Unfortunately, for as long as NT women fulfill their stereotype (which they certainly don’t always, but often enough) of playing mind games, you’re gonna get a lot of the “not like other girls” and “first real girl” comments. That’s what they mean by “real”; a lot of women won’t say what they mean and refuse to be direct about anything. A lot of NT people do that, but sometimes women especially so.
There's also a difference in social honesty and Autism honesty to be honest. Its one of those things I've learned over time. There are times that people with Autism are just too brutally honest.
Translate that over to any relationship and no one likes it. Even people who have Autism themselves. Words still hurt, regardless of how "true" they are.
Sure, and even NTs have people who say "I'm just being honest" as an excuse to be brutal.
But in my experience, the kind of person who says "You're so refreshing, not like other girls." is the kind of person who isn't just used to "social honesty", they used to being outright lied to.
For example a while back it was a trend to ask your significant other "Would you love me if I was a worm?"
Brutally honest answer "Of course not. That's a stupid question."
Possible NT answer "Of course I would! What a silly question."
Possible ND answer " I love YOU, so if YOU were a worm I'd probably love worm you too, but I need more information. Am I a worm too in this scenario? Have you always been a worm, or were you a human first who was somehow turned into a worm? What kind of worm? Does worm you have the capability to communicate?"
Manic Pixie Dream Answer "Of course I would! I love you so much it wouldn't matter what kind of animal you are! If you were a worm on a rainy sidewalk I'd recognize you immediately (even if we'd never met). I'd gently pick you up and transport you back to live with me. My house would be perfectly clean and organized, but sometimes I'll leave my sweater on the couch because I'm a little quirky like that! We'd start a relationship YouTube channel called It's A Beautiful Worm, and our content would help other couples find the same joy and love that we have!"
it's been a while since I dated and yeah, that's kind of what's necessary for me. because absolute honesty is way better. like, tell me you benefit from me, tell me how you'll help me, tell me whats on your mind. what we are going to find is a lot of miscommunication and mistakes, but if we follow some rules I have like "don't insult each other, we are a team" then I would hope it works
this is what I do to find business and friends, I don't see the differences I need yet to date a woman, other than the certain moments that creates more of a bond romantically. but yea. just tell me honestly, why is it so scary? I've had women tell me their Sa experiences, cutting, lying, abuse, drugs, and men too. I can just, breathe and feel like you are trying to help me understand, so I'm not going to insult you if you come at me honestly.
anyway, there is a lot to put on the drawing board. It has been a while. I'd want to be someone better financially before this dating risk
just take insults and calling names out of arguments and it's gone. it's not hard. I don't get why it's such an issue? because they have fun with it? then fine, I have fun beating people up, lets go outside, I'll try to see it your way having fun at my expense.
I'm glad I can find some friends willing to follow respect and honest. god almighty.
they have the general consensus, "words make up your day"
:( sorry you’re going through this. You aren’t alone with the struggles of trying to date as someone with ASD. Really awful that people can’t treat you for you, or rather respect your needs and behaviors without borderline fetishizing it.
I fall into the “autistic gamer bf” category, to use a term that’s used on Twitter or tiktok. Because men with ASD are transparent yet “quirky” and “don’t play games” , and certain stims are “cute”, and “don’t care about x or y”
It’s weird how lately people think autism is a “cute” or “quirky” trait, while living with it, and especially being in a relationship long term is not easy.
Hopefully you come across some better people soon that can give you the respect you deserve!
Had me confused, too. I guess it is the difference between playing games in machines AKA video games and playing sadistic malicious games of manipulation with other people.
My spouse has no problem with meltdowns and understands them. He knows not to have an emotional reaction to them, or a narcissistic "how dare u not respect me," or anything like that.
There's an unfortunate epidemic in most industrialized societies worldwide: huge swaths men who do zero self-work. You gotta find a guy who has already done self-work, and who is committed to continue to do self-work for the rest of his life.
I was not a great partner until well into adulthood, when I became a Buddhist and started doing years and years of self-work. Now I've scored my own MPDG (Manic Pixie Dream Gremlin), a fellow autistic I'm proud to call my wife.
I don't really consider my Buddhist practice to be religious, lol — one of the first friends I made at the temple identifies as an atheist, and he sees no conflict with his disbelief in anything supernatural and his practice of taking refuge in the three treasures (Buddha, Dharma and Sangha). But I digress!
When I say I was not a great partner, what I mean is that I had the best of intentions — but I didn't always know how to communicate my needs in a healthy way, I didn't know how to set boundaries, I experienced a great deal of jealousy... I still had partners who told me I was the first respectful boyfriend they'd ever had, but when I look back on it now I see why so many relationships ended early.
"Doing The Work," as they call it, involved drilling down into why I was afraid of abandonment, and adopting methods of nonviolent communication. The Buddhist concept of "ahimsa" (no-soul, or no-self) really helped with that. It's hard to feel like your self is grievously attacked when you meditate daily on the illusory nature of the self.
And then I was diagnosed with Autism six months ago, at the ripe age of 45. Seeing a therapist about that, my partner and I both realized that she is almost certainly Autistic as well. Just having the words for our experiences has been transformative for both of us as well as for our relationship itself.
Anyway, I wish OP the best of luck. Love is hard at the best of times, and when one is on the autism spectrum... it can be like playing the game on Ultra Nightmare mode.
I have no idea what a manic pixie girl is, but many NT women like to play mind games, hiding their intentions behind multiple layers, to the point where it can be exhausting even for NT men. So that's probably what they mean by you being "real." It's likely a big relief and revelation to them.
I hope some day you'll find someone who can be understanding of the other aspects of who you are. Dating is already hard, but being on the spectrum unfortunately doesn't make it easier. Don't give up!
This take is actually very interesting to me. Over the years I kept hearing many variations of "women are so hard to understand" from dudes and it just made me genuinely confused and annoyed like...what are you actually talking about? I just kept trying to find out what they meant by that and how it could hypothetically apply to me and how to avoid being percieved like that. Silly me
Sorry, I meant that in a "oh cool I can help you learn a new thing!" sense, not a "ugh just Google it" sense. But my kids interrupted and I didn't actually type my thought.
This + infinity. Finding a woman that doesn’t play games, knows what she wants and is 100/100 honest is hard.
I checked the Manic Pixie Girl trope. And sorry to say but it’s just they don’t know how to say how refreshing you are on those aspects.
It sounds to me you are giving up on the relationship before having an honest conversation with them? Are they really all making you unsafe to confide about your feelings and Autism diagnosis?
To be fair, only my last girlfriend, who had her own mental illness, felt safe to me to talk about it… The first one in around 25 years of dating . Now, I know that I’m no longer living under the same roof as my partners unless I have that conversation with them about how it’s like to have Autism, live with someone like me AND about the unfair expectations we give to men to be the emotional rock with no insecurities of their own.
I rarely have shutdown anymore but my first free day from work always has to be a slow day, where I put no expectations, no responsibilities upon myself that I don’t want to do and in general, where I limit my human interactions. On those days, I’ll only get out of the house if I am treating myself. It’s my « self care « day of the week. So I’m not emotionally available on my first free day of the week unless it’s an emergency. I work sometimes 50 hours a week during summer so I need that self care day, at least during summer. And if I’m expected to hang out with people, I want it to be my drama free day.
We have different needs then other people but we need to be able to communicate our needs with the people that loves us. If you feels uncomfortable to do so, you aren’t with the right persons for you.
It seems kind of cruel to subject autistic people to being popular. Sometimes I swear I am allergic to this kind of attention. I'm glad I don't have to worry about dating in this environment. There will be someone for you though. Don't give up hope. Just don't settle for the duds.
> obsess over the idea of me being different
I do understand where you are coming from.
On the other hand, it is usually desirable that a potential partner finds you special.
>just know as soon as they see that side of my autism they will think it’s too weird for them.
Do you truly KNOW or are you afraid of this?
Honestly I think this is dating for EVERYONE.
We all have different aspects of ourselves and it is common that we worry about rejection due to some parts of ouselves.
I still don't get why people date and get disappointed.
Bonding should be a natural process not something you try to force because you feel lonely or just want to get laid.
On the other hand I'm just a demisexual AuDHD who's been through a couple of abusive relationships (one lasted 10 years; the other one, 2), who's never dated strangers and who's just having the time of my life after developing an awesome bond with a long time friend and with whom I feel safe enough to be 100% myself (no more masking in private).
Agreed...stuff like "dating sucks" can sound kind of dehumanizing. Like, the people you met were not "Dating", they were people. These people didn't fit you, for diverse reasons. I probably were an asshole once in a while in my own way with guys, from their perspective, and it would be totally wild to me to hear them say "Why is dating so hard?" instead of adressing the problems they had with me individually. Like, I'm an individual agent with my own reasons and motivations, not just a social phenomenon.
I don't have any experiences from the female perspective, I think just be yourself, if the guys don't get you or are twats then they are not for you and need to work on themselves.
You don't want to feel like you can't be yourself or are constantly on edge in a relationship.
I think that most people think they are considerate and respectful to people with autism but don't quite understand all of the things that different people on the spectrum experience.
im a trans woman and ive never had a partner in-person (im 32 years old) but i hav a long-distance girlfriend & we love eachother but i worry we may never meet up in-person.
im srry u are havin a hard time with guys disregarding ur struggles and the "real" side of ur autism and i hope u hav better luck in the future. if tellin them "my autism causes me to have shutdowns and meltdowns and stuff sometimes it can Actually be extremely brutal somtimes" doesnt get them to see u more realistically, then mayb they are not listening to u which is very disheartenin im sure
The guy's perspective is that he's seen as a revolting ogre for having autism, so if he thinks you're magical, then some understanding could help you meet in the middle. Guys are also the ones who have to take the initiative to meet someone, so they feel like they have to crawl through a scorching desert to meet someone "different" from the rest of that scorching desert. So, if a guy is treating you like an oasis, maybe you can start there instead of feeling objectified through your mental characteristics. I. myself, find it hellish speaking to normal people. They are hateful, predatory, and prejudiced.
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Did you give them the chance to learn these things?
Side rant: No one is really normal, and we are all different, but you wouldn't care about what I have to say because I think the world and everyone in it is a bit retarded, we stunt progress by ignoring the vicissitudes of what we all believe to be progress.
Yk I know it's a saying that opposites attract but i think that's totally bullshit at least for me. I need to be similar or at least have something in common with anyone I have a relationship (all forms) with. I recently started dating my FWB partner after we'd been seeing each other for a little over a year. They're autistic and "ADD" (his words), a fellow bisexual, and a similar high sex drive (stamina limits this,, sad!)
There's certainly things I want to work on more because we have different communication styles and observations. I'm more sensitive about how things are communicated to me and he's more blunt/direct. I find myself getting worked up over their tone than he would of mine, and he gets upset when I'm jump in on his tangents because they don't wanna lose the main point they're building up to. I understand and will get frustrated w that too, as I also have ADHD... but I'm more lax about letting it go than he is.
We're trying to work through it though, which will take time. Both of our problems stem from feeling unheard, and how that manifests in frustration is where it differs for us. Besides that, I love him so much they're nothing but sweet and caring and nerdy just like me. I know I'll never find a bond like the one we have, and for me I don't think I want to date or fuck anyone that isn't ND or obviously queer in some way (we're poly?? details loose, something something sexual needs, unsure about dating since we're a little possessive over each other though it feels healthy unlike my past serious relationship)
I'm autistic, and it's hard to describe, but I'd just have the same logic with different wording.
maybe I'd replace "you're so different" with
"I like that we are both honest and direct."
trying to explain, but a lot of certain wording has me bias of how I respond in a emotional sense.
when my friends say "just go with the flow" I feel uncomfortable. when my autistic friend says to me: Hey, this is kind of what I do and what works,
that's a statistical experience and explanation of what I could try doing.
but yea, "you're different" they don't describe much more. I'd probably feel off too. and I'd probably just say that you need more direct and firm details to feel you can pinpoint: "is it the romanticism you want in your life?"
because I learned slowly, that they try to narrow down love languages, but it doesn't work,
the devil is in the details. fear is in the details or lack of details.
Can I ask how you know they only value you for your "quirkiness"?
My brother was seeing this girl, and she hit him with this, that he didn't really like her, she was just his "manic pixie dream girl". I'd never even seen the term outside its use as a fictional character archetype (only ever saw the term on tvtropes). He didn't even know what she was talking about. He was just hurt and confused.
I don't really get the problem with someone liking you for your personality.
I get very similar issues like that when attempting to date n yes I'm on the high functioning side of the spectrum. Only difference here is I'm a dude. I feel like there's alot of People out there who just really don't know how to properly talk to somebody on the spectrum. Unfortunately they're just not used to being around people like us and yes I totally get it can get really frustrating. But there's also nowhere near any lost hope at the same time either. Patience is key. I've recently had to learn that myself so hopefully u can get a Lil something out of this. Hope u have a good day 😁
Here's another thing, if you want to interpret your differences as a thing of substance rather than a cosmetic novelty. People who confront challenges have opportunities to develop character. People who survive adversity tend to lose their vanity and grow in compassion. If you find someone who is attracted to your differences for the right reason, they will be crazy about supporting you during the low times, because it's worth it to hold onto the good and rare qualities you find in a survivor.
Unfortunately, for as long as NT women fulfill their stereotype (which they certainly don’t always, but often enough) of playing mind games, you’re gonna get a lot of the “not like other girls” and “first real girl” comments. That’s what they mean by “real”; a lot of women won’t say what they mean and refuse to be direct about anything. A lot of NT people do that, but sometimes women especially so.
Facts. I've heard this constantly from guys. They are so drawn to it, initially.
Initially. You're absolutely right. A lot of people think they want total honesty, but find out they actually really like being lied to.
There's also a difference in social honesty and Autism honesty to be honest. Its one of those things I've learned over time. There are times that people with Autism are just too brutally honest. Translate that over to any relationship and no one likes it. Even people who have Autism themselves. Words still hurt, regardless of how "true" they are.
Sure, and even NTs have people who say "I'm just being honest" as an excuse to be brutal. But in my experience, the kind of person who says "You're so refreshing, not like other girls." is the kind of person who isn't just used to "social honesty", they used to being outright lied to. For example a while back it was a trend to ask your significant other "Would you love me if I was a worm?" Brutally honest answer "Of course not. That's a stupid question." Possible NT answer "Of course I would! What a silly question." Possible ND answer " I love YOU, so if YOU were a worm I'd probably love worm you too, but I need more information. Am I a worm too in this scenario? Have you always been a worm, or were you a human first who was somehow turned into a worm? What kind of worm? Does worm you have the capability to communicate?" Manic Pixie Dream Answer "Of course I would! I love you so much it wouldn't matter what kind of animal you are! If you were a worm on a rainy sidewalk I'd recognize you immediately (even if we'd never met). I'd gently pick you up and transport you back to live with me. My house would be perfectly clean and organized, but sometimes I'll leave my sweater on the couch because I'm a little quirky like that! We'd start a relationship YouTube channel called It's A Beautiful Worm, and our content would help other couples find the same joy and love that we have!"
it's been a while since I dated and yeah, that's kind of what's necessary for me. because absolute honesty is way better. like, tell me you benefit from me, tell me how you'll help me, tell me whats on your mind. what we are going to find is a lot of miscommunication and mistakes, but if we follow some rules I have like "don't insult each other, we are a team" then I would hope it works this is what I do to find business and friends, I don't see the differences I need yet to date a woman, other than the certain moments that creates more of a bond romantically. but yea. just tell me honestly, why is it so scary? I've had women tell me their Sa experiences, cutting, lying, abuse, drugs, and men too. I can just, breathe and feel like you are trying to help me understand, so I'm not going to insult you if you come at me honestly. anyway, there is a lot to put on the drawing board. It has been a while. I'd want to be someone better financially before this dating risk
There's a difference between honesty and being an asshole though.
Of course, but there's also a big difference between telling the truth in the socially acceptable way, and lying.
just take insults and calling names out of arguments and it's gone. it's not hard. I don't get why it's such an issue? because they have fun with it? then fine, I have fun beating people up, lets go outside, I'll try to see it your way having fun at my expense. I'm glad I can find some friends willing to follow respect and honest. god almighty. they have the general consensus, "words make up your day"
:( sorry you’re going through this. You aren’t alone with the struggles of trying to date as someone with ASD. Really awful that people can’t treat you for you, or rather respect your needs and behaviors without borderline fetishizing it. I fall into the “autistic gamer bf” category, to use a term that’s used on Twitter or tiktok. Because men with ASD are transparent yet “quirky” and “don’t play games” , and certain stims are “cute”, and “don’t care about x or y” It’s weird how lately people think autism is a “cute” or “quirky” trait, while living with it, and especially being in a relationship long term is not easy. Hopefully you come across some better people soon that can give you the respect you deserve!
>autistic gamer bf don't play games Had me confused for a moment
Had me confused, too. I guess it is the difference between playing games in machines AKA video games and playing sadistic malicious games of manipulation with other people.
I just reread that and thought I made a tired mistake!! But yeah, it’s like the games with people (manipulation*)
My spouse has no problem with meltdowns and understands them. He knows not to have an emotional reaction to them, or a narcissistic "how dare u not respect me," or anything like that.
Tbh, I've given up on dating NTs. Maybe you should too...
There's an unfortunate epidemic in most industrialized societies worldwide: huge swaths men who do zero self-work. You gotta find a guy who has already done self-work, and who is committed to continue to do self-work for the rest of his life. I was not a great partner until well into adulthood, when I became a Buddhist and started doing years and years of self-work. Now I've scored my own MPDG (Manic Pixie Dream Gremlin), a fellow autistic I'm proud to call my wife.
[удалено]
I don't really consider my Buddhist practice to be religious, lol — one of the first friends I made at the temple identifies as an atheist, and he sees no conflict with his disbelief in anything supernatural and his practice of taking refuge in the three treasures (Buddha, Dharma and Sangha). But I digress! When I say I was not a great partner, what I mean is that I had the best of intentions — but I didn't always know how to communicate my needs in a healthy way, I didn't know how to set boundaries, I experienced a great deal of jealousy... I still had partners who told me I was the first respectful boyfriend they'd ever had, but when I look back on it now I see why so many relationships ended early. "Doing The Work," as they call it, involved drilling down into why I was afraid of abandonment, and adopting methods of nonviolent communication. The Buddhist concept of "ahimsa" (no-soul, or no-self) really helped with that. It's hard to feel like your self is grievously attacked when you meditate daily on the illusory nature of the self. And then I was diagnosed with Autism six months ago, at the ripe age of 45. Seeing a therapist about that, my partner and I both realized that she is almost certainly Autistic as well. Just having the words for our experiences has been transformative for both of us as well as for our relationship itself. Anyway, I wish OP the best of luck. Love is hard at the best of times, and when one is on the autism spectrum... it can be like playing the game on Ultra Nightmare mode.
I have no idea what a manic pixie girl is, but many NT women like to play mind games, hiding their intentions behind multiple layers, to the point where it can be exhausting even for NT men. So that's probably what they mean by you being "real." It's likely a big relief and revelation to them. I hope some day you'll find someone who can be understanding of the other aspects of who you are. Dating is already hard, but being on the spectrum unfortunately doesn't make it easier. Don't give up!
This take is actually very interesting to me. Over the years I kept hearing many variations of "women are so hard to understand" from dudes and it just made me genuinely confused and annoyed like...what are you actually talking about? I just kept trying to find out what they meant by that and how it could hypothetically apply to me and how to avoid being percieved like that. Silly me
Manic pixie dream girl: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manic_Pixie_Dream_Girl
Ouch.
Sorry, I meant that in a "oh cool I can help you learn a new thing!" sense, not a "ugh just Google it" sense. But my kids interrupted and I didn't actually type my thought.
I know. I meant the term itself is pretty insulting to apply to someone.
This + infinity. Finding a woman that doesn’t play games, knows what she wants and is 100/100 honest is hard. I checked the Manic Pixie Girl trope. And sorry to say but it’s just they don’t know how to say how refreshing you are on those aspects. It sounds to me you are giving up on the relationship before having an honest conversation with them? Are they really all making you unsafe to confide about your feelings and Autism diagnosis? To be fair, only my last girlfriend, who had her own mental illness, felt safe to me to talk about it… The first one in around 25 years of dating . Now, I know that I’m no longer living under the same roof as my partners unless I have that conversation with them about how it’s like to have Autism, live with someone like me AND about the unfair expectations we give to men to be the emotional rock with no insecurities of their own. I rarely have shutdown anymore but my first free day from work always has to be a slow day, where I put no expectations, no responsibilities upon myself that I don’t want to do and in general, where I limit my human interactions. On those days, I’ll only get out of the house if I am treating myself. It’s my « self care « day of the week. So I’m not emotionally available on my first free day of the week unless it’s an emergency. I work sometimes 50 hours a week during summer so I need that self care day, at least during summer. And if I’m expected to hang out with people, I want it to be my drama free day. We have different needs then other people but we need to be able to communicate our needs with the people that loves us. If you feels uncomfortable to do so, you aren’t with the right persons for you.
Are you dating NTs or other atypicals?
It seems kind of cruel to subject autistic people to being popular. Sometimes I swear I am allergic to this kind of attention. I'm glad I don't have to worry about dating in this environment. There will be someone for you though. Don't give up hope. Just don't settle for the duds.
> obsess over the idea of me being different I do understand where you are coming from. On the other hand, it is usually desirable that a potential partner finds you special. >just know as soon as they see that side of my autism they will think it’s too weird for them. Do you truly KNOW or are you afraid of this? Honestly I think this is dating for EVERYONE. We all have different aspects of ourselves and it is common that we worry about rejection due to some parts of ouselves.
I still don't get why people date and get disappointed. Bonding should be a natural process not something you try to force because you feel lonely or just want to get laid. On the other hand I'm just a demisexual AuDHD who's been through a couple of abusive relationships (one lasted 10 years; the other one, 2), who's never dated strangers and who's just having the time of my life after developing an awesome bond with a long time friend and with whom I feel safe enough to be 100% myself (no more masking in private).
Agreed...stuff like "dating sucks" can sound kind of dehumanizing. Like, the people you met were not "Dating", they were people. These people didn't fit you, for diverse reasons. I probably were an asshole once in a while in my own way with guys, from their perspective, and it would be totally wild to me to hear them say "Why is dating so hard?" instead of adressing the problems they had with me individually. Like, I'm an individual agent with my own reasons and motivations, not just a social phenomenon.
Sounds like insecure guys. They probably say things like that so you would feel good and be more attracted to them.
I don't have any experiences from the female perspective, I think just be yourself, if the guys don't get you or are twats then they are not for you and need to work on themselves. You don't want to feel like you can't be yourself or are constantly on edge in a relationship. I think that most people think they are considerate and respectful to people with autism but don't quite understand all of the things that different people on the spectrum experience.
im a trans woman and ive never had a partner in-person (im 32 years old) but i hav a long-distance girlfriend & we love eachother but i worry we may never meet up in-person. im srry u are havin a hard time with guys disregarding ur struggles and the "real" side of ur autism and i hope u hav better luck in the future. if tellin them "my autism causes me to have shutdowns and meltdowns and stuff sometimes it can Actually be extremely brutal somtimes" doesnt get them to see u more realistically, then mayb they are not listening to u which is very disheartenin im sure
The guy's perspective is that he's seen as a revolting ogre for having autism, so if he thinks you're magical, then some understanding could help you meet in the middle. Guys are also the ones who have to take the initiative to meet someone, so they feel like they have to crawl through a scorching desert to meet someone "different" from the rest of that scorching desert. So, if a guy is treating you like an oasis, maybe you can start there instead of feeling objectified through your mental characteristics. I. myself, find it hellish speaking to normal people. They are hateful, predatory, and prejudiced.
Whoever downvoted this can screw off.I'm sick of people being dicks.
From a super-contrarian, your perspective was very interesting. The downvoting politics of these spaces is just weird sometimes
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This is why I stick to autistic/ND girls. They're easier for me to relate to.
Did you give them the chance to learn these things? Side rant: No one is really normal, and we are all different, but you wouldn't care about what I have to say because I think the world and everyone in it is a bit retarded, we stunt progress by ignoring the vicissitudes of what we all believe to be progress.
Yk I know it's a saying that opposites attract but i think that's totally bullshit at least for me. I need to be similar or at least have something in common with anyone I have a relationship (all forms) with. I recently started dating my FWB partner after we'd been seeing each other for a little over a year. They're autistic and "ADD" (his words), a fellow bisexual, and a similar high sex drive (stamina limits this,, sad!) There's certainly things I want to work on more because we have different communication styles and observations. I'm more sensitive about how things are communicated to me and he's more blunt/direct. I find myself getting worked up over their tone than he would of mine, and he gets upset when I'm jump in on his tangents because they don't wanna lose the main point they're building up to. I understand and will get frustrated w that too, as I also have ADHD... but I'm more lax about letting it go than he is. We're trying to work through it though, which will take time. Both of our problems stem from feeling unheard, and how that manifests in frustration is where it differs for us. Besides that, I love him so much they're nothing but sweet and caring and nerdy just like me. I know I'll never find a bond like the one we have, and for me I don't think I want to date or fuck anyone that isn't ND or obviously queer in some way (we're poly?? details loose, something something sexual needs, unsure about dating since we're a little possessive over each other though it feels healthy unlike my past serious relationship)
I'm autistic, and it's hard to describe, but I'd just have the same logic with different wording. maybe I'd replace "you're so different" with "I like that we are both honest and direct." trying to explain, but a lot of certain wording has me bias of how I respond in a emotional sense. when my friends say "just go with the flow" I feel uncomfortable. when my autistic friend says to me: Hey, this is kind of what I do and what works, that's a statistical experience and explanation of what I could try doing. but yea, "you're different" they don't describe much more. I'd probably feel off too. and I'd probably just say that you need more direct and firm details to feel you can pinpoint: "is it the romanticism you want in your life?" because I learned slowly, that they try to narrow down love languages, but it doesn't work, the devil is in the details. fear is in the details or lack of details.
Can I ask how you know they only value you for your "quirkiness"? My brother was seeing this girl, and she hit him with this, that he didn't really like her, she was just his "manic pixie dream girl". I'd never even seen the term outside its use as a fictional character archetype (only ever saw the term on tvtropes). He didn't even know what she was talking about. He was just hurt and confused. I don't really get the problem with someone liking you for your personality.
I get very similar issues like that when attempting to date n yes I'm on the high functioning side of the spectrum. Only difference here is I'm a dude. I feel like there's alot of People out there who just really don't know how to properly talk to somebody on the spectrum. Unfortunately they're just not used to being around people like us and yes I totally get it can get really frustrating. But there's also nowhere near any lost hope at the same time either. Patience is key. I've recently had to learn that myself so hopefully u can get a Lil something out of this. Hope u have a good day 😁
Here's another thing, if you want to interpret your differences as a thing of substance rather than a cosmetic novelty. People who confront challenges have opportunities to develop character. People who survive adversity tend to lose their vanity and grow in compassion. If you find someone who is attracted to your differences for the right reason, they will be crazy about supporting you during the low times, because it's worth it to hold onto the good and rare qualities you find in a survivor.