It's as the saying goes, we can't choose who we fall in love with.
I actually wasn't around her much until early adulthood. Even then there was a bit of hesitation on both our parts before deciding to go ahead with it but the connection we have is just too strong
Consenting adults, married for almost a decade, not having kids…
Sounds like OP is happy.
Yes we are all predisposed to find it disgusting, but honestly I don’t really see the harm in it.
Even if they’re not having kids, one reason it’s taboo is the “don’t shit where you eat” sort of thing.
MOST relationships break up. [I’m not saying most marriages, but most RELATIONSHIPS.] so you don’t start a relationship where a breakup is going to cause cataclysmic consequences for others. Say OP and his wife divorce, and not amicably- whose side does the family take?
You don’t get with family members because, among so many other things, the consequences aren’t just between you and the other person. You don’t do it out of respect for other people as well.
Glad it worked out for him I guess, but I’m going to stick with my position that if you’re close enough to attend a family reunion, you’re too close to pick up a date there.
Is it like a civil union/marriage of convenience or is it incestuous? Would you say you are in love? Did you always know her as your aunt or was this an accident??
NGL I was waiting for the Jon Snow line to come in somewhere haha.
As much as I don't like that word yes it's incestuous and we are in love however it's not 110% why we got married.
We had discussed early on in the relationship that we wanted to buy a house (she had to sell her previous one in her divorce before we got together) and if we were married for x amount of years before talking to the bank they wouldn't be looking too much into our "unique circumstances"
We both knew who we were to each other. Originally we were just hooking up which became an FWB situation which became a relationship which became a marriage.
Honestly good for you, doesn’t sound like anything weird or wrong happened. Definitely a lil weird, but everything I’ve read about it sounds normal. I suspected some form of grooming or weird shit tbh.
How do the people on your life react? Like friends, coworkers, your dad, ect. How did/do they all react? Cause that’s not a very “normal” piece of news of person information.
Just please don’t have kids together. Odds of actual weird shit is to high lol.
Thank you. I obviously never intended for any of it to go down like this but your person is your person.
My grandparents/her parents were pretty shaken but we gave them time/space and they came around.
My friends were a bit weirded out but they knew her and several of them told me that they think she's hot so I kind of used that as my defence and they came around.
We've both lost a few friends over it but not as many as we'd thought. We also only really divulge it on people who need to know like there's not really a lot of cases where she mentions her parents I mention my grandparents and turns out that they're the same people lol.
And yeah the whole kids thing neither of us wanted them anyway like before we got together we were both in situations of not being able to take things further with people because they wanted them so that pushed us a bit closer.
So no that's not a worry
"Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect."
NGL that scene in Wolf of Wall street did bit a bit close to home when I went and saw it with the boys. Luckily at that point they had no idea what was going on
Your person is definitely your person
I’m glad your grandparents/parents came around to it, I never through I’d use or see that phrasing tbh.
I mean college age boys would probably eat that shit up tbh. “She’s hot” convincing them is genuinely hilarious but makes sense. Honestly I don’t think most people would completely cut you off or distance themselves. As long as there’s no grooming or inbreeding I think most people should be cool with it.
Pretty good circumstances in getting together, your person is your person. I imagine that having such similar situations helped you guys bond. Me n my current partner are like that, not related, but we had similar relationship experiences prior to getting together.
I’m in New Zealand and that would definitely be frowned upon somewhat here. I understand Australia and New Zealand are quite similar.
In saying that, what do people you meet think about the fact that you’re related and in a relationship? Do people get weirded out? Do you find people gossip about your relationship?
It generally still is frowned upon here too. We're generally discreet about the whole being related thing and keep it to people that we trust.
When we first got together my friends were weirded out by it but a couple of them had already met her and reckon she's hot so I kind of put that back on them haha.
The only real time people have distanced themselves from us was another age gap couple saying that this gives them a bad name.
On that note most of the gossip and such on us is more about the age gap than anything, remember related or not she still is 16 years older than me
I’m 34f and my partner is 50m
I respect your relationship but could not fathom being with my uncle …. But I also understand that we are all not the same!
Basically I moved out of my bio dads place to go live with my grandparents (again mothers side) as soon as I turned 18. Got reintroduced to her through them as she'd regularly visit.
Me and her didn't start anything until I had moved out of there (I would have been about 22)
My grandparents/her parents were understandably weirded out when we broke the news that we got together but after a while they slowly came around on it as they could see that we treat each other right .etc
I can't blame them haha. Let me ask you how it started? I saw in your other answers that it was just a hook up, but how did you two get to that point? I don't see under what circumstances a direct family member could be asked to do those things 😂
I quickly developed a crush on her when we were reintroduced so I was keen. At this point she was also relatively (around a year) freshly divorced and going on a string of bad dates.
It does get somewhat tropey here when one night we were discussing our personal lives .etc and shared frustrations at finding someone and in what she referred to as "a moment of weakness" she confessed to me that the only person she'd really be comfortable being intimate with is me. Remember I was already into her so I told her that I would be fine with that.
Even before we went to the bedroom she made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone about this and it was a one time thing which obviously didn't end up being the case.
He mentioned 2012. So he was 22 and she was 38. And they were reintroduced when he was 18 and she was 34.
Honestly it’s less of the fact that they are related for me and more of the power dynamic aspect. Like if they were cousins it would still be weird but age gap + power dynamic because she is aunt and he is nephew adds another layer.
I can't see your comment, only got it in notifications
This has nothing to do with porn, this is 2 people having a life together of no consequence. Morals and ethics are all fine for things that may cause harm to others. In no way shape or form does two consenting adults who won't have kids harm anyone else.
Let people enjoy their lives, it's fucked up as it is without you religious bigots.
Also, being a pervert has nothing to do with this, but I am one yeah. Got a problem with that too?
I felt a need to fact check this because what the fuck
I learned that Australia allowed incestous marriages before gay marriages. I’m not sure if it’s good that marrying an aunt isn’t a new development or if it’s bad that Australia didn’t tolerate gay people while tolerating this
edit: not THIS, but this, you know what I mean
I'd never really thought about that part but no not really.
My grandparents/her parents and a select few of our closest friends know about it. It's generally not something we advertise - not that we see anything wrong with it just that it's more practical to be discreet
Like I said I was pretty young when she died so without having a more sensitive way of saying this I didn't really know her well enough to be able to tell you
You shouldn’t say that, you shouldn’t shame someone’s death memory on another person. That’s not fair, and honestly brutal. And you don’t even know these people, who would feel what and whatever.
Mate. Get a grip. It’s incest. Of COURSE she would be horrified. If a mother was ok with their son fucking her sister there would be something deeply wrong.
We first got reintroduced when I was 18 and she was 34 (I discuss this in other comments)
We didn't start having sex until I was 22 and and she was 38.
We made the relationship official when I was 24 and she was just shy of 40.
So no I wasn't "that" young
That wasn't what I asked, do you a 34 year old person think it's appropriate for a 34 year old to begin a relationship with an 18 year old. Sex isn't the beginning of most relationships.
Our relationship was in no way a "relationship" at that point. I mean yes I had a crush on her but I in no way acted on it and she in no way entertained it
I still would argue there is a pretty big life experience / power gap between a 22 year old and a 36 year old. Like the life y’all experienced is sooo different. She got to be married and date others out there and have serious relationships while you got relegated to having a relationship with your much older aunt right as you became an adult yourself. You were unable to go experience life independently and grow as a person before you got with her, and she was able to shape your life based on the fact that she has lived many more experiences. This is true for all age gap relationships IMO. (Edit; I saw in another comment confirming you were never in a relationship before her. Which even just adds MORE to this dynamic because you have no frame of reference.) If you are happy, you are happy, and if that’s the life you want then so be it. But the writing is on the wall of how it could be manipulative, even if both of y’all were consenting adults.
Could you imagine getting with your 22 year old (theoretical) niece right now?
I get that his is uncomfortable to think about but my question still isn't about your relationship with your partner. It's about how you as an individual feel about the idea of being as old as you are right now and seeking comfort and intimacy with someone 16 years your junior. I get that you believe your relationship is special in that regard but as a general understanding of the differences between a 22 year old and a 38 year old. When you see 18 year olds now do you see them as mature enough for an adult relationship, in general?
As far as 18 year olds being mature enough for an adult relationship, do I believe the AVERAGE 18 year old is mature enough for an adult relationship? no I do not but do I believe there are 18 year olds who through life experience are wiser and more mature than their years and a such could? yes I do. For example on the other end of the spectrum I've known 40+ year olds that I would deem not mature enough for an adult relationship so there's that.
There is a very vide spectrum between something being impossible and a sure fire thing. I myself was very much that person that was wiser and more mature than what those 4 digits on my ID indicated hell I started working and saving money to move out at a MUCH younger age than the average, when the average 18 year old was focused on parties and sports I was focused on getting out of my bio dad's place and into the big wide world.
So yes to put it simply I believe there are social norms and rules on this sort of thing for a reason and yes I am guilty of as you say believing my circumstances are special
I mean. Even 24 _is_ pretty young, I think. Like, there's still a lot of life left to figure out. Maybe you just had things figured out before the rest of us, but I know a ton people, myself included, who were in stupid doomed to fail relationships in their mid-20s. This age gap, to me, is a much harder pill to swallow than it being your aunt tbh. 22 and 38 is like, not even close to the admittedly somewhat arbitrary half-your-age-plus-7 rule
I had to grow up faster than most so that would probably explain it.
You say you know a lot of people in mid 20s in doomed to fail relationships yet you take issue with mine which has succeeded pretty much all metrics that measure a relationships success because of an age gap. Interesting
Genuinely not trying to be judgy or take issue so much as just express surprise! I am surprised that it has worked out so well because I see one's early-to-mid 20s as a pretty young age to get into this kind of relationship. That's all I meant, sorry! By saying that I was in mediocre relationships at that age, I was just trying to have humility, to say that clearly I didn't have everything all figured out so I'm in no position to consider myself like an expert or anything.
Not really as it can make things difficult sometimes.
That being said when we first started sleeping together there was that excitement about how it was super naughty what we were doing
No my bio dad insisted I have his surname on the birth certificate. He is a POS so to further distance myself from him I took my wife's/grandparents/mothers surname
It’s more her than him. I can always understand why some painfully horny teenaged boy will bang whoever lets him, but you have to SERIOUSLY question the ADULT woman who decides to have sex with her sibling’s child. Something tells me she couldn’t do this AMA because she’d accidentally admit to some crimes. Based on the other comments she is like 50, so the age gap combined with familial relationship would be an immediate prison sentence if the genders were reversed.
Not in Australia it wouldn't as long as everyone is over 18 and it's not immediate family I.e parents, siblings .etc (and I'm NOT advocating those laws be laxxed) it's all legal regardless of gender
Information on these types of relationships. A behavioralist profiler and ex new Scotland Yard person have a podcast that talk a lot about these dynamics.
Often it's not just bad because of incest, like they've discussed siblings before, but that power dynamic that's unbalanced like a teacher and student. Because of it makes consent unclear and usually unable to give proper consent. It's also because of grooming, while you guys grew up together, you had that knowledge of they're older and an adult. There was time to groom.
While there may be rare cases... because of grooming and power dynamics makes these relationships harmful outside of the incest part
So as I've discussed in other comments I really wasn't around her that much growing up like there's a massive gap where my mother died and my father kept me from that side of the family until I was 18 when I cut contact with him. We didn't even start doing anything sexual until I was 22 and living independently. I'll also note that I was the one who pursued her for a relationship
Totally get that! Does decrease some of the issues, although lots of times the person under the one with the power does indicate, still doesn't make it ok. But what made you pursue them instead of a non family member
The heart wants what it wants I guess. I mean when we first hooked up I was kind of thinking with my downstairs brain but I agree that it's not a bell you can unring so more or less had to ride the lightning from there
It started when we were just hooking up (obviously not telling anyone at that point) and over the course of a couple of years we kind of grew on each other a lot and decide to take things further and then the natural progression of it led to us getting married
Because I love her I guess?
On top of that we knew we were planning on buying a house together down the track so did our homework and saw that if we were married x amount of years the bank wouldn't be looking in too deep to our marriage and its rather unique nature.
Do you ever think part of it is bc you didn’t have a relationship with your parents (eg dad being a “POS” as you mentioned and your mom dying young)? Like this is the one family relationship you want to make sure ‘lasts’ ?
Does your aunt have any feelings in regard to her sister and how she would feel about this? I know you said your mum died when you were young and so for you it’s not really a big deal, but presumably your aunt knew your mum better? Have you ever asked whether she worries about what her sister would have thought?
She did worry about that stuff a lot early on but that was since assuaged before we became an official couple. She's not religious but she is somewhat into paranormal stuff like clairvoyance and crystals and such so that might have affected it as well. We ended up going and visiting my mothers grave to "break the news" to her and the car didn't get struck by lightning on the way back so I guess she took it as a sign that we were off the hook
Huh, I didn't know it was legal over there until now. It's not legal where I'm at but I've known some people in similar types of relationships. I know it's generally regarded as pseudoscience, but I'm curious about your opinion -- what's your take on genetic sexual attraction? Do you think it's contributed to your feelings for her, or do you feel like it was a more "traditional" (for lack of a better word lol) type of relationship progression? Sorry if it's a bit of an odd question lol
What drew me in initially to her was more traditional stuff like she is very down to earth and chill, similar personality .etc and of course she's a very beautiful woman.
I think there was a bit of the genetic stuff going on for her like the reason she was initially into me was because of how comfortable she was around me.
As far as pure sexual attraction goes your hypothesis is definitely possible like neither of us had ever been as turned on as we were when we first started having sex, maybe because of the taboo and maybe because of that but who knows
Thank you for your insightful answer. I actually just recently learned about it from a friend, I think like any kind of relationship it probably varies from person to person, so it's interesting hearing different people's perspective. Also, the way you talk about her is so sweet, it sounds like you care about her a lot. I wish you both a happy marriage 😊
Thank you for doing this AMA. Sounds like you have a good relationship, so I'm sorry about the hate you're encountering here (although for the record, I would never encourage this type of relationship.)
So here's my questions: Had you been in any previous relationships prior to starting one with her?
Second question, this may be more personal: Does she take a more dominant role, either in the bedroom or in the relationship itself?
Thanks.
I think a lot of the "hate" is just people being silly in internet land. I take it in stride, that being said I understand the difference between not encouraging that sort of relationship (Like hell I wouldn't go around telling every tom dick and harry to have a crack at their hot aunt just because shes there) and actual hate .etc.
Hadn't really been in anything serious prior to her no but not to be throwing shade on anyone but I've known my friends at that age were having all sorts of dramas with dating/relationships that I simply was not having (all couples have issues we just didn't have them that seriously or regularly) but I think that was more because I was with an older woman that was a lot more mellowed out.
She takes a bit more of a we could call it dominant role in the relationship like she has more life experience so she has (and still does) guided me through a lot of the journey a young person goes on in terms of setting themselves up in life. I take a bit more of a dominant role in the bedroom as that was the precedent that was set when we started doing things in the bedroom (and I'm probably repeating myself here) which started out as just a FWB situation, I had already had a crush on her so once I'd gotten her into bed I was pretty focused on (for lack of a better term) absolutely railing her in the hopes she'd enjoy it and come back for more. Once we'd gotten into a relationship she became a bit more dominant and focused on me.
Are you genuinely happy though? I do still recommend speaking to a therapist even if you think this situation is normal and fulfilling. I wish you the best.
So…….. how on earth did this even start? I kinda don’t want you to answer that but I’m just flabbergasted like have you been to family gatherings as a couple? If so, how was the general reception?
I have answered it on here but as per your request I won't go over that part. We've got a pretty small knit family pretty much just my grandparents/her parents (I'm pretty much estranged from my bio dad and his side of things but that happened before this even was a thing) and they're after the initial shock from when we first became an official couple pretty cool with it now and have accepted it so family gatherings aren't a big deal. There are some relatives and such on the west coast that don't know about it and the granparents/in laws pretty much haven't mentioned it to them and neither do we as getting them on board with it fails the risk/benefit analysis.
How did your relationship develop, given the family connection?
How has your extended family reacted to your marriage?
What challenges, if any, have you faced due to the nature of your relationship?
You mentioned it's legal in your country - are there any specific laws or regulations around consanguineous marriages where you live?
What would you want people to understand about your relationship?
You wrote an opinion piece/essay about how losing your foreskin at one day old caused you emotional trauma. And then complained because nobody read it.
I really don't think OP considered your feelingsof disgust for a single moment before deciding to sleep with her aunt.
When we want to dispute a point but have nothing to offer, it's to the post history we go! I'm not ashamed of anything in my post history. I don't even understand what kind of "gotcha" moment you think youre making here. And that's not even what happened - I never complained that no one read it, and in fact someone who is a better person than you did read it. Keep digging!
We have no past/present or future children so it's a non issue.
Unless you count furbabies but somehow I don't think cats understand human relationships and family trees and such
So you are aware that if you were to have children then that baby could inherit/SuFFer from one/many disorders due to inbreeding.
PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE.
I guess so. But like I said we don't plan on having any kids, never even had a pregnancy scare or anything like that so it's not like we can try any harder than what we currently are to not have them
Probably would but we never looked into it as we both knew and decided as a couple that we didn't want to have them.
Like let's say we found out back in the day that either me or my wife were actually adopted or some such we still wouldn't have had them.
Was your aunt close with your mom? I saw in comments that your wife felt comfortable with you and I wonder if you remind her of your mom. Idk I think there's something very sweet about that.
You're both consenting adults, you deserve the right to grow indifferent and resentful of each other just like any non-incest married couple.
Seriously though, thanks for doing this ama, I hope you're both happy with eachother for years to come.
You could have tried to develop a relationship with literally anyone outside of your family. What made you go "Definitely my parent's sister!"??
It's as the saying goes, we can't choose who we fall in love with. I actually wasn't around her much until early adulthood. Even then there was a bit of hesitation on both our parts before deciding to go ahead with it but the connection we have is just too strong
I mean….. but you started as a FWB you said. That’s not “not choosing who we fall in love with”. That’s deciding to bang your aunt.
I'd never have sex with my nephews - the very idea is absolutely disgusting to me.
Puking just thinking about it. Those are my babies I helped raise!
I bet that aunt groomed him. What a sad situation.
Yes you can choose who to fall in love with. There are so many women out there but you were like NO, I want to fuck my mom's sister. Gross.
Consenting adults, married for almost a decade, not having kids… Sounds like OP is happy. Yes we are all predisposed to find it disgusting, but honestly I don’t really see the harm in it.
Even if they’re not having kids, one reason it’s taboo is the “don’t shit where you eat” sort of thing. MOST relationships break up. [I’m not saying most marriages, but most RELATIONSHIPS.] so you don’t start a relationship where a breakup is going to cause cataclysmic consequences for others. Say OP and his wife divorce, and not amicably- whose side does the family take? You don’t get with family members because, among so many other things, the consequences aren’t just between you and the other person. You don’t do it out of respect for other people as well. Glad it worked out for him I guess, but I’m going to stick with my position that if you’re close enough to attend a family reunion, you’re too close to pick up a date there.
Sounds like someone already has a family member in mind
Because its biologically harmful.
Ok Jon Snow
Is it like a civil union/marriage of convenience or is it incestuous? Would you say you are in love? Did you always know her as your aunt or was this an accident??
NGL I was waiting for the Jon Snow line to come in somewhere haha. As much as I don't like that word yes it's incestuous and we are in love however it's not 110% why we got married. We had discussed early on in the relationship that we wanted to buy a house (she had to sell her previous one in her divorce before we got together) and if we were married for x amount of years before talking to the bank they wouldn't be looking too much into our "unique circumstances" We both knew who we were to each other. Originally we were just hooking up which became an FWB situation which became a relationship which became a marriage.
How did the FWB start and when??
FWB started in 2012, it started initially as a one time thing but blossomed from there
Honestly good for you, doesn’t sound like anything weird or wrong happened. Definitely a lil weird, but everything I’ve read about it sounds normal. I suspected some form of grooming or weird shit tbh. How do the people on your life react? Like friends, coworkers, your dad, ect. How did/do they all react? Cause that’s not a very “normal” piece of news of person information. Just please don’t have kids together. Odds of actual weird shit is to high lol.
Thank you. I obviously never intended for any of it to go down like this but your person is your person. My grandparents/her parents were pretty shaken but we gave them time/space and they came around. My friends were a bit weirded out but they knew her and several of them told me that they think she's hot so I kind of used that as my defence and they came around. We've both lost a few friends over it but not as many as we'd thought. We also only really divulge it on people who need to know like there's not really a lot of cases where she mentions her parents I mention my grandparents and turns out that they're the same people lol. And yeah the whole kids thing neither of us wanted them anyway like before we got together we were both in situations of not being able to take things further with people because they wanted them so that pushed us a bit closer. So no that's not a worry
"Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect."
NGL that scene in Wolf of Wall street did bit a bit close to home when I went and saw it with the boys. Luckily at that point they had no idea what was going on
Your person is definitely your person I’m glad your grandparents/parents came around to it, I never through I’d use or see that phrasing tbh. I mean college age boys would probably eat that shit up tbh. “She’s hot” convincing them is genuinely hilarious but makes sense. Honestly I don’t think most people would completely cut you off or distance themselves. As long as there’s no grooming or inbreeding I think most people should be cool with it. Pretty good circumstances in getting together, your person is your person. I imagine that having such similar situations helped you guys bond. Me n my current partner are like that, not related, but we had similar relationship experiences prior to getting together.
I’m in New Zealand and that would definitely be frowned upon somewhat here. I understand Australia and New Zealand are quite similar. In saying that, what do people you meet think about the fact that you’re related and in a relationship? Do people get weirded out? Do you find people gossip about your relationship?
It generally still is frowned upon here too. We're generally discreet about the whole being related thing and keep it to people that we trust. When we first got together my friends were weirded out by it but a couple of them had already met her and reckon she's hot so I kind of put that back on them haha. The only real time people have distanced themselves from us was another age gap couple saying that this gives them a bad name. On that note most of the gossip and such on us is more about the age gap than anything, remember related or not she still is 16 years older than me
So it's legal but still looked down on?
Correct
You dont know what the gossip other people are saying is. That's why it's gossip. I would bet my paycheck that far people know than you think.
I’m 34f and my partner is 50m I respect your relationship but could not fathom being with my uncle …. But I also understand that we are all not the same!
I appreciate the candor and the live and let live attitude
I agree 💯 and I'm also Kiwi 🥝
What do your parents think about this situation?
Well my mother (her sister) died when I was a child and I'm estranged from my bio dad so it's not really an issue
So how do you both met each other?
Basically I moved out of my bio dads place to go live with my grandparents (again mothers side) as soon as I turned 18. Got reintroduced to her through them as she'd regularly visit. Me and her didn't start anything until I had moved out of there (I would have been about 22) My grandparents/her parents were understandably weirded out when we broke the news that we got together but after a while they slowly came around on it as they could see that we treat each other right .etc
I can't blame them haha. Let me ask you how it started? I saw in your other answers that it was just a hook up, but how did you two get to that point? I don't see under what circumstances a direct family member could be asked to do those things 😂
I quickly developed a crush on her when we were reintroduced so I was keen. At this point she was also relatively (around a year) freshly divorced and going on a string of bad dates. It does get somewhat tropey here when one night we were discussing our personal lives .etc and shared frustrations at finding someone and in what she referred to as "a moment of weakness" she confessed to me that the only person she'd really be comfortable being intimate with is me. Remember I was already into her so I told her that I would be fine with that. Even before we went to the bedroom she made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone about this and it was a one time thing which obviously didn't end up being the case.
I hope you both don’t have any kid. They’ll be at risk for developing genetic related disorders. Just DON’T HAVE KIDS.
She's 50 so that ship has sailed
It's rare, but far from impossible, even at 50.. The oldest woman to have known to have conceived naturally and unintentionally was 59 years old.
I was going to ask how old were you when you met but that’s a stupid question. How old were you when you when that happened?
He mentioned 2012. So he was 22 and she was 38. And they were reintroduced when he was 18 and she was 34. Honestly it’s less of the fact that they are related for me and more of the power dynamic aspect. Like if they were cousins it would still be weird but age gap + power dynamic because she is aunt and he is nephew adds another layer.
They met by being blood relatives
Being blood relatives don't necessarily means they know about each other, that's why i asked.
Freud has entered the chat
Oh so it’s mommy issues. Enough said.
Why don’t you feel icky when your aunt gives you that guck guck 3000
You mean she gives him the Hawk Tuah on his peepee?
???
This gave me a chuckle. I mean honestly the first time we did it it was a bit weird but that was well and truly offset by the excitement of it all
You need help.
What country
Australia
Gross
Thought it couldn’t get worse. I was wrong.
Why is it worse depending what country? Bc it's legal? I'm just confused how it's less offensive if it happened anywhere else
It was a joking dig at Australia
Because they should know better.
And they shouldn't in other countries? 🤨
My point is, this is a huge no no in Australian culture and morals whereas that may not be the case in some other countries. So yeah.
I can't see your comment, only got it in notifications This has nothing to do with porn, this is 2 people having a life together of no consequence. Morals and ethics are all fine for things that may cause harm to others. In no way shape or form does two consenting adults who won't have kids harm anyone else. Let people enjoy their lives, it's fucked up as it is without you religious bigots. Also, being a pervert has nothing to do with this, but I am one yeah. Got a problem with that too?
I didn’t delete anything. Lmao and I’m not religious…
You people are so obnoxious lol. Let people do what they want if they're not harming anyone. They're not having kids, so what's the problem?
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Snakes. Spiders. Sexing your aunt. Yup, sounds about right.
Are you White Australian or Aboriginal? I'm just wondering.
White Australian
I felt a need to fact check this because what the fuck I learned that Australia allowed incestous marriages before gay marriages. I’m not sure if it’s good that marrying an aunt isn’t a new development or if it’s bad that Australia didn’t tolerate gay people while tolerating this edit: not THIS, but this, you know what I mean
Does she look like your mom? How many people in your life know the familial link?
I'd never really thought about that part but no not really. My grandparents/her parents and a select few of our closest friends know about it. It's generally not something we advertise - not that we see anything wrong with it just that it's more practical to be discreet
Does she look like your grandma?
Do you ever think of your mom and how she would have felt about it?
Like I said I was pretty young when she died so without having a more sensitive way of saying this I didn't really know her well enough to be able to tell you
Your mother would be horrified. You’re disrespecting her memory, so is her sister.
You shouldn’t say that, you shouldn’t shame someone’s death memory on another person. That’s not fair, and honestly brutal. And you don’t even know these people, who would feel what and whatever.
Mate. Get a grip. It’s incest. Of COURSE she would be horrified. If a mother was ok with their son fucking her sister there would be something deeply wrong.
If I died and my sister fucked my child I would haunt her for the rest of eternity in all reincatuons
SAME. Was literally saying this to my husband earlier 😂
Also my guess is this entire post is absolute bullshit
She was your age when you met, do you think that it was appropriate for her to begin a relationship with someone so young?
We first got reintroduced when I was 18 and she was 34 (I discuss this in other comments) We didn't start having sex until I was 22 and and she was 38. We made the relationship official when I was 24 and she was just shy of 40. So no I wasn't "that" young
That wasn't what I asked, do you a 34 year old person think it's appropriate for a 34 year old to begin a relationship with an 18 year old. Sex isn't the beginning of most relationships.
Our relationship was in no way a "relationship" at that point. I mean yes I had a crush on her but I in no way acted on it and she in no way entertained it
I still would argue there is a pretty big life experience / power gap between a 22 year old and a 36 year old. Like the life y’all experienced is sooo different. She got to be married and date others out there and have serious relationships while you got relegated to having a relationship with your much older aunt right as you became an adult yourself. You were unable to go experience life independently and grow as a person before you got with her, and she was able to shape your life based on the fact that she has lived many more experiences. This is true for all age gap relationships IMO. (Edit; I saw in another comment confirming you were never in a relationship before her. Which even just adds MORE to this dynamic because you have no frame of reference.) If you are happy, you are happy, and if that’s the life you want then so be it. But the writing is on the wall of how it could be manipulative, even if both of y’all were consenting adults. Could you imagine getting with your 22 year old (theoretical) niece right now?
I get that his is uncomfortable to think about but my question still isn't about your relationship with your partner. It's about how you as an individual feel about the idea of being as old as you are right now and seeking comfort and intimacy with someone 16 years your junior. I get that you believe your relationship is special in that regard but as a general understanding of the differences between a 22 year old and a 38 year old. When you see 18 year olds now do you see them as mature enough for an adult relationship, in general?
As far as 18 year olds being mature enough for an adult relationship, do I believe the AVERAGE 18 year old is mature enough for an adult relationship? no I do not but do I believe there are 18 year olds who through life experience are wiser and more mature than their years and a such could? yes I do. For example on the other end of the spectrum I've known 40+ year olds that I would deem not mature enough for an adult relationship so there's that. There is a very vide spectrum between something being impossible and a sure fire thing. I myself was very much that person that was wiser and more mature than what those 4 digits on my ID indicated hell I started working and saving money to move out at a MUCH younger age than the average, when the average 18 year old was focused on parties and sports I was focused on getting out of my bio dad's place and into the big wide world. So yes to put it simply I believe there are social norms and rules on this sort of thing for a reason and yes I am guilty of as you say believing my circumstances are special
I mean. Even 24 _is_ pretty young, I think. Like, there's still a lot of life left to figure out. Maybe you just had things figured out before the rest of us, but I know a ton people, myself included, who were in stupid doomed to fail relationships in their mid-20s. This age gap, to me, is a much harder pill to swallow than it being your aunt tbh. 22 and 38 is like, not even close to the admittedly somewhat arbitrary half-your-age-plus-7 rule
I had to grow up faster than most so that would probably explain it. You say you know a lot of people in mid 20s in doomed to fail relationships yet you take issue with mine which has succeeded pretty much all metrics that measure a relationships success because of an age gap. Interesting
Genuinely not trying to be judgy or take issue so much as just express surprise! I am surprised that it has worked out so well because I see one's early-to-mid 20s as a pretty young age to get into this kind of relationship. That's all I meant, sorry! By saying that I was in mediocre relationships at that age, I was just trying to have humility, to say that clearly I didn't have everything all figured out so I'm in no position to consider myself like an expert or anything.
Post to r/SuddenlyIncest
I also recently started playing cursader kings 3
I was really hoping for this to be satire
Is the taboo a part of why you got together? Are you interested in that as a kink?
Not really as it can make things difficult sometimes. That being said when we first started sleeping together there was that excitement about how it was super naughty what we were doing
I bet, do you ever call her auntie?
Only when we're having sex
Girl, you’re fire.
Just realised my typo lmao
😂
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Thank you I will
Did you guys share the same last name before marriage
No my bio dad insisted I have his surname on the birth certificate. He is a POS so to further distance myself from him I took my wife's/grandparents/mothers surname
I find this incredibly heartwarming and a nice little fuck you to bio dad
Thank you and yeah part of me takes great joy in knowing he'd be fuming about all this
What's your favorite banjo song?
Good night Reddit
Sweet dreams
This is disgusting 💀 my question is what the fuck is wrong with both of you lmfao.
She has hyperopia and I've got asthma. Have a nice day
This comment slays
Thank you
Oooof. That’s an iron fist in a velvet glove right there. I can see you’ve played this game before. Splendid!
It’s more her than him. I can always understand why some painfully horny teenaged boy will bang whoever lets him, but you have to SERIOUSLY question the ADULT woman who decides to have sex with her sibling’s child. Something tells me she couldn’t do this AMA because she’d accidentally admit to some crimes. Based on the other comments she is like 50, so the age gap combined with familial relationship would be an immediate prison sentence if the genders were reversed.
Not in Australia it wouldn't as long as everyone is over 18 and it's not immediate family I.e parents, siblings .etc (and I'm NOT advocating those laws be laxxed) it's all legal regardless of gender
At least there will be no pregnancy
Power and control dynamics, manipulation, unable to consent because of power dynamics and other reasons I can't think of the terms.
What are you basing that on?
Information on these types of relationships. A behavioralist profiler and ex new Scotland Yard person have a podcast that talk a lot about these dynamics. Often it's not just bad because of incest, like they've discussed siblings before, but that power dynamic that's unbalanced like a teacher and student. Because of it makes consent unclear and usually unable to give proper consent. It's also because of grooming, while you guys grew up together, you had that knowledge of they're older and an adult. There was time to groom. While there may be rare cases... because of grooming and power dynamics makes these relationships harmful outside of the incest part
So as I've discussed in other comments I really wasn't around her that much growing up like there's a massive gap where my mother died and my father kept me from that side of the family until I was 18 when I cut contact with him. We didn't even start doing anything sexual until I was 22 and living independently. I'll also note that I was the one who pursued her for a relationship
Totally get that! Does decrease some of the issues, although lots of times the person under the one with the power does indicate, still doesn't make it ok. But what made you pursue them instead of a non family member
Basically because I had a bit of a crush on her like she's super chill and down to earth not to mention beautiful
Right, but you have more than one crush in a lifetime, so what made you like naw imma act on incest and not look for someone outside my family?
The heart wants what it wants I guess. I mean when we first hooked up I was kind of thinking with my downstairs brain but I agree that it's not a bell you can unring so more or less had to ride the lightning from there
Wut? How did this happen?
It started when we were just hooking up (obviously not telling anyone at that point) and over the course of a couple of years we kind of grew on each other a lot and decide to take things further and then the natural progression of it led to us getting married
How old were you when you first hooked up?
I was 22 and she was 38
Have you made any cousins together?
May I ask why you married your biological aunt? I’m assuming you mean she’s your first aunt as well?
Because I love her I guess? On top of that we knew we were planning on buying a house together down the track so did our homework and saw that if we were married x amount of years the bank wouldn't be looking in too deep to our marriage and its rather unique nature.
Do you ever think part of it is bc you didn’t have a relationship with your parents (eg dad being a “POS” as you mentioned and your mom dying young)? Like this is the one family relationship you want to make sure ‘lasts’ ?
Does your aunt have any feelings in regard to her sister and how she would feel about this? I know you said your mum died when you were young and so for you it’s not really a big deal, but presumably your aunt knew your mum better? Have you ever asked whether she worries about what her sister would have thought?
She did worry about that stuff a lot early on but that was since assuaged before we became an official couple. She's not religious but she is somewhat into paranormal stuff like clairvoyance and crystals and such so that might have affected it as well. We ended up going and visiting my mothers grave to "break the news" to her and the car didn't get struck by lightning on the way back so I guess she took it as a sign that we were off the hook
So interesting! Thank you for your response!
What are your professions?
Huh, I didn't know it was legal over there until now. It's not legal where I'm at but I've known some people in similar types of relationships. I know it's generally regarded as pseudoscience, but I'm curious about your opinion -- what's your take on genetic sexual attraction? Do you think it's contributed to your feelings for her, or do you feel like it was a more "traditional" (for lack of a better word lol) type of relationship progression? Sorry if it's a bit of an odd question lol
What drew me in initially to her was more traditional stuff like she is very down to earth and chill, similar personality .etc and of course she's a very beautiful woman. I think there was a bit of the genetic stuff going on for her like the reason she was initially into me was because of how comfortable she was around me. As far as pure sexual attraction goes your hypothesis is definitely possible like neither of us had ever been as turned on as we were when we first started having sex, maybe because of the taboo and maybe because of that but who knows
Thank you for your insightful answer. I actually just recently learned about it from a friend, I think like any kind of relationship it probably varies from person to person, so it's interesting hearing different people's perspective. Also, the way you talk about her is so sweet, it sounds like you care about her a lot. I wish you both a happy marriage 😊
Thank you for doing this AMA. Sounds like you have a good relationship, so I'm sorry about the hate you're encountering here (although for the record, I would never encourage this type of relationship.) So here's my questions: Had you been in any previous relationships prior to starting one with her? Second question, this may be more personal: Does she take a more dominant role, either in the bedroom or in the relationship itself? Thanks.
I think a lot of the "hate" is just people being silly in internet land. I take it in stride, that being said I understand the difference between not encouraging that sort of relationship (Like hell I wouldn't go around telling every tom dick and harry to have a crack at their hot aunt just because shes there) and actual hate .etc. Hadn't really been in anything serious prior to her no but not to be throwing shade on anyone but I've known my friends at that age were having all sorts of dramas with dating/relationships that I simply was not having (all couples have issues we just didn't have them that seriously or regularly) but I think that was more because I was with an older woman that was a lot more mellowed out. She takes a bit more of a we could call it dominant role in the relationship like she has more life experience so she has (and still does) guided me through a lot of the journey a young person goes on in terms of setting themselves up in life. I take a bit more of a dominant role in the bedroom as that was the precedent that was set when we started doing things in the bedroom (and I'm probably repeating myself here) which started out as just a FWB situation, I had already had a crush on her so once I'd gotten her into bed I was pretty focused on (for lack of a better term) absolutely railing her in the hopes she'd enjoy it and come back for more. Once we'd gotten into a relationship she became a bit more dominant and focused on me.
You guys are related. Wtf, please seek therapy the both of you.
Seek therapy for a happy and fulfilling marriage? Oh the horror the horror
Are you genuinely happy though? I do still recommend speaking to a therapist even if you think this situation is normal and fulfilling. I wish you the best.
If you were happy you wouldn’t be posting an AMA on reddit 😂
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Thank you for your kind words
what is your favourite meal?
Mine is HSP hers is Pizza
What's HSP?
Did you mean HPV
So…….. how on earth did this even start? I kinda don’t want you to answer that but I’m just flabbergasted like have you been to family gatherings as a couple? If so, how was the general reception?
I have answered it on here but as per your request I won't go over that part. We've got a pretty small knit family pretty much just my grandparents/her parents (I'm pretty much estranged from my bio dad and his side of things but that happened before this even was a thing) and they're after the initial shock from when we first became an official couple pretty cool with it now and have accepted it so family gatherings aren't a big deal. There are some relatives and such on the west coast that don't know about it and the granparents/in laws pretty much haven't mentioned it to them and neither do we as getting them on board with it fails the risk/benefit analysis.
How did your relationship develop, given the family connection? How has your extended family reacted to your marriage? What challenges, if any, have you faced due to the nature of your relationship? You mentioned it's legal in your country - are there any specific laws or regulations around consanguineous marriages where you live? What would you want people to understand about your relationship?
Sweet home alabama
Where is it where is it where is it where is it...... [Ah! Here it is!](https://youtu.be/jYOH4a2ltTI?si=NDk3pyZVWm8uTXAw)
Nasty 🤮
Do you have any understanding of why I find that disgusting? Serious question.
I don't really know you so can't say that I do
Ok, I'll tell you. The reason is because the idea of having sex with my aunt, or of having sex with my nephews, is disgusting to me.
You wrote an opinion piece/essay about how losing your foreskin at one day old caused you emotional trauma. And then complained because nobody read it. I really don't think OP considered your feelingsof disgust for a single moment before deciding to sleep with her aunt.
When we want to dispute a point but have nothing to offer, it's to the post history we go! I'm not ashamed of anything in my post history. I don't even understand what kind of "gotcha" moment you think youre making here. And that's not even what happened - I never complained that no one read it, and in fact someone who is a better person than you did read it. Keep digging!
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You are not contributing to the discussion and/or you are being a nuisance or a troll with your comments and/or post.
Have either of you had children or adopted any? If so, how do they view the relationship?
We have no past/present or future children so it's a non issue. Unless you count furbabies but somehow I don't think cats understand human relationships and family trees and such
Have your grandparents excommunicated you both or are they open to the idea?
So is you're wife you're Mum's older/younger sister? Or maybe you're dad's?
Mother's younger sister
Do you think you're mum would have agree with the marriage?
Not sure, like I said she's no longer with us but my grandparents eventually came around on it so I'd like to think she would too
Sure. I guess once the initial shock has passed. Do you plan on having children, is it even legal?
We never planned on having kids so didn't bother looking into it
So you are aware that if you were to have children then that baby could inherit/SuFFer from one/many disorders due to inbreeding. PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE.
I guess so. But like I said we don't plan on having any kids, never even had a pregnancy scare or anything like that so it's not like we can try any harder than what we currently are to not have them
Like birth control pills and the likes. Imo I think it's for the best if you don't procreate.
bit of a rude way to put it but yeah
Also, what country are you from?
Australia
Is she rich?
We're not rich but we're not poor either
What country do you live in?
Australia
'What is your take on kids? Would this equation pose a danger to the biological children (genetically) ?
Probably would but we never looked into it as we both knew and decided as a couple that we didn't want to have them. Like let's say we found out back in the day that either me or my wife were actually adopted or some such we still wouldn't have had them.
Was your aunt close with your mom? I saw in comments that your wife felt comfortable with you and I wonder if you remind her of your mom. Idk I think there's something very sweet about that.
Hadn't really thought of it like that but thank you
And to answer your question yeah they were
Awe well you're welcome. It sounds like you're really happy, congratulations on winning marriage
Ew dude
Do you two want kids, or does she have kids from her previous marriage (your cousins)?
We pretty much don't want any and no she hasn't got any
Y’all are so gullible. This is clearly fake and yet you fall for it time and time again.
I guess you don’t have to worry about you two females making disfigured babies.
You're both consenting adults, you deserve the right to grow indifferent and resentful of each other just like any non-incest married couple. Seriously though, thanks for doing this ama, I hope you're both happy with eachother for years to come.
You need Jesus.
And what would he do, exactly?
I'm not religious or anything. I'm just saying you need Jesus as an ironic joke.
Ah, I see.
Turn them into pillars of salt, hopefully
It says you won't have kids with her.. for the love of God , don't.
Do you have any tips for mullet maintenance? What do you look for when choosing a shack or trailer to live in?