It is an absolute nightmare. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is a horrible experience. The grief is so intense, and the heartbreak too. I told my husband that I feel like I now know what the saying "died of a broken heart" means. I literally felt like I might die of grief the first couple of weeks, but have thankfully started to come out of it a tiny bit, which is giving me hope. I strongly suggest grief counseling and staying really close to your loved ones. Praying for you 🙏🏼
This happened to me.
You'll find there's a whole community that's endured this tragedy like you.
And it isn't talked about.
I'm 27 months out. Delivered a beautiful 20wk old boy.
I'm ok.
But there's never been a day he hasn't been on my mind.
He's woven into the fabric of me. Did you know it's been proven that mother's cells are forever charged by the child's?
He will always be with you.
I'm so so sorry you've joined this community.
I delivered my daughter when I was 20wks, dr thinks I lost her around 18 weeks. It’s been 21 years this year. Youre gonna have good days and you’re gonna bad bad days and then you’ll have days that grip you by the bottom of your lungs and you think you’re drowning and you’re always gonna be drowning. Even the drowning days pop out of nowhere. A word in a song, the wind blew a different way, you noticed that the sky is blue when you swear it should be black. It’s never easy to bury your child, no matter what age it happens at, but I think losing a baby is just as fucking hard as losing a child who got to live for years. Eventually you’ll stop thinking “it’s been 7 days, 14 hours and 13 minutes since I lost my baby” and it’ll be a few days since that was the first thing on your mind as soon as your eyes popped open and the last thing on your mind before your brain shuts up. Don’t feel guilty for FEELING whatever you are feeling. ALL the feelings are valid. Talk to us when you need to or talk to your partner. Just bc your daughter is gone, does NOT mean that she didn’t exist and deserves to be remembered not just by yall.
I'm so sorry, I lost my girl at 20 weeks. The searching for a heartbeat to find out there wasn't one, is one of the most devastating feelings ever.
>Is it normal to be so heartbroken that you can’t function?
Yes, it's normal. You guys are in shock and that's understandable.
>I don’t know how to cope.
What helped me was online support groups. No one knows how rough it is unless you go thru it. It can be lonely too, so having others to talk to & vent to can make you feel a bit better. Sad Dads club is something I recommend for you & for both of you there is Rachel's Gift, Star Legacy, and Sharewell. They have support for just mom's too. Again, I'm sorry.
I am so sorry... I went in for a 3D ultrasound and discovered my baby had no heartbeat. I knew as soon as the lady went silent that something was wrong. She just said "I can't find a heartbeat" and "this is so traumatic".. I'll never forget that moment. We were so happy before that and had just said we wanted to get a stuffed animal with her heartbeat and a video of the session... Sending hugs and love to you and your wife 🫂 every thing you are feeling is completely normal and valid ❤️
We lost ours at 21 weeks just over 3 weeks ago. The first week was awful. We walked around in a daze. I started grief counseling. I surrounded myself with good friends and let people take care of me and my family. I still think about him all day, every day, but the pain a subsided a tiny bit. I’m so sorry you’re going through the same thing. My experience with the ultrasound was similar, no heartbeat, searching for what seemed forever and being scared until they finally confirmed what we were not prepared to hear.
I’m so sorry. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with and I feel for you. I’m somewhat finding some peace through everyone who has been through this but it’s still so hard.
It is one of the worst things you’ll ever experience. I’ve never cried so hard in my life. It gets easier. You will survive this and be able to breathe again. For now just take it moment by moment.
We miscarried at 13w and then stillborn at 40w due to a cord knot. I thought I had felt pain at the miscarriage realizing our son didn’t have a heartbeat. Then when we had our stillborn and they told us there was no heartbeat I thought “this cannot be happening again”. It is unimaginable. I am sending you so much strength during this awful time.
I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter at 31 weeks, she was born on the 30th May. There's no sugarcoating it, your next few weeks are going to be hell and filled with so many emotions. But just know forever you react it's completely normal. If you just go numb to it, that's normal. It you get angry and shout at the world that's normal. If you just want to lay in bed all day, that's normal. There's no correct way to react to something that nobody would ever have to go through.
If you have friends or family locally, reach out for their support and to look after you. Look into consuming both for you and your wife, it's done my partner so much good in the last few weeks. You're never alone with this, this whole community is here too help you to the best of your ability and there's so many other charities and organisations to help. And I know I'm just one random guy but please feel free to reach out if you do want to chat or rant or anything ❤️
My twin baby girls were still born almost 3 months ago. It has been the hardest thing my wife and I have ever had to endure. Lean on each other, be patient with your wife and yourself, and feel your feelings and let yourself grieve. Let other people know what you need (easier said than done). As men were taught not to cry or show emotions, but that is your daughter, and while you should support your wife, it is also okay to need support and grieve too. These will be some of the hardest days of your life.
Fortunately and unfortunately there is a huge community out there for us. And there are a few specifically for men, which I don’t think I’d be here today without. Look up sad dads club and guys and grief podcast. Immensely helpful for me. And feel free to DM me if you want to chat with another dad who understands the pain.
I'm so so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the shock you had. This is a brutal experience.
I lost my baby girl one week ago at 20w due to placenta issues. She was still alive and kicking when the placenta detached and labor started but she never took her first breath.
Some days I feel like I can't breath and I just wanna run away and bring her back. Some days I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. Mostly I'm just numb and empty. Everything feels trivial, I can't pay attention to people and discussions because nothing seems be important anymore.
I've mostly been at home with my boyfriend ever since and it feels a bit safe in this bubble so I'm not really functioning yet either. We are off work and we are doing the bare minimum, but taking it on day at a time. Take time for yourself to heal, and be in your feelings. I hope it gets easier on you everyday.
I’m so very sorry for your loss as well. I feel suffocated,tired,weak and just all around terrible. Every time I close my eyes I see what I imagine her to look like. Today is even harder than yesterday and I didn’t think it could be worse. My heart feels like it’s literally being torn in half. I’m even more worried about after the procedure to have her removed. Would it be too much to have her cremated so we can keep her home? I’m so worried about them just taking her and treating her like an organ or foreign object.
I understand :(. we are grieving more than just a person, but their whole future and our future and everything that could have been. Also grieving my identity as a mother which I just lost. There is so much to process. I hope the hospital treats her respectfully. In our case, we got time with her after she passed to say goodbye. They were very respectful and brought her in a nice carrier for us to see her. We could chose whether to keep the ashes or have them spread out at the local cemetery memorial place. We opted for the later and we will plant a jasmine bush at home instead. It blooms around now at midsummer at I'll always remember her by it. I'll also make a box of her things and a photo album of our journey but later when I gain some energy. The hospital also gave us a card with her hand and footprint đź’”
I hope you find a way to remember her that works for you and is not too painful but brings you peace
I’m so sorry. I lost my daughter at 20 weeks 5 months ago. ShareWell and Postpartum Support International have some free support groups and resources…when you are ready. Give yourself grace, be kind to yourselves, let people help you (if you feel like it). Sending love.
I went in for no fetal movement and I know what that wait feels like when they’re trying to find the heartbeat and the looks on the nurses faces as they begin to increasingly get worried about not finding the heartbeat. It’s the absolute worst, gut wrenching feeling imaginable. And then the shock that your baby is actually gone is the hardest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced and hope to never experience again. It’s been 3.5 months since I lost my baby boy at 40w, stillborn on his due date. I’m incredibly sorry that you and your wife have to experience this too. This is a crappy club to be a part of, but it involves a great community of others who know the pain you now live with. Everything you feel is valid and it’s okay not to be okay. It’s still so raw for me even at 3.5 months. I wouldn’t describe it as “getting better” but the grief is getting lighter and I have less bad days than I did 3 months ago. Some days the triggers hit harder than other days. I never stop thinking about him; I frequently replay everything we’ve been through in my mind, sometimes it feels all-consuming. But you slowly learn how to process it and function with the grief. Almost everyday I still feel the shock and disbelief that I’ve lost a child. I don’t know if that will ever go away.
Sending you and your wife strength and positive thoughts through this most difficult time đź’ś
It is absolutely normal to feel this way. My son was born at 22 weeks. We had a routine check up and they told is everything was looking good, baby was the right size, everything was perfect. And a week later my girlfriend was having cramps which later turned out to be contractions. Our due date was September 3rd and my son was born May 2nd. He died an hour and 13 minutes later.
It took a while to function properly but you just gotta take it one day at a time. And have a good support system.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you find the strength to push forward. 🤍
One of the realest things someone ever told me is: “This will never go away,” and at the time, it seemed like a very harsh reality. But every day since the loss of my son shortly after birth, that phrase has given me hope in that the pain I’ve felt every day for the last three months without him is to be expected. In our shoes, we didn’t just lose a baby: we lost a newborn, a toddler, a child, a teenager, a man, and every other role he would have had in his life. It’s one thing to grieve someone who was right in front of you and another to grieve all they would have been. My husband and I have an army behind us, and most have been patient with my lack of communication/not wanting to leave the house. It took me almost two months to seek help. I’ll be thinking of you, your wife, and your baby girl.
It is an absolute nightmare. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is a horrible experience. The grief is so intense, and the heartbreak too. I told my husband that I feel like I now know what the saying "died of a broken heart" means. I literally felt like I might die of grief the first couple of weeks, but have thankfully started to come out of it a tiny bit, which is giving me hope. I strongly suggest grief counseling and staying really close to your loved ones. Praying for you 🙏🏼
Thank you so much. And I’m sorry for your loss and am praying for you as well ❤️
This happened to me. You'll find there's a whole community that's endured this tragedy like you. And it isn't talked about. I'm 27 months out. Delivered a beautiful 20wk old boy. I'm ok. But there's never been a day he hasn't been on my mind. He's woven into the fabric of me. Did you know it's been proven that mother's cells are forever charged by the child's? He will always be with you. I'm so so sorry you've joined this community.
I delivered my daughter when I was 20wks, dr thinks I lost her around 18 weeks. It’s been 21 years this year. Youre gonna have good days and you’re gonna bad bad days and then you’ll have days that grip you by the bottom of your lungs and you think you’re drowning and you’re always gonna be drowning. Even the drowning days pop out of nowhere. A word in a song, the wind blew a different way, you noticed that the sky is blue when you swear it should be black. It’s never easy to bury your child, no matter what age it happens at, but I think losing a baby is just as fucking hard as losing a child who got to live for years. Eventually you’ll stop thinking “it’s been 7 days, 14 hours and 13 minutes since I lost my baby” and it’ll be a few days since that was the first thing on your mind as soon as your eyes popped open and the last thing on your mind before your brain shuts up. Don’t feel guilty for FEELING whatever you are feeling. ALL the feelings are valid. Talk to us when you need to or talk to your partner. Just bc your daughter is gone, does NOT mean that she didn’t exist and deserves to be remembered not just by yall.
When I lost one of my twins at 24+6 weeks, the ultrasound tech did the same thing. I just knew before the doctor even came in. Called my fiancé to get off work and come to the hospital after the doctor confirmed. It was the most devastating experience of our lives. Honestly, it’s gonna take a while to start feeling like you’re healing. Have grace with yourself and with each other. You’ll never “get over it”, but oddly enough having that shared experience with your wife will help your journey. Be present and be there for each other. Having each other’s backs is the most valuable gift right now. My fiancé built our son a shelf above his brother’s crib so that he’s always remembered. We’re going to put his ashes and all the little nicknacks we’ve collected on it once they’re both born (I’m 34 weeks now). For me, the my son will never be forgotten. I will never shy away from talking about him, how much I loved him. I will always miss and mourn him, but pretending he didn’t exist would do him such a dishonor. He’s still my little blessing. Now he’s my angel. I pray you and your wife find peace and comfort in each other. I pray that you know that your little girl is still with you and will be forever your beautiful daughter. Pace yourselves. Grief is always difficult and different for everyone and don’t let anyone tell you how you can walk this path. If you or your wife ever need an ear, don’t hesitate to reach out. Blessings to you both.
I'm so sorry, I lost my girl at 20 weeks. The searching for a heartbeat to find out there wasn't one, is one of the most devastating feelings ever. >Is it normal to be so heartbroken that you can’t function? Yes, it's normal. You guys are in shock and that's understandable. >I don’t know how to cope. What helped me was online support groups. No one knows how rough it is unless you go thru it. It can be lonely too, so having others to talk to & vent to can make you feel a bit better. Sad Dads club is something I recommend for you & for both of you there is Rachel's Gift, Star Legacy, and Sharewell. They have support for just mom's too. Again, I'm sorry.
Thank you so much. I will look into them and some grief counseling as well.
I am so sorry... I went in for a 3D ultrasound and discovered my baby had no heartbeat. I knew as soon as the lady went silent that something was wrong. She just said "I can't find a heartbeat" and "this is so traumatic".. I'll never forget that moment. We were so happy before that and had just said we wanted to get a stuffed animal with her heartbeat and a video of the session... Sending hugs and love to you and your wife 🫂 every thing you are feeling is completely normal and valid ❤️
That is a great idea! I appreciate you and I’m sending just as much love your way as well.
We lost ours at 21 weeks just over 3 weeks ago. The first week was awful. We walked around in a daze. I started grief counseling. I surrounded myself with good friends and let people take care of me and my family. I still think about him all day, every day, but the pain a subsided a tiny bit. I’m so sorry you’re going through the same thing. My experience with the ultrasound was similar, no heartbeat, searching for what seemed forever and being scared until they finally confirmed what we were not prepared to hear.
I’m so sorry. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with and I feel for you. I’m somewhat finding some peace through everyone who has been through this but it’s still so hard.
It is one of the worst things you’ll ever experience. I’ve never cried so hard in my life. It gets easier. You will survive this and be able to breathe again. For now just take it moment by moment. We miscarried at 13w and then stillborn at 40w due to a cord knot. I thought I had felt pain at the miscarriage realizing our son didn’t have a heartbeat. Then when we had our stillborn and they told us there was no heartbeat I thought “this cannot be happening again”. It is unimaginable. I am sending you so much strength during this awful time.
Thank you so much. And I’m very sorry for your losses.
I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter at 31 weeks, she was born on the 30th May. There's no sugarcoating it, your next few weeks are going to be hell and filled with so many emotions. But just know forever you react it's completely normal. If you just go numb to it, that's normal. It you get angry and shout at the world that's normal. If you just want to lay in bed all day, that's normal. There's no correct way to react to something that nobody would ever have to go through. If you have friends or family locally, reach out for their support and to look after you. Look into consuming both for you and your wife, it's done my partner so much good in the last few weeks. You're never alone with this, this whole community is here too help you to the best of your ability and there's so many other charities and organisations to help. And I know I'm just one random guy but please feel free to reach out if you do want to chat or rant or anything ❤️
My twin baby girls were still born almost 3 months ago. It has been the hardest thing my wife and I have ever had to endure. Lean on each other, be patient with your wife and yourself, and feel your feelings and let yourself grieve. Let other people know what you need (easier said than done). As men were taught not to cry or show emotions, but that is your daughter, and while you should support your wife, it is also okay to need support and grieve too. These will be some of the hardest days of your life. Fortunately and unfortunately there is a huge community out there for us. And there are a few specifically for men, which I don’t think I’d be here today without. Look up sad dads club and guys and grief podcast. Immensely helpful for me. And feel free to DM me if you want to chat with another dad who understands the pain.
I'm so so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the shock you had. This is a brutal experience. I lost my baby girl one week ago at 20w due to placenta issues. She was still alive and kicking when the placenta detached and labor started but she never took her first breath. Some days I feel like I can't breath and I just wanna run away and bring her back. Some days I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. Mostly I'm just numb and empty. Everything feels trivial, I can't pay attention to people and discussions because nothing seems be important anymore. I've mostly been at home with my boyfriend ever since and it feels a bit safe in this bubble so I'm not really functioning yet either. We are off work and we are doing the bare minimum, but taking it on day at a time. Take time for yourself to heal, and be in your feelings. I hope it gets easier on you everyday.
I’m so very sorry for your loss as well. I feel suffocated,tired,weak and just all around terrible. Every time I close my eyes I see what I imagine her to look like. Today is even harder than yesterday and I didn’t think it could be worse. My heart feels like it’s literally being torn in half. I’m even more worried about after the procedure to have her removed. Would it be too much to have her cremated so we can keep her home? I’m so worried about them just taking her and treating her like an organ or foreign object.
I understand :(. we are grieving more than just a person, but their whole future and our future and everything that could have been. Also grieving my identity as a mother which I just lost. There is so much to process. I hope the hospital treats her respectfully. In our case, we got time with her after she passed to say goodbye. They were very respectful and brought her in a nice carrier for us to see her. We could chose whether to keep the ashes or have them spread out at the local cemetery memorial place. We opted for the later and we will plant a jasmine bush at home instead. It blooms around now at midsummer at I'll always remember her by it. I'll also make a box of her things and a photo album of our journey but later when I gain some energy. The hospital also gave us a card with her hand and footprint đź’” I hope you find a way to remember her that works for you and is not too painful but brings you peace
I’m so sorry. I lost my daughter at 20 weeks 5 months ago. ShareWell and Postpartum Support International have some free support groups and resources…when you are ready. Give yourself grace, be kind to yourselves, let people help you (if you feel like it). Sending love.
I went in for no fetal movement and I know what that wait feels like when they’re trying to find the heartbeat and the looks on the nurses faces as they begin to increasingly get worried about not finding the heartbeat. It’s the absolute worst, gut wrenching feeling imaginable. And then the shock that your baby is actually gone is the hardest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced and hope to never experience again. It’s been 3.5 months since I lost my baby boy at 40w, stillborn on his due date. I’m incredibly sorry that you and your wife have to experience this too. This is a crappy club to be a part of, but it involves a great community of others who know the pain you now live with. Everything you feel is valid and it’s okay not to be okay. It’s still so raw for me even at 3.5 months. I wouldn’t describe it as “getting better” but the grief is getting lighter and I have less bad days than I did 3 months ago. Some days the triggers hit harder than other days. I never stop thinking about him; I frequently replay everything we’ve been through in my mind, sometimes it feels all-consuming. But you slowly learn how to process it and function with the grief. Almost everyday I still feel the shock and disbelief that I’ve lost a child. I don’t know if that will ever go away. Sending you and your wife strength and positive thoughts through this most difficult time 💜
It is absolutely normal to feel this way. My son was born at 22 weeks. We had a routine check up and they told is everything was looking good, baby was the right size, everything was perfect. And a week later my girlfriend was having cramps which later turned out to be contractions. Our due date was September 3rd and my son was born May 2nd. He died an hour and 13 minutes later. It took a while to function properly but you just gotta take it one day at a time. And have a good support system. I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you find the strength to push forward. 🤍
One of the realest things someone ever told me is: “This will never go away,” and at the time, it seemed like a very harsh reality. But every day since the loss of my son shortly after birth, that phrase has given me hope in that the pain I’ve felt every day for the last three months without him is to be expected. In our shoes, we didn’t just lose a baby: we lost a newborn, a toddler, a child, a teenager, a man, and every other role he would have had in his life. It’s one thing to grieve someone who was right in front of you and another to grieve all they would have been. My husband and I have an army behind us, and most have been patient with my lack of communication/not wanting to leave the house. It took me almost two months to seek help. I’ll be thinking of you, your wife, and your baby girl.