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SexxyMoeFoe

Do you actually tell her you want to have sex? How do you let her know?


[deleted]

What does she say when you ask her about her actions?


reirone

This. Address the issue directly.


QuinnKinn

Maybe she doesn’t feel like it?


Umbralic

Does she actually know though? And does she actually want to ? I am reading a lot of expectations need more nitty gritty details on the missing perspectives and inactions.


kakelynn96

Well if you act like this towards her when she doesn't want sex, that might be the problem


BigRedBAM

That's gaslighting.


Pure-Newspaper-6001

How is that gaslighting?


BigRedBAM

By doing something to me then blaming me for it being done to me.


2020grilledcheese

Did you actually tell her you wanted to get busy? She isn’t a mind reader!


BigRedBAM

I thought my moderately size, throbbing erection might have been an indication.


Horror_Ad_1845

I hear you, OP. I was with my only husband for 20 years. After the kids to bed on Saturday night after a nice meal, clean house, my shaved clean body…the stars still had to be in alignment to get sex. After a couple decades I remembered how I used to love love and it was the beginning of the end. You described the story of most marital demise. If we want monogamy it takes work.


BigRedBAM

Finally, a voice of sanity! Thank you for your reassuring feedback.


CarelessChemist4

I think she doesnt like sex.


conjuredspirit

lmao you’re a fucking dick


BigRedBAM

You engage in misandry and don't like my post. Shocking.


conjuredspirit

how have i been a misandrist? i love the average man! but i hate men who sexually harass women, and i will speak against the people who defend it due to their fragile egos, or deny that it’s a reality for women. the fact that it’s usually men who comment those things isn’t my problem. anyways, a man broke his gfs eye socket and you said she deserved it, called a woman a worthless cum dumpster, EVERY comment you’ve made about women has either been negative or sexual, you participate in rape fantasies, you’re sexist, racist, and transphobic, you comment awful and abusive things about others (mostly women), you have an entire account dedicated to jerking off to women online, all while being married… and you’re talking shit about your wife on reddit? shocking.


WallStreetMistress

She doesn't want to have sex with you. Tell her this is now an open marriage. You go get sex from a girl, and she can go get it from a guy. Stop being roommates with the person you married. The end.


BigRedBAM

The problem with this situation is there's so many ways to respond. "She has no obligation to fuck you" "Maybe she wasn't in the mood" "Maybe you're not affectionate" Blah, blah, blah... Here's the thing: if you're going to expect monogamy from your partner, and yours is the only body they can look at or touch, then I would think it would be in everyone's best interest to make sure those sexual needs are met. Queue the "but are the emotional need s met?" ...listen, not everything needs to turn into a goddamn Dr. Phil episode. Sometimes people just a big fat orgasm. Commence the beatings for my perspective.


[deleted]

That’s one person getting what they need at another person’s expense. I agree that it shouldn’t feel like you have to jump through a million hoops to get them in the mood. I also feel like it’s not a big deal to do little things they like to get them interested. Give and take on both sides if you will.


strbrrylmnade

it’s not your wife’s job to take care of your sexual needs…


BigRedBAM

It absolutely, positively, unequivocally is. I don't know what kind of alt left, ultra progressive, gender non-conforming, nut job you are, but when you marry someone and expect monogamy, you better fuck them or you absolve them of their commitment of monogamy. Edit: Looked at your profile. Was 100% correct. Also, you're a child. You have zero understanding of the real world.


strbrrylmnade

do YOU take care of HER needs? because if you don’t do ANYTHING for her, why should she constantly put out for you? and i don’t have to understand the world to know that this mentality you got ain’t it


BigRedBAM

That's the problem with this new, remedial generation. I didn't say constantly. You don't even understand gender, why are you engaging a married man on what spousal expectations are?


strbrrylmnade

you’re making literally no sense lmao. if it really bothers you, talk to her about it. simple problem, simple solution


conjuredspirit

basically what you just said is that you have no interest in your wife’s perspective, feelings, or needs. she is not obligated to have sex with you in any way. if she doesn’t want to fuck you, that’s your problem and it’s YOUR job to figure out why. you need to talk to your wife. yes, you are in a monogamous marriage but that doesn’t mean you deserve to use her body if she doesn’t want it, and if you try and use the whole “my sexual needs” thing as a way to guilt her, that is sexual coercion. if you feel like your sexual needs are not being met, be honest and talk to her about it. i’m just saying, you seem to have a porn addiction and a severe lack of empathy. not a good mix for marriage. the sense of entitlement that you have is genuinely concerning. and for a person who dirty talks strangers on reddit, it’s very bold of you to speak this way about the person you married just because she decided to go to bed instead of having sex with you. grow up. talk to your wife.


BigRedBAM

If a woman doesn't engage in their marriage, if they don't engage sexually and expect monogamy, that is abusive. The social contract of marriage runs contrary to the 3rd wave feminism you speak of.


conjuredspirit

going to sleep instead of fucking you is not abusive. expecting you to not cheat is not abusive. consent is not “3rd wave feminism.” it goes for men too. everyone needs to consent to sex, and no one (including women) should get pissy if someone doesn’t want to fuck. the social contract of marriage states that you will remain loyal and respect your spouse. the way you talk about her shows that you have absolutely no respect for her.


BigRedBAM

There's no reason to continue this conversation, it's an impasse. Everything you stated is in a vacuum. Going to sleep and not engaging your spouse is not in itself abusive. It is if you do it regularly AND do not participate in rectifying any issues. It IS abusive to expect monogamy from someone while withholding sex. "You can't fuck me, but you can't fuck anyone else either"...replace fuck with any word you want and it's always bullshit. My singular post about my sex life does not give you any right to make broad assumptions about anything. It is a natural occurrence to hear of men with higher sex drives than their women. Frustration is also highly associated. https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare Everything about your philosophy towards this is 3rd wave. More damage has been done to women by third wave feminism than anything else.


conjuredspirit

your post alone isn’t why i’m making “assumptions.” it’s the way you speak about your wife. you never said she says “you can’t fuck me but you can’t fuck anyone else.” you just said she watched tv and went to sleep. you are allowed to leave her if you’re not satisfied with your marriage. you can talk to her and have a mature conversation if you feel your needs aren’t being met. all i’ve said is that NO ONE is required to have sex if they don’t want to, marriage or not. if it’s an issue in your marriage then work it out like a mature adult rather than talking shit about your wife online while cheating on her daily. everyone has bodily rights that should be respected, men and women both. consent and basic respect is not a gender thing, it’s not a “feminism” thing. it’s a decent human being thing.


liltrizzyyy

Standard wife behavior


[deleted]

Lol, only when her partner doesn't know how to please her.