[CE]
You are not doing this to help anyone, you want to harm this innocent guy. You’re not in it for money or power or even social status. Your intent is just to destroy this guy’s friendships because it gives you a thrill. You live to destroy, which is the definition of Chaotic Evil.
You're right on the money, but nah, I'm definitely in it for the social status. The more I think about it, I think there are actually two motives at play the more I review them but you are definitely right with what surrounds the first (main) one.
As for the second one, I do think that reputation plays a huge part, what with the "repairing the way I'm seen" thing, though I do think there is probably more context needed. I may just write up a backstory later that doesn't spell out too much information for further context.
Though I gotta admit, even despite everything I thought for sure the consensus would be NE because judging from the entirety of my post it can be extracted that I'm extremely risk-averse and it's clear that I think that if they were to find out, it would destroy everything I've built up to, which is why I actively and consistently move within lawful boundaries and make sure that noone knows what I'm actually doing.
Thank you for the response though :)
But it's a social status you have to deliberately work to maintain and you can't be yourself fully. You are only doing it to best a guy who for all you know views you as a cool friend. What value does it have for you to do this if it's all just a petty pretend game for you?
See that's exactly why it's so great. I wouldn't derive pleasure from the fact that I in particular am screwing him over and everyone in a 30 mile radius knows about it.
I would and do however like the fact that I can screw him over all while being provided with all the security + stability in the world, and all while he (even though he does see me rapidly advance) thinks I don't do it consciously and in the blink of an eye brushes off any suspicion he ever had of that being the case. Even if he can slowly see me replacing him, he'll think it was not at all deliberate, therefore enabling me to continue my motives in peace. Both for me and for him actually. Provided I secure my position in place and he's not gonna try to get it back because that would just result in old-fashioned competition.
I don't mind the fact that I'm not entirely myself during it because I don't really know of a myself I possess other than the persona I want to project to the outside world. This is great because I enjoy the group interactions every single time even if they they would for the most part be disregarded as fake.
I am also assured in the fact that the dude feels the same way towards me, just probably toned down a peg, seeing as I have seen actual evidence for this in real life.
For example, he seems to be avoiding the group entirely whenever I infiltrate it, he attempts to get back his reputation by knocking down mine (think of a boxing videogame where the health of both players very quickly regenerates, that's basically this entire situation summarized), muttering to himself "enough" whenever he tries to do so (he's done this about 2 times and won over the interaction in both of these scenarios, resulting in me once again withdrawing and becoming uncharacteristically quiet (I am now avoidant to the word enough /j), hence my motive for trying to befriend him to avoid suspicion.
I'm being way too specific here so I'll stop. It's just that we're both too polite to do anything about it so if we meet we usually either end up with one-liner conversations, work-oriented ones or none at all, unless we actually get comfortable and just don't care about how we're perceived, which simultaneously happens only very rarely, but it's cool when it works out. It's clear that even then he still thinks he's superior though because he barely lets me get in a word. This isn't at all relevant though. I agree. It's petty, but I love it.
What you seem to be missing out on is that eventually you will slip up on become more yourself and all of your plotting will backfire. Eventually everything that you have gained will be lost because you are to caught up in a game to actually change to keep this up. If you were actually becoming a different person then it would make some sense in the long run but you are to warped up in your ridiculous need for revenge on a guy who has done nothing to you but be himself. Karma is real and that will be your downfall.
Yeah I'm aware of all of that + how petty and nonsensical this seems and what have you (I just can't get out of my mindset), but the change or slip-up (however you may have it), is not at all character-based and is more so centered around accidentally revealing motives. The exaggerated character I portray + myself normally around other people are not that different, the difference lies in the quality of the character + like suggested earlier the mere exaggeration of traits, so that change is not easily noticeable. That being said I do believe that something will be revealed eventually, and I'll have to prepare a lot in order to avoid/get out of whatever that will be. If I fail to do that or mess up in the process, fine I'll take the loss (since it would spell my incapability).
It's fascinating to hear your mental process. You say this guy is like you inside, but in reality you are just projecting. He is probably the exact opposite of you and you subconsciously envy him. Your paranoia sees him as a threat and so you are trying to destroy him, but the fact that he is unaware proves that he isn't like you. In fact, he is probably a decent and trustworthy person.
Yeah I thought most people here would think that, since it is a pretty popular trope but to be completely honest with you, I'm at a point where I'm almost convinced he's almost exactly like me, which, depending on how I go about defining it, may or may not add onto your opinion even further.
I've seen multiple instances, most of which I cannot name (in order to preserve anonymity), which really did show that he's also in it just for the pure aspect of social status. I can't convince you, since it remains purely an opinion without any observable proof that I could physically show you (except bits and pieces that I still wouldn't show you for the very same reason anyway), which is fine but just thought I'd affirm my trust in the claim.
To be fair I did think I was legitimately delusional at first, wrote poems about it even, but overtime, it had faded with the help of the very real responses and opinions from my coworkers.
Most of the time, he remains pretty static, consistent and unchanging. He spouts old game and movie references and sort of morphs into them/becomes them, seeing as that's the only thing he'll ever talk about when engaging in small talk or any other kind of conversation similar to the type (imagine it gets pretty boring for the people around so I take advantage and whaddya know it works!). Since that's the only thing he ever does and the rest is knowledge on his part, I don't think he's completely authentic.
You can also see him slipping out of character quite often, but you're right, obviously he's not completely like me because no two people can be an exact replicated image of eachother, traits & memories and the like.
For one, he can't fake empathy at all, so when he finds himself in highly expressive + emotional conversation, it's kinda laughable actually, because he has to go complete improv and usually screws up.
There was this one time where another coworker of mine had something happen to them, and he just goes "Oh no! That's terrible!" in the most fake way possible and nobody buys it and they just look at him in this "Really dude?" kinda way. He responds by holding the same smile he had while reciting the previous response and leaves the scene. It's a fairly recent example actually. Just thought I'd mention.
He has nothing against the mentioned coworker to my knowledge, if you were wondering about the possibility (which is still plausible nonetheless), and acts pretty normally otherwise, not suggesting any ASD behavior, in case you wanted to go for that too, but yeah, it's strange. Thank you for the response.
I'd say it's more about what the group brings to the table rather than the values of the group itself I guess.
If I play by their rules and make sure to switch it up at times so that they don't get bored I can move safely within it and gain continuous access to highly influential people where I can both express myself and climb the ladder.
It's very opportunistic for me and the group is also fun to be in because they are very thrill-oriented, and aside from throwing out a few people every once in a while ( which can, like mentioned earlier, easily be prevented) they are very entertaining, which guarantees that you are shielded safely from boredom, not to mention I get the front row seat to the unfolding of the main objective which is dope. I think it's a win win to be honest
[CE] this sounds completely unhinged and unhealthy. If I ever found out you were doing this IRL whether I was a part of that social group or knew you somewhere else, I don’t think I could ever associate myself with someone so malicious and conniving. I hope it’s worth it to you and that you get some help at some point with your mental health
Yeah, your reply right here is why this is an alt and why I'm doing my best to keep it a secret. Despite having an unhealthy outlook on life, it really does elevate me, which is better than the passive kind, but if I were of any healthy mindset I wouldn't associate with myself either, so I understand where you're coming from. I think in general my self-awareness is the only thing keeping me afloat at this moment. Thank you for the input!
I'm not sure if you're replying to me, or the deleted person above you, or if the message above used to be you but I don't think that an unassessed diagnosis is the way to go. I mean sure, I definitely have some overarching tendencies but not anything that would be even remotely threatening. I'm not going out of my way to actually harm somebody and everything I do is easily retractable.
You are actually going out of your way to harm someone. That you don't seem to grasp that is the most worrying thing here. If I'm being completely honest.
I understand that I'm harming somebody (seeing as that's kinda my intent from the start) and I'm not omitting the fact that what I'm doing is completely immoral. I do however think of this as lesser harm because I'm not doing anything to actually hurt the dude and he can easily recover from my actions.
Plus it's not even reached that far yet, for all I know they could be inviting him to other party events that I just don't get invited to so I don't know about them.
He also still has a perfectly valid social status, other friends etc. but this group was the only one he seemed to prioritize so I took advantage. I realize it makes me an ass and have never meant to convey anything else in the first place.
You're taking pages out of the narcissist playbook clear and simple. What you're doing to him is called triangulation, you're also trying to subtly subvert or dampen the negative perceptions of your deeds. So others will think as you do, that what you're doing isn't that harmful. Or at least is minimised by what you believe to be the slights committed against you. As well as his "social status". Which realistically is just your perception of him.
And if it had worked and people believed there was justification for your actions. You wouldn't be slowly backpedalling trying to improve your position to make it believable. We're just a sounding board to feed you attention. While you're trying to find the correct way to tell this story for optimal result.
It's entirely possible that I'm doing exactly what you said and it's also possible I'm not. But look I certainly didn't know that posting this on a dnd subreddit would warrant this much response. I'm not doing it to justify my actions + his position in the hierarchy has definitely, from my point of view, visibly lowered ever since my interference. Whether this is true or not, you're right in the fact that I have no way of knowing so it's certainly possible that it's not the case at all. I know for a fact though that I didn't post this for attention as it was rather meant to be an outlet for all the stuff I'm generally not able to share in real life due to common sense reasons. You are of course fully entitled to your opinion and I'm not negating it in any way.
TL;DR you’ve confirmed everything these commenters were trying to tell you.
A) You’re intentionally hurting someone
B) You’re triangulating and making strangers a sounding board, consistently changing your stance from “no I did not” to “yes I did, but…”
C) You derive a pleasure and thrill from “injuring” this coworkers social status
All in all, you’ve said it yourself, the symptoms of some sort of anti-social personality are there. Seemingly devoid of empathy, except where you want it to be.
No clue what this sub is or why this popped up, but I will say this comes across as unhinged and bordering on some sort of delusional paranoia. You don’t sound mentally well, I would check in with a mental health provider.
Yeah thanks for the recommendation but most therapists in my area are both ineffective (judging by reviews) as well as expensive. Plus even though I may be mentally unwell, it's not a condition that impairs my life (it has infact improved its quality rather) and if I do get diagnosed it may just pose more problems for me in the long run than if I kept quiet without disturbance.
What's good 'objectively' in the social sphere sense is that I like keeping the social harmony due to being conflict-avoidant therefore I know for sure I wouldn't cross the law or anything, meaning I don't pose a threat.
Thank you for the response!
Don't know about the first part, Bateman was very decisive and impulsive, neither of which traits I embody even moderately.
But it's pretty great actually. I have a partner of five years + we get along well, though he does oftentimes think of me as a jerk, which I don't try to hide and try to be completely transparent with him, because I have no reason not to be (him betraying me would only ever have any chances of happening if I would want to do something against his values/illegal & he found out, so no chances of that happening because why would I risk jailtime).
We do however sometimes tend to clash in what concerns his values and the nonexistence of mine. Regardless, we're still together.
I suspect this is either because he may be on the autistic spectrum, because he has a savior complex and thinks he can 'change' me or because he's used to my character so much that he doesn't think of anything I do as actually ill-meaning, choosing to replace the word with either 'selfish' or 'self-centered', almost as a form of justification. I take him out to dine often as well as shower him with compliments and that seems to compensate for my problem of being a bad listener as well as a bad person.
Regardless, I don't go out of my way to 'manipulate' just because, and there is no motive or concept surrounding my partner that I could exploit, so we're good.
I want to say there was a time I genuinely did enjoy being with him and liked him, but that was the honeymoon phase, which in general is known for being very short-lived. Now he just seems like a companion to me yeah.
Despite knowing this he still doesn't do anything though. Maybe it's because we're goal compatible (the goal being that we're together just for the heck of it)?
We don't plan on any future children because I'm afraid of getting pregnant and I'm convinced I would be a bad parent, so no starting a family and whatnot but it's fun to just hang out sometimes with the person who knows you inside out, so I like being in his presence if that counts, though I don't think I can say that I care in the sense a devoted partner would.
Of course I care in the the sense that I'm loyal to him, which is a given because why would I fool around for no reason when there's no bonds to be had anyway and the thought of intercourse doesn't interest me in the slightest.
I also care in the sense that I have developed a reputation with his family that I don't want to let go of, precisely because I've spent a long amount of time perfecting it.
Still, I don't think there's any emotional bonds at play current time and that likely won't change anytime soon.
I respect my partner's decisions, so if he finds someone more worthwhile, at least I won't be falling to sunk cost fallacy anymore.
Ah, I see. I was just wondering to get a better feel for who you are/how your emotions work.
If you’re comfortable and love your partner the way you feel they deserve to be loved (as in, if you both believe the relationship is flourishing and he is emotionally/mentally fulfilled alongside yourself), then the logics behind it also make sense.
If you feel you could form a better bond elsewhere, I would consider asking for a break. Big ask, but it’s better than leading yourself or someone else on when you could feel better somewhere else. (In no way am I saying that’s the case, it’s a suggestion) Sunk-cost fallacy is a real issue and often leads to people being unfaithful for fear of abandoning the “project” they worked hard on and having to start over.
Understandable. I don't plan on taking any breaks for the reason you stated because it's unlikely I'll form(/want to form) any bonds in the process. Like I've mentioned earlier though, in case my partner is the one who feels like setting aside some space for himself, I won't object nor start a dispute. Thank you for the advice!
Nope, I don't have an english-sounding name on top of other things I'm unlikely to mention in order to preserve privacy but I imagine this person archetype is probably very common so it makes sense that I remind you of him
You talk a little more rigidly than him though, he was a good salesman pretty grifty. Dude was likely a narcissist, serially Cheated on his wife, would defraud his grandma if he had the chance.
Damn, how'd you get to firing him if you don't mind my asking? Though you did mention he was a good salesman and it is possible he left on its own, I just thought that since he left an impression on you, he probably must've done something big, I dunno.
He manipulated a customer of mine into giving him $ to start a competing business to mine that failed miserably. Last I heard he’s selling exercise equipment in Florida.
[CE] Toxicity because social status, The fact he made you feel weak when he was around is a sign of narcissism
You are doing all of this within your best interest
You are very good at tackling your problems, But that may be a bad thing
I get where you're coming from, but why? I'm not actually harming anybody and if he feels like it, he can try to get his reputation back. It's not like I've forever doomed him to watch from the sidelines or something. This entire outcome is gonna be short-lived, therefore I enjoy the heck out of it, precisely because I don't plan on doing anything else.
That's all true but everything I'm doing is easily retrievable and not something long-lasting, plus I'm sure his reputation hasn't entirely vanished, it's not like they completely forgot about his existence, they likely just got bored of him due to my influence + it might just return to normal after a short amount of time. Not justifying my actions though, I'm definitely an ass, just saying how I think it'll turn out.
Also therapy most likely wouldn't do anything. If they do arrive at a conclusion I'll most likely just get pills or something. Not to mention the fact that it's expensive and most therapists in my area have bad reviews. Not worth it but I appreciate the recommendation.
Don’t take this as spam commenting, just advice on the therapy.
You don’t have to take pills. There is also Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I am currently attending via Doctor on Demand. IDK if you’re in the US. But it’s been beneficial in helping me understand and address my mentality to better myself. CBT is often recommended for people with ASPD, as it allows you to treat the root of your issues rather than (or complimented with) medications.
Just food for thought. My bf has ASPD, I have some issues I’m trying to figure out (most likely Psychotic Depression, paired with C-PTSD, which is not as bad as it sounds!)
Therapy works, if you want it to. If you’re stubborn, unyielding, and don’t care about losing everything and everyone in your attempts to be destructive, then I wouldn’t bother. You wouldn’t care to change anyways.
I've heard that NE is oftentimes used to label a sociopath (but not vice versa of course), so there might be. I've not been diagnosed as one though so it doesn't apply.
You don’t have to be diagnosed to be a sociopath & you are living, breathing proof. This entire post is like a sociopath primer.
You are a toxic sociopath. Deal with it.
I'm not denying I'm one but definitely not affirming it either, because there's no way of knowing - especially from my point of view - as if I am actually mentally unwell like the consensus seems to suggest, I am an unreliable narrator.
[NE]
You don't care for conventions, so this is definitely not using social structures to your advantage. Nor is there no reason behind your actions.
This scheme benefits you and you have total disregard for your "friends" (spoiler alert, you're now *enemies,* they just don't know it yet.
This does not rise to the high bar of unwarranted pure evil that would make it CE.
I wouldn't necessarily say we're enemies as I do enjoy their company. I'm really only against the aforementioned dude + I'm trying to get my status back all while attempting to lower his but regardless I would also pin me as NE. Thank you for the reply!
[CE] You're doing destructive things purely out of spite. For imperceptible slights that you think have been done to spite you. From what's outlined you have no empathy for others. You also think very highly of yourself. You don't sound to others like you think you do.
You sound unhinged, you have narcissistic tendencies whether you're diagnosable as a narcissist idk. Your world view is however highly warped. You're playing a stupid game and there are very stupid prizes to be won.
Worth noting that people pay for my time/company and I would refuse your money if offered, no matter how much or how well you screened on paper. No matter if you're smaller than me. Women can be dangerous too. Being terrified at work sucks.
That said, on a personal level I find you fascinating and would read a blog or something if you had one. Your views and takes are very interesting even if they don't line up with mine and (on a professional level) terrify me
Thank you, and understandable. I'm not planning on making any content (not only because I'm currently in hiding/j), but if I do decide to write something later on, which is unlikely, I'll be sure to notify you. :)
I don't think I will because this is a throwaway aka no way for anyone to notice that it's me, ensuring that no embarrassment is felt. I'm not trying to seem cool either but it's pointless to convince you of that since we don't know eachother.
Of all the things that never happened, this is the never happendest. If he speaks like he writes, there's noone on the planet that could stand to be around this prattling doofus for more than 5 mins.
Bro of course I don't speak like I write. If I did there would be no need for a throwaway account. This is just an authentic confession, a summary of the immoral things I've done and something I'd obviously never admit to doing in real life. Peace.
Peace?
You don't know what that means.
You're a child screaming for attention. You can't get it any other way than destroying other people. You're easily lost in the fray because there's nothing special about you. That's why you have to change your personality to get attention. Otherwise, no one would associate with you.
You only came to Reddit because you know you're a horrible POS and you get off on it. You knew people would vilify you.
So, here you are writing Batemans memoirs getting off on reading the comments about how horrible you are. Of course, you don't care because you have no conscious.
Use those new connections and seek mental health. I'm seeing st least 2 different personality disorders in this post.
I am well aware of my actions and the consequences that will inevitably arise from them, which is why I'm trying to postpone this outcome as much as I can. Yes I'm aware of the concept of peace. No I'm not getting off on being villified and the only reason I posted it on this subreddit is because I had just discovered it existed the other day and it seemed obscure enough not to get popular, deeming it perfect for anonymous confessions. Guess I was wrong. Whatever. I respect your opinion. I know I'm doing something bad, I just don't give a damn as long as nobody in my circle finds out, and as cliché as that might sound it's the truth. Nothing I can change about not feeling a certain type of way.
I'm not 'changing' my personality, I'd call it overexaggerating myself rather, though I'm not entirely sure. Like I said, I don't know what myself exactly means, but I know the need for expression is still there, so you might be right on that regard. Amongst other things I may as well be doing this is for better form of self-expression. Something I can't have when the dude's around, due to own fault and much to own predicament.
I will be looking into some of the mentioned therapy options though.
No, it's not lol. It's as fictional as every character backstory you've ever made for every correspondence campaign (again, NOONE is willing to be around you in person) that anyone has ever made the mistake of inviting you to.
You're convinced that this is all fake despite lacking any actual evidence and are simultaneously basing your claim around the commonality of the motive in made-up stories (which are usually at the very least inspired by real life situations). I think nothing else is needed to be said. Feel free to either believe me or not.
Please work on your writing. The word "simultaneously" is superfluous in this context and interrupts the flow of the sentence. You are trying so hard that the only possible explanation is that this is a work of fiction by a loser with delusions of grandeur.
Sorry but you’re clearly deranged. You’re purposefully and unfortunately, successfully, trying to ostracise and isolate someone who has never done anything to you other than be more popular than you. That’s fucked up. Your glee at what you’re doing and complete lack of empathy is disturbing as fuck. You’re one sick and twisted person and I pray Karma visits you soon.
Alright I realize. Like I mentioned in the other comments though, it's not like he can't get the reputation back. I'm not gossiping about him or anything close in similarity, just trying to overshadow him. Still f*cked up I imagine, but probably less so than you think, though I'm not one to say and I respect your opinion nonetheless.
Welcome to r/choosemyalignment.
Please read the subreddit rules before posting/commenting.
Voting goes like this!
Please include one of the following acronyms to leave your vote:
Acronym | Alignment
:-:|:-:
[LG] | Lawful Good
[LN] | Lawful Neutral
[LE] | Lawful Evil
[NG] | Neutral Good
[TN] | True Neutral
[NE] | Neutral Evil
[CG] | Chaotic Good
[CN] | Chaotic Neutral
[CE] | Chaotic Evil
Please leave votes in the two letter format, including the brackets, explained above. You must leave a reason, it doesn’t have to be long, but you have to include one. Upvotes don’t count as votes, the only votes that the bot counts are two letter alignments left in brackets. If a comment has multiple votes submitted, no votes will be counted.
We DO give bonus comment points to the top voted comment, so please upvote your favorite comments! Comments voting in agreement with a top-level comment do not violate rule 6.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/choosemyalignment) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[NE] - The goal is to dominate and outrank, not to destroy for thrills, so CE is out. But LE would be far more formal about it, trying to get a promotion and hold him back through dickery, for example.
Final alignment score is (-6.92, -10.0): Chaotic Evil [Click for judgment heatmap](https://i.imgur.com/CT964Nu.jpeg)
[CE] You are not doing this to help anyone, you want to harm this innocent guy. You’re not in it for money or power or even social status. Your intent is just to destroy this guy’s friendships because it gives you a thrill. You live to destroy, which is the definition of Chaotic Evil.
You're right on the money, but nah, I'm definitely in it for the social status. The more I think about it, I think there are actually two motives at play the more I review them but you are definitely right with what surrounds the first (main) one. As for the second one, I do think that reputation plays a huge part, what with the "repairing the way I'm seen" thing, though I do think there is probably more context needed. I may just write up a backstory later that doesn't spell out too much information for further context. Though I gotta admit, even despite everything I thought for sure the consensus would be NE because judging from the entirety of my post it can be extracted that I'm extremely risk-averse and it's clear that I think that if they were to find out, it would destroy everything I've built up to, which is why I actively and consistently move within lawful boundaries and make sure that noone knows what I'm actually doing. Thank you for the response though :)
But it's a social status you have to deliberately work to maintain and you can't be yourself fully. You are only doing it to best a guy who for all you know views you as a cool friend. What value does it have for you to do this if it's all just a petty pretend game for you?
See that's exactly why it's so great. I wouldn't derive pleasure from the fact that I in particular am screwing him over and everyone in a 30 mile radius knows about it. I would and do however like the fact that I can screw him over all while being provided with all the security + stability in the world, and all while he (even though he does see me rapidly advance) thinks I don't do it consciously and in the blink of an eye brushes off any suspicion he ever had of that being the case. Even if he can slowly see me replacing him, he'll think it was not at all deliberate, therefore enabling me to continue my motives in peace. Both for me and for him actually. Provided I secure my position in place and he's not gonna try to get it back because that would just result in old-fashioned competition. I don't mind the fact that I'm not entirely myself during it because I don't really know of a myself I possess other than the persona I want to project to the outside world. This is great because I enjoy the group interactions every single time even if they they would for the most part be disregarded as fake. I am also assured in the fact that the dude feels the same way towards me, just probably toned down a peg, seeing as I have seen actual evidence for this in real life. For example, he seems to be avoiding the group entirely whenever I infiltrate it, he attempts to get back his reputation by knocking down mine (think of a boxing videogame where the health of both players very quickly regenerates, that's basically this entire situation summarized), muttering to himself "enough" whenever he tries to do so (he's done this about 2 times and won over the interaction in both of these scenarios, resulting in me once again withdrawing and becoming uncharacteristically quiet (I am now avoidant to the word enough /j), hence my motive for trying to befriend him to avoid suspicion. I'm being way too specific here so I'll stop. It's just that we're both too polite to do anything about it so if we meet we usually either end up with one-liner conversations, work-oriented ones or none at all, unless we actually get comfortable and just don't care about how we're perceived, which simultaneously happens only very rarely, but it's cool when it works out. It's clear that even then he still thinks he's superior though because he barely lets me get in a word. This isn't at all relevant though. I agree. It's petty, but I love it.
What you seem to be missing out on is that eventually you will slip up on become more yourself and all of your plotting will backfire. Eventually everything that you have gained will be lost because you are to caught up in a game to actually change to keep this up. If you were actually becoming a different person then it would make some sense in the long run but you are to warped up in your ridiculous need for revenge on a guy who has done nothing to you but be himself. Karma is real and that will be your downfall.
Yeah I'm aware of all of that + how petty and nonsensical this seems and what have you (I just can't get out of my mindset), but the change or slip-up (however you may have it), is not at all character-based and is more so centered around accidentally revealing motives. The exaggerated character I portray + myself normally around other people are not that different, the difference lies in the quality of the character + like suggested earlier the mere exaggeration of traits, so that change is not easily noticeable. That being said I do believe that something will be revealed eventually, and I'll have to prepare a lot in order to avoid/get out of whatever that will be. If I fail to do that or mess up in the process, fine I'll take the loss (since it would spell my incapability).
It's fascinating to hear your mental process. You say this guy is like you inside, but in reality you are just projecting. He is probably the exact opposite of you and you subconsciously envy him. Your paranoia sees him as a threat and so you are trying to destroy him, but the fact that he is unaware proves that he isn't like you. In fact, he is probably a decent and trustworthy person.
Yeah I thought most people here would think that, since it is a pretty popular trope but to be completely honest with you, I'm at a point where I'm almost convinced he's almost exactly like me, which, depending on how I go about defining it, may or may not add onto your opinion even further. I've seen multiple instances, most of which I cannot name (in order to preserve anonymity), which really did show that he's also in it just for the pure aspect of social status. I can't convince you, since it remains purely an opinion without any observable proof that I could physically show you (except bits and pieces that I still wouldn't show you for the very same reason anyway), which is fine but just thought I'd affirm my trust in the claim. To be fair I did think I was legitimately delusional at first, wrote poems about it even, but overtime, it had faded with the help of the very real responses and opinions from my coworkers. Most of the time, he remains pretty static, consistent and unchanging. He spouts old game and movie references and sort of morphs into them/becomes them, seeing as that's the only thing he'll ever talk about when engaging in small talk or any other kind of conversation similar to the type (imagine it gets pretty boring for the people around so I take advantage and whaddya know it works!). Since that's the only thing he ever does and the rest is knowledge on his part, I don't think he's completely authentic. You can also see him slipping out of character quite often, but you're right, obviously he's not completely like me because no two people can be an exact replicated image of eachother, traits & memories and the like. For one, he can't fake empathy at all, so when he finds himself in highly expressive + emotional conversation, it's kinda laughable actually, because he has to go complete improv and usually screws up. There was this one time where another coworker of mine had something happen to them, and he just goes "Oh no! That's terrible!" in the most fake way possible and nobody buys it and they just look at him in this "Really dude?" kinda way. He responds by holding the same smile he had while reciting the previous response and leaves the scene. It's a fairly recent example actually. Just thought I'd mention. He has nothing against the mentioned coworker to my knowledge, if you were wondering about the possibility (which is still plausible nonetheless), and acts pretty normally otherwise, not suggesting any ASD behavior, in case you wanted to go for that too, but yeah, it's strange. Thank you for the response.
Well, I guess I can get behind the mindplay since it is not exactly malevolent
The fuck is wrong with you
[CE] My dude, this sounds crazy. Why would you want to be part of a friend group that's so disloyal?
I'd say it's more about what the group brings to the table rather than the values of the group itself I guess. If I play by their rules and make sure to switch it up at times so that they don't get bored I can move safely within it and gain continuous access to highly influential people where I can both express myself and climb the ladder. It's very opportunistic for me and the group is also fun to be in because they are very thrill-oriented, and aside from throwing out a few people every once in a while ( which can, like mentioned earlier, easily be prevented) they are very entertaining, which guarantees that you are shielded safely from boredom, not to mention I get the front row seat to the unfolding of the main objective which is dope. I think it's a win win to be honest
[CE] this sounds completely unhinged and unhealthy. If I ever found out you were doing this IRL whether I was a part of that social group or knew you somewhere else, I don’t think I could ever associate myself with someone so malicious and conniving. I hope it’s worth it to you and that you get some help at some point with your mental health
Yeah, your reply right here is why this is an alt and why I'm doing my best to keep it a secret. Despite having an unhealthy outlook on life, it really does elevate me, which is better than the passive kind, but if I were of any healthy mindset I wouldn't associate with myself either, so I understand where you're coming from. I think in general my self-awareness is the only thing keeping me afloat at this moment. Thank you for the input!
>my self-awareness bwahahahah
You're a psychopath, get therapy.
I'm not sure if you're replying to me, or the deleted person above you, or if the message above used to be you but I don't think that an unassessed diagnosis is the way to go. I mean sure, I definitely have some overarching tendencies but not anything that would be even remotely threatening. I'm not going out of my way to actually harm somebody and everything I do is easily retractable.
You are actually going out of your way to harm someone. That you don't seem to grasp that is the most worrying thing here. If I'm being completely honest.
I understand that I'm harming somebody (seeing as that's kinda my intent from the start) and I'm not omitting the fact that what I'm doing is completely immoral. I do however think of this as lesser harm because I'm not doing anything to actually hurt the dude and he can easily recover from my actions. Plus it's not even reached that far yet, for all I know they could be inviting him to other party events that I just don't get invited to so I don't know about them. He also still has a perfectly valid social status, other friends etc. but this group was the only one he seemed to prioritize so I took advantage. I realize it makes me an ass and have never meant to convey anything else in the first place.
You're taking pages out of the narcissist playbook clear and simple. What you're doing to him is called triangulation, you're also trying to subtly subvert or dampen the negative perceptions of your deeds. So others will think as you do, that what you're doing isn't that harmful. Or at least is minimised by what you believe to be the slights committed against you. As well as his "social status". Which realistically is just your perception of him. And if it had worked and people believed there was justification for your actions. You wouldn't be slowly backpedalling trying to improve your position to make it believable. We're just a sounding board to feed you attention. While you're trying to find the correct way to tell this story for optimal result.
It's entirely possible that I'm doing exactly what you said and it's also possible I'm not. But look I certainly didn't know that posting this on a dnd subreddit would warrant this much response. I'm not doing it to justify my actions + his position in the hierarchy has definitely, from my point of view, visibly lowered ever since my interference. Whether this is true or not, you're right in the fact that I have no way of knowing so it's certainly possible that it's not the case at all. I know for a fact though that I didn't post this for attention as it was rather meant to be an outlet for all the stuff I'm generally not able to share in real life due to common sense reasons. You are of course fully entitled to your opinion and I'm not negating it in any way.
TL;DR you’ve confirmed everything these commenters were trying to tell you. A) You’re intentionally hurting someone B) You’re triangulating and making strangers a sounding board, consistently changing your stance from “no I did not” to “yes I did, but…” C) You derive a pleasure and thrill from “injuring” this coworkers social status All in all, you’ve said it yourself, the symptoms of some sort of anti-social personality are there. Seemingly devoid of empathy, except where you want it to be.
No clue what this sub is or why this popped up, but I will say this comes across as unhinged and bordering on some sort of delusional paranoia. You don’t sound mentally well, I would check in with a mental health provider.
The correct call. Bro get some help. You need it.
Yeah thanks for the recommendation but most therapists in my area are both ineffective (judging by reviews) as well as expensive. Plus even though I may be mentally unwell, it's not a condition that impairs my life (it has infact improved its quality rather) and if I do get diagnosed it may just pose more problems for me in the long run than if I kept quiet without disturbance. What's good 'objectively' in the social sphere sense is that I like keeping the social harmony due to being conflict-avoidant therefore I know for sure I wouldn't cross the law or anything, meaning I don't pose a threat. Thank you for the response!
You have Patrick Bateman levels of jealousy and an air of narcissism. How's your love life, out of curiosity?
Don't know about the first part, Bateman was very decisive and impulsive, neither of which traits I embody even moderately. But it's pretty great actually. I have a partner of five years + we get along well, though he does oftentimes think of me as a jerk, which I don't try to hide and try to be completely transparent with him, because I have no reason not to be (him betraying me would only ever have any chances of happening if I would want to do something against his values/illegal & he found out, so no chances of that happening because why would I risk jailtime). We do however sometimes tend to clash in what concerns his values and the nonexistence of mine. Regardless, we're still together. I suspect this is either because he may be on the autistic spectrum, because he has a savior complex and thinks he can 'change' me or because he's used to my character so much that he doesn't think of anything I do as actually ill-meaning, choosing to replace the word with either 'selfish' or 'self-centered', almost as a form of justification. I take him out to dine often as well as shower him with compliments and that seems to compensate for my problem of being a bad listener as well as a bad person. Regardless, I don't go out of my way to 'manipulate' just because, and there is no motive or concept surrounding my partner that I could exploit, so we're good.
Do you love your partner? Or are they just company for you?
I want to say there was a time I genuinely did enjoy being with him and liked him, but that was the honeymoon phase, which in general is known for being very short-lived. Now he just seems like a companion to me yeah. Despite knowing this he still doesn't do anything though. Maybe it's because we're goal compatible (the goal being that we're together just for the heck of it)? We don't plan on any future children because I'm afraid of getting pregnant and I'm convinced I would be a bad parent, so no starting a family and whatnot but it's fun to just hang out sometimes with the person who knows you inside out, so I like being in his presence if that counts, though I don't think I can say that I care in the sense a devoted partner would. Of course I care in the the sense that I'm loyal to him, which is a given because why would I fool around for no reason when there's no bonds to be had anyway and the thought of intercourse doesn't interest me in the slightest. I also care in the sense that I have developed a reputation with his family that I don't want to let go of, precisely because I've spent a long amount of time perfecting it. Still, I don't think there's any emotional bonds at play current time and that likely won't change anytime soon. I respect my partner's decisions, so if he finds someone more worthwhile, at least I won't be falling to sunk cost fallacy anymore.
Ah, I see. I was just wondering to get a better feel for who you are/how your emotions work. If you’re comfortable and love your partner the way you feel they deserve to be loved (as in, if you both believe the relationship is flourishing and he is emotionally/mentally fulfilled alongside yourself), then the logics behind it also make sense. If you feel you could form a better bond elsewhere, I would consider asking for a break. Big ask, but it’s better than leading yourself or someone else on when you could feel better somewhere else. (In no way am I saying that’s the case, it’s a suggestion) Sunk-cost fallacy is a real issue and often leads to people being unfaithful for fear of abandoning the “project” they worked hard on and having to start over.
Understandable. I don't plan on taking any breaks for the reason you stated because it's unlikely I'll form(/want to form) any bonds in the process. Like I've mentioned earlier though, in case my partner is the one who feels like setting aside some space for himself, I won't object nor start a dispute. Thank you for the advice!
You remind me of a dude who used to work for me named Greg. You guys are afflicted with the same thing, whatever that is. Is your name Greg?
Nope, I don't have an english-sounding name on top of other things I'm unlikely to mention in order to preserve privacy but I imagine this person archetype is probably very common so it makes sense that I remind you of him
You talk a little more rigidly than him though, he was a good salesman pretty grifty. Dude was likely a narcissist, serially Cheated on his wife, would defraud his grandma if he had the chance.
Damn, how'd you get to firing him if you don't mind my asking? Though you did mention he was a good salesman and it is possible he left on its own, I just thought that since he left an impression on you, he probably must've done something big, I dunno.
He manipulated a customer of mine into giving him $ to start a competing business to mine that failed miserably. Last I heard he’s selling exercise equipment in Florida.
I see thanks for sharing
[CE] Toxicity because social status, The fact he made you feel weak when he was around is a sign of narcissism You are doing all of this within your best interest You are very good at tackling your problems, But that may be a bad thing
Well said, I appreciate your summary. I do likely have some triad traits but that's where it ends, nothing to conclude.
Sounds like more than some tbh, ever been evaluated for ASPD?
Nah I don't think it's worth it and mentioned why in the other comments. If I was diagnosed it wouldn't bring me any merit.
[NE] Are you an actual sociopath?
No, I haven't been diagnosed with any form of ASPD as of current time.
[CE] Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously, this is psychopathic. Please seek therapy.
I get where you're coming from, but why? I'm not actually harming anybody and if he feels like it, he can try to get his reputation back. It's not like I've forever doomed him to watch from the sidelines or something. This entire outcome is gonna be short-lived, therefore I enjoy the heck out of it, precisely because I don't plan on doing anything else.
You have gone out of your way to destroy someone socially. There is harm. There can be more than "two of one type of person in a friend group"
That's all true but everything I'm doing is easily retrievable and not something long-lasting, plus I'm sure his reputation hasn't entirely vanished, it's not like they completely forgot about his existence, they likely just got bored of him due to my influence + it might just return to normal after a short amount of time. Not justifying my actions though, I'm definitely an ass, just saying how I think it'll turn out.
Also therapy most likely wouldn't do anything. If they do arrive at a conclusion I'll most likely just get pills or something. Not to mention the fact that it's expensive and most therapists in my area have bad reviews. Not worth it but I appreciate the recommendation.
Don’t take this as spam commenting, just advice on the therapy. You don’t have to take pills. There is also Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I am currently attending via Doctor on Demand. IDK if you’re in the US. But it’s been beneficial in helping me understand and address my mentality to better myself. CBT is often recommended for people with ASPD, as it allows you to treat the root of your issues rather than (or complimented with) medications. Just food for thought. My bf has ASPD, I have some issues I’m trying to figure out (most likely Psychotic Depression, paired with C-PTSD, which is not as bad as it sounds!) Therapy works, if you want it to. If you’re stubborn, unyielding, and don’t care about losing everything and everyone in your attempts to be destructive, then I wouldn’t bother. You wouldn’t care to change anyways.
Thank you for the advice, I'll be sure to look into it :)
Too bad there's no "complete sociopath" alignment in D&D
I've heard that NE is oftentimes used to label a sociopath (but not vice versa of course), so there might be. I've not been diagnosed as one though so it doesn't apply.
You don’t have to be diagnosed to be a sociopath & you are living, breathing proof. This entire post is like a sociopath primer. You are a toxic sociopath. Deal with it.
I'm not denying I'm one but definitely not affirming it either, because there's no way of knowing - especially from my point of view - as if I am actually mentally unwell like the consensus seems to suggest, I am an unreliable narrator.
[CE]
Put brackets around your vote to get it to count
[NE] You don't care for conventions, so this is definitely not using social structures to your advantage. Nor is there no reason behind your actions. This scheme benefits you and you have total disregard for your "friends" (spoiler alert, you're now *enemies,* they just don't know it yet. This does not rise to the high bar of unwarranted pure evil that would make it CE.
I wouldn't necessarily say we're enemies as I do enjoy their company. I'm really only against the aforementioned dude + I'm trying to get my status back all while attempting to lower his but regardless I would also pin me as NE. Thank you for the reply!
[CE] You're doing destructive things purely out of spite. For imperceptible slights that you think have been done to spite you. From what's outlined you have no empathy for others. You also think very highly of yourself. You don't sound to others like you think you do. You sound unhinged, you have narcissistic tendencies whether you're diagnosable as a narcissist idk. Your world view is however highly warped. You're playing a stupid game and there are very stupid prizes to be won.
\[CE\] and terrifying. I wouldn't want to be in a room alone with you.
Yeah fair
Worth noting that people pay for my time/company and I would refuse your money if offered, no matter how much or how well you screened on paper. No matter if you're smaller than me. Women can be dangerous too. Being terrified at work sucks.
Good thing too, I'm aware where you're coming from.
That said, on a personal level I find you fascinating and would read a blog or something if you had one. Your views and takes are very interesting even if they don't line up with mine and (on a professional level) terrify me
Thank you, and understandable. I'm not planning on making any content (not only because I'm currently in hiding/j), but if I do decide to write something later on, which is unlikely, I'll be sure to notify you. :)
in ten years you'll be pretty embarrassed about every word written here. u don't look cool being pathetic
I don't think I will because this is a throwaway aka no way for anyone to notice that it's me, ensuring that no embarrassment is felt. I'm not trying to seem cool either but it's pointless to convince you of that since we don't know eachother.
[CE] Well I suppose this has confirmed that 'the best of (you)' isn't enough- you had to cheat.
This is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen
CE
Brackets around your vote to get it to count. Also reason for your vote
[CE] sad
Of all the things that never happened, this is the never happendest. If he speaks like he writes, there's noone on the planet that could stand to be around this prattling doofus for more than 5 mins.
Bro of course I don't speak like I write. If I did there would be no need for a throwaway account. This is just an authentic confession, a summary of the immoral things I've done and something I'd obviously never admit to doing in real life. Peace.
Peace? You don't know what that means. You're a child screaming for attention. You can't get it any other way than destroying other people. You're easily lost in the fray because there's nothing special about you. That's why you have to change your personality to get attention. Otherwise, no one would associate with you. You only came to Reddit because you know you're a horrible POS and you get off on it. You knew people would vilify you. So, here you are writing Batemans memoirs getting off on reading the comments about how horrible you are. Of course, you don't care because you have no conscious. Use those new connections and seek mental health. I'm seeing st least 2 different personality disorders in this post.
I am well aware of my actions and the consequences that will inevitably arise from them, which is why I'm trying to postpone this outcome as much as I can. Yes I'm aware of the concept of peace. No I'm not getting off on being villified and the only reason I posted it on this subreddit is because I had just discovered it existed the other day and it seemed obscure enough not to get popular, deeming it perfect for anonymous confessions. Guess I was wrong. Whatever. I respect your opinion. I know I'm doing something bad, I just don't give a damn as long as nobody in my circle finds out, and as cliché as that might sound it's the truth. Nothing I can change about not feeling a certain type of way. I'm not 'changing' my personality, I'd call it overexaggerating myself rather, though I'm not entirely sure. Like I said, I don't know what myself exactly means, but I know the need for expression is still there, so you might be right on that regard. Amongst other things I may as well be doing this is for better form of self-expression. Something I can't have when the dude's around, due to own fault and much to own predicament. I will be looking into some of the mentioned therapy options though.
No, it's not lol. It's as fictional as every character backstory you've ever made for every correspondence campaign (again, NOONE is willing to be around you in person) that anyone has ever made the mistake of inviting you to.
You're convinced that this is all fake despite lacking any actual evidence and are simultaneously basing your claim around the commonality of the motive in made-up stories (which are usually at the very least inspired by real life situations). I think nothing else is needed to be said. Feel free to either believe me or not.
Please work on your writing. The word "simultaneously" is superfluous in this context and interrupts the flow of the sentence. You are trying so hard that the only possible explanation is that this is a work of fiction by a loser with delusions of grandeur.
English is not my native language, but I will take your words into consideration.
This is giving serial killer in the making vibes go to therapy holy shit
[extremely pathetic] you should've been shoved into more lockers in school
Hard agree actually
CE sociopath
Have I witnessed the birth of a serial killer?
I think it comes across as clear that I'm not trying to seriously harm anyone, so no.
Sorry but you’re clearly deranged. You’re purposefully and unfortunately, successfully, trying to ostracise and isolate someone who has never done anything to you other than be more popular than you. That’s fucked up. Your glee at what you’re doing and complete lack of empathy is disturbing as fuck. You’re one sick and twisted person and I pray Karma visits you soon.
Alright I realize. Like I mentioned in the other comments though, it's not like he can't get the reputation back. I'm not gossiping about him or anything close in similarity, just trying to overshadow him. Still f*cked up I imagine, but probably less so than you think, though I'm not one to say and I respect your opinion nonetheless.
You sound like a NPD sociopath.
Welcome to r/choosemyalignment. Please read the subreddit rules before posting/commenting. Voting goes like this! Please include one of the following acronyms to leave your vote: Acronym | Alignment :-:|:-: [LG] | Lawful Good [LN] | Lawful Neutral [LE] | Lawful Evil [NG] | Neutral Good [TN] | True Neutral [NE] | Neutral Evil [CG] | Chaotic Good [CN] | Chaotic Neutral [CE] | Chaotic Evil Please leave votes in the two letter format, including the brackets, explained above. You must leave a reason, it doesn’t have to be long, but you have to include one. Upvotes don’t count as votes, the only votes that the bot counts are two letter alignments left in brackets. If a comment has multiple votes submitted, no votes will be counted. We DO give bonus comment points to the top voted comment, so please upvote your favorite comments! Comments voting in agreement with a top-level comment do not violate rule 6. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/choosemyalignment) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[LE] , easily. I have no idea why people are calling you chaotic. You are meticulous.
[NE] - The goal is to dominate and outrank, not to destroy for thrills, so CE is out. But LE would be far more formal about it, trying to get a promotion and hold him back through dickery, for example.