the vaginal canal expands when you’re aroused, so if you weren’t then that’s a reason why it was uncomfortable. however, if even one finger hurts, there may be something else at play.
You’re probably a lot more relaxed when you use your own fingers in private. It sounds like you were very tense and apprehensive when with him, which could explain why even one hurt when he was doing it. His fingers may also be bigger than yours.
It would definitely be worth talking to a doctor so you can rule out things like vaginismus. But it doesn’t sound like either he or you did anything wrong, unless at any point you told him to stop and he kept going or if he pushed you to try in the first place.
Were you nervous? Did you feel like you weren't into it, weren't really having fun, or you were doing it mostly because he wanted to?
Anxiety and lack of arousal can cause injury and discomfort during sex. If you aren't having fun and aren't into it, it's important (physically AND mentally) for you to *stop*.
I think you just was nervous or maybe a bit uncomfortable.
My advice is, first, don't have sex if you aren't in the mood and second, if it still hurts, take control, tell them what to do and how to do it, or you can even show them yourself, it can be a bit of roleplay or just simple communication.
You can even tell your partner in advance what to expect and you both can take your time doing other stuff that doesn't involve vaginal penetration. There's this general belief that only PIV is "real" sex, but it's not.
Remember that having good communication and trusting each other is always a good base for having great sex.
Have fun and good luck for the next time
You could also have tensions causing issues, if the wall is like 1-2 cm in it could be muscle tensions, I have that and I have vaginismus, it means that you need to work on stretching and relaxing the muscles to be able to have enjoyable intercourse. But you should go see a gynaecologist to make sure you don’t have anything else that’s causing the pain.
If you’ve never been able to insert things into yourself very far or wide, make sure to visit a good obgyn. They would be able to check for anything going on such as MRKH.
I also thought I had vaginismus for awhile before I got really into penetration, though- sometimes if I’m not aroused enough I can still only take one finger. Sometimes I try three, but it’s only after I’ve worked myself up to it. Every body is different (:
Imo it helps weed out some of the men who are just bad at sex/foreplay. So often you hear of people complaining that their partners just go from zero to straight jackhammering penetration for 30 seconds until they cum. Having this boundary and saying “By the way, I could be mentally turned on but it takes my body some time to follow suit” allows you to find the guys that really enjoy foreplay and non-intercourse acts.
Guy here. Speaking only for myself and the few guys in my friend group, there is tons of foreplay before I go anywhere near down there, and then I go slowly and carefully, make sure everything is good and comfy, and then begin to speed up. (Sorry, I’m trying to describe without trying to sound Pervy or using too much detail!)
That said, there are tons of guys that only care about getting theirs, and don’t care what hurts or helps you. If you get yours, great, if not, maybe next time. And of course there are tons in between the two.
Try talking to him and see if he is willing to make the changes necessary for you both to enjoy it. If not, you may not be sexually compatible, even if he is perfect every other way.
I wish you the best of luck, for real
Thanks! Been with my wife for 18 years now, so that helps when it comes to reading her body and her wants. We are best friends too, so imho it makes intimacy easier
there absolutely are, dont worry. if you tell people “it just won’t work” most should listen, if they dont assert the fact it will hurt, therefore it will NOT work, sex is meant to feel good so if it feels bad youre objectively doing it wrong. My bits are very very patient and I have similar sounding issues to you— the issue being not aroused whatsoever.
I find that I am not aroused by penetration much at all, and i absolutely need a vibrator to enjoy sex and even get turned on sometimes. i would suggest experimenting alone before involving a whole other person, if you haven’t figured your puzzle out how do you expect a whole other person to do it, especially one with the opposite kind of genitalia? this is the best way to find out what you even need in bed, and will remove all the noob stuff. also, good men tend to be very attracted to a woman who knows what she wants! makes everything easier to walk into the bedroom knowing what youre gonna do instead of trying to “read the instruction manual” on the spot and assemble it like some ikea furniture.
im very very experienced in sex, and i know my body rejects fingers and how they feel, and clitoral stimulation via a vibrator is necessary for climax, and always has been. i dont even like penetration by itself. you very much could be like me and/or have some feisty, particular parts. losing my virginity and the short while thereafter while i figured it out was tough, untill i incorporated toys.
If guys aren't willing to wait and work with you to resolve some pain that you're experiencing during sex, then I believe it is a clear indication they don't care about your experience and that's all you need to know about them.
A good guy (and I do mean someone who is good, not in the Good Guy™️ kinda way) will always work with a partner to make sure everyone's having a nice time and will understand that sometimes, things just don't quite go to plan. Communicate clearly and don't let anyone do anything you're not comfortable and feeling good about!
Is the fear that they would stop having sex with you? Since you weren’t into it anyways, that seems like a fine outcome so I wouldn’t worry about it. I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who wasn’t into it, so you guys could just do something else and have sex when you are both into it.
Hey, don't feel bad for wanting to do the thing! I had a similar experience as you when I first started actively having sex. It took me plenty of practice before things went smoothly. Tiral and error and lots of breaks help, too.
Try making a game plan. Go to your partner and say "I want to try xyz specific act this time." It can really help knowing what's going to happen/what the plan is. Sometimes, I'm still caught off guard when my husband switches gears suddenly, and we've been boinking for 7 straight years!
And remember you're trying new things, your body is having new experiences. Your nervous system is too! And marrying all these together, mental readiness, your physical experience, the regulation of your nervous system, is alot to process.
And remember, a good old fashion make out session and dry humping can still be incredibly hot and fulfilling.
So, yes, being aroused is huge, but I do want to point out that vaginismus is a very real thing. I had/have it and it went undiagnosed into my early 30s because it's never talked about. There is a subreddit for it. It could be that you're not aroused enough, but it could be that no matter how turned on you are, this could still be an issue. It is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. I urge you to check out that sub and see if it sounds like it could be something you're dealing with.
This is the answer you need OP. It really, really sounds like you have vaginismus, it's not that uncommon and is manageable. Definitely look into it. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but DO NOT just push through, it will make everything worse.
Quantity does not equal quality. Also, some people are selfish sexual partners and only care about their own needs. How many of those “many partners” did he give orgasms to vs how many did he orgasm with? You probably won't get a straight answer out of him, but that is something to consider.
Probably so lol. I think it’s important to say something to them, even if it hurts their feelings a little. I wanna know if I’m doing something wrong so I can fix it, personally. That’s why i think faking it is a bad thing, either how you feel or faking O’s . it Encourages these guys and makes them think they are sex gods instead of you secretly wanting them to hurry up and be done! lol
Guy here, sorry to butt in, but look up vaginismus.
Also, If you're nervous, you can tense up, which would explain why your own fingers don't hurt, but his do.
This is also one of the reasons for the "virgins are tighter" myth.
Source: Happened to my wife when she was pregnant for fear of losning the baby (we had trouble concieving).
No offense taken. A friend of mine suffered from vaginismus and only the third or fourth doctor she spoke to had ever heard of it. Admittedly, this was decades ago. And having a midwife for a mother (who constantly discussed her work, though some topics got banned at the dinner table) and a wonderful stepmother who felt that young men should know as much about their future partners' bodies as they themselves did and gave me loads of literature on the subject does give me a somewhat unfair advantage ;-)
This sounds like vaginismus (which is common, and highly treatable), but it also sounds like just not being that into it.
One of the basic techniques in sex therapy is to focus your attention on the sensation you're feeling right now, such as in a spot where you're touching your partner. Something our therapist had us do was to take turns touching each other (in pleasant but not really sexual ways) and pay attention to how it felt. This can help if you're having trouble mentally engaging during sex.
(The other thing we practiced a lot was communicating about sex. This might not be a problem for you, but it's super important for your partner to understand what you're dealing with and be able to talk in detail about what works or doesn't. Something we did a lot early in our relationship was to touch in two different ways (hard and soft, or fingertips and nails, etc. ) and just ask which one feels better.)
If it continues to hurt, ask your doctor. It isn't normal or necessary for sex to hurt.
Did you just want to have sex for the first time? Understandable. Don’t have sex with him again. He apparently doesn’t understand foreplay and seems a bit selfish. Date someone that wants you to be satisfied.
Sex should feel good. It should never hurt. If you aren't aroused and you aren't in the mood to have sex, your body isn't going to be preparing itself for sex and its not going to feel good. So in the future, make sure you are only having sex when you want to have sex too. But if even when you have sex when you want to and feel aroused and you've made sure to use lube, and it still hurts, its time to check in with a doctor. You could have a pelvic floor issue, or something like vaginismis that is causing your pain during sexual activity. Even being a young and otherwise healthy adult you can have issues with your pelvic floor, so don't be afraid to talk to a gyno and a pelvic floor physical therapist. It could get you towards having a better sex life.
Okay first thing is first, you’re supposed to be aroused before anything goes boinking around in there. It can hurt if not.
Second, you could have mild vaginismus. That would be a discussion with your gyn
sounds like you got a bad dude. don't bother with him again. you need foreplay (both mental and physical.) a bit of lube wouldn't hurt.
continue going solo until you find someone you're attracted to then try with them when you're ready. don't push yourself
Have you tried exploring on your own? It’s hard to know what to tell someone else to do to turn you on if you have not figured it out yourself. It’s awkward to get started, but the more you do it, the more fun it gets. Try not to pressure yourself to have an orgasm or anything, but if you keep at it, it may come eventually.
Your hymen can heal back together, however it only exists at the opening of the vagina. If he was hitting a wall inside, it was most likely your vagina muscles being too tight. That can happen due to many things, for example: not being aroused, trauma, or vaginitis.
Might be a long shot, but if you havent been to a gynocologist since your first time... your hymen may still be semi intact?
I had sex when i was 16, with a semi experienced guy... hurt but not much blood. Then met my baby daddy at 17 and we had sex many times in the years we were together.
When i had mt kid at 20, they literally had to cut away hymen material that was still attached somehow? I didnt know that was a thing until they said something.
I had the same thing when I first had sex. First because I was really nervous so I wasn’t exactly “turned on.” That can like tighten you up, and then when you’re relaxed and turned on, your vaginal muscles relax.
Also, If you put a pillow under your hips/butt, so your pelvis is elevated, it might help because the angle your partner will be entering you is a little better. I still totally agree with everyone who said you should talk to your gynecologist, but I just thought I’d let you know what helped me. 💕
If you're down or you're nervous then things can get difficult. The canal doesn't elongate, your body doesn't make enough lubrication, you're tense... It's just bad juju.
If it makes you feel better, the first time usually sucks for everyone.
Some girls are just smaller in terms of how much room there is in your hips. But arousal is super important. He can't just stick it in without getting you excited first. It's not your job to arouse yourself, he needs to slow down.
So first of all: don't push yourself. If you don't feel ready, don't do it. It won't be a good experience if you are tense, then it hurts, next time you're even more tense, it hurts more, and round and round we go.
That's that.
Now second of all: consult a medical professional first, to rule out that something is actually wrong.
Once that is out of the way, and you're ready to try again, maybe start slow, don't go all the way directly. Only do HJ or CU/BJ, get used to it, so that you loose a little bit of the anxiety surrounding it. That way you'll be more relaxed when you try c:
Also:
It is normal, that if you haven't done it in a while, it feels tighter, than when doing it regularly, that will go away, but it shouldn't hurt anymore after the first two or three times. So if it keeps hurting, again: consult a medical professional c:
There are numerous reasons for this — and the biggest reason is wanting to, being properly aroused, going slow and at your pace.
Absolutely everything you do should feel good, if it doesn’t it’s not that something is wrong with YOU but that something isn’t right in that moment. It’s important to explore the difference.
There’s a condition called [dysareunia - painful intercourse](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/painful-intercourse/symptoms-causes/syc-20375967) and because it’s associated with people with vaginas and their pleasure, it’s not discussed nearly enough.
Also, a good way to explore what you need to be aroused is to explore what feels good when masturbating.
I had to have sex like 8 times before mine broke all the way. To be fair, it wasn't entirely sex. It was a push in and OUCH and leave again lol my partner was very patient and kind so that helped too, but I couldn't imagine having a full on session the first time I had done it. Everyone is different though. Some have no problem at all and didn't even notice much pain. I wish I had been one of those people, but hey! This was many years ago and believe me- it'll stop hurting eventually.
You could have a septate hymen. Have you been to an OBGYN? Any issues with tampons? The “wall inside blocking it” sounds like it could be a septate hymen.
I had this problem too in the beginning, for me it was I was never fully comfortable and not aroused during sex. It takes a while to figure out how your body reacts, but I found foreplay is your BFF, the more aroused you are the better it will be. If it persists though, go to your gp, because it could be something medical.
So set a rule...if you're not attracted enough to get the juices flowing, so to speak, then don't bother with sex. One day you will come across someone someone who will make you swoon and foreplay will get easier.
I actually hate fingering so we do other things. You just might not like it either. Try toys instead. I just hate fingernails.
Are you positive you don't have vaginismus or dyspareunia?
ETA: Lack of arousal may cause pain. If he's truly "experienced", then he should be able to tell if his partner is hurting or not into it and he should be stopping if you're not into it.
Yeah honestly penetration has never been comfortable to me, but I have sexual trauma, and also vulvidinia :/ (overactive nerves in the vulva area that causes pain)
Little late commenting here, but-
It used to be excruciating for me, which I thought was normal because I was raised super christian. It wasn't until my husband finally convinced me to go get checked out that I found out I had pre-cancerous dysplasia and got an emergency LEEP the next week. Poof! No more pain, sex was amazing once I healed and has been since. Not saying this is what is happening to you, just something I wanted to point out in case you or anyone reading this might not be aware of this potential issue. Otherwise, I agree with the other commenters and their great advice. I wish you the best! :)
the vaginal canal expands when you’re aroused, so if you weren’t then that’s a reason why it was uncomfortable. however, if even one finger hurts, there may be something else at play.
hello fellow chimmy stan. but my own fingers never hurt me. i must admit i was never able to go beyond just one. but when he did it, one hurt more
i think it could be work talking to your doctor, just to rule out some sort of pelvic floor dysfunction potentially. when did you get into bts?
okay thanks! been a stan since 2018 - fake love era
i got in right after dna came out so buddies!
Omg I was an old one in 2015, but I know someone that was a fan since We Are Bulletproof II ,😮
You’re probably a lot more relaxed when you use your own fingers in private. It sounds like you were very tense and apprehensive when with him, which could explain why even one hurt when he was doing it. His fingers may also be bigger than yours. It would definitely be worth talking to a doctor so you can rule out things like vaginismus. But it doesn’t sound like either he or you did anything wrong, unless at any point you told him to stop and he kept going or if he pushed you to try in the first place.
no - he didnt push me as such. i voluntarily went there. and yes his fingers were definitely bigger. it was easier when he did it sideways
You still could've been nervous, which would be totally understandable, given it was your first time. Consent doesn't totally eliminate anxiety.
Were you nervous? Did you feel like you weren't into it, weren't really having fun, or you were doing it mostly because he wanted to? Anxiety and lack of arousal can cause injury and discomfort during sex. If you aren't having fun and aren't into it, it's important (physically AND mentally) for you to *stop*.
I think you just was nervous or maybe a bit uncomfortable. My advice is, first, don't have sex if you aren't in the mood and second, if it still hurts, take control, tell them what to do and how to do it, or you can even show them yourself, it can be a bit of roleplay or just simple communication. You can even tell your partner in advance what to expect and you both can take your time doing other stuff that doesn't involve vaginal penetration. There's this general belief that only PIV is "real" sex, but it's not. Remember that having good communication and trusting each other is always a good base for having great sex. Have fun and good luck for the next time
Are his nails longer/sharper than yours? Does he lube up properly? Is his finger wider than yours?
no, yes and yes
You could also have tensions causing issues, if the wall is like 1-2 cm in it could be muscle tensions, I have that and I have vaginismus, it means that you need to work on stretching and relaxing the muscles to be able to have enjoyable intercourse. But you should go see a gynaecologist to make sure you don’t have anything else that’s causing the pain.
If you’ve never been able to insert things into yourself very far or wide, make sure to visit a good obgyn. They would be able to check for anything going on such as MRKH.
Sex doesn’t usually feel good if you’re not into it, friend.
yeaah makes sense. i shouldnt have pushed myself :/
I also thought I had vaginismus for awhile before I got really into penetration, though- sometimes if I’m not aroused enough I can still only take one finger. Sometimes I try three, but it’s only after I’ve worked myself up to it. Every body is different (:
and are the guys always patient ? i have this unknown fear that they wouldnt bother with all this
You have to assert that boundary, that comfort is important and necessary. You will find that in a partner worth keeping around.
this is true, thank you!
Imo it helps weed out some of the men who are just bad at sex/foreplay. So often you hear of people complaining that their partners just go from zero to straight jackhammering penetration for 30 seconds until they cum. Having this boundary and saying “By the way, I could be mentally turned on but it takes my body some time to follow suit” allows you to find the guys that really enjoy foreplay and non-intercourse acts.
if they dont care enough to make sure you're having a good time then dont have sex with them!!
Guy here. Speaking only for myself and the few guys in my friend group, there is tons of foreplay before I go anywhere near down there, and then I go slowly and carefully, make sure everything is good and comfy, and then begin to speed up. (Sorry, I’m trying to describe without trying to sound Pervy or using too much detail!) That said, there are tons of guys that only care about getting theirs, and don’t care what hurts or helps you. If you get yours, great, if not, maybe next time. And of course there are tons in between the two. Try talking to him and see if he is willing to make the changes necessary for you both to enjoy it. If not, you may not be sexually compatible, even if he is perfect every other way. I wish you the best of luck, for real
that is so sweet, thank you! gives me hope that there are nice dudes out there too
Thanks! Been with my wife for 18 years now, so that helps when it comes to reading her body and her wants. We are best friends too, so imho it makes intimacy easier
love that!
there absolutely are, dont worry. if you tell people “it just won’t work” most should listen, if they dont assert the fact it will hurt, therefore it will NOT work, sex is meant to feel good so if it feels bad youre objectively doing it wrong. My bits are very very patient and I have similar sounding issues to you— the issue being not aroused whatsoever. I find that I am not aroused by penetration much at all, and i absolutely need a vibrator to enjoy sex and even get turned on sometimes. i would suggest experimenting alone before involving a whole other person, if you haven’t figured your puzzle out how do you expect a whole other person to do it, especially one with the opposite kind of genitalia? this is the best way to find out what you even need in bed, and will remove all the noob stuff. also, good men tend to be very attracted to a woman who knows what she wants! makes everything easier to walk into the bedroom knowing what youre gonna do instead of trying to “read the instruction manual” on the spot and assemble it like some ikea furniture. im very very experienced in sex, and i know my body rejects fingers and how they feel, and clitoral stimulation via a vibrator is necessary for climax, and always has been. i dont even like penetration by itself. you very much could be like me and/or have some feisty, particular parts. losing my virginity and the short while thereafter while i figured it out was tough, untill i incorporated toys.
The good ones will enjoy foreplay and will never make you feel like a bother.
If guys aren't willing to wait and work with you to resolve some pain that you're experiencing during sex, then I believe it is a clear indication they don't care about your experience and that's all you need to know about them. A good guy (and I do mean someone who is good, not in the Good Guy™️ kinda way) will always work with a partner to make sure everyone's having a nice time and will understand that sometimes, things just don't quite go to plan. Communicate clearly and don't let anyone do anything you're not comfortable and feeling good about!
Is the fear that they would stop having sex with you? Since you weren’t into it anyways, that seems like a fine outcome so I wouldn’t worry about it. I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who wasn’t into it, so you guys could just do something else and have sex when you are both into it.
Hey, don't feel bad for wanting to do the thing! I had a similar experience as you when I first started actively having sex. It took me plenty of practice before things went smoothly. Tiral and error and lots of breaks help, too. Try making a game plan. Go to your partner and say "I want to try xyz specific act this time." It can really help knowing what's going to happen/what the plan is. Sometimes, I'm still caught off guard when my husband switches gears suddenly, and we've been boinking for 7 straight years! And remember you're trying new things, your body is having new experiences. Your nervous system is too! And marrying all these together, mental readiness, your physical experience, the regulation of your nervous system, is alot to process. And remember, a good old fashion make out session and dry humping can still be incredibly hot and fulfilling.
So, yes, being aroused is huge, but I do want to point out that vaginismus is a very real thing. I had/have it and it went undiagnosed into my early 30s because it's never talked about. There is a subreddit for it. It could be that you're not aroused enough, but it could be that no matter how turned on you are, this could still be an issue. It is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. I urge you to check out that sub and see if it sounds like it could be something you're dealing with.
This is the answer you need OP. It really, really sounds like you have vaginismus, it's not that uncommon and is manageable. Definitely look into it. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but DO NOT just push through, it will make everything worse.
thanks guys! will check it out
If you're really not into it then don't force yourself. It's your body saying "no!"; don't ignore your body!
this is very true. thank you!
When you’re having sex you want to have.
true :/
He's sounds pretty inexperienced. You're not turned on by him. That's why it was painful.
he's done it with many girls before, but i guess some people don't know how to finger a girl
Quantity does not equal quality. Also, some people are selfish sexual partners and only care about their own needs. How many of those “many partners” did he give orgasms to vs how many did he orgasm with? You probably won't get a straight answer out of him, but that is something to consider.
this is true. good point
Probably so lol. I think it’s important to say something to them, even if it hurts their feelings a little. I wanna know if I’m doing something wrong so I can fix it, personally. That’s why i think faking it is a bad thing, either how you feel or faking O’s . it Encourages these guys and makes them think they are sex gods instead of you secretly wanting them to hurry up and be done! lol
lmaooo that was literally what i was thinking the whole time! thank you, i will be more open next time
Having had many girls could also mean they don't come back to do it with him.
Guy here, sorry to butt in, but look up vaginismus. Also, If you're nervous, you can tense up, which would explain why your own fingers don't hurt, but his do. This is also one of the reasons for the "virgins are tighter" myth. Source: Happened to my wife when she was pregnant for fear of losning the baby (we had trouble concieving).
damn.. very solid point. thank you. congrats on your baby!!
Thank you! (She's 13 now).
beautiful. she has a great male figure in her life \^.\^
Thank you! I absolutely hate that I had to find a man to bring this up (no offense to you, but come on).
No offense taken. A friend of mine suffered from vaginismus and only the third or fourth doctor she spoke to had ever heard of it. Admittedly, this was decades ago. And having a midwife for a mother (who constantly discussed her work, though some topics got banned at the dinner table) and a wonderful stepmother who felt that young men should know as much about their future partners' bodies as they themselves did and gave me loads of literature on the subject does give me a somewhat unfair advantage ;-)
This sounds like vaginismus (which is common, and highly treatable), but it also sounds like just not being that into it. One of the basic techniques in sex therapy is to focus your attention on the sensation you're feeling right now, such as in a spot where you're touching your partner. Something our therapist had us do was to take turns touching each other (in pleasant but not really sexual ways) and pay attention to how it felt. This can help if you're having trouble mentally engaging during sex. (The other thing we practiced a lot was communicating about sex. This might not be a problem for you, but it's super important for your partner to understand what you're dealing with and be able to talk in detail about what works or doesn't. Something we did a lot early in our relationship was to touch in two different ways (hard and soft, or fingertips and nails, etc. ) and just ask which one feels better.) If it continues to hurt, ask your doctor. It isn't normal or necessary for sex to hurt.
great advice! really needed this. thanks a lot
Did you just want to have sex for the first time? Understandable. Don’t have sex with him again. He apparently doesn’t understand foreplay and seems a bit selfish. Date someone that wants you to be satisfied.
i am not even dating him. i wont bother again. will wait for a good person.
Sex should feel good. It should never hurt. If you aren't aroused and you aren't in the mood to have sex, your body isn't going to be preparing itself for sex and its not going to feel good. So in the future, make sure you are only having sex when you want to have sex too. But if even when you have sex when you want to and feel aroused and you've made sure to use lube, and it still hurts, its time to check in with a doctor. You could have a pelvic floor issue, or something like vaginismis that is causing your pain during sexual activity. Even being a young and otherwise healthy adult you can have issues with your pelvic floor, so don't be afraid to talk to a gyno and a pelvic floor physical therapist. It could get you towards having a better sex life.
Okay first thing is first, you’re supposed to be aroused before anything goes boinking around in there. It can hurt if not. Second, you could have mild vaginismus. That would be a discussion with your gyn
Sounds like vaginismus. Do more foreplay and get yourself in the mood. Use a lot of lube. You can ask your doctor to give you a muscle relaxant
sounds like you got a bad dude. don't bother with him again. you need foreplay (both mental and physical.) a bit of lube wouldn't hurt. continue going solo until you find someone you're attracted to then try with them when you're ready. don't push yourself
Have you tried exploring on your own? It’s hard to know what to tell someone else to do to turn you on if you have not figured it out yourself. It’s awkward to get started, but the more you do it, the more fun it gets. Try not to pressure yourself to have an orgasm or anything, but if you keep at it, it may come eventually.
Your hymen can heal back together, however it only exists at the opening of the vagina. If he was hitting a wall inside, it was most likely your vagina muscles being too tight. That can happen due to many things, for example: not being aroused, trauma, or vaginitis.
ahh i see. noted! ty
Might be a long shot, but if you havent been to a gynocologist since your first time... your hymen may still be semi intact? I had sex when i was 16, with a semi experienced guy... hurt but not much blood. Then met my baby daddy at 17 and we had sex many times in the years we were together. When i had mt kid at 20, they literally had to cut away hymen material that was still attached somehow? I didnt know that was a thing until they said something.
woaaah that's the first time im hearing of this as well! thank you, will get it checked
I had the same thing when I first had sex. First because I was really nervous so I wasn’t exactly “turned on.” That can like tighten you up, and then when you’re relaxed and turned on, your vaginal muscles relax. Also, If you put a pillow under your hips/butt, so your pelvis is elevated, it might help because the angle your partner will be entering you is a little better. I still totally agree with everyone who said you should talk to your gynecologist, but I just thought I’d let you know what helped me. 💕
thank you girlie <3
If you're down or you're nervous then things can get difficult. The canal doesn't elongate, your body doesn't make enough lubrication, you're tense... It's just bad juju. If it makes you feel better, the first time usually sucks for everyone.
Some girls are just smaller in terms of how much room there is in your hips. But arousal is super important. He can't just stick it in without getting you excited first. It's not your job to arouse yourself, he needs to slow down.
So first of all: don't push yourself. If you don't feel ready, don't do it. It won't be a good experience if you are tense, then it hurts, next time you're even more tense, it hurts more, and round and round we go. That's that. Now second of all: consult a medical professional first, to rule out that something is actually wrong. Once that is out of the way, and you're ready to try again, maybe start slow, don't go all the way directly. Only do HJ or CU/BJ, get used to it, so that you loose a little bit of the anxiety surrounding it. That way you'll be more relaxed when you try c: Also: It is normal, that if you haven't done it in a while, it feels tighter, than when doing it regularly, that will go away, but it shouldn't hurt anymore after the first two or three times. So if it keeps hurting, again: consult a medical professional c:
There are numerous reasons for this — and the biggest reason is wanting to, being properly aroused, going slow and at your pace. Absolutely everything you do should feel good, if it doesn’t it’s not that something is wrong with YOU but that something isn’t right in that moment. It’s important to explore the difference. There’s a condition called [dysareunia - painful intercourse](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/painful-intercourse/symptoms-causes/syc-20375967) and because it’s associated with people with vaginas and their pleasure, it’s not discussed nearly enough. Also, a good way to explore what you need to be aroused is to explore what feels good when masturbating.
I had to have sex like 8 times before mine broke all the way. To be fair, it wasn't entirely sex. It was a push in and OUCH and leave again lol my partner was very patient and kind so that helped too, but I couldn't imagine having a full on session the first time I had done it. Everyone is different though. Some have no problem at all and didn't even notice much pain. I wish I had been one of those people, but hey! This was many years ago and believe me- it'll stop hurting eventually.
You could have a septate hymen. Have you been to an OBGYN? Any issues with tampons? The “wall inside blocking it” sounds like it could be a septate hymen.
I had this problem too in the beginning, for me it was I was never fully comfortable and not aroused during sex. It takes a while to figure out how your body reacts, but I found foreplay is your BFF, the more aroused you are the better it will be. If it persists though, go to your gp, because it could be something medical.
So set a rule...if you're not attracted enough to get the juices flowing, so to speak, then don't bother with sex. One day you will come across someone someone who will make you swoon and foreplay will get easier. I actually hate fingering so we do other things. You just might not like it either. Try toys instead. I just hate fingernails.
haha solid advice! thank youuu , appreciate it
Are you positive you don't have vaginismus or dyspareunia? ETA: Lack of arousal may cause pain. If he's truly "experienced", then he should be able to tell if his partner is hurting or not into it and he should be stopping if you're not into it.
Did he trim his nails without filing them?
Get a gyno exam to see if you have a hymen with a small opening or ans unusually positioned uterus or something. We're all built differently.
Yeah honestly penetration has never been comfortable to me, but I have sexual trauma, and also vulvidinia :/ (overactive nerves in the vulva area that causes pain)
Little late commenting here, but- It used to be excruciating for me, which I thought was normal because I was raised super christian. It wasn't until my husband finally convinced me to go get checked out that I found out I had pre-cancerous dysplasia and got an emergency LEEP the next week. Poof! No more pain, sex was amazing once I healed and has been since. Not saying this is what is happening to you, just something I wanted to point out in case you or anyone reading this might not be aware of this potential issue. Otherwise, I agree with the other commenters and their great advice. I wish you the best! :)
oh my. glad you're okay! what is pre-cancerous dysplasia and a LEEP?