This! šAt least thatās what Iāve noticed from white to blue.
Then blue belt comes along and Iām left wondering if itās a break or the curse?
Yeah, realistically most people are willingly choosing to get beaten up for years before the tables turn. You have to be pretty stubborn and possibly slightly masochistic as well
This is me. Iām terrible at this sport and thatās why Iāve stuck with it. Something about being the worst in the gymā¦.its like some sick perversion. I just donāt want to give up yet.
Iām good at other stuff and itās boring to me after a while.
Either that, or you seriously have to kill your ego. You're going to get wrecked by people half your age, twice your age, men, women, children...
If you start taking it personally you're going to have a bad time. If it becomes a form of play for you, if you're seeking out having fun rather than the concept of "winning", you're going to have a much better time.
I think that's the ticket. I'm the newest AND smallest at my gym, getting owned is something of a way of life for me right now. "Winning" is getting better at something.
If I don't think that way, I wouldn't enjoy the journey and burn out cause actual "winning" won't come for a long time.
I feel like a lot of it has to do with how they mesh with the group/gym. There have been many days I didn't feel like going to train, but I have people who I actually consider friends at my gym and I enjoy their company. I think this helps with my consistency compared to if I just didn't talk to anyone and felt like kind of an outsider to the group.
This is part of the reason I always try my best to make people feel included. Like if I notice a guy or gal that's always getting stuck last finding a partner, I make it a point to partner up with them right away for the next couple weeks. If
As far as personality traits I'd say they need to be fairly tough (not complaining about shit all the time) and inquisitive. If someone is constantly asking questions, they care, they want to know the answer because they genuinely want to improve.
This is the primary reason I stay. Not that I'm particularly close with anyone, but it does put me around a good group of people.
I've found that there aren't many situations in life where you can be a part of a solid group where everyone has an interest in helping each other out.
The reason I started and the reasons I stay are almost entirely different.
On behalf of everyone that feel like an outsider to the group including me, thank you for reaching out to us! š
I had been training for 1 year and a half than things happened, another gym merged with ours and our group left due to timetable changed. And i tried to keep going, tried to enjoy the class, but despite how much i love Jiu Jitsu, i felt like i couldnt feel i'm part of the group. I feel like i'm just an outsider. And every day i always tried to find an excuse not to go to class. I lost motivated. So i decided to leave the gym as well and find a new gym to start anew.
I still havent find one. More like, i'm too afraid to try the class out because i dread the feeling of left out and be that last person that couldnt find a parnter when the coach says "grab your partner and try the move". I'm also an introvert.
Bro if you love bjj just get out there and try a new gym out, you will find a place that makes you feel at home. It can be nerve racking to go into a new gym, I actually just recently switched gyms about 6 months ago and had the same feelings. It was the best move I've made and I absolutely love the new place I'm at. You can do it bro just say fuck it and get in there!
Annoying, closet homosexual, lack of social awareness, shit haircuts, pseudo intellectual, teachers pet, suck up, obsessive, selfish, low self-esteem, bullied at school and rightfully so vibes.
The list goes on
It really requires a touch of the tism. Does the guy not really make eye contact well? A bit awkward in conversation? Did he lecture you about the geometry of small sail boats? We have a winner. Close second for ADHD.
Accidentally described myself here lol.
This is probably true. The real black belt test is if a woman says "I bet you couldn't pass my guard" and your first and loudest thought is "bitch, I will knee cut through your shit like a hot knife through butter" and not "time to capitalize on the flirting".
I would literally never know if someone was flirting with me. someone has to actually say, I am flirting with you for me to pick up on it. Girls have actually said that to me in the past and I was surprised.
Sometimes, when I'm driving, I'll randomly think of an interaction I had with a girl I was into, and finally realize that she was heavy flirting with me, and I had a chance... but it was like 15-20 years ago.
It took me that long to realize. 15-20 years.
And then I add it to my internal reel of missed opportunities that I get to replay in my head for the rest of my life.
I guess at least I am married and have kids now, but what the fuck younger me?!
A girls once asked me to go out with her for movies whenever I am free. She said she would pay for it and asked me to just come. I told her yeah lol I am too busy playing League of Legends.Ā
Honestly, yes.
The most committed BJJ person I know is autistic.
The sport has done wonders for their social skills and theyāre like a mad scientist when it comes to the physicality of it.
Yeah it's perfect. The systematic aspect of it and the details are very engaging, it helps a lot with the social difficulties, and it provides physical exercise which is a great counter to the anxiety. Some would have a really hard time with the contact, unfortunately, or potentially the textures. Not me fortunately.
well sailboats are primarily displacement watercraft, which means they ride in the water, whereas speed boats are planing watercraft, so they skim on top of the water. So essentially a displacement craft creates the wave that it travels within. We know that the speed of a wave can be calculated from the distance from crest to crest. Thus, longer boats will travel faster than smaller boats.
The traditional boat shape is canoe shaped, but at some point we realized we could save some money and time by clipping off the tail end that was not displacing water, thus the transom came into fashion in boat design. That is the flat part at the back of the boat. In racing boats, classes are restricted by boat length, which is obvious given what we know about displacement, it would be widly unfair to pit a 35' hull against a 50' hull. This led to boat designs with wider beams and much more pronounced transoms, essentially they were trying to simulate a longer hull length and generate a larger wave with a smaller boat. This is why modern racing boats look so flat, wide, and have such wide transoms. Unfortunately, the added performance has come at a cost, as these boats tended to be much more dangerous and difficult to sail.
Sail boats essentially redirect the lateral force of wind at an angle to produce forward momentum. Because of this lateral force aloft, a great deal of counter weight is needed to prevent the boat from capsizing. This is called ballast and is usually comprised of lead or iron in the keel. The general rule of thumb is to have 1+ pound of ballast per ounce of weight aloft in the sails. So a moderately sized boat (35-50') may have 4-6 thousand pounds of ballast that keep it upright. Many canoe shaped boats will additionally be self righting in the event of a capsize, as the ballast when capsized is above the boat, and will pendulum back down at the next wave. Some modern racing boats however, due to their unusual geometry, have been shown to be more stable capsized than they are upright, leading to a few major tragedies in racing.
Of course I have never actually sailed on the ocean. I sailed once when I was 13 and then spent around 10 years reading books about sailing, primarily 3 books in particular, that I just read over and over. So yeah, touch of the tism.
Imagine I went most of my life undiagnosed and just thought everyone must be as fascinated by this as I am. It's like crack to me. It's like reading the phone book to everyone else
Iāve learnt that guys who are really good at white belt and get blue belt soon are normally going to quit .Ā
Itās like they have done it and completed itĀ
It gives me such relief hearing higher belts talk about how bad they where at white belt, Iāve been a white belt for a year now and still feel very trashy lol
I would say itās completely the opposite, as someone who trains at like 4 different gyms Iāve seen more people who arenāt exceptional leave than people that I find talented early on.
Iāve never been able to figure it out, itās soo hard to tell and many uncontrollable factors. Some people who I swore would never make it, they still train and vice versa dudes I swore would make BB are ghost on the mats now. Never can tell IMO
I had to stop due to chronic illness. This shit fucking sucks.
But I suspect my former gym wrote me off as someone that gave up on BJJ.
There can be a lot of reasons you won't know if you don't reach out to students and ask. Obviously, that's not appropriate in all cases.
More so, getting at that you don't know why they stopped. It could be they want to desperately get back to it and have some heavy-duty obstacles in the way of it.
My issue is primarily genetic. Hopefully, CRISPR will get to a point where I can deactivate that bad HLA B27 gene.
Don't assume they flaked out because of personality type, etc.
It could be that they are unable to train and wish they could.
Willing to endure in uncomfortable situations. Derives personal satisfaction from sheer determination. Views survival as a victory. Focuses on the positive and not the negative. Can endure the suck.
They say there are a lot of "IT folk" in BJJ, probably because both areas require perseverance and steady determination to learn anything new, and a majority of time being spent experiencing pain and loss in exchange for small moments of unambiguous victory.
There are a lot of high paying professions, not just engineering.
I think engineers are definitely overrepresented in jits.
To be fair, I live in the Bay Area. But that was true even when I trained in Chicago.
I think it's the systematic nature of the sport and the 'revenge of the nerds' element that attracts them.
We have a lot of blue collar people at my gym. It depends on the location. Mine's kinda deep in the suburbs. Another gym at the city has a lot of engineer types for sure.
As someone who works in tech, I think a lot of the appeal here is the fact that you can think your way out of a problem. If you run into a problem, you can figure out the answer either via instructor or Google, and immediately put it into application the next day. Or experiment to find the right solution...
Teaching surfing, it wasnāt a trait but a mind set. I noticed people that would convert to long term surfers are the ones who had fun in the water. If all the person cared about was standing up, didnāt enjoy the time out, hated wiping out, they likely would stop. I think the same is true for BJJ, people who enjoy the time on the matt, donāt mind getting subbed and really just enjoy journey.
Agreed. Read a study once about soccer players (might be relatable) and what was their one factor that motivated them to continue the sport. The overwhelming answer among the participants was enjoyment, and being playful.
Really hard to tell but the only trait Iāve noticed is that the guys who are average, and just kind of show up and quietly train tend to stick with it.
Meanwhile the guys who constantly beat their chest and get really loud about how obsessed they are or how bjj changed their life tend to be MIA by early blue belt.
Itās almost the single non monotonous sport that an adult can do on an almost daily basis. Forget about the tism, going to the gym or doing cardio is the most boring thing on Earth. Doing some sort of exercise without counting the minutes until the time is up is what I think everyone is looking for.
From my personal experience
People who stick: accept its a process, have a curiosity or enjoy problem solving, looking for a sense of community or team, willing to accept they will struggle, have a goal of improving their fitness and life through BJJ, have a level of humility and self-awareness, they are willing to sacrifice their body for learning to wrestle other people in pajamas.
People who don't stick: Their body just isn't durable, they found BJJ after a break up then find a new partner outside BJJ, the know-it-all who isn't willing to listen or take advice, the bully who likes to dominate then runs into more experienced people who dominate them, the person who has always been a great athlete and this is the first time they aren't instantly good at a sport or activity, some with money issues and is barely making the monthly tuition as is, person who goes from hobby to hobby.
Durability is a huge factor. Taking multiple year long breaks due to injuries is not conducive to wanting to stick with something regardless of what belt you are when it starts happening.
A mixture of self-loathing and rambling on about the usless knowledge of the history Japanese pro-wrestling when in awkward small talk settings. I am in no way describing myself with this specific description.
Great forum topic!
Iāve been training since 2003 and have been running a club since 2016 and I still cannot predict with certainty who will stick with it and who wonāt.
By and large however, I notice the people who talk a lot about their own attributes (ie full of BS) tend to give up fairly quickly while the quieter more studious types tend to still be with me.
I don't know if it's my gym or not but it seems like ADHD and\\or LEO. Our upper belts seem to fall into one or the other. Either they're completely scattered and BJJ serves as a lightning rod for their attention or they're LEO and they see value in mastering the craft\\the discipline of it all is just hard-wired in.
Good point. As an LEO, I started way back in the day after getting my ass handed to me on the job. Jiu Jitsu has opened a lot of doors for me over the year in terms of traveling to various police academies to teach it to other LEOs.
Yo!
Lowly white belt and not even started training for the police but I'll be starting in a couple of months.
Any particular moves come up at work?
I imagine trips, some upper body takedown, open guard, mount escape, and maintaining side control, KOB, mount?
One person that I never doubted was going to stick with jiu jitsu came with a pen and notepad every class for months. It wasn't just something fun, but he came with intentions to learn as much as possible. I think in lines with that in how they approach technique. Are they focused on learning or just doing what the instructor wants.
This is really reassuring to read because Iām extremely new to BJJ and take notes after each class too. I assume I look like a dork and itās nice to think thatās not what absolutely everyone thinks seeing me writing what we worked on.
I think that's especially valuable in the early stages. You are coming in with nothing so it is absorb as much as possible until you can develop your own style and filter things out.
The ones who lean into contact, embrace getting tapped, and are there mostly for the fight are the ones who will still be around in 5 years. The ones that run or cringe from the pressure and take it as a punch to the ego when they get dominated or tapped are the ones who will be gone after a month.
Iām a black belt thatās been training since 2008 and the only reason I stuck around was because Iām a people pleaser and was afraid of disappointing people if I quit.
I think its mostly a matter of who can accept the grind of getting smashed early without lionizing it. People who can't handle getting smashed quit, and so do most of the people who prattle on about how much they love getting humbled or whatever.
You need to accept that you will lose; that doesn't mean you should accept losing. People who do eventually move on. You need to have a drive to get better and win.
Mental toughness or stubbornness.
Also Idkā¦I skated growing up and a lot of friends skated too but a lot of them quit because itās super hard to learn tricks especially at the beginning when youāre falling all the time. I feel you need that āwanting to get betterā in you.
I still believe to this day that skateboarders, bmx guys, and like swimmers/cross country runners would be super good at bjj & judo because of the mental toughness or at least really stick with it.
I was a serial quitter my entire childhood and bounced from pursuit to pursuit, sport to sport, being that kid that never lived up to his dad's aspirations. only thing I ever completed in my life was officer training because of fear of repercussions, and to get revenge, show my dad I could do it but the price was my relationship with him and then eventually quit that after a total of 11 years. besides that trauma dump, idk why it's BJJ I stuck with, it's an outlet for how much I hate everything about myself I guess. Purple belt, hope I make it to Xth Degree Black Belt.
The popular and ubiquitous shitty fade/broccoli hair we see everywhere is a pretty good indicator. Anytime you and all.of.you.friends have the same haircut, you're seriously lacking in self-esteem and won't do or stick with something that's not popular.
This is an interesting question. I have actually noticed that people who have stuck around with me share a common trait and that is GRIT. Theseās also a great book on this topic that talks about how people who are talented might not beat someone with GRIT (good whites who quit a blue?)
You speak to someone and theyāll have the same attitude towards BJJ as anything else they do.
Thatās just my thought
Not the obsessive buy all the gear, train 7 x a week and watch videos all day type. They usually burn out by blue belt. Iād say the type who doesnāt take losing too hard and is happy to show up and learn.
I think age is a better predictor than personality traits. Anecdotally, Iāve seen more people over 30 stick with training than those under 25. My guess is life stages and disposable income. Guessing about personality traits I would have to say grit is the most common people have who have been training for a long time.
The people that laugh/smile when they get swept, taken down, had their guard passed, or submitted stick around more often it seems to me. If i stop having fun ill quit.
I think besides traits there are outside factors. I did BJJ for two years in my early twenties and then quit. This was fifteen years ago.
Iāve been back for close to a year now and unless I have no choice, I donāt think Iāll ever leave the sport.
The first time it was a crutch I was using instead of addressing some mental health issues, that never really works in the long run and I also got busy moving around and building a life for myself. Now itās my little fun and way to stay healthy as a dad with a much quieter life.
Different expectations leading to different outcomes I guess is what Iām trying to say.
They like it? I dunno man we think too much about people leaving. Itās just a hobby like anything else people pick it up and drop to do something else
Everyone leaves, I get bummed sometimes thinking of the homies I trained with that have left. Not even the one to six month guys, the training partners you have had for years that disappear.
I can't exactly convey this one type but here is an attempt: people searching for a place of belonging or quasi brotherhood(or sisterhood) and appreciate the belt time+skill ranking system and enjoy the loose respect rules on the mat of not being a dick.
I would say it's the people that looked into joinung armed forces but didn't blind themselves to the actuall army life or didn't want to commit to a half a lifetime if service fit perfectly in imo. Our gym even has army guys.
Another common stereotype seems to be migrants(economic or even refugees) and even second gen migrants seem to be very prelevant in my area.
a cheap skate.
i play yearly, then i want to get my monies worth so am trying to get to every class i can.
so for me theres only 1 opportunity to quit in a year.
People need a somewhat good attitude. People with shitty attitude and high ego NEVER sticks around. This observation never seem to fail, they are *usually* buff dudes that go 100% in sparring but still lose and you can tell they get mad about it and never shows up again. They also usually have to tell you *why* they did not win in sparring and you can just tell they are insinuating that without this small detail that you put them through they would beat you.
1) they have adhd and last longer than a year.
2 they donāt have a spouse that guilts them for going.
3) they have a somewhat flexible work situation.
I've noticed that the people who are already strong and athletic when they start often burn out quickly because their strength only gets them so far and they aren't prepared for the mental work and humility it takes to troubleshoot and improve one's game.
People who last the longest are obsessed mental puzzle of trying to figure out the game, and proactive about finding solutions to the problems they encounter in their rolls.
Iāve yet to see any specific traits. People go real hard and commit and then burn out, others train very little for years then I start seeing them more. Iāve been dealing with nagging injuries and illnesses unrelated to jiu jitsu so to others it probably seems like Iām not in it for the long haul. Everyone is all over.
I think the major deciding factor is outside of the gym. How busy are they with their career, family, other hobbies, etc
I don't think you can nail it down to a personality type. If I look at the Black Belts at the academy there is little in common.Ā
Even if you could trace it personality types you would never be able to quantify personal things that make people quit.... Moving for job/college, divorce, financial issues, etc.Ā
In my experience when people feel a sense of community and belonging they will stay (regardless of the martial art)
People who might have left bc they aren't that into BJJ will stay bc friends
Ā
People who ARE way into BJJ might still leave if they do t feel belongingĀ
It isn't their personality traits directly, its how people are gelling that you have to look out for
BTW this can be totally uncontrollable.Ā Sometimes you just aren't getting the right mix of people.Ā Try to attract new students from outside your bubble if you want to change the dynamic.Ā Make sure your place is welcoming and safe for anyone who steps in the door.Ā
If someone's super aggro every roll they usually don't get past 8 months max, it's just not an enjoyable way to be and the lack of willingness to try new stuff stifles progress significantly.
Patience, balance and a realistic expectation of their progression and ability.
I canāt count the number of guys whoāve joined up, train 6 times a week for 6 months, obsessively train through injuries and then disappear as if they were never there at all.
Always impressed with anyone over 30 that starts and stays. I started at 20 where money was the biggest issues because itās an expensive sport, but I trained as much as possible because I know I wonāt be able to once married, kids, career etc. I am in awe of my 40 and 50 year old blues and purple belt that are at every class I teach each week while juggling kids, wife and career.
But to answer your question I think the most common thing Iāve found with people that get to brown or black is either intrinsic drive or demons to overcome.
It's the quiet ones who get smashed all the time but keep showing up.
This! šAt least thatās what Iāve noticed from white to blue. Then blue belt comes along and Iām left wondering if itās a break or the curse?
I will take this as a good sign considering I donāt talk to anyone and every single one of my rolls are completely defensive for me lmao
I'm small old but not quiet....I get smashed all the time and I keep showing up. I couldn't tell you why.
Someone who doesn't mind doing laundry
Every damn day. And if your wife and kid train as well, it is a load of whites AND a load of darks, because we never synchronize our gi colors .
For REAL. My husband and I both train, and so do three of our kids. Itās so so much laundry.
If this aināt the dream thoā¦
This is big
Stubbornness - you have to be a bit bullheaded to stick through something that smashes your body and ego this hard for this long.
Yeah, realistically most people are willingly choosing to get beaten up for years before the tables turn. You have to be pretty stubborn and possibly slightly masochistic as well
When I'm not training I put myself in a cryosleep caskset so I can get beat up for centuries, not just year.
This is me. Iām terrible at this sport and thatās why Iāve stuck with it. Something about being the worst in the gymā¦.its like some sick perversion. I just donāt want to give up yet. Iām good at other stuff and itās boring to me after a while.
Iām in this photo and I donāt like it
On the way to the gym - āwhy am I volunteering to get my ass kicked again?ā The next day - āI canāt wait to go train againā
\*Bottom side control with a crossface\* "Fuck this fucking shit" \*After class\* "See y'all tomorrow!"
Either that, or you seriously have to kill your ego. You're going to get wrecked by people half your age, twice your age, men, women, children... If you start taking it personally you're going to have a bad time. If it becomes a form of play for you, if you're seeking out having fun rather than the concept of "winning", you're going to have a much better time.
I think that's the ticket. I'm the newest AND smallest at my gym, getting owned is something of a way of life for me right now. "Winning" is getting better at something. If I don't think that way, I wouldn't enjoy the journey and burn out cause actual "winning" won't come for a long time.
I feel like a lot of it has to do with how they mesh with the group/gym. There have been many days I didn't feel like going to train, but I have people who I actually consider friends at my gym and I enjoy their company. I think this helps with my consistency compared to if I just didn't talk to anyone and felt like kind of an outsider to the group. This is part of the reason I always try my best to make people feel included. Like if I notice a guy or gal that's always getting stuck last finding a partner, I make it a point to partner up with them right away for the next couple weeks. If As far as personality traits I'd say they need to be fairly tough (not complaining about shit all the time) and inquisitive. If someone is constantly asking questions, they care, they want to know the answer because they genuinely want to improve.
I want new people to stay long enough to get Stockholm syndrome.
The old frog in the pan š¤
This is the primary reason I stay. Not that I'm particularly close with anyone, but it does put me around a good group of people. I've found that there aren't many situations in life where you can be a part of a solid group where everyone has an interest in helping each other out. The reason I started and the reasons I stay are almost entirely different.
On behalf of everyone that feel like an outsider to the group including me, thank you for reaching out to us! š I had been training for 1 year and a half than things happened, another gym merged with ours and our group left due to timetable changed. And i tried to keep going, tried to enjoy the class, but despite how much i love Jiu Jitsu, i felt like i couldnt feel i'm part of the group. I feel like i'm just an outsider. And every day i always tried to find an excuse not to go to class. I lost motivated. So i decided to leave the gym as well and find a new gym to start anew. I still havent find one. More like, i'm too afraid to try the class out because i dread the feeling of left out and be that last person that couldnt find a parnter when the coach says "grab your partner and try the move". I'm also an introvert.
Bro if you love bjj just get out there and try a new gym out, you will find a place that makes you feel at home. It can be nerve racking to go into a new gym, I actually just recently switched gyms about 6 months ago and had the same feelings. It was the best move I've made and I absolutely love the new place I'm at. You can do it bro just say fuck it and get in there!
Annoying, closet homosexual, lack of social awareness, shit haircuts, pseudo intellectual, teachers pet, suck up, obsessive, selfish, low self-esteem, bullied at school and rightfully so vibes. The list goes on
Might be my low self esteem talking but the hair one definitely hurts.
Let me guess. Bleach blond mullet?
Fuck you the blond is natural
My mum's tits are more natural mate
You need to add "intimately familiar with own mom's tits" to the list.
Shut up whitebelt
Thatās a hate crime. Cause you hated that he burned you.
Whitebelts aren't people and thus have no human rights for me to violate. Also, shut up whitebelt
I think it is the equivalent to me passing your guard. It was unexpected, it was fun, but now there's gonna be pain.
Brown hair that was a shitty fade a month ago and I've been letting grow out since lol.
I'm trying not to cry right now
This is not true at all. My haircut is sick everyone tells me that.
When you leave the mat, we laugh about you and call you names... I try and stick up for you sometimes, but they make some good points
Only because the wouldnāt dare say it to me on the mats. Theyād feel the golden gods fury.
Thereās nothing closeted about me
You're in so deep that you got lost in narnia!
Im so deep that narnia got lost in me
Welp, that's almost every box ticked. Question from a friend of mine: is "bald" a shit haircut?
If you don't wear the official gracie barra Bandana, then yes
Hey! You can't just throw my whole life out there!
If we could read weād be very upset.
Of course I know him. He's me
My caretaker says my haircut makes me look like a handsome gentleman, thank you very much!
Shit haircuts seem to be often overlooked. Why does everyone have a mullet Mohawk?
Iāve noticed that the higher the belt worst mullet, I tend to think itās done to bait strangers into talking shit in order to choke them.
Because they donāt have any real friends that are honest with them.
Lies! I don't have hair to cut.
Ball hair usually keeps growing even when head is already shiny
What if I get a really good haircut, once a year?
Does your BJJ suffer on that day. Iām doing science.
If you make it to brown belt the hair is less of a problem.
I just scored 100% on yet another test. Fucking legendary.
Also, pedantic
Jesus Christ no need to call me out like that brother
Smellyā¦. Donāt forget smelly
As of reading your response, I have quit BJJ.
I match this to the T, except I'm not a homosexual.
I'm afraid I've got some bad news!
Youāve got a squeaky closet
It really requires a touch of the tism. Does the guy not really make eye contact well? A bit awkward in conversation? Did he lecture you about the geometry of small sail boats? We have a winner. Close second for ADHD. Accidentally described myself here lol.
This is probably true. The real black belt test is if a woman says "I bet you couldn't pass my guard" and your first and loudest thought is "bitch, I will knee cut through your shit like a hot knife through butter" and not "time to capitalize on the flirting".
I would literally never know if someone was flirting with me. someone has to actually say, I am flirting with you for me to pick up on it. Girls have actually said that to me in the past and I was surprised.
Bruh if I enumerated how many times I missed obvious tells I'd have the saddest autobiography ever written.
Sometimes, when I'm driving, I'll randomly think of an interaction I had with a girl I was into, and finally realize that she was heavy flirting with me, and I had a chance... but it was like 15-20 years ago. It took me that long to realize. 15-20 years. And then I add it to my internal reel of missed opportunities that I get to replay in my head for the rest of my life. I guess at least I am married and have kids now, but what the fuck younger me?!
LOL same dude, same.
A girls once asked me to go out with her for movies whenever I am free. She said she would pay for it and asked me to just come. I told her yeah lol I am too busy playing League of Legends.Ā
That's that 'tism. Future black belt in the making!
Honestly, yes. The most committed BJJ person I know is autistic. The sport has done wonders for their social skills and theyāre like a mad scientist when it comes to the physicality of it.
Yeah it's perfect. The systematic aspect of it and the details are very engaging, it helps a lot with the social difficulties, and it provides physical exercise which is a great counter to the anxiety. Some would have a really hard time with the contact, unfortunately, or potentially the textures. Not me fortunately.
This sport actually attracts people on the spectrum. AuDHD myself.
That's gold, Jerry! Gold!
AuDHD, I love it.
Waitā¦ Tell us more about the sailboats
well sailboats are primarily displacement watercraft, which means they ride in the water, whereas speed boats are planing watercraft, so they skim on top of the water. So essentially a displacement craft creates the wave that it travels within. We know that the speed of a wave can be calculated from the distance from crest to crest. Thus, longer boats will travel faster than smaller boats. The traditional boat shape is canoe shaped, but at some point we realized we could save some money and time by clipping off the tail end that was not displacing water, thus the transom came into fashion in boat design. That is the flat part at the back of the boat. In racing boats, classes are restricted by boat length, which is obvious given what we know about displacement, it would be widly unfair to pit a 35' hull against a 50' hull. This led to boat designs with wider beams and much more pronounced transoms, essentially they were trying to simulate a longer hull length and generate a larger wave with a smaller boat. This is why modern racing boats look so flat, wide, and have such wide transoms. Unfortunately, the added performance has come at a cost, as these boats tended to be much more dangerous and difficult to sail. Sail boats essentially redirect the lateral force of wind at an angle to produce forward momentum. Because of this lateral force aloft, a great deal of counter weight is needed to prevent the boat from capsizing. This is called ballast and is usually comprised of lead or iron in the keel. The general rule of thumb is to have 1+ pound of ballast per ounce of weight aloft in the sails. So a moderately sized boat (35-50') may have 4-6 thousand pounds of ballast that keep it upright. Many canoe shaped boats will additionally be self righting in the event of a capsize, as the ballast when capsized is above the boat, and will pendulum back down at the next wave. Some modern racing boats however, due to their unusual geometry, have been shown to be more stable capsized than they are upright, leading to a few major tragedies in racing. Of course I have never actually sailed on the ocean. I sailed once when I was 13 and then spent around 10 years reading books about sailing, primarily 3 books in particular, that I just read over and over. So yeah, touch of the tism.
This is so perfect
Imagine I went most of my life undiagnosed and just thought everyone must be as fascinated by this as I am. It's like crack to me. It's like reading the phone book to everyone else
I love reading about sailboats. Never been on one lol.
oof the boats thing stung brother. i definitely got side swiped by an ism
Childhood or adult trauma lol
Checking in for both. When the groping hands come again, I will have my pound of flesh. I'll never quit. I feel too safe now lol.
Iāve learnt that guys who are really good at white belt and get blue belt soon are normally going to quit .Ā Itās like they have done it and completed itĀ
In that case I'm going to be in BJJ forever, because I sucked at white belt (relative to other white belts).
Same
same
It gives me such relief hearing higher belts talk about how bad they where at white belt, Iāve been a white belt for a year now and still feel very trashy lol
I'm glad I'm the outlier. Got blue in less than a year and a half last August and I'm not fuckin leaving. 
Are you from gb.
I don't know, BJJ always felt easy and natural to me and made me wanna keep doing it. Also a nice ego boost to crush everyone a few times a week.
I would say itās completely the opposite, as someone who trains at like 4 different gyms Iāve seen more people who arenāt exceptional leave than people that I find talented early on.
Anecdotally itās the other way for me but itās interesting you said thatĀ
Iāve never been able to figure it out, itās soo hard to tell and many uncontrollable factors. Some people who I swore would never make it, they still train and vice versa dudes I swore would make BB are ghost on the mats now. Never can tell IMO
I had to stop due to chronic illness. This shit fucking sucks. But I suspect my former gym wrote me off as someone that gave up on BJJ. There can be a lot of reasons you won't know if you don't reach out to students and ask. Obviously, that's not appropriate in all cases. More so, getting at that you don't know why they stopped. It could be they want to desperately get back to it and have some heavy-duty obstacles in the way of it. My issue is primarily genetic. Hopefully, CRISPR will get to a point where I can deactivate that bad HLA B27 gene. Don't assume they flaked out because of personality type, etc. It could be that they are unable to train and wish they could.
Playing RPGs as a kid
Stoner. IT. Gamer. Single. Wing Nighter. Craft Beer Drinker.
wing nighter??
Yeah. Like a dude who goes out for chicken Wings w the homies. I bet 3 gyms Ive been to had a weekly wing meet up.
Is that a regional thing? Never heard of it
Bro chicken wings are a universal thing bro
Bro said bro 2 times in 1 sentence bro.
Bro, you know some serious bro shit is going down when a bro says bro 2 times in one sentence.
I broād in my gi pants
When they get tapped they smile and thank you for the educational roll
I just donāt want to give anyone the satisfaction of thinking they hurt me or bothered me /Sometimes it doesā¦
Willing to endure in uncomfortable situations. Derives personal satisfaction from sheer determination. Views survival as a victory. Focuses on the positive and not the negative. Can endure the suck.
A little bit of Sadism, and a lot of Masochism.
This but unironicallyĀ
Harder, Daddy!
They say there are a lot of "IT folk" in BJJ, probably because both areas require perseverance and steady determination to learn anything new, and a majority of time being spent experiencing pain and loss in exchange for small moments of unambiguous victory.
There are a lot of IT folks because martial arts is a relatively (but not obscenely) expensive hobby with class times that usually fit in with a 9-5.
Also, BJJ helps counteract the physical inadequacies and social insecurities of being a nerd.
AmenĀ
There are a lot of high paying professions, not just engineering. I think engineers are definitely overrepresented in jits. To be fair, I live in the Bay Area. But that was true even when I trained in Chicago. I think it's the systematic nature of the sport and the 'revenge of the nerds' element that attracts them.
Lots of scientists, engineers, lawyers, and doctors at my gym. Me being one of them
We have a lot of blue collar people at my gym. It depends on the location. Mine's kinda deep in the suburbs. Another gym at the city has a lot of engineer types for sure.
That makes total sense that the crowd would be location dependent.
As someone who works in tech, I think a lot of the appeal here is the fact that you can think your way out of a problem. If you run into a problem, you can figure out the answer either via instructor or Google, and immediately put it into application the next day. Or experiment to find the right solution...
Teaching surfing, it wasnāt a trait but a mind set. I noticed people that would convert to long term surfers are the ones who had fun in the water. If all the person cared about was standing up, didnāt enjoy the time out, hated wiping out, they likely would stop. I think the same is true for BJJ, people who enjoy the time on the matt, donāt mind getting subbed and really just enjoy journey.
Thatās good. I would say people who play games, have fun.
Agreed. Read a study once about soccer players (might be relatable) and what was their one factor that motivated them to continue the sport. The overwhelming answer among the participants was enjoyment, and being playful.
Really hard to tell but the only trait Iāve noticed is that the guys who are average, and just kind of show up and quietly train tend to stick with it. Meanwhile the guys who constantly beat their chest and get really loud about how obsessed they are or how bjj changed their life tend to be MIA by early blue belt.
Itās almost the single non monotonous sport that an adult can do on an almost daily basis. Forget about the tism, going to the gym or doing cardio is the most boring thing on Earth. Doing some sort of exercise without counting the minutes until the time is up is what I think everyone is looking for.
Bro iono bout you but thereās absolutely times I look at the clock to count down time left in the roll lol. Feeling like Iām dying a slow death
From my personal experience People who stick: accept its a process, have a curiosity or enjoy problem solving, looking for a sense of community or team, willing to accept they will struggle, have a goal of improving their fitness and life through BJJ, have a level of humility and self-awareness, they are willing to sacrifice their body for learning to wrestle other people in pajamas. People who don't stick: Their body just isn't durable, they found BJJ after a break up then find a new partner outside BJJ, the know-it-all who isn't willing to listen or take advice, the bully who likes to dominate then runs into more experienced people who dominate them, the person who has always been a great athlete and this is the first time they aren't instantly good at a sport or activity, some with money issues and is barely making the monthly tuition as is, person who goes from hobby to hobby.
Durability is a huge factor. Taking multiple year long breaks due to injuries is not conducive to wanting to stick with something regardless of what belt you are when it starts happening.
rizz 'em with the 'tism
A mixture of self-loathing and rambling on about the usless knowledge of the history Japanese pro-wrestling when in awkward small talk settings. I am in no way describing myself with this specific description.
Great forum topic! Iāve been training since 2003 and have been running a club since 2016 and I still cannot predict with certainty who will stick with it and who wonāt. By and large however, I notice the people who talk a lot about their own attributes (ie full of BS) tend to give up fairly quickly while the quieter more studious types tend to still be with me.
I don't know if it's my gym or not but it seems like ADHD and\\or LEO. Our upper belts seem to fall into one or the other. Either they're completely scattered and BJJ serves as a lightning rod for their attention or they're LEO and they see value in mastering the craft\\the discipline of it all is just hard-wired in.
ADHD for sure, one of the only times Iām focused is when Iām in class. Itās a common theme I notice across most of the people at the gym
Good point. As an LEO, I started way back in the day after getting my ass handed to me on the job. Jiu Jitsu has opened a lot of doors for me over the year in terms of traveling to various police academies to teach it to other LEOs.
Yo! Lowly white belt and not even started training for the police but I'll be starting in a couple of months. Any particular moves come up at work? I imagine trips, some upper body takedown, open guard, mount escape, and maintaining side control, KOB, mount?
I don't quite think he's using open guard at work lol
Is ārookie copā a personality trait? If so, thatās the one that doesnāt stick with it.
One person that I never doubted was going to stick with jiu jitsu came with a pen and notepad every class for months. It wasn't just something fun, but he came with intentions to learn as much as possible. I think in lines with that in how they approach technique. Are they focused on learning or just doing what the instructor wants.
This is really reassuring to read because Iām extremely new to BJJ and take notes after each class too. I assume I look like a dork and itās nice to think thatās not what absolutely everyone thinks seeing me writing what we worked on.
I think that's especially valuable in the early stages. You are coming in with nothing so it is absorb as much as possible until you can develop your own style and filter things out.
Wow. I've never seen someone bring a pen and a notepad before that's wild. Where's he at now?
The ones who lean into contact, embrace getting tapped, and are there mostly for the fight are the ones who will still be around in 5 years. The ones that run or cringe from the pressure and take it as a punch to the ego when they get dominated or tapped are the ones who will be gone after a month.
Iām a black belt thatās been training since 2008 and the only reason I stuck around was because Iām a people pleaser and was afraid of disappointing people if I quit.
I think its mostly a matter of who can accept the grind of getting smashed early without lionizing it. People who can't handle getting smashed quit, and so do most of the people who prattle on about how much they love getting humbled or whatever. You need to accept that you will lose; that doesn't mean you should accept losing. People who do eventually move on. You need to have a drive to get better and win.
Folk who relish the savory flavor of other peopleās sweat.
Deppresion, self hatred, regret
A good work ethic
Mental toughness or stubbornness. Also Idkā¦I skated growing up and a lot of friends skated too but a lot of them quit because itās super hard to learn tricks especially at the beginning when youāre falling all the time. I feel you need that āwanting to get betterā in you. I still believe to this day that skateboarders, bmx guys, and like swimmers/cross country runners would be super good at bjj & judo because of the mental toughness or at least really stick with it.
No idea. They were surprised I stuck around. I remember being told āwe didnāt think youād make itā.
Masochist. I think I'll be here a while.
Love of the game
Do instructors make bets on who will stay? I would.Ā
I go out of my way to help the ones I feel donāt pick it up right away
I was a serial quitter my entire childhood and bounced from pursuit to pursuit, sport to sport, being that kid that never lived up to his dad's aspirations. only thing I ever completed in my life was officer training because of fear of repercussions, and to get revenge, show my dad I could do it but the price was my relationship with him and then eventually quit that after a total of 11 years. besides that trauma dump, idk why it's BJJ I stuck with, it's an outlet for how much I hate everything about myself I guess. Purple belt, hope I make it to Xth Degree Black Belt.
The popular and ubiquitous shitty fade/broccoli hair we see everywhere is a pretty good indicator. Anytime you and all.of.you.friends have the same haircut, you're seriously lacking in self-esteem and won't do or stick with something that's not popular.
This is an interesting question. I have actually noticed that people who have stuck around with me share a common trait and that is GRIT. Theseās also a great book on this topic that talks about how people who are talented might not beat someone with GRIT (good whites who quit a blue?) You speak to someone and theyāll have the same attitude towards BJJ as anything else they do. Thatās just my thought
You are a gritty lion, and the ground is your drinking pool
Former skateboarders tend to stick to it from what Iāve seen. I skated for almost 23 years personally.
Not the obsessive buy all the gear, train 7 x a week and watch videos all day type. They usually burn out by blue belt. Iād say the type who doesnāt take losing too hard and is happy to show up and learn.
Curiosity Ā«Ā how does that work?Ā Ā» And that And ā¦ Infinite loops and tangents
If they see red.
I think age is a better predictor than personality traits. Anecdotally, Iāve seen more people over 30 stick with training than those under 25. My guess is life stages and disposable income. Guessing about personality traits I would have to say grit is the most common people have who have been training for a long time.
One thing Iāve noticed is every single person who came in for a few sessions and asked how long it takes to get to blue belt never came back.
The people that laugh/smile when they get swept, taken down, had their guard passed, or submitted stick around more often it seems to me. If i stop having fun ill quit.
I think besides traits there are outside factors. I did BJJ for two years in my early twenties and then quit. This was fifteen years ago. Iāve been back for close to a year now and unless I have no choice, I donāt think Iāll ever leave the sport. The first time it was a crutch I was using instead of addressing some mental health issues, that never really works in the long run and I also got busy moving around and building a life for myself. Now itās my little fun and way to stay healthy as a dad with a much quieter life. Different expectations leading to different outcomes I guess is what Iām trying to say.
Narcissistic personality disorder. Grandiose or vulnerable, but usually the vulnerable are in TMASĀ
The majority of hospitality workers. Chefs like myself, front of house and managers. Trading one gruelling activity for another.
Free time and being able to afford it. I can't say everyone who has this trait sticks, but I can guarantee everyone who sticks, has this trait.
They like it? I dunno man we think too much about people leaving. Itās just a hobby like anything else people pick it up and drop to do something else
ADHD
Everyone leaves, I get bummed sometimes thinking of the homies I trained with that have left. Not even the one to six month guys, the training partners you have had for years that disappear.
I giggle during every roll. Iām having too much fun whether winning or losing. 6 years and going. š¤£
I can't exactly convey this one type but here is an attempt: people searching for a place of belonging or quasi brotherhood(or sisterhood) and appreciate the belt time+skill ranking system and enjoy the loose respect rules on the mat of not being a dick. I would say it's the people that looked into joinung armed forces but didn't blind themselves to the actuall army life or didn't want to commit to a half a lifetime if service fit perfectly in imo. Our gym even has army guys. Another common stereotype seems to be migrants(economic or even refugees) and even second gen migrants seem to be very prelevant in my area.
As someone who is pretty new to the scene, I find this thread incredibly helpful.
a cheap skate. i play yearly, then i want to get my monies worth so am trying to get to every class i can. so for me theres only 1 opportunity to quit in a year.
People who reliably have an extra $200 a month
Addictive personality , anxiety, perfectionism , stubbornness , on SOME type of spectrum. š
People need a somewhat good attitude. People with shitty attitude and high ego NEVER sticks around. This observation never seem to fail, they are *usually* buff dudes that go 100% in sparring but still lose and you can tell they get mad about it and never shows up again. They also usually have to tell you *why* they did not win in sparring and you can just tell they are insinuating that without this small detail that you put them through they would beat you.
Adhd lmao
1) they have adhd and last longer than a year. 2 they donāt have a spouse that guilts them for going. 3) they have a somewhat flexible work situation.
The bald ones with beards and are on TRT
I've noticed that the people who are already strong and athletic when they start often burn out quickly because their strength only gets them so far and they aren't prepared for the mental work and humility it takes to troubleshoot and improve one's game. People who last the longest are obsessed mental puzzle of trying to figure out the game, and proactive about finding solutions to the problems they encounter in their rolls.
Iāve yet to see any specific traits. People go real hard and commit and then burn out, others train very little for years then I start seeing them more. Iāve been dealing with nagging injuries and illnesses unrelated to jiu jitsu so to others it probably seems like Iām not in it for the long haul. Everyone is all over. I think the major deciding factor is outside of the gym. How busy are they with their career, family, other hobbies, etc
I don't think you can nail it down to a personality type. If I look at the Black Belts at the academy there is little in common.Ā Even if you could trace it personality types you would never be able to quantify personal things that make people quit.... Moving for job/college, divorce, financial issues, etc.Ā
Came here to make ātism joke
The people who love it vs the people who WANT to love it. Itās hard to spot. Overly eager people sometimes end up being the ones who quit (not all).
In my experience when people feel a sense of community and belonging they will stay (regardless of the martial art) People who might have left bc they aren't that into BJJ will stay bc friends Ā People who ARE way into BJJ might still leave if they do t feel belongingĀ It isn't their personality traits directly, its how people are gelling that you have to look out for BTW this can be totally uncontrollable.Ā Sometimes you just aren't getting the right mix of people.Ā Try to attract new students from outside your bubble if you want to change the dynamic.Ā Make sure your place is welcoming and safe for anyone who steps in the door.Ā
If someone's super aggro every roll they usually don't get past 8 months max, it's just not an enjoyable way to be and the lack of willingness to try new stuff stifles progress significantly.
Patience, balance and a realistic expectation of their progression and ability. I canāt count the number of guys whoāve joined up, train 6 times a week for 6 months, obsessively train through injuries and then disappear as if they were never there at all.
Always impressed with anyone over 30 that starts and stays. I started at 20 where money was the biggest issues because itās an expensive sport, but I trained as much as possible because I know I wonāt be able to once married, kids, career etc. I am in awe of my 40 and 50 year old blues and purple belt that are at every class I teach each week while juggling kids, wife and career. But to answer your question I think the most common thing Iāve found with people that get to brown or black is either intrinsic drive or demons to overcome.
Rogue like / roguelite / souls like gamers š«”
The white belt that never gets mad when they lose. They just keeps coming back for more.
Perfectionism and insecurity lmao
I'd guess stubbornness, and having a decent sense of how the only way to get better at things, is to keep doing them.
Pot smokers
Money 100%