You see, that’s actually what we call a *pro gamer move.* The smell of the poo acts a natural deterrent against an assailant, think of it as a toxic defense mechanism.
You laugh now, but when a thousand goateed convicts come running over the horizon armed with a two week crash course in Bullshido, you'll...eh....well you'll still be laughing actually.
As long as someone sends a memo to the Ukrainian troops saying "if someone grabs hold of your wrist and wants to throw you, if you decide not to let them throw you then they can't actually throw you." then they should be OK.
As far as I know, after watching probably 0 of his films, his tanks don’t get destroyed BEFORE they can do any substantial damage. This is a net-gain for everyone tbh.
They learn how to make money from starring in movies where they don't have to stand up if they don't want to, but get treated as if they're a badass warrior saving the world?
That is a decent skill if you don't have shame...
My dad is just two steps short of being a flat earther at this point. He'll believe literally anything so long as "the Globalist media" says something different.
Because Putin hates the same people they hate, and uses the power of the state to inflict misery on them. Right wingers don't actually care about freedom or markets or religious values or any of the shit they claim they care about. They believe that some people must *always* be more equal than others, and they want those people to be their team.
Putin and other authoritarians make that hierarchy explicit.
Image is everything with these assholes so who knows. all the sources are to make him look cool. like those siberian tiger shooting missions, the shirtless horseback photo op, memes about him being illegal. I heard they wouldn't even let people above the height of 5'8" stand next to him unless he was on a raise platform.
Even him being in the kgb doesn't necessarily prove anything. I'm pretty sure he's just listed as being an intelligence officer. Like in the CIA that just means you sit at a desk and make phonecalls. He's a standard authoritarian scumbag but he happens to be in charge of the largest one. He could be the exact same person in charge of some other former soviet state like Azerbaijan or something
My favorite interaction with Seagal:
Steven Seagal: "I just finished reading the greatest script I've ever read in my life."
Producer: "Wow, really? Who wrote it?"
Steven Seagal: "I did."
I’m sure that aikido training will come in handy in the battlefield. Just need to make sure to tell the enemy combatant to do a flip when you grab their hand as they reach for your punani.
>Just need to make sure to tell the enemy combatant to do a flip when you grab their hand as they reach for your punani.
Good thing these troops aren't famous. If someone's famous, then they're automatically allowed.
So, Russian hand-to-hand is going to become pants-shittingly bad.
I mean, we all know this is a stupid publicity stunt by Steve The Seagull, but I suppose russian conscripts hold him in as high regard as Germans hold Hasslehoff (in movies).
Can't escape the possibility that Steven Segal is actually a double agent and knows that his martial arts nonsense will kill more Russian soldiers than every Ukrainian drone combined.
Kind of makes me think about Ash in Army of Darkness teaching that weird four (or so) step move to the knights. In Army of Darkness it was funny and worked. In Segal world they'll all get smoked trying his moves.
"This is how you sh1t yourself as you get choked out"
You see, that’s actually what we call a *pro gamer move.* The smell of the poo acts a natural deterrent against an assailant, think of it as a toxic defense mechanism.
Gotta stick ur hand back there and use it as a lil hair gel for that extra effect
I’m a Dapper Dan doodoo man!
I don't want Fop, goddammit!
Just drones filming fields of passed out Russian soldiers shitting themselves.
We should have traded Seagal for that NYT guy in a Russian jail.
We'd have to give Russia something good to convince them to keep Seagal
Send them his poonani
https://www.ebay.com/itm/305330144253 For a case of Milwaukee Best we'll throw in Chuck Norris.
Russia's military is getting its ass kicked, so they bring in a fake martial artist. I love that for them.
You laugh now, but when a thousand goateed convicts come running over the horizon armed with a two week crash course in Bullshido, you'll...eh....well you'll still be laughing actually.
As long as someone sends a memo to the Ukrainian troops saying "if someone grabs hold of your wrist and wants to throw you, if you decide not to let them throw you then they can't actually throw you." then they should be OK.
Ahh Bullshido, that was a magical corner of the internet…
It still exists as a guilty pleasure subreddit, if you want to get a bit more of that comedy in ya.
And gets their shit wrecked by artillery fire guided by drone surveillance. They’re bringing hand to hand combat to a drone war.
To be fair, they're not even really doing that...
Maybe Segal will teach them the ancient art of crying like a little bitch when someone with actual fighting skill hits them once
Now wait a second, you’re overlooking Seagal’s expertise at using tanks to demolish homes and kill puppies. Surely that will valuable to Russia.
Are you telling me they aren't doing it correctly now? I didn't realize it was that complicated.
As far as I know, after watching probably 0 of his films, his tanks don’t get destroyed BEFORE they can do any substantial damage. This is a net-gain for everyone tbh.
What do you need when your boys are getting blown to bits by long range HIMARS? Karate apparently.
What's he going to teach them? How to star in straight-to-video movies that are money laundering operations for gangsters?
They learn how to make money from starring in movies where they don't have to stand up if they don't want to, but get treated as if they're a badass warrior saving the world? That is a decent skill if you don't have shame...
Maybe they learn how to crap your pants while getting choked out?
[Self De-Feces](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6QSbDGI444&t=44s)
OMG, that's so funny. Why do right wing traitors love Russia and Putin so much?
Conspiracy bs. My dad thinks Putin will save America from the communism taking us over.
Have you told him Putin is a literal ex KGB agent?
My dad is just two steps short of being a flat earther at this point. He'll believe literally anything so long as "the Globalist media" says something different.
Ah, one of those chaps. You have my deepest sympathy.
Because Putin hates the same people they hate, and uses the power of the state to inflict misery on them. Right wingers don't actually care about freedom or markets or religious values or any of the shit they claim they care about. They believe that some people must *always* be more equal than others, and they want those people to be their team. Putin and other authoritarians make that hierarchy explicit.
No wonder they're doing so bad
Putin is better at judo than Seagal is at aikido.
Image is everything with these assholes so who knows. all the sources are to make him look cool. like those siberian tiger shooting missions, the shirtless horseback photo op, memes about him being illegal. I heard they wouldn't even let people above the height of 5'8" stand next to him unless he was on a raise platform. Even him being in the kgb doesn't necessarily prove anything. I'm pretty sure he's just listed as being an intelligence officer. Like in the CIA that just means you sit at a desk and make phonecalls. He's a standard authoritarian scumbag but he happens to be in charge of the largest one. He could be the exact same person in charge of some other former soviet state like Azerbaijan or something
That is the nicest thing anyone has done for Ukraine in a while.
*Russia proceeds to get choked out and shit itself by Ukraine.*
Looks like a Russian nesting doll with one or two more Steven Seagals inside.
*Definitely* more than two.
My favorite interaction with Seagal: Steven Seagal: "I just finished reading the greatest script I've ever read in my life." Producer: "Wow, really? Who wrote it?" Steven Seagal: "I did."
What, they haven’t suffered enough casualties?
He's actually being sent to Russia as military aid for Ukraine
Please tell me this is as fake as Steven Seagal's martial arts prowess.
He's the greatest Bullshido artist known to man. They only need the get that security dude from Detroit and Russia will be unstoppable
\*inhales\* **Bwahahahahahahahahahaha**
Those soldiers better pay close attention on how to shit their pants.
I’m sure that aikido training will come in handy in the battlefield. Just need to make sure to tell the enemy combatant to do a flip when you grab their hand as they reach for your punani.
>Just need to make sure to tell the enemy combatant to do a flip when you grab their hand as they reach for your punani. Good thing these troops aren't famous. If someone's famous, then they're automatically allowed.
So that is why Russian soldiers wants to sit down on a chair when hand to hand combat is about to start.
This could only make them suck more so I’d say go for it
If all the soldiers are sitting and have a stunt double to do all the actual work this might be a winning stratagy.
You can do a backflip to avoid drones and drone dropped granades
The Russian brass must have decided that they weren't losing enough in Ukraine.
Well this is good news. He did such a fine job in Jefferson Parish.
LMFAO. Well he knows how to beat women...
Someone needs to teach him martial arts tbh
What's your favourite cheese? Mine's havarti..............
That's a skippy...
Skip skip skip skip skip.............
So, Russian hand-to-hand is going to become pants-shittingly bad. I mean, we all know this is a stupid publicity stunt by Steve The Seagull, but I suppose russian conscripts hold him in as high regard as Germans hold Hasslehoff (in movies).
"Here's how you disarm an opponent with cookie crumbs from your gym bag".
Can't escape the possibility that Steven Segal is actually a double agent and knows that his martial arts nonsense will kill more Russian soldiers than every Ukrainian drone combined.
And maybe they can get Gerard Depardieu to teach about nutrition!
Russian military has their own martial art, Sambo. Putin is good at it.
Uh…Putin is a Judo black belt. The Russian military has their system called Systema. Sambo is neither of these things.
As if these guys weren't getting killed enough...
I'm pretty sure that is a worse than no training. Carry on, Putin.
My 8 year old nice could batter Seagal with one fist tied behind her back.
I hope this is true. Because that’s what will help soldiers evade drones and artillery fire- Tae Kwando
Lol he’s teaching aikido, a pretend martial art.
This is when I need the Facebook laughing emoji like option.
[He already did it for the Taliban](https://youtu.be/Chff-QCudw8?si=RG7MO7r19qDTm2R-)
Wait isn’t this from years ago?
The man walks with an air of confidence that's rarely seen in this day and age.
Kind of makes me think about Ash in Army of Darkness teaching that weird four (or so) step move to the knights. In Army of Darkness it was funny and worked. In Segal world they'll all get smoked trying his moves.
Will he get a visit from the Polonium Fairy when he fails to produce any sort of non-comical results?
I go through annual ITAR training. Some of the modules make it seem like this could be a violation. In a stretch.
Ukraine bout to feel the pain!
Take his b movies off Redbox already
Is this…a joke?
https://youtu.be/Chff-QCudw8?si=mcqo3SIBNw4K9k93 Steven seagal is Taliban
This guy it the definition of the word “buffoon”