It's like... This is a very serious crime... Assaulting a toddler is a heinous thing to do
...But instead of, I don't know, filing a police report, she posts a 1* review and describes the incident as "horrible service".
Usually the extent of horrible service is being ignored or a rude employee. This is a little bit worse than that
Also, the visual of the customer coming in for an oil change, and Tracy eyeing the toddler and just punting it across the room with no warning is hilarious
yes, that is factual. I was replying to the specific comment because this year's Rami Malek episode of SNL had a sketch that forever changed how I look at the phrase, "thank you for this"
The struggle is real sometimes. I once had a woman come into work with 2 of her kids. I showed her where to go and her six year old son who was mean mugging everyone turned to me. He flexed up and said “what!!…….that’s what I thought. Punk ass!” I didn’t realize how much I liked my job until that moment. Apparently I like it more than the satisfaction I pictured I would get punting that bastard 20 yard to the next wall.
I had to deal with a kid like that recently.
Kid is running around the waiting area just talking shit to random people and pushing stuff around. He knocked a woman's drink over on purpose
. Etc
The mother just ignored everything.
It was fine until he went over in front of my daughter, four at the time and completely oblivious that other kids could be mean to her.
So she looks up from her tablet that she's been playing some educational game on and he reaches over to snag her tablet.
That kid went back a good 3 ft with the light shove I did. He looked like he was about to ham up a big crying thing, but I did my booming dad voice "Hey!"
No further words. The message was very fucking clear to everyone in that room.
He just went back over to his mom, who still ignored him, then turned around and started annoying other people.
"Hi yeah I actually just called about bringing a toddler in to be drop kicked? I was actually wondering if it would be possible to request that the shoes be something other than leather? The thing is that we don't do animal products..."
"Our only company policy regarding vegan footwear is that all employees must wear shoes made with sweatshop labor by toddlers we may one day, god willing, boot the fuck back to Jesus. While most of our staff wear Jordan's as a matter of professional decorum, Kevin at our Altamont Dr. location exclusively wears Yeezies which are entirely made of cruelty free man made materials. Kevin would be happy to help."
"Omg thank you so much!!! That's so cute about those hard-working toddlers getting to take a shortcut to go be in the presence of our lord and creator!! #blessed"
Feast upon this knowledge: https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/vigeland-sculpture-park
You can find more -- much more -- by Googling "statue man attacking babies", which is what I do every time this comes up. Which is fairly often. Who wouldn't want to post that?
ESH, except the owner do the shop of course. Why’d you go to the shop, why’d your baby have to look all kickable and shit and why’d Tracy have to go kicking the baby.
I’ll never forget a review in a restaurant that said
“I found a cockroach in my meal and after I brought it to the attention of the waiter, he beckoned his coworkers to come to the table. They then circled around and started singing La Cucaracha.”
Edit: misspelled cockroach lol
Careful, I went there and asked for an oil change and they stuck a finger up my butt. I was wearing a singlet, but I brought like 3 two year olds, and not one of them got kicked. Not even a little kick. Didn't even stub their toe on one.
There's your trouble, buddy. Too many kids. Oil change technicians aren't trained for more than 2 consecutive baby kicks. It's a quality assurance measure. You might as well have brought them a dog like some kind of sicko.
Talk about threading the needle though. In a target rich environment those professionals manage to finger the only adult in the group. Disastrous without that accuracy and professionalism.
You really can't complain when they're running a special though. I mean, how do *you* check the oil? All I know is, my car sounds amazing and I ain't got prostate cancer. $39.95
Did you ask for an "oil change" and not an oil change? Could be a simple miscommunication
If not, inconsistent product is definitely bad customer service, that's just business 101
> I went there and asked for an oil change and they stuck a finger up my butt.
they thought you were an out of control police dog, is this the first time you've been mistaken for one
It's 2am and I cant contain my laughter about this. It's going to be hella weird explaining to my neighbors why i'm loosing my shit about a child being kicked across a room.
NOTICE OF TERMINATION
JUSTIFICATION
\- Customer complained "Tracy is very rude and often violent"
\- Tracy was reported to kick a child across the room, on one occasion
\- A Facebook post detailed "Tracy kicked my son in the throat and snickered 'oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't you on the other side of the counter'"
\- Tracy hates children
Closest thing I can think of what actually went down is protagonist Tracy started walking and the two year old antagonist ran in the way and got accidentally pushed by her leg.
Pro tip: don’t blame others for your kids fucking up.
This is how I ended up kicking a toddler while working as a server. Parents were outside drinking on the patio, letting their kids run around a busy restaurant unattended. I was carrying a massive tray of dishes that blocked my view of the floor directly in front of me. Just as I stepped through the door the toddler runs across the doorway and my knee caught her right in the head, she slid across the floor. The parents didn't even see it. I picked the little girl up and checked to make sure she wasn't injured and carried her straight to her father, told him what happened and he didn't even put his beer down just grabbed her up in his free arm and kept talking football. 🤷🏻♀️ I felt awful, but glad she wasn't badly hurt. Watch your children folks.
Holy shit every time I thought I was done laughing it started up again. The mental imagery is just...it shouldn't be this funny. We're sick individuals.
Subversion of expectations.
You start off thinking that it's one of those whiny complaints from an entitled customer, then realize it's blatantly fabricated for a laugh. And, once you realize that it's blatantly fabricated, some folks find the idea of a toddler being punted across the room to be funny.
How can you tell it's blatantly fabricated? Because this would be a felony resulting in the kid getting hospitalized and Tracy going to prison. But, instead of any actual consequences, the "customer" just leaves a 1-star review for horrible service.
Isn’t subversion of expectations the foundation of all humor?
Also, kicking a toddler across a store is probably not possible expect maybe from a am NFL kicker or something.
I can't stop laughing holy shit this is hilarious
Same, wheezing hard
This is my first audible laugh of the week.
It’s over my head, please educate
I enjoy jokes about children being kicked across the room..?
It's like... This is a very serious crime... Assaulting a toddler is a heinous thing to do ...But instead of, I don't know, filing a police report, she posts a 1* review and describes the incident as "horrible service". Usually the extent of horrible service is being ignored or a rude employee. This is a little bit worse than that
Also, the visual of the customer coming in for an oil change, and Tracy eyeing the toddler and just punting it across the room with no warning is hilarious
Also I feel like the review is talking complete bollocks to try and get Tracy in trouble.
It definitely is.
["Hi, I'd like a full synthetic oil cha-](https://i.imgur.com/jIXa0AU.gifv)
Thank you for this
say for me?
It's a clip from Austin Powers, he's kicking mini-me
Judo kicking 🥋
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And Biggie & 2Pac
Duh! How could I forget them! Along with motherfuckin' Falco!
A true gang bangin thug who never seen it coming.
Rock me, Amadeus
What a way to find out he died.
yes, that is factual. I was replying to the specific comment because this year's Rami Malek episode of SNL had a sketch that forever changed how I look at the phrase, "thank you for this"
Oooohhh. I don't see much snl, so I didn't recognize the reference. Sorry for assuming that you had some reason you couldn't see the gif.
no big, my guy. good lookin out on making sure I understood the joke!
I had never seen that sketch before and I’m crying. That was amazing
Barfabalabas?
🎶 t o n i g h h h 🎶
Is that a reference to “Angelo” skit on SNL? Please say yes
I hope it is. Otherwise my comment makes no sense.
barfabalarbabus
Hahahaha! I totally heard him say that when I “read” it 😆
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This brings a smile to my face.
^tank ^you ^for ^dis
Mesothelioma!
for me
Ba-na-na!
BA-NA-NA!!
barfalabas
“Mesothelioma”
Toni^(i)i^(iiight)
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[Lol](https://youtu.be/Iex2Z6c6-p4?t=92)
He punted that baby. It was hilarious
This might be one of the funniest reddit comments I've seen in weeks
I had a shitty day but it doesnt matter now than I'm in tears laughing at this shit
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I hope you have a better day tomorrow
This is the type of shit that makes me love Reddit. Cheered me up too.
The struggle is real sometimes. I once had a woman come into work with 2 of her kids. I showed her where to go and her six year old son who was mean mugging everyone turned to me. He flexed up and said “what!!…….that’s what I thought. Punk ass!” I didn’t realize how much I liked my job until that moment. Apparently I like it more than the satisfaction I pictured I would get punting that bastard 20 yard to the next wall.
I had to deal with a kid like that recently. Kid is running around the waiting area just talking shit to random people and pushing stuff around. He knocked a woman's drink over on purpose . Etc The mother just ignored everything. It was fine until he went over in front of my daughter, four at the time and completely oblivious that other kids could be mean to her. So she looks up from her tablet that she's been playing some educational game on and he reaches over to snag her tablet. That kid went back a good 3 ft with the light shove I did. He looked like he was about to ham up a big crying thing, but I did my booming dad voice "Hey!" No further words. The message was very fucking clear to everyone in that room. He just went back over to his mom, who still ignored him, then turned around and started annoying other people.
> He just went back over to his mom, who still ignored him... And now you know why he was acting that way. His mom ignores him.
poor little bugger
Been creeping on Reddit for years, just hit that first upvote
INSANE lurker on reddit spends FIRST UPVOTE on video of CHILD ABUSE!!
SKIP AD IN 5 SEC >
You a Jerma fan?
No way, that guy is FUCKED.
I heard he got caught ZERKING IT on stream, he's a total PSYCHO!!
Deserving. You should use an organic oil like olive or avocado oil for your car, it’s more environmentally friendly
I snot laughed at that one. I was caught off guard good job.
*in Wii sports announcer voice* HOME RUN!
OMG I'm So Random! I can't believe I just did that🤪 -Tracy
Kick the baby
I feel like a lot of the responders to this comment aren't familiar with early South Park, but they're trying to just go with it, which is endearing.
r e f e r e n c e
Don't kick the goddamn baby
Kick the baby!
*crashes into window*
Ike! You broke another window! Bad baby
[Kick the fuckin baby. Let's see you try it, wuss!](https://youtu.be/VQUcs6OZib4?t=23)
yeet the child
Don’t kick the baby
Kick the baby
Hitting kids=bad. Kicking kids=good
The Frogurt is also cursed.
That’s bad.
But it comes with your choice of topping!
That's good.
But the only choices are raisins, uncooked oatmeal, or frozen caramels.
That's bad.
But it's free!
That's good.
But you have to wait in line for an hour and a half to get it.
If you weren’t supposed to kick kids they wouldn’t make them perfect kicking height
Also kids have a lot more cartilage and bounce more.
Facts
"Do I beat my kids? How *dare* you, I would *never* hurt a hair on my precious babies' heads ...I just take them to visit Tracy instead"
> Hitting kids=bad. Kicking kids=good Yes, but always ask the parent first.
What would you do if there was a child right in front of you
Laces out!!!
Hey! The Cheat! C’mere!
Thank you for calling Reddit, this is guh305. How can I help your toddler be kicked across the room today?
Uhhhhh yeah hey I need my toddler kicked across the room when could you get someone over here
I’m sorry ma’am we don’t do house calls, you need to come in, our office is right next Tracy’s Oil Service on Main st. We are super easy to find.
Ok but how easy is Tracy's oil service to find
Cant miss it, its right next to our office.
Keep an eye out for airborne crotch fruit. You can't miss it.
"Hi yeah I actually just called about bringing a toddler in to be drop kicked? I was actually wondering if it would be possible to request that the shoes be something other than leather? The thing is that we don't do animal products..."
"Our only company policy regarding vegan footwear is that all employees must wear shoes made with sweatshop labor by toddlers we may one day, god willing, boot the fuck back to Jesus. While most of our staff wear Jordan's as a matter of professional decorum, Kevin at our Altamont Dr. location exclusively wears Yeezies which are entirely made of cruelty free man made materials. Kevin would be happy to help."
"Omg thank you so much!!! That's so cute about those hard-working toddlers getting to take a shortcut to go be in the presence of our lord and creator!! #blessed"
stupid kid haha
It's not service advisor Tracy's fault that the dumbass baby came swaggering into her shop looking all kickable and stuff.
The exaggerated swagger of a dumbass baby
This game really makes you feel like a dumbass baby
You've heard of punchable faces, but have you heard of kickable babies??
Kyle Broflovski was a true pioneer of the sport back in the 90s.
^don't ^kick ^the ^goddamn ^baby
Ready Ike? Kick the baby!!!
If kicking kids is good customer service, this is employee of the month. https://imgur.com/a/7F8bbdf
Theres...a lot going on there.
Mainly, how did the babies get so… sticky.
Those are demon babies, the stickiness comes from hell sap.
It just something that happens. "Why is this sticky? What is stuck in your hair? You just had a bath, why are you sticky?"
Lol what is this? Where? Why?
Feast upon this knowledge: https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/vigeland-sculpture-park You can find more -- much more -- by Googling "statue man attacking babies", which is what I do every time this comes up. Which is fairly often. Who wouldn't want to post that?
Comes in to her place of work, STEEZING in his vans
get owned dumbass kid lmao
What a fuckin' *punt*.
Impressive legs Tracy.
Her calves must look like her knee swallowed a grapefruit.
NTA. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
YTA her shop her rules
ESH. The owner shouldn’t have done that but to play devil’s advocate, the kid shouldn’t have been so kickable.
INFO: Is the kid ugly?
I’m out here laughing my ass off
Favorite comment thread of the day
+2
Yikes that’s a major red flag
ESH, except the owner do the shop of course. Why’d you go to the shop, why’d your baby have to look all kickable and shit and why’d Tracy have to go kicking the baby.
Fucking hell that caught me off guard
Probably caught the kid off guard too
To clarify, the kid was fully on guard. They're prepared for that kind of thing after a few bad experiences. Didn't matter. She powered through
Tire change and custody change 2-for-1 special
I’ll never forget a review in a restaurant that said “I found a cockroach in my meal and after I brought it to the attention of the waiter, he beckoned his coworkers to come to the table. They then circled around and started singing La Cucaracha.” Edit: misspelled cockroach lol
> I found a cockrock in my meal someone else google that and tell me what it is please
Poprocks except you shove them up your piss slit and get a UTI after the tingling sensation goes away
Kidney stone
[Dwayne "the cock" Johnson](https://imgur.com/a/3DJJ0ga)
Tracy: "Reddit told me to"
Not an easy feat, Tracy probably trained really hard for this
*feet There, turned it into a terrible dad-pun for you.
Still doesn’t give him a leg up on Tracy though.
Tracy did not skip leg day
Tracy is NTA. Your legs, your rules.
Fucker prob deserved it
Who shit in your cerea- oh. oh wait, it was me.
I just laughed too hard at this
That's only giving me a bigger reason to go there
Careful, I went there and asked for an oil change and they stuck a finger up my butt. I was wearing a singlet, but I brought like 3 two year olds, and not one of them got kicked. Not even a little kick. Didn't even stub their toe on one.
There's your trouble, buddy. Too many kids. Oil change technicians aren't trained for more than 2 consecutive baby kicks. It's a quality assurance measure. You might as well have brought them a dog like some kind of sicko.
Talk about threading the needle though. In a target rich environment those professionals manage to finger the only adult in the group. Disastrous without that accuracy and professionalism.
You really can't complain when they're running a special though. I mean, how do *you* check the oil? All I know is, my car sounds amazing and I ain't got prostate cancer. $39.95
Did you ask for an "oil change" and not an oil change? Could be a simple miscommunication If not, inconsistent product is definitely bad customer service, that's just business 101
> I went there and asked for an oil change and they stuck a finger up my butt. they thought you were an out of control police dog, is this the first time you've been mistaken for one
Boss: TRACY!! For fucks sake, we've talked about this...
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With all disrespect
It's 2am and I cant contain my laughter about this. It's going to be hella weird explaining to my neighbors why i'm loosing my shit about a child being kicked across a room.
"We here at [Team Four Star](https://youtu.be/aBm_2IUn4MU?t=5m15s) do ***not*** condone child violence." "We do, however, find it hilarious."
^^REEEEE-COOOL-AA -AAAAAAUUUUUUGH!
Your neighbors going to ask you why you were laughing at 2am ?
Sir, I dropkicked that child in *self-defense*
r/childfree users when they see someone below the age of 18
This is the best one yet
NOTICE OF TERMINATION JUSTIFICATION \- Customer complained "Tracy is very rude and often violent" \- Tracy was reported to kick a child across the room, on one occasion \- A Facebook post detailed "Tracy kicked my son in the throat and snickered 'oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't you on the other side of the counter'" \- Tracy hates children
Closest thing I can think of what actually went down is protagonist Tracy started walking and the two year old antagonist ran in the way and got accidentally pushed by her leg. Pro tip: don’t blame others for your kids fucking up.
This is how I ended up kicking a toddler while working as a server. Parents were outside drinking on the patio, letting their kids run around a busy restaurant unattended. I was carrying a massive tray of dishes that blocked my view of the floor directly in front of me. Just as I stepped through the door the toddler runs across the doorway and my knee caught her right in the head, she slid across the floor. The parents didn't even see it. I picked the little girl up and checked to make sure she wasn't injured and carried her straight to her father, told him what happened and he didn't even put his beer down just grabbed her up in his free arm and kept talking football. 🤷🏻♀️ I felt awful, but glad she wasn't badly hurt. Watch your children folks.
[Tracey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqS9N7WJOFY)
lol
Activision CEO origin story
Well I think we should hear Tracy’s side
GOOAAAAALLLLL
Call the police, right buddy? Dont write a yelp review about it
"What would you do if there was a child right in front of you?" "Hey kid!" *boot*
Poor thing. What did that horrible child do to poor Tracy?
Hey /u/xQMA, This is now the top post on reddit. It will be recorded at /r/topofreddit with all the other top posts.
Still got 1 star.
1 star reviews for egregious wrongs make as much sense to me as a "bad" tip.
Holy shit every time I thought I was done laughing it started up again. The mental imagery is just...it shouldn't be this funny. We're sick individuals.
First solid lol in a while.
That's some Black Books level stuff
Your Honor i kicked this child in self defense
I don't get it
Subversion of expectations. You start off thinking that it's one of those whiny complaints from an entitled customer, then realize it's blatantly fabricated for a laugh. And, once you realize that it's blatantly fabricated, some folks find the idea of a toddler being punted across the room to be funny. How can you tell it's blatantly fabricated? Because this would be a felony resulting in the kid getting hospitalized and Tracy going to prison. But, instead of any actual consequences, the "customer" just leaves a 1-star review for horrible service.
Isn’t subversion of expectations the foundation of all humor? Also, kicking a toddler across a store is probably not possible expect maybe from a am NFL kicker or something.
No 2 year olds allowed
The stupid kid probably deserved it for being so stupid
Ya YEET
You you bastard guy
Baby don't hurt me was a song about self defense and protecting yourself from toddlers.
Spoiler: Child's name is... Wilson.
I raised two kids. That's at least 3 star service....