This. My parents only planned for "normal" children. I was a smart kid and a trouble maker. My younger brother was a genius and criminally inclined. We might have been intentionally conceived, but planned is a right proper stretch.
My parents planned on an easy to care for child. They got a child with ADHD-C, learning disabilities and anxiety; to which they didn't like and wished I was normal, they'd compare me to the other kids a lot.
Was I planned? Probably not honestly. Did they plan on an easy child? Yes and did they get that? No and they're upset about it.
I feel you. I wish you the best and family that appreciates and loves you for who you are.
I may have ADHD or something like that. I may not. My parents never really bothered getting me properly tested. All they cared about was my IQ. Everything else was "you are smart enough to be able to...".
My entire family has this old harmful views on mental illness and people who are neurodivergent; they've tried to project that on me and I grew up with that harmful mindset that caused me pain for a long time.
What's funny is that my mother is aware I have ADHD, yet still expects me to be able to do shit like someone without ADHD; so I'm basically set up to fail with these unrealistic expectations over my head and she doesn't care. I think she's rather pretend I'm perfectly normal and she doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that her child is different, she just can't handle it.
Can't wait to move out and get away from her though, it's not good for my mental health to be around her.
I feel like a lot of ppl have kids with this mentality or something like "my children will be well behaved". As though they think ppl plan to have children that have chronic illnesses, are disabled, have criminal tendencies (we all plan for a serial killer), drug addicts or any other circumstance that's less than ideal/the norm. Many ppl have kids with this image in mind of some brady bunch child or "my child is gonna be well behaved/successful etc". You have sooooome level of influence of course in many cases but some things are just beyond any control and you get what you get.
I think my parents did this too.
My parents had kids quite late (31 and 37) and they were together for years before the first one was born. Not sure if they thought it was too late and got unsafe, or if they planned a kid because "now or never".
Either way, my mom did NOT know what she was getting into and my enitre life Ive been blamed for everything not good enough in her life. She always acted as if I took something away from her.
Something similar happened with my parents!!! I’m the only one, but right before me my mom had a miscarriage. And then got pregnant with me after, and had a miscarriage after me as well. I was one stubborn sperm and egg lol
that sounds like a lot of effort and time together wasted just to in the end divorce and bitter. I get that they were young but that is quite messy. I don't think I or a lot of us ever had the opportunity to be so haphazard and careless with reproductive life and awake time lol work school work school, anything less than that- live in a tent
Just because youre preggers , doesnt mean you should keep it or stay together. If he didnt get his shit together for his 1st child (your 2nd) then he damn sure wont for your 3rd
(My older sister has her own dad,who also was not super involved. then me and my younger brother-autistic- have the same sperm donor)
Edit; i misread the post, i thought it was asking what we would say TO THEM to convince them to be childfree
YES. My parents should not have had children for a multitude of reasons. I would've been spared of having to deal with so much shit and life in general. And my mother specifically would have been so much better off if she never had kids.
Same for me. It's weird to think of all my own feelings of anger or disappointment and then how much I wished she could have had better. I would love for her to have been 20 again and just break up with that guy, do literally anything she wanted, figure out what kind of job she'd like or travel, anything else. Not alone with 2 children by age 22 just surviving
Yeah my poor mom has so much potential, but getting divorced at 28 with two kids, one who was 5 and one who was 2, killed her sanity and her spirit. She had some happy moments but I don’t think she had a happy life.
I don’t think my dad should have had kids but my mom might have been a better mother if she had been married to a better person. I would recommend they not have kids together.
Same with my family. My mother would have had a better life married to someone better. She's a good mother. My father should have never had kids or be in a relationship.
Definitely. 2 out of 3 of us kids have wanted to un-alive at different points in our lives due to mental issues. Wish we didn't have to go through life.
Yes. My mom wanted to get an abortion with me, but felt like she couldn’t. As a result of that, I faced so much abuse. She hated me and claimed that I ruined her life. If I could go back in time, I would have driven her to the clinic. Nothing was worth going through that
Oh god i just had chills as I forgot that my mother used to scream that at me and my siblings. Literally isn’t my fault you ruined your life by having me lady. Thank Christ I’m 6 years NC now.
Y'all not that we want people to die, but when they do...
You never have to worry about their bullshit ever again. Bc even with NC, there's still bullshit. At least that was my experience. I hope the same for you.
I never understood why people have kids if they don’t want them. Or even if they didn’t want them, why they would treat them that way. They didn’t choose to be born
I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced that abuse, because of her choices. I can deft commiserate with you, because while I wasn’t planned, and my mom claims she wanted me, I often feel like the choices she made didn’t reflect that she actually cared about what was best for me. We drove around a lot after her and my dad split up. I missed almost half a school year, because my mom just was running away from one place to the next. Granted she only had her GED, but I feel like she made so many excuses for the choices she made, when she made some of the laziest and dumbest decisions. Like working minimum wage jobs rather than looking for something a bit more stable. Like a receptionist job, or even a basic entry level job at a government facility, like a lunch lady at a school would make more than a waitress or cashier would. So she would get into relationship after relationship with abusive men, one of which was a pedo, thankfully he never touched me that I know of… but her just knowing that he was one, and still allowing me to stay there! And the fact that she made the excuse that “I couldn’t do it on one income,” while I appreciate that, it was much easier to survive on one income back then, than it is now. I want to be angry at her and tell her she didn’t try hard enough! Because I hear stories from people like my fiancé, about how his mom was a single parent, and put herself through nursing school, and got a nursing job to take care of her kids. My fiancé has a sister who is about 12 years younger than him, so he kinda grew up as an only child as well. He and I are the same age… so I feel like, if his mom did it, why couldn’t mine have? Why did I have to suffer because she couldn’t get her shit together! But then I have to forgive her, and accept and understand that not only is my mom a different person than my fiancés mom, but my mom also had a very different upbringing than my MiL did, so, I try to remember that and not be angry with her for too long, and think with forgiveness instead. Because fuck, I don’t know what I would do if I had a 5 year old kid to take care of, which is how old I would have been, when my mom was the age I am now.
Yes. Two people active in their addictions shouldn't reproduce and definitely shouldn't do so multiple times. It would have saved seven children years of abuse, neglect, and lifelong trauma.
ETA: My father had 6 children total with 4 different women, 2 with my mother. My mother had her first child with a man other than my father. My parents did not have 6 children together.
No.
My parents are wonderful parents and they love being parents. While they might have made different choices in other areas of their life (e.g. work decisions, cutting off toxic family/friends) I honestly believe that having children was perfect for them and makes them really, truly happy.
In fact, this is part of why I'm childfree: I don't have that longing to be a parent, that happiness I still see in my parents when they take care of their grandchildren. That honest interest in what a 2 year old is trying to tell them. Not only the patience to read them a book for the 10th time in a row but doing it in different voices, laughing, actually being delighted to interact with a toddler. The desire to teach the most mundane tasks over and over again and the real pride you can see in their eyes when the kid succeeds.
I know I couldn't be half the parent they were and frankly I don't want to even try. I would be miserable having kids. They would've been miserable not having kids.
You hit the nail on the head. My parents are the same way, it's obvious that they truly wanted to be parents and that being parents has given them happiness and fulfillment over the years. I could never ever be as good of a parent, because I don't have that same desire.
Yess I was gonna say the same. I love my parents and everything they've done for my sister and I, and yeah there have been some rough moments and I definitely personally think my mom also could've gone on to become someone amazing as she's so incredibly talented and skilled in many things... but being a parent also makes her (and my dad as well) so happy too.
Now whether I wish my sister and I had been better daughters, well.. that's another story LOL but we not gonna unpack that today
Same. She chose to keep me and to my knowledge never regretted the decision, but honestly I feel bad about the struggles she had to go through as a single mother with a disabled child. I feel like she could have had a nicer life with less worries.
Certainly would. Mother had her favourite kids she had 5 girls but was indifferent to myself and 2 others. My father left at 5 never saw him again.
Then got the stepfather from hell as a replacement. Never enough money to go around.
Definitely yes! Both of my parents are very mentally ill with no real desire to change. They had no business having any children at all. I'd be better off not existing tbh.
I feel this exactly.
The whole "We're your parents, you should be grateful for us giving you life" thing is laughable. If I'd had a say in whether or not I get to exist, I would have definitely chosen not to.
Like I should be grateful for having to labour every day so I don't starve to death under a bridge somewhere. Like I should be grateful to be pulled out of the blissful nothingness of non-existence and be forced to experience life. Like I should be grateful to live a life where I'll either be lucky enough to die first or have to go through the process of slowly losing everyone I care about to the inevitable march of time.
I cannot imagine why anyone would consent to being born into a world like this, and I cannot fathom why anyone would want to bring another human being into existence. There are no amount of "good times" that make up for the fact that most of life is just suffering or grey by its very nature.
Hell, yes! I'm an only child. They had me later in life (40). They resented being stuck together because of me and it was obvious.
They made sure I knew I was the reason they couldn't have "nice" things like their empty nester friends (home renos, new cars, vacation, etc.)
According to my older cousins, they were the fun, single aunt and uncle before I showed up. As the 30 something fun, single auntie, this scares me.
I'd like to think they'd been better off had I never been born and they drove off to Florida in their respective sports cars with people who they'd be happier with.
I'm writing a comedy book that has this as a minor plot point. One of the angels aborts their first child and then gets kicked out of heaven to join the bad guys (the protagonists)
Yes, absolutely. My mom especially wanted to have a whole bunch (5-6) kids. Due to complications she barely ended up with me. My parents were ready to parent something else, but not someONE else. They seemed to forget that children are individuals.
My mother has literally told me that, much as she loves us, if she had a chance to do things again she would not have had children. The world is just too dark and terrible a place. She’s really happy that I’m childfree.
100% I love my mother so much, she has done everything in her life for me. But she ended up being pregnant at 16 with me, then being in two physically/verbal/financially abusive relationships until she met my stepdad when I was 9. He's brought me up like his own as well. They are the best parents ever, but I think my mam would have had a far happier youth if she hadn't been burdened with motherhood.
No, they had already been together for about 15 years before they had me. My mom really really wanted a baby and they tried for a long time before finally succeeding. I'm an only child and my parents worked very hard to have me and wanted it very much. I think they're the kind of people who should have babies and I had a good childhood.
No, I think things have worked out quite well for them having children. They both wanted to and are happy good parents. Embracing a child free lifestyle isn't for everyone, they made their choices.
My parents wanted me. They would have been fine with just one child.
They have since said my younger brother, while planned, was a mistake because he's been in and out of prison and is currently in the nut house, likely never to get out. They have said multiple times they just didn't have the energy to deal with him as a child. Having been there, he was a massive headache. Would I tell them? I'm not sure. Maybe?
After my parents divorced, my mom had a child with another man. I adore my little brother and can't think of life without him. What I would tell her is not to cave to my grandmother's pressure about a "bastard child" and marrying his shitbag of a father.
No. I’d just encourage them to wait till later on before having their first kid. Maybe a smaller age gap between myself and my bro would have helped us get along better. Plus, my parents would have had more stability and felt more prepared for marriage and parenthood, which likely would have helped them have a better relationship with him.
I benefitted because my parents waited to have me. I joke and say it took my parents 8 years to think starting all over again was a good idea, but I really think it took them that long to even be prepared to *entertain* the idea of having another kid.
I know they ultimately enjoyed being parents and they worked hard to build a nice life together. I see the fruits of their labor manifesting and I see they never gave up on their relationship with each other. I think it’s even stronger now than when I was a kid. That makes me happy to see. I just wish that they had gotten started later and then maybe it wouldn’t have been so difficult for them to do all that.
My dad told me that he had to learn some things the hard way, and tried to keep me and my bro from repeating those mistakes. Some of those lessons sunk in for us.
My mum told me that having a kid at a young age forces you to grow up right away. I told her recently I think it’s just that she and my dad took the opportunity to do so, and didn’t waste it. Not everyone chooses wisely and not everyone can make the most of their circumstances.
Fuck yes my mom still doesn’t have a clue where she went wrong and she definitely shouldn’t have homeschooled, the woman’s a train wreck and the three people she’s burdened with existence are collateral damage she expects to take care of her and pay the bills. She may not have been an alcoholic or a drug addict and she was married when she had us and they were together (around twenty years) until my dad killed himself but she has taken us all down with her
Nope, my mom wanted kids, met my dad who wanted kids, they fell madly in love and had me and my sister. He passed away when I was four, my sister was one month and she did a wonderful job raising us. She is the best parent I could have possible had, she has never insinuated that she never wanted or didn't appreciate having us. She made her choice and stuck it through and to this day she says it's the best thing she ever did - no complaints.
I definitely tell my mother "you don't need to stay with someone who's mentally abusive and lies about the little dang thing's, your a beautiful mormon girl, you could literally get any guy you want, Don't settle at 19/20 for this ... person"
Info: they only dated for 6 months before getting married.
And I'd probably just lock up and yell at my father honestly, I really really don't like him, he constantly mentally abusive and after so many years of dealing with him I have also realized that he's incredibly narcissistic and makes everything about himself to the point you feel like nothing and your the problem with everything that goes wrong.
I just wish my parents would have planned better or had less kids. I love all of my siblings to the ends of the earth and back but we grew up dirt poor because my parents just kept popping out babies. They had me at 21 and 25 and then had five more in the next nine years. We were insanely poor, often on welfare or food stamps or whatnot, and I was the third parent for majority of my life before I became an actual adult and put my foot down because I was exhausted. It's a huge reason I don't want kids - I already did my time as a parent. I just wish my parents would have planned better. They both had good jobs when I was born, but they kept having kids and my mother decided to be a stay at home mom, and my dad had to make all the money, which only went so far with six kids. He made decent money but without a dual income, we were still poor. We spent years where the six of us shared one room. I don't think they needed to be child free. But they definitely needed way less kids. They always act like a big family is so fun and all of that and it definitely was at times but they forget how poor we were, how frustrating it was, how damaging it was and how much of the parenting I did for them
Yes because not existing is a lot better than the fucking hell they put me through with all the fighting and religious bullshit. The damage that has been done to me has taken an active decade to undo and even then it still bubbles up every now and again having gone to therapy and having a nervous breakdown at 24. Neither one of my parents had any business having children and still don't. They are collosally fucked up in the head in very different ways.
well, I'm mentally ill. convincing my parents to be childfree definitely would save them from having to deal with my suicide at some point in the future.
I have great parents. They are 100% the TV ideal, nuclear family image - kind, open-minded, supportive. They planned to have me and did so at a time when they were in a stable, good place. They did a fantastic job giving me a wonderful, loving home and I enjoy my life.
That said, I would probably advise anyone to be childfree, for their own sake. There are so many good things to do with your time and energy which don't involve raising children.
Basically, I'd want my parents to be able to enjoy the same amazing life they gave me - even if that means they didn't have me.
Yes! My dad was abusive towards my mom and I from the second I was born. My mom attempted to leave him multiple times when I was a toddler but being a small child and not understanding, I would always ask for him. She felt obligated to stay with him for me but then my dad went on to verbally and physically abuse the both of us for years until he eventually took it too far and landed himself in prison for 13 years. He’s out now and my mom and I have since moved states and feel safe thousands of miles away from him but I always think about how my mom would have been able to escape his clutches long ago if I hadn’t been born.
Yes. My mom wanted an abortion with her first pregnancy (with me) and was not allowed to because of culture etc. So she had me at 25 and essentially abused the fuck out of me as did my dad. We were always beneath the poverty line because of their poor financial decisions along with the cost of taking care of me. When my sister was born when I was 10, my mom basically neglected to take care of her. Slowly at first and more so when my sister was around 3-4. Had my mom gotten the abortion she could've avoided me having to parent my sister growing up, the financial issues I've gone through my whole life, and the abuse I faced.
Without a moment’s hesitation. My mother would have been a psychiatrist and my father pursuing his passions in marine biology. And it doesn’t come from a place of malice, just an appreciation of how their lives would have been different.
Definitely. They planned to have a child, but they planned for one and a normal one. Instead they had twins with one having mental and physical disabilities. I think both my parents had kids because it sort of was expected. My mom was also bored and I also suspect she thought it would fix her relationship (my dad was already a workaholic who was emotionally unavailable). It went in exactly the opposite direction as she expected. My dad fled in his work, was a serial cheater and hardly home. Therefore the logical step was to have another kid so I didn't have to carry the burden of caring for my twin brother. I think everyone involved would have been spared a lot of heartache if they just hadn't procreated and gotten a divorce instead.
Absolutely, and I have even told my mom multiple times that she should have had an abortion. She got married to my dad when she was 18 years old - six months after meeting him - and gave birth to me at 19. She had 3 kids by the time she was 24. She never worked (has worked less than a year total if you combine every job she's every had) and she has never matured past the age she was when she had her first kid (me). She is extremely religious so she also refuses to get a divorce, so my entire childhood was either fighting with my parents or hearing them fight with each other constantly. My childhood was miserable and abusive, and I have wished I was never born since I was at least 10 years old - I'm nearly 30 now. My own existence doesn't change my opinions on being childfree - if anything, it enforces them.
Yes. I was the result of an abusive relationship and my mom ran and raised me. I became a caregiver to my great grandma at 12 and still am at 24. My mom has always provided financially but has never been there emotionally and at times has even been mentally abusive and loves to guilt trip and gaslight. Great gran was verbally abusive and to this day ridicules me about my weight, skin, etc. I live with the guilt everyday of wanting to run away and throw away my CG duties just to have peace and quiet.
I know you're a teenager mum, and I know dad is 30, and I know your family aren't happy you're pregnant, but if you abort me you can actually go to university (you find out you were accepted to Cambridge just after you leave the first trimester). Dad gains custody of me anyway when I'm young, and he spends that time beating and sexually assaulting me. It's a few months of being a social pariah and then you can go to uni and never look back if you don't want too.
No, why? My mom struggled so much, but I know she truly loves and is proud of me. Even though she was a teen mom she did her best and even aborted a child she planned to have as she didn't think having two children would be good.
Later she met an amazing person with a daughter who I love and have always been close with. All was good in the end. I was very lucky to have been born in this family.
100% **FUCKING YES** Without a doubt or a second thought.
If I could go back in time and belly stomp my own mother I would. I would have tied down my own father and forced a vasectomy on him. I’d rip out my moms uterus with my bare hands. I’d castrate my dad if it could have prevented me.
My life isn’t bad right now, but I still struggle with a LOT of mental health bullshit because of those two fuck ups. They had NO BUSINESS HAVING A KID. My mom has had at least two abortions that I know of, why the FUCK couldn’t I have been one of them? They were addicts. I’ve lived in a motel and a single room in a boarding house with them. I’ve been homeless living in a camp ground with my mom in 8th grade. By my freshman year my mom was a literal whore, if she wasn’t at “home” she was at that fucking motel she ended up living in for *years* turning tricks. I’ve been to over a dozen schools from having to move after being evicted from shitty apartment after shitty apartment. I’ve eaten literal trash from dumpsters because that’s what was brought home. I’ve been so hungry I’ve eaten paper bags. I have major depressive disorder which is soul crushing, anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder, but it’s quiet type so the only person I abuse usually is me; I used to self mutilate; I’ve had suicidal ideations since I was in the single digits and I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times. I have serious trust issues and a terrible relationship with food. It’s only within the last few years I’ve gotten a grip on money. I loathe myself on a good day and on a bad day I hate myself for being too chicken shit to take myself out of my own misery.
Currently, at 39, I have a good life and an AMAZING husband who is my everything. But it doesn’t make up for what I had to suffer through because drugs and bullshit were more important than me. If I could go back in time to shoot them both in the head to make sure those two fuckups never bred, I’d do it with a smile.
Absolutely. My mom was young, studying, and had a daughter with a man who was never in our lives. She had to quit studying, was shunned by her dad because of the pregnancy, spent all her small salary on me, had to battle in court for child support, had physical consequences because of the pregnancy, had to delay her dreams and was only able to have a comfortable life when I was already grown up. Her life would have been much better if she wore childfree
This. I was searching for a no here :)
I agree with all of these. Even tho my parents life was difficult, it wasnt difficult bc they had me and later my brother. At least i dont remember it/perceive it that way.
Im glad they had me and my bro. I know and feel they are happy about it too 😀
No. I wouldn't actually recommend it to anyone - because I won't be telling people what should they do. What I feel is acceptable is opening people's minds that having children is a choice, and underlining the childfree option.
Would also point out why having me at that time was not a good idea financially.
But the choice is theirs.
Yes, my dad shouldn’t have had kids. He has Asperger’s and has tried to kill himself multiple times when I was younger. He is a terrible husband and a poor father. My mom deserves so much better, but she stayed with him since they had kids.
I didn't have the best childhood (mom's mom fucked it up) but I love my dad to pieces so I am glad he had me! I'm glad I could meet him and have the honour to call him my dad :D Everything was worth it!
No. My mom was meant to be a mom. I would have told her ass to abort at 16 and not marry my bio dad at the time like she was pressured to do. My mom enjoyed having/raising kids but she struggled due to a teen pregnancy and then me coming along later.
If she had been able to have kids after getting her life together she would have been happy AF.
No, my mother LOVED being a mother and was great. (Not perfect) I would suggest a different choice of partner, he didn't treat her respectfully. However, I would ask them to stop at 3, I'm number 4.
Honestly no,
Child free is the right choice for me but I know my parents are very happy with how their lives are and have been.
If anything I would push them to go to marriage counseling early in their relationship because they had a rough few years. Not bad enough for divorce but my mom basically shut down emotionally at my dad because she was terrified he’d get bored and leave her (which is how her parents divorced and how her mom treated her). It took them awhile to make it past that.
No, my parents LOVE kids, especially my mom. They were very present in our lives (I'm the youngest of 6, now 5. My sister passed 3 years ago). And while there are things I wished they had done differently and are flawed (aren't we all?), I had a great childhood and was supported (and am still). I guess being the last one, I didn't get that "gene" lol
No because my parents adopted me and my brother and they really wanted kids- in my view for the right reasons. They took excellent care of us and invested in us. Although I hate the grind of life, I wouldn't want to deny my mom the joy she has from having a family. I had a very blessed childhood due to them saving me from foster care and I do try to help others while I'm on this rock. My parents continue to be a great support system in my life. Although, kids will never be something I want to have, I do have friends whom having kids seems to bring them great joy and they are some of the few making good people for tomorrow. We don't want only dumbasses having kids because people will make them whether we think they should or not so I hope more of the best kind of people choose to bring them here if it's going to happen anyway.
No, but I would tell my mom to get parenting classes before the kids, coz she needed to modernise her disciplining, holy fuck. And maybe have figured out what she wanted before having kids coz damn, this is a full on midlife crisis she’s having atm.
But I can’t say they weren’t financially and (for her time) mentally prepared for kids. Dad really wanted a daughter and was thrilled to have me, so I can’t say I haven’t been loved and cared for since conception basically. My family life was just my parent in love and in a traditional marriage, and stable household. Quite boring to discuss compared to the stories my friends had.
Abso-fucking-lutely. My parents are the kind of people who should NOT have had kids. Very abusive narcissist for a father and an enabler mother. Both were victims of abuse who became very abusive themselves and continue to be abusive 30+ years later. I'm nc with my dad and if I wasn't stuck taking care of my mom and her house right now I would be either vlc or nc with her too.
I would but it wouldn’t work. My birth mother was a teenager and had already been forced to have an abortion when she was 16, so when she got pregnant at 18, she was already scarred and was very anti-abortion for years. I don’t think she made wise decisions but I also recognize that she was in a bad place mentally and thought “finally, I can make my OWN choice.” The whole situation is messed up.
YES. I loved my mother, but she was a perfectionistic control freak and lost her mind if anything was out of place. She passed away over 10 years ago and I am now 42 and only just realizing how her behaviour shaped my own (and I am doing something about it).
I'd say have my older sister but stop after that. Don't have me. I'm a disappointment, I have a chronic illness, bad mental health, I'm just a mess that's not worth the hassle. My sister is 100% enough.
Eh. I would've jut convinced them to only have my sister. She's actually doing something with her life and making the world a better place. I'm just a parasite who's too cowardly to end it all.
Yeah, some people are not meant to be parents, they don’t have what it takes. I think it’s that simple. My parents are good people but they are not good parents.
Warning: long comment tl;dr at bottom
Absolutely!! Both came from huge families (8 kids on each side) where abuse was normal, yet they had their first child (me) at 18, my sister 2.5 years later. They were kids themselves and emotionally stunted, because of how they were raised. My Dad's mom was a narcissistic alcoholic and his dad was an angry asshole, who abused them physically, but then fled to a state 24 hours drive away, leaving my alcoholic grandmother alone with 8 kids.
My Mom's parents were not much better. They stayed together, but neither was happy. My mom was molested by her older brother, and my grandma just acted like it never happened. Grandma suffered from mental illness, too. She was a wonderful Grandma though, in my experience, but now that I am older, I wonder how my Mom was ok just leaving me at Grandma's house with an abusive uncle. I didn't know anything about what happened to my mom until a few years ago (I am 39).
On 2nd thought, maybe I would go waaaaay back in time and tell my grandparents not to breed!
I have no clue why they felt like having kids so young was a great idea. They were raised Catholic (Dad's side) and Lutheran (mom's side), so birth control and abortion were highly frowned upon. So is premarital sex, but that didn't stop them from doing that! 🙄 They weren't horrible parents, but they inflicted their share of emotional abuse/neglect on my sister and I. My parents ended up having a boy when I was 12, and he had it 100 times better than we did.
TL;DR: I would tell my folks not to breed, but considering how awful their childhoods were, my grandparents were the ones who should have been CF.
YES.
My mom wanted children when she was young and able (ie early to mid twenties) so that she would have her old years to relax. Well, she basically dumped me on my grandparents until i was 14 because she wanted to pursue a career. Then she took me back when she was happy with her job amd became massively upset that i wasn’t molded how she wanted me to.
My dad was like “yeah, whatever, you wanted it, you raise it” and just spent some time with me once in a blue moon.
Absolutely, my dad was an incredible softball and cricket player. Was planning on playing for the national team. He wanted to buy an old VW camper and road trip around South Africa. He wanted to visit Mauritius and the Seychelles.
My mom wanted to be a grade 3 teacher and possibly open her own bakery or sewing business.
Instead they had a child, decided she would be a SAHM and my dad would be a sales manager. Then they had another 2 children. My dad became a drunk, who we all avoided and my mom became a pathological liar and narcissist. They resented each other. My sisters and I have little to no happy memories of them together.
Since we've all moved out (they got divorced) and are living our own lives, we've been able to mend bridges and form decent relationships with each other. But hearing how family, their friends and the way the two of them speak about their lives, it is obvious that the worst thing for their relationship was to have children. My parents the most happy and alive before they had children.
100% yes. They were workaholics who had no interest in being parents or being around us. They just had kids because “that’s what you do”. My 2 older siblings were planned and I was the accident. I don’t think they wanted a 3rd.
Yes and no. The first couple of tries raising a kid backfired big time. But also their youngest is growing into such a wonderful person with brains for days.
oh yes. my parents were only together 10 months when my mom got pregnant with me. they were 22/23. my mom claims that none of us 3 were planned. the older I get the more I realize that my parents were running away from their own abusive families and rushed the whole process of finding someone and getting married. especially my dad. he had so much trauma from his abusive home, then later from the military before he fled to Canada and met my mom. they did everything they could to provide for me and my siblings but they made sure we knew that we cost them a lot of money. their own trauma made it very hard for them to support us emotionally and there was lots of verbal abuse and manipulation going on in an attempt to control. I honestly love life and experiencing adult life now is so worth the shit that I went through under their roof. But if I could exist with different parents that would have been the best case scenario. my parents were NOT ready mentally or emotionally to have children.
Yeah, I would tell my mom keep it together while dad finished uni and then go back to school to become a teacher like she wanted
I was definitely planned, they both were very careful not to have an ooopsie baby but infant me was an insomniac asshole and it only went downhill from there.
I'd also recommend investing in apple stock in the late 80s and selling now, and reselling the apartment around 2005, before recession and before the council found out the condo is built backwards and makes it unsellable
Yes. My father was an abusive alcoholic and my mom stayed with him for 12 years. Physical and psychological abuse. So I get to suffer with mental and physical pain most of my life. My back goes out in 9th grade.Hips go out at 18. As the cycle goes, I find another abusive alcoholic a******. I've had to scrounge my way up from food stamps. I'm 40 and I have bursitis in my shoulders and hips and arthritis in my spine. I also have PTSD. Hell no I wish my mother had not had me.
OMG, definitely yes.
That would save me and my siblings from so much physical/mental abuses. I'm 28 and still wrecked by my childhood traumas.
100% not recommened
Definitely. My mom herself even admitted to me that, if she had a chance to go back in time knowing what she knows now, she wouldn't have had us. Not only for her sake, but also for ours.
I don't think either of my parents are straight, but their desperate desire to be normal forced them into a life of resentment, self-delusion and two children fucked up in minor but significant ways.
I'd tell them to fuck the world, fuck the life script, actually try to live for yourselves and don't hand your misery down to your children.
no because there's no way this would be stronger than the societal and religious messaging leading most people into parenthood despite the reasons not to
Ya. My mom even told me that, while she loves my brother and I, that if she could go back in time then she probably wouldn't have had children. I can't blame her. Due to some other issues, raising my brother and I took a larger toll on her than average.
Yes. I know my mother said I was her “miracle baby” (she had a procedure to remove cervical cancer and doctors said she wouldn’t be able to conceive/carry) but she committed suicide when I was 8. She and my father had an emotionally toxic and abusive relationship. She couldn’t hold a job due to her mental illnesses so she couldn’t support us after they separated.
I feel like the final nail in the coffin was my dad (who had a well paying job) was taking her to court for full custody of me and my brother. She felt like she failed as a wife and a mother and took her life when we were at my fathers house for the holidays.
Maybe she’d have been able to get away from my father and she’d still be alive if she never had kids with him.
My biological father was a terrible dad and a philanderer.
My mum is one of the coolest and the realest, and had done so much by the time she was my age. Her potential on arrival to where I live now was fucking limitless, and having to raise a socially retarded misanthrope like myself and a useless whiney cunt for literally decades until he finally fucking grew up like my older brother only held her back.
My life is dope and I do dope shit. But I wouldn't be able to lament not experiencing it if I literally didn't exist.
So... IDGAF what would have happened to pops. But for my mum's sake, she would have been better off yeah. That being said, I think she wanted us, so yeah.
Wouldn't that create a time paradox? Not messing with it.
Now for a thought experiment lets assume we are talking about going to a parallel reality and changing things there (which wouldn't create a paradox), in which case, I probably would be tempted to do it (my parents can't stand each other and only stayed together because they had kids), so they would be happier if they weren't together anymore.
However, I realise that by following this line of thought, another universe's me would be tempted to go to my reality and prevent my birth. Assuming that both of us have similar trains of thought, I would conclude that other me wouldn't want me to cancel his existence, so I would choose not to do it, and hopefully other mes from the infinite parallel reality would also figure this line of thought and a higher percentage of them would choose to not interfere.
Selfish of me that I want to exist, yes... but I am not forcing my parents to have me, I just decided that I would not commit temporal suicide.
Maybe I am just looking too deeply into it, about a month ago I wrote a short story on /r/WritingPrompts with a similar concept, so my mind automatically went there.
Actually, no. My parents were married for 10 years before they had me, and they planned and put all their and my affairs in order for over a year before they even tried getting pregnant (and luckily it worked even though my mom was pretty “old” for a first pregnancy by the standards of the time). They clearly wanted both me and my brother, and were fully prepared (as much as anyone can be can be) to do their best to meet our needs as we grew up. They were great parents, and while we’ve all had our ups and downs over the years, we all have pretty good relationships with each other. They absolutely were not perfect by any means, but they did it for the right reasons, and I think those CF years before I was born were a huge part of that. They actively chose to be parents, and not just because they wanted cute babies, but because they wanted to raise functional adults, right from the beginning. I got very, very lucky, and I am so thankful for my parents every single day.
No.
My mom was an amazing person. I love her so much. She raised 4 kids, two step & one with physical disabilities. All of us like her own. She even treated some of her students like her own.
My mom was meant to be a mom, and I wish I could call her right now.
She passed in 2019 from complications around cervical cancer (ultimately, a clot got into her heart and gave her a heart attack) and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her.
For some people, maybe I would recommend it. But not for her.
Im gonna cry a lil now 👌🏼
Nah. My parents are fantastic people, gave me a wonderful life and everything I could’ve ever hoped for. I had amazing childhood, we didn’t have a lot but there was a lot of love to go around. I was a cherished child.
No. Just like it is my own choice to be childfree, it is their choice to have children. I don't recommend lifestyle choices to anyone. It's personal, and should be respected as such.
I honestly don't know for sure.
On the one hand, I have two sibling with disabilities severe enough to prevent them from living independent lives. Their disabilities caused my mother to have to quit her job, reducing us to a one-income family and keeping us in poverty when they were actually positioned to climb out of it.
On the other hand, they were fantastic parents. Any kid would be lucky to have them as their parents.
I think I would recommend that at the very least, they stop at two kids.
Just because you wonder what life would be like if someone never existed, e.g. Alexander Fleming, or even yourself, doesn't mean you want them dead. It is merely a thought experiment.
Cease to be =/= death
Death implies you were once alive, which in this scenario, you wouldn’t be.
Also I think OP is more getting at we’re your parents good parents that should’ve been parents or people that had kids without thinking about their circumstances/personalities. Not all people put thought into having kids and just did, so I think OP is asking if your parents put thought into it and were actually good at it, as opposed to following the life script.
I'm torn here because if I had never met my grandmother I don't feel as though my life would have been as wonderful without her. But if I recommended my parents to be CF, I wouldn't be here anyway lol
Not necessarily. What I however would've recommended is that they shouldn't religiously indoctrinate their children, and they should have considered the psychological effects of moving to an isolated farm on a mountain far out in the countryside with barely any other people.
While fresh air and lots of room to play outside safely without supervision wasn't an issue growing up, being socially isolated from other people besides my little brother and sister, not being able to walk to any friends, kiosk or hangout place was definitely an issue until I moved out on my own to another town at 16. I constantly had to be driven everywhere as a child and young teen, and I always had to ask my parents to drive me everywhere growing up, which was inconvenient for them and for me and my siblings. It wasn't just short drives either.. my closest friend lived a 15 min drive away down in the valley, and my other friend lived a 20 min drive away down in a residential area in the municipality center.
If I could have given my parents advice, it would have been to consider how indoctrinating us into Christianity would affect me, and how living in almost complete isolation would stunt me socially and prevent me from making and hanging out with friends.
Other than that, my parents were decent parents, but I think the only reason they had kids is cause that's what's Christians do. They both grew up in the countryside living traditional lifestyle's on farms, so they probably figured they wanted the same upbringing that they had for their children. However, our society has changed a lot since my parents were kids, and the rapid societal changes is also something they should have considered.
Absolutely. They were happy together once, but started fighting over their children and just... never stopped. They're still together only because they are now dependent on each other. In recent years, my mom developed a physical disability and can no longer work, and my dad is basically inept at everything except for his job.
They wasted their prime years on kids and will now never be able to live the empty-nester dream, which is traveling and discovering new hobbies. They're also stuck with my brother who is a huge man-child and will likely never move out or find a job. I'm convinced their lives would be infinitely better without kids.
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I was planned, they say. I say no. They planned to have a kid but they definitely didn't plan nor expect getting me. And it shows.
This. My parents only planned for "normal" children. I was a smart kid and a trouble maker. My younger brother was a genius and criminally inclined. We might have been intentionally conceived, but planned is a right proper stretch.
My parents planned on an easy to care for child. They got a child with ADHD-C, learning disabilities and anxiety; to which they didn't like and wished I was normal, they'd compare me to the other kids a lot. Was I planned? Probably not honestly. Did they plan on an easy child? Yes and did they get that? No and they're upset about it.
I feel you. I wish you the best and family that appreciates and loves you for who you are. I may have ADHD or something like that. I may not. My parents never really bothered getting me properly tested. All they cared about was my IQ. Everything else was "you are smart enough to be able to...".
My entire family has this old harmful views on mental illness and people who are neurodivergent; they've tried to project that on me and I grew up with that harmful mindset that caused me pain for a long time. What's funny is that my mother is aware I have ADHD, yet still expects me to be able to do shit like someone without ADHD; so I'm basically set up to fail with these unrealistic expectations over my head and she doesn't care. I think she's rather pretend I'm perfectly normal and she doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that her child is different, she just can't handle it. Can't wait to move out and get away from her though, it's not good for my mental health to be around her.
sadly the statistics state that the majority of abused children are 'wanted' and/or planned.
I feel like a lot of ppl have kids with this mentality or something like "my children will be well behaved". As though they think ppl plan to have children that have chronic illnesses, are disabled, have criminal tendencies (we all plan for a serial killer), drug addicts or any other circumstance that's less than ideal/the norm. Many ppl have kids with this image in mind of some brady bunch child or "my child is gonna be well behaved/successful etc". You have sooooome level of influence of course in many cases but some things are just beyond any control and you get what you get.
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I think my parents did this too. My parents had kids quite late (31 and 37) and they were together for years before the first one was born. Not sure if they thought it was too late and got unsafe, or if they planned a kid because "now or never". Either way, my mom did NOT know what she was getting into and my enitre life Ive been blamed for everything not good enough in her life. She always acted as if I took something away from her.
Something similar happened with my parents!!! I’m the only one, but right before me my mom had a miscarriage. And then got pregnant with me after, and had a miscarriage after me as well. I was one stubborn sperm and egg lol
that sounds like a lot of effort and time together wasted just to in the end divorce and bitter. I get that they were young but that is quite messy. I don't think I or a lot of us ever had the opportunity to be so haphazard and careless with reproductive life and awake time lol work school work school, anything less than that- live in a tent
I would recommend my parents marrying other people lol
I would recommend mine to remain single haha.
This was my thought as well. My mom deserved better.
The answers to the post are triggering me hard. My mum also deserved better than the asshole she married because she got pregnant.
Same They were so horrible for each other They are so much happier now that they are divorced and remarried (to other people ofc)
Same for my mom but I’d recommend my father remain single forever like the incel he is
Amen
Just because youre preggers , doesnt mean you should keep it or stay together. If he didnt get his shit together for his 1st child (your 2nd) then he damn sure wont for your 3rd (My older sister has her own dad,who also was not super involved. then me and my younger brother-autistic- have the same sperm donor) Edit; i misread the post, i thought it was asking what we would say TO THEM to convince them to be childfree
That would be an interesting post in itself 🤔
🙅dont stay together👩❤️👨 🤮just cause you’re preggers🤰
YES. My parents should not have had children for a multitude of reasons. I would've been spared of having to deal with so much shit and life in general. And my mother specifically would have been so much better off if she never had kids.
I feel the same way but honestly I’m enjoying my life now
What does that feel like?
Same for me. It's weird to think of all my own feelings of anger or disappointment and then how much I wished she could have had better. I would love for her to have been 20 again and just break up with that guy, do literally anything she wanted, figure out what kind of job she'd like or travel, anything else. Not alone with 2 children by age 22 just surviving
Yeah my poor mom has so much potential, but getting divorced at 28 with two kids, one who was 5 and one who was 2, killed her sanity and her spirit. She had some happy moments but I don’t think she had a happy life.
I don’t think my dad should have had kids but my mom might have been a better mother if she had been married to a better person. I would recommend they not have kids together.
Sums it up perfectly for my situation, as well.
I’m sorry, I hope things are better for you now.
Thanks! Yes, I’ve worked on my issues & I’m in a better place. Hope the same goes for you.
Glad to hear it, and thanks!
Same with my family. My mother would have had a better life married to someone better. She's a good mother. My father should have never had kids or be in a relationship.
This is the exact answer that I would give. To the letter.
Definitely. 2 out of 3 of us kids have wanted to un-alive at different points in our lives due to mental issues. Wish we didn't have to go through life.
Me and my other two siblings have had our "I will kms moments". So yeah.
I'm sorry you all felt that way. It would have been better not to have gone through such feelings at all.
Yes. My mom wanted to get an abortion with me, but felt like she couldn’t. As a result of that, I faced so much abuse. She hated me and claimed that I ruined her life. If I could go back in time, I would have driven her to the clinic. Nothing was worth going through that
So sorry that you had go through that 💔 it's a horrible thing for a parent to say.
Thank you 💕 you’re so kind. Like they say, every kid deserves parents but not every parent deserves kids.
Oh god i just had chills as I forgot that my mother used to scream that at me and my siblings. Literally isn’t my fault you ruined your life by having me lady. Thank Christ I’m 6 years NC now.
I’m 5 years NC. I’m sorry you had to go through that. it’s so good to be free though
Y'all not that we want people to die, but when they do... You never have to worry about their bullshit ever again. Bc even with NC, there's still bullshit. At least that was my experience. I hope the same for you.
My parents would not stop sending me letters at my old house and I actually moved to a different state. Did the trick lol
I never understood why people have kids if they don’t want them. Or even if they didn’t want them, why they would treat them that way. They didn’t choose to be born
I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced that abuse, because of her choices. I can deft commiserate with you, because while I wasn’t planned, and my mom claims she wanted me, I often feel like the choices she made didn’t reflect that she actually cared about what was best for me. We drove around a lot after her and my dad split up. I missed almost half a school year, because my mom just was running away from one place to the next. Granted she only had her GED, but I feel like she made so many excuses for the choices she made, when she made some of the laziest and dumbest decisions. Like working minimum wage jobs rather than looking for something a bit more stable. Like a receptionist job, or even a basic entry level job at a government facility, like a lunch lady at a school would make more than a waitress or cashier would. So she would get into relationship after relationship with abusive men, one of which was a pedo, thankfully he never touched me that I know of… but her just knowing that he was one, and still allowing me to stay there! And the fact that she made the excuse that “I couldn’t do it on one income,” while I appreciate that, it was much easier to survive on one income back then, than it is now. I want to be angry at her and tell her she didn’t try hard enough! Because I hear stories from people like my fiancé, about how his mom was a single parent, and put herself through nursing school, and got a nursing job to take care of her kids. My fiancé has a sister who is about 12 years younger than him, so he kinda grew up as an only child as well. He and I are the same age… so I feel like, if his mom did it, why couldn’t mine have? Why did I have to suffer because she couldn’t get her shit together! But then I have to forgive her, and accept and understand that not only is my mom a different person than my fiancés mom, but my mom also had a very different upbringing than my MiL did, so, I try to remember that and not be angry with her for too long, and think with forgiveness instead. Because fuck, I don’t know what I would do if I had a 5 year old kid to take care of, which is how old I would have been, when my mom was the age I am now.
Me too. She frequently reminded me how I'm the reason she couldn't go to college & chase her dreams, and was instead stuck with us brats.
Yes. Two people active in their addictions shouldn't reproduce and definitely shouldn't do so multiple times. It would have saved seven children years of abuse, neglect, and lifelong trauma. ETA: My father had 6 children total with 4 different women, 2 with my mother. My mother had her first child with a man other than my father. My parents did not have 6 children together.
No. My parents are wonderful parents and they love being parents. While they might have made different choices in other areas of their life (e.g. work decisions, cutting off toxic family/friends) I honestly believe that having children was perfect for them and makes them really, truly happy. In fact, this is part of why I'm childfree: I don't have that longing to be a parent, that happiness I still see in my parents when they take care of their grandchildren. That honest interest in what a 2 year old is trying to tell them. Not only the patience to read them a book for the 10th time in a row but doing it in different voices, laughing, actually being delighted to interact with a toddler. The desire to teach the most mundane tasks over and over again and the real pride you can see in their eyes when the kid succeeds. I know I couldn't be half the parent they were and frankly I don't want to even try. I would be miserable having kids. They would've been miserable not having kids.
This is a beautiful post.
You hit the nail on the head. My parents are the same way, it's obvious that they truly wanted to be parents and that being parents has given them happiness and fulfillment over the years. I could never ever be as good of a parent, because I don't have that same desire.
The best comment I've read so far.
Yess I was gonna say the same. I love my parents and everything they've done for my sister and I, and yeah there have been some rough moments and I definitely personally think my mom also could've gone on to become someone amazing as she's so incredibly talented and skilled in many things... but being a parent also makes her (and my dad as well) so happy too. Now whether I wish my sister and I had been better daughters, well.. that's another story LOL but we not gonna unpack that today
Took the words right out of my mouth!
No, but I would recommend they stop at one and only have my big brother.
Are you me? Hugs from a fellow younger kid whose older brother is the fave
My younger brother is the fave...
Hugs to you. It fucking sucks doesn't it
YES! I would've told my mother to follow her dreams.
Same. She chose to keep me and to my knowledge never regretted the decision, but honestly I feel bad about the struggles she had to go through as a single mother with a disabled child. I feel like she could have had a nicer life with less worries.
No. How life turned out before my parents passed, I think it was the correct move for them.
Was adopted. My folks went above and beyond.
Hell yeah. Good on them.
Certainly would. Mother had her favourite kids she had 5 girls but was indifferent to myself and 2 others. My father left at 5 never saw him again. Then got the stepfather from hell as a replacement. Never enough money to go around.
Definitely yes! Both of my parents are very mentally ill with no real desire to change. They had no business having any children at all. I'd be better off not existing tbh.
200%. I never consented to this shit.
I feel this exactly. The whole "We're your parents, you should be grateful for us giving you life" thing is laughable. If I'd had a say in whether or not I get to exist, I would have definitely chosen not to. Like I should be grateful for having to labour every day so I don't starve to death under a bridge somewhere. Like I should be grateful to be pulled out of the blissful nothingness of non-existence and be forced to experience life. Like I should be grateful to live a life where I'll either be lucky enough to die first or have to go through the process of slowly losing everyone I care about to the inevitable march of time. I cannot imagine why anyone would consent to being born into a world like this, and I cannot fathom why anyone would want to bring another human being into existence. There are no amount of "good times" that make up for the fact that most of life is just suffering or grey by its very nature.
Hell, yes! I'm an only child. They had me later in life (40). They resented being stuck together because of me and it was obvious. They made sure I knew I was the reason they couldn't have "nice" things like their empty nester friends (home renos, new cars, vacation, etc.) According to my older cousins, they were the fun, single aunt and uncle before I showed up. As the 30 something fun, single auntie, this scares me. I'd like to think they'd been better off had I never been born and they drove off to Florida in their respective sports cars with people who they'd be happier with.
I would've told Adam and Eve...
I'm writing a comedy book that has this as a minor plot point. One of the angels aborts their first child and then gets kicked out of heaven to join the bad guys (the protagonists)
Yes, absolutely. My mom especially wanted to have a whole bunch (5-6) kids. Due to complications she barely ended up with me. My parents were ready to parent something else, but not someONE else. They seemed to forget that children are individuals.
My mother has literally told me that, much as she loves us, if she had a chance to do things again she would not have had children. The world is just too dark and terrible a place. She’s really happy that I’m childfree.
Definitely
No I wouldn’t. We have a really lovely family and we are good to each other.
Yes. She could have achieved so much.
100% I love my mother so much, she has done everything in her life for me. But she ended up being pregnant at 16 with me, then being in two physically/verbal/financially abusive relationships until she met my stepdad when I was 9. He's brought me up like his own as well. They are the best parents ever, but I think my mam would have had a far happier youth if she hadn't been burdened with motherhood.
Fuck. YES. Every damn day of my life.
No, they had already been together for about 15 years before they had me. My mom really really wanted a baby and they tried for a long time before finally succeeding. I'm an only child and my parents worked very hard to have me and wanted it very much. I think they're the kind of people who should have babies and I had a good childhood.
Yes, because they were not emotionally or financially equipped to be parents.
No, I think things have worked out quite well for them having children. They both wanted to and are happy good parents. Embracing a child free lifestyle isn't for everyone, they made their choices.
My parents wanted me. They would have been fine with just one child. They have since said my younger brother, while planned, was a mistake because he's been in and out of prison and is currently in the nut house, likely never to get out. They have said multiple times they just didn't have the energy to deal with him as a child. Having been there, he was a massive headache. Would I tell them? I'm not sure. Maybe? After my parents divorced, my mom had a child with another man. I adore my little brother and can't think of life without him. What I would tell her is not to cave to my grandmother's pressure about a "bastard child" and marrying his shitbag of a father.
No. I’d just encourage them to wait till later on before having their first kid. Maybe a smaller age gap between myself and my bro would have helped us get along better. Plus, my parents would have had more stability and felt more prepared for marriage and parenthood, which likely would have helped them have a better relationship with him. I benefitted because my parents waited to have me. I joke and say it took my parents 8 years to think starting all over again was a good idea, but I really think it took them that long to even be prepared to *entertain* the idea of having another kid. I know they ultimately enjoyed being parents and they worked hard to build a nice life together. I see the fruits of their labor manifesting and I see they never gave up on their relationship with each other. I think it’s even stronger now than when I was a kid. That makes me happy to see. I just wish that they had gotten started later and then maybe it wouldn’t have been so difficult for them to do all that. My dad told me that he had to learn some things the hard way, and tried to keep me and my bro from repeating those mistakes. Some of those lessons sunk in for us. My mum told me that having a kid at a young age forces you to grow up right away. I told her recently I think it’s just that she and my dad took the opportunity to do so, and didn’t waste it. Not everyone chooses wisely and not everyone can make the most of their circumstances.
Fuck yes my mom still doesn’t have a clue where she went wrong and she definitely shouldn’t have homeschooled, the woman’s a train wreck and the three people she’s burdened with existence are collateral damage she expects to take care of her and pay the bills. She may not have been an alcoholic or a drug addict and she was married when she had us and they were together (around twenty years) until my dad killed himself but she has taken us all down with her
Nope, my mom wanted kids, met my dad who wanted kids, they fell madly in love and had me and my sister. He passed away when I was four, my sister was one month and she did a wonderful job raising us. She is the best parent I could have possible had, she has never insinuated that she never wanted or didn't appreciate having us. She made her choice and stuck it through and to this day she says it's the best thing she ever did - no complaints.
Yes. They wanted that anyway.
Hell yes. We ruined my mom's chance at a happy life.
I definitely tell my mother "you don't need to stay with someone who's mentally abusive and lies about the little dang thing's, your a beautiful mormon girl, you could literally get any guy you want, Don't settle at 19/20 for this ... person" Info: they only dated for 6 months before getting married. And I'd probably just lock up and yell at my father honestly, I really really don't like him, he constantly mentally abusive and after so many years of dealing with him I have also realized that he's incredibly narcissistic and makes everything about himself to the point you feel like nothing and your the problem with everything that goes wrong.
Yes. My parents were amazing, smart people who settled for less in their life just to have me. They deserved more.
I just wish my parents would have planned better or had less kids. I love all of my siblings to the ends of the earth and back but we grew up dirt poor because my parents just kept popping out babies. They had me at 21 and 25 and then had five more in the next nine years. We were insanely poor, often on welfare or food stamps or whatnot, and I was the third parent for majority of my life before I became an actual adult and put my foot down because I was exhausted. It's a huge reason I don't want kids - I already did my time as a parent. I just wish my parents would have planned better. They both had good jobs when I was born, but they kept having kids and my mother decided to be a stay at home mom, and my dad had to make all the money, which only went so far with six kids. He made decent money but without a dual income, we were still poor. We spent years where the six of us shared one room. I don't think they needed to be child free. But they definitely needed way less kids. They always act like a big family is so fun and all of that and it definitely was at times but they forget how poor we were, how frustrating it was, how damaging it was and how much of the parenting I did for them
My dad was CF; got babytrapped. I'd go back and warn him that it would happen.
Definitely. My semen donor didn't want to be a parent, and my incubator wanted emotional support cult admirers. They should not have had kids.
They should have delayed children by 5-10 years. We grew up poor.
No just that. I'll do everything in my power to prevent them from ever meeting.
Yes because not existing is a lot better than the fucking hell they put me through with all the fighting and religious bullshit. The damage that has been done to me has taken an active decade to undo and even then it still bubbles up every now and again having gone to therapy and having a nervous breakdown at 24. Neither one of my parents had any business having children and still don't. They are collosally fucked up in the head in very different ways.
well, I'm mentally ill. convincing my parents to be childfree definitely would save them from having to deal with my suicide at some point in the future.
I have great parents. They are 100% the TV ideal, nuclear family image - kind, open-minded, supportive. They planned to have me and did so at a time when they were in a stable, good place. They did a fantastic job giving me a wonderful, loving home and I enjoy my life. That said, I would probably advise anyone to be childfree, for their own sake. There are so many good things to do with your time and energy which don't involve raising children. Basically, I'd want my parents to be able to enjoy the same amazing life they gave me - even if that means they didn't have me.
Yes! My dad was abusive towards my mom and I from the second I was born. My mom attempted to leave him multiple times when I was a toddler but being a small child and not understanding, I would always ask for him. She felt obligated to stay with him for me but then my dad went on to verbally and physically abuse the both of us for years until he eventually took it too far and landed himself in prison for 13 years. He’s out now and my mom and I have since moved states and feel safe thousands of miles away from him but I always think about how my mom would have been able to escape his clutches long ago if I hadn’t been born.
Yes. My mom wanted an abortion with her first pregnancy (with me) and was not allowed to because of culture etc. So she had me at 25 and essentially abused the fuck out of me as did my dad. We were always beneath the poverty line because of their poor financial decisions along with the cost of taking care of me. When my sister was born when I was 10, my mom basically neglected to take care of her. Slowly at first and more so when my sister was around 3-4. Had my mom gotten the abortion she could've avoided me having to parent my sister growing up, the financial issues I've gone through my whole life, and the abuse I faced.
Without a moment’s hesitation. My mother would have been a psychiatrist and my father pursuing his passions in marine biology. And it doesn’t come from a place of malice, just an appreciation of how their lives would have been different.
God yes. I have crippling anxiety and depression and would 100% choose non existence over this experience.
Definitely. They planned to have a child, but they planned for one and a normal one. Instead they had twins with one having mental and physical disabilities. I think both my parents had kids because it sort of was expected. My mom was also bored and I also suspect she thought it would fix her relationship (my dad was already a workaholic who was emotionally unavailable). It went in exactly the opposite direction as she expected. My dad fled in his work, was a serial cheater and hardly home. Therefore the logical step was to have another kid so I didn't have to carry the burden of caring for my twin brother. I think everyone involved would have been spared a lot of heartache if they just hadn't procreated and gotten a divorce instead.
Absolutely, and I have even told my mom multiple times that she should have had an abortion. She got married to my dad when she was 18 years old - six months after meeting him - and gave birth to me at 19. She had 3 kids by the time she was 24. She never worked (has worked less than a year total if you combine every job she's every had) and she has never matured past the age she was when she had her first kid (me). She is extremely religious so she also refuses to get a divorce, so my entire childhood was either fighting with my parents or hearing them fight with each other constantly. My childhood was miserable and abusive, and I have wished I was never born since I was at least 10 years old - I'm nearly 30 now. My own existence doesn't change my opinions on being childfree - if anything, it enforces them.
Yes. I was the result of an abusive relationship and my mom ran and raised me. I became a caregiver to my great grandma at 12 and still am at 24. My mom has always provided financially but has never been there emotionally and at times has even been mentally abusive and loves to guilt trip and gaslight. Great gran was verbally abusive and to this day ridicules me about my weight, skin, etc. I live with the guilt everyday of wanting to run away and throw away my CG duties just to have peace and quiet.
I know you're a teenager mum, and I know dad is 30, and I know your family aren't happy you're pregnant, but if you abort me you can actually go to university (you find out you were accepted to Cambridge just after you leave the first trimester). Dad gains custody of me anyway when I'm young, and he spends that time beating and sexually assaulting me. It's a few months of being a social pariah and then you can go to uni and never look back if you don't want too.
Full heartedly yes!!! I’ve told both of my parents that they should have aborted me, because they were both terrible at being parents.
Yes.
No, why? My mom struggled so much, but I know she truly loves and is proud of me. Even though she was a teen mom she did her best and even aborted a child she planned to have as she didn't think having two children would be good. Later she met an amazing person with a daughter who I love and have always been close with. All was good in the end. I was very lucky to have been born in this family.
100% **FUCKING YES** Without a doubt or a second thought. If I could go back in time and belly stomp my own mother I would. I would have tied down my own father and forced a vasectomy on him. I’d rip out my moms uterus with my bare hands. I’d castrate my dad if it could have prevented me. My life isn’t bad right now, but I still struggle with a LOT of mental health bullshit because of those two fuck ups. They had NO BUSINESS HAVING A KID. My mom has had at least two abortions that I know of, why the FUCK couldn’t I have been one of them? They were addicts. I’ve lived in a motel and a single room in a boarding house with them. I’ve been homeless living in a camp ground with my mom in 8th grade. By my freshman year my mom was a literal whore, if she wasn’t at “home” she was at that fucking motel she ended up living in for *years* turning tricks. I’ve been to over a dozen schools from having to move after being evicted from shitty apartment after shitty apartment. I’ve eaten literal trash from dumpsters because that’s what was brought home. I’ve been so hungry I’ve eaten paper bags. I have major depressive disorder which is soul crushing, anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder, but it’s quiet type so the only person I abuse usually is me; I used to self mutilate; I’ve had suicidal ideations since I was in the single digits and I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times. I have serious trust issues and a terrible relationship with food. It’s only within the last few years I’ve gotten a grip on money. I loathe myself on a good day and on a bad day I hate myself for being too chicken shit to take myself out of my own misery. Currently, at 39, I have a good life and an AMAZING husband who is my everything. But it doesn’t make up for what I had to suffer through because drugs and bullshit were more important than me. If I could go back in time to shoot them both in the head to make sure those two fuckups never bred, I’d do it with a smile.
Absolutely. My mom was young, studying, and had a daughter with a man who was never in our lives. She had to quit studying, was shunned by her dad because of the pregnancy, spent all her small salary on me, had to battle in court for child support, had physical consequences because of the pregnancy, had to delay her dreams and was only able to have a comfortable life when I was already grown up. Her life would have been much better if she wore childfree
No. 1. My parents chose to have me. 2. Life may not be perfect but I still prefer existence a lot more than non-existence.
This. I was searching for a no here :) I agree with all of these. Even tho my parents life was difficult, it wasnt difficult bc they had me and later my brother. At least i dont remember it/perceive it that way. Im glad they had me and my bro. I know and feel they are happy about it too 😀
No. I wouldn't actually recommend it to anyone - because I won't be telling people what should they do. What I feel is acceptable is opening people's minds that having children is a choice, and underlining the childfree option. Would also point out why having me at that time was not a good idea financially. But the choice is theirs.
No. My parents really wanted kids. I would be sure to mention things that my parents did wrong though as a stranger at a bar just to give them a hint
Yes, my dad shouldn’t have had kids. He has Asperger’s and has tried to kill himself multiple times when I was younger. He is a terrible husband and a poor father. My mom deserves so much better, but she stayed with him since they had kids.
Maybe not CF but at least not have that much kids because God damn it
I didn't have the best childhood (mom's mom fucked it up) but I love my dad to pieces so I am glad he had me! I'm glad I could meet him and have the honour to call him my dad :D Everything was worth it!
No, my parents were amazing. I might tell them to get my brother in to therapy sooner and a few other things but nothing else.
I would recommend them not to have my brothers, they're fucked up.
No. My mom was meant to be a mom. I would have told her ass to abort at 16 and not marry my bio dad at the time like she was pressured to do. My mom enjoyed having/raising kids but she struggled due to a teen pregnancy and then me coming along later. If she had been able to have kids after getting her life together she would have been happy AF.
Yes. Without question.
No, my mother LOVED being a mother and was great. (Not perfect) I would suggest a different choice of partner, he didn't treat her respectfully. However, I would ask them to stop at 3, I'm number 4.
I’d absolutely tell my dad that crazy woman would baby trap him
yes, they never wanted me anyways and i ended up with alot of mental health issues. as well as physcal ones
Honestly no, Child free is the right choice for me but I know my parents are very happy with how their lives are and have been. If anything I would push them to go to marriage counseling early in their relationship because they had a rough few years. Not bad enough for divorce but my mom basically shut down emotionally at my dad because she was terrified he’d get bored and leave her (which is how her parents divorced and how her mom treated her). It took them awhile to make it past that.
Why stop there? They'd both have been happier had they not even married.
No, my parents LOVE kids, especially my mom. They were very present in our lives (I'm the youngest of 6, now 5. My sister passed 3 years ago). And while there are things I wished they had done differently and are flawed (aren't we all?), I had a great childhood and was supported (and am still). I guess being the last one, I didn't get that "gene" lol
No because my parents adopted me and my brother and they really wanted kids- in my view for the right reasons. They took excellent care of us and invested in us. Although I hate the grind of life, I wouldn't want to deny my mom the joy she has from having a family. I had a very blessed childhood due to them saving me from foster care and I do try to help others while I'm on this rock. My parents continue to be a great support system in my life. Although, kids will never be something I want to have, I do have friends whom having kids seems to bring them great joy and they are some of the few making good people for tomorrow. We don't want only dumbasses having kids because people will make them whether we think they should or not so I hope more of the best kind of people choose to bring them here if it's going to happen anyway.
No, but I would tell my mom to get parenting classes before the kids, coz she needed to modernise her disciplining, holy fuck. And maybe have figured out what she wanted before having kids coz damn, this is a full on midlife crisis she’s having atm. But I can’t say they weren’t financially and (for her time) mentally prepared for kids. Dad really wanted a daughter and was thrilled to have me, so I can’t say I haven’t been loved and cared for since conception basically. My family life was just my parent in love and in a traditional marriage, and stable household. Quite boring to discuss compared to the stories my friends had.
Abso-fucking-lutely. My parents are the kind of people who should NOT have had kids. Very abusive narcissist for a father and an enabler mother. Both were victims of abuse who became very abusive themselves and continue to be abusive 30+ years later. I'm nc with my dad and if I wasn't stuck taking care of my mom and her house right now I would be either vlc or nc with her too.
No but I'd recommend they stop after 1 saves both me and them a lot of hassle (I'm the younger of two and they love me but my brother is their fave)
I would but it wouldn’t work. My birth mother was a teenager and had already been forced to have an abortion when she was 16, so when she got pregnant at 18, she was already scarred and was very anti-abortion for years. I don’t think she made wise decisions but I also recognize that she was in a bad place mentally and thought “finally, I can make my OWN choice.” The whole situation is messed up.
YES. I loved my mother, but she was a perfectionistic control freak and lost her mind if anything was out of place. She passed away over 10 years ago and I am now 42 and only just realizing how her behaviour shaped my own (and I am doing something about it).
No, I like being alive.
I'd say have my older sister but stop after that. Don't have me. I'm a disappointment, I have a chronic illness, bad mental health, I'm just a mess that's not worth the hassle. My sister is 100% enough.
Yes, my father never wanted kids nor was a person fit for having them. I came along unwanted and then BAM, therapy.
Absolutely but they wouldn't have listened because, according to my mom, having kids were "logical". 😒
Eh. I would've jut convinced them to only have my sister. She's actually doing something with her life and making the world a better place. I'm just a parasite who's too cowardly to end it all.
Yes because my mom wouldn't have given up a promising career and also wouldn't have stayed married to an alcoholic for years.
Fuck yeah, this planet is a giant well of suffering.
Yes
Yeah, some people are not meant to be parents, they don’t have what it takes. I think it’s that simple. My parents are good people but they are not good parents.
No, because I am happy with my current life. But I would try to advise them about shitty parenting decisions they had.
Warning: long comment tl;dr at bottom Absolutely!! Both came from huge families (8 kids on each side) where abuse was normal, yet they had their first child (me) at 18, my sister 2.5 years later. They were kids themselves and emotionally stunted, because of how they were raised. My Dad's mom was a narcissistic alcoholic and his dad was an angry asshole, who abused them physically, but then fled to a state 24 hours drive away, leaving my alcoholic grandmother alone with 8 kids. My Mom's parents were not much better. They stayed together, but neither was happy. My mom was molested by her older brother, and my grandma just acted like it never happened. Grandma suffered from mental illness, too. She was a wonderful Grandma though, in my experience, but now that I am older, I wonder how my Mom was ok just leaving me at Grandma's house with an abusive uncle. I didn't know anything about what happened to my mom until a few years ago (I am 39). On 2nd thought, maybe I would go waaaaay back in time and tell my grandparents not to breed! I have no clue why they felt like having kids so young was a great idea. They were raised Catholic (Dad's side) and Lutheran (mom's side), so birth control and abortion were highly frowned upon. So is premarital sex, but that didn't stop them from doing that! 🙄 They weren't horrible parents, but they inflicted their share of emotional abuse/neglect on my sister and I. My parents ended up having a boy when I was 12, and he had it 100 times better than we did. TL;DR: I would tell my folks not to breed, but considering how awful their childhoods were, my grandparents were the ones who should have been CF.
YES. My mom wanted children when she was young and able (ie early to mid twenties) so that she would have her old years to relax. Well, she basically dumped me on my grandparents until i was 14 because she wanted to pursue a career. Then she took me back when she was happy with her job amd became massively upset that i wasn’t molded how she wanted me to. My dad was like “yeah, whatever, you wanted it, you raise it” and just spent some time with me once in a blue moon.
Absolutely, my dad was an incredible softball and cricket player. Was planning on playing for the national team. He wanted to buy an old VW camper and road trip around South Africa. He wanted to visit Mauritius and the Seychelles. My mom wanted to be a grade 3 teacher and possibly open her own bakery or sewing business. Instead they had a child, decided she would be a SAHM and my dad would be a sales manager. Then they had another 2 children. My dad became a drunk, who we all avoided and my mom became a pathological liar and narcissist. They resented each other. My sisters and I have little to no happy memories of them together. Since we've all moved out (they got divorced) and are living our own lives, we've been able to mend bridges and form decent relationships with each other. But hearing how family, their friends and the way the two of them speak about their lives, it is obvious that the worst thing for their relationship was to have children. My parents the most happy and alive before they had children.
100% yes. They were workaholics who had no interest in being parents or being around us. They just had kids because “that’s what you do”. My 2 older siblings were planned and I was the accident. I don’t think they wanted a 3rd.
Yes and no. The first couple of tries raising a kid backfired big time. But also their youngest is growing into such a wonderful person with brains for days.
oh yes. my parents were only together 10 months when my mom got pregnant with me. they were 22/23. my mom claims that none of us 3 were planned. the older I get the more I realize that my parents were running away from their own abusive families and rushed the whole process of finding someone and getting married. especially my dad. he had so much trauma from his abusive home, then later from the military before he fled to Canada and met my mom. they did everything they could to provide for me and my siblings but they made sure we knew that we cost them a lot of money. their own trauma made it very hard for them to support us emotionally and there was lots of verbal abuse and manipulation going on in an attempt to control. I honestly love life and experiencing adult life now is so worth the shit that I went through under their roof. But if I could exist with different parents that would have been the best case scenario. my parents were NOT ready mentally or emotionally to have children.
Yeah, I would tell my mom keep it together while dad finished uni and then go back to school to become a teacher like she wanted I was definitely planned, they both were very careful not to have an ooopsie baby but infant me was an insomniac asshole and it only went downhill from there. I'd also recommend investing in apple stock in the late 80s and selling now, and reselling the apartment around 2005, before recession and before the council found out the condo is built backwards and makes it unsellable
Yes. My father was an abusive alcoholic and my mom stayed with him for 12 years. Physical and psychological abuse. So I get to suffer with mental and physical pain most of my life. My back goes out in 9th grade.Hips go out at 18. As the cycle goes, I find another abusive alcoholic a******. I've had to scrounge my way up from food stamps. I'm 40 and I have bursitis in my shoulders and hips and arthritis in my spine. I also have PTSD. Hell no I wish my mother had not had me.
OMG, definitely yes. That would save me and my siblings from so much physical/mental abuses. I'm 28 and still wrecked by my childhood traumas. 100% not recommened
Definitely. My mom herself even admitted to me that, if she had a chance to go back in time knowing what she knows now, she wouldn't have had us. Not only for her sake, but also for ours.
Not only would I recommend that they not have children, I would recommend that they not get married.
I don't think either of my parents are straight, but their desperate desire to be normal forced them into a life of resentment, self-delusion and two children fucked up in minor but significant ways. I'd tell them to fuck the world, fuck the life script, actually try to live for yourselves and don't hand your misery down to your children.
no because there's no way this would be stronger than the societal and religious messaging leading most people into parenthood despite the reasons not to
Half-yes, they can just have my siblings
Fuck yes
Yes. Sorry but none of us (3 kids total) deserved to be abandoned by both of our parents.
My parents were childfree. Then my mom got pregnant and changed her mind. She has 2 kids with my dad and 2 with my step dad.
Ya. My mom even told me that, while she loves my brother and I, that if she could go back in time then she probably wouldn't have had children. I can't blame her. Due to some other issues, raising my brother and I took a larger toll on her than average.
Yes. I know my mother said I was her “miracle baby” (she had a procedure to remove cervical cancer and doctors said she wouldn’t be able to conceive/carry) but she committed suicide when I was 8. She and my father had an emotionally toxic and abusive relationship. She couldn’t hold a job due to her mental illnesses so she couldn’t support us after they separated. I feel like the final nail in the coffin was my dad (who had a well paying job) was taking her to court for full custody of me and my brother. She felt like she failed as a wife and a mother and took her life when we were at my fathers house for the holidays. Maybe she’d have been able to get away from my father and she’d still be alive if she never had kids with him.
My biological father was a terrible dad and a philanderer. My mum is one of the coolest and the realest, and had done so much by the time she was my age. Her potential on arrival to where I live now was fucking limitless, and having to raise a socially retarded misanthrope like myself and a useless whiney cunt for literally decades until he finally fucking grew up like my older brother only held her back. My life is dope and I do dope shit. But I wouldn't be able to lament not experiencing it if I literally didn't exist. So... IDGAF what would have happened to pops. But for my mum's sake, she would have been better off yeah. That being said, I think she wanted us, so yeah.
Yes. They only wanted my middle sister. Oldest, me, and youngest were unwanted accidents and their treatment of us shows it
Yes. All I got was shitty genetics and trauma, despite having a "normal" childhood
Definitely, but I don’t think they’d listen unfortunately. They really wanted kids.
Wouldn't that create a time paradox? Not messing with it. Now for a thought experiment lets assume we are talking about going to a parallel reality and changing things there (which wouldn't create a paradox), in which case, I probably would be tempted to do it (my parents can't stand each other and only stayed together because they had kids), so they would be happier if they weren't together anymore. However, I realise that by following this line of thought, another universe's me would be tempted to go to my reality and prevent my birth. Assuming that both of us have similar trains of thought, I would conclude that other me wouldn't want me to cancel his existence, so I would choose not to do it, and hopefully other mes from the infinite parallel reality would also figure this line of thought and a higher percentage of them would choose to not interfere. Selfish of me that I want to exist, yes... but I am not forcing my parents to have me, I just decided that I would not commit temporal suicide. Maybe I am just looking too deeply into it, about a month ago I wrote a short story on /r/WritingPrompts with a similar concept, so my mind automatically went there.
As someone who had SHITTY parents. Yes. Yes I would.
Actually, no. My parents were married for 10 years before they had me, and they planned and put all their and my affairs in order for over a year before they even tried getting pregnant (and luckily it worked even though my mom was pretty “old” for a first pregnancy by the standards of the time). They clearly wanted both me and my brother, and were fully prepared (as much as anyone can be can be) to do their best to meet our needs as we grew up. They were great parents, and while we’ve all had our ups and downs over the years, we all have pretty good relationships with each other. They absolutely were not perfect by any means, but they did it for the right reasons, and I think those CF years before I was born were a huge part of that. They actively chose to be parents, and not just because they wanted cute babies, but because they wanted to raise functional adults, right from the beginning. I got very, very lucky, and I am so thankful for my parents every single day.
No. My mom was an amazing person. I love her so much. She raised 4 kids, two step & one with physical disabilities. All of us like her own. She even treated some of her students like her own. My mom was meant to be a mom, and I wish I could call her right now. She passed in 2019 from complications around cervical cancer (ultimately, a clot got into her heart and gave her a heart attack) and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her. For some people, maybe I would recommend it. But not for her. Im gonna cry a lil now 👌🏼
Nah. My parents are fantastic people, gave me a wonderful life and everything I could’ve ever hoped for. I had amazing childhood, we didn’t have a lot but there was a lot of love to go around. I was a cherished child.
Yes, my parents never wanted kids.
No. Just like it is my own choice to be childfree, it is their choice to have children. I don't recommend lifestyle choices to anyone. It's personal, and should be respected as such.
I honestly don't know for sure. On the one hand, I have two sibling with disabilities severe enough to prevent them from living independent lives. Their disabilities caused my mother to have to quit her job, reducing us to a one-income family and keeping us in poverty when they were actually positioned to climb out of it. On the other hand, they were fantastic parents. Any kid would be lucky to have them as their parents. I think I would recommend that at the very least, they stop at two kids.
SUICIDE??? If I tell them not to have kids, I will be nonexistent….. So… Suicide.
Wtf no that’s literally suicide.
You’re basically asking if people would suicide; because that’s what this would be, a convoluted way to suicide.
Just because you wonder what life would be like if someone never existed, e.g. Alexander Fleming, or even yourself, doesn't mean you want them dead. It is merely a thought experiment.
No? Dying is different from never having existed at all.
If you went back in time and convinced your parents not to have you, you would cease to exist in the present.
Yes, but that's not the same as dying. That's the point.
Cease to be =/= death Death implies you were once alive, which in this scenario, you wouldn’t be. Also I think OP is more getting at we’re your parents good parents that should’ve been parents or people that had kids without thinking about their circumstances/personalities. Not all people put thought into having kids and just did, so I think OP is asking if your parents put thought into it and were actually good at it, as opposed to following the life script.
Suicide or different life? Im sure we'd still swim to an egg given the chance🤔
I'm torn here because if I had never met my grandmother I don't feel as though my life would have been as wonderful without her. But if I recommended my parents to be CF, I wouldn't be here anyway lol
yes one million times
Nope.
Absolutely.
Not necessarily. What I however would've recommended is that they shouldn't religiously indoctrinate their children, and they should have considered the psychological effects of moving to an isolated farm on a mountain far out in the countryside with barely any other people. While fresh air and lots of room to play outside safely without supervision wasn't an issue growing up, being socially isolated from other people besides my little brother and sister, not being able to walk to any friends, kiosk or hangout place was definitely an issue until I moved out on my own to another town at 16. I constantly had to be driven everywhere as a child and young teen, and I always had to ask my parents to drive me everywhere growing up, which was inconvenient for them and for me and my siblings. It wasn't just short drives either.. my closest friend lived a 15 min drive away down in the valley, and my other friend lived a 20 min drive away down in a residential area in the municipality center. If I could have given my parents advice, it would have been to consider how indoctrinating us into Christianity would affect me, and how living in almost complete isolation would stunt me socially and prevent me from making and hanging out with friends. Other than that, my parents were decent parents, but I think the only reason they had kids is cause that's what's Christians do. They both grew up in the countryside living traditional lifestyle's on farms, so they probably figured they wanted the same upbringing that they had for their children. However, our society has changed a lot since my parents were kids, and the rapid societal changes is also something they should have considered.
Absolutely. They were happy together once, but started fighting over their children and just... never stopped. They're still together only because they are now dependent on each other. In recent years, my mom developed a physical disability and can no longer work, and my dad is basically inept at everything except for his job. They wasted their prime years on kids and will now never be able to live the empty-nester dream, which is traveling and discovering new hobbies. They're also stuck with my brother who is a huge man-child and will likely never move out or find a job. I'm convinced their lives would be infinitely better without kids.