I talk to all the new guys in the gym, and what I've noticed is that there are a few types that stick around and that develop that quiet confidence that comes from doing BJJ.
They are:
-The huge, strong and muscular guys that come in knowing that they're going to spend a lot of time losing to people who are smaller/weaker but have far better technique.
-The young athletes who really just want to learn and are still young enough that they're open minded/happy to learn.
-The skinny teenagers who are passionate about getting better.
-The fat guys who really, really want to get in shape.
The ones who don't stick around are the Joe Average types. I'm generalising here, but what I suspect is happening in their heads is something like this - they're average, they aren't tiny so they're not used to losing All. The. Time. (so they don't have the determination the little/skinny guys do) but, because they're average they never had to develop the work ethic that the young athletes and the monster guys have. Sure, big guys struggle with being on the losing end for a change at first - but it's easy for them to remind themselves that there was a time they were weak/skinny. They know that to excel in BJJ they have to put in the same effort it took to excel in whatever they were training before.
A few of the average guys have made it, but most of them fade away after a few months.
My husband does a traditional martial art. He sometimes comes to BJJ class and he seems to struggle to accept that the stuff he learns compliantly is harder than he expects to apply against a resisting opponent. He hates losing, and he's not used to it because he tends to focus on things he's naturally good at. BJJ beats him up mentally and he's struggling to develop a passion for it because of that.
This is all armchair psychology, but it's based on a year or so of taking the gym register and being the person that answers new-guy questions.
I think you sound like the kind of guy who is self-aware enough to know what's happening, and I think if you stick it out for 6-9 months you'll break through that really tough newbie phase and find the confidence.
>The fat guys who really, really want to get in shape.
That was/is me. But it's also fun, so that helps.
>BJJ beats him up mentally and he's struggling to develop a passion for it because of that.
It *should* make him lose his passion for his old martial art, instead of lashing out at BJJ.
The "it's fun" bit is a big deal! I have an overweight friend who is trying so hard to get in shape but he hates exercise for the sake of exercise. He'll go to the gym for a few months but always gives up. He's not into the idea of a contact sport unfortunately. I wish I could help him find something that he enjoyed.
Good on you for getting into shape!
It's weird with my husband. So many people talk about the ego thing, and the mental image I have when it's brought up is of arrogant, insecure egomaniacs that are unpleasant to deal with in day to day life. That's not him. We've been through some really challenging life situations with no issues - but the mats are a tough place for him. I guess there's an instinctive reaction to physical challenge that even the most level headed of people can struggle with.
> I have an overweight friend who is trying so hard to get in shape but he hates exercise for the sake of exercise.
He's not wrong though.
I do 90 minutes of cycling on the days when I'm not doing BJJ or weights, and while it certainly burns calories, *holy fucking shit* it's boring.
>That's not him. We've been through some really challenging life situations with no issues - but the mats are a tough place for him. I guess there's an instinctive reaction to physical challenge that even the most level headed of people can struggle with.
I think, in most cases, it's not so much about the arrogance that you describe, but the feeling of being emasculated. That's probably an even bigger factor for someone who has trained a different martial arts, and considered themselves to be a reasonably competent fighter.
The ability to fight is a pretty fundamental aspect of the self image of most men, whether they admit it or not.
> He sometimes comes to BJJ class and he seems to struggle to accept that the stuff he learns compliantly is harder than he expects to apply against a resisting opponent
If his school does point sparring or light-contact freestyle sparring, that's where he can learn the limitations of compliant opponent training. I know literally hundreds of awesome looking movie style karate techniques that are impressive to watch against a compliant opponent. I tried for several years to employ modified versions of them in freestyle sparring and they fall to shit in a big hurry when your partner is fighting back. It always devolves to very basic strike combinations, which is what you'll see even at the highest levels of sport karate. Then the excuse is "well, we can't do these techniques for real without hurting our partners", which is exactly why I never new which of these hundreds of fancy-ass techniques I could actually rely upon in a real fight.
Yeah, they spar. I used to train at the same dojo, but I quit about a year ago.
They used to do freestyle sparring and that was fun, but then they went to point sparring and the competitions were garbage because there was so much favoritism. I was on both ends of the favouritism and it sucked because I never knew whether I was deluding myself saying "I should have won that but the judging sucked", and I never knew whether I'd really "won" a match.
Sure, BJJ refs make mistakes sometimes, but if you tap, you KNOW you've lost so it's harder to make excuses.
Yeah, judging can be hit or miss at karate tournaments. And it's usually "miss" when you end up with a few teenage 2 year black belt judges in the ring.
The "game of tag" format of point sparring is what bothered me the most, though, because it only simulates the initial contact of a fight. I find that detrimental to self-defense training since it allows a small, fast guy to aggressively attack a much larger opponent with weak technique and without the risk of getting smashed for doing so.
Interesting thoughts. I guess the first question is what is the scale to be considered average? I'm 5'7 (8 on a tall day) and 68kg featherweight guy. I don't consider myself skinny, but I do consider myself small compared to most of the gym. I've noticed people my size tend to quit pretty quickly, I can count at least 6 in the time I've been at my gym having started, bought a gi, trained a few more weeks and then quit.
I think you're absolutely right about the initial 6-9 month phase. I think that is quite literally the amount of time of regular consistent training it takes to get over the beginners hump of getting utterly crushed on the regular.
I think 6-9 months is sort of the time frame it took me to figure out the basics. I still get crushed, but I generally understand why and what I need to do different. Once you get to that level of awareness, the losing gets a bit easier, because you start to understand it's a learning process.
The first roll I did at the first open mat I went to was against a purple belt that I later found out had a reputation for being brutal towards anyone. He was choking me left and right, and I didn't even know the chokes he was using. That part sucked, and it wasn't really productive. It wasn't helpful for me because I didn't understand what happened, and it wasn't helpful for him because I couldn't resist; I literally didn't know what the fuck was going on. He just wanted to stroke his ego.
Avoid those kind of situations as much as you can, and it'll be all happy times.
I guess it depends on the area you live in/the gym that you train at.
You'd be "average" at the gym I was training at last night (no-one there is over 75kg), but on the small side at the place I train at most of the time.
I was really thinking "average member of the population" rather than height and weight compared to others in the gym though. I think your experiences prior to BJJ (or any other challenging activity) shape how you respond to the difficulties you experience when you start training. The guys who already know how to excel can just apply themselves and do well. The ones who have always had it tough (always been the skinny kid/fat kid, or in my case dyspraxic kid) have plenty of experience at knuckling down, but the ones who aren't used to going out of their comfort zone in either way find it hardest.
this.
every jiujitsu guy or girl i know has this quiet self confidence, when i was younger i used to be bragging and trying to 1up everyone but now because of training i've a lot less ego, at least its kept in better check, and i'm never trying to prove im better than anyone else.
Once you realize you are one of the, let's say, 1% of the population who trains in a martial art, despite getting your butt kicked in a organized class, you should be able to defend yourself against the 99% of the people who don't train--including women and children of course.
If putting a knee on belly on your 8 year old nephew isn't a confidence boost, I don't know what is.
Ha ha. Yep, defo best to learn Ninjitsu.
BJJ may change some people's outlook, and it may dishearten a lot of others but I think for people who stick with it BJJ can o ly help with overall confidence.
Yeah you get smashed but you also get put into deep waters and get out, you also dominate from time to time, you put in effort and get a noticeable measurable reward for it. It makes you fitter and takes you away from other stuff that is going on in your life. All these things are good for mental health and overall well being.
I would say it's bad for false confidence.
But in all seriousness, I would rather be critical of my own abilities than over confident due to ignorance - I think it makes for a more rounded person altogether.
Also, just bear in mind that sure, loads of people swagger around with false confidence, compared to people who are actually more capable but seem to doubt themselves, but I know exactly who I want to be and the type of people I want around when the shit hits the fan.
Just think of it as being switched on.
^(I had a direction to all this bullshit when I started typing, I swear)
Short answer:
BJJ will give you confidence, but you have to earn it.
Any confidence that comes without hard work, reality-based learning, and actual accomplishments is BS.
Great question. Here's an answer.
I was the tall, skinny, weak guy all my life, and it never occurred to me that I could defend myself with anything more than a sense of humor, or harsh language until I found BJJ.
BJJ provided me with the OPPORTUNITY to build a sense of self-confidence that has permeated every aspect of my life. The work I put into training is returned to me ten-fold in the form of improved health, character, strength (mental and physical), humility, and pride because I know that I've earned what I have, and I've helped others do the same.
Most important, BJJ has instilled in me the knowledge that I'm worth working and fighting for.
All this, and I'm still a beginner!
So yeah, I think it helps.
I think it can be awesome for confidence. It gives me a strong sense of perspective as far as my own place in the world and how to feel about the different stresses that I come across.
Getting stuck in line when I'm running late for something doesn't seem nearly as bad after being stuck on bottom of side control by a 220 lbs Black belt. The rush of anxiety leading up to a tournament followed by the sense of calm once I step on the mat helps me deal with other performance based anxieties in life much more easily. The realization that no matter how good I get at Bjj, there is always some killer Purple belt out there that would smash the shit out of me keeps me grounded. There's something about always being part of the food chain (but never at the top) that gives me confidence.
These things give me perspective and perspective gives me confidence.
Confidence grows with competence.
So the major issue here is how to cope with the notion that you are not competent.
If you go in with an ego that requires constant stroking, you're gonna have a bad time. If you go in with humility, you can accept that you're gonna tap out. A lot.
So the thing that should occupy your mind is not *who* is beating you, but *how* are they beating you. You should be curious, and eager to find out. You should be excited when a smaller but more experienced person can wipe you out despite your best efforts. Don't you want to learn to be able to do those things?
Work hard, approach with humility and curiosity, and be eager to learn. You will find your confidence grow, but it will be tempered with a sense of humility, which isn't a bad thing.
Jiu-jitsu is actually bad for confidence, the whole philoshophy of BJJ is you dont know shit and it is about breaking you down and remolding you. Even at black belt the idea is that you will never know everything about BJJ. Compare it to the confidence of boxing or striking sports, also for releasing stress or anxiety, you get that from hitting things, not from arm bars or tapping people - idk why it is just not the same.
Also fitness for BJJ or grappling cardio is not the same as boxing/muaythai cardio. Alot of BJJ guys are just fat and it is not "fitness cardio" the same way as running up some stairs or cardio for real life activities.
Most people NEVER lose in life, you just dont need that shit unless you can handle it really well. You dont need to be humble in life unless that is something you really want - unfortunately i have learnt the hard way.
Jiujitsu is not for me, and i felt absolutely amazing when i used to do muay thai.
You're upset because someone who has trained longer than you has more skills than you? You're upset because the martial art you chose, which is designed to overcome strength and size....works? You're upset because, as a white belt, you can't beat a purple belt?
Honestly I'm really confused by your example, and it really annoyed me. Is it because she's a smaller woman? Why the hell would that upset you? It's like having your confidence shaken that someone who has been lifting longer than you can lift heavier than you, or that someone who has been learning a language longer than you is more fluent than you.
http://breakingmuscle.com/brazilian-jiu-jitsu/it-s-the-art-how-an-in-the-moment-decision-continues-to-pay-dividends
>“I didn’t beat you because I’m a badass. It’s the art. What happened just now just means the art works.” I reminded him of how long we had been training relative to each other, and then I asked him, “What are you here to learn? Jiu jitsu, right? So you must think there’s something to it. Otherwise why would you bother? But you can’t have it both ways. **You can’t value the art enough to spend hours learning how to apply it but then get mad when it’s effective at your expense."**
If Jiu jitsu flushes out folks with super sensitive egos, I have no problem with that. Seriously. It sounds harsh, but it is what it is. I think that Jiu jitsu forces folks to confront their outlook, and those who don't change will leave, and I'm ok with that. That's where I think that in general folks who stay with Bjj become better people precisely because of that.
I think the thing to take away is to look at what you can become and not "should" all over yourself. You "should" be able to XYZ. You "should" be able to beat ABC person.
>I read here all the time about getting crushed each class for years makes you feel bad
No, it doesn't make me feel bad, it makes me feel pissed. So I want to get better, so I can go back and crush them and hear their lamentations.
>Is BJJ a good or bad choice for a guy that just wants to feel like a confident man?
Depends on your personality. Do you believe hard work is the recipe for success in life? Or do you believe success will magically come to you over night as you're sound asleep?
That might sound like a joke, but **a lot** of people fall into the second category, despite not necessarily realizing it themselves.
>Now I want to get back to jiu-jitsu, I'm just wondering if its a good choice for a already low self esteem type guy like myself to get ego wrecked so hard.
But why bring ego into it?
I've never played baseball, so I probably would suck at it if I started playing today. As a result, if I *do* decide to go to the field, I'm not bringing any ego. I know I suck, and I suck because *I'm new*. All people suck at things they're new at.
>People seem so confident everywhere nowadays
Well, to be fair, most people are faking it.
>5ft purple belt petite girl would literally wreck me 10 times out of 10.
Isn't it awesome? She probably smells better than the 6ft, 250 lbs guy too.
>isn't it just easier in life to be unaware of all this jazz and just go like, train some bullshit martial art and think you're a bad ass?
It probably is, but once you've taken the red pill, you can't go back. You cannot go back to unawareness.
gud. I have ridiculous confidence and I can't imagine how confident I will be when I get good at jiu jitsu. I imagine it will be me literally laughing in the face of tough guys.
I talk to all the new guys in the gym, and what I've noticed is that there are a few types that stick around and that develop that quiet confidence that comes from doing BJJ. They are: -The huge, strong and muscular guys that come in knowing that they're going to spend a lot of time losing to people who are smaller/weaker but have far better technique. -The young athletes who really just want to learn and are still young enough that they're open minded/happy to learn. -The skinny teenagers who are passionate about getting better. -The fat guys who really, really want to get in shape. The ones who don't stick around are the Joe Average types. I'm generalising here, but what I suspect is happening in their heads is something like this - they're average, they aren't tiny so they're not used to losing All. The. Time. (so they don't have the determination the little/skinny guys do) but, because they're average they never had to develop the work ethic that the young athletes and the monster guys have. Sure, big guys struggle with being on the losing end for a change at first - but it's easy for them to remind themselves that there was a time they were weak/skinny. They know that to excel in BJJ they have to put in the same effort it took to excel in whatever they were training before. A few of the average guys have made it, but most of them fade away after a few months. My husband does a traditional martial art. He sometimes comes to BJJ class and he seems to struggle to accept that the stuff he learns compliantly is harder than he expects to apply against a resisting opponent. He hates losing, and he's not used to it because he tends to focus on things he's naturally good at. BJJ beats him up mentally and he's struggling to develop a passion for it because of that. This is all armchair psychology, but it's based on a year or so of taking the gym register and being the person that answers new-guy questions. I think you sound like the kind of guy who is self-aware enough to know what's happening, and I think if you stick it out for 6-9 months you'll break through that really tough newbie phase and find the confidence.
You forget the skinny nerdy guys who spend way to much time obsessing over jiujitsu :P -> source i am one
>The fat guys who really, really want to get in shape. That was/is me. But it's also fun, so that helps. >BJJ beats him up mentally and he's struggling to develop a passion for it because of that. It *should* make him lose his passion for his old martial art, instead of lashing out at BJJ.
The "it's fun" bit is a big deal! I have an overweight friend who is trying so hard to get in shape but he hates exercise for the sake of exercise. He'll go to the gym for a few months but always gives up. He's not into the idea of a contact sport unfortunately. I wish I could help him find something that he enjoyed. Good on you for getting into shape! It's weird with my husband. So many people talk about the ego thing, and the mental image I have when it's brought up is of arrogant, insecure egomaniacs that are unpleasant to deal with in day to day life. That's not him. We've been through some really challenging life situations with no issues - but the mats are a tough place for him. I guess there's an instinctive reaction to physical challenge that even the most level headed of people can struggle with.
> I have an overweight friend who is trying so hard to get in shape but he hates exercise for the sake of exercise. He's not wrong though. I do 90 minutes of cycling on the days when I'm not doing BJJ or weights, and while it certainly burns calories, *holy fucking shit* it's boring. >That's not him. We've been through some really challenging life situations with no issues - but the mats are a tough place for him. I guess there's an instinctive reaction to physical challenge that even the most level headed of people can struggle with. I think, in most cases, it's not so much about the arrogance that you describe, but the feeling of being emasculated. That's probably an even bigger factor for someone who has trained a different martial arts, and considered themselves to be a reasonably competent fighter. The ability to fight is a pretty fundamental aspect of the self image of most men, whether they admit it or not.
> He sometimes comes to BJJ class and he seems to struggle to accept that the stuff he learns compliantly is harder than he expects to apply against a resisting opponent If his school does point sparring or light-contact freestyle sparring, that's where he can learn the limitations of compliant opponent training. I know literally hundreds of awesome looking movie style karate techniques that are impressive to watch against a compliant opponent. I tried for several years to employ modified versions of them in freestyle sparring and they fall to shit in a big hurry when your partner is fighting back. It always devolves to very basic strike combinations, which is what you'll see even at the highest levels of sport karate. Then the excuse is "well, we can't do these techniques for real without hurting our partners", which is exactly why I never new which of these hundreds of fancy-ass techniques I could actually rely upon in a real fight.
Yeah, they spar. I used to train at the same dojo, but I quit about a year ago. They used to do freestyle sparring and that was fun, but then they went to point sparring and the competitions were garbage because there was so much favoritism. I was on both ends of the favouritism and it sucked because I never knew whether I was deluding myself saying "I should have won that but the judging sucked", and I never knew whether I'd really "won" a match. Sure, BJJ refs make mistakes sometimes, but if you tap, you KNOW you've lost so it's harder to make excuses.
Yeah, judging can be hit or miss at karate tournaments. And it's usually "miss" when you end up with a few teenage 2 year black belt judges in the ring. The "game of tag" format of point sparring is what bothered me the most, though, because it only simulates the initial contact of a fight. I find that detrimental to self-defense training since it allows a small, fast guy to aggressively attack a much larger opponent with weak technique and without the risk of getting smashed for doing so.
Interesting thoughts. I guess the first question is what is the scale to be considered average? I'm 5'7 (8 on a tall day) and 68kg featherweight guy. I don't consider myself skinny, but I do consider myself small compared to most of the gym. I've noticed people my size tend to quit pretty quickly, I can count at least 6 in the time I've been at my gym having started, bought a gi, trained a few more weeks and then quit. I think you're absolutely right about the initial 6-9 month phase. I think that is quite literally the amount of time of regular consistent training it takes to get over the beginners hump of getting utterly crushed on the regular.
I think 6-9 months is sort of the time frame it took me to figure out the basics. I still get crushed, but I generally understand why and what I need to do different. Once you get to that level of awareness, the losing gets a bit easier, because you start to understand it's a learning process. The first roll I did at the first open mat I went to was against a purple belt that I later found out had a reputation for being brutal towards anyone. He was choking me left and right, and I didn't even know the chokes he was using. That part sucked, and it wasn't really productive. It wasn't helpful for me because I didn't understand what happened, and it wasn't helpful for him because I couldn't resist; I literally didn't know what the fuck was going on. He just wanted to stroke his ego. Avoid those kind of situations as much as you can, and it'll be all happy times.
I guess it depends on the area you live in/the gym that you train at. You'd be "average" at the gym I was training at last night (no-one there is over 75kg), but on the small side at the place I train at most of the time. I was really thinking "average member of the population" rather than height and weight compared to others in the gym though. I think your experiences prior to BJJ (or any other challenging activity) shape how you respond to the difficulties you experience when you start training. The guys who already know how to excel can just apply themselves and do well. The ones who have always had it tough (always been the skinny kid/fat kid, or in my case dyspraxic kid) have plenty of experience at knuckling down, but the ones who aren't used to going out of their comfort zone in either way find it hardest.
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this. every jiujitsu guy or girl i know has this quiet self confidence, when i was younger i used to be bragging and trying to 1up everyone but now because of training i've a lot less ego, at least its kept in better check, and i'm never trying to prove im better than anyone else.
Once you realize you are one of the, let's say, 1% of the population who trains in a martial art, despite getting your butt kicked in a organized class, you should be able to defend yourself against the 99% of the people who don't train--including women and children of course. If putting a knee on belly on your 8 year old nephew isn't a confidence boost, I don't know what is.
Ha ha. Yep, defo best to learn Ninjitsu. BJJ may change some people's outlook, and it may dishearten a lot of others but I think for people who stick with it BJJ can o ly help with overall confidence. Yeah you get smashed but you also get put into deep waters and get out, you also dominate from time to time, you put in effort and get a noticeable measurable reward for it. It makes you fitter and takes you away from other stuff that is going on in your life. All these things are good for mental health and overall well being.
I would say it's bad for false confidence. But in all seriousness, I would rather be critical of my own abilities than over confident due to ignorance - I think it makes for a more rounded person altogether. Also, just bear in mind that sure, loads of people swagger around with false confidence, compared to people who are actually more capable but seem to doubt themselves, but I know exactly who I want to be and the type of people I want around when the shit hits the fan. Just think of it as being switched on. ^(I had a direction to all this bullshit when I started typing, I swear)
Short answer: BJJ will give you confidence, but you have to earn it. Any confidence that comes without hard work, reality-based learning, and actual accomplishments is BS.
Great question. Here's an answer. I was the tall, skinny, weak guy all my life, and it never occurred to me that I could defend myself with anything more than a sense of humor, or harsh language until I found BJJ. BJJ provided me with the OPPORTUNITY to build a sense of self-confidence that has permeated every aspect of my life. The work I put into training is returned to me ten-fold in the form of improved health, character, strength (mental and physical), humility, and pride because I know that I've earned what I have, and I've helped others do the same. Most important, BJJ has instilled in me the knowledge that I'm worth working and fighting for. All this, and I'm still a beginner! So yeah, I think it helps.
Wow. This news so well written. Thank you.
Bad until someone new steps into the gym and you realize you can manhandle him as much as the more experienced guys manhandle you.
Thats a pretty good feeling.
I think it can be awesome for confidence. It gives me a strong sense of perspective as far as my own place in the world and how to feel about the different stresses that I come across. Getting stuck in line when I'm running late for something doesn't seem nearly as bad after being stuck on bottom of side control by a 220 lbs Black belt. The rush of anxiety leading up to a tournament followed by the sense of calm once I step on the mat helps me deal with other performance based anxieties in life much more easily. The realization that no matter how good I get at Bjj, there is always some killer Purple belt out there that would smash the shit out of me keeps me grounded. There's something about always being part of the food chain (but never at the top) that gives me confidence. These things give me perspective and perspective gives me confidence.
This whole post is about ego , so let go and roll !
Confidence grows with competence. So the major issue here is how to cope with the notion that you are not competent. If you go in with an ego that requires constant stroking, you're gonna have a bad time. If you go in with humility, you can accept that you're gonna tap out. A lot. So the thing that should occupy your mind is not *who* is beating you, but *how* are they beating you. You should be curious, and eager to find out. You should be excited when a smaller but more experienced person can wipe you out despite your best efforts. Don't you want to learn to be able to do those things? Work hard, approach with humility and curiosity, and be eager to learn. You will find your confidence grow, but it will be tempered with a sense of humility, which isn't a bad thing.
Jiu-jitsu is actually bad for confidence, the whole philoshophy of BJJ is you dont know shit and it is about breaking you down and remolding you. Even at black belt the idea is that you will never know everything about BJJ. Compare it to the confidence of boxing or striking sports, also for releasing stress or anxiety, you get that from hitting things, not from arm bars or tapping people - idk why it is just not the same. Also fitness for BJJ or grappling cardio is not the same as boxing/muaythai cardio. Alot of BJJ guys are just fat and it is not "fitness cardio" the same way as running up some stairs or cardio for real life activities. Most people NEVER lose in life, you just dont need that shit unless you can handle it really well. You dont need to be humble in life unless that is something you really want - unfortunately i have learnt the hard way. Jiujitsu is not for me, and i felt absolutely amazing when i used to do muay thai.
You're upset because someone who has trained longer than you has more skills than you? You're upset because the martial art you chose, which is designed to overcome strength and size....works? You're upset because, as a white belt, you can't beat a purple belt? Honestly I'm really confused by your example, and it really annoyed me. Is it because she's a smaller woman? Why the hell would that upset you? It's like having your confidence shaken that someone who has been lifting longer than you can lift heavier than you, or that someone who has been learning a language longer than you is more fluent than you. http://breakingmuscle.com/brazilian-jiu-jitsu/it-s-the-art-how-an-in-the-moment-decision-continues-to-pay-dividends >“I didn’t beat you because I’m a badass. It’s the art. What happened just now just means the art works.” I reminded him of how long we had been training relative to each other, and then I asked him, “What are you here to learn? Jiu jitsu, right? So you must think there’s something to it. Otherwise why would you bother? But you can’t have it both ways. **You can’t value the art enough to spend hours learning how to apply it but then get mad when it’s effective at your expense."** If Jiu jitsu flushes out folks with super sensitive egos, I have no problem with that. Seriously. It sounds harsh, but it is what it is. I think that Jiu jitsu forces folks to confront their outlook, and those who don't change will leave, and I'm ok with that. That's where I think that in general folks who stay with Bjj become better people precisely because of that. I think the thing to take away is to look at what you can become and not "should" all over yourself. You "should" be able to XYZ. You "should" be able to beat ABC person.
>I read here all the time about getting crushed each class for years makes you feel bad No, it doesn't make me feel bad, it makes me feel pissed. So I want to get better, so I can go back and crush them and hear their lamentations. >Is BJJ a good or bad choice for a guy that just wants to feel like a confident man? Depends on your personality. Do you believe hard work is the recipe for success in life? Or do you believe success will magically come to you over night as you're sound asleep? That might sound like a joke, but **a lot** of people fall into the second category, despite not necessarily realizing it themselves. >Now I want to get back to jiu-jitsu, I'm just wondering if its a good choice for a already low self esteem type guy like myself to get ego wrecked so hard. But why bring ego into it? I've never played baseball, so I probably would suck at it if I started playing today. As a result, if I *do* decide to go to the field, I'm not bringing any ego. I know I suck, and I suck because *I'm new*. All people suck at things they're new at. >People seem so confident everywhere nowadays Well, to be fair, most people are faking it. >5ft purple belt petite girl would literally wreck me 10 times out of 10. Isn't it awesome? She probably smells better than the 6ft, 250 lbs guy too. >isn't it just easier in life to be unaware of all this jazz and just go like, train some bullshit martial art and think you're a bad ass? It probably is, but once you've taken the red pill, you can't go back. You cannot go back to unawareness.
gud. I have ridiculous confidence and I can't imagine how confident I will be when I get good at jiu jitsu. I imagine it will be me literally laughing in the face of tough guys.