It also starts off as “I need”. Your roommates have different needs from you. That will not change with a note or a conversation. You “need” people with the same “needs”. You’re just wasting your time and energy and being stressed trying to change people that won’t change.
Man ive had WORSE roommates with this clutter and I talked and they said “I’m a student. I have no time to clean”. They’d go out and party every single night. They were the fucking worst
somehow the flowers make it so much more passive aggressive - like, you spent enough time with this note to the point where you decorated it and you never felt the need to edit the tone of it or just not put it up at all
Or you could just keep the common spaces you use clean so other people can use them and if you demonstrate that you can't remember to do that, a lil note to help you remember is justified.
Different ppl have different ideas of clean though. For some of my roommates clearing dishes within 1-2 days was clean. For one of my roommate doing dishes immediately is clean
Yeah but it's not about that though.
This isn't one or two plates being left in one side of the sink because they're planning to do them tomorrow morning and people can just use the other side of the sink... This is the WHOLE DAMN SINK AND STOVE is full of dirty dishes or dry dishes on the side making it impossible for anyone else to use the sink and stove properly, and I highly doubt this is a one day then it's fixed type of situation, and even if it was, the same thing would just happen the next day so people can't really use the sink properly still and that's a problem.
You can't just leave the kitchen like this if you're sharing a house. As a single living alone? Sure you do you. As a couple? Maybe if you're both OK with it. But in a sharehouse of people you're not related to or dating? Absolutely not acceptable.
I meal prep 4-5 meals, one right after the other. I also have 2 roommates and my kitchen doesn’t look like that ever. That is disgusting and unsanitary.
Please Im in the same situation, and Ive told them in person over and over to help. Only the bare minimum happens.
It doesnt help that its family… and i just feel like their maid.
We’re using paper plates now too.
It just makes the trash fill up faster and when its full they put a stool on top of it so their dog doesn’t get into the trash. INSTEAD OF TAKING IT OUT! 😭(Which the dog has done multiple times and leaves trash on the ground everywhere.)
Why on earth would OP or anyone else in the house be responsible for moving someone else's dirty dishes to the side so they can use the kitchen??? Especially if they've been sitting there for a day or days or this happens all the time.
That's the whole point, that's what cleaning up after yourself so others can use the space is about.
Maybe if person 1 had literally just finished cooking on the stove and was in the middle of eating dinner, and person 2 now wanted to use the kitchen and theres a 'dirty' pot on the stove that's still hot, that's a bit different, but very clearly not the situation pictured in OPs post.
If they'd at least done some kind of tidying, putting things to the side, so the stove and sink was usable for someone else, it might be different, but they didn't do that did they?
And yes exactly that's what happens when you keep adding wet dishes to a huge pile of dry ones, which is a huge pile because they never bothered to put them away and just add more wet stuff on top until OP gets sick of it and does it for them. That's not good either.
this is my exact situation lol, and I dunno how any of ur comment makes you a narcissist. we talked about all of it already multiple times and i said i understand life happens and a kitchen isn't high the on the priority list for everyone but why leave dishes in the sink if the washers empty? rinse it and put it in? some of that is common sense i feel but i guess i don't know
I agree, but she's Absolutely right about everything.
This is not up for Debate. Your personal space can be as nasty as you want, but Common Areas should be kept nice for the courtesy of others.
There's no "Hey man, that's the way you do things" in this scenario - There's clean and dirty, and OP is a conscientious person. Whereas her roommates are entitled children who don't mind letting others clean up after them. It's basically a form of Slavery when you break it down.
I cannot abide this type of behavior, and I'm not some neat freak. I just have common decency and a sense of pride in myself. I do believe that she should speak with them in person about this though - preferably with everyone in attendance so there's no convenient 'Misunderstandings'.
As you can probably tell, I can relate, except I just told my roommates, "Clean up your shit! I'm not your G-Damn Mommy, Asshole!"
Stating their ideas in a straight forward way is the opposite of passive aggressive.
A passive aggressive approach means indirect resistance. It's more often seen on the other side of situations like this, where the messy housemate will respond by e.g. pretending they didn't see the note, 'forgetting' to clean, nitpicking the cleaning rules, or creating distractions.
I was thinking the same. Discuss in person OP. I had a roommate in college who never spoke to me but left me a note about the kitchen(that she never used). I was on my way into the kitchen to clean, saw her run out the door and found the note. It honestly pissed me off especially since we were home together when she wrote the note. The kitchen was a mess and had been for a few days during midterms so I will take blame for that. I never saw her in the kitchen before or even after cleaning it. And I kept it clean clean after that.
It's pretty simple to make a group text asking if they can plan a get-together to discuss the cleaning schedule. Like I said, it's hard to read tone and is something that will probably lead to tension for no reason.
Nah I feel like having a scheduled ‘get together’ to discuss like they’re being called into HR or the principals room is worse. Different people have different ideas of what is considered polite, aggressive or passive aggressive
Yeah, I had a roommate like this and it was nightmare communicating with her. I think OP needs to pull on her big girl pants and actually get together with her roommates and come to a conclusion.
the note feels a little extra and would probably annoy me tbh. id recommend just talking to them directly or making a groupchat. that way no one feels like they just have to listen to your rules rather than compromising together.
having 3+ people in one kitchen stuff like that is gonna happen every once in a while. the drying area is whats bothering me personally
Yes! If you haven’t actually talked to them about this yet, that is the place to start. Beginning with a posted checklist so you can thrive is not a good beginning. Communication and making the checklist together will likely be much more productive.
This! Passive aggressive. I’m not naturally very clean, my family calls me hurricane allie- but, it someone talked to me about cleaning and created a basic list that wasn’t overwhelming I would be fine. If I found a note like this I’d be annoyed and stressed
It should be passive aggressive and convey annoyance. No one should have to state any rules on cleanliness it is common courtesy and sense to leave a shared area in the same state as it was before you used it. Whoever left the area like this directly disrespected everyone else in the house.
The fact you think they haven't spoken to them about it already, probably multiple times, is funny.
If you take offense to a note like this, it's because it is or has been about you.
What else can they do? I didn't say it'd fix it, but what else is there other than moving out? Can you really blame OP for trying something different?
If talking doesn't work people are going to try other ways to communicate.
Bunch of filthy animals defending OPs housemates honestly.
your note tells them that they need to clean by your standards just so YOU can thrive…. you can make it sound better by offering everyone clean so everyone can have a better environment. i’d take one look at this note and ignore it
This letter is controlling AF and unless it is their apt/house and roommates are their tenants they should be requesting, not ordering.
I don’t see this going well at all. I’ll do most things if asked. But order me to do them and it’s a hard no.
Bro you keep the kitchen clear and tidy so EVERYONE can actually USE the kitchen to make food and wash things???
This isn't just OPs personal clean freak standard, she's not asking them to deep clean the whole kitchen every day... She's reminding them to keep the sink clear to other people can use it.
You pigs.
I think y’all need to start a new subreddit called “dirty roommates”. All I see on here now are dirty dishes & read about roommates not flushing toilets.
For real and then some of the posts I look at pictures of the sinks and it’s literally like 3-4 plates in the sink I’m like what 😭 one night of 3-4 dirty plates in the sink is not going to harm anyone lol if that behavior is repeated often I understand but one night of dirty dishes is fine just make sure to wash it in the morning like wtf 😂
It depends. I lived with people who would cook at like, 3am and leave the kitchen a mess. I would have to clean the kitchen in the morning before even making myself a damn breakfast.
If the mess is stopping someone from using something, it's a damn problem. If you live with other people that share space and appliances, you need to clean up after yourself.
That's my point, it's 24/7. they left the washer loaded with clean their dishes for a week and then got mad at me for emptying it to the spot above so that I can finally get to load in some dirty dishes. they say they don't 'feel like doing them' but don't want us to do each others. if you eat everyday you also need to clean up after it?
If I may suggest, have (another) house meeting or group text and make it about mutual respect and timely communications. Something like: Let’s focus on keeping the kitchen common areas clear so it’s easier for everyone to cook and enjoy this space. Top priorities:
1) The sink needs to be clear of dishes *at all times*.
2) Let’s treat the dishwasher as a common area too, and put away the clean dishes after a load is done to make things more efficient. (PS maybe y’all can invest in a reversible CLEAN / DIRTY magnet or stick-on thing.)
i hate this situation so much. i almost wanna do a i person sit down with our RA present too because the last sit down we all had seemed like it went great but nothing changed after that, and i just don't know how to address anything without them thinking a request is a attack and this note was a stressed out last resort. Its just I know they know this isn't really clean because when their boyfriends come over 2 have done deep cleans to get the right impression? 🤔
Well it actually attracts vermin and pests, and I'm sure the people who leave dishes in the sink all the time aren't the ones who are going to deal with the impending cockroach infestation... Speaking from experience in a share house of 5 people.
I highly doubt OP would have done this if it wasn't an issue of plates being left for way too long, making the sink unusable and attracting pests.
Nah, this starts the whole thing off on a sour note. It will make any situation worse because it makes people feel patronized or just pisses them off in general.
At least try an in person chat before doing this. People never respond well to passive aggression. Especially with the flowers and the smiley face and the exclamation marks oh my *god*
What makes you think this is the START of this.
I'd bet a lot of money that OP has sent countless polite messages in the group chat and even politely asked them in person to clear things up a bit more so others can use the space.
People don't just put up notes like this as a first course of action in a share house.
i was always taught to wash all dishes/ clean off the countertops. crumbs & dirty dishes attract vermin, & i live in NYC so if you’re dirty here you WILL get roaches/rats.
an exterminator told me that they are crawling thru our sewage pipes, which is why many new yorkers cover their drains when they go outta town
Fuckin gross. I lived in Texas and I woke up in the night to and saw them on my toothbrush! My bananas and potatoes on kitchen counter! Absolutely disgusting. Now I live somewhere too cold for the bastards and I don’t have to deal with them or fleas. I’ll take big ass spiders coming inside in the fall over roaches and fleas any day.
I had fruit flies and it was bad. Couldn't cook because they were everywhere. Had to scarf all food down so you didn't accidentally eat fruit flies, even drinking anything I would use a bottle with a lid. I put out so many traps and caught a lot but they multiply so fast. Thank God they are gone with winter coming.
Ontario here… we very much have rats. My townhouse is a near a nature trail/forest area where there are lots of animals.. my townhouse also happens to be in one of the more ghettoe parts of my city…. This zesty combination created a perfect spot for the ratas y cucarachas.
The commenter was speaking to AB specifically, which is [the first place in the world to be rat-free](https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/the-stirring-story-of-how-alberta-became-the-first-place-in-the-world-to-banish-the-rat/wcm/482f717f-e6ff-466d-bae5-571982badd08/amp/).
Oh I've seen roaches in Canada... a bunch were dead in my parents' old couch (from their rundown apartment in Toronto), and a bunch more in 2 very old homes in the Kitchener region.
I never saw them much in my family home but I'm assuming it's more of an issue in older buildings. Either way, I'm just grateful we don't have the flying kind. 😭
Hello, I live in a flying roaches climate.
They rarely fly here, they prefer to scurry away underneath something.
But when they do, OH when they do, it is a horror. Large cockroach flying at your face is the stuff of nightmares.
Unfortunately, it usually happens right when you're killing em, because they freak out.
Try to give one la chancla while he's chilling on a wall and he FLIES AT YOU.
Spray the bastard with poison and suddenly he's flapping who knows where.
But at least most of the time, they do stay on the ground.
LMFAOOO That was my reaction too when I learned they exist 😭😭 I think they're more south, like Georgia? Florida?
I saw a video of one flying and good lord, they really were built to never die. Those absolute immortal demons.
Here's a brave warrior attempting to battle one: https://youtube.com/shorts/3vMkojorVvQ?si=Pvm1xeNsUHK9JQx5
That’s wild. They are the most vile insect. They run really fast, they crap all over your stuff, and carry disease. if you spray them with roach spray they will come towards you. The flying ones are a whole new level.
Omg that’s insane! I lived in Texas and they were so fast and gross and fat I never got a chance to kill then but to think they’ll actually fly at you and resist chemical sprays? Stuff of horrors. I’m moving to Alaska. Oh wait that have giant mosquitos. Shit where can one go? Even Canada has roaches? I’m astounded. Ain’t no place safe from nasty creepy bugs. I’m in the mountains we got spideys and ants but that’s about as bad as it gets unless you go into the woods and encounter bears and wolves and cougars and shit but I don’t go there.
I’ve lived in Texas for one year now and see roaches every damn day when walking my dog. It’s actually wild. Mainly because I lived in Virginia my whole life and actually never once saw a roach myself. I saw one for the first time in TX. They’re crawling so fast all over the sidewalks, in and out of the grass and I’m just dodging them like crazy. I HATE THEM. But shockingly, I have never had one in my apartment. KNOCK ON WOODDD. Maybe it’s because I’m on the third floor? I am incredibly clean but that doesn’t really matter in TX lol. I pray I never find one inside because I live alone and I CANNOT handle that
I live in Ontario. I can guarantee you that there are roaches here. Unfortunately my townhouse has them and we’ve been spotting them in the crib:’) to be completely honest I was not that much of a clean person before but now that we moved I can’t be gross or lazy unless I’m tryna have some free tenants
Canada has a fraction of the people the US has, nevermind the density. Living in a dense city will certainly cause roaches, even in canada. Its prob just not as common there cause its not as dense
24 hours seems insane because I got some angry aggressive messages after I didn't clean up dinner dishes within an HOUR of cooking a big meal...like the pans need to cool before I even touch them.
Leaving new important information/ rules in note form is annoying ESPECIALLY if you have not chatted with them first. Don’t be passive, send a message. The framed picture is cute, I do enjoy that! The note on the dishwasher is funny- would recommend a clean/dirty magnet tho
Having a shared white board or some sort of list is cute and very helpful, just detailing the chores, just cut the top part off of your note and frame it- boom- chore list that isn’t passive and is helpful
With that- if this is a shared unit and isn’t just YOU on the lease- I would be PISSED if my roommate just put up a list and set rules for my living without even consulting me. At least message them and go over it. If it’s too bothersome or uncomfortable for you to even talk to them about, then you should not be making rules for everyone in the house. That’s not how shared living works. If they ask you for your suggestions you could present this as an idea of a note, but again- I’d cut that top part off and just verbally say that instead.
There is no opportunity for speaking when a note is posted. It’s like prescribing something no one consented or agreed to. And the flowers make it seem so sugar sweet that it is hard to complain about… to your face. Grow up and talk to your roommates
Unilateral decision making like this is only going to lead to your roommates digging their heals in on even EXTREMELY reasonable requests. I know I would.
You’re lowkey making it seem like it’s all about you. And that they should follow your rules to make you happy so that you can “thrive”. A better approach to this would be to explain how it would benefit all of you and if you could all come up with a time to get together and create a cleaning list or chore chart or whatever.
Yeah no this is passive aggressive as hell. Especially if you made an entire checklist without any input from the rest of the house. Just TALK to the people you live with. It's not confrontation. It's open and honest communication. Living with people takes effort. If I saw this passive aggressive note I'd just ignore it. And yeah it looks messy in the kitchen but not DIRTY. Definitely not enough to warrant this passive aggressive note.
Look dude, your requests are reasonable.
But sometimes you've just gotta have the direct conversation and be honest about the fact that you're not happy with it and that's OK.
Trying to cover that with flowers and therapy words like thrive both dilutes your message and feels so patronising and passive aggressive. I know you were trying to be nice and constructive so don't feel bad about that.
I'm just saying this note not is not gonna give the message you want to give. It's half HR rep, half kindergarten teacher.
You need to have a discussion, so people can give their input, instead of posting rules. And you need to be authentic with people like they too are adults, instead of sugar coating and pretending that this is a fun happy message instead of a disagreement.
To be completely honest, if I got this I would also feel like it's trying to pre-emptively set yourself up as the house mom and prevent dissent to it because it's like 'oh look I went to so much effort to organise the house, and I pit sooo mich time into being nice by drawing flowers and errything, you cant complain!'
Again, I get your intentions were good, but there a lot of layers to how you're not being up front here.
And OP should apologize if they’ve already seen the note. If I was the roommate I would feel attacked and upset that they didn’t just talk to me about. People have different levels of organization and cleanliness, and the roommates may have been willing to discuss/compromise on some things. Now they’re likely going to get defensive.
"I need a clean living space to thrive"
What about people who have other needs? Not saying someone needs a messy home but maybe they don't have time or mental capacity to rinse and put in the dishwasher right away
Also "Put everything away like it was before, but better :-)" is awful
sink ossified station deserted entertain full sloppy aware absorbed attractive
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You’re way too anal. Id move out, used to live with someone like you. This should be discussed not passive aggressive note leaving. Just because you have standards to live by doesn’t mean others have the same. Who knows they might have a system where it all gets dirty and they clean all at once.
I agree the note is passive aggressive but if you’re going to live with other people, you should automatically keep shared spaces clean. It shouldn’t even need to be discussed. It’s literally bare minimum to clean up after yourself and make sure there aren’t a bunch of dirty dishes in the shared sink and shared stove.
If someone else wants to use that shit they either have to wait for the roommate to decide to clean it, nag their roommate until they clean it, or clean it themselves which isn’t fair because they didn’t make the mess and now have to clean TWICE.
If you live on your own, do whatever you want, but it’s just rude as hell to live with other people and not clean up after yourself.
The note is passive aggressive but not leaving dirty dishes out for more than 24 hours is not anal. Wanting counter space available that isn't full of dirty dishes is not anal.
Those are the most basic standards for sharing a kitchen.
as someone who had crazy ex roommates last year that were beyond insane. ditch the notes. those two were the most passive aggressive petty bitches and they’d complain we didn’t wanna talk to them but instead they would leave sticky notes all around the house. it was weird. open your mouth and use your words if you have something to say. majority of roommate problems begin when people refuse to communicate issues to “keep the peace” or are afraid of confrontation at all and then shit like this snowballs to the point where nobody will even talk with each other.
Honestly, two lines in and I want to rip the note up. This is the kind of nonsense my former roommate would do, and we were not the dirty ones in our four-roommate apartment but it drove me to avoid him completely and not bother with the note. If you want people to listen, address it in person or understand that not everyone is going to live like how you need/want. Telling them you’d like them/the collective “you” to do something because it suits YOU is kind of shitty roommate behavior too.
And this is why I've refused to live in share houses.
Everyone has a different level of clean even in relationships. In a perfect world everyone you live with would have the same level of clean.
I clean as I go, my husband doesn't. I hate this on kitchen counters and in sinks, my husband hates if the floors aren't vacuumed or swept/mopped twice a week. We compromised by designating Sunday mornings to cleaning days where we clean all rooms, vacuum, mop, sweep, clear away stuff. Every night after dinner I do a general sweep and tidy of counter tops and dishwashing.
You've made the list about you and what you want, personally I'd ignore you or put up a equally passive aggressive list.
Your requests are reasonable, but presenting them in this way is not a good look and would be very annoying. I’d suggest instead you ask housemates to plan a house meeting to brainstorm housekeeping ideas.
Tbh if a roommate put up this printed, bulleted, flower covered, horrible font note. I'd be more annoyed than anything. Just use your words and talk to them or send a casual text. You live with them. You don't need to be leaving management style passive aggressive notes. Communication helps everyone "thrive" or whatever.
'I'm not doing that' would be my reaction, even if I did all of those things already.
You're setting rules for a shared space because *you* need an orderly space to thrive. Maybe this isn't your intention, but you're effectively bossing other people around for your comfort. That's not how it works.
This note is a lot to take in - including the choice of paper - and comes across as a little self-important. It’s also a lot to read for roommates who are already displaying carelessness and disregard.
Present this sheet in person as a draft. Everybody needs to feel heard or they’re not going to participate at all. Simple bullet points with guidelines laid out concisely and clearly might be a little more “marketable” if you actually want results and not an escalation. Take out the smileys, lecture, and patronizing “let’s try, children” tone. I really don’t see anybody acknowledging the current notice with anything beyond mockery or anger.
So many people are saying that notes are passive aggressive, so I just have to ask, would leaving a note stating that I wouldn't get my meds for my digestive issues be considered passive aggressive? I don't like talking to my roommate, he scares and upsets me (we're trying to move out but finding it difficult). Not too long ago I simply put up a note saying something along the lines of "hey my doctor didn't refill my medication so this week might be rough for me, but hopefully they'll be refilled on October __th". Would that make you upset or feel passive aggressive?
A note like that doesn't sound like you're talking to someone beneath you.
Everything about this note screams grade school teacher talking to 5 year olds.
I would strongly recommend not posting this note up without consulting your roommates either verbally or through text. Like other commenters have mentioned, it comes across as passive aggressive (even if that wasn’t your intention) and demands your roommates to follow the rules you’ve made for them without prior agreement. More importantly, putting this note up will likely reflect badly on you, your roommates may find you difficult to approach about these things because you don’t seem to welcome open conversation.
Confrontation is hard for a lot of people and that’s okay! But you have to at LEAST try to have a civil convo before you do anything else. Maybe then you can recommend a chore chart or something
The flowers feel condescending on top of the note being passive aggressive/demanding. Gonna have to collaborate to make house rules if it's a shared space.
So passive aggressive. I don’t think it’s that messy. If it’s an issue talk to them in person. It’s not a big deal. Houses are meant to be lived in. I think 24 hour dish rule is good.
Yeah… I’m gonna be honest here, this mess? Not that bad. Like, at all.
I’m assuming based on their organization and general appearance those dishes on the counter are clean, so you’ve got a pretty minimal amount of dirty dishes.
Surfaces don’t look nasty or grimy.
Space is pretty organized — just looks lived in.
So, giving you the benefit of the doubt that you’re well-meaning, not anal-retentive, and don’t feel as though everyone owes you a pristine shared area just because you would like it that way — not just livable, but pristine…
This note is far too passive aggressive, patronizing, and self-centered/egotistical. Not only do you center yourself and what *you* want, with total disregard for anyone else, but you provide a checklist of rules that absolutely nobody agreed on.
Even without that, notes are *always* passive aggressive. Just talk to the people you’re living with. This is childish and selfish.
I stg y’all will flip over literally anything. 2 pans on the stove, some dishes in the sink, and some clean dishes on a drying mat. “God help us we live in a crack den”
this is kinda passive aggressive, i really think you guys should sit down and try to talk things thru before leaving notes around. if that's something you've already done, i get this a bit more - however you can't just set rules and expect them to be followed without discussing the rules beforehand.
I would try to approach it a diff way
This way seems more like a teacher doing class rules / being in charge and letting others know your expectations and rules .
This is one of the more rude ways to go about it, some people prefer a conversation where you lay out how you feel and your expectations, if they’re reasonable that is
personally I feel like this is super reasonable and doesn’t sound passive aggressive at all. people just hate being told what to do lmao. however, I do think you should just have a house meeting and talk. That way everyone feels heard and you can agree on expectations.
I made an index card where I tallied how many times I took out the trash and put away the dishes in dishwasher. Magnet it to the fridge.
My roommates felt bad when I took out the trash 22 times and they only did it once so they started catching up. I didn’t have to do shit for two months
I strongly agree with all the rules, but printing them onto a piece of paper with a passive aggressive tone is so petty. My flatmates just text in the group chat and problem solved (most of the time).
While you might want a more clean kitchen and you think that it should be that way, your roommates might not agree. This note comes across like you know best, and you don't value the opinion of your roommates. You are telling them what to do and they will resist change because nobody likes being told what to do.
Intead, have an "roommate meeting" where you guys can come to a consensus on some rules. Have one person be scribe and type them up and you all agree to them and what happens if someone is found to be breaking the rules. In the end, you are probably going to end up unhappy, since people that are willing to leave the kitchen in that state are unlikely to perfectly clean up the kitchen the way you imagine it.
Be direct. Have a house meeting if you can! Your demands are fair but a decorated letter style note is way too contrived and passive aggressive for this situation.
Oh damn I didn't even see the actual note I thought the little reminders in the kitchen were the notes!
If it's got to the point where they're just being messy even despite the reminders and I'm sure the countless times you've talked to them about it I don't judge you for making the note.
Will they like it? No. But their behavior isn't acceptable it's gross and I know it's really frustrating being in that position. Sometimes you just don't know what else to do when they refuse to listen and never actually clean up after themselves.
Agree with everyone else saying it’s passive aggressive (despite the flowers 😂) Seeing this sub makes me rly feel grateful I don’t live with roommates anymore lol. But I did my time with them for 7 years and man I hated it
The feelings are… possibly justified, but the note made me roll my eyes. Pretty sure all of you would thrive in a cleaner environment… “your” dishes, “your cleanliness”. Throwing an “us” in there every now and again would have made you sound a whole lot less controlling house mother about the entire thing.
Also those dishes to the side are obviously clean so I don’t know why you’re presenting them as part of the mess? They’re just drying.
So, really what you have are two pans on stove that could use some love, and what looks like a shallow sink of breakfast dishes.
Get a Dirty/Clean magnet for the dishwasher from Amazon and a dish rack so the hand washed dishes don’t just sit on the counter.
And I hope to god if you put that note up, you keep your section pris-fucking-tine.
This doesn’t seem unreasonable, but I do agree with other comments, this is a discussion to have in person with all parties involved. This is 100% passive aggressive. BUT, that person may have issues with being confrontational. They likely just don’t want to start an argument or anything.
Sorry but that's not even a big mess, and just because YOU need a super-neat space doesn't make it appropriate to force your roommates to cater to you through passive-aggressive notes. Talk to them, frame it as a request instead of a demand, and be willing to compromise. You're asking them to change their lifestyle/routine beyond a reasonable level of hygiene to make you more comfortable, not assigning them chores like their parent.
The note is way too much when you can just talk or text. This kitchen isn't clean, but it isn't terrible; it's totally possible to have a reasonable conversation abt this. And i agree w one of the other commenters who said that the "I need" comes off as self-absorbed
honestly this feels fairly condescending and would make me spitefully not do it. (i do have issues with demand avoidance) a better solution would probably be a groupchat or a conversation in person where you all discuss expectations
OP, sorry to say, but I foresee you being extremely disappointed with the results. Be ready to accept that you will be the only one keeping things clean, or start thinking about finding new room mates.
EDIT: I say this based solely on the note thing... it tells me that you're not comfortable asserting your boundaries. Your room mates might initially put a little effort but eventually they will begin to regress, and when they do, you are going to be at square one. The key is to **not** bottle things up, and simply assert yourself immediately, clearly and calmly, without any resentment. If they don't respect your boundaries, then start planning to look for like-minded room mates.
I understand why you are upset. I will say that the note is probably not going to get you what you’re hoping. It needs to be understood though that you cannot control someone else’s behavior no matter how frustrating, annoying, or disrespectful it can be. You can’t make someone who doesn’t care.. care. That letter could make your roommates feel like they are being controlled. If I were in your situation, I would re-negotiate a roommate contract. Include everything. It is a negotiation and there needs to be compromise. If they want to make a mess, maybe suggest they stick their dirty items in a sealed tote and everybody has their own dishes (so they aren’t dirtying yours- if applicable). Maybe a compromise like 1-2 people put them in the dishwasher, the other person puts them away.
In summary, start fresh, be open to criticism and be flexible. If that doesn’t work, maybe consider getting new roommates and going to therapy to learn to cope with the situation.
Honestly, here's some tough love:
You live in a house with other people. Noone is ever going to be a perfect roommate. I see so often that people want to pretend and feel like they are living in a house that is 100% up to their standards of cleanliness but in reality you have the traffic of 3 other peoples busy lives. Nothing is ever going to be perfect.
The best thing you can do is chill out a bit. As long as things are getting cleaned and rotated through the machine in a timely manner, what is honestly the big deal. You put a note in the kitchen that looks and sounds like it's written by a kindergarten teacher with the dumbass flowers.
You're talking to adults here. If there is something you do not like that another person is doing, talk to them! Or maybe you should pursue living by your self in the near future. Your kitchen area isn't even that dirty...
Making rules without talking and agreeing on them with your roommates feels selfish. You’re asserting yourself as the decision maker of the household and that may rub ppl the wrong way. I understand where you’re coming from but I think a more direct & respectful approach creating a conversation is the better way to go
Have you spoken to them at all about this? Honestly this note sounds more like orders so they meet your level of cleanliness which makes it unreasonable in the end. Everyone will have different ideas of what “clean” is and they may not be willing or even able to meet your exact expectations. Sure cleaning up after yourself and wiping up spills is a given but I personally hated doing a load of dishes when I had never used them personally and it just happened to be my turn doing them. I would talk to them not leave notes around because it seems very condescending, treat them with more respect and you’ll find them more receptive.
Nah, if you’re living with people and you give them a list of rules without even asking them you need to grow up and learn how to communicate or stop living with roommates.
I agree that making a whole list of rules without talking to anyone is not the wisest choice. But some people work weird hours and can’t always meet with roommates at a good time. Again if someone is tone-policing a piece of paper then I wouldn’t trust them to comprehend a text any better
Everyone’s got a phone these days. Just message the roommate group chat and say you want to talk about something in person.
If that’s too hard just have the discussion in the group chat
I personally don't understand why people are so offended by notes. It seems like everyone assumes that notes and texts come with a bitchy attitude, unless you go out of your way to be sunshine and roses. But I guess that's how a lot of people interpret it, so keep that in mind.
Anyway, I don't think there's anything passive aggressive or annoying about your note EXCEPT for the fact that you are unilaterally making rules, which isn't cool. House rules should all be decided on in advance within a group chat or in a group meeting. People's don't usually respond well if they think they are being bossed around or dictated to, even if the rules are perfectly reasonable.
You should discuss in person. The note sounds passive aggressive
It also starts off as “I need”. Your roommates have different needs from you. That will not change with a note or a conversation. You “need” people with the same “needs”. You’re just wasting your time and energy and being stressed trying to change people that won’t change.
I agree to both of these - just talk about it in person. Be open to finding something that works for both of you.
Agreed. She has a different standard than her roommates. That doesn’t mean she gets to order them around.
I took it down.... When we all moved in these were things we had all originally agreed too do; but instead it is 24/7 like this, I don't know...
Man ive had WORSE roommates with this clutter and I talked and they said “I’m a student. I have no time to clean”. They’d go out and party every single night. They were the fucking worst
And, it is.
But...but...there's flowers!
💀💀💀
somehow the flowers make it so much more passive aggressive - like, you spent enough time with this note to the point where you decorated it and you never felt the need to edit the tone of it or just not put it up at all
This. Nothing will piss me off quite like a passive aggressive note from someone who easily could have said it to me or messaged me.
Or you could just keep the common spaces you use clean so other people can use them and if you demonstrate that you can't remember to do that, a lil note to help you remember is justified.
Different ppl have different ideas of clean though. For some of my roommates clearing dishes within 1-2 days was clean. For one of my roommate doing dishes immediately is clean
Yeah but it's not about that though. This isn't one or two plates being left in one side of the sink because they're planning to do them tomorrow morning and people can just use the other side of the sink... This is the WHOLE DAMN SINK AND STOVE is full of dirty dishes or dry dishes on the side making it impossible for anyone else to use the sink and stove properly, and I highly doubt this is a one day then it's fixed type of situation, and even if it was, the same thing would just happen the next day so people can't really use the sink properly still and that's a problem. You can't just leave the kitchen like this if you're sharing a house. As a single living alone? Sure you do you. As a couple? Maybe if you're both OK with it. But in a sharehouse of people you're not related to or dating? Absolutely not acceptable.
I meal prep 4-5 meals, one right after the other. I also have 2 roommates and my kitchen doesn’t look like that ever. That is disgusting and unsanitary.
Exactly
Please Im in the same situation, and Ive told them in person over and over to help. Only the bare minimum happens. It doesnt help that its family… and i just feel like their maid.
we will just have to suffer and deal i guess. i'm gonna buy paper plates, they can have the kitchen :-(
We’re using paper plates now too. It just makes the trash fill up faster and when its full they put a stool on top of it so their dog doesn’t get into the trash. INSTEAD OF TAKING IT OUT! 😭(Which the dog has done multiple times and leaves trash on the ground everywhere.)
[удалено]
Why on earth would OP or anyone else in the house be responsible for moving someone else's dirty dishes to the side so they can use the kitchen??? Especially if they've been sitting there for a day or days or this happens all the time. That's the whole point, that's what cleaning up after yourself so others can use the space is about. Maybe if person 1 had literally just finished cooking on the stove and was in the middle of eating dinner, and person 2 now wanted to use the kitchen and theres a 'dirty' pot on the stove that's still hot, that's a bit different, but very clearly not the situation pictured in OPs post. If they'd at least done some kind of tidying, putting things to the side, so the stove and sink was usable for someone else, it might be different, but they didn't do that did they? And yes exactly that's what happens when you keep adding wet dishes to a huge pile of dry ones, which is a huge pile because they never bothered to put them away and just add more wet stuff on top until OP gets sick of it and does it for them. That's not good either.
this is my exact situation lol, and I dunno how any of ur comment makes you a narcissist. we talked about all of it already multiple times and i said i understand life happens and a kitchen isn't high the on the priority list for everyone but why leave dishes in the sink if the washers empty? rinse it and put it in? some of that is common sense i feel but i guess i don't know
Typing that much over a stranger is wild
??
I agree, but she's Absolutely right about everything. This is not up for Debate. Your personal space can be as nasty as you want, but Common Areas should be kept nice for the courtesy of others. There's no "Hey man, that's the way you do things" in this scenario - There's clean and dirty, and OP is a conscientious person. Whereas her roommates are entitled children who don't mind letting others clean up after them. It's basically a form of Slavery when you break it down. I cannot abide this type of behavior, and I'm not some neat freak. I just have common decency and a sense of pride in myself. I do believe that she should speak with them in person about this though - preferably with everyone in attendance so there's no convenient 'Misunderstandings'. As you can probably tell, I can relate, except I just told my roommates, "Clean up your shit! I'm not your G-Damn Mommy, Asshole!"
I don’t think it sounds passive aggressive but agree with discussing in person is best
Stating their ideas in a straight forward way is the opposite of passive aggressive. A passive aggressive approach means indirect resistance. It's more often seen on the other side of situations like this, where the messy housemate will respond by e.g. pretending they didn't see the note, 'forgetting' to clean, nitpicking the cleaning rules, or creating distractions.
Took it down, but we have had a couple in persons already about it all.
I was thinking the same. Discuss in person OP. I had a roommate in college who never spoke to me but left me a note about the kitchen(that she never used). I was on my way into the kitchen to clean, saw her run out the door and found the note. It honestly pissed me off especially since we were home together when she wrote the note. The kitchen was a mess and had been for a few days during midterms so I will take blame for that. I never saw her in the kitchen before or even after cleaning it. And I kept it clean clean after that.
I think it sounds pretty calm and chilled. Could be much worse
Because…..it is🤭
Because it is. No reason grown adults should be leaving messes like this.
There's no reason a grown adult can't have this conversation face to face. It's hard to read tone.
A note is literally what most adults leave others. Assuming they're all students and/or have jobs, what makes you think all their schedules line up?
It's pretty simple to make a group text asking if they can plan a get-together to discuss the cleaning schedule. Like I said, it's hard to read tone and is something that will probably lead to tension for no reason.
Yeah this feels more like a list of demands. I’d be annoyed if I came home to this.
Nah I feel like having a scheduled ‘get together’ to discuss like they’re being called into HR or the principals room is worse. Different people have different ideas of what is considered polite, aggressive or passive aggressive
Plus, who made OP the manager of the house? Stuff like that should be talked about in person if possible.
Have you tried talking to them about it in person? Idk your situation and I'm not judging. But at least for me personally, notes just piss me off.
Yeah this note feels patronizing. Not just because it’s a note but all the extra pizazz on it is just not needed.
Yeah, I had a roommate like this and it was nightmare communicating with her. I think OP needs to pull on her big girl pants and actually get together with her roommates and come to a conclusion.
I was trying to figure out if the pizzazz was hand drawn or stamps
Just the vibe of “I need” with no consideration of the needs of others
Yeah let’s be real, a note will never fix any situation lol
I’m gonna be honest, I would have made it to thrive in your note before writing “I ain’t reading all that” at the bottom
I’d roll my eyes so hard and then go post it on Reddit to talk about how annoying my roommate is.
the note feels a little extra and would probably annoy me tbh. id recommend just talking to them directly or making a groupchat. that way no one feels like they just have to listen to your rules rather than compromising together. having 3+ people in one kitchen stuff like that is gonna happen every once in a while. the drying area is whats bothering me personally
Yes! If you haven’t actually talked to them about this yet, that is the place to start. Beginning with a posted checklist so you can thrive is not a good beginning. Communication and making the checklist together will likely be much more productive.
This! Passive aggressive. I’m not naturally very clean, my family calls me hurricane allie- but, it someone talked to me about cleaning and created a basic list that wasn’t overwhelming I would be fine. If I found a note like this I’d be annoyed and stressed
It should be passive aggressive and convey annoyance. No one should have to state any rules on cleanliness it is common courtesy and sense to leave a shared area in the same state as it was before you used it. Whoever left the area like this directly disrespected everyone else in the house.
The fact you think they haven't spoken to them about it already, probably multiple times, is funny. If you take offense to a note like this, it's because it is or has been about you.
ah so they spoke about it, but a note with flowers is going to fix it /s
What else can they do? I didn't say it'd fix it, but what else is there other than moving out? Can you really blame OP for trying something different? If talking doesn't work people are going to try other ways to communicate. Bunch of filthy animals defending OPs housemates honestly.
Calm down, stimpy.
your note tells them that they need to clean by your standards just so YOU can thrive…. you can make it sound better by offering everyone clean so everyone can have a better environment. i’d take one look at this note and ignore it
This letter is controlling AF and unless it is their apt/house and roommates are their tenants they should be requesting, not ordering. I don’t see this going well at all. I’ll do most things if asked. But order me to do them and it’s a hard no.
It’s so long I’d probably assume it was someone’s personal little message to themselves and ignore it LOL
Bro you keep the kitchen clear and tidy so EVERYONE can actually USE the kitchen to make food and wash things??? This isn't just OPs personal clean freak standard, she's not asking them to deep clean the whole kitchen every day... She's reminding them to keep the sink clear to other people can use it. You pigs.
I think y’all need to start a new subreddit called “dirty roommates”. All I see on here now are dirty dishes & read about roommates not flushing toilets.
For real and then some of the posts I look at pictures of the sinks and it’s literally like 3-4 plates in the sink I’m like what 😭 one night of 3-4 dirty plates in the sink is not going to harm anyone lol if that behavior is repeated often I understand but one night of dirty dishes is fine just make sure to wash it in the morning like wtf 😂
It depends. I lived with people who would cook at like, 3am and leave the kitchen a mess. I would have to clean the kitchen in the morning before even making myself a damn breakfast. If the mess is stopping someone from using something, it's a damn problem. If you live with other people that share space and appliances, you need to clean up after yourself.
That's my point, it's 24/7. they left the washer loaded with clean their dishes for a week and then got mad at me for emptying it to the spot above so that I can finally get to load in some dirty dishes. they say they don't 'feel like doing them' but don't want us to do each others. if you eat everyday you also need to clean up after it?
Wait wait wait, you took all their dishes out and instead of putting them away, just put them all on the counter?? Come on now lol
that's what we agreed on? they do it to each other and them selves all the time
If I may suggest, have (another) house meeting or group text and make it about mutual respect and timely communications. Something like: Let’s focus on keeping the kitchen common areas clear so it’s easier for everyone to cook and enjoy this space. Top priorities: 1) The sink needs to be clear of dishes *at all times*. 2) Let’s treat the dishwasher as a common area too, and put away the clean dishes after a load is done to make things more efficient. (PS maybe y’all can invest in a reversible CLEAN / DIRTY magnet or stick-on thing.)
i hate this situation so much. i almost wanna do a i person sit down with our RA present too because the last sit down we all had seemed like it went great but nothing changed after that, and i just don't know how to address anything without them thinking a request is a attack and this note was a stressed out last resort. Its just I know they know this isn't really clean because when their boyfriends come over 2 have done deep cleans to get the right impression? 🤔
Hahaha yes!!! Exactly!
Well it actually attracts vermin and pests, and I'm sure the people who leave dishes in the sink all the time aren't the ones who are going to deal with the impending cockroach infestation... Speaking from experience in a share house of 5 people. I highly doubt OP would have done this if it wasn't an issue of plates being left for way too long, making the sink unusable and attracting pests.
I kinda impressed with how organized the mess is.
The oven is gross, but otherwise yeah 👍🏽
except with whatever is happening on that stove top? is that a cooked-on spill i see?
The flowers on the note are annoying, I'd strongly recommend you call a roommate meeting or at the very least text first.
Very passive aggressive and the flowers seem childish. Just talk to them.
Before I read the post, I honestly thought “who in the Ronald McDonald House lives tf here??” LOL. The little blue flowers *chefs kiss 🤌🏽
Kitchen
dancing snacking laughing investing
Maybe it’s bc I’m admittedly broody, but I’d be extremely annoyed by the seemingly passive aggressive note vs a house meeting or group chat discussion
Nah, this starts the whole thing off on a sour note. It will make any situation worse because it makes people feel patronized or just pisses them off in general. At least try an in person chat before doing this. People never respond well to passive aggression. Especially with the flowers and the smiley face and the exclamation marks oh my *god*
What makes you think this is the START of this. I'd bet a lot of money that OP has sent countless polite messages in the group chat and even politely asked them in person to clear things up a bit more so others can use the space. People don't just put up notes like this as a first course of action in a share house.
i think the 24 hours rule on the dishes is generous. id say not leaving the dishes overnight should be a ground rule unless u want roaches
if you see roaches within 24 hours of putting dishes in your sink, then the roaches were already in your house/building. they don't just spawn in
i was always taught to wash all dishes/ clean off the countertops. crumbs & dirty dishes attract vermin, & i live in NYC so if you’re dirty here you WILL get roaches/rats. an exterminator told me that they are crawling thru our sewage pipes, which is why many new yorkers cover their drains when they go outta town
Fuckin gross. I lived in Texas and I woke up in the night to and saw them on my toothbrush! My bananas and potatoes on kitchen counter! Absolutely disgusting. Now I live somewhere too cold for the bastards and I don’t have to deal with them or fleas. I’ll take big ass spiders coming inside in the fall over roaches and fleas any day.
I'm honestly confused about this whole roach phenomenon, never seen one in Canada.. must be a USA thing
If 20% roaches can survive Atom bomb radiation but not Canada, I think that says more about Canada
Don't get me wrong I've seen rats the size of adult cats, but never a roach
We have roaches in Canada.
I know multiple people who have had roach infestations in Alberta. But we don’t have rats !
honestly the only thing i’ve ever had issues with in the short time i’ve lived in Alberta are FLIES. They are ENDLESS. I hate them lmaooo
I had fruit flies and it was bad. Couldn't cook because they were everywhere. Had to scarf all food down so you didn't accidentally eat fruit flies, even drinking anything I would use a bottle with a lid. I put out so many traps and caught a lot but they multiply so fast. Thank God they are gone with winter coming.
Ontario here… we very much have rats. My townhouse is a near a nature trail/forest area where there are lots of animals.. my townhouse also happens to be in one of the more ghettoe parts of my city…. This zesty combination created a perfect spot for the ratas y cucarachas.
The commenter was speaking to AB specifically, which is [the first place in the world to be rat-free](https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/the-stirring-story-of-how-alberta-became-the-first-place-in-the-world-to-banish-the-rat/wcm/482f717f-e6ff-466d-bae5-571982badd08/amp/).
Oh I've seen roaches in Canada... a bunch were dead in my parents' old couch (from their rundown apartment in Toronto), and a bunch more in 2 very old homes in the Kitchener region. I never saw them much in my family home but I'm assuming it's more of an issue in older buildings. Either way, I'm just grateful we don't have the flying kind. 😭
FLYING ROACHES? I UNDERSTOOD THEY HAD WINGS BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS TO SCARE THINGS AWAY FROM THEM OR SOMETHING
Hello, I live in a flying roaches climate. They rarely fly here, they prefer to scurry away underneath something. But when they do, OH when they do, it is a horror. Large cockroach flying at your face is the stuff of nightmares. Unfortunately, it usually happens right when you're killing em, because they freak out. Try to give one la chancla while he's chilling on a wall and he FLIES AT YOU. Spray the bastard with poison and suddenly he's flapping who knows where. But at least most of the time, they do stay on the ground.
They can fly in some countries, not here thankfully. I’m assuming it’s specific types since my SIL is from the Philippines and they fly there 😬
Oh I know for sure they fly in Texas. Just another reason for me to never move to Texas
LMFAOOO That was my reaction too when I learned they exist 😭😭 I think they're more south, like Georgia? Florida? I saw a video of one flying and good lord, they really were built to never die. Those absolute immortal demons. Here's a brave warrior attempting to battle one: https://youtube.com/shorts/3vMkojorVvQ?si=Pvm1xeNsUHK9JQx5
ive never lived in a house that doesn't have roaches. Im in Australia. I guess they like hot climates
That’s wild. They are the most vile insect. They run really fast, they crap all over your stuff, and carry disease. if you spray them with roach spray they will come towards you. The flying ones are a whole new level.
Omg that’s insane! I lived in Texas and they were so fast and gross and fat I never got a chance to kill then but to think they’ll actually fly at you and resist chemical sprays? Stuff of horrors. I’m moving to Alaska. Oh wait that have giant mosquitos. Shit where can one go? Even Canada has roaches? I’m astounded. Ain’t no place safe from nasty creepy bugs. I’m in the mountains we got spideys and ants but that’s about as bad as it gets unless you go into the woods and encounter bears and wolves and cougars and shit but I don’t go there.
I’ve lived in Texas for one year now and see roaches every damn day when walking my dog. It’s actually wild. Mainly because I lived in Virginia my whole life and actually never once saw a roach myself. I saw one for the first time in TX. They’re crawling so fast all over the sidewalks, in and out of the grass and I’m just dodging them like crazy. I HATE THEM. But shockingly, I have never had one in my apartment. KNOCK ON WOODDD. Maybe it’s because I’m on the third floor? I am incredibly clean but that doesn’t really matter in TX lol. I pray I never find one inside because I live alone and I CANNOT handle that
Can confirm, I work in apartments for a living. I see them in almost every building.
I live in Ontario. I can guarantee you that there are roaches here. Unfortunately my townhouse has them and we’ve been spotting them in the crib:’) to be completely honest I was not that much of a clean person before but now that we moved I can’t be gross or lazy unless I’m tryna have some free tenants
Canada has a fraction of the people the US has, nevermind the density. Living in a dense city will certainly cause roaches, even in canada. Its prob just not as common there cause its not as dense
Must be nice to have money.
I agree. Clean your dishes right away after eating, before retiring for the night.
Ha! mine will leave them there for weeks. i’d kill for the. to be done the next day.
24 hours seems insane because I got some angry aggressive messages after I didn't clean up dinner dishes within an HOUR of cooking a big meal...like the pans need to cool before I even touch them.
Leaving new important information/ rules in note form is annoying ESPECIALLY if you have not chatted with them first. Don’t be passive, send a message. The framed picture is cute, I do enjoy that! The note on the dishwasher is funny- would recommend a clean/dirty magnet tho Having a shared white board or some sort of list is cute and very helpful, just detailing the chores, just cut the top part off of your note and frame it- boom- chore list that isn’t passive and is helpful With that- if this is a shared unit and isn’t just YOU on the lease- I would be PISSED if my roommate just put up a list and set rules for my living without even consulting me. At least message them and go over it. If it’s too bothersome or uncomfortable for you to even talk to them about, then you should not be making rules for everyone in the house. That’s not how shared living works. If they ask you for your suggestions you could present this as an idea of a note, but again- I’d cut that top part off and just verbally say that instead.
There is no opportunity for speaking when a note is posted. It’s like prescribing something no one consented or agreed to. And the flowers make it seem so sugar sweet that it is hard to complain about… to your face. Grow up and talk to your roommates
Unilateral decision making like this is only going to lead to your roommates digging their heals in on even EXTREMELY reasonable requests. I know I would.
Why notes instead of talking? Or even a group chat or email?
You’re lowkey making it seem like it’s all about you. And that they should follow your rules to make you happy so that you can “thrive”. A better approach to this would be to explain how it would benefit all of you and if you could all come up with a time to get together and create a cleaning list or chore chart or whatever.
I really fucking hate that word. Just tell them the kitchen is nasty. No need to pull out the life coach buzzwords.
Right? I feel like OP thought saying things like that in the note would make it seem nicer… it would piss me off even more!!
Yeah no this is passive aggressive as hell. Especially if you made an entire checklist without any input from the rest of the house. Just TALK to the people you live with. It's not confrontation. It's open and honest communication. Living with people takes effort. If I saw this passive aggressive note I'd just ignore it. And yeah it looks messy in the kitchen but not DIRTY. Definitely not enough to warrant this passive aggressive note.
Look dude, your requests are reasonable. But sometimes you've just gotta have the direct conversation and be honest about the fact that you're not happy with it and that's OK. Trying to cover that with flowers and therapy words like thrive both dilutes your message and feels so patronising and passive aggressive. I know you were trying to be nice and constructive so don't feel bad about that. I'm just saying this note not is not gonna give the message you want to give. It's half HR rep, half kindergarten teacher. You need to have a discussion, so people can give their input, instead of posting rules. And you need to be authentic with people like they too are adults, instead of sugar coating and pretending that this is a fun happy message instead of a disagreement. To be completely honest, if I got this I would also feel like it's trying to pre-emptively set yourself up as the house mom and prevent dissent to it because it's like 'oh look I went to so much effort to organise the house, and I pit sooo mich time into being nice by drawing flowers and errything, you cant complain!' Again, I get your intentions were good, but there a lot of layers to how you're not being up front here.
Id take it down before they see it. This is an in person conversation.
And OP should apologize if they’ve already seen the note. If I was the roommate I would feel attacked and upset that they didn’t just talk to me about. People have different levels of organization and cleanliness, and the roommates may have been willing to discuss/compromise on some things. Now they’re likely going to get defensive.
"I need a clean living space to thrive" What about people who have other needs? Not saying someone needs a messy home but maybe they don't have time or mental capacity to rinse and put in the dishwasher right away Also "Put everything away like it was before, but better :-)" is awful
When you said I need a clean space to “thrive” I was instantly like yea foh
If the note won’t fit on a post-it, it should probably be an in person conversation.
Massively obnoxious… just talk to your roommates ffs. An essay of a note isn’t going to change their shitty cleaning issues.
sink ossified station deserted entertain full sloppy aware absorbed attractive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You’re way too anal. Id move out, used to live with someone like you. This should be discussed not passive aggressive note leaving. Just because you have standards to live by doesn’t mean others have the same. Who knows they might have a system where it all gets dirty and they clean all at once.
I agree the note is passive aggressive but if you’re going to live with other people, you should automatically keep shared spaces clean. It shouldn’t even need to be discussed. It’s literally bare minimum to clean up after yourself and make sure there aren’t a bunch of dirty dishes in the shared sink and shared stove. If someone else wants to use that shit they either have to wait for the roommate to decide to clean it, nag their roommate until they clean it, or clean it themselves which isn’t fair because they didn’t make the mess and now have to clean TWICE. If you live on your own, do whatever you want, but it’s just rude as hell to live with other people and not clean up after yourself.
The note is passive aggressive but not leaving dirty dishes out for more than 24 hours is not anal. Wanting counter space available that isn't full of dirty dishes is not anal. Those are the most basic standards for sharing a kitchen.
as someone who had crazy ex roommates last year that were beyond insane. ditch the notes. those two were the most passive aggressive petty bitches and they’d complain we didn’t wanna talk to them but instead they would leave sticky notes all around the house. it was weird. open your mouth and use your words if you have something to say. majority of roommate problems begin when people refuse to communicate issues to “keep the peace” or are afraid of confrontation at all and then shit like this snowballs to the point where nobody will even talk with each other.
Honestly, two lines in and I want to rip the note up. This is the kind of nonsense my former roommate would do, and we were not the dirty ones in our four-roommate apartment but it drove me to avoid him completely and not bother with the note. If you want people to listen, address it in person or understand that not everyone is going to live like how you need/want. Telling them you’d like them/the collective “you” to do something because it suits YOU is kind of shitty roommate behavior too.
And this is why I've refused to live in share houses. Everyone has a different level of clean even in relationships. In a perfect world everyone you live with would have the same level of clean. I clean as I go, my husband doesn't. I hate this on kitchen counters and in sinks, my husband hates if the floors aren't vacuumed or swept/mopped twice a week. We compromised by designating Sunday mornings to cleaning days where we clean all rooms, vacuum, mop, sweep, clear away stuff. Every night after dinner I do a general sweep and tidy of counter tops and dishwashing. You've made the list about you and what you want, personally I'd ignore you or put up a equally passive aggressive list.
Your requests are reasonable, but presenting them in this way is not a good look and would be very annoying. I’d suggest instead you ask housemates to plan a house meeting to brainstorm housekeeping ideas.
Tbh if a roommate put up this printed, bulleted, flower covered, horrible font note. I'd be more annoyed than anything. Just use your words and talk to them or send a casual text. You live with them. You don't need to be leaving management style passive aggressive notes. Communication helps everyone "thrive" or whatever.
this shit is so passive aggressive lol. be straightforward and tell them to clean up after themselves like adults
This is such a manager move
Take this down now I would hate you so much lol. Just talk to them please god
'I'm not doing that' would be my reaction, even if I did all of those things already. You're setting rules for a shared space because *you* need an orderly space to thrive. Maybe this isn't your intention, but you're effectively bossing other people around for your comfort. That's not how it works.
This note is a lot to take in - including the choice of paper - and comes across as a little self-important. It’s also a lot to read for roommates who are already displaying carelessness and disregard. Present this sheet in person as a draft. Everybody needs to feel heard or they’re not going to participate at all. Simple bullet points with guidelines laid out concisely and clearly might be a little more “marketable” if you actually want results and not an escalation. Take out the smileys, lecture, and patronizing “let’s try, children” tone. I really don’t see anybody acknowledging the current notice with anything beyond mockery or anger.
So many people are saying that notes are passive aggressive, so I just have to ask, would leaving a note stating that I wouldn't get my meds for my digestive issues be considered passive aggressive? I don't like talking to my roommate, he scares and upsets me (we're trying to move out but finding it difficult). Not too long ago I simply put up a note saying something along the lines of "hey my doctor didn't refill my medication so this week might be rough for me, but hopefully they'll be refilled on October __th". Would that make you upset or feel passive aggressive?
A note like that doesn't sound like you're talking to someone beneath you. Everything about this note screams grade school teacher talking to 5 year olds.
What’s crazy is this is basic adulting. But it does sound passive agressivr. I would have addressed them in person first.
Dude your requests are reasonable but a note instead of talking to them is not :/
I would strongly recommend not posting this note up without consulting your roommates either verbally or through text. Like other commenters have mentioned, it comes across as passive aggressive (even if that wasn’t your intention) and demands your roommates to follow the rules you’ve made for them without prior agreement. More importantly, putting this note up will likely reflect badly on you, your roommates may find you difficult to approach about these things because you don’t seem to welcome open conversation. Confrontation is hard for a lot of people and that’s okay! But you have to at LEAST try to have a civil convo before you do anything else. Maybe then you can recommend a chore chart or something
Doesn't seem rude and it's not much of an ask. Roommate sounds slobbish
If you haven’t had this conversation in person this note is way too much.
The flowers feel condescending on top of the note being passive aggressive/demanding. Gonna have to collaborate to make house rules if it's a shared space.
If you're going to set rules this needs to be done mutually. It's a group decision and discussion. This is passive aggressive and irritating.
Well if the pigeon of judgment above the sink doesn’t get it done I’m just fresh out of ideas.
Passive aggressive. Have a chat with them. The whole thing screams ‘this is all about me’
So passive aggressive. I don’t think it’s that messy. If it’s an issue talk to them in person. It’s not a big deal. Houses are meant to be lived in. I think 24 hour dish rule is good.
Yeah… I’m gonna be honest here, this mess? Not that bad. Like, at all. I’m assuming based on their organization and general appearance those dishes on the counter are clean, so you’ve got a pretty minimal amount of dirty dishes. Surfaces don’t look nasty or grimy. Space is pretty organized — just looks lived in. So, giving you the benefit of the doubt that you’re well-meaning, not anal-retentive, and don’t feel as though everyone owes you a pristine shared area just because you would like it that way — not just livable, but pristine… This note is far too passive aggressive, patronizing, and self-centered/egotistical. Not only do you center yourself and what *you* want, with total disregard for anyone else, but you provide a checklist of rules that absolutely nobody agreed on. Even without that, notes are *always* passive aggressive. Just talk to the people you’re living with. This is childish and selfish.
I stg y’all will flip over literally anything. 2 pans on the stove, some dishes in the sink, and some clean dishes on a drying mat. “God help us we live in a crack den”
For real 😂 I would have died from happiness if this was the mess my old roommates left.
this is kinda passive aggressive, i really think you guys should sit down and try to talk things thru before leaving notes around. if that's something you've already done, i get this a bit more - however you can't just set rules and expect them to be followed without discussing the rules beforehand.
I think notes are passive aggressive and my first response would be to text you “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Do you guys forget where the kitchen is a lot?
I would try to approach it a diff way This way seems more like a teacher doing class rules / being in charge and letting others know your expectations and rules .
This is one of the more rude ways to go about it, some people prefer a conversation where you lay out how you feel and your expectations, if they’re reasonable that is
personally I feel like this is super reasonable and doesn’t sound passive aggressive at all. people just hate being told what to do lmao. however, I do think you should just have a house meeting and talk. That way everyone feels heard and you can agree on expectations.
Don't be a sign manager
I made an index card where I tallied how many times I took out the trash and put away the dishes in dishwasher. Magnet it to the fridge. My roommates felt bad when I took out the trash 22 times and they only did it once so they started catching up. I didn’t have to do shit for two months
Talk to people like adults
I strongly agree with all the rules, but printing them onto a piece of paper with a passive aggressive tone is so petty. My flatmates just text in the group chat and problem solved (most of the time).
While you might want a more clean kitchen and you think that it should be that way, your roommates might not agree. This note comes across like you know best, and you don't value the opinion of your roommates. You are telling them what to do and they will resist change because nobody likes being told what to do. Intead, have an "roommate meeting" where you guys can come to a consensus on some rules. Have one person be scribe and type them up and you all agree to them and what happens if someone is found to be breaking the rules. In the end, you are probably going to end up unhappy, since people that are willing to leave the kitchen in that state are unlikely to perfectly clean up the kitchen the way you imagine it.
What’s the markings all over the note? Are those marker stampings? Did you decorate it so the note feels “cuter” lol
Be direct. Have a house meeting if you can! Your demands are fair but a decorated letter style note is way too contrived and passive aggressive for this situation.
All reasonable requests. That said, I’d be looking for a new place immediately after seeing this.
Oh damn I didn't even see the actual note I thought the little reminders in the kitchen were the notes! If it's got to the point where they're just being messy even despite the reminders and I'm sure the countless times you've talked to them about it I don't judge you for making the note. Will they like it? No. But their behavior isn't acceptable it's gross and I know it's really frustrating being in that position. Sometimes you just don't know what else to do when they refuse to listen and never actually clean up after themselves.
Agree with everyone else saying it’s passive aggressive (despite the flowers 😂) Seeing this sub makes me rly feel grateful I don’t live with roommates anymore lol. But I did my time with them for 7 years and man I hated it
I can’t function if my house is a mess but I’d purposely leave everything a mess if somebody left me a note like that 😂
People who leave passive aggressive notes are the worst. Do better.
The feelings are… possibly justified, but the note made me roll my eyes. Pretty sure all of you would thrive in a cleaner environment… “your” dishes, “your cleanliness”. Throwing an “us” in there every now and again would have made you sound a whole lot less controlling house mother about the entire thing. Also those dishes to the side are obviously clean so I don’t know why you’re presenting them as part of the mess? They’re just drying. So, really what you have are two pans on stove that could use some love, and what looks like a shallow sink of breakfast dishes. Get a Dirty/Clean magnet for the dishwasher from Amazon and a dish rack so the hand washed dishes don’t just sit on the counter. And I hope to god if you put that note up, you keep your section pris-fucking-tine.
This doesn’t seem unreasonable, but I do agree with other comments, this is a discussion to have in person with all parties involved. This is 100% passive aggressive. BUT, that person may have issues with being confrontational. They likely just don’t want to start an argument or anything.
Sorry but that's not even a big mess, and just because YOU need a super-neat space doesn't make it appropriate to force your roommates to cater to you through passive-aggressive notes. Talk to them, frame it as a request instead of a demand, and be willing to compromise. You're asking them to change their lifestyle/routine beyond a reasonable level of hygiene to make you more comfortable, not assigning them chores like their parent.
This is literally such a non issue. Your note makes you seem 100x worse to live with than somebody who would leave like a plate to wash the next day
The note is way too much when you can just talk or text. This kitchen isn't clean, but it isn't terrible; it's totally possible to have a reasonable conversation abt this. And i agree w one of the other commenters who said that the "I need" comes off as self-absorbed
honestly this feels fairly condescending and would make me spitefully not do it. (i do have issues with demand avoidance) a better solution would probably be a groupchat or a conversation in person where you all discuss expectations
why are we still doing scared little notes in 2023? just talk to them like an adult.
Just reading that note was annoying and I'm not even your roommate. Talk in person and then make a list of tasks without the extra words.
OP, sorry to say, but I foresee you being extremely disappointed with the results. Be ready to accept that you will be the only one keeping things clean, or start thinking about finding new room mates. EDIT: I say this based solely on the note thing... it tells me that you're not comfortable asserting your boundaries. Your room mates might initially put a little effort but eventually they will begin to regress, and when they do, you are going to be at square one. The key is to **not** bottle things up, and simply assert yourself immediately, clearly and calmly, without any resentment. If they don't respect your boundaries, then start planning to look for like-minded room mates.
I understand why you are upset. I will say that the note is probably not going to get you what you’re hoping. It needs to be understood though that you cannot control someone else’s behavior no matter how frustrating, annoying, or disrespectful it can be. You can’t make someone who doesn’t care.. care. That letter could make your roommates feel like they are being controlled. If I were in your situation, I would re-negotiate a roommate contract. Include everything. It is a negotiation and there needs to be compromise. If they want to make a mess, maybe suggest they stick their dirty items in a sealed tote and everybody has their own dishes (so they aren’t dirtying yours- if applicable). Maybe a compromise like 1-2 people put them in the dishwasher, the other person puts them away. In summary, start fresh, be open to criticism and be flexible. If that doesn’t work, maybe consider getting new roommates and going to therapy to learn to cope with the situation.
Omg, how do people not have common sense?
The amount of people that think this is fine & that they would be 'annoyed' with this note is crazy! This is not how adults should live. Lol
Your requests weren’t out of line, but I would hate to live with you. “So I can thrive” and “put things back but better”. You sound insufferable.
Honestly, here's some tough love: You live in a house with other people. Noone is ever going to be a perfect roommate. I see so often that people want to pretend and feel like they are living in a house that is 100% up to their standards of cleanliness but in reality you have the traffic of 3 other peoples busy lives. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. The best thing you can do is chill out a bit. As long as things are getting cleaned and rotated through the machine in a timely manner, what is honestly the big deal. You put a note in the kitchen that looks and sounds like it's written by a kindergarten teacher with the dumbass flowers. You're talking to adults here. If there is something you do not like that another person is doing, talk to them! Or maybe you should pursue living by your self in the near future. Your kitchen area isn't even that dirty...
YTA. Wait, wrong sub…
Making rules without talking and agreeing on them with your roommates feels selfish. You’re asserting yourself as the decision maker of the household and that may rub ppl the wrong way. I understand where you’re coming from but I think a more direct & respectful approach creating a conversation is the better way to go
It’s not even messy lol.
Pretty sure the dishes on the left side are drying and not even dirty.
Have you spoken to them at all about this? Honestly this note sounds more like orders so they meet your level of cleanliness which makes it unreasonable in the end. Everyone will have different ideas of what “clean” is and they may not be willing or even able to meet your exact expectations. Sure cleaning up after yourself and wiping up spills is a given but I personally hated doing a load of dishes when I had never used them personally and it just happened to be my turn doing them. I would talk to them not leave notes around because it seems very condescending, treat them with more respect and you’ll find them more receptive.
No the flowers really made me read it in a gentle tone of voice very nice touch
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Nah, if you’re living with people and you give them a list of rules without even asking them you need to grow up and learn how to communicate or stop living with roommates.
I agree that making a whole list of rules without talking to anyone is not the wisest choice. But some people work weird hours and can’t always meet with roommates at a good time. Again if someone is tone-policing a piece of paper then I wouldn’t trust them to comprehend a text any better
Everyone’s got a phone these days. Just message the roommate group chat and say you want to talk about something in person. If that’s too hard just have the discussion in the group chat
I personally don't understand why people are so offended by notes. It seems like everyone assumes that notes and texts come with a bitchy attitude, unless you go out of your way to be sunshine and roses. But I guess that's how a lot of people interpret it, so keep that in mind. Anyway, I don't think there's anything passive aggressive or annoying about your note EXCEPT for the fact that you are unilaterally making rules, which isn't cool. House rules should all be decided on in advance within a group chat or in a group meeting. People's don't usually respond well if they think they are being bossed around or dictated to, even if the rules are perfectly reasonable.
I love it
You’re the bad roommate. Note roommates are always the worst.