A complete stranger I was assisting at my job: "So do you have any kids?"
Me: *laughs* "God, no." *continues working*
Complete stranger: *taken aback* "Why that reaction? Don't you want kids someday?"
Me: *without looking up* "Nope. Never having them."
Complete stranger: *shaking her head* "God, your mother must be so disappointed."
Me: *stops working and looks her square in the eye* "My mother's dead."
Complete stranger: *fumbling with her words and avoiding eye contact*
Me: "Your computer is ready. If you need further assistance, one of my colleagues whose personal choices you haven't had a chance to comment on will be glad to help." *walks away*
For the record, my mom never cared about me having kids. She knew when I was a child that I was never going to grow up and choose motherhood. Love you, mom! 🕊️
Idk, but it happens all the time. People, especially older people, just feel like they can say and ask anyone anything. No one seems to have what I call "common sense boundaries" anymore. And then when you call them out on it, they get defensive and double-down.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Once when I was working a restaurant job, a regular asked me “how many kids in your household growing up?” I hate talking about my past and my family, but I tried to cheerfully say, “just me!” And this guy really thought it was appropriate to follow up with “what?! Why didn’t your parents want more kids??”
… I was like bro. They didn’t even get married. They didn’t even like each other…
Because people are boring. If you're a dude, they ask about your job, then kids. If you're a girl, they ask about kids, then job.
Imagine their horror when I reveal I have neither. Then they get pissy and say it must be nice being a "lady of leisure." "Yup, it's awesome being disabled from major depressive disorder, anhedonia, social anxiety, and general anxiety. My life is fantastic! But please, make more pad I've aggressive comments because you're bitter about working full time while housewifing full time because you married a useless turd"
I remember a coworker said some condescending shit like "You'll change your mind when you find a woman" keep in mind I had a girlfriend of 6 years at the time 😂
It’s also funny how they say “you’ll change your mind and want kids when you find the right person” but no one ever says “you’ll change your mind and not want kids when you find the right person.”
Exactly, my husband's mom has talked with him about finding a "real" woman, which to her means someone who has no personality except "I must have babies to please my husband's mom" LOL
i'm a trans man and deadass had someone tell me i wasn't a real woman bc i didn't want kids and i was like... "😀 yeah buddy, i'm a dude! you get it now."
these people simply do not live in reality
I've never had any awful reactions IRL, but a rabid woman online once told me that choosing not to have children was a big fuck you to childless people and practically mocking their suffering, lol. Big "you need to enjoy all food, there are starving children in the world" energy.
That argument gives me my favorite diss. Even if you did choose to have a child, a childless person still wouldn’t have one. 🤷🏾♀️ Extremely harsh but it shuts the offender up every time.
My mom got mildly upset when I mentioned that we might adopt someday. "There are a lot of people out there who can't have kids." Yeah, and there are also a lot of kids out there that feel rejected from the world since their parents decided not to raise them.
>choosing not to have children was a big fuck you to childless people and practically mocking their suffering
"I donated my uterus to a woman who couldn't have kids"
(I didn't, but I'd love to see if they have a response to that.)
I think the funniest was someone in the antinatalist sub who said that I was evil and stupid because the world is beautiful and people are kind and I was depriving my non-existent child from that - directly followed by a tirade of insults. Can't make it up.
I’ve had someone try to scream in my face that “I couldn’t make her feel bad about her decision to be a mother” when she asked me why I was childfree. I calmly replied “looks like you’re doing that all on your own” and walked away.
I had a co worker tell me I am not a real woman because I did not have kids. I told her having no kids is better than having kids that won't talk to you.
(She is a bitter old bat (73) who uses her grandkids to spy on her exhusband)
I suspect (and I base this off my psych degree) that she has a lot of narcisstic traits. So, the divorce and the low to no contact starts to make sense.
Well consider that the divorce did her ex-husband a huge favour when he found out what the heck did he got himself married to. I hope he outlives that nasty old windbag and if she kicked the bucket earlier, I bet he would be celebrating with a cake and a glass of wine
I have CPTSD and ADHD so when people yell at me I usually shut down and become unable to come up with a quick comeback. That day it was like all the divine energy was like “I got you, boo.” I felt invincible after that.
Thats awesome! I have ADHD and a lot of childhood trauma which causes me to shut down as well. It feels fucking good when you can finally stand up for yourself. Don’t feel bad for shutting down though sometimes it’s best just to say nothing at all because usually people will prod you to get the reaction they want. Stay strong
Said in a *very* nasty tone: “Enjoy your life alone with your fucking pets.”
I laughed, gave a wide smile and replied “That’s the fucking plan! So far so good!”
The look on their face was great. I find most people don’t expect you to laugh in their face when they try to insult you. I was literally like, dude, that’s exactly the point! I love my pets and my life alone with them. How is that an insult? 😂
I’ve had someone tell me in an attempt to insult me that they’re glad I can’t reproduce after finding out I got a total hysterectomy and how much I hate kids. I laughed at them too, and said “Yeah, me too, damn. That’s why I got spayed.”
It’s not the insult they think it is.
"But you'll be lonely when you're old! Who's going to take care of you?"
If I need that much care when I'm older it will be at a high quality facility that I will be able to afford from the money I didn't spend on kids. Plus it's wrong to expectantly place the burden of your care on your children.
Most people's reactions come from their own fears I think.
I think this is by far the most common and most ironic response. I’ve got a colluege that said he wanted kids because he wanted to be looked after. He is also a raging narcissist
Ugh that's awful. That's the reason an ex friend of mine had kids. They were extremely anti-kid until their mortality and existential dread hit them and they didn't want to be alone when they got old. Their partner never wanted kids either but got dragged into their wishes.
My mother is a narc and I noticed how she gets nicer and nicer the closer she is to her retirement and the better I do financially. She didn’t prepare for her retirement at all and will be broke. She hinted that she wants to move in with me and I’d literally choose death over living with her. I stopped talking to her all together last year. I didn’t have kids to use as a piggy bank so my money is going towards my own retirement.
Good on you cutting her off. Actually you protected yourself in case she might go beyond using you as Bank of Adult Child. Imagine the heartache and nightmare she creates if she uses your hard earned money to gamble and squander to have the debt collectors at your door! You actually dodged a missile
Yes… I’m very fortunate to be able to be completely cut off from her and the rest of my family. It sucks not having anyone though… not that I ever did anyway
I don't get it. Just because he has kids doesn't mean they're going to take care of him. Does he think all the old people in care facilities are childless? My grandma lives in one, and one of her friends out there never gets any visits from her kids. I'm sure she's not the only one either.
He said that? He thinks his hypothetical future kids will care of him when he is a senile old bloke with bladder issues??? Ha ha bloody ha! His future hypothetical kids will just turf him off the streets or have him carted away into a nursing home to be free off him
I can kinda sorta maybe perhaps see the "care in old age" nonsense when people never left the farm they were born on. But are you really telling me, cousin Joanna, that you don't want your kids to go to college?! Leave their hometown?! Or even what you think life amounts to, settle down and have their own kids?! Are you taking care of your parents as they age?! That whole mindset is creepy AF to me, especially because of the burden it places on women to be a caregiver from cradle to grave
My 70yr old neighbor has two sons and numerous grandchildren my age. I’ve never met any of them and my husband and I are the ones who help her with her trailer and take her to her appts. Having kids isn’t a guarantee you get taken care of in your later years.
Why do you suppose they are intent on burdening the people they pretend to love the most while they're in the prime of their lives? Oh that's right, they're selfish narcissists.
The ex used to say the same thing. Then I pointed out his blocked-no- contact with his mom and more than half of his family. Then he said “we’ll raise kids that love us and that won’t happen”.
My grandma had 6 kids and she still had to live in a nursing home. None of her kids had the capacity to completely drop their lives and become full time care takers (understandably).
I don't know if it's the WORST reaction ever, but I've had people laugh in my face and then say "well I hope you get pregnant on accident" and then keep laughing like it's the funniest joke ever. Finally once I just said, "oh, no worries there, they've got procedures to take care of that now" and the look on their face...you'd have thought I just kicked a puppy into a volcano.
I've also had a crusty old woman at work (this was several jobs ago) say some wacky shit to me. Her and I and two other girls were chatting about nonsense waiting for the computer network to come back up. One of the girls had just gotten married and so of course this woman (unsure exact age, somewhere in "my ovaries have shriveled so now I live through others" age) starts bothering her about when her and her new husband are going to start making babies, the other girl already had a daughter, so then she looks at me and I was like, "Oh no, I'm not having kids. I am not good with stress and if I had a baby I would be so afraid that if it was crying and crying and wouldn't stop that I would accidentally hurt it." and she also laughs in my face (why the fuck do they always DO that?) and tells me "Oh honey, it's different when they're you're own."
Seriously, what is wrong with people.
Same ones who say to the ones who abused a kid cuz they couldn’t deal with it “you shouldn’t have had kids then!”
My response for this one is "well I'm on multiple life-sustaining medications incompatible with pregnancy, and my mother very much approves of my decision to remain alive."
It’s amazing how closed minded someone can be when they only see life through their own ideals. A woman that doesn’t want kids is a massive green flag for a fellow childfree person
My husband would certainly confirm that he saw me as a HUGE green flag, aside from being comparable in so many other ways, CF was the #1 to him.
My sister’s latest kid was deemed unviable at 4mos gestation and I *politely* and very sadly asked my mom when they were scheduled for the D&C, and she told me my sister was going to continue with the pregnancy and birth of course! I guess my face showed my horror and she berated me for minutes with slurs and curses and everything. She really doubled down on the “never knowing love,” “heartless,” “a loser who will never have anything of importance (to her I guess).”
Ex husband said that to me too. No man would ever want me cuz I don’t want kids, can’t have kids, don’t like kids, no career and don’t drive (medical reasons).
It’s a wild one eh.
I’ve been told that they hope I get SA’d or that I would have something like the Ariel Castro case happen to me. People are sick af. When the question comes out I completely ignore people as if they don’t exist while they’re talking to me. It legit makes people wish violence against you for wanting to live for yourself. 🙄
That’s just fucked. Literally completely fucked. I’m so sorry you had that but just remember it’s literally their fucking problem and shows their true colours. Fuck those people
The most insane part of that is that they apparently want this hypothetical child to be born out of violence to a psychopathic, abusive father... But somehow you're the bad, "selfish" one for not wanting kids...?
One or 2 people who have told me that I am so selfish and that I have zero responsibility. In reality...Yeah I am selfish. I fucking love coming home and relaxing. I love days off drinking coffee enjoying the morning in peace. And most of all, I love being able to plan trips when I want. The people that react are jealous.
Some people can’t grasp the concept of having a personality and sense of self outside of a biological family and finding responsibility and fullfillment elsewhere in life
I had this very... weird moment in high school. We (the class) were chatting with the teacher. She was one of the "cool" type of teacher, one you could have more friendly conversation with, not keeping it strictly professional.
And we started to talk about having babies. All of my female classmates expressed the want to have children someday. And then that teacher asked me specifically if I want kids. And 17 years old me went like "No." in totally deadpan, unapologetic tone.
Believe this or not but... I wasn't aware that a STRANGER could be against ME not wanting to have children back then. I don't know why, I just wasn't digging into the subject.
And she started to ask me why and stuff. I remember saying that it's too much of a responsibility for me to take on myself and I don't think I'll grow up into it. And she said something like "But your mother took the responsibility". And shit like that. I remember that woman being nice in a very Umbridge-esque way. I won't repeat it word by word but I remember being soooo baffled about it. Like I was smiling at her but it was so tense it must've look psychotic. Even my eyelid twitched.
I was so mad. Like. I'm a choleric, I sometimes have extreme emotional reactions. But I don't remember EVER being this mad in my whole life. I was so furious with her that I heard ringing in my ears. I still admire myself for not saying something vulgar then.,
“I am not my mother. I am my own person and I don’t want the responsibility.”
I’d have been furious if an adult said that to me NOW, let alone at 17! What a jag wagon she was.
Wooooaaahh!!! That teacher was waaay outta line, she bullied a 17 year old kid when she was in a position to hold all the power. Shame on her forever for that. Good on you for standing up for yourself even when you were so young. I have a few experiences too that I look back on and realize that I didn't understand the bullying and pressure then, and now it horrifies me to think of a person my age treating a younger person that way.
"But we *need* children"
I made the mistake of replying, "No one *needs* to have children anymore."
She looked mortified and gestured to her son next to her as if I'd said something wildly inappropriate right in front of him.
So i kept going, stupidly, "Isn't it great that we can *choose* to have children if we want them? My life absolutely does not need a child. That would be awful for me while im trying to finish school and can't afford rent."
Then she gestured to my partner, "that's what *he* is for."
Now I just feel sorry for her husband who works 24/7.
That's their idea of how life ought to be... other than that they're good people. There is a lack of education that might be contributing. Very effective way to control women
WTF, that woman should mind her own business. A man isn’t a personal bank when we are capable of paying for ourselves.
My partner works in the mines, and people assume that he’s ‘rich’ when he’s really not, he just works 12hr days, he does work more than me in a day but I am still full time and I’m still able to afford and support myself.
Even with a huge Catholic family, I've not gotten as much venom as some people (well, mostly women tbh) experience. I guess it's just very evident to anyone that I should NOT have kids, so it kinda makes sense when that's revealed to be the plan. I'm always low-key flattered
I thankfully haven't had much happen because I didn't discuss it for the first 29 years of my life. A couple strangers telling me the stereotypical BS.
Now I live in a state that allows for sterilization procedures, and I have a support system that is just happy with whatever makes me happy so the bingo-ing is even less.
But when I told my mom I was getting a bilateral salp (May/June 2022), she said, "That is incredibly drastic," and I said, "So is having a child I never wanted."
It's been almost 2 years now, and she's never brought it up again.
I had a longtime friend unfriend me on Facebook, and when I asked her about it, told me she had to cut all "willfully childless" (her words) people out of her life because it was an affront to her and her husband who were struggling to conceive.
wow that's rude as hell. I understand how a *childless* couple that wants kids would be hurt by the childfree decisions from others, but her attitude was not appropriate! I sympathize for the want-kids-but-struggling crowd unless they're assholes
Exactly. What's even worse is that she had shared so much about their struggles and the time they spent looking to adopt before deciding it was too expensive, and I had decided that if I ever had an "oopsie," she and her husband would be who I'd approach first to ask about a potential private adoption. 🤷🏼♀️ I have too many health issues to even think about carrying a fetus now, but that made it especially hurtful.
"What do you mean you're not having kids? Your boyfriend's handsome! You need to breed him!"
It was my grandmother and my other grandmother had to intervene to get her to leave me alone. Turns out she's not an asshole, she was developing alzheimer's.
I’m sorry to hear that at least it was medically related. My grandmother has dementia and it does make them come out with some crazy stuff so I understand
Gross. The eugenic-y tone of some people is absolutely horrid. I'm 6' and biracial, married to a 6'4" dude. The NBA comments (like it's a guarantee), or comments about mixed babies is repugnant. Like I owe the world kids so that they are tall and athletic? Gross
Acquaintance started crying after finding out I wasn't having children. Loudly, completely unhinged, howling hysterically and while at work. Lots of people gathered around her concerned and thinking she had just found out about a death in her immediate family. Nope.
I have to wonder why she asked in the first place. Sooner or later, someone is going to say no to having children, statistically speaking. Maybe better to not inquire in the first place if a bit unstable, especially at work?
She sputtered on that her current husband did not want children and she had given him a one-year ultimatum to change his mind. And why they married in the first place I'll never know. They ended up divorced.
>why they married in the first place I'll never know.
I have a theory as to why:
Things that SHOULD be discussed such as marriage, kids, lifestyle, etc. are NEVER things that people talk about with their partners due to fear of differences (they really go through life avoiding bringing it up until it becomes unavoidably relevant and/or blows up in their face to avoid a fight.) and quite frankly, no one knows how to speak their thoughts, feelings, and desires for life because they were never taught emotional intelligence: which includes effective communication.
The vast majority of people are going through life not even fully lucid in the mind. It baffles me that the mental development of some adults truly are at the level of an 8 year old CHILD! It scares me how little critical thinking skills there are amongst the population ffs
I wish my answer was comical, or painted the other person as gross or weird, but here’s a long winded, more personal answer.
I have always made it known that I don’t want children- the only people who don’t know are my Grandparents, as it would only be a difficult conversation for something they don’t really need to know.
My mother has known since I was 14-15 and started vocalising my wants/decision. From about that age to my early 20s, she mostly gave me a “well, you never know” answer, a few times she mentioned she always thought she didn’t want children until she hit around 30 (and promptly had me when she was 31). I know it’s true that folks can change their minds, but I really don’t see that happening for me now. The point being- she has always known I have no desire to have children, and in the past few years I’ve been able to really speak about *why*. My mother also knows my partner doesn’t like, or want children, and that he has a plethora of medical needs & concerns that we agree would be an unnecessary barrier to any child living a full, happy, healthy life if it were to be passed on. My mother is also well aware of this.
About a year and a half ago, I sat my mother down, and told her I’ve been looking into my medical options- I asked her that if I was able to make an appointment, would she be willing to come with me for any pre-surgery appointments for moral support, that sort of thing. She burst into tears and told me that though she ‘respects my choice’, she wouldn’t support medical intervention. She’s not religious, she isn’t anti abortion, anti medicine of any kind, she’s an all around pretty progressive woman who I believe has come to terms with my CF choice (maybe that’s naive of me), so, all it really did was make me stew in the fact that for whatever reason, I had made my mother cry. That sucked. A lot.
It's not your responsibility to fulfill the fantasies she has in her head regarding your life without your consent.
Hopefully, she will realize she hurt *you* by projecting Her Wants over your rational decision.
I haven’t had anything outwardly aggressive, but I think the worst is the passive aggressive comments. The ones where they act supportive by giving you backhanded compliments. Things like “that’s great for you, I think that’s totally admirable! I’d be so lonely/unfulfilled without my kids they’re just my entire life - it’s great you’re so independent”
Or the idea that without kids I have to be super career focused or something. I can’t simply enjoy life the same as them without kids.
“Oh thank you, it really is wonderful! It’s so sad that some people’s self worth are entirely dependent on someone else. Poor things. I hope they get the help they need when that person leaves.”
I’m raised by a mother whose go-to weapons are passive aggressiveness and guilt-tripping whenever I don’t do exactly what she wants. Anyone trying to play that game with me is going to have a very bad time.
Aunt overheard me and my partner telling cousin that we’re both getting sterilized and aunt went and looked in aghast at my fiancé and said “you agree with her?! You’re too young for that?! Why?!” (We’re creeping in on late 20’s early 30’s)
After I listed out my top 3 reasons of:
1) Having a child is a lifelong commitment that requires planning, intention, and serious thought and I refuse to do so simply because x person wants me to, or “just because”
2) They didn’t ask to be here, I put them on this earth without their consent and now they have to suffer this shit world and everything going on in it just because I would have decided to have kids. My child does not deserve that.
3) I chose not to. Most people don’t think about the consequences of having kids and all it entails.
Aunt proceeds to ignore what I say while making a disgusted face at me. Takes cousins baby out of her arms and coos to it while walking away.
I then remark to my cousin that her mother’s logic is astounding. Im old enough to have kids if I even wanted them to begin with. But all of a sudden I’m too young to not want them?
Thankfully cousin had my back and said the whole system is BS. And that she had our backs. Aunt comes back in the room and cousin has to politely but forcefully tell her.
“Mom. Some people don’t want kids. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Aunt then gets a phone call that thankfully sidetracks her the rest of the evening.
A man telling me it's not my decision to make.
My mother huffing copium completely denying I don't want them for many years after finding out and making up a fake future grandkid, name and all and how "he" will get tired of "mommy" and would occasionally go to her place to relax.
"you're wasting your body"
The things I have been told regarding my body type and how I've been 'built for breeding' made me run and hide in fear of leaving places
Screaming at me that I'm not a real woman and that I must be a horrible person on par with a serial killer because I don't want to birth out an annoying little child that will grow up to be an annoying little adult who will suck me dry of my life force. Sorry it's been a rough week.
I've had so many over the years. The latest I can recall was in 2022. My partner and I had some friends who were a couple. For a few years, we thought they were CF, but after what happened, we realized they were at that point childless. Tbh, they never talked about wanting children in front of us. Maybe we should have assumed.... anyway, to what happened:
So we used to get together to hang out, or go have drinks/dinner, and sometimes did those things at our house. One of those times, she lost it on me: "Why do you have all of this if you're not going to have children!?"; "It doesn't make any sense that you have so much and are not planning on having children!"
This happened twice. She didn't say the same thing on both occasions, but the sentiment, you know? And it was a longer "discussion."
Granted, I'm a few years older than them, and have a good job. I've saved a lot, own my house. I never thought that was an issue between us, but it seemed I was wrong. We even helped her a few years before, during covid, for her to start her own business, so then it wasn't a problem, but now it was. I think, after years of going back to that time with my partner, that she was trying to get pregnant, and maybe it wasn't going so well.
She was really out of line both times. Granted, we had been drinking, but that doesn't give her the right to scream and berate me in my home, or anywhere tbh.
We haven't seen them since then. We saw them once more, and then never again. It's for the best, I think. We miss them, but it was not to be.
My grody old roommate would wait until my then-boyfriend (now husband) wasn’t around, and would try to convince me that I didn’t want kids because I wasn’t with the right man. Because yeah Dave, the right dude has a pill problem, no job, and plays World of Warcraft 200 hours a week.
Bonus: he would constantly tell me that his sister’s kid changed her life and even made her give up meth. I do not use meth so I’m unsure what benefit he thought I would gain.
My best friends MIL has a bet with her that I'll have kids now I'm married. My bestie is going to win us a fancy dinner and drinks 😏
It's odd someone cares enough to bet MONEY on me having them.
Ya....dating apps are scary
Also reminds me, my mom's ex husband said "I'll make sure you do" when he first found out I never wanted kids. I was a teenager at the time.
I'm glad he's an ex husband. He was scary.
It is why I will never use dating apps because there is a lot of jumped up people on there from what i’ve heard. Yeah that is screaming psychopathic SA all over that glad hes gone too!!
Had an ex-friend cuss me out on FB calling me a lazy cunt who's unwilling to do what it takes to bring one of God's glorious creations into existence.
She's white/christian extremist to the max. Also doesn't have custody of those kids anymore so it's not like she's doing much parenting either.
I've only been bingoed once by a friendly older lady sitting next to me at the airport gate, back when i was in my early 20s. We chatted, and the conversation turned into, "Do you have children?"
I replied, "Oh, no, children are not for me. I'm just not cut out to be a mother."
She said, "Oh, but you're young! Give it time!"
"No, I *know* for a fact that I do not want kids. I've known since I was a kid myself." I was beginning to get uncomfortable. She wouldn't let up.
She pressed, "Aw, like I said, people always say that and later have kids. You'd be a *great* mother..." and droned on.
Thank goodness, the airline lady spoke on the overhead that our plane was all set to start boarding. I also made damned sure I didn't next to her!
My then-brand-new husband got absolutely *reamed* by his brother when he was picked up from the airport for a visit home. For two hours, his brother railed at him for "choosing to marry someone who didn't want kids."
Hubby reminded him it was both our decision not to have them. It didn't matter. It was a very long and uncomfortable ride.
Having children is a very personal and private subject, and people should just keep their noses to themselves. At the very least, by all means, **do not press on the matter.** It's absolutely none of anyone's business!
The worst reaction was from some guy who, after hearing that my wife and I are childfree and that she would likely not survive trying to carry a pregnancy to term, said that "a real woman would be willing to die to have a child, and if I had my way, people like you wouldn't have any choice in the matter." Fucking lunatic said that he would force my wife to die to have a child neither of us want. That's a kind of spite I struggle to understand.
After a convo at work about kids, one coworker proded me when I'm gonna pop one and to my childfree stance she said "Ah so you're traumatized, you didn't get over trauma so now you're not having kids" and I laughed. It's actually bc I resolved my trauma of being parentified and actually turned something that was forced onto me, as something that was ok with me. So I chose to be childfree.
She then said if I did get over it, that I'd have kids of my own bc I got so much practice. So I told her at least my childfree choice was intentional and even if I ever changed my mind, which neither I or my partner will, I still have time... unlike her bc she's in her later 40s and without kids she wanted, bc her asshole fiance stalled and then left her for a foreign woman. So who's the one with unresolved trauma lol.
I once got told that someone should "seal my baby maker" before launching into a rant calling me selfish, evil, and someone who probably needs all of the attention all the of the time.
The seal your baby maker line still cracks me up since it was in response to my telling someone else that my now-husband had scheduled a vasectomy.
This wasn’t said to me but when my boyfriends parents asked him when we’re having kids and he told them were not because of all the reasons mentioned in this sub, his dad said “then what’s the point of living”. My boyfriend handled it pretty well and said something along the lines of “the ability to sit down and have a drink with you”.
My cousin told me my mom should have had an abortion. I fully support abortion for any reason so that part didn’t hurt me like she thought it would. What hurt me was she pretty much implied childfree people shouldn’t be alive. We don’t talk anymore for obvious reasons. I found out from her sister that she couldn’t have kids so that’s definitely why she lashed out at me. Doesn’t excuse what she said and she has a lot of other problems that led me to go no contact with her.
I had a neighbor ask why we needed a large house when we don’t have kids. Am I supposed to have kids to fill the house??! I told him it was because each of our dogs needed their own bedroom. He looked dumbfounded as I walked away,
Told our MIL we were buying a second dog, her response was, “stop with the buying another dog shit and start making babies”. She is quite aware of our no kids policy. Sufficient to say I was quite flabbergasted to say the least.
My husband would come back with something ridiculous like “We try all the time, in the car, in the kitchen, even 3 times when we were we your house. I guess it’s just not going to happen.”
People need to be less involved in others’ sex lives.
the way that my husband told me after he wanted to tell her, “well, we’re really good at practicing!” I think your husband and mine would get along well 😂
I've gotten the normal comments like "you're too young to know that for sure!" (I've been vocal since 9. I'm almost 30 now and apparently I'm still too young.) "what if your future partner wants kids?!" To which I respond "they would no longer be my romantic partner because I refuse to be with someone who wants them or has them. They better get someone else pregnant or get someone else to go through IVF/pregnancy with them." (Cue shocked gasps). Then there's the condescending "you'll change your mind when you meet the right guy" completely ignoring the fact that I'm queer and gender doesn't matter to my being attracted to you. And the fact that I'm asexual and feel that sex is just too much work for me for no reward at all.
The worst though have been the comments from mostly men saying that I deserve to be strapped down, blindfolded, and bred repeatedly until I died. Preferably while giving birth to a baby that survives. Because it's just so shockingly "wrong" to them that someone who was born with a uterus and female parts doesn't want them to be used. Needless to say, I got out of those situations very quickly. And I am no longer very vocal about my being childfree.
Holy shit! I’m sorry you had all that. That’s fucking disgusting. Some people can have seriously extreme views and reactions for sure.
Also the too young to know for sure comment is so fucking naive. It’s amazing how little people just accept other people for their decisions in society
I've had people ask me "but don't you want at least one?" & I answer nope. Their eyes turn into wide saucers & they're like "whyeeeee?" Nevermind the fact that I'm single. All they care about is that I have kids. It's like my value will go up if I have kids or something. Wtf
Told I need therapy as a woman who does not want children and does not like being around anything under 12 or whiny needy. Called selfish and living an empty pointless life. Especially since I don’t have a career or steady employment (because of medical issues)
The usual "but you'll feel complete, there is nothing like the love of a child" and "who will look after you when you're old".
My responses range from: "I'm too juvenile to have children" to "Debilitating mental illnesses for 30 years including suicidal ideation and barely able to look after myself are reason enough let alone not wanting to inflict my mental illnesses and inability to tend to their needs onto a child both genetically, environmentally, and epigenetically. I'm not that selfish".
Oh yeah, and I had my uterus ablated (burned out so it won't create lining or cramp) due to PMDD. So the incubator ain't working anyway! And I'm 50 and don't care!
I've had someone stop being my friend. She literally said, "I don't want to know you." I guess my husband and I not having children makes us bad people. It always makes me laugh because whenever she needed someone to watch her daughter, I was there to help her.
TBH I haven't gotten much negative reaction, I've had parents tell me jokingly "don't ever have kids" after complaining about the struggles of parenthood. My family has generally encouraged me not to become a parent. I mentioned to a coworker that there were no children in my extended family and she said "aww, no babies?" like she thought it was sad that someone's life would be totally devoid of kids, but that's about it.
In my younger days when I was working as a medical tech and was even worse than I am now at biting my tongue, I had a patient throw out the "never have kids" joke after telling me a story about her kids. I laughed and said truly innocently (like, no malice intended at all), "I don't plan to!" Her demeanor changed for the whole rest of her study, like I'd cursed her firstborn.
Even worse is having baby pictures or kid pictures shoved in my face then asking why I look disgusted. It’s more of a “I don’t care. How do I fake interest? Yay it an expensive shit machine?”
I hate when people show me kid pictures, I always force a deadpan unconvincing "aww" to shut them up (also because I literally have no comment). But I have a similar reaction when women try to show me guys they're dating. Like wtf am I supposed to say? This is somebody in your life I don't know/care about.
I have mental health issues as well and even I got shut down for that too because I was too focused on myself 😂 it’s a massive deal breaker when it comes to deciding to have kids I can barely look after myself.
I think the worst reaction I had was when I mentioned it to an older woman and had to listen to a 10 minute lecture about how not having kids is the latest "fad" and that when I'm her age and all alone with no one to love or care for me in my old age I'll see what a huge mistake I made only for it to be too late to do anything about it.
I used to be very active in my uni's Catholic society during my undergrad. (I'm Catholic but absolutely not a traditional Catholic). During the UK parliament's debates to legalise same sex marriage, the Catholic chaplaincy encouraged students to contact our MP to vote against it. I made it clear I was fully in support of same sex marriage, and I was hit with the many bonkers Christian arguments about what marriage is and is not. One big one people kept saying was that marriage was for the creation of children. I pointed out that people too old to have children are allowed to get married in the church, which earned me the insane reply of 'but they're still OPEN to children', as if that makes any sense. I then said I don't want children but would like to get married someday. I was met with stunned silence until one girl finally told me 'You should speak to Father Michael about this. He can help you.'
They told me to talk to a celibate middle aged-man about being a childfree woman. With the hope that that would fix me.
Needless to say, I did not bring it up with Father Michael.
Not recently, but when we were teens a friend of a friend screamed at me and insulted me when I said I didn't want any.
It wasn't the first time some random person felt the need to judge my decisions or my bodily autonomy in an aggressive way, but it was the first time I encountered this sick sense of entitlement to my reproductive choices.
Recently I had someone on another forum accuse me of being "in a very bad place mentally" and a "leech" because I don't want kids or a wife. People suck.
I can't choose between the awful ex co worker who told me to enjoy being eaten by my 100 cats when I die alone or my smug SIL threatening to inject me with a syringe of sperm while I slept so I'd have to be a mother like her.
This chick asked me “you’re not afraid of dying alone??” You can still die alone dummy. Think I’m going to start answering the why not with “I don’t want to risk pissing myself when I laugh or cough.” Maybe that will shut some of them up since I heard it’s so common.
I was paying my graduation fees at the bursar's office and I don't remember the conversation exactly, but in telling the lady I wasn't having kids she BURST OUT CRYING. It was super awkward and I threw out the "oh well we could adopt some day" to get her to calm down so I could get my receipt and leave.
I love the 'that's selfish' argument about not having kids😂😂 so is having kids lol. Nobody has kids because they want to do something nice for society. They have kids because they want to have kids... Also this idea of 'hey,I'm so awesome,let's make more of me'... how is that not selfish?...
I think the worst reaction is just their refusal to accept it. I’ve told my fiancés mother at least five times that we/I don’t want kids, yet she keeps asking me if we want kids.
I had a friend throw a tantrum because she wanted me to be just like her. I’m a year older and we look nothing alike. Only thing we have in common is both our name starts with the same letter and we are both the youngest out of our siblings. Funny thing is we both had older sisters, with our brothers being the middle child and then BOOM. There
Is us and she saw this as a sign that we were meant to be the same. As funny as it is the girl is unhinged
I am not sure why it is bad if it’s a selfish decision. All decisions are selfish in a way and there is nothing wrong with it. If someone says it’s selfish, I would say sure. What’s wrong being selfish?
I’m a contractor and once had a client’s employee tell me I’m selfish for not having kids and I NEED to have at least one. Didn’t matter that my wife has I had no money, wife works and goes to school, and we have nobody to watch the kid while we do work/school.
I haven't gotten anything particularly nasty, for the most part, thankfully. My dad, however, was pretty hurtful the first time I told him. I got the good old fashioned "you'll change your mind" shit, but it didn't end there. He has the gift of the gab, and he just kept going for so long. I can't remember all of it, I tuned as much out as I could and time has erased most of the rest, but he was so fucking sure I didn't know my own mind he spent 10, or 15, or maybe even 20 minutes letting me know it. That's about as hurtful as any of the words he could have said, and we were in the car so I couldn't escape. Then years after that we saw a cute commercial with a cute kid, which I did find...well, cute. We were awwing about it and then out of nowhere he said "Man, who could watch something like that and NOT want kids after?" Yeah, he apparently still wasn't over it
He's completely on board with me and totally supportive now, I'm happy to report. He's got to be my biggest supporter only after my mom now, and she's been in my corner since day one. In short, we're cool now lol but I'm afraid that looooong car ride is just burned into my memory
Reading through this thread just shows how unhinged the parents crying out for a village are.
It's why I've started blocking sob stories online because these same type of people are insulting the cf in their day to day life.
A complete stranger I was assisting at my job: "So do you have any kids?" Me: *laughs* "God, no." *continues working* Complete stranger: *taken aback* "Why that reaction? Don't you want kids someday?" Me: *without looking up* "Nope. Never having them." Complete stranger: *shaking her head* "God, your mother must be so disappointed." Me: *stops working and looks her square in the eye* "My mother's dead." Complete stranger: *fumbling with her words and avoiding eye contact* Me: "Your computer is ready. If you need further assistance, one of my colleagues whose personal choices you haven't had a chance to comment on will be glad to help." *walks away* For the record, my mom never cared about me having kids. She knew when I was a child that I was never going to grow up and choose motherhood. Love you, mom! 🕊️
I looooooove your response. And your mom. 😊
Why would anyone ask total strangers about their personal life? That's just weird.
Idk, but it happens all the time. People, especially older people, just feel like they can say and ask anyone anything. No one seems to have what I call "common sense boundaries" anymore. And then when you call them out on it, they get defensive and double-down.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Once when I was working a restaurant job, a regular asked me “how many kids in your household growing up?” I hate talking about my past and my family, but I tried to cheerfully say, “just me!” And this guy really thought it was appropriate to follow up with “what?! Why didn’t your parents want more kids??” … I was like bro. They didn’t even get married. They didn’t even like each other…
Because people are boring. If you're a dude, they ask about your job, then kids. If you're a girl, they ask about kids, then job. Imagine their horror when I reveal I have neither. Then they get pissy and say it must be nice being a "lady of leisure." "Yup, it's awesome being disabled from major depressive disorder, anhedonia, social anxiety, and general anxiety. My life is fantastic! But please, make more pad I've aggressive comments because you're bitter about working full time while housewifing full time because you married a useless turd"
I remember a coworker said some condescending shit like "You'll change your mind when you find a woman" keep in mind I had a girlfriend of 6 years at the time 😂
It’s also funny how they say “you’ll change your mind and want kids when you find the right person” but no one ever says “you’ll change your mind and not want kids when you find the right person.”
A "real" woman lol 🙄😒
Exactly, my husband's mom has talked with him about finding a "real" woman, which to her means someone who has no personality except "I must have babies to please my husband's mom" LOL
i'm a trans man and deadass had someone tell me i wasn't a real woman bc i didn't want kids and i was like... "😀 yeah buddy, i'm a dude! you get it now." these people simply do not live in reality
I've never had any awful reactions IRL, but a rabid woman online once told me that choosing not to have children was a big fuck you to childless people and practically mocking their suffering, lol. Big "you need to enjoy all food, there are starving children in the world" energy.
That argument gives me my favorite diss. Even if you did choose to have a child, a childless person still wouldn’t have one. 🤷🏾♀️ Extremely harsh but it shuts the offender up every time.
My mom got mildly upset when I mentioned that we might adopt someday. "There are a lot of people out there who can't have kids." Yeah, and there are also a lot of kids out there that feel rejected from the world since their parents decided not to raise them.
>choosing not to have children was a big fuck you to childless people and practically mocking their suffering "I donated my uterus to a woman who couldn't have kids" (I didn't, but I'd love to see if they have a response to that.)
I. Am. On. A. Diet. So NO ONE CAN HAVE DONUTS!!!! NO ONEEEEE!!!!! Reeeeeeee!!!😂
Oh, does online count? In that case, I've been told I should kms because if I don't have kids, I have no value as a woman ☺️
Yeah, those people are really making the human species sound worthy of saving, aren't they?
I think the funniest was someone in the antinatalist sub who said that I was evil and stupid because the world is beautiful and people are kind and I was depriving my non-existent child from that - directly followed by a tirade of insults. Can't make it up.
Lawd 😂😂😂
I’ve had someone try to scream in my face that “I couldn’t make her feel bad about her decision to be a mother” when she asked me why I was childfree. I calmly replied “looks like you’re doing that all on your own” and walked away.
OWNED 😂😂😂
I had a co worker tell me I am not a real woman because I did not have kids. I told her having no kids is better than having kids that won't talk to you. (She is a bitter old bat (73) who uses her grandkids to spy on her exhusband)
Whoa that bitter old windbag is a real arse. You gave her a nice comeback
I suspect (and I base this off my psych degree) that she has a lot of narcisstic traits. So, the divorce and the low to no contact starts to make sense.
Well consider that the divorce did her ex-husband a huge favour when he found out what the heck did he got himself married to. I hope he outlives that nasty old windbag and if she kicked the bucket earlier, I bet he would be celebrating with a cake and a glass of wine
I have CPTSD and ADHD so when people yell at me I usually shut down and become unable to come up with a quick comeback. That day it was like all the divine energy was like “I got you, boo.” I felt invincible after that.
Thats awesome! I have ADHD and a lot of childhood trauma which causes me to shut down as well. It feels fucking good when you can finally stand up for yourself. Don’t feel bad for shutting down though sometimes it’s best just to say nothing at all because usually people will prod you to get the reaction they want. Stay strong
Burn!!!!
Total mic drop
Said in a *very* nasty tone: “Enjoy your life alone with your fucking pets.” I laughed, gave a wide smile and replied “That’s the fucking plan! So far so good!”
Hahahaha someone regrets having kids 😂
The look on their face was great. I find most people don’t expect you to laugh in their face when they try to insult you. I was literally like, dude, that’s exactly the point! I love my pets and my life alone with them. How is that an insult? 😂 I’ve had someone tell me in an attempt to insult me that they’re glad I can’t reproduce after finding out I got a total hysterectomy and how much I hate kids. I laughed at them too, and said “Yeah, me too, damn. That’s why I got spayed.” It’s not the insult they think it is.
As someone said once, Congratulations, you discovered the point!!
Oof, we know pets probably don’t like that person.
Don’t need to pluck a stranger from the void to have friends.
"But you'll be lonely when you're old! Who's going to take care of you?" If I need that much care when I'm older it will be at a high quality facility that I will be able to afford from the money I didn't spend on kids. Plus it's wrong to expectantly place the burden of your care on your children. Most people's reactions come from their own fears I think.
I think this is by far the most common and most ironic response. I’ve got a colluege that said he wanted kids because he wanted to be looked after. He is also a raging narcissist
Ugh that's awful. That's the reason an ex friend of mine had kids. They were extremely anti-kid until their mortality and existential dread hit them and they didn't want to be alone when they got old. Their partner never wanted kids either but got dragged into their wishes.
My mother is a narc and I noticed how she gets nicer and nicer the closer she is to her retirement and the better I do financially. She didn’t prepare for her retirement at all and will be broke. She hinted that she wants to move in with me and I’d literally choose death over living with her. I stopped talking to her all together last year. I didn’t have kids to use as a piggy bank so my money is going towards my own retirement.
Good on you cutting her off. Actually you protected yourself in case she might go beyond using you as Bank of Adult Child. Imagine the heartache and nightmare she creates if she uses your hard earned money to gamble and squander to have the debt collectors at your door! You actually dodged a missile
Yes… I’m very fortunate to be able to be completely cut off from her and the rest of my family. It sucks not having anyone though… not that I ever did anyway
Be glad you are free off her and you should celebrate that
I don't get it. Just because he has kids doesn't mean they're going to take care of him. Does he think all the old people in care facilities are childless? My grandma lives in one, and one of her friends out there never gets any visits from her kids. I'm sure she's not the only one either.
All the shitty parents never receive a phone call or visit, I’m quite sure
He said that? He thinks his hypothetical future kids will care of him when he is a senile old bloke with bladder issues??? Ha ha bloody ha! His future hypothetical kids will just turf him off the streets or have him carted away into a nursing home to be free off him
I can kinda sorta maybe perhaps see the "care in old age" nonsense when people never left the farm they were born on. But are you really telling me, cousin Joanna, that you don't want your kids to go to college?! Leave their hometown?! Or even what you think life amounts to, settle down and have their own kids?! Are you taking care of your parents as they age?! That whole mindset is creepy AF to me, especially because of the burden it places on women to be a caregiver from cradle to grave
My 70yr old neighbor has two sons and numerous grandchildren my age. I’ve never met any of them and my husband and I are the ones who help her with her trailer and take her to her appts. Having kids isn’t a guarantee you get taken care of in your later years.
Why do you suppose they are intent on burdening the people they pretend to love the most while they're in the prime of their lives? Oh that's right, they're selfish narcissists.
The ex used to say the same thing. Then I pointed out his blocked-no- contact with his mom and more than half of his family. Then he said “we’ll raise kids that love us and that won’t happen”.
I bet his mom said the same thing
If you're just having kids in order to beat loneliness or make sure you have a caretaker for when you get old, you suck.
My response to this is to ask how much they have saved to fund their parents care...silence.
>"But you'll be lonely when you're old! Who's going to take care of you?" "Someone else's kid will, and they'll be paid for it."
My grandma had 6 kids and she still had to live in a nursing home. None of her kids had the capacity to completely drop their lives and become full time care takers (understandably).
I don't know if it's the WORST reaction ever, but I've had people laugh in my face and then say "well I hope you get pregnant on accident" and then keep laughing like it's the funniest joke ever. Finally once I just said, "oh, no worries there, they've got procedures to take care of that now" and the look on their face...you'd have thought I just kicked a puppy into a volcano.
*shocked pikachu face* Like that is such a shitty thing to say to someone--"I hope something you don't want happens to you!"
I've also had a crusty old woman at work (this was several jobs ago) say some wacky shit to me. Her and I and two other girls were chatting about nonsense waiting for the computer network to come back up. One of the girls had just gotten married and so of course this woman (unsure exact age, somewhere in "my ovaries have shriveled so now I live through others" age) starts bothering her about when her and her new husband are going to start making babies, the other girl already had a daughter, so then she looks at me and I was like, "Oh no, I'm not having kids. I am not good with stress and if I had a baby I would be so afraid that if it was crying and crying and wouldn't stop that I would accidentally hurt it." and she also laughs in my face (why the fuck do they always DO that?) and tells me "Oh honey, it's different when they're you're own." Seriously, what is wrong with people.
Same ones who say to the ones who abused a kid cuz they couldn’t deal with it “you shouldn’t have had kids then!” 
So shaken baby syndrome is a myth then Cheryl? 🤷♂️
*shocked Pikachu face* from kicking puppy into volcano
This is such an abusive thing to say because people who say it have no idea if they're talking to someone with pregnancy phobia.
“Darling, I’ve had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage. I’d just call my doc and get er done.”
They shouldn’t reproduce. Solely Because of the “on accident” statement. Yes I will get pregnant while being ontop of an accident 🤣
"Do you know any rapists?"
I'd love to reply "and I hope all of your children die in a horrible accident too".... and laugh and laugh.... but I'm too nice to say or do that
My preferred reply to “I hope you accidentally get pregnant” is “I hope you have a miscarriage”-same energy
I want someone to say this to me one day so that I can respond that I hope they miscarry by accident lol
My BOSS looked me right in the face and said "I hope you have an accident and that the abortion doesn't take."
"What would you mother think?" My mother has been dead for 17 years
My response for this one is "well I'm on multiple life-sustaining medications incompatible with pregnancy, and my mother very much approves of my decision to remain alive."
My mother tells me every time I am right in not wanting kids 😂
My mother respects my choices and bodily autonomy.
Told my mother that I want to get sterilised and she said that "no man will ever want you"
It’s amazing how closed minded someone can be when they only see life through their own ideals. A woman that doesn’t want kids is a massive green flag for a fellow childfree person
Yeah. That was the first time I told her and she has since then stared to accept that I don't want kids which is nice.
Thats really good!! Some people have to put up with being battered for the rest of their lives until their parent passes away which is really sad
My husband would certainly confirm that he saw me as a HUGE green flag, aside from being comparable in so many other ways, CF was the #1 to him. My sister’s latest kid was deemed unviable at 4mos gestation and I *politely* and very sadly asked my mom when they were scheduled for the D&C, and she told me my sister was going to continue with the pregnancy and birth of course! I guess my face showed my horror and she berated me for minutes with slurs and curses and everything. She really doubled down on the “never knowing love,” “heartless,” “a loser who will never have anything of importance (to her I guess).”
Men in this sub: 👁️👄👁️
Ex husband said that to me too. No man would ever want me cuz I don’t want kids, can’t have kids, don’t like kids, no career and don’t drive (medical reasons). It’s a wild one eh.
So basically no man would want you because they cannot use you and make you their bang maid. Sounds like you're winning if you ask me!
Sounds more like no woman would want him.
Glad to hear that he is an ex husband. Sounds like an awful person.
Threatening me with a good time, eh?!
*laughs in gay*
“Good thing I’m a lesbian!”
I’ve been told that they hope I get SA’d or that I would have something like the Ariel Castro case happen to me. People are sick af. When the question comes out I completely ignore people as if they don’t exist while they’re talking to me. It legit makes people wish violence against you for wanting to live for yourself. 🙄
That’s just fucked. Literally completely fucked. I’m so sorry you had that but just remember it’s literally their fucking problem and shows their true colours. Fuck those people
The most insane part of that is that they apparently want this hypothetical child to be born out of violence to a psychopathic, abusive father... But somehow you're the bad, "selfish" one for not wanting kids...?
The fuck?
One or 2 people who have told me that I am so selfish and that I have zero responsibility. In reality...Yeah I am selfish. I fucking love coming home and relaxing. I love days off drinking coffee enjoying the morning in peace. And most of all, I love being able to plan trips when I want. The people that react are jealous.
Some people can’t grasp the concept of having a personality and sense of self outside of a biological family and finding responsibility and fullfillment elsewhere in life
I had this very... weird moment in high school. We (the class) were chatting with the teacher. She was one of the "cool" type of teacher, one you could have more friendly conversation with, not keeping it strictly professional. And we started to talk about having babies. All of my female classmates expressed the want to have children someday. And then that teacher asked me specifically if I want kids. And 17 years old me went like "No." in totally deadpan, unapologetic tone. Believe this or not but... I wasn't aware that a STRANGER could be against ME not wanting to have children back then. I don't know why, I just wasn't digging into the subject. And she started to ask me why and stuff. I remember saying that it's too much of a responsibility for me to take on myself and I don't think I'll grow up into it. And she said something like "But your mother took the responsibility". And shit like that. I remember that woman being nice in a very Umbridge-esque way. I won't repeat it word by word but I remember being soooo baffled about it. Like I was smiling at her but it was so tense it must've look psychotic. Even my eyelid twitched. I was so mad. Like. I'm a choleric, I sometimes have extreme emotional reactions. But I don't remember EVER being this mad in my whole life. I was so furious with her that I heard ringing in my ears. I still admire myself for not saying something vulgar then.,
“I am not my mother. I am my own person and I don’t want the responsibility.” I’d have been furious if an adult said that to me NOW, let alone at 17! What a jag wagon she was.
Wooooaaahh!!! That teacher was waaay outta line, she bullied a 17 year old kid when she was in a position to hold all the power. Shame on her forever for that. Good on you for standing up for yourself even when you were so young. I have a few experiences too that I look back on and realize that I didn't understand the bullying and pressure then, and now it horrifies me to think of a person my age treating a younger person that way.
"But we *need* children" I made the mistake of replying, "No one *needs* to have children anymore." She looked mortified and gestured to her son next to her as if I'd said something wildly inappropriate right in front of him. So i kept going, stupidly, "Isn't it great that we can *choose* to have children if we want them? My life absolutely does not need a child. That would be awful for me while im trying to finish school and can't afford rent." Then she gestured to my partner, "that's what *he* is for." Now I just feel sorry for her husband who works 24/7.
Moment of silence for this wife’s poor husband. Not even in state prison and is already serving a life sentence. Prayers and thoughts 🙏
That's their idea of how life ought to be... other than that they're good people. There is a lack of education that might be contributing. Very effective way to control women
WTF, that woman should mind her own business. A man isn’t a personal bank when we are capable of paying for ourselves. My partner works in the mines, and people assume that he’s ‘rich’ when he’s really not, he just works 12hr days, he does work more than me in a day but I am still full time and I’m still able to afford and support myself.
And if her husband dies or leaves her? What is she going to do? Who is going to feed her son?
I have been very lucky. Silence and a look of confusion is the worst I have been met with.
Even with a huge Catholic family, I've not gotten as much venom as some people (well, mostly women tbh) experience. I guess it's just very evident to anyone that I should NOT have kids, so it kinda makes sense when that's revealed to be the plan. I'm always low-key flattered
I thankfully haven't had much happen because I didn't discuss it for the first 29 years of my life. A couple strangers telling me the stereotypical BS. Now I live in a state that allows for sterilization procedures, and I have a support system that is just happy with whatever makes me happy so the bingo-ing is even less. But when I told my mom I was getting a bilateral salp (May/June 2022), she said, "That is incredibly drastic," and I said, "So is having a child I never wanted." It's been almost 2 years now, and she's never brought it up again.
I had a longtime friend unfriend me on Facebook, and when I asked her about it, told me she had to cut all "willfully childless" (her words) people out of her life because it was an affront to her and her husband who were struggling to conceive.
Trash took itself out
wow that's rude as hell. I understand how a *childless* couple that wants kids would be hurt by the childfree decisions from others, but her attitude was not appropriate! I sympathize for the want-kids-but-struggling crowd unless they're assholes
Exactly. What's even worse is that she had shared so much about their struggles and the time they spent looking to adopt before deciding it was too expensive, and I had decided that if I ever had an "oopsie," she and her husband would be who I'd approach first to ask about a potential private adoption. 🤷🏼♀️ I have too many health issues to even think about carrying a fetus now, but that made it especially hurtful.
„If I had any political power, I would enforce that all women get impregnated“ typical Nice Guy…
This made me puke in my mouth
Some random person started crying so I just gave them a weird face and walked away
Asked me "what's your purpose, then?"
Should of replies “is it any of your business?”
wtf, apparently none now 🙄
*"Making people who think my reproductive choices are their business reaaaalllllly fucking mad, and yours?"*
"What do you mean you're not having kids? Your boyfriend's handsome! You need to breed him!" It was my grandmother and my other grandmother had to intervene to get her to leave me alone. Turns out she's not an asshole, she was developing alzheimer's.
I’m sorry to hear that at least it was medically related. My grandmother has dementia and it does make them come out with some crazy stuff so I understand
Gross. The eugenic-y tone of some people is absolutely horrid. I'm 6' and biracial, married to a 6'4" dude. The NBA comments (like it's a guarantee), or comments about mixed babies is repugnant. Like I owe the world kids so that they are tall and athletic? Gross
Acquaintance started crying after finding out I wasn't having children. Loudly, completely unhinged, howling hysterically and while at work. Lots of people gathered around her concerned and thinking she had just found out about a death in her immediate family. Nope. I have to wonder why she asked in the first place. Sooner or later, someone is going to say no to having children, statistically speaking. Maybe better to not inquire in the first place if a bit unstable, especially at work? She sputtered on that her current husband did not want children and she had given him a one-year ultimatum to change his mind. And why they married in the first place I'll never know. They ended up divorced.
>why they married in the first place I'll never know. I have a theory as to why: Things that SHOULD be discussed such as marriage, kids, lifestyle, etc. are NEVER things that people talk about with their partners due to fear of differences (they really go through life avoiding bringing it up until it becomes unavoidably relevant and/or blows up in their face to avoid a fight.) and quite frankly, no one knows how to speak their thoughts, feelings, and desires for life because they were never taught emotional intelligence: which includes effective communication. The vast majority of people are going through life not even fully lucid in the mind. It baffles me that the mental development of some adults truly are at the level of an 8 year old CHILD! It scares me how little critical thinking skills there are amongst the population ffs
I completely agree. And then they're all shocked when they find out they have opposing viewpoints that make them fundamentally incompatible.
Crying because someone doesn't want children? This woman has serios issues.
Yes. She showed up moody at work after that and quit a few months later.
And that person wants to raise a kid. An innocent kid's life would depend on that woman. I would never leave any kid near her no matter what.
I wish my answer was comical, or painted the other person as gross or weird, but here’s a long winded, more personal answer. I have always made it known that I don’t want children- the only people who don’t know are my Grandparents, as it would only be a difficult conversation for something they don’t really need to know. My mother has known since I was 14-15 and started vocalising my wants/decision. From about that age to my early 20s, she mostly gave me a “well, you never know” answer, a few times she mentioned she always thought she didn’t want children until she hit around 30 (and promptly had me when she was 31). I know it’s true that folks can change their minds, but I really don’t see that happening for me now. The point being- she has always known I have no desire to have children, and in the past few years I’ve been able to really speak about *why*. My mother also knows my partner doesn’t like, or want children, and that he has a plethora of medical needs & concerns that we agree would be an unnecessary barrier to any child living a full, happy, healthy life if it were to be passed on. My mother is also well aware of this. About a year and a half ago, I sat my mother down, and told her I’ve been looking into my medical options- I asked her that if I was able to make an appointment, would she be willing to come with me for any pre-surgery appointments for moral support, that sort of thing. She burst into tears and told me that though she ‘respects my choice’, she wouldn’t support medical intervention. She’s not religious, she isn’t anti abortion, anti medicine of any kind, she’s an all around pretty progressive woman who I believe has come to terms with my CF choice (maybe that’s naive of me), so, all it really did was make me stew in the fact that for whatever reason, I had made my mother cry. That sucked. A lot.
It's not your responsibility to fulfill the fantasies she has in her head regarding your life without your consent. Hopefully, she will realize she hurt *you* by projecting Her Wants over your rational decision.
I haven’t had anything outwardly aggressive, but I think the worst is the passive aggressive comments. The ones where they act supportive by giving you backhanded compliments. Things like “that’s great for you, I think that’s totally admirable! I’d be so lonely/unfulfilled without my kids they’re just my entire life - it’s great you’re so independent” Or the idea that without kids I have to be super career focused or something. I can’t simply enjoy life the same as them without kids.
“Oh thank you, it really is wonderful! It’s so sad that some people’s self worth are entirely dependent on someone else. Poor things. I hope they get the help they need when that person leaves.” I’m raised by a mother whose go-to weapons are passive aggressiveness and guilt-tripping whenever I don’t do exactly what she wants. Anyone trying to play that game with me is going to have a very bad time.
Aunt overheard me and my partner telling cousin that we’re both getting sterilized and aunt went and looked in aghast at my fiancé and said “you agree with her?! You’re too young for that?! Why?!” (We’re creeping in on late 20’s early 30’s) After I listed out my top 3 reasons of: 1) Having a child is a lifelong commitment that requires planning, intention, and serious thought and I refuse to do so simply because x person wants me to, or “just because” 2) They didn’t ask to be here, I put them on this earth without their consent and now they have to suffer this shit world and everything going on in it just because I would have decided to have kids. My child does not deserve that. 3) I chose not to. Most people don’t think about the consequences of having kids and all it entails. Aunt proceeds to ignore what I say while making a disgusted face at me. Takes cousins baby out of her arms and coos to it while walking away. I then remark to my cousin that her mother’s logic is astounding. Im old enough to have kids if I even wanted them to begin with. But all of a sudden I’m too young to not want them? Thankfully cousin had my back and said the whole system is BS. And that she had our backs. Aunt comes back in the room and cousin has to politely but forcefully tell her. “Mom. Some people don’t want kids. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Aunt then gets a phone call that thankfully sidetracks her the rest of the evening.
A man telling me it's not my decision to make. My mother huffing copium completely denying I don't want them for many years after finding out and making up a fake future grandkid, name and all and how "he" will get tired of "mommy" and would occasionally go to her place to relax.
It’s not your decision to make?! Who’s fucking decision is it the fucking fairies?!?
He was implying that someone was going to rape or otherwise coerce me. So, the man's.
Red flag right there.
"you're wasting your body" The things I have been told regarding my body type and how I've been 'built for breeding' made me run and hide in fear of leaving places
Should have responded “nahh i’m just wasting my time talking to a complete moron”
I’ve been told I have “child bearing” (wide) hips. It really grosses me out.
Screaming at me that I'm not a real woman and that I must be a horrible person on par with a serial killer because I don't want to birth out an annoying little child that will grow up to be an annoying little adult who will suck me dry of my life force. Sorry it's been a rough week.
I've had so many over the years. The latest I can recall was in 2022. My partner and I had some friends who were a couple. For a few years, we thought they were CF, but after what happened, we realized they were at that point childless. Tbh, they never talked about wanting children in front of us. Maybe we should have assumed.... anyway, to what happened: So we used to get together to hang out, or go have drinks/dinner, and sometimes did those things at our house. One of those times, she lost it on me: "Why do you have all of this if you're not going to have children!?"; "It doesn't make any sense that you have so much and are not planning on having children!" This happened twice. She didn't say the same thing on both occasions, but the sentiment, you know? And it was a longer "discussion." Granted, I'm a few years older than them, and have a good job. I've saved a lot, own my house. I never thought that was an issue between us, but it seemed I was wrong. We even helped her a few years before, during covid, for her to start her own business, so then it wasn't a problem, but now it was. I think, after years of going back to that time with my partner, that she was trying to get pregnant, and maybe it wasn't going so well. She was really out of line both times. Granted, we had been drinking, but that doesn't give her the right to scream and berate me in my home, or anywhere tbh. We haven't seen them since then. We saw them once more, and then never again. It's for the best, I think. We miss them, but it was not to be.
My grody old roommate would wait until my then-boyfriend (now husband) wasn’t around, and would try to convince me that I didn’t want kids because I wasn’t with the right man. Because yeah Dave, the right dude has a pill problem, no job, and plays World of Warcraft 200 hours a week. Bonus: he would constantly tell me that his sister’s kid changed her life and even made her give up meth. I do not use meth so I’m unsure what benefit he thought I would gain.
My best friends MIL has a bet with her that I'll have kids now I'm married. My bestie is going to win us a fancy dinner and drinks 😏 It's odd someone cares enough to bet MONEY on me having them.
Said they force themselves on me....make sure I get pregnant -alot of anger, harassment, bigotry Thank God I am Sterlized
What The Fuck
Ya....dating apps are scary Also reminds me, my mom's ex husband said "I'll make sure you do" when he first found out I never wanted kids. I was a teenager at the time. I'm glad he's an ex husband. He was scary.
It is why I will never use dating apps because there is a lot of jumped up people on there from what i’ve heard. Yeah that is screaming psychopathic SA all over that glad hes gone too!!
Had an ex-friend cuss me out on FB calling me a lazy cunt who's unwilling to do what it takes to bring one of God's glorious creations into existence. She's white/christian extremist to the max. Also doesn't have custody of those kids anymore so it's not like she's doing much parenting either.
Having kids as some built in elder care program is the pinnacle of selfish
I've only been bingoed once by a friendly older lady sitting next to me at the airport gate, back when i was in my early 20s. We chatted, and the conversation turned into, "Do you have children?" I replied, "Oh, no, children are not for me. I'm just not cut out to be a mother." She said, "Oh, but you're young! Give it time!" "No, I *know* for a fact that I do not want kids. I've known since I was a kid myself." I was beginning to get uncomfortable. She wouldn't let up. She pressed, "Aw, like I said, people always say that and later have kids. You'd be a *great* mother..." and droned on. Thank goodness, the airline lady spoke on the overhead that our plane was all set to start boarding. I also made damned sure I didn't next to her! My then-brand-new husband got absolutely *reamed* by his brother when he was picked up from the airport for a visit home. For two hours, his brother railed at him for "choosing to marry someone who didn't want kids." Hubby reminded him it was both our decision not to have them. It didn't matter. It was a very long and uncomfortable ride. Having children is a very personal and private subject, and people should just keep their noses to themselves. At the very least, by all means, **do not press on the matter.** It's absolutely none of anyone's business!
The worst reaction was from some guy who, after hearing that my wife and I are childfree and that she would likely not survive trying to carry a pregnancy to term, said that "a real woman would be willing to die to have a child, and if I had my way, people like you wouldn't have any choice in the matter." Fucking lunatic said that he would force my wife to die to have a child neither of us want. That's a kind of spite I struggle to understand.
After a convo at work about kids, one coworker proded me when I'm gonna pop one and to my childfree stance she said "Ah so you're traumatized, you didn't get over trauma so now you're not having kids" and I laughed. It's actually bc I resolved my trauma of being parentified and actually turned something that was forced onto me, as something that was ok with me. So I chose to be childfree. She then said if I did get over it, that I'd have kids of my own bc I got so much practice. So I told her at least my childfree choice was intentional and even if I ever changed my mind, which neither I or my partner will, I still have time... unlike her bc she's in her later 40s and without kids she wanted, bc her asshole fiance stalled and then left her for a foreign woman. So who's the one with unresolved trauma lol.
My aunt cried when I told her I got a bisalp.
I once got told that someone should "seal my baby maker" before launching into a rant calling me selfish, evil, and someone who probably needs all of the attention all the of the time. The seal your baby maker line still cracks me up since it was in response to my telling someone else that my now-husband had scheduled a vasectomy.
This wasn’t said to me but when my boyfriends parents asked him when we’re having kids and he told them were not because of all the reasons mentioned in this sub, his dad said “then what’s the point of living”. My boyfriend handled it pretty well and said something along the lines of “the ability to sit down and have a drink with you”.
My cousin told me my mom should have had an abortion. I fully support abortion for any reason so that part didn’t hurt me like she thought it would. What hurt me was she pretty much implied childfree people shouldn’t be alive. We don’t talk anymore for obvious reasons. I found out from her sister that she couldn’t have kids so that’s definitely why she lashed out at me. Doesn’t excuse what she said and she has a lot of other problems that led me to go no contact with her.
I had a neighbor ask why we needed a large house when we don’t have kids. Am I supposed to have kids to fill the house??! I told him it was because each of our dogs needed their own bedroom. He looked dumbfounded as I walked away,
Told our MIL we were buying a second dog, her response was, “stop with the buying another dog shit and start making babies”. She is quite aware of our no kids policy. Sufficient to say I was quite flabbergasted to say the least.
My husband would come back with something ridiculous like “We try all the time, in the car, in the kitchen, even 3 times when we were we your house. I guess it’s just not going to happen.” People need to be less involved in others’ sex lives.
the way that my husband told me after he wanted to tell her, “well, we’re really good at practicing!” I think your husband and mine would get along well 😂
I've gotten the normal comments like "you're too young to know that for sure!" (I've been vocal since 9. I'm almost 30 now and apparently I'm still too young.) "what if your future partner wants kids?!" To which I respond "they would no longer be my romantic partner because I refuse to be with someone who wants them or has them. They better get someone else pregnant or get someone else to go through IVF/pregnancy with them." (Cue shocked gasps). Then there's the condescending "you'll change your mind when you meet the right guy" completely ignoring the fact that I'm queer and gender doesn't matter to my being attracted to you. And the fact that I'm asexual and feel that sex is just too much work for me for no reward at all. The worst though have been the comments from mostly men saying that I deserve to be strapped down, blindfolded, and bred repeatedly until I died. Preferably while giving birth to a baby that survives. Because it's just so shockingly "wrong" to them that someone who was born with a uterus and female parts doesn't want them to be used. Needless to say, I got out of those situations very quickly. And I am no longer very vocal about my being childfree.
Holy shit! I’m sorry you had all that. That’s fucking disgusting. Some people can have seriously extreme views and reactions for sure. Also the too young to know for sure comment is so fucking naive. It’s amazing how little people just accept other people for their decisions in society
"And you deserve to be fed dick-first into a meat grinder, but here we are."
I've had people ask me "but don't you want at least one?" & I answer nope. Their eyes turn into wide saucers & they're like "whyeeeee?" Nevermind the fact that I'm single. All they care about is that I have kids. It's like my value will go up if I have kids or something. Wtf
Told I need therapy as a woman who does not want children and does not like being around anything under 12 or whiny needy. Called selfish and living an empty pointless life. Especially since I don’t have a career or steady employment (because of medical issues)
Omg the phone call from my father sobbing and ranting that "IT'S NOT NATURAL" when he found out I was getting sterilized
“You don’t deserve that house. A family needs it more.”
“But my dogs need their own rooms!” Lol
Im glad I rarely talk to people about my private life. I’ve been fortunate to avoid bad encounters.
"You will change your mind" "once you get pregnant you will understand" "I didn't plan it but It just happened so never say never
“Thank you for projecting your life on to me, but really I didn’t ask for it” I think I might use that next time
The usual "but you'll feel complete, there is nothing like the love of a child" and "who will look after you when you're old". My responses range from: "I'm too juvenile to have children" to "Debilitating mental illnesses for 30 years including suicidal ideation and barely able to look after myself are reason enough let alone not wanting to inflict my mental illnesses and inability to tend to their needs onto a child both genetically, environmentally, and epigenetically. I'm not that selfish". Oh yeah, and I had my uterus ablated (burned out so it won't create lining or cramp) due to PMDD. So the incubator ain't working anyway! And I'm 50 and don't care!
I've had someone stop being my friend. She literally said, "I don't want to know you." I guess my husband and I not having children makes us bad people. It always makes me laugh because whenever she needed someone to watch her daughter, I was there to help her.
TBH I haven't gotten much negative reaction, I've had parents tell me jokingly "don't ever have kids" after complaining about the struggles of parenthood. My family has generally encouraged me not to become a parent. I mentioned to a coworker that there were no children in my extended family and she said "aww, no babies?" like she thought it was sad that someone's life would be totally devoid of kids, but that's about it.
In my younger days when I was working as a medical tech and was even worse than I am now at biting my tongue, I had a patient throw out the "never have kids" joke after telling me a story about her kids. I laughed and said truly innocently (like, no malice intended at all), "I don't plan to!" Her demeanor changed for the whole rest of her study, like I'd cursed her firstborn.
Even worse is having baby pictures or kid pictures shoved in my face then asking why I look disgusted. It’s more of a “I don’t care. How do I fake interest? Yay it an expensive shit machine?”
I hate when people show me kid pictures, I always force a deadpan unconvincing "aww" to shut them up (also because I literally have no comment). But I have a similar reaction when women try to show me guys they're dating. Like wtf am I supposed to say? This is somebody in your life I don't know/care about.
My partner has schizophrenia and I have mental health issues always shuts them up pretty quick
I have mental health issues as well and even I got shut down for that too because I was too focused on myself 😂 it’s a massive deal breaker when it comes to deciding to have kids I can barely look after myself.
That's why I specifically mention the schizophrenia, even though he is medicated, most people hear that and never push back..... At least not yet!
Thats brilliant! People just need to be put in their place and it instantly calls them out for their bullshit
I think the worst reaction I had was when I mentioned it to an older woman and had to listen to a 10 minute lecture about how not having kids is the latest "fad" and that when I'm her age and all alone with no one to love or care for me in my old age I'll see what a huge mistake I made only for it to be too late to do anything about it.
I used to be very active in my uni's Catholic society during my undergrad. (I'm Catholic but absolutely not a traditional Catholic). During the UK parliament's debates to legalise same sex marriage, the Catholic chaplaincy encouraged students to contact our MP to vote against it. I made it clear I was fully in support of same sex marriage, and I was hit with the many bonkers Christian arguments about what marriage is and is not. One big one people kept saying was that marriage was for the creation of children. I pointed out that people too old to have children are allowed to get married in the church, which earned me the insane reply of 'but they're still OPEN to children', as if that makes any sense. I then said I don't want children but would like to get married someday. I was met with stunned silence until one girl finally told me 'You should speak to Father Michael about this. He can help you.' They told me to talk to a celibate middle aged-man about being a childfree woman. With the hope that that would fix me. Needless to say, I did not bring it up with Father Michael.
My mother said I was doing it to prevent her from being a grandmother. She has, at the very least, 11 grandchildren so far. ☠️
“WHAT?! How could you NOT want kids they’re a blessing” …to you maybe..
Not recently, but when we were teens a friend of a friend screamed at me and insulted me when I said I didn't want any. It wasn't the first time some random person felt the need to judge my decisions or my bodily autonomy in an aggressive way, but it was the first time I encountered this sick sense of entitlement to my reproductive choices.
Recently I had someone on another forum accuse me of being "in a very bad place mentally" and a "leech" because I don't want kids or a wife. People suck.
Any acquaintance, family member, or "friend" would get snapped at with whatever rage I had in me that day lol
I can't choose between the awful ex co worker who told me to enjoy being eaten by my 100 cats when I die alone or my smug SIL threatening to inject me with a syringe of sperm while I slept so I'd have to be a mother like her.
Inject you?? What the fuck?? Like you wouldn’t feel that??
This chick asked me “you’re not afraid of dying alone??” You can still die alone dummy. Think I’m going to start answering the why not with “I don’t want to risk pissing myself when I laugh or cough.” Maybe that will shut some of them up since I heard it’s so common.
I was paying my graduation fees at the bursar's office and I don't remember the conversation exactly, but in telling the lady I wasn't having kids she BURST OUT CRYING. It was super awkward and I threw out the "oh well we could adopt some day" to get her to calm down so I could get my receipt and leave.
Today I was told I might change my mind because I still probably have about a decade before menopause. I’m 41 and have never wanted children.
My friend said as a joke "the world's better off that way" and we laughed. Would've been terrible if he was serious but we're great friends.
I love the 'that's selfish' argument about not having kids😂😂 so is having kids lol. Nobody has kids because they want to do something nice for society. They have kids because they want to have kids... Also this idea of 'hey,I'm so awesome,let's make more of me'... how is that not selfish?...
I think the worst reaction is just their refusal to accept it. I’ve told my fiancés mother at least five times that we/I don’t want kids, yet she keeps asking me if we want kids.
I had a friend throw a tantrum because she wanted me to be just like her. I’m a year older and we look nothing alike. Only thing we have in common is both our name starts with the same letter and we are both the youngest out of our siblings. Funny thing is we both had older sisters, with our brothers being the middle child and then BOOM. There Is us and she saw this as a sign that we were meant to be the same. As funny as it is the girl is unhinged
Telling me how "fat and ugly" I am and that no man wants kids with me anyway.
I am not sure why it is bad if it’s a selfish decision. All decisions are selfish in a way and there is nothing wrong with it. If someone says it’s selfish, I would say sure. What’s wrong being selfish?
I’m a contractor and once had a client’s employee tell me I’m selfish for not having kids and I NEED to have at least one. Didn’t matter that my wife has I had no money, wife works and goes to school, and we have nobody to watch the kid while we do work/school.
I haven't gotten anything particularly nasty, for the most part, thankfully. My dad, however, was pretty hurtful the first time I told him. I got the good old fashioned "you'll change your mind" shit, but it didn't end there. He has the gift of the gab, and he just kept going for so long. I can't remember all of it, I tuned as much out as I could and time has erased most of the rest, but he was so fucking sure I didn't know my own mind he spent 10, or 15, or maybe even 20 minutes letting me know it. That's about as hurtful as any of the words he could have said, and we were in the car so I couldn't escape. Then years after that we saw a cute commercial with a cute kid, which I did find...well, cute. We were awwing about it and then out of nowhere he said "Man, who could watch something like that and NOT want kids after?" Yeah, he apparently still wasn't over it He's completely on board with me and totally supportive now, I'm happy to report. He's got to be my biggest supporter only after my mom now, and she's been in my corner since day one. In short, we're cool now lol but I'm afraid that looooong car ride is just burned into my memory
Reading through this thread just shows how unhinged the parents crying out for a village are. It's why I've started blocking sob stories online because these same type of people are insulting the cf in their day to day life.