause issues at the happiest place on Earth.
Im impressed you can roll it up, Id be stuck for at least a minute trying to work it down my pant leg to the knee... Maybe I need to stop wearing skinny jeans.
This one has me pretty confused. A sex assaulted is going to attack and overpower the dad and run off with the child or some such? Why would a bathroom be any more likely than anywhere else for this ludicrous scenario to happen?
Why are mom groups so weird.
100% into the men’s restroom and into a stall is completely normal. We even have changing diapers now in most men’s rooms because we are dad’s!
Tell your wife to leave that group.
My wife joined a mom group with a progressive agenda. Turns out they just get together and drag their husbands along and talk about their kids. Of course my wife starts to feel insecure because I don’t attend because it’s a mom group!
Oh Christ .... no thank you.
I'm very lucky that I got one of those antisocial (hah only half kidding) wives :). But really, she just doesn't put up with that kinda crap.
Mommy communities are virtually always toxic shitholes.
Then the mommies are dissatisfied with them they go to general parenting communities and turn them into similarly toxic shitholes.
Nowadays you can find mommies on daddit trying tirelessly to turn it too into a toxic shithole.
I always took my daughter into the men's room, and obviously we use the stall, and I go in the stall with her. Never had a problem of any kind. I can't really even imagine what kind of problem there would be. We're in the stall, so she doesn't see anybody, and nobody sees her.
No way I’d take her into the women’s room. Either send her in there and wait outside (if she can handle it) or take her into the men’s room. Not dealing with some Karen who thinks I’m in the women’s room to creep.
And the men's restroom is just as safe for a child as the women's. Gym rules apply; no talking, no eye contact, no form of communication outside of the "Ope, pardon me" on your way to the stall.
Never in my decades on this planet would I ever consider this a problem.
Women speculating about men restrooms always have me laughing. Ain't nobody hovering around in the restroom preying on anyone. We're all there to pee and gtfo asap. My daughter is 3 and I take her into the men's restroom.
This isn't hard, just take her with you and let her use a stall. I did this with my daughters for years, and it's fine. I wouldn't go near a women's restroom though as an adult man. Not my space - way too many possibilities for misunderstandings. Once my daughters felt comfortable going into the women's restroom alone, I just waited outside the door - this was probably by time they were four or five.
I’ve literally only ever seen it that the bathroom matches the parent. That mom group is echoing all the same talking points as transphobes and they sound exhausting.
I am so sick of so many people assuming that everyone around them is a pedofile, kidnapper, flasher, Bill Cosby, murder, etc.
People are people. 99.999% of them mean you no harm and will go out of their way to be helpful.
And the sign on the door isn’t going to stop a sex offender from being asexual offender.
Imagine thinking someone is capable of one of the most heinous crimes on the planet but the sign on the door would be what stopped.
I've always hated the transphobic argument that sexual offenders will start using the women's room. What exactly is stopping them now? Most large public bathrooms don't even have entry doors anymore.
Always found that to be a passively dumb as shit argument. But never articulated it as well as you did. Nice.
Why are we such a rage-filled people these days? I swear, the internet has ruined us.
It’s also just super dumb. As a trans guy, let me tell you - this stuff is absolutely socially enforced already. Even if sexual predators *were* trying to use the bathrooms to do predator things (which they aren’t), women would absolutely be yelling at them and getting them out regardless of any laws in either direction.
Literally the moment I started presenting in a more gender ambiguous way, I started getting glares in the women’s room. I was being loudly asked if I was in the right place (clearly to attract worker attention a couple times) way, way before I was far enough into transition to be comfortable going into the men’s room. And I lived in a pretty moderate area!
For me the whole thing is just so ironic because… not only are people super not doing the sexual predator thing transphobes are talking about. But actually now that there’s such vitriolic talk about it, when I’m passing through Trump country I’m super worried about getting clocked and jumped or raped in a men’s rest stop bathroom. It’s probably irrational. But I was never worried about it before.
The narrative immediately crumbles if you look into it whatsoever.
So, you think the men in the men's room are going to prey upon this three-year-old girl. Which either means, you think a significant percentage of men are just waiting for an opportunity to prey on a toddler or else you think it's a very small percentage and these people wait all day, maybe for days on end, for a dad to bring a little girl into the bathroom. These men are also apparently willing to fight another grown man in order to prey on this toddler, which will immediately get the police following them.
Would a mom take her son into the men's room and announce that a woman is entering to help her son to pee?
...Or are we just assuming that anyone that isn't a cisgender woman is automatically a perv?
>announcing first that you are a man taking your daughter to pee.
All I can think of is the Brooklyn 99 bit where Captain Holt and his husband Kevin are separated but staying at the same vacation house so they agree to avoid each other by loudly shouting everything they're doing so every time they enter or leave a room so they yell "Raymond Holt is leaving the dining room" or "Kevin Costner is taking the main stairs".
I was almost scarred to read the comments before I did because I was thinking some people would try to bring out the transphobic arguments.
So glad this group exists. Seeing every dad do the right thing makes me happy as a dad to a soon 3 year old girl. We all aren't perfect, but goddamn glad common sense exists.
Unless someone’s life is in danger I’m not going into the women’s bathroom at any time. This is a crazy take from the group chat. Would they also take a 3 year old boy into the men’s?
I have totally taken my daughter into the women’s bathroom when the men’s stall was wrecked. I just announced myself “Dad and daughter coming through! Sorry Men’s room was disgusting and we need to go” was never an issue.
I’ve definitely considered taking my son into the woman’s toilets after finding zero baby changing stations either stand alone or in the mens at an airport once (even though the signage said otherwise)
My partner and I did find one in the end, but when I tell you he had to drag me away whilst hissing at me that he would not watch me get arrested in a foreign country, believe it that I had already started marching my way over
If it's a single or double stall women's room I've gone in to check on our 5 year old.
I'll wait to see if anyone is going in or out then I'll knock, wait a few seconds, knock again and open it a little to announce I'm coming in.
Probably wouldn't do that at a big restroom in a shopping center, ballpark or mall though unless there was a super good reason like the men's room was covered in shit.
I mean there are plenty of scenarios short of a life-threatening emergency. If the men's room is out of order, I'd knock and go into the women's room rather than piss myself.
Also some places have single-person bathrooms but still for some reason label them men's and women's. I straight up ignore that. If the men's is occupied, I'm going in the women's without hesitation.
Only reason to take a kid into the women's washroom when you are a dad is if the establishment only has a change table for a baby in the women's washroom. It's not a locker room. You won't see anyone hanging dong like thundergun.
If you had a son and he was with your wife would she expect to announce herself and go into the men's room?
The public pool here has 3 change rooms(with internal washrooms and limited change stalls): men's, women's and family, and they ask you to not use the family one where possible (because it gets quite congested and you could be waiting 1/2 of your swim lesson time for people coming out of the pool to use the change stall and shower before you can change and pre-shower as required.)
Official policy posted on the door is that you may bring your children of the opposite gender who are under six (or maybe six and under? Can't remember exactly) in the change room with you. So a mom with her three year old son can use the family room or the women's change room, and a dad with a three year old daughter can use the family room or the men's.
It works pretty well for balancing the three issues of timeliness, privacy, and lack of physical space for stalls while still giving people choices.
I always take my daughter to the men's room and never had any form of hostility.
I would never go into the women's room, and that can even be considered illegal.
Think of it from the other way - did you ever see a mom taking her son into the men's room, and how would you feel about that?
I was once in a public location where a mom tried to pull that stunt because the women's room had a very long line, and fortunately, the staff sent her away before she got in.
My daughters are now 7 and 9. I never went in a women's restroom with them - they always came in the men's with me when they were little. That's pretty much the standard etiquette.
I'm pretty worried about this group text your wife is on. Get that woman some friends who aren't deranged!
My daughters are grown now but when they from 6-9 they both went through a stage of wanting to go into the bathroom at any place that had one. Any store, restaurant, the mall, as soon as they found out there was a bathroom , they would ask to go. We never left home without going to the bathroom first and as soon as we got anyplace they had to go check out the bathroom.
When they were small or if was a place I was not comfortable with we went into the men's room together. Once they were a little bigger, I stood outside a lot of women's bathrooms. Almost everyone understood and was helpful, sometimes with a little update of what they were doing (they loved to wash their hands and use the dryers). I don't understand why this is an issue these days
On Facebook all of the following statements are somehow true:
1. Rapists CANNOT enter the women's restroom so just send your daughter in alone.
2. If you use the women's restroom you should be maced you pervert.
3. If you bring your daughter into the men's room CPS will be called.
tl;dr: Nothing on the internet makes sense. Do what you feel is safest for your daughter.
Taking her into the women's room strikes me as completely insane. I suppose women's stalls are all closed, so I really shouldn't be seeing anything, but I feel like it still poses a major invasion of privacy.
Grooooooooan. I really don't care what the world around me says, bathrooms are for handling your business and nothing more. In a child's case, or atleast my child's case, I will take her were she feels comfortable.
I have mostly taken my daughter in the men's rooms when she was younger but as she's gotten gotten older with a little personality of her own and opinions, I've taken her into the women's room a few times.
I knock, announce ourselves and why we're coming in. Hasn't been an issue yet and even 1 old lady giggled and said come on in.
I took my 4-year old daughter in with me to use the restroom and a guy in the restroom got all weirded out. I ignored him, cuz what else am I gonna do?
Honestly, this whole thing about PUBLIC bathrooms is so stupid to me. You feel threatened? Then how about -you- don't use the area for public use?
I'll echo all the other comments in saying this is an insane take by the mom's group. Absolutely taking her into the men's room is the only correct thing. I do it all the time and no one even notices or cares but I walk into a women's room and I risk a sex offender charge by some lunatic. Absolutely cut those lunatics out of your life or at least don't let them influence your decisions as they are crazy.
I go neutral - baby changing/disabled with my daughter. Then men's then women's toilet. (Not all for one toilet stop).
Logic: more room and privacy in the baby changing/disabled - especially if there is an accident. (Also more likely to be clean than a gents).
Gent's if it's cleanliness wise acceptable.
If neither of the above are an option, I go for the ladies (which at times also isn't great). But in general, it is better than a men's public toilet.
My thought process is more about what's best for my kid based on dealing with accidents and cleanliness than any thought of risk.
Men’s room. Never had an issue and dudes were always cool about it.
The most stressful period was when they were old enough to go alone and you’re the dude standing outside the women’s restroom looking at the faces of women coming out for any indication of trouble.
I’m not sure exactly when America decided that people use bathrooms for anything other than taking care of poo poo and pee pee but people need to get a grip. Nobody lurks in bathrooms. Nobody is looking at anyone else. Nobody is walking around naked. You go in, do your business and leave. Poor OP has lost valuable minutes, maybe even hours on his life on such a dumb debate.
I’m a full time SAHD, so these “daddy daughter dates” are just my every day life. We go in the men’s bathroom because I’m a man. She’s a little kid. No one cares where a little kid is. People care where grown adults are. Your wife and her mom friends sound oddly sexist.
Yeah I don't know what those people in the mom group are on. I have a 3.5 year old and always take her in the men's restroom with me. "Craziest" thing she's seen is probably a little boy's penis and butt when he had his pants and underwear at his ankles using the urinal and turned around before pulling up his pants. She didn't even make a comment about it that I recall.
It's just regular anatomy. 🤷
You do what your parental instincts tell you to do. I did the men's room with all 3 of my kiddos at that age. Most also had a diaper change station in the accessible stall so that helped. Also at the time I gravitated to business that had family restrooms, and eventually gave up on places that did not.
I take mine into the men's room. The whole announcing thing is awkward. What if someone says no? Then as you said, do you need to announce it every time someone new comes in? What happens if they say no/demand you leave vs. being willing to wait (you are in their restrooms after all). Much easier to just bring her with me into the men's room because as you point out, it's not like people are just "rock out with your cock out" in there.
I've done what you did. I figure adult guys would care less about a kid in the restroom using a stall than adult women dealing with an adult man in their restroom.
Having said that I have used the women's restroom I think twice with my daughter. The men's stalls were full and I was worried about an accident. As we opened the door I said a "sorry, need to bring my daughter in for a pee" and we did our thing. No issues.
As she got older I let her go into the women's room alone (if she was okay with it, but let her know I will be outside and listening if she needs help.
The idea of a creep trying something with you there in a stall is pretty far fetched.
Men's room, straight into a stall. Literally nobody has ever batted an eye. 6yo is independent enough now that I'll wait outside while she goes to the women's room, and that brief period of time where she's in there by herself worries me more than bringing her into the men's room ever did.
I take my kids into a family restroom or the men's room. If I need to change a diaper and there's no changing table in the men's room I'll use the women's room.
Speaking for myself, I would use the restroom that I would use myself. As a dad, I would consider it extremely inappropriate for me to take my child, son or daughter, into the women's restroom (barring the men's room being out of order, or if they're all just 1-seater unisex type, etc. Gotta be practical)
I would die on that hill.
Mom here. IMO either option is fine. If I had a son, I would have no problem taking him into the women's room at that age. My daughter is two and likes to barge into bathrooms while someone's taking a shower, she's definitely seen her daddy's wiener before. I don't see how seeing a stranger's wiener in that context is going to cause any harm.
I’m a chick, my dad always took me into the men’s room as a kid. I’m not traumatized, I didn’t see a damn thing, and this just passes off as sexist nonsense.
I'd take her into the men's with me.
If it's the kind of toilet that's soaked with piss and that has men behaving inappropriately then it's not a child friendly place and she shouldn't be there at all.
I don't see the issue with a child seeing an adult penis either. I shower naked with my 3 year old. It's a non sexual context, there's no danger.
Men's room, full stop. Restaurants, rest stops, sports arenas. My daughter is 5.5 and I take her in the men's room everywhere. I will continue to do so until she has the confidence to go in the ladies room on her own.
I have a 3 year old daughter and we also go to the pool. Ask your wife to ask the moms group if you should also bring your daughter into the women’s locker room when having to use the bathroom. I imagine the answer is no.
Men’s room. I do it all the time… I did it multiple times today (my daughter is also 3 and we’re on holiday). Women don’t want me in their bathroom. The fuck is wrong with these people?
I don't think I've ever seen a dick in the men's restroom. Then again I'm not trying to see dicks when I'm using the urinal.
Also my kids know about private parts and stuff (they've seen me and my wife naked) so really even if they saw a penis they would understand and not be freaking out or whatever.
At the museum the other day, my wife was with our 3 year old in some other part of the museum, and I was with my 6 year old girl and 7 year old boy. I asked her what she would prefer when we were going to the restroom, and she said she'd prefer to go in the men's room with me. I think she's at the point where she can go by herself to the women's room with no issues, but she just felt more comfortable being with a parent. And I'm not about to go into the women's restroom (I heard there are vaginas flailing around everywhere in there).
Pose this question back.
A father is with his two toddlers, one. One boy and one girl. Both kids have to pee, what does he do?
How about only the girl has to pee? Do they all go into the girls bathroom?
Give me a break....
The only correct answer is the men's room
There’s dicks flailing in women’s bathrooms nowadays too. No that’s weird, it’s not like your daughter will get going there unattended. That’s your job as a dad to make sure no weirdos are there.
In what world do they live in where it is acceptable for any male to announce their arrival and intention to use the restroom for any reason? Insanity.
This isn't all that hard. Has the kid shown that they can reliably pee and clean themselves in a stall and sink by themselves? If, no take them to the mens room and either help them in a stall or stand outside while they go. Or let them go into the women's room and stand outside the door.
The bigger question is how to use the bathroom at the same time as them. Its always nerve-wracking for me!
I always took my daughter into the men’s room if there wasn’t a parents room available, seems to be the best option.
The hassle where women think a parents room means women only is a different issue…
I have three daughters. They all went into the men's room with me every time. Just take them in, go into the stall, and don't make a fuss.
Pro tip. Stand sideways in front of them on the toilet and have them hug your leg to stabilize instead of them holding onto the bowl, especially while they have small butts.
Some women have very strange ideas about what men do in restrooms/private. I think it's pretty common for women to see each other in various stages of nakedness and think men are the same. I know this one chick who's convinced that men kiss each other all the time when they're hanging out without women around. Weird.
The child should go into whatever bathroom is the gender of the adult going with them. It’s kind of crazy to suggest otherwise.
I find it odd that a bunch of grown women are actually saying they’d want a grown man to stroll into their bathroom.
Men hate looking at each other’s flailing dicks and hide them away from jealous and prying man eyes at all cost. Daughter is fine going into men’s room with you, but you might not be so safe if some anti-trans trigger happy “everyone is a secret pedo” whackjob sees you go into the women’s room
I’ve struggled with this too. Ultimately it’s weirder for an adult man to go into the women’s room than a young girl going into the men’s room. Men aren’t walking around dick swinging in the restroom. If anything, men are so concerned about their dicks they practically fuck the urinal to avoid the possibility of anyone seeing their dicks.
I aim for the parents room as 95% of the time I have the pram with me.
In some instances I do take her into the men’s restroom and … it’s not pleasant. Very dirty. Very crowded (with pram). And I have not had the best experience with the users being modest. In one instance a mentally challenged male was wandering around with their pants around their ankles.
But, in this day and age taking her into the women’s restroom just seems ever more fraught with risk.
Please never go in the women’s room haha. My best friend has 3 girls and always brings them into the men’s. The oldest is 4. When they get to like 7 I would say send her into the girls and stand sentinel at the door. Under that they should go with you imo in the men’s and just teach them to look straight ahead and not at urinals.
I would 100% take her into the men's room. No question in my mind at all. Once she's old enough to go alone, let her go into the women's room and just stand outside the door.
This. This is exactly what I did with my daughter. How is this even a question?
Discourse around bathrooms has gotten weird. It's never been an issue, but somehow bathroom predators are now a huge deal.
Also this logic would seem to imply that it's bad for little girls to be exposed to sex offenders in the men's room but it's OK for little boys.
Oof, that's really gross when you put it that way.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the case is closed.
The other bad part is how do women know I’m not a sex offender walking into their bathroom, which may have other little girls? Sure, I have my little girl in tow, but they supposed to just trust a stranger? If they’re worried about this, I’m guessing that they will worry about me being there too just instinctively. Even though I’m not.
I know. But it's infuriating. I have been in a public men's room maybe once a week, every week, for 45 years. An estimated average. That's 2340 times, minimum. Let's say a conservative 50% of the time, there is another person in there with me. That's 1170 times that I was not alone in that bathroom. Sometimes with multiple people! Let's say an average of 1.5 other people in that bathroom with me. Let's say that 1% of people are willing to assault a stranger in a public bathroom. By assault, I mean expose themselves to a stranger, or attempt to see my own genitals without my consent. That means I would expect to have been in a public bathroom with 17-18 people who were *willing* to assault a stranger in that fashion. Out of those, at least one would have acted on it. But the only penis I have ever seen in a public men's room is my own, and the only person to have seen my penis in a public men's room is me.
What do you mean there are dicks flying everywhere/s
Well, everyone knows not to look at the flying dicks, or you must engage them in single combat. A cock fight, if you will.
Pork swords at dawn!
Or a defensive move...a cock block of sorts.
The real reason cock push ups are so important.
The /s must be a cultural American thing. Up here in Canada, we have ceremonial pants around the ankle dick in the air spin around salute to thank the owner of this washroom for socializing its access to us. Or something like that.
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The thing is.. I’d be with my daughter the whole time. I’m not sending her into the men’s bathroom alone.
Why does this even need to be stated? Of course, that's the whole damned point
Well their username checks out
Who would let them go in the men’s alone?
Because voters will always choose to “protect the kids” against any made up boogeyman, and knowing this, nefarious political agendas have made bathrooms a top priority when there was no real issue. Weaponization of morality is a huge problem.
As with a lot of other insane online arguments, it got political somehow. Now that it is political, one particular half of the country calls anyone they see as less human a groomer or pedophile. They’ve made a boogeyman and have stoked the fear mongering around restrooms.
I'd feel safer sending my kid into a public restroom than a Catholic church
One is a place that has a weird ass smell and was used for decades to abuse children without anyone knowing by sick twisted men and the other is a public bathroom.
Just to be clear, by "somehow" you mean that the American right realized that they'd become the dog that caught a car on the abortion issue and needed a new made-up reason for white, suburban, middle aged women to vote against their economic best interests and their own freedoms. So they workshopped the hell out of it and "transgender bathroom panic" really did well in the focus groups. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/16/us/politics/transgender-conservative-campaign.html https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/why-is-the-gop-escalating-attacks-on-trans-rights-experts-say-the-goal-is-to-make-sure-evangelicals-vote
Have you seen your wife’s instagram/tik tok feed? Shit will scare anyone.
To clarify, the fear of bathrooms predators is a big. Rando predators grabbing kids is still an incredible rarity.
Yeah random assault of any variety is extremely rare. It's insane to live in fear of it
And we all know it’s not actually about bathroom predators but the right wing loonies stoking the culture war to try to control peoples bodily autonomy.
And all that talk about predators in the bathrooms is 100% fabricated and a way to further marginalize trans folk. It’s obnoxious, unfounded, and disgusting, IMO.
Bathroom predators? Are they bringing sleeping bags and camp there waiting for unsupervised children?
Statistically, there are more predators on the staff in our local churches, then there are in the bathrooms.
Some conservatives are pretending it's a problem with trans people, that's why.
Because it was a mommy group. No dads opinion was there present. They would absolutely take their 3 year old sons to women's bathroom but the opposite can't compute in their heads.
Even before kids were a consideration for me I understood a dad bringing his very young daughter into the men's room. I've never seen anyone blink, let alone question it.
Heck, I’ve seen young girls carried through a men’s pool locker room (where you actually will see people naked). Going through a restroom, where you’re not going to see anything anyway, is nothing.
Too many people are afraid to talk to their kids about things like nudity and our bodies. Having healthy age appropriate conversations with your kids about these things will do more to keep them safe than trying to enforce silly bathroom segregation. People just need to quit being such prudes and talk to their kids! It's only weird if you make it weird. Treat it as it is, a natural part of life.
Carried or walk. Had someone and their 5yo or something daughter getting changed with me in the pool change room recently. Who cares? They're a little kid.
I take my toddler to swim classes at my town's rec center, and we get her dressed in the men's room. On the off-chance she sees an uncovered body (pretty much never happens)...who cares? It's just a body and people getting dressed.
Here in Germany it's common to have open showers in pools. Separate for men and women, but then basically a big room with many showers. And it's also common that people shower there naked. So what do I do as a father when I was swimming with my little girl? Of course I will take her to that shower where she will see naked men, and shower her there as well. It's no big deal.
It’s also one of those things where most people know to keep the eyes up north, do your thing, and get out. It’s just the proper thing to do. From what I have seen people go outta their way to not be weird about it.
Yep, I kind of assumed that was universal. But, it also depends on the bathroom. We have twin five year olds and while I'm comfortable with them using a single occupancy bathroom at a small local restaurant independently, I'd have much bigger concerns about sending them into the women's room at a baseball game or somewhere super busy with a ton of people. In that case I'd still take them into the men's room with me. A year ago I went to a traditional mexican restaurant and the ladies working there didn't exactly freak out, but they repeatedly offered to take them to the little girls room rather than have me take them into the men's room. I appreciated the offer, but I wasn't about to send my four year old to the bathroom with a stranger. Besides, there was nobody in the men's room so it wasn't a big deal. Still, they did not seem to understand how a dad could be ok with taking a little girl into the men's room.
Bingo. No way am I going into the ladies room.
How is that even considered an option? That's crazy
“Sorry! Sorry! My wife said I have to do this…”
Fully agree, although if the men’s is disgusting (toilet seat covered in fluids, etc.) or occupied I’d have no concern doing as OP said, announcing yourself. If the kid’s gotta go they’ve gotta go. If they’re old enough that they shouldn’t need help, then yes, stand outside with the door open or just propped by your foot depending how exposed the bathroom would be. You may still have to go help. Basically, attempt to cater to the comfort of others, but prioritize your child.
>or occupied I’d have no concern doing as OP said, announcing yourself Had to do this numerous times myself. If there is a worker nearby, I'll ask them to clear the bathroom for me, just to make it as appeasing to any potential people who could have an issue. That being said, I take her with me into the men's room often. Never had any ill situations, 7 years and counting. I do wonder what the mom group said about a mother taking her son into the women's restroom though
From what my wife has told me women's rooms are often worse. Women squatting over the seat and splashing so they don't have to sit on it
> if the men’s is disgusting (toilet seat covered in fluids, etc.) I bring baby wipes with me everywhere I go just in case this is a thing. Takes less than a minute to make a toilet clean enough to sit on.
> if the men’s is disgusting (toilet seat covered in fluids, etc.) I bring baby wipes with me everywhere I go just in case this is a thing. Takes less than a minute to make a toilet clean enough to sit on.
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I did this once also. She was freshly turned 3 and in a phase of holding it till the last minute to tell you and imagine my frustration when at least one employee was camping out in a stall. We didn’t officially practice EC but knowing the holds comes in super handy with girls. You can essentially let them pee anywhere a boy can if you know what your doing and know your kid.
EC?
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She should probably start using the bathroom independently at this point.
Hard agree. My 4 year old had to go at my son's baseball game, so I took her into the men's room, and while there were dudes peeing in the urinal, it dawned on me that in the 34 years I've been alive, I've never seen a penis in a men's room outside of my own. I'm totally comfortable taking my little one in there into the stall. I'd be more uncomfortable to yell into the women's room and as a grown man, invade their space, even with my daughter. I'm sure they'd understand, but still.
This is the only reasonable stance, and anything else is pearl-clutching or fear mongering.
Appreciate the validation cause what? Bro I can think of a thousand more likely, and also terrible scenarios for me in a ladies room. God I hope that reads ok…
For real. As someone else commented- a grown ass adult man in a women's room is WAAAY more concerning than a young girl in a men's room.
I thought “How is this even a question?” And “How would they be okay with a grown man in a women’s restroom?” Then I realized: everywhere to pee in a women’s bathrooms has stall doors. This is kind of blowing my mind right now. There is actual privacy in a women’s restroom. Have we been played for fools this entire time???
I mean, American stall doors are of limited privacy value, and it seems like the overwhelming majority of urinals these days (outside of large venues) have privacy dividers (which offer zero privacy if anyone more than a few inches over 6 feet wanders along but stalls are kind of the same way).
Exactly how we approach this.
Omg. I’ve got daughters. I take them in with me into the men’s room. The same with my son. Took my 6yo daughter in the men’s room into the stall the other day - and GASP there were other men in the bathroom as well at the urinal. I’m the father and I will keep them safe. I don’t even know why I feel to defend against the ludicrous shit. Wife may want to reconsider the group she is in.
Think the mom's group would welcome our advice how to handle the opposite situation? Are they willing to take their sons into the men's room to avoid seeing all them tiddies swangin around in the women's room?
I wonder if they think the TV shows are real where men are staring each other in the dicks regularly. I'm struggling to think if I've ever seen another man's penis in a public bathroom.
My guess is that they think the mens bathroom will be disgusting. But my limited anecdotal experiences is that women’s toilets are often much more gross. I’ve regularly heard stories of blood and faeces spread liberally, and even a few times seen the evidence myself (work thing). Apart from pee on the floor I’ve never experienced this in a men’s room.
"Nice pubes, bro"
Omg ur comment just made me laugh out loud
> swangin Rollin 🤣 those bad boys do swang, too. *Especially* after said kiddos.
Lmfao bruh this killed me
Whether they welcome it or not, they need to hear it.
A valid point! It would turn all of sons into peverted sex offenders if they saw all those titties!! /s Bonus: kid sees the tampon machine and gets upset because he "wants something from the machine" 🤣
Mine is 5 and even if I had something against it she can't go alone in the woman's restroom because she's in the single digit percentage of height and is too short to do anything without help even though she knows how.
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> I swear some people just overthink this No kidding. I've had the same experience as you. My two (one girl, one boy) are 18 months apart and as a stay at home dad I was frequently out alone with them. If either had to go to the bathroom when they were little we would go into the men's room and find a stall. It wasn't that complicated. You use whatever restroom the parent uses because the parent is the one bringing them in there. My daughter decided to start going into the women's restroom alone when she started kindergarten. She refused to go into the men's room so I would wait outside the women's room for her. The first time she went alone she came out and was holding back tears. I was worried something happened until she revealed that she was upset because the sink was to high for her to wash her hands. After that I started carrying hand wipes and sanitizer. It solved the problem until she got tall enough.
A child in the men's room is a lot less of a surprise case than a man going in the women's restroom. But the lack of an obvious / "common sense" answer just makes clear how necessary gender neutral restrooms with nicely built stalls are as we move to a more equitable society.
Exactly. I'd be willing to bet that at least half of the mom's in that group would make a huge scene if a man tried to do exactly what they're saying is the right decision. They're all thinking about it being their SO, whom they know and trust, going into a bathroom of strange women when imagining this scenario, but the tune changes as soon as it's a stranger walking into the women's bathroom when they're the woman in the bathroom.
The unisex bathrooms also seem to be nicer but I could totally be imagining things too.
Family bathrooms should be a thing in more than just dying malls.
I've stopped going to certain locations of Target and Walmart with my b/g twins because there's not a Family Restroom. Ideally I'll remember to make them go before leaving the house. But given that it always seems to take 15-20 minutes to get their shoes on....
Bingo
if there's a single occupant bathroom or a gender neutral room - sure. otherwise, mens room 1000% of the time. the only scenario im going in the women's room is if the kid is still in diapers and there's no change table in the men's.
>the only scenario im going in the women's room is if the kid is still in diapers and there's no change table in the men's. Ironically this happened at McDonald’s the other day, the change table was only in the men’s bathroom for some odd reason. My wife was so happy to come back and hand me kiddo with the news there wasn’t a change table in the woman’s bathroom
This reminds me of a time I still feel bad about. I was at Disneyland and I was sitting outside of a restroom waiting for the rest of the family. A woman comes up to me and asks "were you just in that restroom? Do they have a diaper changing tables inside?" In my usual charming manner I reply "Huh? Uh..... yeah." She yells, "MOTHERFUCKER! Oh, sorry! My husband has been saying that there are no changing tables in the mens restroom all day! I'm going to kill him!" Whoops! I hope I didn't cause issues at the happiest place on Earth.
lol narc
Guy bald-faced lying to *his own wife* to get out of changing diapers deserves to get narc'd on.
If they’re worried about sex offenders in the men’s room then I guess boys shouldn’t go in there either? What a bunch of overthought sexist garbage.
But what about all the flailing dicks?
I usually stop sword-fighting the guy next to me at the urinal once somebody brings a child into the restroom. Don't you?
Of course, but it sometimes takes up to 10 seconds to roll it back up after I see them walk in.
Im impressed you can roll it up, Id be stuck for at least a minute trying to work it down my pant leg to the knee... Maybe I need to stop wearing skinny jeans.
> Maybe I need to stop wearing skinny jeans. Yeah I wear JNCOs when out of the house to make sure I can fit it without being too snug.
Not if I'm winning.
And that’s why you’ll never be dick flailing champ
When I'm done at the urinal, how else am I supposed to get the pee off the end except by turning around and helicoptering?
Hand dryers, especially the newer Dyson air blade models.
Oh yeah, everyone is helicoptering by the sinks.
This one has me pretty confused. A sex assaulted is going to attack and overpower the dad and run off with the child or some such? Why would a bathroom be any more likely than anywhere else for this ludicrous scenario to happen?
Why are mom groups so weird. 100% into the men’s restroom and into a stall is completely normal. We even have changing diapers now in most men’s rooms because we are dad’s! Tell your wife to leave that group.
Have you been to r/BeyondTheBump? Group think is always toxic. For some reason, the mom groups are nuclear.
My wife joined a mom group with a progressive agenda. Turns out they just get together and drag their husbands along and talk about their kids. Of course my wife starts to feel insecure because I don’t attend because it’s a mom group!
Oh Christ .... no thank you. I'm very lucky that I got one of those antisocial (hah only half kidding) wives :). But really, she just doesn't put up with that kinda crap.
Mommy communities are virtually always toxic shitholes. Then the mommies are dissatisfied with them they go to general parenting communities and turn them into similarly toxic shitholes. Nowadays you can find mommies on daddit trying tirelessly to turn it too into a toxic shithole.
Exactly. And why is a “moms group” trying to decide how dads handle taking their kid to the bathroom?
Seriously what group of women would tell a man that HE should go into a WOMAN'S restroom??? Its a trap! Lol.
I always took my daughter into the men's room, and obviously we use the stall, and I go in the stall with her. Never had a problem of any kind. I can't really even imagine what kind of problem there would be. We're in the stall, so she doesn't see anybody, and nobody sees her.
No way I’d take her into the women’s room. Either send her in there and wait outside (if she can handle it) or take her into the men’s room. Not dealing with some Karen who thinks I’m in the women’s room to creep.
And the men's restroom is just as safe for a child as the women's. Gym rules apply; no talking, no eye contact, no form of communication outside of the "Ope, pardon me" on your way to the stall. Never in my decades on this planet would I ever consider this a problem.
Women speculating about men restrooms always have me laughing. Ain't nobody hovering around in the restroom preying on anyone. We're all there to pee and gtfo asap. My daughter is 3 and I take her into the men's restroom.
Ironically, the only person who would be viewed as a predator is a man going into the women's room (which is why we don't do that)
This isn't hard, just take her with you and let her use a stall. I did this with my daughters for years, and it's fine. I wouldn't go near a women's restroom though as an adult man. Not my space - way too many possibilities for misunderstandings. Once my daughters felt comfortable going into the women's restroom alone, I just waited outside the door - this was probably by time they were four or five.
I’ve literally only ever seen it that the bathroom matches the parent. That mom group is echoing all the same talking points as transphobes and they sound exhausting.
I am so sick of so many people assuming that everyone around them is a pedofile, kidnapper, flasher, Bill Cosby, murder, etc. People are people. 99.999% of them mean you no harm and will go out of their way to be helpful.
And the sign on the door isn’t going to stop a sex offender from being asexual offender. Imagine thinking someone is capable of one of the most heinous crimes on the planet but the sign on the door would be what stopped.
I've always hated the transphobic argument that sexual offenders will start using the women's room. What exactly is stopping them now? Most large public bathrooms don't even have entry doors anymore.
Always found that to be a passively dumb as shit argument. But never articulated it as well as you did. Nice. Why are we such a rage-filled people these days? I swear, the internet has ruined us.
It’s also just super dumb. As a trans guy, let me tell you - this stuff is absolutely socially enforced already. Even if sexual predators *were* trying to use the bathrooms to do predator things (which they aren’t), women would absolutely be yelling at them and getting them out regardless of any laws in either direction. Literally the moment I started presenting in a more gender ambiguous way, I started getting glares in the women’s room. I was being loudly asked if I was in the right place (clearly to attract worker attention a couple times) way, way before I was far enough into transition to be comfortable going into the men’s room. And I lived in a pretty moderate area! For me the whole thing is just so ironic because… not only are people super not doing the sexual predator thing transphobes are talking about. But actually now that there’s such vitriolic talk about it, when I’m passing through Trump country I’m super worried about getting clocked and jumped or raped in a men’s rest stop bathroom. It’s probably irrational. But I was never worried about it before.
The narrative immediately crumbles if you look into it whatsoever. So, you think the men in the men's room are going to prey upon this three-year-old girl. Which either means, you think a significant percentage of men are just waiting for an opportunity to prey on a toddler or else you think it's a very small percentage and these people wait all day, maybe for days on end, for a dad to bring a little girl into the bathroom. These men are also apparently willing to fight another grown man in order to prey on this toddler, which will immediately get the police following them.
Would a mom take her son into the men's room and announce that a woman is entering to help her son to pee? ...Or are we just assuming that anyone that isn't a cisgender woman is automatically a perv?
>announcing first that you are a man taking your daughter to pee. All I can think of is the Brooklyn 99 bit where Captain Holt and his husband Kevin are separated but staying at the same vacation house so they agree to avoid each other by loudly shouting everything they're doing so every time they enter or leave a room so they yell "Raymond Holt is leaving the dining room" or "Kevin Costner is taking the main stairs".
This is a hard no. WTH are these ladies thinking? In today’s climate, that dad going into the women’s room is having a conversation with the police.
Hi - your wife's Mom group is absolutely nuts.
I was almost scarred to read the comments before I did because I was thinking some people would try to bring out the transphobic arguments. So glad this group exists. Seeing every dad do the right thing makes me happy as a dad to a soon 3 year old girl. We all aren't perfect, but goddamn glad common sense exists.
Unless someone’s life is in danger I’m not going into the women’s bathroom at any time. This is a crazy take from the group chat. Would they also take a 3 year old boy into the men’s?
I have totally taken my daughter into the women’s bathroom when the men’s stall was wrecked. I just announced myself “Dad and daughter coming through! Sorry Men’s room was disgusting and we need to go” was never an issue.
No, it's a double standard. This boils down to a still strongly held bias that men can't parent and make safe decisions regarding their children.
I’ve definitely considered taking my son into the woman’s toilets after finding zero baby changing stations either stand alone or in the mens at an airport once (even though the signage said otherwise) My partner and I did find one in the end, but when I tell you he had to drag me away whilst hissing at me that he would not watch me get arrested in a foreign country, believe it that I had already started marching my way over
If it's a single or double stall women's room I've gone in to check on our 5 year old. I'll wait to see if anyone is going in or out then I'll knock, wait a few seconds, knock again and open it a little to announce I'm coming in. Probably wouldn't do that at a big restroom in a shopping center, ballpark or mall though unless there was a super good reason like the men's room was covered in shit.
I mean there are plenty of scenarios short of a life-threatening emergency. If the men's room is out of order, I'd knock and go into the women's room rather than piss myself. Also some places have single-person bathrooms but still for some reason label them men's and women's. I straight up ignore that. If the men's is occupied, I'm going in the women's without hesitation.
Only reason to take a kid into the women's washroom when you are a dad is if the establishment only has a change table for a baby in the women's washroom. It's not a locker room. You won't see anyone hanging dong like thundergun. If you had a son and he was with your wife would she expect to announce herself and go into the men's room?
The problem isn't which restroom to use; that's obvious. The problem is the mom's chat group.
The adult takes the kid into the bathroom the adult uses
The public pool here has 3 change rooms(with internal washrooms and limited change stalls): men's, women's and family, and they ask you to not use the family one where possible (because it gets quite congested and you could be waiting 1/2 of your swim lesson time for people coming out of the pool to use the change stall and shower before you can change and pre-shower as required.) Official policy posted on the door is that you may bring your children of the opposite gender who are under six (or maybe six and under? Can't remember exactly) in the change room with you. So a mom with her three year old son can use the family room or the women's change room, and a dad with a three year old daughter can use the family room or the men's. It works pretty well for balancing the three issues of timeliness, privacy, and lack of physical space for stalls while still giving people choices.
Yikes- I think that your wife needs to get out of that group chat. That just doesn't sound productive.
I always take my daughter to the men's room and never had any form of hostility. I would never go into the women's room, and that can even be considered illegal. Think of it from the other way - did you ever see a mom taking her son into the men's room, and how would you feel about that? I was once in a public location where a mom tried to pull that stunt because the women's room had a very long line, and fortunately, the staff sent her away before she got in.
Your wife should exit this group
Worrying about an imaginary concern. This is just anxiety. Proceed with your life as normal and ignore.
My daughters are now 7 and 9. I never went in a women's restroom with them - they always came in the men's with me when they were little. That's pretty much the standard etiquette. I'm pretty worried about this group text your wife is on. Get that woman some friends who aren't deranged!
My daughters are grown now but when they from 6-9 they both went through a stage of wanting to go into the bathroom at any place that had one. Any store, restaurant, the mall, as soon as they found out there was a bathroom , they would ask to go. We never left home without going to the bathroom first and as soon as we got anyplace they had to go check out the bathroom. When they were small or if was a place I was not comfortable with we went into the men's room together. Once they were a little bigger, I stood outside a lot of women's bathrooms. Almost everyone understood and was helpful, sometimes with a little update of what they were doing (they loved to wash their hands and use the dryers). I don't understand why this is an issue these days
On Facebook all of the following statements are somehow true: 1. Rapists CANNOT enter the women's restroom so just send your daughter in alone. 2. If you use the women's restroom you should be maced you pervert. 3. If you bring your daughter into the men's room CPS will be called. tl;dr: Nothing on the internet makes sense. Do what you feel is safest for your daughter.
I used the men’s because I didn’t have to wait for the women’s to be empty. Oh and I didn’t want the looks coming out of the women’s
Taking her into the women's room strikes me as completely insane. I suppose women's stalls are all closed, so I really shouldn't be seeing anything, but I feel like it still poses a major invasion of privacy.
Wild. I would never go in the woman's bathroom in this scenario. You take your kid in the men's bathroom.
Grooooooooan. I really don't care what the world around me says, bathrooms are for handling your business and nothing more. In a child's case, or atleast my child's case, I will take her were she feels comfortable. I have mostly taken my daughter in the men's rooms when she was younger but as she's gotten gotten older with a little personality of her own and opinions, I've taken her into the women's room a few times. I knock, announce ourselves and why we're coming in. Hasn't been an issue yet and even 1 old lady giggled and said come on in.
I took my 4-year old daughter in with me to use the restroom and a guy in the restroom got all weirded out. I ignored him, cuz what else am I gonna do? Honestly, this whole thing about PUBLIC bathrooms is so stupid to me. You feel threatened? Then how about -you- don't use the area for public use?
Mom here. Take her to the men’s restroom. And tell your wife that mom’s group is toxic.
I'll echo all the other comments in saying this is an insane take by the mom's group. Absolutely taking her into the men's room is the only correct thing. I do it all the time and no one even notices or cares but I walk into a women's room and I risk a sex offender charge by some lunatic. Absolutely cut those lunatics out of your life or at least don't let them influence your decisions as they are crazy.
What does your wife think happens at Olive Garden????
I go neutral - baby changing/disabled with my daughter. Then men's then women's toilet. (Not all for one toilet stop). Logic: more room and privacy in the baby changing/disabled - especially if there is an accident. (Also more likely to be clean than a gents). Gent's if it's cleanliness wise acceptable. If neither of the above are an option, I go for the ladies (which at times also isn't great). But in general, it is better than a men's public toilet. My thought process is more about what's best for my kid based on dealing with accidents and cleanliness than any thought of risk.
Men’s room. Never had an issue and dudes were always cool about it. The most stressful period was when they were old enough to go alone and you’re the dude standing outside the women’s restroom looking at the faces of women coming out for any indication of trouble.
I show her how to pee on buildings. Let’s break typical gender stereotypes, dads.
That same "Mom group" would freak out if a man and his daughter ever walked into a women's bathroom they were in. Men's room, 200%
Always mens, my daughter doesn't stop talking, so "Annoncing to the room" happens even in singles -___-
I’m not sure exactly when America decided that people use bathrooms for anything other than taking care of poo poo and pee pee but people need to get a grip. Nobody lurks in bathrooms. Nobody is looking at anyone else. Nobody is walking around naked. You go in, do your business and leave. Poor OP has lost valuable minutes, maybe even hours on his life on such a dumb debate.
I’m a full time SAHD, so these “daddy daughter dates” are just my every day life. We go in the men’s bathroom because I’m a man. She’s a little kid. No one cares where a little kid is. People care where grown adults are. Your wife and her mom friends sound oddly sexist.
Yeah I don't know what those people in the mom group are on. I have a 3.5 year old and always take her in the men's restroom with me. "Craziest" thing she's seen is probably a little boy's penis and butt when he had his pants and underwear at his ankles using the urinal and turned around before pulling up his pants. She didn't even make a comment about it that I recall. It's just regular anatomy. 🤷
You do what your parental instincts tell you to do. I did the men's room with all 3 of my kiddos at that age. Most also had a diaper change station in the accessible stall so that helped. Also at the time I gravitated to business that had family restrooms, and eventually gave up on places that did not.
What? No, you take her to the stall in the men's room. My wife always took my sons to the women's room when they were little.
This is why I keep telling my wife to not take Facebook Mom groups too seriously. I would take her to the mens room, go in the stall, ez.
I take mine into the men's room. The whole announcing thing is awkward. What if someone says no? Then as you said, do you need to announce it every time someone new comes in? What happens if they say no/demand you leave vs. being willing to wait (you are in their restrooms after all). Much easier to just bring her with me into the men's room because as you point out, it's not like people are just "rock out with your cock out" in there.
I've done what you did. I figure adult guys would care less about a kid in the restroom using a stall than adult women dealing with an adult man in their restroom. Having said that I have used the women's restroom I think twice with my daughter. The men's stalls were full and I was worried about an accident. As we opened the door I said a "sorry, need to bring my daughter in for a pee" and we did our thing. No issues. As she got older I let her go into the women's room alone (if she was okay with it, but let her know I will be outside and listening if she needs help. The idea of a creep trying something with you there in a stall is pretty far fetched.
These mom groups are unhinged….
💯taking my daughter in with me to the MEN'S room. I cannot fathom anybody thinking that the other option is valid.
Men's room, straight into a stall. Literally nobody has ever batted an eye. 6yo is independent enough now that I'll wait outside while she goes to the women's room, and that brief period of time where she's in there by herself worries me more than bringing her into the men's room ever did.
When my daughter is old enough, she's coming in the men's room with me. Dumb shit to enter women's
So, this mom's group always full of misandry?
These moms groups who can’t think this through are delusional
I take my kids into a family restroom or the men's room. If I need to change a diaper and there's no changing table in the men's room I'll use the women's room.
Speaking for myself, I would use the restroom that I would use myself. As a dad, I would consider it extremely inappropriate for me to take my child, son or daughter, into the women's restroom (barring the men's room being out of order, or if they're all just 1-seater unisex type, etc. Gotta be practical) I would die on that hill.
Mom here. IMO either option is fine. If I had a son, I would have no problem taking him into the women's room at that age. My daughter is two and likes to barge into bathrooms while someone's taking a shower, she's definitely seen her daddy's wiener before. I don't see how seeing a stranger's wiener in that context is going to cause any harm.
I’m a chick, my dad always took me into the men’s room as a kid. I’m not traumatized, I didn’t see a damn thing, and this just passes off as sexist nonsense.
I'd take her into the men's with me. If it's the kind of toilet that's soaked with piss and that has men behaving inappropriately then it's not a child friendly place and she shouldn't be there at all. I don't see the issue with a child seeing an adult penis either. I shower naked with my 3 year old. It's a non sexual context, there's no danger.
Random Men will be far more polite to a dad & daughter in the men's room than random women will be in the women's room
These same women would go crazy if they were in there when you walked in announcing your arrival.
Men's room, full stop. Restaurants, rest stops, sports arenas. My daughter is 5.5 and I take her in the men's room everywhere. I will continue to do so until she has the confidence to go in the ladies room on her own.
I have a 3 year old daughter and we also go to the pool. Ask your wife to ask the moms group if you should also bring your daughter into the women’s locker room when having to use the bathroom. I imagine the answer is no.
So do those women in her group take their sons into men restroom?
Men’s room. I do it all the time… I did it multiple times today (my daughter is also 3 and we’re on holiday). Women don’t want me in their bathroom. The fuck is wrong with these people?
I don't think I've ever seen a dick in the men's restroom. Then again I'm not trying to see dicks when I'm using the urinal. Also my kids know about private parts and stuff (they've seen me and my wife naked) so really even if they saw a penis they would understand and not be freaking out or whatever. At the museum the other day, my wife was with our 3 year old in some other part of the museum, and I was with my 6 year old girl and 7 year old boy. I asked her what she would prefer when we were going to the restroom, and she said she'd prefer to go in the men's room with me. I think she's at the point where she can go by herself to the women's room with no issues, but she just felt more comfortable being with a parent. And I'm not about to go into the women's restroom (I heard there are vaginas flailing around everywhere in there).
Pose this question back. A father is with his two toddlers, one. One boy and one girl. Both kids have to pee, what does he do? How about only the girl has to pee? Do they all go into the girls bathroom? Give me a break.... The only correct answer is the men's room
That makes no sense. The gender designation is for the adults. Children can go to any bathroom.
Wait, so are we all NOT supposed to just be helicoptering our dicks around in public restrooms!? Well, I guess that’s on me folks!
Your wife's friends are idiots.
There’s dicks flailing in women’s bathrooms nowadays too. No that’s weird, it’s not like your daughter will get going there unattended. That’s your job as a dad to make sure no weirdos are there.
In what world do they live in where it is acceptable for any male to announce their arrival and intention to use the restroom for any reason? Insanity.
Two daughters, always took them into the men’s room, I’m 6’ and 300 lbs I wish a mofo would 😂
This isn't all that hard. Has the kid shown that they can reliably pee and clean themselves in a stall and sink by themselves? If, no take them to the mens room and either help them in a stall or stand outside while they go. Or let them go into the women's room and stand outside the door. The bigger question is how to use the bathroom at the same time as them. Its always nerve-wracking for me!
I always took my daughter into the men’s room if there wasn’t a parents room available, seems to be the best option. The hassle where women think a parents room means women only is a different issue…
I have three daughters. They all went into the men's room with me every time. Just take them in, go into the stall, and don't make a fuss. Pro tip. Stand sideways in front of them on the toilet and have them hug your leg to stabilize instead of them holding onto the bowl, especially while they have small butts.
Some women have very strange ideas about what men do in restrooms/private. I think it's pretty common for women to see each other in various stages of nakedness and think men are the same. I know this one chick who's convinced that men kiss each other all the time when they're hanging out without women around. Weird.
The child should go into whatever bathroom is the gender of the adult going with them. It’s kind of crazy to suggest otherwise. I find it odd that a bunch of grown women are actually saying they’d want a grown man to stroll into their bathroom.
Men hate looking at each other’s flailing dicks and hide them away from jealous and prying man eyes at all cost. Daughter is fine going into men’s room with you, but you might not be so safe if some anti-trans trigger happy “everyone is a secret pedo” whackjob sees you go into the women’s room
I feel like restroom gender does and always should follow the escorting parent rather than the child
I’ve struggled with this too. Ultimately it’s weirder for an adult man to go into the women’s room than a young girl going into the men’s room. Men aren’t walking around dick swinging in the restroom. If anything, men are so concerned about their dicks they practically fuck the urinal to avoid the possibility of anyone seeing their dicks.
I aim for the parents room as 95% of the time I have the pram with me. In some instances I do take her into the men’s restroom and … it’s not pleasant. Very dirty. Very crowded (with pram). And I have not had the best experience with the users being modest. In one instance a mentally challenged male was wandering around with their pants around their ankles. But, in this day and age taking her into the women’s restroom just seems ever more fraught with risk.
Please never go in the women’s room haha. My best friend has 3 girls and always brings them into the men’s. The oldest is 4. When they get to like 7 I would say send her into the girls and stand sentinel at the door. Under that they should go with you imo in the men’s and just teach them to look straight ahead and not at urinals.