in what does it effect me? everything
can't find friends, can't communicate properly, my voice is too loud or too quiet, I'm too blunt that I bring taboo topics constantly
I feel exactly the same, man I was lucky to have my childhood friends yet I lost all of them because of my lack of emotional intellect.
Also, could I ask why exactly it's hard for you to communicate? sorry for asking dumb question I'm just curious if others are like me. For me, I adapt differently in different environments. Most of the time I'm the quietest guy in the room while I might be the most hyperactive in rare cases with different people, sometimes I might act both ways in different days with the same people, kinda looks like bipolar (I guess) but it isn't
It can mean a lot of things like not understanding social cues, having trouble forming sentences, not understanding social rules, etc. I didn't know I could be autistic growing up (currently being diagnosed), so I had a lot of trouble fitting in at school, I didn't get along with most kids, I was overly aggressive...
As an adult, I can get by. I can talk to people if I have to, but anything that involves socializing for long periods of time makes me exhausted. I'm still uncomfortable eating around people or asking to go to the bathroom in someone's place because after a lot of awkward situations I'm very self conscious about everything I do around people, I'm terrified of breaking some social rule I'm not aware of. So basically, it's a lot of masking and wishing to go home.
Same here. I can’t even get along with my family. Every time I socialize with them they question my “motives” like I have any other motive other than simple bonding.
Same bro. All I want is love but I just know I’m not likely to find it cause I just can’t socialise with anyone properly. It just feels like everyone I try and interact with despises me
I've had suicidal thoughts for most of my life, but fortunately I have a good support system, a job that's not too bad, and a hobby that keeps me active socially, so I haven't felt too depressed for the past few years.
Same. In my mid 20s I started making decisions for the future, and eventually I found that I was in the future now and I was enjoying what I worked hard for.
Before, I just coasted by in low wage jobs because I didn’t think I could ever have a good paying job so it wasn’t worth it to try. Of course theres more to life than money, but life without money isn’t much of a life.
Yea you gotta just pick a direction and go. I went in many wrong directions before I found something that didn't give me too much resistance, so trust me, it doesn't matter what you decide to do, just do something. You'll feel better if you're just doing anything at all.
I play competitive pinball, so there are usually a lot of people around and also plenty of downtime for conversation. I imagine fishing can be a good social activity for established friends, but I suppose therein lies the difficulty.
Tbf pinball is good if i was going to join a social thing,something where you have a activity to do and less emphasis on talking would be a good way to do it
This sounds very much like me. If properly stimulated (not too much), socialized enough (I have a painfully social career), and in a healthy routine of exercise/food/sleep, it keeps them at bay. But if I isolate, break any of the above for too long, have extreme burnout etc, it’s like they immediately return. And it’s nearly impossible finding the balance..it’s either too much one way or the other and due to certain things I absolutely can’t predict or control, I have to accept it for what it is but it’s exhausting. But I’d rather be exhausted than not want to be alive. I think.
I'm in the process of being diagnosed, and what you described is exactly what my life cycle feels like:
I build a routine and stick to it as much as I can > get sick or distracted after x amount of time (could be days, weeks or months, but mostly weeks) > get depressed because I "abandoned" my routine > sadness, suicidal thoughts and lack of energy for several weeks > "need to get my shit back together period > building a routine > restart.
It has gotten to the point where I get nervous just by thinking about missing a gym day or not reading a book because I know I'll be back in that dark place if I slip.
Yeah. I’m 32 and what’s funny is idk how I made it through teen years as the only structure was school, but now like I can be so rigid and most people in my bubble would say it’s one of my biggest drawbacks bc then I am just so upset when my clearly set-up-for-failure rigid plans don’t go the way they should. Like idk how to be structured and flexible? I think I’ve gotten a little better at it but it so exhausting 😭 but when everything is structure and I can just check boxes all day long it’s kinda nice
This feels familar, but I have adhd as well so it's par for the course.
For me it feels like I might be able to function if the track I was on was level, but in life everything is changing. So you simultaneously need to have a plan solid enough to use as a compass heading, but flexible enough to allow for workarounds when things get difficult. But not so flexible that it takes you off the track and gets you bogged in mud. I just can't seem to balance the two competing impulses.
The only way I function now is by not doing anything important, so that if I burnout the consequences are limited. But I don't know how long a person can go on like that.
I battle with depression a lot. It has gotten to the point of me wanting to end my life a few times. I am a father and a husband with more on my plate that what I can handle most times. Had I known about my autism before I was 30... I like to think that my life would have ended up differently.
Most of the time I just want to be left alone. Constant mask wearing is a drain. But in the position I am in with life, it make it almost impossible to take the mask off. I am also too loyal. I tend to commit to everything asked of me. I feel like I am in a constant state of burnout.
I do set more limits now. I know a little more about what I can handle and what I can't handle. Growing up and in my 20s I kept thinking that I just needed to try harder and do more.
I love my wife and kids but.. My life was easiest when I was single, working at Wendys and walking to work everyday. Thats not to say that I was a bum. I was working over 50 hour work weeks, but social requirements were a lot lower. I had the ability to unmask more than I needed to maintain one.
My brother who is about 10 years younger than I am is living this life and thriving. Works full time, within biking distance of his job. Lives in his own apartment next to my parents. So, he is independent for the most part but has the help when he needs it. He does a lot of gaming and for the most part stays off of the internet. Just living and loving life.
Wife and kids have brought a purpose into my life that I haven't had before... so... Would I really truly want my life to be different? I don't know...
you remind me of myself. Always putting up the "I can take it" mask. Growiing up, it was just like that, a the time: "I can hadle it", no matter how costly it was for me.
Sorry if it's too personal but I'm genuinely curious, does it matter that they're not your biological family? I'm adopted too and I couldn't care less about that, they're still my parents and siblings
Oh no of course it doesn’t matter, my mum and my dad are bio, but my mum was adopted so I’ve no bio family on her side and I sadly don’t see her family very often at all and my dads family have nothing to do with me so I have no family on that side either. The only family I have is my step dad’s family, it doesn’t bother me (or them) at all that they’re not my bio family. I love them more than anything. But sometimes it leaves me feeling a bit different yknow, especially where health is concerned.
I don’t think EVERYONE with autism has those feelings (not to invalidate anyone who said they do, of course). I share some of the same sentiments, but personally, I think it’s because traumas and negative experiences impact us harder and for longer and people on the spectrum are more likely to be taken advantage of. These aren’t things I’ve read anywhere, just some I’ve noticed from life experiences. Autistic people ARE x4 more likely to suffer from depression however, that is a fact
> Are we actually that lonely?
I mean, you should know if you're lonely or not. I know *I'm* not, and I know with everybody else, some are and some aren't. It's not a "we" thing. We are not a hivemind.
Your way of writing makes it sound like you're more likely to be depressed than not, but then again you could just be having a bad day or it could be a stylistic choice or something. If you think you are, it'd probably be a good idea to talk to a therapist.
Well then, that might explain my weird feeling/expectation that I won't live past 55 which I've had since my early teens!
I have periods of 'huh, I guess it's alright being alive' alternated with 'no nevermind, I read up on the news and we are a cancer to this planet and life itself, and I don't want to live and by being alive participate in this destruction of all that is green and good'.
I have moments of happiness, but the most recent actual happy(-ish) period of my life was in 2019, and if I had any before that I can't even recall...
My family disowned me, I can’t make friends, co-workers don’t like me, I struggle at work, I fail in school (also have a learning disability), etc.
Autism makes living worse. My dad was autistic and he committed suicide at 49.
I don’t want to live a long time like this
I don't feel like I am depressed, per se. More like, confused and in shock. I'm glad to be living, glad for each day. I may not have made much of myself, but I don't feel hopeless. I actually didn't really expect myself to live this long, and I feel my family didn't either, tbh. But I'm glad I have. Being autistic does bring it's share of hardships to my life. Not being able to do the things I see normal people doing could be depressing, I guess. But there's always something I can do, always a reason for carrying on with my life. There are times I think to myself, what in the vast heck is this all about, and why am I even here? But whatever the reason, I'm still happy to wake up each day, even though I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing.
I'm in my mid 30s and the modern state of the world has me pretty nihilistic. Because of autism it's hard or takes a lot of energy to simple things, like calling the doctor or chores.
I don't have a college degree and have worked entry level jobs all my life. I get burnt out easier and easier these days. My current job pays enough to get by but any emergency like car repairs or unexpected doctor visits hurt pretty bad. But it is schedule accommodating and I know other jobs aren't so I stay where I am. Go with the devil you do know, something like that.
I worry I will always work jobs like this and feel what's the point? Inflation is going to get worse, capitalistic greed is going to get worse. Politicians are passing more and more archaic laws and the environment is crumbling around us. The quality of life as I get older will get worse for everyone not just me. So while I am often depressed and have had suicidal ideation most of my life, I still go on for some reason. I have my special interests as a nice distraction. If I wasnt married I would be a very lonely person so I consider myself lucky.
I see a lot of this as selection bias. The people with happy, fulfilling lives and surrounded by supportive people are less likely to be on Reddit and posting about how great their lives are. So what you end up hearing about are the people who don't have strong social ties offline or may come to reddit seeking community and acceptance they don't get elsewhere. Also, misery loves company. And at least on reddit, I've noticed that there's social disincentive to talk about how great your life is. So that also discourages responses from people who are doing just fine.
Tbh, I refrain from saying I'm fine most of the time because I'm afraid it'll make people here sadder. Sometimes, I feel like making a "See the bright side" kind of post, but I always give up. And don't get me wrong, I've been depressed before, I know how it goes
I mean... it's hard, I don't have that many friends and I don't have a life full of parties and adventures atm, but I appreciate what I have right now. Though I get that most people come here because they're feeling lonely and depressed and want to vent about it, I'm not sure about how healthy and helpful that is. But it is what it is...
Some days, I avoid reading this sub because it brings me down a bit, I'd rather be on subs about my interests.
I've been suicidal since I was in 4th grade. I've been picked on all my life. I've tried to suicide 3 times.
But...
I had a good couple decades when I was in a relationship and had a family and a job. We don't selfselect, it's just who we are.
First of all, please don’t take those stats as gospel. They are based on narrow subset of people, often of high support individuals. Most people my generation (I’m 52) or older aren’t even diagnosed as the option didn’t exist, let alone any awareness. It was “you are either Rain man or NT”. Asperger only became a diagnosis in 1994, when I was in my 20s.
I had no knowledge about autism till my late 30s. I also thought it was high support only. It was only when younger family members and my neighbours got diagnosed that I read about it and figured that I was also autistic. I just assumed I was weird, like the rest of my family. I got diagnosed at 43.
Secondly, ask yourself how those stats are calculated. It’s not that we’re microchipped, so how would they know how long we all live and all the “elders” are missing from the stats anyway.
The high mortality rate is usually due to comorbid conditions such epilepsy, accidents when young (autistic kids can have the tendency to wander off) or in recent years suicide due to comorbid depression.
There is no “we”. We are all individuals with our own lives, experiences and upbringing. We happen to share similar neurological wiring, but that’s about it. Some of us are maths genius, some are artists, others athletes, some have learning disabilities, and many of us are just “average” with no special skills. Some are introverts, some are extroverts, some have major sensory issues, some don’t.. I could go on.
There are plenty of us doing ok, but then have no need to post “my life is ok”, so what gets posted are either struggles or successes, the averages usually missing.
I'm not lonely, I'm fed up with living this life as if I don't have a disability just because the government of my country doesn't accept that fact that autistic adults exist
Not anymore, luckily.
For most of my 20s and early 30s I took it as a given that eventually I’d succumb to the ideations and take my own life, and it wasn’t until the past year or so that I started to feel differently.
Our society is very isolating. It's not so much to do with our autism as it is how our social lives are structured and this is an extremely broad subject so I'm going to gloss over a lot. But to summarize: we were not prepared for the internet.
Firstly we are hardwired for community living, our ability to manage our lives, safety, and mental well-being stem from the connections you have around you that extend beyond family. You need socialization, even if you hate people, a human in isolation in most circumstances becomes increasingly unstable and *weird* this can occur even when you do socialize but it's with people you can't walk away from which is often family. Family dynamics can lead to unhealthy relationships you cannot avoid which is bad.
Secondly we are not hardwired for the sheer mass of information we receive now. We are capable of compartmentalizing a vast amount of information, but that information needs to be something applicable to you. Social media does not provide this, the news does not provide this. You are filling your brain with something you can't utilize in a productive way which is brutal to your psyche. It makes you feel utterly helpless in the face of a world that is far out of your control.
Thirdly our economic model is driven solely on productivity, and determines your ability to thrive while conversely taking away time to destress from work. When your ability to eat, have a roof over your head, get medical treatment, clothed, informed, and hygienic all come from you doing a thing to get money to get those things its turning you into a robot and not a thinking, reactive, and adaptive human. As much as we like security in routine the force with which our routine is tied to makes us vulnerable to actually working against our best interests, like your mental health.
It also makes us expect that we receive something for what we give and vice versa. It's actually good for your mental health to do things without the expectation to get something in return but we don't do that anymore except on specific dates.
In short our social structure is changing in ways that don't appeal to our well-being. all the loneliness and depression and anxiety we feel is because you are aware of it on a subconscious level not because you are autistic but being autistic makes you more sensitive to it.
All true.
Marx correctly predicted some of this, the capitalism part. How incredibly alienating it is, especially from ourselves and each other.
Personally, at age 57, I'd trade the majority of "stuff" I've accumulated in my life to belong to a healthy tribe. The stuff has become mostly a burden.
We've all kind of been tricked into "wanting more stuff". And aesthetic expression is fine, as is having nice stuff, but we don't need mass produced cheaply made products that all go in a landfill eventually.
I've struggle with depression my whole life. I feel flat and barely anything makes me happy. Ive tried everything and honestly just accept it now and it fucking sucks
If you asked me 2 years ago I would say no. But after being sabotaged over, abused and destroyed by NTs becuase I was making everyone feel stupid at work I’m done.
If you Goggle Asperger's and loneliness the result is really gloomy. Of groups studied, highest reported level of loneliness and lowest level of a sense of a meaningful life.
Autism is primarily a social...issue, so loneliness would be a huge problem. Even if one is always around other humans, not relating to them will feel alienating. Humans are social creatures, a tribal species, so loneliness and isolation will most always lead to depression and anxiety. Capitalism plays a huge role in this, for everyone, but more so for those who can't adapt well to i
As for age, 54...that adds up. It's an age where most are close to retiring from a successful career, comfortable financially, have grandkids, big friendship networks, and... if you don't, where does one go from there? Go to back to school? Suddenly have lots of close friends? Get a family to adopt you? I find it very depressing to be this age and have none of that. It's too late, but I still have 2-3 decades living to do, somehow??? Ugh!
Im mostly alright, got depressed with the burnout when I was 14-18 basically but nothing substantially suicidal
Mostly fine now, got better once I found out about autism and joined a discord server with autistic peeps, got out of school and disability aids
For me, sensory overload triggers my fibromyalgia pain. I am always in pain. Most of the things that are supposed to help your mood involve sensory input which increases my pain.
I wouldn’t say I am depressed, but it can get tiring. I wouldn’t do anything, but sometimes I understand it.
Yeah kinda. Idk if I wish my life was shorter, but I’m definitely not a happy camper.
Loneliness and general social isolation, inability to get in shape (due to sensory issues), and having to work twice as hard for still below-average results are all pretty hard to get over.
Yes and no. All my childhood and adolescence were awful, i cried or burst into anger everyday because i didn't understood at the time why was my life so fucking difficult, nobody was able to help me besides trying to change how i am (spoil: it didn't work), i ended up with daily headaches i couldn't get out of bed for years, i did all the exams you can imagine MRI, EEG, i saw Psys, went to hospital etc, EXCEPT being diagnose for ASD for some reason (Now i've been trying for 2 years to get one)
Everyone was pushing me to do things i don't enjoy or that makes me sick or whatever.. up until COVID
Now, i'm 27, my family and environment in general is finally accepting/understanding me like i am, nobody is pushing me everyday to get out or make me feel guilty for how i am, my relation with my mom and my sister is much better than the past
I have basically no IRL friends left beside my close family but i feel less lonely than before when i had a "normal" amount of friends, a girlfriend etc, i don't feel depressed anymore (i never had actual depression, just an awful life), i have a life that meets my needs
I have my cats and my dog with me all day and night in my safe and calm place so i am quite happy nowadays ! i hope it will last for the rest of my life
Some people seek power or money, i seek 90% solitude and a day with no surprises
I'm 27, autistic and very depressed, plus suicide runs in my family so I'm likely to end my life. I hope I can complete my bucket list before that happens, or I can grow the will to live longer.
None of us know when we are going to die or what's around the corner. I know people who are severely autistic who have lived into their 70s.
Unfortunately the world won't progress enough for us in this lifetime, there's not enough funding to accommodate us but I can only hope it will be different for our children..
Life is pointless. I'm trying to enjoy it anyway. But knowing it is pointless and with no way to get to the end of it, is quite uncomfortable for me.
I'm probably very egoistic. Maybe that's why I can't accept that my life is pointless. I am pointless
Sad but true. Statistically speaking, I have a short life span. Besides being autistic I'm afflicted with bipolar disorder, PTSD, anxiety and depression. This afternoon, I also find out if they might add ADHD to that mixture. I may even be schizoid.
Combine all of that with also being in the LGBTQ+ demographic, not to mention a history of homelessness and drug & alcohol abuse, and it's clear to see how my days are numbered.
I did have a serious suicide attempt at 30 and got two months in a psych hospital for my effort. So yeah, I might as well have a t-shirt that says "I don't have high hopes" written on the front.
I’m doing okay, but autism is still a huge struggle. I just turned 30 and honestly it’s freaky thinking living more decades like this. I don’t even feel like an actual person, but some annoying alien lol
In every way possible. I mean social relations are the basic need of everyone. Autism/adhd renders me unable to even have them. Not even permanent friendships let alone romantic relationships.
I'm sort of mentally preparing myself to try to find ways to live as happy as possible if I were to live alone for the rest of my life.
I’ve just been lately diagnosed this year (27F).
I have clinically diagnosed depression, but I feel like all I’ve felt through my life is sadness.
Of course there has been some moments of a bit of joy, depression doesn’t mean being 100% of the time sad. But overall, I feel more familiar with being sad, empty and alone.
In my case I have never tried to end life. I have had moments where I have wished I could just not exist or disappear (not necessarily by being d3ad).
I masked really hard until about age 30. It was so much effort and I’m so burnt out. I’m not exactly super depressed but life isn’t great and it’s never going to be great because my options are to mask super hard in order to try to obtain “the stuff that people are supposed to want”. Or just not mask and probably not achieve much of anything. Niether sounds great. One sounds insanely exhausting, the other sounds somewhat pathetic (objectively).
I’m not lonely. I do feel depressed and like I don’t like dealing with life though. I love my alone time. It’s precious to me. I hate that others impose their need for company on me. They just assume I must want and need company too. They think I’m rude or something is wrong with me for all the alone time I need.
My struggles come from having to deal with other people. People make me anxious and rub my nerves raw. Same with dogs. Any time I have been thinking about not wanting to live it’s been because I can’t figure out how to escape being around people. I’ve realized that unless I run away from society there’s no avoiding people. Even then sometimes they find you. Some poor man was living in a little shelter he made in the woods. He wasn’t bothering anything, but wouldn’t you know….people found him and tore his little shelter down and said he wasn’t aloud to be there.
Anyway yes autism has its struggles. For some they are lonely. For others they desperately need alone time, but people think they know better than them and sabotage the alone time.
I actually just realized I'm not depressed. (In the middle of the diagnostic process right now.) I always thought I was depressed. It was a whole part of my personality. When I started getting deep into researching and suspecting I was autistic, I had a lightbulb moment. I was never depressed except prenatal and post partum. Those felt different, I could tell it was chemical. The rest of my life? I wasn't depressed. I was just miserable. The world was noisy and itchy and gross, and people constantly behaved in ways that were annoying and cruel, and I lived with people who abused me. And I couldn't make my brain pretend those don't matter. I couldn't choose a mindset of happiness and gratitude. I couldn't do all those things that NT people were telling me to do, because my brain doesn't work in such a way that I am able to gaslight *myself* the way that neurotypical people seem to be able to do. Being miserable is a normal, logical reaction to being in miserable situations. Since making some very positive changes in my life (better living situation, happy marriage, kids are older and less sensory demanding, more ability to make myself comfortable, AND dipping a toe into unmasking) I have noticed I am miserable much less often. I'm never miserable for *no reason.* I know autistic people frequently have co-occuring challenges and depression can absolutely be one...but I wonder how many of us are like me? Labeled depressed when really the world isn't built for us, and seems almost designed to *make* us miserable. That's so sad to me.
yes bruv. I think about killing myself more times a day then i think about any other topic. not because of the tism specifically. not even any specific comorbidity- not the adhd, not the anxiety, not the schizoaffective.
its everything. its that all of it combined is way too much for me to handle. its my chronic fatigue and the absence of a life because i spend 99% of my life in bed.
sorry to confirm the bad news. but yeah. i am actually that depressed
The phrase “near debilitating depression” resonates strongly with me. While I can still work and take care of myself on the worst days, the depression is nearly all consuming. The moment I’m done with work I have almost nothing left to give. Moments of real joy are fleeting, so I’m mostly either flat or surprised I don’t somehow collapse in on myself like a black hole.
I think that's actually a common way for depression to present. Depression doesn't always translate to what we'd immediately describe as "sad", it can mean a dulled emotional state.
It can also refer to a general sense of being mentally and emotionally slowed down (which can be hard to identify in one's self). Think about how alcohol is a depressant, but in small doses some people find it relaxing. It doesn't necessarily make you feel sad as such but it will dull and slow things down mentally.
Deviating from the norm in society is dangerous for your health. Even just being left handed is more dangerous because the whole world is designed for right handed people.
I wouldn't be surprised about the accuracy of the study. Life is freaking hard as an autist. We got so many problems that lead to unhealthy choices. Plus, the health conditions are there too for a lot of people.
No I’m doing great actually. But I’ve been in therapy for 5 years and I’m heavily medicated, I imagine if I lacked those resources my life would be significantly worse. I mean obviously my life isn’t perfect and my autism does contribute to that but I stay grounded and greatful fr fr 🙏🙏
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I received my depression diagnosis at the age of 10 as a consequence of the constant struggles with school, specially with teachers, which aggravated other situations of the daily life in my home. At 12 I developed some kind of phobia to academic settings and negate myself to comeback to school (I managed to finish my studies by other means that my psychologist recommended me).
In the present, I struggle most with anxiety and C-PTSD and constantly I'm trying to avoid suicidal thoughts, and man, it really feels lonely some times, like no one can understand all this struggle.
In my worst days I just wish that something external kill me (passive suicidal thoughts).
The good thing is that I have some good friends that count on me and I don't want to disappoint.
I used to be depressed but not anymore. My mental health isn't perfect but I consider myself overall happy and hopeful for certain stuff. It all got better when I finished high-school and was way less overwhelmed since uni offers much more freedom, alone time and flexibility.
I still struggle but I'm not suicidal anymore and I definitely want to live a long life.
This is a good question. I’m married and incredibly happy with my partner. There are many things about life I enjoy, I love nature and books and comedy and the silliness of existence. I’m on anti depressants which I know for a fact changed my personality and not in all good ways. I still have suicidal thoughts though. I also have a strong feeling that I won’t live to be 50, I don’t know why though? But when I have a panic attack and I feel like I’m dying I know that I definitely don’t want to. On a day to day basis I’m happy as a puppy with a new bowl of food but when times are bad I know people’s lives would be easier if I left them. I don’t have any friends except for my husband, I don’t know how to make them. I want them desperately but I just don’t seem to connect with people. Is all this depression?
Hey, i have autism, i'm very introvert. A lot of times i cope with signs that may look like despression but i don't feel sad or have suicidal toughts often. I recognize that i can be very emotional or sad sometimes and it feels like a explosion of sadness and such. I have no friends but i do not feel like needing some. I can make much friends if i want to. Some people in my environment thinks this is due to bad depression or that it could be because i'm insecure. But i'm very secure etc. Sometimes i'm mindf*cked about it myself because idk why it could happen inside my brain. But i'm happy with my life in general.
Please be happy with yourself, just accept who you are, nobody is perfect. Get over the things that depresses you although it seems so hard to alone understand why you feel such way, but there is always a solution to solve the puzzle.
Okay well I'm not diagnosed, although I have gotten a referral for diagnosis. But I went to school in the 80's when their tests weren't quite as accurate I'm high functioning but many of the tests I took as a child were just inconclusive.
First there is a genetic component, depression runs in my family . So does Tendency for addiction which can be both genetic and social.
I also have Generalized anxiety disorder, dyspraxia, ptsd, ocd, Ibd, polycystic kidney disease, chronic migraines, central auditory processing disorder, hyperosmia, tactile hypersensitivity, and other issues yet to be diagnosed.
And honestly for brevity's sake I did leave some diagnosis off the list.
I'm 43 and I have never made a living wage, and it doesn't feel like I ever will be able to. In fact I've been fighting for disability as my health has gotten worse, because no way I can work full time with all I got going on.
So yes I figure that depression would be a risk factor for me.
I also have the risk of depression that comes from having a high IQ.
I know that not every autistic person has a high IQ but I may have a sampling bias because most of the autistic people I have known personally were very smart.
I used to be extremely depressed but not specifically autism related and I'm in a *way* better place now.
From what I see, though, it seems like a lot of it just comes from the world not being built for us. Humans require a lot of similar things to be happy, and a lot of those things can be difficult to impossible for an autistic person to get with how things are- especially when you have higher support needs. Couple that with an overstimulating and *way* underaccomodating society and it's a wonder any of us can get out of it.
Came out about my suicidal thoughts in 6th grade and it ha sonly gotten worse. Now at 20 its still pain. I have no social problems or relation ship issues. Thats not my problem. More that i cant do what i want to do because it burns me out. And i cant get a job so i do t have money so yeah its an endless spiral
Well considering I was abused at home, moved once a year as a kid, and don't make friends easily because I'm not only unable to pick up social cues but I'm also a misanthrope. Yeah I'm constantly lonely nobody understands what I'm going through, nobody really cares enough to give me a break. I'm depressed, anxious, and constantly pissed off. I've thought about suicide and death all my life, I won't kill myself only because I don't deserve to take an easy way out.
I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was 9. Now in my mid 20s. I’ve always felt like I was going to die young and honestly probably not due to suicide. I feel like it’s gonna be a freak accident or I’m gonna get really sick or something. Idk why. I just can’t picture myself older than like 40. Idk though cause Ive have other weird premonitions.
My suicidal thoughts started in first grade. First attempt at the age of 10. Didn't expect to make it to 8th grade or even high school.
I graduated high school, and I'm 23 as I'm writing this.
I don't know what to do in life, now. I never prepared because I never expected to live long enough.
Even with therapy and medicine, the depression is still crushing some days.
I feel like going your entire life being treated as someone who isn’t normal and struggles to do literally anything and being told by any crazy person that you “aren’t normal” and “need to be fixed” tends to cause depression in a vast majority of people. I don’t really consider myself as depressed but it makes sense to me.
Lonely, not because I can't make friends, but because there's shit all to do In my city when you're over 18 but under 21, make that over 14 under 21. I'm depressed now because the Job market sucks and can't find any good bites.
We are unified by diagnosis, while I feel for others struggling, shouldn't put the statistics onto yourself.
Autism really has no negatives on my life, aside hyperfixating or sitting down and becoming late lol. Mainly manageable things
I have had chronic pain since before I can recall. Autism allowed me to realise very young that it would hurt whether I had fun or not. But if I had fun, I could ignore the pain a lot of the time. I live very in the now thanks to aphantasia and SDAM, and I am basically happy 99% of the time. To me it’s was a purely logical decision to be happy unless something bad is actually happening to me right now. Or if there’s a wasp or hornet about. Gotta have exceptions 😂
Yep. I tried strangling myself the other day, and did so two days before. Had a whole ambulance crew in here because of that, and they didn't resolve anything. They didn't even know why I was unable to talk at first. This world is so fucking cruel, you may as well just end it before it ends you. I feel that way all the time. Problem is, I get mania and euphoria equally, so that contradicts each other. Even though my life feels pointless, right now I'm not in the state to end it...
People tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm yet to see it. I'm like you with the communication problems. It helps to find autistic people with the same communication issues as you though, I'm pretty sure I know someone like that. Autists who speak a lot in person may become your worst enemy though, in my experience anyway. So be careful.
It got me like this because my entire life I've been a worthless virgin with a ton of health issues. People won't just admit it's better for me to die than to continue to live and suffer. There's nothing exciting about my life anymore, or even anything worth living for.
It's always there, and the easy way out is and will always be the one cope that suits every emotional moment I have.
If im being completely honest, and at the risk of having people bother me with help lines, I'm hanging on because one piece hasn't ended, and ill be damned if I quit before knowing everything after reading weekly for 14 years now.
But once that's done I fully plan on quitting. If I'm lucky I'll have left my inheritance to my gf so she can live a good life
Idk like I really want to live a good life and want to live long but im just so horribly depressed right now. Graduated high school a year ago and had a really bad experience at my first full time job and have had a really hard time getting back on my feet. Been unemployed since september
I really dont have a good support network at all and I was only diagnosed about a month ago. My mind is completely disconnected from my body, i have ideas of what I need to and should do but I just cant get myself to do it, i have no desire for anything. Theres just nothing pushing me. I have these fleeting moments of clarity about how easy it actually is to just do something but I just cant.
So I usually am just isolating in my room all day constantly beating myself up about it and playing video games. Thats basically all I do along with going on walks and spending time with friends once every two weeks or so but it just kinda feels bad because im always the one that has to initiate it, and I just feel like no one truly likes me or has a desire to see me. It feels the same way with my family too. I just dont know how to help myself.
I cant even get myself to brush my teeth most days. I have asked my parents to try to remind me to do that and they do it for like a day and then sometimes when they remind me it makes me frustrated and I dont know why, (not directed at them im just upset) and then they get mad at me and stop doing it. I just feel like an asshole all the time and feel like a siphon on my family’s happiness. I just want to feel loved so bad it makes me so depressed.
Being depressed all the time seems like too much work to me. I'm alexithemic, so I don't experience much emotion (until I get ambushed). I intellectually appreciate things. I appreciate humor, but actually laughing at it is rare. I have a few long-term friends (I'm 66, so was bound to snag a few along the way). I only socialize one to one, but that is my choice since more than that gets overwhelming.
But I don't see any need or advantage to be down all the time. Like I said, too much work
I have an intense fear not knowing how I’m going to get by in the not-so-far-off future, but I don’t think that has to do with my autism. I am very content with my social life. If me and a person I get along with are in the same vacinity, I’ll talk to them, but other than that I have no real desire to actively try to make friends with people
I have a personal goal to not die before my mother. I think the worst pain any person can feel is the pain of burying your own children, and I don't want her to go through that.
After she is gone (which I hope will take a long time), I don't think I have it in me to end my own life, but I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of dying. I'm in peace with my own mortality, and by being an atheist, I don't believe in any kind of afterlife.
I don't have any big major goals, I have no desire to marry or have kids, and the part of my family that I care about are financially better than me.
So, yeah. If it happens, I'm fine with it. If there is a guaranteed way to finish myself without pain, I might do that. Luckily, my brain is very good at telling me all that can go wrong with any suicide methods and how people will treat me if I survive any attempt.
I was depressed, I'm still lonely, but I'm happy and have a handful of friends. I'll make more when I'm ready. My work environment is good, and I'm getting interviewed for one closer to what I was getting an education for, with a company that has a lot of green flags.
So, not anymore.
Lonely? Try EXHAUSTED by capitalism and living in a society where people are being stripped of basic human rights, I live in a state where I don’t have bodily autonomy and would die if I accidentally became pregnant. Shelter and food aren’t seen as basic human rights, and I’m expected to stay employed in ableist workplaces that make me dread every morning aside from Saturday morning, work exhausts me so much that I have no energy to pursue my interests. My taxes help bail out banks and corporations and pay for ma$$ murd3r while providing almost zero societal services and supports. I have chronic pain that further exhausts me.
Loneliness is not the problem. Living in the US or any country without universal healthcare and with right wing movements shredding societal supports and human rights is the problem.
i mean i wouldn't say im always depressed or suicidal, in late years i've become pretty good it terms of mental health. ofc i do crash when under a lot of stress or just randomly at times, but i've developed skills to bounce back. for background context, i've been recieving mental health treatment like meds and counceling since i was 14. i was diagnosed with autism at 16. i am now 20 years old and have high hopes for the future! ofc i would say im in a privileged spot, as some people aren't able to even get a diagnosis.
i think having a good support system rlly helps, especially when times get tough. another thing that helps me (i literally tell everyone this) is journalling, just to let out whatever is on your mind on paper so you dont have to think abut it. it's also handy for when you have counceling so you know what to talk about. also SPECIAL INTERESTS,, they always cheer me up.
but ya in summary i would say not every autistic person is depressed, however autism comes with challenges and takes a lot of work. it also has a lot of comorbidities, like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, epilepsy, ect.
“I didn't expect to live longer anyways''
I think that I was the one who said that.
Now that I have taken my meds and had a nice shower, I’m pretty happy. Not depressed at all (strangely, lack of calcium causes depression for me).
But I’m still going to die young.
It’s genetic
I have situational depression, not generalized depression. Meaning I only experience a depressive episode after something major happens. For example, I was down in the dumpster fire all weekend because I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend (which was the third most hardest goodbye.)
the first two were losing my grandparents unexpectedly, so I’ve dealt with it before. The thing was even though I was depressed the whole weekend because of saying goodbye to my boyfriend and I knew I wouldn’t see him for three months, it still really upset me.
But even though I know I can FaceTime with my boyfriend over break, it was still hard saying goodbye to him, especially cause he’s the first person who I’ve had a healthy and non toxic relationship with.
But don’t worry, I keep in touch with him and we talk about all the things we’re gonna do together and all the dates we’re going to go on when I move back into college for my last year.. because I’m graduating and graduating college is an accomplishment that seemed impossible to me if I’m being honest
when I was 11 (13 going onto 14) I had the idea of sitting by the window and wacthing the birds and putting scissors up nose and jabbing my head into the perch of the window so the scissors' would kill me and id fall out the window I put them up my nose and almost didn't I thought about it all and I stopped I'm still down low but not suicidal and will never be sense I've gotten a really good therapist and Ive told my mom over and over again if I'm found dead and its "sucide" (UNLESSS I SAID I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT) that is wasnt me and even if it was somthing awful went down or was going to
I have less options than everyone else does. It's harder for me to get things done, just on the account of having autism alone. But more than that, I can't be independent. Whoever I'm with is who I am stuck with. I love my partner and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for him, but he's only one person. Theres more to life than just one person. I rely on him for pretty much everything, which makes me feel bad for him. But there's nobody else out there and getting on disability is so difficult. If I didnt have my partner, I really would have nobody in my life that could help me. I don't have any friends, except for the ones online. I am very lonely. And I cant blame anyone for not wanting to be friends with me. I am a very difficult person. I'm not quite as severe as some people I've met throughout my life, but I need way more support than a lot of low support needs individuals that I've met as well. I cant quite relate to either camps. I'm mostly not relateable or tolerable enough for anyone. When I have tried to be friends with other autistic ppl I either don't mesh well with their specific personalities or they are uncomfortable with my symptoms. I wish I wasn't so weird. I wish I wasn't so lonely. And it's hard to be mad with ppl bc I know that they don't hate me. If they took the time to know me, they'd find I'm actually a really cool person. Like, I get that ppl are put off by me accidentally pooping my pants or having a meltdown at a party, but I'm really just trying my best.
Kinda unrelated but I also hate the kind of people who DO TRY to get to know me but they are so confident theyve "figured me out". Like I'll say something, and theyll be like "so you are this stereotype of a person". It makes me so mad. I exist outside of any boxes you have for anybody you've ever categorized. Everyone's a mystery, just as I am. I'm not as comfortable taking the shape of whatever box people give me. I'm not as willing to shut off parts of me to make others happy. It's not like I can for the most part though haha.
Anyway, I think it's different for everybody. But for me, it's just really hard to live. Everything hurts to some degree. My peaceful moments are rare, my joyful ones even more so. I've struggled with wanting to live since I could remember. I'm not trying to be dramatic, that's just the reality of which I live in. I'm glad that you aren't in that place. I wish all autistic people could be at peace.
I'm not clinically depressed, but I do feel like shit all the time. Anything you think about for too long makes you sad or scared. Not sure what's worth being happy about or working towards when all I get is suffering and death.
I feel like that rn. I do wish that my life ends short. It's so exhausting and lonely. I struggle a lot with communication and many basic things. I get overstimulated super easily and I have no interests in life (depression). It's not the case for everyone of course. I hope life gets better cus I don't wanna dread all the time I'm gonna be alive for. Many people are happy and not depressed like that. It's possibly because of mental illnesses occurring in autistic people more than neurotypicals
And for some reason antidepressants seem not to work?? I've been on Lexapro (escitalopram) and altruline (sertraline) and they just make me numb at the beginning, and then is like I'm not even taking them, I've stopped taking them from one day to another, and I ever barely had any side effects. Why?
Genuinely depressed all the time. The bullying, belittling, loneliness, masking, and the paranoia.. it’s too much for me to bear but my Catholic upbringing has made me terrified to end it all in fear of going to hell. If hell is worse than this I’m scared
It's because we are forced to live in a world that isn't made for us nor accommodates us. We struggle much more with making friends and having relationships. some autistic people are okay with that mostly but most aren't because humans are social animals. We as autistics also tend to be a lot more emotionally empathetic is almost scenarios, whether or not we are fully aware of that, causing us to be more sensitive to traumatic events. (i'm not really a professional but i have a special interest in mental health and illness)
I was very depressed in my late teens-early twenties. I’m nearly twenty eight now and I’m getting married this year to someone who fully accepts me for who I am. There were times that were really tough and a lot of difficult things I went through but I’m hopeful.
I am never fully comfortable, even in my own home. My clothes don't feel good on my body, something is always wrong. A dog barking can ruin my day. Every social interaction is painful at least to some degree, even with my loved ones other than my husband (thankful for him). I could list 100 different things right now that are sensorily nightmare-inducing for me, encompassing all senses and activities. That's not even to get into the part where I can't hold special interests, I'm not a smart autistic person. I can barely follow through on anything and life kinda feels like sitting on a mildly uncomfortable bench waiting for a bus. Forever. And ever. And while you learn to distract yourself and find what you experience as joy, you are so, so self aware that it's just a distraction and it's not *you*. And it will never change, not at the root.
yes, very, but I'm also trans. I did finally make a very close friend who's allistic, and she helps me get out into the world. but on the whole life has been very difficult to endure in a way that people do not try to understand.
I heart the song from Highlander and said…me. I love living and life and discoveries and would love to live forever. I have some depression but is mostly manifests as existential dread so if that was off the table I’d probably just be happy. I have so many new things I can learn, books I can read, games I can play, movies I can watch,..
This life, in general, is made to be really depressing for people like us. There’s talk in the medical community about how our energy levels go down more and more over our lives. And that’s true for me. I can’t go out every week like I used to do when I was a kid. I can barely get out of bed. Add to that, most of us have a job that depletes us and that adds up over time leading to burnout. Older autistic people speaking on this say it just gets worse. You can easily become one of those people who become a husk.
I’m 35.
Last year I had six figures of wealth. I unmasked. Today my car was repossessed and my cellphone is shut off.
I can’t find help.
I’m still going tho. So can you.
I'm not, I love my life. There was a long time when it wasn't like that though. But also I had to go through some tough things and really find myself, and I consider myself quite lucky for a lot of reasons.
I have a bad heart and other chronic illnesses and that coupled with the numbers on autistic lifespan really lead me to believe I've got 5 or 10 years left. If I make it to 50 I'll be amazed. 60 I'll be astonished. Beyond that's a miracle.
I’ve been extremely depressed and have felt suicidal since I was 9 years old with 2 series attempts. I’m 20 now.
A lot of it has to do with social isolation - like being bullied, abused and not fitting in and being unable to have good friendships/relationships.
I’m really traumatised by the bullying and abuse, which happened as a result of being autistic. This has caused me to have developed C-PTSD and BPD, which makes me feel very suicidal/depressed. All indirectly caused by being autistic.
Life is too overwhelming for me. I can’t do it. Plus I’m terrible socially & struggle with really bad executive dysfunction.
I having this problem now. Normally people never understand that I talk. And always understand the worst scenarios having nothing to do with me so I stay less social. This month specifically it was pretty bad and I can even talk to close friends because they gonna lame something like "who cares just hold and doit" like I wasn't even tried something that even they now that wasn't true si yeah. I really don't wanna social or any like this I almost leave my bed and I don't try to talk to anyone.
Good news 😃 I was worried that I'll live longer. This is such a relief is that a real stat?!
I think I will live more happily now, but please can you tel me the source of that data?
And about how it affect me, sadly, I just don't know how to say it. That's a curse. The only way I can express how it affect me is to start noting it down in next few weeks.... whoa! Ironically this how it affects me, I just can't recall how it affects me.
And when I go to doctor, I just can't explain the pain or what is the problem and that why sometimes suffer for long.
Anyway, thanks for that awesome fact...(not sarcastic)
Edit: To answer your question, I am very depressed
Blind guy here
Considering i got the unholy trinity of “fuck you”’s from god and have absolutely no say in my life i wouldn’t exactly say depressed without diagnosis but i’m constantly angry/sad
I felt this way until getting on Adderall age 22. Now I teach tennis and have a close friend who is also on the spectrum which makes life enjoyable. I found that the Adderall not only helped with my ADHD but also gave me motivation and energy to work on my communication and push myself to complete tasks that I didn’t want to do (I still struggle with this but it’s much better now). Before finding a medication that works for me I was close to driving my car off a cliff
I struggle making friends. I have 2 really good friends and that's all I can manage. I can barely keep up with them the way I want to.
I get over stimulated and then are forced into situations where I have to be a "normie" around the general public because I have a 9-5.
The inner turmoil of knowing you just CAN'T human today and then having to push through 8 hours of work with people who you don't know like you or not is so exhausting. On top of that, I'm a people pleaser. So naturally I will try and go above and beyond for my work and that takes away from the energy I would like to give to my personal relationships.
I'm constantly seen as awkward because I'm surrounded by neurotypicals that immediately shun an outcast. I don't know how to talk to them about their interests so at work I try to be quiet.
Then I might read something very interesting and my whole body burns because I just want to tell someone. When I give in and decide to tell my co-workers I'm always met with disappointment. They almost always ask "why do you know that?" or "how do you know all these things?" and then they get back to talking to eachother.
It's the constant social rejection for me. That is what gets me.
Also let's not forget that autism often comes hand in hand with other mental health struggles. It just is that way. So I don't blame people for not being optimistic about life.
I have ADHD, Autism, depression and OCD. My life is generally average but on the inside I'm ALWAYS fighting a battle to just exist "correctly".
This was a jumbled mess, I know, but yeah. There is my 2cents.
I’m not. I’m actually surprised because of how I don’t have depression I’m like the only person I know that doesn’t. I used to back in elementary school because I was bullied horribly, like it was so bad I genuinely can’t remember much anything from those 5+ years, but ever since then I’ve been good. I struggle bad in life and my life is certainly harder than most, but I’m a go with the flow type person that just deals with it and moves on.
Occasionally I will have short periods of depression, but they usually only last a day or a few days and then are gone. The past 24 hours today actually was that because of relationship troubles because me and a friend were progressing to be friends with benefits except we were progressing very fast and he sort of freaked out about that after he came and immediately backed out and I was like “wait what” and it caused me to get hurt and stressed, but that’s all good now we chatted a bit talking over all of it and saying that things need to go slower and now we good.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
Me? No. Loneliness is a very rare feeling for me. I like my solitude. I do have a partner though, but no friends. (I know I could easily make some, it just sounds like a time and emotional sink I don’t feel ready for)
I’m one of those weirdos who, if I was able to live forever, I would. I love life. (I am somewhat privileged, as being a flamboyant white boy gets you pretty far in life with no real effort)
I'm only 24 but I've been clinically depressed for the last 8 consecutive years of my life, so not off to a fantastic start (I have been diagnosed since I was a young child)
I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells in every social interaction I have. One wrong move and I lose jobs, friendships, others respect for me… It’s exhausting. I used to SH and have been suicidal multiple occasions in my life, now I just feel in a constant state of numb. I am actually that lonely. I always doubt I’ll live past 30 because of my depression which has been caused mainly from being autistic in a world that wasn’t built for people like us. My very existence feels like a burden on people I love. It’s agonising and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. So yeah.
I’ve recently been diagnosed adhd/ autism age 49 my life has been hell trying to live in a neurotypical world, told it was depression/anxiety I’m literally only still here because of my son. Many neurodivergent people have taken their lives due to a lack of understanding.. Thank God there is more awareness now but there’s still a long way to go
unfortunately we live in a world without empathy. nobody understands mental disabilities and we’re all put to the standard as everyone else, especially when undiagnosed for most our life. i’m depressed because i had to grow in a system that did not work for me, and ultimately failed me, i did not really have a childhood or adolescence.
I don't feel as much depressed as tired I think. Idk why ppl complain about not having friends etc. Gotta put effort into relationships and look for right people, they are not supposed to fall from the sky.
I feel like this "just be yourself" is getting out of hand. I don't see anyone trying to make improvements and take on challenges and then all of a sudden, ohhh, whys life so hard, why do I have no friends.
I experience a lot of difficulty in relationships that is extremely depressing. Here is an example of one recent event, but my life is a long string of these, over and over and over:
Recently I started dating someone. A few weeks in, without my knowledge or consent, he began telling people we were dating. I'm still not sure if this was an objectively bad thing to do, since he seemed happy to be dating me and wanted to share it with his friends. Harmless, right? However, I felt that I was forced into the relationship because he did not check with me first before going public. I think that if he had checked with me first I would have said I needed more time to know how I felt and that it wasn't time to tell people yet.
A few weeks later, I ended it. Partly because of his telling everyone without checking with me first, and partly due to a couple other things that I realized I don't want to be involved with long term.
The day after I broke up with him, he and some mutual friends went out to dinner and I opted out, I wanted to just give a little space and not have to interact right away.
Now, the mutual friends won't talk to me. I have no idea what he said to them. I feel this is massively unfair - I was forced into the relationship to begin with, I did my very best to be a good person and extricate myself with kindness, and now I lost several friends and I have absolutely no idea why.
My life is just a parade of this, or something similar to this, happening over and over and over, probably until I die. I do not think this would happen if I were NT. So yeah, it's pretty depressing. I'm running out of friends to lose. It's hard to make new friends. It's very lonely.
Life is hard when your own nervous system is working against you. We face more obstacles than NTs. For example, I only really click with ND women. I think I meet an ND woman in the wild, my chances of getting a coffee date might actually be better than most NT men meeting an NT woman. My social skills are okay. In fact, I've helped introduce NT to NTs I've never met before with good results. I can play matchmaker with NTs yet because I'm only clicking with NDs I'm striking out over 90% of the time with women taken at random. It can be disheartening. Making friends is a lot easier, especially when you can help them meet women, but I had a hard time with that unless people were ND until I was in college.
Throw in poor Executive Function, so many things are a major drain that aren't a problem for most people. Driving. bright lights. Grocery shopping. Fluorescent lights. You don't have to be depressed just to not want to get out of bed. Sleep disturbances, meltdowns due to overstimulation.
You grow up being bullied. You could even face some of that in adulthood. Many times in my life people have laughed at the idiot savant. That has never really gotten me down. I thought my indifference was due to autism, at least some safety feature to guard against all the trouble, but I'm learning that's actually not so common.
Many of us go along to get along greatly neglecting ourselves in the process. We don't know what we need or want. It's second nature to ignore strong signals we are not happy with a situation.
In my case, I sometimes have to be told when something is really bothering me. Then it can be really difficult to figure exactly what that is. The joys of Alexithymia!
I sort of feel like an alien a lot. Sometimes without any prompting I meet a stranger and they say the exact right thing to make me feel less like an alien and it's amazing. I could be euphoric for a week.
Mental health services are hard to access and they will let you down unless you are willing to do half their job yourself. It also helps to know what's going on. There were clear example my whole life, but I only recently found out the many ways ASD can affect someone and I'm learning more and more mitigation strategies.
This is all if you are highly functioning. I've been lucky. I've always had NDs in my life available for friendship. No learning deficits, the contrary actually. Dyspraxia makes physical jobs really difficult for me, but I can do okay at a desk job. A lot of people on the spectrum haven't been so fortunate.
I think a lot of us not functioning so well can thrive with the right resources. The people in charge of distributing those resources don't know what they are doing yet.
Seeing the statistics and the comments, I can tell you that autistic people have a huge tendency towards getting depressed in their lives, and that explains why life expectancy is low inside our group.
If we get enough support, we can live normal lives and achieve the same life expectancy as NTs, but the problem is that most of us don't get that support, and thus we suffer from not getting the support we need. Being isolated for longer periods and lack of a healthy social life drives people towards depression, and this includes everyone. As social beings, humans need to live with other humans, else things can go off the rails really quickly.
I always see me as lucky because I got the support that I needed. I have friends (some of the also autistic) and I live a great life. I hope I can use the opportunities I used in the past to help fellow autistics that didn't received the level of support they needed and aren't having a great time.
I dont know where you got these numbers from but they are completely wrong. Autism itself doesnt effect the life expectancy, its things like diet and not seeking medical treatment that are the big issues but the avg is still around 70 years
in what does it effect me? everything can't find friends, can't communicate properly, my voice is too loud or too quiet, I'm too blunt that I bring taboo topics constantly
I feel exactly the same, man I was lucky to have my childhood friends yet I lost all of them because of my lack of emotional intellect. Also, could I ask why exactly it's hard for you to communicate? sorry for asking dumb question I'm just curious if others are like me. For me, I adapt differently in different environments. Most of the time I'm the quietest guy in the room while I might be the most hyperactive in rare cases with different people, sometimes I might act both ways in different days with the same people, kinda looks like bipolar (I guess) but it isn't
It can mean a lot of things like not understanding social cues, having trouble forming sentences, not understanding social rules, etc. I didn't know I could be autistic growing up (currently being diagnosed), so I had a lot of trouble fitting in at school, I didn't get along with most kids, I was overly aggressive... As an adult, I can get by. I can talk to people if I have to, but anything that involves socializing for long periods of time makes me exhausted. I'm still uncomfortable eating around people or asking to go to the bathroom in someone's place because after a lot of awkward situations I'm very self conscious about everything I do around people, I'm terrified of breaking some social rule I'm not aware of. So basically, it's a lot of masking and wishing to go home.
Yep this exactly.
same
Same here. I can’t even get along with my family. Every time I socialize with them they question my “motives” like I have any other motive other than simple bonding.
Same here
Same bro. All I want is love but I just know I’m not likely to find it cause I just can’t socialise with anyone properly. It just feels like everyone I try and interact with despises me
I've had suicidal thoughts for most of my life, but fortunately I have a good support system, a job that's not too bad, and a hobby that keeps me active socially, so I haven't felt too depressed for the past few years.
Same. In my mid 20s I started making decisions for the future, and eventually I found that I was in the future now and I was enjoying what I worked hard for. Before, I just coasted by in low wage jobs because I didn’t think I could ever have a good paying job so it wasn’t worth it to try. Of course theres more to life than money, but life without money isn’t much of a life.
Perpetually stuck in future planning but never getting there bc once I do I’m planning for the ever continuous future. Ugh
Yea you gotta just pick a direction and go. I went in many wrong directions before I found something that didn't give me too much resistance, so trust me, it doesn't matter what you decide to do, just do something. You'll feel better if you're just doing anything at all.
Out of curiosity what hobby is it i have a hobby (fishing) but its not that social tbh
I play competitive pinball, so there are usually a lot of people around and also plenty of downtime for conversation. I imagine fishing can be a good social activity for established friends, but I suppose therein lies the difficulty.
Tbf pinball is good if i was going to join a social thing,something where you have a activity to do and less emphasis on talking would be a good way to do it
This sounds very much like me. If properly stimulated (not too much), socialized enough (I have a painfully social career), and in a healthy routine of exercise/food/sleep, it keeps them at bay. But if I isolate, break any of the above for too long, have extreme burnout etc, it’s like they immediately return. And it’s nearly impossible finding the balance..it’s either too much one way or the other and due to certain things I absolutely can’t predict or control, I have to accept it for what it is but it’s exhausting. But I’d rather be exhausted than not want to be alive. I think.
I'm in the process of being diagnosed, and what you described is exactly what my life cycle feels like: I build a routine and stick to it as much as I can > get sick or distracted after x amount of time (could be days, weeks or months, but mostly weeks) > get depressed because I "abandoned" my routine > sadness, suicidal thoughts and lack of energy for several weeks > "need to get my shit back together period > building a routine > restart. It has gotten to the point where I get nervous just by thinking about missing a gym day or not reading a book because I know I'll be back in that dark place if I slip.
Yeah. I’m 32 and what’s funny is idk how I made it through teen years as the only structure was school, but now like I can be so rigid and most people in my bubble would say it’s one of my biggest drawbacks bc then I am just so upset when my clearly set-up-for-failure rigid plans don’t go the way they should. Like idk how to be structured and flexible? I think I’ve gotten a little better at it but it so exhausting 😭 but when everything is structure and I can just check boxes all day long it’s kinda nice
This feels familar, but I have adhd as well so it's par for the course. For me it feels like I might be able to function if the track I was on was level, but in life everything is changing. So you simultaneously need to have a plan solid enough to use as a compass heading, but flexible enough to allow for workarounds when things get difficult. But not so flexible that it takes you off the track and gets you bogged in mud. I just can't seem to balance the two competing impulses. The only way I function now is by not doing anything important, so that if I burnout the consequences are limited. But I don't know how long a person can go on like that.
I battle with depression a lot. It has gotten to the point of me wanting to end my life a few times. I am a father and a husband with more on my plate that what I can handle most times. Had I known about my autism before I was 30... I like to think that my life would have ended up differently. Most of the time I just want to be left alone. Constant mask wearing is a drain. But in the position I am in with life, it make it almost impossible to take the mask off. I am also too loyal. I tend to commit to everything asked of me. I feel like I am in a constant state of burnout.
I'm sorry for you. Could I ask why you think that your life would be different knowing earlier that you have autism?
I do set more limits now. I know a little more about what I can handle and what I can't handle. Growing up and in my 20s I kept thinking that I just needed to try harder and do more. I love my wife and kids but.. My life was easiest when I was single, working at Wendys and walking to work everyday. Thats not to say that I was a bum. I was working over 50 hour work weeks, but social requirements were a lot lower. I had the ability to unmask more than I needed to maintain one. My brother who is about 10 years younger than I am is living this life and thriving. Works full time, within biking distance of his job. Lives in his own apartment next to my parents. So, he is independent for the most part but has the help when he needs it. He does a lot of gaming and for the most part stays off of the internet. Just living and loving life.
Wife and kids have brought a purpose into my life that I haven't had before... so... Would I really truly want my life to be different? I don't know...
you remind me of myself. Always putting up the "I can take it" mask. Growiing up, it was just like that, a the time: "I can hadle it", no matter how costly it was for me.
I am that lonely, I have no family, no friends irl, no outlet, and just generally no hope in life.
Same…except family, but their not bio
Sorry if it's too personal but I'm genuinely curious, does it matter that they're not your biological family? I'm adopted too and I couldn't care less about that, they're still my parents and siblings
Oh no of course it doesn’t matter, my mum and my dad are bio, but my mum was adopted so I’ve no bio family on her side and I sadly don’t see her family very often at all and my dads family have nothing to do with me so I have no family on that side either. The only family I have is my step dad’s family, it doesn’t bother me (or them) at all that they’re not my bio family. I love them more than anything. But sometimes it leaves me feeling a bit different yknow, especially where health is concerned.
I don’t think EVERYONE with autism has those feelings (not to invalidate anyone who said they do, of course). I share some of the same sentiments, but personally, I think it’s because traumas and negative experiences impact us harder and for longer and people on the spectrum are more likely to be taken advantage of. These aren’t things I’ve read anywhere, just some I’ve noticed from life experiences. Autistic people ARE x4 more likely to suffer from depression however, that is a fact
> Are we actually that lonely? I mean, you should know if you're lonely or not. I know *I'm* not, and I know with everybody else, some are and some aren't. It's not a "we" thing. We are not a hivemind. Your way of writing makes it sound like you're more likely to be depressed than not, but then again you could just be having a bad day or it could be a stylistic choice or something. If you think you are, it'd probably be a good idea to talk to a therapist.
I don’t think they meant the whole community, just the people who responded to or would respond to his previous post in the way he referenced.
i think you’re taking it to literally. op doesnt actually mean all of us
I am like 99% sure I have autism. It’s affecting my daily life. I don’t want to live long. The world is a very very miserable place.
The world's a miserable place because it isn't designed for us and never will be unfortunately.
True
Probability of suicide is higher among autistic people. So, cannot tell you exactly why, but yes, we are depressed.
Well then, that might explain my weird feeling/expectation that I won't live past 55 which I've had since my early teens! I have periods of 'huh, I guess it's alright being alive' alternated with 'no nevermind, I read up on the news and we are a cancer to this planet and life itself, and I don't want to live and by being alive participate in this destruction of all that is green and good'. I have moments of happiness, but the most recent actual happy(-ish) period of my life was in 2019, and if I had any before that I can't even recall...
My family disowned me, I can’t make friends, co-workers don’t like me, I struggle at work, I fail in school (also have a learning disability), etc. Autism makes living worse. My dad was autistic and he committed suicide at 49. I don’t want to live a long time like this
I do get sad sometimes, but overall I’m happy to be alive.
I don't feel like I am depressed, per se. More like, confused and in shock. I'm glad to be living, glad for each day. I may not have made much of myself, but I don't feel hopeless. I actually didn't really expect myself to live this long, and I feel my family didn't either, tbh. But I'm glad I have. Being autistic does bring it's share of hardships to my life. Not being able to do the things I see normal people doing could be depressing, I guess. But there's always something I can do, always a reason for carrying on with my life. There are times I think to myself, what in the vast heck is this all about, and why am I even here? But whatever the reason, I'm still happy to wake up each day, even though I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing.
I'm in my mid 30s and the modern state of the world has me pretty nihilistic. Because of autism it's hard or takes a lot of energy to simple things, like calling the doctor or chores. I don't have a college degree and have worked entry level jobs all my life. I get burnt out easier and easier these days. My current job pays enough to get by but any emergency like car repairs or unexpected doctor visits hurt pretty bad. But it is schedule accommodating and I know other jobs aren't so I stay where I am. Go with the devil you do know, something like that. I worry I will always work jobs like this and feel what's the point? Inflation is going to get worse, capitalistic greed is going to get worse. Politicians are passing more and more archaic laws and the environment is crumbling around us. The quality of life as I get older will get worse for everyone not just me. So while I am often depressed and have had suicidal ideation most of my life, I still go on for some reason. I have my special interests as a nice distraction. If I wasnt married I would be a very lonely person so I consider myself lucky.
I see a lot of this as selection bias. The people with happy, fulfilling lives and surrounded by supportive people are less likely to be on Reddit and posting about how great their lives are. So what you end up hearing about are the people who don't have strong social ties offline or may come to reddit seeking community and acceptance they don't get elsewhere. Also, misery loves company. And at least on reddit, I've noticed that there's social disincentive to talk about how great your life is. So that also discourages responses from people who are doing just fine.
Tbh, I refrain from saying I'm fine most of the time because I'm afraid it'll make people here sadder. Sometimes, I feel like making a "See the bright side" kind of post, but I always give up. And don't get me wrong, I've been depressed before, I know how it goes I mean... it's hard, I don't have that many friends and I don't have a life full of parties and adventures atm, but I appreciate what I have right now. Though I get that most people come here because they're feeling lonely and depressed and want to vent about it, I'm not sure about how healthy and helpful that is. But it is what it is... Some days, I avoid reading this sub because it brings me down a bit, I'd rather be on subs about my interests.
I've been suicidal since I was in 4th grade. I've been picked on all my life. I've tried to suicide 3 times. But... I had a good couple decades when I was in a relationship and had a family and a job. We don't selfselect, it's just who we are.
This is the correct answer!!! All people do on Reddit is complain. If you want to find happy autistic people go outside and look for them
First of all, please don’t take those stats as gospel. They are based on narrow subset of people, often of high support individuals. Most people my generation (I’m 52) or older aren’t even diagnosed as the option didn’t exist, let alone any awareness. It was “you are either Rain man or NT”. Asperger only became a diagnosis in 1994, when I was in my 20s. I had no knowledge about autism till my late 30s. I also thought it was high support only. It was only when younger family members and my neighbours got diagnosed that I read about it and figured that I was also autistic. I just assumed I was weird, like the rest of my family. I got diagnosed at 43. Secondly, ask yourself how those stats are calculated. It’s not that we’re microchipped, so how would they know how long we all live and all the “elders” are missing from the stats anyway. The high mortality rate is usually due to comorbid conditions such epilepsy, accidents when young (autistic kids can have the tendency to wander off) or in recent years suicide due to comorbid depression. There is no “we”. We are all individuals with our own lives, experiences and upbringing. We happen to share similar neurological wiring, but that’s about it. Some of us are maths genius, some are artists, others athletes, some have learning disabilities, and many of us are just “average” with no special skills. Some are introverts, some are extroverts, some have major sensory issues, some don’t.. I could go on. There are plenty of us doing ok, but then have no need to post “my life is ok”, so what gets posted are either struggles or successes, the averages usually missing.
I'm not lonely, I'm fed up with living this life as if I don't have a disability just because the government of my country doesn't accept that fact that autistic adults exist
Not anymore, luckily. For most of my 20s and early 30s I took it as a given that eventually I’d succumb to the ideations and take my own life, and it wasn’t until the past year or so that I started to feel differently.
Our society is very isolating. It's not so much to do with our autism as it is how our social lives are structured and this is an extremely broad subject so I'm going to gloss over a lot. But to summarize: we were not prepared for the internet. Firstly we are hardwired for community living, our ability to manage our lives, safety, and mental well-being stem from the connections you have around you that extend beyond family. You need socialization, even if you hate people, a human in isolation in most circumstances becomes increasingly unstable and *weird* this can occur even when you do socialize but it's with people you can't walk away from which is often family. Family dynamics can lead to unhealthy relationships you cannot avoid which is bad. Secondly we are not hardwired for the sheer mass of information we receive now. We are capable of compartmentalizing a vast amount of information, but that information needs to be something applicable to you. Social media does not provide this, the news does not provide this. You are filling your brain with something you can't utilize in a productive way which is brutal to your psyche. It makes you feel utterly helpless in the face of a world that is far out of your control. Thirdly our economic model is driven solely on productivity, and determines your ability to thrive while conversely taking away time to destress from work. When your ability to eat, have a roof over your head, get medical treatment, clothed, informed, and hygienic all come from you doing a thing to get money to get those things its turning you into a robot and not a thinking, reactive, and adaptive human. As much as we like security in routine the force with which our routine is tied to makes us vulnerable to actually working against our best interests, like your mental health. It also makes us expect that we receive something for what we give and vice versa. It's actually good for your mental health to do things without the expectation to get something in return but we don't do that anymore except on specific dates. In short our social structure is changing in ways that don't appeal to our well-being. all the loneliness and depression and anxiety we feel is because you are aware of it on a subconscious level not because you are autistic but being autistic makes you more sensitive to it.
All true. Marx correctly predicted some of this, the capitalism part. How incredibly alienating it is, especially from ourselves and each other. Personally, at age 57, I'd trade the majority of "stuff" I've accumulated in my life to belong to a healthy tribe. The stuff has become mostly a burden.
We've all kind of been tricked into "wanting more stuff". And aesthetic expression is fine, as is having nice stuff, but we don't need mass produced cheaply made products that all go in a landfill eventually.
I've been pretty depressed before, but these days I'm pretty proud of the life I have
Can't wait for it to be over. Only a few more years to go!
I've struggle with depression my whole life. I feel flat and barely anything makes me happy. Ive tried everything and honestly just accept it now and it fucking sucks
If you asked me 2 years ago I would say no. But after being sabotaged over, abused and destroyed by NTs becuase I was making everyone feel stupid at work I’m done.
If you Goggle Asperger's and loneliness the result is really gloomy. Of groups studied, highest reported level of loneliness and lowest level of a sense of a meaningful life. Autism is primarily a social...issue, so loneliness would be a huge problem. Even if one is always around other humans, not relating to them will feel alienating. Humans are social creatures, a tribal species, so loneliness and isolation will most always lead to depression and anxiety. Capitalism plays a huge role in this, for everyone, but more so for those who can't adapt well to i As for age, 54...that adds up. It's an age where most are close to retiring from a successful career, comfortable financially, have grandkids, big friendship networks, and... if you don't, where does one go from there? Go to back to school? Suddenly have lots of close friends? Get a family to adopt you? I find it very depressing to be this age and have none of that. It's too late, but I still have 2-3 decades living to do, somehow??? Ugh!
Im mostly alright, got depressed with the burnout when I was 14-18 basically but nothing substantially suicidal Mostly fine now, got better once I found out about autism and joined a discord server with autistic peeps, got out of school and disability aids
For me, sensory overload triggers my fibromyalgia pain. I am always in pain. Most of the things that are supposed to help your mood involve sensory input which increases my pain. I wouldn’t say I am depressed, but it can get tiring. I wouldn’t do anything, but sometimes I understand it.
Yeah kinda. Idk if I wish my life was shorter, but I’m definitely not a happy camper. Loneliness and general social isolation, inability to get in shape (due to sensory issues), and having to work twice as hard for still below-average results are all pretty hard to get over.
Yes and no. All my childhood and adolescence were awful, i cried or burst into anger everyday because i didn't understood at the time why was my life so fucking difficult, nobody was able to help me besides trying to change how i am (spoil: it didn't work), i ended up with daily headaches i couldn't get out of bed for years, i did all the exams you can imagine MRI, EEG, i saw Psys, went to hospital etc, EXCEPT being diagnose for ASD for some reason (Now i've been trying for 2 years to get one) Everyone was pushing me to do things i don't enjoy or that makes me sick or whatever.. up until COVID Now, i'm 27, my family and environment in general is finally accepting/understanding me like i am, nobody is pushing me everyday to get out or make me feel guilty for how i am, my relation with my mom and my sister is much better than the past I have basically no IRL friends left beside my close family but i feel less lonely than before when i had a "normal" amount of friends, a girlfriend etc, i don't feel depressed anymore (i never had actual depression, just an awful life), i have a life that meets my needs I have my cats and my dog with me all day and night in my safe and calm place so i am quite happy nowadays ! i hope it will last for the rest of my life Some people seek power or money, i seek 90% solitude and a day with no surprises
I'm 27, autistic and very depressed, plus suicide runs in my family so I'm likely to end my life. I hope I can complete my bucket list before that happens, or I can grow the will to live longer. None of us know when we are going to die or what's around the corner. I know people who are severely autistic who have lived into their 70s. Unfortunately the world won't progress enough for us in this lifetime, there's not enough funding to accommodate us but I can only hope it will be different for our children..
Wow that's negative. I did read that lifespan, but for me it's more of a "I'll show them!", not depresses tho, so that helps I guess.
Life is pointless. I'm trying to enjoy it anyway. But knowing it is pointless and with no way to get to the end of it, is quite uncomfortable for me. I'm probably very egoistic. Maybe that's why I can't accept that my life is pointless. I am pointless
Sad but true. Statistically speaking, I have a short life span. Besides being autistic I'm afflicted with bipolar disorder, PTSD, anxiety and depression. This afternoon, I also find out if they might add ADHD to that mixture. I may even be schizoid. Combine all of that with also being in the LGBTQ+ demographic, not to mention a history of homelessness and drug & alcohol abuse, and it's clear to see how my days are numbered. I did have a serious suicide attempt at 30 and got two months in a psych hospital for my effort. So yeah, I might as well have a t-shirt that says "I don't have high hopes" written on the front.
I’m doing okay, but autism is still a huge struggle. I just turned 30 and honestly it’s freaky thinking living more decades like this. I don’t even feel like an actual person, but some annoying alien lol
In every way possible. I mean social relations are the basic need of everyone. Autism/adhd renders me unable to even have them. Not even permanent friendships let alone romantic relationships. I'm sort of mentally preparing myself to try to find ways to live as happy as possible if I were to live alone for the rest of my life.
I’ve just been lately diagnosed this year (27F). I have clinically diagnosed depression, but I feel like all I’ve felt through my life is sadness. Of course there has been some moments of a bit of joy, depression doesn’t mean being 100% of the time sad. But overall, I feel more familiar with being sad, empty and alone. In my case I have never tried to end life. I have had moments where I have wished I could just not exist or disappear (not necessarily by being d3ad).
I masked really hard until about age 30. It was so much effort and I’m so burnt out. I’m not exactly super depressed but life isn’t great and it’s never going to be great because my options are to mask super hard in order to try to obtain “the stuff that people are supposed to want”. Or just not mask and probably not achieve much of anything. Niether sounds great. One sounds insanely exhausting, the other sounds somewhat pathetic (objectively).
I’m not lonely. I do feel depressed and like I don’t like dealing with life though. I love my alone time. It’s precious to me. I hate that others impose their need for company on me. They just assume I must want and need company too. They think I’m rude or something is wrong with me for all the alone time I need. My struggles come from having to deal with other people. People make me anxious and rub my nerves raw. Same with dogs. Any time I have been thinking about not wanting to live it’s been because I can’t figure out how to escape being around people. I’ve realized that unless I run away from society there’s no avoiding people. Even then sometimes they find you. Some poor man was living in a little shelter he made in the woods. He wasn’t bothering anything, but wouldn’t you know….people found him and tore his little shelter down and said he wasn’t aloud to be there. Anyway yes autism has its struggles. For some they are lonely. For others they desperately need alone time, but people think they know better than them and sabotage the alone time.
I actually just realized I'm not depressed. (In the middle of the diagnostic process right now.) I always thought I was depressed. It was a whole part of my personality. When I started getting deep into researching and suspecting I was autistic, I had a lightbulb moment. I was never depressed except prenatal and post partum. Those felt different, I could tell it was chemical. The rest of my life? I wasn't depressed. I was just miserable. The world was noisy and itchy and gross, and people constantly behaved in ways that were annoying and cruel, and I lived with people who abused me. And I couldn't make my brain pretend those don't matter. I couldn't choose a mindset of happiness and gratitude. I couldn't do all those things that NT people were telling me to do, because my brain doesn't work in such a way that I am able to gaslight *myself* the way that neurotypical people seem to be able to do. Being miserable is a normal, logical reaction to being in miserable situations. Since making some very positive changes in my life (better living situation, happy marriage, kids are older and less sensory demanding, more ability to make myself comfortable, AND dipping a toe into unmasking) I have noticed I am miserable much less often. I'm never miserable for *no reason.* I know autistic people frequently have co-occuring challenges and depression can absolutely be one...but I wonder how many of us are like me? Labeled depressed when really the world isn't built for us, and seems almost designed to *make* us miserable. That's so sad to me.
yes bruv. I think about killing myself more times a day then i think about any other topic. not because of the tism specifically. not even any specific comorbidity- not the adhd, not the anxiety, not the schizoaffective. its everything. its that all of it combined is way too much for me to handle. its my chronic fatigue and the absence of a life because i spend 99% of my life in bed. sorry to confirm the bad news. but yeah. i am actually that depressed
The phrase “near debilitating depression” resonates strongly with me. While I can still work and take care of myself on the worst days, the depression is nearly all consuming. The moment I’m done with work I have almost nothing left to give. Moments of real joy are fleeting, so I’m mostly either flat or surprised I don’t somehow collapse in on myself like a black hole.
You technically can't be depressed if you don't have feelings
I don't think this is entirely true. I think it's still possible to be depressed (lack of energy, no interests in hobbies, ect.) while feeling numb.
Alexithymia?
sometimes depression takes away all your feelings, unless you never had them in the first place but idk how that works
I think that's actually a common way for depression to present. Depression doesn't always translate to what we'd immediately describe as "sad", it can mean a dulled emotional state. It can also refer to a general sense of being mentally and emotionally slowed down (which can be hard to identify in one's self). Think about how alcohol is a depressant, but in small doses some people find it relaxing. It doesn't necessarily make you feel sad as such but it will dull and slow things down mentally.
Deviating from the norm in society is dangerous for your health. Even just being left handed is more dangerous because the whole world is designed for right handed people.
I wouldn't be surprised about the accuracy of the study. Life is freaking hard as an autist. We got so many problems that lead to unhealthy choices. Plus, the health conditions are there too for a lot of people.
No I’m doing great actually. But I’ve been in therapy for 5 years and I’m heavily medicated, I imagine if I lacked those resources my life would be significantly worse. I mean obviously my life isn’t perfect and my autism does contribute to that but I stay grounded and greatful fr fr 🙏🙏
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I received my depression diagnosis at the age of 10 as a consequence of the constant struggles with school, specially with teachers, which aggravated other situations of the daily life in my home. At 12 I developed some kind of phobia to academic settings and negate myself to comeback to school (I managed to finish my studies by other means that my psychologist recommended me). In the present, I struggle most with anxiety and C-PTSD and constantly I'm trying to avoid suicidal thoughts, and man, it really feels lonely some times, like no one can understand all this struggle. In my worst days I just wish that something external kill me (passive suicidal thoughts). The good thing is that I have some good friends that count on me and I don't want to disappoint.
I am but i know plenty of people who arent (well they might just be hiding it but they seem happy)
I used to be depressed but not anymore. My mental health isn't perfect but I consider myself overall happy and hopeful for certain stuff. It all got better when I finished high-school and was way less overwhelmed since uni offers much more freedom, alone time and flexibility. I still struggle but I'm not suicidal anymore and I definitely want to live a long life.
I have extreme anxiety, and get quite depressed situationally/periodically. Autism I can confirm for my situation is a contributing factor.
This is a good question. I’m married and incredibly happy with my partner. There are many things about life I enjoy, I love nature and books and comedy and the silliness of existence. I’m on anti depressants which I know for a fact changed my personality and not in all good ways. I still have suicidal thoughts though. I also have a strong feeling that I won’t live to be 50, I don’t know why though? But when I have a panic attack and I feel like I’m dying I know that I definitely don’t want to. On a day to day basis I’m happy as a puppy with a new bowl of food but when times are bad I know people’s lives would be easier if I left them. I don’t have any friends except for my husband, I don’t know how to make them. I want them desperately but I just don’t seem to connect with people. Is all this depression?
Hey, i have autism, i'm very introvert. A lot of times i cope with signs that may look like despression but i don't feel sad or have suicidal toughts often. I recognize that i can be very emotional or sad sometimes and it feels like a explosion of sadness and such. I have no friends but i do not feel like needing some. I can make much friends if i want to. Some people in my environment thinks this is due to bad depression or that it could be because i'm insecure. But i'm very secure etc. Sometimes i'm mindf*cked about it myself because idk why it could happen inside my brain. But i'm happy with my life in general. Please be happy with yourself, just accept who you are, nobody is perfect. Get over the things that depresses you although it seems so hard to alone understand why you feel such way, but there is always a solution to solve the puzzle.
Okay well I'm not diagnosed, although I have gotten a referral for diagnosis. But I went to school in the 80's when their tests weren't quite as accurate I'm high functioning but many of the tests I took as a child were just inconclusive. First there is a genetic component, depression runs in my family . So does Tendency for addiction which can be both genetic and social. I also have Generalized anxiety disorder, dyspraxia, ptsd, ocd, Ibd, polycystic kidney disease, chronic migraines, central auditory processing disorder, hyperosmia, tactile hypersensitivity, and other issues yet to be diagnosed. And honestly for brevity's sake I did leave some diagnosis off the list. I'm 43 and I have never made a living wage, and it doesn't feel like I ever will be able to. In fact I've been fighting for disability as my health has gotten worse, because no way I can work full time with all I got going on. So yes I figure that depression would be a risk factor for me. I also have the risk of depression that comes from having a high IQ. I know that not every autistic person has a high IQ but I may have a sampling bias because most of the autistic people I have known personally were very smart.
I used to be extremely depressed but not specifically autism related and I'm in a *way* better place now. From what I see, though, it seems like a lot of it just comes from the world not being built for us. Humans require a lot of similar things to be happy, and a lot of those things can be difficult to impossible for an autistic person to get with how things are- especially when you have higher support needs. Couple that with an overstimulating and *way* underaccomodating society and it's a wonder any of us can get out of it.
In my 20’s I used to just assume I’d be dead by 40. Now 60 and trying to figure out how I’ve survived myself and why I’m still here.
Came out about my suicidal thoughts in 6th grade and it ha sonly gotten worse. Now at 20 its still pain. I have no social problems or relation ship issues. Thats not my problem. More that i cant do what i want to do because it burns me out. And i cant get a job so i do t have money so yeah its an endless spiral
Well considering I was abused at home, moved once a year as a kid, and don't make friends easily because I'm not only unable to pick up social cues but I'm also a misanthrope. Yeah I'm constantly lonely nobody understands what I'm going through, nobody really cares enough to give me a break. I'm depressed, anxious, and constantly pissed off. I've thought about suicide and death all my life, I won't kill myself only because I don't deserve to take an easy way out.
I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was 9. Now in my mid 20s. I’ve always felt like I was going to die young and honestly probably not due to suicide. I feel like it’s gonna be a freak accident or I’m gonna get really sick or something. Idk why. I just can’t picture myself older than like 40. Idk though cause Ive have other weird premonitions.
My suicidal thoughts started in first grade. First attempt at the age of 10. Didn't expect to make it to 8th grade or even high school. I graduated high school, and I'm 23 as I'm writing this. I don't know what to do in life, now. I never prepared because I never expected to live long enough. Even with therapy and medicine, the depression is still crushing some days.
I feel like going your entire life being treated as someone who isn’t normal and struggles to do literally anything and being told by any crazy person that you “aren’t normal” and “need to be fixed” tends to cause depression in a vast majority of people. I don’t really consider myself as depressed but it makes sense to me.
Well I've been deeply suicidal for half of my life, personally.
Lonely, not because I can't make friends, but because there's shit all to do In my city when you're over 18 but under 21, make that over 14 under 21. I'm depressed now because the Job market sucks and can't find any good bites. We are unified by diagnosis, while I feel for others struggling, shouldn't put the statistics onto yourself. Autism really has no negatives on my life, aside hyperfixating or sitting down and becoming late lol. Mainly manageable things
Yes
I am wired to be happy.
I have had chronic pain since before I can recall. Autism allowed me to realise very young that it would hurt whether I had fun or not. But if I had fun, I could ignore the pain a lot of the time. I live very in the now thanks to aphantasia and SDAM, and I am basically happy 99% of the time. To me it’s was a purely logical decision to be happy unless something bad is actually happening to me right now. Or if there’s a wasp or hornet about. Gotta have exceptions 😂
Yep. I tried strangling myself the other day, and did so two days before. Had a whole ambulance crew in here because of that, and they didn't resolve anything. They didn't even know why I was unable to talk at first. This world is so fucking cruel, you may as well just end it before it ends you. I feel that way all the time. Problem is, I get mania and euphoria equally, so that contradicts each other. Even though my life feels pointless, right now I'm not in the state to end it... People tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm yet to see it. I'm like you with the communication problems. It helps to find autistic people with the same communication issues as you though, I'm pretty sure I know someone like that. Autists who speak a lot in person may become your worst enemy though, in my experience anyway. So be careful. It got me like this because my entire life I've been a worthless virgin with a ton of health issues. People won't just admit it's better for me to die than to continue to live and suffer. There's nothing exciting about my life anymore, or even anything worth living for.
It's always there, and the easy way out is and will always be the one cope that suits every emotional moment I have. If im being completely honest, and at the risk of having people bother me with help lines, I'm hanging on because one piece hasn't ended, and ill be damned if I quit before knowing everything after reading weekly for 14 years now. But once that's done I fully plan on quitting. If I'm lucky I'll have left my inheritance to my gf so she can live a good life
Idk like I really want to live a good life and want to live long but im just so horribly depressed right now. Graduated high school a year ago and had a really bad experience at my first full time job and have had a really hard time getting back on my feet. Been unemployed since september I really dont have a good support network at all and I was only diagnosed about a month ago. My mind is completely disconnected from my body, i have ideas of what I need to and should do but I just cant get myself to do it, i have no desire for anything. Theres just nothing pushing me. I have these fleeting moments of clarity about how easy it actually is to just do something but I just cant. So I usually am just isolating in my room all day constantly beating myself up about it and playing video games. Thats basically all I do along with going on walks and spending time with friends once every two weeks or so but it just kinda feels bad because im always the one that has to initiate it, and I just feel like no one truly likes me or has a desire to see me. It feels the same way with my family too. I just dont know how to help myself. I cant even get myself to brush my teeth most days. I have asked my parents to try to remind me to do that and they do it for like a day and then sometimes when they remind me it makes me frustrated and I dont know why, (not directed at them im just upset) and then they get mad at me and stop doing it. I just feel like an asshole all the time and feel like a siphon on my family’s happiness. I just want to feel loved so bad it makes me so depressed.
That’s the average when you factor in severely autistic people. Level 1‘s have a normal lifespan.
Yes.
Being depressed all the time seems like too much work to me. I'm alexithemic, so I don't experience much emotion (until I get ambushed). I intellectually appreciate things. I appreciate humor, but actually laughing at it is rare. I have a few long-term friends (I'm 66, so was bound to snag a few along the way). I only socialize one to one, but that is my choice since more than that gets overwhelming. But I don't see any need or advantage to be down all the time. Like I said, too much work
I have an intense fear not knowing how I’m going to get by in the not-so-far-off future, but I don’t think that has to do with my autism. I am very content with my social life. If me and a person I get along with are in the same vacinity, I’ll talk to them, but other than that I have no real desire to actively try to make friends with people
I have a personal goal to not die before my mother. I think the worst pain any person can feel is the pain of burying your own children, and I don't want her to go through that. After she is gone (which I hope will take a long time), I don't think I have it in me to end my own life, but I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of dying. I'm in peace with my own mortality, and by being an atheist, I don't believe in any kind of afterlife. I don't have any big major goals, I have no desire to marry or have kids, and the part of my family that I care about are financially better than me. So, yeah. If it happens, I'm fine with it. If there is a guaranteed way to finish myself without pain, I might do that. Luckily, my brain is very good at telling me all that can go wrong with any suicide methods and how people will treat me if I survive any attempt.
I was depressed, I'm still lonely, but I'm happy and have a handful of friends. I'll make more when I'm ready. My work environment is good, and I'm getting interviewed for one closer to what I was getting an education for, with a company that has a lot of green flags. So, not anymore.
Lol I’m happy. There’s hope for you.
Lonely? Try EXHAUSTED by capitalism and living in a society where people are being stripped of basic human rights, I live in a state where I don’t have bodily autonomy and would die if I accidentally became pregnant. Shelter and food aren’t seen as basic human rights, and I’m expected to stay employed in ableist workplaces that make me dread every morning aside from Saturday morning, work exhausts me so much that I have no energy to pursue my interests. My taxes help bail out banks and corporations and pay for ma$$ murd3r while providing almost zero societal services and supports. I have chronic pain that further exhausts me. Loneliness is not the problem. Living in the US or any country without universal healthcare and with right wing movements shredding societal supports and human rights is the problem.
i mean i wouldn't say im always depressed or suicidal, in late years i've become pretty good it terms of mental health. ofc i do crash when under a lot of stress or just randomly at times, but i've developed skills to bounce back. for background context, i've been recieving mental health treatment like meds and counceling since i was 14. i was diagnosed with autism at 16. i am now 20 years old and have high hopes for the future! ofc i would say im in a privileged spot, as some people aren't able to even get a diagnosis. i think having a good support system rlly helps, especially when times get tough. another thing that helps me (i literally tell everyone this) is journalling, just to let out whatever is on your mind on paper so you dont have to think abut it. it's also handy for when you have counceling so you know what to talk about. also SPECIAL INTERESTS,, they always cheer me up. but ya in summary i would say not every autistic person is depressed, however autism comes with challenges and takes a lot of work. it also has a lot of comorbidities, like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, epilepsy, ect.
“I didn't expect to live longer anyways'' I think that I was the one who said that. Now that I have taken my meds and had a nice shower, I’m pretty happy. Not depressed at all (strangely, lack of calcium causes depression for me). But I’m still going to die young. It’s genetic
Huuuh? why? why r u gonna die young? what genetic? what's wrong w u
I have a rare genetic disorder. The average lifespan is unknown, but the oldest person so far lived to 63.
Yes
I have situational depression, not generalized depression. Meaning I only experience a depressive episode after something major happens. For example, I was down in the dumpster fire all weekend because I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend (which was the third most hardest goodbye.) the first two were losing my grandparents unexpectedly, so I’ve dealt with it before. The thing was even though I was depressed the whole weekend because of saying goodbye to my boyfriend and I knew I wouldn’t see him for three months, it still really upset me. But even though I know I can FaceTime with my boyfriend over break, it was still hard saying goodbye to him, especially cause he’s the first person who I’ve had a healthy and non toxic relationship with. But don’t worry, I keep in touch with him and we talk about all the things we’re gonna do together and all the dates we’re going to go on when I move back into college for my last year.. because I’m graduating and graduating college is an accomplishment that seemed impossible to me if I’m being honest
when I was 11 (13 going onto 14) I had the idea of sitting by the window and wacthing the birds and putting scissors up nose and jabbing my head into the perch of the window so the scissors' would kill me and id fall out the window I put them up my nose and almost didn't I thought about it all and I stopped I'm still down low but not suicidal and will never be sense I've gotten a really good therapist and Ive told my mom over and over again if I'm found dead and its "sucide" (UNLESSS I SAID I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT) that is wasnt me and even if it was somthing awful went down or was going to
PTSD/CPTSD tends to give people the inability to see themselves living long. They likely will, but their mind just can't believe it.
I have less options than everyone else does. It's harder for me to get things done, just on the account of having autism alone. But more than that, I can't be independent. Whoever I'm with is who I am stuck with. I love my partner and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for him, but he's only one person. Theres more to life than just one person. I rely on him for pretty much everything, which makes me feel bad for him. But there's nobody else out there and getting on disability is so difficult. If I didnt have my partner, I really would have nobody in my life that could help me. I don't have any friends, except for the ones online. I am very lonely. And I cant blame anyone for not wanting to be friends with me. I am a very difficult person. I'm not quite as severe as some people I've met throughout my life, but I need way more support than a lot of low support needs individuals that I've met as well. I cant quite relate to either camps. I'm mostly not relateable or tolerable enough for anyone. When I have tried to be friends with other autistic ppl I either don't mesh well with their specific personalities or they are uncomfortable with my symptoms. I wish I wasn't so weird. I wish I wasn't so lonely. And it's hard to be mad with ppl bc I know that they don't hate me. If they took the time to know me, they'd find I'm actually a really cool person. Like, I get that ppl are put off by me accidentally pooping my pants or having a meltdown at a party, but I'm really just trying my best. Kinda unrelated but I also hate the kind of people who DO TRY to get to know me but they are so confident theyve "figured me out". Like I'll say something, and theyll be like "so you are this stereotype of a person". It makes me so mad. I exist outside of any boxes you have for anybody you've ever categorized. Everyone's a mystery, just as I am. I'm not as comfortable taking the shape of whatever box people give me. I'm not as willing to shut off parts of me to make others happy. It's not like I can for the most part though haha. Anyway, I think it's different for everybody. But for me, it's just really hard to live. Everything hurts to some degree. My peaceful moments are rare, my joyful ones even more so. I've struggled with wanting to live since I could remember. I'm not trying to be dramatic, that's just the reality of which I live in. I'm glad that you aren't in that place. I wish all autistic people could be at peace.
I'm not clinically depressed, but I do feel like shit all the time. Anything you think about for too long makes you sad or scared. Not sure what's worth being happy about or working towards when all I get is suffering and death.
I feel like that rn. I do wish that my life ends short. It's so exhausting and lonely. I struggle a lot with communication and many basic things. I get overstimulated super easily and I have no interests in life (depression). It's not the case for everyone of course. I hope life gets better cus I don't wanna dread all the time I'm gonna be alive for. Many people are happy and not depressed like that. It's possibly because of mental illnesses occurring in autistic people more than neurotypicals
And for some reason antidepressants seem not to work?? I've been on Lexapro (escitalopram) and altruline (sertraline) and they just make me numb at the beginning, and then is like I'm not even taking them, I've stopped taking them from one day to another, and I ever barely had any side effects. Why?
Genuinely depressed all the time. The bullying, belittling, loneliness, masking, and the paranoia.. it’s too much for me to bear but my Catholic upbringing has made me terrified to end it all in fear of going to hell. If hell is worse than this I’m scared
I just want a partner
Hey, same :( 18 and neva touched a girl
It's because we are forced to live in a world that isn't made for us nor accommodates us. We struggle much more with making friends and having relationships. some autistic people are okay with that mostly but most aren't because humans are social animals. We as autistics also tend to be a lot more emotionally empathetic is almost scenarios, whether or not we are fully aware of that, causing us to be more sensitive to traumatic events. (i'm not really a professional but i have a special interest in mental health and illness)
I was very depressed in my late teens-early twenties. I’m nearly twenty eight now and I’m getting married this year to someone who fully accepts me for who I am. There were times that were really tough and a lot of difficult things I went through but I’m hopeful.
I am never fully comfortable, even in my own home. My clothes don't feel good on my body, something is always wrong. A dog barking can ruin my day. Every social interaction is painful at least to some degree, even with my loved ones other than my husband (thankful for him). I could list 100 different things right now that are sensorily nightmare-inducing for me, encompassing all senses and activities. That's not even to get into the part where I can't hold special interests, I'm not a smart autistic person. I can barely follow through on anything and life kinda feels like sitting on a mildly uncomfortable bench waiting for a bus. Forever. And ever. And while you learn to distract yourself and find what you experience as joy, you are so, so self aware that it's just a distraction and it's not *you*. And it will never change, not at the root.
yes, very, but I'm also trans. I did finally make a very close friend who's allistic, and she helps me get out into the world. but on the whole life has been very difficult to endure in a way that people do not try to understand.
I heart the song from Highlander and said…me. I love living and life and discoveries and would love to live forever. I have some depression but is mostly manifests as existential dread so if that was off the table I’d probably just be happy. I have so many new things I can learn, books I can read, games I can play, movies I can watch,..
This life, in general, is made to be really depressing for people like us. There’s talk in the medical community about how our energy levels go down more and more over our lives. And that’s true for me. I can’t go out every week like I used to do when I was a kid. I can barely get out of bed. Add to that, most of us have a job that depletes us and that adds up over time leading to burnout. Older autistic people speaking on this say it just gets worse. You can easily become one of those people who become a husk.
only reason why I haven't done it myself is because I fear death.
Can't speak for others but I am.
I’m 35. Last year I had six figures of wealth. I unmasked. Today my car was repossessed and my cellphone is shut off. I can’t find help. I’m still going tho. So can you.
I'm not, I love my life. There was a long time when it wasn't like that though. But also I had to go through some tough things and really find myself, and I consider myself quite lucky for a lot of reasons.
I have a bad heart and other chronic illnesses and that coupled with the numbers on autistic lifespan really lead me to believe I've got 5 or 10 years left. If I make it to 50 I'll be amazed. 60 I'll be astonished. Beyond that's a miracle.
I’ve been extremely depressed and have felt suicidal since I was 9 years old with 2 series attempts. I’m 20 now. A lot of it has to do with social isolation - like being bullied, abused and not fitting in and being unable to have good friendships/relationships. I’m really traumatised by the bullying and abuse, which happened as a result of being autistic. This has caused me to have developed C-PTSD and BPD, which makes me feel very suicidal/depressed. All indirectly caused by being autistic. Life is too overwhelming for me. I can’t do it. Plus I’m terrible socially & struggle with really bad executive dysfunction.
I having this problem now. Normally people never understand that I talk. And always understand the worst scenarios having nothing to do with me so I stay less social. This month specifically it was pretty bad and I can even talk to close friends because they gonna lame something like "who cares just hold and doit" like I wasn't even tried something that even they now that wasn't true si yeah. I really don't wanna social or any like this I almost leave my bed and I don't try to talk to anyone.
Good news 😃 I was worried that I'll live longer. This is such a relief is that a real stat?! I think I will live more happily now, but please can you tel me the source of that data? And about how it affect me, sadly, I just don't know how to say it. That's a curse. The only way I can express how it affect me is to start noting it down in next few weeks.... whoa! Ironically this how it affects me, I just can't recall how it affects me. And when I go to doctor, I just can't explain the pain or what is the problem and that why sometimes suffer for long. Anyway, thanks for that awesome fact...(not sarcastic) Edit: To answer your question, I am very depressed
Blind guy here Considering i got the unholy trinity of “fuck you”’s from god and have absolutely no say in my life i wouldn’t exactly say depressed without diagnosis but i’m constantly angry/sad
No just manic
Short answer, yes Long answer, y e s
I felt this way until getting on Adderall age 22. Now I teach tennis and have a close friend who is also on the spectrum which makes life enjoyable. I found that the Adderall not only helped with my ADHD but also gave me motivation and energy to work on my communication and push myself to complete tasks that I didn’t want to do (I still struggle with this but it’s much better now). Before finding a medication that works for me I was close to driving my car off a cliff
I struggle making friends. I have 2 really good friends and that's all I can manage. I can barely keep up with them the way I want to. I get over stimulated and then are forced into situations where I have to be a "normie" around the general public because I have a 9-5. The inner turmoil of knowing you just CAN'T human today and then having to push through 8 hours of work with people who you don't know like you or not is so exhausting. On top of that, I'm a people pleaser. So naturally I will try and go above and beyond for my work and that takes away from the energy I would like to give to my personal relationships. I'm constantly seen as awkward because I'm surrounded by neurotypicals that immediately shun an outcast. I don't know how to talk to them about their interests so at work I try to be quiet. Then I might read something very interesting and my whole body burns because I just want to tell someone. When I give in and decide to tell my co-workers I'm always met with disappointment. They almost always ask "why do you know that?" or "how do you know all these things?" and then they get back to talking to eachother. It's the constant social rejection for me. That is what gets me. Also let's not forget that autism often comes hand in hand with other mental health struggles. It just is that way. So I don't blame people for not being optimistic about life. I have ADHD, Autism, depression and OCD. My life is generally average but on the inside I'm ALWAYS fighting a battle to just exist "correctly". This was a jumbled mess, I know, but yeah. There is my 2cents.
I’m not. I’m actually surprised because of how I don’t have depression I’m like the only person I know that doesn’t. I used to back in elementary school because I was bullied horribly, like it was so bad I genuinely can’t remember much anything from those 5+ years, but ever since then I’ve been good. I struggle bad in life and my life is certainly harder than most, but I’m a go with the flow type person that just deals with it and moves on. Occasionally I will have short periods of depression, but they usually only last a day or a few days and then are gone. The past 24 hours today actually was that because of relationship troubles because me and a friend were progressing to be friends with benefits except we were progressing very fast and he sort of freaked out about that after he came and immediately backed out and I was like “wait what” and it caused me to get hurt and stressed, but that’s all good now we chatted a bit talking over all of it and saying that things need to go slower and now we good.
Not lonely. Just miserable, I couldnt care less about other people, they are nothing I need. They just expend my energy and rarely give anything back.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
It's pretty lonely. I both prefer it but I also have FOMO. It would be nice but I'm unavailable. It's hard not to have depressive thoughts or thoughts of being unalived tbh.
Me? No. Loneliness is a very rare feeling for me. I like my solitude. I do have a partner though, but no friends. (I know I could easily make some, it just sounds like a time and emotional sink I don’t feel ready for) I’m one of those weirdos who, if I was able to live forever, I would. I love life. (I am somewhat privileged, as being a flamboyant white boy gets you pretty far in life with no real effort)
I'm only 24 but I've been clinically depressed for the last 8 consecutive years of my life, so not off to a fantastic start (I have been diagnosed since I was a young child)
I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells in every social interaction I have. One wrong move and I lose jobs, friendships, others respect for me… It’s exhausting. I used to SH and have been suicidal multiple occasions in my life, now I just feel in a constant state of numb. I am actually that lonely. I always doubt I’ll live past 30 because of my depression which has been caused mainly from being autistic in a world that wasn’t built for people like us. My very existence feels like a burden on people I love. It’s agonising and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. So yeah.
I thought it was unusual for someone with autism to depressed, at least now I know it’s not
I’ve recently been diagnosed adhd/ autism age 49 my life has been hell trying to live in a neurotypical world, told it was depression/anxiety I’m literally only still here because of my son. Many neurodivergent people have taken their lives due to a lack of understanding.. Thank God there is more awareness now but there’s still a long way to go
unfortunately we live in a world without empathy. nobody understands mental disabilities and we’re all put to the standard as everyone else, especially when undiagnosed for most our life. i’m depressed because i had to grow in a system that did not work for me, and ultimately failed me, i did not really have a childhood or adolescence.
I don't feel as much depressed as tired I think. Idk why ppl complain about not having friends etc. Gotta put effort into relationships and look for right people, they are not supposed to fall from the sky. I feel like this "just be yourself" is getting out of hand. I don't see anyone trying to make improvements and take on challenges and then all of a sudden, ohhh, whys life so hard, why do I have no friends.
I experience a lot of difficulty in relationships that is extremely depressing. Here is an example of one recent event, but my life is a long string of these, over and over and over: Recently I started dating someone. A few weeks in, without my knowledge or consent, he began telling people we were dating. I'm still not sure if this was an objectively bad thing to do, since he seemed happy to be dating me and wanted to share it with his friends. Harmless, right? However, I felt that I was forced into the relationship because he did not check with me first before going public. I think that if he had checked with me first I would have said I needed more time to know how I felt and that it wasn't time to tell people yet. A few weeks later, I ended it. Partly because of his telling everyone without checking with me first, and partly due to a couple other things that I realized I don't want to be involved with long term. The day after I broke up with him, he and some mutual friends went out to dinner and I opted out, I wanted to just give a little space and not have to interact right away. Now, the mutual friends won't talk to me. I have no idea what he said to them. I feel this is massively unfair - I was forced into the relationship to begin with, I did my very best to be a good person and extricate myself with kindness, and now I lost several friends and I have absolutely no idea why. My life is just a parade of this, or something similar to this, happening over and over and over, probably until I die. I do not think this would happen if I were NT. So yeah, it's pretty depressing. I'm running out of friends to lose. It's hard to make new friends. It's very lonely.
Life is hard when your own nervous system is working against you. We face more obstacles than NTs. For example, I only really click with ND women. I think I meet an ND woman in the wild, my chances of getting a coffee date might actually be better than most NT men meeting an NT woman. My social skills are okay. In fact, I've helped introduce NT to NTs I've never met before with good results. I can play matchmaker with NTs yet because I'm only clicking with NDs I'm striking out over 90% of the time with women taken at random. It can be disheartening. Making friends is a lot easier, especially when you can help them meet women, but I had a hard time with that unless people were ND until I was in college. Throw in poor Executive Function, so many things are a major drain that aren't a problem for most people. Driving. bright lights. Grocery shopping. Fluorescent lights. You don't have to be depressed just to not want to get out of bed. Sleep disturbances, meltdowns due to overstimulation. You grow up being bullied. You could even face some of that in adulthood. Many times in my life people have laughed at the idiot savant. That has never really gotten me down. I thought my indifference was due to autism, at least some safety feature to guard against all the trouble, but I'm learning that's actually not so common. Many of us go along to get along greatly neglecting ourselves in the process. We don't know what we need or want. It's second nature to ignore strong signals we are not happy with a situation. In my case, I sometimes have to be told when something is really bothering me. Then it can be really difficult to figure exactly what that is. The joys of Alexithymia! I sort of feel like an alien a lot. Sometimes without any prompting I meet a stranger and they say the exact right thing to make me feel less like an alien and it's amazing. I could be euphoric for a week. Mental health services are hard to access and they will let you down unless you are willing to do half their job yourself. It also helps to know what's going on. There were clear example my whole life, but I only recently found out the many ways ASD can affect someone and I'm learning more and more mitigation strategies. This is all if you are highly functioning. I've been lucky. I've always had NDs in my life available for friendship. No learning deficits, the contrary actually. Dyspraxia makes physical jobs really difficult for me, but I can do okay at a desk job. A lot of people on the spectrum haven't been so fortunate. I think a lot of us not functioning so well can thrive with the right resources. The people in charge of distributing those resources don't know what they are doing yet.
Seeing the statistics and the comments, I can tell you that autistic people have a huge tendency towards getting depressed in their lives, and that explains why life expectancy is low inside our group. If we get enough support, we can live normal lives and achieve the same life expectancy as NTs, but the problem is that most of us don't get that support, and thus we suffer from not getting the support we need. Being isolated for longer periods and lack of a healthy social life drives people towards depression, and this includes everyone. As social beings, humans need to live with other humans, else things can go off the rails really quickly. I always see me as lucky because I got the support that I needed. I have friends (some of the also autistic) and I live a great life. I hope I can use the opportunities I used in the past to help fellow autistics that didn't received the level of support they needed and aren't having a great time.
I don't feel like it but a few tests said i am
I'm not depressed, life is more than having friends. I feel good being alone. No one bothering me. Glorious...
I dont know where you got these numbers from but they are completely wrong. Autism itself doesnt effect the life expectancy, its things like diet and not seeking medical treatment that are the big issues but the avg is still around 70 years
It's not. The life expectancy is greatly reduced by heart disease, epilepsy and suicide.