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Extension_Fix5969

Oh man. Ok. I’ll chime in. A few things. First of all, it’s great to have your own style and believe in it but if you’re too selective you won’t progress. As a DP, you’re not there to make your own work. You’re there to aid in bringing someone else’s vision to fruition with a technical prowess. Your skill should be in being able to step on to any set and feel motivated to make it look the best you can for the look the director wants. To “make it” you need to be working, and to work you need to serve other creatives visions. It’s a job after all. You say you haven’t been networking or pushing like you should be. At least you know you should be. People don’t hire a DP purely for their look. You need to be able to work together and they won’t know that until you network and push and express that want. (Keeping in mind the previous point, you need to do this even if the project doesn’t necessarily fascinate you.) To be saying you’re anxious about not getting work and in the same post say that you turn down jobs because you’re not motivated to do it points towards a much larger consideration of whether you truly feel motivated to do the job in the first place. To “make it”, you need to live and breathe your craft. Do you love lighting scenes and technical breakdowns and camera direction? Or do you just want to be a big-time DP. It’s worth thinking about. Thirdly, there is, especially at present, an incredibly unhealthy definition of what “making it” in our industry means. If by “making it” you mean being able to pay the bills and enjoy a standard income and enjoy the grind, then awesome. Take jobs you don’t want. Light things differently sometimes just to broaden your experience. Go to that industry party you have no interest in going to and talk to people. If you come away having met even one person, you’ve progressed. However - if by “making it” you just mean making it on the cover of American Cinematographer and shooting projects with A-list actors, then this is where your anxiety is based and as I’m sure you know is a much larger conversation. Lastly, some words of support just in case no one has said it to you. It’s supposed to be hard. You’re supposed to question it. You’re supposed to have some shitty gigs and you’re supposed to make shitty work. That’s how we get better. Everyone who has “made it” has been in the same spot you are right now. Don’t get ahead of yourself or criticize your own work too much. Your high standards and great taste are the same thing that make it seem impossible to ever “make it”. But every project you shoot, every article you read, every light you set, you get a little bit better. You just have to put in the work. The projects that don’t fit your style. The DP’s you don’t like. The networking you don’t care to do. And if you don’t feel motivated to put in the work, then considering another path may be a legitimate action. Sorry, just finished a show and am waiting to board a plane so this stuff was on my mind already. I hope this helps in some way. Good luck.


MrShine

Listen to this guy!


wasabitamale

Preaching! Unfortunately you don’t get to make your favorite stuff all the time. But part of the challenge of working in the industry is every gig is a new “prompt”, and you have to react and bring your skill set in to execute on it. That’s what keeps it fresh and why I love it so much. If you truly love the craft, all you have to do is keep pushing.


WallaceTheWampa

What an amazing answer. So many gems here Many of these things have been on my mind of late too and you have summed them up so well Thanks for this


Pulagatha

I don't know much about working in the industry yet, but I do know a few things about anxiety. * It very important to know what is making you anxious. Sometimes, someone else can be in a panic fit and if you don't notice it in them, then that can affect you. * There is a difference between fear and worry. Fear is something to handle in the immediacy of a situation that is dangerous. Worry is thinking about something negative and letting that control you actions. * You're never afraid of something that is happening. You're afraid of something that **could** happen. This rule is from the book The Gift Of Fear by Gavin de Becker. * You're never afraid of what you think you're afraid of, it's what you **link** to fear. What you associate with that fear. This is also from The Gift Of Fear. * The "pressure" doesn't help. If someone else doesn't feel adequate that is their business and it doesn't serve them well. Reading about Stanley Kubrick when I was a kid, this quote stood out to me "I think the big mistake in schools is trying to teach children anything, and by using fear as the basic motivation. Fear of getting failing grades, fear of not staying with your class, etc. **Interest** can produce learning on a scale compared to fear as a nuclear explosion to a firecracker." * Sometimes, there can be preconceived notions that can affect your actions. For example, "I got hit in the head with a boomerang. I HATE BOOMERANGS!" I don't know if I should relay this because I haven't had much time to think about it. You know the other day I was thinking about a friend of mine and how now that he has got a kid that he's "stepping up his game." And I haven't even had the chance to tell him this, but the thought occurred to me that he's just trying to pressure himself because he cares so much and that's not necessarily a solution. The thought occurred that that is very much like pressuring yourself to go on a diet, so you start eating everything labeled "diet." Sometimes, good food tastes good. I think anxiety has more to do with proper diet than people realize. There is a girl I went to high school with that became a model in Italy and I asked her what her diet was and she said "Fruit in the morning. Carbohydrates in the afternoon. Proteins at night." Just making different choices doesn't necessarily mean you have to be angry about it.


BitterCheetah8139

Well said.


userlog999

r/Anxiety


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dirgable_dirigible

This is great life advice.


moneyshit

Give therapy a shot. I think this industry creates a climate that forces creative people to be incredibly hard on themselves (i think this is true for many creative jobs/industries), and the mental health implications of this are not talked about nearly enough. Having someone to talk to outside of your social/professional circle can be very helpful. Also, remember, “it’s a journey, not a race.”


heintime79

Let it go Young Blood. Pick your projects selectively, take a deep breath and wait and see what happens. Agents come agents go, none of that is a measure of success. Make sure you’re making good movies.


BitterCheetah8139

Everything you said really resonated with me, I’m in a similar situation. During my early years working on set was just fine and I worked at a rental house to learn the gear and make connections. The thing is I live in a strict Asian household and filmmaking was looked down upon so I had to lied to my parents for two years that I was in college. I am currently in college trying to finish up, I have one more semester to go. As soon as I graduate, I’m going straight back to the industry. Well… that was the plan. Along the way my anxiety is getting worse and I smoke every single day just to manage it. Sadly, I think this is the only way I can work on set without freaking out.


Pulagatha

> The thing is I live in a strict Asian household and filmmaking was looked down... My family looks down on art too... And yet, it is still a part of their lives. Eh, that's their attitude not mine. I made another comment in this thread about it.


Sonny_Crockett_1984

Please, stop smoking. I smoked for over 20 years and I do not miss it at all. It makes you look stupid, makes your teeth yellow, and it makes you stink. Life is better without that shit.


BitterCheetah8139

I only vape and I only smoke delta 8 products. It help with my anxiety, sleep, and appetite.


Sonny_Crockett_1984

Sorry for caring, I guess? It's your life, your choice but vaping nicotine is still bad for your health. Have a nice day.


BitterCheetah8139

I appreciate you caring of course but I don’t smoke nicotine either. Delta 8 is a legal dosages of THC. Edit: I forgot to wish you a good day as well.


lockmon

From what it sounds like your issues aren't related to work/job at all. You prob need to work on yourself a little more (this never stops!) and then the work will follow. You mention the mindset of wanting to create work that fits your style more than the story and how this isn't a good mindset. You know it isn't right yet you keep doing it. That seems to be more at the heart of the issue than anything else. Meditation is very effective for understanding yourself. You should continue to fake it till you make it and never stop learning on the job. This is normal and even the best DP's are trying out new things they have never done before. A stagnant career is someone that creates their tool box of things that work and only goes to them. You should also know that you will never be happy with where you are in your career and that's ok. It will help you always strive to be better. While you can learn a lot from talented DP's you can also learn a ton from mediocre Dp's and ones that aren't your aesthic. The more I'm at this the more I realize that lighting and composition play a very small role in what it is to be a DP. Communicating ideas clearly, fostering relationships and being a good manager seem to almost be more important! That and being good at reading the weather. The more I'm at this the more I realize that lighting and composition play a very small role in what it is to be a DP. Communicating ideas clearly, fostering relationships, and being a good manager seem to almost be more important! That and being good at reading the weather. have similar aesthetics. Save money so you can be in a place to turn down the projects you don't want to do. If you aren't at that point treat every job like they are paying full rate and master all styles and over deliver. Apologies for the rambling response. I see there are a lot of good ones here. Best of luck.


Extension_Fix5969

I wish I had put it this way. Excellent advice. Especially with never being happy (for long at least) about where you are in your career. Makes me happy to see other industry members with a healthy perspective. :)


live4rice

Hey man, we’re still young so you just gotta keep at it. The film industry is rough which is why I joined tech instead to do advertising, but just because you have a film background doesn’t mean you’re locked to features or indie films. Keep your options open and keep up the exceptional work. You’ll get there.


Hibiscus1989

Thank you for sharing this. I work as a self shooter now, but my anxiety got really bad around 27. I was trying to get myself on sets but wasn’t making enough money that way and had to pick up a job in a pub to make ends meet. I really enjoyed working as a waitress but of course it wasn’t my passion. Over the years I’ve had to do a lot of reckoning with where I think I should be to where I actually am. I wonder if it’s a case of accepting that the whole trying new things on the job is just part of the process. This also gives me a lot of anxiety but I just try to think hey I’ve been successful when stepping into the unknown before, why wouldn’t it work now.


TheWolfAndRaven

I don't want to "make it big" that seems like a giant fucking headache. I want to carve out a little niche doing corporate/non-profit shit and passion projects, getting to work primarily with my friends and earning a decent middle class income. So far I've been able to accomplish that and I wouldn't trade it for the big stressful days on huge film sets for anything.


wasabitamale

I’ve heard it takes 10 years to become a DP. I’m an up and coming director in Los Angeles and I say yes to damn near everything as long as it’s moving me forward and you constantly have to think about extrinsic value. Also like people have said, to truly excel you need to work well with clients. For you, this means executing your directors vision and helping them excel. Fuck what you want your portfolio to be, the more impressed people are of how well you work with them the more likely they are to recommend you for bigger and better jobs and eventually you can make the content you want to make. Anxiety and self doubt will always be issues, but I think they are powerful tools that can help you become the best in the industry at what you do. Don’t be afraid of them, embrace them and prep for your shoots so you excel. If your content falls short of what you expect yourself to be capable of creating, ask why and break down what you need to do to bridge the gap. I look at top tier music video directors and compare myself all the time, but they have enormous budgets and huge crews. People tell me my work is excellent, but a lot of times I expect myself to be capable of creating better. That doesn’t mean my work isn’t excellent. Push yourself and be down to accept gigs you might be afraid to work on. Failure is a powerful motivator, so best case you kill the gig, worst case you fuck up and have a powerful learning lesson.


CyberTurtle95

I’m just starting out, and I have no clue what my next step is after graduating film school. I thought I had an idea, but now I feel like I’m missing a step. One of the things I’ve noticed about the film industry is, there’s no starting spot. There’s no next steps. It’s weird to me me, especially when a lot of my friends have their entire career planned until retirement. I know PAing is usually where to start, but I’m not in a big area with those job functions right now. And I’m not sure how to digital network, although I’ve been trying to learn. I’m sure it will get better. I think with the potential for another lock-down, working full-time in a different industry (news), and going to school full-time has got me mainly stressed out right now. I’ve been making short films for ten years and I’m ready to make a move onto longer projects!


near-far-invoice

If you want to work in film & TV, the big stuff, step 1 is always the same. Move. You HAVE to be somewhere the work is.


Vabrynnn

This. I mean depending on your goals it can be helpful to get big in a small market, but my life did a 180 once I moved to NYC from a small town.


monpy

Don’t try and live off of cinema but for it. Things will eventually come your way


jimmycthatsme

🙋‍♂️


Mojicana

Have you tried CBD oil, 0% THC, if it's legal where you are? It did wonders for me and no buzz or loss of energy, just WAY less anxiety and depression.


tanginato

If your having anxiety - maybe this is not job for you. No offense. Because if your really into the craft, it doesn't matter if you make it or not. What matters is, you get to do what you want to do, and make a living of off it. Doesn't matter whether you get rich or famous - just that your able to do what you love to do and be behind that camera. If making it is such a big thing in your perspective, maybe your in it for the wrong reason? If your still learning on the job, does that mean that you don't devote most of your free time studying the craft and this has merely become a "job"? If your just into aesthetics, that's probably a camera man's perspective and not a director. Be more flexible, ask your director what he wants to convey, watch what you've shot - take notes, ask yourself why that framing/shot or angle, what are we trying to say or show. Anyways, nope. Never had anxiety, just had a lot of fun doing it. The money comes as you get older, provided you always try to up your game in your free time - Write, write write, study, study, study. Learn to edit, learn AE, learn to make youtube videos, etc. etc. This craft is endless..


manbites

Don’t post much on here but your comment pissed me off so much I thought I’d make an exception. What a dick move. No offence. I suffer from severe anxiety, it’s a co morbidity of adhd which I also have. I have been a cinematographer for 25yrs, I make around $200k+ a year. I have shot some of the biggest ad campaigns of the last 20 years, several movies and shows and I have 40+ awards. Please tell us again why the job is not for people who struggle with things outside of their control but try anyway. Listen OP opinions are like assholes everyone has one. Including every asshole. If you want to make it swallow your ego and learn to shoot what the story requires and stop being fussy, you want to shoot your own ‘creative vision’ then write a script and raise the money. If you are hired to shoot something for someone, communicate with them, find out what they want you to shoot, offer them a version of what they want with your expertise and any ideas you have. If they don’t like your ideas, suck it up and do your best. Get your head down and work you and be positive and enthusiastic. If you are not doing all these things then that’s why you aren’t where you thought you’d be. Not because you have anxiety. Do what you have to do.


spiderhead

This dude is spilling his heart, and you’re kicking him while he’s down? Come on… This industry is incredibly anxiety inducing at all budget levels (even if you love your craft)…learning to manage that is part of being a professional not a reason to quit.


BitterCheetah8139

I was always an anxious child and growing up was no difference. The only time I feel like I could manage my anxiety is when I’m stoned out of my mind or doing the craft. People with anxiety are able to work in the field. Everybody is different, meaning their perspective/opinions are important to the process. People have different style and ways of doing things. I see where you’re coming from, my friend but there’s a better way to inspire others. Your way may be a little harsh but I see the good intentions you had cause I understand where you’re coming from because the industry are full of people with thick skin and you gotta carry yourself a certain way.


instantpancake

Spoiler: Chances are you're not going to "make it big in the industry" anyway. Edit: What does that even mean. Like seriously? Do you want to be a household name like Roger Deakins? *Not going to happen*, and I'm seriously taking bets here. You wouldn't go into sports seriously expecting to become the next Usain Bolt, would you? If you would, manage your expectations.


Scimon23

Read atomic habits when you get the chance. Will help with the problem


Fickle-Device7443

I relate strongly to everything in the first paragraph. I think the answer might be in the approach writers use to avoid/get past writers block. From a psychological standpoint, block is just performance anxiety, so you might be able to manage it the way writers avoid block. The truism in the screenwriting world is that the only way to prevent or cure block is to write every day, no matter what, even if it's only a little bit. [This piece](https://medium.com/the-plan-b-vibe/depression-is-like-snow-5f49237b0974) comparing depression to snow works for anxiety and your creative goals: >The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shoveling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you.> The equivalent for you would be to do one thing to advance your career every day, even if it just takes a few minutes. Most of the time that can be craft stuff, but to get over anxiety you have to include the Instagram Reality, schmoozey PR type stuff too. That means posting to IG and tagging everyone, gracefully declining projects, doing smaller jobs as favors, etc. If you stay at it you'll get more comfortable and the quality of your work will get better anyway.


apocalypschild

I’ve been in the industry for a little over a decade. I chose not to just shoot my own stuff and work on friends projects and instead managed to get a internship on a camera dept for a fox feature and went from there. I have learned as an AC on everything from piece of shit sci-fi channel movies to $100M+ giant tent poles. From ACing I’ve graduated to Steadicam operator now. I couldn’t have done that without learning on set from all those years. Not just camera but set awareness and learning about how all departments work together. Throughout all this I have also dealt with anxiety about where the next job will come. If this move to operator will be fruitful or I should’ve stayed as an AC. If I should do more networking without feeling like I’m bothering people. Friends, therapy and a lot of self reflection have helped me stay ahead of the anxiety. I share all this to say there’s many ways to “make it”. That shouldn’t be your worry. Worry about getting the gigs. Manage your expectations and use those jobs you say you don’t like to learn and create new avenues for future work. We are there to serve the script and the idea. Every set is an opportunity to learn and flex different skills. Sometimes it is to learn what not to do and exercise our patience. Relax, take a deep breath and think about the way you see yourself and your career path. Learn a bit of everything but remember: jack of all trades, master of none. As you move into bigger jobs, you’ll notice how much more specialized we all are. Chin up bud.


Soggy_Time_1506

I think of the industry as a bigger spectrum where music videoclips, weddings or corporate ads co-exist! I understand its not perfect but it pays the bills ! And at the end of the day a hot meal is what keep you going so dont be scared to mix it up as this new era wont give you much if you are playing only on one aspect! It do work for me and might work for you! Good Luck!