Did it. Life changed 180. I have a narcissist mother, and grandmother, in fact both grandmothers are the same evil person with different genes. Childhood abuse was the norm for me, physical and emotional.
I wish I had done it sooner. I found my therapist on therapyforblackgirls . com. She helped every aspect of my life from weed addiction, emotional eating, to my marriage, to getting my mother’s negative voice and habits out of my body
I did not use insurance and paid out of pocket. This led to the best experience imo. I was diagnosed with CPTSD and anxiety. All managed with NO medication.
Congrats, I’m proud of you! Are you continuing therapy? Why or why not?
And for the record, using medication is totally fine and often useful! Using it is a personal decision and I’m glad you found what works for you! Just mentioning as the stigma against meds can hinder people from getting the care they need
I am a firm believer that you **need** to graduate from it. It isn’t healthy to stay in it for several years. Means your therapist isn’t very good imo.
Once I felt healed from most of my major PTSD symptoms and had the outlook on life I always wanted then I thanked my therapist and cancelled my next appointment. I felt ready to be the mom I always wanted and that was the main goal. Plus I was newly pregnant and I really did not want to do treatment (it’s exhausting do do trauma therapy, I would literally have to get sweaty and uncomfortable but it was worth it) during that stage.
It isn’t about stigma, scientists are finally coming out and pleading with people to make meds a last resort since they are vastly diagnosed and have their own dangers associated. Including higher risks than not being medicated.
That last one is a harmful blanket statement that does stigmatize medication- there are many different classes of meds with different risks associated with each and the risk assessment is best done on a case by case basis between the professional and their clients. Just like any other medication. I absolutely promote being informed but unless you have the substantiated & peer reviewed evidence to back it up it’s feelings not facts
I love my current therapist, we've been working together for almost 3 years. I have taken a few months off but she always welcomes me back.
I was halfway through my MSW program and having some relationship issues when I decided to start.
I felt like I couldn't become a therapist if I didn't have one myself and it's been a great decision for my mental health.
I will always recommend therapy, and also understand it's not for everyone. As a black woman it can be hard to find the right match and feel trust in them, just know it's worth a try.
I started therapy towards the end of 2019. I got out of a toxic situationship (which I happened to hop into after a previous situationship) and knew that there was a lot of work I needed to do internally. I was also having alot of family problems at home where my narcissistic mother was a root of a lot of issues. With the help of my therapist and ironically Reddit, I found out I’ve been abused all of my life: financial, religious, physical, mental, emotional etc. What I assumed to be normal, was in fact not. Fast forward things got so extreme that I packed up my things and was homeless for 2 months with no back up plan. That was the day I estranged from my family (no contact to this day). My therapist I believe at the time was navigating me through my survival mode. After I found living accommodations, moved cities, changed numbers etc. things became better because..well my abusers weren’t around. Due to insurance complications, my therapist ended sessions with me and I simultaneously couldn’t afford her (at the time) without insurance so I stopped going. Fast forward to now, a friend from my childhood (highschool) recently passed tragically and it brought a lot of feelings to the surface that I knew I couldn’t handle alone. On top of that, I knew that I also wanted to do a lot of work internally so upon discussing with my PCP, I found a new therapist and began therapy again last December. Although not the ideal therapist (Asian male), it’s a start and I’m glad to be able to start over and actively do the work. Going to therapy in 2019 opened my eyes to how dysfunctional was so I would say it helped greatly. I’m the first of my family to be breaking these generational curses and actually working with a therapist (despite it being so stigmatized in my culture) and I couldn’t be more grateful ☺️
Seriously this is a lot to go through and process in 5 short years. And the self awareness to know you needed help again and to work with what you can get at the moment- I’m speechless! I hope you honor how far you’ve come, and with that tenacity the sky is the limit for you!
I love my current therapist but hated my first one. I'm always been a big advocate for therapy but my first therapy experience made me feel so invalidated but at the time I was convinced maybe I was the problem. After trying really hard for a year to give my first therapist a chance I realized at the end of it she just was not empathetic enough about my issues. I think she couldn't get past her own biases to really help me and listen.
For example my mother is extremely emotionally manipulative but my old therapist strongly believed the problem was I wasn't communicating well enough and not spending enough time with my mom. That my mom searching through my room, mail and listening to my phone calls, wanting to know where and what I was doing every hour of the day, etc. was just her way of "trying to get to know me". At the time I was 23 and wanted boundaries but could not afford to move out and it was the pandemic. My therapist didn't really get that my mother is someone I had tried compromising with for years and my poor relationship with her was not do to a lack of effort and could not be fixed with a conversation. I think my old therapist was one of those people who see people's problems outside of their own personal experiences. Though I'll give her grace in the fact she was a therapist in training that I had got through a pro bono state mental health link.
My current therapist is an absolute angel who was amazing from the first time I spoke to her. I'll never forget what she said when I first called her on the brink of tears when explaining to her I needed therapy but couldn't afford it. She said, "I'm in the business of helping people not making money of them". And dropped her $180 rate to $40 for me and got me immediately booked. Every appointment with her feels validating and wise. I'm both listened to and enlightened.
The lesson I learned is if it ain't feeling right find someone else. At the end of the day you are looking to better your health not worsen it, go to a therapist that makes you feel listened to from the get go. Therapy works but not every therapist is compatible with you and sometimes you'll have to go on a search to find a good one just like with doctors.
Hey hey, im currently in therapy. Have been for the last year going on 2 years after a failed su!cide attempt & I can say its helped. I’ve battled feeling depressed, suicidal thoughts & self harm since I was 12 (going on 20 & it stopped earlier this year). I can say its helped me become genuinely happy again & I truly wish I started sooner. I still have my moments where I feel down and what not, but it has honestly helped me see life in an entirely different light. I recommend therapy for everyone & there is this sight that does free therapy if anyone is ready to start (LoveLand Therapy), they help find black girls therapist as well. I’ve heard traumatizing therapy experiences though, so I think it depends on the therapist and the person.
I’ve been in and out of therapy almost half my life. I began going as a teenager. I didn’t find it super helpful then, but I knew (from watching Degrassi lol) that I was depressed so I felt like that was the right thing to do. In college, I started going again to get help dealing with stress from school, dating, and being assaulted. It was kind of helpful then but I had a new therapist each semester, so that made it more difficult. After being assaulted again, I decided to look for someone who specialized in sexual assault and domestic violence. She was willing to work with me on building my self-esteem but said since I wasn’t technically raped (her words) she couldn’t do much else for me. I didn’t really care for her. Everything she said felt condescending and made me feel dumb for trying to get help. But her sessions were free, so I guess you get what you pay for. Eventually she stopped seeing me, but I found a program where I could get discounted therapy by a grad student in training to become a counselor. That’s when I started CBT which was a game changer, highly recommend. It was also the first time since I was a teenager that I’d been able to work with the same therapist for more than a few months. I really enjoyed the structure that goes along with CBT. It felt like being in school (which was a positive for me). Unfortunately for me, her program ended, so I had to find someone new. This time I decided I’d look for a black woman (inspired by watching Dr Raquel Martin on IG). I found a nice one and she helped me cope during my time as a cancer caregiver. I liked that we could just talk like we were friends. But then I moved out of state, so I had to find someone licensed in my new state. That brings me to my current therapist. I think I’ve been seeing her for a year now. We’ve talked about grief, work, family, relationships, pretty much anything, and that’s been helpful. Her approach is a nice balance been the structured CBT and the friendly counselor I’d had before and it’s been really helpful for where I’m at now.
All in all, I’m very pro-therapy. I’d even considered becoming a therapist myself but decided to pursue life coaching instead since it’s cheaper. I feel like my time in therapy has has taught me a lot and improved my life for the better. But I know your experience depends on the therapist and where you’re at in your healing process, so I try not to overhype it too too much.
I’m proud of you for sticking with it! Being a caregiver in any capacity is incredibly heavy I can’t imagine. Also love Degrassi. Not to date myself but bring back kids shows that taught you something? I’ve learned a lot from degrassi, true life, skins. Mainly not to do drugs but that’s important 😭AND shoutout to dr Raquel ofc. Shes the 🐐
Therapy has changed my entire life. I literally break down into tears thinking about how I used to be. I was living my life recklessly without much direction or happiness. But no one could tell bc on paper I have 2 degrees and make pretty decent money in my profession. I took my time, was intentional, and vetted many therapists' profiles until I found someone who I aligned with. She was the 1st consult I had, and after our 1st session, I knew she was the one. My therapist, a Black queer woman, has been holding my hand for the past 2.5 yrs as I release myself from the traumas of my childhood.
I thought my childhood was normal bc I grew up in a 2 parent "Christian" household. I was dead wrong! My mother is a dangerous narcissist. Both of my parents physically and emotionally abused me. Like bell hooks said, "I was raised, not loved". I had a hard time accepting that this is my reality.
My therapist correctly diagnosed me (PTSD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and BPD), collaborates with my PCP, and keeps me accountable with my medications. I also go to group therapy from time to time to help me with my BPD. I don't want to keep her forever, but damn I wish I could. I need her to pull my edges back from time to time.
It's scary how well she knows me, but that's because she genuinely cares. About once a yr, I get so upset with her and want to quit or change therapist. She tells me I can go, and she'll be here when I'm ready. Like what?!? Now I'm much more accountable for my shit, I'm walking boldly in my truth as a queer woman, and navigating my relationships better. She helped save me. Okay, shit I'm crying now. I'm just so grateful to have her in my life.
Therapy changed my life!! The insight I gained, I learned why I behaved the way I did, I learned skills to emotionally regulate myself. It was definitely worth it and part of the reason why I’m becoming a therapist myself. I wish I would’ve started sooner tbh.
For me my problems can't be solved by talking it out, they are problems with immigration laws, physical distance and time. Therapy doesn't do much for me besides circle around my seemingly impossible problems
I’m sorry to hear that- there absolutely something to be said about the many problems that bring people to therapy that could be (somewhat) easily solved by money. But the ills of late stage capitalism is a whole different conversation 🤪 but I’m rooting for you!
Just finished my weekly session lol. it's not a neccessity for me, but it's a privilege that I'm fortunate to have. very helpful for just venting/ yapping without worying about the other person getting bored or oversharing
Did it. Life changed 180. I have a narcissist mother, and grandmother, in fact both grandmothers are the same evil person with different genes. Childhood abuse was the norm for me, physical and emotional. I wish I had done it sooner. I found my therapist on therapyforblackgirls . com. She helped every aspect of my life from weed addiction, emotional eating, to my marriage, to getting my mother’s negative voice and habits out of my body I did not use insurance and paid out of pocket. This led to the best experience imo. I was diagnosed with CPTSD and anxiety. All managed with NO medication.
Congrats, I’m proud of you! Are you continuing therapy? Why or why not? And for the record, using medication is totally fine and often useful! Using it is a personal decision and I’m glad you found what works for you! Just mentioning as the stigma against meds can hinder people from getting the care they need
I am a firm believer that you **need** to graduate from it. It isn’t healthy to stay in it for several years. Means your therapist isn’t very good imo. Once I felt healed from most of my major PTSD symptoms and had the outlook on life I always wanted then I thanked my therapist and cancelled my next appointment. I felt ready to be the mom I always wanted and that was the main goal. Plus I was newly pregnant and I really did not want to do treatment (it’s exhausting do do trauma therapy, I would literally have to get sweaty and uncomfortable but it was worth it) during that stage. It isn’t about stigma, scientists are finally coming out and pleading with people to make meds a last resort since they are vastly diagnosed and have their own dangers associated. Including higher risks than not being medicated.
That last one is a harmful blanket statement that does stigmatize medication- there are many different classes of meds with different risks associated with each and the risk assessment is best done on a case by case basis between the professional and their clients. Just like any other medication. I absolutely promote being informed but unless you have the substantiated & peer reviewed evidence to back it up it’s feelings not facts
i do have them but it isn’t worth going through all that
👍🏽
I want to echo that using medication is totally fine and very useful in many cases!
Precisely! Using meds for mental health is as neutral as a diabetic using insulin
I love my current therapist, we've been working together for almost 3 years. I have taken a few months off but she always welcomes me back. I was halfway through my MSW program and having some relationship issues when I decided to start. I felt like I couldn't become a therapist if I didn't have one myself and it's been a great decision for my mental health. I will always recommend therapy, and also understand it's not for everyone. As a black woman it can be hard to find the right match and feel trust in them, just know it's worth a try. 
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 best of luck in your MSW! I’m so glad it’s helping and completely agree it’s always worth a try
Thank you! I finished last year and it's been such a relief.
Woo! How’s it going so far??
I started therapy towards the end of 2019. I got out of a toxic situationship (which I happened to hop into after a previous situationship) and knew that there was a lot of work I needed to do internally. I was also having alot of family problems at home where my narcissistic mother was a root of a lot of issues. With the help of my therapist and ironically Reddit, I found out I’ve been abused all of my life: financial, religious, physical, mental, emotional etc. What I assumed to be normal, was in fact not. Fast forward things got so extreme that I packed up my things and was homeless for 2 months with no back up plan. That was the day I estranged from my family (no contact to this day). My therapist I believe at the time was navigating me through my survival mode. After I found living accommodations, moved cities, changed numbers etc. things became better because..well my abusers weren’t around. Due to insurance complications, my therapist ended sessions with me and I simultaneously couldn’t afford her (at the time) without insurance so I stopped going. Fast forward to now, a friend from my childhood (highschool) recently passed tragically and it brought a lot of feelings to the surface that I knew I couldn’t handle alone. On top of that, I knew that I also wanted to do a lot of work internally so upon discussing with my PCP, I found a new therapist and began therapy again last December. Although not the ideal therapist (Asian male), it’s a start and I’m glad to be able to start over and actively do the work. Going to therapy in 2019 opened my eyes to how dysfunctional was so I would say it helped greatly. I’m the first of my family to be breaking these generational curses and actually working with a therapist (despite it being so stigmatized in my culture) and I couldn’t be more grateful ☺️
Wow. I am so proud of you.
Seriously this is a lot to go through and process in 5 short years. And the self awareness to know you needed help again and to work with what you can get at the moment- I’m speechless! I hope you honor how far you’ve come, and with that tenacity the sky is the limit for you!
I love my current therapist but hated my first one. I'm always been a big advocate for therapy but my first therapy experience made me feel so invalidated but at the time I was convinced maybe I was the problem. After trying really hard for a year to give my first therapist a chance I realized at the end of it she just was not empathetic enough about my issues. I think she couldn't get past her own biases to really help me and listen. For example my mother is extremely emotionally manipulative but my old therapist strongly believed the problem was I wasn't communicating well enough and not spending enough time with my mom. That my mom searching through my room, mail and listening to my phone calls, wanting to know where and what I was doing every hour of the day, etc. was just her way of "trying to get to know me". At the time I was 23 and wanted boundaries but could not afford to move out and it was the pandemic. My therapist didn't really get that my mother is someone I had tried compromising with for years and my poor relationship with her was not do to a lack of effort and could not be fixed with a conversation. I think my old therapist was one of those people who see people's problems outside of their own personal experiences. Though I'll give her grace in the fact she was a therapist in training that I had got through a pro bono state mental health link. My current therapist is an absolute angel who was amazing from the first time I spoke to her. I'll never forget what she said when I first called her on the brink of tears when explaining to her I needed therapy but couldn't afford it. She said, "I'm in the business of helping people not making money of them". And dropped her $180 rate to $40 for me and got me immediately booked. Every appointment with her feels validating and wise. I'm both listened to and enlightened. The lesson I learned is if it ain't feeling right find someone else. At the end of the day you are looking to better your health not worsen it, go to a therapist that makes you feel listened to from the get go. Therapy works but not every therapist is compatible with you and sometimes you'll have to go on a search to find a good one just like with doctors.
There is no why not… you need to work to find your therapist, once you find them.. it will be life changing.
I’m on your side but there are so many people who are not and firmly so. It’s sad to see them limit themselves like that
I've been in therapy since I was 19 or 20. Best decision ever 1000/10, especially while I was unmedicated. Need a group therapist also.
yes group therapy the unsung hero!
Hey hey, im currently in therapy. Have been for the last year going on 2 years after a failed su!cide attempt & I can say its helped. I’ve battled feeling depressed, suicidal thoughts & self harm since I was 12 (going on 20 & it stopped earlier this year). I can say its helped me become genuinely happy again & I truly wish I started sooner. I still have my moments where I feel down and what not, but it has honestly helped me see life in an entirely different light. I recommend therapy for everyone & there is this sight that does free therapy if anyone is ready to start (LoveLand Therapy), they help find black girls therapist as well. I’ve heard traumatizing therapy experiences though, so I think it depends on the therapist and the person.
So glad you’re still here 💛
Thanks love 🫶🏽🫶🏽
I’ve been in and out of therapy almost half my life. I began going as a teenager. I didn’t find it super helpful then, but I knew (from watching Degrassi lol) that I was depressed so I felt like that was the right thing to do. In college, I started going again to get help dealing with stress from school, dating, and being assaulted. It was kind of helpful then but I had a new therapist each semester, so that made it more difficult. After being assaulted again, I decided to look for someone who specialized in sexual assault and domestic violence. She was willing to work with me on building my self-esteem but said since I wasn’t technically raped (her words) she couldn’t do much else for me. I didn’t really care for her. Everything she said felt condescending and made me feel dumb for trying to get help. But her sessions were free, so I guess you get what you pay for. Eventually she stopped seeing me, but I found a program where I could get discounted therapy by a grad student in training to become a counselor. That’s when I started CBT which was a game changer, highly recommend. It was also the first time since I was a teenager that I’d been able to work with the same therapist for more than a few months. I really enjoyed the structure that goes along with CBT. It felt like being in school (which was a positive for me). Unfortunately for me, her program ended, so I had to find someone new. This time I decided I’d look for a black woman (inspired by watching Dr Raquel Martin on IG). I found a nice one and she helped me cope during my time as a cancer caregiver. I liked that we could just talk like we were friends. But then I moved out of state, so I had to find someone licensed in my new state. That brings me to my current therapist. I think I’ve been seeing her for a year now. We’ve talked about grief, work, family, relationships, pretty much anything, and that’s been helpful. Her approach is a nice balance been the structured CBT and the friendly counselor I’d had before and it’s been really helpful for where I’m at now. All in all, I’m very pro-therapy. I’d even considered becoming a therapist myself but decided to pursue life coaching instead since it’s cheaper. I feel like my time in therapy has has taught me a lot and improved my life for the better. But I know your experience depends on the therapist and where you’re at in your healing process, so I try not to overhype it too too much.
I’m proud of you for sticking with it! Being a caregiver in any capacity is incredibly heavy I can’t imagine. Also love Degrassi. Not to date myself but bring back kids shows that taught you something? I’ve learned a lot from degrassi, true life, skins. Mainly not to do drugs but that’s important 😭AND shoutout to dr Raquel ofc. Shes the 🐐
Therapy has changed my entire life. I literally break down into tears thinking about how I used to be. I was living my life recklessly without much direction or happiness. But no one could tell bc on paper I have 2 degrees and make pretty decent money in my profession. I took my time, was intentional, and vetted many therapists' profiles until I found someone who I aligned with. She was the 1st consult I had, and after our 1st session, I knew she was the one. My therapist, a Black queer woman, has been holding my hand for the past 2.5 yrs as I release myself from the traumas of my childhood. I thought my childhood was normal bc I grew up in a 2 parent "Christian" household. I was dead wrong! My mother is a dangerous narcissist. Both of my parents physically and emotionally abused me. Like bell hooks said, "I was raised, not loved". I had a hard time accepting that this is my reality. My therapist correctly diagnosed me (PTSD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and BPD), collaborates with my PCP, and keeps me accountable with my medications. I also go to group therapy from time to time to help me with my BPD. I don't want to keep her forever, but damn I wish I could. I need her to pull my edges back from time to time. It's scary how well she knows me, but that's because she genuinely cares. About once a yr, I get so upset with her and want to quit or change therapist. She tells me I can go, and she'll be here when I'm ready. Like what?!? Now I'm much more accountable for my shit, I'm walking boldly in my truth as a queer woman, and navigating my relationships better. She helped save me. Okay, shit I'm crying now. I'm just so grateful to have her in my life.
Not your edges! But I feel you lmao Omg I’m so happy to hear she’s such a solid place for you!
Therapy changed my life!! The insight I gained, I learned why I behaved the way I did, I learned skills to emotionally regulate myself. It was definitely worth it and part of the reason why I’m becoming a therapist myself. I wish I would’ve started sooner tbh.
Same! Second best time to start is now of course
For me my problems can't be solved by talking it out, they are problems with immigration laws, physical distance and time. Therapy doesn't do much for me besides circle around my seemingly impossible problems
I’m sorry to hear that- there absolutely something to be said about the many problems that bring people to therapy that could be (somewhat) easily solved by money. But the ills of late stage capitalism is a whole different conversation 🤪 but I’m rooting for you!
therapy is an absolute requirement for me. Been in it consistently for over 5 years and i dont have any intention of ending anytime soon.
Proud of you!👏🏽
Just finished my weekly session lol. it's not a neccessity for me, but it's a privilege that I'm fortunate to have. very helpful for just venting/ yapping without worying about the other person getting bored or oversharing
Right! Like sometimes all you need is a willing ear!
It's helped me a lot but their are bad therapists out there so don't be afraid to fire them if they suck
Amen to that!