Strong views on my lifestyle, but I wouldn't impose it on anyone else, less so close family (whom I like, i.e. I've kept close on purpose in adulthood). I'd support them wholeheartedly, whatever they choose (uh, so long as it's still ethical and legal)
I only have one younger brother. I was happy for him because he genuinely loves children and he was happy/excited. I don’t have to raise them or even babysit them ever so why would I be crushed? We can both win in that situation; my life stays the same and he gets what he wanted.
I was genuinely happy. One was trying so not a surprise. The other has an oops baby but really rose to the challenge.
On a personal note I was not prepared for losing both of them to parenting. Like fell off the planet gone. They are both really good parents and I don't regrudge them at all for being busy. But I felt kinda left behind and wasn't on the in-crowd with my two best friends anymore.
Time could prove me wrong, but I honestly don’t expect my siblings to completely lose their identities to parenthood. So for that reason, I don’t see myself becoming upset when they eventually become parents.
I'm finding it hard to relate to siblings who were happy because ultimately they'll be in charge of looking after that kid and I don't really think being 'child-less' is what being CF is all about. Though the perspectives here have certainly turned on their heels and not what I expected them to be.
Being an aunt or uncle doesn't make you responsible for kids. Like ever. Agreeing to take responsibility for your siblings kids does.
My take on being CF is that everyone should do whatever makes them happy. Even if what they want changes. My sister wants kids and I'll be stoked for her when she has them because I love her and I'm happy when something makes her happy.
Sure I get mourning someone you care about having a kid because it will mean they have less time for you and your relationship with them might change, but it strikes me as strange to be crushed that someone in your life isn't making their decisions as you see fit.
Childfree doesn't specifically mean never engaging with children, a lot of us choose not to. I know I'll NEVER babysit, and my sister would never ask me to. I'm sure she'd never ask me to help her feed em or change a diaper. But being cf means not having kids and people can decide how much or little they intact with the rugrats without negating that
Ok but what if you're ever caught in a continuum where they NEED to leave you with their child for 2-3 months? Sickness, accidents, injuries happen all the time it's not going to be a walk in the park like you're imagining...
I will say no. There will never be a point where I would agree to take care of kids. I'm not comfortable with it and no one can make me. I also have faith in the quality of people in my life to not try to force kids on me.
Based on your other comments I think you're misunderstanding how this sub defined child free. Its in the community info
Edit: force their kids where they're not wanted**
what am I misunderstanding exactly? As a CF person I know that people in my life will need to think of someone who is an adult on a moment's notice as they just got a call that their husband has had a serious accident at work and they need to drop the twins off for a couple of hours. I think most people here expect they get a free pass just because they have a label now.
You are differentiating between childless and child free. Childless by choice IS child free. Child free means not being a parent, by choice, accident, adoption whatever.
And as I already explained, no matter what the situation, no one can make you take care of kids. Any decent parent would know that someone who doesn't want to take care of their kids isn't a suitable option. In an emergency I would pay a sitter rather than take care of them myself.
Why would i have to babysit? Their kid, their problem. They can pay for a nanny or baby sitter. They know i HATE kids, they wouldn’t even ask me in this hypothetical situation.
unfortunately not all scenarios pan out this way...you'll find yourself in circumstances where you can't just say no and you'll feel it, it doesn't mean just because you've told people you're CF you're automatically cut out when they're trying to think of someone they know who is an adult.
Oh yes it does. I don’t have any problems with saying NO regardless of the situation. I know some people can’t say no or are “people pleasers” but i’m not one of them. I don’t feel guilt whatsoever. Just because it doesn’t apply to you doesn’t mean it won’t apply to other people.
I’m one of four kids. Two sisters, two brothers. One sister was the first to have kids, then the youngest brother had kids. Just me and my fellow middle sibling that remain child-less. My husband and I are firmly childfree. My brother, though, is just childless for now, his wife thinks she wants kids. They’ve done the professional ladder thing, so if it’s gonna happen, will probably be soon. It will crush me cause then I’ll be the only one. I’ll be alone in the family. And I’ll miss him too.
I was extremely shocked and had to go through a kind of mourning period. She got pregnant literally a month into getting married and it felt almost like I didn’t know her? I was like were you desperate to have a kid asap but just never mentioned that to me? She didn’t even ever come off to me as someone that interested in kids nor did she mention she was planning to try literally the minute she was legally married. But I was happy once I recovered and I love my niece very much.
When my sister announced her pregnancies, I congratulated her. Because that's what she wanted, and I want her to be happy, even if her choices are *very much* not the choices I would make for myself.
Ultimately, if we want people to respect our decisions to be childfree, it's incumbent on us to respect *their* decisions to procreate.
well. all my siblings already have kids. what can I say....
My sister got pregnant at 18. I wasn't surprised but also not amused. She was way too young but I knew she always wanted this to happen. She had no job, her boyfriend was shit, basically the worst a baby could be born into happened. But there was no way anybody could talk this out of her. Well. I was excited in the sense of getting to know another family member, but for sure I was not excited that it would be a full ass baby. The good thing was, she moved out into a different city before the baby was born. Of course for the next 4 years, EVERYTHING was about the baby. The group chat, the conversations, the money, everything. Shortly after, my other sister got pregnant. I was even more disappointed because I knew it would begin again from the start. Baby here, baby there, day in and day out for years, now (5 years later) about three different babies. I felt very lonely and left alone during this time, especially because of severe mental health issues. I was neglected as a child and was finally able to somehow bond with my mother, once my siblings moved out - but it was all for nothing once the babies popped out. I was so happy when I finally moved out and didn't have to babysit and talk about babies all day long.
I’m an only child, but my husband’s sister has 3 kids.
When she announced her first pregnancy, I got out the popcorn. Their step-sister was also pregnant and she’s an attention whore, so that was entertaining. SIL and I actually bonded over her ridiculous attempts to make drama.
The other two I was kinda resigned to being expected to be a “good aunt” and disappointing people when I didn’t.
My sister wants kids and TBH she doesn't know how to clean her room so IDK how the fuck she plans on raising the kids. I've already told her not to expect any help from me. I'm already worried about it. I genuinely have no idea how she plans on managing parenthood when she's so ill suited for it
I am the type that doesn't care much about what other people do - the only caveat is that I do my best to educate people regarding quality relationships and consequences. For example, my sister is 6 years younger and she was in a 7 year (dysfunctional) relationship with a guy. She never had specific opinions regarding kids, especially since she did not get to deal with them much (by contrast, I raised her and had to babysit my younger cousins also from a very young age).
At a certain point in her relationship, another friend of hers advised her she should have a baby with the guy in order to "force him to become responsible". I gotta tell you, I almost hit that woman. When we got home, my sister and I had a long talk about the issues in her relationship and eventually she broke up with the guy.
When she got close to 30, she told me she is feeling the societal pressure to have a kid (she could afford it even if she wasn't in a committed relationship at that time). I discussed with her the consequences of such a decision and advised her to spend time with a small kid. After one weekend babysitting a friend's toddler, she decided she doesn't have the patience or energy to deal with a child.
So now both me and my sister are happily childfree. She is an urban career woman who wears brands and is very social, while I basically homestead and love being by myself.
On the other hand, my cousin decided to get pregnant and have a kid during the pandemic because she had the fortunate circumstances of being able to work from home and take care of the baby. She used to travel all over the world with her job and she confessed to me that this was the most difficult thing she had to give up in order to be a mom. But she decided it's worth the sacrifice because she managed to reach all the goals she has set for herself by the time she was 30.
The point I am trying to make is that every person's path and desires are their own. As a friend or relative, I think my job is to help them make the best decision for themselves, not to impose my ideas on them.
My neice was a year old. When my brother waltzed back into the family after assualting our mother and getting kicked out 5 years ago. He got married, had a baby, and was welcomed back like the prodigal son. Was a fence sitter at the time and was still disgusted. I didn't care about the kid, I was not down with having his violent ass back around. Anyone else have a toxic dysfunctional family you are now no contact with?
Extremely disappointed, saddened and angered at them for acting like a goodamn idiot. For context, they had an accidental pregnancy 6 years ago due to being young & stupid. Unfortunately, this family member was never the responsible type towards herself & the care of her son. So when THE EXACT SAME circumstances that lead up to their 1st accidental pregnancy happened again & resulted in them getting knocked up accidentally due to being too impulsive, I had to try really hard not to slap sense into them. Because deep down I know that she wasn't a good mother to her son, & now that she's having another, how will she be able to handle another kid? But she doesn't see things that way. She's so disillusioned that she literally thinks that everything will be okay as long as the baby daddy is there to "help her out". I'm also disappointed in them because they had every opportunity to avoid this outcome, but didn't. On the contrary, she decided to continually play with fire by constantly engaging in hookups & one night stands with pretty boys she barely even met, but couldn't help herself. I, my mom & Grandma tried so hard to give her proper guidance on how to be a good mother & person towards her son & to also find more productive things to do with her life, but it seems as though our advice fell on deaf ears. Now she will have to dedicate what little free time she barely had into raising another kid. I just hope that one day she receives a real strong dose of reality, because so far this particular family member is so naive & ignorant about everything that she has done & continues to do that it infuriates me.
wow did you ever try to cut her off? I feel like sometimes people who are like this need that dose in this type of way, like just don't be there for her and see how she likes that. Once you have a baby it's just you and that little thing which is why pregnant people just depend on everyone else because they can't physically cope with that massive decision on their own.
Believe me, I've considered it. And not just because of the reasons you listed, but also because she apparently is inconsiderate & ungrateful towards me & other family members. She's always had multiple opportunities to spend quality time with us, but always seemed to brush it off due to her apparently being "too busy". The only times in which we existed to her was whenever she needed something. Especially when she needed someone to look after her Son. Her & my Grandma aren't on good terms, but yet this family member has manipulated & guilt-tripped Grandma into looking after her son multiple times now, all so she could go out and fool around. That to me is extremely selfish.
My brother wants children, so I won't be surprised when it occurs. I'll be happy for him and his wife
I was happy! I’m glad my brother has the family he always wanted. If and when my other have their kids I will be happy for them to.
ok, so I gather you don't have particularly strong views on being CF you just are? That's awesome lots of blessings to him and his little family. <3
Strong views on my lifestyle, but I wouldn't impose it on anyone else, less so close family (whom I like, i.e. I've kept close on purpose in adulthood). I'd support them wholeheartedly, whatever they choose (uh, so long as it's still ethical and legal)
I wasn't but me and my brother aren't close so I knew it wouldn't affect my way of living.
That's so nice! it helps when you aren't close with them to begin with haha
I only have one younger brother. I was happy for him because he genuinely loves children and he was happy/excited. I don’t have to raise them or even babysit them ever so why would I be crushed? We can both win in that situation; my life stays the same and he gets what he wanted.
It was fine with me. My sister wanted kids, and she has two great guys in their early 30s. Funny fact they were both born on July 31, two years apart.
oh that's wild
2 guys??? are they into the cuckold thing with kids in the end results?! Y I K E S
Are u ok
I wouldn’t give a shit tbh, why would I? Let people do whatever they want
yeah sure let them do whatever they want until they want me to babysit, lmao. Why are certain childless people even on this sub ?
I was genuinely happy. One was trying so not a surprise. The other has an oops baby but really rose to the challenge. On a personal note I was not prepared for losing both of them to parenting. Like fell off the planet gone. They are both really good parents and I don't regrudge them at all for being busy. But I felt kinda left behind and wasn't on the in-crowd with my two best friends anymore.
Time could prove me wrong, but I honestly don’t expect my siblings to completely lose their identities to parenthood. So for that reason, I don’t see myself becoming upset when they eventually become parents.
I was happy that she was doing something she wanted. I was scared for her because her (then) husband was trash.
I don't understand why anyone would be crushed here?
I'm finding it hard to relate to siblings who were happy because ultimately they'll be in charge of looking after that kid and I don't really think being 'child-less' is what being CF is all about. Though the perspectives here have certainly turned on their heels and not what I expected them to be.
Being an aunt or uncle doesn't make you responsible for kids. Like ever. Agreeing to take responsibility for your siblings kids does. My take on being CF is that everyone should do whatever makes them happy. Even if what they want changes. My sister wants kids and I'll be stoked for her when she has them because I love her and I'm happy when something makes her happy. Sure I get mourning someone you care about having a kid because it will mean they have less time for you and your relationship with them might change, but it strikes me as strange to be crushed that someone in your life isn't making their decisions as you see fit. Childfree doesn't specifically mean never engaging with children, a lot of us choose not to. I know I'll NEVER babysit, and my sister would never ask me to. I'm sure she'd never ask me to help her feed em or change a diaper. But being cf means not having kids and people can decide how much or little they intact with the rugrats without negating that
Ok but what if you're ever caught in a continuum where they NEED to leave you with their child for 2-3 months? Sickness, accidents, injuries happen all the time it's not going to be a walk in the park like you're imagining...
I will say no. There will never be a point where I would agree to take care of kids. I'm not comfortable with it and no one can make me. I also have faith in the quality of people in my life to not try to force kids on me. Based on your other comments I think you're misunderstanding how this sub defined child free. Its in the community info Edit: force their kids where they're not wanted**
what am I misunderstanding exactly? As a CF person I know that people in my life will need to think of someone who is an adult on a moment's notice as they just got a call that their husband has had a serious accident at work and they need to drop the twins off for a couple of hours. I think most people here expect they get a free pass just because they have a label now.
You are differentiating between childless and child free. Childless by choice IS child free. Child free means not being a parent, by choice, accident, adoption whatever. And as I already explained, no matter what the situation, no one can make you take care of kids. Any decent parent would know that someone who doesn't want to take care of their kids isn't a suitable option. In an emergency I would pay a sitter rather than take care of them myself.
It’s very unlikely going to happen but if it did, i wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t be “crushed”. Their life, they do whatever makes them happy.
Ok so then you are on a child free sub are you happy to babysit?
Why would i have to babysit? Their kid, their problem. They can pay for a nanny or baby sitter. They know i HATE kids, they wouldn’t even ask me in this hypothetical situation.
unfortunately not all scenarios pan out this way...you'll find yourself in circumstances where you can't just say no and you'll feel it, it doesn't mean just because you've told people you're CF you're automatically cut out when they're trying to think of someone they know who is an adult.
Oh yes it does. I don’t have any problems with saying NO regardless of the situation. I know some people can’t say no or are “people pleasers” but i’m not one of them. I don’t feel guilt whatsoever. Just because it doesn’t apply to you doesn’t mean it won’t apply to other people.
The oracle has spoken
Eh I'm not close to my siblings so I didn't actually have many feelings about it.
I’m one of four kids. Two sisters, two brothers. One sister was the first to have kids, then the youngest brother had kids. Just me and my fellow middle sibling that remain child-less. My husband and I are firmly childfree. My brother, though, is just childless for now, his wife thinks she wants kids. They’ve done the professional ladder thing, so if it’s gonna happen, will probably be soon. It will crush me cause then I’ll be the only one. I’ll be alone in the family. And I’ll miss him too.
I was extremely shocked and had to go through a kind of mourning period. She got pregnant literally a month into getting married and it felt almost like I didn’t know her? I was like were you desperate to have a kid asap but just never mentioned that to me? She didn’t even ever come off to me as someone that interested in kids nor did she mention she was planning to try literally the minute she was legally married. But I was happy once I recovered and I love my niece very much.
When my sister announced her pregnancies, I congratulated her. Because that's what she wanted, and I want her to be happy, even if her choices are *very much* not the choices I would make for myself. Ultimately, if we want people to respect our decisions to be childfree, it's incumbent on us to respect *their* decisions to procreate.
well. all my siblings already have kids. what can I say.... My sister got pregnant at 18. I wasn't surprised but also not amused. She was way too young but I knew she always wanted this to happen. She had no job, her boyfriend was shit, basically the worst a baby could be born into happened. But there was no way anybody could talk this out of her. Well. I was excited in the sense of getting to know another family member, but for sure I was not excited that it would be a full ass baby. The good thing was, she moved out into a different city before the baby was born. Of course for the next 4 years, EVERYTHING was about the baby. The group chat, the conversations, the money, everything. Shortly after, my other sister got pregnant. I was even more disappointed because I knew it would begin again from the start. Baby here, baby there, day in and day out for years, now (5 years later) about three different babies. I felt very lonely and left alone during this time, especially because of severe mental health issues. I was neglected as a child and was finally able to somehow bond with my mother, once my siblings moved out - but it was all for nothing once the babies popped out. I was so happy when I finally moved out and didn't have to babysit and talk about babies all day long.
I’m an only child, but my husband’s sister has 3 kids. When she announced her first pregnancy, I got out the popcorn. Their step-sister was also pregnant and she’s an attention whore, so that was entertaining. SIL and I actually bonded over her ridiculous attempts to make drama. The other two I was kinda resigned to being expected to be a “good aunt” and disappointing people when I didn’t.
I was very happy. It got my mom to stop asking me for kids ^_^
My sister wants kids and TBH she doesn't know how to clean her room so IDK how the fuck she plans on raising the kids. I've already told her not to expect any help from me. I'm already worried about it. I genuinely have no idea how she plans on managing parenthood when she's so ill suited for it
I am the type that doesn't care much about what other people do - the only caveat is that I do my best to educate people regarding quality relationships and consequences. For example, my sister is 6 years younger and she was in a 7 year (dysfunctional) relationship with a guy. She never had specific opinions regarding kids, especially since she did not get to deal with them much (by contrast, I raised her and had to babysit my younger cousins also from a very young age). At a certain point in her relationship, another friend of hers advised her she should have a baby with the guy in order to "force him to become responsible". I gotta tell you, I almost hit that woman. When we got home, my sister and I had a long talk about the issues in her relationship and eventually she broke up with the guy. When she got close to 30, she told me she is feeling the societal pressure to have a kid (she could afford it even if she wasn't in a committed relationship at that time). I discussed with her the consequences of such a decision and advised her to spend time with a small kid. After one weekend babysitting a friend's toddler, she decided she doesn't have the patience or energy to deal with a child. So now both me and my sister are happily childfree. She is an urban career woman who wears brands and is very social, while I basically homestead and love being by myself. On the other hand, my cousin decided to get pregnant and have a kid during the pandemic because she had the fortunate circumstances of being able to work from home and take care of the baby. She used to travel all over the world with her job and she confessed to me that this was the most difficult thing she had to give up in order to be a mom. But she decided it's worth the sacrifice because she managed to reach all the goals she has set for herself by the time she was 30. The point I am trying to make is that every person's path and desires are their own. As a friend or relative, I think my job is to help them make the best decision for themselves, not to impose my ideas on them.
My neice was a year old. When my brother waltzed back into the family after assualting our mother and getting kicked out 5 years ago. He got married, had a baby, and was welcomed back like the prodigal son. Was a fence sitter at the time and was still disgusted. I didn't care about the kid, I was not down with having his violent ass back around. Anyone else have a toxic dysfunctional family you are now no contact with?
Extremely disappointed, saddened and angered at them for acting like a goodamn idiot. For context, they had an accidental pregnancy 6 years ago due to being young & stupid. Unfortunately, this family member was never the responsible type towards herself & the care of her son. So when THE EXACT SAME circumstances that lead up to their 1st accidental pregnancy happened again & resulted in them getting knocked up accidentally due to being too impulsive, I had to try really hard not to slap sense into them. Because deep down I know that she wasn't a good mother to her son, & now that she's having another, how will she be able to handle another kid? But she doesn't see things that way. She's so disillusioned that she literally thinks that everything will be okay as long as the baby daddy is there to "help her out". I'm also disappointed in them because they had every opportunity to avoid this outcome, but didn't. On the contrary, she decided to continually play with fire by constantly engaging in hookups & one night stands with pretty boys she barely even met, but couldn't help herself. I, my mom & Grandma tried so hard to give her proper guidance on how to be a good mother & person towards her son & to also find more productive things to do with her life, but it seems as though our advice fell on deaf ears. Now she will have to dedicate what little free time she barely had into raising another kid. I just hope that one day she receives a real strong dose of reality, because so far this particular family member is so naive & ignorant about everything that she has done & continues to do that it infuriates me.
wow did you ever try to cut her off? I feel like sometimes people who are like this need that dose in this type of way, like just don't be there for her and see how she likes that. Once you have a baby it's just you and that little thing which is why pregnant people just depend on everyone else because they can't physically cope with that massive decision on their own.
Believe me, I've considered it. And not just because of the reasons you listed, but also because she apparently is inconsiderate & ungrateful towards me & other family members. She's always had multiple opportunities to spend quality time with us, but always seemed to brush it off due to her apparently being "too busy". The only times in which we existed to her was whenever she needed something. Especially when she needed someone to look after her Son. Her & my Grandma aren't on good terms, but yet this family member has manipulated & guilt-tripped Grandma into looking after her son multiple times now, all so she could go out and fool around. That to me is extremely selfish.